8 – Sex, Drugs & Pop Music?
I return to the booth to wait for Faith to bring me my drink. Willow is waiting there, smiling at me.
“You sure look like you’re having fun,” Willow smirks.
“Yeah, this is the most fun I’ve had in awhile – and the dancing is great too,” I pause and tip my head a bit to the side, “I think I got her all hot and bothered again. That perfume stuff you gave me works terrific.”
“Oh please, its Faith, do you really need to use chemical warfare? I mean, she thinks about sex more than Xander.”
“Well, you’re right about that, but it makes her hornier than usual – if that’s even possible.”
“That’s certainly true…” I raise an eyebrow.
“Why? What do you mean?”
“She just left with Cordelia.”
Wow, Cordy’s a nympho, who’d a thought it? She’s passed out right now, wrapped up in her red satin sheets, on that lake she calls a bed. That waterbed she’s got is fuckin’ awesome – and fun too – gives that ‘motion in the ocean’ thing a whole new meaning. Her stereo is still blaring something by Britney Spears, I don’t know how she can listen to that. Even worse, I can’t believe I had to listen to that during sex. I can’t stand that crap anymore so I walk out onto her balcony and light up a joint, she’s got an incredible view of downtown from here. I wonder how much rent is in this… But before I get a chance to finish my thoughts, I feel pair of arms encircle my waist.
Resting her chin on my left shoulder she asks, “Are you coming back to bed?”
“Actually… I think I have to go.”
I gently lean my head against hers and hand her my smoke, she takes a long, slow drag.
“Why?” she blows the smoke out leisurely. Truth is, I’m not horny anymore, but I can’t tell her that.
“I have an early morning tomorrow,” I fib, noon is early for me. I feel her tighten her grip around my middle. I really can’t handle her whining right now so I quickly add, “but I’ll drop by the pool hall tomorrow, in the afternoon?”
“Okay,” she relents, handing me back my smoke. I take one last drag, stub it out on the railing and flick it off the balcony. I turn around in her arms and give her a soft kiss. As I pull away, she has this goofy lookin’ grin plastered to her face.
I think I’m gonna head home, better catch some shuteye while I still can. When I get back to my car, I check my cell phone and there are 37 missed calls, 19 angry text messages, and 30 new voicemails – all from B. Shit, I gotta see her tomorrow morn— early-afternoon.
B’s gonna be so pissed.
Oh well, it was totally worth it.
CHAPTER 9 – Buffy’s Mom Has Got it Going on
The next day, I show up at Buffy’s house around 2:30 in the afternoon, Joyce’s car is still in the driveway so I know she’s still home – thank you, God. Buffy won’t ream me about last night with Joyce around. I take a deep breath and knock.
“Oh, hi Faith, come on in. Buffy’s still upstairs getting ready, you know how she is,” she gives me a warm smile.
“Hi Miss Summers, and how are you doin’ this fine day?” I ask, crossing the threshold.
“Oh, I’m alright, I just have to go see Dr. Lee today and then I can go shopping.” Now I know where B gets it from.
“Gee, I hope you’re not getting sick, Miss Summers.”
“No,” B interrupts, walking down the stairs, “Dr. Lee is her plastic surgeon.”
“Plastic surgery? Aw, you don’t need that Miss Summers.” Joyce gives me a brilliant smile, but before she gets a chance to respond, B interjects.
“She already got it.”
I look at Joyce with a raised eyebrow, “You did?”
“Yeah, I got these…” she proudly cups her breasts with her hands “…about two weeks ago.” Now that I’m looking, they are much… fuller… and perky too.
“What do you think, Faith? Not too big are they?”
“No, they’re… uh… nice… very nice.” I give her a huge grin. Out of the corner of my eye, I can see B roll her eyes at me.
“Why thank you, Faith. See Buffy, Faith thinks they’re nice.” Of course I do, they’re a free pass to check out Buffy’s mom’s tits.
“Of course she does,” Buffy growls walking into the kitchen. Joyce seems confused by that comment and looks at me for an explanation. I merely shrug.
“So, do they feel weird having them at all?”
“No, they’re quite soft actually, just like real ones.”
“Oh.” That’s not really what I meant.
“You want to feel?” My jaw drops, before I answer she takes my hand and places it on her breast. Covering my hand with her own, she squeezes. The reality of this situation doesn’t set in till Buffy walks back in.
