POV Rosemarie

I seriously wonder about my sanity right about now, Lilah told me a lot of things, things I really didn't want to know. I had no idea of anything, the very idea of the things she told me have me feeling completely unbalanced. It's not everyday you find out your daughter isn't dead, but alive, and a vampire slayer, and has no clue she has a family. And it's also not everyday you find out your daughter aligned herself with evil and tried to help demons, killed people, was in a coma, hired herself out as an assassin and then went to prison for Murder Two, and was sentenced to 25 years to life. Then again, she broke out to help save Angel and the world, so she can't be quite as bad as Lilah tried to make her sound.

I take a deep breath and head into the madness, and I must say, I am woefully unprepared for what is about to come.

I knock loudly on the damaged office door, the group of people hugging in front of me breaks apart and I'm staring into the face of my daughter. In that instant I know it's her, she looks at me like she doesn't know me because she doesn't know me. I wonder what happened to her, I want to rush forward, to hug her and never let her go, but there's something in her eyes which tells me that would be a very bad idea. A tall, dark-haired man comes over towards me and asks, "May I help you?"

"I hope so...I'm Faith's mother."

Faith looks at me with amused disbelief, he looks at me panicked, as do most of the others, she doesn't seem to notice though. She laughs slightly.

"Yeah right lady. I don't know what you are trying to sell, but believe me I ain't buying it. And for the record, I've already done the whole evil British watcher thing, and believe me that was much more convincing."

I have no idea what the hell she is talking about, but some of the others seem to know. The dark-haired man tries to usher me out the door, "If you'll just come with me, I'm sure we can straighten everything out."

His plans are thwarted as Lilah walks in the room behind me, she wanders into the middle of the room, turns to Angel with a wide grin, "Oh come on Angel, this could be really fun..." She turns towards Faith, "You want to know what's going on don't you?"

Faith rolls her eyes at Lilah and asks her, "Shouldn't you be burning in eternal hellfire about now?"

Lilah grins back, clearly enjoying causing turmoil. "Yeah, probably, but this is going to be a whole lot more fun."

"Oh yeah, why's that?"

She laughs, "Your friends are lying to you Faith, they don't want you to know that this woman really is your mother. The Watcher's Council stole you from your family...took your memories gave you new ones...really rather nice of them, giving you all those repulsive abusive memories...everybody knew about it...go ahead, ask Angel, maybe he'll tell you the truth now..."

Everyone seems to freeze. They all look back and forth at each other; Faith looks at them in disbelief. Her eyes rest on the blonde girl I saw her with yesterday, the girl looks worried and my daughter looks angry. The staring contest is broken up when Angel reaches out to Faith, she backs up a little so she's out of his reach. She looks at him not really wanting to believe he knew this, like she can't believe he would let her down. She shakes her head at him and then quickly walks out the door right past me. Angel just as quickly follows her out.

I turn and watch as Angel calls her, "Faith! Wait..."

She turns to him, upset and accusing, "For what? You knew?"

"Yes, I knew."

"That's just great...trust you, right?"

"Look...I just found out for sure this morning, we were meeting to discuss..."

"How to handle me? How about just telling me the truth? Is this the big thing you didn't want to tell me the other day? You know you talk a good game about trust..."

"Faith...I..."

Angel breaks eye contact and Faith sighs disgustedly, "Whatever..."

She walks up the stairs and out of sight, the blonde goes to follow and Angel grabs her arm, "Give her some space Buffy..."

All right, I've had enough of this, the last thing Faith needs is to be left alone right now. I start walking toward the stairs where Faith went and the vampire, and I guess Buffy move in front of me, blocking my way. I give them a stern look and they both back away slightly, if it had been another time I might have been amused, but instead I say, "That's my daughter, I'm going after her. Just try and stop me..."

Angel looks like he might still want to stop me, but the girl, Buffy, looks at me curiously for a moment. I can see the comprehension dawn on her face as she says, "You really are her mother aren't you?"

"Yes, I am, and if I know my daughter, she's probably up on the roof, so, I'm going..."

Buffy and Angel exchange a look, I can tell there is a lot of silent communication going on between these two. After a long moment, Buffy nods slightly and they both finally step aside to let me through. I walk right between them and up the stairs; Angel calls out directions to the roof as I keep walking.

I step out onto the roof, and I watch her, she is leaning against the ledge, staring off into the distance. I just want to go to her and hug her and tell her everything is going to be all right, but she's not five anymore. I seriously doubt she'd believe me nor would she let me get close enough to touch her. I want so much to hold her in my arms, to feel that she's really alive, but I know this cannot be about what I want, this has to be about her. I let the door slam shut to let her know somebody is up here with her. She spins around so fast, and she asks, "What do you want from me?"

I step as close to her as I dared, I don't want to cause her to run or God forbid, jump. I tell her, "I don't want anything from you, I just want to talk to you."

I can tell she wants so much to believe, she wants to believe I'm really her mother, but she's extremely upset and she practically whispers, "What do you want from me?" Her tone is less threatening; it's more timid and scared, she's afraid I'm going to hurt her. It's heartbreaking for me to see her so distressed. For the hundredth time in ten minutes I wonder what the hell has happened to my sweet little girl? I know it's silly to call her a little girl, she's 22 now, but forgive me, I'm a parent, to me she'll always be my little girl.

