POV Dawn

Anya's back...wow. I wonder how long Buffy will let me stay here, she sometimes sends me away within five minutes of Anya being around. I guess it's because of all the sex talk, but I already know about it. She acts like I'm still a little kid, like I'm not supposed to know about sex. Hello...I'm in high school, I've heard worse in the locker room; I've heard worse stories from Johnny Morgan. The guy I had to sit next to in Geometry, he always had some wild story about his weekend. Usually involving hookers and/or strippers, I knew they weren't true, but he kept telling them anyway. I guess he just wanted people to pay attention to him, and hey, I can relate to that.

It's not easy being around Buffy and her friends; they either treat me like I'm ten or ignore me altogether. Out of all of them, there was only one person who never did that to me and that was Faith. She always talked to me like I was an equal, not some stupid little kid who didn't know anything. If she thought I was doing something wrong, she never yelled at me or lost her temper; she'd just give me something else to do. Like when I questioned Buffy about Xander's state of mind, it must have really been bothering Buffy cause Faith asked me to check in with Giles. She did it quietly and quickly without bringing attention to whatever stupid thing I said or did.

I'm really glad she's back, well I wasn't so happy at first, but I'm really happy now, I missed her a lot. We really understand each other, I guess it's because we both know what it's like to be ignored by Buffy and her friends.

I remember the night I kicked Buffy out of the house, the night I told her she had to leave. The night started out really great, going to the Bronze, having fun, hanging with Faith then everything went downhill very rapidly. I felt horrible at what I had done to Buffy, telling her to leave, I know I only did it for her own good, but still. I remember after everyone went to bed, I still felt bad, I needed to talk to somebody. Everyone was busy doing his or her own thing, so I went to the only person I knew would listen to me.

Flashback of the night in question...

Oh god, what did I do? I shouldn't have sent Buffy away. This guilt is making my stomach all upset, feel like I'm going to be sick. If anything happens to her because I sent her away...I can't even finish the thought. I need to talk to somebody, somebody who can do something; I need to talk to Faith. We need to check up on Buffy, make sure she's ok. As I come down the hallway I see Robin close the door to Buffy's room, crap... Now what am I going to do? You know what I don't care, I need Faith and it's my house so I knock on the door.

The door opens just a fraction and Robin asks, "What?"

"I need to talk to Faith..."

"Well, she's a little busy, and shouldn't you be in bed anyway. You can talk to her in the morning."

Suddenly the door opens wider and Faith says to Robin, "Don't you dare talk to her like that, this is her fucking house. As a matter of fact, I think you should be leaving, perhaps it's past your bedtime."

Robin says, "But..."

Faith gives me a wink and turns back to him, "Bu, Bu, BYE!"

For a moment I swear it looked like Robin wanted to hurt us, and at that moment I had no doubt that he could. Faith doesn't seem to notice or maybe she's just not worried. Although that might be a bluff cause he looks damn scary at the moment, but he doesn't do anything, he doesn't say a word, he just walks past me and goes down the stairs. He's got to be pretty angry, hope he won't be my principal after the apocalypse, cause I might be in some trouble if he is.

Faith walks us out on the back porch, she lights up the tiki torches Xander stole from one of the neighbors, which is good cause it's pretty dark out here. We probably shouldn't be outside with everything that's going on, but I just wanna be outside, there are way too many people inside. Also, I don't want them to hear me talking about Buffy, they won't understand. I watch Faith as she lights up a cigarette takes a long drag off it then asks, "What's on your mind, kiddo?"

"I...well...um...I hope I didn't interrupt you and Princi...um...Robin..."

She laughs a little, "No of course not, he's really not my type..."

I look at her in disbelief, "Yeah I can see how you might say that, he's smart, funny, attractive..."

"And totally creepy..."

I laugh slightly cause he is kinda creepy. I'm glad I'm not the only one who thinks so, Buffy seems to think he's ok, even though when we researched him we found out nothing. It's like before Sunnydale, he didn't exist, I think that makes him highly suspicious. So his mom was a slayer, big deal it doesn't explain why he has basically no past. And I'm not buying that he didn't know what was in that box, everybody was busy worrying how to get Buffy back after she jumped into that time portal. But I was focused on him, he didn't seem surprised there was a portal, nor that a demon had switched places with her. Yet, nobody wanted to listen to me when I told them all this, you know just because I'm young doesn't mean I don't know anything.

"Yeah, he is totally creepy." I can't help but laugh a little as I add, "Buffy went out on a date with him..."

Faith smiled, "See, reeeeally not my type then...So come on...spill...what's the problem?"

"I'm worried about Buffy..."

She sighs and takes a seat next to me, "Yeah...me too..."

I can't help but cry, "What if...what if something bad happens to her, it'll be all my fault..."

She quietly put her arm around me, rested her head against mine, "Nothing bad is gonna happen. She'll be ok; big Sis is quite capable of taking care of herself. And by now, I'm sure Spike is with her, he'll be there to make sure she stays ok...And don't worry in a couple of days she'll be back. Hell, she'll probably wake up tomorrow and realize she left me in charge and come running right back."

I just nod slowly; I'm really not too convinced. Faith gives me another quick squeeze before letting me go. "I'll tell you what, once it's daylight, we'll have Willow try and track her so we can make sure she's ok. How's that?"

I guess that's ok, daylight is only a couple of hours away, and Faith is right, Buffy can take care of herself, and I'm sure Spike is with her, although I'm not sure that's a good idea. Buffy has been acting really wacky when it comes to Spike lately, and Spike has always been wacky when it comes to Buffy. But what do I know, I'm just a kid, right? I look over at Faith and she still seems distracted by something, I know she's just as worried about Buffy as I am, which isn't as weird as it sounds. Although I'm certain Buffy is responsible for that bruise on Faith's cheek, and yet Faith is still worried about her, I wonder what that means.

Seeing the bruise makes me ask, "Does your face hurt?"

Typical Faith pretends it doesn't bother her, "Nah...it's fine..."

I can't help but grin as I say, "Well it's killing me..."

I knew I shouldn't have said that, I knew that would be a big mistake, in a second she's on me, tickling me, "Why you little..."

