"It's not as bad as it looks," B says and gives me a little smile. We got back from the cemetery a while ago. I still don't understand why that fuckin vampire was able to get so fuckin close to us without us knowin. He took a pretty big chunk out of B's neck, got some of her blood down his throat before I staked him. The worst part is I think it's my fault this happened. If I hadn't distracted her this never would've happened. We should know better than to make out in cemeteries like a couple of horny teenagers. All that's gonna do is amp the vampires up and shit.
"You don't gotta lie to spare my feelings, B. I know how bad it is," I tell her and try to force my eyes away from her neck but they won't move. She came into my room about twenty minutes ago. She tried doin the normal routine but I didn't say a word. I guess she knows this is hitting me pretty hard 'cause she didn't try to be cute or whatever. She turned the lamp on my bedside on and laid down next to me on the bed. As soon as I could see her wound that's all I've been doing. I don't know why I can't look away but I just can't.
"I'm not lying," she says and she sounds a little mad. I would be to if she called me a liar but right now I really don't wanna deal with a pissed off Buffy. I just don't think I could take that. I don't think I can take any of this. "I think he was a newbie or something because it felt like he didn't know what he was doing. I've been bitten before so I know what it feels like to be bitten by someone who…knows what they're doing." She was bitten by Angel and by Spike. She never told anyone that before but Spike opened up the wound Angel made. Guess he wanted to try and claim her for himself.
"From where I was standing it looked like he knew what he was doin. Got a gulp of your blood down before I could dust him." I sound bitter and angry but she doesn't flinch. Guess she knows I'm not mad at her I'm just pissed off about the situation. She could have died tonight and it was mostly my fault. I shouldn't have switched the schedule like that. We're not supposed to do that unless we have a good reason but I did it anyway 'cause I wanted to spend some more time with her. Maybe this whole dating thing isn't such a good idea after all.
"Yeah, that was pretty stupid," she says and my heart feels like it was squeezed or something. She's blaming me for this like she should. I just didn't think hearing it out loud was gonna hurt this fuckin much. "When he grabbed me I should have at least tried to pull away but I was in shock or something, you know? That vampire took me by surprise and I almost died. If you hadn't been there, who knows what would have happened." You wouldn't have gotten bit in the first place. And of course B is gonna blame herself for this. She has a martyr complex the size of Texas.
"It's not your fault, B. If you weren't distracted than it wouldn't have fuckin happened in the first place," I tell her and I sound just as bitter and angry as before. But still she doesn't flinch. She doesn't tense up or get mad or whatever. She's like this pillar of calm and it's really fuckin unsettling. B has a problem with her temper, everyone knows that. When a situation starts to get tense she reacts, it's just what a slayer does. But right now that's not happening and it's throwing me off. None of this shit was supposed to happen. Why can't things go like they're supposed to?
"It's no one's fault, Faith. If we're going to start playing the blame game every time something like this happens then we'll drive ourselves crazy. You think it's your fault for distracting me, but it could just as easily be my fault because I'm the one who pushed you up against the mausoleum. Or it's the vampires fault for giving in to his urges and biting me. Or it's his sire's fault for thinking he would have made a good vampire and turning him instead of just killing him." She wraps her arm around me and she's gently rubbing my back. She's starting to make me feel a little better. How does she fuckin do that?
We go quiet and I keep staring at her wound. I don't know why I can't look away but the more time goes by the smaller it's getting. I don't think she's gonna have a permanent scar. Maybe she was right and the vamp didn't really know what he was doin 'cause now it just looks like two little scratch marks. If he really sunk his teeth into her it would leave something more than that. Guess I shouldn't feel too bad than 'cause if I didn't react quick enough then she would have a fatty scar just like the one Angel gave her.
Maybe I am being a fuckin baby about this. We're slayers, we get hurt on patrol, it just happens. We can't control what something else decides to do whether it's a vampire or a demon or a human. People treat each other so fuckin shitty sometimes I forget why I fight so goddamn hard to save their lives. But then I look at B and she restores my faith. Fuck, that sounded really fuckin corny. I'm so glad I didn't say that shit out loud 'cause if she heard me say that I'd never hear the end of it. I need to stop this deep thinkin 'cause it's not good for my health.
I don't know how long it's been since either of us said a fuckin word but it's not getting awkward like I thought it would get. I've never just sat in silence with someone before and it's kinda nice. There's no pressure to say something just to keep the conversation going and she's still rubbing my back and it's calming me the fuck down. I don't know how she's doing it, maybe Red taught her some magic or something, but it's workin like a charm. The teeth marks on her neck are almost gone. They're just two tiny red marks and you can barely tell what they were before. Slayer healing is really fuckin awesome.
Before they disappear completely I lean forward a little and leave a little kiss right over the red spots. I don't know why I did that. I had a good reason but it dropped outta my fuckin mind as soon as I moved forward. Now I feel like a total douche. Guess she thinks so too since she just laughed. Probably thinks I'm the biggest fuckin dork on the planet. And great, now I'm blushing. I never used to blush this much until I became friends with B. Maybe being friends with her isn't good for my health either. Then again dating me isn't exactly good for hers.
"Thank you," she whispers and her tone sounds all light. Great, now she's fuckin mocking me. I swear this night just keeps getting better. I rest my head back on my pillow but I don't say shit. I can't even look at her I'm so fuckin embarrassed. I can feel the anger start to bubble up and I'm not sure who I'm mad at her more; myself for looking like an ass in front of her, or her for making fun of me for doing something so not me. I've been doing a lot of things that could be classified as so not me but things are changing and it's because of her. I'm not saying change is bad, but does she have to laugh at me like that?
"For what?" I ask and I try as hard as I can to keep the anger outta my voice. I'm kinda givin her the benefit of the doubt. That's another thing that's changed about me over the years. Back in Sunnydale I wouldn't have given her time to explain. I would've shut down, made up some dumbass excuse to kick her outta my bed and probably ignore her for a few days until this feeling of embarrassment goes away. But now I wanna know why she laughed and why she said 'thank you'. Was she being an ass or is something else running through her mind?
"For taking care of me," she says and she sounds, I dunno, I guess shy is a good way to put it. Whatever it is it was really fuckin unexpected and it makes me look into her eyes. Yeah, she's definitely got that shy expression on her face. She gets like that when we pig out after a really good slay and she polishes off all her food first and wants more but is too embarrassed to ask 'cause she doesn't wanna look like a pig. "You're the only person I've never brushed off or tried to lie to and say I was fine when I was hurt. You're the only person I've ever wanted to let my guard down in front of. I guess you're the only person I've been with who makes me feel safe."
I look into her eyes and I can see how fuckin sincere she is about everything she just said. She trusts me, more than she's trusted any of her boyfriends, and I was being such a fuckin baby about what happened because…? Because I'm a fuckin idiot. In the blink of an eye I close the distance between us and kiss her. I couldn't help it, what she said was just so fuckin…I can't even think of a word. It just really made me wanna kiss her. And if she was lying and saying all of that stuff just to get into my pants I won't be mad about it until tomorrow because right now I just couldn't force myself to care.
Alright, that's not true but I have other things to think about right now. Like B's soft hand runnin up and down my thigh. Goddamn, how she does get her hands so fuckin soft? There aren't any calluses or anything. You'd think there would be at least some 'cause of all the slaying. Wooden stakes and battle axes aren't really good for skin care. You wouldn't know that by feelin 'em though 'cause hers are really fuckin soft. I can feel the power that they have. With every stroke she's getting stronger and I guess it has something to do with the fact that our kisses are starting to get a little more intense.
I want to explore her body so fucking bad but there's something that's holding me back. For one thing one of my arms is trapped beneath the pillow my head is resting on so that makes things a little difficult. Lying face to face and making out isn't exactly the most comfortable thing but I'm not gonna complain 'cause her lips are so fuckin soft and she's an amazing kisser. My free hand is running through her hair and every time I give it a little tug she lets out this soft little sigh. Hearing that and feeling it against my lips is totally addictive. I wonder what else would make her sigh like that.
I tug her hair a little harder and for a second I think I totally fucked up 'cause her whole body stops moving. I pull back just enough to look into her eyes but she has them closed. A couple of wicked tense seconds of silence goes by and my heart is beating so fuckin fast I can feel it throbbing in my ears. Great, I just had to push. Why the fuck do I always gotta push? I can never just be happy tip toeing on the line. I always gotta put my foot on the other side just to see what'll happen. When she finally opens her eyes my breath catches in my throat 'cause they're so fuckin green and I don't think I've ever seen 'em that color before.
"I didn't know you like to pull hair," she whispers and her voice is deeper than normal and it sounds kinda…I don't know, I guess husky would be a good word to use. It doesn't matter what the fuck it's called because the important thing is it's sexy as hell and my panties are soaked now. I don't even know why I bother wearing them anymore 'cause every time she's around me the pair I got on get ruined. She gets a little smirk on her face and my heart starts beating faster and I didn't know that was possible either. She's just making all kinds of surprises tonight. "You are such a girl." She's also a little bit of a bitch, but I already knew that.
Before I can say anything she gently pushes me onto my back and starts kissing me again. She's leaning over me and the bottom half of her body is off to the side. I wish she would put on her thighs in between mine to give me some friction, but at the same time I don't think that's a good idea. She's right, even though I really fuckin hate to admit that. Right now, though, I am being such a fucking girl. I'm letting my feelings get in the way of having sex, what the fuck is wrong with me? Oh right, I'm in love with her. See, this is why I never did the 'love' thing before because it complicates shit.
She pulls back from the kiss and we're both panting like animals. I never knew just kissing someone could get me so fuckin worked up. But I'm not just kissing someone. I'm kissing Buffy so I really shouldn't be this surprised. I open my eyes and she's looking at me, hovering above me with just enough space to get a good look at me. The expression on her face and the look in her eyes…I have no fucking clue how to describe it but it's making my heart feel so full right now. It's like she's so happy just to be here in my arms. Her undivided attention is something I've always wanted, and now that I have it I'm scared shitless that I'm going to lose it. It's Funny how that works. Or not since I hate being scared almost as much as I hate the Yankees.
"I love you," I say and holy fuck, that just slipped out. So this is what it's gonna be like from now on? I've finally accepted my feelings for B and now that we're together I'm going to just spout that shit out whenever I start to get a little emotional? 'Cause I didn't sign up for that shit. But maybe I can get used to it 'cause she has this big smile on her face now and I think it's bright enough to out-shine the sun. Wow, that sounded really fuckin corny. I better keep that one to myself 'cause I really don't feel like being laughed at.
"I love you too," she says and kisses me again. It doesn't last for very long and when she pulls back I miss the feel of her lips on mine. I don't think I'm ever going to get over how awesome her lips feel and taste. The cherry lip gloss is totally working for her. She gets this smile on her face that can only be described as devilish and it makes my pulse race. How is it with one look she can have my heart racing faster than a cheetah? That is so fucked up. She kisses me on the lips again, and then slowly kisses down my jaw line until her lips are softly touching the shell of my ear.