I indicate the picnic table and take a seat, "I assure you Faith, I want nothing from you, just to talk."

She watches me take a seat, she's still apprehensive, but her curiosity is getting the better of her. Even with everything she's been through, I guess some things can't be changed, like the kind of person she is, naturally curious. She was always the curious one, always wanting to figure things out; she really hated not knowing things. I remember we threw her a surprise party when she was thirteen, she was mad at me for weeks afterward. Normally a surprise party is a happy event, but not for Faith, she was extremely upset about it. She felt stupid that everyone knew about the party and she didn't. I tried to explain to her that's where the 'surprise' part came in which just caused her to be mad for another week.

She finally asks, "Is that even my real name?"

"Yes..."

She watches me warily for a few more moments before asking.

"Why'd you name me Faith?"

For a person who is so mistrusting, I can understand why she might ask that question. I smile slightly because I know what her reaction is going to be, like I said, some things can't be changed.

"I named you Faith because I thought it was a pretty name..."

She rolls her eyes at me, same negative reaction she gave me the first time she asked that question and I laugh, and she eyes me suspiciously.

"What's so fucking funny?"

My smile fades quickly when I look into her eyes, they are as cold as steel, I can see her body is tense, her hands are clenched into fists, one wrong move and I'm thinking I'll find out in a hurry about slayers. I make sure to keep my tone of voice calm, soothing, I need to keep her here as long as possible. I need her to know I'm not the enemy, I'm not going to hurt her.

"You reacted the same way the last time I told you, you were about ten years old at the time and thought your name wasn't...'cool enough'."

She watches me for a few more minutes and then cautiously takes a seat at the table, far enough away so she could make an escape if I made any sudden moves. I knew she'd need a little bit of reassurance, which is why I sat on the side furthest from the door.

"If I'm your kid, how come you never came to look for me? If you're so into being my mom, you wouldn't have given up on me..."

I want to lie, I want to tell her that I never gave up, I kept looking for her, but that would be mostly for my benefit, an attempt to alleviate my guilt. However, it doesn't matter what I feel or how I feel, it matters how she feels. "I didn't give up on you, at least at first..."

"I knew it. If you cared about me so fucking much, you would have found me. God, did you even fucking look..."

"Yes we did look, and if you'd let me finish, I'll tell you what happened."

"Fine...whatever...nobody's stopping you..."

"The morning you disappeared, we had been arguing, you wanted to go to college here in California..."

She laughs at this, but it's not a happy sound, it's angry and bitter, "Yeah, right...I wanted to go to college, lady I didn't even get to finish high school..."

I shake my head at her, voice calm, tell her the truth, always the truth. If she caught me in a lie it wouldn't help either one of us, so even though I might wish to present my information in such a way as to make myself look better I won't. For the last five years I've been beating myself up over everything that happened, over not calling the police sooner, over not knowing my daughter was into drugs. That really hurts the most, the lies I actually came to believe about my daughter, the things I knew weren't true, couldn't be true, but I had no alternative but to believe. I have always felt like I let her down, that I wasn't a good enough mother, oh, the things that go through your mind when you lose a child. All the mistakes you have ever made when dealing with them, all the times you lost your temper with them, all the times you yelled at them instead of hugging them seem like failure to you. You think that if you had only known how much time you had with them, you would have done things a lot differently.

"I don't know what you've been told, but it's completely inaccurate. You graduated from high school, unfortunately you did it early without telling us which was another thing I was upset about. I made you take some classes at BU; I didn't want you sitting home doing nothing until school started in the fall. You and I argued the morning you disappeared, you wanted California, and I wanted you a little closer to home. The last time I saw you, I dropped you off in front of the BU Bookstore, we were still pretty angry over the argument so we didn't even say goodbye. You were supposed to meet me later for lunch, but you never showed up, I called your father but you hadn't spoken to him either. I didn't think much of it, I thought you were still angry with me, so I didn't do anything. It wasn't until later that afternoon when Luke's school called and told me you hadn't picked him up that's when I knew something was really wrong. No matter how upset you might have been with me, you would never take it out on Luke."

"Who's Luke?"

"He's your younger brother."

She smiles a little at this and asks, "I have a little brother?"

"You have four brothers to be exact, three older, one younger."

"Four? What are they're names?"

"The oldest is Brian, he's 25, then Mark and Matthew, they're twins and 23, then you and then Luke, he's 15."

She frowns at me and asks, "What are you, some kind of bible freak or something?"

Bible freak? "Um...no, not especially, why would you think that?"

"Um, Matthew, Mark and Luke, and then you named your daughter Faith, gee I don't know why I thought it."

I laugh slightly, "I guess you have a point, although I never really gave it much thought."

She takes in the information and sits for a moment, "So, I didn't show up, doesn't really explain why you gave up..."

