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Chapter 69: Decisions, The Decided, and The Procrastinators

Two Weeks Later. BPOV

“‘Old Brown carried Nutkin into his house, and held him up by the tail, intending to skin him; but Nutkin pulled so very hard that his tail broke in two, and escaped out of the attic window. And to this day, if you meet Nutkin up a tree and ask him a riddle, he will throw sticks at you, and stamp his feet and scold and shout – cuck-cuck-cuck-cur-r-r-cuck-k-k! The End.’” What the fuck? What kind of little kid story is that? The squirrels go to Owl Island every fall to collect the nuts but they have to give the owl a sacrifice first, and the little Nutkin will tell a riddle to annoy the Owl so finally he gets sick of it and tries to skin him. What kind of fucked up story is that? I close the book and give Addison a very questioning look and she just shrugs her shoulders. “Who bought this for you?” She thinks about it for a second and then she gets a dead serious look on her face.

“You did,” she says and I can tell she’s trying not to smile. Oh ha, ha, very funny. I’ll just blame this one on Faith. I put the book on her nightstand and she snuggles into me a little more. Lately I’ve gotten into the habit of reading to her every night. I don’t really know why. I just feel like it’s something I need to do. “Mommy I don’t wanna go to bed.” I hate it when she whines, it’s so irritating. “Brother gets to stay up late, why can’t I stay up late?” Matthew doesn’t get to stay up much later then her, but he’s a teenager and it’s summer time it’s like the law that he gets to stay up passed his bedtime. But only by an hour, I’m not going to let him stay up as late as he wants.

“Addison, your brother doesn’t get to stay up late. But right now it’s time for little girls and little boys to go sleep.” Yes I realize how stupid that sounds but I couldn’t think of anything else. She sighs and I guess she decides that it’s not worth fighting over. “Goodnight, sweetheart I love you.” She hugs me and gives me a kiss on the cheek. I do the same to her. She tells me that she loves me and then I get up and tuck her in. Words cannot describe how much I love this kid, or any of my children. There are some people who have kids because that’s just something they’re supposed to do. You grow up, get married, and have children. But for me having kids…it’s like my life is complete. The missing puzzle piece has been found and put into place and now I’m whole.

I step out into the hallway and just listen. Do you hear that people? Yep, that’s right, it’s the sweet sound of silence. When the kids go to sleep, the dogs are outside and Faith is downstairs working on her car. She’s been doing that since we got back from our vacation. Ok, so it isn’t her car. Her dad bought it for like eight hundred bucks, and he wants to fix it up and sell it but he doesn’t have the time so Faith is fixing it up and when they sell it all of the money is going into the shop. That was the agreement. But it’s a piece of shit to be honest. It needs so much work and I don’t know if she’s going to be able to fix it up or not. Not only does the outside look like hell but I guess the entire engine is shot.

It’s some type of classic car or something. Earlier Faith muttered something about the original owners being strung up for letting it get like this. I had no idea she loved cars that much when we first got together. But after a while I really started to love the smell of motor oil on her. She worked on her Camero and motorcycle all the time. She would be out in the garage for three or four hours until Matthew would get so impatient that he’d storm out there and tell her to come back in the house. I let him because I felt a little abandoned whenever she’d go out there. Watching a four-year-old by yourself is not easy when he’s hyper and wants to play with his Mama.

Anyway, she’d come back in the house with oil stains on her hands, and she’d have the smell all over her, and I thought it was just so damn sexy. I remember once when Matthew was over at Willow and Kennedy’s Faith was out working on her bike and I was in the kitchen making some lunch and she came inside for a soda, and she gave me a kiss on the cheek as she walked passed I got a whiff of her smell, and I grabbed her by the arm and spun her around and she took me right there on the kitchen counter. When you’re a parent it’s very rare you get to have sex in the kitchen, or any other communal room. Now that I’m thinking about it I kind of want her to take me right now. Hmm, or maybe I’ll do the taking, just for the hell of it.

I walk towards our bedroom and as I walk down the hall I take a look at all the photos I put up. Up here it’s mostly pictures of the kids, especially their baby pictures. There’s only two of me and Faith together. The first picture was taken when we went to the coast. We’re sitting on a rock, Faith is holding me form behind, and we both look so happy. That was taken two months before I got pregnant with Matthew. You can’t really tell it by looking but we were both pretty drunk that day. It was Kennedy’s birthday so we went to the coast to celebrate. I remember her and Willow had sex in as many places as they could. They got caught quite a few times, but they had a lot of fun. We all had a lot of fun that weekend.

The second picture is on Faith’s birthday a couple years ago. Emma watched the kids and we went out to a nightclub, I can’t remember the name of it. I took the camera though just incase I wanted to take a picture of her, but I ended up asking some random person to take a picture of us while we sat at the table, one arm around each other while we huddled in really close so we’d both be in the frame. I did take a lot more pictures that night, but those are very private and very hidden so no one else will see them. If those pictures got out I’d totally die from embarrassment. Faith wouldn’t, hell she wanted to post them on the internet she was so proud.

I smile a little bit and keep walking towards my bedroom. I can see the light from the room creeping into the hallway from under the door. It’s really bright which means it’s from the overhead light so she’s still awake. If it were a softer light that would mean she’s asleep and she left my lamp on for me. I slowly open the door and peek inside. I smile a little bit when I see her. She’s sitting on the bed in nothing but her underwear and bra, painting her fingernails and humming very quietly. It’s moments like this one I really wish I had a camera. I walk into the room and act like this is an everyday occurrence. Faith gets a little defensive if you draw attention to the girlier things that she does.

I can’t help but smile at her, but she doesn’t look up. She’s just painting her nails and acting like she doesn’t know I’m in the room. Oh she knows I’m here. She’s just ignoring me for whatever reason. I walk over to my dresser and pull some pajamas out. I slowly undress and glance back at her. She’s still painting her nails. She’s painting them a dark red color. Hmm, I wonder why she isn’t painting them the usual black. Oh, that’s right. She has a meeting tomorrow with a potential client. I guess she wants to look nice for him. I would be jealous, but she told me about it earlier and I wasn’t really paying attention but I think he used to be a famous baseball player. I’m not sure. She should know better then to try and talk to me while I’m cooking.

When I finish changing I put my clothes in the hamper, and sit down on the edge of the bed and just watch as she carefully paints her nails with the little brush. I do have to admit that I love that color on her. Her nails are very short, and neatly trimmed. She doesn’t bite them anymore like she used to which is nice. It is a very icy habit she picked up after she stopped smoking. I do understand that whenever someone drops one habit they pick up another, but nail biting is never the answer. My eyes turn their attention from her nails to her fingers. Her fingers are very strong, but soft at the same time. I think it’s a little weird that slayers don’t have extremely calloused hands because of all the stake handling that we do.

“I can’t focus when you stare at me like that,” her voice comes out of nowhere and it pulls me back to reality. “I have to think about what Red said, and I can’t do that if you’re lookin at me like you’re gonna jump me.” I guess I am a little worked up. We haven’t been together since that night at the hotel and that was two weeks ago. I know our sex lives have slowed down a lot over the last few years but right now two weeks seems like a long time and I just want to feel her fingers inside of me again. I guess I should leave her alone though since she does have a lot to think about. Willow researched the dreams until she was absolutely sure she’d never find anything in a book. Now Faith has to make a decision between not doing anything about them, and learning to live with them, or she can let Willow magically enter her mind and figure out what’s going on.

