One Week Later. WPOV

The next time Buffy and Faith come to me asking for a spell to give them the power to create another life, I’m going to slam the door in their faces. Ok, maybe I won’t be that aggressive about it, but I will decline very loudly, and send them home. And I won’t even offer them anything to drink while we’re having the conversation. They got back from Cleveland the other day, but Matt stayed because of some girl, or something. Buffy wasn’t very descriptive……remind me to bug her for details later. Anyways, he stayed and both of them have things they need to do today so I offered to stay home from work and watch the kids. Normally I wouldn’t need to stay but Sky hasn’t been feeling very well because of the pregnancy so it was Aunt Willow to the rescue. Normally her kids are like angels, but there must be something in the water because they are being little demons.

“Addison, put that down this instant.” Oh great, I sound like one of those stereotypical parents. What’s next, am I going to send her to her room without dinner? Ok, I need to worry about that later. This is the third time Addison has gotten a hold of my Meskhenet statue. Normally I don’t mind if the kids play with my statues because most of them are just for decoration, and to be honest, they are pretty ugly, but a relationship is all about compromise. I just don’t understand why some people in this house have to compromise more then others. But the Meskhenet one does have mystical properties that we used when we were trying to get pregnant. Oh, and the next time I want to do a spell that gives me and Sky the power to create a life, smack us on the back of ours heads with a frying pan, like in one of those Bugs Bunny cartoons. Things have been just so out of control lately, and I don’t think I can handle this.

Sky’s completely erratic mood swings where I’m always blamed for something even if it wasn’t my fault? Those I can handle. Getting up at three in the morning and driving out to the specialty store in Vegas to buy an organic honeydew melon? That I can handle. But I don’t think I can take much more of what’s been happening lately. I’m pretty sure I’ve mentioned before that Sky’s a witch, and her magic coupled with raging hormones and fear don’t normally mix very well. For the last two weeks she’s been having Braxton Hicks, and she’s been on edge. The first night she had the false labor contractions, we rushed to the hospital and she had a break down in the car. A baby born this early would be premature, and would have to stay at the hospital in an incubator, and could have all kinds of developmental problems. I’ll love my baby no matter what, but every parent wants their son or daughter to be healthy and normal.

I’m totally freaked out too, but I can’t let her see that. I mean, in a matter of two weeks everything that was good has gone kablooey and I don’t know how to handle it. Everything used to be easier, but now it’s like getting through one day is a struggle, and it’s exhausting for both of us. Every time she has a contraction, her magic goes all wonky and something either gets incinerated, or transfigured, or sent to another dimension and I have to put it back the way it was. It’s draining not only physically but emotionally because I’m trying to comfort her and hide the fact that I’m just as afraid as she is. She needs me to be strong, but I feel like I’m about ready to crack into a thousand little pieces and scatter across the floor. Being the equivalent of broken glass isn’t going to help anything so I need to figure out how to be stronger. For my fiancée, and for my daughter.

That’s right ladies and gentlemen I just said daughter. We found out three days ago at the doctor’s appointment. They have this new ultrasound machine that shows a three-dimensional image of the baby. She has Sky’s nose, and my lips but other then that it’s hard to tell who she looks like the most. I couldn’t stop myself from crying a little bit, but I wasn’t like, trying to keep it under control or anything. Little Savannah or Makenzie, we haven’t decided on a name yet, started squirming around like she was trying to burrow her way out of Sky’s belly. Our little girl isn’t shy about letting us know when she doesn’t like something, and the doctor pressing down on Sky’s abdomen was something she definitely didn’t like. She also doesn’t like it when Sky eats spicy food but she’s been craving that a lot lately, which means more food runs for me. I don’t mind doing it, really, it just gets a little annoying how she only seems to crave these things when I finally find time to sit and relax.

It’s safe to say the little Mexican restaurant that just opened up a few blocks from here won’t be going out of business any time soon. Sky is having a love affair with their chicken enchiladas with extra green sauce, and their hottest salsa poured on top. She eats about two of those a day with a side order of their spiciest nachos. I know it’s probably not all that healthy for the baby, but you try denying a pregnant woman the food she’s craving. One night I told her it was probably best if she went a couple days without eating that stuff and she almost magiced my head right off. I like my head where it is, thank you very much. She hasn’t been eating as much lately, though, because of all the stress. She hasn’t had much of an appetite, but she does eat a little at every meal. She knows she needs to eat, even if she doesn’t want to, and I’ve been trying really hard not to bug her about it because that will just make the situation worst.

“Addison, don’t you dare throw that!” I yell and cringe a little. I didn’t mean to yell like that. I don’t want to be the type of person who starts yelling whenever the kids get a little out of control. If I can’t handle Addison and Joey for one afternoon, how the hell am I going to handle little Susan or Natalie when she’s three and it’s four in the morning and she has double ear infections and is screaming her head off all night long? I’ve changed my mind, I don’t want to be a mom. I’ll just breed tiny dogs and treat them like babies and sell the puppies online for way more then they’re worth. Addison ignores me and the statue of Meskhenet goes flying through the air. I reach my hand out and grab it telekinetically and I sigh in relief. Not only does this statue have mystical properties but it cost me a lot of money. Out of the corner of my eye I see little Joseph. “Joey, no!” I step towards him and reach out to pick him up, and the statue goes crashing to the ground. It shatters into about fifty little pieces and Addison runs from the room as fast as she can.

“Joey, you’re not supposed to play in the garbage. It’s yucky, and dirty, and you could get sick,” I make a grossed out face and shake my head a little bit. He laughs and holds his arms out to me. This little boy is one of the sweetest most affectionate little guys I’ve ever seen. Buffy and Faith really lucked out with him. Now if he would just get it out of his mind that he’s not a dog and even if he plays in the garbage and tries to dig holes and pretends to chew on my shoes it won’t make him a dog, he’d be a perfect little kid. I pick him up under his armpits and rest him on my hip. He looks me in the eyes and the look on his face is very serious and so cute it’s making me want to smile. I won’t though because he’ll just get upset and get mad that I’m not taking him serious.

“But Aunt Widdow I’mma puppy. See?” he says and barks a couple of times. I can’t help but laugh and he smiles a big ol’ cheeky smile. He’s just so cute, it’s impossible not to love him. Especially with those little dimples. All he has to do is smile at me and I give in to almost whatever he wants. I do have limits on what I’ll let him get away with but he loves to push the boundaries. According to all the parenting books I’ve read, it’s normal for a kid his age to test what he can and can’t get away with.

“And you’re a cute little puppy too, Joey. But puppy-dogs aren’t allowed to play in the garbage either, ok?” I say and he nods his head a little. He looks a little sad now. I give him a little kiss on the forehead and put him down. “Why don’t you go pick out a movie and I’ll pop some popcorn?” He doesn’t say anything, but he squeals and runs into the living room. He can be a little odd sometimes. Ok, now to deal with Addison. I turn around and take a look at the mess on the floor. I really don’t want to clean that up. I know this is breaking the rules a little bit, but I really love that statue. I walk over to where most of the broken pieces are lying and place my hands above them. I channel my energy until I feel my fingertips tingle and they get really warm. “Planto navus.” My palms grow warm and all the little pieces come together and the statue is good as new.

“That’s better,” I say under my breath and pick the statue up. I walk into the living room and put it at the top of the roll top desk. Maybe she won’t try to steal it up there. “So what movie did you pick out?” After I watched the kids for the first time I realized how boring and adult like my house is so I went out the next day a bought some stuff for the kids. Ya know, movies, books, toys, board games. Although they were a little impatient when I wanted to read the rule book before playing, and Addison cheats at checkers and expects to get away with it. Unless you’ve been kinged you cannot go backwards, that’s the rule. Then Sky reminded me that I was playing a five-year-old, and me getting that upset was…ya know…insane. He turns around and holds out the movie in his chubby little hands. “Oliver and Company? Very nice choice.” We watched that the last time they were over. “How about we watch The Lion King, does that sound good?”

“No,” he says and opens up the DVD case. Well, I guess that’s the end of that discussion. Hmmm…wasn’t I supposed to be doing something?................Right, Addison needs a time out for breaking the Meskhenet statue. And where is that little non-blood related niece of mine? Normally when she gets in trouble, she runs to Sky because she knows she’ll be babied. I head upstairs because Sky is supposed to be lying down. The doctor said for her to stay off her feet as much as possible because the Braxton Hicks are so painful, but Sky can be very……what’s a nice way to put this?……willful, and hasn’t been listening to the doctor’s orders. I didn’t want her getting stressed out from the kids, so I used my resolve face and she reluctantly headed up to bed. After I get the movie started, I go upstairs and very slowly open the bedroom door. What I see makes me smile, and I almost don’t want to ruin it, but she broke my favorite statue and she needs to learn to listen to me.

“That feels so weird,” Addison says and pulls her hand away from Sky’s stomach. I guess the baby is moving around again. Sky says little Bailey or Diane gets very active in the afternoon. Since I’m normally at work in the afternoons, I never get to feel the baby move around that much. She gets a little active when Sky’s around food, but not enough for me to feel. I know I should move from the doorway and inform Addison that she’s in trouble. I should march in there and put her in time out for what she did. But seeing that happy look on Sky’s face, and seeing Addison being so gentle instead of a little maniac, I think I’ll let it slide for now. But trust me if she touches it again, I don’t care how cute this little scene is, she’s getting put in a corner until Faith picks them up.

“Hey,” I say quietly and both of them look over at me. Addison looks a little nervous. She knows what she did, so I don’t think we need go over it again. I walk into the room and sit down on the edge of the bed. “How are my two favorite girls?” I give her a little smile and she relaxes and cuddles a little closer to Sky. Sure, she cuddles up to Sky because Sky is the one who always gives her extra ice cream, and let’s her jump on the couch, and color in the non-coloring books, but who am I? Only the woman who just let her off the hook, that’s who. “You feeling ok, baby?” I reach over and rub Sky’s belly and she smiles a little. It’s one of her shy smiles that I love so much. I asked if she was ok because she looks a little flushed, and her smile just let me know why. The pregnancy hormones have her aroused almost constantly. We haven’t had sex since the contractions started, but I think she might be relaxed enough tonight.

“I’m fine, sweetie,” she says and puts her hand over mine. When she first got her bump I thought she would be self conscious about it and complain about gaining weight, but she hasn’t done any of that. She loves it when I pay extra attention to her stomach, and I have no complaints about it. One of my favorite things to do before I go to bed is read to little Tricia or Elaine. The parenting books say that the hearing has developed enough that she can hear me. She even reacts to my voice, sometimes. “Little Josephine was just showing off for her Auntie Addy, and it’s a little too much right now,” she says and looks over at Addison. She’s only seven, so she has no way of knowing why Sky is really all flushed, and a little sweaty, and her lips are a little swollen and very kissable right now. I need to redirect my attention to something else before I get turned on too.

“Josephine?” Addison asks and she has a weird look on her face. It looks like the word left a bad taste in her mouth and I chuckle a little. “That sounds dumb.” Oh yeah, she’s a little Faith alright. She looks more like Buffy but the attitude is all Faith. Goddess help us when she becomes a teenager.

“That’s not a nice thing to say,” I tell her and she rolls her eyes. Oh yeah, I’m never helping Buffy and Faith make another baby. Then again, they had two on their own, so I guess my magical assistance isn’t needed. Well, technically I did help them make Joey. They snuck up on me while I was casting a spell to make an inanimate object the real thing. I turned a little toy bunny into a real bunny, but Buffy and Faith walked up behind me while I was casting the spell and it was a little stronger then intended, and Faith was hit with the blast, and the……equipment she was wearing was turned into the real deal, and well, you know the rest.

“But it is dumb. It sounds too much like Joseph,” she says with a lot of attitude. It’s almost like she isn’t happy unless she gets the last word.

“Saying stuff like that is rude, Addison.” She rolls her eyes again and puts her hand back on Sky’s stomach. “You should be on your best behavior since I didn’t get you in trouble for breaking my statue.” She looks a little surprised that I brought it up.

“I didn’t break it. You did.” Have Faith and Buffy been giving her crack?

“Excuse me, missy, you were the one who threw it.”

“But you caught it with your magic, and then you let go and it hit the ground. So you broke it.” Wow, she actually has a valid point. But I’m the adult, so I get to win the arguments.

“I let go because Joey was trying to play in the garbage. If you hadn’t thrown it, it wouldn’t have broken.”

“Well then it’s Joey’s fault since he was playing in the garbage. He’s so gross, and he thinks he’s a dog. If he wants to be a dog then he should eat outside ‘cause Mom had the dogs eat outside.”

“It wasn’t your brother’s fault. You need to stop throwing things when someone tells you to put them down.”

“Ok children,” Sky says and she’s trying not to laugh. “Stop fighting, ok? You’re upsetting the baby.” The baby is upset? We were fighting and now there’s something wrong with the baby? I guess I’m wearing my worried face because Sky gives me her reassuring smile. She gently caresses my face and I give her a little unsure smile. “Wow, your daughter is getting very upset.” My eyebrows furrow with worry. Little Madeline or Heather does get upset when people argue. She’s very sensitive to tone, but I also think it has to do with Sky. She’s been very sensitive lately and her emotions affect the baby as well. But this isn’t normal. Normally the baby calms down as soon as the harsh tones go away. “Oh my God, ow!” She grabs onto my hand and squeezes as tight as she can. Ow is right. Ow, ow, ow, ow. I think I’m going to need an x-ray. If this is just a false labor pain, then what are the real ones going to be like?

