Buffy's in the spare bedroom, she's been in there for a while now. Well, now it's a spare bedroom, it used to be my game room, but I sacrificed it for the greater good. That and she told me that if I didn't have all of that stuff cleared out she'd give it to Goodwill. That would've made someone really happy. Yeah, someone who's not me. Anyway, so now I have the stereo system in the garage along with the big screen, I kept the Playstation in the house but I can't play most of the games that I normally would because they're very violent and the last night Mattie saw me play one he had a nightmare, remember the whole me not being able to sleep naked thing? Yeah, well that's because he saw me playing Nightmare Creatures Seven.

So instead of playing the violent games with the Playstation, I'm playing a classical, Super Mario Brothers Three on the Gamecube. Hey, it's a great game, what can I say? I look over to my right and see Mattie standing outside the door that's now our spare bedroom. His ear is pressed up against the wood and I can tell that he can hear everything, slayer-hearing remember? When he sees me watching he backs up and walks into the living room. He sits down next to me so that his body is pressed up against mine. He's quiet for a few minutes but I can tell he's thinking about whatever it was that he heard.

“Mama?” he asks and I give out a `huh?' Now that I've un-paused the game I'm trying to concentrate. “Mama, what's a whore?” What the fuck did he just ask?! I almost drop the controller, but I manage to hold onto it and pause the game. My eyes are wide and I look over at him. He's looking at the T.V. He knows he's said something bad or else he'd be lookin into my eyes, but he's afraid he'll get into trouble, or see that I'm mad, which I'm not. Just shocked and surprised. I know I've said some inappropriate things around him before and he's probably overheard about a million more but I've never actually heard him say anything bad.

“Mommy said that aunt Kendy.” He's always had problems pronouncing her name so he just calls her Kendy, she hates it and the look on her face when he calls her it is funny. “Is nothin but a selfish whore. What's a whore, Mama?” Oh boy. I set the controller down on the floor in front of me and turn to face him. Why couldn't he have asked me something simpler to explain? Come on Mattie, ask me where babies come from, I can really make your mommy's face turn red by telling you some stuff about that.

“It's a very bad word that you should never say. Mommy's just trying to make herself feel better. Sometimes when a person is hurting because of somethin someone else did it helps them if they say bad things about the bad person. You understand?” He thinks about it for a little bit, digests my words and I can just see the little wheels turning in his head. Then he gets a big, mischievous smile on his face and I know he's going to say something bad that he knows he's not supposed to say. Is that the same look I get on face when I'm about to do something kinky to B? Maybe I should get some mirrors and put `em on our bedroom wall so I can see.

“Like when you lived at uncle Xander's and you said that aunt Katie is a annoying bitch with a stick up her ass?” All I do is nod. I think I grumble something about no using bad language but I'm trying to concentrate again. I can feel his demeanor change, he's serious now and I prepare for the questions that are going to start coming. So far he hasn't really said anything about what's going on, other then the whore question. I look over at the clock on the wall. It's time to take him to school. Buffy's going to be busy today, which is totally understandable, and I told her I'd take care of Mattie for as long as she needs. So I turn off my game and the T.V. and he goes into his bedroom and grabs his backpack. He yells out a goodbye next to the spare bedroom door. I hear it open and Buffy walks out to give him a hug and a kiss goodbye but as soon as they're separated she goes back into the bedroom.

So now I'm driving in the car, the sedan because even though I hate it it's a lot safer then my car. He's in the back, strapped in his booster seat and he's being really quiet. Normally when we take him to school he talks nonstop along the way about his friend Parker and Stan, and how there's this little girl named Judy who's really mean to them. But this morning he's just looking out the window. His eyebrows are furrowed and I wonder what he's thinking about. I don't have to wait long because the questions soon start coming.

“Why is aunt Willow so sad?” Because aunt Kennedy is a selfish whore. That's what I want to say, but I don't. I have to give him a good answer that he'll be able to say in front of someone else if he does decide that other people need to know. I'm quiet for a few minutes while I try to come up with an answer. I've never been really good as answering his serious questions. Buffy's always been the better at that, and he usually asks her and I don't doubt that if he had the chance he'd ask her but she's been in that bedroom since late last night. When Kennedy sobered up she went back to her house and I was waiting with a cup of coffee. She told me that she just isn't happy anymore and if she's going to find happiness then she has to leave Willow. I told her to be honest because Red is a great girl and deserves it. She agreed with me and waited for Willow to come home that Monday from her business trip. She gave B and me a chance to change my game room into a bedroom, which was good, and then she told her last night.

“Because aunt Kennedy did stuff with another girl that she's only supposed to do with aunt Willow. And she said that she needed to leave, she didn't want to be with Willow anymore so she left.” I think that's a pretty good answer, don't you? Buffy probably could've done better, but I'm new at this so just give me some time. He thinks about what I just told him and he has another question ready.

