Chapter 66: Expecting and The Unexpected

Two Weeks Later. WPOV

I take a deep calming breath as I walk out of the bathroom. The steam from the shower I just took disappears as it hits the cool air of my bedroom. Well, it isn’t just my bedroom. Sky lives here too. Yep, that’s right, we live together now. Sure it isn’t the first time I’ve lived with someone other then my parents, but it’s still exciting. After Kennedy left I thought I would never be happy again. I completely shut down, and fell into a deep depression. But Sky pulled me out of it, and I’m very grateful for it. She’s given me so many things that I never thought I’d ever have again. She’s also giving me something I never thought I would have, period.

“Ready for bed?” she asks and looks up from her book. She’s beautiful and she has a brain. God I love this woman. I sit down on the bed and hold out the comb in my hand and give her a little pout. She rolls her eyes and sighs very dramatically but she smiles so I know she’s going to do what I want. She bookmarks her spot and puts the very thick novel down on her end table and crawls towards me. She takes the comb from me and sits behind me so she can comb my hair. I don’t know why but I love it when she does this.

“You know, I think you have this backwards.” What is she talking about? She keeps talking before I can question her on it. “I mean, aren’t you supposed to be pampering me?” I smile and gently rub her thighs as she sets them on either side of me.

“I’ve already tried, and you never let me.” I did try to pamper her, and she didn’t let me. She said that even though it is silently romantic to eat breakfast in bed, we should eat it at the table so we don’t get crumbs in the bed. She also said that carrying her around isn’t necessary, and how was I supposed to know she’s allergic to strawberries? It’s not like she ever told me. Then again I never asked. That little bit of information completely ruined that romantic surprise. I guess it doesn’t matter now though. I mean it does, because now I know that she’s allergic to strawberries, but the romance being taken out of the moment doesn’t matter. We made up for that in all sorts of fun ways.

“That’s because you were trying too hard, baby. Bring it down a little bit and I’ll let you pamper me until I won’t have it any other way.” I smile and turn around just enough to see her face. “It’s kind of hard to comb your hair when you’re staring at me.” I guess she’s right. I give her a little peck on the lips and turn around again so she can finish. “So, we’re definitely telling Buffy and Faith tomorrow?” I nod my head and it makes her accidentally pull on a knot. I feel a little bad about keeping this from Buffy. Sky and I have known for three whole days now and we haven’t said anything. I’ve been distracted though. Faith is having these weird dreams and wants me to look into it. I’ve been up late every night researching but I still haven’t found anything. If she would just let me do a little exploring inside her mind then maybe I can get a clue to the right direction.

“Yes. I have to tell her. She’s my best friend and this is best friend sort of news. We can wait if you want to wait.” She moves my hair to the side and gently nips at my pulse point. I know she doesn’t mind telling them. I’m just a little nervous. I know it seems a little selfish but I want Buffy to be happy for me and I’m afraid she’s going to be too distracted by the Faith stuff to really care right now. The news will sink in and I’m sure when everything has blown over we’ll go out for drinks or whatever it is people do in this situation, but I’m afraid she’s going to be too distracted. I completely understand it. If it was Sky who was having strange dreams of a world where I hated her then my mind would be very one-tracky.

“I don’t want to wait,” she whispers and lightly nips at the shell of my ear. A cold shiver runs down my spine and I know Sky is smiling at me. She starts combing out my hair again and tries to act like that didn’t just happen. She can be a tease, especially lately. I thought she would be feeling sick, and tired and not want to do anything, but for the last couple days she’s been very...playful and adventurous. We should have sex in public more often, it’s such a rush. Unless you get caught. And yes we did, and we’re not longer welcome at the Target on Raymert Drive. But that’s ok, there are plenty of other places we can do our shopping. And it’s not even our fault that we got caught. We were being very quiet and discreet. If that little girl hadn’t opened the door of our changing room then everything would have been fine.

“So, I was thinking.” Whenever she says those words I either have to buy something, go somewhere, or call somebody. It’s not always fun. “After we figure out what’s wrong with Faith, and find a way to stop those dreams, we could take a little trip to Oregon and visit my parents.” I tense up a little bit and my eyes go wide. Ok, let me explain why I’m having this reaction. Sky’s parents are good people. They do a lot to help out in their community, and they give to a lot of different charities. They raised all of their kids to be kind, understanding, and open minded people. But the open mindedness wasn’t supposed to be very broad. She had everything her parents could have wanted for their daughter, which was a great house, a loving husband, and a very bright future.

Only now she has a great house, a loving fiancé, and a very bright future. Only I’m a woman, not a man and her parents have a problem with it. I met them once a couple years ago and as soon as Sky said that I am the love of her life and she’s going to marry me her parents didn’t really want me around them or in their house, or around their daughter. It’s not just them either. The entire town is very conservative and we got a lot of glares and weird looks when she started showing me around the place she grew up, and held onto my hand the entire time. Sky refused to give into the ‘close mindedness of the assholes around us’. Her words, not mine.

We’ve visited my parents a couple of times, but they responded to Sky the same way they responded to Kennedy and Tara. They were friendly but not very interested. I seriously think the only reason my parents had me was for research. The only time they’ve ever shown any real interest in a conversation with us is when we were talking about having a baby. I still think that my mom only wants a grandchild is so she can study the cognitive and physical developments as he or she grows. I think she also wants to find out how a child of a lesbian couple reacts to the opinions of other people about their parents. So it’s safe to say that we won’t be taking too many trips to grandma and grandpa Rosenberg when we do have a baby. Anyway, I take a little calming breath and try to word this as carefully as I can.

