Chapter 68: Be Kind, Rewind
Three Days Later. FPOV
So after I had my big break down a couple days ago me and B both decided that we need a break from all this shit. Willow and Sky are no where near finding an answer for me so we told them to take a few days off from the research. And here’s the really cool part. Since it’s Mattie, and Addy’s summer vacation, and there isn’t a lot of it left we decided it would be nice for us to take a break too. Just a little weekend getaway. My dad said that he can run the shop for a few days. Buffy called everyone in her self defense class and told them that she’s shutting it down for a few days. We didn’t even make any plans. We just packed a few bags, grabbed the kids, hopped in the car and started driving.
It only took us an hour to cross the California border, and we headed towards the coast. Buffy didn’t want to go to LA though because she knew she’d be too tempted to go shopping, and we don’t have a lot of extra money right now. We made a few stops along the way, took some pictures, and got something to eat. It took us eight hours to get to Monterey and that’s where we are now. I want to go to the beach, but it’s too crowded. I so want to learn how to surf. But I guess that isn’t going to be happening this year. Oh well, I’m not going to worry about it. Now is the time for relaxation, and that’s exactly what I’m going to do.
We’re at the hotel right now. The Holiday Inn in Monterey Bay. It’s so nice to be able to just sit back and relax. Ok, so we’re not one hundred percent relaxed because we still have to take care of the kids and all of that, but it’s still nice. We’re getting ready to go downstairs to the pool. Joey is dragging ass because he’s still a little tired. He hasn’t been sleeping very good the last couple of nights. He’s not used to sleeping in a hotel bed. He’s especially not used to sharing a bed. We rented adjoining rooms. One for me and B, and one for the kids. Mattie has his own bed, and Addy and Joey are sharing one. They’re queen sized beds, but still he’s not used to sharing. Addy doesn’t seem to mind, which is weird.
Mattie got into some trouble yesterday. Well, at least with his mom. I was so proud I could barely hide the smile on my face. There’s this girl that’s staying a couple rooms down with her mom and dad. The first day we were here they met in the lobby and flirted a little bit and I thought it was the cutest thing ever. Buffy did too but she got all high and mighty because Mattie has a girlfriend and B doesn’t want him to do something he’ll regret. Well, yesterday we were down by the pool and he left to use the bathroom and when I went back to the room to get the sun block I found them sitting at the foot of his bed, and they were making out. And not just making out. When I opened the door she was unzipping his shorts. My boy was going to get himself some head.
“Ok, are we all ready?” B asks in a very enthusiastic tone and picks up the tote bag. Joey nods his head and holds onto her hand. “Faith, don’t forget to put your rings in the duffle bag.” Right, I totally forgot to do that. Whenever we go swimming we take our wedding rings off so they don’t fall off and get lost down the drain or something. So I take off my wedding band and engagement ring and put them in the duffle bag. I feel naked without them, and not in a good way. I look over and Addy is still sitting on my bed looking completely bored. I pick her up and throw her over my shoulder, and she starts cracking up like it’s the funniest thing in the world.
“Alright, B, we’re good to go,” I say and pinch the back of Addy’s thighs. She starts squealing and kicking and squirming around but I got a good hold on her. Even though she’s only six she’s really strong. She’s probably going to be the strongest slayer of all time. That makes me so proud that I can’t even describe it, but it also makes me kinda sad because she’s going to have a big burden on her shoulders. I know that there are thousands of other slayers, and with every generation there seems to be more and more, but I know my kids are never going to have normal lives. Even if they wanted to, the slayer blood is so thick in their veins that they won’t be able to ignore their calling. “Does that tickle? Huh, huh? Does it tickle?” My voice is very light and sing-songy, and I pinch her thighs a couple more times.
“Yeah Mama, it does!” she squeals and reaches back to try and grab my hands. “Stop Mama, stop!” Well, fine then, ruin my fun why don’t you. I stop tickling her and set her down on the ground. She has a big smile on her face and she’s still giggling a little bit. “Come on, Brother. We gotta go before everyone else gets there!” She runs over to Mattie and starts pulling on his arm. He’s sitting in a chair in the corner of the room and being all broody. He totally gets that from Buffy. I don’t brood. I think deeply from time to time, but I don’t brood. Anyway, the reason he’s being so broody is because that girl left earlier this morning. She stopped by to say goodbye to him. Apparently they were on vacation here from Ohio, so there’s a good chance they’ll never see each other again. They’re only thirteen so whatever.
“Let’s get this wagon train amovin!” Joey yells and then smiles like he’s just the funniest person in the world. No more watching Toy Story for him. So anyway, we leave the room and head down towards the pool. As we walk by the lobby I can’t help but notice the two new people checking in. Two very hot guys and they look like they’re in their early twenties. The one talking to the chick behind the desk is wearing a blue tank top and his muscles are very toned and it’s a safe guess that the rest of his body is the same. He has hair that kind of spiky. I can’t see his eyes from here but I really hope they’re blue. His friend is nice looking too, but not as buff. He has shaggy dishwater blonde hair, and if it were up to me he’d get a hair cut. Even with the shaggy hair those are some fine lookin boys.
“Would you stop drooling and hurry up. We’re waiting on you,” Buffy says and I look over at her. Huh, I kinda forget she was there. I look down when I hear someone giggling and Addy is trying really hard not to laugh, but it isn’t working out too well. I look at Mattie and he just rolls his eyes. Hey, I can check people out if I want. I just don’t usually do it in front of B, because she’s my wife, and that’s really fucked up. Ok, so I guess I’m really fucked up. I try not to sigh, and I follow the others out to the pool. I find some empty lounge chairs and Buffy starts putting out stuff down. Ok, I guess this is going to be our spot for the day. I kinda wish there was some shading, but there’s not. Oh well, I guess I’ll just have to take a dip in the pool if I get too hot.
