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by Bobbi Manuel


Rating: NC-17
Author's Note: This story was originally written for LizardMM's "Portal" challenge over on "BuffynFaith.Net" (author: UltimateCollaboration). Liz not only wrote three of the chapters herself, she also organized all 12 of the disparate entries into some semblance of a cohesive story.  A great big tip of the hat to the Chicagoan. Great job, Liz! : )

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Listen to the Music


Buffy hurtled through the portal, most things a blur, as she sped through the swirling lights and wind. She could see nothing clearly, but then suddenly a dark mass came into view, heading right for her. She did her best to assume a fighting stance, but since her movements were not her own, she wasn't exactly successful.

The figure turned out to be a man and as she got closer to him he began to look familiar. He slammed into her, hip to hip, and as the blonde hurtled off, the Slayer could scarcely believe her own eyes.

"Scott Bakula?"

Then there was no time to ponder any of the details as the pinpoint of light spread out into what seemed to be an exit. She was hoping to land softly, but that hope was dashed when she emerged with her arms flailing as she tried to prevent herself from falling. She crashed hard into a clump of bushes that were all bushy and leafy.

There was music blasting nearby and Buffy sat up carefully, peering over and through the sticks and the leaves to see Faith smiling and dancing as she Milli Vanilli-ed her way through some rock song while a bunch of people gathered around and filmed it.

"…with the latest dictionary and today's who's who…"

She was moving all Faith-like, dimples flashing as she danced, pouted, and generally sexed it up while the music continued to play.

"…They'll get you anything with that evil smile…"


Some guy, Buffy assumed he was the director, halted the proceedings as he went over and spoke to Faith. She nodded and sat down alongside the pool, leaning back on her hands.

"Perfect. Action!"

"…'Cause we all just-a wanna be big rock stars, and live in hilltop houses, driving fifteen cars. The girls come easy and the drugs come cheap…"

Buffy couldn't believe what she was seeing. Faith looked so beautiful and sexy…not that she didn't always, but this was different. She appeared to be more self-assured and mature…She looked happy.

"…they'll get you anything with that evil smile. Everybody's got a drug dealer on speed dial…"

The change of position didn't stop Faith from smiling, pouting, and generally sexing it up until the director again yelled out:

"Cut! I think we've got it. Nice job, Eliza."

"Thanks. You guys were slammin' too."

She hopped to her feet all easy and relaxed as she went around thanking everyone personally - laughing, offering and accepting hugs, cracking jokes, signing autographs, and making it crystal clear just how well-liked she was by this group of people.

"…, but I am glad it's done. I can't wait to see who's in the final cut."

The director came over to her, shaking her hand and then hugging her close.

"Thanks for doing this on such short notice. Chad adores you and refused the concept if you weren't going to be in it."

"Better me than some Crackhead Sally. It was fun, tell him thanks for thinking of me."

"You're a class act, Dushku. Pack it up fast people, we need to head over to Nugent's while we've still got daylight!"

In a matter of minutes the crew had dispersed and Buffy was standing up shakily. Faith had already headed into the house and Buffy looked around confused. She felt…weird, and as she tried to figure it out, Faith came back out in a barely-there bikini.

Buffy had never seen anything so stunningly beautiful and her clothes suddenly felt too tight, especially in the crotch area of her pants.


Buffy looked down to see that she was sporting an enormous erection.

"Okay, a definite 'Ow' followed by a panicked: 'Huh'?"

Her hand lowered to grab the totally out of place bulge between her legs. That was of course the worst possible moment that Faith could finally take notice of her, so of course that was exactly when she did.


Buffy whirled to look behind herself, her blonde hair twirling into her eyes, her erection swinging solidly with her. There was no one there, but Faith was already rushing over, a huge smile on her face.

"What are you doing here and why are you skulking around in the yard?"


"Come here, you!"

Faith's arms were spread wide as she came in fast for a hug, but Buffy backed up quickly, keeping the bushes between her sister-Slayer and herself. Faith frowned at the evasive maneuver.

"Hey girlfriend, what's wrong? Sarah?"

The brunette's concern was obvious as she stared at the Californian, the Californian who at the moment felt like she was from Mars…which would technically make her a "Marsonian".

"Why do you keep calling me 'Sarah'?"

"Why do I keep call…Because that's your name. S, are you feeling okay?"

Buffy stayed where she was, her erection stiffening as Faith's bikini top shifted just enough to allow a little more breast to expose itself.

"And since when do you call me 'S'? Is that for 'Slayer'?"

"'Slayer'? S is for Sarah or even Smidge if ya wanna go there. Look, it's wicked hot out. Let's get you into the house and cooled off. I'll call Jr. and he can…"

"Spike? Why in the hell would you call Spike?"

Faith tried edging closer, but Buffy slid away, making sure to keep some distance between them.

"He's your husband."

"I'm not married to Spike!"

"Freddie, Sarah, Freddie Prinze. Sweet guy you got hitched to."

Buffy tried to remember.

"Chino and the Man? Isn't he dead?"

Faith moved quickly, lunging for and capturing the slender girl's sinewy arm. Her grip was strong, but nowhere near full Slayer strength, and somehow that lack of force put the ex-cheerleader at ease…at least as much as she could be under the circumstance.

"I think maybe you've got some sunstroke or something. Just come inside with me and we'll figure out who to call."

"We need to call Giles, he'll know what to do."

"Giles? Uh yeah, right…of course. We'll call Giles just as soon as we get you settled."

She linked their hands together and hauled a reluctant Buffy out of the bushes as she headed towards the house. It was tough for Buffy to keep up because every step rubbed her hard penis against her soft pants, and unfortunately trailing behind Faith as her ass bounced and peeked out of her bikini bottoms with every step, made Buffy's own progress increasingly difficult.

They entered the house through the French doors that led out onto the pool deck, and it took just a second for Buffy's eyes to adjust to the change in light.

"Okay, just sit right here, maybe take off your top."

Faith flipped a switch and the ceiling fan began rotating.

"I'll lower the thermostat and get you something to drink and a cold rag. Just sit tight."

Buffy plopped down on the sofa, instantly grabbing a pillow to place over her bulging crotch. She hollered out after the Boston Girl:

"Don't forget the phone so we can call Giles!"

