Chapter Three

It had been almost six months now, and Buffy could barely remember what it felt like not to have pain coursing through her body. She was tortured everyday for hours, and her whole world had shrunk to a white-hot piercing agony that stayed with her constantly.

Willow tortured her physically and mentally with great skill, clearly taking pride in her work. She was completely in tune with Buffy, instinctively knowing just when to pull back and ease off. Buffy had lost track of how many times death had mercifully come to claim her, only to be thwarted by Willow.

At just the wrong moment, Willow would begin casting healing spells, saving Buffy's life time and again. She would lessen or stop the torture altogether, and focus on helping Buffy rebuild her strength. She would force her to eat and allow her to rest, and as the Slayer grew stronger and the danger passed, Willow would joyfully begin breaking her all over again.

For a while, Buffy clung to the hope that she could hang on long enough to witness the vampires' food supply dwindle away to only her. Then perhaps in a mindless hunger, they would drain her. Or maybe they would grow too weak to feed her, and then she could die of starvation. Her favorite scenario had the vampires weak and helpless as she broke her chains and staked them where they lay pleading on the ground.

It was now all too clear none of that was ever going to happen. The vampires weren't weakening, even though she had long ago become their only food source. Willow had solved that big problem quite nicely.

Using samples of Buffy's blood, she had somehow managed to manufacture a potent mixture that kept the vampires strong and healthy. There was nothing like a vampire witch with a real mastery of computers and chemistry. Toss in plenty of fresh Slayer blood on tap, and things couldn't have been any worse.

Still Buffy held on, refusing to give up her secret. She lived on only because she was forced to, and her only hope was that Willow would make a mistake and let her die. As time went by, that seemed less and less likely, but Buffy had nothing else left to cling to.

She knew she would break eventually, in some small ways she could feel it beginning already. She also knew it would not happen any time soon. God, why couldn't she just die? The answer came strolling into the room as if on cue, just like a prayer answered by the Devil.

"Hiya Buff. Bet I know what you were doing. You were playing ‘Anywhere But Here', right? I wanna play too! Okay, let me think a sec...got it! I'm outside this barrier, I'm in Italy. It's a warm night, I'm in a dark alley and my teeth are in John Cusack's neck. Pretty good one, huh? Your turn!"

"..."

"Aw come on Buffy, don't be like that. You know it always makes me mad, and we both know what happens when I get mad."

"..."

"Come on, say something."

"...F...Fuck you."

"Okay then, have it your way Slayer."

A year had gone by. One year, two months, and five days to be precise. Buffy had no way of knowing that. Time had long ago ceased to mean anything to her. She was barely recognizable as a human being, having been reduced to a bloody, bony heap of pain.

Right now, Willow was singing a jaunty tune as she slowly carved the skin from Buffy's arm. Buffy couldn't even scream, the best she could manage was a pitiful mewling noise like some kind of tiny animal. The pain was so great, and as even more stretched out before her, she could no longer bear it.

“Please."

"Something to say Buff?"

"Principal...Synder is a...little creep."

And just like that, the barrier fell. Willow's smile was huge as she leaned down to kiss Buffy on the cheek.

"Good girl Buffy. Well I guess that's it then. Hey, wanna come with me and watch the Hellmouth open?"

Buffy began pleading then:

"No, please! Please don't make me! Just kill me...Please, just kill me."

"Oh come on Buffy, you shouldn't miss this."

She dragged her outside by her hair to watch, and the tears streamed down Buffy's face as she saw the vampires escaping the town they'd been confined to for so long. Then the ground began rumbling and it happened: The Hellmouth opened.

Demons and monsters began pouring out as fire shot impossibly high into the air.

"Cool, huh Buff? And it's all thanks to you. Now don't you worry, I'm going to make sure history gives you full credit for all of this. I mean, what are friends for?"

And with that, Willow sunk her fangs deep into Buffy's neck, and Buffy could feel the life finally draining from her. Her last earthly thought was:

"Oh God, what have I done?"