“It’s ok, baby, just breathe through it. It’ll be over in a sec,” I tell her and gently rub her stomach. I don’t know if it’ll help but it can’t hurt, right? I feel magic growing in the air, which means something bad is about to happen. Please don’t let there be any more giant frogs. I don’t think I can handle another giant frog. I know you conquer a fear by facing it head on, but that’s a little much don’t you think? The contraction ends, and thank the goddess she lets go of my hand. I really do think I need x-rays. Sky relaxes, and leans her head back against the wall. “There, sweetie, it’s over. I think you need to rest some more. We’ll get out of here and let you do that.” She nods her head a little but she doesn’t look at me. I try not to look hurt but it’s hard. I know she’s blaming me for this. She won’t say it out loud but I know internally she’s blaming me. I’m the one who wanted a baby so badly. She wouldn’t be so miserable if it weren’t for me.

“Ok, if you think that’s best,” she says and looks up at me with a worried look on her face. Oh god, what happened now? “What statue did she break?” She’s worried about that now? “Don’t give me that look. What statue did she break? Was it one of the ones I bought when I was in Switzerland?” The baby is in distress, she’s having horribly painful contractions, my hand is still throbbing but the statue is the thing she’s worried about. The ones she bought while she was in Switzerland are……vomit inducing isn’t exactly strong enough. I love the ones she bought when she was in Greece though.

“No it wasn’t one of yours. It was my Meskhenet. I magiced it back together, but I’m not sure if the mystical properties were compromised or not.” Sky gives me a little look and I don’t like it. “What? Breaking a statue could destroy any powers that it has. Once in Sunnydale when we were trying to bring Buffy back from…” oh shit I almost said that in front of Addison. I really need to be more careful about what I say in front of her. Something like that could emotionally traumatize her for the rest of her life. “…someplace else, we needed to use this urn and it broke and it was completely useless after that. Even if I did magic it back together the integrity of the urn was defiled and the mystical properties were gone forever.” Great, now she’s giving me the amused smirk.

“Willow, the Meskhenet statue doesn’t have any mystical properties, and just because you love it, a lot, it doesn’t mean it has any special powers. It’s a nice looking statue of a fertility goddess, that’s all.” That’s all, my ass. That statue has powers. I’m not going to argue about it though. She’s pregnant, and hormonal. If she wasn’t pregnant and she acted this way out in public she’d be certified as insane and put on medication, so her opinion really shouldn’t count for much. Although, I think for my own safety, I’ll keep that thought to myself.

“I’m gonna go check on Joey. He’s supposed to be watching Oliver and Company, but he has the attention span of a goldfish so he could be using your statues as dolls or something.” Sky laughs a little and I lean up and give her a kiss. Addison giggles a little but doesn’t say anything. Dawn and I encourage the kids to make fun of their parents whenever they show displays of affection towards each other, but they’re pretty ok around Sky and me. I give Sky’s belly a little kiss and look into her eyes while I do it. She smiles and gets this intense look in her eyes that sends a little shiver rushing down my spine. I am so having sex tonight. “Alright, Addison, let’s go find that little brother of yours.” She hops off the bed and I leave one last kiss on Sky’s belly. I can’t wait for little Louise or Sophia to get here so I can kiss that cute little nose, and those cute little lips, and her little forehead, and little cheeks, and little fingers, and little toes.

“Thinking about kissing the baby again?” Sky asks and it snaps me back to reality. I nod and she gets a cute smile on her face. “As much as I love it when you get like this, you really should go check on Joey.” She gets an embarrassed look on her face and I furrow my eyebrows. Why is she so embarrassed all of a sudden? “You know what happens when I have a contraction like that.” Oh God, she’s right. She could’ve turned the couch into a bear and it could have eaten him or all of her statues could’ve come to life and they have him tied down and they’re holding him hostage or something. I leave one more kiss on her belly, and I head downstairs with Addison. I have no idea what I’m walking into so I need to be on my toes. Not literally, of course. My house has been turned into a figurative field of land mines, and don’t like it at all. I used to be able to come home and relax, but ever since Sky’s magic turned very unpredictable I haven’t been able to relax much.

Ok, what the hell happened in here? The cushions of the couch have been ripped to shreds, there’s some kind of liquid all over the rug, and……is that one of my shoes? I walk further into the room, and yep, that’s one of my shoes all right. But it looks like it’s been chewed up. I’m not liking this at all. What the hell did Sky do? I hear a large crashing sound come from the kitchen, and I put up a protective shield around Addison. I tell her to stay put, and I slowly make my way towards the kitchen. This can’t be good. Sky obviously turned something into a destructive beast, and I haven’t seen Joey yet. Faith will kill me if something happens to one of her kids while I’m supposed to be watching them. And if she doesn’t kill me, then Buffy definitely will. We’re best friends and everything, but even that has it’s limits. And I’m sure the ‘been best friends since high school’ card isn’t going to work if I accidentally got one of her kids eaten by some kind of demon.

“Oh you have got to be kidding me,” I say when I see what’s going on in the kitchen. Sky didn’t turn anything into some type of shoe chewing, couch eating demon. She turned Joey into a dog. A beagle to be exact. At least I’m pretty sure that’s Joey. The dog is wearing his shirt so there’s a good chance it’s him. I have no idea what happened to the pants, underoos, socks, and shoes and I don’t think I want to know. I guess this time Sky’s crazy magic did some good. Joey said he wanted to be a puppy and his wish came true. I just wish he wasn’t making a huge mess all over my kitchen floor. That’s right, he came in here, and knocked over the garbage can. Now he’s eating the rest of the sandwich that I threw out. “Joey!” He looks up at me and he’s just so damn cute. Ok, I need to focus here. “Come here, right now.” I guess the stern approach wasn’t the best because now he’s running away from me.

“Joseph, don’t you dare run away from me!” I yell and I chase off after him. He bolts into the living room, and hides under one of the end tables. Ok, this might be easier then I thought it was going to be. I start walking slowly, so I don’t scare him. He’s staring straight at me, and his little tail is tucked between his legs. “Come here, Joey.” My voice sounds all sweet and a little babyish, like most people’s do when they talk to a puppy. “Auntie Willow isn’t mad anymore. I just want to hold you. Does that sound good?” Apparently not, because as soon as I get within three feet of him he bolts. He hits a leg of the end table and it goes crashing to the ground. One of Sky’s statues from Switzerland goes crash-o-smash. I’ll have to thank him for that later. I chase him further into the living room and run in front of the couch. I step on the rug and my barefoot touches something wet, and warm. That’s weird it smells kinda like-

“You peed on the floor? I know this is kind of a cliché, but you just wait until your mother gets home!” I yell and Addison starts laughing. “This isn’t funny. How would you like it if you stepped in pee?” She doesn’t stop laughing, but I don’t have time for this. I have a little dog-boy to deal with. I have no idea where he went. He could’ve run upstairs, but I doubt it. He doesn’t run to Sky when he’s in trouble like Addison does. I glance down at the floor and I can’t help but smile a little bit. He’s hiding under the couch, and about three inches of his tail is sticking out from under it. I get down on my hands and knees and very slowly reach my right hand out. I grab onto his tail, and he yelps. He starts struggling but I have a good hold on him. I pull him out from under the couch, and he tries running away. “Ostendo sum ut verus vultus!” There’s a huge flash of bright light, and when it goes away he’s Joey again, and he has all of his clothes on.

“Hopefully that’s your mother,” I say when the doorbell rings. I stand up and walk over to the door, and wipe my foot off on the dry part of the rug on the way over there. I’m going to have to shower after they leave to get the icky urine off my foot. I’ve had a lot of gross things on me before from all the demons I’ve helped slay over the years, but I’ve never had urine on me before. I open the door and see Faith standing there looking all beautiful and smug. Ok, so maybe no smug but she’s definitely looking good. Buffy must’ve done her hair before she left the house because Faith’s hair has been curled into perfect ringlets. I hate that she looks so relaxed when I’ve been chasing her kid around for the last ten minutes. “Oh, thank God.” She gets a smile on her face and now she does look smug.

“Did the kids give you a bad time?” she asks and I move back to let her in the house. She shuts the door, and starts looking around the room. Her eyes get all big, and she’s looking at the couch. That’s right, lady, stare at it all you want but that’s not going to fix it. I’ll just magic it back together later.

“They were good for a while, but then Joey was a dog and everything went to hell,” I say and she laughs a little. “It’s not funny, Faith. He chewed up one of my good shoes.” She starts laughing even more and if she’s not careful I’m going to magic her mouth shut.

“Did you put him in a time out? He usually stops pretending to be a dog if he goes in time out.” Oh, well no wonder she was laughing. She thinks Joey was just pretending to be a puppy. I wish that had been the case. He actually listens when he’s playing make-believe.

“No, you don’t understand. He wasn’t pretending. He was turned into a-”

“Son of a bitch, ow!” Sky screams and interrupts what I was going to say. Oh no. No, no, no, no, no, no, no. I start looking around the room to see if I can spot any changes. I can feel the magic growing in the air, just like I can every time Sky has a contraction, but I don’t see anything changing. Maybe something upstairs is changing, or being sent to another dimension, or being blown up? That’s always a possibility. But I’ll look later because Faith is here to pick up the kids, and even though I love them to death, I really want my quiet house back. I turn back to Faith and she looks confused, and a little worried.

“Is Sky ok?” she asks and I nod my head. “Shouldn’t you go check on her or something?” I go to explain, but then the expression on Faith’s face changes. Her eyebrows knit together, and her eyes have this far off look in them, and she just dropped her purse on the floor. “Ow! Mother fucker! My head is on fire! My head is on fire!” What the hell is she talking about? She starts pulling at her hair, and drops to the floor. She has tears running down her cheeks, and her face is getting really red. “Willow, help me!” Wow, that’s something I never thought I’d hear Faith say.

“Ok, ok, just calm down. Your head isn’t on fire!” I yell but she keeps clawing at her own scalp. I don’t know what she’s hoping to accomplish but she’s going to rip her hair right out if she’s not careful. Then she stops screaming, and her tears disappear. Ok, what’s happening now? She falls over and covers her head up with her arms, and curls into the fetal position. She can be such a drama queen sometimes. “Faith, you’re ok, ok? So you can get up now.” I crouch down next to her, and put my hand on her shoulder. She sniffles loudly but she slowly starts to sit up. My jaw drops when I look at her.

“What is it?” she asks and she sounds really scared. I try to talk but no words will come out. “Is my skin all melted? Is my hair all burnt and gross looking?” Her hair is something alright, burnt and gross looking aren’t it though. Again I try to speak but all that comes out are little squeaky sounds. “Willow! Tell me!” Ok, ok, you don’t have to shout.

“You’re…” I manage to get out. I close my mouth, and clear my throat. Maybe that will make talking easier. “You’re blonde!” And yes, I really did have to shout.

BPOV

Today has been a pretty good day. Willow watched the kids so Faith and I could do the normal weekend errands. We decided to split them in half instead of doing them together. This way we could spend some time with our kids before we have to cook dinner. After dinner, we usually hang out at the table and slowly get all of the leftovers put away, and rinse off the dishes to be put in the dishwasher. Then the kids have their bath, and after I spend fifteen minutes trying to get them dressed, they go to bed. On the weekends, we let them stay up a little later but they have school and daycare tomorrow. Anyway, I did all of the small errands: dropping the bills off at the post office, then I ran into Target to pick up some new sheets for Joey’s bed since his were getting a little ratty, I bought some new shampoo and conditioner, got some more razors, and I picked up some jelly beans. Mostly for me, but I’ll share with the kids if they ask.

I did a little bit of Christmas shopping, but not much. Money is a little tight this month because my studio was shut down for a while. Faith got a few extra jobs since it’s December, so people want customized motorcycles as gifts, so in a couple of weeks we’ll have enough to buy some more. These are just some little things I picked up because they were on sale. I got some more clothes for Addison’s Barbie dolls and some dinosaur toys for Joseph. I wrote down something that I want to get for Matthew, but I didn’t have enough to buy it today. These toys are going to have to stay in the trunk until the kids go to bed because Faith somehow got home before me. Maybe I shouldn’t have stopped and had lunch at PJ’s. Maybe then I would’ve gotten home before her. I like getting home before her. Whenever we split up to do errands it’s almost like a race to see who can get home first, and today she got home before me. What a bitch. I’m joking, calm down.

I pull into the driveway and shut off the engine. I don’t get out right away, though. I’m happy to be home, but it hasn’t really felt like home the last few days. Matthew stayed in Ohio because Brooke was having trouble adjusting to everything. When we left, she wouldn’t talk to anyone but him, and she would freak out if he was gone from her side for more then ten minutes. Giles has been calling with daily progress reports and she is getting a little better, but we have no idea when she’s going to be stable enough for Matthew to leave. If it were up to me, he’d be home right now with us where he belongs, but he wants to help her, and Faith thinks it’s a good idea. We talked about it, and this is the type of work we want our son to grow up to do if it’s what he wants, and right now he really wants to help her.

Faith has been so sweet about all of it. She knows I’m missing Matthew like crazy, and she’s been going out of her way to try and make me feel better. She bought me some flowers the other day, and they were so beautiful. She got herself a heavy-petting make-out session because of that. I know she didn’t get me the flowers because she wanted something from me. That’s not how Faith rolls at all. But I’m one of those women who are all girly and emotional. Give us a nice bouquet of flowers and we’ll be so overtaken with emotion that we’ll show our gratitude with sex. She didn’t get sex, but I thought second and a half base was good enough. I say second and a half because I thought about going down on her, but I had a casserole in the oven that would’ve been forgotten about if I had, and then we would’ve had to eat peanut butter and jelly sandwiches for dinner.

