I think it would have been better if we had stayed outside in the rain. On our own. Because `this' is a nightmare. Today I thought I had stared hell in the face, but oh how naïve am I? This is hell.
All these buzzing little girls, just dying to impress Faith, with their newfound skills and strength. Do they not know `I' want to impress her with my own skills? Do they not care? They have barely let her walk through the door. All of them surrounding her. And her, just standing there... all wet, hair plastered to her face, clothes stuck to her body. Wow. She is hot.
She keeps shooting me looks, like she wants to escape, but yet she is still humouring them. I wouldn't be. In fact shooting them seems a viable option.
`ooo Faith, did you see when I sliced that vamps head right off?... oooo Faith, what about when I did that blah blah flip... oooo Faith, pay attention to me...'
It is driving me insane. Everyone wants a piece of her.
Join the queue. Me at the front.
Giles is hovering like he wants to talk. Angel wants her to give him a call.
Can the world not just give us a break? Five minutes. That's all. Just five little minutes of alone time. Me and her, in a room, on our own.
And maybe five minutes wouldn't be enough.
Well I'm not staying here to watch the Faith fest. I am wet, I am cold, and I am not impressed. Well... I am impressed with Faith. Not impressed with the fan club.
"Hey guys...? Faith...? I'm just gonna go get changed... maybe take a shower..."
And that got her attention. I can see her mind working. Shower. Yep, it has potential.
"Right, B... I uh... I might come up and take a shower. As well. And get changed."
Just say it Faith... ya wanna come get naughty in the shower.
"Well Faith, I'm quite sure Buffy will call when she is done... until then, maybe I could get a quick word?"
Thanks Giles. The whole point was to shower `together'.
"Oh right. Sure thing, G-man."
NO NO NO NO NO!
That was not the plan!
She's looking at me with pained expression, and I get it. I am in pain too. After that there declaration outside... we just need to be together. I know I said I would hold her to the `no kissing all night', but hello? Joke. I want to hold her. To me.
I'll tell ya... it is one very pissed slayer that makes the walk to the bathroom. I don't even `need' a shower... I had a bath already. Remember? I just wanted an excuse. An excuse to spend that five minutes in a room with her.
Alone.
And now I have to take a pretend shower.
How do you take a `pretend shower'?
Faith's Pov
I don't fucking believe it. Anyone would think I'm a fucking celebrity, all these girls wanting to hang off me. They're great girls... don't get me wrong, but I kinda already had something planned with a great girl. With `my' great girl.
Hell that sounds weird. `My' great girl. Gonna take some getting used to. Although at this rate I won't have to get used to it, because no bastard is letting me get near her. I saw the way she looked at me when she made her shower announcement. Oh yeah. She wants me. And I sure as hell want her.
I can't even focus on what Giles is talking about. I figure it can't be another end of the world thing... we did that today already. So I've tuned out. My little slayer ears are all straining to listen to the bathroom. To the flow of water.
And my little slayer mind... that's just imagining B, all wet...
Wait, she was already wet.
...ok... all `naked' and wet... yep much better... under those streams of water. Maybe soaping herself. Maybe me, soaping her. Just feeling her skin pressed against mine. Sliding against mine. Flesh on flesh...
"Faith!"
"Hmmmmm?"
"Are you listening to a word I've said."
"What? Of course... word for word."
Don't ask me. Please do not ask me what you said.
"So you'll do it?"
Err.
"Not even a question, G. You know me."
What the fuck am I signing myself up for here? He could've just asked me to take a bunch of girl scouts camping for the weekend, and I'm all `yeah, no problem'.
"So I can call back, in the affirmative?"
Call back who?
Way I see it, I have two choices here. One... I just smile and play dumb, happily nodding along to whatever affirmatives he throws my way. Or two... I can admit I didn't listen to a single word he just said. Any of it.
"Faith?"
"Heck, I said yes didn't I? What more do you want?"
So option number one it is then.
"Thank you, Faith. I'll make the arrangements."
Wow, a mystery adventure. Ain't life just a barrel of excitement.
And would ya look at this... no one is watching me. No one is demanding my attention. I think I might be free.
Just gonna casually wander towards the stairs.
That's it girls, you all keep on with the crazy chatter.
Up the stairs. I almost wanna tip toe.
And there's the bathroom. And yep, waters still running... naked Buffy, here I come.
I'm not gonna knock. I'm gonna surprise her.
Turning the handle real, real slow.
Easing the door slowly open.
What?
"B... what the heck are ya doing?"
She's sitting on the floor, painting her toe nails... with the water running. I don't know what's worse... the nail thing, or the odd water thing.
"Oh... I, uh... I'm taking a `pretend shower'."