“What kinda stuff did they do?” Ok, this one is a little tougher. I can't just tell a five-year-old that she had sex with someone that looked like a Barbie. So instead I go for the more vague answer but he'll kind of have an idea of what happened.

“Grown up stuff that you're only supposed to do with your girlfriend, or boyfriend, just depends on what you have. But you're only supposed to do it with them.” He nods his head because he totally knows what I'm talking about. But I can tell that he's still a little unsure. I stop at the red light and patiently wait for it to turn green. It always takes forever here, well not forever but like five minutes. I take my hands off of the steering wheel and look down at my fingernails. I need to repaint them. They're starting to get really chipped, and where did all of that dirt come from?

“You mean like what you an' Mommy do at night in your bedroom? That kinda grown up stuff?” My face is starting to turn red and I feel the blush heat up my neck. I never used to be embarrassed about sex with B. In fact, when we first starting sleeping together I wanted to broadcast it for the entire world. She wasn't too open to that idea so I had to settle with telling Xander some of the details. But I guess there's an exception to everything, and he's that exception.

“Yeah, that kinda grown up stuff.” He seems to understand that what she did is really horrible. His expression has saddened a lot. He loves Willow so much, the two get along great, she spoils him rotten and does magic for him. Nothing big, but she'll make things float and make these cool magic sparklers that are wicked fun to play with. For him, I mean, they're wicked fun for him. I don't think I've ever seen Willow so hurt. Buffy said that she isn't as bad as last time, but we don't talk about it that much. She's told me about Red's girl a little bit, but it's still painful for all of the scoobs and I don't want to push. I even say the name around Brat and she tears up.

“What's aunt Willow's favorite color?” Well that's an easy one. This is like common knowledge here. Not that I know everyone's favorite color, it's just that I've gone shopping with Red and B before and I think I heard her say it like a thousand times. I get why she likes it though, it's more of a personal thing then it is a preference.

“Yellow.” That's all I say. I don't like to get into it too deep because I don't know the whole story and I don't want him to ask questions that I can't answer because it would be disrespectful. I mean, I wasn't around so I don't know but according to B it was Tara who helped her out when she needed it, when the peroxide pest was taking advantage of her emotionally crippled state after she came back from heaven.

When she told me about dying and coming back, what it was like, how she felt, and the things that she and Spike did. I almost got sick when she started to go into details about the Spike stuff. He's one fucked up vamp, I'll give him that. But then she told me how Tara helped her, helped her stay away from Spike, listened to her when she needed to talk to someone. I have mad respect for her, and I only met the girl once back when I was a bitch. Anyway, yellow is Red's favorite color because yellow topaz is the November birthstone, Tara's birthstone.

I pull up into the parking lot and find an empty spot and kill the engine. I hopped out and helped Mattie out of his booster seat. He's not as independent as me and B thought he was. He's fine when we leave but he won't walk up to the room by himself. He held onto my hand, wrapped his little fingers around my ring finger and we walked up to his class. I helped him put away his things and then gave him a kiss goodbye. When I kissed him he got a little mad and started to wipe at the spot where my lips had been. It didn't leave a mark but he was still mad. I think its kind of cute but I can't laugh, Buffy said something about self-esteem and laughing at them when they do stuff like, I wasn't really paying attention. I find it very hard to concentrate on anything that she says when we're watching T.V. and Liza Weil comes on the screen. So I have a thing for blondes? Back off already.

So I leave Mattie even though I don't want to. I still have a hard time just leaving him here. I get into the car and pull out of the parking lot. I decide to take the long way home because then I'll have some time to think a little bit. Now that I've had some time to digest it, I guess having a second kid wouldn't be so bad. Mattie seems pretty well adjusted, gets along great with the other kids, has no problems sharing or anything like that. But he's never had to share us and that's the thing I'm worried about. I'm afraid that if me and B have another little rugrat then Mattie will think that we don't want him anymore. But on the other hand, it's a baby. A little baby that we can watch grow and play with and Mattie would be the best big brother ever. I think I'm warming up to the idea.

I hear my cell phone ring and I pull over to the side of the road. Driving distracted is just as dangerous as driving drunk. Anyway so I pull over and look at the caller I.D. screen, it's Kennedy. I answer but don't need to say anything she starts the conversation, and as I'm listening to it, I know that I can't just cut off her because of what she did to Willow. Sure it was horrible, but Kennedy's my friend too. I think I'm about to start a third world war but I can't just leave her while she's upset, I have to go see her. She needs someone to talk to. So I hang up and start the car and turn around to go in the other direction. I might be a little snippy with her, but I'm going to tell her like it is. If she's missing Willow, she didn't say if she is or not, but if she is then I'm going to tell her that it's her fault because she's the one that left. I'm going to try and remain as neutral as possible, the last thing either of them need right now is a biased opinion.