Anyways, Faith’s mostly been doing other things then bringing me nice flowers. She’s been doing more housework than normal, and disciplining the kids instead of being lazy and pawning it off on me, and she’s just been there, ya know? She hasn’t once told me that he’ll be home soon and to stop worrying. She hasn’t said anything about me being overly emotional or over protective. She’ll catch me looking at a picture of him and getting a little teary eyed over it, and she’ll wrap her arms around me, and just hold me until I calm down. The other night when we made love, she made it all about me. She spent almost three hours just making me forget about everything that’s going on. I feel a little guilty about it though. I mean, she did so many things to me, sent me to the depths of ecstasy until I was too spent to give her any pleasure back. So tonight, if she’s in the mood I want to thank her for it.

“Faithy, I’m home!” I yell out from the front door in my best Ricky Ricardo impersonation. Faith loves it when I do that, and I can hear her laughing right now. She’s in the kitchen so she’s probably putting groceries away. Hopefully, she just got home a few minutes ago. Once she actually left everything on the floor and didn’t start putting them away until a few minutes before I got home to make it look like she did what a normal person would’ve done, and everything that was supposed to be refrigerated had to be thrown away. But Faith is all about learning from her mistakes these days, so hopefully she learned from that one, and never does that again. I drop my bags in the foyer, and hang up my purse on the coat rack. Yeah I know, but I’m lazy. I toss my keys on the end table and start to walk towards the kitchen.

“B, wait!” she yells and I freeze. What the hell is going on? “I got a surprise for you.” Oh. That little sneak. I wonder if she got me jewelry. I kinda hinted that a new diamond necklace would make me feel tons better, but she didn’t fall for it. She laughed, called me cute, and gave me a little kiss on the cheek. She didn’t get any heavy-petting make-out sessions that day, you can be sure of it. “Don’t move and close your eyes!” Ok, I can totally do that. Those are two things I’m pretty good at. The keeping my eyes closed thing is sometimes a problem. I tend to peek and ruin surprises, but she sounds really excited about it, so I won’t open them. I hear footsteps, and then I smell her perfume. It’s a comforting smell that somehow always makes me feel like I’m being wrapped up in a security blanket. Weird image, I know, but it’s a really nice feeling. “Ok, B, open your eyes.” She doesn’t have to tell me twice. Please be diamonds, please be diamonds, please be diamonds.

“Oh. My. God.” She definitely didn’t get me diamonds. “What did you do to your hair?” This morning I thought it would be fun to curl Faith’s hair in pretty ringlets because she looks really cute with pretty ringlets. I do this every once in a while, I convince Faith to let me use her as a Barbie doll and I do her hair, and do her make up, and pick out something for her to wear. This morning, I picked ringlets, a more natural looking selection of make-up, and her nice looking jeans to go with her sky blue top, and shiny black boots. She even sang part of the animal crackers song from Curly Top. It was so damn adorable. But this? This? I didn’t think she would take it this far. “What happened to your hair? Your sexy, sexy brown hair that was loved by one and all, and especially me?” She chuckles a little and bites her bottom lip. “This isn’t funny, Faith.”

“Relax, Buffy, I didn’t do anything,” she says and gives me a little kiss on the lips. Didn’t do anything?! She totally did something! I don’t think I can have sex with her tonight. It would be too weird. She looks too different. “I picked up the kids from Willow’s, and Sky had a Braxton Hicks contraction and her magic went a little crazy and this is what happened.” She shakes her head a little and all of the curls bounce around. She has this big, innocent smile on her face, and she looks………pretty fucking adorable. I can’t help but smile at her. She’s so goofy sometimes. This time I give her a little kiss, and I let it last just long enough for her to reciprocate. “At first, it felt like my head was on fire, and Red was just standing there looking like a duck with a thumb up its ass.” Where does she come up with this stuff? “But then the pain went away and these golden locks were left.” We laugh a little, and I gently touch some of her curls like they’re the most fragile things on the planet.

“And Willow couldn’t change it back?” I ask and I don’t sound as upset as I did a minute ago. That’s good, I don’t want her thinking I totally hate it because I don’t. Anyway, she gives me a big smile, and gets a strange glint in her eyes. I don’t like the look of that smile. It’s like I’m one of the little pigs, and she’s the big, bad wolf. She wraps her arms around me, and squeezes my ass with both hands. Someone’s feeling a little frisky. Now that I’m starting to get used to the curls, maybe that thank you sex will be happening. This whole blonde thing could be pretty interesting if we play our cards right.

“Nah, she could, but I told her to leave it. I thought you might like it,” she says and before I can respond to that she’s kissing me. It isn’t very passionate. Just a slow, kinda lazy kiss, but it has little tingles running all the way down my spine to the tips of my toes. I love slow, lazy kisses like this. Don’t ask me why, but I really do. I wrap my arms around her back and gently rub the back of her neck as she gently kneads my ass. And you better keep your mouth shut because if you make one comment about my ass being dough-like I will hunt you down and kill you. She pulls back and looks into my eyes. I can tell she’s feeling a little…girly, I guess. She really wants my opinion but she’s afraid I’m not going to have anything nice to say, so she’s getting kind of self-conscious. “So, what do you think of the new hairdo?” Why did that kiss have to end? That was such a good kiss. My lips are still all tingly from it.

“It’ll take some getting used to, but I’m starting to love it,” I say and she smiles a big, kinda bashful smile. I love seeing Faith act like this. It’s very few and far between, so when she does act like this I tend to drag it out for as long as possible. “You look so adorable, and there are just so many other things I want to do with it. I mean, who knows how long this is going to last since it’s a magic related…thing? It could wear off in your sleep and never be this color again. We can’t just let the ringlets take up all of the blonde’s time. We have to think outside the box here.” She shuts me up by kissing me, which is exactly why I was babbling on like that. I’m sure she knows it’s why I was babbling, but Faith isn’t going to turn down some lovin in any shape or form. We spend a few minutes just kissing slowly, and taking comfort in each other. I missed her a lot today, and from the feel of things I’d say she missed me too.

“I finished…” Faith says in between kisses. She tries to speak again but I won’t let her. I’m not done just being with her yet. She’s probably going to talk about how she finished some chore around the house, and how there’s something else we need to do, and we’ll have to go back to real life. I don’t want to do that just yet. But I guess I don’t have a choice. She pulls back and ends the perfect kiss we were sharing. Spoil sport. “Aww, B, don’t pout. I know how much you wanted to spend some time with the kids, but Joey’s fast asleep. So I thought we could watch a movie with Addy. You know how much she likes spending time with just us.” She’s right. If one of the other kids gets attention she lets everyone know that it’s been awhile since we’ve spend time with just her. She gets so jealous sometimes. It’s a little concerning but that’s just the way she is.

“We can put your stuff away later. We already got the movie picked out and everything,” she says and I sigh a little. She leaves a kiss on the tip of my nose, and I giggle like a little school girl. She’s really good at making me do that, and I love her for it. “Come on, B. I’m sure we can sneak some kisses when she isn’t looking.” That is true. Sneaking kisses is always fun. It makes me feel like we’re getting away with something bad. I know that sounds silly, and childish because it totally is, but it’s still fun. She holds onto my hand and leads me into the living room. Addison runs up and gives me a huge hug. I hug her back and scoop her up into my arms. We really do need to start spending more one on one time with our kids. Doing things together as a family is nice because it brings us closer together, but one on one time is really important too.

“Hey, Angel Girl,” I whisper into her ear and rub her back with one hand. She rests her head on my shoulder and I smile a little bit. Addison misses her big brother more then any of us. Ever since we got back from the slayer school, she’s snuck out of her bed every night so she could sleep in Matthew’s. We haven’t been encouraging it, but we haven’t punished her for it. She misses her brother, there’s nothing wrong with that, so why should she be punished? It’s not like she’s going through his things, or breaking anything. She sneaks in there so she can sleep in his bed because that’s where his scent is the strongest. I would’ve stolen his pillow but Faith got to it before I could. She’s missing him too, but she’s being a little more realistic about it. She knows he’ll be back by Christmas no matter what, but that feels like forever away.

“Ok, girls, movie time,” Faith says and it brings me back to reality. I put Addison down, and she holds onto my hand and leads me over to the couch. I sit in the middle of the couch with Addison on my right, and Faith is to the left of me, but she’s too far away. I can’t lean against her when she’s all the way over there. “We haven’t watched Land Before Time in forever.” She is so full of it. We watched it on the plane ride to and from Cleveland. The kids love this movie almost as much as Faith does, but we all have our favorite. I like Petrie because that little guy wants to fly so badly and he’s so damn cute. Faith likes Sarah, surprise, surprise. Sarah is like the cartoon version of Faith when she first showed up to Sunnydale. She thinks she’s so big and tough and can do everything on her own, but it ends up alienating her from the rest of the group. If that’s not Faith back in Sunnydale then I don’t know what is.

Joey likes the sharp tooth because it’s big and loud. Addison likes Spike because he’s big, and doesn’t talk, and reminds her of a dog. Speaking of dogs, I’m thinking about getting the kids a puppy for Christmas. We lost both dogs about two months ago and things around here have been pretty miserable since. I know I complained a lot about the dogs because they slobbered, and barked a lot, and smelt bad, and were pains in my ass for a very long time, but I miss having a dog around here. I miss having the security that a dog creates. Even if they aren’t very big they’re still loud, and they’ll alert you if someone’s coming close to your house. No dogs are ever going to be as good as Tucker and Ruby, but I think the kids will really love having a dog again. Faith will be totally against it at first, but she’s brought home two dogs without talking to me about it, so I think it’s time she had a taste of her own medicine.

I look over when I feel Faith brush up against me. She has that wounded puppy-dog look in her eyes and I can’t help but smile. The big baby wants some affection, but she’s too macho to ask. I wrap my arms around her and give her a little kiss on the lips, and she sighs. I definitely agree with that. Right now is perfect. We’re both completely relaxed, and just enjoying being with each other and our daughter. I wouldn’t trade this for the world. I feel Faith nuzzle my neck and I giggle a little bit. She’s been such a love bug the last couple of days since we got back, but she hasn’t been this affectionate. I wonder what’s gotten into her? Oh well, I’m not going to worry about it because Faith acting like this is kind of rare so I want to enjoy it while it lasts.

“Your hair is so adorable,” I whisper and play with some of her curls. She smiles a little and I give her another little kiss on the lips. “Seriously, I might have you keep it this color ‘cause it’s just so cute.” She laughs a little but then Addison shushes us. Yeah, we were just shushed. How rude is that. “Sorry.” Well we were talking during the movie. “I don’t like people talking when I watch a movie either.” She shushes me again and I just roll my eyes. I think I’m going to blame that on Faith. They’re too much alike, and Faith has shushed me like that before. I press my lips to Faith’s ear so hopefully Addison won’t hear me. “I think we should send her to boarding school, let someone else put up with her attitude for a while.” I’m only joking, and Faith knows it. She starts chuckling a little but this time Addison just sighs and moves down to the floor so she can hear the TV better.

“She definitely takes after you,” Faith says and I scoff. That is so untrue. I do not act like that when people talk during a movie. “B, you slap me on the leg when I try to talk when we’re watching something.” That is only sometimes when I really want to watch whatever is on TV but she keeps yakking away. “Awww, baby, don’t get all pouty faced.” She sounds like such a kid it’s cute, especially with her blonde, Shirley Temple ringlets. I stick my lip out farther, and furrow my eyebrows a little more. I glance over at Faith when she doesn’t respond and I can’t help but sigh. How the hell can she go from being fully awake and really flirty, to dead asleep in less then ten seconds? Poor baby must be tired from all the stress of everything. We’ve both been feeling the strain of this month’s lack of money, and she’s been working extra hard since we got back to finish those bikes up sooner and get paid quicker. That, plus her missing Matthew I’m surprised she even got out of bed this morning.

I finish watching the movie with Addison, and since Faith is fast asleep and lying with her head on the arm of the couch, Addison decided it would be ok to come back up to the couch and sit with me. I had to promise her I wouldn’t talk during the rest of the movie, though. I didn’t feel like teasing her by talking a little bit because she would’ve gotten mad and probably woken Faith up with one of her tantrums. Besides, I like sitting on the couch and just quietly holding my kids, and getting all reminiscey. She used to be so small. Out of all our babies she was the smallest. Even when she was in the womb she had an attitude. Whenever she was trying to take a nap and something was too loud she would start kicking. At least that’s what Faith said. She could feel when Addison would roll over onto her side to sleep, and then Matthew would start playing loudly, or the TV would be up too high or something, she would give a sharp kick, and Faith would go lay down in the bedroom so our baby girl could rest.

She’s totally rebelled against me when it comes to the clothes she wears. When she was little she didn’t really care what I put her in, and I was always dressing her in little skirts, and dresses, and all these cute outfits, and it drove Faith insane. She would always say ‘just because Addy’s a girl doesn’t mean she has to wear all that frilly stuff.’ I know that’s true, but she was my little baby girl, and I wanted to treat her special. Matthew was always just a jeans and a t-shirt type of boy. I tried dressing him up in fancier things but he’d purposely spill things on himself so they’d stain and he’d never have to wear them again. Anyway, Addison doesn’t want to wear the girly stuff anymore. She likes light yellow, and baby blue and both of those are pretty girly colors, but she doesn’t like wearing girly clothes. She’ll wear skirts sometimes, but she doesn’t like wearing dresses anymore. She likes shorts, and most of the tops I bought her a while ago, but she picked them out. She has pretty good taste when it comes to tops, I’ll give her that.