Buffy shot up in her bed screaming. In a matter of moments her bedroom door burst open as Dawn rushed in, Willow close behind. Dawn reached her first, then Willow leaned in close to help calm her.

When Buffy saw her, she scrambled back in terror.

"No! No, stay away from me!"

Buffy was frantically trying to hide herself between the wall and the bed. She was crying and shaking, and Dawn reached out and grabbed her:

"Buffy...Buffy! It's okay, it's just me and Willow...Buffy!"

Buffy closed her eyes, her head shaking as if she were trying to clear it. After a few minutes, she slowly opened her eyes, and they finally seemed to focus.

"...D...Dawnie? Will?"

"That's right Buffy, it's just us. You were having a bad dream, but it's okay now."

"It was just a dream?"

"Yep, and maybe next time when I tell you pizza's not a..."

Buffy leapt over Dawn and held Willow tightly by the arms.

"...good idea before bed, you'll listen...Buffy?"

Buffy was staring intently into Willow's eyes, and Willow stared back with concern.

"You're you? You're human?"

"Pretty much all the time."

Buffy burst into tears, then grabbed Dawn and pulled them both into a forceful hug.

"You guys are alive!"

" We're okay, okay? Maybe you could try and calm down a little and let Willow..."

"What about Giles and Xander and Anya?"

"They're fine too. Xander and Anya were going to pick up Giles on their way here."

"Everything's good Buff, we're all okay."

"We're all okay? Everybody's okay?"

Dawn began squirming around.

"Well I'm not so sure about us anymore, you're kind of crushing now."

"What? Oh, sorry. I'm sorry Dawnie, I'm just..."

"No I know, it's fine. But breathing was sort of becoming an issue."

Buffy looked around her room as if she'd never seen it before.

"This is my room, in my house, and we're all okay."

Willow walked over to her:

"Hey maybe you should sit down for a second and..."

"No, I'm okay now. We should get dressed and get to work. We can't let it happen, no matter what, we can't."

The doorbell rang.

"Buffy, I need to go let them in. Are you going to..."

The bell rang again.

"All right, I'll be right there! Buffy, are you sure you're okay?"

"I'm fine. You'd better go let them in before they break down the door."

The bell rang again, this time followed by loud knocking that went on and on.

"Okay. Willow, could you bring the Sumerian Bible? It's on my nightstand."

"Sure Dawnie."

Dawn ran down the stairs yelling as she went:

"Hold on, I'm coming! Geez, have a little patience!"

Then she was gone, and Buffy and Willow stood facing each other. They were silent as Buffy stared at her like she was looking for something.

"...Buff?"

Buffy said nothing, but her eyes never left Willow's.

"Okay then, so you're okay. I'm just gonna go get that Bible and some books from my room, for all the good they seem to be doing us."

"Willow, could I have another hug?"

"Sure."

They embraced again and this time Willow could feel her trembling.

"Shh...It's okay Buffy, you're okay now."

Buffy said nothing as she continued to hold Willow close.

"...Buffy?"

"Uh-huh?"

"Do you think maybe we should let go now?"

"Just a couple more minutes Will."

"Okay."

"Damn it, we're not getting anywhere!"

They were all seated at the dining room table with stacks of books scattered all over the place. Willow looked up from her computer screen:

"We're trying Buffy, but it's not..."

"Try harder then!"

"Gee Buffster, remember just a few hours ago when you were so happy to see us? Can we go back to that?"

"...I'm sorry, I guess I'm still kind of rattled."

"We all understand, of course we do Buffy. But we've only been at this for a few hours, and it's to be expected that we will need more time to ascertain..."

Buffy rubbed her hand across her face.

"I get that Giles, it's just that time isn't something we've got a lot of. We..."

"If I'm not mistaken, according to your Slayer dream we've until mid- July before the barrier is raised, yes?"