I pull into the parking lot at the Holiday Inn hotel where she's staying at. I don't get out right away though. No, I want to take a minute to reflect on what's been happening. Five days ago I thought Kennedy was head over heels in love with Willow. Sure they fought, every couple has a few fights, but I never thought that she'd actually cheat. That's like one of the worst things a person can ever do. Especially to a girl like Willow. But she needs someone to talk to and what kind of friend would I be if I just left her there. She was crying a little bit when she called. In seven years of knowing her I've never heard or seen Kennedy cry, it's weird and I know that this is hell for her. Walking away isn't as easy as people think it is. She does love Willow, sure she made a mistake, but she was unhappy, so I guess her leaving now just lessened the severity of the wounds? I don't know.

I get out of the car and head into the lobby. The first I notice is that my slayer senses are tingling. I feel a demon, but it's one of those lower level, barely evil things, so it probably just works here. I also feel two other slayers, but it isn't very strong so they're far away. I walk up to the desk and ask for the room number of Kennedy Torres. Apparently she's on the sixth floor, room 35. Ok, but where is the other slayer staying? I always wanna meet the new slayers, especially the ones who haven't been training for very long. That's always a kick.

When we, we being Buffy, Matthew and me, went to the training facility over in Ohio they looked at us as if they were lookin at celebrities or something. Buffy and me gave a demonstration with the fighting, just a little motivation so they can see that if they train hard enough one day they'll be as good as me and Buffy. The entire time during the spar I was checking Buffy out and when we locked together I'd whisper really kinky stuff to her, just trying to get her all worked up so that after the spar we could have a different kind of workout in the showers. I think Giles was actually a little glad when we left.

I take the elevator up and walk down the hall. It's quiet, really quiet. I don't even see any workers around. That's strange. Oh well. I stand in front of the door to her room and knock on it a couple of times. There's no answer. I knock on it again, a little harder this time. But again there's nothing. I even call out her name but still there's no response. I think this deserves some investigating. It's possible that she just stepped out for a minute but the person at the desk said she was up here. I twist the handle hard enough to break the lock, it's easier then it sounds `cause of the slayer strength so to me it feels like opening a regular door. Anyway, I walk in and there's a light on. The little table lamp next to the bed. The room reeks of booze and I see Kennedy passed out on the bed. There are ten...no wait...thirteen vodka bottles lying on the floor, two are on the bed, one is in her hand, all of them are empty. Whoever said leaving is the easier thing to do is a fucking idiot.

I walk further into the room and close the door. I take the empty bottle from her hand and toss it into the trash. I reach down and gently rearrange her so if she pukes in her sleep she'll be puking on the floor and she won’choke on it. I clean up the rest of the bottles and then open the window to let the room air out. I grab the chair at the desk and turn it around so it's facing the bed. I watch her as she's unconscious, I can't help but feel bad. I should have seen something. I should have known that she was unhappy. She's my best friend, you're supposed to know when your best friend isn't happy. Unless she was in denial the entire time and she was lying even to herself, and that Barbie doll was her way of realizing it? Am I being rational about this or am I just making excuses for her? I don't know. I don't know anything anymore. Well, some stuff, but the rest is completely wrong, all out of focus.

I don't know if she's coming to or if she's just having a bad dream. She's whimpering and moving around a little. She's mumbling out Willow's name and...she's starting to cry. All of the bottles, a person in pain doesn't drink that much. A person who feels incredibly guilty however, they'll drink themselves into a coma to make that kind of pain stop. At least she feels bad about what she did. Does she realize now how badly she fucked up? Is she going to beg for Willow to take her back? Or is she going to move on? Is she going to move away. This town isn't very big, chances of running into Willow are very high, but will she leave just to avoid Red?

I look over at the clock and I'm a little surprised. It's already time for me to go and pick up Mattie from school. I've been sitting here for almost six hours, it only feels like five minutes. I get up and put the chair back. I go over to the desk and pick up the pen and the post card that the room service people put in while they clean the place. I write her a little note telling her that I stopped by and cleaned up the bottles and to give me a call anytime she needs to, day or night. I put the pen down and take the post card and put it on the bedside table where I know she'll see it. I gently leave a soft kiss on her forehead and then turn out the lamp and leave the room. This is going to be hell for her, I can tell. And all I can do is listen. She's going to have to get over the pain on her own. Nothing is going to be able to help her. She needs to understand that or it'll drive her insane.

BPOV

Willow's been crying since she got here last night. I finally got Faith to tell me what happened at Kennedy's and we agreed to turn the game room into a bedroom because I knew that if Willow found out...no...when Willow found out she'd need a place to stay. Even if Kennedy did leave the house Willow wouldn't want to stay there. Too many memories. I wanted to tell her right away, she's my best friend after all, but Faith convinced me to let Kennedy come clean so I did. Willow got back from trip on Monday, and Kennedy didn't tell her until Tuesday afternoon. They fought for a couple of hours and then Kennedy packed her bags and left. Willow stayed at the house for a couple of hours before she finally came over to mine. There was no phone call, no heads up, no warning. She knocked on the door and when Faith answered it she fell into my girlfriend's arms, sobbing and unable to hold herself up.