"Let me show you how much," she whispers in this husky, sexy voice and it sends a shiver down my spine. I can't believe she just fuckin said that. Buffy Summers just whispered that she wants to fuck me. I never thought I'd ever hear anything like that before, and you have no fuckin clue how much I've wanted to hear it. So why the fuck does my stomach feel like it's trying to tie itself in a bunch of knots? I don't fuckin know, and it's bugging the hell out of me. She's offering me everything I've ever wanted, so why the fuck can't I just take it? She pulls back just enough to look at my face and her smile fades to something more serious.
"What's the matter?" she asks and she sounds…I dunno, I guess shy would be a good word for it. Of course she's going to be shy, she's never done the whole girl-on-girl thing, except when we were drunk, and B isn't the most confident person when it comes to new sexual experiences. She gets hella insecure hella fast. And I knew that and yet here I am not reassuring her that everything is fine and she can keep doing what she's doing if she wants. Probably 'cause that's not really how I feel. Alright, Red, I'll give your whole 'honesty' thing a try. But if this backfires on me she's getting my steel toed boot up her ass.
"Nothing's wrong, B," I tell her and I softly move a stay piece of hair behind her ear so I can see her face better. She always looks so damn cute when her hair is kinda messed up, but don't tell her I said that 'cause she's one of those girls who needs her hair to be pretty much perfect all the time. It's not like I haven't seen her bed head before 'cause we're friends and sometimes when she sneaks in here at night just to hang out she falls asleep and I always wake up at the ass crack of dawn. One of those annoying little habits left over from my prison days. Anyway, she doesn't look like she believes me so I guess I gotta be really honest here if I'm going to make this right.
"I mean it, B, nothing's wrong. I just…." What the fuck is wrong with me that I can't just say it? What the fuck is so scary about opening up and telling her what's really going on in my head? Oh right, she might laugh or not believe me or reject me. I knew this whole relationship thing was going to bite me in the ass. Why wasn't I just better at hiding my jealousy when she was with Marcus? 'Cause right now she's looking at me with those eyes and it's like she's softly invading all of the places I'm trying to hide and it's not fair. "I'm just not ready, ya know?" From the confused look on her face I'm gonna take a guess that she doesn't know.
"Not ready for what?" she asks and her eyebrows furrow a little more. Ok, so she either really is that dense or she's playing dumb because she wants me to open up. I'll go with the whole wanting me to open up thing 'cause there's no way I'd date someone that thick. Well if you want to get all fuckin technical about it we're not dating. We're sneaking around and making out in cemeteries or late at night in my bed when everyone else is asleep. That's not dating, that's…well I don't really know what that is but it's not what I want from her.
"I'm not ready to do that with you," I say and I guess I said that totally fuckin wrong because she has this look on her face like she wants to run. She starts to push herself off of me but I wrap my arms around her back and hold her to me. I wanna be honest with her and I can't do that if she's runnin for the fuckin hills. "Wait just let me explain, ok?" I don't think I've ever sounded that fuckin desperate before about anything. I look into her eyes and she still looks upset but she nods her head and relaxes against me. Well, her tense version of relaxed anyway.
"I've never done this before, B," I say and let out a little exhale. I can feel all of those walls I've spent so long building up inside me start to pull and strain because I'm doing something that completely goes against them and they're just not used to it. They're used to keeping other people out but I've never tried to leave so they're working double time to try and keep me in. It feels pretty fuckin weird. "I've never done this before so when we finally go there I don't want it to be some post-slayage thing. I wanna do it right, you know?"
"Faith, please don't take this the wrong way," she says and she sounds kinda scared. She has that look on her face like she's about to do something she knows she shouldn't. Like when there's nowhere to run so she'll fight the group of nine vampires who ganged up on her, or when she steals Andrew's last Hot Pocket. Yeah, I only did that once, but you wouldn't know it if you asked him 'cause she's always blaming it on me. "But isn't it a little late for you to play the virgin card? I don't mean that in a bad way because it's way late for me too but this isn't anything new for you. I mean, we've already…you know, that one time. So it's nothing new." Normally I love it when she babbles but tonight not so much.
"This is new for me, Buffy," I say and I guess that got her attention. B, half-pint, bite-size, tiny Yoda, those are the things I normally call her. I don't really call her Buffy anymore unless it's serious. I don't know why, that's just the way I am with everyone. I look into her eyes again and I can feel my body get tense because this is hard for me but I want to do it. I want to open up and share this with her. It's hella fuckin scary because I've never wanted to do that with anyone before. I guess that's why they invented the word 'special'.
"Yeah, I've had sex before and I've never been shy about talkin about my sex life," I say and she gets a little blush on her face. I guess she's remembering all the stories I used to tell her on patrol. Of course a lot of it was exaggerated but she doesn't need to know that. "But this is different. This isn't just sex. I love you, B, and it'll mean something more, you know? I just want to do it right. I mean, we haven't even been on a date yet." I look away from her because now I'm feeling shy. I hate this, I hate the vulnerable feeling I get whenever I open up to someone. I still get like this with Red and we've been friends for a long time now.
"You're right," she says with this really serious tone. It makes me look at her again and I just know I got this stupid look on my face. Why? Because Buffy Summers just admitted I was right, and she didn't have a gun to her head or nothing. What's that sound? Oh yeah, that's hell freezing the fuck over because she admitted I'm right about something. I need to mark this down on a calendar or something 'cause I don't think it's ever going to happen again. "You're my girlfriend and I haven't been treating you the way you deserve." She isn't looking at me anymore, she's kinda staring off into space and I can practically hear the wheels turning in her head. This can't be good.
"Don't feel bad about it, B. You've been treating me just fine. I'm just being weird tonight, I guess. Just forget it, ok?" Man, could this conversation have backfired on me anymore? 'Cause I don't fuckin think so. I didn't want to make her feel bad about herself. I guess after all those years of hurting each other I just don't know how to break that pattern. I don't know why I'm doing it again 'cause we've been friends since Sunnydale went boom, and we don't really hurt each other anymore. Annoy the fuck out of each other? Yeah. Drive each other so crazy we can't be in the same room for five minutes without arguing? Patent pending. But we don't hurt each other.
"No, I don't feel bad," she says and looks into my eyes again. I don't really believe her 'cause Buffy's always been big with the denial when it comes to her feelings. I gently rub her back 'cause it feels like the right thing to do and she leans down and gives me a little kiss on the lips. I barely have time to return it before she's pulling away. Fuck, she can be such a tease sometimes. "I guess I just didn't really get it before. I didn't fully understand what this means. I'm so used to being spoiled and pampered because I've always been 'the girlfriend', but now you're my girlfriend and I need to start acting like it." Say what?
"B, what are you talking about?" I ask and if I sounded anymore confused my hair would turn blonde. And yeah, that kind of is a dig at her 'cause sometimes she can be slow on the uptake. Or intake or whatever the fuck that saying is. She sits up on the bed and I lean up on my elbows a little so I can get a better look at her face. She looks determined. She looks excited. She looks like she's scheming and a cold chill runs down my spine. She looks into my eyes and I know that I'm completely screwed because I'll do whatever she wants as long as I get to see that happiness in her eyes.
"I'm talking about spoiling you, Faith. I'm talking about treating you the way you deserve to be treated, the way no one else has ever treated you before, not even yourself," she says and now she's totally lost me. I have no idea what the hell she's talking about and it must show 'cause she gets this cute smile on her face and she leans down and gives me another little kiss. This time she lets it linger and I get to kiss her back for a few seconds before she pulls away. Damn, I don't think I'm ever gonna get used to the feel of those silky lips. When she pulls back she doesn't go far. Just far enough away so she can look into my eyes.
"You've never been a girlfriend before, Faith, and I need to teach you what that means. I owe you that much," she whispers and very gently strokes my cheek with the tips of her fingers. I don't think I've ever felt something so tender and loving before, and you know what? This time it doesn't scare me. It doesn't scare me because she gets it now and I know she isn't going to hurt me. Wow, all of that stuff Red was talking about in the kitchen the other night wasn't bullshit after all. Guess I need to send her a fruit basket or something.
"I need to go plan our date. It's going to be so good," she practically squeals as she jumps off the bed and runs for the door. I would bring up the fact that it's our date and she should be planning it with me but something tells me she isn't going to go for that idea. Why do I know that? I can hear her knocking on Willow's bedroom door, that's why. This is a best friend thing and I'm not a part of it, and I really don't fuckin mind at all. I don't care because she wants it to be a surprise and she's waking Red up at twelve thirty in the morning so she's pulling out the big guns. Her being so excited makes me feel so fucking special and not in the "special needs" way.
"Red, just tell me where she's taking me," I say and trust me I sound really fuckin pissed off. I can't believe this bullshit. Can you believe this bullshit? 'Cause I can't fuckin believe this. About two hours ago Red came into my room and said tonight I'm going on a date with Buffy. Not a big deal, right? We talked about going on a date the other night when she snuck into my room after she got bit by that vamp. But the two of them are a part of some huge conspiracy to make sure I don't find out what the fuck is going on. It's my first date, I should get the details, ya know?
"I can't tell you that, Faith. It's a surprise and you don't want to ruin the surprise or else you won't be surprised," she says and walks back into the closet. Yeah, not only am I not allowed to know where I'm going, I'm not allowed to pick out my own clothes and shoes or do my own hair and makeup. Next they're gonna tell me I'm not allowed to read books, write down my thoughts, vote or own property. "Buffy put a lot of work into this and I'm not going to let you ruin it." Yeah, because I shouldn't have any say at all in my own fucking date. I knew B was high maintenance but this is fucking ridiculous.
"I don't want to know what she has planned, just tell me where I'm going," I say and if I sounded any whinier I would be Buffy. Or maybe Dawn. Oh fuck, I just scared myself. I need to not think those kinds of awful thoughts 'cause you never know what might happen. Dawn would be in my body and probably go out and get smashed and laid just because she could and I'd be stuck in her body, which isn't a bad body to be stuck in 'cause I'll admit she's pretty hot, but since we don't live in the back hills of some isolated village, there's no way in fuck B would let me do anything to her in that body.
"If I tell you where you're going you'll know what the surprise is. You're not stupid, Faith. Now stop being dumb and quit arguing. You know I'll never crack," she says and walks out of the closet. I'm not even going to bother with a joke because it's too easy. She sets down a brown leather skirt on my bed and disappears into the closet again. Ok, so it's fake leather that was on sale and I couldn't pass it up. I was kinda pissed when I bought it 'cause it didn't have that same 'new leather' smell. But it was forty percent off and you just can't beat that so it was worth it even if it is fake leather. Oh dear god, what the hell has Buffy done to me?
"Fine, then can you tell me what type of place I'm going to? Dance club, restaurant, movie theater, crack house, a fight club maybe?" I ask and she laughs. Yeah, yeah, I'm a funny broad. Now tell me what the fuck is going on already. I hate this whole not knowing. I think this is why I never wanted to be in a relationship in the first place. You never really fuckin know where you stand or what's going through the other's mind. Even if they say everything's fine they're just lying to save face, and when they tell you they're pissed they say it's about something else to avoid the real problem 'cause it's too hard to deal with.
