| ACT ONE FADE IN INT. ELLE'S BEDROOM - DAY DINO examines ELLE's carved-up back on the bed. DINO I'm gonna fuckin' kill that fuckin' piece of motherfuckin' shit! ELLE Dawn killed him. Sorry your bloodlust won't be satiated. DINO Christ Elizabeth--why didn't you call me? ELLE Well, that whole being taken hostage and used as a human sacrifice thing made it difficult to get to a phone. DINO You shoulda called me anyway if you were having problems. I think it's great you'd go to a priest--still regret not putting you in Sunday school--but mass and communion are nothing compared to GUIDANCE. That's HELP--what I'm here for. ELLE I didn't wanna bother you--not like you get vacations often--or ever. Especially if you were with your lesbian friend. DINO Yes, it would be so wrong for my SISTER to interrupt my lesbian- interaction time for such trivial matters as personal problems and potentially life-threatening situations. ELLE I can't continue this dependence on you for everything and I definitely don't want to bog you down with MY issues. DINO There's a lot of crap I do and have done for years out of necessity-- because I can't help but feel obligated to do them... (firmly) ...you are not one of those things. ELLE I know. Silence. DINO Anything you wanna tell me? Elle considers it. She's conflicted. ELLE Not now. CUT TO: INT. SUNNYDALE HIGH, BUFFY'S OFFICE - DAY Buffy sits at her desk while WILLOW giddily sits on the desk. WILLOW So you watched vampires burn on crosses in a public park...that's gotta be the weirdest date in recorded history. BUFFY Really wasn't a date. We haven't gone on a date yet. WILLOW Is Faith too macho for dating? BUFFY Please don't use macho and Faith in the same sentence. I prefer MY Faith to embody increasingly feminine qualities. WILLOW Faith and feminine...that's like Buffy and education. Buffy scowls, picks up a ruler, and smacks Willow's leg. BUFFY (bashfully) I really believe I can turn her into a housewife. WILLOW BUFFY! BUFFY School is no place for lecturing, so stuff it. And she tried cooking me dinner! It's realistic. WILLOW Shame on you. How could you change her like that? Why would you want to? BUFFY I love her the way she is--just that there's more than she let's on. For all the promises about getting to know her better, I honestly can't say I know much more about her than I did three years ago. Just a few vagueries. WILLOW Plenty of ways to fix that. DAWN marches in with her backpack. DAWN Why do I have to be in school today? BUFFY Because getting an education is the cornerstone of a successful future. DAWN I already know what I want to be when I grow up--JUST LIKE YOU. BUFFY Wow...that gets me-- (pointing to side of chest) --right here in this part of my heart. Over here-- (pointing to other side) --this part of my heart is laughing so hard it's on the verge of a heart attack. DAWN (whining) I'd rather be with Elle...I SHOULD be with her. Willow quirks an eyebrow. BUFFY Regular human beings go to school. Xander, Elle--when she's healthy. Irregular humans also attend school--me, Willow... WILLOW Dino. Buffy quirks an eyebrow. BUFFY (to Dawn) Fact of life kiddo...tough it out and you'll be home in a few hours. Dawn's still not happy. She slouches out. Willow sends a questioning glance at Buffy who looks away. CUT TO: INT. XANDER'S APARTMENT - DAY ANYA lounges around until the door opens and XANDER, baggage in hand, walks in. Anya runs to him. ANYA Xander! I missed you so much! XANDER Then why don't you take this for me... Xander stuffs his baggage right into Anya's midsection. She catches it but her ass lands on the ground. Xander makes nothing of it. ANYA Did you miss me? XANDER At times. Gotta say, being away from Sunnydale really put things in perspective. My mind is clear--at least, as clear as it can get without becoming transparent. ANYA I'm...semi-thrilled to hear that in a barely understanding way. XANDER Been holding down the fort for me? ANYA (cheery) Like a housewife. I didn't mention "housewife" because I'm hoping you'll make me one. I wish not to be domesticated by you no matter how much I love you--which has amassed otherworldly proportions. XANDER Thanks for all that information. I'm gonna take a shower. ANYA Want company? XANDER Sure. Anya brightens considerably. XANDER Know anyone good? Anya darkens considerably. CUT TO: INT. DEAN HOUSE - NIGHT On Elle resting on the couch, exasperated. ELLE Dawn, stop it right now. Pull back to reveal Dawn dressed in a nurse's uniform holding food and supplies. DAWN Am I doing something wrong? ELLE Yeah--annoying the hell out of me. DAWN Do you not like the outfit? ELLE That's the only reason you're still here. I don't want you fawning over me. DAWN It's no problem. Just wanna make sure you heal fast and stay strong and...a multitude of other things. ELLE (skeptical) Right. (beat) Dawn, a nursemaid is something I've never needed or wanted. A best friend though...always wanted, never had...until you. Let's keep it that way. Dawn smiles weakly. DAWN I'll put these in storage--just in case. Dawn solemnly enters the kitchen leaving behind a bothered Elle. CUT TO: INT. DINER - NIGHT Buffy and Faith eat pie. It's quiet for the most part. BUFFY Damn fine pie. FAITH Blueberry's my favorite. BUFFY Huh--didn't know that. Amazing what certain people can learn from certain other people when those other people speak. FAITH Nice skirtin' B. You gonna tap dance around the table for your next number? BUFFY Forget it. FAITH Fuck the forgettin' and bring on the rememberin'...or anything soundin' less dorky. BUFFY You're not taking this seriously. All I want is to know my girlfriend. FAITH I've told ya plenty