Chapter Twenty-Eight: Bleeding from the Heart

(Faith's POV)

I enter B's bathroom, my hands full with the tray of food I'm carryin'. I kick the door shut and look up to see her settled comfortably in the garden tub. White bubbles cover her to the rise of her breasts, keepin' me from seein' her beautiful body. I finish chewin' the strawberry in my mouth and swallow, shakin' my head.

"What?" She asks with a slight grin.

I set the tray on the wide edge of the bathtub and give her a shrug, unwrappin' my towel and lettin' it drop to the floor. She sucks in a breath and I grin. It's nice to know I'm not alone in not bein' able to get enough.

"Scoot up, babe."

She slips forward and I climb in. I settle down behind her and reach forward to grasp her hips, pullin' her back against my chest between my thighs. I lean back against the tub and wrap one arm 'round her waist, lettin' the other dangle over the side of the tub.

B turns and kisses me, her tongue slippin' past my lips. She caresses my teeth with her tongue and suddenly freezes, jerkin' back to look at me. I arch an eyebrow at the odd look she's givin' me.

"What?"

"Where are your fangs, Faith?"

Huh? I run my tongue over my teeth and blink. Oh, heh. Then I shake my head and burst into laughter.

When I calm down, I find her lookin' at me with an impatient expression. I rub the back of my neck and reach for one of the glasses on the tray. I can't believe she hadn't asked about this before now. I take a sip from the wine glass, sighin' in pleasure at the taste of the wine.

"I dunno if ya ever noticed, but most vamps don't keep their fangs extended all the time. They usually look almost normal unless they're fightin' or feedin'."

Her eyebrows furrow and then her expression clears as she nods. "Yeah, I just didn't really think about it. It's not like I actively compare your kiss to someone else's."

I smirk. "Good to know you're not thinkin' 'bout someone else when your tongue's in my mouth, B."

She smacks my arm and turns back around. "You're such a pig. Get to the point."

I prop my chin on her shoulder. "It takes a lot for a vamp to keep their human appearance unless they're relaxed. Unfortunately, I stay tense most of the time, so I just don't bother puttin' the extra effort into keepin' my fangs hidden."

Knew I'd find away to relax eventually. Never thought it would take nonstop sex to do it, though. I stifle a laugh and kiss the skin near my mouth.

"So you're pretty relaxed now, huh?"

"I should hope so," I drawl. "I mean, if four hours of fuckin' like bunnies didn't do it, then I'd be worried."

"Faith!" She squawks.

I set my glass on the tray and retrieve a strawberry, dippin' it in the glass bowl of chocolate sauce. I bring it to her lips and my eyes fall to watch as she turns her head to bite down on it. Her lips brush my fingertips as she pulls back and I hum in pleasure.

"Yes?" I ask in answer to her protest.

She rolls her eyes and finishes chewin', swallowin' as she reaches for the second wine glass on the tray. She takes a sip and turns her head to kiss my cheek. Her breath brushes my ear and I shiver, feelin' my nipples tighten.

B snorts and leans her head back against my shoulder. "Haven't you had enough yet?"

I nip at her earlobe and murmur, "Never."

B retrieves a strawberry and dips it in the sauce, turnin' to offer it to me. I gently clasp her wrist and guide her hand to my lips, takin' the strawberry into my mouth along with her fingers. I catch her gaze, feelin' my body start throbbin' again as her eyes darken.

I moan, lettin' my eyes flutter shut as I wrap my tongue around her fingers. I bite down on the fruit and draw her fingers from my mouth, placin' a gentle kiss on the tips 'fore I release her wrist. I settle back with a lazy smile, openin' my eyes to find her lookin' at her fingers. I chuckle at her flustered expression and she returns her attention to me, lettin' her hand slip back into the water.

Her fingers entwine with mine and she guides my hand to her thigh beneath the bubbles. I caress the silky skin and she returns her head to my shoulder. I nuzzle my face into her neck, ignorin' my body's instinctive response.

I hear her sigh and I place a soft kiss to her pulse. "What's wrong?"

"Nothing," She answers. "I was just thinking about the reason why you stay so tense."

Do I explain it? She can probably guess it without me havin' to say anything. It's not too hard to understand. I let my eyes close.

"'Fore ya came and got me, I still struggled a lot with just lettin' myself continue to exist. I could feel the Slayer crawlin' beneath my skin, pissed at havin' to share space with a vamp."

"Yeah," She murmurs. "That's pretty much what I figured."

I smile sadly, lettin' my face rest in the crook of her neck. I don't know how to tell her that unless I get my soul back, it's gonna start happenin' all over again. I still ain't sure how I'm gonna get it back, either.

B eventually sensed somethin' was up, so we got out of the tub and came back to her room. I'm pretty sure she meant to talk, but she fell asleep instead. I can't really blame her. It's been a hell of a day, and we certainly gave each other a workout.

I'm just lyin' here with her in my arms, gazin' down at her. Her face is snuggled into my shoulder and one arm's wrapped 'round my waist, the other's up by my head. One of her legs is tucked between mine, her knee dangerously close to my pussy.

I'm tired but my mind won't give me any rest. My thoughts keep circlin' 'round what I need to do. I keep comin' back to one conclusion, and I really don't like it. I think I could even go so far as to say I fuckin' hate it.

I gotta go back to Louisiana. The Council has a lot of resources, but even Giles didn't understand much about what I've become. Lenore's the only one who's been able to tell me anything, and though she didn't know about the sitch with my soul, she's still my best bet. And as much as it breaks my undead heart, I can't take B with me.

I don't know that I'll even find a way to get my soul back from whatever part of Hell it's in. I don't wanna tell her only to find out there's nothin' I can do and end up breakin' her heart. That's exactly what'll happen too, when she realizes just why I need to get my soul back so badly.

I won't feel right bein' with her 'til I know for sure that I won't be a danger to her and everyone 'round us. I doubt she'd wanna be with me either if she knew I can still lose control like I did before, and I'll have to tell her. So, my fears aside, if I wanna be with B, I gotta get it back.

And on the totally fucked up and sappy side, I wanna be able to offer her my heart, body and soul. I got the body and heart locked up tight, pulse not withstandin' and beat up as they may be, but I ain't about to offer her half a soul. I want her to have it all, and I'll give her anything it's in my power to give.

What really, truly fuckin' sucks, is I know I gotta leave now. If I wait 'til she's awake? I won't have the strength to walk away. I kiss B's temple, close my eyes, and struggle not to cry.

I'm gonna lie here a little longer, at least 'til sundown. I just wanna hold her for a while and feel her warmth seepin' into me. I'll have to make it last, 'cause the coldness of death is just waitin' for me to leave this bed.

Leavin' her apartment was the hardest thing I've ever done. The second? Admittin' I loved her in the first place. It's fucked up that I spent so much time runnin' from her and now I wanna run right back to her.

I left her a note, but it ain't enough. I keep gettin' these images of her cryin' her eyes out over it. I came by HQ to change clothes and pick up my stuff and I got an idea as I was leavin'.

She's gonna cry no matter what, but she ain't gotta be alone when she does. It's why I'm here now. I pause in the open doorway of Red's office, just watchin' her for a sec. I know she's gonna pissed when I tell her, but somehow I think she'll understand.

Red doesn't wanna see B hurt anymore than I do, so she'll get that I need go get a hold of myself. Probably even be all proud and shit 'cause I'm bein' so fuckin' mature. 'Course, she's gonna shit a brick over the way I'm goin' about it, but I wouldn't expect any less from B's best friend.