I remember how Faith and I spent the rest of the night talking and joking around about stuff. Well, ok...mostly it was me talking and Faith just sat there smiling, listening, making funny comments. She made me forget how bad everything was, at least for a little while. I look over at Buffy and Faith, I see they are sitting really close together, their legs are touching, they keep exchanging nervous little glances with each other. I watch them for a few minutes and I blurt out, "OH MY GOD, Buffy and Faith are dating? Oh wow, that is so cool..."

OK now everyone is staring at them, opps...I can't believe I just said that outloud. Giles just spurted tea out of his nose, wow that was cool too. Willow and Xander are grinning at them and Buffy and Faith are both turning red. WOW, I never saw Faith blush before...that's kinda funny.

Then Anya turns to them, "Yes, and don't forget Buffy, give her lots and lots of orgasms so she'll stay away from my Xander."

Again more blushing from Buffy who tries to look toward Faith for support, boy, that's a mistake cause Faith grins, "Lots and lots..."

Faith gets a punch in the arm for not helping her, but she's still laughing as she rubs her arm. So is everyone else, even Angel seems to find this funny. Apparently Buffy doesn't think it's so funny, she glares at everyone until they stop. "Ok, yes, fine...Faith and I are dating, anybody got a problem with that? Anybody else want to comment on my sex life...Anybody?" She looks at everyone pointedly and when nobody says anything, "GOOD! Anya why are you back?"

POV Faith

I can't believe we got outed by the pipsqueak. It seems to have gone pretty well, nobody seems to object. Other than the rather large bruise starting to form on my arm, things are looking pretty good. Although Wesley's shirt has seen better days, thanks to Giles and his tea. I'm still a little freaked about all this me and Buffy stuff, but she takes my hand and gives me a wink, let's me know she's got no problems. Which is all that matters, as long as she's cool with it I could give a rat's ass what everyone else thought, well, except for the kid, I'm glad she's ok with it.

It seems Anya is finally ready to explain how she's back here among the living, "Oh...I'm back because the Powers made me an offer I couldn't refuse..."

She looks around at all of us like she's waiting for something, then sighs, "Pop culture reference...and I even used it correctly..."

Xander gives her a big smile, like it was an accomplishment or something, that chick is really weird, she just might actually be the perfect woman for Xander.

"Ah...yes...very nice Anya, we, uh, are all sure to be proud, can you tell us the offer?"

Thank you Giles for getting vengeance chick back on topic or we could be here all day, cause she's sure to start on her ode to Xander in about...oh five seconds. I'm sure that will inevitably end with me getting more bruises, which I'd like to avoid if at all possible.

"They told me I could spend the rest of eternity in Hell or I could come back and help. Make some amends, try to make up for a thousand years of vengeance. Of course I jumped at the chance, the chance to do something for myself and I get to be with Xander."

They exchange a smile, and I'm kinda happy for them, and I don't begrudge anyone trying to make amends. Again it's Giles who gets her to focus, "What is it that you will be doing, uh, exactly."

"I'm supposed to help, supposed to relay information from them. Wait...I have a list of the things I'm supposed to tell you..."

She pulls out a notebook, flips it open, she turns a couple of pages, seemingly reading it to herself instead of telling us stuff. I wonder how long that list is, I wonder how long this is going to take cause I'd prefer to get Buffy alone in my room. I have some unfinished business with her and I'd like to get back to it. I so wanna..."Ow..." Buffy just hit me on my bruised arm.

All right, that's it, this reading of emotions thing officially sucks right about now. Those feelings are supposed to be private and not get me hit. I think I'm going to sit somewhere else, somewhere out of arm's reach. I look around for another open seat, but her grip tightens on my hand and I realize I'm outta luck, guess I'm going to have to behave myself.

"Anya...could you perhaps read them outloud?"

"Wait a minute Giles, I'm trying to get organized."

She flips a couple of more pages, "Oh, here's some interesting facts, Buffy and Faith are soul mates...their souls are connected. Oh...and Dawn is part of both of them, and..."

OK, what!? "Um...what?"

Dawn asks, "I have two mommies?"

Anya nods, "Yes...Buffy already knew this..."

Everyone turns to look at Buffy as do I, I just cross my arms and I give her a look like 'you've got some splaining to do'. "Whoa...hold on...Buffy didn't know this. Buffy is just as shocked as everyone else..."

They all go back to staring at crazy chick, like they're watching some sort of tennis match, but I keep looking at Buffy. She's trying really hard not to look at me right now, too bad that doesn't really matter cause I already know she's lying. From the shocked looks on the other's faces, I'm guessing she didn't tell them the truth either. Then again, I can kinda understand why she didn't, it's kinda unbelievable, actually it's totally unbelievable. I'm sure if she had told me, there is no way I woulda believed it.

"But the monk told you...oh, no, wait...I see here, I wrote that the monk should have told you...opps..."

I just roll my eyes at Anya. Dawn makes her feelings known, "Wait...so now, not only am I related to one slayer, I'm related to both of them? Damn...there goes my social life...not just one overprotective slayer, now I got two...life is so not fair. All I know is one of you better get a good job cause I'm definitely gonna need therapy."

Buffy nods at her thoughtfully, "Maybe we can get a family discount, or maybe they offer group rates."

"Wait...so when the monks took a part of Buffy's soul to make Dawn, they also took a part of Faith's soul. I guess that explains why it looked like Dawn might be a potential. Being the product of two slayers, I can see how some of that energy would come over." Willow explains a little further since Anya doesn't seem to be paying any attention to us right now, too busy giving Xander crude sexual hand gestures. Goddamn that chick is horny, she takes horny to a whole new level of horniness, a level that even I have yet to achieve.

Dawn continues to complain, "Meanwhile, my social life is on the critical list..."

I can't help but tease her a little, "Cheer up kid, there are lots of people who don't date until they're 40..."

Giles has his glasses off, and is rubbing his temple like he's got a massive headache. With this group, I'm sure he's had lots of headaches over the years. "Is there anything else Anya?"

"Yes, the Powers have decided to back a new champion." She looks over at Angel, "Sorry Angel, they can't support you while you are the CEO of Wolfram & Hart, they know you will continue to fight for them, but they can't provide you with help. Your connection to them has been severed."

