"You're lying. There's no way you're telling the truth. It just isn't
possible," B says and she sounds like she's getting all huffy. I love it when
she gets like that even if it is kind of annoying. And by `kind of' I mean
`really fucking'. We've been patrolling for like an hour now but we might as
well be at home knitting for all the vamps and or demons care. It's fuckin rude
if you think about it. We come out here and give up time we could be spending
doing something fun and they don't even bother to show up. Great, now I sound
like B. That's just fucking great. Anyway, back to what we were talking about.
"I'm not lying. Last time I went in there Sal gave me the doughnuts and a cup
of coffee for free." She shakes her head like she still doesn't believe me, and
I can't help but smile. I haven't had a pointless fight with her in a long
time. It feels good, like everything is starting to go back to normal. Except
things are different `cause now when B sneaks into my room in the middle of the
night we make out instead of talk, which is a more productive use of our time if
you ask me.
"But the last time you went there you picked up three boxes of doughnuts.
There's no way in hell he gave you three dozen doughnuts for free. And he acts
like that coffee was made by god, there's no way he just handed it out without a
price." Damn, she's starting to get hella irritated now. It's good to know I
haven't lost my touch I've been so out of practice. Next time I wanna get back
at B for doing something really fucked up I need to find a different way.
Freezing her out and not talking to her was punishment for both of us.
"Well the bible does say to be charitable," I tell her and she lets out a big
ass sigh. I guess I better end the torture before she really starts to freak
out because that isn't fun and we both end up with a really bad headache. I get
one from her nagging and she gets one from the lack of oxygen to her brain."He's a guy, B. It's not like its brain surgery or nothin. One of your shirts
got mixed up in the wash by accident and I didn't know it was yours at first and
it was wicked tight on me, and I didn't wear a bra that morning." She shakes
her head a little and then she goes really quiet. She gets that far off
expression on her face like she always does when she thinks and I just wait her
"You know, now that we're dating I don't think it's appropriate for you to use
your womanly-wiles on other people," she says and I can't help but crack the
fuck up. "Womanly-wiles", where does she come up with that shit? "I mean it.
Whenever I check you out I have to be all sneaky about it or you make some dumb
comment, but you let Sal ogle you all he wants for free. It just doesn't seem
fair." Goddamn, she sounds like an irritated five-year-old who doesn't wanna
share her toys.
"It wasn't for free. A dozen doughnuts is fourteen bucks plus sales tax and I
got away with three of `em, and the five dollar cup of coffee he didn't charge
me for." She gets a slightly panicked look on her face `cause what I said makes
perfect sense but she'll never admit it. Alright, it's time to change the
subject `cause I'm starting to feel like a whore. "Besides, I didn't think you
were the jealous type, B. Are you gonna get all possessive and violent every
time some guy checks out my rack? `Cause we might not be able to go out in
public together if that's the case."
"I'm not jealous or possessive," she says a little too defensively. Damn, I was
just kidding, but if she really is the jealous type that might put a huge cramp
in my style. That'll mean no more flirting at the club to get free drinks, no
more showing off way too much cleavage just for the hell of it, and no more
playing gay chicken with Willow. Fuck that shit. If B thinks she owns me now
she has another thing coming. Her name isn't tattooed anywhere on my body, she
doesn't own me, this isn't 1822. I haven't worked this hard to save my soul
just to be her little bitch.
"Really? `Cause you're startin to sound like a cro-mag to me," I tell her and
she gives me a weird look. I have no fuckin clue how to describe it but it
can't be all bad since she doesn't look mad anymore. She grabs onto my wrist
and stops walking. I stop too `cause it was either that or get my hand ripped
off. Alright, she isn't holding on that tight, but I'm all pissed off now so it
seems worse, ya know? Like when you're out on patrol and some big nasty demons
hits you in the head with its fist that feels like it was made of fuckin iron or
something and you go home wanting nothing more than to sleep off the pain and
the chick in the next room won't turn down her favorite Madonna album. Wow,
that was really fuckin detailed.