Red lifts her eyes from her computer and catches sight of me, squeakin' in surprise as her eyes widen. I smirk and lean against the doorframe, crossin' my arms over my chest.

"Problems, Red?"

She shakes her head and holds a hand to her chest, sputterin', "You—you scared the Hell out of me, Faith! Don't do that!"

I shrug apologetically. "Sorry."

"Uh-huh," She answers skeptically. "You sure don't sound like you are."

"True."

She glances 'round me into the hallway and my smile fades. She catches my expression and concern floods her face.

"Where's Buff?"

I ain't even gonna ask why she automatically thought B would be here with me. Guess B must've told her 'bout this thing that's happenin' between us. I sigh.

"Hopefully she's still sleepin'."

"Oh. So, uh, why are you here then?" Her eyes widen and she hurries to add, "Not that I'm not glad to see you. I mean, I always like to see my friends."

I chuckle. "Nice to know I'm welcome. But, to answer your question, I need ya to do somethin' for me." I rub my bicep and frown. "Well actually, it's for B."

Her face brightens and she leans forward in her seat. "What can I do?"

I lift my hand to run my fingers through my hair and let my gaze drop. "I have to leave and B's gonna need ya."

Her eyebrows furrow and she gives me a confused look. "What? Why are you leaving, Faith? You know we all want you here, Buffy especially."

I grimace and squeeze my eyes shut, feelin' tears burnin' my eyes. "I know," I groan.

"Then why?"

I open my eyes and let her see exactly how much this is fuckin' me up inside. I see the startled expression cross her face and it doesn't make me feel any better. I gulp.

"I don't know how much B told ya about what's happened, but there are some things that she doesn't even know about." I clench my jaw and bite out, "I fucked up, badly."

"That doesn't mean you have to leave. Everyone makes mistakes," She protests.

"I drained two people, Red," I growl, frustrated.

"What?" She gasps, her eyes goin' wide.

I give her a sad smile. "Yeah, that's right, Red. Murder-queen came back, and now I gotta go do somethin' to put her back in her cage."

"Buffy doesn't know, does she?" She asks quietly.

"She knows about the first one," I answer in the same tone.

"Where will you be going?"

She actually seems worried for me and not scared. There was a time we wouldn't have had this conversation. It's weird to see the contrast between the girl she used to be and the woman she is. Guess ya gotta be complex to be friends with a Slayer, though.

"Louisiana." I answer softly.

"Are you going to see Lenore?"

I nod. "Yeah, I am. I think she's got a better chance of helpin' me figure out how to get my soul back. I got this feelin' it's gonna be a bitch."

"M—maybe I could do it," Red stammers. "You might not even have to leave."

I give her a sad smile. "Red, Giles didn't know shit about what's happenin' with me. I know you're powerful with the witch-fu and shit, but I don't think ya can do anything."

"B—but maybe I could."

I shrug. "I don't wanna do Angel's deal, y'know. I kinda like gettin' my happy on."

"Faith, are you sure you're not just trying to find an excuse to run away?"

My face vamps out and I snarl, "What the fuck kind of question is that?"

She stands up, leanin' over her desk. "It's a pretty valid one from where I'm at."

I sigh, forcin' my face back to normal. "No, Red. It ain't an excuse to run. You don't know how fuckin' bad I wanna just go back to B's and curl up around her."

I ignore her startled look and continue, "But I ain't gonna be able to relax 'til I know for sure that I ain't a threat to her. Been there, done that, ain't lookin' for a repeat."

"But, Faith—"

"Shut it, Red," I snap, losin' my cool. "I'm headin' out. Ya can sit here and fume or ya can go be there for B. She's gonna need someone to hold her and it can't be me."

I turn to leave, startled to find Dawn standin' outside the office. She's givin' me this look that makes me a little worried for my safety. I wonder how long she was standin' there. Suddenly she throws herself into my arms, buryin' her face in my neck.

I rub her back awkwardly, not used to doin' this comfort thing. She shoves me back and gives me a very familiar look. Summers women are a stubborn breed.

"You better come back," She growls. "Or I'm gonna come find you and stake your ass."

I lean forward and kiss her forehead. "I will, Dawn. I swear it."

Tears fill her eyes. "Good, 'cause you still have to meet Connor."

I pat her cheek and force myself to leave, retrievin' my bag from where I left it outside Red's office. I hadn't realized it would be almost as hard to leave Dawn as it is B. But I guess those Monks really didn't mess 'round. Chick's like a little sister to me.

Chapter Twenty-Nine: The Longest Night

(Buffy's POV)

I wake up and without even opening my eyes, I know Faith's gone. I can't sense her anywhere. I don't even try to lie to myself and say she's just out slaying. I know better.

An agony so intense it makes my head pound rolls through me and I curl into a ball on the bed. Tears fall from my eyes to drench the sheets and sobs tear from my still sore throat. The pain only serves to make the tears come faster as my mind provides me with images of just why it hurts in the first place.

Why am I even surprised? I should have known this would happen. Every time I think I'm about to get happily ever after, it slips right through my fingers. But I can't even bring myself to be angry with her.

Oh, God, it hurts so much. I feel like my heart's bleeding out from my eyes in tears. Dramatic, I know, but that's the way it feels. It's worse than sending Angel to Hell.

I hear Lee bark in the living room as the front door opens and I stiffen. Is it? I close my eyes as my senses tell me that it isn't Faith and a fresh wave of misery washes over me. I wrap my arms around my middle and try to stifle my sobs.

A sound draws my attention and I lift my head, forcing my eyes open to see Will in the doorway. The look of sympathy on her face is my undoing. I lose my struggle to contain my cries and she hurries to me. She sits down on the bed and pulls me into her arms, making soothing noises in the back of her throat as she rocks us side to side.

I bury my face in her neck, just letting the tears flow. Unlike in the past, her attempt at comforting me isn't very effective, but I appreciate it all the same. She's been my best friend for so long and I'm grateful she's here. I just wish it were Faith instead.

I don't know how long we sit here before my sobs finally abate. I pull back from Will, bringin' the sheet back up from where it had fallen to my waist at some point. I wrap it tightly around me as embarrassment sets in. I don't even want to know what she's probably thinking.

I definitely know just what it looks like. My hair's mussed and still a little damp from our bath. There are fresh bruises and bites on my neck. There are more than a few hickeys covering me, some in some pretty personal spots – some of which she just got a very good view of, i.e. the one right on the rise of my left breast and the one around my belly button.

The sheets are damp from sweat, cum, and maybe even a little saliva. A few of the pillows are scattered around the room and somehow the lamp was knocked off my nightstand. The bars on my headboard, which are made of iron, have been bent apart. The room screams "sex" and, taking a deep breath, I realize that it reeks of it too.

My gaze falls back on my redheaded friend and I become uncomfortably aware that she's realized it too. I let out a shuddering breath and wipe the last of my tears from my cheeks. Her eyes meet mine and I jerk my gaze away. I catch sight of a folded piece of paper on the nightstand and my eyebrows furrow.

I sigh and close my eyes as I ask, "She's gone isn't she?"

I just have this sadistic need to hear it. I've never been into emotional torture, but apparently things change. Part of me's still hoping stupidly that I'm wrong and she's just out slaying.

"Yeah," Will answers quietly.