“Hey Addison,” I whisper when the movie ends. It’s about time Faith woke up from her little nap. If she sleeps any longer then she won’t sleep tonight and she’ll be irritated. She wants to head into the shop around seven to get an early jump on things. “Why don’t you go play in your room for a little while, ok?” She goes to say something but I stop her because I know she won’t whisper like I am. “Shhh, ok? Just go upstairs and play.” She sighs and looks a little frustrated, but she jumps off the couch and runs up the stairs. Now that she’s gone, I can turn my attention to my wife. I pull my skirt up a little bit so I can put my knees on either side of her legs. I hold myself on my hands and knees so my body isn’t touching her. She’s lying on her side so kissing her lips will be difficult, but her neck is pretty exposed. She looks so beautiful right now. Well, to me she looks beautiful all the time, but when she’s asleep she looks so peaceful and angelic.

“Faith,” I say at a normal volume. I lean down as close as I can, and I gently kiss her neck. “Faith, sweetheart, you need to wake up now.” I start kissing her neck again, and she groans. “Awww, does the little baby not wanna wake up yet?” She groans again, and moves around a little bit. “Sweetie-pie?” I give her neck another kiss. She moves around some more, and I can tell by her breathing that she’s starting to wake up. I nibble on her earlobe, and she giggles. Oh yeah, she’s definitely awake. “Pookie-bear, it’s time to get up.” Faith used to do stuff like this to me all the time. It’s a little strange how we’ve been acting since I got home. She flutters her eyes open and rolls over onto her back. “There are those pretty doe eyes. You’ve been very……I dunno, girlier then normal, today. I think it’s the blonde hair.” We both laugh, and I give her a sweet kiss on the lips, and she keeps it sweet. “I think we’ve traded roles in this relationship. Do I get to be on top more often?” I squeal when she flips us over in the blink of an eye.

“Don’t get any wild ideas, B. I still wear the pants,” she says, and leans down very slowly to give me a kiss. I lean forward to meet her half way, but she stops. She has that little mischievous glint in her eyes that I love so much. I lean up a little more to try and reach her lips, but she pulls back a little. I smile because I know what she’s doing. She’s trying to see how many times I’ll try to kiss her before I give up. Well I’m not going to play her game. “In fact, I’m the only one of us wearing pants right now.” I feel her hand gently rub my thigh, and she leans down and kisses me for real this time. Her lips are so soft, and this kiss is so sweet, but I can tell she’s holding back. I don’t know why she’s holding back, but I can tell just by how tense she is that she wants to deepen it. I feel her hand move slowly up my thigh, and I feel myself getting wetter. I’m definitely going to have to change these panties.

“I love it when you wear skirts,” she says all breathy and hot when the kiss ends. “It makes it so much easier to do this.” She very gently slides one of her fingers passed the elastic of my underwear, and softly rubs my very wet lips. I suck in a deep breath, and she gets that mischievous smile on her face again. “I got us reservations.” She did what now? She kisses me again, and her finger slowly slides up until she’s gently stroking my clit. Everything goes fuzzy for a few seconds, but then I focus some of my attention on her. “I reserved us a table at Ferraro’s for this Friday at eight o’ clock.” She did what?! She presses a little harder on my clit and I suck in another breath. Dirty tramp is doing this on purpose. “Before you start getting all pissy, we can afford it.” She kisses me but I don’t kiss her back. How the hell can we afford it? She looks into my eyes, and she isn’t mad, she’s being nothing but patient and understanding.

“I have more saved up then I’ve been letting on.” Huh? “It’s all money I’ve been putting aside from the shop, just a little stash I’ve been keeping for a rainy day.” But it doesn’t rain in Lincoln. Ok, it does, but not very often, and never much at a time. She stops moving, and the mischievous look in her eyes is gone. Now she’s nothing but serious. “We need this, B. With everything that’s going on we need a night together that’s just us. No little kids arguing and throwing food.” Our kids do not do that. “No slayer duties interrupting and making us end our night early.” That would be pretty nice. It seemed like whenever we found some time for just us, Giles would call and ask us to do something. “Ferraro’s is expensive but I got it covered.” Well ok then. I stretch my neck up and give her a sweet kiss to let her know I’m happy with it. This will give me the perfect excuse to get all dressed up.

“Now, where were we?” she asks when the kiss ends. I smile a very pleased smile and she starts gently rubbing my clit again. She wants to take things really slow, to draw them out, and make it last for as long as possible. I do that to her too, but I don’t think I can take that right now. I’m not in the mood for fast and rough, but going a little faster then a snail would also be nice. But she’s trying to prove a point so I won’t say anything. I definitely won’t say anything now that she’s added another finger. I pull back from the kiss, and rest my head on the arm of the couch. A low moan works its way out of my throat. “You like that, huh B?” She sounds so sweet right now, but at the same time very naughty. I nod my head and she starts kissing my throat. If she keeps doing what she’s doing I’m going to come in no time.

“Mom when are you gonna make dinner?” HOLY SHIT!!! I sit up lightening fast, and poor Faith goes tumbling over onto the floor. I have to bite my lips to stop myself from laughing. She lands flat on her back, and she looks a little stunned. “Mama, are you ok?” Addison runs over to her, and starts grabbing at her face. “Mama, can you hear me?” She talks very loudly, and slowly emphasizing on each syllable of the words. Damn, why do I never have a video camera when stuff like this is happening? Faith just lies there, playing possum. She likes freaking the kids out with stuff like this. Addison looks into Faith eyes, and studies them for a minute. What is she doing? “Mom, I think she has a percussion.” I can’t help but roll my eyes. I have the most dramatic daughter in the western hemisphere.

“Ok, it’s not ‘percussion’ it’s ‘concussion’ and she’s fine. She just bumped her head a little,” I say and stand up. My skirt falls down to where it’s supposed to be, and yep, I’m definitely going to need some new panties. Stupid Faith getting me all worked up when we can’t do anything about it. And Addison came down at just the exact wrong time. If she wasn’t only seven I’d think she’d have planned this. I look over at the clock and it’s later then I thought it was. I usually start dinner about fifteen minutes ago. “I’ll start dinner right now, ok Angel Girl?” She nods her head, and keeps poking at Faith’s forehead. I have the strangest family. “Will you run upstairs, and wake Joey up from his nap?” She starts running off and I sigh. “And do it nicely!” The last time I asked her to wake him up she grabbed him by the ankle and dragged him off the bed. “You can get up now, she’s gone.” And just like that Faith is up off the floor and acting like nothing weird happened. I think it needs repeating; I have the strangest family.

FPOV

Today has not been a very good day. I can’t remember when exactly it started to go crappy, but it did. This morning was pretty awesome. I woke up, showered, shaved, went downstairs and breakfast was ready. The kids were actually being good, and Buffy had some coffee already, so she was fully awake, and not crabby like she usually is in the mornings. We decided to split up the errands to get them done faster ‘cause B wanted to spend some time with the kids before we had to make dinner. After dinner things are pretty hectic around here ‘cause of bath time, and those kids never wanna get dressed, and they always give B hell about it. I would try to help her, but then I’d get a headache too, and what’s the point of both of us having headaches? We’d both just be bitchy for the rest of the night, so I just stay out of it, and let her get the kids ready for bed.

I got a little bit of Christmas shopping done while I was out. I’m gonna have to dip into my stash of cash that I keep at the shop if I’m gonna buy Buffy the present I really want to get her. I’ve had my eye on it for a while now, and I know she’ll love it. It’s this silk dress that’s gray, with floral and peacock print, it’s got a v-neck with a little bit of black lace trim, and it stops at the knee. I know she’ll love it, and she’ll look beautiful in it. Only problem is the thing cost four hundred dollars. I thought about taking Dawn to the store and having her look at it so she can make an exact replica, but that feels……cheap. I want to see her open up the pretty box with the pretty dress inside so she can see the designer tag and know I went all out. I could have Dawn put one of her tags on it ‘cause she’s a clothing designer but B’ll know Dawn did it for free.

Anyway, the morning was good until I went in to the shop. I stopped by to drop my dad off some breakfast, and I walked in on him and Brittany fighting. I swear those two go at it like angry bears. And little Gracie was in my office hiding under the desk, crying her eyes out ‘cause her mommy and daddy were scaring her. Walking in on something like that first thing in the morning will fuck up anyone’s day. I don’t think my dad and Brittany are gonna make it. They’re married now, they got married five months after Gracie was born and Brittany could fit into the dress she bought, but I really don’t think this marriage is gonna last. My dad says he married her ‘cause he loves her, but I think he married her ‘cause he’s a traditionalist and he knocked her up. When I told him how long it took me to marry Buffy he got a little mad at me ‘cause we had two kids by then.

The day just went downhill from there. Finding a parking spot at the grocery store was a bitch, and so were most of the people shopping there today. Something must be in the air ‘cause everyone was pissed off and not trying very hard to hide it. Being there by myself reminded me why I hate grocery shopping alone. I made a list before I left so I wouldn’t forget anything so that wasn’t a problem, but I’m so used to doing it with B. She keeps me company, and stops me from getting frustrated with the other people in the store. The aisles are too small, and are always crowded, and two or three people are always flocked around what I need to get, and it’s just a big frustrating situation. But B always cracks some joke so I won’t get too irritated, or she’ll do a fake sneeze to get the people to move. Fake sneezing or coughing is an 80% guarantee to get people to move out of your way. But they’re still a pain in the ass.

By the time I got to Willow’s to pick the kids up I was ready to call it quits. I wanted to take off all my clothes, crawl into bed, and forget that horrible day ever happened. Then Sky went all psycho, and magically dyed my hair blonde. It’s a fuckin bright blonde too. My head looks like a fuckin canary died on it or something. My scalp felt like it was on fire, and I don’t just mean it got really hot. I mean, I could feel my skin bubbling, and I thought it was going to melt off. I never wanna go through something like that again, ever. I was only pissed about the dye job for a few minutes. Willow offered to turn it back to normal, but I really wanted to see how Buffy would react to it. She’s always joked about buyin me a blonde wig so she can see what it’s like to have sex with a blonde, so I figured this was way better then a wig.

When she got home I got all giddy, like some bubbly teenager. Not just ‘cause of my hair, but because I hadn’t seen her since this morning and I missed her. I know that sounds stupid since we live together, and we’ve been together for fifteen years, but I don’t like being away from her for too long. I guess that’s what every relationship needs though. If you don’t have that longing every once in a while you’re doomed ‘cause you’ll get sick of the person. When we first started dating I needed a lot of alone time, ever after we moved in together. I’d drive down to Sacramento to get in some good slaying, and be gone for a day or two just so I could miss her. And when I got back the ‘I missed you’ sex was fucking spectacular. Buffy definitely knows how to make me happy.

Enough about that shit. After I was done bein a dork and pretending to be dead, and Addy ran upstairs to wake Joey up, I went into the kitchen to help B cook dinner. I’ve taught her enough that she can make a whole meal on her own but I like cooking with her. We usually have a lot of fun. But tonight, she was a little agitated ‘cause she was so worked up, and she didn’t get any release. She can be a real bitch when she needs to come. She’s calmer about it now ‘cause of the kids, but when we’re in a room alone together she can be a cunt. She’s tense, and I know she’s tense, and she knows I know she’s tense so she gets even more tense ‘cause she’s trying to not act tense, and………what the fuck am I talking about? That last sentence confused the fuck outta me. I might as well skip to what’s goin on right now.

Joey doesn’t feel so good. When he got up from his nap he was complainin that his ear hurt, but we didn’t pay much attention to it. Sometimes he pulls at his ears in his sleep, and they’ll hurt when he wakes up. He’s been doin that shit since he was a baby. But he was a little whiney, which is weird ‘cause after he has a nap he’s usually kinda hyper, and sometimes a little bratty ‘cause of it, but rarely whiney. He didn’t want to eat his dinner, he didn’t even want dessert, which is a sign that something’s wrong. Then B felt his forehead, and he’s runnin a little bit of a temperature. She had him lay down on the couch while we finished eating, and after dinner she gave the kids a bath while I cleaned up the kitchen. How I got stuck with that shit I’ll never know.

Anyway, Joey was all…lethargic in the tub, and didn’t wanna play with Addy which kinda pissed her off. They always take some toys into the tub with them, and they make up games and shit, but tonight he didn’t wanna play. He didn’t want his hair washed either, and he started throwing a fit when Buffy washed his hair. He cried for a while, but sat there and let her wash it. Normally after the kids get a bath they run around the house bare-ass-naked, and B chases ‘em around with their clothes yellin how it isn’t good manners to be naked in common rooms like the living room, or the kitchen, but they don’t give a shit. Kids are nudists, that’s just what they do. But tonight Joey wasn’t havin any of that. He walked into his room with the towel around his shoulders, and laid down on his bed. B got him dressed in his pjs with no problems, and took his temperature, and it’s a little high. Tomorrow if he isn’t any better she’s gonna call the doctor to try and get him in.

When the kids are sick, this is usually how it goes: when Mattie’s sick he likes to pass out on NyQuil and just sleep off the sickness. We fuss over him a little, and make him soup, and have him drink lots of water but for the most part he likes to be left alone when he’s sick. Addy likes to sleep in our bed with us when she’s not feeling well. She doesn’t want to be cuddled, or touched a lot especially if she’s got a fever, but she likes to have us close by. When Joey got a cold, he wanted Buffy, but that’s not a big shocker or anything. When he’s sick he wants his mommy to sleep in his bed with him, and read him his favorite bedtime story, and play with his hair, and rub his back while he falls asleep. Usually after he drifts off B will sneak out and come to bed, but sometimes if he’s feeling really crappy she’ll sleep in his bed so she can be close to him.