"I was just joking," she says and I raise my eyebrow at her and she knows
exactly what the fuck I'm trying to say without actually saying it. It means
`yeah fuckin right'. "I was…partially." She gets a guilty look on her face but
for whatever reason it's not making me feel better. Back before this whole
`dating' thing if she got guilty about something because of me I felt good about
it, like I won the game or something. But this doesn't feel like that at all.
"Look, Faith, I'm still not sure how all of this works," she says and I give her
a confused look. Mostly `cause I have no idea what the fuck she's talking
about. "This whole dating-another-woman thing." Ah, well at least she
clarified it for me instead of being an ass and making me feel stupid. She does
that sometimes just for fun. "I don't want to be one of those jerks who
smothers you and makes you feel like you can't be yourself but on the other hand
if my boyfriend told me he flirted with some little chippy to get free pastries
and coffee there would be groveling involved. I just don't know how I'm
supposed to act." At least I'm not the only one that was totally fucking lost.
"I dunno, B. I guess I could understand you getting all jealous and clingy if I
was flirting with someone hot and bragged about it in front of you." Now that
I'm saying it out loud I can admit only to myself that I was being a tool. Who
wants to hear about their girl flirting with someone else? No one, that's who."But it's Sal, the guy's like seventy-eight. He has liver spots and varicose
veins. It's not like ya have to be worried about something happening." She
gets that guilty look on her face but she also looks embarrassed. I guess she
knows how retarded she sounded just now.
"I guess I overreacted a little," she says and looks down at her feet. She's
blushing a little bit and it's fucking adorable. Man, this girl is turning me
into a total chick and I don't think I mind. I mean, I mind a little `cause if
I turn into a total chick that might require a wardrobe change and that shit
could get expensive. I'm not too worried about the other stuff, though. She
knows I'm only gonna act all soft and shit in front of her, but when other
people are around I got a rep to uphold, ya know? She doesn't care, and it's
not like she'd wanna make out in front of everyone anyway.
"You totally overreacted. But that's alright. Let's just finish up patrol," I
tell her and she gives me a little smile. I guess that's her way of thanking me
for not making it a big issue. That could've turned into a fight, but I'm
learning how to let shit go. We had a talk the other night in my bedroom and
now I know where we stand. We both want to be together, as in a full-on
committed, adult relationship, with sleepovers in my room and everything. Ever
since she told me what she wants and I told her what I want I haven't been as
tense around her which is good `cause I think I was starting to develop a
"Do you ever wonder why we're the ones who still have to patrol almost every
night?" she asks and we start walking again. Tonight the sky is crystal fuckin
clear and if we weren't in a cemetery this could be classified as romantic by
any chick's standards. What is it with women and wanting to walk out in the
moonlight? I think that's pretty fuckin weird. Anyway, I glance over at her
and raise an eyebrow and she just gets this kinda annoyed look on her face. "We
have thirty slayers at the training house that are ready to do routine patrols.
Why do you think Giles is still insisting we do it?"
"Oh come on, B, you can't tell me you don't get a rush out of this," I tell her
and she rolls her eyes just like she used to back in Sunnydale whenever I talked
about loving the thrill of the slaying. Alright, I guess this is just another
one of those sore spots we gotta work on. "Red proved it and everything, B,
remember?" She shakes her head a little bit and I can't help but roll my eyes.
She's such a sore fuckin loser. She can't even admit she was wrong even when
there's all that proof. Well, not boat loads of proof but tests were done.
Last year, Willow wanted to find out if slaying really does have an effect on
our bodies or if it was all in our heads and I was fuckin right. When we fight
a shit load of adrenaline is released into our blood, and when we stake a
vampire or slay a demon a shit load of hormones with big ass names that I can't
remember are released and it's like a natural high. Seriously, I don't know why
people do drugs they could just slay or sky dive or whatever instead, but little
Miss Stake Up Her Ass doesn't wanna admit she was wrong.
"Ok, sometimes there's a chemical reaction after a really big fight," she says
and I can't believe she's willing to admit that much. B's just been full of
surprises the last couple of weeks. Kinda makes me wanna say weird shit just to
see how she'll react. "But I don't think slaying is fun like you and some of
the other slayers do. This isn't supposed to be a game of who can slay the most
vampires in a night or who can kill the biggest demon the quickest." She stops
talking but I can tell she's thinking real deep now so I better keep my mouth shut or she might get pissy.