of shit about me. BUFFY There you go again. FAITH What? BUFFY You do this. FAITH What the fuck do I do? Swallow the fuckin' huckleberries so you can spit it out clearly. BUFFY Trivializing your identity. Faith SCOFFS. BUFFY Who you are--your life now and then--what you have, what you want-- FAITH --I WANT ya to shut up about this. Buffy stares hard at Faith who returns it. Faith wills her to drop the subject--Buffy gesticulates her resignation. A WAITRESS comes over and gives them the check. FAITH You payin', right? BUFFY Of course. FAITH Then I'll be outside. Don't fret over the tip. Buffy rolls her eyes. Faith coldly leaves. Buffy hesitates before picking up the check. She EXHALES loudly. CUT TO: INT. THE UNDERGROUND - NIGHT Xander, Giles, and Dino sit in a booth. DINO Dude, that's pretty cruel. XANDER It is COOL, isn't it? DINO CRUEL. Seems kinda CRUEL to not only keep her in the dark, but almost strap her in and deny any means of decent survival to her. XANDER You ever have a serious girlfriend? DINO I dated a nihilist. XANDER Serious as in bordering on marriage and china patterns. DINO Sort of. I was fifteen tipping over into sixteen...she was a few months older and lightyears more attractive. Never got to the point of forever... Dino trails off, his eyes blinking rapidly. GILES What happened? Dino CLEARS HIS THROAT. DINO Died. XANDER Vampires? DINO Porsche. (beat) Morning after our, um, first night together...she woke up before me and went to make me an omelet--I love omelets. I know because she left a note telling me she did, but that she had to go out to get some eggs...me and Elle finished 'em the day before. She never came back...found out what happened from a guy on the street. Xander and Giles are sympathetic. GILES I'm sorry. DINO Nah...I got over it. XANDER How? DINO Lots and lots of sex with lots and lots of women. Back in New York, I'm kinda like a goodfella superhero. GILES You sound resoundingly proud of that fact. DINO Hey, before leaving, I had as much power and respect as the mayor in the world's greatest city. Makes your career as a teenage demon- killer more tolerable. XANDER Well, mine is exceptionally different circumstances. I'm not even sure where I want us to go anymore. GILES Take it from a man who has had his share of relationships--you may be unaware of where you're headed, but you are headed somewhere. The key is not subjecting Anya to some type of torture for her misdeeds--that may serve only to distort your sensibilities and emotions. XANDER After three years of listening to her yapping and badgering over the littlest disagreement in my favor-- or anyone else's besides hers for that matter--I think I deserve a level of bloodless revenge. How harmful could it be? In unison, they all drink. CUT TO: EXT. GRAVEYARD - NIGHT Buffy and Faith grasp their stakes as they patrol the area. BUFFY I forgive you. FAITH Who apologized? BUFFY You will. FAITH Meaning I haven't and I doubt I ever will since I don't know what my future non-apology is for. BUFFY The way you treated me at the diner. FAITH Gimme a break. Quit bein' so girly-girly sensitive...boo-hoo, Faithy was nasty to me 'cause she doesn't feel in the mood to talk about her FEELINGS on this, that, and the other fuckin' thing. BUFFY I just want you to open up to me. You don't have to broadcast it over the internet--for my ears only. FAITH Let it go...it's in the past! You said so yourself. BUFFY Yes I did, but in the context of keeping you from wallowing in self- hatred. Your life now is more important than how it was then, but that shouldn't devalue the effect your past has had on you! FAITH The last thing I need is to dwell on a time when I hated being me. MY past, my choice whether or not to waste Buffy-time on it. BUFFY You don't take yourself seriously enough. FAITH Whatever. BUFFY Yeah--just write me off. Buffy and Faith continue walking until catching the sound of VOICES in the distance. They share a knowing look and maneuver into a spot where they safely spy on an encounter featuring SPIKE and a couple of GOONS. SPIKE Did you find her? GOON 1 Nowhere in sight. SPIKE Where did you look? GOON 2 Combed the entire town--which isn't much to begin with--still came up empty. SPIKE Bollocks! As the hellmouth turns...ungrateful bitca. Spike ruefully LAUGHS. SPIKE Come on--Sunnydale sojourn, part two. The Goons follow Spike as he leaves. Buffy and Faith are intrigued. CUT TO: EXT. ESPRESSO PUMP - NIGHT Willow and KENNEDY exit the place. Willow's beat. KENNEDY I'm just saying, a few phone calls would've been welcome. Bad enough I couldn't go. WILLOW Goddess! You called me and I did call you--what's the hang up? KENNEDY This "enough is truly enough" attitude doesn't fly with me. I could never get enough of my girlfriend. WILLOW Please don't take this the wrong way, but my Earth does not revolve around your Sun. KENNEDY Thank you for the astronomical phraseology. Is your goal to be obnoxiously clever...or obnoxiously intellectual? WILLOW Swear to God, first time I'm seeing it. KENNEDY What? WILLOW Why everyone hates your guts. There was more to me than Kennedy's girl before you rode into town on that personality-challenged horse of yours...I'm steadfastly holding the same position now. There's loads of happy-tingly feelings for you here, but cut the shit if you want it to stay that way. Willow stomps off. Kennedy bites her lip and waits a moment before catching up. Close on a series of trees and bushes across the street. Stepping out from behind a tree is Drusilla. DRUSILLA You will do splendidly. On Drusilla's maniacal stare: END ACT ONE |
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