"I'm on it. Be right back."

Buffy looked around at her surroundings, impressed by the casual elegance mixed with the earthy touches. It was comfortable, true, but it was classy too, and Buffy knew at a glance that Faith was crashing at some Sugar Daddy's house. The whole thing disgusted her, but then she had no idea where she was or how she'd gotten there, so perhaps judging Faith shouldn't really be on her agenda at the moment. She had bigger problems, like what seemed to be a man package in her soft, stonewashed pants.

Faith came back into the room carrying a couple of bottles of Gatorade, one orange and one blue. She sat down next to the Bewildered Blonde and held up Dr. Cade's invention.

"Which one? And you've got to drink the whole thing."

Buffy took the orange one; it was the only flavor she liked. She was thirsty, but her confusion was what was bothering her the most…well, except for the previously mentioned man package in her previously mentioned soft, stonewashed blue jean pants. The whole idea was freaking her out and she lashed out much more harshly than she'd intended to when Faith laid the cold rag on the back of her neck.

"So whose house are we in? Some random guy you picked up last night?"

Faith's face revealed her shock at the comment.

"Damn, thanks for calling me a whore. This is my house, Sarah, bought and paid for with my own money. Granted, I call it: 'The House That Buffy Built', but I did work hard for it, you know?"

Buffy looked at her like she was Faith, the Crazy Chosen One.

"Xander's the carpenter, and I think you'd better drink the other Gatorade. You're not making much sense and it was you who was dancing around in the sun when I got here."

Faith's worry was plain to see, but she opened up her bottle of Electrolyte Replenisher and took a huge swig.

"I'm drinking mine, your turn now."

Buffy took a small sip, unwilling to consume too much liquid because the idea of peeing through a penis seemed pretty daunting. Would she sit or stand? She didn't know and she didn't want to find out.


Faith's expression was stern:

"You've got to drink it all, so don't make me get rough with you."

Buffy instantly bristled.

"Don't threaten me, Faith. I'm not in the mood and you know I can kick your ass any time I want to."

The dark-haired woman laughed.

"Yeah, you're a real tough guy. What are you - like 99 pounds soaking wet?"

"What I am, Faith, is the Head Slayer, so stop being stupid before I lose my temper."

The hostility in her voice was obvious and Faith broke into a slow smile that soon took over her whole face.

"Okay, I get it now. You're punking me, right? Where's the cameras?"

She stood up, looking around expectantly.

"Come on, Kutcher! This makes twice you've punked me, and I think I've been a good sport about it both times."

"I have no idea what 'punking you' means, but if you don't sit down and stop talking to non-existent people, I'm going to start punching you."

Faith waved off her threat and began stomping around angrily.

"You've got three seconds to show yourself, Scumbag, or you can forget about me giving you permission to use this footage! I'm not kidding, I'll call my lawyer. Get out here…now!!!"

"Faith, I'm not going to tell you again to sit down."

The Southie Homeowner's anger quickly turned to fear when she realized that no one else was there and the situation was no gag. Buffy saw her terror and wrongly assumed that Faith was scared of her, thereby making an ass of herself.

Yeah, she'd better be scared because I am in no mood and my testosterone level must be off the charts.

But the main thing that Buffy noticed was that her erection, which had pretty much deflated, was now a solid chubby and well on its way to becoming a full-blown woody. Her pants were uncomfortably tight again, and as Faith sat back down next to her, Buffy shifted looking for some relief.

Note to self: Aggressive, angry Faith is still all kinds of hot.

Buffy finished up her Gatorade when the other girl stared pointedly at the bottle, then looked for a place to sit it down. The Drink Server took the flimsy, empty, 84% recycled plastic bottle of Thirst Quencher from the Elder Chick's hand.

"Do you think you can drink another one?"

She decided to pacify the Once Again Delusional Formerly Rogue Slayer.

"I'm feeling much better now. Let's wait a few minutes, okay?"

"Yeah, okay. So why don't I make some calls and…"

Faith leaned over Buffy to grab the cordless phone, her breasts rubbing against the pillow on the blonde's lap. And oh Sweet Fancy Moses…

Buffy's new addition swelled and became rock hard just like that, skipping the various stages on the Erection Chart to head right to "Big Monster Boner." It took every bit of her willpower not to push Faith's back down into the pillow and begin thrusting up against her.

"Shit. I think forgot to put it in the charger."

She began squirming as she peered intently at the phone, pushing various buttons, including Buffy's, while sprawling across the Golden Girl's Hard-On Cover, cleverly disguised as a common throw pillow.

"Okay, not really a problem, so much as a snafu. We can just use the phone in my…"

Her breasts rubbed and pressed with delicious pressure again as she leaned heavily on the pillow in order to reach the charger. Buffy moaned loudly, biting down on her lip to stifle the noise that had already escaped, and Faith instantly sat up. Her thick brown hair fell softly into her eyes, and she brushed the wavy tresses aside and leaned in, her face way too close to Buffy's for comfort.

"Sarah, what's wrong? Are you hurt?"

"…No, I…"

"Hold still."

Faith's hands began examining Buffy's body slowly and gently with slow, gentle touches and strokes, and Buffy felt like she was going to explode. She stood up fast, jerking away from Faith's exploration, careful to keep her back to her.

"I'm fine."

"You don't feel hot, but maybe we should take your temperature to see if it's high."

"I'm not hot, I just need to use the bathroom."

Faith chuckled.

"Oh, sorry, I guess I was leaning on your bladder. Just go right down the hall, it's the last door on the left. Why don't you take a cold shower while you're in there? Towels are in the closet."

"I said I'm fine, Faith."

Buffy headed for the bathroom, the huge and stiff log between her legs making her walk with a weird, mincing swagger.

"Right. So is that why you're walking like Helo?"


"Helo from BSG."

Buffy shook her head and kept moving.

"Right, that totally clears it up."

"You don't watch Battlestar? Woulda thought Freddie'd be all over that show."

Buffy muttered to herself: "What kind of stupid name is 'Freddie' anyway? Isn't he the blonde on Scooby Doo?"

She passed quickly through the bedroom and made it to the safety of the bathroom where she closed and locked the heavy wooden door. She unbuttoned and unzipped her pants while pushing against her bulge to keep it safely out of the way. As she slid her external and under pants down, her penis popped blessedly free in all its glory.