Another tear squeezes past my eyelid and I force my eyes open. I reach across the bed and grab the notebook paper I'd seen. I open it and I don't know if I want to kill Faith or kiss her when I read it.

B, I'm sorry I hurt you again. But I swear it's not what I meant to do. And if you're not hurting, then you're pissed. Please, B, try to keep trusting your heart a little longer. I know I all ready asked that once but I just need a little more time. There's something I have to do before I can be with you. I don't want to start a relationship with you when I'm not whole.

I love you,
Faith

When she's not whole? What the Hell? That doesn't... I lift my eyes back to Will's.

"She's going for her soul isn't she?"

Will nods and I'm not sure if I'm going to cry or scream. What is it with my lovers? Angel lost his soul 'cause of me and Spike regained his for me. Now Faith is going to try to get hers back too.

But why didn't she just ask Will to do it? I open my mouth to speak, only to have Will interrupt.

"We don't really know enough about what's happened to her to know if we can help her. Lenore at least understands more about what she's going through than we do."

Well, that tells me at least where she's gone. I consider whether I should go after her, every ounce of my being screaming yes. Will clears her throat and I jerk my attention back to her.

"She said she wouldn't be able to relax until she knew she wasn't a threat to you. I think she needs to do this on her own, Buff. She seemed really rattled."

I look away, not understanding the brief flash of indecision that crosses Will's face. I want so badly to go after her. But I know Faith. If she's determined to do this on her own, following her isn't going to do anything to help our relationship.

God, I love her. But I'd like it if she'd show just a little less stubbornness. I sigh.

"I get that, Will. I just wish she hadn't left without telling me herself. I could've done without whole "get some, get gone" method."

Will winces and nods in agreement. "Yeah, I don't really care much for the way she went about it either. But you have to admit that she's acting a lot more mature than she has in the past, with wanting to straighten her problems out and everything."

It's something anyway. I rub my temples and mumble, "Yeah."

"So," Will starts slowly, grabbing my attention. "Now that we've gotten the "getting gone" part settled, want to explain the "getting some" part?"

Now it's my turn to wince. The smirk on her face is positively evil. I groan.

"Can I get dressed first?"

"Sure," Will answers as she stands. "But you're not getting out of telling me just when you started having lusty thoughts about Faith."

Oh, God. Just shoot me now. I can tell all ready that it's going to be a long night.

(Faith's POV)

I take back what I said when I arrived at the airport in Cali with B. This was the longest flight I've ever taken. I blink. Jesus, was that really less than two weeks ago?

That thought only serves to remind me of just how fuckin' tired I am. The last sound sleep I really had was the day before we left Georgia. Since then there's been so much goin' on that I couldn't sleep for long and it was really light when I did sleep 'cause I was on edge. It's taken a lot outta me and now the adrenaline's startin' to wear off, leavin' me exhausted.

I lean back against the backseat of the taxi and let my eyes drift to the window. I'm tryin' not to think too much. But, the best laid intentions, y'know? My mind keeps flashin' to that last image of B as I was leavin'.

I just stood by the bed for a few minutes after I got dressed, gazin' down at her. Her hair was coverin' part of her face, but what I could see looked so fuckin' peaceful and she had a soft smile playin' at the corners of her mouth. It was a mind-fuck realizin' it was 'cause of me. Not just 'cause we made love, but 'cause she was happy I was there.

It made it that much harder to leave. Fuck, I hope Lenore can help me. There's a girl waitin' for me and I don't wanna have to disappoint her. At least, I hope she's waitin' for me.

She may be contemplatin' murder right about now. Hopefully she'll gimme a chance to explain 'fore she stakes my ass. I couldn't really blame her if she wanted to kick my ass first, though. Leavin' a letter instead of talkin' to her was really kinda fucked up of me, but I ain't that strong.

The taxi comes to a stop in front of the familiar colonial house and I slip forty in the money slot. I get out 'fore the driver can give me my change and shut the door, slippin' my bag over my shoulder as I go. I hear the car drive off as I make my way up the short driveway.

I step up onto the porch, squarin' my shoulders as I reach out to ring the doorbell. 'Fore I can, the door swings open and I'm faced with Lenore. She's got grayish white hair in a bun and glasses — y'know, the typical grandma librarian chick. 'Cept this grandma has a fuck-load of power.

"Faith," She says, surprised.

"Hey," I mutter.

"Are you all right?" She asks softly and then backs up. "Sorry, do come in."

"I'm just tired as Hell. It's nothin' a few days of sleep wouldn't fix."

I follow her into the house and she shuts the door behind her. She takes my bag from me and sets it in a nearby chair. Grabbin' my arm, she leads me into the livin' room.

"Sit down. Would you like anything to drink?"

"Nah," I answer with a sigh and sit down on the couch, leanin' forward with my elbows on my knees.

"All right," She answers and sits down in the armchair. "Can I get you anything else?"

I run my hand through my hair. "Listen, Lenore, I know you're like really into the whole hostess thing, but there's somethin' I need your help with."

"What is it? You know I'll help you if I can."

I catch her gaze seriously. "I need ya to help me get my soul back. And it can't wait."

Her expression grave, Lenore nods. "You know I will if it can be done, but may I ask why now?"

I lower my eyes to the floor. "I found out that part of my soul is bound to the Slayer, so I still have it, but the other half's trapped in purgatory."

"I see," She answers softly. "Yes, it would make sense as to why you're still in control, I guess. That was a sort of sticking point for us before. But why is it so urgent that you retrieve it?"

"I lost control," I answer, bringin' my gaze back to hers. "And it's gonna keep happenin' 'til I get my soul back."

"May I ask how you found this out?"

I study her expression for a minute, tryin' to figure out what she's thinkin'. I can't get anything from it to decide if she's got any ideas. I sigh and then I tell her 'bout the dream. When I'm finished, she's givin' me a grim look.

"What?" I ask, worried.

"You said the cave had red sand and there were two tunnels?"

"Yeah," I answer with a shrug.

"Oh dear lord," She mutters and stands to leave the room.

"What's the problem?" I ask defensively as I follow.

It's never good when stuffy people say those three words. In fact, it usually leads to a whole fuckin' lot of pain. At least that's been my experience. I'm sure B would agree.

She ignores my question and leads me down the hall to her office. I stand in the doorway and watch her rifle through the books on one of her bookshelves. She grabs one and moves to her desk, gesturin' for me to come over.

I reluctantly join her and she sits down in her chair as she flips through the book. She stops, slidin' it closer to me and I look down at the page. My eyes widen and I lean on the desk to get a closer look. The colorless sketch is faded and rough, but there's no mistakin' the familiar scene.

A figure is chained to the wall, his back visible. Lines of what I guess are blood run down his back from gruesome lookin' wounds. A wicked lookin' demon is standin' behind him with what looks like a whip in his hand.

The demon towers over the person. There's some kind of spikes stickin' up from his head and there's somethin' weird comin' outta his back. I frown and study it for a sec, unable to tell what it is. I scan the short paragraph below the sketch and sigh.

The paragraph describes the cave from my dream perfectly. Fine red sand, the two tunnels, the rock walls, everything. But there's somethin' I'm confused about.

I look back up at Lenore. "That sounds like the place. Who's the fuckin' pinhead?"

"The demon is known as the Soul Harvester," She says quietly. "Purgatory is a level of Hell, but it also contains a few levels of its' own. He rules one such level."

I nod. "Aight, so what does that mean? I gotta kill him or somethin'?"

She licks her lips nervously. "I don't think it will come to that. But, you may be required to pay a price."