"Yes Faith, you're going to one of the nicer crack dens that Cleveland has to offer and you're going to share a nice plate of crack rock that only has a two to one baking soda to cocaine ratio, then you're going to burn off all that drug induced energy by going to a fight club and beating people's heads in. Then to finish off the evening with a nice romantic mood, you're going to a drive-in to catch the one am viewing of Schindler's List." Wow, that was really fuckin descriptive. What the hell is Red on?
As soon as I hear her giggle a little bit from inside the closet I start crackin up laughing. Damn, I miss spending time with her like this. Things have been a little crazy lately, and not just because I'm dating B now. There's a new big bad in town, and Red hasn't been around as much 'cause she's been off doing the whole Wicca thing. I'm just glad she learned how to teleport or Giles would be bitching nonstop about how much of the funds are going towards airfare. But back to what I was saying. Willow is my partner in crime and I miss hanging out with her.
"You're kinda crazy, has anyone ever told you that?" I ask and lie back on the bed. If I'm not allowed to do anything then I might as well enjoy it, ya know? My bed is comfortable as hell, that's one of the things I made of when we settled down here. Living in ratty motels and then prison wasn't exactly good for my back. That's probably why my shoulder's always popping out of place when I get in a really big fight. I never had a bed of my own growin up. I slept in my mom's bed when I was a baby and then the couch when I got big enough to sleep on my own. But I don't wanna think about that shit right now.
"Yeah, but I think you calling me crazy is kind of a pot calling the kettle black situation," she says and I know she's just joking but that cuts kind of deep. I mean, I know she isn't talking about all of the shit that went down in Sunnydale when I was all crazy, but that's right where my mind goes. I guess I got no one to blame but myself for that one 'cause I totally walked right into it. I look up when she walks out of my closet holding my favorite dress. It's white and very short and it hugs me just right.
"Really Faith, only a crazy person would walk outside in this dress. We don't live in California anymore. This is Ohio, we have weather now, and not just the sunny kind," she says and I can't help but crack the fuck up. Of course Red is gonna think that. She hasn't seen me in the dress yet. Anyone who's seen me in that dress, well, let's just say the weather is the last fuckin thing on their mind.
"Don't worry Red, if I ever wear that dress the only thing you're gonna have on your mind is how to get me out of it," I tell her and laugh at the face she makes. Red would never have sex with me. We're really close friends so to her we're more like sisters or something so she could never cross that line. I don't have that problem with her and if I weren't dating Buffy and she ever offered I'd be more than happy to take her up on it. 'Cause I like sex a lot and Willow isn't as innocent as everyone likes to think.
"You probably shouldn't be saying stuff like that anymore, Faith. You're dating Buffy now and you know how jealous she can get. I don't want to be on her bad list because you made an innuendo she can't let go," she says and walks back into the closet. I really wish she would hurry the fuck up and pick something out already. I'm not so good at the waiting around thing, and this is starting to get on my nerves.
"Buffy's not going to do shit, Red, and you know it. She knows the deal, you and I flirt and shit all the time but we'd never actually do anything," I say and stare up at the ceiling. Ok, so we wouldn't do anything while we're both not single. But if we were single and drunk I can see us having a onetime whatever. "It's not like Kennedy cares about it, so why would Buffy?" When I don't hear her say anything I sit up on the bed and look towards the closet. She's still digging around and she's ignoring me on purpose.
"Don't tell me Kennedy gives you shit for the way we act around each other," I say and watch as she keeps going through my stuff. She's ignoring me on purpose. She does this when she doesn't want to lie but she doesn't want to tell the truth. I know her pretty fuckin well and that's what she does when she wants to avoid conflict. But I'm not going to let her ignore this shit. If Kennedy is being an asshole then I need to set her straight.
"Ok then, I won't tell you that," she says and walks out of the closet holding my black cashmere sweater. Buffy bought it for me for Christmas a couple years back and I don't wear it very often. Mostly 'cause it's too nice for the places I normally go. So I guess the place we're going is kinda fancy if Red is putting together an outfit that's made up of a brown leather skirt, and a black sweater. She already did my hair and makeup and they're both on the classy side. Soft curls, and light more natural colored makeup.
"It's nothing, Faith. One night when we had a little too much to drink I let it slip that I used to have a big crush on you when you first showed up in Sunnydale. Now Kennedy's been reading into the flirting too much even though I keep telling her there's nothing there but harmless fun," she says and she lays the sweater down on the bed and walks back into the closet. What the fuck? Man, I knew Kennedy could be an asshole sometimes but I didn't think she'd be a jealous bitch.
"That's not nothing, Will. How long as this been going on?" I ask and I know I sound more pissed off than I probably should. What the fuck am I supposed to do? Red's my friend and I don't let anyone treat my friends like shit, especially not the person that's supposed to love them more than anyone else. She walks out of the closet holding the only pair of "chick boots" that I own. Buffy gave these to me too. Is it weird how all of my girly shit came from her? Nah, she's just trying to convert me into some femme princess like her.
"Not long. A couple of months, maybe?" she says and takes a step back from the bed. She's starting to look upset and that's the last fuckin thing I want but we need to have this talk because I need to get all of the information I can so when I beat Kennedy to death she'll know exactly why I'm doing it. "It's only when she comes back from a mission. She sees us hanging out and wonders if I've been faithful to her or not." God damn, Kennedy is retarded. Of course Red is faithful. "Let's just get you ready, ok? Buffy will freak if we're not there on time." Wait, we?
"What do you mean 'we'?" I ask and stand up. I slip off my sneakers and start to undress. Red looks really fuckin uncomfortable but it's not because I'm in nothing but my underwear now. We've been friends for a couple years now. It's nothing she hasn't seen before. No, she's uncomfortable because she wanted to keep her relationship troubles a secret and I got her to tell me about 'em. I pull the sweater on first and I'm really fuckin careful not to ruin the makeup or the hair 'cause I don't want to go through that experience again.
"Buffy wants it to be a surprise, Faith. She's already there getting everything ready, but I'm going to drop you off so the surprised won't be spoiled," she says and she sounds a little perkier. She's happy that B and I are finally together. I guess it had a lot to do with her. If she hadn't helped me pull my head out of my ass I'd still be living in denial and Buffy would still be fucking that cro-mag and pretending it was me. God, that thought makes me want to fuck her, to claim her for myself. The last person who's touched her was that d-bag, and that thought is a little too much for me to handle.
Willow walks over to the dresser and starts rummaging through it. Before I can ask what she's looking for, she pulls it out. Thigh highs, whoopie, 'cause this outfit isn't bad enough as it is. I put on my skirt and then slip on the nylon nightmare. At least they're the kind that are nice and tight at the top so I don't need a garter belt to keep 'em in place. I draw the line at garter belts. Well, garter belts on me 'cause B would look damn fine in one. 'Course it would only be on her for like, five minutes tops.
"Awww," Red says as I slip my boots on and zip 'em up. I look up at her and as soon as I see the look she has on her face my eyes roll. She's going to tease me about this. Just wait and see, she's totally going to do it. "Look at you. My little girl is all grown up." I lips try to form a smile but I stop them because this isn't funny. I don't feel like myself in these clothes and her teasing isn't helping me feel any better. She puts her hands on my shoulders and guides me over to the mirror. I was kinda hoping to skip this part and just leave but I guess we're doing the girly thing tonight.
I'm only going to admit this to myself, but I do look pretty fuckin awesome. This classy look isn't really my style but I do look sexy and beautiful which aren't two words I'm used to using in the same sentence, especially when it's about me. I've always described myself as hot, sexy, wild, a total joy ride. Beautiful, radiant, gorgeous, the kinda girl you wanna take home to your mom, those are words I've always used to describe B. Except for the mom part seeing as mine is, ya know, dead.
"Really, Faith, you look amazing," Red says and she's kind of playing with my hair a little. She's teasing it, making the soft curls she put in it fall on my shoulders a little differently. "When Buffy sees you she's going to babble uncontrollably and then blush because it's a dead giveaway. She always does that when she's having trouble containing herself." Wait a second, she does? B does that whenever we go out to a club together and I make myself look super hot. I thought it was just her being a tight ass who didn't know what to do when someone wasn't being as conservative as her. Damn, I need to start paying more attention.
"Thanks, Red," I tell her and catch her eye in the mirror. We only look at each other for a second, though and I totally know why. B isn't the only one who has trouble containing herself, and little Red is trying really hard to hide the fact that she's having trouble. She looks a little flushed and that's the third time she's cleared her throat. I guess all the moisture in her body is going someplace else. Should I tease her about it? Nah, I think I'll leave her alone. She's doing me a solid and I don't want to bite the hand that feeds or however the fuck that saying works.
"So when are we heading out?" I ask and she already has her car keys out of her pocket. I guess that answers that question. We leave the house in kind of an awkward silence and I'm not willing to break it. Red opened up to me a little about her relationship problems, and it almost felt like pulling teeth. That means I'm the only one she's told, which means she doesn't want anyone else to know about it. Anyone meaning Buffy.
Since Tara died and Red tried to end the world she doesn't like to air her relationship problems 'cause she's afraid the gang is going to freak out. I know what that feels like. Sometimes I still feel like everyone is just waiting for me to screw up again so they can say 'I told you so'. I know it isn't true so I do my best to push it down to the back of my mind. It's gotten better over the years. I've screwed up and no one's held it against me so my paranoia is starting to go away but it can still be exhausting.
"Ok Faith, we're here," she says and it startles me back to reality. I guess I zoned out there for a while. I didn't even know we left the parking lot and now we're here; wherever the fuck 'here' is. We're somewhere downtown, I know that much for sure but I've never seen this restaurant before. Probably because it's the type of place I would never in a million years think of going to. I'm pretty sure this is a reservation only place, or at least it looks pricey enough to be a reservation only. "Just walk in and tell them you're meeting Buffy Summers." I'm sure I could have figured that out on my own. "Have fun, and don't do anything I wouldn't do." I lean over and give her a little kiss on the cheek.
"Ok, Mom. I promise to be home by curfew," I say with a smile and she chuckles. Red can act kind of mom-ish sometimes, even she admits to that. She gives me a little smack on the thigh and I hop out of the car. I hate to admit it but I'm really fucking nervous. I've never been on a real date before and B obviously went all out. I hope I don't do something stupid like spill my drink all over the table or sneeze while I got food in my mouth 'cause that's always nasty even when you try to cover your mouth.
When I walk inside there's someone waiting at a little podium looking thing, and she looks like she's had way too much coffee. She's smiling so big it looks like it hurts. I tell her I'm here for Buffy Summers and she picks up a menu and leads me through the restaurant. It looks really nice. Dim lighting and the tables are far enough away to give people privacy but not so far away that you feel isolated. I get a little nervous and self conscious as we walk passed the table because everyone turns their heads to look at me and normally that's expected but this feels like they know I'm completely out of place.