I should probably explain. Most of the people out here are guys. I don’t want to sound like I’m braggin or anything but I do have a hot body, and I don’t want these guys ogling me, especially with my kids here. They’ll probably do it anyway, but not as much as they would if I were to get all wet. But the plus side is Buffy would be looking at me getting all wet, and I’d definitely put on a little bit of a show for her. We haven’t had sex in fuckin forever. At least it feels like it. I so want to get some tonight. I’m sure she does too. I can see the way she’s looking at me. That and she needs it. She needs sex just as much as I do.
If she goes too long without getting any she gets a little temperamental, and her hands will even shake a little. It’s a little crazy how much we need sex. Slayers are built for it and it never used to bother me. Hell, I loved it, but now I have kids and the thought scares the shit outta me. Anyway, whenever B goes too long without a good roll in the hay she go stir crazy. That’s when I know I need to do something before she has a fit. It almost means I need to start paying attention more. I mean, if my wife is almost havin a breakdown because we haven’t had sex then I need to do something. I usually end up fucking her nice and hard against the kitchen counter, or in the shower. Sometimes we’ll have sex in the bed, but I like to spice things up a bit.
Anyway, I lay down on one of the chair and pick up the bottle of tanning lotion. B and the kids are already in the water. I was in there with ‘em yesterday so it’s her turn today. It’s not that don’t like spending time with my kids, but this vacation is all about relaxing, so me and B decided we’d take turns doing stuff with the kids so one of us can relax and the kids can still have fun. So while I’m rubbing my legs down with the lotion, out of the corner of my eye I see the two guys from inside walk out. They take a good look around the pool. My breath hitches in my throat while I wait to see what they’re going to do. There are two empty chairs next to mine and if they wanted they could sit here. But that would be very bad. If they sit next to me then they might flirt with me and if they do then B will get pissed.
Luckily they sit down on the other side of the pool. I grab the bottle of tanning lotion from the tote bag and put some in my hand. I think I’ll start with my legs first and work my way up. I usually have Buffy do this part because it’s such a turn on feeling her rub me down. Anyway, as I rub the lotion on I can feel someone eye’s on me. I look up but I don’t see anybody staring at me. Hmm, that’s weird. They probably just looked away. Oh well, guess it doesn’t matter. If a hot chick was lotioning herself up I’d definitely watch. Well, I’d watch if B wasn’t with me, otherwise I’d get a nice hard smack on the back of the head. Either that or she wouldn’t put out for a couple of weeks. I hate it when she doesn’t put out when I’m really worked up. That’s when I have to find a quiet place to get myself off. When your wife actually catches you masturbating that’s a sad day for the whole family right there.
“Hey there,” I hear someone say and I look up. It’s one of the guys from in the lobby. The one with the shaggy blonde hair. I say ‘hi’ back and he gives me a soft smile. I smile back and he doesn’t go away. Um, ok, what exactly does he want? “I’m Malcolm. I noticed you weren’t with anybody, and spreading that over your back might be difficult on your own. Mind if I help?” Does that line actually work on the girls his age? Because I’m totally not going to fall for that. Maybe if I were single. Then again if I were single I’d take his way hotter friend up to my room and fuck his brains out. Yeah, it’s been a while since I’ve had some and I need it bad. He gives me another charming smile and I so want to mess with him.
“Well, I’m not with someone parse.” Did I really just use the word parse? What the hell is the matter with me? I think I need to start going out more often. I’m sure that has something to do with it. Anyway, he looks a little confused, but the smile hasn’t gone away. Even if he isn’t that good looking I have to admit that he does have a nice smile. Back in the old days before I changed I slept with guys who had less then that. Hmm, I wonder if he has a nice ass. “But I do have a guy here with me, and he’s very protective. I don’t think he’d like it if you had your hands all over me.” The guy thinks about that for a few seconds and his smile turns from one of soft and friendly to mischievous and lustful.
“I’m sure he won’t mind if he doesn’t see it. Why don’t we head up to my room and get to know each other a little better?” Oh my God, this guy doesn’t have any game at all. He isn’t smooth or charming and I haven’t bought any of his crap. Maybe if I were single I’d look at it differently but I’m so not even tempted to do anything with this guy. Now if it was his friend I’d definitely be tempted, probably even turned on a little. I’d turn him down though and then just suffer in silence until tonight. Anyway, back to messing with this guy.
“I don’t know. I guess we’ll have to ask him,” I say and I’m laughing evilly on the inside. Just because I’m not evil anymore it doesn’t mean I can’t be bad every once in a while. I look over at the pool and see Mattie over by the edge talking to some girl. She looks about fifteen or sixteen and completely uninterested in anything he’s saying. Poor guy doesn’t even stand a chance. Oh well, I guess it doesn’t matter then. “Hey Matt!” He turns around and gives me a death glare. Malcolm looks over at the pool but I guess he’s trying to find an older guy because he’s definitely not looking at Mattie. Oh man this is going to be so great.