I took her into the spare room, well her room, and she's been in here since. I got her to drink some water so she wouldn't get dehydrated but she wouldn't eat anything. I just held her and let her cry on me. She clung to me like Matthew clings to me when he's upset and Faith isn't around. Every time she thought I was going to get up she would tighten her grip. Thank God for slayer strength or I might be dead. She cried so hard that she made herself sick and after she laid down on the cold bathroom floor and cried some more but it wasn't as hard. She calmed down a little and let me clean up her mouth. I took her back into the bedroom and laid down with her. She finally cried herself to sleep and I got up to get a snack and take a little break from the heavy emotion.

Faith was waiting for me in the kitchen. She was heating up some left over pizza, she said she thought I was getting hungry. I pulled her into a tight hug, I clung to her like Willow had clung to me, and I cried my eyes out. Seeing Willow like that...I felt like I was dying inside. Seeing her so hurt...I haven't seen her that hurt since Tara. She's not as bad as she was when Tara died, but more upset then when Oz left. She's in so much pain, and I want to make it better, I want to take the hurt away but I can't. There's nothing I can do about it, and it's going to drive me insane.

Faith held me until I calmed down and then I pulled back. I gave her a quick kiss on the lips and told her that I loved her. She said it back and I kissed her again. I know she loves me but she doesn't vocalize it a lot. She doesn't like just throwing that word around because a lot of people in her past said it to her but they only said it to manipulate her. When I say it she knows I mean it, she doesn't always say it back, but that's ok. I don't always need to hear it like I just did. If she doesn't say it back then she'll kiss me deeply and it's her way of telling me.

After I ate she told me that she would take care of Mattie for the next couple of days, for me not to worry about anything other then being there for Willow. I kissed her again, pulled her really close to me. I pressed her up against the counter and my hands started to wander. I was so emotional that I needed the contact, needed it more than I'm willing to admit. When we pulled back for air she started to leave feather light kisses on my neck, my cheeks, my lips, everywhere she could reach. But then I heard Willow thrashing around in her sleep and as much as I needed to be with Faith at that moment, I needed to be with Willow more, because Willow needs someone, she needs me. Faith told me she understands, and I know she does. So I left one last kiss on her swollen lips and went back into the bedroom and soothed Willow while she was sleeping. I held her while she slept and even in her sleep she clung to me tightly and wouldn't let go.

When I wake up Willow's already awake. Her back is facing me but she's pressed up against me. She's being really quiet, which is expected, and the sadness coming from her was so strong I'm sure I'm going to start crying any second. But I can't break down, I have to be strong because Willow needs me. I turn on my side and wrap my arm around her and pull her closer to me. I feel her start to tremble and she takes in a couple of deep breaths, trying to calm herself down.

“I don't...understand.” Her voice is so strained that I can barely understand what she's saying. “I don't know what I did wrong.” Oh no, no, no, no, no. She is not going to blame herself for what Kennedy did. Even though I understand what it's like, to blame yourself, to feel like if you had just been better maybe they would have stayed...all of that I completely understand. But I can't let her think it because it'll eat away at her and it will prevent her from moving on.

“Willow, this isn't your fault. You didn't do anything wrong.” She shakes her head a couple of times and then she rolls over onto her back. She stares up at the ceiling, her nose is red, her cheeks are tear stained and her eyes are bloodshot. Her hair is all tangled up, she looks horrible to put it bluntly. She takes in a couple of really deep breaths and lets them out really slowly. There's so much pain, so much heartache. I just wish there had been some kind of a warning. Kennedy always seemed happy, this totally blind-sided everyone.

“Isn't it?” her voice raised a little bit. She's starting to get a little angry, but I know it won't be for long. She's just too physically exhausted to be angry right now. “I should have known something was wrong, Buffy. I should have seen that she wasn't happy. I was with her for seven years, you don't just live with a person for seven years and not know when they're unhappy. It's me, it's all my fault. I was too wrapped up in my job to really pay attention to what was going on with her.” Tears are starting to leak out of her eyes and she doesn't wipe them away, she just lets them fall. I don't even know if she realizes they're there.

“Willow, this isn't your fault. You have to know that. If she was unhappy she should have said something. Kennedy is just a spoiled brat. She's nothing but a selfish whore. She doesn't deserve you. If she's going to disrespect you this way...I know it hurts, it hurts really bad, but Will-”

“Don't. She treated me so good for so long. I don't want you badmouthing her just for this. I know what she did is wrong, and I should be pissed at her, I am, but don't say things like that.” She's quiet for a couple of minutes and then she starts crying really hard out of nowhere. I wrap my arms around her and pull her close to me. She clings onto me again and I almost can't breathe. “It hurts so bad, Buffy. I miss her so much. I just want her back. I want things to be good again. It hurts. It's like...she's gone and now there's this big hole.” She's crying too hard now to talk and all I can do is rub her back and make soft shushing sound in her ear to try and calm her down. I want her to eat something but I know she won't. After Oz left she didn't eat anything for almost a week. I finally had to force her to eat a bowl of soup. I wonder how long it'll be before she eats anything this time.

