Chapter Eleven
Gotta say I called that. B made her appearance, her reappearance…She got up, okay? Was just getting ready to go get her when here she came, and man did she look like shit. She also looked mad as hell, and everybody else could see it too, so they all gave her a lot of space.
After what I figured was enough time for her to kinda settle back into things, I thought maybe I could help her out by distracting her. Kind of a dumb move on my part when you consider it was mostly me she was mad at. Still, ain't known for my brains so much as my guts.
"Hey B, wanna maybe swing by the mall and…"
"No."
She was hunkered down in the chair, her eyes burning a hole through the carpet.
"Well the workout room still needs some shit done. We could…"
"No."
"Got that movie Xander swears is funny. Needs to be back by tonight, so ya wanna watch…"
"No. Just shut up, will you?"
I did, for a while. She finally got tired of sitting with me, so she got up to head into another room. Well, no way was I leaving her alone. Far as I could tell, this was when she was going try and pull away. Not only was I not gonna to let her, I was gonna pull her in the other direction.
We were walking along when she suddenly stopped, and turned to face me:
"What the hell are you doing?"
"Looks like I'm headin' to the kitchen."
"It also looks like you're following me."
"Doin' that too."
She looked more than ready to slug me.
"Why?"
"Don't want you alone today."
"Why?"
"'Cause you're trying to get away."
That pissed her off, and she tried to go all high and mighty:
"I am not! I've have no intention of running away, I'm merely…"
"Maybe not physically, but that's not what I'm gettin' at."
She didn't like that I was onto her and she opened her mouth to say something shitty, but Xander and Dawn came in before she could.
"Hey guys, look what the Dawnmeister and I scored!"
He held a videogame out about two inches from us. My eyes went all blurry as I tried to focus.
"That's right ladies, the brand spanking new edition of `Grand Theft Auto'!"
Dawn snatched it away from him:
"It's set on Mars! How cool is that?! Come on, we can all play on teams."
Buffy looked confused and unsure what to do:
"…Uh, I…I don't…I'm…"
"Sounds great, Squirt. You guys go set it up, we'll be right there."
They took off, and B spun me around to face her:
"Are we back to this? You can't tell me what to do anymore!"
"Buffy, stop this. I don't wanna tell you what to do, but you're being an asshole. If you can't figure that out, I'll do it for ya."
She still looked mad, but maybe not enough to hit me.
"Look B, I know everything's weird and confusing today, and I know you're hurting too. Ya need somebody to take it out on? I'm right here volunteering, but you are not gonna blow this with Dawn. She's excited, and so you're gonna get your ass in there and play a videogame with her. That's it, that's all you gotta do."
"Faith, I don't…"
"Your sister wants you to play, and since she's already pretty much forgiven you for all the shitty stuff you did to her, I'm thinking it's the least you can do."
"…Fine."
She went into the front room like she had a stick rammed up her ass, but she went. It didn't take her long before she actually started enjoying herself. Her and Dawnie were ganging up on Xander, laughing and trash talking the whole time while he was bitching and moaning and promising payback.
I ended up not playing. I wanted it to be just them having fun together, so I sat in a chair and watched while I made us a shitload of stakes. They played for a coupla hours, then came the scary announcement:
"Sorry guys, I can't play anymore. I need to get dinner started."
"What?! You?! You're cooking dinner?!"
Dawn didn't look happy:
"Just what are you insinuating, Xander Harris?"
Xander looked like a deer in the headlights, and Buffy was doing her best to look invisible.
"Me?! Nothing. I'm just so excited. It's so good to have you cooking for us again! You know how I love to eat…food, you know?"
Dawn was on her feet now, looking so much like B it was funny…and scary.
"Well what else would you eat?"
"Ha,ha,ha, that's so funny! I mean, it's right…right as rain. So um… Dawn, what are you making…to eat…food wise?"
"It's a surprise, you'll just have to wait and see. I can tell you though, that it's my own creation."
B let out this moan like she was being killed, but I think you could only hear it if you had Slayer hearing. Xander had to say real words because Dawnie was staring him down.
"Good God! I mean, good God yummy sounding good. I hope it's just as good as…as your famous peanut butter and salami jello."
