Chapter 36- Holdin’ Out Hope For a Miracle
“Faith, where do you want this?”
“Over there.” I point to a wall and the women that came with Satsu start haulin’ the huge box over to it.
We’re settin’ up our base of operations. It’s gonna mainly be a mobile unit, but we need a meetin’ point and some kind of neutral location to observe shit from and to rest in.
Here’s as good a place as any. The top of the friggin’ Empire State Building.
We didn’t go far. I like to keep my enemies close.
Fuckface Parker checked into the Plaza about an hour ago. He took off the glamour. Probably thinks that anyone who’d recognize him is dead by now.
For his sake they better not be. Well, even if they weren’t, he better fuckin’ pray for a miracle ‘cause now I’m pissed and I ain’t playin’.
“How’s Buffy?” Satsu asks, she sounds all business like but I know she’s concerned for her and the baby.
“She’s good, I checked in with her a couple of hours ago, things have calmed down. Would be a whole lot better if we knew the others were ok.”
“I know.” She gets quiet then looks at the screens as they blink to life. “We’re online. In ten minutes we’ll have visual into his room.”
“Couldn’t get audio, huh?” I smirk. We’re always tryin’ to one up each other and compete. I guess it’s a ‘competition over Buffy’ thing.
“Give me fifteen.” She winks.
Damn, I feel like a thousand times better since she agreed to help. I know we kid around and pretend to hate each other and compete for Buffy’s affection, but I really respect her, she’s a damn good leader. Better than I ever hoped to be at her age and if she makes it to mine, I can retire, ‘cause she’ll have it all sewn up and we won’t have to do anything.
“You’ve got twelve, hotshot.” I go to hip check her and she sidesteps it. “Ooooh, you’re good.”
“It’s what I’ve heard.” She wiggles her brows at me. Fuck, I taught her a little too much.
While I’m helpin’ to set up some of the gear, I can tell Satsu’s got somethin’ more to say. She better say it soon, ‘cause I got no time for games, we’ve got a lot of shit to accomplish in a very small window of time.
“What?”
She shrugs.
“Satsu, spill it or let it go, what’s it gonna be?”
“Have you picked out a name yet?”
I blink at her for a moment. And she looks at me like. ‘Ah…duh!’
I go to question her again and then it hits me.
The baby. Heh.
“Not sure, I was thinkin’ if it’s a girl maybe for my grandmother, but we’ve already got a Julia in the family, so I dunno.”
“How about for her Mom?”
“For Buffy? You think I’d wanna do that to the kid?! I mean, Elizabeth maybe. That would be kinda cool, ya know, we could call her Beth or somethin’ I guess. B Jr.” I chuckle.
Satsu’s lookin’ at me like I’m nuts and then just cracks up.
“Oh, man! I’ve got something to tell her!”
Actually, she’s got a lot of shit she could tell her, but if she doesn’t wanna die she’ll shut the fuck up. I’m irritated so I give her the middle finger.
“I meant for Buffy’s mother, Fayg.” She likes to call me that as being short for ‘fagela’, like fag in Italian. This one’s a fuckin’ piece of work all right. She looks innocent but she’s a real bitch when she gets to know ya. Believe me.
“You’re crusin’ really hard.” I narrow my eyes and she sticks out her tongue. “Maybe later, keep it warm for me.” I wink. “’Sides, we’ve thought of that name, but B says it’s too sad for the first name, maybe for the middle.” I laugh. “We’ve got like six middle names picked out so far.”
“How about ‘Satsu’?”
“Over my dead body.” I narrow my eyes at her.
She laughs. “Could be arranged.”
“Hey, we’ve got visual on the cameras in the school.” Andrea says.
We stop fuckin’ around and gather in front of the monitor.
“Shit, there’s nothin’ left.”
“Just rubble.”
“And rats.”
We see some of ‘em lookin’ at the lens, and some are scurryin’ off.
They can survive anything those fuckin’ things. I should have been born one of ‘em.
I mentally slap myself to stop thinkin’ stupid thoughts. We need to get in that fuckin’ buildin’!
“How long before we can get in there?” I say with increasin’ impatience.
“We have to wait for the cover of darkness. Might be good to do a glamour, ya know, construction worker maybe.”
“Nah, no more fuckin’ glamours, I’m tired of ‘em, plus with my luck I’d die in it and get buried in Local 212’s unknown construction worker grave or some shit.”
“You really think some crazy stuff when you’re nervous don’t you?” Satsu says, marvelin’ at my nutty fuckin’ brain.
But it’s true, I’m really nervous, I don’t wanna have to tell Buffy that they’re all dead. Fuck, I don’t want to have to tell me that, either.