"That's right, but I don't want us getting anywhere near..."

"Guys? I think I've got something...Yep, it's our man, well our vampire."

"Excellent Willow! What have you found?"

"He's pretty old, but it doesn't say exactly how old. There's this big controversy, and no one really knows or seems to agree on an actual number."

"So then he's like those strange Gabor sisters Xander and I saw last night on ‘A&E's Biography'?"

"Um...I guess you could put it like that. Anyway, he's like this legendary guy, sort of a celebrity in vampire circles."

"Again like the Gabors. Of course their circle was limited to ‘B' movies and Hungarians, but I'd say the similarities are downright eerie."

"Willow, may I?"

Willow stood up and let Giles take her seat in front of the computer.

"Sure, Giles away Giles."

She pointed out a particularly relevant passage, and it wasn't long before his face began revealing his concern.

"Dawn, would you please hand me the smallest book from that stack?"

After a moment he found what he was looking for, and it didn't look like he was happy about it.

"Giles, a little less with the worried face, and a lot more of the actual info please."

"What? Oh right, sorry Buffy, everyone. It seems this Spiran fellow will be a most formidable opponent."

"Even more than he has been?!"

Dawn's voice came squeaking out, her disbelief evident.

"He is reputed to possess some sort of special power, although what that is exactly seems more than a tad inconclusive. What is clear is that he commands respect and loyalty from nearly every vampire he encounters. It's not at all unusual for him to quickly assemble a devoted cadre of followers, only to watch them burgeon almost exponentially into a veritable army."

"And for those of us who didn't understand a word you said?"

"Put simply Xander, he gains fanatical followers quickly, too quickly for it to be explained away rationally."

"Well maybe they're all scared of him because of his really cool special power thing?"

"Perhaps a good hypothesis Dawn, but I'm afraid until we know exactly what his power is..."

"Well I for one? Not seeing the problem. Buffy said Will took this guy out in like ten minutes. Let's just turn Willow into a vampire and let her loose. She can handle..."

"God, shut up Xander! It's not a joke, there's nothing funny about..."

"Buff, I was just..."

"...any of this. You died, do you get that?! I watched all of you die, one by one and I had to live with it for a year! I saw your heart ripped right out of your chest, and I couldn't stop them! Dawnie...Dawnie's head was..."

The room had gone silent, no one quite knowing what to say. Giles stood up and went to her:

"Buffy, it's all right. Please sit down...Buffy, please."

She stood there for a minute, the tears falling as she struggled visibly for control. Finally she sank back down into her chair.

"...I'm sorry Buffy. I shouldn't have been joking about..."

"No it's okay, I'm the one who's sorry...again. You were just doing what you do, what we all do. I'm just...Maybe I should go lie down for a while. Would you guys mind?"

"We wouldn't mind at all, it'll give us a chance to talk about you. You know it's quite possible that you didn't even have a Slayer dream and you're just going insane. If that's true, it would certainly explain your violent mood swings."

"Yes, thank you Anya. Buffy, it sounds like some rest might be just the thing. We shall continue on with our research, we're bound to turn up something useful sooner or later. You try and get some sleep, we'll keep at it."

Buffy hesitated, something clearly on her mind:

"Okay. Listen guys...I've decided that I'm going to start patrolling on my own. I think it's best if all of you..."

"What?! Buffy, that's just crazy!"

"See, Willow agrees with me that Buffy might be going..."

"Will..."

"No, we have to stick together, now more than ever with Mr. Charismatic Bad Guy running around. No way are you going out alone."

"Yeah Buff, what she said. We promise to skedaddle if we see any barriers coming, but no way are we letting you..."

Buffy was on her feet again.

"You don't ‘let' me do anything. Look, I've made my decision and..."

"And it's a dumb one! Hello, powerful witch here. We need to..."

"Buffy, I believe we all understand your desire to keep us out of the fray, but I don't see how that's possible or beneficial. Regardless, now is not the time for making major decisions. You're tired and shaken, never a good time to put one's foot down. After you've rested, we can discuss..."