The first thing she felt was relief that she was no longer confined, and the second thing she felt was shocked that confinement was even an issue. She, Buffy Summers, had a penis and it was huge or at least it looked that way from her vantage point. Maybe it really wasn't that big. Maybe when looked at from above, it just seemed a lot bigger than its actual size…which would explain so very much about men.

The bottom line was it didn't really matter how large it was or wasn't because it was crazy big when it was hanging between Buffy's legs. She'd been penis free her entire life and she had expected things to continue in a similar vein for…

"And oh Good God, speaking of veins…"

She could feel herself starting to freak out and she splashed cold water onto her face.

"Okay, don't panic. There's got to be a logical reason why I have a 50 foot penis today."

The petite girl looked at herself in the almost full-length mirror that reflected the spacious room back to her. She tilted her head, first to one side, then the other, turning her body and observing her cock from every angle. She lifted the Old Anaconda gingerly, then with more certainty, studying her testicles too. It really didn't look so bad when she took it on its own merits.

All things considered, it was actually a very nice looking penis, as far as penises…peni…a penis went, and although it was totally out of proportion with her tiny frame, it somehow looked like her. All pretty and smooth and girly…

"Except it's a penis, Buffy, and a penis is usually worn by a man. I just wish I knew what was going on here."

There was the soft sound of a small explosion and the blonde Bedicked One whirled to face the noise, her johnson swinging and dancing along for the ride.

At first she saw nothing, but then movement caught her eye. There was some kind of insect flitting around, almost too fast for her Slayer vision to follow. She noticed it had sparkly sparkles trailing behind it, an incredibly pretty sight even though the Slayer in her had already been aroused. She stood at the ready because she was.

The bug flew at her fast and she barely restrained herself from punching out or at least catching the little pest in her small, but powerful fist. It stopped on an infinitesimal insect dime, hovering at eye level. It was too close and the golden haired Slayer pulled her head back so that her eyes could focus. What she saw had her shaking that pulled back head, unwilling to believe those focused eyes.

It wasn't a bug, but a fairy…a tiny, delicate, magical fairy that looked exactly like Sean Connery sans wig, although copious amounts of chest hair tufts were included. It was decked out in a frilly, pink tutu and holding tight to a tiny little wand.

"What exactly are you?"

"Lishen up, lash. I cannae schpend long."

The fairy, who was also smoking a cigar - obviously it had been hot embers and dirty ashes flying behind it, not pretty fairy dust - explained everything to Buffy. The reason she had a penis, how her collision with the "Croatian" inside the portal had mixed up their genders, genitally speaking, and how her penis wasn't going away until she had intercourse several times and basically screwed it out of existence.

The problem was: Buffy couldn't understand one word thanks to the thick Scottish brogue and the presence of Sean Conneryish dentures.

"I can't understand you at all. Could you maybe take the cigar out of your mouth and try to speak up? Why do I have a…OW!!!"

The fairy was already irritated that it had been sent to help the Slayer in the first place, and her stupidity didn't exactly endear her to the Scottish Bald One. It poked her in the eye with its wand and was heading back in with its cigar blazing, so Buffy instinctively backhanded it into the empty whirlpool tub. She felt bad until she realized her eye was still watering.

She bent down to look at the filthy, flitty fairy and it seemed okay, just unconscious. She placed a chunk of cotton ball under its shiny pate and covered it up to its neck with a piece of toilet paper. She graciously tucked it carefully around the little pest, then picked up its still smoldering cigar. She tossed it into the toilet, barely able to discern the modest fizzle the flame made when it hit the water.

"You're lucky I'm a Bond fan, although I prefer the new guy"

"Hey, you okay in there?"

She jumped at the concerned knock on the door.


"I heard you yell and…"

"No, I'm fine. The uh…the water was colder than I expected."

"Oh, okay. Take your time, yeah?"

Buffy turned on the sink and splashed some more water onto her face. She dried off with one of the most luxurious green striped towels she'd ever felt. She smiled as she remembered a blue one from years ago that was even better. Finally non-moist, she blew out a deep breath.

"Okay Buffy, put your pants back on one leg at a time and get out there. Just tell her what's happened matter of factly and try not to kill her when she laughs herself sick. It's probably not her fault that she's lost her memory and doesn't remember I'd be happy to kill her even if we were having a "penis free" time. Just concentrate on getting Giles and Will here to help us."

It was a good plan, a solid plan, and Buffy stepped into her underwear and…She looked totally perverted. It was too big and kept falling out, plus being covered in silky black lace was not a good look, at least not to the Golden Penis Sporter.

She took them back off and shoved them into her pants pocket, then put those same pants on. Everything was fine until it came to the zipping up part.


The feeling of metal teeth against her appendage made her flinch even though she wasn't remotely close to "Franks and Beaning" it. She shifted to the other side, then flinched again. She struggled to shove it down, thankful that she was finally flaccid, but no matter how hard she tried, she still couldn't manage to get it to stay inside her pants. Not remotely comfortably anyway.

She looked in the mirror and even holding her shirt front down over it, it was still apparent that she was packing the beginnings of a chubby.


She gave up on her pants and wrapped the Runner-Up Towel of Stripes around her waist. She unlocked the door, determined to handle the incredibly awkward situation with nothing but a calm maturity.

Faith was reclining on the bed, leaning on some pillows that were propped against the headboard. One of her hands held a cordless phone, the other absentmindedly rubbed slowly back and forth against the soft, flat, tanned skin of her stomach.

Buffy's Second All-Time Favorite Towel tented like there was a large pole underneath it and she was harder than she had ever been in the last sixteen minutes. Faith looked like sex…sex on a bed…sex on her back…sex on her stomach…sex any and everywhere…and Buffy could not look away.

"No, I'm fine. Okay thanks, I'll call you tomorrow. Bye."

The Sex Bomb disconnected the call with a smile and glanced at Buffy as she put the phone on her nightstand.

"I just had your old number, so I couldn't call Fre…Hey, what's with the towel? Did you decide to shower?"

Buffy said nothing, her eyes riveted to the tiny drawstring on Faith's hip as all of her Chosen Blood rushed to the tool standing hard and proud between her legs. It moved slightly by itself, pulling upward and making the stripes undulate in a way that left nothing to the imagination.