I look over at him, wondering how he's going to take that news. Knowing his connection to them was Cordy, I wonder what that means for her. We're on the same wave length cause he asks, "What does that mean for Cordelia? She helped them and now what? They're just gonna let her die..."

"She's negotiating her own deal with them, I don't really know much about it."

Apparently not wanting to dwell on the whole Cordy subject because that could lead to some questions he probably doesn't want to answer. He asks, "So the Powers are gonna back Buffy now?"

"No, they aren't going to be backing Buffy, the Powers chose Faith. And wherever Faith goes, I have to go. I'm her connection to the Powers."

Huh? What? The Powers chose me? Wait a second...did she just say...Fuck! I really don't wanna be stuck with Anya for any amount of time, "Whoa...wait a freaking minute...don't I get a say? A vote? Something?"

Buffy snickers at my new predicament, while Anya just glares at me as she scoots closer to Xander. Ok, this whole Xander thing is seriously starting to get on my nerves.

"I don't like it any better than you do Faith, believe me. But the Powers seem to think you deserve this or something, they really like the way you manage to save the other champions. The way you were so willing to sacrifice your life for Angel's..."

Uh-oh, I quickly try to change the subject and I cringe at my lame attempt, "So, uh...did ya meet Elvis?"

Anya won't be deterred, she's like some unstoppable force, she just won't shut the fuck up. "They like that you managed to save Angel, yourself and fight the Beast. Of course they think you're a little crazy, a slayer going up against the Beast, that was just...crazy. No slayer would ever be able to defeat the Beast especially the way you went about it, but they admire the fact you tried anyway."

Ok, maybe she won't mention anything else. Maybe she's done giving out the information, maybe this won't be as bad as I thought.

"They also liked how you saved Buffy..."

OK, it is possible that Anya only knows about the last time I saved Buffy...

Everyone looks confused, Buffy smiles at me slightly, takes my hand again and says, "Yeah...Faith saved me when we were fighting the First..."

Anya shakes her head, "I wasn't talking about that, although she did save you there too. I meant..."

Oh fuck...why can't I ever catch a fucking break. I know I have to do something to stop her; this is not how Buffy should find out. "Anya!"

She stops and looks at me weirdly, but I don't care, at least she stopped. I know everyone is staring at me, Buffy included, I try not to look at any of them. But the damage has already been done because Buffy asks, "What are you talking about Anya? When else did Faith save me?"

Anya looks back and forth between me and Buffy, I just shake my head no, but Buffy is persistent not to mention angry, "Don't fucking listen to her, I think I have a right to know."

I try to reason with her, "Buffy don't..."

She gives me an angry look, which stops me in mid-sentence. I understand completely, she wants to know, and she's angry with me for not telling her myself. I know she won't be dissuaded, so it's useless to argue. Slayers really don't like to be kept in the dark; it goes against our nature or something.

"Faith saved you from Hell, your soul was really stuck inside a Hell dimension. You contacted Faith in a dream and she saved you. Well, she didn't personally save you, the rest of us did that, but she convinced Tara you needed saving, and Tara put the idea in Willow's head, and five months later, we brought you back from Hell. I don't know why you thought you were in heaven, those two places couldn't be any more different from each other."

Angel and I exchange a look, I really hate how right he was, he knew she'd find out. Although he couldn't have imagined it would happen so soon, I know I didn't. I look at her, her hand has slipped from mine, and she's confused, I can feel it. She gets up and walks around for a minute, I stand too, not knowing how this is going to play out.

Somebody calls out to her, "Buffy?"

She's not paying attention to anything; I feel flashes of terror, and pain. She's remembering, and it's not going to be pleasant. I know because I remember what happened to her there, it fucked me up, and I wasn't the one who was physically in Hell. She's pacing, faster and faster, images of her suffering, her torment are coming back to her, her emotions are coming faster and faster, I can hardly keep up with them all. Pain, horror, anguish, misery, all those horrible emotions just keep building and building, and then nothing, poof, all her emotions just vanished. It's like she's completely gone, I don't feel her at all right now, I don't feel her emotions, I don't feel our slayer connection, I feel nothing, I feel empty, if I wasn't staring right at her, I'd think she was...dead.

She turns toward me, the look in her eyes, it's pure hatred, and I really can't stand that it's directed right at me. I had hoped never to be on the receiving end of one of Buffy's hate filled stares ever again. But I know it's not really her, I get that she's not in control right now and truthfully, I'm not all that surprised. I kinda knew that she had something in her that wasn't supposed to be there, and now it's decided to come out and play. I was lying before when I said I didn't see it, I've seen it since the moment I came back to Sunnydale. The first time I looked into her eyes, I knew something was wrong, she was...wrong. But she was getting better ever since the Hellmouth imploded, she'd be so close to being her old self I'd think I had imagined it, then she'd do something to remind me, but I guess there's no denying it now. I had hoped there'd be another way to fix this--that it could be done without her even knowing about it. I say the only thing that comes to mind.

"Fight it Buffy..."

"Sorry...Buffy's not in any condition to fight right now." She...it...laughed at us, "I just need a little more. So? Who wants to be first?"

I see Willow starting to move, ready to do something. I don't know how I know, but I know whatever she's planning would be a grave mistake. I practically growl at her, "Don't do it! Whatever you were thinking, just fucking stop..."

I don't want to sound like my old self, I never wanted to be her again, but right now, I think it's my only option, the only way to do what I know I have to do.

"Aw...Faithie...let the little witch play...she's a more formidable enemy anyway...you're kinda like nothing. And say, isn't that what your mother used to say about you...you're nothing..."

"Oh...pulling out the mother jokes now are we? Seems a little elementary school doesn't it?"

"Don't act like it doesn't bother you Faith...you forget I know, I know what you told her. I know how you're feeling about it; you can't hide that from me. I know you're pathetic, I know you let your mother die, you let your watcher die and now you can watch Buffy die too..."

I push back all the guilt I feel about those things, all the hurt and pain those words bring me. I try to remember that those things probably didn't really happen, those memories aren't real.

"You won't get whatever it is you need...I won't allow it, so how about you just give up. Let her go..."