She's really not making this easy on me, is she? I continue the story where I left off. "I picked up Luke from school and went home and called the police. They weren't all that concerned, after all you were 17, they just figured you were out being a teenager. And once they found out we had an argument, they classified you as a runaway. I argued with them, told them you wouldn't run away, they just told me that parents were always the last to know what they're kids were up to. I was frantic, I just knew something had happened, so I called your brothers and Jessie but they hadn't heard from you. We all spent hours out looking for you, I called every single person you had ever hung out with or mentioned and then I went and spoke to him or her personally, but none of them knew where you were either. This horrible nightmare went on for the next few weeks and then the worst news came. The police thought they found you, I was so hopeful that it took a few moments to realize they meant they found a body."

I try hard not to cry, I can't quite pull it off, nothing is as upsetting as seeing your child, lying cold, and dead in the morgue. The inane comments the morgue attendants make trying to ease your pain, they have no idea. They don't know that the pain and anguish is just beginning or maybe they do and there isn't anything they can do about it. How empty the words are, how numb you feel when they are followed by words like suicide and drug overdose. Again, what a failure you feel like for not knowing your child was suffering so much as to take their own life and you knew nothing. You'd think it would make you realize to pay more attention to the other children in your life, to not let them feel the same way, but, it doesn't always work the way you think it should.

"Your father and I went to the morgue, and we thought it was you, she looked...exactly like you, right down to the tattoo on your right arm and the mole on your left hip."

That piece of information seems to have upset her again, "How do you know about that?"

I can't help but tease her a little, "I'm your mother, I gave birth to you, I changed your diapers...Would you like me to go on?"

She looks away rather embarrassed so much like her old self, yet so completely different. "No...please don't..."

I try to sneak in a question, "So, is Buffy your girlfriend?"

She looks a little taken aback but then smiles slightly and challenges me, "Yeah, you got a problem with that?"

I stare back at her, calling her bluff, "Not at all, I've known you liked girls since you were 15..."

She falters slightly, frowns at that piece of information. Then she gives me another challenging smile; "I was in prison..."

I smile back again, "I know..."

Again with the challenge, "I killed someone..."

OK, now I get what she's trying to do. She's trying to push me away, by telling me all the bad things she's done. Trying to see if those things will make me want to leave her, will make me love her any less. I just smile and say, "I know what you're trying to do Faith and it's not going to work. I know all those things about you and I still came here."

She thinks about it and then sighs, "It was an accident..."

"Well, of course it was."

Her eyes flash with anger as I said it, but almost as soon as I see it, the anger disappears. I wonder why that comment upset her so much? I don't dwell on it, probably best to keep the conversation going.

"It must have been hard having to own up to it, knowing it was an accident. Knowing you couldn't tell the police how it happened or what you were really doing at the time."

She looks a little distressed at this description of herself, so I continue quickly, "I know you are a...vampire slayer..." We might as well get that out into the open because I don't ever want my daughter to think she has to hide anything from me. I'm not quite sure of everything that being a vampire slayer entails, I'm sure there will be aspects of it that I will absolutely hate, but it's who she is, so I'll deal with it.

She looks a little proud to be called a vampire slayer. She smiles slightly, "Buffy is one too."

"Oh, that's great, two of you fighting is safer than one, right?"

She looks at me thoughtfully for a second, then says, "Yeah, well, there are about a thousand of them now so that has to be even safer."

She's nervously playing with the ring on her finger and I can tell there's something she really wants to know, but seems rather reluctant to bring it up. I sit patiently waiting for her to get up the courage to ask whatever it is she wants to know. This rather reminds me of other difficult conversations we've had, the whole 'coming out' conversation comes to mind, I hope I don't have to wait two hours for her to open up this time.

"So, my...my dad is still around?"

I try to decide how much information to give her about her father right now. These past five years haven't been easy on him, she was always 'daddy's little girl'. Four sons, and yet it was his daughter that shared his love of history, cars and sports. It's hard for me to remember how devastated he was, how much he cried. To me that is the most heartbreaking thing you can ever witness, a man crying. It's even worse when he's crying over the death of his daughter. "Yes...he...he misses you..."

She looks really distressed and asks quietly, "Is he a...a good man?"

"He's a great man...Why would you think he wasn't?"

Anger and bitterness seem to take over as she says, "I have memories of growing up, and believe me they don't include any good men...certainly not my father, not my mother's boyfriends, or my step-dad... And the mother I remember, was a fucking drunk who beat me on a daily basis...and she knew what they were doing to me and she didn't do a damn thing to stop it..."

I try not to act upset at the things she's just told me, although it's killing me on the inside. The utter disgust I feel at the people responsible, wondering what kind of people would make her think she had suffered like that, that she had been abused like that. I don't want her to think I pity her, or feel sorry for her. I have a feeling she won't take it well if I patronize her.

"I assure you Faith, the real childhood you had wasn't anything like you're describing. Nobody beat you, nobody touched you, nobody hurt you, your father and I love you and your brothers very much."

For a moment I think I might have finally gotten through to her, but I realize I'm wrong as I watch her go from nearly believing me back to being suspicious and angry. "Why now, huh? Why try to find me now if you thought I died five years ago?"

Again I want to lie, but I don't. "I wasn't trying to find you. I'm just here in LA for a literature conference over at UCLA, I just happened to look out the window and I saw you yesterday, with that girl Buffy. Since then, I've done nothing but go crazy worrying about you, trying to find you."

We sat there for a long while, every few minutes she'd ask me a question, while I tried to gain as much information as I could, which really wasn't easy. She always liked to answer questions with questions, she tried to see how many times she could get away with it in a single conversation. She liked being difficult at times.