I really, really don't like the fuckin' sound of that. I mean, nothin' good ever comes outta dealin' with demons. I'll do what I gotta, though. I clench my jaw.

"What kind of price?"

"I'm not sure. There isn't much written record about it. There are, however, accounts of the Soul Harvester being a rather sadistic individual."

I feel a jolt of uneasiness risin' in my belly and makin' my chest tighten, but I shove past it. This ain't the time for that. I'll worry about what might happen later.

"How do I get there?"

"There's a spell we can use to send you to the location of your soul. After that, it shouldn't take long to find him."

"Let's do it."

She lays her hand on my arm. "Are you quite certain this is the path you wish to take? There are records of people never returning from his realm, Faith."

Am I sure? Not really, but I ain't got a choice. My heart won't let me do nothin' else.

"I'll return," I answer, puttin' steel in my tone. "There ain't a fuckin' thing that can stop me now."

Chapter Thirty: Harvester of Souls

I hit the stone floor belly first, the breath rushin' outta me. My head bounces off the ground and a ringin' fills my ears as flashes of light dance across my vision. A low pulse of pain radiates from my temple where it hit to the back of my skull.

My stomach roils, threatenin' to make me puke. I swallow hard and force myself up onto my knees, lettin' my head hang as the poundin' increases.

I'm suckin' in deep breaths, tryin' to keep from gettin' sick. A sudden rush of pain makes me tense, and my head goes back as a scream tears from my throat. Tears flood my eyes and I fall forward on my hands as I continue to cry out.

A fiery pain races through my veins as a painful pressure swells in my chest. A slow burn snakes its' way through my body, makin' me shake uncontrollably. I can feel the bulgin' tendons in the sides of my neck achin' from the tension.

I feel my face vamp out and then the pain stops as quickly as it began. I pant, feelin' my body still tremblin'. I let my eyes drift back open, tryin' to get myself under control.

I get to my knees warily, afraid it ain't over. A sick feelin' makes my stomach drop and I grimace. There's somethin' crawlin' under my skin, makin' me itch. I glance down, eyes widenin' at the sight of somethin' writhin' and twistin' beneath my flesh. What the fuck?

Oh, God, this is too fuckin' much. I should've listened to Lenore. I clench my fists, strugglin' not to claw at myself. My nails dig into my palms and the skin breaks, tricklin' blood between my fingers to drip onto the floor.

The feelin' finally starts to fade, only to be replaced with another as familiar as my own face. Rage—the dark, primal kind I usually only feel when I'm fightin' a vamp. I haven't felt this particular brand of it since before I was turned, though.

I leap to my feet, my chest risin' rapidly with each breath. I need somethin' to tear into. I peer through the darkness, realizin' I'm standin' in a tunnel. I'm facin' a dead-end, so I turn around. I see a dim, flickerin' light in the distance and take off runnin'.

My senses are screamin', tellin' me there's a demon nearby. The excitement starts to build, makin' my body vibrate. I put more speed into my steps, goin' towards the light.

My skin flushes with anticipation and there's a poundin' in my chest that makes my brow furrow in confusion. There's somethin' not right here. But I ain't sure what.

My thoughts are all mixed up, and gettin' worse as I go. The reason I'm here escapes me, and I don't really care anymore. All I know is that there's somethin' to kill at the end of this tunnel.

The exit comes into sight and part of me recoils, makin' me slide to a halt. A wall of fire blocks my path, the flames lickin' at the stone walls and turnin 'em black. I'm conflicted as one set of instincts screams for me to stop and the other tells me to keep goin'.

I hesitate and then feel the anger surge as part of me chafes at bein' afraid. With a snarl, I force myself to saunter through the flames. I pause, realizin' that the flames aren't even touchin' me. I curl my fingers through the fire, watchin' in wonder as it flickers and swirls over my hand without burnin' me.

I have just a sec to register the comfortin' warmth caressin' my skin before I'm brought to my knees by a feelin' of intense sorrow. It hits me like a bolt of lightnin', makin' me sob loudly. I lunge forward onto my hands, silky sand slippin' between my fingers as I clench my fists convulsively.

My memories rush forward to claim me, draggin' ragged cries from my throat. I'm drownin' in a sea of conflictin' emotions, unable to fight my way past it. Then it all fades again to leave me with nothin' but the anguish of regret and self-hatred.

Tears trail over the angles and ridges of my face, leavin' salty trails behind. I'm gaspin' for breath and I can't hear anything over the rush of blood in my ears. Suddenly I'm aware of just what's wrong and I blink in confusion. My hand lifts to my chest, feelin' the poundin' of my heart and my mouth drops open.

That explains the pain—ain't no way somethin' dead can suddenly come back to life without a whole lot of it. Why now? Or more importantly, how in fuckin' Hell did this happen?

A sound snaps me out of my stunned contemplation and I lift my head. The sight before me makes my heart slam against my ribcage. Y'know, that ain't a feelin' I've missed all that much, I muse as I scramble to my feet.

An invisible force knocks me back onto all fours and pins me there. I struggle against it, screamin' out as it presses in around me painfully. Despite my screamin' instincts, I force myself to stop fightin' and the pain fades. The reason for my horror smiles as he strolls towards me.

Seven feet tall, at least, bare-assed naked, and skin a mottle of grays stretched taunt over bulgin' muscle, this demon's a page right outta my nightmares. Metal spikes stick outta his skull like some kinda wicked fucked hairdo and his skin is pulled back on his face, givin' a way too close look at his bone structure. He makes the Beast look tame.

"Stay still, sinner," He snarls in a loud roar that echoes off the cave wall. "What brings you to my realm?"

I lick my lips nervously. "I'm here to get my soul back."

He laughs harshly, the sound makin' my ears hurt. "Now what would a dirty, little mixed-blooded bitch like you want with a soul?"

Huh? What the fuck does that mean?

"What the fuck did you just call me?"

He kneels down on the ground in front of me and grabs a handful of my hair, pullin' my head back. I swallow painfully and he smirks.

"Human, but not; demon, but not; dead, but not—it's what you are. Now tell me why I should give it back to you."

I clench my teeth. "I need my soul so that I can regain control over my instincts."

He shoves me to the ground and releases my hair. He stands up and turns, puttin' his back to me. I grimace as I see just what it is I was seein' on his back in that sketch. Rows of razors have been imbedded in his skin, the sharp edges juttin' out.

A low glow emanates from his body and then he turns around, a gruesome smile on his face. His sharp teeth glint in the torchlight, stained red.

"You want it back?"

"Yes," I snarl. "I certainly ain't here for the fuckin' company."

"What will you do for it?"

"Whatever it takes," I answer without thought.

The pressure around me suddenly evaporates and I'm able to move again. I scramble to my feet, givin' him a wary look.

"Then you'll have your chance," He laughs, the sound sendin' chills up my spine.

The cave grows unbearably hot and white hot flames envelop me, makin' me scream in agony. My skin blisters and peels as the fire licks at me. Then the room swirls and I find myself in another cave. My eyes barely have time to adjust before I'm brought to my knees again by a dark sensation.

Lust and overpowerin' hunger gnaw at my insides. A low sound fills me, rhythmic and drivin'. My head falls back and I growl with animalistic intent. I get to my feet in a fluid motion as my instincts guide me.

I pass through the shadows, dim light crossin' my features at odd intervals. I go 'round a bend in the cave wall and find the source of the sound. Wooden drums beat powerfully, a man in tribal clothin' playin' 'em like a pro in the torchlight.