"See, that's your problem Faith, always so fucking overconfident, always thinking you knew everything. Kinda how you managed to stake a human, isn't it? You are nothing but a screw up, you can't do anything right, and as Daddy used to tell you, there's only one thing you're good for."

Everything I ever learned in therapy goes down the drain as I feel myself slipping back into the girl I used to be, because it's easier, it's what I know, it's how I deal. I just keep repeating 'I don't care' over and over again, cause I know if I say it enough, I'll start to believe it.

"Nice walls you're trying to build up, too bad they won't help you, I'll find a way to get through them. I'll just keep this body and feed off you...Or maybe killing you is the way to go..."

The thing occupying Buffy's body, strikes out at me, hits me in the face; I fall back a little from the force. I hit her back with as much force, knock her back a little. I gotta let the instinct take over or I'm done, it'll win, it'll get what it needs and I can't let that happen.

It stops and stares at me, trying to gauge my abilities, it knows I can move just like it can. It decides to go after someone weaker first and it lunges toward Dawn, I lunge at it. There is a flurry of activity now as the fight is on in earnest. I'm on it now, trying to pin it down, trying to get it to stop, it roll's us over and it's on me, it's hands...her hands wrapping around my throat, so willing to kill me. It brings back all those memories from the rooftop, her wanting me dead, and me hoping she'd choose me over Angel for once. Making her decide: slayer or vampire, the killer in me or the killer in him. I struggle to remove her hands; her grip is too tight, I know I have to do something quick before she chokes me to death. I try to punch her, but it doesn't faze her, I don't have enough momentum to make a dent.

Angel jumps in and kicks her off of me. She's up in an instant and has moved onto him next, she punches him and knocks him back, I take the opportunity to take her legs out. She goes down hard, Angel grabs her and throws her toward the wall, I wince when I hear the thud of her head hitting the wall. She gets to her feet slowly, shaking slightly, seemingly out of it and he goes after her again and I know it's a mistake, it's what she wants. I see the stake come from behind her back, I see the grin spreading across her face, I know he doesn't see the stake, he has no fucking idea. Why is he moving so slowly?

I push him out of the way and get the stake that would have dusted him, in the shoulder. Good thing he's taller than me, if we were the same height, I'd be dying just like Allan Finch. Wouldn't that have been some more poetic justice for me, huh? She slams me hard into the wall, my shoulder throbs as she pulls the stake back out, fucking A that really hurts, why does it always hurt more on the way out? That makes me angry, I embrace that anger and use it to kick her back from me, then I punch her with as much force as I can muster. It knocks her away from me and onto the floor, the stake goes flying out of her hand and slides across the floor, Xander grabs it and backs away. She's up in a flash, she looks towards Xander, thinking about it, but she knows what I know I can't keep this up much longer, not with a shoulder that's bleeding this badly. My blood is running down my arm, dripping onto the floor. I know Angel is trying hard not to lose it, slayer blood running freely has to be driving him nuts. Out of the corner of my eye, I see Wesley with the tranq gun, thankfully it's still here and loaded for bear. I circle around her, make her move so her back is to Wesley, cause I don't want her to see it coming.

I sincerely hope Wesley has better luck hitting Buffy than we did trying to hit Angelus. The first shot hits her high on the shoulder, it doesn't stop her, she doesn't even know she's been hit. She punches me hard in the face, I punch her back, just trying to buy some time and she keeps coming. The second shot hits her in the back of the thigh, still not stopping her. She punches me again and this time I lose my balance, damn, I'm slipping on my own fucking blood. Somehow that seems really wrong to me. She kicks me hard in the ribs knocking all the wind out of me, and jumps on top of me; I guess third times the charm because it hits her in the ass and she finally just slumps on top of me. A few seconds later Wes and Gunn are pulling her off of me, and help me to my feet, I look at them.

"Shackle her and put her in the cage downstairs until we figure out what we're dealing with..."

They just nod and start to move her, Angel is already gathering the shackles, I guess I'm slayer in charge again, lucky me.

POV Faith

Buffy's gone...Buffy's gone...every beat of my heart is saying the same thing over and over again. Why does everything always have to get fucked up? We were doing so good, things were going so well. I sit there watching the monitors, watching Angel chain her up, feeling that sense of déjà vu all over again. I remember the last time I watched Angel chain her up...I try not to think about it.

I wince as Wesley pulls another splinter out of my new stab wound; another stab wound courtesy of Buffy. I embrace the physical pain though; it's easier to deal with than the emotional pain I feel right now. I watch Fred on the monitor taking her blood, guess she's gonna run it through the lab at Wolfram & Hart. I watch Buffy lying there, looking so much like she's just sleeping, so much like everything is fine. I can't help but wonder if I'll ever get to hold her again, or if I'll ever get to tell her how much I love her, how much I need her.

The Sunnydale gang is all sitting quietly, trying to comprehend what has just happened to their chosen one. I look over at Dawn; she's calmer now, letting Willow and Xander offer her what little comfort they can. She kinda freaked out, I guess that's understandable, Buffy did just try to attack her. I guess this sort of thing has happened before, poor kid, I wish she didn't have to see all this crap. Sure the monks might have kept her safe by sending her to the slayer for protection, but this is no kind of life for her. She should be living it up, having fun, thinking about boys and stuff, hanging out at the mall; she shouldn't be worrying about people trying to kill her, or the world ending. I think about it and wonder if this is what being a parent feels like, to want something better for your kid. Is that even what Dawn is to me? My kid?

After he's done cleaning and bandaging my shoulder, Wesley steers me toward the couch, I look back at the monitor, he whispers to me, "It's ok, Angel will stay with her."

I just nod and take a seat, I know I've got some explaining to do. I know they have lots of questions, I have a couple myself too, mainly as to why Giles has been glaring at me for a while now. I can tell he's about to say something so I quickly take a deep breath and begin cause I'm not ready for whatever he's gonna say. And I'm in no mood to play 20 fucking questions, so I'm gonna tell this story from the very beginning. Hopefully, it'll provide some clues to help Buffy, but at the very least it'll help clear the air between all of us, which is long overdue.