We both turn as we hear the door open, a dark-haired young man steps outside, I recognize him from down in the office. He looks at us and asks, "Everything ok out here..."

Faith asks him, "Let me guess, you drew the short straw?"

He laughs, "Yeah, if anything bad was happening I was told to shriek like a girl."

She smiles a little at that, "Well, as I recall you are pretty good at it..."

"OK, as I told you before, it was more of a bellow, not a shriek, and there's heavy research mode going on, and I didn't get my eye fixed just so I could read through dusty books ya know."

"What are they researching?"

"Ways to reverse spells..."

"What if I don't want that?"

I try not to get upset at her words, I'm sure she doesn't really mean that. She's just searching for something she can control, since everything is seemingly out of control for her at the moment. The boy seems to be taken aback by her comment as well.

"Hey, I'm just the messenger...I'm not gonna be running back and forth relaying information."

"Actually Xander, that's usually what a messenger does."

"Well sure, if you want to get all technical about it..."

Xander looks back inside the door; then says, "Buffy wanted you to know if you want her to come up, she will..."

"She trying to get out of research too?"

"Yeah, she's trying to convince us she's retired from researching...she might still slay, but research is out of the question..."

A hand comes out from behind the door and smacks him in the head. He gives Faith a sheepish shrug as he rubs the back of his head.

He moves farther away from the door, out of arm's reach I'd suspect. "Ok...General Buffy is back and it's so much less pleasant than last time...and I honestly didn't think it was possible, but now she's committing acts of physical violence. So ya have to help us Faith, cause your girl is driving us nuts."

Faith laughs and shakes her head, "You do know she's gonna kick your ass for that right?"

He just nods. Faith turns towards me and asks, "Not that it matters but do you care if Buffy comes out?"

I would prefer if she didn't, I just want to keep this between us, but I'm pretty sure having Buffy around will make Faith more comfortable. "I don't have a problem with it."

She says to Xander, "Yeah, tell her she can come out..."

I take the opportunity to ask, "Have you and Buffy been dating long?"

I think I caught her off guard because she answered that question rather easily. "No, it's just been a few days..."

The boy goes back inside and there is a loud 'bellow', "Ow...that hurt..." I assume that is poor Xander getting hit for his comments. A second later, the door opens again, I can see Xander rubbing his arm as Buffy steps out onto the roof. She walks right over and sits down next to Faith, she keeps her eyes focused on me as she leans over to her and asks, "She hasn't tried to melt your brain yet, has she?"

"No, but she did get me to join a cult, but it's all good, cause when the next comet comes around I get to go to the moon..."

"Cool...when you get there, tell the moon men to stay there."

"Seriously?"

"Unfortunately..."

I just sit and watch the exchange; it's just as bizarre as the last exchange. Buffy extends her hand, "We haven't really met, I'm Buffy Summers..."

I shake the girl's hand and introduce myself, "I'm Rosemarie Christos..."

Faith interrupts, "I'm Greek?"

"No, you're Albanian and Danish..."

Faith rolls her eyes and looks at Buffy and says sarcastically, "Well that clears things up..."

Buffy looks confused; "You're not British?"

I laugh a little, I've had to answer this question a lot over the years, "Well, long story short, I was born here in America, then I was brought up over in London, mostly by nannies. Then I went to University here in the States, where I met my husband and I've lived here in America ever since."

"Nannies? What are you rich or something?"

"Quite...Your grandfather made a lot of money in the oil business."

Faith replied, "You really shoulda opened with that..."

"I'll have to remember that next time..."

Faith laughs slightly in spite of herself then adds, "So, what do you do, hang out at the Country Club all day, thinking of ways to exploit the poor, working class?"

"We usually only do that on the weekends, during the week I teach Literature and your father teaches History."

Buffy smiles and asks, "Oh...you're a teacher...where do you work?"

"My husband and I both work for Columbia University, in New York."

Faith looks really confused and asks, "You don't live in Boston?"

"No, we moved. After everything happened with you, we just couldn't stay there any more. Your brothers had a really hard time being in the house, constantly being reminded you weren't there. Luke took it the hardest, starting getting into trouble, hanging out with the wrong crowd. So after much family therapy we thought a change in location would be a good thing and we packed up and moved to New York."

Buffy turned to Faith and smiled, "You have brothers?"

"I guess...four of 'em..."

I reach into my bag and take out the picture I have of my sons and I hand it to the girls. I was about to tell Buffy their names when Faith did it; it was almost like she really remembered them. I'm not sure if it was her remembering or if she was just lucky because she named them all correctly even the twins without even missing a beat.

POV Faith

I look over at the woman claiming to be my mom, I'm still not sure what to believe and I'm trying hard not to think about the Council's involvement. I guess that's progress, a few years ago I woulda been on a plane to jolly ole England, ready to track down anyone who wasn't lucky enough to have exploded.

Buffy asked her, "What was Faith like growing up?"

Good question. What will this woman say about me? It should at least be interesting if not the truth. The woman replies, "She was a handful, always with an endless supply of energy, always running around trying to keep up with her brothers."