We keep walking around the cemetery but she's not really paying attention. I
can feel some vamps wandering around here somewhere but they can wait. B's busy
contemplating and I wanna give her some time to think `cause she sounded like
she was getting a little upset. I make sure to keep a close eye out `cause with
her off in `Buffy-land' a vamp or demon could get the jump on her and I don't
want anything bad to happen to her. I'm not sayin she needs a babysitter or
nothin. She's a hell of a slayer and can take care of herself but since we
started getting closer I developed this need to keep her safe. It's fuckin
"Sometimes I still wish I could be normal," she says after a few minutes of
silence. She whispered it but I could hear it only `cause I have slayer
hearing. If I were just another normal Joe I wouldn't have heard anything at
all. I glance over at her and she's looking down at the ground. She's got that
guilty look on her face again and I don't fuckin like it. "I wish I could have
a normal job and live in a nice house. Maybe have some kids one day." Oh man,
please tell me she doesn't wanna settle down in the middle of suburbia with a
white picket fence.
"And be a self-loathing suburbanite that's addicted to anti-depressants in a
loveless marriage and never have sex? Yeah, sounds awesome," I tell her and I
sound sarcastic as hell. She looks over at me and holy fuckin shit she looks
pissed. Maybe I shoulda kept my mouth shut. Fuck that shit, I shouldn't be
afraid to say anything to her just in case she gets pissed. I'm not gonna stop
speakin my mind just `cause she can be short-tempered.
"Not everybody's like that, Faith," she says and she sounds just a pissed as she
looks. Fuck, I hope this doesn't start a fight. She lets out a big sigh and
her whole demeanor changes. She muscles get tense and her face is tight. I
really fuckin hope she isn't about to shut down on me. We opened up to each
other a couple nights ago and I really wanna be able to do that with her more
often. Sounds stupid but knowin that she's willing to open up makes me feel
special, I guess. She doesn't open up to a lot of people. "My mom wasn't like
that." Fuck, I'm retarded.
"No, B, your mom wasn't like that at all," I tell her. She still looks really
pissed but she looks really sad too. She doesn't really talk much about her mom
with anyone. Even when Dawnie brings her up B will talk for a minute or two and
then change the subject. I wish I could help her but I don't know what the fuck
I'm supposed to say. My mom was nothin like Joyce so it's not like I can say I
know what she's going through.
"Maybe you're right, though," she says and lets out a little sigh. I wish I
knew what was up with the sighing. She normally doesn't do that and it's kinda
freaking me out. "My dad cheated on my mom and they got divorced." I know a
little bit about that. B never told me about it but back in Sunnydale when I
stayed with B's mom at Christmas Mrs. S had a couple glasses of wine and started
talkin to me like we were friends or something. I got a lot of dirt on B's dad
that I'll never tell her `cause she just doesn't need to know.
"Maybe a happy life just isn't possible," she whispers and she sounds like she's
getting really fuckin depressed. She's starting to bum me out and not just
because of what she's saying. If she really thinks she's never gonna be happy
then what the fuck are we doing? She's makin me feel, I dunno, invisible I
guess. She's practically sayin I'm never gonna be able to make her happy, so
what's the use of trying? I know better than that, though. She just gets a
little down sometimes and I wanna cheer her up. Or at least try.
"I think it's possible," I tell her and slowly hold her hand. We haven't really
done the hand holding shit, at least not out in public and I dunno if she's
gonna be comfortable with it or not. I'm not sure if I'm comfortable with it
either. She looks over at me and I give her a little smile but she doesn't
smile back. She looks a little confused. "Guess it just depends on how ya
define happiness. Most people think their nice houses and shiny cars are gonna
make `em happy. They spend most of their lives stressin out to get their stuff
then they spend the rest of their lives stressin out tryin to keep it all.
That's not really happiness, ya know?"
"Wow," she whispers out and I look over at her. She looks shocked and I know
she's faking it. Well, maybe not all of it, but she's making her face look even
more shocked than what she's really feeling. I know because she's also tryin
not to smile. "Who are you and what did you do with the real Faith? Are you
another one of Warren's robots? `Cause if you are that was pretty deep for
something that's supposed to be nothing but a toy." Robot, what the fuck is she
talkin about? And who says I can't be deep? I can be deep.