“Yeah, that is a lot to think about. But Willow has come a very long way with the magic and she knows what she’s doing. Just look at what she did with Addison. We trusted her with our baby girl. I think she should be able to trust her with your brain.” She looks up at me and I can tell she’s trying really hard not to get irritated with me. “Just some food for thought. I’m not going to bother you about it, it’s your decision.” She gives me this little ‘whatever’ type of look and goes back to painting her nails. She only has two more, and then she’ll be done. I wonder if she’ll want to fool around tonight. It feels a little weird that I’m questioning whether or not she’ll want to fool around. I mean, Faith used to be a walking libido, and she always wanted to have sex. I guess I took advantage of that.

“Will she be able to see my memories?” Faith asks and now she looks very…scared is the only word that comes to mind. I give her a questioning look and she puts the lid back on the nail polish and sets the bottle down on the end table. She’s trying to avoid speaking again but she knows I want her to explain why she asked that. “I’ve done a lot of stuff in my life B, a lot of it I’ve only talked about with you and I don’t want her seeing any of that shit.” I guess that’s a valid reason to be hesitant. She had a bad childhood growing up, and then there’s all that stuff she did after she became a slayer. She’s done a lot of things she isn’t proud of and she would die before she let anyone else find out about them. She told me because she trusts me with everything, just like I trust her with everything.

Then there’s all of the private stuff that we’ve done together. I really don’t want Willow knowing that I dressed up in a French maid outfit, and Faith dressed up in a man’s business suit, and she called me Camille and I called her Mr. Johnson, and were role playing that we were having an affair while Mrs. Johnson was out of town on business. Then there’s the thing that I do where I dress up in a cowgirl hat and boots and ride Faith as hard as I can while she wears a strap on. Yeah, I really don’t want Willow snooping through those memories. I don’t think we’ll ever be able to look each other in the eye again if she saw how kinky I can be. Those are some of the less embarrassing things that Faith and I have done. I really don’t want her seeing the other stuff that we’ve done together. Like what we’ll sometimes do around Christmas time with a candy cane, and a bowl of liquid chocolate.

“You gotta lot of thinking to do too. Are you going to take that chick up on her offer?” I have no idea what I’m going to do about that. There’s this woman who is in my self defense class and she wanted to know if I would be her personal trainer. I would keep the class open, and work with the woman, Noelle Porter, four days a week for two hours. It would be an extra six hundred dollars a week, which would come in handy with everything. Faith’s business is starting to become a bit of a drain, and that vacation we took set us back a little. It would be nice to be able to pay all the bills and then have enough money to buy food next month. But that’s two extra hours I’d be working when I could be home with my family. At the same time it’s an extra two thousand four hundred dollars in my pocket, so it’s almost a no brainer.

“I have no idea. She seems nice and everything, and the price she named is very…generous, but I don’t know. There’s something about her that bugs me a little bit, and the only time I could go over to her house for the training would be after the class, and if I do that then I won’t be home until seven. I know you like to cook, but do you want to do it every night I’m gone? It’s not just the cooking, but do you think you can handle the kids on your own, and cook dinner, and deal with anything else that comes up?” She gives me a very weird look and I know I’m being a little insane. “You’re right, I know you can handle it, but I just worry. It’s just that time of night is my favorite part of the day. That’s when we’re all here and there’s usually no fighting and the kids are running around playing and you help me in the kitchen and most of the time we end up making out against the counter until one of the kids catches us.” She gets a little smile on her face and I can’t help but smile back.

“Yeah, I guess it’s pretty cool. But we could really use the money. We used all our emergency money on that vacation and I need to take Tucker to the vet.” She looks so sad now. I completely forgot about her wanting to get Tucker into the vet’s office. She’s getting really worried about him, and I am too but Faith is still in denial. Tucker is eleven years old, and according to the average life span for a Golden Retriever is ten to twelve years. He’s just getting old. His arthritis is really bad, and he can’t stand for a long period of time without whining from the pain. He has to stay outside when no one is home because his bladder is getting weak and he can’t hold it as well as he used to, and someone has to help him walk up and down the stairs so he can get off the deck.

“Faith, I don’t think there’s a lot the vet is going to be able to do. He’s just getting old. I know you want to help him but age isn’t a disease. It can’t be cured. If it’s his time then it’s his time.” I try not to sigh when I see the look on her face. She has on that defiant, stubborn expression that I hate so much. It’s almost insane how much one look can make me so irritated in a matter of seconds. But I stay calm. I’m not going to start a fight because she’s getting emotional about her dog. We’ve had him since he was a little puppy, and he’s her first dog so of course she’s going to be very emotional. I just really wish she’d stop looking at me like that.

“So just because he’s old I’m supposed to let him get sicker and die without doing anything about it? He’s old but he’s still healthy.” No he isn’t, and that’s something she needs to understand. He’s sick, and he’s old and he’s dying, and there’s nothing we can do about it. I’m not trying to disregard her feelings, or make it seem like I don’t care about Tucker because I do. I’m just saying that Faith needs to get a healthier perspective on this or else she’s going to drive herself crazy. I sigh and run a hang through my hair. I’m trying as hard as I can not to get defensive, but it’s really hard.

“I’m not saying that. I’m just saying that he’s getting old, and there’s no way to cure that. We give him the strongest dose of pain reliever the vet will prescribe and it doesn’t help for very long. He’s going blind, and his bladder is starting to fail. There’s nothing we can do about it Faith. I know it’s heartbreaking to think that one day he won’t be here with us, but you have to realize that one day, probably very soon, he’s going to go to sleep and he isn’t going to wake back up.” Now she looks really pissed off. I guess she didn’t want me to make her face reality but that’s what I did. I know that when he dies she’s going to cry her eyes out and probably lock herself in the garage for days. The kids are gong to take it very hard too.

“Don’t talk to me like I’m a little kid. I know he’s going to die soon. I just don’t want him to suffer. He’s suffering, Buffy and it needs to stop.” My eyebrows furrow and she looks away from me. What is she saying here? I give her a very questioning look, but she won’t look up at me. She sighs and blows on her fingernails a little. “He’s getting old, and I don’t want one of the kids to wake up one morning and find his body lying in his bed. I don’t think they’d be able to take that. He can barely walk down the stairs, and it isn’t right, you know? He’s a good dog and he doesn’t deserve that.” No he doesn’t. I scoot forward a little bit and put my hand on her knee. She still won’t look up at me and I know it’s because she’s trying not to cry.

“Do you know when you’re going to take him in?” She shakes her head no and I see a teardrop roll down her cheek. I sigh and give her knee a little squeeze. “Are you going to tell Matthew before you take him in?” She shrugs her shoulders and sniffles. “You know he’s going to want to be there. Tucker is his first dog too. Even if he’s not there you should at least tell him what you’re going to do.” She nods her head a little and I gently rub her back. “I guess you have a lot to think about too.” I smile a little half smile and rest my forehead against hers. I can’t believe she came to that decision all on her own. That must’ve been so hard for her. I swear sometimes I have my head shoved so far up my own ass I don’t see how much she’s suffering. Old habits are hard to break I guess.