Pretzel brown eyes widened as they dipped below Buffy's waistline, her disbelieving expression easy to read.

"What the…Sarah, do you have…Is that a real hard-on?"

"Faith, look...but not like that! Okay…technically yes, okay…but it isn't mine!"

Eliza scrambled off the bed.

"But how…when…I mean, I've heard the rumors, sure, but I never…"

Buffy was indignant:

"'Rumors'? What 'rumors'?"

"You know, about you and other girls, but then you never tried anything with me so I just figured…"

"Did Scott Hope say something, because he should talk."

Eliza wasn't listening,

"We shared a fucking trailer! How could you hide a huge dick?!"

Buffy lit up with pride.

"So it is big then? I thought it was, but I couldn't be sure without actually measuring…Anyway, that doesn't matter. Now do you see why I need you to call Giles? The best I can figure out is that when I bumped into Scott Bakula in the portal…"

"You know Scott Bakula? Since when?"

"No, Faith, I don't know him. He bumped into me in the portal. Will you pay attention?"

"I'm trying to, but you're not making a lot of sense."

"The main point is that I have a penis, maybe his, and for all I know he's running around with my vagina doing who knows what with it. Well, I guess maybe you'd know, but don't even go there because I still don't want to hear it."

Eliza approached her slowly.

"Look, Sarah…You're not Buffy, okay? You're an actress, just like me, and Buffy and Faith are characters we played. Tell you what: I'm going to call this doctor I know. The guy's totally discreet, and I can guarantee that you won't be reading about any of this in the rags."

Buffy stood still while Eliza edged closer.

"So you've got a dick, lotsa chicks do. This is Cali, yeah? All kinds of people here and you don't have to be embarrassed, Sar, not with me. I would never disrespect like that, especially not when it's you."

She was close enough to gently stroke along Buffy's face, her hand softly caressing and smoothing along her cheek and eyebrow. Buffy's Phylum Chlorophyta kelp colored eyes closed, and then suddenly she issued a short, sharp yelp.

Eliza leapt back.

"Fuck! Did you just come?"

Buffy couldn't speak for a few seconds, but when she managed to gather her wits, she nodded and went on the attack.

"It's your fault! Why did you have to touch me like that?"

"I was trying to comfort you! How'd I know you were gonna explode like a teenager?"

"Eew! It's on my shirt and the towel."

Eliza was already opening a dresser drawer.

"Yeah, just toss both of them. I've got an oversized shirt you can wear."

Buffy took off her soiled top carefully, then folded the stained portion inward to keep it contained. She used an unsullied portion of the towel to clean up, then wrapped everything in the abused green bath linen. She was embarrassed, but grateful that the painful pressure had finally abated in an explosion of semen that could have put someone's eye out if she hadn't been covered in the second most absorbent towel she'd ever known.

Eliza walked over to hand her the new shirt, and the breeze that simple action created had Buffy stiffening again.


Eliza did, her eyes roaming up and down Buffy's body. The feminine curves, the smooth muscles of her shoulders, the soft golden hair covering her toned arms, the tanned skin that was without lines, the small but big enough breasts, the surprisingly full hips that flanked the large penis that was continuing to grow…

"Geez, Sar, you're really rockin' that thing. It's definitely the best looking cock I've ever seen. Kinda pretty somehow, all girly but wicked strong, just like you."

"I know, that's what I thought too. It's weird how it seems to…"

Eliza sucked in a breath and it caused her breasts to lift and Buffy's penis to harden.

"Stop moving, Faith. Just throw me the shirt and put something else on."

"Sure, but I'm going to have to move to get it."

"Go ahead, then we need to get Giles over here. You said we're in California, right?"

Eliza had returned to her dresser, her back to Buffy as she spoke.

"Yeah, we are. I thought for sure you were in the Big Apple last I heard. Kind of lost track after…"

Buffy wasn't listening to a word the California Bostonian said because she was putting something on by reaching for the drawstring of her bikini top. Before Buffy could stop her, she pulled and the top fell unimpeded to the floor. Eliza heard the now familiar moan and turned to see Buffy coming again.

"Jesus, Sarah!"

Buffy's head was flung back, her eyes closed tight. When she opened them, they were the color of a half full, glass bottle of ginger ale as they focused on the other woman who had turned around, awkwardly holding her bikini top in front of her breasts under her crossed arms.

"Faith…I can't…I need you."

"Me?! Sar, I don't swing that way, you know that."

"There's no swinging involved, not when I have this."

"Yeah, but it's…I…"

Buffy interrupted her:

"You can't deny there's been something between us right from the start."

"Well yeah, I guess. I mean, you were really nice to me from Day One on the set, but…"

"Faith, I could list a hundred…"

That was it; Eliza had reached her limit. She strode over to the little lesbian, ignoring the way Buffy's one-eyed monster seemed to be watching her approach.

"Sarah, listen to me! I am not Faith, you are not Buffy. We're actresses and there's nothing between us, okay? You're mixing up the subtext we deliberately created for a TV show with real life. We were just acting. All we had was a friendly working relationship and we haven't even seen each other in years. You're married to a man who I guess maybe lets you indulge sometimes, but I'm as straight as…"

Buffy pulled her in and kissed her, and to Eliza's surprise, she kissed her back without hesitation. She suddenly felt firsthand what else The Actress Two had between them, and she wrapped her arms around the miniature blonde with the massive ten-inch boner.

Her hands slid under the borrowed tee shirt, her fingers gliding along the soft skin and wisping over the tiny delicate hairs that rested in the small of the smaller girl's back. She felt a strong hand slip slowly into her bikini bottoms, and it was then Eliza's turn to moan.

"S, we shouldn't do this. You're…"

"Shhh…Please, Faith..."

The desire that surged through the Seasons 3, 4, and 7 Co-Star at that simple plea shocked her…and then the most incredible thing happened.

Buffy easily lifted Eliza up into her arms and began kissing her again as she carried her over to the bed. The larger woman managed to work her mouth free and struggled to speak as Buffy's lips travelled down her neck, nibbling and biting and leaving little marks of tiny Slayer teeth behind for anyone to see.