"I don't like to brag about it like most people but I can be insightful when I
wanna be," I tell her and she chuckles. I'm glad I put her in a better mood.
She was starting to suck the energy right out of this patrol and it's pretty
fuckin dead already. It's still really fuckin dead. There haven't been any
vampires tonight. The ones I felt a little while ago are gone now. They
probably saw us coming and ran off like a couple little pussies. I hate that
the vamps know what we look like and are fuckin scared of us.
"Oh yeah?" she says and I can hear her smile. It's kinda crazy how you can hear
someone smile without lookin at `em to know that they're smiling, but I can just
tell that she is. Guess that's what happens when you know someone long enough."So tell me Great Wise One, what else do you have insight on?" I can't help but
laugh a little and she giggles. Man, I really fuckin love that sound. You have
no idea. And if she's gonna mess with me than maybe I should mess with her a
little. Ya know, try and keep the mood light and shit.
"I won't go too deep, gotta keep the mystery about me goin," I tell her and she
laughs a little but I can tell she just rolled her eyes. I don't care though
`cause she laughed and that was the point. "But I do think you're going about
this all wrong." I glance over at her and she gives me that little confused
look that I think is so fuckin cute. "I mean, you're walking around on a
gorgeous night holding hands with a hella hot chick and you're busy talkin. I
think if you made a move you might get a little action."
I look into her eyes for a couple of seconds and wink. Yeah, that's right, I
just fuckin winked and by the look on her face I'd say it was sexy as hell. Her
cheeks just flushed and now she's staring at the ground while we keep walking.
Maybe I was wrong, maybe she didn't think it was sexy and I just embarrassed the
hell out of her. I don't think B is the kind of chick that likes foolin around
outdoors. I'm pretty sure she's more of a "behind closed doors' kinda girl. At
least that's what this five minutes of near silence is starting to make me think.
Should I apologize for crossing the line? I normally don't apologize for being
sexual `cause she knows that's just how I am. But things are different now.
We're a couple or whatever so the rules have changed and I don't really fuckin
know where I stand and it's starting to throw me off. Yeah, we had that talk so
now I know what I mean to her and I know that this more than just a fling or
whatever, but that doesn't mean things are gonna be the same except we're making
out more. Outta fuckin nowhere she grabs me by my arms and pins me to the side
of the mausoleum we were about to pass by.
"What the fuck?" I ask and trust me I sound surprised as hell. Is she that
pissed off at me she's gonna try to kick my ass? Maybe when we were laying down
ground rules I should've said no more hitting but I thought that shit was a
given. We haven't been violent towards each other since Sunnydale, except when
we spar, but that's just for fun, ya know? I look into her eyes and she doesn't
look pissed. She looks…like she's about to cause some trouble. She smirks and
I raise my eyebrow `cause I've never seen her act like this before.
"What's with the shocked look? I'm just making my move," she says and she
sounds so fuckin innocent and sweet. It's totally contradicting what she looks
like right now. That little gleam in her eyes is borderline devilish and I
really fuckin like it. My skin feels like it's being set on fire but in a good
way. If there is such a thing as a good way your skin could be set on fire.
Damn, I gotta stop thinkin `cause she's lookin at me with those eyes and it's
making my head and heart feel all fucked up. "Am I being too aggressive? I
know you like to be on top." The look in her eyes is telling me it doesn't
matter what I like `cause she's in charge right now.
"Nah Princess, you go ahead and be all dom. I think it's kinda cute," I tell
her and my patented smirk crawls across my lips. B gets this fiery look in her
eyes like she gets when our sparring starts to get a little out of control and
fuck that is hot! See, this is what we do best. We push each other's buttons
and drive each other crazy. Why in god's name did I think I had to change our
ways just because we're dating? I'm so fuckin dumb sometimes. "Just try to go
easy, wouldn't want ya to break a nail."
Oh fuck, I think that did it. She lets go of my left arm and runs her fingers
through my hair. She grabs a fist full in the back but she doesn't pull too
hard. I guess she's afraid of hurting me or maybe she isn't as practiced in
this whole dominating role as she's letting on. But man it is fuckin hot. I
never thought I'd ever let someone do this to me but here this little blonde
chick is, pressing me up against a wall, pulling my hair and making me like it.