Tonight is far from a normal night. He’s still pissed at B for washin his hair after he told her he didn’t want his hair washed, so he wants me to sleep in his bed with him. I have no problem doing it. My baby boy is sick, and he wants me to help make him feel a little more comfortable and safe. It’s just a little odd is all I’m saying. This kid is the biggest mommy’s boy on the planet, and it’s mostly B’s fault. After I said I don’t want anymore kids, she panicked, subconsciously, but she still panicked, and she babied Joey like he was the only kid on earth. For a while it was really bad. He got his way all the time no matter what, until finally B was exhausted, and I was fed up. It took a couple of weeks to wean him off her, but he stopped whining so much for her and started playing with his sister more. But whenever he gets hurt, or Addy hits him, or they fight, or he draws a picture, or he has something funny he wants to show off he always runs to Buffy.

“Hey, Moose,” I whisper, and lay down on his bed. After B got him dressed, he asked for her to get me. Apparently, his exact words were ‘Mommy, I want Mama to sleep with me ‘cause I didn’t want my hair cleaned.’ “You feelin any better?” He shakes his head no, and starts playing with his right ear again. He’s lyin on his left side, and lookin up at me, and he looks completely miserable. He’s dressed in his footie pajamas with the little duckies on ‘em. Those are his favorites. “Poor little boy.” I gently lift him off the bed and pull down the covers. It looks like B already tucked him in, but he stood up and laid on top of the blankets. I guess he didn’t want to be covered up until I got here. I get settled as comfortably as I can, and he curls up against me. I’m lying on my side facing him, and his little forehead is pressed against my throat, and he feels really warm.

“Mama, will you tell me a story?” he asks in the tiniest little voice I’ve ever heard. I respond with a little ‘mmhmmm’ and leave a kiss on the top of his head. I go to get up, but he wraps his little arms around me tighter. “No Mama, don’t get up.” Then how the hell am I supposed to get his favorite book? “Tell me a story, don’t read me a story.” Oh. Ok, I guess I can do that. Every great once in a while I kinda channel my dad and get into ‘story teller’ mode. It usually happens at dinner after we finish eating, but we just kinda hang out at the table and talk. I’ll tell the kids funny stories from my childhood, and leave out the part about my mom being passed out drunk on the couch or whatever. Sometimes I tell ‘em the story about the battle with the First. “Tell me a story, please?” He pulls back so I can see his face, and he’s doin the puppy-dog eyes. I smile a little bit, and give him a kiss on the forehead. It feels a little hotter then before.

“I guess I have to now,” I whisper. If he does have an ear infection I don’t want to hurt him even more. “How can I resist that face?” He shrugs his shoulder and I chuckle. He’s a little smart ass already, and he’s not even four yet. I wrap an arm around him, but I let him lay the way he is. I want to be able to see his face while I tell this. He’s getting a history lesson, that’s for sure. “Ok Moose, let me think for a second.” He’s lost a lot of the chub he had when he was a baby, but the name stuck, as you can see. He’s really tall for his age. He’ll be four in February, and he’s almost as tall as Addy. It makes sense, I guess. He was the biggest out of the three, and for a newborn he was pretty big, almost ten pounds. Poor B literally had something the size of the bowling ball living inside her. But I’m so glad everything worked out ok, ‘cause I love this little guy like you wouldn’t believe.

“Ok,” I say and clear my throat to add a little drama. “This is a fairy tale, so I gotta start it like one, so don’t say it’s a girl story, alright?” He nods his head, but he sighs a little too. I smile and give him a kiss on his little lips. “Once upon a time, in a place far away from here…” I’m not making that part up. The east coast is far away from here. “There lived a beautiful peasant girl.” What, you really thought I’d make myself a princess? Fuck that shit. “She lived in a tiny little house, in a kinda scary neighborhood with her mom.” He squirms around a little bit, and it makes me smile. He takes after Buffy on that one. She’s always squirmin around tryin to find the most comfortable spot to rest. She usually ends up kneeing me, or kickin me or something, and I get sympathy cuddles, which are always nice. “The peasant girl was always-”

“What the girl’s name?” he asks, and his little eyebrows furrow. He looks so damn serious right now, and it’s one of the cutest things I’ve ever seen. Crap, I can’t use our real names ‘cause I don’t want him knowin some of this stuff is true. Ok, I guess I’ll just have to make it up as I go along. Even if I do make it up, he’s a really smart kid, so he might be able to piece some things together that I’ve told him before. The kids know I had it rough when I was younger, I just haven’t told them how rough, and if I have it my way they’ll never find out. They don’t need to know any of that shit.

“Julie. The peasant girl’s name is Julie. That alright?” I ask, and he nods his little head. I smile, and give his forehead another kiss. He still feels about the same. I really hope he doesn’t get any hotter then this or we’ll have to take him into the hospital. “Anyway, Julie was always getting into trouble, and she was mad all the time. She was mad because she didn’t like living in the tiny little house, in the kinda scary neighborhood. She missed her daddy, and was mad because he worked for the king, and had to live in the castle.” I run my fingers though his hair. He doesn’t look tired at all, but at the same time he looks totally exhausted. Poor little guy must be feeling like crap. I guess I’ll have to give this a really happy ending. Then again he might fall asleep before I finish. He rests his little hand on the arm I have wrapped around him, and he gives me this look like ‘ok, keep going’.

“One day, when Julie was out walking, she met a very nice lady named….” Shit, I need another name. Telling this kid a story is more work then I thought it was gonna be. But he looks interested, and his little eyelids are getting heavier so that’s good. Ok, I gotta name. “Rose. Rose was a little weird. She talked funny, and used words that Julie had never heard before, and Julie didn’t want to be around her for a long time. But Rose told Julie that she could live with her and move out of the tiny little house in the kinda scary neighborhood, and she would keep Julie safe.” My watcher was one hell of a woman. Maybe, if I hadn’t been so hard headed back then, and I just listened to her things coulda turned out different. Nah, ‘cause if even one thing happened different then I might not have this little guy right here. “So Julie ran back to her house, and grabbed what little things she had, and left that night with Rose, and she never looked back.”

“What about her mommy?” he asks, and I furrow my eyebrows. I hate it when he asks the tough questions. “Was Julie’s mommy sad?” I don’t know how to answer that question. After I left with my watcher, I never saw my mom again so I have no idea what she did. I wanna think that my mom missed me, but I honestly have no idea. She treated me like she hated me, like she thought things would be better if I was gone. But he’s only three, and this is a fairy tale so I can’t tell him what I really think. I get a sad smile on my face, and the look in his eyes changes. He very slowly reaches out with his little hand, and rests it gently on my cheek. Ok, things need to lighten the fuck up. This is supposed to be a happy version of what happened. All fairy tales got some bad stuff in ‘em but then they get better.

“No, Moose, her mommy wasn’t sad. Her mommy knew that Rose was a nice lady, and that Julie would be safe. She missed her sometimes, but she wasn’t sad.” I turn my head until his little hand is over my lips, and I give his palm a little kiss. He giggles, and pulls his hand back. He’s getting to that age when kisses are icky, and girls have cooties. Ok, now it’s time to get the really sad part over with so I can get to the happier part. “Alright, so, where were we?” He thinks about it for a few seconds, but then he shrugs. I know where we are in the story. I just wanted to see if he remembered. “But one day.” I make my voice all dramatic, and he knows a scary part is coming up. He covers up his eyes, and peeks out between them so he can still see my face. It makes me laugh, and he smiles. This kid is always doin goofy stuff like that to try and make us laugh. “One day, a big, scary monster came to the town.”

“Was it bigger then Grampa Chris?” he asks and he sounds a little excited. This kid loves the scary stuff. He’s definitely gonna be a horror fan like me when he gets older. I won’t let him watch any of that stuff now ‘cause he’s still too little, but whenever somethin scary happens in one of the movies he can watch, he gets all hyped up, and starts yellin at the TV. He also yells at the TV with me whenever we watch a game together. Last night, it was pretty hilarious ‘cause he called someone on the Knicks a motherfucker when the guy made it from the three point line. I laughed my ass off, but B got a little upset. She doesn’t want her precious babies talkin like me too soon, or ya know, ever. Anyway, I get a smile on my face and make my voice all dramatic again.

“He was bigger then Grandpa Chris.” His eyes get all big, and he mouths the word ‘wow’. Their Grandpa Chris is the biggest person they know, so whenever you say somethin is big they always wanna know if it’s bigger then him or not. “And he had long teeth, and big hooves instead of hands and feet, and he tore through the town like he owned the place. Julie wanted to run and hide because the monster scared her, but Rose said.” I do my best British accent. “‘Julie, it’s our duty to keep the people safe. We have to try and stop him.’” He cracks up laughing, and I tickle him a little to make him laugh harder. When he calms back down I keep tellin the story. “So they each grabbed a weapon and went after the big, scary monster. Julie never in her whole life fought something this big and tough, but she tried anyway.” He can just tell by the change of my voice that a sad part is coming up. He cuddles more into his pillow, and it looks like he’s trying to burrow into it or something.

“The monster turned out to be too strong, and she couldn’t stop him. He hurt Rose really bad, and Julie wanted to save her, but Rose stopped her, she said.” This time I don’t try to do a funny British voice. “‘Julie, you have to find the princess. The princess can help you kill him.’ And with that Julie gave Rose a kiss goodbye, and ran as fast as she could. She ran, and ran, and she ran until her legs were too tired to run anymore. She found a farm, and even though she knew it was bad, she stole one of the horses.” He shakes his head a little bit, and I wait in case he wants to say something, but he doesn’t. “She took a horse named Buttercup.” That makes him laugh a little. “And she rode all night until she finally got to the town where the princess lived.”

“What’s the princess’ name?” he asks. Why does this kid wanna know everyone’s names? Honestly, does it really matter? But he’s the one who’s sick so I guess I gotta answer the question. We always pamper the kids when they’re sick. Hmmm, maybe we should stop doin that? Nah, everyone should be pampered and babied when they’re sick, especially if they got an ear infection. Those things suck. I remember I got one every winter until I was about ten or so, and they were fuckin brutal. I would cry, and cry all night long, and my dad would sit in his recliner, and let me curl up in my lap, and I’d lay with my head on his chest, and listen to his heartbeat ‘cause it was the only sound that didn’t make my ear drums feel like they were gonna pop. I remember once one of my ear drums did pop, and all this nasty, yellow shit started oozing outta my ear. I did feel a little better though ‘cause all the pressure was gone.

“Ummmm……her name is………Alexis. Princess Alexis.” Sounds good enough to me. I guess it does for him too ‘cause he doesn’t say anything about it. “So the peasant girl rode on her stolen horse all night until she found the town that Princess Alexis lived in. She was very nervous about meeting the princess because Rose had told her many, many stories.” I could probably add about five more manys to that but I won’t. “About the princess, and she didn’t want the princess to be mean to her just because she was a peasant girl. But she knew she had to find her because the monster was hot on her trail, and would be in town very soon.” He yawns a big ol’ yawn, and I can see his tonsils. I can’t help but smile. He’s just so damn cute sometimes. I stick my finger in his mouth while he’s still yawning, and touch his tongue. He gives me the biggest death glare I’ve ever seen, and I start crackin up.

“I’m sorry, Moose, you know I’m weird,” I say and he nods his head. I’m not sure if I should laugh or be offended. I think I’ll just go with continuing the story. “Anyway, the peasant girl found a place to stay, and a barn to keep her horse in.” Wow, I really suck at this whole fairy tale thing. I’m starting to bore myself to sleep. Joey looks like he’s about to crash though. Maybe I should keep telling it so he will pass out. I don’t want him up for much longer. I know it’s still a little early, but he’s in pain, and I want him to fall asleep as fast as possible. Would it be wrong to give him cough medicine to make him fall asleep faster? He’s not coughing, and he hasn’t said anything about his ear hurting so I think it would. If he starts crying about it or his fever gets worst then I’ll give him something. I guess I could skip some parts, and move things along.

“So the peasant girls find the princess one night while she’s out in the kingdom with her friends. They talk, and have some drinks, and something to eat, but the princess doesn’t really like the peasant because she’s just so cool, and the princess is a little stuck up, and dull.” Well, I’m not exactly wrong on that one. B didn’t like me at first ‘cause I was all with the false bravado, and awesome stories, and she felt threatened ‘cause she thought her friends were gonna think I was cooler. And they totally did. She was too busy being caught up in the drama that was her and Angel, and I was a breath of fresh, sexy air. I even had Will droolin over me a little. “But then a couple of days later the big, scary monster finds the town, and starts looking for the peasant girl.” I use my dramatic voice, but he looks like he’s ready to pass out so I don’t get too much of a reaction.

“The peasant girl got really scared, and wanted to run away again. She didn’t think the princess would help her fight the monster because the princess didn’t like her very much. But then, right before she was about to leave, the princess showed up at her place, and started yelling at her for bein such a scaredy-cat. The peasant girl was just about to say sorry to the princess for trying to run away, when there’s a knock on the door. She opens it up………and the monster is right outside.” I don’t yell, but I do raise my voice a little, and sound all jazzed up. His eyes get a little wider and he’s paying attention now for sure. “They climbed out the back window, and ran as fast as they could. They needed to get some weapons if they were going to fight a monster this big. But the big monster had smaller monsters helping him out, and they chased the princess and the peasant girl into this big building.” He seems wide awake now. He’s either faking or he’s gonna be up for a long time.