FPOV

I don’t know how everything got so damn stressful. It started out with just the dream shit, but now real life has to add to it. Tucker’s getting older, and sicker, and he’s suffering. I don’t want him to suffer. He doesn’t deserve that torture. Then there’s this huge meeting that I have. A guy wants us to build a bike for his son’s birthday. He took a basic design and customized it himself and we had to go over it and told him what we can and can’t do. Most of the changes were for safety’s sake, and he was cool about it all. We have one month to build it, and I’m sure we can pull it off. It’s not like we have customers just lining up down the block for us to customize their shit. But the heat is on because if we pull this off we’re looking at a forty-six thousand dollar paycheck. Yeah, how fuckin sweet is that?

Really fuckin sweet, but it means I’m going to be putting in a lot of overtime at the shop. This guy isn’t stupid, he isn’t going to pay unless we give him exactly what we said we would, and I want to get it just right. My dad could stay if I really wanted him to, but I don’t want Brittany to get on his ass about working late. Besides, with the way things have been lately I could really use some time to myself. Just a few hours alone, working on a bike, and not having to worry about anything else but putting it together. It’s very…therapeutic, I guess. I know Buffy isn’t gonna be happy about it because she’ll have to deal with everything at home by herself for a while. She won’t make me feel too guilty about it once she hears how much money we can make from this, but I know she’ll throw in a comment or two that’ll make me feel bad.

Don’t even get me started with the kids. They can make me feel horrible about working late without even trying. Like when I first opened the shop it was a lot of late nights just getting everything set up. Orders would come in and I’d put them away ‘cause of my slayer strength, I didn’t want my dad hurting himself trying to prove he’s still a big, strong man even though he’s in his fifties. But then I’d have to go and write everything down. I hate the paper work part of it. I’d get home right before the kids would go to bed, and Addy would run up to me and give me a big hug and ask me where I was and I’d tell her I was at my shop and then she’d say something like ‘why don’t you wanna come home and play with us?’ Yep, that’s some heartbreaking stuff right there. Leave it up to my baby girl to make me feel shitty about something I wanted to do since I was a little kid.

“Here,” my dad says and sets a beer down on the workbench. I look at the unopened bottle, then up at him and he has one too. “Don’t give me that look. That’s the highest paying customer we’ve had so far, we should celebrate a little.” I pick up the cold glass bottle and twist off the lid. I give my dad another look and he sighs. “Don’t start getting on my ass. I can have a damn beer every once in a while if I want one. You don’t need to be worry about it.” Of course I’m going to fuckin worry about it. He went to the doctor a couple months ago and his liver isn’t doing too good. The doc said it was from drinking and poor eating habits, and he should improve his diet and stop drinking. Brittany’s a health nut anyway so his diet is already way better, but I don’t think he should be drinking at all.

“So what are you going to do with your share of the money?” he asks and leans against the table. I haven’t really thought about it…much. Ok, so I’ve thought a lot about it. Only one thing makes the most sense though, and that’s going on a vacation. I figure I’d wait a while though, put all the money in the bank and let it build a little interest while Willow figures this dream shit out. Then when I’m all better we can fly off to sunny Hawaii. Yep, that’s right Honolulu Hawaii. I figure we can dump the kids off with Willow and Sky and me and B can run off for two weeks of surf, sun, and relaxation. Of course I gotta talk to B about it first, but I’m sure she’ll be down with it.

“I don’t know,” I tell him and take a sip of my beer. I don’t want anyone else knowing about my plan. “Probably just put it in the bank, save it for a rainy day.” I look over at the clock and it’s a lot later then I thought it was. Shit that meeting ran late. I take a really long swig of my beer and then set it back down. “Sorry I can’t stick around but Buffy’s gonna be pissed if I don’t get home soon.” I get up off the stool and give my dad a kiss on the cheek. Don’t you dare look at me like that. Just because I gave my dad a kiss on the cheek it doesn’t mean I’m not a total badass, because I am. We say goodbye as I grab my coat then I head out the door. I feel like I’m walking on air or something. I mean, in one month I could twenty-three thousand dollars richer. Yeah, I’m sure that’ll have anyone walking on air.

Anyway, I hop in my car and drive around for a little bit. I need to calm down and not be so damn happy when I get home. I want this news to be a surprise and if I walk in the house grinning like an idiot then they’re all going to know that something is up. I’m really starting to think that driving around isn’t going to help. I’ve been doing it for fifteen minutes now and I can’t stop smiling like an idiot. I guess I need to get home because if I don’t get there soon Buffy’s gonna kill me, and my car is a little low on gas, but I’ll fill it up tomorrow. Oh man I can’t wait to see the look on B’s face when I tell her how much money we’re going to get. I wouldn’t be surprised if she gets so excited that she presses me up against the wall and fucks me right there. Yeah, that would be bitchin. I’m starting to like this whole money thing more and more.

So I head for home. It doesn’t take me long. Traffic isn’t so bad tonight, which is really weird because traffic is always bad. I really hope Buffy isn’t too pissed off at me. I missed diner, which we try really hard not to do, but the worst part is I didn’t even call to let her know I was going to be late. Then again I didn’t know that meeting was going to run so damn long. I swear once my dad finds someone who shares an interest in hunting and fishing he can talk for hours. Luckily Mr. Fennel had to leave or we would have been there forever. Anyway, I pull into the driveway and shut off the engine. I don’t get out right away though. I just want a little more time to myself before I go into the house. I know I make it sound like being a mom is the worst thing ever, when really it’s the best thing to ever happen to me. But I just need a few more minutes of quiet before Buffy sends me on a guilt trip.

I sigh and then put my keys in my purse and get out of the car. I lock it up and head towards the house. Right away I know something isn’t right. I can hear the kids inside playing and being loud. Buffy never lets them act like this at this time of night. Plus Addy, Joey’s bedtime is at eight-thirty so what the hell are they still doing up? Oh man, did Buffy get so pissed that she let them stay up so I’ll be the one to put them to bed? Because that sounds like something Buffy would do out of spite. I’m not gonna lie or sugar coat this one, putting those two kids to bed is one of the hardest fuckin things to do. At least it is for me. They always go to bed really easy whenever Buffy does it, but they freak out and don’t listen whenever I try to put them down.

I unlock the door and walk inside. Just from the noise I can already tell that Addy and Joey are in the living room watching TV. I have no idea where Mattie is. I put my coat and purse on the coat rack and close and lock the door. I do it quietly so they won’t hear me. I’d rather surprise them then have them know I’m coming. Maybe they’ll actually listen to me that way. I walk into the living room and stop dead in my tracks. Not only are Addy and Joey still awake up they’re jumping up and down on the couch and Addy is yelling really loud. Joey is laughing his head off and it sounds really cute but that’s not the point. The point is my kids are acting like crazy people, and Buffy isn’t anywhere in sight.

I hear something come from the kitchen so that’s where I go next. I stand in the doorway and watch as Mattie loads up the dishwasher. That’s really weird because he hates loading the dishwasher. Buffy either promised to raise his allowance or I’m looking at his doppelganger. God it’s amazing how much this kid has grown up. I know this is gonna sound corny or whatever but it does seem like just yesterday he was a little three-year-old terror, running around the house naked, laughing his head off and refusing to put on clothes. It’s almost insane how much I love this kid. He doesn’t even know it but he saved me. If it wasn’t for him I’d probably be some loser alcoholic, alone and bitter, or dead, I can’t really decide which. Anyway, I finish with my silent admiration and walk into the room. He looks back and is expression does not look happy at all. He looks worried, and a little angry.