"I felt Buffy die, I was sitting in my cell, and I felt it. I felt this sense of falling, this really painful surge of electricity, a ripping sensation and then a brief surge of adrenaline. I knew at that moment, I was the only slayer, and she was gone. I was awake for hours that night wondering what it all meant, wondering how it happened, wondering if I had been there, would things have ended the same way. At some point I must have fallen asleep, cause I dreamt it. We had shared dreams before, twice, I think. I was a little sketchy on the details cause I was kinda unconscious at the time."

I take another deep breath, try to will myself not to cry. Breaking down is a luxury I can't afford right now. Buffy needs me to be strong, needs me to be tough, she needs me to save her again.

"The first dream wasn't a shared one, at least I don't think so. I saw her, on the tower, saw her talking to Dawn, it was confusing because I didn't know who Dawn was, I had never seen her before. I don't know if this is important or not, but I don't have any memories of Dawn, I don't know why."

I see the confusion and hurt on poor Dawn's face, it's pretty obvious that she remembers me. She so doesn't need any more crap right now so I try to explain it away.

"Maybe there's a limit on how many made up memories a person can have."

I know that explanation totally sucks but I'm not quite up to par at the moment. I look over at Dawn; she gives me a slight nod so I continue.

"The only reason I know about Dawn is because Buffy told me, but that came later, during one of the shared dreams. Anyway, she's on the tower, the portal had already opened, I heard the things she said to Dawn and then I watched as she jumped. I felt the whole thing over again, the surge of electricity when she hit the portal, her body continuing to fall. Then I felt the ripping sensation as I saw something like a light being pulled from her inside the portal. I'm thinking it must have been her soul that got sucked into the portal as it closed up. Or maybe the soul is what closed the portal, I don't really know."

"Um...she was stuck and I knew it. I tried to contact Angel, but I couldn't track him down. I tried calling Sunnydale, but I couldn't reach any of you either, I left a message. I'm guessing the message is what caused you to visit me, huh Will?"

I look over at her, and she looks down, I would have liked to keep her out of it, but she's got a part in all this and it's way past time to get everything out in the open. Xander prods her, "You went to ask Faith if she would come back with you, right? Faith said no that's what you told us. You came back and said that Faith refused to help us."

Willow finally looks in my direction, tears sliding down her cheeks. I wish there was another way, but she needs to tell them, she needs to admit her part in all of this, so she can move on.

"I'm so sorry Faith." I just nod, I know this already. "I-I went there as we all had discussed, to ask for her help. To bring the slayer back to Sunnydale, but when I saw her...I couldn't do it. I just snapped, I..."

"What did you do?"

Xander's tone is angry, accusing, and totally not needed right now, "Hey...take it down a notch or two..."

He shoots me an angry look, then gets it, this really isn't about blame. He looks a little contrite as he quietly says, "Sorry Will..."

He gives her a weak smile and she continues sobbing slightly, "I went off on Faith, told her it was all her fault, told her it should have been her. I told her we wouldn't accept her help, she wasn't wanted. That even though she was the Slayer we didn't need or want her around. Then I came back to Sunnydale and told you guys she refused to help us. Told you she laughed when I told her Buffy was gone...oh God...I'm so sorry..."

I know she's sorry, we hashed out all of our issues on the way from LA to Sunnydale. We talked about her slide to the dark side that started with her refusal to help me way back when, her sheer delight at thinking I was caught by the Council. Not at all concerned the Council was just going to kill me, God how she hated me, at the time I really didn't understand it, but I think I'm starting to get it now. Maybe Willow would have hated me anyway, maybe she would went down the same path, maybe it had nothing to do with the spell the Council put on her and the rest of them, and maybe, just maybe, the Pope ain't Catholic. Willow's dark side just continued to grow, and grow until she murdered two people in cold blood to exact her revenge.

I know the people Willow and I killed were scumbags, and something needed to be done to stop them. Nobody is really crying that these men are gone, but even killing the bad guys leads to some dark scary places. It makes you take a long hard look at yourself, makes you doubt everything you've ever thought about yourself. We've kinda agreed to work it like the alcoholics do, by sponsoring each other. If at any point we ever feel like we're losing it, we've agreed to talk to each other, help each other. I give Willow a quick smile, letting her know we're still good, no hard feelings. The past is the past. And not to mention she's pretty powerful now and I really don't wanna spend the rest of my life as a newt.

I pick up the story from there. "OK, so I knew I wouldn't be able to get help from you guys by asking directly, kinda figured Willow would have told you some stories. I figured nobody would believe me, and I didn't have any real proof, just that dream and a general feeling her soul was where it didn't belong. I even thought that maybe it was wishful thinking on my part, thinking I could somehow make things up to her, so I tried to forget about it. Then the shared dreams started, and they were brutal. I saw everything she went through, I felt everything she went through. Every night for five months we shared dreams. Sometimes she'd just beg me to save her, sometimes she'd yell and scream because she thought I wouldn't help her, other times she'd just show me things."

"I decided there was only one option left, one person who I might actually be able to convince. The one person I hardly knew, and who hardly knew me, well, she knew I was an asshole who made fun of her, but I hoped she didn't really know much else. She was scary talented when it came to all things witchy, no offense Will."

She nods, smiles a little, she knows I'm talking about her girl, Tara. I'm glad Willow and I had a chance to talk about Tara. I needed to tell Willow who was really responsible for her death. I had told Tara how hard it was to do the right thing when the one person you wanted to notice the most doesn't seem to care. I couldn't mind my own fucking business and wound up talking Tara into being in the place where she was shot and killed. Even while in prison I still managed to wreck people's lives. I still feel bad about it, even though Willow told me that if it wasn't for me, they might not of had that night together, she might have died before they made up. I didn't really buy it until she told me Tara's death was inevitable, if it wasn't the bullet from Warren's gun; it would have been the aneurysm they didn't see until the autopsy. Life really fucking has a way of sucking sometimes don't it?

"It took a lot of fast talking to get Tara to agree to see me, she really didn't want to do it. She really didn't like the fact she couldn't tell anyone about it, but she finally agreed. I told her the things that were going on, she was skeptical to say the least. She knew what Willow had told her, she wanted to believe I was the liar. After about twenty minutes she finally agreed to help, she said my aura told her I wasn't lying. I told her it didn't matter what Willow had said about me, she had her reasons for not wanting me around, and the only thing that mattered was to save Buffy. Of course when Buffy came back and started talking about being in heaven, I got another visit from Tara. This one was far less pleasant, I seriously had her pegged wrong cause that chick was wicked scary..."