“Come over here for a sec!” I watch him turn back and say something to the girl. Then he effortlessly pulls him out of the pool and walks starts to walk around the pool. Out of the corner of my eye I see Malcolm’s jaw drop a little but he recovers. Or at least it looks like it. He’s probably freaking out on the inside. I watch as my boy walks toward us. Water is dripping down his body and I can’t help but notice the girl he was talking to is watching him. I guess she sees something she likes. Maybe the uninterested act was just an act. Usually if you ignore a guy it’ll make ‘em work that much harder to win you over. Guys like a challenge. Anyway, Mattie stops a few feet away from me and I get a devilish smile on my face. “Malcolm here wanted to know if he could take me up to his room. Is that alright with you?” I give him a little wink and he sighs. He looks up at Malcolm and remains a blank slate.
“As long as you wear a condom. I don’t want anymore siblings.” Holy shit I didn’t think he was going to say that! He usually just gets pissed off and walks away. I look over at Malcolm and he looks completely freaked out. I knew messing with him was a good idea. Even better now that Mattie is actually participating in the mind fucking.
“Um,” Malcolm says and licks his lips. Damn he looks nervous. “That’s alright. I think I’ll just go sit back down.” He turns and walks away and I look back up at Mattie. We lock eyes and we’re quiet for a few seconds, and then we just start crackin up laughing. Oh man that was fuckin great! I’m so glad we decided to come here. Just relaxing and kickin back like we used to before those stupid dreams started to get really bad. Yep, it’s definitely nice to feel free, and calm instead of worrying about what you’re going to see when you fall asleep. Things feel like they used to and I can’t get enough of it.
BPOV
Wow, that was amazing. Possibly the most mind blowing thing I’ve ever experience. Well, I wouldn’t go that far but it was pretty amazing. I don’t move a muscle as I lay here and try to catch my breath. I used to be so afraid that if we tried that spell with the strap on that Faith wouldn’t want sex any other way, but I’m the one who’s kind of addicted to it now. There’s just something about the fact that she can feel me now. I mean really feel me. She goes deep inside me and can make me feel like my old self. And by my old self I don’t mean the Buffy who hated life and wanted to go back to heaven, or the Buffy who was so into her vampire ex she left him get away and he ended up killing someone who was important to Giles, and the rest of us.
No, I’m talking about the fun loving Buffy who had a zest for life. When she’s inside me I’m not a slayer, or a mom, or a wife, or a self defense instructor. I’m me, and she’s Faith and God can Faith make me feel good. Good, and sexy, and beautiful, and like I’m the most important person in the world. I giggle a little bit when she drops her forehead onto my shoulder. I can feel her hard pants on my neck and it tickles. She lightly nips at my skin and I giggle again. God, I’m giggling like a little school girl or something. But I know she loves it. She gives my neck a couple more nips and then she pulls back just enough to look at me. Her eyes are darker then normal and she has this goofy smile on her face.
“This was such a good idea,” I tell her and she nods her head. “Things were just getting too stressful, we definitely needed a break.” I stretch my neck up a little bit and close the distance between our mouths. The kiss is gentle and lingering but it doesn’t progress. We’re both still trying to recover. I’ll start something new when I get my second wind. Well, my fifth wind actually. That’s right what you walked in on was round four. Our lives had gotten so plain and boring that we’d usually just come once and then go to sleep. But now there we’re here we thought it would be nice to pull an all nighter. I even cast a silencing spell on the room so no sound will leave these walls, which means neither one of us has to hold back.
“Yeah, it’s nice to just be like we used to,” Faith says and leaves a little kiss on the tip of my nose. God, she’s so sweet. I sigh a little bit when she pulls out. I feel some of the come that was trapped inside me leak out, and it’s kind of icky feeling. That’s the only thing that I don’t like about her wearing that strap on. “Let me just put Richard away.” And the fact that she named it. Why couldn’t she just name my tits? That would be a lot more normal and less annoying. At least I’m pretty sure it would be. Hmm, I’ll have to ask Willow about that. I know I’ve been out and proud for years now, but Willow is still my go-to-gal whenever I have a question that has to do with my gayness. Wow, did I really just say ‘my gayness’?
I watch was she gets up and I smile a little bit when I see the tattoo on her stomach. I still can’t believe she got that picture tattooed on her body. I mean, I love it, and that was the day everything in our lives changed. I guess I just can’t believe that she hid it from me. I mean, she got it done when she was taking the night classes at the community college, and I thought she was staying out late and doing…God only knows what. When instead she was putting the happiest day of my life on her body. It just makes her love me even more. I know this isn’t going to be her last one. She’s going to get Addison and Joseph tattooed on her also, she just hasn’t decided what pictures to use.
Anyway, she takes ‘Richard’ off and drops it to the floor. She lets out this little sigh and then takes a deep breath. I know she wants a cigarette. I can just tell. She quit when she got pregnant with Addison, and only had one or two after she was born, but the craving hasn’t gone away. It probably never will. It’s a physical addiction, and even though she’s overcome it psychologically and doesn’t need one, her body still wants one. Sometimes I feel sorry for her, and I want to tell her to go have one, but I don’t because she’s done enough damage to her lungs. She smiles back at me and it’s like everything is right, you know?
She gets back on the bed and lies down next to me. She’s on her back with her head turned to the side so she can look at me. She normally doesn’t lay like that. She only does that when she wants to hold me but doesn’t want to ask. She thinks asking for cuddles is too girly. Then I must be the girliest person alive because I’m always asking for cuddles. Ok, so I’m not always asking. Sometimes Faith will wrap her arms around me when I’m in the kitchen and just hold me from behind while I cook. I love that we’ve been together for over a decade and we’re still affectionate. That she’s still affectionate. In the beginning it took her a long time to be affectionate without me initiating it.