My cell rings and startles us all.
“Yeah?” I say when I pick it up, there’s no number displayed.
“Oh thank god, Faith! I was so scared!” Aunt Dee sounds frantic.
“Are ya all safe?”
“Yes, we’re safe, everyone.”
They’re with Buffy in a secret place that’s part of the contingency plan she mentioned.
“Good, I’m happy to hear it.”
“Oh, sweety, I’m so happy to hear your voice! Buffy said you were ok, but I was worried and until I heard your voice I couldn’t stop myself.”
“I’m good, don’t worry, ok?”
“Any word yet on Francie and the others?”
“No, but I dunno, I think it’s a good thing.” I really don’t but I wanna give her some hope, until we find out there is none.
“I’m tryin’ to keep positive here, Faith. But it’s only gonna last so long. Your Uncle John is beside himself, everyone else is holdin’ out hope, but we’re scared.”
“I know, Dee. I know. I promise, one way or another I’ll have some answers for you guys, I’m hopin’ by tomorrow mornin’ at the latest.”
“Ok, I trust you.”
Why though? I’ll never get over that. I’ve been nothin’ but a shit to them, and they trust me with their lives.
“How’s Buffy?”
“She’s good, she’s waitin’ to talk to ya, so I’ll let her have the phone.”
“Ok, thanks.”
“Faith,”
“Yeah?”
“Be careful, we love you. And thanks.”
“I will. I love you guys, too. And don’t thank me yet.”
“Here’s Buffy.”
“Hi baby.”
“Hey, sweetness.” Satsu raises a brow and I stick out my tongue, this time she winks and for some fucked up reason it makes my pussy clench. I turn and concentrate on the phone. “How’s things?”
“They’re good, considering. A little cramped.”
“Yeah, well that’s ‘cause it was only supposed to be for a few people.”
“I know, next time we gotta plan bigger.”
“I’m hopin’ there won’t be a next time, B. Ya know?”
“I know, I’m just saying.”
“Yeah, I know.”
We don’t really know anything, and that’s why we’re both spoutin’ nonsense.
“You guys have any problems with the set up?”
“Nope, everything’s been fine. Satsu’s workin’ on gettin’ audio in assface’s room.”
“Should be done in a minute.” Satsu says.
“You’re over by two already, so you suck.” I say with my mouth a little away from the phone.
“No, I lick, ask Buffy.”
Shit, that makes me wanna kick her and laugh at the same time, ‘cause I walked right into that one.
“What did she say?” Buffy says with her voice a bit high pitched. She heard what Satsu said.
“Nothin’, B. She’s just talkin’ shit.”
“Can I talk to her?”
“Sure, hang on.” I tap Satsu on the shoulder and hand the phone over. “You’re in for it now.”
She looks at the phone like it’s gonna blow up, then realizes it’s me standin’ here and she’s gotta work her mojo on my girl so she gets all confident lookin’ and takes the phone from me.
“Hi Buffy, how are you?” She turns away slightly. Probably ‘cause I’m glarin’.
“I will. No, I won’t. Yes, absolutely. I said I will!”
A few more moments go by and she says, “No, I didn’t mean it like that, Faith and I just kid around. We’re buds!”
Heh. Busted.
“You have my word. I will…yes…of course…I know…gotcha…yep…I heard you!”
B must be givin’ her hell.
I don’t need to know what it’s about, ‘cause I already do. She’s tellin’ Satsu not to let me sacrifice myself.
She’d say “Or anyone else for that matter.” But I know she’s mainly worried I’m gonna do some crazy hero shit that’ll get me killed.
But, I gotta do what I gotta do, and she knows that. It’s nice to know she cares that much, though.
Except that ain’t what I need right now.
I need to feel charged, I need to feel angry, I need to feel invincible.
I need to feel murderous.
I need to be Faith again.
“Faith, Buffy said for me to remind you to call her before you go to bed tonight.” Satsu winks at me.
“Will do. So, how long before we get in there?”
“Jazz’ll give us the all clear and then we’re in.”
Good, I can’t wait. I’ve been fuckin’ comin’ outta my skin since we got here. I know I’m not gonna be able to sleep, I guess I’ll have to think of somethin’ in the mean time.
“You got a time frame on that?”
“So impatient; I forgot that about you.” Satsu smirks.
“How could you?” I smile back, givin’ the dimples.
“You’re evil.”
Heh. Yep. I am.
Fuck! Nothin’.
Can’t find shit except debris.
And vermin. Never know how much shit is livin’ amongst us until there ain’t no walls and floors and shit to hide ‘em.