"And you say that like it's an everyday occurrence?... what is a `pretend shower'... and more to the point... why?"
And I'm the psycho slayer. Bullshit.
"Well... I didn't need one. I had a bath already. And I couldn't just say I didn't need one, when I suggested it could I? So I had to take a pretend one, and the nails... that was just something to do... and anyway... what are you doing sneaking up on me?"
"Sneaking? I was surprising! I had thought I'd catch ya naked, and lathered, and I... need I go on?"
"I am naked."
I run my eyes across her very covered body. I'm getting maybe a glimpse of thigh, where her robe has opened a bit with the nail thing... but naked? I definitely would've noticed that by now.
"Anyone ever explain the concept of naked to ya, B?"
And she drops the nail stuff, stands up and sheds her robe.
Holy fuck. And wow. And... and... holy fucking wow!
"I think I'm old enough to understand naked, Faith... what about you?"
"Uh-huh."
And she's walking towards me, and I think I might have backed away in awe, because all of a sudden, my back is up against the door. And I'm trapped.
And I fucking love it.
"So that little `no kissing' arrangement? Care to reconsider?"
"Uh-huh."
"Uh-huh, yes... or uh-huh, no?"
And she is right in front of me. Pushing herself up against me. The heat of her skin burning me through my clothes. Playing with me... toying with me.
And my mouth is dry. I can not answer.
I nod.
"What's the matter Faith?... you don't wanna speak to me?"
Her hands are now trailing down `my' arms, encircling `my' wrists, bringing them up above `my' head, almost an exact replica of last night... only in reverse.
"Because I `really' want you to tell me... to tell me that you want me..."
And she's running her tongue around my ear... breathing her words into me... scorching a trail down my neck... nibbling so softly... and all the time... all the time, she's pressing her body tighter against me, forcing me harder into the door...
And for the life of me I can't fucking speak. Not a fucking word.
"... Cos if you told me that Faith... if you told me you wanted me... right now... right here... if you told me you wanted to throw me to the floor... and just fuck me..."
And she's starting a rhythm now... her hips pushing against mine... grinding into me... and I am hypnotised...
"...then I'd let you. I'd want you to... I'd want you inside me Faith... touching me... tasting me... fucking me."
I snap.
My arms which were prisoners break free in an instant, our positions reversed in a blink of an eye. Because I want this so much. I want her so much.
And now I'm grinding her into the door, pushing her naked little torso back so hard.
"I want you B, I so fucking want you..."
And I don't need to speak anymore. Because there aren't words beyond that.
The kisses I'm giving her are not soft and gentle, or caring and nice.
They're primal. 'They' speak of lust.
I'm kissing her mouth... her neck, her shoulders... I'm kissing every inch of flesh I can get my mouth to. I want to devour her. I want to eat her. All of her.
I drop to my knees in front of her, almost a state of worship, and my eyes are now level with her most intimate of places. So pretty. Just there... in front of me. And I hold myself in the instant, because I never want to forget this. This perfect moment of perfect clarity. I have never wanted like this. Never needed like this.
"Faith...?"
Her voice is tight, forced out from her throat in amongst the little moans. The little whispers of wanting.
I raise my eyes to meet hers, tearing them away from their perfect moment of perfect clarity.
She's looking at me with such blatant need, and it calls to somewhere deep inside. And I can't wait anymore. Can't hold off anymore.
Leaning just those few inches further, I place the softest of kisses against the softest of lips.
Hello Buffy Summers... I am so pleased to meet you.
My tongue comes out slowly, savouring her taste even before I reach her. Breathing her in, blowing cooling air out.
And I don't lick her straight away. Instead I run my tongue along the top of her thigh, the curve of her hip, testing little kisses... backwards and forwards... ever closer. My hands I bring to join the game. Easing her legs slowly apart... making room, opening her up to me. Exposing all that she is to me.
"Please Faith..."
You don't have to say please B...
And now I truly do taste her. The wetness of her filling my mouth as I press deep into her. Losing myself. Finding myself.
There is no rhythm to it. I just want her in my mouth.
She's pushing against me, trying so hard to make the contact more, the contact firmer. But I'm pulling back, teasing her, building the desire I can so clearly taste.
In an instant her hands are against my head. Forcing me to give her the more she needs. Demanding I give her all that she wants.
I suck her clit hard, my lips clamped tight around her. The tightest of pressure, at the same time applying the lightest of flicks. And she's singing for me.
Begging me for more. To take her places she so needs to go.
My fingers are itching to be inside of her. To be fucking her.
To join her in this dance.
They inch their way up her legs, tracing patterns in the juice which is staining her thighs. Pressing gently against the tightest of openings, making her push downwards, needing what I have to give.