“Where did you go just now?” she asks, and hearing her voice break the silence pulls be back to reality. Things have been so great the last couple of days. We decided that we had enough with the fighting and the dreams and all of the stress that they were causing. So we thought it would be nice to get away for a while, no more then a week, just a few days of relaxation. It’s been so much fun. I love spending time with my family, and with her alone. But there’s like this ugly black cloud lingering over our heads the entire time just waiting to rain on our parade. Eventually she’s going to have another dream, and I don’t know how she’s going to react to it. She used to open up to me about them, but after that last one she’s kind of unpredictable.
“No where. Just thinking about how you used to be too macho to cuddle, that’s all.” She smiles a little bit and pulls me closer to her. I rest my head on her shoulder, and she wraps her arms around me. She makes me feel so safe and secure, and I want to just revel in these feelings, but I know I can’t get caught up in them. In a couple hours she could wake up from a horrible dream and I don’t want to be caught off guard. I know this is going to be very girly of me, but I can’t just sit in silence. “Hey Faith?” She lets out a little ‘hmm?’ and I smile. “Since we’ve been together, like over the last decade and a half, what’s your biggest regret?” I feel her sigh or then I hear it and I wait as patiently as I can for her answer.
“My biggest regret would have to be…” her voice is still deeper, and a little husky from the hours of sex we’ve had. I love it when she sounds like that. “Not taking Mattie to a baseball game. I know it sounds totally cliché or whatever, but when I was seven my dad one this bet he had with a friend, and he got two tickets to see the Red Sox and Fenway park. When you were still pregnant with him I pictured us taking a yearly vacation to Boston just to go see a game. I don’t know why I never made it happen. I guess after you gave birth reality sunk in and it was hectic enough just raising him. The only vacations we were took were local.” That’s very true. We’d go camping for a couple of days or something. We weren’t too big on the vacations.
“You can still do that. I know pretty much blew all of our emergency money on this vacation, but I’m sure Giles won’t mind giving you an early Christmas present.” It does feel nice not having to rely on Giles when it comes to money, but he’s like a father to me and to Faith, even if she won’t admit it. And one thing kids do is ask for money. Even when they’re grown up and moved out of the house. Anyway, she shifts her legs around a little bit so I know she doesn’t really want to respond to that. Not because she’s tired of talking, but because she doesn’t want to reveal her true emotions. We’ve been together for fifteen years, I know the signs.
“It’s different now. He’s a teenager, he doesn’t want to spend any time with us. He barely wanted to come with us because he wanted to hang out with Lucas, and make out with his girlfriend. Besides, you know how it is, if I take one I’ll have to take them all. Addy won’t be able to sit through an entire baseball game, and Joey’s still too little.” She’s right, but I know we can work around that. I’ll bring it up later though, because I have another question in mind. I know she isn’t going to like it, but I feel like I have to ask it, you know? Or maybe you don’t because I barely know.
“Do you have any regret when it comes to us?” She doesn’t tense up, which is surprising. She’s just laying there, breathing very softly and thinking about what I said. At least I think she’s thinking about it. She’s being quiet so hopefully she’s trying to come up with an answer. I do have an answer to that question. My biggest regret when it comes to us is not marrying her sooner. I know I was just trying to honor my mother’s memory, but I shouldn’t have let that hold me back from marrying the love of my life.
“I regret fighting you so much when Sunnydale became a crater. On the bus ride you told me that you loved me, and broke down in my arms.” God, that was such a long time ago. But it doesn’t seem like it. “It took you what, a month to finally get me agree to date you? I just feel like so much time as been wasted because I can be so stubborn. Like back in Sunnydale when I first showed up. Things could have ended so differently if I had just told you how I felt instead of repressing it and getting so jealous of Angel.” I think about that sometimes, but the way I see it if none if that stuff happened then we wouldn’t have gotten together after Sunnydale collapsed, we wouldn’t have lived in that apartment building, that spell gone wrong wouldn’t have given us Matthew and we probably wouldn’t be together.
“My biggest regret is being so cold to you. I’m better now, but I was so damaged from being the slayer for so long. I couldn’t just open up without having a break down first, and I only broke down because we would scream at each other for a couple hours first. I never wanted to hurt you, but it seems like I’ve done nothing but hurt you for the last fifteen years.” I know that isn’t true, but right now, in this current moment of time it feels very true. She wraps her arms tighter around me and kisses me on the top of my head. I know she wants to kiss my tears away, but the side of my face is firmly planted on her shoulder and it’s going to stay there until I feel a little less overwhelmed.
“Buffy, you’ve brought me so much joy that it overshadows all of the hurt you caused. And I’m not going to lie you have hurt me before, but all of that is past stuff. It doesn’t matter anymore because we worked passed it. I don’t regret being with you, I don’t regret having children with you. The fact that we have a beautiful family together just makes me love you even more. Right now I have everything I ever wanted when I was growin up. I know you can’t really understand that because you had a loving mom, and a little sister, and friends who took care of you. You make me happy. No one’s perfect, there’s no such thing as the perfect relationship. People fight, feelings get hurt, but we’re stronger then it. We’re going to be together for the rest of our lives. I wouldn’t have spent so much money on our rings if we weren’t.” That part makes me laugh a little. She always finds a way to cheer me up a little when I’m on the verge of sobs.