“We can, if you want to. It has been a while since I met them.” Her parents hate me because I ‘corrupted’ their daughter. If only they knew about the few flings she had in college, they would probably flip. She loved her husband, and he was a huge part of her life. It took her a while but she finally opened up and told me that she loved him, but she wasn’t in love with him, and she only married him to try and make her parents proud. It worked, they were very proud, but then he got in that car accident. The reason she didn’t date anybody for such a long time is because she felt horribly guilty about his death. She said that if she hadn’t married him he wouldn’t have been on his way to the house that they bought, and he wouldn’t have been going through that particular intersection and he wouldn’t have been hit by that truck.

I completely understand about the guilt thing. I mean there are so many what-ifs when it comes to Tara and me. If I hadn’t gotten addicted to magic then we wouldn’t have broke up, which means we wouldn’t have been in bed for those couple of days, and she would have been at school instead of blowing off her classes to be with me. She would have been safe, and we would still be together and living in our own house, with a couple of kids running around and we could have gotten our happy ending. And I loved Tara so much, but I have moved on, and if none of that stuff happened with her and with Kennedy then I would never have met Sky, and we wouldn’t be together.

“I know they aren’t accepting of you and our relationship, but they’re my family. I have to tell them, just like you have to tell Buffy.” Ok, lets not get personal or anything. She uses my close friendship with Buffy against me a lot. Not so much that it gets irritating, but enough so that I know what she’s doing and why she’s doing it. She brings in the Buffy card and sends me on a little guilt trip, and I usually cave. I can be very stubborn though, and we’ve gotten into a couple of fights because of it. Just little stupid stuff, nothing big, but it still hurt. I hate fighting with people, I’m so non-confrontational that it’s a little strange I help in the battle against evil. Fighting evil requires a certain amount of confrontation. Why am I babbling about this?

“And just like you have to tell your parents.” Ok, now she’s crossed a line.
“No way, we’re not going to tell my parents. We can go to Oregon and visit with your family and share the good news, but there’s no way we’re going to tell my parents.” No way in hell are we going all the way to Ithaca New York just to see my parents. But I know Sky is going to be stubborn about this. She’s a naturally stubborn person when she wants to be. Add that with the stubbornness she gets from being a slayer and it’s almost impossible to change her mind when she sets it on something. And if she sets her mind too strongly on this then there’s a good chance we’ll never have sex again. Because I’m not going to budge and she’s not going to budge. It’ll be like a cold war or something. Yep, that’s exactly what it will be like.

“Willow, this is a big deal, and you promised your mom you would keep her update to date on the important things going on in your life.” I know I said that but I didn’t mean it. And I could always call her or send and e-mail. We don’t have to go all the way out to Ithaca New York. “Am I not important enough?” She sounds so sad now. I know what this is, she’s trying to manipulate me. Well, I’m not going to let her. “You must be really ashamed to be with me if you’d rather send your parents an e-mail or something then go to their house and tell her in person.” She sounds like she’s going to cry. I turn around and look at her, and just by looking at her I know she isn’t trying to manipulate me. She really is feeling insecure. I reach out and wipe the tears that are slowly creeping down her face. Then I tilt her chin up and just stare at her until she makes eye contact.

“Baby I am in no way ashamed of you. I’m lucky to have you, and very grateful. It’s just...my parents don’t view children as a little person you can teach, and have fun with. They view them as little people that should be studied to try and understand what they’re thinking at all times. And try and figure out which statistic a certain child falls under. And they’re not going to care about this,” I gently rub my hand along her stomach and the tears in her eyes start to disappear. “Until he or she is born. Then all they’ll want to do is obverse her and take notes, and write her behavior off as a statistical thing that some kids go through. They’re not going to care that he or she is their grandchild.” Sky nods her head a little bit and her bottom lip starts to tremble. Great, what did I say now?

“That must be so awful. To know that your parents aren’t going to really care about our baby.” The tears start rolling down her cheeks again and I have to force myself not to roll my eyes. Don’t get me wrong, of course I care that my mom and dad aren’t going to show the normal type of interest that grandparents normally show with their grandchildren. But I’m so used to it now from them doing it with me that I’m jaded, and the pain isn’t as bad as it used to be. I gently wipe Sky’s tears away and give her a little kiss on the lips. “I’m sorry, it’s these damn hormones. I never know when they’re going to rear their ugly heads.” That’s true. Her moods have been swinging a lot lately. But that’s normal, and sometimes it’s kind of cute. Seeing her pout because we’re almost out of toilet paper is so adorable, you have no idea.

“It’s not that bad. If you want we can invite them to come stay with us. They’ve never been here before so it’ll be nice to show them what we’ve done with this place.” She smiles and nods her head and I can’t help but feel like I’ve just been played. “I’m sure my dad will love Vegas, and you can ask my mom all sorts of pregnancy questions. I know that the books go into a lot of details, but it might be nice to hear what my mom has to say about being pregnant with me.” She leans over and gives me a kiss. It lasts longer then the others and she gently sucks on my bottom lip for a few seconds.

“That would be great, baby.” She leaves a little peck on my lips and then looks into my eyes. She has this little gleam that I’m very familiar with. I know when she gets that particular look in her eyes nothing good ever happens. “And I can always ask her about some things we’ll need to know. Like bath time, and potty training.” Great, she’s going to ask my mom and dad to tell her embarrassing stories about me. Sky has met Xander before, and they talked a little about me but I was standing right there and for every story Xander tried to tell I would remind him about some other stories that don’t make him look very good. That kept the embarrassing Willow stories to a minimum. I did let him tell a couple and Sky thought they were so funny.