“Alexis and Julie beat up a lot of the little monsters before the big one got there. They tried, and they tried, and they tried to kill the monster but he was just too strong. Then the monster grabbed the princess by the neck, and held her off the ground. Seeing the monster hurting Princess Alexis like that made Julie very angry, so she picked up a huge piece of wood, and ran at him when he wasn’t looking. The piece of wood went through his heart.” I put my finger over Joey’s heart and gently press down. He giggles a little, but when he calms down he looks a little awestricken by the story. Yep, I still go it. “And the monster burst into a million little pieces, and the rest of the smaller monsters ran away in fear because they knew they couldn’t mess with the princess, and the peasant girl.” He rolls his eyes a little bit, and I roll mine right back, and he sighs. He’s going through a phase were only boys can beat up bad guys. He was definitely born into the wrong family if he thinks that.

“After the big fight, the two girls went out for some food, and after that night they were great friends, and the princess even had the peasant girl move into her castle, and they lived happily ever after, and all that jazz. The end.” I really need to stop saying the word jazz when I’m not talking about music. It’s starting to get really fuckin annoying. “So, was that a good story?” He nods his head a little, but that serious look is back. I wonder what he’s thinking about. Around bedtime he usually asks a bunch of questions about all the little things that are runnin around his head, and most of ‘em ain’t so little. I don’t know where he comes up with it, but this kid can ask some pretty heavy shit. “You doin ok, Moose?” He nods his head and scoots a little closer to me. I wrap my arm around him a little tighter. “Does your ear hurt really bad?” He nods his head, but he doesn’t say anything. I don’t think he’s really listening to what I’m saying. I think he’s just nodding his head ‘cause I’m askin a question.

“Mama, where’d the dogs go?” he asks, and his voice sounds so small. That’s a question he’s asked every day since I had Tucker put to sleep. After Ruby died, everyone was kinda shocked, and Addy was so fuckin sad all the time ‘cause her dog died. She didn’t understand why it was her dog that had to die. When I put Tucker down everyone, even Buffy, was so pissed off, and depressed. Mattie wouldn’t talk to me for two whole weeks, Addy got really quiet and just wanted to play in her room, and Joey started stutterin ‘cause of all the stress. The stutter went away on its own, and it hasn’t come back, but he just can’t accept that they’re gone. Little kids can’t gasp the concept of death, and usually B handles this one. I’m too chicken shit to answer this question. But it looks like tonight I’m gonna have to.

“They went away, Joey. They’re gone, and they’re not gonna come back,” I tell him, and his little lip starts to stick out. He’s pretty close to tears, and it’s not just from my answer. His ear is probably hurtin like a bitch right now. “Hey, buddy, you ok?” He shakes his head no, and I gently pull him to me. I wrap both arms around him nice and tight, and he nuzzles my neck. Ok, I guess it’s time I give him some of that medicine. I can feel some tears brush against my skin. “Hey, don’t cry. It’s ok.” I gently rub his back, and make some soft little shushing sounds. We’ve been doing those to calm the kids down since they were babies so it usually helps. He starts squirmin around so I loosen my grip on him. He backs away from me, but not very far. Just far enough so he can see my face. He looks really sad.

“I miss Matt,” he says, and it damn near breaks my heart. His voice sounds all wet, and strained ‘cause he’s crying. I hug him to me again and keep making those sounds. He’s sobbing now, and I don’t know what to say to calm him down. Mattie’s never been gone this long before, and we all miss him. He can’t just come back though. He said he wanted to help Brooke for a little while, so he’ll be back for good when she’s settled. He’s coming back no matter what for Christmas. That was nonnegotiable. But that’s not for a couple of weeks. I need to focus on what’s happening right now.

“I know you miss him. We all miss him,” I say, and rub his back some more. His head feels so much hotter, and I don’t know if it’s from the fever or from him crying but he’s definitely getting some medicine after he calms down. Even if he’s passed out, I’ll wake him up so he can take some. The cough medicine has a pain killer in it so that’ll help his ear a little bit, and maybe he’ll get some rest, and not just sleep. “I know he’s gonna be gone for a while, but he’s coming back at Christmas, and Christmas isn’t that far away. You’ll get to see him really soon. And when he gets back we can take our blankets in the living room, and watch movies, and eat popcorn, and stay up really late, and camp out together, does that sound good?” He nods his head yes, and I can’t help but smile. I thought he’d like that one.

It takes him a little while to calm down, but when he does I give him some of the cough medicine. As soon as his little head is back on the pillow, he’s out like a light. I go into my room, and change into my pjs. I guess B overheard some of that conversation ‘cause she looks a little upset now. She hates that Mattie’s gone, and she hates that it’s affecting our babies. I comfort her a little bit, but there’s not much I can do. She isn’t gonna feel better until Mattie gets home. But I have to try ‘cause I’m not a dick. Ignoring her when she’s obviously upset would be a dick move, and I try not to do that nowadays. The whole time I’m holding her, and whisperin my little sweet nothings my mind is preoccupied. I’m worried about Joey, and I’m gonna sleep in his bed tonight.

Ok, so sleep’s probably not the right word, but not being near him while he’s so upset, and sick is gonna drive me crazy. I gotta be there when he wakes up in case he needs me. He’s already such a guy, and he’s not even four yet. By that I mean he doesn’t share his emotions a lot. When he gets mad at Addy for doin somethin to him he’ll snitch on her real fast, but getting him to talk about why he’s sad is usually like pullin teeth with nothin but your fingers, and you don’t have slayer strength. He’s so closed off, and I worry about him. I worry ‘cause sometimes he gets overlooked. He keeps most of his emotions bottled up, and me and B sometimes forget how upset he can get about stuff. I just feel like I need to make it all better. Like I gotta do whatever it takes to make him happy again. Fuck, if this is what Buffy felt like when she was still babyin him no wonder if went on for so damn long.

BPOV

Today has just not been my day. Oh, you wanna know why? Alright, here it goes. I didn’t get hardly any sleep last night because Faith slept in Joseph’s bedroom. I know that longing makes the heart grow fonder, and all that crap. Couples need their time apart to miss each other or else they’re doomed, but I’ve been needy, and I couldn’t fall asleep because she wasn’t there. I didn’t wake up when my alarm went off, so I didn’t wake up until fifteen minutes after I normally do. Now, it doesn’t sound like a big deal, but Addison has school today, and since I was late getting up, she was late getting up. She hates it when she has to rush to get ready, and by the time we left the house so I could walk her down to the bus stop, she was in a pretty bad mood. That probably means she’s going to be in a bad mood when she gets home, and I’ll have to mediate between her and Faith because those two fight like rabid dogs.

Let’s see, what else? Oh, it looks like Joseph has a really bad ear infection. I called the doctor this morning, and the soonest they can get us in is this Thursday, but the doctor said it sounds like an ear infection. He’s no worse then he was last night, but we’re kind of in a tough spot because he can’t go to daycare, and I have to go to this stupid meeting with that stupid building inspector to make sure everything is up to the stupid code. Faith really needs to go into work because if we’re going to have Christmas this year then she needs to finish those bikes with her dad. At first I was freaking out, but then she told me that Joseph can go to work with her, and sleep in her office. She has a little TV, and DVD player in there, and a cot with a pillow, and some blankets. Yeah, that’s how much she works at that shop. Sometimes she stays too late, and she’s too tired to drive home so she’ll just sleep there. She hasn’t done that in a long time though.

Anyway, I don’t know if it’s because of the ear infection, or if Joseph has something else at the same time, but he threw up on me when I got home from dropping Addison off. Faith finished making breakfast, and I went upstairs to get Joseph, and as soon as I picked him up he threw up all over me. It got on my neck, down my chest, and it leaked down to my stomach and thighs. The poor little guy was so embarrassed he started crying, so I was trying to comfort him, and not puke at the same time. I yelled for Faith and she came running upstairs like the house was on fire or something. She had to clean off Joseph while I ran into our bedroom and took a shower. After I got dressed and blow dried my hair, I went back into his room and cleaned up the puke that got on the carpet. And since Faith was giving Joseph a bath she forgot to run downstairs and turn the burners off on the stove, so our breakfast was completely ruined. Could this day get any worst? Because I’m thinking: no.

All of that happened about an hour ago. Faith decided to skip work for today, and she’s taking Joseph to a different doctor who could see him today. I’d rather use our pediatrician because she’s been seeing Joseph since he was a baby, but if something is really wrong then we need to know what so they can give him some medicine to make him feel better. I hate it when the kids throw up, not only because it’s disgusting to deal with, but because it takes so much out of them. And honestly, who likes throwing up? I just want my babies to be healthy, and happy. I hate that I can’t stay home with him today. Whenever the kids get sick I always baby them a lot. I sit with them, and read to them, and sometimes I’ll even sleep in their beds with them. Since Matthew is older that doesn’t really happen anymore. When he gets sick he likes to be left alone. Addison likes to sleep in our bed with us when she’s not feeling well, and normally Joseph has me sleep in his bed, but he was mad at me last night.

I’m about to go upstairs, and clean up Addison’s room a little bit when I hear the doorbell ring. It’s only eleven in the morning, so who could that be? Yeah, all of that shit happened and it’s not even noon. Anyway, I don’t have to be at the meeting with the building inspector isn’t until one. I told Faith that no matter what she’s doing she has to be here in time to pick Addison up from the bus stop. It’s just right down the street so she can walk home herself, and she knows where the hide-a-key is so she won’t be locked out of the house, but seven is too young for kids to be home by themselves. Since I have a couple of hours to myself I was going to clean up the house a little bit. I can’t just sit here and do nothing. That’s not relaxing for me. I have to keep my mind busy somehow, and cleaning the house is a good way to pass the time. But I’m thankful for the distraction. It’s not like I enjoy cleaning the house. I open the door, and I’m a little surprised.

“Sky? What are you doing here?” I ask, and wow that sounded horrible. “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to sound rude. You wanna come inside?” I take a step back to let her walk passed me but she shakes her head. Sky doesn’t really come over here by herself so this is a little odd. Don’t get me wrong, I like Sky, and I’m glad Willow’s found someone good enough who makes her so happy, but I’ve never spent a lot of one on one time with her before. The only other time she’s just showed up like this was when she and Willow were fighting and she informed me that as Willow’s best friend it’s my job to talk some sense into her. Apparently, Sky wanted to paint the nursery green, but Willow wanted to paint it a light robin egg blue color, and Sky freaked out. She slept in our bed that night while Faith and I camped out in the living room. Gotta love those pregnancy hormones.

“No, I don’t want to bother you,” she says, and for some reason that makes me feel guilty. Does she think she’s bothering me by just coming over? I don’t want her to think that. Maybe we should have a girls’ day. I’m thinking some kind of bonding would be best. I don’t want her to think that we can’t spend time together.

“You’re not bothering me. I have plenty of time to spare,” I say and turn on the friendliness. She looks hesitant, and she doesn’t move forward to come inside. Ok, so I have plenty of time to spare, but maybe she doesn’t.

“Thanks, but that’s alright. I just wanted to drop this off,” she says, and smiles a little. She seems a little…off, but I’m not going to ask about it. I don’t want to offend her or anything. She pulls an envelope out of her back pocket and hands it to me, and I open it up. There’s a card inside, and I pull it out, and read it. I probably shouldn’t do this right in front of her, but oh well. Anyway, the card says that I am invited to the Campbell-Rosenberg baby shower that is this Sunday at two o’clock. Wait, why did I not know this?

“Your last name is Campbell?” I ask and look up at her with a slightly amused look on my face. She nods her head and she looks a little confused. “Campbell, like the soup?” Ok, now she looks a little irritated. Come on, it was funny. “Sorry. You’ve probably heard that joke.” She nods her head a little.

“Kind of a lot,” she says and shifts her weight a little. There’s kind of an awkward pause, and she looks like she wants to say something. I kinda raise my eyebrows at her, and she sighs. I know she wants to say something, and now she knows I know she wants to say something. “I know you’re probably busy today, but I was wondering if I could borrow your car for a little while.” Huh? “We only have one car, and Willow’s at work, and I’m going a little stir crazy. You’ve been pregnant twice so you know what it’s like.” I do know what it’s like. When you’re a slayer and you get pregnant you’re taken off active duty. That means no patrols, and for a slayer that feels like being locked up.

“I get that,” I say and I kinda pick at the corner of the card. I feel for her because since Sky got pregnant she quit her job, she’s been taken off active duty, and she’s home alone for most of the day. That has to be pretty depressing. But at the same time I have that meeting I need to go to. But my studio isn’t that far from here. It’s only a twenty minute walk, and today is a really nice day. It isn’t too hot so I won’t be all sweaty when I get there, and it’s not like I’m out of shape or anything. I’m a slayer. A twenty minute walk will feel like nothing. And if something else horrible happens to me this morning and I am a little late I could always just run there.

“Yeah, ok,” I say, and pull the keys out of my pocket. I don’t like keeping them in my purse or else they get lost on the bottom. “Have it back by six, ok?” I hand the keys over, and she has a relieved smile on her face.

“Thank you so much. I’ll make it up to you, I swear,” she says, and she sounds all excited. I’ve never seen Sky look so……bubbly before. It’s pretty cute, and I can see why Willow fell for her. Well, that and the fact that they spent so much time together. Sky was really there for her after Kennedy left, and I’ve never really thanked Sky for that. I guess I’m going to have to buy her a really awesome Christmas present this year.

“Don’t worry about it. You can pay me back by coming over for dinner sometime. You and Will haven’t been over in a while.” We used to try and spend as much time together as possible because we’re friends and that’s just what friends do. But I guess life just kinda got in the way.