I'm a little shocked, it's like a light bulb just went off in my head, and I have to find out, "You used to call me..."

Before I get a chance to finish she smiles, "My little firecracker..."

I smile slightly because I remember her calling me that, not the poor excuse for a mother I have memories of, but this woman sitting right across from me. I remember it was summertime, we were at a park or something, and she was sitting on a bench talking to some other older woman. I heard her call me that as I running around laughing with some older boys. "I remember that..."

Wait a minute, I can't believe I was so stupid I didn't do this before, I reach out and grab her arm, I'm actually kinda stunned at first, cause she actually has an arm. Just as quickly I let go, suddenly I don't want to be here anymore. It's just too much; I need get away for a while. I get up quickly and walk toward the door; of course Buffy won't just let me leave and asks, "Faith? Where are you going?"

"I just...I can't...I need to be alone for a while..."

POV Buffy

And there she goes. I want to follow her, be with her, I want to be the one to comfort her. And perhaps more importantly, I don't like being stuck up here with her mother, I look back at her and I wonder what I'm going to say to her. I've never had to answer for the things I did to Faith, the things we all did to Faith. Nobody in Sunnydale ever gave a shit that I tried to kill her, and feed her to Angel. Nobody even really minded the fact I was doing it to get revenge, not to save Angel. I wanted her gone. Nobody even tried to stop me, not even Giles, who you'd think would have said something. I guess the Watcher's Council spell worked like a charm because we just ignored her and treated her like she didn't matter, like it was ok to kill her because nobody gave a shit.

Her mother asks me, "What happened to my daughter?"

And I can't help it, I feel so guilty and miserable everything just comes pouring out of me. I told her about the Council and the spells, about stabbing her, about her helping us defeat the Mayor and completely ignoring her when she was in a coma, pretty much everything I did to her. Up to and including me punching her in the face when all she was trying to do was help me. I've never told anyone the things I told her, and when I'm done I'm completely shocked. She's not angry with me; she doesn't seem to hate me like she should. She gets up and sits next to me; then she does the most amazing thing, she hugs me. I'm reminded how much I still miss my mom and all that comes out too. I just completely break down and let everything go.

After a long while I just ask, "Why?" I can't help wondering why she would do this for me? Why would she care about the asshole that stabbed her daughter?

She brushes the tears from my face and says, "You looked like you needed a hug. You know, this isn't your fault Buffy. You both were just kids, things happened that neither of you could have ever been prepared for. I cannot imagine how difficult it must have been, being so young and in charge of so much. It's almost too much for an adult to handle, and there you both were, barely 18, in charge of protecting the world. Given all that power and all that responsibility, it is no wonder things went so badly. Not to mention the fact that this Council seemed to be hell bent on pitting you against one another, the entire situation was they're doing. Thankfully you've forgiven each other, worked things out, and now...you're dating each other."

OK, complete panic, what should I say? Would Faith want her mother to know all this? Will her mother freak out and leave? I don't wanna be the one responsible for making Faith's mother leave, cause it would just completely devastate Faith. So much for nobody caring if Faith is gay or not. That theory just goes flying out the window, but I guess I'm really easy to read because she says, "It's fine, she already told me about the two of you before you came up. And we already knew she's gay and it's not a problem, we are completely accepting of it."

Wait a second, Faith is gay? But Faith slept with guys, lesbians aren't supposed to sleep with guys, right? Oh God, I almost feel sick, they tried to make her straight, I guess the Council would have frowned at having a gay slayer. Wouldn't want to tarnish their pristine operation, now would they. I'm so angry the First took out the Watcher's Council cause it would have been a pleasure to do it myself.

OK, where the fuck did that come from, I try to push those thoughts away; I wonder why I'm so angry, why my first thought is to kill? I'm really worried right now; I never used to feel like this before I... And the way I went after Anya, I didn't even give it one second of thought, and I sure wasn't broken up about it. Sure it's my job to defeat the bad, but it was Anya. And let's not forget I killed those first watchers, even though it was completely unnecessary, I had already gotten away from them. I wonder and not for the first time since coming back from the dead, what is wrong with me? What's happening to me?

Faith's mom gives me another hug as I try not to have a panic attack about these feelings. After a few minutes I got myself back under control, if you could call it that. We spent another little while talking, and then I brought her downstairs to talk to our resident experts, the last remains of the old Council. Giles and Wesley didn't have much to offer her but a promise of more information in the morning. She seemed reluctant to leave, but in the end she thought it would be best, she thought it would be better for Faith if she went back to her hotel. She didn't seem all that happy to be leaving Faith here with two ex-members of the Council, but I promised her Angel and I would look out for her and make sure she was ok.

POV Faith

I walk down the stairs, intent on going to my room, which would seem kinda weird to some people. You'd think I'd be trying to run as far away as possible, well, not if you knew me. If you knew me you'd know this is the thing I've been wanting for my entire life, a family. And a mother who actually cares about me, kinda makes me wonder if I wanted it because I've never had it or if I wanted it cause I missed it when it was taken away. I try not to think about it though, because thinking about this stuff has me thinking some really dark thoughts, thoughts a normal people wouldn't even consider.