My mouth leaves her hot, wet pussy, because I want to see this. With my eyes I want to watch myself fuck Buffy Summers. I want to catch that very instant when I slide myself inside of her. Disappear inside of her.
"Oh god... Faith... please... fuck me... please..."
She looks like she might cry if I don't comply with her wishes.
So I do.
Slowly, ever so slowly, I push my finger up inside of her. She is so wet, and it's an easy glide, backwards and forwards, in and out. Still so slowly. The gentlest of rhythms. And I just can't stop watching this.
My eyes trapped by the image of what is happening.
She's starting to strain again, and I know she needs more. And it's so easy to turn one, into two. Two fingers gently fucking her... tight together as I push them in, spreading them apart when they reach their destination. Filling her, stretching her, making her mine.
Her hips are moving with me, keeping pace, but eager for more. My eager little B.
I want to taste her again, but I don't want to stop watching. I could watch this forever, her so open for me, me so aching for her.
I bring my thumb up to brush across her clit, and she bucks so hard, that for a moment I think she's gonna cum right there. I pause for an instant, I want her to wait, `I' want to wait. I'm savouring this.
Her moans are becoming more frequent, the rhythm of her hips more insistent. I know she's trying to keep the volume down, but I don't care. I want her to make noise for me, I want to hear what I do to her.
She looks so beautiful in this instant. So hot, so fucking horny and so god damned fucking beautiful.
"I love you B..."
And I don't know where that came from, or even if I was thinking it. But the words are there, and I mean each one of them.
I can see the sweat running down between the breasts I haven't even touched yet, the nipples standing firm, maybe wondering when it's their turn. And I want them.
And I have them.
Raising myself from my position of voyeur, I take one into my mouth. Rolling it around, biting gently.
And the bite makes her buck again, makes her moan again. So I repeat, just a little firmer, not too hard, no where near soft.
And I can't do this anymore. I have to fuck her. I have to fuck her hard.
I move attention to the other nipple, not even bothering with the soft, tender foreplay. I suck it into my mouth roughly, releasing with another bite, at the same time ramming my fingers so hard and deep inside of her, pushing to places I've yet to reach. And now she's lost sense of volume, cos she is screaming, and I love it, and it spurs me on... harder, faster and always more.
Her mouth is calling to me, and my tongue enters there with the same forcefulness I'm fucking her pussy. I want her. I want all of her.
And it's frightening how hard I'm pushing her, what I'm demanding from her... yet she takes it all, she takes it and returns it, one leg raising up to wrap around me... urging ever deeper, ever harder... her hands wrapped around my neck, pulling my mouth onto her, her own tongue duelling with mine, with such intensity...
And I know, I know she is almost there... I can feel it starting... can hear her breathing losing control... her heart pounding so loud... the stopping of the `kiss'... the head thrown back... and the words so sweet to my ears...
"Yes Faith... oh god... that's it... I...
And everything else is lost, because I push so hard with that final thrust... she doesn't have the sense for words... her whole body tightening... straining... clenching...
And finally releasing.
And now she moans a little, the softest sweetest of moans as she rides out the climax... bringing herself down... collapsing against me... her body spent.
"Holy fuck..."
Exactly.
I slide my fingers out of her, and she is so tight. Almost holding me prisoner, begging me to stay.
"That was..."
And I don't know what to say... because I can't even think what that was.
"Uh-huh."
But I'm glad that she agrees.
I kiss her. Just pressing my lips against hers, because I need the contact. I don't ever want to break this contact.
Ever.
And there's pounding on the fucking door.
Always. In this fucking house there is always something!
"Buffy!?"
And I know she can't answer.
"Er... Buffy's in the shower, Dawn... uh, what ya wanting?"
"The bathroom would be a good start... then I want to know why Buffy's been screaming in the shower for the last ten minutes, cos all us girls, we're getting worried downstairs... can ya just check she's ok... maybe peek round the curtain..."
"She's fine Dawn. She uh..."
"Save it Faith... I stopped being ten a long time ago..."
"So you'll understand when I say piss off then, yeah?"
"I `need' the bathroom!"
And I want to ask whats wrong with a bucket, cos I spent some time in solitary... and I know they work fine.
"Just a minute..."
And I look at B, all sated and satisfied looking. Good job she's a little out of it still... I think she would freak if she understood fully, that her sister and all the house guests had just heard our little performance... or `her' little performance.
I don't even think that half of them know. I guess they do now.
"Hurry up!"
"Fuck off!"
"Faith!"
I get that in echo. Dawn and Buffy. I think she must have come round.
"Sorry!"
God damn it. I hate this house.