“We need to get some sleep if we’re going to be at Buffy’s first thing in the morning,” I say with a little smile. I really hope Buffy isn’t too distracted with the Faith stuff to be happy for me. I know that sounds selfish, and I’ve already gone over this with you, but I just want her to be happy. Besides, this is good news, very good news, and they could use some good news right now. I put on my bedclothes which consist of a baggy t-shirt and some boxers. I outgrew my pajama phase a long time ago. “She might be a little cranky because Buffy has never been a morning person, but I’m sure once she gets some coffee in her and tell her our big news she’ll perk right up.” I turn out the lights and crawl under the covers. I cuddle up to Sky and put my hand on her belly. Normally we’re the opposite, with me on my back and her cuddle up to me, but ever since we found out that she’s pregnant we’ve been sleeping like this. I can’t wait until tomorrow, I’m so excited.

DPOV

“You boys better not be in my bedroom!” I swear one of these days I’m going to super glue them to the floor. They’ve gotten into the habit of using my lipstick as crayons and they color on the walls. I had a lock put on the drawer of my vanity desk. They can’t get to my lipsticks, but if they try and realize they can’t then they’ll just get into something else. “Alex, Nick, I mean it!” God, where is the babysitter? She was supposed to be here by now. If I’m late because of her I’m going to freak out. Ok, so maybe I won’t freak out, but I’ll be really pissed. I finish putting on my eyeshadow and walk out of the bathroom and down the hallway. I stomp my feet a little bit and to give them a warning. I see them run out of my room, down the hall and into their bedrooms.

If I were going out on an actual date where the possibility of me getting laid wasn’t none then I’d be running around like a chicken with its ass on fire. Yeah, see how I flipped that? Anyway, tonight I am getting dressed up, I shaved my legs, and I straightened my hair, but this isn’t a date. You know how I said I was going to call Michael and tell him about the boys because I didn’t want him to miss their fist birthday? Well, the thing is I couldn’t bring myself to do it. I was too ashamed. But the guilt of him missing so much outweighs the shame of what I did. So I called Michael last week ad told him I have something important to tell him and I’m meeting him at a little French restaurant in fifteen minutes.

I know I can never make this right. Not only did I cheat on Kyle and have Michael’s children but I kept him from his kids. And when we talked on the phone last week for almost three hours he told me that he’s single and I’m sure he would have mentioned if he had any kids. That’s usually the kind of thing people will share when telling somebody else about the things they’ve been up to for the last couple years. I didn’t tell him about the boy but that’s what tonight is al about. I really hope he doesn’t think this is a date. I was extremely vague on the phone so there’s a very good chance that he things this is a date. Oh, thank God the babysitter is finally here. I rush downstairs and open the door and I try not to look irritated.

“Hey, come on in,” I tell Jessica and she walks in. “I should be home by eleven, and if I’m not you’re welcome to spend the night.” Jessica watches the boy when Buffy can’t. She’s busy dealing with some type of demony thing. At least I think it’s a demony thing. She said something about dreams that might not be dreams, I couldn’t really understand what she was saying. “I’m going to tuck them in and then I have to go.” I head back upstairs and go into Nick’s room first. He’s sitting on the floor playing with his blocks. “Nick, it’s time for bed.” He whines a little bit, and kicks the floor a few times, but he doesn’t fight against me when I pick him up and pout him in his bed. “Goodnight Nicky-boy.” I give him a little kiss on the lips. “Mommy loves you.” I give him another kiss and turn out the light as I leave the room.

I go into Alex’s room next and he’s laying in his bed but the lights are on. Well, at least he tried. I kiss him goodnight and tell him I love him and shut the lights out before I leave the room. I let Jessica know that I’m leaving and now the only thing I have to do is leave. I stand at the door and just look at it. When I walk out that door I’m going to see Michael again for the first time in three and a half years. He’ll know that I didn’t get married, and he’ll know that I lied to him for three years. He’s going to be mad, anybody would, but will he step up? I hope so. I don’t want Nick and Alex growing up without a dad.

Ok I can do this. I have to do this whether I want to or not. Michael has my home number so if I don’t show up he’ll call and want to know why. It’s not like he’s going to just disappear if I stand him up. I take a deep, calming breath and walk out the front door. Ok, so far so good. I get in my car and very slowly back out of the driveway. I’m not trying to stall but the neighbor’s dog gets out at night and if I accidentally hit it I don’t want to hurt it. Anyway, I pull into the street and head for the restaurant. Why did I have to suggest that restaurant? It’s a place that a lot of couples go to. If this is a date this isn’t a date then why does it feel like one?

Other things have been going on in my life then just feeling guilty about Michael and the boys. I started up my own clothing company. It’s going pretty good so far. We’ve had a couple celebrity clients who wanted something custom made, and of course I said yes. It’s just a fact that when girls see a celebrity wearing a cute top, or some trendy jeans in a magazine they’ll run out and buy the same clothes. That’s how a lot of our profit is made. I can almost afford a new car so I’d say we’re doing well. And there’s this guy who works in the ordering department. Ok, I don’t know if that’s what it’s called, but he talks to the customers when they want to place an order for something. Anyway, his name is Jason and he’s always flirting with me when we’re in the break room together. He hasn’t asked me out though, and I’m not a first move kinda girl.

I pull into the parking lot and it doesn’t take me long to find a place to park. I check my hair and make-up in the rear-view mirror and take in a deep breath. I can do this. I’m only five minutes late, so this is already going better then I expected. I would have been ready on time bu the boys wouldn’t sit still and let me was their hair when I gave them their bath. Anyway, I get out of the car and walk towards the building. I love wearing heels and I’m surprised I didn’t become a shoe designer, but I have to admit that this noise is very annoying when you have other things on your mind. I open the door and walk inside, and I’m hit with all sorts of different aromas. The different foods, the perfumes and colognes all the other people are wearing.