I also couldn't leave Angel, cause yeah; I kinda owe the guy. He's always been there for me, the last three years anyway. I'm trying not to be upset that he didn't tell me about this whole family deal earlier, I suppose he had his reasons for not telling me. Maybe he didn't wanna get my hopes up without having proof, he's always looking out for me, like a brother is supposed to. Which is another thing, three older brothers, I wonder what that was like? Were we close, did they like me, did they... Ok we're not going there, I can't go there.

Back to the safer topic of Angel because I know what he's about. He's proven it to me again and again, he cares about me. And so he deserves my trust and respect, cause any time I needed him, he was there. It kinda felt good to repay him a little, got my ass beat but good trying to save him, but hey, I lived to tell the tale, so it couldn't have been that bad. I'm about to open my door when he jumps out at me, "Hey!"

After my heart starts beating again I yell at him, "You know, you'd think with a whole hotel full of antsy slayers you wouldn't be jumping out at one, mighta got staked."

He gives me a goofy look, if I had been in a better mood I might have laughed, then he says, "With what? You don't..."

Before he finishes he's got a stake pointed at his heart, he looks slightly nervous, but says rather calmly for a vamp in his predicament, "OK, so you do have a stake with you...good...really."

I just smirk as I put it away. He says in the same calm tone of voice, "Wanna talk about it?"

"Hmmm. Do I want to talk about it? Um...I'm gonna go with...NO!"

His turn to smirk as he grabs my jacket and pulls me back down the hallway, "Too bad..."

POV Angel

I know Faith doesn't want to talk about it, but she really needs to, otherwise she'll just sit around thinking about stuff she shouldn't be thinking about. Or she'll just go on and pretend everything is ok, and I know with everything that has happened today it would be impossible for her to be ok. I want to help her, I need to help her, and helping her helps me make amends. Amends to the dark-haired girl that I once loved with all my heart, my sister, Kathleen. The sister whom I left abandoned and all alone with people who didn't care about her at all, nice way to think about your parents huh? I was so stupid back then, I should have stayed home that night, I should have been the brother that she needed, that she loved. But no, I didn't, I was selfish, I left her and went out drinking again and got turned.

And as Angelus I killed everyone in my family...except for her, believe me it wasn't from lack of trying on Angelus' part. He wanted her dead in the worst possible way, but she bested him every single time. I'll never forget the last time I saw her; she had gotten away from Angelus for the last time. He couldn't waste any more time trying to kill her, he needed to leave town quickly, he was a wanted man. I remember how she looked at him from the safety of a neighbors house and said, 'In case Liam is still in there somewhere, I want him to know that I love him and I forgive him.'

That really pissed off Angelus, but him being him, he soon forgot about her. Of course I didn't think too much of it either for the next 247 years, it wasn't until Faith came and took Wesley. I was more than ready to give her what she wanted, what she was looking for, then out of nowhere I remembered my sister. I stood outside the door to the apartment where Faith had Wesley tied up and I remembered my sister saying that to me. Every horrible thing Angelus did to her wearing my face didn't matter, she forgave me, she still loved me. I killed our entire family, she most likely wound up a servant somewhere, or worse, but she forgave me.

I couldn't be there for my sister, but I could certainly be there for Faith. So everything she had done in her past was forgiven, her track record with me started fresh from that moment. And ever since that night, I have treated Faith as I would my sister Kathleen. Faith would probably tell you it's creepy, this sister fixation I have for her, but don't let her fool you, she loves every minute of it.

She sits down on one of the kitchen chairs with a loud exaggerated sigh, "What?"

"What is it you always asked me for? Every single time I came to visit..."

She just shrugs, playing it cool, I know she remembers, but I'll let it slide and answer for her, "Pancakes..."

Now she laughs slightly and gives me a look of disbelief, "You're gonna make me pancakes?"

I nod sincerely; I've been practicing making pancakes since she first went to prison. Wesley and Cordelia thought I'd lost my mind, not to mention the fact they wouldn't eat the first couple hundred, I'll admit they did look rather sad and completely inedible. After a few thousand I started to get the hang of it. I knew one day Faith would finally finish with her self-imposed imprisonment and I'd be there to make her pancakes. It didn't quite work out exactly the way I had hoped, but we're here now.

She looks skeptical, "A vampire making pancakes...no scratch that, a vampire making a vampire slayer pancakes..."

I nod again, giving her the super goofy grin, and she just shakes her head, "We're...not like other families..."

She watched me make the pancakes, it was almost funny the way she hesitantly took the first bite, as if they'd be horrible or something. When she finally realized they weren't horrible, she ate like 5 of them. I even ate one myself, although I can't taste it, nor do I need it, but it was nice to pretend if only for a moment that we were just brother and sister enjoying pancakes.

After we finish cleaning up, she knows it's time to talk, I know she's not looking forward to it. She's got that antsy look about her, like she could either fight or run away. I was about to start the conversation when she said, "Tell me something about you..."

Normally I would think that was a little strange coming from her, but I guess it makes sense, she saw some of my past while we were drugged, must have made her curious about me. But it's always interesting to hear her reasons so I still ask her, "Why?"

"Because we always talk about me, I'm always the topic of discussion. For once, I think you should take the hot seat, you should have to tell me something."

"I've told you plenty about me..."