I re-robe B, and lead her out of the room. Dawns just standing there looking so pleased with herself. If she wasn't B's sister... violence. Lots of.
"Oh and Faith?"
"What Dawn?"
Cold tone, like she deserves.
"Giles said to tell you he called Angel back, and that he'll be expecting you tomorrow. Ok?"
"What?"
And that time the echo is me and B.
Oh fuck.
Looks like I figured out my girl scout camping weekend.
I knew I should've taken option two. I am so stupid. Definitely stupid.
"Faith...?"
"Yeah B?"
"What the fuck is going on?"
And wouldn't I just love to know?
Faith's Pov
`What the fuck is going on'?
That is the million dollar question, right?
It's not really hard to work out. Obviously in my eternal wisdom of tuning out Giles, and my need not to own up, I have landed myself in all sorts of shit. And I think I might be in trouble.
Los Angeles tomorrow certainly wasn't in my schedule. Not in the slightest. My schedule involved... Buffy. Buffy. Maybe a side dish of Buffy. And a whole lot more of Buffy. Angel's cool and everything, and LA has it's advantages, but... Buffy.
She's looking at me now, still waiting for an answer. Well guess what? I don't have the fucking answers, cos I'm so fucking stupid. Ask Kennedy, she can vouch.
How can I explain, when I don't know what I'm explaining?
"I said, `what the fuck is going on'?"
I know. I heard.
"B, ya wanna take this in the bedroom, cos as much as I like you bitching at me out here in the hallway, I'm more of a privacy kinda girl."
"Bitching at you? You think I'm bitching at you?"
Dawn's still standing there, enjoying the show, and damn right yeah, I think she's bitching at me.
"Damn right I do, B. And now I'm asking you... can we take it to the bedroom?"
I'm not gonna lose it. I'm gonna keep cool. Count to ten. Whatever. If she insists on making me stand here, like an idiot in front of her sister though, then I 'may' lose it.
She glares at me. Glares at Dawn. And storms to her room. She leaves the door open, and that's my invitation to follow.
This is so fucked up. We should have been coming in here now to be together. To hold each other. To fuck each other. To love each other. But because of me, and my general idiotic-ness, she's pissed. Hell... I'm pissed.
"So Faith, tell me, when were you gonna mention your little trip to LA?..."
Maybe when I knew.
"...what was the plan?... fuck me a few times, get your rocks off, and split... was you even gonna stay the night..."
I was planning on staying a lot longer then that. And when she shuts the hell up, I'm gonna tell her that.
"...or was you gonna bail straight after the fun was over?"
Is this fun?
"B, if ya wanna calm yourself down for a minute, then..."
"Calm down? I am fucking calm."
"Will you shut up for just a minute?"
"Don't tell me to shut up, Faith!"
"I asked."
Jesus, I can not believe she is so pissed. This is bullshit.
"Whatever."
"Look, I was gonna say, I didn't know about LA, ok?"
And she so doesn't believe that.
"So Dawn is talking crap?"
"Dawn always talks crap... that's not the point."
"So what is the point, Faith."
"I didn't know... Giles was going on earlier, I wasn't listening..."
"And I'm meant to believe that?"
"No B, you're meant to stand there and call me a fucking liar! Of course you're meant to believe that."
What is her problem? I didn't fucking know!
"So how long is this little trip supposed to be for?"
"I. DON'T. KNOW!"
Why is she not understanding?
"Do not shout at me, Faith."
Oh icy tones. Yeah I really deserve that B. Thanks.
Deep breaths. Deep breaths.
"Look... B, I don't wanna argue, I didn't know ok... I still don't know, maybe I should go talk to Giles and figure this out...yeah?"
Good thinking. Put space between me and the scary, crazy, mad woman.
"Are you gonna go?"
"B, I don't even know what the hell it is, how can I answer that, when I don't even know?"
"So you are gonna go?"
"For fuck's sake, will you listen to me?"
I am really getting pissed now.
"I don't think I want to, Faith. From where I'm standing... you just fucked me, now you're telling me you're off to LA... and that's sposed to be fine... well it's not fine!"
"Can we cut the drama here? I'm gonna go speak to Giles... then I'm gonna come back, and then `we' can decide what's gonna happen, ok? Just chill out. I don't `want' to argue."
"And this is all about what you want."
I'm gonna let that slide. I'm gonna leave this room. I'm gonna talk to Giles. And then I might just fuck the hell off, cos I certainly didn't sign up for this bullshit.
"I'll be back in a minute."
"Is that via LA?"
"Funny."
I don't slam the door, cos I'm keeping my cool. One of us has to. I can kind of see why she's freaking... reverse the roles, I might freak. I would freak... but god damn it, I DIDN'T KNOW!