“What’s up?” I ask and lean against the counter. “Where’s your mom?” I look over towards the dining room and there’s still some stuff on the table. I guess Mattie hasn’t gotten around to those yet. He sighs and scratches the back of his neck and now I know something is wrong. He only does that when he doesn’t want to answer a question when he knows I’m not going to like the answer.

“She’s in your room. She has a really bad headache and those two were being brats and made it worst. I’m gonna get them ready for bed when I’m done loading the dishwasher.” You see that, that right there proves that we’re doing something right as parents. I give him a small smile and reach out and gently squeeze his shoulder. I would give him a hug, but he’s getting a little too old for that, at least that’s what he thinks. I don’t hug him, but I do lean over and give him a kiss on the temple. He doesn’t complain and I know it’s because he’s in a crappy mood and doesn’t feel like verbally sparring right now. This kid definitely takes after me when it comes to being witty. Buffy likes to take the credit because she’s the queen of the pun, but we all know I’m the one in the family who’s better when it comes to comebacks and verbal jabs.

Since B isn’t feeling good I better go check on her. I leave the room and walk up the stairs as quiet as I can. I don’t want Joey or Addy to know I’m here yet. I’m pretty sure they already do but they’re ignoring me. They know if they run up to me and acknowledge my presence then they’ll have to go to bed. My kids are far from stupid. Anyway, I walk up the stairs and down the hall to my bedroom. I don’t see any light coming from under the door. Damn, her head must really hurt. I thought maybe she just used that as an excuse to go upstairs, but maybe she wasn’t lying. Either that or she’s really committing to this lie. I open the door really slow just in case she’s sleeping. The light from the hallway streams into the room and I can see her lying on the bed with a wet washcloth over her eyes. Ok, so I was wrong, her head really does hurt.

“Hey baby, what’s wrong?” I ask and walk into the room. I shut the door and wait a few seconds for my eyes to adjust to the black. My slayer eyesight kicks in and even though the room is completely dark I can see just fine. I walk over to the bed and sit down on the edge. She takes the wash cloth off of her eyes and I can tell she’s been crying. Ok I missed something really important. Now I feel like such an ass. I should’ve looked at my watch at some point in that meeting. I’m sure he would have understood me needing to get home to my family, especially since all they were talking about was what type of bait is better for catching large mouth bass. “Buffy, what’s wrong?” I gently run my fingers through some of her loose hair. She sniffles and holds onto my hand.

“It just didn’t hit me until a little while ago that Tucker is really old, and sick. I know you told me about your decision last night, but it didn’t sink in until dinner time. He’s a pest but he’s a part of the family, you know? I just can’t really imagine what it’s going to be like without him around to drive me crazy.” Aw, my poor baby is gonna miss Tucker just as much as the rest of us. And here I thought she was heartless. She gives my hand a little tug and I know what she wants me to do. Whenever she’s upset and wants to be comforted this is usually how it goes. So I slip my shoes off, and lay on top of her. I put most of my weight on my elbows so I can look at her face. She wraps her arms around my back and lets out a little sigh.

“I have some news that’ll cheer you up,” I tell her and she gently pulls me down. Ok, ok, jeez you have to be all forceful about it. I rest my head on her shoulder and she starts to rub my back. Mmm, that feels good. “That client I told you about, well he doesn’t want to get his bike customized. He wants us to build a bike for his son’s birthday. Dad said we weren’t gonna do that ‘cause it takes too much time but this is so worth it because we’re going to get paid a forty-six thousand dollar check, and I’m going to get twenty-three thousand dollars.” She stops breathing, and I lift my head up to look at her. Her eyes are wider then normal and I have a big stupid smile on my face.

“Are you serious?” she asks and I nod my head a little. Well, I do need to be honest with her about it because even though we’re getting paid forty-six thousand dollars a lot of it has to go back the shop. We have a lot of what we need already but there are a couple of things that we have to buy and they’re not cheap. So about ten thousand of the check has to go back to the shop. But I don’t really care, that’s still eighteen thousand for me. And eighteen thousand is way more then enough for me and B to go to Hawaii, even if we decide to take the kids. And now that I’m thinking about it I think it would be nice to take them with us. Addy and Joey can have their own room, Mattie can finally have his own, and me and B can kick it in a king size. I love king size beds that’s for damn sure. Lots of room to move around, and if we stay in the middle of the bed then the headboard doesn’t make as much noise.

“Yep, well, except that there are a couple of parts that we have to special order, and it’s gonna cost us ten grand, so I’ll only get eighteen thousand, but that’s still eighteen thousand dollars.” She gets a little smile on her face and I can’t resist. I lean down and give her a little kiss. It lingers for a few seconds but it doesn’t deepen. I pull back from the kiss, and rest my head on her shoulder again. “I was thinking we could go to Hawaii for two weeks. I wanna wait until Willow figures out what’s wrong with me first. Then it’s you, me and sunny Waikiki beach for two whole weeks. I thought maybe we could have Willow and Sky watch the kids to give ‘em a good taste of what parenthood is gonna be like, but now that I’ve been thinking about it a little more I think we should take ‘em with us. It’s not like we go to Hawaii a lot, or ever.”

“That sounds good. You know I want to take the kids with us, as long as we get our own room. I have a feeling that I’m going to be very grateful for a certain wife of mine, and you know what happens when I’m feeling grateful.” Yep, we get to play dress up. We’re quiet for a few minutes and I can hear the kids being little hell spawns downstairs. Maybe I should go down there and help Mattie put the others to bed. A door slams really hard and now Mattie is yelling. Or maybe I could just stay up here where it’s at least a little quiet. “Do we have any painkillers or did we forget to ask Giles for more?” I totally forgot to ask Giles to send some more. See, regular pain-go-away medicine like Advil and Tylenol doesn’t work with us because of our slayer metabolism. Giles has a doctor friend who sends them the stronger stuff: oxycotton, morphine, vicodin stuff like that.

“Sorry babe, I forgot to call and ask. I’ll do that first thing tomorrow, ok?” I feel her nod her head and I sigh a little. She’s still rubbing my back and holding me really close to her. The only way I can be closer is if we took off our clothes. Hmm, now there’s an idea. “But I think I know a way to make you feel better. It’s completely natural and all of the side effects are good.” I rest all of my weight on my thighs so I can lift my upper body up and slowly undo the first button of her shirt. She doesn’t say anything and she doesn’t move, which means she’s on the fence. She’s still thinking about it, and I’m not sure if that’s a good thing or not. “I can suck your tits. You want me to do that? It’ll make your head feel better. You want me to, huh, huh, huh?” I sound more like a little kid then my regular sexy self. It makes her giggle and that was the whole point of the little kid voice.

“I don’t think we should do that yet. Unless you want the kids to walk in on us and be scarred for life.” Yeah I guess she’s right. “I kind of like what we’re doing now.” She’s right about that too. It’s nice to just lay here with her and enjoy the semi-quiet. “So Matthew said he’d put the little ones to bed?” I let out a little mmhmm and she sighs a little. “And you thought that would be a good idea because….” She let’s that hang in the air and I have to think of something. I can’t just start babbling or else she might get frustrated with me. Ok, well here goes nothing.