"Anyway...she'd e-mail me once a week to let me know how the plans were progressing, and to find out if anything had changed. By the time the summer was over I was in pretty bad shape, sent to the hospital for a little while. When you brought her back, I felt it, sorta lived it for a few minutes, then I woke up, got in touch with Angel, and I told him she was back, I also had to tell him my part in it. As to what is wrong with Buffy right now, I don't know. Angel kinda thought she might have brought something back with her, I'm inclined to believe that also."

"Buffy had thought something was wrong with her ever since she came back, she knew her behavior wasn't...'normal', after a few months she finally asked Tara to look into the spell. Tara looked but couldn't find anything wrong, although she only really looked into the spell; she didn't have a chance to look into any other possibilities. I kinda thought that was the end of it, and my help wasn't really helping, so I didn't pursue it anymore. But now we know, perhaps my new connection to the powers can find out some more information, yeah?"

I look over at her and she just stares back blankly. I wait a few seconds for her to realize I was talking to her. "OH..." She flips through her notebook again, I really need to get that book away from her if I ever want to know what's going on.

She writes down some information on the Hell dimension Buffy was in. She hands the info to Giles who confers with Wesley. She looks over at me, knows I wanted a little more on the information front and gives me an annoyed sigh.

"Fine, I'll go ask the Powers...try not to do anything terribly interesting while I'm gone."

She kissed Xander goodbye and with a poof, she was gone, off to confer with the Powers, or maybe she was just off to take a really long hot bath. Doesn't really matter, as long as she's not here being a distraction. Also, it's a good thing Cordy ain't around to see that, I got a feeling she'd be plenty pissed she had to deal with migraines while Anya gets to actually poof herself back and forth. Yeah, here's a little tidbit of information nobody knows, not even Angel, Cordy actually came to visit me, although before she'd really talk to me, I did have to let her try to give me a black eye first, cause payback is a bitch and so is Cordelia, her words, not mine. But don't get me wrong, Cordy and I weren't like best buds or anything, but we did swap emails every once in a while.

Xander shakes his head and asks, "Here is something I don't get...and I know this is slightly off topic, but how is it that you and Buffy move so fast now?"

I wonder what the hell Xander is talking about as Giles finally stops glaring and starts asking rather angrily, "Ah...yes, Faith...how did you manage that?"

"Huh? What are you guys talking about?"

"The fact that you moved so fast we could hardly see it..."

I'm really fucking confused until Giles finally asks a direct question. "How about you tell us what happened in the Hellmouth? What did YOU do, exactly?"

Oh shit, I think I know where this is heading, I guess feeling each other's emotions isn't the only thing we got from the scythe. Goddamn it I knew we should have told them before this, freaking Buffy leaves me alone holding the bag yet again. I knew this was going to wind up being entirely my fault, that I'd be the one to get all the blame. You'd think I'd be used to this by now, but it still shocks me sometimes. Might as well get it over with. "We...uh... we held the scythe at the same time..."

I flinch, cause damn, Giles is pretty fucking pissed at me, "WHY!? Why would you do something you were specifically told not to do? These are serious magics we invoked, Faith, who knows what consequences it could have...you're still the same irresponsible..."

Fuck that shit, fuck him. I just yell back, "She was dying Giles...she held it out to me...what the fuck was I suppose to do? Tell her to drop it. Just turn around and let her die. Just leave her there like everything she's ever done doesn't fucking matter? We took a chance..."

He scoffs at me so I continue angrily, "You know what, you weren't fucking there, you have no fucking clue..."

He's still so angry he just won't let it go. "No, Faith, you have NO fucking clue... whatever is happening to Buffy now could be a direct result of that..."

Hey...Giles cursed...he cursed at me. That can't be a good thing. I try to calm down a bit and wind up being a bit nastier than I had intended. "No, it's not. Whatever is going on with Buffy was happening long before the First came along. Perhaps if you weren't so busy running off to England, abandoning her when she needed you the most, you would have seen it, just like Angel saw it and just like I saw it."

He just glares angrily at me, apparently he doesn't like being called out, especially by someone who wasn't even there at the time. I never would have done it to him if he had just backed off a little. I glare right back at him, and I cannot help being a bitch. "How about you start doing some research, try to solve the problem instead of just looking to lay blame?"

Everyone is quiet, trying not to look at Giles or me as we stare each other down. I'm not really all that upset with Giles, I get that this wasn't really personal, he's just really worried about Buffy, but I'm through taking shit from these people. He finally sighs, clears his throat, "Faith's right, we...uh...should really...get to work."

He gives Willow a list of things she should look up on the net, and then he and Wesley go to look through the research material here. I hope we have more luck fixing this then they had while trying to sort of my little family issues, which are officially on the back burner. If that woman really is my mother, then she'll understand and if not...oh well, I don't have time to worry about it. I'm used to having no family so you can't miss what you never had.

There's a lot of stuff Giles wants Willow to look up, so I run upstairs to grab my laptop cause I need to do something. When I come back down, Xander and Dawn are busy reading through some seriously large texts. Willow just stops and stares when I open the laptop and start tapping away. I give her a wink; "I've got layers..."

After about three hours with nothing to show for it, Xander decided we needed food and took Dawn with him, the ex-Watcher's decided they needed more books and went over to Wes' new office, meanwhile, Willow and I kept looking on the net, we weren't having much luck though. She knew a lot of places to look, I knew only a few, Internet research really isn't my thing. Oh, I know how and where to download illegal movies and music, I know how to email and google, but that's about it. She pointed me in the right direction though; found a ton of stuff I really didn't need to know. Like how liquefied eye of newt will help the Christmas cactus to flower, so I filed that under useless shit that is going to take up valuable space in my brain.

"This computer is too freaking slow...it's making me cranky..."

I push my computer toward her, "Here, use this one, it's way faster, and I seriously need a break."