“Can I help you miss?” I look over at the voice and see the hostess. Guess I zoned out there for a few seconds. I tell her someone is waiting for me and the table was reserved under the name Michael Yates. Michael is very stubborn and insisted that he pay for the meal tonight and that the table should be under his name. He can be a little irritating like that. “Yes, he’s waiting for you. Right this way.” I hope he didn’t show up early thinking I’d be right on time. He likes to be the first on at a place whenever he makes plans to meet someone there. At least that’s how he used to be, I don’t know if he’s still like that or not. The hostess leads me to the table and our eyes meet across the room. I get a little smile on my face, and he smiles back.

“Hi Michael,” I say and stand by the table. He stands up because that’s the polite thing to do. The hostess sets another menu down on the table and tells us that our waiter will be by soon. I sit down, and so does Michael. Seeing him again is making all sorts of butterflies flutter around my stomach. “You look great. Not that you’ve ever looked bad because you always look great.” I can’t believe I’m babbling. What is wrong with me? He smiles a little and takes a sip of wine. He already ordered us some wine, that’s great. I hold my glass to my lips and resist the urge to chug. I take a very long sip and then set my glass down.

“You look...” his eyes trail up and down my face and torso and I fight not to blush. I have a feeling that’s going to happen a lot. “Beautiful, like always.” And the blush wins. He chuckles a little bit and then we sit in silence. It isn’t uncomfortable though. Things between us have always been this way. “So what’s so important that you couldn’t tell me over the phone?” And now I’m a little uncomfortable. He notices and gets a little serious. I take another sip of my wine and I’m sure even the visually impaired can see that I’m stalling. I sigh and resist the urge to run my hand through my hair. He’ll know that something major is up if I do that.

“I’m sorry, I’m just a little nervous is all.” The waiter shows up and thank God for the interruption. We order our food which takes a couple of minutes because neither of us have been here before, and I don’t really know what I want. All of the girls at wok said they love this place, and now I know why. It is very romantic. Anyway, the waiter leaves and we’re in silence again. Well, I guess I should start. I really hope this goes well. “The reason I needed to talk to you is because of what happened the last time we were together.” I let him interrupt because my stomach feels like it’s being tied in knots I’m so nervous.

“I know what happened was stupid. You told me you were engaged and I did it anyway. I’m not the kind of person who sleeps with another man’s girl. I’m sorry and I hope everything worked out ok.” He takes a long sip of his wine and he sets the glass down. Then he sighs and shakes his head a little. “But if it did we probably wouldn’t be here right now. So what’s up?” And now it’s my turn to talk again. This was the part I wanted to avoid. But this is the reason I asked him here so it’s now or never. I’m about to open my mouth and explain everything when the waiter comes back. Why does that always happen at just the wrong moment? He puts our food down and refills our glasses and leaves. I take a bite of the food on my plate and chew very slowly. I can’t even remember what I ordered, but it tastes great.

“I guess I’ll get to the real reason I asked you to come out here.” I put my fork down and pick up my purse. I can smell his cologne from across the table. It’s the same cologne he used to wear when we were dating. I’ve always loved the smell of his cologne. God, he looks so great in that shirt, and he’s looking at me with those dark eyes and I know it’s really wrong but I want to kiss him. Ok, Dawn, calm down. Just tell him and get it over with. I’m sure he won’t want you ever again after tonight. Anyway, I pull the small black photo album out of my purse, and put my purse back on the floor by my chair. “Everything didn’t work out like I wanted, but I’m ok now.” My grip on the hard cover tightens a little and Michael looks really confused.

“My fiancé and I split up when he found out what happened. I made the horrible mistake of lying to him about it, and he couldn’t forgive me. But I don’t regret what we did, and this is why.” I hand him the photo album, and our fingers touch when he takes it from me. That little touch sends shockwaves through my body, and I really want to feel his hands on me again. What is wrong with me? I’m sitting here telling him that he’s been a father for the last three years, his entire world is about to be turned upside down, and all I can really think about is fucking him. There is definitely something wrong with me. I watch as he slowly opens the cover of the album. I know exactly which pictures are in there. I spent five hours picking out the best ones.

At first he looks shocked. The very first picture is one of the boys sleeping on my bed. We were still living in the hotel so the bedspread is really ugly but that doesn’t matter. They’re asleep and they’re lying next to each other, and their foreheads are touching. It’s a very cute picture, one of the best I’ve ever taken. Michael looks at that for a minute or two then he turns it to the next one. In this one the boys are seven months old and they’re taking a bath, and laughing and having so much fun. He smiles a little bit at that one, and he starts looking at the rest. For a few minutes his expression is blank, and I can’t read him which is scary. When he gets to th end he looks pissed. He closes the album and he looks up at me. His jaw is clenched tight, and his head is shaking a little. This is not going to be good.

“So you’re telling me,” his lips are tight and I’m surprised he can open his mouth to talk. His voice is strained because he’s trying not to yell. I really hope this doesn’t turn into a screaming match. “You got pregnant, and you didn’t tell me.” I nod my head and take another sip of my wine. “These are my boys?” I nod my head again and his anger is growing by the second. I have no one to blame but myself. He looks through the album again, only quicker this time. Then he snaps it shut, and puts it on the table. I have more copies of all those pictures so I don’t care if he keeps those. I want him to keep them. “So why are you telling me this shit now? Why did you wait so fucking long?” Ok, I know this news is upsetting, but he needs to calm down before we get kicked out.

“Michael keep your voice down.” He opens his mouth and I know he wants to yell, but he doesn’t. He clenches his fists and his jaw, and he keeps quiet. I guess this is the part when I explain the rest. “I didn’t tell you because I was too ashamed. I was in total denial and I thought if I just kept my mouth shut then everything would be ok. And then Kyle found out and left me and I went into labor the same day and everything was so insane and overwhelming. I wanted to call you. I must have picked up the phone a thousand times, but I just couldn’t. But I’m telling you now. I know what I did is wrong, and I’m hoping you could forgive me.” I close my mouth and take in a deep breath through my nose. Some of the other customers are watching us and I can feel their eyes on me. I ignore them because getting mad at them will do no good. I take a sip of my wine and wait for him to say something.

