Chapter Three
By the time Willow got back, I’d gotten the tears under control. It was touch and go for a long time, and it seemed real possible I wasn’t gonna be able to stop’em. But I did, and I was okay, or at least I looked like I was.
Guess something must’ve given me away though, ‘cause Red flashed me this look of sympathy the second she saw me. Even took a couple of steps towards me like she was coming in for a hug. I held up a hand to stop her:
“Don’t. I’ll survive.”
She stopped, but she still had that look of sympathy going:
“Are you okay?”
“Can’t claim five by five. More like two by four upside the head. But don’t worry, I’ll shake it off.”
“What did she do to you?”
I sat back down, in a different chair.
“No sense going there. Point is, it’s started and I’m ready. Let’s just focus on getting it done.”
Willow noticed the busted mantel and headed over to the fireplace.
“So where is she?”
“Off to do her version of a temper tantrum.”
She turned to me all surprised and maybe a little pissed or disappointed or something. Whatever it was, she wasn’t looking happy.
“And you just let her go?”
“Uh, Red? She’s all fucked up, but she’s still B. Nobody’s gotta ‘let’ her do shit. Only way to stop her from leaving if she wants to leave, is to fight her from one end of this town to the other.”
I could see she was following me.
“I’ll do that, when the time comes. Right now, seemed best for everybody just to let her go.”
“I get that. I’m sorry, it’s just that…”
“You’re scared and you’re worried, and I’m right there with ya. Think I can help her, that’s the good news. The bad is, it’s not gonna be easy or nice. I’m gonna do what I gotta, and the only guarantee I can give ya is that it’s gonna be ugly.”
“Well it can’t be any uglier than what’s been…”
The doorbell rang, and she kinda jumped outta her skin.
“That’s Xander. I told him you came back with me, and he wanted to be involved in…well, in whatever. Is that okay?”
“Course it is. He’s got more right than me to be here. When it comes to B, Xander’s always owed a spot.”
She was all kinds of relieved, and went to let him in. My nerves started jumping all over the place, and I got to my feet. Always like to face the firing squad standing.
Xander doesn’t like me, and who could blame him? Pop a guy’s cherry, toss him out holding his clothes, then try choking him to death a few weeks later, well it doesn’t exactly inspire the warm and fuzzies. I knew not to expect a big welcome from him, no matter how many years had gone rolling past.
“Faith!”
Next thing, he’s got me wrapped up tight in a bear hug. He didn’t let go for a long time, and when he did, it looked like he was gonna cry. Lots of that making the rounds.
“Thank God you came. Faith…we don’t know what else to do. Have you figured out anything that might work?”
“Got some ideas. Willing to share’em if you guys insist, but was thinking the less you know the better. Might need to spring some surprises on B, and lowers the odds ya might accidentally tip her off if you’re not in the loop.”
“Right, right of course. Thank God you came back…I already said that, didn’t I? Will, could you get me a drink? Something strong enough to kill me would be perfect.”
“Coming right up. The drink, not the murder.”
She went into the kitchen, and Xander collapsed onto the couch looking way exhausted.
“I’m sorry I’m being so stupid. It’s just that I’m so relieved that you’re here.”
I sat down on the other end of the couch, sort of facing him.
“This is rough stuff you been dealing with, and you don’t ever need to explain your feelings when it comes to B. Seen you and Red in action for years, and there’s no better friends in the world.”
“Thanks. It sure doesn’t seem like Buffy feels that way.”
“But she does, it’s part of what makes her so mad. She can’t shake how she feels about you or how you feel about her. Makes it tougher for her to pull all the way clear.”
He looked like he was gonna cry again.
“Can you…Do you think you can help her?”
His hand was grabbing onto my arm as he waited for an answer:
“Yeah, I do. Been all over the ground she’s digging in, so I’m gonna take her shovel away from her. Probably have to bash her in the head with it, but she’s gonna turn it loose.”
“Anything I can do, just tell me and I’ll do it. I’m still good at taking orders.”
“Can tell ya still got them balls of steel too. Definitely gonna be needing you and Red, just have to time it right. First off, it’s gotta be just me and her. Slayer strength’s gonna come into play a lot, at least for awhile.”