"Here we are," the woman says and I look over at B for the first time and God fucking damn, she looks so beautiful tonight. She's wearing this off white, kinda creamy colored dress, and the gold earrings that I bought her for Christmas last year. They're heart shaped and have little diamonds in the middle that make a heart too. I tried to make a joke out of it and say they weren't all that expensive or real but in reality they cost me fifteen hundred at Tiffany's. It didn't take B long to figure out they were the real deal.
Her hair is pulled back and I have a feeling she did that just for me. I love it when she wears her hair back. Her makeup is also perfect and she's sitting just perfect under the light here so it looks like she's this glowing angel sent down here to outshine the world. Ok, what the fuck is this chick doing to me? I never used to talk like this before I accepted the fact that I'm in love with her. I think Red did something to me when we had that little chat in my bedroom a few weeks ago. Maybe she put a whammy on me or something and that's why I'm turning into a total pussy.
"Wow Faith, you look amazing," B says and she sounds kind of, I don't know, awestruck or something. "Not that you don't always look great but now you look…well amazing pretty much covered it." She's babbling and now she has a little blush on her face. Damn, did Red totally call that shit or what? Good thing I didn't put money on it or I'd be out twenty bucks. I smile and take my seat and the hostess hands me my menu. B blushes even harder when she realizes she was babbling on and on in front of a total stranger. I better help her out before she pops a vessel.
"Thanks, B. You always look great too but tonight you really out did yourself. You look gorgeous." Ok, I didn't mean to say all of that, but once I started it just came out. Is that what being in love is like, saying unintended declarations of feelings? 'Cause I gotta say that part isn't fun. Now I really understand why B is blushing so damn hard. Anyway, she gives me a shy smile and mumbles out a thank you and takes a sip of water. We're acting more like a couple of bashful teenagers than kick ass slayers and I'd be lying if I said I didn't feel a little out of my element. And by "a little" I mean "totally fuckin out of it".
"Your waiter tonight will be Daniel, and he'll be by shortly to take your orders," the hostess says and she has a polite smile on her face. I'm glad she's not giving us weird looks or being rude 'cause a couple of chicks are here on a date together, and let's hope the rest of the staff is that way. B obviously put a lot of into tonight and I don't want it to be ruined by a couple of jerks. Besides it's my first date with her and I want it to go perfect. And if it can't be perfect then I want it to be awesome. Dealing with homophobes in any situation always equals not awesome.
"So," I say and take a little sip of my water. I'm so fucking nervous that my throat is all dry and shit. I really hope weird reactions like that don't keep happening. I don't want my mouth to be all dry and gross when I kiss her goodnight. "I wanna sound like a dork or nothin, but I'm a total newb at this dating thing. What exactly is first date procedure?" Red's little honesty thing didn't steer me wrong the other night so I might as well stick with it. She gets a little smile on her face and starts messin with the silverware. Damn, she must be hella nervous too. That's actually making me feel a little better.
"Well, normally you'd start off with a light conversation. The meal part can be a little tricky, though. You want to talk enough so the date isn't boring but not too much or else the food might get cold and that's never good. If we're not too full we share a dessert and if everything works out great we take the long way home to spend a little extra time together. Then at the end of the night we kiss and if things went really well then maybe there's some light making out." Damn, she has this shit down to a science. That's kinda impressive. A little dorky but cute and impressive.
"Wow, you really got the whole thing planned out. What if I wanted to take a stroll in the park? Is there room for being spontaneous or do we gotta stick with the plan?" Ok, I just wouldn't be me if I didn't tease her a little. B knows the deal and she's got a little smile on her face that's telling me she doesn't mind the ribbing. I'm really fucking glad too. I don't wanna have to worry about every little thing I say tonight. She loves me, and I wanna be able to be myself 'cause if I can't do that then we don't belong together in the first place.
"There's always room for spontaneity. There's about a sixty percent chance we're not going to make it out of this restaurant without being called to help out with some slayer related emergency." She totally has a point. The smile fades off her face and she looks totally seriously. The sudden change is kinda freaking me out. What the hell did I say to get anal-retentive-Buffy? "But if you seriously think I'm going to take a stroll through the park in these heels you then you're way dumber than you look." The tiniest smile pulls at the corners of her mouth and I can't help but laugh a little.
"Noted," I say and can't help the dopey smile I got on my face. I can't help it. I'm out on a date with Buffy and things aren't weird or tense and it's going pretty damn good so far. "I don't know how long I'm gonna last in these heels and all I did was walk to and from the car. I don't know if being kinda femm is worth this much pain." She laughs before takin another sip of her water. Hearing her laugh and seeing her smile is making my heart feel all fucked up, but in the best way there is. Never thought there was such a thing as a good kind of fucked up but there is when I'm around B.
The night goes pretty fuckin awesome. When the waiter shows up I'm so fuckin lost on what to order but he helps me out. After I ask what's good "first date food" he gets a sly smile on his face and I know he's picturing me and B goin at it later. He tells me to avoid anything with garlic, or the stuff with the weird sauces, and order any vegetable but asparagus if I plan on getting lucky. I don't know what the fuck asparagus has to do with anything but if the waiter says avoid it, I'll avoid it. He also sent out a couple of glasses of a nice white wine 'cause the red would turn our teeth purple, I guess.
The conversation stays pretty fuckin light. We talk a little about "work", how we handle putting up with the girls, and all that other shit. But mostly we take turns asking questions about each other. Stuff like first kisses and things we've never told anyone else. B's got a lot of dirty secrets, that's for fuckin sure. I'm not talkin about sex. It's only a first date and something tells me that's not first date material. Nah, she told me about some of her little secrets. Like how she used to do shit and blame it on Dawn just to get her in trouble.
I told her a little bit about my past but I kept it hella light. Told her about some of the trouble I caused before my mom started drinking and started hitting me. I didn't want to things to get depressing so I told her the story of the time the neighbor's dog got loose and it didn't have a collar so I figured it was up for grabs so I followed him for over an hour trying to get him to come with me, and I got so fuckin lost it took my mom about three hours to find me. I was in an even worse part of town by the time she did and if she hadn't got me before the sun went down who the fuck knows what would've happened to me. I left that part out of the story, though.
But the dinner was over a while ago. We skipped dessert 'cause we were both too full. At least that's what I said. B insisted on paying for the whole thing herself and she wouldn't even let me look at the check but a place like that isn't cheap and I didn't want her breakin bank just for me. We're driving around now and this isn't the way home but I'm not saying anything about it. We're having a really great time just hanging out and things don't feel too different. When we were just friends we would hang out whenever we had the chance and it's kinda the same now except now there's a chance we might have sex.
She pulls into a parking lot and I stop talking. I wasn't saying much anyway, just telling her about a Distillers concert I went to a while ago and how I really wanna take her 'cause yeah she doesn't listen to that kinda music but she'd fuckin love it if she gave it a chance. I can't help the big, dopey smile I got on my face 'cause we're at the park. The moon is high in the sky and there's so much light it doesn't matter that there aren't very many lamps out, I can still see everything perfectly. And by "everything" I mean Buffy 'cause that's all that matters.
"Parking on a first date, B. That's bold," I say with a playful smirk on my face and I give her a little wink to let her know I'm teasing. I'm glad she decided to do this. I'm really fucking glad she feels comfortable enough with me to do this instead of doing the more cliché goodnight kiss on the front porch. We live together so that might make things a little awkward. Anyway, she shuts the car off and turns a little in her seat so she's kinda facing me. I do the same and we both unbuckle our seat belts.
"Well, I figured we'd get more privacy here than at the house. I'm still not walking in these heels so sorry if you're disappointed," she says with a little smile and I can't help but smile back. Tonight has been a fuckin blast. It's not the first thing that comes to mind when I think about havin a good time. Ok, so it's not even in the top ten, but just spending time with her, getting to know her as more than just a friend, it was fun and I'm so fuckin glad we took the time to blow off patrol to do this. I scoot a little closer to her, just enough for her to notice that I'm moving towards her, and she moves a little towards me.
"Why do we need privacy? You plannin on doing something other people shouldn't see?" I ask and she knows I'm teasing. I love the look she gets on her face whenever I say shit like that. It's the 'is she ever gonna grow up?' look, and I know that she actually like the way I tease and play with her, even if she won't admit it. Anyway, she gently holds onto one of my hands and laces our fingers together. Then she softly tucks some of my hair behind my ear and she has a beautiful smile on her face.
"Play your cards right and you might find out," she says with a devilish smile on her face. And just like that I'm so wet it's gonna be smellin up the whole car in a minute. B can definitely smell it. I know because when she inhaled it was deeper than normal and her eyes dilated just a little bit. I lean forward letting her know what I want, and she doesn't disappoint. The first time our lips touch it isn't hesitant or tentative, but it isn't wild or overly passionate either. It's like we're old lovers reacquainting, taking our time to get to know each other again, and it feels fucking perfect.
She's the one that deepens the kiss by open her lips a little and running just the lip of her tongue along my bottom lip. I don't hesitate and within seconds our tongues have come out to play. The kisses are slow, almost lazy, and it feels just right for the mood we're both in. We're not trying to force ourselves to be something we're not because we think it's how we should be. Nope, this is us, just us and it feels so fucking awesome. I feel her free hand gently run along my arm and then she very softly cups my tit. The kiss breaks when I smile and pull away.
"Lookin to get lucky tonight?" I ask her and she gets this shy little smile on her face. I rest my forehead against hers and just breathe her in. Her perfume smells amazing, and I can still taste and smell some of the wine we had with dinner on her breath. But there's also that smell that's uniquely her and I'd be lying if I said it didn't turn me on. Her smile goes from shy to confident and she brings her hand up from my tit to my cheek and softly runs her thumb along my skin.
"I already got lucky tonight. I have you as my date," she says and I can't help the smile that breaks out on my face. She says I'm fuckin corny sometimes. Did you hear that? Any other time I'd be teasing the fuck out of her, tell her she needs to go work for a company that sells greeting cards and get it over with, and maybe even tell her to go wash her mouth out before her tongue crystallizes from all that sweetness on it. But she's being corny and sweet and talking about me and now I got little butterflies fluttering in my stomach. That's only ever happened because of her.
"That was pretty smooth, B," I tell her and kiss her. This kiss is deeper, more passionate, and full of intention. I want her to know exactly what I want from just this kiss. I want her to know that I want her, all of her, and right the fuck now. I want her to know that it isn't just physical, that I love her so fucking much I'd die for her, and I hope all of that is being said with this kiss because if I had to try and vocalize it I don't think I'd have the breath to get it out. The kiss breaks when we finally run out of oxygen and she looks so fuckin hot. Her eyes are darker, her cheeks are flushed, she's breathing hard and her hair is a little messed up from my hand running through it.