“I know we’re going to be together forever. I’m sorry, it’s just we’ve had more sex tonight then we have in the last month or two and my emotions are all over the place. We should probably get some sleep. The kids want to go to the beach tomorrow so we’re gonna need to be alert. You know how Joseph likes to sneak off when we’re distracted by something.” She nods her head and chuckles a little bit. My biggest fear for tomorrow is that he’ll sneak off and get washed away by some big wave. I’m a very strong swimmer, and so is Faith, but if he gets swept up in a current we might not get to him in time. Ok, no more depressing or scary thoughts. I just need to get some sleep. I’m just glad me and Faith are finally getting back to the way we used to be.
WPOV
“I just want this whole crappy weekend to go away,” Sky says and rests her head on my shoulder. I softly rub her back and feel her sigh. I knew we should have waited until she was thirteen weeks along. See after twelve weeks it’s too late to terminate a pregnancy, but I wanted that extra week just to be sure. She didn’t get an abortion, so don’t think for a second that she did. I have to explain with happened. See Buff and Faith took off to California because they were getting way too stressed out, so Sky and I thought it was the perfect opportunity to go to Oregon to tell her family about the baby. I didn’t bring up my waiting idea because Sky has been very cranky lately and I didn’t want to make her mad. When she told her parents about the pregnancy, and that we used magic to create our baby so it is both of ours her mother asked how far along she was.
Sky got excited because she thought that maybe her mom was taking an interest and that once the shock wore off she would be happy. So when Sky said she’s only two months pregnant the first thing her dad said was ‘it’s not too late for an abortion.’ You should have seen the look on Sky’s face, total shock and damage. I wanted to so badly to take her in my arms and comfort her, but that would have made things worst. I tried to defend us as much as possible without starting a fight, but those people just kind of push you to it. When we finally had enough belittling, we got up to leave and her parents actually tried to convince her to stay with them, that they would take care of our ‘terrible mistake’. I don’t understand how someone could treat their own child like that.
“Me too, baby, me too,” I tell her and hold onto her one of her hands. When we got back to the hotel there were three messages waiting for us, two from her parents and one from Buffy. I called her back and she said that they would be staying in Monterey for a whole week instead of three days, and that I should take that long of a break too instead of researching the dreams in my spare time. I agreed mostly because I didn’t want to argue with her. I got off the phone as quick I should because Sky was starting to hyperventilate. She had no idea her parents would be like that. She always hoped that they would come around and accept the fact that she’s in love with me, and she thought that us giving them a grandchild would help with the accepting. But it only made things worst and she couldn’t handle it.
They called the hotel a couple more times and when we told the person at the desk to hold all of our calls they started calling our cell phones. We turned them off but we’re afraid that they’ll stop by so we left. We’re sitting at the park now, on a bench, and I’m holding her, trying to keep her from breaking down again. If my parents aren’t excited about the baby then I’ll be able to handle it because I’m so used to them not taking an interest in my life, but Sky was completely blindsided by this. I’m so afraid that she’s going to think about it and then agree with her parents, or she’s going to get so stressed out and have a miscarriage.
“Did you see the way my dad looked at my stomach?” she asks and sniffles a little. I shake my head no and give her a little kiss on the top of hers. She’s quiet for a long moment and then she takes in a deep breath. “It’s like he wanted to cut me open and rip it out.” God, that’s so horrible. I was focusing on her mom because the last time we saw them her mom seemed more upset then her father. Why are they being so stubborn? They were never like this before. They were always so accepting of people’s differences when I was growing up. They never said anything bad about anyone. They hate the clan and they think religion shouldn’t be used as an excuse to discriminate. So is it me? Do they just not love me and this is their perfect opportunity to finally show it?” I should have known she’d think something like this and been a little more prepared. Ok, here goes nothing.
“Don’t you dare think that for a second. Your parents love you very much. There’s a big difference between talking about being tolerant, and being tolerant. I can’t explain their reasoning to you because I don’t know them, but if I had to guess I’d say they didn’t want you and your siblings growing up thinking they were intolerant, and they didn’t want to raise intolerant children, and they didn’t even think about the possibility that one of their children would be in a same sex relationship. They probably think you’re changing so much so fast and they don’t feel like they know who you are anymore. Again, just guessing here. Maybe if you spent some one on one time with them while we’re here it would help. I can explore the town on my own for a while. Maybe stop by a couple book stores to see what they have.” She chuckles a little bit and looks up at me.
“Will, we’re supposed to be saving money for the baby. And don’t tell me you can control yourself. Whenever you go into a bookstore you forget about budgeting.” She gives me a little smile and she has that spark back in her eye. She was stressing about visiting her parents because we weren’t sure how they were going to react to me coming back. Whenever she gets really stressed out the spark leaves her eyes. I’ve missed it. Trust me when I say I’ve missed it. She rests her head on my shoulder again and I keep rubbing her back. Then she turns her head up a little but so she can nuzzle my neck. “I just want us to go back to being happy. I feel like we ruined it for ourselves by coming out here.”
“I want you to be right with your parents again. You used to be close with them, right? I mean, you used to have yearly barbeques, and come home for Christmas every year, and Thanksgiving, and your parents’ birthdays. We haven’t done anything like that since we’ve been together.” I feel her body tense up a little bit and I know I just said something wrong. It’s not that she hasn’t done any of that stuff since she’s been with me. The issue is she hasn’t done any of that stuff since her husband died. And then she became a slayer, and she lost herself in it as a way of ignoring the missing part of her life. I did kind of the same thing when Kennedy left me.