"You can discuss it all you want to, but I'm not going to change my mind."

Willow stood up now as well.

"Oh great, this is just what we need. Now you're going to be stubborn while you make dumb choices?"

"Willow, please. That sort of response is not the most constructive of..."

"Will, I'm not getting into this with you. I've made up my mind and..."

"And that's the trouble because right now you aren't making it up very good!"

Now Xander was up, standing next to Willow as the voice of reason.

"Will, let's not yell at Buffy just because she's acting crazy. She's..."

"So we all agree with my insanity theory then?"

Giles placed a calming hand on Willow's shoulder:

"If I may? I remind you Buffy, Slayer dreams are not prophecies. They are merely harbingers of events that may or may not take place. While we will take your latest dream seriously, I don't believe we can allow it to cause us to deviate from our normal way of doing things. While not necessarily a well-oiled machine, we are quite effective at getting the job done when we all work together."

"I am not putting all of you at risk. You don't..."

"All I'm saying is that you're too shaken and exhausted to think clearly at this juncture. Surely you understand that our strength lies in our group cohesiveness? We cannot allow a dream, not even a particularly frightening Slayer dream, to destroy that. Please just get some rest. I'm certain we can work this all out to everyone's satisfaction later. There's no need to make any decision right this moment, it will keep."

"...Okay, I guess you're right. Do I need to apologize again or can we just agree I'm going to keep saying stupid things all day?"

"We forgive you Buffy. You've been under a great deal of strain for years now, none of us can blame you for finally snapping."

"...Gee, thanks so much Anya."

"You're very welcome Buffy. Think nothing of it."

"Okay. Guys?"

"I'm fine Buffster. We were overdue for a big freak out anyway."

"I'm good too. Just get some sleep and I'll see what else I can dig up on the Internet."

"Thanks."

"Come on, I'll walk you up."

"I'm not a scared little kid Dawn, I don't need an escort."

"I have to go up anyway, so stop being such a big grouch."

When they got to Buffy's room, Dawn straightened up the bed while Buffy changed back into her pajamas. She slid in underneath the blankets as Dawn tucked her in, placing a soft kiss on her forehead. When she turned to go, Buffy reached out her hand:

"Dawnie, could you stay with me for a little while?"

"Sure. Scoot your big butt over."

She snuggled in with her head resting on Buffy's shoulder, and Buffy began stroking her hair slowly. They rested quietly for a few minutes until Dawn just had to ask:

"It was really bad, wasn't it?"

She felt the tremor shoot through Buffy, and even though her hand never lost its soothing rhythm, Dawn could tell she was struggling not to cry.

"Yeah, it was."

"......So I guess you're over that whole wanting to be an only child thing?"

There was a pause, and then Buffy laughed and pulled her closer.

"Oh yeah, that's lost all appeal now."

"Hey, does this mean I can borrow your blue sweater then?"

"No it does not!"

"But Buffy..."

"No way!"

"Okay fine, just thought I should give it a shot."

They stopped talking then and eventually Buffy began to relax. Just before she began drifting off, she heard Dawn's confident voice:

"It won't happen Buffy, you won't let it."

"...Dawnie, I..."

"Shhh...just rest now."

Buffy's sleep was restful at first, but it wasn't long before images began flitting their way across her mind. They were just tantalizing flashes that were hard to make sense of, mere glimpses of something she desperately needed to see. They weren't scary, in fact they were somehow comforting, but they made no sense to her.

Their meaning hung just out of her reach, just beyond her consciousness. It was frustrating. She could almost grasp the pictures as they went sliding past, yet no matter what she did, they kept slipping away. Her being felt fragmented and confused, and she knew it was that division that was keeping her from seeing.

A part of her accepted what she was being shown, but a larger part was rebelling. It couldn't be right, it couldn't all come down to this, yet somewhere deep inside herself she knew that it did. It was complex in the way that the simplest things always are, and she knew nothing she did could ever change the truth of it.