There's an altar stretchin' up outta the sand just in front of him. My eyes lift and I find what my instincts are cravin'. A small blonde is lyin' unconscious on the flat stone, her body bared and decorated in odd symbols. Her head is turned away from me, exposin' her neck to my hungry gaze.

I reflexively take a step forward. I realize what I'm doin' and look around, panicked.

"Fuck," I hiss, seein' no way out other than the way I came.

Lenore warned me that bein' here might bring out the other aspects of who and what I am. I just didn't get what she meant by it. But now I can feel the vampire in me screamin' for blood and it's so fuckin' hard to resist. I'm startin' to lose my grip over it.

With a snarl, I scramble backwards 'til I hit the wall and my fingers claw uselessly at the smooth stone. I jerk my head back, slammin' it into the wall and usin' the pain to keep myself focused. I slide down the wall, wrappin' my arms 'round my waist and keep slammin' my head back.

A sound seeps into my consciousness and I jerk my head up in the direction I came in here from. Somethin' slips outta the shadows and I growl in reaction. A big demon enters the firelight, his sleek dark skin glistenin'. My eyes trail down and I snarl.

What the fuck's with the demons in this realm? Don't they own any fuckin' clothes?

As he saunters towards the altar, his intent grows obvious. I force my eyes away from his dick in disgust and a second set of instincts rises. A howl of rage starts to build in my chest and I try to contain it, but it rips from my throat and echoes in the cave. The demon spins to look at me and I flip to my feet.

He freezes, surprise showin' on his oval-shaped face. His hesitation gives me just enough time to decide what to do.

I tilt my head, lettin' myself feel the darkness inside, lettin' the hunger rise up. Then I unleash it, lettin' it come out in an explosion of motion. I run at him, slammin' into him and pinnin' him to the wall with my full weight. I look him up and down, and then sneer in his face.

"I've seen chicks with bigger clits than that."

I bring my knee up into his erection, hard, and he roars in pain. I slam my fist into his gut. Then I slam his face into my knee 'fore I force him to straighten and then I slam his head back against the wall. I back off to give him time to recover.

I may not be able to keep control over my need to feed here. But I know how to satisfy my need for violence in another way. It's tried and true.

He charges at me, throwin' a volley of wild punches. I duck and weave, managin' to stay out of reach the entire time. Then I leap into a spin-kick, sendin' him stumblin' back. I reach out and grab his shoulder, jerkin' him into my fist and lettin' him go.

He shakes off his injury and snarls somethin' in a language I don't understand. I duck as he throws another punch at me, but I miss the follow-up, gettin' nailed in the ribs. I grunt and lunge for him, irritated.

I start throwin' punches, every one of 'em makin' contact. I'm movin' so quick that he can't even do more than try to block with a pained, bewildered look. A wild hit catches him in the chin, makin' him fly back and land in the red sand. He doesn't move.

Surprised, I warily move towards him. When I'm within a few feet of him, he moves. Caught off-guard, all I can do is roll with the punch that catches me in the gut. I slam into the wall and slide down, lookin' up dazedly to see him comin' for me.

I wait for him to reach me 'fore I move. He leans down to grab me and I arch up onto my shoulders, wrappin' my thighs 'round his neck. I catch his gaze briefly and with a twist of my legs, his neck snaps. I flip away from his corpse as it collapses to the ground and I land in the sand on my feet.

I glance over his corpse once and then bring my gaze back to the altar. All that fills me now is a sense of deep satisfaction. My chuckle is cut off as I'm enveloped in the painful flames once again.

Chapter Thirty-One: Purgatory

I awaken with a sharp intake of breath, confused and disoriented. I blink my eyes open and I'm confronted with a familiar sitch. I'm chained to a wall in the cave from my dream and a look down confirms that I'm naked again. I'm surprised to realize that my face has shifted back to human form.

I can still feel my heart beatin' in my chest and I take a small bit of comfort in it. Then the sound of clappin' makes me look up. My eyes fall on a familiar vampire and I groan.

"I'm fuckin' thrilled to see you too," She says sardonically.

I give her a look. "What the fuck do ya want now? I'm kinda in the middle of somethin'. I ain't got time for dreams."

She chuckles and closes the distance between us. She presses up against me, her hands grippin' my hips and one leg wedgin' between mine. I try to jerk away and she tightens her hold on me, pressin' her lips to my ear.

"This ain't a dream, baby. I'm very much here."

She nips at my earlobe and I jerk away from her. My fingers are itchin' for a stake and my body's screamin' for me to end her. Oh yeah, this is very much real. My instincts were the one thing missin' from that dream.

"Get your Goddamn hands off me," I snarl.

She chuckles and lifts one of her hands to grab my chin. Her thumb caresses my jaw and she leans closer. Her eyes lock with mine.

"Ya managed to control me, but can ya control her?"

Huh? Come again?

"Stop talkin' in fuckin' riddles," I growl.

She smirks, ignorin' what I just said. "Let's find out."

She tightens her hold on my chin and pulls me forward, capturin' my lips. I open my mouth to object and her tongue invades, bringin' the taste of blood with it. I tense and try to pull away, but I'm trapped between her and the wall.

Her free hand starts to roam and my mind screams out in horror. I clamp my teeth down, catchin' her bottom lip as she pulls back. I feel a sharp pain in my own and blood fills my mouth. I spit it out, grimacin' as she leers and my belly tightens with lust.

She smirks and licks the blood from my lip and then hers. "Ya ain't gettin' what's goin' on yet, are ya?"

"No," I growl. "Why don't ya just fuckin' tell me and save us the pain?"

She laughs and leans forward to lick the side of my face. "Oh, but I like the pain."

I wipe the side of my face on my shoulder, glarin' at her. She grabs a handful of my hair and forces my head to the side. Her thigh rams up against my pussy, forcin' me up onto my toes. I grunt in reaction and she laughs.

"Y'know," She raps. "That pain when ya first showed up? It was my reaction to that nasty little thing beatin' in ya chest."

"Maybe ya wanna shed some light on why it's beatin' in the first place?"

She shrugs and drawls indifferently, "My guess? It's just some fucked up side-effect of bein' here."

She releases my hip, bringin' her hand up to caress my neck. Her fingers hesitate over my pulse point and I grind my teeth. Her hand continues down over my chest, brushin' my nipples. I feel my body react and I squeeze my eyes shut, disgusted with myself.

"That creepy thing ya felt? Like somethin' was all up inside ya?" She continues. "Well, that was the Slayer fightin' against me."

She grasps my right nipple and pinches it hard, makin' me cry out. Pain and pleasure shoot though me, and I try to remind myself that it's her lust I'm feelin', and not mine. It doesn't do anything to stop me from hatin' myself for it though.

She lowers her head, envelopin' my nipple in her cool mouth and I gasp. I hear the rattle of metal and my eyes snap open just as the manacles fall from my wrists and ankles. My hand flies to her head and I grab a fistful of her hair, jerkin' her head away from me. I give her a nasty smirk and turn, slammin' her face first into the wall.

I feel the pain as the bridge of my own nose breaks and blood rushes down my face. I ignore it, instead focusin' on her. I pull her back and bring her around, punchin' her in the jaw and feelin' it in my own. I let go of her hair and jump up, spinnin' into a kick. My foot hits her jaw and just as I land, she reaches up, catchin' it.