“I’m sorry, I didn’t mean that. I know how hard it’s been. I think if we started doing that it would give your family a chance to see how good we are together. The only time we’ve come to see them is when you had big news to tell them. I’m kind of torn here because I usually spend Christmas at Buffy’s, but I think we can work something out. Maybe do an every other year type of thing.” She sighs and relaxes again but I still don’t feel like we’ve resolved anything. I want to keep talking, but I don’t want to upset her. Her hormones have been crazy so I have to kind of lightly tread whenever I’m around her. It sucks but things are starting to get better.
“I don’t know. I guess we can start doing that but I like going to Buffy’s for Christmas. She means so much to you, and watching those kids open up presents is always entertaining.” She’s right, watching Addison and Joseph rip through their presents is really funny. Since Matthew’s gotten older he’s calmed down a lot when it comes to the present opening. “Can we talk about it later? The sun’s going to set in a few minutes.” I give her a kiss on top of her head. I pull her body closer to mine and I let go of her hand. I rest it on her stomach and softly caress her with my thumb. It’s still a little hard to believe that we’re going to have a baby. She puts her hands over mine and I know she’s smiling. I don’t know how I know, I just do. It’s like I can feel her smile.
It’s still too early to tell if the baby is a boy or a girl, but I’m kind of rooting for a girl. It would be really nice to have a girl to dress up. I know we’re going to have that ‘first child syndrome’. There are going to be so many pictures of this baby we won’t have room for them all. We’ll have to see how it goes with this one, but I’m sure we’ll both want to have at least two kids. I want to have two kids. I decided that a long time ago. I don’t know if Sky will be so hip with that plan after she gives birth. I’m so happy that we’re going to have a baby, but I’ve always wanted to have a baby, as in I want to be the pregnant one. But it’s impossible. There’s so much magic running through my body that the baby would be born with way too much magic, and there’s no way it would survive for then a day or two, and that’s if it comes to term. I could miscarry.
I give her another kiss as we watch the sun sink before the horizon. I love watching the sunset with her, but I have to admit seeing the sunrise is a little better. The only time we ever see the sunrise is when we’ve been up all night pleasuring each other. That hasn’t happened in a while. She just got over the morning sickness a couple weeks ago, and she still hasn’t felt like doing anything. Not that I’m complaining. Some women just don’t want to have sex while they’re pregnant. If she isn’t in the mood, and I can’t put her in the mood then that’s fine. All she should really be focusing on right now is growing a person. And again with the whole ‘it’s still hard to believe we’re going to have a baby’. It’s mind boggling, but exciting at the same time, and I can’t wait to be a mommy.
“There’s something we still haven’t talked about,” Sky says and sits up a little bit. We’ve been sitting here in silence for so long that it’s completely dark out. The only light is coming from the moon, and the large lamp that’s about five feet away from us. There’s nobody else around, and the sound of traffic is very vague. I love just sitting quietly with her because it reminds me of all the times we did it at the slayer school. Anyway, I let out a little ‘hmm?’ and she looks over at me. She’s trying to figure out how to word what she wants to say, that much is obvious. It means she thinks I’m not going to like what she has to say. “Are we going to do any blessing rituals at all?” Wow, that is a good question. I never even thought of it.
“Willow, I’m a powerful witch, I don’t hold a candle to you, but I’m more powerful then most. I think it would be good if we start putting a lot of positive energy into this baby even before birth. You and I both know all of the bad things that can happen if we wait, or don’t do it at all.” I know there are a lot of risks. She doesn’t have to remind me of that. I’m just not sure which rituals we should do. There are so many and I don’t know which ones would be the most affective. I don’t want to try too many because too much of anything isn’t good for you, and I don’t want to hurt our baby with good intensions. I don’t want to hurt our baby at all.
“I don’t know. I guess we can get a hold of the Coven and ask them about it. I don’t know a whole lot about blessing pregnancies. I researched it a little when I was still with Kennedy, but she was uninterested in the whole parent thing so I stopped. It got too depressing.” Ever since be became a couple I’ve made it a point not to talk about my ex’s unless Sky asks about them, which is hardly ever. Talking about an ex to the current lover is just something you don’t do in any type of relationship. “Let’s not talk about it right now, ok? We can talk about it when we get home.” She sighs and I know she’s getting irritated. So I don’t want to talk about it right now, is that such a big deal? “Come on, baby, I just don’t want to talk about it right now, and you should be relaxing after what happened. I don’t want to get into a long discussion.” I know that isn’t too much to ask.
“Alright, but we are going to talk about it when we get home. I don’t want to wake up one morning and find our baby’s been switched with something else because you didn’t want to do a blessing.” I roll my eyes and try not to sigh. “Don’t roll your eyes at me.” How the hell did she know I did that? “This is serious Willow. The possibility of that happening is very real. This baby is most likely going to be born a magical child, there are so many demons, or magical creatures that would love to get their hands or claws or hooves on a magical child.” I know all of this, so she doesn’t have to remind me, but she does have a good point.
“I know, baby. I just don’t want to worry about it right now. We have enough stuff to worry about, let’s not add to it. I promise when we get home we’ll sit down and have a very long conversation about it.” She doesn’t say anything but she puts her head down on my shoulder again so I know everything between us is ok. “Maybe we should head back.” She shakes her head no and snuggles against me a little closer. If she were any closer to me she’d be sitting in my lap. She does that a lot, especially when we’re watching TV together. Lately she’s gotten into the habit of sitting in my lap at breakfast time. She doesn’t have me feed her or anything. She just wants to be close to me until she’s fully awake. She’s so adorable in the morning, you have no idea. I wish we could go back home before all of this happened. We could be at home, snuggling in bed, and talking about our plans for the baby. Yep, I really wish we could go back.