Buffy's Pov
I don't freaking believe this.
`I tried so hard, B... blah fucking blah.'
And she's going to LA. Tomorrow. What is my deal with people leaving me? Everybody leaves me, why should she be different?
I just thought... god, I thought this was real. I still think it's real.
But there is no way she is going tomorrow. There is no way that she is gonna come here, turn my life upside down, make me love her and then leave me. When Angel told me he wanted her to come back, I was so sure it wouldn't even be an issue. That we wouldn't have to have this conversation.
She said she loves me for Christ's sake. If she loves me why would she leave me. Why would she leave me now?
I think I might scream. And I'll just keep on screaming until she says she won't leave.
My god. In the bathroom just now. I have never, ever, even come close to that. The way she touched me, the way she made me feel. It was just so intense. So everything. And now?
Now I want to scream.
I want to keep calm. I know I'm acting just a little bit crazy... but arghhhhh. I love her. I need her.
She can not leave me. I will not 'let' her leave me.
Faith's Pov
"So why does he need me G? Can't we send one of the others... cos I'm not the only slayer here, right? There's a whole fucking house full of slayers... I don't see why I have to go?"
"Faith, calm down. There's really no need for you to get so excited."
"Well maybe you wanna go upstairs and explain that to B? Cos she certainly seems to be getting all excited about it."
Try excited with a whole heap of pissed. Nothing can ever just be easy.
"Look, why don't you ring Angel... uh, explain the situation to him, and see what he says."
"Explain the situation?"
He's not telling me to care and share with the dead dude over Buffy. That is just a little outside my boundaries. Or a lot outside.
"If he understood the... relationship... that you and Buffy have developed, then I'm sure he would understand that you can't be there right now."
"You want me to ring Angel and tell him I'm getting down and dirty with his ex-honey? You think he's just gonna be all comfortable with that?"
This is such crap. Why didn't I just listen in the first place?
"I really don't see that his comfort is an issue, Faith."
"Right."
"I also don't understand why not one hour ago you were agreeing whole heartedly to the idea, had you have said then, it would have saved this wouldn't it?"
Well sorry G, I was far too busy perving in my head, to listen to your crap.
"No shit? Ya think?"
"There's no need for sarcasm Faith. Just phone him."
"What-fucking-ever. Thanks for your `help'."
Have I mentioned that this is bullshit?
Just fucking phone him? Just fucking dust him... would save all the bother.
Finally I know the score. Hallelujah. Bring back the preacher, cos I wanna thank the lord.
Angel seems to think that I would go back there full time. I expect the fact that I did say that before I left, would make him think that. But I didn't know did I?
How the hell would I know that I was gonna fall in love, with Buffy, again? That she would do the falling thing for me? I sure as hell never expected it... certainly never asked for it. Sure I never wanted it.
Wonder why that could've been? Because it totally fucks everything up?
I should've stayed at the hospital with Ken, got my `thang' on with coffee machine guy, I'd probably be feeling a damn sight better then this right now. Yep.
God I don't know what to do. He's expecting me tomorrow. I told him I wasn't staying... not gonna happen. But he seems to think I `need' to be there, so he can do his bullshit big brother thing and monitor my redemption. Ha fucking ha. Why he thinks I'm all caught up on looking for forgiveness is beyond me. I'm not. Really not.
I fucked up. I paid. I'm doing the good shit now. End of. Fucking brooding idiot. I swear the only thing that guy needs to monitor is the pointy end of my stake, cos if I don't stake his heart, I'm gonna shove it up his ass.
I'm gonna go there tomorrow. Sit him down, tell him the sitch, and split.
Dude's a sell out anyway. Wolfram and Hart. Yeah... way to go Angel. Nice deal ya struck there... and how many devils hands did ya have to shake in the process?
And so what if he offered me all sorts of luxury, and hi tech slaying crap. Don't need it. Don't want it. Want Buffy.
So now I'm just gonna go back upstairs. Sit B down and have a nice civil conversation about it. No cursing. No shouting... and I sure as hell hope, no screaming.
"Well?"
Oh look, still icy. Great.
"I spoke to Giles, I spoke to Angel..."
"I didn't ask who you spoke to Faith... I want to know what's going on!"
"And I want you to stop speaking to me like a fucking two year old, B? Any chance?"
And there goes the `no cursing'. Me and my damn mouth.
"Don't play with me, just tell me what's going on!"
Play with her? What's that supposed to mean?
"You think I'm playing with you?"
"Are you going to LA tomorrow? That's all I need to hear."
Ok. Now I have to explain that yes, I am, but it's a flying, in and out, not even gonna stay for coffee kinda trip. The one where I explain to Soulboy that I'm staying here. In Sunnyhell, with Buffy. Can't wait.
