INT. ELLE'S BEDROOM - DAY
DINO examines ELLE's carved-up back on the bed.
I'm gonna fuckin' kill that fuckin'
piece of motherfuckin' shit!
Dawn killed him. Sorry your
bloodlust won't be satiated.
Christ Elizabeth--why didn't you
Well, that whole being taken
hostage and used as a human
sacrifice thing made it difficult
to get to a phone.
You shoulda called me anyway if you
were having problems. I think it's
great you'd go to a priest--still
regret not putting you in Sunday
school--but mass and communion are
nothing compared to GUIDANCE.
That's HELP--what I'm here for.
I didn't wanna bother you--not like
you get vacations often--or ever.
Especially if you were with your
Yes, it would be so wrong for my
SISTER to interrupt my lesbian-
interaction time for such trivial
matters as personal problems and
I can't continue this dependence on
you for everything and I definitely
don't want to bog you down with MY
There's a lot of crap I do and have
done for years out of necessity--
because I can't help but feel
obligated to do them...
...you are not one of those things.
Anything you wanna tell me?
Elle considers it. She's conflicted.
INT. SUNNYDALE HIGH, BUFFY'S OFFICE - DAY
Buffy sits at her desk while WILLOW giddily sits on the desk.
So you watched vampires burn on
crosses in a public park...that's
gotta be the weirdest date in
Really wasn't a date. We haven't
gone on a date yet.
Is Faith too macho for dating?
Please don't use macho and Faith in
the same sentence. I prefer MY
Faith to embody increasingly
Faith and feminine...that's like
Buffy and education.
Buffy scowls, picks up a ruler, and smacks Willow's leg.
I really believe I can turn her
into a housewife.
School is no place for lecturing,
so stuff it. And she tried cooking
me dinner! It's realistic.
Shame on you. How could you change
her like that? Why would you want to?
I love her the way she is--just
that there's more than she let's on.
For all the promises about getting
to know her better, I honestly
can't say I know much more about
her than I did three years ago.
Just a few vagueries.
Plenty of ways to fix that.
DAWN marches in with her backpack.
Why do I have to be in school today?
Because getting an education is the
cornerstone of a successful future.
I already know what I want to be
when I grow up--JUST LIKE YOU.
Wow...that gets me--
(pointing to side of chest)
--right here in this part of my
heart. Over here--
(pointing to other side)
--this part of my heart is laughing
so hard it's on the verge of a
I'd rather be with Elle...I SHOULD
be with her.
Willow quirks an eyebrow.
Regular human beings go to school.
Xander, Elle--when she's healthy.
Irregular humans also attend
Buffy quirks an eyebrow.
Fact of life kiddo...tough it out
and you'll be home in a few hours.
Dawn's still not happy. She slouches out. Willow sends a
questioning glance at Buffy who looks away.
INT. XANDER'S APARTMENT - DAY
ANYA lounges around until the door opens and XANDER, baggage
in hand, walks in. Anya runs to him.
Xander! I missed you so much!
Then why don't you take this for me...
Xander stuffs his baggage right into Anya's midsection. She
catches it but her ass lands on the ground. Xander makes
nothing of it.
Did you miss me?
At times. Gotta say, being away
from Sunnydale really put things in
perspective. My mind is clear--at
least, as clear as it can get
without becoming transparent.
I'm...semi-thrilled to hear that in
a barely understanding way.
Been holding down the fort for me?
Like a housewife. I didn't mention
"housewife" because I'm hoping
you'll make me one. I wish not to
be domesticated by you no matter
how much I love you--which has
amassed otherworldly proportions.
Thanks for all that information.
I'm gonna take a shower.
Anya brightens considerably.
Know anyone good?
Anya darkens considerably.
INT. DEAN HOUSE - NIGHT
On Elle resting on the couch, exasperated.
Dawn, stop it right now.
Pull back to reveal Dawn dressed in a nurse's uniform
holding food and supplies.
Am I doing something wrong?
Yeah--annoying the hell out of me.
Do you not like the outfit?
That's the only reason you're still
here. I don't want you fawning
It's no problem. Just wanna make
sure you heal fast and stay strong
and...a multitude of other things.
Dawn, a nursemaid is something I've
never needed or wanted. A best
friend though...always wanted,
never had...until you. Let's keep
it that way.
Dawn smiles weakly.
I'll put these in storage--just in
Dawn solemnly enters the kitchen leaving behind a bothered
INT. DINER - NIGHT
Buffy and Faith eat pie. It's quiet for the most part.
Damn fine pie.
Blueberry's my favorite.
Huh--didn't know that. Amazing
what certain people can learn from
certain other people when those
other people speak.
Nice skirtin' B. You gonna tap
dance around the table for your
Fuck the forgettin' and bring on
the rememberin'...or anything
soundin' less dorky.
You're not taking this seriously.
All I want is to know my girlfriend.