"We better get home," she says and she sounds breathless and her voice is all husky and it sounds sexy as hell. I can't help the smirk that forms on my face. She wants to get me home and out of these fuckin clothes. I like it when B is all take charge. She needs to do this more often 'cause it's a total fuckin turn on. Which is a first for me 'cause I normally like to be the one in control. "Get your mind out of the gutter, Faith." She's giggling and normally I'd think it's really fuckin cute but right now I'm confused so it sounds a little annoying. "This is only a first date. I don't put out on a first date." The smirk gets wiped the fuck off my face faster than the blink of an eye.
"But B, we're two super hot slayers. The normal rules don't apply to us. We're living on borrowed time. Shouldn't be make the most of what we got?" I ask and she smiles. Yeah, she's fuckin smiling and I can't believe this is happening. First I'm the one who's all timid like some school girl and B's the one who wants in my pants, and now when I'm ready to get down she's the one who wants to wait. It's bullshit. That's what it is. This whole dating thing is bullshit. We both know what's eventually going to happen so why not just get to the good part?
"Awww, you're pouting," she says and her smile gets a little bigger. "I don't think I've ever seen you pout before." Whatever, I so do not pout. I don't know what the fuck she's talking about but that's never happened and it never fuckin will. She leans forward and gently bites down on my bottom lip. My bottom lip that was sticking out. Huh, I guess I was pouting after all. Fuck that, I'll never admit it out loud. B's the girly one. She's the one who pouts when she doesn't get her way, not me. I'm Faith. I'm badass. I do not pout.
When she pulls away from my lip she has a serious look on her face. It kinda freaks me out for a second because I can practically hear the wheels turning inside her head. Thoughtful-Buffy is not the best Buffy to be around. You never know what's going to come out of her mouth. Normally I like that about her. She's unpredictable and it keeps me on my toes. Right now in this very moment? Not loving it so much.
"I think we should wait, Faith," she says and she sounds so…calm but I can tell she's a little nervous. She's good at hiding her feelings but I'm really fuckin good at reading 'em. Most of the time anyways. "I know it seems a little crazy because we've known each other for so long and we already live together, but we just started dating and I don't want it to be all about sex." The look in her eyes is so fuckin amazing. She's feeling vulnerable and she isn't even trying to hide it. She never does this with anyone, she never lets herself be vulnerable, but she is with me.
"I don't want that either," I tell her and I'm being honest. I love sex as much, maybe even more than, the next person but I don't want it to be all about that with B. I wanna go out with her like this whenever we can. I want to just hang out like we used to and yeah when we finally get down to the naughty stuff it's gonna be hot and the world might get thrown off its axis but I can wait. The anticipation makes it better, right? Damn, what the fuck did I just agree to? "We can still make out, right?" She laughs and nods her head yes. Ok, so maybe this waiting thing won't be so bad after all, especially if she lets me get to second.
"Come on, baby, we need to get down to the party," B says around a bunch of girly ass giggles. We're upstairs in the hallway and I have her pressed against the wall. We can hear the loud music and the sounds of people laughing and having a good time but I can really care less. We do have shit to celebrate, though. The big bad that was making our lives tough was taken down last night. The only scooby who had to help out was Willow, which means B finally doesn't have to be in charge any more. Those newbie slayers are handy after all.
"They're not gonna notice if we're gone," I tell her and keep kissin her neck. It's been a month since our first date, we still haven't had sex but we've been way more physical. Brat walked in on us making out and the tantrum she threw let the whole fuckin house know we're dating. B was upset about it at first, especially since she didn't get to tell Xander herself. Something about her not telling him about Spike and she didn't want him to think she was leaving him out on purpose again, but everything is cool now. Plus now we don't gotta be as sneaky.
"They'll notice and they'll come looking for us," she says and she sucks in a big ass breath when my hand snakes under her shirt and I cup her tit under her bra. Oh yeah, B totally lets me get to second now. I had to "work for it" but according to her that's part of the relationship thing. I swear, when we finally do have sex I'm going to tease her 'til she's begging for it just to get her back for this. "Faith…we should…go down." I stop kissing her neck 'cause I can't force back the huge smirk. I bring my lips right up to her ear and give the shell of it a little lick. I feel her whole body shudder from that.
"Now you're talkin, B. You wanna go first or should I?" I whisper right against her ear. My lips brush over the hot flesh and my voice is all husky just the way she likes it. I start toying with her nipple and slowly rotate my hips in a small, hard circle. We haven't had sex yet, but I've found a few ways to drive her fuckin crazy. "Remember that night? You came into my room and we made love for hours?" Yeah, I say "made love" now because saying anything else about B and me just doesn't feel right. I also go out of my way to avoid thinking about the morning after 'cause who really wants to remember that disaster?
"Yeah, I remember," she says all breathless and sexy as hell. God, the shit this chick does to me with just three words is fucking unbelievable. I rotate my hips again and she lightly responds. She presses her hips into mine and she's either playing back or losing self control. By the little whimpers comin outta her mouth I'm gonna go with 'losing control'. But you never know for sure. B is a sneaky one. She could just be biding her time until she gets the upper hand. I feel her hand slip under my shirt and glide its way up my stomach and towards my tit.
"Hey, if you two lovebirds are done dry humping each other, there's a party going on downstairs. Why don't you join it?" I pull away from her as quick as I can and try to calm the fuck down but my heart is still beating so fast I think it might burst. I really didn't think anyone was going to come looking for us. I really didn't fuckin think Dawnie would come looking for us, especially after she swore if she ever saw anything like it again she'd kill us both. Maybe they took a vote or something. They've done that before.
"We'll be down in a minute," B says and her face is beat red. It's not from anything I did. She's so embarrassed all she can do is look down at her shoes and act like a teenager who's mommy just caught her with her hand in the cookie jar. And by 'cookie jar' I mean someone else's shirt. Dawn disappears and as soon as she's out of sight B gives me the meanest fuckin glare I've ever seen. I don't let it get to me, though. I know she doesn't really mean it. "I can't believe that just happened. We have to stop doing this in communal spaces. Therapy is expensive, and she's going to start insisting on it."
"I know, B, you're right," I say and she knows that something's up. We straighten out our clothes and she tries to get her hair as perfect as it was fifteen minutes ago but I don't think that's going to happen. I had her pressed against that wall for a while and before that I was running my hands through it. "We shoulda gone to your room and locked the door like I wanted. If you would just listen to me every once in a while she wouldn't be all traumatized and shit." She rolls her eyes but I can see the little smile trying to peek out.
"We need to go to this party. We have to show the mini-slayers that we appreciate what they did," she says and holds onto my hand. She has this little "Buffy smile" on her face and it looks so damn cute. I can feel myself becoming twitterpated, and I mentally try to kick myself out of it, but there's no fighting it. She leans in and gives me a sweet little kiss on my lips and I can't help the little girly sigh that escapes. Buffy: 1, Faith: 0.
"Alright, B, we'll head down. But I don't wanna be at this thing for too long. There's this totally hot chick that lets me make out her. I was planning on seeing how far she'd let me get tonight," I say with a little wink. She gets a confused look on her face and my heart starts racing. Fuck, did I take it too far? You never really know what B is gonna find funny or offensive and most of the time I do a pretty good job tiptoeing that line but sometimes I fall right the fuck off.
"It's a little weird you would admit to having a mistress but since you're so open about it I guess I can try and learn to get used to it. As long as you love me more than her," she says and I can see the little smirk growing on her face. I roll my eyes and give her a little smack on the ass. She yelps and starts giggling and we head downstairs. I can't believe she got me like that. I'm gonna have to keep in mind that she's good at faking the confused, slightly offended look. That'll make my life a lot easier.
When we get downstairs I'm impressed by what I see. The party actually looks fun. There's people everywhere, dancing, grinding, drinking, laughing, and just having a good time. No one here is under the legal drinking age. When we first bought this place and brought some of the girls along to train a seventeen year old got into the liquor cabinet, and when Giles found out about it he had the world's biggest shit fit. Since then we have a twenty-one and older policy. We don't really let this kinda stuff happen a lot, but everyone needs to wind down sometimes, and B finally gets that.
"We'll dance later, Princess. Let's get something to drink," I tell her and give her a little kiss right behind her ear. That's one of her spots and she fuckin loves it when I give that spot attention. She nods her head and I lead her through the crowd and into the kitchen. I want to get some alcohol in her before we start to dance 'cause if I don't she'll get embarrassed and shit. My style of dancing has always been really fuckin sexual and I don't wanna scare her off.
"I don't want anything strong. Hard alcohol and Buffy are totally unmixy things. Like oil and water except with less coordination and more puking," she says and I can't help the little laugh that bubbles out of the back of my throat. This chick is just too much sometimes. I grab her bottle of beer out of the fridge and I'm mixin myself a Jack and Coke when we hear a bunch of giggles comin from out back. It sounds like a pretty good size group of people. My curiosity always gets the better of me; that's for true.
"Let's go check it out," I tell her and hold onto her hand again. How she gets 'em so fuckin soft I'll never know but it's pretty amazing. Just like holding her hand, not the hand itself but the act of it, is pretty fuckin amazing. I never thought I'd ever like doing any of this stuff but B's right. I like being spoiled and holding her hand whenever I want is all a part of the spoiling process. At least that's what she said.
"Oh no, did someone cast a spell that turned you guys into twelve-year-olds? I think we should go get some magical help to find a reversal spell," B says with a little smirk on her face. She isn't being serious at all. She's talkin about the fact that Willow, Kennedy, Dawn and six slayers are sitting in a circle and using an empty bottle of tequila to play spin the bottle. This is going to be fun.
"Yeah, it's called alcohol. Its main side effect is reversing the maturity of grown people," Kennedy says with a little lopsided smile on her face. "Play with us." She scoots back a little and everyone else does the same. I look over at B with a pout starting to form but she's not even lookin at me. She takes a really long pull from her beer, downs a little over half in one go, and let's go of my hand to sit in the circle. I take a little sip from my drink and sit down next to her. I don't need liquid courage. I completely own at this game.
Kennedy spins the bottle first but it was a pretty weak spin and it only goes around for about thirty seconds and it lands on Dawn. I glance over at B and can't help the smirk that breaks out on my face when I see her chugging the rest of her beer. Ken and Dawn both lean forward and meet in the middle of the circle and kiss on the lips for a few seconds. When they pull back Dawn's got a little blush on her face, and she looks embarrassed, and Ken's got a little smirk on her lips. Hmmm, she probably tried to slip Dawnie some tongue.
Everyone in the circle gets a turn to spin it. About three different girls land on me and I told you I fuckin own this game. Not only do I slip 'em tongue, but I leave 'em totally breathless and their cheeks are all red and flushed and shit and if I really tried I could smell exactly what kissin me did to 'em. But I'm not gonna get that in to it. There's a fine line between playin a game and pissing B off and I really don't wanna cross that tonight.
When it gets to B's turn the bottle lands on Dawn. I'm about to call out how retarded that is and B should get another turn but they go with it and give each other a little kiss on the cheek. I did not wanna play this game to see my girlfriend kiss her sister 'cause that would be creepy and gross. Just the thought of that is making some of my blood rush away from my clit, and that's really fuckin bad. Why couldn't it land on Amber or Carmen or Shelly or even Willow? This is fucked, that's for sure.