“Because I was worried about you. Mattie said you had a bad headache, and I thought something really bad happened. He can handle them by himself for one night. Come on, how hard can it be?” Another door slams, and it sounds like something broke. Now Addy is yelling at the top of her lungs. “I guess I could go help him.” I don’t move though. I don’t want to move. I’m comfortable and Buffy is still rubbing my back and it’s giving me no motivation to get up. “In a minute or two. I’ll help him in a little bit.” She pinches my ass really hard and it makes me jump up. I totally wasn’t expecting that. “Or I can go help him now.” She smiles at me and she looks so cute. I lean down a leave a lingering kiss on her lips. When I pull back her eyes are closed and she has a little smile on her face. “I’ll be back and we can pick up where we left off.”

BPOV

One of the very few things that annoy me about Willow is the fact that she makes her coffee very weak. I have no idea why she makes it like this. I know it has nothing to do with Sky because I’ve heard her complain about it before. I guess this is just the way Willow likes her coffee. She’s been making it like this for as long as I can remember. The reason I’m complaining about the way Willow makes her coffee is because I’m over at her house right now. We could both use a little best friend time right now. I guess Sky isn’t doing so well after their little trip to Oregon, and I’m trying not to worry myself to death about a lot of things.

“It was so awful. If you were there you probably would have given then a stern speech about Sky being their daughter and how just because she’s living a lifestyle they don’t approve of it doesn’t mean they can just turn their backs on her. I gave one kind of like that to her mom but I didn’t get through.” I take another sip of the very weak coffee and try so hard not to cringe. I set the mug down then focus all of my attention on Willow. “I thought that if Sky spent some time with her parents without me there then maybe they would talk about things and feel a little less on guard. But it only got worst. They’re dead set on wanting her to have an abortion, and they want her to move back in with them until she’s better. They think her being with me is some kind of depression because of her husband.” That is so horrible. How can they treat their child like that?

“I wish there was something I could do to make it better,” I tell her and reach across the glass table. I put my hand over hers and she smiles a little bit. I don’t really know what to say. This has never happened to any of us before. Willow’s parents accepted her as a gay woman, I don’t have any parents to reject me, and Faith’s dad has been nothing but loving and supportive. I honestly have no idea what I’m supposed to say. “So her parents don’t want to be a part of the baby’s life at all?” Willow shakes her head no and now she’s starting to get upset. Her nose is turning red, so it won’t be long before her eyes well up with tears. I’ve seen Willow cry way too many times, I know exactly how it goes.

“No, they don’t. I thought that after the news set in they would be happy. Sky is giving them a grandchild, what parent wouldn’t be happy, you know? But they told her if she chooses to keep it and she chooses to stay with me then she can’t visit them anymore. They’ve completely disowned her. I can’t help but feel like it’s all my fault.” One of the other things that bugs me about Willow is that she always blames everything on herself. It makes the whole comforting her thing a lot harder. “If I had just moved on after Kennedy left me then I never would have been in Cleveland that long, and I probably wouldn’t even have met Sky, and her parents would still want her around. They won’t even talk to her on the phone, or respond to her e-mails.” Yep, she’s definitely playing the blaming game.

“Willow, none of this is your fault. From what you’ve told me meeting Sky is the best thing that happened to both of you. You two love each other, you pulled each other out of a long, dark rut, and now you’re living a great life together. And you’re bringing another life into this world, what could be better then that?” She doesn’t say anything but it doesn’t really matter. I know she’s thinking about what I said and she’ll come to her own conclusions sooner or later. I’m hoping sooner rather then later. “So where’s Sky right now?” I haven’t seen her and I’ve been here for two hours. Sky isn’t the kind of person who can just sit around and do nothing all day. She needs to be doing something to keep her mind busy or she’ll go stir crazy, at least that’s what Willow told me when they started dating.

“She’s in bed. She’s too depressed about what happened to stay up for more then fifteen minutes at a time. She eats but I know it’s only because of the baby. I don’t know what to do, Buffy. I don’t know if she’s going to get over this or not. She loves her parents so much, and they used to be so close. Should I try to get her some help or should I wait a little longer and see if she comes around?” That is so horrible. It’s hard to believe that she would be like that. Sky is usually so…full of life. She’s one of those people that are always really happy, like annoyingly happy and you just want to hold them down and tell them bad things about the world just to make them less happy. I can’t believe Willow is leaving this decision up to me. Talk about pressure.

“I don’t know, Will. This is something huge and she’s going to need more then a couple weeks to get over it. Maybe you should get her into the doctor to make sure the baby is ok. It’s not really my call though. Maybe you should talk to Sky about it.” I really don’t want to stick my nose where it doesn’t belong. See, I have changed over the years. We haven’t said anything and an awkward silence is starting to set in. I don’t know what to say. I know she doesn’t want to talk about the Sky situation anymore, I can just tell by the look in her eyes, but I don’t know what else to talk about. Well, there’s always, “Have you found anything about weird, alternate universe like dreams?” She sighs and takes another sip of coffee.

“No. I’ve looked through every magical, and demon reference, and supernatural creatures reference, and I can’t find anything. I even looked into alternate dimensions, but I couldn’t find anything about something like this. Well, I found something a little similar, but it’s about person actually going to the other dimension physically not just subconsciously. Faith only does it subconsciously, right?” I tense up a little bit even though I’m trying so hard to stay calm. I try to cover up my shock by taking a very long drink of my very weak coffee. I really don’t think Willow is buying it though because of that ‘I’m so not buying it’ look on her face.

“I don’t know,” I say in a small voice. She gives me an ‘I can’t believe you’ type of look and when did this become about me anyway? I thought we were talking about her. “What? I’m asleep when she has them. We fall asleep in each other’s arms all the time but we move around in our sleep and stick to our own sides of the bed. And we never know when they’re going to happen. After she had a really bad one I stayed up late a couple of nights to watch over her, but she was fine. When were on vacation and she didn’t want me to worry, so I listened to her. She hasn’t had another one since then, which I’m totally grateful for. I don’t know if she can handle another one of those dreams so soon after she had a really bad one.” Willow gives me a weird look and finishes her coffee.

“What did she dream about?” Ok now I’m torn. Faith was so upset by it that she was pretty much an alcoholic for a week and she was irritated all the time, and then she confided in me because I’m her wife, and I know we’re supposed to keep Willow informed of what’s going on because it could be helpful but I don’t think Faith would want me to tell Willow about what happened. And it’s not like Willow is very good at keeping a secret. The next time she sees Faith she might give her a weird look or something and try to act like nothing is wrong, and Faith will just know that I spilled by guts about it and she’ll never trust me again. And if she doesn’t trust me then our marriage will fall apart, and then we’ll get divorced, and have a huge custody battle for the kids, and I’ll drown my sorrows in rocky road ice cream and get really fat all because I told Willow about dream that may or may not be Faith’s future.

“I don’t think I should tell you. It was really bad, and it took her a week to finally tell me, and before that she was drinking a lot to try and forget about it. She just saw something, one of her greatest fears, and I know she doesn’t want you knowing what happened. That’s why she’s so reluctant to let you inside her mind because she’s afraid you’re going to be able to see her memories. You can do that right? Once you’re in her mind you can pretty much do anything.” I don’t sound like I’m accusing her of anything. I’m just curious. She nods her head and shifts in the chair a little.