She was the Slayer, and she had a duty. It was Buffy who was rebelling, it was Buffy who was pulling away from the truth, and the Slayer could no longer allow that. She had to see, to accept and understand...It was time.

Buffy surrendered, and for that one instant she became only the Slayer. She looked, reaching out to grasp the images as they floated lazily before her and...

She awoke with a gasp and shot up in her bed wide awake. She knew now what she had forgotten, what they needed. She had the answer.

She ran down the stairs startling everyone as they sat gathered in the living room.

"Good Lord Buffy, what's wrong?"

"Nothing's wrong, everything's right!"

"You look kinda flushed Buff, maybe you should..."

"I'm okay Will. Guys, I know what we need!"

"Hey Buffster, how about a cold cloth and a..."

"Hello, is anyone listening?! I know what we need to do!"

"Why that's just wonderful news Buffy... Xander, do we have a tranq gun anywhere in the house?"

"Anya, I can hear you! I'm fine, okay? I'm just excited, well and a little nervous. And yeah okay, I'm pissed too because why, you know? But none of that matters, not really. I mean it matters, but I just went through all of that with myself, so no it doesn't."

"Buffy, did something bad happen after I left your room?"

"No of course not, but yeah kind of. Listen, I know what we need. And even though I don't know exactly how it works or even how it really changes things...'cause true if you think about it, who knows? It could be good or bad I guess, but then why show me it if it's just going to be bad? Where's the point in that? Right, nowhere."

"Buffy, perhaps you could sit down and calmly start again from the beginning?"

"‘Sit down'? Giles, who can sit at a time like this?!"

"Hopefully you can Buffy because you're kind of scaring the crap out of us."

"What Xander? Me? I am? Okay, look. Here I am with the sitting. Look at Buffy sitting down all calm just like a normal person...who is talking about herself in the creepy third person and adding to the whole crazy vibe. Okay, I'm sitting down and I am calm in my excitement."

Willow approached slowly:

"Um, maybe you could explain without all the crazy lady rambles?"

"Yes I can, just let me start all over. Maybe if I take a deep breath and..."

"Great idea Buffy! Take many deep breaths...Xander, get the tranq gun!"

"You guys aren't going to like this very much, but I'm going to have to ask you to trust me. I've got an idea, well it's really more than just an idea. It's a feeling, and not just any feeling."

"And feelings are good Buffy...The gun Xander!"

"I had another Slayer dream, or something. It was...I don't really know what it was, but it felt...Okay, this is where I need all of you to just trust me. Even though I sound crazy, I know what I'm saying. I just need you to hear me out, okay?"

"I for one, shall endeavor to keep an open mind."

"Yep, one open-minded girl here."

"You may call me the ‘King of Open-Mindedness'."

All eyes turned to Anya:

"......Oh all right! But I think we'd all feel much better if we just knew where the tranq gun was."

"Dawnie?"

"Huh?"

"I'm polling here on open-mindedness."

"You know that's my middle name."

"Open-mindedness?!"

"An..."

"You're saying ‘Open-mindedness' is your middle name? Was Joyce clinically insane when she named you girls?"

"Honey, it's just an expression. That's not her middle name."

"It's not?"

"No."

Anya looked relieved:

"Oh...Well okay then. Of course that still doesn't fully explain Buffy or even Dawn when you think about it. Don't get me wrong, I liked Joyce very much, but you have to wonder if she was drunk or just drugged out of her mind when she...Sorry, you were going to tell us your crazy idea."

"I know what we need to do. It's going to take us a couple of days to get everything ready, and it's going to be hard in a lot of ways...but I'm positive this is what we need to do, no matter what."

Giles began cleaning his glasses, his face thoughtful.

"So far Buffy, you've not told us exactly what it is you want us to do."

"What if I told you guys we need to..."

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