Her first attempt at talking emerged as a long, drawn out moan of ecstasy, but then some actual words broke through:


She wasn't at all coherent as Buffy laid her gently on the bed, her lips back to ravishing Eliza's. The supine girl tried again.

"How can you carry me?"

"Slayer here…remember?"

And then Buffy's mouth was at her breasts, licking, sucking, biting hard so gently. Eliza's body twisted with pleasure, thrusting up against Buffy's and the itty bitty blonde's reaction was instant and desperate.

"Oh God…don't move, F."

They stayed still until Buffy smiled at her.

"See, I'm a quick learner. My prematurity is finally under control."

She leaned back down and Eliza whispered into her ear: "You feel so good…"

Buffy yelped, her whole body stiffening as she came against her borrowed shirt. Eliza laughed, which had Buffy hardening again before she'd even managed to go limp.

"Damn, you've got some kind of cock on you. I'm not an expert or anything, but I know enough about human physiology to know that it's just not possible for anyone to…"

Buffy sat up and removed her shirt, rolling it into a ball and tossing it onto the rapidly growing pile.

"I think it must be a Slayer thing. God, can you imagine the conversation I'm going to have to have with Giles?"

That reminded the So Far in the Closet it Must Have Been A Huge Walk-In brunette just what was happening and with whom, and she decided to stop things right in their tracks. Sarah was acting on the feelings Buffy and Faith had for each other. She was confused and there was no way Eliza should be letting this go on.

"Yeah, I'll have to imagine it because Giles isn't real. He's played by Tony…"

Buffy's mouth shut hers, and Little Miss Hard and Mighty felt bad about it. She shouldn't be doing this, not when Faith didn't know who she was. Even though she knew the Reformed Slayer would rejoice and be completely into the moment if she was at all herself, she wasn't at all herself, and that made what Buffy was doing wrong…way, wicked hot, wrong.

The Kendra Caller began to pull away, but Eliza tightened her grip and deepened their kiss. She wrapped her legs around her waist…Buffy's, not her own…and her passion seemed to increase as she made her decision.

She wanted Sarah, even more than a hybrid car, and she was going to have her…third leg and all.

It was so obvious now that the brunette definitely had the hots for her diminutive costar and probably always had. Even though she'd been unaware of any such feeling, she was way too turned on for this to be a new emotion. The feeling she had was like she was realizing a lifelong dream, although she seriously doubted that she'd ever imagined a penis that blew its load if she just looked at it sideways. What she did know for sure was that her sudden sexual attraction wasn't sudden at all when she looked at it logically.

Sarah was the epitome of class - on the set, in the media, and in her life. She was tough and didn't take shit from anybody, but she knew how to play the game almost effortlessly. She projected confidence and professionalism, and her kindness to crew members, especially the "lesser" people on the set, was legendary. She'd had a few scuffles over the years with a few co-stars, but she rarely spoke about them in public, preferring to maintain her dignity while she let her blazing talent or her lawyer do her talking for her.

Eliza had been a fan before she'd even met her, watching every show and movie she'd ever done, even her commercial work as a child. Nothing would ever top when the Boston Market Lover had been surfing the web on her laptop, not her desktop, and had stumbled upon an adorably feisty five year old Sarah explaining why Burger King was so much better than McDonald's. Even back then it was obvious that Sarah had it, whatever "it" was, and it was just as clear that she did not suffer fools gladly nor would she put up with bad behavior on the set…not even her own childish tantrums.

Eliza considered Sarah both a peer and a role model for how one should conduct one's business in one's Chosen Career. However, despite all of her best attempts, the Sister With Three Older Brothers had never quite managed to work the job as gracefully as Sarah did, even though she too had been in the industry forever.

SMG was the real deal, and Eliza's case of hero worship had only intensified as she had begun working with and getting to know the blonde star of the show who despite her seeming openness, had obviously managed to keep some things to herself...one of which was currently poking Rhymes With Pushku in the leg. The woman the Thigh Bruiser was attached to was busy stroking one of Eliza's nipples with her nimble fingers while her mouth sucked on the other one like an out-of-the-box Hoover vacuum cleaner with attachments.

The Underrated Actress knew logic was originally supposed to play a part in her thought process somehow, but she had forgotten that as if it had been stupid. All she knew now was that she was fully prepared to go all the way with another woman for the first time in her life, and the fact that that other woman had a penis? It felt nothing but right and hard. She was long past pretending she was going to put a stop to this moment, well, at least three or four minutes past pretending.

Eliza roughly pulled Buffy's head up for a kiss, their tongues dancing and sliding as they explored. Buffy yanked on the drawstring of Eliza's bikini bottoms, and received a slight shimmy to help her pull them out from under. Buffy's answer was to groan and bite down on her lip, willing herself not to shoot off another copious load as she pulled the bottoms out from under.

"I've wanted this for so long, Faith."

They could both feel Buffy's penis bumping around Eliza's entrance, and Buffy actually whinnied at the sensation:


"Do we need protection?"

The question barely registered with Buffy.


Eliza kissed her neck, then asked again:

"Do we need a rubber?"

"No, I'm on the pill."

"Excuse me? You're the one with the third leg, lady."

Buffy flushed with embarrassment at her gaffe, then felt her desire rising to a new and fevered pitch at the thought of delicately blowing a load off in Faith.

"Sorry, I forgot."

"It's okay. So?"

"I don't know what you're asking me, Faith."

"Can you get girls pregnant?"

Buffy rolled her eyes.

"How would I know? I've only had this thing for about half an hour."


Eliza wanted to point out that she'd had it a lot longer than that, but what was the point? They both knew that penises…peni…a penis didn't just suddenly appear on a woman one day, and yet Sarah was keeping it up…the pretense and the penis.

"You probably can't, but let's be safe. Plus, it might help you hold off a little longer too."

Eliza's hand flung blindly to her nightstand drawer. She opened it and awkwardly reached inside, pulling out several condoms at once. Most hit the floor, but she managed to hang onto a few. She quickly shuffled through them, then handed Buffy a gold packaged one.

"Here, a Magnum should fit you."

Buffy took the package and ripped it open, then realized that she had no hope of getting it on. Not only had she rarely dressed anybody in one, the angle now was completely different and confusing for a non-expert.

"I can't."