DPOV
You have no idea how hard the last three days have been. Kyle showed up and wanted to get back together, you know that part. You also know about the situation with Michael, and how I’m still not exactly sure if he’s going to embrace fatherhood or not. I guess I’m going to find out today. He called last night while I was making dinner and he wants to see the boys. We’re meeting at the park in five minutes. I’m driving over there now. I haven’t taken the boys to the park in a while so they’ll love it. I don’t know how they’re going to react to Michael. I have no fucking clue how they’re going to react to Kyle if I do decide to let him back into my life. I’m not going to be with someone my children are uncomfortable around.
I pull into the parking lot and the boys start talking a mile a minute about what they’re going to play on first. Alex wants to go on the swings, and Nick wants to go on the slide. I guess we’ll have to flip a coin or something because I can’t be in two places at once. This is why it would be nice to have someone else. If Kyle hadn’t left or if I had told Michael about the boys sooner then maybe he would be here in the car with us and he could take one of the boys on something and I could help the other. It’s little things like these that remind you how much being a single mom can suck. I don’t hate it all the time. When I cuddle with them on the couch I’m kind of glad there’s no one else there that could take their attention off me. I find a parking stop and then shut off the engine. They’re so excited that they’re almost shaking in their car seats.
“Ok guys remember when I let you out touch the car ok? Don’t just walk off.” They nod their heads and I can’t help but smile at how they’re acting. Who knew going to the park would make them so happy? I get out of the car and shut my door. Then I open up the back one and Alex has this huge smile on his face. I unhook him from the car seat and set him down on the ground. “Touch the car, Alex.” He reaches out and puts his hand flat against the side of the car, but his eyes are locked on the playground. I can tell he wants to run over there, but he knows if he does he’ll get in trouble. I close the door and hold onto his hand and walk him around to the other side. As soon as I let go of him he puts his hand on the car. I open up the door and Nick just can’t get out fast enough.
“Hurry Mommy!” he yells and pulls on the straps. I roll my eyes a little bit and reach down to unhook him. Out of the corner of my eye I see someone walking towards us. My entire body tenses up and I have to force myself to stay calm. It’s just a maternal instinct to protect my kids with my life and when I see someone walking towards us when I have my guard down it freaks me out a little. Anyway, I stand up straight to get a better look at the person and see that it’s Michael. He stops walking and just looks at me. I stare back at him and I feel all sorts of butterflies doing damage to my stomach. If I don’t have a stomach ulcer already then I’m probably getting one right now. “Mommy, hurry up!” I hear Nick yell and it snaps me back to reality. I unhook him from the seat and set him down on the ground. I hold onto both of their hands and walk closer to Michael.
“I uh, got here early ‘cause I thought you might have done that too, but I guess not.” I’ve never seen him so nervous. He’s never been one to stutter or trip over his words. It’s really weird seeing him like this. “I saved us a seat.” I smile and tell him thank you. I glance down at the boys and they’re just staring up at him like they’ve never seen another human being before. Neither of them really knows what to think, and it’s really cute to see. He leads the way as we walk across the small parking lot and then down a nice dirt trail. It’s been walked on so much that the dirt is compact and no dust is being kicked up. We walk over to the bench that has a few bags on it. Luckily no one else tried to claim it while he was gone. We sit down and the boys are standing by my knees just staring at Michael, I guess now is a good time to make introductions.
“Nick, Alex this is Michael. Can you two say ‘hi’?” I ask but they don’t say anything. They’re just too fascinated by him to do anything else but just look. “Michael this is Nick.” I put my hand on top of his head. “And this is Alex.” I do the same to him and he shakes his head back and forth. Sometimes he just doesn’t want to be touched. Even though they’re identical twins today you can tell them apart. Normally I’m so busy in the morning rushing around trying to get all three of us ready that I don’t really pay attention to what I dress them in. They never wear the exact same outfit, but sometimes they’ll end up with the same colored shirt, they’ll just have different pictures. But today I made sure to dress them in different colors. Alex is wearing his favorite shirt. It’s green camouflage and has the words army strong across the chest. Nick is wearing a navy blue shirt with a picture of Pinky and the Brain.
“It’s nice to meet you,” Michael says and he sounds so lost. He has no idea what to say to them and it’s a little sad. Ok, so more then a little. It’s really, really sad. “Why don’t you ask your mom if you can go play?” I guess he wants to talk to me about the custody issue now. They finally stop looking at him and glance up at me. They don’t say anything but I tell them to go play in the sand. They both walk off and we watch them go. We’re just sitting in silence now and I’d be lying if I told you it wasn’t extremely awkward. “I brought some snacks. I wasn’t sure what they would like, or what you let them have.” He pulls some containers out of the plastic bags and I glance down. He made a fruit salad, there’s a box of granola bars, some juice boxes, and what looks like peanut butter and jelly sandwiches. He even brought paper plates, plastic forks and napkins.
“Thank you, this is great. I know they’ll love it. They might not eat a lot because they had a big breakfast, but I’m sure they’ll nibble on a lot of it.” He puts all the stuff back and we both look over at the boys. They’re playing in the sandbox with a couple other kids. The little girl is sharing her bucket and shovel with Nick, but Alex doesn’t have anything to play with. I should have brought some toys. Why didn’t I think of that? “So, have you made up your mind about anything yet? Because it’s ok if you want to talk a couple more days to figure everything out. I know this is a huge shock and I’m sorry for just springing it on you unexpectedly. I was just in a shitty situation, and I didn’t use my best judgment, or even my good judgment, and I’m so sorry that you missed out on everything.”
