EXT. APARTMENT BUILDING - MORNING
XANDER exits onto the sidewalk with DINO trailing him.
You have a plan?
That I do my friend.
Is it anything beyond a blank piece
of paper with the word PLAN at the top?
You doubt my planning skills?
Took the thoughts right out of my mind.
Dare you think such a thing!
It's a much easier dare than
kissing Molly Phillips in the 5th
All right, so the plan hasn't
materialized as of yet, but it will.
My mind is working overtime.
Relying on your mind may not be the
I do not feel supported by your
Support? What are you--a damn
metrosexual? Some boo-hoo
sensitive, affeminite, soft-hearted,
homoerotically clothed male.
No--but you'll find a lot of those
in this part of the country.
Forget support--how about backup?
You're my wing man, right?
Dino implores Xander to rethink that.
I'M YOUR wingman, right?
Yeah, all right. So, every non-
plan has a first step. What's yours?
Communication. Dialogue. I have
to communicate with Anya in order
to begin a dialogue with her.
Profound and sensible. Very good.
I read it in a book. Put it to the
test by calling her ten minutes ago.
She wasn't home.
Anya's got something to do at this
CUT TO:INT. SUMMERS HOUSE - MORNING
DAWN opens the front door to reveal ANYA with a goofy smile
and a bag from Dunkin' Donuts.
Is Willow awake?
Dawn quirks an eyebrow.
CUT TO:INT. SUMMERS HOUSE, BUFFY'S BEDROOM - DAY
Still naked, still in bed. Buffy rests her head on Faith's
stomach as she gazes at Faith. The intensity has Faith a
You were a gorgeous child.
Oh please. You don't gotta say
that. I already knew it.
Hey--I was four and had that New
York-style eclair cream in my mouth.
That tasty shit is thick.
Do you still love her?
Your mom. I mean, I know she
was...it's just--my dad, while not
having done anything nearly as bad,
was and is an asshole...but I--
--can't help it.
My mom was a bitch. I hated her
then, I hate her now. If there's a
God, she's rottin' in the fiery
circles of blackest hell.
Let's just say I don't LIKE her.
Buffy lays a small kiss on Faith's tummy.
Thanks for stickin' up for me. In
That was easy.
What was hard?
You saved me earlier. As long as
you keep savin' me for the rest of
my life, then it's all good.
CUT TO:INT. GILES' HOUSE - DAY
GILES reads a book at his desk. DOORBELL. Giles puts the
book down and answers the door. It's a refined, Jodie
Yes. And you are...
...here to help you.
Excuse my skepticism. I don't know
you, have never seen you, and am
tempted to kill you where you stand.
I work--well, worked--for the
You must have a death wish.
My name is Sylvia Wright. I was an
associate with the council--a
watcher in training if you will.
I'm sure you heard the council no
Yes. A shame really. They weren't
What are you here for?
The council is gone. However, that
does not mean a slayer should be
Your commitment is admirable, but
neither Buffy nor Faith require
further tutelage under anyone
except myself. Kennedy is dead.
The others have moved on.
I wasn't talking about them.
Giles' interest--and concern--is heightened.
CUT TO:INT. SUMMERS HOUSE - DAY
Dawn blocks entrance to the stairway from Anya.
My intent is to increase her good
I bought her batteries for that
Willow wants to see me!
Based on what? Last night? She
would've given ME head if I let her.
No, I'm not hot for Willow. You
shouldn't be either. What about
Xander doesn't deserve me.
That's debatable. Willow needs her
space. She needs her grieving zone.
She needs to be surrounded by
people who won't hit on her!
I can extinguish her need for space
and grief through orgasms!
Anya tries to rush past Dawn to the stairs, but Dawn fights
her back. They struggle.
Xander and Dino enter through the front door. After a long
while, Dawn and Anya see them and freeze.
Is it wrong that bikinis and mud
are in my mind right now?
Anya. You're here.
Very astute observation.
Why are you here?
I came to see--
--ME! She came to see me...in
order to help me, um, research. Do
research. I'm researching. Yay
We don't believe that for a second.
But since we came here to run with
Giles' idea to go on the offensive
for the holidays, you both can help
Anya scowls at Dawn again.
What about Buffy and Faith?
They can take a break. Relax. Get
on each other's good side again.
CUT TO:INT. SUMMERS HOUSE, BUFFY'S BEDROOM - DAY
Buffy stands at her desk in full naked glory. Faith
approves, admiring the sight. Buffy opens a jewelry box and
digs in there until she comes upon a silver bracelet. She
turns and holds it up for Faith to see.
This look familiar?
Your nipple? Of course. I was
nibblin' on it a few minutes ago.
Little disappointed though 'cause I
was hopin' to get some milk out of it.
Buffy GROWLS. Faith smirks and gets off the bed. She goes
to Buffy and examines the bracelet in wonder.
Is that...you still got this? I
figured you'd toss it after a few
days. It's so crappy.
Sweetness--it may be crappy, but
it's crappy crap courtesy of you.
Wow--I got no idea what to think of
It means I love you and love
anything you give me.
Faith is beyond amazed. She kisses Buffy.
CUT TO:INT. THE UNDERGROUND - DAY
Spike marches down a hallway and enters a room filled with
an assortment of CHATTERING demons.
All right. Thank you all for
coming. How 'bout a story?
The room goes quiet.
'Twas the week before Christmas and
all through the hellmouth...not a
creature was killing, not even a--
Spike focuses for a moment on:
--weasel-ugly, pink Kucinichiro
Bottom line fellas, it's the time
of year when decency is in the air.
Somehow, it got into the bad guys'
standards and practices handbook
that we have to be nice and
respectful during the holidays.
Let the kiddies own the streets for
a couple weeks. Leave the stray
demons to fend for themselves on
the surface, facing the wrath of
You know what I say? Fuck it. I
say we go up there and mutilate
men...women...and children! We
don't discriminate. Kill 'em, eat
'em, rape 'em.
The demons are agreeable to that.
When the 23rd comes around,
terrorize the human fuckheads to
the point where they'll add
"painless death" to their Santa
I mean, demons celebrate Christmas
Am I right?
The crowd is energized. On Spike's sinister face:
END ACT ONE