"It's not that simple, B. I've just gotta go..."
"I knew it! I fucking knew it..."
And she broke my cursing rule too... she `has' managed not to shout or scream yet.
"... all that crap you gave me outside... what was that... the easy way into my pants?"
I am not taking that. Nope.
"I think you might wanna back that up there B. Maybe think about what you're saying, yeah?"
"I don't think I need to think about it. I think it's glaringly fucking obvious."
She has a mouth worse then mine.
"You do?"
"You tried so hard not to love me? So damn hard that you're leaving me. TOMORROW!"
And there's the shouting.
"I'm not leaving you, B..."
"No? cos usually, when someone leaves... it's called leaving!"
Can we rewind a couple of hours. My head is gonna explode in a minute. I'll be glad when it does.
"Will you please just shut the fuck up... just for two seconds, yeah? Cos if you keep this up, I think you'll find I'll be leaving right about now."
"Fuck you Faith."
"We already did that B, I'm gonna go with talking for now."
"How about this? There is no fucking way you are going to LA tomorrow. Ok?"
Whoa. No really, whoa. She didn't just tell me what I can and can not do.
"You think you can tell me what I can and can't do, B?"
"You are not going to LA tomorrow!"
This chick is tripping. I don't care who she is, there is no damn way she is telling me anything.
"And you think I'm gonna listen... you think I'm incapable of making my own choices..."
"We've seen your choices before, Faith... maybe handing over the reins wouldn't be such a bad thing."
Bitch.
"What the fuck is that supposed to mean?"
"I think we both know what it means."
And I think the gloves are off. I thought we'd left the past where it belonged... in the fucking past... and now this. Fuck you Buffy.
"You wanna turn this into something it isn't B? Cos I'm happy to let it go here..."
"I bet you are, you got what you came for!"
Who is this person in front of me? Would someone please bring back the girl I love.
"I got what I came for? You wanna elaborate?"
"You fucked Kennedy... you fucked me, I'm sure your quota's full."
"I'll think you'll find that you were the one with their hands down my pants first B, or did ya conveniently forget that?"
"Fuck you Faith!"
"And your point?"
"Fuck off!"
"That seems to be the best option."
I'm gonna snap. If she doesn't get her shit together, I am going to snap.
"I'm telling you Faith... you are not going to LA tomorrow..."
I've had it.
I'm done listening to this crap.
"I will go where the fuck I want, when the fuck I want... and if I wanted your fucking permission... oh wait, I don't want your permission..."
"I `said' you are not..."
I snap.
I didn't want to. I really didn't want to. But she brings out the best in me. Always has.
I get right up in her face. I back her up against the wall. And she's shut up now. Shame it's too damn late.
"Buffy... yeah, we fucked a couple of times, and yeah..."
I lean in real close.
"...it was really kinda nice... but I am telling you now, you do not fucking own me, and you will never fucking own me, and you will never get to tell me what the fuck I can and can't do..."
She opens her mouth to speak, but I don't give her the chance.
"... I am not, and never will be, one of your damn lap dogs, I won't roll over on demand... and if you don't like that, well then, hell... I guess me going tomorrow is the best fucking thing!"
Being this close to her is killing me. All this, and I so fucking want her.
She's teary eyed now, but this is not my fault.
She speaks, and I let her. But I don't back off, I don't leave her space.
And icy calm. That is what she gives me.
"Get the hell away from me, Faith. Just get the hell away."
I look at her. Her eyes, her mouth, her lips. And I kiss her. With everything I wanted to say, before this shit, I kiss her.
She kisses me back, and it feels like goodbye.
Pulling away and leaving the room is the hardest thing I've ever done. But I had to do it. I don't know what happened there. I really don't. A huge fucking fuck up.
I stand by what I said though. I will not be her lap dog. I love her. I told her I loved her. Why isn't that enough?
Just a couple of hours ago she swore she would wake up everyday and tell me she loves me. Because that's what I needed. That's what I wanted. Why do I think that's not gonna happen.
Buffy's Pov
I can not stop crying. I am such an idiot. Why the hell did I say those things to her?
Why did I have to keep pushing?
Because I was scared. Scared that she was leaving me... just like everyone else.
I never even gave her the chance to explain, to tell me. That's me though right? I've always thought I've known better then her, acted so superior to her. And now I've pushed her away
Job well done, Buffy. Congratulations.
The only thing I have to cling to is that kiss. Because that kiss says she loves me. Her words hurt, but I deserved them. Her kiss is what counts.
I need her so much, I want her so much, I love her so much.
And I am such a stupid bitch.