We glare at each other and then she smirks, twistin' my leg and forcin' me to have to roll with it or else get it broken. I land on my back and she lunges for me, straddlin' my hips. She punches me in the jaw and then I buck my hips, throwin' her over my head. We both get back to our feet at the same time.

The next few minutes are a flurry of movement as we exchange blows, leavin' wounds on each other and ourselves. She gets me trapped against the corner of the cave and grabs a handful of hair, slammin' my head back against the wall. I grab for her hand and she catches my wrist with her other hand. She twists 'til the bone snaps and I cry out, my voice crackin' as she slams my head back against the cave wall again.

Suddenly she lets go of my head and grabs my shirt, turnin' and throwin' me down on the ground. She straddles my hips again and halls back to punch me in the face. Blows rain down on me, leavin' me dazed and bleedin'. Then they stop and I blink, peerin' up through swollen eyes.

A pair of yellow ones is lookin' back at me and I feel my stomach drop as her hunger fills me. She sneers and lunges for my throat, a restrainin' arm pressed across my chest. Her fangs tear through my skin and I cry out, grabbin' for her head. Intendin' to pull her off me, I wrap my fingers in her hair and then I freeze.

The image of the vamp and the Slayer from my dream hits me and I suddenly realize just what the vamp meant about control earlier. The vamp wanted to feed in that other cave, but I controlled myself. Right now, the Slayer wants to kill the vamp. I close my eyes and swallow hard, forcin' myself to release her hair.

This is all part of the trial to get my soul back. If I don't control myself and stop fightin' the vamp, I'll fail. I dig my nails into the palms hands and grind my teeth in frustrated disbelief. This sitch is beyond fucked up.

The taste of blood floods my mouth and I feel my clit throb from the lust she's feelin'. She growls against my skin and molds her body to mine, straddlin' my thigh. She grinds against me, sendin' sparks of heat through my pussy as my wetness coats my thighs.

I don't even notice when she removes her arm from my chest. It's when she forces my thighs apart that I become aware of her actions. She slips her fingers through my slit and I start to object, only to cry out instead when she slams three fingers up inside me. Then all I can do is clutch at the sand and gasp silently as she fucks me roughly.

The contradictin' feelings have my head spinnin'. There's the intense hunger, the need, and the darkness comin' from her. Then there's my own; pain, shame, need, embarrassment — and I'm angrier than I've ever been 'cause I know I can't stop her.

The sound of her feedin' makes me feel sick at my stomach and I choke back a bitter sob. She's everything I hate about myself. I squeeze my eyes shut tighter and try to hold back the tears buildin' in my eyes.

She slams her hand into me harder, makin' me ache inside. Then her palm finds my clit. Somethin' snaps inside and I reach up, grabbin' her hair and holdin' her closer to me. Snarlin', I grab her leather-clad hip with my injured hand, ignorin' the pain in my wrist as I guide her against the tensed surface of my bare thigh.

I don't know exactly what made me do it, but I understand why. No way in fuckin' Hell am I just gonna lay back and be a fuckin' victim. That ain't my thing.

She rakes the nails of her free hand down my thigh, leavin' a trail of blood and then we both get lost in the darkness. Pain and pleasure mix together, makin' us cry out time and again. The pressure in my belly increases 'til it feels like I'm comin' apart at the seams. Then my world is flipped on end.

My mouth falls open in a silent scream, pain flarin' white hot as I'm engulfed in flames. The weight of her body disappears along with the suction of her mouth at my neck. I go numb for a brief moment, and then I'm flooded with familiar yet strange pain and grief. I get lost in it, completely unaware of where and who I am for an endless time.

When I regain my senses, I'm huddled in a corner of Lenore's office. It takes a moment for everything to come rushin' back and then I'm drownin' in agony. Shakin' from the intensity, I wrap my arms around my knees and hold on.

Images flash through my head and I bring my hands to my face as sobs force their way past the lump in my sore throat. A familiar metallic smell fills my nose and my eyes snap open, horrified at the sight of blood coverin' my hands. I look down at the rest of me to find my body naked, riddled with wounds and stained with blood. I know where it came from but the sight of the blood on my skin still causes me to panic.

I leap up and run past a startled Lenore to the bathroom. When I get there, I turn on the shower as hot as I can get it and climb in. The heat doesn't even make me flinch as I scrub at my skin. The coldness seepin' into my insides makes me cry even harder.

Chapter Thirty-Two: Bleeding from the Soul

I didn't get outta the shower 'til long after the water ran cold and my skin felt like I'd scrubbed off a few layers. Then I got dressed and took off runnin'. I didn't stop 'til just as the sun was risin' and I had no other choice but to find somewhere to hide. I know Lenore's probably worried out of her mind but just the thought of bein' 'round anyone right now is more than I can handle.

I'm sittin' in a corner of an empty warehouse with nothin' but the rats and roaches for company. Fittin', I snort. It's almost a mirror image of the place I ended up in when I started goin' crazy with hunger after I was turned.

I curl further into the wall and wrap my arms tight around my middle, my fingers diggin' into my sides. My entire body aches, inside and out, not all of it physical. My chest is tight from my emotions and the tears are still flowin' down my face.

I don't gotta ask if it worked. It's like I can feel my soul burnin' inside me. The guilt and the regret of what I've done is eatin' me up inside. It's got me feelin' trapped, makin' my body shake.

I shift again and stifle a groan as the pain between my thighs intensifies. The vamp definitely did some damage and my body's gonna keep remindin' me for a couple of days. That's somethin' else that's got me rattled, even though I get why the bitch did it.  She was doin' her damndest to try to make me lose control and dust her ass.

That entire sitch was a mind-fuck and a half. I don't think I'll be able to get over what happened there for a while. Not just the rape, but the all too brief feelin' of bein' alive. It hurt so fuckin' much to feel the coldness surroundin' me again.

It was like dyin' all over again. The physical pain of my body dyin' again wasn't anything compared to the emotional. Lenore wasn't kiddin' when she said the Soul Harvester was a sadistic motherfucker.

I open my eyes and look out across the warehouse to where I can see a tiny bit of afternoon sunlight reachin' across the cement floor. I can feel a strange calmness in place of the edginess I've felt for four years but it ain't doin' much to console me. No, it just makes it worse 'cause now I can't help wonderin' if the price was too much to pay.

The memory of B's face as she drifted off to sleep in my arms flitters through my head and I laugh harshly. For all I know, this could've been pointless. I don't even know if she'll still want me when she finds out that I killed that cop. Much less if she finds out just how fuckin' weak I am.

I punch the wall, ignorin' the fresh pain as the skin splits, and shake my head roughly, tryin' to get rid of that thought. I need to stop that shit right fuckin' now. It wasn't my fault I couldn't fight the fuckin' vamp off.

I swallow hard and close my eyes. It wasn't, damn it. But it seems like no matter how much I tell myself that, there's still a lingerin' feelin' of shame that makes me sick.

I've always been a master at manipulatin' people usin' sex. I guess the vamp part of me ain't any different. She was just targetin' my weaknesses to try to make me lose control over the Slayer. Thing is, she didn't count on me usin' sex to distract my inner Slayer.

Yet another method that's tried and true. I smile, but it's weak. It fades quickly as my thoughts drift back to B.

The ache in my chest grows, drivin' me to get back to her. But I ain't ready yet. I don't feel strong enough to face her right now. I just need a little more time.

Don't get me wrong. I'm gonna go back to her. I gotta get myself together first, though. I don't want her to see me when I feel so fuckin' weak.