She switches seats, and immediately starts working again, I just sit there and stare across at the monitor, Buffy is sleeping again. Not much excitement going on down there at the moment, an hour ago, she got up and threw herself at the bars and wouldn't stop. She threatened Angel, yelled more shit out about me, which was great cause I sure wanted everyone to know what my father did to me in graphic detail. Then she screamed all sorts of obscenities, ones that would even make a sailor blush, until he finally shot her again, and this time he used stronger tranquilizers, hopefully that will keep her out for a long time.

So far we've complied a list of over 200 things that can travel transdimensionally, although only about 5 of them take over their hosts, and none of them would be able to stay fairly undetected for a long period of time. Mostly they get inside you and grow and grow until they kill you, then eat their way out. Hey...don't look at me, I wasn't thrilled to have that information either, and the pictures were completely unnecessary.

After a few minutes of awkward silence I ask, "So, uh, how's Ken?"

"Oh...um...she's good. Sorta glad to be back to New York...although she's not happy to be back in school."

"Yeah, it is kinda hard to focus on school after fighting to save the world..."

"Yeah..." I can feel her eyes on me, "Um...how are you holding up?"

I'm kinda at a loss for words. I'm holding up, for now. Who knows how long that will last? "Um...I'm..."

"Faith?"

"I'm fine...just fix her and I'll be fine..."

I get up and start pacing around; I feel so fucking useless right now. There is nothing at all I can do to fix this situation, there are no demons to beat up or threaten within in inch of their lives. I step closer to the monitor, I watch her for a few moments, I put my hand on the monitor wishing things were different. I don't know how long I stood there before Willow finally called out to me.

"I think I've found it."

I came back over to her, "What? You found something..."

"Yes, I'm pretty sure this is the one. Ascariasis, it's a highly opportunistic parasitic organism, usually latches on to a host when a host crosses over dimensions. It gets inside and it feeds off the misery and suffering of its host. It doesn't really grow much in size; it uses the suffering until it gains enough power so that it can take over its host. In most cases it doesn't normally manage to get strong enough to take over a human host, but in some rare cases its managed it..."

"I'm guessing memories of Hell were a seven course meal, huh?"

"Yeah...more than likely. It can alter a persons memories, create false environments..."

She just stops and I wonder what's wrong, "Will?"

"Huh? Oh...sorry, it's just...it did that to Buffy... It made her think that she was crazy and that Sunnydale wasn't real, it was just some weird world she made up. We researched and I really thought it was something else. I gave her the cure...then she tried to kill us and I just thought she hadn't been given enough of it. I didn't realize..."

She just trailed off, I could see she was blaming herself for not seeing it sooner, for not knowing Buffy wasn't quite right. None of this is really her fault; Buffy hasn't always been Ms. Open and Honest about her life, and yes, I realize pot, kettle, black and all that. Before I even realize what I'm doing, I rub her back slightly and tell her, "It's ok, Will, don't beat yourself up...you didn't have all the information. It's kinda hard to find out the solution when you don't really know what the problem is, but we do now..."

She gives me an odd look, damn...I'm really not good at this shit, and what kinda lame crap was that... I just shrug at her; "I'm kinda bad at the whole comfort thing..."

She shook her head at me; "No...you're not bad at it. It was good, really..." She smiled at me, "Thanks Faith..."

I just nod along like a retard and mumble out, "No problem..." I hate that I always feel like an idiot in these situations, I never really know what I'm supposed to do or say. Thankfully, she just goes back to reading the screen.

"Um...it usually dies way before it gets strong enough to do much of anything."

"What kills it?"

"Normally, just plain alcohol..."

Well that makes sense; usually unhappy people tend to drink a lot. "OK, so we just get Buffy drunk..."

"I wish it were that easy, but once it's taken over, there's not a whole lot of things that can be done. Plain alcohol is too weak and most other things will give it permanent residence, so we definitely can't use magic directly."

"Don't fucking tell me it's hopeless Will..."

She looks up at me, now it's her trying to reassure me. "No, it's not hopeless...there's lots of hope, hope a plenty. We'll get her back, don't worry. There's a cure, although it's not pleasant. It's a combination of a pint of blood from a Strom demon, a pint of wood alcohol, and some magical enchantments..."

"Um...I know I'm not the smartest person in the world, but isn't wood alcohol like extremely poisonous...don't they like use that stuff to make like...formaldehyde."

She looks over at me with a confused little smirk, "When did you become knowledge girl?"

I just give her a non-amused look and a shrug, Willow smiles slightly, "Um...anyway... normally, yes, it's fatal, but with the added ingredients, it's only...slightly toxic."

"Slightly toxic? Is that in any way like slightly pregnant?"

She ignores me and continues, "It kills the parasite, then when it starts to burn the stomach lining, the host becomes violently ill, and in all cases the dead organism is ejected, along with everything else. Eww..."

"What?"

Willow doesn't say anything just stares at the screen, I prompt her again, "What?"

She turns the screen toward me, my stomach lurches slightly, "I sure hope Xander ain't bringing back pizza..."

"Yeah...seriously..."

Within a half an hour everyone has reconvened, all except Anya, I swear if I find out she was hanging out at a coffee shop somewhere, I'll send her back to the Powers personally. It's been decided that Angel and Xander will go after the Strom demon, get him to donate a pint of his blood. And since we don't necessarily need him dead, I'm gonna sit that one out. Angel didn't seem too thrilled to have to work with Xander, especially when Xander called him 'Dead Boy' again. Xander looked over at me, I pointed at my eye, a gentle reminder to him that it was Angel that arranged and paid to have his eye fixed, so he should really play nice. He rolled his eyes at me but nodded that he understood.

Wes is on his way to England, he found out his Dad had some involvement with the Council's special project. Fucking special project, like I wasn't a real person, that I was only some sort of tool for them-fucking bastards. I don't even want to think about it right now. I really would have preferred if he hadn't left, I want everyone working on helping Buffy, I could give a rat's ass about me right now. But, Angel assures me he's not really needed, and wouldn't call him back even if I asked him to, so I didn't.

Gunn is keeping watch on Buffy, making sure she doesn't cause any more problems, hopefully the sedatives will keep her out of it. Giles, Fred and Willow are going over the other ingredients, which leaves the kid and me with nothing to do but worry.