“You’re right, you didn’t use any good judgment.” Ouch, that stung. I look over and wait for him to keep talking. I have no right to get mad at him for saying that, or for him using that tone. He has every reason to hate me right now. “I’m sorry, I’m trying not to be pissed at you but it’s really fuckin hard, you know?” I nod my head a little and take a look around to make sure there are no little kids around who heard him cuss. “I’ve been a father for the last three years and didn’t even know it. It’ll take a while for the anger part to go away.” I nod my head and look back over at the sandbox. I see Nick playing with that little girl, but I don’t see Alex. I fight back panic and take a look around. Ah, he’s climbing up the ladder so he can go down the slide.
“And I deserve all of the anger you throw at me. Trust me there’s nothing you can say that’ll make me feel more like shit right now. I think about all of things you missed and I feel so guilty I almost break down. Not just for all the things that you’ve missed, but them too. They don’t know who their dad is and they’re getting to the point now where they know they’re supposed to have one.” I try not to tear up as I think about that horrible moment. “A couple months ago Nick came up to me in the kitchen and asked why he only lives with a mommy. He told me that mommies and daddies are supposed to live together. I had no idea what to tell him, so I just changed the subject.” He’s quiet for a few minutes and we both just watch the boys play. I have no idea what he’s going to say and it’s very unnerving.
“I don’t know how we’re going to work this out. I want custody, I want to see them on a regular basis but I live four hours away. If I sue for custody I’ll lose, and I know you’re not going to move to LA and give up your job.” He’s right, I’m not going to do that. It’s taken me a while to get used to it, but this is my home and I’m not going to leave. “I guess I could move here. My mom died a couple years ago so I have no real reason to stay in LA.” Oh my God, I didn’t know his mom died. Why didn’t he tell? I turn to him and open my mouth to say something but he doesn’t let me talk. “She had lung cancer.” I can tell just by the look in his eyes that he isn’t completely over it, so I’ll just leave the subject alone for now.
“You could move here. The houses are really expensive, but there are some apartment complexes across town that aren’t too bad. There’s no much in the way of work here, but you can get a job in Vegas. The commute isn’t too bad. It’s what most of the people here do.” He nods his head a little and looks back over towards the slide. Alex is taking another turn and I guess he cut in front of another little boy because some kid is crying to his mom and pointing to the slide. They always do something bad when you’re not looking. Now that we’ve gotten the job talk out of the way we can get down to the really important stuff. “They go to daycare during the week from seven in the morning until five. It might be a while before we start doing this but I was actually thinking of doing an ‘every other week’ sort of thing.” He gives me a weird look and I can’t help but feel like I said something wrong.
“Why would it be a while before that happens? If you want it to be every other week we can do that now, and I won’t have to move.” Ok, where the hell did that come from? Why is he getting so mad? “I don’t want to move if I don’t have to. I’ve been living in my house since I moved to LA. My mom packed up and moved us there two years after I graduated high school.” Wow, that’s a long time. “Her health’s never been good. I couldn’t have stayed in Redding if I wanted to. Someone had to look after her.” I totally understand what he’s saying. I reach over and put a hand on his knee. He looks up from the ground and into my eyes and my breath is taken away at how much raw emotion I can see in his eyes.
“I get it. I was pissed when that big earthquake took out Sunnydale because that’s the last place I lived with my mom.” Yeah, he still doesn’t know about demons, and vampires and hellmouths. I was going to tell him back in high school, but I was too afraid he’d freak out and break up with me. “If we’re both agreed on the every other week then we can do that. I can drop them off at your place and then you can bring them back. I want them to get to know you before we start doing that though. They’ve never spent the night at someone’s house that they didn’t know. They’ve stayed at my sister’s a couple of times but she’s been around them since birth.” Ok, that brought on a pang of guilt. “I just don’t want them to freak out or anything. They can be very…stubborn and manipulative when they want to be especially when they don’t want to do something.”
“Well, they certainly take after you,” he says with a small smile on his face. I give him a little smack on the arm and he gets this mock-hurt look on his face. “You’re still so violent. I thought your sister was going to teach you some manners.” I give him another little smack on the arm and he grabs onto my wrist. His hands are calloused, but they don’t hurt or feel strange. They feel very familiar. It was so long ago when I slept with him and I can still remember it like it happened last night. “You know you can only get it away with it so many times before I start to fight back.” I nod my head a little bit and smack him with my free hand. We used to play like this back when we were dating. It’s nice to see that after all these years and every horrible thing I’ve done we still get long.
“Alright Summers, you brought this on yourself.” I try to scoot farther away from him, but he wraps one of his large arms around my middle to stop me from moving away. I struggle a little bit, but it’s mostly for show. Then he brings up his other hand and my eyes widen when he brings it down with lightening speed and starts tickling me. I start laughing, and squirming, and kicking and struggling but I don’t really want to get away. To be honest this is the happiest I’ve been in a while, and I don’t want to ruin it. I know after this little tickle fest things are probably going to be awkward, but we’ll move passed it. I’m just so glad that we’re comfortable around each other. It’s like I get around him and I’m eighteen again, and I really like that feeling. I wish I could feel like that forever, but I know it won’t last for long. But at least right now things are like they used to be.