“Understood, but if at any point there’s going to be oil or mud involved, I think it’d be best if I supervised.”
He got the reaction he was looking for. I laughed and relaxed, resting my head back against the couch.
“Same old Xander. See ya kept the patch.”
“I was all set to go with the prosthetic, but then I saw a ‘Columbo’ marathon, and that decided me. I don’t want to be the subject of the ‘Which One’s the Real One?’ game. I like to mock, takes all the fun out of it if you’re the mockee.”
“Well I wouldn’t sweat it. Makes ya look sexy as hell.”
“Faith! Goddess, don’t tell him that. His ego will go completely crazy.”
Willow had drinks and sandwiches and chips, and I didn’t wait to be asked.
“It’s not my fault I’m such a sexy guy. I try to keep it under wraps, but…”
Willow grabbed a Coke and a sandwich as she sat down in a chair.
“Well you sure do a great job. In fact it’s so far under wraps, I’ve never even noticed it before.”
“You are a liar, Willow Rosenberg. You used to be head over heels in love with me!”
I sat back and watched the show as I chowed down.
“Xander, that was a million years ago!”
“No sorry, it wasn’t. It was only…Go get a calculator.”
“I’m not getting a calculator. Let’s just say I’ve been over you for years and years.”
“But have you…really? Maybe you’ve been secretly pining…”
“You wish.”
“…from afar, and now…”
“Trust me Xander, not nearly far enough.”
They made me smile just like always, but this time around I could do it right out in the open.
Between my tough girl image and their ‘take me and leave me for dead’ attitude, was plenty safe to say that I always made sure to play it cool and frosty with’em. But now? Fuck it, I could admit it.
If they asked me, I’d tell’em I missed’em. A lot. And the fact that they wanted me around was a big bonus. Course it’d be bigger if it wasn’t just ‘cause they were scared shitless about B, but whatever.
I learned a long time ago to take whatever good came my way. No shame in that, not for anybody.
“Red, where can I bunk?”
All the fun kinda went out of her as my question brought us all back to reality.
“Dawnie’s room. Let me go and get it ready for you.”
“Nah, don’t bother. Can throw the sheets on myself, and I don’t give a shit about anything else. Would like ya to point out B’s room. I need to look around.”
She hesitated, just like I knew she would. I felt for her, this was one fucked up sitch for sure.
“Her room? I’ll…uh…I’ll show you.”
“Know it’s hard Willow, but it’s not the time for being polite and respecting personal space. It’s gone way past that, and we gotta go with it. But I won’t ask you to do any of the dirty work, okay? That’s for me only.”
They both spoke up right away:
“I’ll do what I need to, even if…”
“I can do the dirty work if you need me to.”
“I know that guys, but I want you both staying as clean as you can. That way she’s got somebody to turn to when this is all over. Not ever gonna be me anyways, and you two always fit the bill just right. Okay?”
Willow stood up:
“Okay. It’s this way.”
“See ya tomorrow, Patch?”
He smiled at the nickname.
“If that’s the plan.”
“It is. Think you could show up a little after 7:00 with some doughnuts?”
“Sure, it’s like riding a bike.”
“Great. See ya then.”
They were both silent, and the look on their faces told me there was a problem.
“Yeah?”
Willow took the lead:
“Faith, sometimes we don’t even see Buffy for a week or two. What makes you so sure she’ll even be here?”
“’Cause B can’t resist a challenge, and I laid one down. Throw into the mix I made her mad…She’ll be here, lookin’ for my blood.”
“That makes sense to me. Okay ladies, sexy one-eyed doughnut man says goodnight. I’ll see you in the morning.”
He took off, and Willow and me climbed the stairs. I was on my way to completely violate B’s privacy, and Red was looking pretty uneasy. Course she was looking all determined too, and that was the part that was running her.
When we got there she swung the door open, and I didn’t hesitate.
“Okay, clear out. I’m gonna be awhile.”
“I’ll get your room ready then while you…”
“While I invade B’s privacy, stick my nose in all her shit, and definitely piss her off way worse than I already have. Bet you’re glad you begged me to come back with ya.”