But enough whining 'cause it's my turn now bitches. I grab the bottle and give it a nice hard twist of my wrist and that thing is spinning like a mother fucker. Wow, no wonder all the other slayers were holding back their strength. Lesson learned. Everyone starts laughin their fuckin asses off when the thing just keeps on goin but when it finally starts to slow down they get a little quieter and I can feel the tense apprehension in the air. I'd be lyin if I said they weren't suckin me into their girly drama.
When the bottle finally slows to a stop it lands on Willow. I look up from the bottle and into her eyes and she's got a little blush on her face. Ever since she told me Kennedy's been giving her shit for getting flirty with me, I've been goin out of my way to get under Kennedy's skin. It's kinda frustrating, though, 'cause she hasn't really been biting on the shit I've been baiting her with. Talkin to Willow about which food are sexier with foreplay: strawberries or grapes, then askin Ken what she thinks? Totally thought she'd rise to that challenge but she barely looked up from the newspaper.
Red and I lean across the circle at the same time and she closes her eyes and puckers her lips a little. I get a little smirk on my face and glance over at Kennedy. She's takin a sip of her…whatever the fuck is in that glass and I wink at her. Yeah, I totally baited her but she doesn't look mad or irritated at all. That's fuckin weird. Red made it sound like Ken was acting like a possessive dog but now she doesn't care at all? Let's see how much she doesn't care after I rock her girl's world.
I press my lips against Willow's and let out this little sigh through my nose. Damn, what does she use to get them so soft? She doesn't really do anything at first but I'm gently prodding, adding pressure with my lips then easing up a bit. She responds and she lets me lead but somethin tells me if she wanted to she could take this over in a heartbeat. I bring my hand up to the back of her neck to keep her right where she is.
I part my lips just enough to lightly flick the tip of my tongue over her bottom lip. She parts her lips too and gently sucks on my tongue. Goddamn, that just sent a jolt down to my pussy and it feels like it just flooded. I can't help the moan that vibrates outta the back of my throat and I hear something slam really loud behind me and there's glass trickling to the ground. I pull back from Red and whip around. Buffy's not sitting next to me anymore and the glass on the backdoor shattered, and the door looks like it's not doing so good either.
I turn around and look at Red and she's got these green sparks kinda dancing across her lips. They almost look like electrical sparks but I know they're magic. Wow, I wonder if that's ever happened with Kennedy. That thought only lasts a fuckin second, though. I need to find Buffy like right the fuck now or something really bad is gonna happen. I just know it. I glance over at Kennedy and she looks worried and she's giving me this sympathetic look. Oh, fuck her. Why the hell was I so damn worried about what the fuck she thinks when obviously she doesn't give a shit about what me and Red do? Why the fuck did Willow lie to me about that shit?
Some of the girls start laughing but most of 'em are quiet when I jump up and run after B. When I open the door it falls off the house and I just drop it to the ground. I'm not gonna worry about that shit. That's what we have Xander for. I follow the trail of girls that were in B's way when she stormed through her. They don't look happy and they're holding their ribs. I guess she got agitated enough to push them. That's not good. What the fuck is she going to do to me when I find her? I really don't wanna think about that right now or I might chicken out.
When I finally make it up to her bedroom the door is closed but I know she's in there. The bedroom light is kinda peeking out from under the door and her stereo is blasting The Cure. Great, this is just fucking great. I'm gonna go in that room and get my goddamn head torn off my shoulders because B is pissed and I don't know why. Yeah, I kissed Red. We were playing spin the bottle, that's what you do when you play that game, she did it too so she's just as guilty. And I kill at that game, so of course I'm gonna take it as far as I can. Why the fuck is she so fuckin bent out of shape about it? It's a game, it's not personal.
I slowly open the door and step inside. She's lying on her bed facing the wall so her back is to me. She probably can't hear me because the music is too loud but I know she feels me. I can tell 'cause her whole fuckin body just tensed up more than it already was. I walk over to her stereo and shut it off. If we're gonna hash this shit out I wanna do it without any noise that we have to talk over. Thank god the room is upstairs or we'd never be able to hear over the sounds of the party.
Anyway, I lie down on the bed and scoot close to her. I wrap my arms around her and hold her really close. I don't say anything and I don't caress her or any shit like that. Hell, I'm barely fuckin breathing. I just hold her and wait. What I'm waiting for, I really don't fucking know. B's not the kind of chick that will just offer up her emotions. She normally makes you work a little to get passed that gate. I guess I'm gonna have to be the one to break this really tense and awkward silence 'cause I've been holding her for about ten minutes and she hasn't said a damn word or made a move at all.
"I'm sorry," I tell her and move her hair out of the way so I can see her neck. I don't know why but I really need to see some of her skin right now. I don't know why I'm apologizing. I didn't do anything wrong. We were just playing a game. It's not like I want to sleep with Red. Sure, if we were both single and we got drunk I'm sure something would happen. I'm not gonna deny we have crazy chemistry together but that's all it is. If I didn't do anything wrong why do I feel like a puppy that just peed all over the brand new rug?
"You're a jerk is what you are," she says and she sounds pretty fuckin pissed. I don't know what the fuck she's so mad about but I'm not going to argue. Well, at least not right now. She starts throwing other words around that aren't true and I'll step in. But I wanna see where she's going with this, so I'm not going to interrupt. "I know you're new at being a girlfriend and having a girlfriend, but constantly flirting with our best friend right in front of me and then making out with her makes you a jerk." Well, at least we didn't have to play twenty questions in order for me to find out what the fuck is wrong.
"B, it's not like that. Me and Red act like that all the time. And we weren't making out. It's spin the bottle, you're supposed to kiss, that's the whole point of the game," I tell her and I try as hard as I fuckin can to keep the irritated outta my voice. I thought we talked about this shit? I thought we had a little chat in the cemetery about how just because we're together it doesn't mean I'm going to change the way I act. Yeah, we're together and I love her but that doesn't mean I can't be myself.
"Playing a game is kissing for thirty seconds and then laughing about it. Making out is putting your hand on the back of her neck to keep her where she is. That's the difference, Faith. And I know that you're always flirty with Willow and you guys make a game out of it, but that doesn't mean I like to see it." She sounds pissed as hell and I don't know what to say. Ok, so maybe I took the kissing a little too far but the other stuff I shouldn't have to apologize for. It's just the way I am. She needs to accept it or this isn't gonna work.
"It never bothered you before, what's the big deal now?" I ask and gently caress her arm. She feels as stiff as a board and the anger is just pouring off of her in waves. My inner slayer is stirring up, telling me to lash out, but I'm keeping my cool. The last thing I need is to go ten rounds with a pissed off Buffy, especially when she's pissed off at me. She lets out this big sigh and I feel her shoulders start to relax a little. I take a risk and place a little kiss on the back of her neck and she lets out another sigh, but this one doesn't sound agitated.
"You've been doing it more," she says and she doesn't sound as pissed off now. She sounds sad. I guess what my therapist in prison said is true and anger is just fear and pain turned outwards. Maybe I should've listened to her more often. "It seems like ever since we agreed to take things slow you've been coming onto her nonstop." I guess that's kind of true. The night of our first date is when Red told me Kennedy was jealous and didn't want us flirting or whatever.
"That doesn't have anything to do with you," I tell her and she gets all tense again. I guess I sounded a little harsher than I meant to. Need to watch the tone 'cause I don't want this to turn into a fight. I gently rub her arm some more to try and calm her down. Maybe if I can keep her calm I'll stay calm. Yeah, let's hope for that. "Red told me Kennedy was getting jealous that we were being flirty with each other. You know me, B. I can't just let that shit go. I wanted to call her out on it, but I couldn't just confront her out of nowhere." I feel her tense up and I don't think she's breathing anymore either. Ok, so what the fuck is going on?
"That may not be completely true," B says and she sounds like a little kid who got caught with a bunch of stolen candy in her pockets. I don't say a fuckin word 'cause I know when she gets like this she needs time to tell you on her own. If I say somethin now she might lose the nerve to tell the truth. "I'm the one who's been getting jealous. Will told me she used to have a crush on you and I got this stupid thought in my brain that maybe your flirting wasn't as innocent as you say it is. I know that's not true, but irrational-Buffy took over. You know that never ends well." Irrational-Buffy? I think she means every other day Buffy.
"B, you just gotta trust me. I flirt with other people, that's just something I've always done. But it doesn't mean I'm going to fuck around on you or that I want to be with someone else. You're it, B. You're the only person I've ever been in love with and that's how it's gonna stay. I don't know what else I can do to prove that to you," I tell her and I don't sound irritated like I usually would. I sound…I dunno, kinda sad I guess. I have no fuckin clue how to prove to her that I love her without a doubt, and I should know.
"You already are," she says and I can practically hear the little smile she has on her face. I wish I could see it but I don't wanna move. "I acted like a total ass and you're not mad at me. Well, you're mad but you're not yelling or accusing me of anything. You're asking what's wrong and you're actually listening. If you weren't in love with me you'd never act like this. You would stomp around and get all pissed and say you're going to be who you are whether I like it or not." Am I really that much of an ass? "You've changed over the years, Faith, and I'm so glad I get to know you."
"You're lucky 'cause I'm a catch," I tell her and she laughs a little. I'm laughin too so there's no reason to get upset or nothin. "I mean it, B. You're not gonna do better than me. I'm super hot, we got tons of shit in common, and I love all the crazy shit that you do, even if it's irrational." Ok, so maybe I don't love all of the crazy shit that she does. Hiding my cigarettes and telling me anti-cancer fairies stole them is taking it a little too far, but I don't wanna get in a fight right now so I'll let that go for the time being.
"I definitely lucked out," she says with a little giggle. I'm tickling her a little bit 'cause I love that sound so fuckin much. You have no idea how much I wanna hear that all the time. We lay here together for a while and I can feel all of the tension in her body melt away and so is mine. For a little while anyway. Mine's starting to build back up 'cause I'm gonna have to talk to Red about what happened. I know that B had dibs on her first, but she's my best friend too and she shouldn't lie to me about anything. I cannot begin count how many ways that conversation is gonna suck.
"Babe, you should just talk to her and get it over with," B says and I let out a little sigh. We're sitting out back on the porch swing. I got my back pressed against her front and her arms are wrapped around me and I'm smoking. She gave me some shit about it when I first lit up but stopped when I tried to stand up. She knows I'm out of patience when all I wanna do is leave and I don't even try to argue.
"What am I supposed to say, B? 'Hey Red, nice weather we're having, by the way why are you such a fuckin liar all of a sudden?'" I spit out and slowly inhale a nice, long drag off my cigarette. You have no fuckin idea how good this feels. I've been cutting back, down to only four of these a day, 'cause B wants me to quit. Giving my body what it's been craving is so fucking good. It's pretty hard to describe.