“So what do you want from me?” his voice is low and...menacing? Yeah, I think that’s the word I want to use. “You waited three years to call me, so what do you want? Money, is that it? Your broke and want to collect the child support you missed out on? Your fiancé left you and your pissed at me and now you want to collect. Is that it?” No, no, no. This is going all wrong. He starts to say something else but I interrupt him. I don’t want him thinking thoughts like that. It’s too...I don’t know, but it’s not want I want at all.

“I don’t need your money. I called you here because I felt bad about keeping your sons from you. I thought you’d want to know that you’re a father. I’m not going to force you into anything, but if you want to see them, if you want a relationship with them then that’s fine with me. We can work something out.” I have to take a deep breath to stop myself from yelling. He thought I wanted money from him? I prepared myself all the reactions I thought he would have but I never thought he would think that. “You can keep the pictures. Think about what I said. If you decide what you want to do you know how to reach me.” I grab my purse, and leave the La Petit Café. Hopefully he’ll come to his senses and call me. Otherwise it’s goodbye Michael Yates, so long and good riddance.

FPOV

I stare up at the ceiling and try to keep my tears bottled in. I don’t understand why this is happening. Three weeks ago I was happy, and everything was going fine. Nothing’s perfect and there were definitely room for improvements, but I would rather have Joey take up all of B’s time then deal with this. I had another one of those stupid dreams. Only this time I wasn’t at the house with B and the kids. I didn’t get to see my kids as teenagers, and I didn’t have to be totally confused by B’s anger and coldness. I fell asleep with Buffy in my arms, and the next thing I know I’m in a motel room. I wasn’t alone though. I was on my back and some chick I’ve never seen before was riding me, and I didn’t even try to stop her.


I was having a dream about cheating on Buffy with some…twenty-something year old. Only I don’t think it was a dream. There’s something about these dreams that are so real. I wake up from them and I don’t feel like I was dreaming, I feel like I’m coming home from being somewhere else. I know it’s confusing and it doesn’t make any sense, but that’s how it feels. So now I’m staring up at the ceiling, feeling a little nauseous and trying so hard not to cry. Buffy isn’t in my arms anymore, and I’m actually a little glad about that. It just wouldn’t be right to wake up from something like that and be cuddling with my wife. I don’t know how I’m going to deal with this guilt.

I don’t know how I’m going to tell Buffy. I filled Buffy in about all these dreams last week, and I promised I’d tell her if I have another one, but how am I supposed to tell her about this? I can picture that lovely conversation now: ‘Oh Buffy, by the way I had another one of those dreams. Ya know, the ones I think aren’t really dreams at all?’ And then Buffy would be like: ‘Really Faith, well tell me about it. What did the kids look like this time?’ And then I’d be like: ‘Couldn’t tell ya, I didn’t see them this time. It was strange, when I came to I was at some motel, and completely naked, and some smokin brunette was riding me. I think I used that spell on the strap-on because she felt fan-fuckin-tastic.’ Then she’d slap me and I’d be sleeping on the couch for the rest of my life.

Ok, so maybe it wouldn’t go exactly like that but the Buffy slapping me and me sleeping on the couch for the rest of my life is a given. Not only that but I don’t think this sickening feeling is going to go away. I feel so fuckin dirty, and I know this is the kind of dirt that isn’t going to wash off in a hot shower. This is the psychological dirt that can’t be scrubbed away physically. Saying it even inside my head doesn’t sound real. It’s like those words put together add up to a different language that no one can translate. I cheated on Buffy. I cheated on Buffy. I cheated on Buffy and a for a few seconds I was enjoying it. There, I admitted it. When I saw that chick riding me I thought I was just having a dream, and it felt so fuckin good. She was so tight that I almost came. And then I realized it wasn’t a normal wet dream, and I just wanted her off of me.

I hear my bedroom door creak open. I look over but I don’t see anything, so I look a little lower. I can’t help but smile a little bit. Ruby is laying down with only her front paws and head peeking in the room, like she’s spying on us or something. No dog will ever be as good as Tucker, but she’s a pretty good dog. She puts up with the kids, and she’s really friendly with strangers and other animals. She doesn’t get jealous when B and I are being affectionate, and she doesn’t get jealous when I’m wrestling around with the kids. If any dog ever showed any aggression towards my kids I wouldn’t hesitate to get rid of it. Anyway, I pat the side of the bed a little bit and Ruby starts army crawling towards me. She gets as close to the bed as she can before she hops up and lays down next to me.

At first I didn’t really like this dog. I mean, sure she was pretty cute, and who doesn’t love puppies, right? But then she started getting into my stuff. One night while we were having dinner at my dad’s she got into the hamper and decided that my leather pants would be a great thing to chew on. I started to bitch and complain ‘cause those pants cost me almost two hundred bucks. But then Buffy got really pissed off and said I didn’t have a right to complain because not only did I buy the dog, but if she had to put up with all the shit that Tucker put her through then I have to put up with Ruby. Once she finished teething everything was fine. Anyway, she lays down next to me and puts her head on my stomach. I gently pull at her ears, and run my fingers through her long fur.

Red doesn’t know what’s up with the dreams. She’s looking into them and she really wants to go inside my mind and dig around a little bit, but that can go horribly wrong. It just depends on how bad the dreams get. If I have one again and Buffy and I are divorced and I’m shacked up with that…chick then I’ll let Red dig around. She said that the best way to figure out what’s going on is if she gets inside my mind while I’m having one of the…episodes, but I never know when I’m going to have one. I know they’re not dreams, they don’t feel like it. Maybe I’m going to an alternate reality or something. But then that would mean the sleazy cheating Faith would be here, and Buffy hasn’t said anything about an older me walking around acting confused. I feel Buffy move around a little and I smile.