I swore that I would wake up every morning and tell her that I loved her. So tomorrow morning, after I've let her cool off, I will find her, I will say sorry, and I will tell her that I love her.
And I hope that, that, will be enough.
Willow's Pov
Oh dear. It seems I live in a house of discontent. And the walls are `really' thin here, so I know how content it was a little time ago, and now I know how un-content it is.
Fireworks. Lots and lots of. And not the pretty kind that make you go `oooooh' and `Ahhh'. Nope. Although the first round made me go `ooooooh'. In the bathroom no less. Tut tut, Buffy. I am `so' not cleaning the bathroom this week.
But the second round. Ouch. Much in the way of ouchies.
I always knew that those two couldn't be together without the sparks. There's `always' been sparkage, even when they were intent on killing each other. Definitely sparks.
I was cringing, visibly cringing, as I listened to their words. Buffy thinking she could tell Faith what she can and can't do. Never a good plan. Pretty silly plan really. Me and Tara were willing her to quit, but it seems our mind control powers just aren't up there with the Jedi types. And she didn't quit. Poor Faith. She was trying so hard to keep her cool.
I was shocked to hear her saying she was going to LA tomorrow, though. I wish Buffy had kept it quiet for just a minute, cos I really wanted to hear why she was going. I didn't think she would be leaving here. Ever. Curiouser and curiouser, indeed.
I don't know who I should go to. Buffy is my bestest friend, and I feel like maybe that's where I should be going... but then, who is gonna go to Faith. Who is going to see that she's ok? If Kennedy was here I wouldn't worry. But she isn't. So I do. And plus Faith can be kind of... volatile? Wouldn't want her to go all... I don't wanna say psycho... I know she's changed... totally changed... but... well, I don't wanna see her lose it. Not because of Buffy. Not again.
So yeah. Faith. I am going to go and see Faith. Then I'll see Buffy. And then I'll make them talk to each other... and then I'm gonna join the peace corps. Exciting new career. Could still come under the 'saving the world' category I suppose... but with less demons involved. Tara could join up too. Uniforms!... We would get uniforms, and I bet she would look so good in a uniform. Oh yeah, definite hotness involved!
Thankfully most of the house is quiet now. The poten... oops, the `new slayers', they're finally quitting with the overexcited squealing noises they've been making `all' day. And Giles and Xander have gone... notice they didn't take any girls with them... bah! Not fair.
She's in the basement. But that's no surprise. Probably got a lot of aggression to work out. A few muscles to unwind.
And Oh, she does look pissed. She's just wearing a pair of shorts and a... bra? Sports bra. Gonna go with sports bra. And I am not looking. Nope. God she looks good. Not `Miss McClay' goodness... but `oh wow' goodness, none the less. She is pounding on the punch bag. Sweating. Glistening. Mmmmm.
I better say something or she's gonna think I came to watch her sweat again. Which I wasn't doing last time, but `she' might think that. I might be kind of staring at her... but hello? Lesbian. Faced by hot girly sweatyness... you try not looking!
"Faith...?"
"Ungh?"
Grunted reply. So very pleasant.
"You wanna stop for maybe a minute?"
Now she's kicking the bag. Really kicking it. She is so pissed.
"No."
"Please?... just a minute... then you can get back to it, the destroying of the bag."
She looks at me, and for a sec, it kinda looks like she might kick me.
"Red, I am so not in the mood for this ok? You wanna come down here and bitch at me for upsetting B, don't bother."
I wasn't gonna do that.
"Hey, that's not why I'm here."
"It's not?"
"I think Buffy is old enough to take care of herself... and anyway, from what I heard, maybe she was the one doing the upsetting... not that I was listening... on purpose, but it was kinda loud..."
"Not my fault! Didn't wanna argue."
"Faith, calm down. I'm not here to go all blamey on you. I wanted to see that you're ok, that you're alright."
"That I'm not going psycho?"
"No!"
Well, maybe a little. But just a little.
"Did `she' send you down here?"
"Buffy? Nope. This is a one woman mission... secretive and all. Well Tara knows. But that's it."
"Right."
I don't really know what to say to her. It's not like we've overly bonded... sure we're friends, but close? Not crazily so.
"So, uh... thanks for the carry this morning."
That's it. Bond over shared endeavour.
"Not a problem, Red. Doing my job... and ya did call me cute, so it was worth it."
A-HA! She is smiling. `And' the eyebrows.
"Right. That was one crazy morning, huh?"
"Crazy day."
"Yep..."
"Fucked up day."
"You wanna talk?"
"I wanna split."
"No. You can't do that, Faith. You have to..."
"What is everyone's fucking deal with telling me what I can and can't fucking do? Answer me that Red? Three god damn years in prison... and it feels like I haven't left... should I check before I use the toilet... cos I can..."