"Ooh I forgot all about that, I can't believe you remembered! Maybe I should make that for dessert?"
All three of us chimed in then:
"NO!!!"
"What?"
B went back to practicing being Sue Storm, and I went back to the fine art of stake whittling. That left Xander to deal alone.
"We just meant you're already doing so much, and we don't want you having to do more. There's plenty of time…way too much time for that later."
"Aw, thanks you guys. But it's not work because I really want to do it. Besides, there's always room for jello. Now nobody offer to help, I want to do it all by myself!"
She ran off into the kitchen, and left the three of us just sitting there in all the different levels of terror.
"God, what are we going to do?! Buff, can't we knock her out?"
"That's a good idea. Just give us the word B, and the problem goes away."
"We cannot knock Dawnie out…Hey, maybe we could knock each other out instead?"
Xander was up in a flash. Was kinda scary, I had no clue he could move that fast.
"Buffster, you're a genius! Okay, me first. Faith, make sure you hit me hard enough to hospitalize me..."
"For real now, what the fuck are we gonna do?"
"…for at least several weeks. Maybe break my jaw so I won't be able to eat anything."
Buffy turned off the game and leaned her head back against the couch:
"This is like a never ending nightmare."
"Yeah, it's like a bad dream we can't wake up from too."
"That's what B just said, only way better."
He sat down next to her, his head in his hands:
"See? It's already like we're stuck on a repeating loop of horror."
I nudged Buffy with my boot:
"This is all your fault, B."
She tried to look innocent and sweet:
"Okay guys, now let's not turn on each other."
"Why the hell not? This dinner's aimed straight at you, and us innocent bystanders are gettin' mowed down in the crossfire, remember?"
"'Innocent'? Not likely, Faith."
"Sorry B, but I haven't even been around. She's not mad at me."
Before B could respond, Xander jumped in:
"Uh, Faith? Dawnie was pretty upset when you just left like you did. I think it's entirely possible she's…"
"Yeah okay, but still pissed enough to cook a buncha British food?"
"She's making a good point Buff, and I know I haven't done anything to…Oh sweet mother of God! Remember when she was thirteen and I said that boy she had a crush on was weird looking?"
Buffy rolled her eyes:
"Xander, I doubt she's holding a grudge from…"
"But she swore she'd have revenge…that vengeance would be hers…I think she even swore a blood oath. Oh God…Okay guys, don't panic!"
"Xand…"
"I think I'm panicking!"
"Hey B, maybe I really should bust his jaw."
"Xander…"
"You two are Slayers……Well? Start slaying!"
Buffy grabbed him by the shoulders and made him look at her:
"Xander…Xander!"
He finally shut the fuck up.
"Now as I recall, you bought her an ice cream cone, two scoops, and she forgave you. Remember?"
"Yes…Yes I do. Oh thank God, this isn't about me."
"No, it's not."
He gave her a little hug, all sympathetic but relieved too.
"I guess it is all your fault then, Buffster."
"Yep, I think it is."
We all sat quiet, then Xander piped up all cheery:
"Oh darn, I think I just got an emergency call from the site. I guess I'll have to miss dinner this time around."
He stood up to go, but with two Slayers holding onto him, he didn't go far.
"Sit your ass back down, Patch. We gotta suffer, you gotta suffer."
"But how's that fair? We all agree she's after Buffy, so…"
"Guess it's like the mob. You can join, but you can never leave. Leastways not alive. Now be a man, and stay put."
"She's right, Xander. Besides, how bad can it be?"
We all went silent, then began laughing hysterically. When I say "hysterically", I mean like the literal definition of the word. This was one nerve-wracking sitch for sure.
Everybody just hung around the house, mostly keeping an eye out in case somebody tried to cut and run. B's mood kept going up and down, but that was okay. Everybody else just stayed clear of her, and I was her shadow.
To avoid talking to me, she pretended to read a book. Either she was seriously challenged or she was stupid, `cause I put her reading pace at about one page an hour.
"B?"
"…"
"B?"
"…"
"Buffy!"
"What?!"
"Whatcha readin'?"
"A book."
"Yeah, I got that. What book?"
She looked like I was asking her a trick question, and I guess since she had no clue, I kinda was.
"It's really good."