“Baby, why are you awake?” I hear her mumble. She’s so damn cute when she first wakes up. The pillow imprints on her face only make her look even more adorable. “It’s three in the morning, why are you up?” I look over at her and I feel my tears spill out the corners of my eyes. That gets her attention, and she lifts her head up a little bit. “Faith, what’s the matter? Did you have another one of those dreams?” I nod my head and roll over onto my side so I can look at her better. I look into her worried hazel eyes. I slowly lean over and place a soft kiss on her lips. She’s not having any of it though, and she pulls back. Great, now I have to talk about it. I hate it when I have to talk about it.

“Yeah, I had another one of the dreams. I don’t want to talk about it, ok? I don’t know why we have to talk about it.” I know why we have to talk about it. We talk about it so she’s up to speed on everything. Good communication is the foundation for any good relationship, blah, blah, blah. Well, I don’t want to have good communication tonight. Tonight I just want to lay here and try to forget about what happened. But Buffy isn’t going to let it go. When have you known her to ever let anything go? That’s what I thought. I give her another little kiss as she tries to talk. I was trying to make her smile, but she’s getting irritated.

“Faith we don’t have to talk about it if you don’t want to.” Wait...what? She’s going to let it go? Ok, so the Buffy-bot switched with her while I was sleeping and my real wife is being held in some dark cave and she’s waiting for me to rescue her. How come she’s always the one in need of rescuing? I mean, it’s not that I want to get captured and tied up in some dark cave with a villain mocking me and telling me how they’re going to kill me and how much I’m going to beg. It would just be a nice change of pace, that’s all I’m saying. “If you did something that you’re not proud of you don’t have to tell me about it. Whatever is going on, it isn’t real, right?” And now she’s insecure about herself. I try so hard not to sigh and luckily I don’t or a fight would probably break out.

“Babe, nothing happened. Well, something happened and I’m not proud of it, but when I woke up there it was already happening and I couldn’t stop it.” She looking really confused and I understand because I can barely make sense out of what I said. “When I woke up some woman was straddling me and I think we used that spell that Willow made because I could feel it. And for a few seconds I thought it was just a dream and I let myself enjoy it.” There, now she knows what I didn’t want to tell her. She gets this weird look on her face, and I can’t even begin to describe it. “I cheated on you. I cheated on you but I didn’t want to, it was just happening.” More tears well in my eyes and this is exactly why I didn’t want to talk about it. I get too emotional when it comes things like this.

“No you didn’t. You didn’t know you were going to dream something like that. You thought it was just a dream so you enjoyed it, but when you realized it was one of those other dreams you wanted it to stop right?” I nod my head and sniffle loudly. This sucks. I hate crying so fuckin much. You have no idea. “Faithy, don’t get upset. It wasn’t your fault.” I scoots closer to me and gently wipes away my tears. “Please stop crying, or I’m gonna cry and then you’ll cry more and we’ll get stuck in an endless cycle of tears.” That makes me laugh a little bit and then she smiles. “There, no more tears, ok?” I nod my head and she gives me a little kiss on my lips. She tries to move closer, but we’re very rudely interrupted by the dog crawling in between us. B gives me a little glare and sighs a very dramatic sigh. She hates it when I let the dogs on the bed.

“Now Ruby,” B says and pets the dog on the top of her head. “You know you’re not supposed to be up here. Now scram.” She gives the dog a little shove and Ruby jumps off the bed. I look over towards the window and I sigh a little bit. The sun is starting to come up. Which means in about ten minutes Joey and Addy are going to wake up. Addy will just go downstairs and watch TV, but Joey will come in here and wake us up so we can make him some breakfast. It’s only been two weeks since stopped babying our little boy and he’s completely different. Not in a bad way or anything. He doesn’t cling to her like his life depends on it, and he doesn’t follow her around. He plays with Addy more, and with Ruby. Buffy isn’t as stressed and she’s a lot nicer to be around.

“So,” Buffy says and starts to tease the skin on my abdomen, right where the skin meets the hem of my underwear. “This girl you were with in that dream, she was straddling you?” She’s using her innocent voice and it sounds really sexy. I nod my head a little bit and she kisses me again. “Were you laying down on sitting up?” I tell her laying down and she gets a sly smile on her face. Yeah right, like she’s fooling anybody. “Was she riding you hard, or was she soft?” Her hands gently slide passed the elastic on my panties, and I hiss in a breath. How does she do this so well? I tell her hard and she smiles a little bit. And right before she touches my now throbbing clit, the bedroom door flies open. “I guess we can finish this later?” I nod my head and sigh a very frustrated sigh.

“Mom!” Addy yells and jumps on the bed. Yeah, she calls Buffy ‘mom’ now. It’s really weird, and I don’t like it. I don’t like it because it means my baby girl is growing up. And I don’t want her to grow up. I want her to stay my little baby forever. “Aunt Willow and Sky are here, Mom, and aunt Willow said she wants to talk to you and Mama.” Maybe they know something about the dreams. But why would they just come over? Willow normally calls before they comes over. The only time she didn’t call was when she got into a fight with Sky and wanted a place to stay for the night. That sucked because I had to sleep on the couch and me and B weren’t the ones fighting. But that doesn’t matter right now. I can bitch about that later.

I jump up and run out of the room. I running for the staircase when Joey walks out of his bedroom. I skid to a stop and fall right on my ass. Fuck that hurt. I glare at him a little and he starts laughing. Little shit. I get up and head downstairs. Maybe they know how to make the dreams stop so I don’t have to go to that awful place anymore. I go into the living room but they’re not there. Then I smell the bacon that’s cooking in the kitchen. Aw, that’s where they went. I run in there and see them sitting at the breakfast bar taking to Emma. I sit down next to Willow and she gives me a weird look. She glances down at my chest and looks away. Ok, what did I do now?