“I could, but I wouldn’t. A person’s memories are private. It’s the history of them you know? If she wants me to know all about her life then she would. I’d never mess with someone’s mind like that.” There’s a moment’s pause and I know exactly what she’s thinking. “Never again, anyway.” And just like that the air out here just got very depressing. It’s hard to believe that it’s been so long since Tara’s death. I know for a fact that on the anniversary Willow gets very depressed, and won’t get out of bed. It always drove Kennedy a little crazy. She never thought she was good enough for Willow, and she always thought that Willow was comparing her to Tara. At first when I thought Willow stayed with Kennedy just to get laid, I thought that Willow might be doing that. But after a while I figured out that my redheaded friend was completely smitten.

“Willow, I wasn’t trying to accuse you of anything. She’s just done a lot of things that she isn’t proud of, and she doesn’t want you judging her.” She nods her head a little bit but now that she’s thought of the bad things she did to Tara her mind is going to be on that all day. I look over when I hear the patio door open. I smile a little when I see Sky holding a mug. I can with my very accurate slayer smell that isn’t coffee, just an herbal tea. “Hey Sky. Feeling any better?” Willow turns around and as soon as she sees her fiancé the tension in her body melts.

“Yeah I am. Thanks for asking.” She sits down on the arm of Willow’s chair and my redheaded friend instantly wraps an arm around her waist. Awww, there’s nothing like a first time pregnancy to make a couple act all lovey-dovey. I remember when I was pregnant with Matthew Faith and I were always cuddling, and snuggling up to each other. I swear, there’s almost nothing cuter then watching a couple in love when one of them is pregnant with their first child. I can’t help but feel a little jealous. Yeah Faith and I are like that sometimes, but when I was pregnant with Matthew she couldn’t keep her hands off me, and it wasn’t just in a sexy way. She was always holding me, or she’d have her hand on my knee and it was nice. When Faith was pregnant with Addison I was like that with Faith.

“Well it’s good that you’re feeling better. What with the staying in bed all day, and having headaches and the morning sickness, which was bad. But this is good. Right, Buffy, it’s good?” I smile a little bit at her nervous babble. She may be older and a little wiser, but she’s still the girl I befriended in high school. I nod my head a little and drink some more of this colored water. I swear this isn’t real coffee. She just told me it was coffee so I would drink it too. She probably had to take all of the real coffee out of the house so Sky wouldn’t drink it because pregnant women aren’t supposed to have caffeine.

“Yes Will, it’s very good,” Sky says and gives Willow a kiss on the top of her head. God those two are just so damn cute together. It’s making me want to go home and snuggle up with Faith. But she’s busy at the shop with her dad. They want to get a jump start on building that bike. That’s one hell of a check and we’re gong to fucking Hawaii! We went to Hawaii on our honeymoon and I loved it. It was so beautiful, and it would be great to share that experience with my kids. “So what are you two girls out here chatting about?” She lifts one of her perfect eyebrows and takes another sip of her tea. Before I can answer Willow jumps in.

“You know, not much, we’re just spending some quality best friend time together. So we’re just talking about the things that best friends normally talk about.” Sky gives her a small smirk and then she looks over at me. Crap, this isn’t going to be good. See, nobody can pout like Sky. Absolutely nobody. She even has Faith wrapped around that little finger of hers. All she has to do is stick out that lip and look all wounded and we cave. And that’s totally not cool. I mean, it’s one thing to have your fiancé whipped ‘cause I had Faith pretty well trained, but all of your fiancé’s friends? That just isn’t right.

“Buffy were you guys talking about me?” she asks in that hurt tone and out comes the lip. Ok, Buffy, be strong you have no reason to give into her. I mean, sure she’s attractive, and if the circumstances were totally different as in we were both single I’d definitely try to sleep with her, but I’m married and she’s pregnant and engaged to my best friend no less so it’s not like I’m getting any real reward out of telling her the truth. But she just looks so sad. No! I will not give into it. I am a slayer, the original slayer for God sakes. I’ve faced horrible demons and master vampires and the original evil. I think I can handle one…oh God she just sniffled and whimpered.

“Well not so much about you, more like about the situation and how much it sucks. And then we talked about Faith, because that’s what best friends do, we talk about our significant others. And our siblings, only Willow doesn’t have any siblings so I just talk about Dawn and then she’ll throw in her own comments and theories because Dawn is kind of like a little sister to her. Back in Sunnydale Willow took care of her while I was dead.” Crap. Oh yes, I am Buffy the Vampire Slayer, here me roar. What’s the use of having all these super powers if I can’t even stand up to one little junior slayer?

“Speaking of Faith,” Sky says and she’s completely normal now. “When are you going to do the brain exploratory thing?” ‘The brain exploratory thing’? I thought Sky was a full fledged witch too and she doesn’t even know what it’s called? And here I thought Willow was going to teach her out to be a better witch. I think I need to have a little chat with my friend about that. I look over at Willow and she still looks a little guilty about our conversation earlier. I never meant to upset her. I probably shouldn’t have brought it up. I think Faith is freaking out because there are a lot of stressful things going on at once and she’s focuses on this one so she doesn’t have think about the others. At least that’s what I think. But nobody asked me so I guess I’ll just leave the subject alone.

“As soon as Faith is ready. I have all of the things I need here so it’s not like I’m waiting for an herb or some type of crystal. You have no idea how annoying that is. Faith’s a little hesitant though. I guess she doesn’t trust me as much as I thought she did.” Great and now she’s all pouty and sad. I hate seeing Willow like this. But there’s not a lot I can do about it. She’s stubborn, and if she wants to be all pouty and doubt herself like this then no one can stop her. It just has to run its course and then she’ll find some perspective and she’ll be better.

“I’m sure it’s not you Will,” Sky says and gently rubs Willow’s back. “This is something huge, and scary that she’s never done before. All she knows is that you’re going inside her mind and taking a look around. She doesn’t know that you can pick and choose what you want to see. I’m sure if you just sat down and explained to her exactly how this spell works she won’t be so nervous. I know I would be very reluctant if someone needed to poke around in my brain.” My eyebrows furrow just a little bit as I watch Willow’s reaction. She’s actually calming down and…and now she’s smiling? What the hell? I can never get Willow to smile a real, genuine smile when I try to be all reassuring.

“You’re right. I just thought that she was worried because of some stuff that I’ve done in the past. But there’s no way she can know about that stuff, right? I mean, she wasn’t there at the time, she was still in prison.” She looks over at me but I avoid eye contact. What? Faith is my wife, and as her wife it is my scared duty to tell her anything and everything that my friends have done in the past before she became friends with them. Ok, so I told her long before we were married, but it was when the relationship started to turn a little more serious instead of just a casual thing. Ok, so it was never a casual thing, we were exclusive from the moment she agreed to date me, but I waited a little bit before I gave her all of the details.

“Well, Willow, thanks for the coffee but I need to get going. Dawn wants me to go over to her place for a little bit. I guess she’s going through an emotional crisis and she could use some sister time right now.” I take another drink from my own slightly cold, colored water that wants to be coffee. I stand up and give them a little smile. They are just so damn cute together. “I’ll see you two later. I know this is totally last minute but if you’re feeling better then you guys should come over to dinner tonight if you don’t have any plans. Faith is going to barbeque some steaks. Matthew and Addison are spending the night at their friends’ houses, and Joseph is staying over at Chris’ so it’ll be just us adults.” They look at each other for a few seconds and then they both get these little smiles on their faces. I hate it when they talk telepathically.