She laughed, and I closed the door as she turned away…and fuck.
The room smelled like, well probably lots of things, but all I could smell was B. She’d made a shaky mess outta me in about two minutes, and here I was just standing still and inhaling for all I was worth.
The way I felt about her was gonna make this so much worse for me, but hey, I knew that ‘fore I hopped on the plane. I did my best to fool everybody else, but I never tried any of that shit on myself. Inside I always admitted that I loved her, and I’ve spent the last few years trying to push those feelings away just so I could survive.
My goal was to maybe get a life going for myself, and I’d done it too, well sorta. Took me a long time, but I’d finally reached the point where my first thought every single fucking day wasn’t always about her. Can’t vouch for the very last one or any of the ones in between, but I had that first one under control at least fifty percent of the time.
And I could sometimes go decent patches of time without thinking about her at all. No worrying about her, no wanting and needing her so much that my body felt like it was burning me alive from the inside out. It was real progress, and it was all lost now. I’d known that the second I saw Willow standing at my door.
This was a huge fucking backslide, and I was gonna be fighting for years to stop my fall. I was like a junkie who’d suddenly started mainlining again after staying clean for a buncha years. Well, there was no help for it. Was just the price you pay, at least I do, for being in B’s orbit.
She was too strong to pull away from once she had you, and I think it was pretty obvious to anybody who was looking, that she had me the first second I laid eyes on her. Just a fact of life, and I knew for sure nothing was ever gonna change it. It was what it was.
I scored her drugs right off the bat. Yeah, I know all the tricks and hiding places, so no way could she pull one over on me. Course since she’d left’em right out in plain sight on the dresser, well fuck, Helen Keller coulda spotted’em sooner or later.
That she’d just left them out like that was way worse than if she’d tried to hide them. It meant she didn’t care who saw, but it meant more than that too. It meant she wanted everyone who was left to see just how far gone she was. If she coulda, she’d have grabbed them and smashed their faces right down into it. She wanted them gone, and she wanted them gone for good.
I went through the trashcan looking for addresses on receipts and napkins. I kept some and memorized the easier ones. When it came to tracking her, I was gonna count on our Slayer connection, but it still never hurt to have a little back-up.
I opened her weapons chest next, and the message it sent was way worse than anything else coulda been. There were dirty and chipped blades, the crossbow trigger worked only when it wanted to, and the stakes were all scuffed up with cracks, splinters, and nicks. It was a mess, and it was nothing like B.
It was clear she was trying to give somebody any advantage she could. They still couldn’t off her, not yet, but time wasn’t in her favor. Doesn’t matter how good you are, how tough, eventually something’s gonna give ya a run for your life. You had to have everything you could get swinging in your favor, and even with all of that, they could still get lucky. Then it’s time for the next Slayer to have her turn, and you’re just a name in some boring old book
B was taking all of her advantages away, doing her best to give whatever she ran into its very best chance of coming out the winner. Gotta say it made me hope she was really enjoying the hell outta her last night of freedom. She wasn’t going out alone again at night until she was back to being Buffy.
Okay, was time to crash. I wanted to be all perky and fresh for my early appointment in the morning. Damn, I could feel the tears running down my face again. I hadn’t cried this much since…Let’s just call it “a while”, only time period I feel like giving out.
I had to toughen up here and fast. Crying in front of B was only gonna be seen as a weakness, and I couldn’t afford to point out another one to her. It would just seal everybody’s fate in the wrong way.
All that was gonna get the job done was the appearance of big, mean, bad ass Faith. She was needed, and tomorrow she was gonna be here with both barrels blazing. I had no idea how long it was gonna take, didn’t know what was gonna be left of me when it was over, but I could guarantee one thing: I was gonna pull B clear.
It didn’t take a genius to figure it was gonna be rough. Rough was okay with me. If the shit had to fly, well when didn’t the shit fly when me and B were around each other?
I had a job to do, and I was gonna do it. I had to, there was too much at stake for it to go any other way. Absolutely no fucking pun intended. I meant business now.