How did I get so fuckin lucky?
When I see her lean forward I do the same and our lips meet in the middle. The
kiss is slow and pretty gentle for the act we were just puttin on. It's almost
like our lips aren't with the rest of the program and they just wanna get
reacquainted on their own terms. I run the tip of my tongue along her bottom
lip and she lets out this little sigh through her nose and I don't know why but
that little sound is making my knees feel all weak. Fuck, she is turning me
into a total fuckin chick. I really don't think I have a problem with that,
I don't know if this is how she usually is when she's feeling all dom or if it's
something about me but she is really getting into this. She's pressed up
against me all snug and tight and I can feel her body heat through our clothes.
She's kissing my lips like they got the last bit of water inside of `em and
we've been lost in the desert for days. And I can feel these little moans comin
from her that are barely loud enough to hear but I can feel `em vibrating
against my lips and tongue. It feels so fuckin good and I think this thong and
these pants are fuckin ruined.
She keeps pullin on my hair but not harsh or anything like that. Nah, her
fingers keep tightening around it and then relaxing. She's got this nice little
rhythm going and it's sending little tingles down my spine. I never thought
just kissing someone up against a wall could feel so fuckin good but it does. I
guess it's because I'm not just with anyone. If she were anyone else I'd be the
one callin all the shots, but it's Buffy and that's the only reason I can think
of why she's driving me so fuckin crazy and we haven't even gotten to second
Maybe I should be the one to step things up a bit. I know B is feelin in the
mood to dominate or whatever but I can't let her think I'm just gonna sit here
and be submissive. I don't want her thinkin that she has me wrapped around
those pretty little fingers of hers. I know that I'm pretty much completely
whipped by this little woman but the longer I can keep her from figuring that
out the better things are going to be. So I slowly run my fingertips along the
skin of her stomach right under the hemline of her shirt. She lets out another
one of those knee-weakening sighs but her whole body tenses up and I don't think
that's a good sign.
"You mind if I join the party?" I hear someone say. Someone that's not me and
someone that's not Buffy. Who the fuck is here? I pull my head back to see
what the fuck is going on and it slams against the wall. Damn, I forgot she has
me pinned up against the side of a mausoleum. Fuck, that really fuckin hurt.
Over B's shoulder I see the ugly-ass face of a vamp already in game face and
he's standing right behind her. How the fuck did he get so goddamn close
without us knowin it? Our slayer senses must be off their game tonight. That's
gotta be what's going on.
Before either of us can respond either verbally or physically he sinks his teeth
into B's neck. Why the fuck did she wear her hair up?! She should know not to
do that shit on patrol. Maybe if I had kept my damn mouth shut the other day
when she wore it back instead of telling her that her wearing it up makes her
look hella sexy she wouldn't be wearing it up right now. Fuck, I am so stupid.
The vamp only gets one good sized gulp of her blood down before I jump into
action. I grab my stake outta my pocket and reach around and stab it through
I really wanted to beat the living fuck out of him first but B was looking at me
with her eyes again and they looked really fuckin scared. I couldn't just push
her aside to get the shit out of him for payback when she's looking so…I dunno,
vulnerable I guess is a good word. It's more than that though. She looks
pissed and scared at the same time. I gotta be lookin the same way even though
I'm trying really hard to hide it. I'm pissed that she got hurt and it's my
fuckin fault for distracting her, and I'm scared as fuck because he could have
just snapped her neck and killed her if he really wanted to.
When the vamp turns to dust, B falls forward and I catch her in my arms. She's
shaking and letting out these weird little noises with every exhale and it's
unsettling. I've never heard her make a noise like that before and I don't know
what to do. Fuck, this is all my fault. She wasn't supposed to patrol with me
tonight she was supposed to patrol with Kennedy but I changed the schedule so we
could spend some more time together. I knew this relationship thing was going
to come back to bite us in the ass. I don't think I can do this. Not if it's
gonna put her in danger like that. Fuck, I wish someone would tell me what I
should do `cause I have no fuckin clue.