"Yeah...I know all about 1750 Ireland, not that I'm not thrilled to have that information, really...I just...tell me something you saw that happened. Something I might actually know or have possibly heard about."

I wonder what I could tell her, what would Faith want to know about. She knows lots of stuff, she's not as uneducated as she pretends to be, but she likes to keep that quiet, she likes having an advantage. I knew she wasn't stupid, but I was completely thrown when the books Faith borrowed from Wirth were delivered to the hotel. No high school drop out I've ever met would be able to read them, nor would they want to, but that's my Faith, completely unpredictable.

I finally settle on a story I think Faith might actually enjoy, "Oh...um...ok...It was 1932 Chicago, Wrigley Field, it was the third game of the World Series, it was a bright and sunny day. I was safely hidden beneath the bleachers on the first base side..."

Her eyes get really big as she interrupts my story, "You saw the 'called shot'?"

I grin, cause I kinda figured she'd enjoy a baseball story. We've spent lots of time talking about sports, the Red Sox, the Patriots and Notre Dame football, and although her 'tommyboy' played for Michigan she still digs Notre Dame. I swear they shouldn't let immates watch daytime talk shows, especially the Rosie show, but that's another issue. "Yep, who's telling this story you or me?"

"All right...I'm sorry...It's just...WOW...Even though he like shoulda stayed with the Red Sox, and I fucking hate the New York Yankees, it's still kinda cool..."

I grin at her because Bostonites never change their tune, not once in 85 years. They're always bitter about Babe Ruth and the Yankees; I gotta hurry and start this story before she starts her rant about 'No, No Nanette'.

"OK, it was one out in the fifth inning, the score was tied 4 - 4, the Bambino steps to the plate, now he had already hit a home run earlier in the first, a three run shot off Charlie Root, so you really didn't think he'd do anything else. He takes a called strike on the first pitch, he kinda acknowledges it with a hand up, like he's saying, I got this. Then Root missed with the next two pitches. The fourth pitch again gets called for a strike, Ruth puts his hand up, again. By this time the entire crowd starts taunting him, it wasn't like today though, nobody threw stuff, they were all just yelling and screaming. They had plenty of ammunition cause he missed a catch in the previous inning. You cannot believe how loud it got, suddenly, Ruth takes his bat and points it at the centerfield wall."

I make the gesture with the spatula, she laughs and rolls her eyes at me.

"The gesture makes the crowd simmer down, everyone there knew he was calling his shot. Don't let the reports tell you anything different, I was there and I say he called his shot. I think Gehrig was the only one in the game to acknowledge it was a called shot, Ruth never said another thing about it. So, anyway, he points to the centerfield wall, he readys for the pitch, he takes a viscous swing, and blam, it arced toward center field and went over the wall near the base of the flagpole. It was amazing, and I've seen lots of things, but that was really...something. And as a short footnote, Gehrig came up and hit a home run too, but I think Root was just numb after seeing that, I mean, who wouldn't be. He just got called out in front of hundreds of people, of course he always denied it. He always said if he knew Ruth was calling his shot he woulda sat him on the next pitch."

She's smiling for the first time since her mother showed up, it's a great genuine smile complete with dimples, and I really like when I get one of them from her. "Dude! That is an awesome story, I can't believe you never told me that before. That's like...wow..."

"I know, it's really cool. Hey...did you like the poster?"

More smile, it must be my lucky day or something, "Yes...my tommyboy...I'd have his children if he'd just ask me..."

I roll my eyes, "Yes, I know Faith, you only told me like a hundred times, and you signed all your emails that way for a month before the Superbowl, and after..."

"I was hoping you could work that out for me..."

Her smile slowly fades and I believe she's ready to talk about it. There's the telltale hitch in her breathing, the playing with the ring on her finger, the looking directly at the floor and nowhere else. The way she fights her emotions, not wanting to cry but not being able to do anything else. "How can you make this better?"

I take a step closer to her, to remind her it's ok to let go with me, that I'll never leave her; I'll never hurt her. That gets her, she steps to me and lets me hug her. I know it's the only way. If she doesn't initiate the hug, I can't touch her. It's her past, the things she thinks happened to her, all the men who took advantage of a sweet, shy, little girl. Those things didn't really happen, I can't tell you how happy I am that they didn't occur. Hopefully those false memories will fade over time and won't cause her any more problems. I just hold her crying form and tell her, "That's the best part, I don't have to do anything, it already is better."

"H-how?"

"Because she came looking for you. If it was the mother you think you had, would she have come here, looking for you, looking to make things better?"

"N-no...She wouldn't put me out if I was on fire."

"Well, see...it's already better."

"What if...what if they did stuff...what if they..."

I just pull her tighter and tell her the only thing I can, because I don't know, "Then you'll deal with it. Just like you've dealt with all the other stuff, and you'll have people to support you. You'll have me, you'll have Buffy and the others, they all want to help you now. You won't be alone, I promise you."

We stayed like that for a few more minutes, her letting me hold her, letting me tell her it's all going to be all right. When she finally pulls away, I make a joke to lighten the moment, "Yeah, that's a good idea, don't want any slayers who might be your girlfriend to get the wrong impression, I might end up with a stake in my back."

"She wouldn't do that..."