"I don't think I can."

Eliza smiled and grabbed another one that had fallen onto the mattress, tearing the foil open with her white teeth as she half sat up. She expertly took hold of the condom and began rolling it on, but Buffy pulled away.

"Wait! You can't do that."

"Sure I can, just hold still a sec."

"No, Faith…"

Eliza had the tip covered and began leading the condom the rest of the way when Buffy stiffened and came.

"Jesus, again?"

Buffy's head had fallen to her chest, and it took several moments before she looked up shyly through her golden spikes formerly known as "eyelashes".

"Sorry, but your hand was all soft and warm and…"

Eliza removed the Latex Birth Control Device and tied it off. She tossed it into the trashcan next to her bed and returned her attention to the women straddling her.

"I'm on the pill anyway, I just wanted to be extra careful. This whole deal's really strange for me, no offense."

"None taken, and trust me: you don't know strange until you're the one with the penis and another set of twins."

"I'd offer to feel them up for you, but I don't think you could take it."

"Probably not because just you saying that made them kind of clench."

Eliza chuckled again, but Buffy's face was nothing but serious.

"I think maybe I'm being a bad lover. Let's concentrate on you for a while."

"Don't worry about it. I'm already so wet I…"

Buffy disappeared between Eliza's legs, and with the first swipe the brunette knew she was in the hands of a master Eater Outer. Sarah obviously knew her way around anatomy of the female kind, and she had the Southie coming at will. After her second orgasm, Eliza surrendered.

"You need to stop unless you're trying to kill me."

Buffy rose up to meet her, face to shiny face.

"I so want to be inside you."

"Go for it."

Buffy did, or at least she tried to, but it wasn't as easy as it seemed. Her rod wasn't all that controllable when it came to the actual entry part of sex, and her frustration was mounting as she tried to mount. Eliza's legs kept moving, shifting this way and that as she impatiently thrust up to rub against the Head Slayer's head.

"Stop teasing me!"

"I'm not!"

Eliza's diluted whiskey colored eyes opened and she saw at a glance what the problem was.

"Aww…I've got you covered, baby."

Eliza took hold of Sarah's shoulders and forcefully put herself on top…except Buffy didn't move a muscle.

"Stop trying to top me, F."

"I'm just trying to make it easier, but how come you're stronger than me now?"

Buffy couldn't wait any longer and she reached down and grabbed hold of her penis.

"Hold still, I'm going in."

It was awkward and fumbling, but she was a woman of her word and she ejaculated the second she hit the halfway point.


Eliza waited, holding Buffy close.

"Shh…we're not in a hurry. Just stay right there."

Buffy hardened again in less than a minute and she began thrusting slowly.

"You're so hot and tight."

"And you're so big and hard."

Buffy's body tensed, present, but she was able to hang on.

"Okay, don't say stuff like that if you want to get any pleasure out of this."

The Vagina Wearer laughed.

"Just fuck me and let your dick do its thing."

Buffy exploded again, but her erection came back as she felt Eliza's legs wrapping around her waist.

"Come on, you're not even all the way in. Let me have it, every inch of you."

Buffy shuddered and groaned, determined to stay hard for more than ten seconds. She pushed and sunk in another inch, then waited until the tremors passed.

"Tell you what: you fuck me like I know you can, and I'll pinch you off if I can get there in time."

"Does that work?"

Eliza chuckled low and sexy, making the Golden Girl's whole unit twitch.

"Sometimes. Or maybe you could recite the Gettysburg Address. Had a guy do that once."

"Did it work?"

"Nope, plus the dumbass was reeling off chunks of the Declaration of Independence."

Buffy laughed, still hard and barely able to believe how wonderful it felt to be buried deep inside of Faith.

"So…show me what it means to be a woman."

She accompanied that statement with a wriggle of her hips and a tightening of her legs around her waist…Buffy's, not her own…and Buffy went for it.

She began drilling Faith, coming without any discernable lapse in her hardness. Faith started off in control, but soon fell into an incomprehensible ecstasy. She was getting the fucking of her life, and at first it was her own hand that kept getting her off until Buffy got the hang of it and shoved the Dark Masturbator's digits aside and used her own fingers.

Eliza felt wild, out of control like never before, and at first she matched Buffy stroke for stroke, bang for fuck, but then Buffy blew right past her. She was moving too fast, too hard, in a way that once again seemed humanly impossible.

Eliza kissed her, then whispered into her ear:

"Slow down a little."


"You're starting to hurt me."

Buffy stopped instantly and tried to pull out with a puzzled and horrified look on her face, but Eliza wrapped all four of her arms and legs around her Inhuman Lover.

"I didn't say get out, I said slow down. There's a big difference."

"I don't want to hurt you, Faith…but I'm not even going full force yet."

"How is that possible?"

Buffy looked at her:

"I'm a Slayer, just like you. Why can't you take it?"

"Well, I guess ten inches is my biggest, plus I've never had anybody who could push so hard and fast. It feels good, but you were getting a little rough."

"Sorry. I'll try to be gentle."

Eliza kissed her, then bite down on Buffy's lip.

"But not too gentle. I like it when you get all aggressive."

They had sex in several positions and Eliza was exhausted, her sweaty head resting on her torn to shreds pillow, a few of its feathers stuck to her neck, breast, forehead, and elbow.

Buffy was currently sprawled on her side, one hand propping up her head, the other slowly trailing a feather down Eliza's body.

"Let me know when you're ready again."

Eliza opened one eye to look at her disbelievingly.

"Holy fuck, you're a machine. I feel like I need new batteries or something."

"Well, you're definitely going to need every ounce of your Slayer stamina."

"I've got no 'Slayer stamina', but I am big with the yoga now."

Buffy laughed:

"And I'm still big with the yogurt, so…"

Now it was Eliza's turn to laugh.

"Damn, that's got to be one of the worst ones."


"Used to know a guy who called it his: 'Baldheaded Yogurt Slinger'."

"Faith, that's disgusting."

"Yeah, plus that thing was wicked small. Nothing like this baby."

Her hand slid down to lightly encircle Buffy's pretty peen.

"God, don't jerk or I'm going to…"

"Maybe I want you to."

"Faith, I mean it!"

"I mean it too. Let's see how long you can hold out, Stud."