"Well, I wouldn't word it quite like that," she says and I exhale with a scoff and I feel more than hear her let out a sigh. She's getting agitated by my attitude but trying not to show it. I really don't have the energy or patience to care. "Tell her you have something you want to talk about, tell her you're afraid to talk about it because you don't want to ruin the friendship and your feelings are hurt, tell her if you two talk about it you think it will help both of you get over this cold war, and then ask why she lied." Hmm, that doesn't sound half bad.
"Pretty good mind trick, B," I tell her and grind the cigarette against the rail of the porch swing and toss the butt into the empty coffee can. I feel her move around a little, she's pulling something out of her pocket and before I can ask what she's doing a little box of mints is being placed in my hands. Ok, guess I can take a hint. "Where did you learn that?" I pop a couple mints in my mouth and chew 'em up and instantly fuckin regret it. Fuck, that stings and now my eyes are watering up like hell."
"In psychology class back in Sunnydale. Never thought it would work but it came in handy when we first moved here. Got Dawn to help out way more then she wanted to. And I also use it when convincing others to let me borrow their stuff." I let out a little chuckle and she warps her arms around me again. My eyes tear up and it's not from the mints. I always wanted this with B, always. Just sitting in each others' arms, talking and laughing and everything being easy for once. I fucking love it.
"Now I know your secret. You'll never borrow one of my tops again," I tell her and she reaches down and entwines our fingers together. I feel her rest her chin on my shoulder and I know she's looking down at our hands. I know it 'cause she likes to do that. She likes the way they interlock perfectly. The way my hands are bigger than hers but only slightly. The way my fingernails are always painted blood red or black and hers are always some girly color like Twinkled Pink or Sparkling Lilac.
"You're forgetting the rules have changed now. We're girlfriends, I don't have to ask if I can borrow your stuff," she says and leaves a small kiss on the side of my neck. I can't help but smile at what she said. Of course I just had to fall in love with one of the brattiest women in the whole fuckin world. Was she born this way or did that come from the years of being the only slayer in all the world? I would ask that out loud but I know she'll take it the wrong way and I'm already in a bad sitch with Red, don't really feel like getting in one with my girl.
"Good to know, B. Now whenever I need to borrow something of yours I won't have to worry about asking for it." She doesn't have anything I wanna borrow but I can't let her think she's the one with the power. Even though it's pretty much true, she's the last fuckin person I need knowin that. B's hella smart even if she does act dumb sometimes. She's going to figure out she has all the power in this relationship sooner or later and I'd rather it be way fuckin later. Once she figures it out I'm fuckin done with.
"She's in the basement right now," B says and it kinda startles me. I didn't even fuckin know we were silent like that, I was so caught up in my own mind. Weird. I let out a little 'hmm?' noise and she kisses me on my neck again. Hmmm, that was a weird response. Maybe I should start making random sounds just to see how she'll react. "Willow, she said she was going to be in the basement for most of the day. Giles sent her some new demony texts and she's getting them nice and organized." Fuckin Christ, who would let Red be in charge of that?
"Then I better not bother her. If she's organizing books I might lose a limb trying to get her attention," I say and reach into the pocket of my hoodie to pull out my pack of cigarettes but B stops me. She puts her hand on my wrist and slowly pulls my hand outta my pocket. Yeah, I'm stressed and I'm worried and I have no fuckin patience right now but I can't be mad at her. It's fuckin annoying when she gets on my case about quitting but she wants me to be around longer, I get it. I just wish she wasn't such a brat about it.
"I think she's doing it to stay out of our way. She's still kind of shook up from the other night," B says and I can hear the shame and guilt creeping out in her voice. Five days ago was the party that the little 'spin the bottle' incident happened and Red and I haven't said a word to each other since. Whenever we're in the same room she bolts. I guess B's reaction to our kiss really has her freaked 'cause I've never seen her act like that before. Well, once but it was the first time I walked in on her and Kennedy having sex so I don't think it counts.
"I don't blame her. The other night was kinda crazy," I say and hold onto both of B's hands. I have to admit, I love holding her hands probably more than she does and she's the one who's used to the relationship shit. The love feeling the power, the strength that she has even though they look so small and dainty. Holding them gives me more strength and I'm going ot need that if I'm gonna build up the courage to go talk to Red. It's weird, I can take out a whole nest of vamps, or beat the shit out of a Polgara and even get stabbed through the gut and keep on fighting, but I can't go down to the basement and talk to my best friend.
"So are you going to be stop being a chicken and talk to her? Because my best friend and I are both in a relationship, so it would be nice to do the double date thing," she says and I stop breathing. What the fuck is she talking about? B knows me, she knows me really fuckin well, and she should know that I don't do double dates. "If you and your best friend, who also happens to be my best friend, aren't speaking that makes it harder to do."
"Me saying no would also make that difficult," I say and I know she's gonna say something so I gotta keep talking so she doesn't have the chance to argue. "And I'm not a fuckin chicken. The situation's complicated. I can't just go down there like it's any other day." I mean, really, what the fuck does she expect me to do? If it were any other day I'd probably be down there right now talking about my Halo stats and bragging about getting over three hundred kills in twenty-five minutes. Yeah, I'm awesome.
"First of all, yes we are going on double dates with our friends. Maybe even a big triple date night once Chloe's leg heals." Chloe, Xander's girlfriend, got a pretty bad burn on her right leg during the battle to stop the apocalypse. She's in quarantine to stop it from getting infected and the Wiccan's have been doing some healing rituals to speed up the process but there's probably gonna be some wicked scars. "And secondly, you are being so chicken right now you should come with two sides, a biscuit, and a slice of chocolate cake for dessert."
"I was going to let you eat chocolate cake off of me for dessert tonight, but now that's out," I tell her and she laughs. I feel her kiss my neck again, and this times her kisses linger for a little longer. I'm not stupid. I know what she's doing. She's kissing over the scar that Angel made. She's been doing that a lot lately. I wouldn't be surprised if she reopened it just to claim me for herself. Sometimes I think we spend too much time around vamps, maybe it's starting to rub off on us or something.
"Will you stop being sexily inappropriate and go patch things up with Will? Everyone in the house is starting to get worried." I scoff because there's no fuckin way that's true, and she's totally exaggerating like she always does. I'm sure not that many people care about the drama that goes on with the core scooby group. "I'm serious, Faith. Even Megan asked if everything is ok, and if you two were going to make up or if one of you was going to move because of all the tension." Holy shit. If Mega, the girl who spends literally all of her free time playing video games, has noticed than it really is that fuckin bad.
"Ok, B, I'll go talk to her," I tell her and bring her hand up to my mouth and give the back of it a little kiss. I've been doing that a lot lately. It's kinda weird how I thought this kinda shit was hella fuckin corny but now that I'm in a relationship it just seems so natural to be this affectionate. "I can't promise it'll change anything but I gotta try, right?" I get up and walk towards the backdoor. I stop and look back and B is still sitting on the porch swing with her eyes closed, looking relaxed and happy and totally fuckin gorgeous.
"Hey B?" I ask and she looks over at with a questioning look on her face. "Will you still love me if Red turns me into a frog?" She laughs and the smile that lights up her face is so bright and beautiful I almost have to look away. I know that sounded really corny and dumb but it's fuckin true. Why the hell am I going back in the house when I could be out here snuggled up to her enjoying this beautiful day and just relaxing? Oh right, I gotta make nice with Red. Fuck, I hate how I always have to push people's buttons.
"Faith, Willow has frog fear so she won't turn you into a frog," she says and that's good to know. And that might come in handy when I get in the mood to play a prank. I could just leave a frog on Willow's bed and wait for her to go in there and listen to her freak the fuck out. I think I'll be stopping by the pet store tomorrow. "But if she does turn you into an animal I'll take care of you until she turns you back." Hmm, I didn't think about that.
"What if she doesn't turn me back?" I ask and she gets this little smirk on her face. Yeah, I'll admit it's a pretty silly conversation, but it's not like this shit is impossible. Who knows if Red is really trying to stay out of our way or if she's pissed at me for taking things too far? She won't talk to me so I have no fuckin clue. I'll admit only to myself that being turned into an animal is one of my top ten fears of all time. It would totally suck to be a frog or a cat or a dog or whatever else Red can think of. "You gonna send me to the pound or put me up for sale on Craigslist?" She laughs again and I can't help but smile. I love the sound of her laugh.
"No, I'll keep you. I'll take care of you for the rest of your life and become an old spinster who never moved on after her lover was transmutated into an animal," she says with this completely serious look on her face and something deep down inside me is telling me that she isn't completely joking. Fuck, I hope that wouldn't happen. If anything happens to me, if I don't make it back from a patrol or if I get turned into a fluffy bunny rabbit, I want B to be able to move on and be happy. Ya know, after she spends an appropriate amount of time grieving and longing for me.
"Ok, just checking," I tell her and walk into the house. I stand in the kitchen for a few minutes just looking around, trying to build up the courage to go down into the basement and fuck someone really needs to sweep and mop the floor. It's not gonna be me, but someone really needs to clean this shit. It looks like a herd of muddy elephants stomped through her. I think some of the girls were gonna go play paintball today, so that's probably why. B's gonna have a fit when she sees this.
Alright, I need to quit being such a fuckin pussy and just get down there. Red's my best friend and this isn't gonna get any better until we talk about it and since she's been running away every time I walk in a room I'm gonna have to be the one to make the first move. After I say my piece if she still doesn't wanna be around me then there's nothing I can do about that. But I have to at least try to patch things up. I can't let this shit fester and then bitch about it not getting better when I'm not doing anything to try and change it.
I walk to the other end of the kitchen and stop in front of the door that leads down to the basement. Ok, don't be a pussy, just go down there and do what Buffy said. What was it that Buffy said, exactly? Something about telling her why I'm afraid to talk to her, and then that I don't want to ruin our friendship. No, that doesn't sound right. Fuck it. If I'm going to talk to Red without sounding like a fuckin idiot I need to just play this by ear. And why am I so afraid of walking down those stairs? It's just Red, not a Pargo demon. God I wish I was going down there to fight a Pargo demon.
Ok, well here it goes. I open the door and walk down the steps. The light is on and I hear classical music playing. Yep, Red's down here. She's the only person in the house who listens to that when she's working. I stop at the bottom of the steps and just look at her. She's sitting at the big round table in the middle of the room and there are two big piles of books on either side of her. She's writing a bunch of shit down in a folder and I know if I interrupt she's gonna be annoyed. She always gets annoyed when people interrupt when she's working.
"Hey Red, whacha doing?" I ask and walk into the room. She looks up and she looks surprised. I guess she didn't think I was gonna come down here and bug her. Any other day I'd be doing just that, but this isn't any other day. This is the first time I've said to word to her in five days. Fuck, I hope this doesn't end bad. I really don't want this end bad. I've had enough of that shit for one lifetime. She looks back down at the page she's working on and she's got a little blush on her cheeks.
"Cataloging the books that Giles sent. He threw in a couple of old spell books too that I've been looking for," she says and she sounds nervous. Why does she sound so nervous? I hate what this is doing. We're best friends, partners in crime. Things are supposed to be easy for us. Even when I'm being all closed off and defensive talking to each other is still easy. Now it's like we're two high schoolers and we don't know how to act. "What are you doing?" I might as well be honest. That's why I came down here.