“Mommy,” I hear Matthew call out. I know he was listening in earlier, I hope he didn't hear anything bad. But I know he did, slayer hearing is very nifty when it comes for eavesdropping. Ever since Willow showed up he's been really quiet and he hasn't tried to come in here. I guess he knows, or can feel, that Willow is in a lot of pain and needs her space from everyone else. “Mama's takin me to school now.” Is it seven already? I give Willow a small kiss on the forehead and then get up. I open up the door and step out of the room. He can hear her crying and he's starting to get a little upset. I can tell that he's worried. I close the door a little so he won't be able to see her and I kneel down in front of him. I embrace him in a big hug and he hugs me back. I give him a kiss on his cheek and he wipes it away. I smile and tell him to have a nice day and that I love him. He says it back and then starts to walk off. I got back into the bedroom and shut the door behind me.

I lie back down on the bed and face her. She's starting to drift off to sleep again. I wrap my arms around her and gently rub her back. There's nothing else I can do. I hate this. I don't think I've ever hated anything as much as I hate this. I hate not being able to do anything. She's in so much pain and I can't do anything to take it away. I can be here for her, comfort her, but the pain has to go away on its own, and only time will make that happen, and I hate it. Seven years together and Kennedy just leaves. No, she didn't just leave, she had to cheat on Willow just to make it sting that much more. She couldn't even wait until Willow got back from San Francisco, she just had to make it hurt that much more. As I'm holding my best friend and listening to her cry, hearing her go through all of this anguish, I can't help but think that if Faith ever left me I'd probably die. I know that's really selfish of me, to be thinking that while Willow is so hurt, but it's true, and I can't help but think it.

I can't believe I dozed off. I open my eyes a little bit and I don't know where I am. I feel something warm lying next to me. I snuggle into it, thinking that it's Faith. But when I open my eyes a little more and see that it's red hair draped across the pillow and not brown, well I panic a little. I sit up in the bed quickly and look down at the person I'm lying next to. Oh, right, it's Willow. God, I completely forgot. How could I forget? I run a hand through my hair and look over at the alarm clock on the dresser. It's almost one in the afternoon. I must've really been tired to sleep that long. Willow's still sleeping so I think it's safe if I just sneak out for a little while and get something to eat.

I walk out to the kitchen and Faith isn't there. She isn't in the living room and I don't hear her in the bedroom. I look out the living room window and my car isn't in the driveway. Did she come back and then leave again or has she been gone all day? I don't know, I'll ask her about it later. I walk back into the kitchen and open up the fridge door. Let's see...left over pizza? No don't want that. Fried chicken from three nights ago? It's gross heated up again. Yogurt? Doesn't seem appealing right now. Hotdogs, bologna, salami, and cheese? I'd rather not. God, we have nothing in this house! I go through the pantry but I don't have much luck there either. I think I'll just wait, have Faith make something for me when she gets home. She's a really good cook, which surprises a lot of people. I love her cooking, especially when it's just for me.

I remember the first time she ever cooked for me. It was our second date. We moved up here to Shasta Lake about a month before. Even though I confessed my love for Faith on the bus ride to Angel's place I wanted to take things slow. I didn't want to rush anything because I wanted to do it right. Anyway, we lived in the same apartment building, only she lived on the fifth floor, I lived on the ground floor and we didn't see each other a lot because I mostly slept. We went slaying together, but I was making up for lost time in the grieving for my mom and all of the people we lost in the battle. Our first date was the total cliché, dinner out in a decent restaurant and then a movie. Ok, I'm rambling.

Anyway, she invited me over to her apartment. I was a little apprehensive at first because of her reputation that she had built in Sunnydale about being the `fuck and run' kind of girl and I didn't want her to try to do that to me. But she promised that she wouldn't try anything that she knows I wouldn't like. So I agreed. I showed up at her place at seven-thirty like we planned. I knocked on the door but since she knew it was me she called out that the door was open and I walked in. Her apartment was nice, a little lacking in decorations but nice. She was still making the dinner, said that it would only be a couple of minutes and I could wait in the living room for her. Since the apartments were small I'd be able to sit on the living room couch and talk to her while she's at the stove. What she was making smelled really yummy and my stomach was starting to growl out for the food. She heard it and chuckled a little bit but didn't tease me like I thought she was going to.

When it was done she put the food on the plates and then walked into the living room. She handed me my plate and then set hers down on the coffee table in front of us. She walked back into the kitchen and pulled out a bottle of wine and two wine glasses. She filled them both only halfway, that surprised me, and left the bottle in the kitchen. She joined me on the couch and we started eating. She had made cheese stuffed shells with a side of garlic rolls. I had never had food that tasted so good before. Apparently she made it all from scratch but she was being modest about it. It must've taken her all day to make this, and she made two batches because of the whole slayer metabolism thing.