I don't really want to bring it back to serious so soon, but maybe it's what she needs right now. Maybe some worry for somebody else will help her deal. "You sure about that?"

I let the question hang there, wait for Faith to acknowledge it. Of course I could be waiting for a really long time, this is Faith we're talking about. So I add, "You saw her this morning, and you've worked with her for a few weeks, don't tell me you don't see it..."

"No...I don't..."

I just look at her skeptically; "Sometimes you're a really bad liar Faith..."

"Fine, whatever, it doesn't matter, I'm not telling her. She has no fucking clue and I'm not going to be the one to take it from her. Don't you think I've hurt her enough? You know what, how about you tell her since you seem to know so much."

Although this isn't exactly what I meant and she knows it, we do need to address this too, so I'll let the other thing slide for now. "It's going to come out. She'll find out eventually, these things always have a way of being discovered. Don't you think she'd rather hear the truth from you instead of finding out some other way?"

"Oh yeah, these things always are discovered, huh? What about Connor? If things always get found out anyway, why'd you do it?"

I just sigh because this conversation isn't going where it needs to go. "I did it because I love him Faith. I did it because some day if he finds out he'll understand I did it for him, I was looking out for his best interests."

"Well, there ya go then. Ditto..."

Grrr... I love her dearly, but she can be so damn irritating sometimes; and she knows I hate it when she uses my life against me in an argument. I'll let it go for now, but I know I'm right about this, Buffy will find out. I just hope it doesn't go as badly as I think it will.

POV Buffy

After her mother left I went in search of Faith. Heh, heh! In search of faith cause it's like I'm not really looking for a person so much as a belief...um...my mind is very weird sometimes. She wasn't up in her room where I'd thought she'd be; instead I found her downstairs in the kitchen with Angel. I wonder what they were arguing about, whatever it is; Faith is really upset by it. Then again, with everything going on, it's really no wonder she's upset. I'm upset and nothing happened to me. They see me, they stop talking, Angel smiles at us and then makes a quick exit, I guess he knows about Faith and I. That's good, cause I didn't want to have to be the one to tell him about us. I walk further into the room; I look up at her and say, "Hey..."

"Hey yourself..." Our eyes meet briefly, I can tell she's been crying, I wish I could have been the one to offer her comfort, I wish I could be the one to make her feel better. "She left...she thought you'd be more comfortable if she went back to her hotel."

She just nods at that, but won't make eye contact. I come over closer to her, standing as close to her as I could without touching her. Being this close to her feels kinda dangerous right now. I feel her emotions, right now she's trying to decide, fight, flight, or...um...fuck, which one will it be? I try to hedge my bet; I gently tuck a strand of her hair behind her ear, letting my finger slowly trace down her jaw as I say more quietly, "Hey..."

All of a sudden I'm pressed up against the kitchen counter, her mouth is on mine, her tongue slides into my mouth. I groan deep in my throat at the sudden contact, which just seems to spurn her on. She moves quickly to my neck, I give her all the access she needs; her mouth and tongue are so hot against my skin. I'm so not used to feeling warmth in kisses; I forgot how good warm feels. I barley notice her hands between us working the buttons on my shirt, she kisses me again, our tongues dueling as her hands slide along the newly exposed skin. Her touch is fleeting, gentle, her hands move up over my ribs, then she slides her thumbs over my nipples through my bra, oh god...that feels so good. I want her so bad.

The floor beneath us starts to shake, and all I can think is, 'how is she doing that?' After she takes a step away from me and looks around, I finally realize it wasn't her, it's an earthquake. Have I mentioned how much I hate my life as a slayer? Well too bad, I'm going to say it again, "I really fucking hate this job."

We both go to take off toward the main hall; she stops me before we reach the door.

"Um...might wanna button up your, uh, shirt..."

I quickly re-button it as she gives me a sheepish shrug and a little embarrassed smile; I laugh slightly at how cute she looks right now and off we go, ready to fight the forces of darkness yet again. I know she's just as keyed up as I am, I feel sorry for anything evil that might want to attack right now, cause it's gonna meet two very pissed off slayers. Hopefully we can dispatch it quickly and get back to what we were doing.

When we reach the main hall, we follow everyone's gaze toward the back wall of the hotel where a shimmering portal is starting to form. The floor and the walls are still shaking and I hear Angel say, "Not again." I guess this type of thing happens a lot here. A huge flash of light has us all shielding our eyes, Faith and I are at full slayer alert, both wondering what the hell we are about to be fighting, cause only bad things come out of portals like this, and I shudder at how right I am.

A voice we all recognize says, "You guys don't look upset. Hello! I died! I died fighting your stupid battle, the least you people could do is look upset."

Xander is the first to speak, "Anya?"

Faith is the first to react though, she takes her arm and pushes Anya slightly, I guess she's checking to make sure it's not the First. I can't help but laugh at that; she shoots me a look.

"Yeah, first time I don't check, you watch, it'll be the First and you'll be wishing I had checked."

After we all get over the shock of having one of our own back, even if it is Anya. We sit down to find out the how's and why's. I seriously hope she's not a demon again because I'd hate to have to try to kill her again. It is nice to see Xander happy though, God I really hope she's not a demon. And thanks to Faith we at least know she's not the First, so yay! Go team.

Next