“You can get dressed first now, you know. This is why I sent Addison upstairs, so I wouldn’t see any of your lady parts.” My lady parts? What the hell is she talking about? I put on a shirt before I went to bed last night. I look down at myself and I can’t help but blush. Wow, I can’t believe I didn’t notice before. I’m a major dork. I put on a shirt before I went to bed, but then I took it off when it got too hot in the bedroom. I cover my boobs up with an arm, and look up at my audience. Everyone is trying so hard not to smile. I laugh a very embarrassed little laugh and my face is burning. Normally I wouldn’t be so embarrassed by the nakedness wasn’t intentional, if it was I wouldn’t be blushing so hard.

“I’m just gonna go put some clothes on.” I slowly slide off the stool and back out of the kitchen very slowly. I think I’ll try to add a little humor to the situation. Not that there isn’t enough. “I’ll be here ‘til Thursday. Try the veil.” I turn around and book it out of the room and up the stairs. When I walk into the bedroom Buffy and Addy are both laughing really hard. Oh, that was so not right. “You could have said something.” Buffy is rolling around, and grabbing at her sides and tears are running out of the corners of her eyes. It wasn’t that funny.

“But that...was so much....better!” Whatever. I put on a shirt and the two wicked witches keep cackling. Whatever, I don’t care. It’s not like anyone is going to remember this. “Oh man, I wish I could have seen the looks on their faces.” B finally calms down and wipes the tears off her face. Addy calms down too and we go downstairs. Joey is in the kitchen now talking Sky’s ear off. He loves talking to Sky. And he’s such a boy too. Whenever he does something to make her laugh he’ll glance down at her chest and watch her boobs move as she laughs. Yep, that’s my boy. Willow looks like she’s ready to get into scooby mode. Great, now we can finally get to the bottom of this shit.

BPOV

Oh man, you should have seen the look on Faith’s face when she came running back into the bedroom. Having her be all butt hurt is so worth seeing the look on her face. As soon as we walked into the kitchen Emma, Sky and Willow started cracking up. That just made me and Addison start laughing again and Faith started pouting. I hate it when she pouts, she’s worst then the kids sometimes. But she’s fine now. We still don’t know why Willow and Sky are here since we agreed to have the chat after breakfast. Damn Emma sure can cook. I don’t think I’m going to let her move out. I’ll hire her to be our personal chef. I’m just kidding. I know she’s going to move out for good when she finishes college.

“Sky and I were thinking about inviting some people to stay with us after we figure out what’s going on with those weird dreams.” She takes a sip of her coffee and then gives me the sympathy eyes. Great, so she still hasn’t found anything about. “I’m sorry, I’ve been up late every night trying to figure out what’s going on, and I still haven’t found anything. Giles has a few books that he’s going to send me, they should be here tomorrow or the day after, and hopefully they’ll have something.” Ok, so why is she here so early? I had another fifteen minutes at least before I had to get up. She robbed me of my private naughty time with Faith and she hasn’t told us why. It better be a good reason or I’m gonna be mad.

“Who are you guys gonna invite over? Anyone cool?” Faith asks and Willow snorts. Sky gives her a warning look and my redheaded friend gives her a bashful smile. Ok, so I guess Willow doesn’t want to go but Sky talked her into it. Yeah, I’m sure of it. It’s a little crazy how whipped Willow is. I got so used to seeing her and Kennedy together, and Kennedy was definitely the whipped one of that relationship. So it’s a little strange seeing her giving the bashful ‘I’m sorry’ smiles, and then trying to butter Sky up. Anyway, Willow did the bashful smile thing and Sky gave her a small smile so I guess everything is ok between them. I’m sure if Sky was still annoyed she wouldn’t have smiled. Ok, and now we’ll get back to the conversation.

“We’re going to invite my parents to stay with us at our house.” Wait, they’re doing what? My throat decides to close up as I take a drink of milk and I start coughing. Everyone stops talking and looks over at me. Faith pats me on the back, but I give her a little glare and she stops. “Are you alright, Buffy?” I nod my head yes and clear my throat. Damn, that sucked. I drink another mouth full of milk just to show everyone that I’m fine. “So, anyway, we’re going to invite them to stay for a week, maybe two. We don’t get to see each other that much since they live on the east coast now.” She never saw much of her parents when they lived in the same house. I’m not trying to be mean or anything, but I just never really thought that her parents paid enough attention to Willow. My mom was more of a mom to her then her own mom was. Wait...did that sentence make sense?

“Ok, so are you guys moving the wedding plan up dramatically or something?” They’re getting married this spring, on the fifteenth of April. A couple weeks ago Willow was telling me how she’s going to invite her mom and dad, but they might not come because it isn’t going to be a Jewish wedding. I honestly don’t understand how someone could let their beliefs keep them from being at an important moment of their child’s life. But I’m not going to dwell on it or anything, but what they choose to do is their business and I should just keep out of it.

“No, the wedding is still set for April.” She glances over at Sky while she speaks, and she gets a little smile on her face. A smile that’s letting us all know just how smitten she is. I take a drink of my milk to cover up the smile on my face. “It’s just that my parents have never seen our house, or this town and we thought it would be nice if we invited them and show them around a little bit.” Ok, that seems a little strange to me. She lived in Redding for how long and her parents never visited her there. Something’s up, something that she isn’t telling me. I give her my suspicious look, and she gets a little nervous. So something is going on. Now I really want to know what.