The conversation was nice, nothing too heavy. She asked how Dawn was doing, and if I planned on finding a job or not. She wanted to know if I was going to stay in Redding for go to a bigger city, taking some time off. I didn't really have any answers, except for that Dawn was doing ok, depressed about Anya dying in the battle, but she was adjusting. We finished eating in a comfortable silence and we had another glass of wine. I've never really liked wine but I liked that stuff. When we were done I insisted on cleaning up even though she said she'd take care of it later. She made a wisecrack when she saw that I only planned on loading the dishwasher.

Then she walked me down to my apartment. We went really slow so it took like five minutes. We held hands, which was nice. I never realized how soft her hands really are. We stood in front of my apartment door for a few minutes and then she leaned in and kissed me goodnight. I could tell that she didn't want to leave me, and I didn't want her to go but she had to. I had to take Dawn shopping for school stuff the next morning and we were going to leave early. I gave her one last kiss before she left, I watched her walk away, ok, well I watched her ass as she walked away, she even put an extra sway to her hips and I just know that she knew I was watching. On our anniversary she always makes those cheese stuff shells, and even though she promised to quit drinking and I stopped drinking after Matthew was born, we always have two glasses of wine. But the night never ends with just too kisses, I'll tell you that much.

How long have I zoned out? I hear the car pull up in the driveway. Then I hear her get out and then help Matthew out of the backseat. It's two-thirty already? Damn, I need to get some rest, not just sleep but rest. Yes there's a difference. I turn my head so I can see the front door and wait for them to walk in. Faith opens the door and lets Matthew in first. He's holding something in his hand, a piece of paper I think. He either doesn't notice that I'm here or he has something else in mind `cause he walks through the living room and down the hall. He stops in front of Willow's room. He slowly takes off his backpack and sets it on the ground next to the door. He reaches up and gently turns the handle, like if he makes any suddenly or quick movements it'll make Willow's pain that much worst.

I don't stop him because I know that as soon as he sees that she's sleeping he'll leave her alone. At least that's what I thought, but he's going into the room. Maybe she's awake? She probably needs some more water, I better get that for her. I stand up and start to walk towards the room but Faith stops me. She wraps her arms around my waist and gives my neck a quick kiss.

“Let him go. He'll be outta there in a few minutes. He drew her a picture to try and make her feel better and he wants to give it to her.” I smile at her words but then I frown when I smell her. How did I miss this before? Oh, right, because I was too focused on something else. I pull away from her and turn around quickly. My eyebrows are furrowed deeply and my lips are a thin, tight line. She knows I'm pissed and she's looking a little confused. She pulls on her shirt so that the collar is right in front of her nose and she takes a little whiff. Then she lets go and starts with the explanation.

“Swear to God, B, it's not what you think.” She stops to gauge my reaction. I don't react however, I stand there and stare, the same pissed off look on my face. I may have let her get away with that one bottle because she really did need it, but I'll be damned if she's going to start drinking on a regular basis or have anymore. The strange thing though, I didn't smell any on her breath when she was talking to me. Maybe she had some mints afterwards or something, I don't know.

“After I dropped Mattie off at school I gotta call on my cell. It was Kennedy, she needed someone to talk to, so I went over to the hotel she's stayin at. There were, like, fifteen empty bottles in the room, it reeked of the shit, but I didn't have a drop, I swear. And, to answer your question `cause I know you're gonna ask, she didn't say anything. She was passed out by the time I got there.” I allow myself to relax even though I'm a little mad. I know that Faith and Kennedy are friends and Faith doesn't just abandon the people she cares about, but I'm still royally pissed off at Kennedy, I can't help it.

I focus on her face after staring past her for a few seconds. Her expression is blank, but her eyes don't lie. I can see right past the mask that she's wearing. She's upset by this too, she's taking it really hard. She was the one who found out about the affair, she told me some of the things that Kennedy had said…I'd be really upset too if it had been Willow cheating and I caught her. I step forward and wrap my arms around her very tightly. She's tense in my arms, she's keeping all of this bottled up inside and if she doesn't find a release soon then she's going to get mean. That's partly why we have the training room so we can take out our aggression when we're really pissed off. She pulls back and walks away without saying a word, without giving another glance. Just like that, she's gone. Ok, maybe I'm over reacting, ok I know I'm over reacting but with everything that happened with Willow and Kennedy…I'm a little emotional right now, and I really need to know that Faith is here for me. But she's withdrawing, like she always does, and I can't help but feel like she's slipping away from me.

I shake my head to try and get rid of the bad thoughts. I sit down on the couch and stare at the clock. It's two forty-five, I don't know why that's important but it is. I look towards the hallway and see that Willow's bedroom door is still open. I concentrate and focus my ears to search out for the sounds. It only takes a couple of seconds and I can hear everything that's going on in the bedroom. From what it sounds like Willow had been sleeping and Matthew had been trying to wake her up, and now she's awake. Should I be mad? Should I go in there in case Willow gets mad at him? I think I'll wait a couple of minutes, just in case nothing bad happens. I don't want Matthew to feel bad for trying to make Willow feel better.