Thing is, the more I think about her, the more I feel the weakness startin' to fade. In place of it's a growin' desire to have her back in my arms. The thought of it's enough to make me forget the pain of the wounds scattered over my body.

I open my eyes again to glare across the warehouse, mentally urgin' daylight to fade. I gotta stop by Lenore's first to let her know that I'm aight, but I'm goin' home tonight. And I don't mean Georgia.

The thought that she'll tell me to go to Hell makes me falter, but I shrug it off. If she does, I'll just tell her "been there, done that". But I ain't gonna let it stop me.

I'll beg if I gotta, but I'm gonna get the girl. I'll do whatever she asks, 'cept leave her alone. I've been through Hell, literally, and it's my turn to get some motherfuckin' happiness.

"So are you quite certain you're all right, Faith?"

I give Lenore a weak half-grin. "I'm three by five, Lenore. It's just gonna take a while to get back to five by five."

She nods. "Well, do be sure to visit again. Preferably without such dire circumstances next time."

"Yeah," I mutter, "Could definitely do without the fucked up sitch."

"Yes, well. That isn't quite the way I would describe it, but it is apt," She says dryly. "I'm certain you would be happier without the four day stay in Hell, as well."

I look down at the shoes she loaned me since my boots are somewhere in Hell. I still don't get how four days passed. It seems like it couldn't have been more than a few hours, despite how long it felt at the time. I know Angel said time passes differently there, but fuck, that's weird.

I shrug uncomfortably. "Well, uh, I should probably get goin' if I wanna catch my flight in time. That cab ain't gonna wait for me forever."

"You will be sure to write, yes? I really would like to hear about everything that happened while you were in purgatory. You were a sight to behold when you returned."

I bet I was. If the sight of all that blood freaked me the fuck out, it probably just about gave her a fuckin' heart attack. Fuck, it would've given me one had my heart still been beatin'.

"Yeah, I'll send ya an e-mail when I get some things settled."

She gives me a slight smile. "I do wish you luck, Faith."

I roll my eyes. The news that I'm goin' back to Cali made her start actin' kinda weird. I'll have to ask her about that sometime.

"Thanks," I drawl as I turn to go.

"Wait, Faith."

I pause at the front door and turn to look at her, shiftin' the strap of my bag on my shoulder. "What's up?"

"Just out of curiosity, how is it that you are still able to get on an airplane without raising suspicion?"

I shrug. "I wasn't ever reported dead, Len."

I didn't stay down long enough for anyone to find me. Apparently it only takes a couple hours for a Slayer to turn, while it takes normal people a day or two. Freaky shit that I know Giles is gonna wanna hear all about sometime. He'll be harassin' me about what happened with Dane, Joaquin, and with the Soul Harvester the first chance he gets anyway.

"Ah," She says. "Well, do be careful."

I wave at her and turn to go out the door, chucklin'. I call back, "Same too you, Len. I'll catch ya later."

I close the door behind me and head down the driveway towards the cab. I snort when I realize it's the same driver from before. When the fuck does that ever happen? I get in, tossin' my bag on the seat beside me and slammin' the door shut.

"The airport," I tell him 'fore he can ask where to.

The car sets off for the airport as a feelin' of anxiety fills my gut. Soon enough I won't be able to change my mind about goin'. Not that I really wanna, but I'm still worried about her reaction. As determined as I am to not give up, it doesn't mean it ain't gonna hurt if she does reject me.

I get there and oddly enough, there's a heavy rain pourin' down. It doesn't happen often here, but when it does it's usually pretty hard. I stop under the overhang just outside the airport entrance and look around for a cab.

I only thought I was exhausted when I first arrived at Lenore's. I'm just runnin' on pure stubbornness at this point. The thing is? I ain't feelin' it at all right now with everything else that's happened.

The nervous energy runnin' through me at seein' B again is makin' me shake. It's fuckin' ridiculous that I'm so shook up, but I am. Then again, the next few hours could be some of the most important ones of my life. Maybe it ain't so ridiculous after all.

I swallow hard and blow out a harsh breath. Fuck, I need to burn some of this energy off. I clench my jaw and, abandonin' my search for a cab, I take off runnin' in the direction of HQ. It ain't like I can get sick.

My nerves are still raw from my ordeal, and I feel like I'm gonna break if I have to deal with much more, but I can only focus on one thing right now. I've waited so long to be able to tell B that I love her, and I ain't gonna let it go any fuckin' longer. I can't. I'll deal with the rest later.

Chapter Thirty-Three: Coming Home

(Buffy's POV)

It has been a very long four days. I don't know how many times I started to make Will call Lenore and ask about Faith. Not even tracking down the rest of Joaquin's army took my mind off of her. It actually made it worse, 'cause I missed having her at my side when I took the girls to clear them out.

I at least found out how they discovered Faith's identity. I tortured it out of a vampire before I dusted him. It seems Joaquin was interested in learning more about the Slayer line and one of his researchers recognized Faith when she visited the fourth floor.

We've been settling things and sending Slayers back to their posts since that threat's now gone. We usually only have about thirty Slayers around, most of them in training, on a daily basis, but we'd called more in as a precaution when we realized there was someone targeting us. Most Slayers stay at our headquarters when they're here 'cause it's cheaper that way, so it's certainly a lot less crowded now.

Even better, with the threat gone, us Scoobies can return to our own homes. Thank God. Most of the time when there's something big going on, we all end up staying here in our old rooms 'cause it's just easier that way. Things are starting to get back to normal, at least. Well, almost.

Will hasn't stopped teasing me since I told her about everything. She's kind of freaked out 'cause I told her a little too much, but she's dealing. I guess I can understand why she's disturbed that I let Faith feed from me. It messes with my head a little too, but only 'cause I enjoy it.

I don't understand why it's so different with Faith than it was with Angel or even Spike. With Angel, it hurt when he bit me. It might have been 'cause he was out of control during it and it wasn't exactly gentle. But with Spike, I never would've let him feed from me. Just the thought of it disgusted me and it pissed me off the one time he tried.

I know I was pissed that first time Faith bit me, but I don't know how much of that was from the circumstances or what followed. Some of it might have even been 'cause there wasn't any hiding the way I felt for her any longer. I felt a little betrayed at the time 'cause I felt like she was forcing me to do it, too.

Which she was, but it wasn't her fault. It would've been her or someone else. And I'd have been even more pissed if she'd have let some other vampire do that to me. I just blame the humping on us both, 'cause our hormones got severely out of control.

I've had a lot of time to think about things the last few days. I've resolved most of it, but there are a few things that are haunting me. The fact that she killed someone still bothers me more than I can describe. But I can't even imagine how much it must be weighing on her.

It helps me understand why she absolutely had to get her soul back, though. God, the pain it's going to cause her... I wish there was something I could do to help her. I want to know why she felt she couldn't tell me face-to-face. I would've understood, and I'd have even tried to help her if she had.

It just goes to show that there are still a lot of trust issues between us. It's not going to be easy to start a relationship with her. The words, "impossibly hard", come to mind, actually. But in the words of Faith, "If it ain't a bitch, it ain't worth doing."

I chuckle softly and shake my head, letting my eyes fall to the papers on my desk. I reach out to shuffle them, the one on top catching my attention. I sigh and pick it up, glancing over it.

Giles has been bothering me to fill out a situational report on this last mission, but I've been waiting for Faith to return. I want to talk to her before I do, 'cause I want to know what she's okay with me disclosing.  I smirk.