I can’t believe this shit.
I won’t believe this shit.
And I’m not callin’ Buffy, no matter what she said earlier. I can’t fuckin’ deal right now.
“Faith, are we gonna go on or what?” Jazz says.
“We’re not stoppin’ until I’m satisfied.”
Satsu has the nerve to chuckle knowingly and mutters, “I’ve heard that too many times to count.”
Bitch.
“Keep that shit to yourself.”
“Sorry.”
We work in silence and stealth for another couple of hours, but it turns up nothin’.
Nothin’.
“Faith, I think we should call it for tonight. We’ve done the top three floors, it’s getting unstable, and we need to rest.”
“Then go without me.”
“I’m not leaving you here! You got that?!”
“You’re gonna have to fuckin’ crack me over the head and drag me out, ‘cause otherwise I’m stayin’.”
“You think I won’t do it?!” Satsu gets in my face.
“Try me.” I look her dead in the eye.
I can hear her sigh defeated.
“Hardest head I’ve ever known.”
I’ve heard that too many times to count, too. Still doesn’t make me change my mind.
Twelve hours later and we’ve got twenty floors done and there are ten to go, I finally call it quits. We gotta recharge.
But I’ll fuckin’ be back. I just need to rest a while.
My mind’s racin’ so when we get back I try to relax with a quick shower and a long soak in the tub. I can’t shake the restlessness though.
They can’t be gone, they just can’t. I don’t fuckin’ feel it; I think I would feel it.
My cellphone rings me out of my thoughts.
Buffy.
“Hey, B.”
“Hey yourself. I thought you were gonna call me before you went to bed?”
“Never went to bed, we were takin’ our time goin’ floor to floor.”
“How bad was it?”
Shit.
“Faith! How bad?!?!”
“B…” I sigh.
“Don’t fucking treat me like I’m two, Faith. You said you’d never do that, no matter what! Now, how bad?!”
“Worse than I thought. There’s nothin’ left except…walls, ceilin’s, floors, all broken. Rats and mice and roaches runnin’ around like they got no home. I even saw a few cats and a fuckin’ bird.”
She’s quiet. I can hear her breathin’ and I can tell she’s gettin’ upset but she’s tryin’ not to let me know.
“Well, you haven’t found any bodies yet, have you?”
“No.”
“Then that’s that. You keep going.”
“Right, we’ll keep goin’.”
Until the last fuckin’ piece of dust has been overturned and analyzed.
“Good, I’m going to bed.”
“At two in the afternoon?”
“I’m tired, Faith. Junior’s been active and I’m exhausted and trying not to worry, so I’d better just go lay down.”
“I getcha. I’m sorry.”
“For what?”
I shrug even though she can’t see it. “For everything.”
She lets that one go and tells me to get some sleep and that she loves me.
She shouldn’t, I don’t deserve it.
After my talk with Buffy and tryin’ to soak in the tub a little more, I get out without relaxin’ nothin’.
I need one thing, and doin’ it by myself ain’t gonna cut it. ‘Cause I tried that and it didn’t work, only made me crave the real thing more.
I know I shouldn’t but that don’t stop me. I’ve got a hard head, remember?
When I get into her room I can see the curtains and blinds have been drawn to keep the light out. ‘Cause like I said, it’s in the afternoon, and when it’s light out, I don’t care how much you try to sleep, it just doesn’t happen if it’s light in the room.
I see her form on the bed, and I feel fuckin’ guilty, but not guilty enough to let it stop me, and that’s a fuckin’ worry.
She wakes up as I slide under the covers, didn’t bother to put anything on after my bath, so all I had to do was let the towel fall at my feet. Damn, I forgot how good she smells, I wish I could forget it, then I wouldn’t crave it so much when I’m around her, or not around her, if truth be told.
‘Cause we’ve got business to take care of and this shouldn’t be happenin’.
No one needs to know, though.
It’ll be just between us.
“Mmmmm, I was gonna suggest this earlier but I didn’t wanna seem like a bitch.”
I kiss her shoulder and move the hair away from her neck. Man, I need this so much, I slide my hand around to the front of her thighs, goin’ straight for what I’m lookin’ to find. She needs it too, ‘cause she’s so fuckin’ wet.
“I wasn’t here, got it? The others can’t know.”
“I know, they wouldn’t understand.”
She turns around to me, and we kiss passionately.
God, it just feels so fuckin’ right, and I feel like such a selfish bitch, but I tell myself that she needs it too, so I’m helpin’ her out here. Just helpin’ her out.
Satsu won’t mind if I help her out?
I just hope we don’t get found out.