“I made this for you today at school.” I smile at the gentle tone in his voice. It's like he knows that she's going through something so horrible, that she's emotionally damaged and needs to be handled with care. I hear her shift on the bed, she's sitting up and she takes the piece of paper out of his hand. Her breathing becomes shallow, and a little ragged. She's holding back tears. I wonder what's on the paper. “Mama said that yellow is your favorite color so I drawed you some yellow flowers. You have a lot of flowers at your house so I thought you'd like it.” It takes her a few seconds to respond. Oh God, yellow flowers, not yellow flowers. This could get bad. She got over Tara a long time ago, she grieved and she moved on, but right now that she's so hurt I don't think she needs to be reminded of Tara, of better times.

“I love it, thank you.” Her voice is strained and rough from the crying. As much as I want to just leave them to have their little moment I know I need to get in there because if she has a breakdown in front of Matthew then he'll just get really upset. But I stop when I hear her continue. She sounds a little better, but she won't be able to hold up for long. “How are you doing, are you ok?” I hear him move around a little, like he's uncomfortable with the question. No matter what the situation Willow always asks how he's doing. She wants to make sure that he's ok no matter what. She really is a great aunt, even if she's not blood related. He sighs a really big sigh and then starts talking.

“You're sad and that makes me sad. I don't want you to be sad anymore. Mama said that aunt Kennedy did grown up stuff with the other girl. Why did she do that?” Ok, time to get in there and now. I went into the room and see Matthew sitting on the bed next to Willow. She's looking away from him, tears are running down her cheeks. She's trembling violently as she tries to keep the sobs inside. I walk over to the bed and pick Matthew up. His eyes are glued on Willow and I can tell he wants to stay, but he doesn't fight me as I set him down on the floor in the hallway.

“Why don't you go see what Mama's doing? Willow needs to be alone right now, ok?” He nods his head and walks out to the living room. I sigh sadly and go back into the bedroom and shut the door. She's still holding back her tears and holding in the sobs. She lays back down and faces the wall so all I can see is her back. I lay down next to her and wrap my arms around her from behind. It starts off slow, one ragged breath after another, and then she's crying hysterically, and shaking hard. All I can do is hold her, and let her cry because that's the only way the pain is going to get out.

FPOV

She tries to comfort me but when I get like this I don't like to be touched. But I let her hug me because she needs it right now. But I feel like I'm suffocating, like I'm trapped and the only thing that I can do to keep from panicking is pull away. She looks hurt and I feel like a bitch. I don't say anything or even look at her as I walk away. I need to get this smell off of me. Now that I know I smell like vodka I feel dirty, like slime is crawling under my skin. I go into the bedroom and pull out my workout clothes, a pair of shorts and a sports bra. I got into the bathroom and turn the water on as hot as it'll go. I step under the spray and wince as the scalding water comes in contact with the skin on my face. But I don't cool it down, all I do is grab the soup and a washrag and try to scrub away this feeling. I stop when I've rubbed a spot on my arm so hard that it's raw and bleeding.

I turn the water off and step out. I grab a towel and dry myself off. I dry my hair almost violently but I don't care, as long as it gets dry enough so I don't drip all over the place. Once that's done I slip into the shorts, but it's a little hard because of the humidity of the room. I have to calm myself down or else I might rip them in half trying to pull them up. Once I have those buttoned and zipped up I put on the sports bra and go to the training room. It's not much really. We have a magically reinforced punching bag, some gym mats for when me and B spar, some weapons over in the corner, stakes of course, blindfold and a punching ball, we also got some punching pads in the little cabinet along with some knives and swords and stuff.

I need to get some of this out of me before dark. Tonight I'll patrol, we live in a small town, a little bigger then Sunnydale, but still kind of small, but it's crawling with vampires. Between Ken, B and me we've kept the undead population at an all time low, but the pests just keep on coming. I stretch out my arms and my legs, but I don't spend too much time on it. I never used to stretch until one day while I was sparring with Buffy I pulled my shoulder muscle, somehow, and she did the whole `I told you so' routine. The muscle healed within a couple hours, not a big deal, but now I stretch to keep her quiet. I know she only bothers me about it because she worries that one day I'll really hurt myself. We may be slayers but we're the oldest to ever live, and even though we're aging great, still really hot, we're still aging and our fighting just isn't what it used to be. I think it has to do more with us having a kid together. It's calmed us down a lot, domesticated us, and even though we still patrol and slay on a regular basis we're more about getting the pointy end of the stake into the vamp's heart then having a good time.