There was a time I wouldn't have even considered leaving anything out. Jesus, I miss the old days when word of mouth was good enough for a report. This is just another one of those things that have changed since we left Sunnydale, though. But there are other, much more, unpleasant changes.

One of those things is that it's almost impossible to go out Slaying without at least three other girls accompanying me. It's like they see me come out to Slay, and they think it's an invite for company. It wouldn't be so bad if they'd treat me like I'm just one of them, but they don't.

I can only deal with someone treating me like I'm a parent, teacher, or some kind of celebrity for so long before it makes me want to smack them around. But to be honest there are a few who don't do it. I don't see most of them too often, though, 'cause they're usually ones we've all ready trained and sent on their way with their own little watcher.

Unfortunately, that usually leaves us with a bunch of sixteen-to-twenty year old girls hanging around. Giles likes to keep them close until we know for sure that they'll be okay to "fly" on their own. He's just right at home as Head of Council. I definitely trust him far more than I ever would have Travers.

I toss the report back onto the stack of papers waiting for my attention and sigh again as my gaze flicks to the window. It's raining so hard out there that I can barely make out anything through the deluge. The thought that I wonder what Faith's doing drifts through my mind and I laugh softly. I'm hopeless.

I can't help it, though. Just the thought of her is enough to ram my thoughts right off track. The other day when I was chastising a younger Slayer for abandoning her duties to go clubbing, I thought of Faith and just froze mid-rant. My mind blanked, my hands trembled and my heart was racing. I wasn't any good to anyone for the rest of the day.

We'd be in serious trouble if the demon population knew that all it takes to bring a Slayer to her knees is her hormones. Pun unintended. I blush hotly at the images the thought invokes.

I look around my office again and growl in frustration as I get up. I have to get out of here for a while and find something to take my mind off Faith. Otherwise I'm likely to go insane. Hopefully I'll escape without anyone catching me.

I walk over to the coat rack by my door, pausing to run my hand over the leather jacket hanging there. Faith left it at my apartment and I haven't let it out of my sight since I found it on my couch. It might be juvenile but there's just something so comforting about being wrapped in something of hers.

I pull the jacket on and pause to lift the collar up to my nose, inhaling deeply. It smells of Obsession and Herbal Essence, and the faint odor of cigarette smoke clings to it. Beneath it I can make out a mix of primal, musky scents that are all her. It's a little different than she used to smell, and I know why, but oddly it isn't any less appealing.

I pull my hair from under the collar and leave my office. I turn down the hallway and start for the stairs. I'm halfway down them when I hear a voice call my name. My eyes slam shut and I inhale sharply as my mind lets out a long string of curses.

Son of a motherfucking bitching asshole! I snarl and turn on the step, ready to tell whichever Slayer it is just where she can stick her offer of company.

"Hey, Buff," Will says cautiously.

I blow out a breath and laugh tensely. "God, Will. I thought you were one of the other Slayers for a second there."

Her eyebrows furrow. "And that made you look like you were contemplating homicide?"

I smile sheepishly and venture, "Um, yes?"

She shakes her head. "Trust me, Buff, you don't want to go there."

I rub my temples. "At this point it seems like a better plan than the alternative."

"Ah," She chuckles. "Going out Slaying?"

"Yes," I groan. "I just need to get out and slay something before my thoughts drive me up the wall. And I don't want an audience."

No, I'd like to let loose without scaring anyone. They tend to freak when they see me going full out against something that's ten times bigger than me. I think it disturbs some of them to know just what a Slayer's really capable of.

Will closes the distance between us and grabs my elbow, tugging me with her down the stairs. "Come on, I'll protect you from the hero-worshippers."

I snort, letting her lead the way. "More likely protect them from me."

She shrugs. "Eh, I didn't want to rub your face in it."

"Yeah, I bet," I laugh.

We manage to reach the front door without anyone seeing us and I sigh in relief. I roll my eyes at the smirk Will's sporting.

"Stop it," I grumble.

"What?" She asks, trying to sound innocent. "I didn't say anything."

"You didn't have to," I answer dryly. "You were thinking it."

Her smirk turns sly. "I just think it's so cute the way you're all fidgety 'cause you're missing your big bad, leather wearing vampire mama."

I snort and close my eyes, slowly shaking my head as a blush creeps up my neck. When I reopen my eyes, I look at her seriously as I reach for the doorknob.

"Will?"

"Yes?" She answers cheerily.

"Do your self a favor," I start slowly.

She gives me a confused look. "What?

I start to open the door as I say dryly, "Don't ever say that to Faith."

"Don't ever say what to Faith?"

The familiar husky voice makes my heart slam against my ribcage and I gasp. The door is gently pushed open and my eyes widen at the sight of a dripping wet Faith leaning against the doorframe with her arms crossed over her chest. Our eyes meet and I'm breathless as I'm drowning in her gaze.

It takes me a bit to register that her eyes have regained their dark chocolate shade. It takes just a little longer to recognize the pained swirl of emotions there and my heart aches in sympathy. A splash of vivid color makes me glance down to find a multitude of bruises and cuts covering her face, including a split in her bottom lip. I reach out to gently cup her cheek and she catches my hand, clasping it to her upper chest.

"No worries, B. I've had worse," She mutters.

I tug her inside by our joined hands and swing the door shut. When I turn to take her in, my eyes widen. Her jeans and her T-shirt cling to her body, the white shirt making the purplish bruises along her arms stand out. Her right hand is wrapped in an ace bandage and her knuckles are scraped up worse than I've ever seen. I bring my eyes back up to hers and the strain and exhaustion obvious there bring tears to my eyes.

"Have you had any sleep?" I ask softly, taking in the dark circles under her eyes that aren't just bruises.

She gives me a shaky smile and shrugs as her eyes drift over my shoulder. "Hey, Red."

"Hi. You know, you probably could've gotten some sleep before coming," She teases and then returns her attention to me. "I'm going back up to my office. Behave and let the woman get some sleep."

"All right," I answer, ignoring her second comment.

"Later, Red," Faith calls softly.

I notice the added hoarseness in her tone and jerk my gaze back to her face. "Hey, are you okay?"

Faith waits until Will's headed up the stairs and then says quietly, "Depends on your definition of it, but I'll be fine."

I bite my lip and lower my gaze, uncertain. I want a hug, but I don't know how she'll react. I know she said she loves me in that letter, but her leaving the way she did left me a little out of sorts. She takes the decision out of my hands.

She steps forward and strong arms envelope me. The scent from her jacket is suddenly all around me as I bury my face in her neck. She tenses briefly and then tightens her hold on me. Her body feels almost frail and there's a faint trembling that makes me pull back, looking at her in concern.

My heart clenches again as I notice the tears glistening in her eyes. I grab her hand and tug her towards the stairs.

"Come on, baby. Let's go to your room."

She tightens her grip on my hand and pulls me back to her. She cups my cheek and her eyes search mine intently. She then leans forward and tentatively brushes her lips over mine, keeping it soft and slow as I gently return the pressure.

When she pulls back, she asks hesitantly, "Can we go to your apartment instead?"

"If that's what you want."

She nods and offers quietly, "We need to talk."

I give her a determined look and open the front door again, leading her back out into the rainy night. "You're going to get some sleep first."

Jesus, it feels so good to have her home again. But I just know it's going to hurt to hear what she's been through. The only thing I want right now is to hold her a while before the pain starts all over again.

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