“Well this weekend is the baby shower,” she says, and rubs her belly a little. She gets that look on her face that I know all too well. It’s the look of the first time mom. Everything is new and so exciting right now. I remember that feeling, and I remember what Faith looked like every time she would stop and take a moment to feel that. “But next weekend I’m sure we could make it. I’ll have to check with Willow, though, and make sure she doesn’t have any plans.” I nod a little bit and she looks a little anxious. I guess she’s just eager to get out of here.

“Well, have fun in town. Stop at PJ’s and eat a vanilla milkshake for me,” I say with a small smile. PJ’s has the best milkshakes on the planet. I would ask her to buy me one before she brings the car back, but that will end badly. If I get a milkshake, then the kids will want a milkshake, and since I’m not going to run to PJ’s to get them one they’ll be all pouty and whiney. So it’s best to just wait. We eat a PJ’s once every couple of weeks, so it won’t be long before I can have one.

“Ok, I’ll remember that,” she says and we say our goodbyes. I watch her walk down the steps, and then shut the door. Well that was certainly…interesting. Maybe I should’ve made sure Sky has a license before I gave her the keys. Have I ever seen Sky drive a car before? Hmmm……I think ignorance is bliss on this one. I’m insured so if she does crash it, it’ll be fine. I glance over at the clock and sigh a very heavy sigh. It’s only eleven thirteen. My meeting with the building inspector isn’t until one. What the hell am I going to do until then? I should leave about twelve thirty since I’m going to be walking. I wanna get there a little early and make sure everything is put away where it should be. Sometimes I don’t put the mats and equipment back where it’s supposed to go in the storage closet. I’ve been to the studio a couple of times to check the mail, and get some papers out of my desk, but I can’t remember if everything was put away or not.

Well, since I have nothing better to do I might as well go clean up Addison’s room a little. We have the kids keep their rooms clean, but she likes to hide her dirty laundry under the bed and in her closet instead of putting it in the hamper at the end of the hallway like she’s supposed to. Faith and I aren’t clean freaks or anything like that. We don’t care if the kids leave a few toys on their floor, but when their rooms start to look like a tornado just passed through then they have to clean up. They don’t like it and there’s always whining and fighting, but eventually it gets done. But if I don’t get all of the clothes that Addison squirrels away in her room and put them in the hamper then she runs out of clothes to wear, and she ends up having to wear the kinds scrubby clothes that we keep for when we do things that are a little messy. This way we don’t have to worry about her staining her good school clothes.

Whoa, what the hell? I brace myself against the wall as a wave of dizziness hits me. I feel like the entire room is spinning, and I think I’m going to be sick. What the fuck is going on? Why is this happening? I try to keep myself up but there’s nothing on the wall for me to hold onto, and I fall to the ground. A shooting pain starts at my temples and spreads throughout my entire body. My skin feels like it’s tightening so tight that it’s ripping and I scream out in pain. This is the worst type of pain I’ve ever felt. Worst then jumping through that portal and dying; worst then any demon that has gotten the best of me. It’s even worst then giving birth. I manage to bite back the nauseousness, and gain a little control with the breathing in the nose and out the mouth technique. Who knew those few hours on a sail boat when I was on my honeymoon would come in handy? ‘Cause I sure didn’t.

As the dizziness starts to fade, the edges of my vision start to blacken. Everything around me is getting bigger, and the ripping feeling in my skin is going away. I fight as hard as I can to stay awake but I can feel myself slipping. If I have a concussion I might not wake up. I could slip into a coma and never wake up again. My eyelids get heavier and my determination to stay in the land of the non-comatose starts to weaken. I know I need to fight this but at the same time all I wanna do is take a little nap. It’s not even noon and already I’ve had a horrible fucking day. Maybe if I do slip into a coma the Powers That Be will have some sympathy and give me a break. Yeah right, like they’d ever do that. As consciousness slips from me and my eyelids close the only thing I can think is: I hope I don’t wake up in a coma.

“Addy, go put your toy back in your room,” I hear a voice booming from somewhere. Jesus, where am I, Mount Olympus? That’s what I imagine Zeus’ voice would be like. I never imagined it would make my ears ring. Or maybe that’s a concussion. Do I have a concussion? I don’t think I do. Then again crazy people don’t know that they’re crazy until someone sane comes along and tells them that they are. Where was I going with this? Crap, maybe I’m losing my memory too. Ok, Buffy just stay calm. The only way you’re going to figure any of this out is if you actually open your eyes and find out where you are. I slowly open my eyes and blink against the harsh light. I must be in the land of giants because everything around me is like a thousand times bigger then me, but it all looks strangely familiar.

“Ok, Mom. Geez, you don’t have to yell,” another voice booms from the opposite direction. This one sounds closer, and not as deep as the other one. I slowly stand up and test the reliability of my legs. Usually when I have a concussion my legs don’t like to hold me up, but I guess I don’t have one since I’m not falling back onto the floor. I feel a rumbling, like an earthquake or something, and very slowly turn around. Oh. My. God. My eyes go wide in shock, fear, and disbelief as a giant, humongous, monstrously large, crazy big Addison comes walking towards me. Ok, I have to be dreaming. I’m dreaming about being in a land of giants, and soon I’m going to wake up and everything will be normal. “They always yell at me ta do stuff like I’m a servant girl.” She lets out a big dramatic sigh, and shakes her head just enough to make her curls bounce a little. Nope, I’m definitely not dreaming. Fuck.

“Addison!” I yell as loud as I can, and her head snaps down. She has a look of total confusion right now and if this situation weren’t so damn horrible it would be pretty cute. I need her to take me to Faith. I’m so small it will take me forever to find her, and I want to be normal as soon as possible. Once Addison takes me to Faith, Faith can take me to Willow and she can work her magic and make me as good as new. If she can get rid of that horrible tattoo a demon gave me a few years ago I’m sure she can reverse whatever spell was put on me. “Addison!” I walk up to her and she watches me the entire time. I can practically see the wheels turning in her little head. Well, her giant head, but once I’m back to normal it’ll look little again.

“Did Aunt Willow forget to un-magic my Barbie dolls?” she says and it sounds like she’s talking more to herself then she is to me. I can’t help but roll my eyes. Sometimes when Willow comes over she and Addison will throw a tea party and Willow will put a spell on Addison’s dolls to make them come to life for a little while so they can actually be a part of the tea party. Yeah I know, I have a very strange family and group of friends but that’s not the issue right now. The issue at the moment is how to get my daughter to take me to my wife. Or have Addison bring Faith to me. I don’t really care which as long as Faith takes me to Willow.

“I’m not a doll, Addison. It’s me.” I don’t have to yell because her slayer hearing is better then mine. I forgot about that earlier. I really don’t want to yell or else I’ll lose my voice, and that would be of the bad. I’m definitely going to need my voice if I’m going to get Faith to take me to Willow. Anyway, Addison still looks a little confused. This must be denial or something. Or maybe her little kid brain just can’t wrap itself around what’s happening. “I’m your mom, Addison. Someone shrunk me, ok? Can you hear what I’m saying?” I guess so because her eyes just got about five times bigger then they were before, and she looks a little pale. I hope she doesn’t pass out. She could hurt herself pretty bad, or land on me and then I’d die and that would also be bad.

“Mom?” she asks, and she sounds so confused. I guess this is something her little mind just can’t wrap around. “Holy shit.” She takes a step forward and I frown. I would scold her for that but I guess the circumstances are crazy enough for me to let it slide. “How did you get all small like that? Did you try to cast a spell? Did it blow up in your face? Aunt Willow says you hafta be careful when you cast spells ‘cause if the smoke blows up in your face you can go blind.” I can’t stop myself from rolling my eyes and shaking my head. I have the craziest kid on the planet. “What? It’s true, Mom. Aunt Willow knows everything about magic.” That’s why I need to get to her so she can change me back. I sigh and rub my face with both of my hands. This headache isn’t going away, and this conversation is beyond frustrating at this point.

“I wasn’t trying to cast a spell, Addison. Just go get Mom, ok? I need her to take me to Aunt Willow so she can fix me,” I say and I try as hard as I can to keep the frustration out of my voice, but it’s really hard. I get that this is strange to her, and she has all these questions, but if this is a curse there could be a time limit. Like if I don’t get it reversed in the next fifteen minutes I could be like this forever. I know in the past I’ve said, to myself at least, that sometimes when Faith and I make love it feels like we’re trying to consume each other, to crawl inside and become one person. But now that it’s physically possible for me to crawl inside my wife, it doesn’t seem so appealing. For one thing I could get stuck or something, and how would she get me out, use the hose on the vacuum cleaner? Ok, I so need to stop thinking about that.

I tense up when I see the look on her face. I don’t think she’s ever looked more like Faith in her entire life, and I don’t mean that in a good way. I mean in a way that reminds me of that night back in Sunnydale when Faith tied me up and was about to torture me. That little twinkle she got in her eye when she started thinking about all of the things she was going to do to me, and the little smile it brought to her face, that’s exactly how Addison looks right now and to say it’s unnerving is a total understatement. I don’t think I want to know what she’s thinking. I just want to get back to my normal size. Not only is this very freaky, and horrible in so many ways, but I only have one outfit in this size and it’s the one I’m wearing so if I don’t get turned back soon I’ll be sleeping in these, and wearing them tomorrow which is pretty gross.

“I wanna do somethin’ first,” she says and takes a step towards me. I can feel the floor rumble beneath my feet, and a cold shiver runs down my spine. I take about five steps backwards and glace around quickly. I feel like a trapped rat, and she’s a hungry predator waiting to strike. And I know what feeling like a trapped rat is really like because I was turned into one before. Remember Amy’s spell when she was all crazy because of Xander’s backfired spell? I didn’t talk to her for weeks after that. It took me five days to get the smell of vermin out of my hair.

“No Addison. You can’t do anything first. This is serious. Now get your mother right this minute,” I say and try to sound like commander-Buffy. You remember commander-Buffy right? She’s calm, and cool, and in charge, and everyone respects her? Well I think I would have pulled it off a little better if I wasn’t fearing for my well being. The little tremble in my voice is what really gave away that I’m terrified. And I have a good reason to be. You’ve never seen Addison play with her toys so you have no idea why I’m getting like this. She can be downright evil. Ok, maybe that’s an exaggeration, but she isn’t always nice. I once saw her get so frustrated with one of her Barbie’s because she couldn’t get the hands through the lacey sleeves of the swan princess dress that she ripped the arms off and then put the dress on. I’d like to keep all of my appendages, thank you very much.

“Ok,” she says a little too sweetly for my liking. “Mama!” I cover my ears and wince at the sudden pain in my head. Oh when I get put back to normal size I am so going to duct tape her mouth shut. “I need to tell you something!” When the ringing my head becomes tolerable I take my hands away from my ears. I look into her eyes and I know why she has that bratty expression on her face. Faith has a meeting tonight with a client, which means she’s going to want to be ready hours in advance so she can get out the door as fast as possible, which means she’s not going to be coming out of our bedroom for at least forty-five minutes. And she says I’m the “girl” of this relationship. Whatever.

“Addy I’m tryin to get ready, you can tell me somethin later,” Faith yells back and my blood runs cold. Ok, so not literally or I would probably die or have a heart attack or something, but you know what I mean. “And that doll better be back in your room or I’m throwin’ it in the garbage.” Oh God, she just had to add that part, didn’t she? Addison’s smile can only be described as devilish. I start backing away slowly but I know it’s no use. Even if I tried to out run her there’s no way I’d be able to. Not only is she like, a thousand times bigger then me, but all of the doors are closed so there’s nowhere for me to hide.

“Ok, Mama,” the demon child says in a tone that is way too sweet. Why isn’t Faith picking up on any of this?! She should know by now that if Addison wants to tell us something and we tell her no she freaks out and says that we never pay attention to her. Nothing with Addison is ever that easy, Faith should know that! Addison laughs a little bit and it makes the hair on the back of my neck stand on end. This is so not good. I turn and run for it, but before I can get ten steps she grabs me around my waist and picks me up. She’s not hurting me or anything, just holding me tight enough that I can’t get away. And trust me, I’m struggling like hell to get away. I’m clawing at her fingers, and trying to pry them off me, but nothing is working. She starts walking towards her bedroom and now I’m completely panicking.

“No, no, no!” I scream, but my tiny voice goes unnoticed. I feel like Woody on Toy Story when he and Buzz were in that backpack and being taken up to the psycho kid’s room. I have no idea what she’s going to do to me in that room. And once she closes the door I’ll have absolutely no way out. I’ll be trapped in there with her for God knows how long being subjected to who knows what kind of torture. I should have stayed in bed today! “Faith! Faith! FFFFFAAAAAIIIITTTTHH!” I scream at the top of my lungs as she enters the room, praying against all odds that Faith will somehow hear me, or sense that I’m in trouble. Our slayer connection has gotten stronger over the years since we’ve become so emotionally close, and sometimes we joke about her being a little like Lassie because sometimes when I’m in distress she’ll call me, or come into whatever room of the house I’m in, all worried and wanting to cheer me up. I sigh and give up all hope when Addison shuts her bedroom door. She is so grounded when I get back to normal size.

(Addison’s Bedroom: 3:15 P.M.)

I don’t know how long I’ve been here. Hours, days maybe? Ok, so I know it hasn’t been that long. For one thing, Faith would start to worry that I haven’t come home yet, which means she thinks I’m still at the meeting with the building inspector. I wouldn’t be surprised if I’m locked up here for the rest of my life. Addison is apparently planning on keeping me locked in her room like a hamster or something. I didn’t really think it would go like this when she brought me in here. I wasn’t expecting a torture chamber hidden in the back of her closet or anything, but this? Definitely wasn’t expecting this. I was expecting her to dress me up in Barbie clothes since those are now my size……except for the boobs. Barbie definitely has a bigger rack then me. Anyway, I was expecting to be dressed in Barbie clothes, and forced to play tea party with Addison and some of her toys.