"Came to talk to you about what happened at the party and why things are so weird now. Ya know, just another Saturday afternoon," I tell her and kinda rock back on my heels. Maybe if I'm lucky she'll play along and won't make it a big deal. Since she's writing so fast now that no one but her is gonna be able to read that and she's going to have to redo the whole page, I'm thinking I'm not so luck right now.
"Right," she says and licks her lips. She does that when she's nervous. "That would make sense since we…were at the party together." Damn, this is gonna be a lot harder than I thought. I sit down across from her at the table but she doesn't look up. She just keeps writing at lightning speed. Guess I'm gonna be the one doing most of the work in this conversation. Joy to me.
"Willow, things between us don't have to be weird," I tell her and hopefully using her real name instead of her nickname will let her know how serious I am. "We kissed when we were playing a game of spin the bottle. It's not like we were cheating on B and Ken. Yeah, it was a hell of a kiss, def in the top ten, but it was nothing more than that." Maybe I said a little too much 'cause now her ears are so red they look like they're about to pop.
"For you it wasn't anything more but it was different for me, Faith," she says and stops writing for a second. I guess she needed to use her whole body to get that sentence out. She goes back to writing like mad and I can't help the little sigh that escapes. I knew this would have something to do with it. I guess I was just really hoping I was wrong. This is going to make thing way more fuckin complicated.
"I know you said you used to have a crush on me so maybe that kiss dragged up some old feelings, but we shouldn't just stop talking because of those lingering feelings." Did any of that just make sense? I have a feeling none of that made any sense. "They'll go away eventually." They have to go away or I'm in big fuckin trouble. And I'm not just talking about what will happen when B finds out we won't be able to double date because our best friend has feelings for me.
"No, it's not that. I haven't felt that way for a really long time," she says and she finally looks up at me. Or I could just be a narcissistic asshole. That sounds more like it. "The kiss was different for me because when our lips touched I felt this spark, this magical spark. And when the kiss got deeper the spark…it got stronger and I saw things. I saw things that happened to you in your past, thing that you've told me about but hearing them and seeing them are different, totally different, and I'm having a hard time dealing with it. I also saw something else. Something that has never and will never happen."
"What did you see?" Fuck I hope she didn't see what I think she saw. I hope she didn't see me fucking Xander 'cause things are tense enough between us and I didn't know it at the time but back then Red wanted my blood for fucking Xander. I guess she used to be in love with him, and who could blame her, and even though she was with Oz it still hurt hearing that he lost his cherry to a skank like me.
"Some flashes from your childhood, memories of your mom being…what a mom isn't supposed to be. And I saw you with the first girl you were with, um…romantically." She means sexually 'cause there was nothing romantic about it. "And I saw us together…romantically. I guess it was just a glimpse of what could happen if we gave in to the possibility. But it's not going to happen because I love Kennedy and you love Buffy and I love you in a friend way and I'd hate it if Kennedy and Buffy killed us for cheating on them.
"Don't worry, Red. I'm not gonna jump ya or nothing," I say with a little cheeky grin. She rolls her eyes because that's not what she meant and I know it, but I don't care. It was too good to pass up. "We just need to find a way to get passed this is all. Everyone's starting to get worried. I guess you and me are the glue that holds everything around here together." Ok, time to stop being such a pussy and say what I really wanna say. "Plus, ya know, I miss hanging out with you. Mocking TV shows just ain't the same."
"I miss hanging out with you too. It's just after seeing what I saw us doing," she says and gets a really dark blush on her face and I can't fight the chuckle that rumbles at the back of her throat. "It's just been hard to be around you. I see you and I think about it, not on purpose but I can't stop my mind from going there, and I'm too embarrassed to be in the same room with you." Damn, I think she just topped her own record for fastest babble. Impressive.
"I get that," I tell her and she looks a little surprised. She also looks a little suspicious because she knows I'm going to tease her about it. What can I say, the chick knows me too well. "Us hookin up, that's gotta be off the charts hot. I get that your brain shuts down every time you think about it and gotta go relieve the tension on your own. Just be careful. If you get carpel tunnel 'cause of me Kennedy's gonna be pissed." She reaches over and slaps me on the arm and we're both laughing.
"So what's all this that Giles sent?" I ask even though I don't really care. Now that we're finally talking again I don't wanna stop. Hearing her voice and being relaxed around her feels good and I'm not ready to give it up just yet. I know B is probably waiting up there wanting to know what the fuck is going on, but she can wait. I'm not gonna give this up just to give her an update. What am I, her fuckin maid? I don't think so.
"More demony references that he thinks we might need more than he does. I honestly think he did some spring cleaning and sent us the rejects because most of the demons don't even exist anymore," she says with a little smile on her face. It's weird the shit she finds funny, but at least she's smiling instead of looking panicked and then running out of the room. It's a total improvement, that's for fuckin sure. I look over at the book she has laid open and one page has some green magicy stuffy on it. It almost looks like she went over the title with a green highlighter but I know it's magic 'cause she's never use a highlighter on a demon reference or spell book.
"What's that?" I ask and pick up the book before she has a chance to stop me. It's not like I'm being mean or whatever but I want to see this for myself. It's in Latin, great. I don't know Latin that well. A few words here or there but I'm definitely not Red's league or nothin. "What makes this spell so special?" I know it's a spell 'cause there's a list of ingredients and some of those words I actually understand. And this spell must be important to her for whatever reason or she wouldn't have magically highlighted it.
"It's not so special," she says and she sounds kinda nervous. Ya know, like she takes more breaths than she needs so her voice comes out all breathy and kinda quick. "Ok, so it's special because that's the only written copy of the spell in the world and I've been looking for it for a while but it's really nothing special." Hmm, what the fuck is up? Man, I really hope she isn't going back to dark magic. We've all heard the story of Dark Willow and I've seen what she gets like when she performs dark spells. It's never fun.
"This is a fertility spell," I say and my voice sounded all high pitched and my eyebrows are lost in my hairline. I know it's a fertility spell 'cause it's called Laetita Letitia, which is Latin for fertility, joy and richness. "Why are you lookin up fertility spells? Are you and Ken gonna have a baby?" As much as kids scare me, and by scare me I mean I have no fuckin clue how to act around 'em or talk to 'em, I'm getting a little excited at the thought of Red and Kennedy reproducing. I'd be badass Auntie Faith, letting the kid stay up hella late, letting it eat nothing but ice cream, and letting them watch R rated movies. Yeah, I'd be totally fuckin awesome.
"We've been talking about the possibility of maybe having a baby," she says and she sounds all excited and happy just like me. At least she did a second ago. Now she looks kinda sad. Oh man, I hope she isn't infertile or whatever the fuck it's called and that's why she needs the spell. "Tara and I used to talk about it sometimes whenever we fantasized about the future." Shoulda known that's what she was sad about. She always gets that look on her face whenever she thinks about Tara.
"We thought we had all the time in the world and neither one of us was ready to make that commitment. And after everything that happened in Sunnydale and moving here and settling down I kept thinking that there's just no time to waste with the kind of life we live. So I brought it up to Kennedy about a year ago, and she kind of panicked. The most she's ever had to take care of is a Pomeranian whenever her mom went out of town and didn't take it with her." I can't imagine Kennedy carrying around one of those girly-ass dogs.
"But when she helped stop the apocalypse, and she saw how badly hurt some of the girls were and how close she came to dying, she said it kind of opened her eyes to all of the things she doesn't want to miss out on and having a baby together is one of those things. So we're talking about it and I'm researching it." I can't wipe the huge smile off my face but I'm not really trying. Red's gonna be a mom, how weird is that? Not really weird at all, if you ask me. Out of everyone in the house she'd do the best job, that's for sure.
"So there's gonna be a little mini-slayer runnin around here," I say with that huge smile on my face and now she's smiling too. "Man, you two are gonna make some cute kids." A shot of panic runs through me and my body feels like it went cold for a few seconds. "Just don't tell B about this spell. She's practically making me wait for marriage before we get passed second, I don't need her knowin it's possible for two chicks to make a baby. I can barely keep my cactus alive, don't need to be responsible for another person."
"Don't worry," she says with a little smirk on her face. Whatever smartass, yuk it up. "I'll keep this knowledge to myself. Kennedy and I are nowhere near ready to have one yet, and we want to keep this to ourselves for now. Can you imagine how much pressure we would get if Dawnie found out we're thinking about trying? She would probably cast the spell herself and lock us in a room until one of us is pregnant." We both start crackin up at that. It's funny 'cause it's hella fuckin true.
"So we're good?" I ask when we stop laughing and the room got kind of quiet. "I mean, you're not gonna run from the room everyone I come around? B mentioned somethin about wanting to double date with you and Ken and that would be kinda hard to do without you there." She smiles and gets a little blush on her face. She's either thinkin about us bumpin uglies or she just realized how over the top she's been acting the last few days.
"Yeah, we're good. I'd hate to think of how whiney and pouty Buffy would get if we denied her a double date, especially since she won't let you get far enough to really cheer her up." She gets a little dirty smile on her face and I can't help but chuckle. Oh yeah, I totally missed this. Why was I being such a fuckin pussy about confronting her about this when there was so much to gain? I guess it doesn't fuckin matter now.
"She's definitely missin out on an awesome time, that's for fuckin sure," I say with a smirk and wiggle my eyebrows and Red gets another dirty smirk on her face but she goes back to cataloging the books Giles sent. That's probably gonna take all day and I don't wanna get roped into helping so I better get out now while I still got the chance. "Well I better go find Princess B and tell her we kissed and made up 'cause she's probably pace a hole in the floor waiting for one of us to fill her in."
"Ok," she says without looking up. "I wouldn't say that we kissed, though, since now you know how jealous she can be." I didn't even think about that. Good thing I got Red in my life. I'd totally be lost without her. I stand up and watch as she keeps writing. Fuck it, I love pushing boundaries and I'm not gonna stop being me just because I'm with B now. I walk around the table and lean down and when she looks up at me with that confused look on her face I softly kiss her on the lips. It only lasts a few seconds and when I pull back she's got a little blush on her face.
"That can be our little secret," I tell her with a little wink. She blushes some more and gets that dirty smirk on her face again. I turn around to walk away and I feel the sharp sting of her hand slappin my ass. She used magic to make it a little more painful. Payback for the kiss, that's what that was. I start walking up the stairs but before I open the door I turn back around and she's lost in her world of cataloging again. "Hey Red, what you saw when we kissed, it was fuckin hot, right?" I need to know. Now that I know there's something to know I can't not know.
"Faith, it was so hot even imaginary you was having trouble keeping up," she says without even looking away from her books. Damn, that sounds out of this world hot. I always had a feeling that if we hooked up it would be earth shattering and I guess I wasn't wrong after all. I better keep that little piece of info to myself, though, 'cause the last thing I need is B throwing another shit fit over something that hasn't even happened.