“We’d love to. So, be there around six-thirty?” Willow asks and I nod my head. See, she knows me so well she even knows what time to be at my house for dinner. We usually don’t eat until seven, but this way we can hang out a little before dinner is ready and Willow can help me cook some of the sides so I don’t burn anything. My cooking as gotten way better because Faith has been teaching me the last few years. I still have a tendency to forget about something on the stove while I’m doing something else and then it burns. I think maybe if I stopped trying to do so many things at once the whole ‘burning the food’ thing would stop happening. Anyway, now it’s off to Dawn’s to find out why she’s having an emotional crisis.

FPOV

Buffy’s gonna be so pissed off at me. She got the kids out of the house, and I guess she was planning something special because she wanted me to barbeque some steaks. Whenever we have steak it’s always because she wants to do something special. When four steaks cost us two hundred dollars we only cook them because of something special. But I missed it. My dad headed home early so I stayed behind to work on the bike some more. Whenever I get really involved with what I’m doing, no matter what it is, I never stop to check the time. And I never realize how much time has passed because it just seems to fly. So instead of walking through the front door at six so I can help make dinner, I’m sneaking into my own house at midnight.

That’s right, I’m a grown woman, mother of three, owner of her own business and I’m sneaking into my own fuckin house like a sixteen-year-old who snuck out to go to a party, or who when to go fuck her boyfriend. But I’m not coming home smelling like alcohol, or pot, or sex. I’m coming home smelling like oil, and blood. I felt too tired to drive so I walked home, and I got jumped by a couple of vamps. I’m ok, but they got in a few lucky shots. Ok so maybe some more then a few. One of ‘em actually bit me. It’s just a scratch, nothing to freak out about. I used all my weight to lean forward and throw him off me. Then I kicked him in the throat and staked him before he could get up. Maybe I can use this to get some sympathy out of Buffy so she doesn’t kill me for missing dinner.

I slip my shoes off and Ruby runs up to me. She doesn’t have a tail but her ass is wiggling back and forth really fast. I reach down and pet her on top of her head. She may not be Tucker but she’s a pretty good dog. The key to having a good dog is exercise. They weren’t meant to just lie around a house and be cooped up all day. I jog early in the morning and I take her with me so she can let most of her energy out. If I go without jogging for two days that’s when she starts acting up. She’ll chew on things, run around the house barking non-stop, she’s a pest to the kids, especially Joey since he’s the smallest, and she terrorizes Tucker. And he used to get the same way, only he isn’t moving around much these days.

“So give it to me straight, should I go up there or just sleep on the couch?” I ask and she perks her ears up. She has this ‘what the fuck are you talking about?’ look on her face and I can’t help but smile. She’s so damn cute. And the thing I didn’t know about Cocker Spaniels is how fuckin long their fur gets. We have to take her in every other month for a haircut or else it’ll start to get matted. She licks my bloody knuckles and it stings a little bit. I pull my hand back and she cringes like she thinks I’m going to hit her or something. That’s weird. Dogs only do that when they’ve been hit before, and we don’t hit our dogs. At least I don’t hit them. Huh, I guess I need to have a little talk with the kids, and/or Buffy.

I make my way up the stairs, walking as quietly as possible. If she’s asleep then I won’t have to suffer her wrath until tomorrow, which is totally fine with me. A few hours sleep will do me some good. But I really need to get a fuckin shower ‘cause if I fall asleep on the bed with blood all over me and stain up the new sheets Buffy will freak out. I really don’t want to wake her up though, and taking a shower in our bathroom will definitely wake her up. What to do, what to do? Oh, I’ll just use the other bathroom. Those vamps must’ve hit me in the head a lot harder then I thought if I couldn’t think of that right away. I go into the bathroom and turn on the light. I wince when the light hits my eyes. My head hurts so fuckin bad from those vamps that it felt like a punch to the face.

I strip as fast as I can, which isn’t very fast since those vamps messed me up pretty bad. Damn, now that I’m older this slaying thing just isn’t as fun anymore. I still need it just the same ‘cause if I don’t go slaying every once in a while then I go a little stir crazy and I have to get in a good lay or I’ll go insane. And even after I slay I usually need a good roll in the sack to keep me calm. That part kind of sucks now because now that I’m married with three kids the sex doesn’t happen as often. Me and B used to go at it like rabbits. Those were the days. Back when we were living in the apartment building and Dawn was at school. Me and B would stay in bed all day and just fuck. I think I like the sex better now then back then. Because it doesn’t happen very often so when we are together it’s…special.

After I get my shower I walk down the hallway completely naked ‘cause the kids are gone so why not? Man I just want to crawl in bed and sleep for like three days, maybe more. I don’t really know why I’m so damn tired. Working late at the shop is becoming a regular thing, and with my slayer stamina there’s no way it’s the thing draining my energy. Maybe it’s the dreams? I know I haven’t been sleepin very easy since that last one. It was so fucked up. I don’t even want to think about. I can’t stand silence anymore because of that dream. Every time I’m in a really quiet room I can hear Addy screaming out in pain, and begging me to stop hitting her. You have no idea how fuckin bad I want to drink that memory away, but I won’t let myself all into that abyss.

I have other people to worry about. Buffy says she likes her job, and she’s pretty much supporting us, but my goal is to make enough so she doesn’t have to work. She complains a little about it, but I know that she would rather be training the girls that are sent here during the school year then be teaching self-defense to people who are probably never going to need it. I’d rather be training the girls too because it’s more important then building bikes, but this is what I love. Alright, no more thinking about it. It’s a little depressing. I sigh a very heavy sigh and crawl under the covers. These sheets were ridiculously overpriced but they’re comfortable as hell. I’m glad Buffy bought ‘em now, even if we did get into a little argument because of it. Don’t look at me like that. When someone pays a hundred bucks for bed sheets they deserve to hear a couple unkind words.

Or maybe not ‘cause these are damn comfortable. I sigh again and look over at her. She’s asleep just like I knew she would be. She looks so…angelic when she’s asleep. I don’t know, it’s hard to explain. Watching her sleep as always calmed me down, and yes I know how weird and creepy that sounds, but it’s true. I wish I weren’t so beat up and she weren’t asleep though, ‘cause the second part of the double H rule is kicking in and I could use a little release. Or maybe in the morning when my slayer healing has taken care of most of this shit, I can wake her up in a very interesting and very fun way. I really like that idea. I like it a lot. Well, if I’m going to do that then I better get to sleep. I get comfortable in the bed but I’m careful about it since she’s a light sleeper. Then I close my eyes and give in as exhaustion takes me over.

“Faith.” No, I don’t wanna go to school today. Tell the teacher I have malaria. “Faith, wake up.” No. I groan a very angry sounding groan and roll over onto my other side, away from the offending voice. Buffy must still be tired ‘cause she sounds really fuckin different. “Faith I know you’re awake.” No I’m not. It’s just an optical illusion. I’m not awake, I’m still unconscious. “Come on, you promised me breakfast.” Great, now she sounds a little irritated. I hate it when B gets irritated like this. Wait a minute, I never promised Buffy breakfast. Who the fuck is this? She doesn’t sound like Buffy at all. She sounds kind of like that girl I dreamt about a while back. Fuck, God dammit. I’m having another one of those dreams. “Faith, come on, you promised.” God this chick is annoying.