She's just sitting there, staring at the monitor; so I take a seat next to her. She's trying so hard not to lose it again, to not just start crying. She looks at me and doesn't say a word, just puts her head in my lap, and I just gently stroke her hair. It's kinda weird me doing this, I'm not what you would call maternal by nature. At least that's what I've been led to believe, but sitting here with her, I really feel it now. I feel this strong connection with her, kinda along the same lines as my connection to Buffy. It's not exactly the same, it's a little different, because it's like she's a part of both of us, and she really is, she's mine and Buffy's. Wow, that should feel more weird shouldn't it, I hardly know this kid, and I've spent zero time with her since I came back yet there is a connection here that I can't deny. One that I didn't feel yesterday or even this afternoon, I mean sure, I liked the kid, she's Buffy's sister, I kinda had to like her, but now I...I feel like...I love her. Like I said, just plain weird.

I don't know how long we sat there but I must have dosed off because I had a nightmare. That's really not unusual for me though, I've always had them, just not so much in recent weeks. I had thought I was done with them, but apparently not.

I was back in my old apartment back in Boston, and even though I've been told this didn't really happen, it doesn't seem to make this any easier to take. My mom and Ronnie drinking and getting high--fucking heroin, I fucking hate drugs. I sneak out of my room and into the kitchen, I'm so fucking thirsty, I just want a fucking glass of water. How many times had I done that, had a glass of fucking water with no fucking problems, had I known the shit that was gonna happen I woulda stayed locked in my room feeling thirsty. I didn't even fucking hear him coming, I had thought they passed out, but here he comes, putting his arms around me from behind. Pressing me up against the sink, running his hands in places I really didn't want them, but had no choice, he was bigger than me, stronger than me, he'd win, like he always did. Didn't mean I stopped fighting him though, I dropped the glass and it broke, I tried to grab one of the shards of glass, but I wasn't fast enough.

He grabbed my arm and jerked it behind my back, he kept pulling it up and up, the pain was unbearable, I did the only thing I could do, I slammed the back of my head into his face, broke his nose. He pushed off of me and backed up, I turned and kicked him in the balls as hard as I could. I'm sure the expression on my face was just as surprised as his, I had never really hurt him before. Seeing him howling in pain kinda made me smile, until he grabbed the knife off the counter. We stared at each other for a moment, and then she came in, she always did have bad timing.

She looked over at him, surprise on her face too, she had gotten some beat downs from him too over the years, guess she liked seeing him bleeding for a change, cause she smiled at him.

"What the fuck happened to you?"

"Your little cunt of a daughter..."

She turned to look at me, disbelief etched her face, and then she turned back to look at him, blood dripping down his face, his one hand holding onto the jewels for dear life and just started laughing. She laughed at him, was she crazy, or just too high to notice the knife in his other hand, I'll never fucking know. Everything happened so fast that I wasn't sure he'd actually stabbed her, until he said, "Think that's funny?"

And she didn't answer him, she just kinda gurgled, then he really started stabbing her, over and over again, screaming at her, "Still fucking funny? You ain't fucking laughing now are you bitch?"

I just stood there, I couldn't move, I was frozen to my spot. After what seemed like hours of him kneeling over her body, slicing away, he turned his eyes on me. He looked right at me and said, "What? What the fuck are you gonna do?"

I was too scared to say anything; I just kept looking down at all the blood on the floor, and back to his eyes. There was a blood stream on the floor; it kept inching it's way closer and closer to me. I didn't want it to touch me, didn't want her blood getting on me, I thought something really bad would happen if it touched me. Like seeing your crazy stepfather kill your mother wasn't bad enough. Of course I didn't realize it at the time and wouldn't for a few more hours, I already had her blood all over me, kinda got sprayed in the frenzy, and yeah, I freaked the fuck out when I realized it.

I heard the sirens in the background, the cops were coming, hopefully they were coming here, hopefully Ms. Diaz called them again. I looked back up at Ronnie, he was covered in her blood, he wiped his hand over his face, spreading it all around, I wanted to throw up right there. "You want a piece of me now? You wanna kill me?"

He tossed the knife over toward me and I jumped back as it skittered across the cheap linoleum, I looked at it, and looked back at him and he said, "Go ahead...take the knife...kill me. Just remember...you kill me, you become me..."

I felt someone shaking me and I awoke with a start, I couldn't see anything through the tears in my eyes. Thinking it was her blood all over me I frantically wiped my eyes, screaming, "Get it off me, get it off me..."

I felt strong hands grabbing at me and I whimpered, "no..." Then I heard him, I heard Angel talking me, soothing me, trying to get me to calm down, to bring me back to reality. I finally focused my attention on the here and now, Giles, Willow, Xander and Dawn looking worried and confused. Angel just looking at me with concern, I finally managed to speak, "I'm ok..."

I heard Buffy's laughter through the monitor, "I knew I'd get through Faithie, I told you I would..."

She was on her feet looking directly at the camera, Gunn must have tried to shoot her cause she grabbed at something and held the dart up for all of us to see. "Opps...guess you forgot about slayer speed...sorry Charlie..." She threw the dart back and we heard Gunn yell, "Oh...fuck!"

Guess she hit her target. She immediately started pulling apart the rest of the shackles and Angel ran for the basement door, with me following closely behind. By the time we got down there she was out of the shackles and starting to push apart the bars, god damn she's really strong, wonder if I'm that strong. Angel grabbed the tranq gun and tried to shoot her again, but once again she caught it, she grinned and threw it back at Angel and I tried to grab for it and was shocked to see it grasped in my hand. Shit...I didn't even see me grab it...that is so cool.

I was about to hit her with it when I was dropped to the ground by another memory. My father doing things to me no father should ever do to his daughter, I pushed it away, reminding myself it wasn't real, it didn't happen, my real dad's a good man. I threw the dart at her and hit her, she looked down, "Oh fuc..." before she collapsed onto the floor.

I blew out a long breath and looked up the stairs, "How long until that cure is ready cause I really don't wanna go down memory lane again?"

Willow nods, "It should take about 20 or 30 minutes...we'll...get started..."

I nodded as Willow started pushing everyone else up the stairs; I slumped heavily to the floor. Angel is right there with me, "You ok?"

"Peachy..."

He laughs slightly as do I, then I say, "I thought you said this redemption shit was easy..."

He just says, "Piece of cake..."