"Sorry... I didn't mean to say that... like that. I just meant that you should wait and talk to Buffy, not just leave."
Oooops. Gonna have to watch my phrasing.
"I don't think I want to `talk' to Buffy."
"I'm sure she didn't mean to be so..."
"I don't care! I'm sick of being treated like shit by her... tonight, god... I fucking told her `I loved her'... and do you know how many people I've told that to?..."
Do I answer?
"...None! Just her. And now I've gotta wonder, what the hell was I doing?"
"Faith. You don't mean that."
"I don't?"
I hope she doesn't. My first mission in the peace corps is gonna be over pretty darn quick if she does.
"No. You're just... mad. Angry. And rightly so... but don't doubt what you feel for her."
She's pacing back and forth and I have to think of a caged tiger. All that `Grrrrr' just wanting to get out.
"I have to get out of here. I am not staying for another round of that. No fucking way."
"Ya don't think if ya just wait till morning, maybe things will be a bit calmer..."
"No. `I' won't be calmer. Ya know... when she was mouthing off, half of me just wanted to `do' her..."
"Kill her?"
Now she's looking at me like I'm crazy.
"No Red! Jesus... why does everyone think I'm hung up on the killing...? Over it ok?"
"Oh right... so `do' her meant..."
"`Do' her... `screw' her..."
"Ohhhh. That makes more sense."
"Does it? She was totally going off on me, Red... and I wanted to get down and dirty with her... crazy right?"
"No... when Tara's pissed at me... total turn on!"
"I can see how that would work... can't imagine your girl pissed, but I could see it would be hot."
You have no idea.
"Very hot."
"Stop side tracking me... yeah, so I have to get out, cos I need to think about this, I'm not just gonna take a roll with her, and pretend it's ok... cos it's not `ok'. You heard what she said... she thinks I just came here to fuck her... and 'that' pisses me off. Really fucking pisses me off."
Buffy is so stupid at times. This being one of them.
"Look Faith, I'm sure she didn't mean that... she's upset, what with the LA thing... and uh... what `is' the LA thing?"
"That's just it Red, there is no `LA thing'. Angel wants me to go back, stay there... I was just gonna go tell him I can't and why I can't... would've been gone and back, all in the space of a day... but would she fucking listen?"
"So you're not going to LA?"
I knew she wouldn't leave. I knew it!
"Well I wasn't. Now I'm thinking... maybe not such a bad idea."
"Oh."
Darn it.
"Will you drive me Red?"
"What?"
"Will you drive me... cos I could get a bus, but I can't say I wanna."
Buffy will kill me if I drive Faith to LA. Dead, kill me.
"Err... I don't know, Faith."
"Don't worry about it. Bus it is."
And now I have to make a choice. I hope I live through it.
"No, Faith. I'll drive you."
"You sure, cos if it's difficult I can get..."
"I'll drive you."
"Now?"
"You want to go now?"
"I really don't wanna have to see her. I need to think things through first. You get that?"
"I get it."
Buffy is going to more then kill me.
"Ya know, Red, you're a damn good friend."
Might be a short lived friendship, this time tomorrow, I'll be dead.
"I just gotta tell Tara what's going on, ok?"
"No sweat, I'll get my shit together."
"You're sure about this?"
"No. But then I'm not sure about lots of things... wouldn't wanna break a habit."
This isn't how I wanted things to go. But then I'm pretty sure this isn't how Faith wanted things to go either. And at least I can talk to her on the drive. Persuade her to sort things with Buffy. This peace corps thing is real hard work. I'm definitely reconsidering my `exciting new career'.
I explained things to Tara. She is gonna be ready for the fall out in the morning. Maybe try and dissuade Buffy from killing me.
Me, I'm going on a middle of the night road trip.
This day is going to go down in my personal history as one of the strangest ever.
Early morning magic. And not just garden variety magic... oh no. Big scary crazy magic. The school going bang. Buffy going bang, and then not being banged. Although to be fair, she did get `banged'. Thin walls, remember?
And now this.
Maybe the peace corps can send me abroad?
The really stupid thing, the stupidest thing, is I know how much they love each other. Buffy today, waiting for Faith... talking in my room... she so has it bad for the girl. And Faith... it's obvious she feels the same.
So why do they make it so darn hard for each other?
I still wish I could bang their heads together. Knock some sense in.
But this is their problem, and they have to sort it by themselves.
I just hope they can. I really, really hope they can.
Maybe the LA thing will still be a flying visit. Buffy can... I don't know, but she can do 'something'. And then Faith will come back, and then all will be well.
Oh so simple. I wish!
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