“Alright, I’m up,” I say, and my voice sounds all rough like I’ve been fucking all night long or something. And that’s probably what this little skank and my dream self did. I roll back over and look at her. She’s sitting up in the bed wearing a t-shirt and her hair is all wet, so she just got out of the shower. Where the fuck am I? This doesn’t look like a hotel room like the last dream I was in with her. It’s definitely not my house because the shape of the room is completely different. All of the pictures are gone off the walls, and I don’t see any of Buffy’s stuff anywhere. So, we must be at her place. It’s…nice. Nothing close to my style, but it’s ok. The bedroom is a pretty good sized and most of the stuff in here looks really expensive. But then again looks can be very deceiving.

“So, you want breakfast, huh?” She nods her head a little and she has a big smile on her face. Geez, the other me must be a total bitch if she’s getting this excited over breakfast. I hope she’s the only one the other me is fucking, because I really don’t want to turn into the get some get gone queen again. Then again I never used to go back for seconds. Unless the first course was hella fuckin good. “And what do you want for breakfast?” I might as well play along a little bit. No point in freaking her out when I’m going to be gone soon. Maybe if I just go with the flow I won’t be here for a very long time. Maybe that’s the key to these stupid dreams. Kinda like quicksand, the more you fight it the harder you get pulled in.

“Surprise me,” she says, her voice sounds a little huskier, and she leans down and kisses me. Her lips are really soft, and full and even though it feels good I want to puke. She isn’t my wife, and even though this is just a dream or whatever I feel guilty for doing this. I feel like I’m cheating on Buffy but that’s completely crazy because I would never cheat on Buffy. The future me or the dream me or whoever is here when I’m not, made a huge fuckin mistake because B is the best thing to ever happen to me, and I would never hurt her like this. I pull back really quick when I feel her tongue rub against my bottom lip. She gives me a weird look and I smile the best smile I can come up with at the moment.

“I just ah, wanna make you that breakfast before we get caught up doing other things and I forget.” Wow that was totally lame. Good enough I guess because she has this big smile on her face now. She leans down and gives me a little peck on the lips, and then she playfully nibbles on my bottom, and pulls on it with her teeth. Damn, that feels good. Stop it Faith. You will not give into this hussy. You will no, you will not, you will not. The other Faith may be a total skank ho, but I have to control myself because I love Buffy and I would never do anything to jeopardize our relationship. Ok so maybe I went to one strip club and got a lap dance, but that was celebratory, and I wasn’t alone. Just because Buffy didn’t know about it until after the fact it doesn’t mean I was going to deny I went.

“Ok, go make breakfast. If you need help finding anything I’ll be in here,” she says with a very sly grin. Ok, I know this is going to sound bad, but I can see why the other Faith would go for her out of everyone in Vegas she could have had. This chick is hot, and cute when she wants to be, and she does this thing with her tongue that I can’t even describe. But none of that matters because I’m not going to have sex with her, or make out with her, or touch her in anyway that could be considered sexual or naughty. Anyway, I get out of the bed and I’m completely nude. Why didn’t I notice that before? I can feel her eyes on me and I try so hard not to shiver. Oh look she laid out a baggy t-shirt, and some boxers on the little couch. So she’s thoughtful too. She definitely deserves better then the other Faith.

I slip the shirt and boxers on and walk out the door. Hmm, nice hallway. She has some paintings hanging on the walls, and the color of the pain is nice. It’s a really light yellow and, I don’t know, I like it. I slowly walk down the hallway and poke my in some of the doorways. What? I’m a curious person, I wanna see what else she has here. Well, I just checked the last room, and in this hallway she has two guest bedrooms, a bathroom, and a linen closet. Ok, and down the hall and to the right we have…a living room. Hmm, it looks pretty nice. Nothing like my style, and I’d definitely get a different couch, but it’s easy to see that whatever this girl does for a living it pays pretty well.

I wonder around until I find the kitchen. Damn, this is big. I wish my house had a kitchen like this. The stove, fridge, and dishwasher are made outta stainless steal. The countertops are black and it looks like fuckin marble. Above the breakfast island is one of those racks that you hang the pots and pans from, and all of those are the really nice expensive ones. So she either just likes having nice things or she does a lot of serious cooking. Ok, so she wants a breakfast then I’ll give her a breakfast. I walk over to the huge ass fridge and open it up. Let’s see what we got. Eggs, yep I’ll definitely need those. Sliced ham, bacon, bread, butter, jam, and cheese, sweet she has more then I thought she would. I pull all of that stuff out and start looking through the cupboards for some bowls and plates.

“Wow. When I said ‘surprise me’ I thought you’d do something like pancakes and eggs.” Jesus fucking Christ! That scared the fuck out of me. Is this chick part ghost or something because I didn’t hear her coming and I’m a fuckin slayer. I whip around and she’s leaning up against the door jam, still in nothing but that t-shirt. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to scare you.” Yeah, because the big grin and little giggle means you’re sorry. “Oh come on, don’t look at me like that. I can make it up to you.” Oh shit, this is going to a not so good place. She starts walking…no…stalking towards me and she has this whole predator vibe going on. She’s the only other person in the world who can make me feel like the hunted and not the hunter.

“It’s ok, really. I’ll just make us some breakfast.” She gets right into my personal space, and she wraps her arms around my waist. I put my hands on her shoulders just in case she tries to kiss me. I really don’t want her near me right now, but I can’t act too weird or she’ll know something’s up and I don’t know if she knows about me being a slayer or not. Then she gets this little pout on her face, and she knows exactly what she’s doing. That full bottom lip just stuck out there and lightly quivering, it’s making me want to nibble on it.

“I did a little thinking while you were gone,” she says and presses her upper body against mine. She’s not pouting anymore. She has this look on her face like she’s just ready for me to take her, and take her hard. Her lips are about an inch away from mine and I can feel her hot breaths lightly brush against my face. “I want to eat you for breakfast instead.” God damn. I have to bite back the moan or bad things will happen. Her voice is so…I don’t know but if sensuality had a voice it would sound like hers. But I can’t give in or I would be cheating on Buffy’s. Yeah this is a dream or whatever and I can totally write it off as that, but I’m in control of my own actions here.

“Didn’t you get enough last night?” I ask and I try to sound like I have some control. I don’t think I’ve ever been this nervous with a hot chick in my arms in my entire life. She slowly nods her head and starts to close that little bit of distance between us, but I pull away. Her eyebrows furrow and she looks a little hurt. Dammit, I hate it when chicks look like that. “How about I make you breakfast, and if you’re a very good girl you can have me as a special after-breakfast-treat. How does that sound?” The hurt look goes away and she rolls her eyes off to the side while she thinks about it. Then she gets this little sexy grin on her face and one of her hands wanders down to my left ass cheek and she gives it a nice firm squeeze.

“Ok,” she whispers and leaves a little peck on my lips. “But I get to be on top this time.” Oh God, oh God, oh God. “I’ll be in the bedroom.” She gives my ass a little smack and she walks off. I watch her leave and I swear she’s putting a little extra sway into her hips. Ok Faith, calm the fuck down. Yes she’s a very hot, very fuckable, very willing chick, but doing her would be very wrong. Because you love Buffy. Yes, I love Buffy and I don’t want to fuck up our marriage. Because then I would be living without Buffy, and she’s hate you for the rest of our lives and that’s so not what I want. Alright I can do this. I just need to figure out a way to get out of here before she’s done eating breakfast or I’m fucked. And I mean that in a very literal way.


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