Anyway, I walk over to the cabinet and pull out the tape. I wrap it around my knuckles and the top of my hand for some protection. I may be pissed and want to get out all of this negative energy but patience is another thing I've learned in the five years of parenthood. When that's done I go over to the corner of the room and slip on some socks and jogging shoes. Then I go over to the bag. I stare at it for a few seconds and concentrate hard. I get the visual that I get every time I come out here to get out the anger and the stress. As soon as I see that face in my mind, as soon as I hear that angry voice I start throwing punches left and right. Four punches with the right, a backhand with my left, three kicks with my right foot. This isn't helping.

In my mind I can still hear the yelling, I can see smell the booze, I can still see her face. I start hitting harder, and harder until it feels like the bones in my hands are going to crack, but I don't stop. I can still hear the screaming, I can still feel the fear, can still see her face, her angry hateful face. My blood starts to boil until it feels like there's lava flowing through my veins, but I keep on swinging, I keep on moving, because when you move they can't get ya. I've come up with about a hundred or so theories in my life, that was my very first. And I keep on moving, I keep on fighting. I focus on nothing but the bag and the screams and the angry voice and the look on her face, the hateful look in her eyes as she reaches for the belt.

I scream and punch the bag so hard that the chains that have been magically altered to withstand the power of a slayer, snap like a thin little rope, and the bag flies across the room. I can see the bag fly and then fall to the ground but it doesn't process in my mind. Because instead of seeing the bag being thrown across the room, I see myself, I see my arm break and the blood come out. I hear myself scream, and I hear her yell to be quiet. I see myself, a younger me, crying and holding my arm while she leaves the room. She just leaves me there. I see the younger me get up off of the floor and run out of the house. I run to the neighbor's house, the only ones that are still up and they offer a ride to the hospital. I turn down the offer because they're fucking tweakers and I'd rather not get in a car accident. So I walk the two-hour walk to the hospital, lucky to get there alive.

I scream again, and start kicking the bag. But instead of the bag, I see her body. I see her lying there, passed out yet again. I feel the bag break, my foot is lodged inside of the padding and it takes me a minute or two to get it out. Once it is I can feel the strain that I've put on my muscles finally catch up with me, now that the adrenaline is less and the rage is just a little bubble. I sit down on the couch, my entire body is sticky with sweat and my breathing is shallow, and a little erratic as I force myself to make the memory end. It's tough because it's so fresh in my mind. I don't think I've ever remembered that much of it before. The hate, the anger and the yelling yes, but not the beating, not the broken arm. I almost forget that even happened. I look down at my left arm, if I look closely and concentrate on the spot, I can see a tiny little scar where the bone stuck out of the skin.

So I stop with the morbid thinking and get up. I forgot to bring a towel, how could I forget that after watching that South Park episode? I chuckle to myself, I am one silly bitch. Ha, ha. Anyway, I get up and walk out into the hall. I hear voices in the kitchen, and not Buffy and Willow. Well, ok one of them is Buffy, but unless Willow has something she'd like to tell us that other voice is definitely a man, and not one that I know. The voice does sound familiar, I know I've heard it somewhere before, I just don't remember where. It take me all of two seconds to feel that cold tingly sense we slayers get whenever a vampire is nearby.

Ok, so is it Angel? No, no doesn't sound like Angel. How did a vampire get in here anyway it's still...oh, never mind, it is dark outside. So I was in the training room for like four hours at least, no wonder my arms are still sore. I don't want to look all gross in front of a guy that I don't know so I go into the bathroom and take a quick shower, concentrating mostly I washing all the sweat out of my hair. When I'm done I dry my hair and body and then sneak into the bedroom to change. I put on some hip huggin jeans and a tight shirt. I decide that barefoot is the way to go because I don't plan on going anywhere tonight, at least not for another hour or so.

So I walk back down the hall and can see the linoleum of the kitchen floor. Buffy and the mystery man are sitting at the table now, I can see their shadows on the floor. I walk by Mattie's room just as the door opens. He looks tense and uneasy, he can feel that it's a vampire too. He looks up at me and his eyes are so intense I've never seen them look that way before. He doesn't ask me who's out there or what's for dinner or any of the other questions he would normally be asking me right now. He's silent and as we walk towards the kitchen he isn't walking like a five-year-old boy, he's walking like a slayer. His shoulders are low and a little forward and his legs are tense, like he's getting ready to pounce. I can't help but be amazed. I know you're probably saying: `only girls can be slayers, that's how the prophecy reads', and I've given that a thought myself. But Willow's spell made every potential a slayer and for some reason the spell that the mystery witch cast allowed B and me to have a boy. One in a million chances of that, but whatever. He's a boy and he's a slayer, one of a kind.

As soon as I step into the kitchen and see who's sitting at the kitchen table, drinking a cup of coffee with my girlfriend I stop dead in my tracks. Every muscle in my body tenses up and I get this really cold feeling in the pit of my stomach, like someone forced down some cold bile or something. I feel Mattie next to me and he's tense too. I guess he can feel that I'm uncomfortable and ready to kill, and his little slayer instincts are kicking in. I can't help but be a little bit proud, but I'll reflect on that later.

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