I've told ya plenty of shit about me.
There you go again.
You do this.
What the fuck do I do? Swallow the
fuckin' huckleberries so you can
spit it out clearly.
Trivializing your identity.
Who you are--your life now and
then--what you have, what you want--
--I WANT ya to shut up about this.
Buffy stares hard at Faith who returns it. Faith wills her
to drop the subject--Buffy gesticulates her resignation. A
WAITRESS comes over and gives them the check.
You payin', right?
Then I'll be outside. Don't fret
over the tip.
Buffy rolls her eyes. Faith coldly leaves. Buffy hesitates
before picking up the check. She EXHALES loudly.
INT. THE UNDERGROUND - NIGHT
Xander, Giles, and Dino sit in a booth.
Dude, that's pretty cruel.
It is COOL, isn't it?
CRUEL. Seems kinda CRUEL to not
only keep her in the dark, but
almost strap her in and deny any
means of decent survival to her.
You ever have a serious girlfriend?
I dated a nihilist.
Serious as in bordering on marriage
and china patterns.
Sort of. I was fifteen tipping
over into sixteen...she was a few
months older and lightyears more
attractive. Never got to the point
Dino trails off, his eyes blinking rapidly.
Dino CLEARS HIS THROAT.
Morning after our, um, first night
together...she woke up before me
and went to make me an omelet--I
love omelets. I know because she
left a note telling me she did, but
that she had to go out to get some
eggs...me and Elle finished 'em the
day before. She never came
back...found out what happened from
a guy on the street.
Xander and Giles are sympathetic.
Nah...I got over it.
Lots and lots of sex with lots and
lots of women. Back in New York,
I'm kinda like a goodfella superhero.
You sound resoundingly proud of
Hey, before leaving, I had as much
power and respect as the mayor in
the world's greatest city. Makes
your career as a teenage demon-
killer more tolerable.
Well, mine is exceptionally
different circumstances. I'm not
even sure where I want us to go
Take it from a man who has had his
share of relationships--you may be
unaware of where you're headed, but
you are headed somewhere. The key
is not subjecting Anya to some type
of torture for her misdeeds--that
may serve only to distort your
sensibilities and emotions.
After three years of listening to
her yapping and badgering over the
littlest disagreement in my favor--
or anyone else's besides hers for
that matter--I think I deserve a
level of bloodless revenge. How
harmful could it be?
In unison, they all drink.
EXT. GRAVEYARD - NIGHT
Buffy and Faith grasp their stakes as they patrol the area.
I forgive you.
Meaning I haven't and I doubt I
ever will since I don't know what
my future non-apology is for.
The way you treated me at the diner.
Gimme a break. Quit bein' so
Faithy was nasty to me 'cause she
doesn't feel in the mood to talk
about her FEELINGS on this, that,
and the other fuckin' thing.
I just want you to open up to me.
You don't have to broadcast it over
the internet--for my ears only.
Let it go...it's in the past! You
said so yourself.
Yes I did, but in the context of
keeping you from wallowing in self-
hatred. Your life now is more
important than how it was then, but
that shouldn't devalue the effect
your past has had on you!
The last thing I need is to dwell
on a time when I hated being me.
MY past, my choice whether or not
to waste Buffy-time on it.
You don't take yourself seriously
Yeah--just write me off.
Buffy and Faith continue walking until catching the sound of
VOICES in the distance. They share a knowing look and
maneuver into a spot where they safely spy on an encounter
featuring SPIKE and a couple of GOONS.
Did you find her?
Nowhere in sight.
Where did you look?
Combed the entire town--which isn't
much to begin with--still came up
Bollocks! As the hellmouth
Spike ruefully LAUGHS.
Come on--Sunnydale sojourn, part two.
The Goons follow Spike as he leaves. Buffy and Faith are
EXT. ESPRESSO PUMP - NIGHT
Willow and KENNEDY exit the place. Willow's beat.
I'm just saying, a few phone calls
would've been welcome. Bad enough
I couldn't go.
Goddess! You called me and I did
call you--what's the hang up?
This "enough is truly enough"
attitude doesn't fly with me. I
could never get enough of my
Please don't take this the wrong
way, but my Earth does not revolve
around your Sun.
Thank you for the astronomical
phraseology. Is your goal to be
obnoxiously clever...or obnoxiously
Swear to God, first time I'm seeing
Why everyone hates your guts.
There was more to me than Kennedy's
girl before you rode into town on
that personality-challenged horse
of yours...I'm steadfastly holding
the same position now. There's
loads of happy-tingly feelings for
you here, but cut the shit if you
want it to stay that way.
Willow stomps off. Kennedy bites her lip and waits a moment
before catching up.
Close on a series of trees and bushes across the street.
Stepping out from behind a tree is Drusilla.
You will do splendidly.
On Drusilla's maniacal stare:
END ACT ONE