"Yeah?"
"Yeah."
"Cool. What's the title?"
"The title?"
"Yeah, ya know. What's it called?"
She was stumped, but trying to bluff her way through.
"What, are you doing a book report or something?"
"Just wanna know the title."
"I don't know, I've never heard of it before. It's good though. Well obviously, since I got so engrossed in it, I didn't even notice the title."
"Book's right on your lap, just gotta look down."
She did, and her face turned red.
"So what is it, B?"
She completely mumbled the info.
"What? Couldn't quite…"
"The Bible, okay?"
I laughed because how could I not?
"Ya know, think I mighta heard of that. Supposed to be a real page turner."
"I guess Giles must have been using it when he was reading his new Codex Prophecy."
"Well, I'll let ya get back to it. Just to give ya the heads-up though, I heard it really picks up in the second half."
"Shut up."
We both started laughing, and the tension that'd been building all day, just kinda went away.
"Hey, B?"
"Uh-huh?"
"You're doing good."
"Oh yeah, I'm doing great. I'm acting like I've got the worst case of P.M.S. in history."
"True, but at least you haven't punched me in the face."
She smiled at me:
"Not yet, anyway."
"You been doin' good all day. It's not easy to do, but you're doing it. Spending time with Xander and Dawn, hauling in books for Giles and helping him get'em organized, figuring out which outfit Red should wear. Fuck B, ya even made time for the Lord."
"Oh yes, I'm very well-rounded."
"Course you got your biggest test comin' up, so don't get cocky."
"You mean…"
"That's right Blondie, it's the dinner from The Hellmouth!"
"Wow, talk about scary and tough."
I went back to flipping through some stupid magazine, but B wanted to talk, for real:
"Faith…I don't know if I can do this. It's so hard, and it hurts."
"I know it does. I'll tell ya what somebody told me once: it's supposed to hurt. All that shit you did to everybody else is coming back on ya. But it's gonna be okay B, you just gotta hold on and keep doing exactly what you been doing. You got it beat, don't think ya don't."
"You really believe I can make it, don't you?"
"Know you can. You know it too, ya just forgot is all. Just need to keep taking it step by step, minute by minute, and `fore you know it, it'll be rolling and you'll be fine."
She got this look on her face then, no clue how to describe it. She looked like she was glowing or something, and she was looking at me like…like she thought I was worth something. It was like she was actually seeing me, and liking the view.
"Faith, I just want to…"
Right then Red chose to come in and receive her "Worst Timing Ever" award, and I wanted to kill her. But shit, she looked so sad, I decided to show her some mercy. Unfortunately, she hadn't come to return the favor:
"Guys, dinner is ready."
"B, can you bring your Bible? Think we're gonna need some divine help."
B stood up looking queasy already:
"Let's just go and get it over with."
"Quiet you two, or she's going to hear you!"
Was she trying to say that would be a bad thing? Might be just the thing to save our lives, but Red was more interested in protecting Dawn's feelings.
"She's really excited about this, so don't ruin it for her."
"Yeah, bet she's never had the chance to kill so many people at once before. No wonder she's excited, she's…OW!"
"Shhh!"
My arm was throbbing, and I grabbed onto it.
"Fuck Red, that fuckin' hurt!"
B had this little smirk going, like I was a wimp or something.
"Come on F, stop being such a baby. Besides, I doubt she wants to kill us. I'm sure she just wants to make us all suffer an agonizing… OW!"
"I mean it you two, not one more word."
Buffy was rubbing her arm:
"Willow, that hurt!"
"And there's more where that came from. Now behave."
"Geez, take it easy. No need to go all black-eyed and shit. We'll be good."
"Yeah, we'll be good, Will. Slayer's honor."
B looked at me, I looked at B, then Red looked at both of us.
We marched into the dining room, trying to look happy to be there. Think we did pretty good, at least Willow stopped roughing us up. She did keep staring at us though, like she could intimidate us or something…Yeah okay, fine. She could, and she did.
So the Scooby Gang and guest were all assembled, and then right on cue, the Master Chef came in looking all happy and cute…right. She wasn't fooling me, not for a second. She was a killer, and there wasn't a thing anybody could do to stop her. Bon fucking appetit.