I totally wasn’t expecting to be tied up like a prisoner and forced to just sit here on her bed. I have no idea what she’s doing, but she’s been doing it for hours. Ok, again, it just seems like hours. I’m sure it’s only been a couple of minutes. I don’t know if it’s because I’m so small, but my perception of time is definitely off. I don’t think it has to do with the fact that I’m being held against my will. When that demon took me hostage and planned to impregnate me with his evil offspring time didn’t seem to drag on like this. Then again for most of that time I was in and out of consciousness. I mean, sure there was the intense horniness, and the demon doing weird stuff to me, but it really didn’t seem like I was there that long. Then again my wife wasn’t RIGHT DOWN THE HALL so maybe that’s also factoring into the time thing. All she has to do is come check on Addison, she’ll see me, take me to Willow, and everything will be put back the way it’s supposed to be.

I mean, she’s not only my wife, but she’s the only slayer in the world that I have this deep connection with. She’s come running to me before like Lassie when all I had was a paper cut! Now that I’m actually in serious trouble she’s nowhere to be found. Ok, so she can be found. She’s in our bedroom getting dressed up for the meeting she has tonight with that big client. She’s applying make up and I’m stuck in Hell. I never really imagined Hell would look like this. I think the most common thing people imagine is a place with lots of fire, and brimstone, and demons running around torturing people, and the devil sitting on a large thrown overlooking it all, and laughing like some crazy maniac. Whenever I picture Hell what comes to mind is an endless line at Starbucks. People who have already purchased their coffee and walk by, sipping at their hot beverages with a look of satisfaction on their face while I’m stuck, going nowhere fast, craving nothing but my hot cup of yummy calories that are going to get me through the day.

Ok, Buffy, stay focused. Addison stops whatever she was doing at the little table, and walks over to the closet. On top of the table is the doll house Faith bought her for her birthday a couple years ago. I have no idea what she’s been doing that to dollhouse but I think I have a pretty good idea. I think she’s been moving things around, getting it ready for me. Addison is planning on keeping me locked up in her dollhouse like a pet gerbil. I’m going to be forced to sleep on some uncomfortable plastic bed. Faith and I spent nearly two thousand dollars for our mattress, and it is the most comfortable thing in the freakin world. There is no way in hell I’m going to give up a Serta king to sleep on a plastic rectangle. I try to wiggle free for the thousandth time, but my bonds are tied too tight. Here I am, Buffy the greatest vampire slayer in the history of vampire slayers, and I’ve been completely immobilized by a shoe lace. I am so going to start training again as soon as I get out of here.

I watch as she grabs something from inside the closet, it looks like a box. I know I’ve seen it somewhere before but I can’t for the life of me remember what’s inside of it. Whenever I buy new shoes I always save the boxes and either use them to wrap Christmas gifts, or let the kids have them. I think I’m going to start giving them clear, plastic bags to put their things in because not knowing what’s in that box is going to drive me crazy. It could be some type of torture device that she found, and now she wants to test it out. Wait, that’s crazy. If she was going to experiment with it she would’ve tested it on the neighbor’s cat first. Ok, Buffy, think. When was the last time I saw Mittens?.........What the hell am I doing? This is absolutely crazy. My daughter doesn’t have a torture device hidden in her bedroom closet. She sets the box down on the little table, and takes off the lid. She reaches in, and time seems to be in slow motion as she pulls something out. I was wrong……she does have a torture device.

(Addison’s Bedroom: 5:34 P.M.)

“How’s this mom?” Addison asks and holds up yet another Barbie shirt. She’s been putting together outfits for what feels like forever. She’s been asking my opinion about every single thing, but I’m giving her the silent treatment. Maybe if I stay quiet she’ll get frustrated and throw a tantrum. I know that doesn’t sound like much, but when Addison throws a temper tantrum she goes way over the top, and her screaming, and stomping, and throwing things around will definitely get Faith’s attention because nothing else has. “I think it’s ugly.” Good for you. “I think you have a real shirt just like it.” She’s been doing that a lot. Every time I don’t react to something she says, she’ll insult me a little to try and get a reaction, but I’ve been calm and collected. She goes back to rummaging through the big shoe box full of Barbie clothes and I go back to staring at the clock on the wall. I don’t know why Faith hasn’t come in here to check on Addison, but someone will be coming in here soon.

“I found the blue dress,” she says and she sounds pretty excited. Great, not another dress. She’s picked out seven other dresses already. “You’ll look pretty in this one, Mom.” Mmmhmmm, just like I’ll look pretty in the white one, the pink one, the orange one with the white polka dots, the dark blue ball gown, the yellow sun dress, the green sun dress, and the red dress that looks like it was made for Street Walker Barbie, who comes complete with gonorrhea and a drug habit. I just keep my eyes focused on the clock. Judging by the sounds and smells coming from downstairs, Faith started cooking dinner about forty-five minutes ago. I have no idea what else she’s making, but baked chicken is definitely on the menu. Which means, sometime very soon, either Faith or Joseph is going to come upstairs to tell Addison that dinner is ready. Hopefully it’ll be Faith. Joseph already threw up on me once today, and with me being so small if he does it again I’ll be completely covered in it.

“Addison,” I say and I try to sound as nice as possible. That’s a lot harder then it sounds considering how frustrated I am at the moment. “I’m getting hungry. Why don’t you take me to the kitchen to get something to eat?” If the chicken is almost done baking then Faith is most likely in the kitchen right now making the side dishes. But, just like Faith, Addison isn’t stupid. She just says a lot of dumb things sometimes. She’s insanely smart, and I can just tell by the look on her face that she sees through my words and knows exactly what I’m trying to do.

“No, Mom. If you’re hungry I’ll bring you some stuff after dinner. Mama told me we’re having chicken and squash.” Seriously? Roasted chicken and butternut squash is the one thing that Faith loves to cook, and that I hate. Faith loves it, and I guess since she thinks I’m still at my meeting with the building inspector she can make what she wants without protest since the kids are also big fans of it. She doesn’t make it that often, and whenever she does I do whine about it a little bit. Ok, so maybe I whine about it a lot, so she doesn’t make it often because I don’t like it, and now I feel like an ass. If she likes it so much I guess I can learn to like it. I mean, isn’t compromise what a relationship is all about? Please don’t answer that question.

“Why don’t you just take me downstairs with you? Bringing me back leftovers makes me feel like a dog,” I tell her and she gets a sad look on her face. I shouldn’t have said that. I need to start thinking more before I speak. Say the word dog around any of the kids, and Faith, and they get pretty upset because the wounds of what happened to Ruby and Tucker haven’t healed all the way yet. I know it’s only been two months, but I thought they would be a little better then this. But I’m getting off topic again. “Addison, please, just take me to Mom, ok? You know I can’t stay like this. It was just a mistake. I need to be changed back.” And just when I’m finally starting to get through to her, the bedroom door opens. I turn my head as much as I can but I can’t really see the door from here. The look on her face is most annoyance so I know right away that it isn’t Faith at the door.

“Get out of my room, Joe!” she yells, but I hear Joseph’s footsteps moving further into the room instead of out. He never listens to her, and sometimes it’s pretty funny watching the two of them interact. But when they fight like this it’s never really that fun. Especially now that I’m only twelve inches tall, and their voices are creating a constant ringing in my ears. I’ll be lucky to come out of this without any type of hearing damage.

“Don’t yell at me!” he yells back and again I feel like my head is going to explode. I can’t even lift my hands up to cover my ears because Addison has my arms tied to my sides. Oh, this so fucking sucks. “Mama says it’s time ta eat.” There’s a little pause and I can just tell by the angry look on Addison’s face that Joseph has spotted me. “What’s that?” There’s so much confusion in his little voice it’s almost cute. Almost being the key word in that sentence. If I was just an outsider looking in I’d think it was cute.

“It’s not anything. Get out or I’m gonna hit you,” she says and takes a couple of steps towards him. I don’t know if it’s because they’re slayers or little kids but they hit each other a lot. Matthew never hit Addison as much as she hits Joseph, but I think that’s because he’s six years older then she is. If he were to haul off and smack her he’d definitely get more then just a time out.

“Addison, you know you’re not supposed to make threats,” I say in my ‘mom voice’. I guess that voice still means something to her because the look on her face just went from really angry to less intense. If the ‘mom voice’ still works, maybe I can get Joseph to run get Faith. He decided a while ago that he’s my little helper-buddy. Whenever I ask him to do something he usually does it just to make me happy. Great, my son is acting like a border collie just to get attention. Am I the worst mom ever, or what?

“Mommy?” Joseph asks, and I can hear him walking towards me. But before he reaches the bed, Addison runs forward and places herself between Joseph and the place I’m being held captive. I use all my strength to wiggle around, and turn myself so I can see the two of them. If I were normal sized I’d be able to see both of them, but since I’m not all I can see is Addison’s back. Great, how am I supposed to mediate the situation when both kids are way bigger then me? You can jump in any time with an answer if you want.

“It’s not Mommy, now get out!” Addison yells again, and I wince at the pain. Ok, this needs to stop now before my ear drums explode. I’m not a hundred percent sure, but I don’t think ear drums grow back. I need to do something before that fear becomes a reality.

“Addison, don’t yell. You’re going to make my ears bleed,” I say in the ‘mom voice’ again. She whips around really fast and looks at me like I just grew a second head or something. It’s nice to know she cares about my well being. And no, I’m not being sarcastic. If I had said that and she didn’t react at all, or just didn’t care then I would be worried. “Joseph, go downstairs and tell Mom to come up here.” He tries to leave, but Addison grabs onto his shirt. Both of them start screaming at each other, and the pain is so horrible I think I’m going to pass out. My ears feel like they’re going to pop from all of the pressure the noise is causing. At least it feels like a pressure, pushing against the insides of my ears, invading my brain and making it feel like it’s expanding, trying as hard at it can to push passed the barrier of my skull.

“Hey!” one voice rings out above all the other noise, and I’m pretty sure my ears are bleeding now. “What the hell is going on in here?” I open my eyes and look up to see Faith standing a couple feet away from the kids, with her hands on her hips and an irritated look on her face. And there she is: my knight in dark denim. Both of the kids freeze and no one says a word for what feels like forever. The ringing in my head won’t go away, and now there’s this painful throbbing in my temples. I think after Willow changes me back I’m going to take a bunch of pain killers and just pass out for a couple of days. That sounds like heaven right about now.

“Faith!” I yell and start struggling against the pink shoe lace that’s been keeping me confined for the last…however long I’ve been stuck here. It’s been at least a couple of hours because the sun is almost completely set. “Faith, help me!” She looks over at me and her eyes bug out. Both of the kids start talking again, each getting louder and louder with every word as they try to talk over each other, and I wince in pain. Faith shushes them and thankfully they both listen. “Faith, please.” She steps forward and nudges the kids out of her way. Addison starts protesting but again Faith shushes her. Normally Addison is very combative with Faith but I guess she knows she’s in a lot of trouble and should just be quiet.

“B?” she says and gets down on her knees, and now we’re eye level. “B, is that you?” I keep struggling against the shoe lace, and all she does is smile. She’s smiling at me? I’ve been turned into a living, breathing Barbie doll and all she does is smile at me? She can be such a bitch sometimes. I glare at her, and she chuckles a little. “Yep, definitely you.” I’m not sure if I should be offended by that or not. Oh well, I’ll be mad about it later. “What the hell happened to you?” She reaches out and starts to untie the knot. I go completely still and wait.

“I don’t know. I think someone cast a spell or something. That or we really need to test the tap water,” I say and she chuckles again. “This isn’t funny, Faith.” I can see how it would be funny, but right now I have horrible rope burns on my arms, my head feels like an elephant stepped on it, my ears still have an annoying, painful buzzing sound in them, and I really need to pee. At this moment I have no sense of humor. “Please, just get me to Willow ok? She’ll know what to do.” She gets the knot untied and very gently pulls the shoe lace off of me. I sigh a huge breath of relief, and stretch out my sore limbs.

“I thought you had a meeting at the studio, and your car’s gone how did you get back here?” she asks, and holds out her hand. I grab onto the tip of her middle finger with both hands, and pull myself up. I brush myself off, and shake my head a little. I really wish this buzzing sound would stop. It would probably go away faster if she stopped talking, but I get that she’s confused and has a lot of questions. I would have a lot of questions too if I saw that she had been miniaturized.

“Sky stopped by and asked to borrow it. The studio isn’t far, and it was a nice day so I decided to walk there. But something happened, something did this to me.” I look into her huge brown eyes, and most of the amusement she has in them disappears. I guess now that she sees how upset I am she’s starting to take this seriously. Good, I don’t want to be the only one who doesn’t think this is funny. Because this is so not funny. This isn’t even close to funny. “Please, Faith, just take me to Willow’s house, ok?” She nods her head a little bit, and runs a hand through her hair. Then she looks at me again, and she has a little twinkle in her eyes.

“You wanna ride in my cleavage?” she asks in that mischievous tone. I have the world’s most retarded girlfriend. Ever. Look up the record for the planet’s most retarded girlfriend and you’ll see picture of Faith, with a big dumb smile on her face, and her hand shoved down her pants. I sigh in frustration, and I feel like ripping my hair out. Why does she have to do this to me? Why is everything such a big joke with her? I sigh, and glance down at her chest. I sigh again and shake my head.

“Yes.” It’s a good thing I’m retarded too or we’d be a horrible match.