There was amusement and a challenge in the brown eyes that met Buffy's green, determined peepers, and Little Miss Sunnydale rose to meet the challenge in every possible way. Eliza maneuvered them until Buffy was on her back and she was straddling her, her fingers trailing all around every sensitive spot Penis Girl had.

"Okay, now here's the rules…"

She entwined her hands with Buffy's and steered them up to the wrought iron headboard, encouraging her to grasp onto the thick bars. Satisfied, she trailed her own hands back down Buffy's body.

"Now no matter what I do, you can't take your hands off the bars. You've got to try not to come, and even though you're doing way better with that whole self-control thing, well, I'm not going to be unreasonable. If you come a few times, that's cool. I'm going to grade you on a curve."

"I don't know if I…"

Eliza began kissing a path down the trepidatious Slayer's body.

"Don't you wanna make me happy?"

Buffy groaned out "yes" as Eliza's lips hovered over already quivering penis. A soft kiss was Buffy's reward.

"That's my good girl."

Buffy totally lost track of time and space. All there was for her was the delicious torment that "Faith" was dishing out, a pleasure so great, it bordered on pain. Buffy fought with everything she had to hang onto the headboard. She was the Slayer after all and she didn't back down from a challenge, not even one that made her shake, sweat, plead, moan and spray her seed all over the place even as she fought for control.

She did pretty well, her shiny, new penis sometimes following her commands, but it soon became clear to both of them that the woman toying with her could make The Slayer come whenever she wanted her to. And it came as no surprise to Buffy that her mean as a snake lover loved the power she had over her. The brunette teased, tortured and generally made Buffy dance for her like a trained monkey…and Buffy loved every second of it.

When Buffy's Sexy Trainer was finally finished with her, she collapsed on top of her Capuchin-like victim.

"Damn, I could get used to this."

Buffy's voice emerged shakily:

"Me too. I think I might finally be done."

Eliza laughed, then kissed Buffy's cheek.

"You know I can make you hard if I want to."


"Hey, you can let go of the headboard now."

"I don't think I can."

Eliza kissed her again, then slid up to help Buffy uncurl her fingers.

"Holy fuck! What…How…"

The panic in Eliza's voice had Buffy pulling her hands loose and looking at what she was looking at.

The headboard was trashed, the thick powerful bars twisted and mangled like a Slayer had been clinging to them as she tried not to grab her lover and fuck her brains out.

"Sorry. I didn't realize I was…"

"'Sorry'?! 'Sorry'?! What the fuck are you saying?"

"Well gee, why don't you overreact? You knew what could happen when you…"

Eliza's hand grabbed Buffy's chin and looked her in the eye.



"Holy fuck…You are Buffy."

Buffy smiled: "You got your memory back!"

Eliza looked like she was going to faint. "No I didn't. I…How…How can you be Buffy?"

"Faith, you're so pale. Are you okay?"


Her voice rose to the point of hysteria.

"No, I'm nowhere near okay. Buffy isn't real!"

"I'm pretty real, although…Ow!"

Her yell snapped Eliza out of her shock.

"What's wrong?"

"…Nothing, not anymore."

Buffy looked down and then up, repeating the looks with a grin.

"I'm back to just 'Buffy' parts."

"You mean…"

"Yep, penis free and loving it."

Eliza reached down and when she encountered a vagina, she pulled back in shock.

"Your cock's gone."

"I just said that and you look even paler now. Stay right here, I'm going to get you something to drink."

She got up and walked out of the bedroom, her walk the walk Eliza remembered, not the bizarre and so irritating you wanted to slap the shit out of somebody, anybody, "Helo Prance" from before. She looked again at the destroyed headboard and thought back to how Sarah had picked her up and carried her so effortlessly, how Sarah had recovered her erection in rapid fire, impossible time, over and over again, how Sarah had made love too hard and too fast for any human to give or receive…

"Holy fucking shit, I just had sex with Buffy Summers…Buffy Summers with a ten inch machine of a cock. I must be going nuts."

Just seconds later Buffy walked back into the bedroom holding two bottles of Gatorade. She sat back down on the bed.

"Orange or blue."

"You can have the orange one."

Buffy smiled and opened the bottle for her, then handed it over.

"Drink it all, we lost a lot of fluids."

"You need about fifty then."

Buffy smacked her on the shoulder:

"Ooh gross! I meant 'sweat'."

They drank in silence until Eliza spoke up.

"So now what?"

"I don't know."

"This is crazy. You're Buffy."

"That I am. Would you be interested in being with me without the…"

"You can always buy those, Sa…Buffy. I'm pretty okay with you being a girl any way you want to do it. But right now I just can't wrap my head around the fact that you're really Buffy Summers."

The blonde scooted back and leaned up against Eliza, pulling on her arms until they wrapped around her miniscule frame as she leaned back against her large breasts.

"Your memory's coming back, which is of the good, and I'm sure Giles will know how to speed it up."

"Buffy…You're not…I don't think you're in your world."

"What do you mean?"

"I don't think this is where you belong."

"Okay, so maybe I skipped ahead in time a little bit, but it looks like my world and you're here."

"But nobody else you know is. I think the portal takes you to different realities or something. That's all that makes sense, if that's your particular brand of sense. For me it's about two years of twice a week therapy."

"So you're not my Faith?"

"I'm not anybody's 'Faith', not really."

Buffy turned to face her: "Damn. I wish you were."

"Why's that?"

Buffy raised her doppelganger lover's hand to her mouth and kissed the back of it.

"Because you're happy here. That sadness that's always in your eyes is gone, and you just seem so secure, so proud of who you are. I want that for my 'Faith', you know?"

Eliza felt the tears welling up.

"You should tell her that, Buffy, the very first chance you get."

"Right, like she'd want to hear it. She won't even let me in enough so that we can be friends. She's not interested in having any kind of relationship with me, let alone this."

Eliza lifted Buffy's chin until their eyes met.

"I can guarantee you that's not true. She loves you, Buffy, so much that she acts like an ass. Promise me the next time you see her, you'll ignore her bullshit and go after her."

"I wish you were right, but…"

"I am right. Trust me on this and don't let her stop you. You guys belong together and if you keep waiting on her, you'll never make it. You're the Head Slayer, the Chosen One, and you're going to have to do the work. Tell her that you love her, show her, Buffy. Promise?"