Now that I’m thinking about it Willow and Sky have been acting a little strange the last couple of days. I thought maybe it was just from the lack of sleep but now I know something else is going on. What are they hiding? It can’t be anything too serious or Willow would have told me right away. That’s just what best friends do. I mean, we drifted apart through the years especially when she ran off and hid from the world after Kennedy left her for Cordelia, but ever since she moved here to Nevada we’ve grown close again. We go shopping all the time together, even if it’s just window shopping. I don’t get it, why would she keep something from me? Unless it’s bad. Are they moving away? Please tell me they’re not going to move away.

“And when we get this thing figured out,” Sky says and finishes chewing her last bite of food. “We’re going to Oregon for a few days. We’re not sure if we want to do that first or have Willow’s parents come visit us.” Why would they go to Oregon. “I know the last time we saw my parents it didn’t turn out like we hoped, but I’m sure they’ll come our sooner or later.” Wait...first they say that Willow’s parents are coming out here to visit them, and now they’re going to go to Oregon to visit Sky’s parents? This makes no sense. Why would they do that? I don’t get it. I wanna know what they’re not telling me.

“Oregon’s nice,” Faith says and takes the last bite of her toast. My eyes linger on her for a few seconds and I can see how tired she is. Her eyes have dark circles under them, and her shoulders are slouching a little bit. I feel so bad that there’s nothing we can do about these dreams. Why does this stuff always happen to us? “Do they live near the coast?” We used to go up to the Oregon coast and camp when Matthew was little. We also went to this place called Bodega Bay, but it wasn’t as nice as the Oregon coastline. Ok, so why am I rambling about this? Anyway, Sky shakes her head no, and puts down her cup of coffee.

“No, they live in Medford.” Wow, how exciting. Medford is a lot like Redding California. Just enough people so it isn’t a hick town, but not a whole lot of stuff to do. Not that Sunnydale was the hippest place to be. But at least it had a hellmouth to keep me busy. “I still haven’t called them though. They might not want us to come.” That would suck so much. I know that if my mom was still alive she wouldn’t even bat an eyelash at the fact that I’m in love with another woman. She would just be happy that I found someone who takes care of me, and who helped give her grandchildren. She was always talking about one day having some grandchildren to spoil rotten. Well, now all of the spoiling responsibilities are on Faith’s dad, and he’s doing a very good job of it.

“So what’s the special occasion?” I ask and look at Willow. She’s avoiding eye contact, that means she does have something she wants to tell me. So why won’t she tell me? I guess we’re going to find out. She said that she had something to tell us, she wanted to wait until after breakfast though, and now everyone is done eating. My question is ignored as everyone starts to clean up their dishes. Ok, I’ll let her get away with it for now, but when we get some more coffee and sit out on the deck to talk I am so not going to let her avoid my questions. I’m starting to suspect some stuff, and I think I know what’s up, and if it is what I think it is then it’s about damn time.

“Ok, Sky and I have some news,” Willow says as they sit down across from me at Faith. I love this deck. When we moved in here I had it rebuilt when we first moved in because the wood just wasn’t right. I didn’t like it at all, but Faith and her dad redid it because they were both too stubborn to let me hire a professional, but they did a great job. Anyway, they sit down and set their mugs down on the table. They look at each other and exchange some very loving smiles. I like seeing Willow this happy. It makes me feel good knowing that everything worked out. That even after all of the pain she’s gone through in her life she finally found something that can help her forget about all of that.

“We’re going to have a baby!” they say at the same time and they’re both very excited. I smile at the happy looks on their faces, and glance over at Faith. She has a little smile on her face but it’s not for the right reason. Ever since Willow sent Matthew home when he was on a sugar high she’s wanted revenge. She’s going to get that revenge with their baby. That’s just messed up. “Well, I’m going to have the baby, but it’s both of ours. It took Willow a little while to get the spell just right. Because we’re both witches using magic to create the baby could have turned out horrible, but she figured it out.” Willow told me that Sky would have to be the one to carry the baby because she has way too much magic in her body. That’s the only thing that kept her from getting artificially inseminated when she was single.

“Congratulations you two.” I get up and sit down in Willow’s lap and give her a big hug. She’s been my best friend since high school I have the right to sit in her lap even in front of our significant others. “It’s about damn time you guys made a little mini-you.” I don’t know if that made sense, but it made them laugh so I don’t care if it sounded stupid. I get up and give Willow a kiss on the cheek, just a friend kiss so it was nothing more then a peck. Anyway, I sit back down in my chair and give Faith the puppy-dog eyes. I know we agreed not to have anymore children, but I like to tease her about it every once in a while. She isn’t going to take the bait today. She just rolls her eyes and takes a drink of her coffee.

“When are you due?” I ask and they smile a little bit. During the pregnancy parenthood is just a fantasy. Reality sets in right after the baby is born. Then all of their worries and fears will make their way to the surface, and even though they’ll be happy because they have this new little life to take care of, they’ll be scared shitless because they have a little, helpless person that they have to take care of. And until the baby starts to walk and talk the only real job a parent has is to keep the baby alive. When they learn how to crawl is when the real fun starts, but that comes with it’s own set of worries. Anyway, back to the conversation.

“Sometime in February. The doctor said somewhere in the middle of February, but we’ll see.” It’s kind of cool if you think about it. Xander, Willow and I all have children. Well, Willow’s going to have a child in about six months. When the kids get older they can be ‘the scooby gang: the next generation’. Nah, that’s a little too dweeby. Andrew would always go on and on about Star Trek the next generation, and I really don’t want him comparing the two. “Willow wants the baby to have brown hair like me, but I think a little redheaded girl would be cute.” I watch as Willow rolls her eyes a little and Sky gives her a playful smack on the leg. It’s nice seeing them like this. I’m sure once we get Faith’s dreams figured out we’ll act like that again. She’s been too tired to be playful. Hopefully we’ll get it figured out soon.

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