"I guess it's not like I have anything to lose except my self-respect, my pride, my heart…which she'll probably rip right out of my chest and stomp…"

Eliza kissed her, keeping Buffy within the circle of her arms when they pulled apart.

"Feel that? That's not a tenth of what Faith feels for you. Promise me, B."

"I promise. And I noticed the sneaky 'Faithspeak'."

Eliza nodded, happy to know that maybe the Slayers stood a chance.

"I'm not ashamed to fight dirty. So what happens now, Buffy?"

"I don't know. Maybe I should go back to where the portal dropped me off."

"That seems right."

Neither girl moved and neither was looking forward to parting.

"Yeah…We're sure handling this whole thing calmly."

"Well I was going to freak out, but I decided to just pretend it's a new role."

"Smart. And I've decided to do my famous 'Buffy Avoidance' thing. Plus, I'm the Slayer. Weird stuff happens every hour to me anyway."

"So we're good then."

They went silent again.

"Hey, I should shower before I go!"

Yeah, absolutely! That's probably a law when you're travelling by portal."

Buffy stood up with a smile.

"And I'm going to need to borrow a shirt if you…"

"Yeah, that's no problem. I've got plenty since you've stopped jerking off on them."

"Gross! Shut up."

Eliza got to her feet.

"I think I'd better join you in there."

"How come?"

"Well you know: we need to conserve water, the heads are kind of tricky to operate, I want you again, stuff like that."

Buffy smiled and reached out her hand.

"I saw how talented you are with heads. I definitely need your help..."

Eliza's grin was wicked as she grabbed onto Buffy's hand.

"…although I should warn you - we might have company."

"What do you mean?"

"I knocked out a fairy the last time I was in there."

"Do I even want to know?"

"Probably not."

"Then I'm just going to pretend I don't see anything and let the Slayer handle it."

"And she will…Count on it."



They walked out to the hedges and as they got closer, the portal blazed on, the light and air swirling inside and around it.

"So you just hop in this thing?"


"How do you know where you're going to end up?"

"I don't, but how else can I ever get home? It's the only chance I've got."

Eliza nodded: "You could always stay here."

"But that doesn't really work, does it?"

"It could. I can be Faith for you, nobody does her better. I should've scored an Emmy."

Buffy raised her hand to caress Eliza's cheek.

"But I can't be the woman you love. I don't know her at all."

"Yeah, I know it's dumb."

"It's not dumb, Eliza. It's not dumb at all. You need to take your own advice and go after her."

"No, she's married to a good guy. I think she's happy and I wouldn't want to mess anything up for her."

Buffy smiled:

"And yet when you thought I was her…"

"Hey, she had a big penis. I figured their marriage was a cover or something, you know? Plus, you seduced me."

"That I did. Goodbye, Eliza."

"Goodbye, Buffy."

They kissed and it was hard for them to let go. Buffy finally pulled away and walked over to the portal.

"Which way did you prefer?"

"Which way?"

"The sex. Penis or not."

"Either way's five by five with me, B."

Buffy laughed.

"You sound just like her."

"Yep, I do a better Faith than Faith does."

"Be happy, Eliza."

"You too, Buffy. Remember your promise to me."

"I will. Well…here goes nothing!"

With a last wave and a smile, The Slayer jumped into the portal. It snapped closed and…

"…'Cause we all just-a wanna be big rock stars, and live in hilltop houses, driving fifteen cars. The girls come easy…"

"…they'll get you anything with that evil smile. Everybody's got a drug dealer on speed dial…"

"Cut! I think we've got it. Nice job, Eliza."

"Thanks. You guys were slammin' too."

She thanked the crew and said her goodbyes, glad the shoot was over. As everyone pulled away from her house, she stood by the pool looking out at the row of bushes that lined her property. She felt like something was missing, even though everything looked just like it was supposed to.

She stood there in anticipation for a few minutes, before finally shaking her head and laughing.

"All right, Dushku, shake it off…whatever 'it' is."

She went into her house, used the bathroom and put on her bikini. She was hot and a dip in the pool sounded just right. She headed outside, her gaze falling on the bushes again.

"Jesus, wanna marry them, Eliza?"

A thought popped into her head and she went back into the house. She picked up her phone only to find that the battery was dead because once again she'd forgotten to put it in the charger. She went into her bedroom, hopped onto the bed and made the call from there.

"Hi, Brad, it's me. Yeah, I'm fine. Look, I know it's kind of sudden, but I want out. No, it's nothing you did, you've been great. I've just been doing some thinking…Well you know me, brains and beauty too. Anyway, turns out you might not be the only gay person in our relationship. Hahaha! Yeah, a Penny for your thoughts. I'm not saying you're right, but I'm willing to entertain the idea you're not wrong. Yeah, I know, but I don't want a beard. I just want to check this out and be as real as I can be. Yeah, I'll be careful. I appreciate that. Sure, we'll just say we grew apart. Be happy, B...rad. See you around."

She disconnected the call, but still hung onto the phone in one hand as the other absentmindedly rubbed slowly back and forth against her stomach. She had the craziest idea out of nowhere, and she could feel the nervous thrill shoot through her body as she debated whether she should do it or not.

"Fuck it, you've only got one life."

She looked up the number, then dialed before she could chicken out. He answered on the second ring.

"Hey Joss, it's Eliza. I'm good, how about you and Kai? That's great, tell her I send my love. Yeah, dinner would be good. No, we broke up, but I can still eat by myself, dude. Eight o'clock Tuesday sounds perfect. So uh…do you happen to have Sarah's number? Right, I heard about that. Well you can't blame her, you fucked up. I know, I get it, but you need to tell her that. So is there any way you can get it for me? No reason, I was just thinking about her and…Yeah? Thanks, Joss! See you Tuesday."

Eliza carried the phone with her as she made her way out to the pool, snagging a bottle of orange Gatorade as she passed by the refrigerator. She sat down in a lounge chair and drank a toast to taking crazy chances. When her phone rang an hour later, she said a prayer that some rumors were true, and then she answered:

"S? Yeah, too long! Five by five, you?"



Click here to see Eliza in the Nickelback "Rockstar" Video


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