“What? I paid enough for these, if people don’t feel them what was the point of getting them?” She lets go of my hand. Damn, stupid Buffy. B just glowers at me.
“C’mon, Faith, lets go,” B hisses, stomping out the door.
“Bye honey,” she calls after Buffy’s retreating form, “bye Faith,” she purrs. What the fuck? I turn to look back at Joyce, but Buffy grabs my arm and yanks me out the door. I coulda swore that Joyce just…
“I cannot believe you felt up my mom!” Buffy snarls as soon as we’re inside the car. I did no such thing. Well, not really…
“And what about last night?”
“Shut up Faith, I hate you.” Okay, guess its going to be one of those days.
“Damn, don’t get all huffy, Buffy.” That was a bad idea, she’s glaring again.
“Don’t even start,” she hisses. Okay, I’m not even going to try.
Its been almost twenty minutes and she still hasn’t said a word to me. She must be really mad, I didn’t actually think she was physically capable of silence for more than 5 minutes. We pull to a stoplight and I sneak a glance at her, she’s still just staring out the window. I just don’t understand her. She can’t be that upset about the Cordelia thing, I’ve ditched her hundreds of times to go get laid. And me groping her mom, well, that wasn’t really my fault.
I reach over and tuck a stray lock behind her ear, “C’mon, B, I’m really sorry.” About whatever you’re mad about.
“How about we swing by Krispy Kreme? We can even go inside, I know how you like watching them being made.”
“I’ll take you to see that new Britney Spears movie,” I can’t help the shudder that escapes my body when I utter the last part. She’s been begging me to take her to see that forever though.
I sigh, I know what will make her happy. Fuck. I turn off the freeway and head into the underground parking structure. I hate coming to this place, I swore I’d never come with her to this place again. Ever. The things I do for her. I fucking hate this place. She turns and looks at me as she realizes where we are, her eyes are wide. I give her a fake smile.
“Alright B, I—”
“The mall!” she squeals with delight and jumps out of the car almost before I stop.
Oh, crap, what the hell have I gotten myself into?
CHAPTER 10 – Shopping With Buffy
If there’s anything I’m more afraid of than whiny, needy, clingy, commitment-happy girlfriends, it’s shopping with that little blonde she-devil. I just can’t understand why she feels the need to try on everything in the store – even the stuff she thinks is ugly. We’ve been here for over 3 hours already, and there’s still over 30 clothing stores she still hasn’t been to.
“Ooo, looky, Faith.”
OH. FUCK. ME.
If there’s one thing better than shopping its guilt-trip shopping. Faith feels so bad about last night that she’ll buy me almost anything I ask for. I just have to pout and give my best puppy dog eyes.
So far she’s gotten me: 3 new tops, 2 new miniskirts, a pair of really tight tan leather pants and some miscellaneous jewelry.
I can tell she’s starting to get suspicious though.
“Ooo, looky, Faith.”
“C’mon, B, I really don’t think you’re mad anymore. Plus, I’m starting to get really hungry, we’ve been here for like 3 hours already.” As if on cue, her stomach grumbles loudly.
“Okay, fi— Ooo, the candy store. Please, Fai, just the candy store, then we can go to the food court.” I put on my most persuasive pout. She sighs and then nods. Yay me! I jump up giving her a peck on the check and she follows me in reluctantly.
Twenty minutes later, we finally get to the food court. I didn’t know it could be that difficult to pick out candy. I order a couple slices of pizza and find Buffy sitting near the fountain with her salad.
“Faith, I wanna go to Frederick’s next.”
“B, my ass hasn’t even hit the seat yet. Will you at least let me eat first, before we start talking about shopping again?”
“Fine,” she sulks.
I swear she thinks about shopping almost as much as I think about sex. Almost. Wait, did she say Frederick’s? Lingerie shopping? That, I think I can handle.
CHAPTER 11 - Fun at Frederick’s
As we make our way down to Frederick’s, I can’t help but notice the abundance of hotties that just loiter about this Godforsaken place. Note to self: come to the mall more often, minus the she-devil. The little brat insists on holding my hand the entire way there. She probably thinks I’ll ditch her here to go chase some tail – which I might, but I’m insulted she would think that. Besides, this is lingerie shopping we’re talking about, I wouldn’t ditch her until after. Well, that is unless I see a really, really hot babe…
When we enter the store, the sales girl greets us from atop a very high ladder – wearing a skirt. I feel a wicked smile creep onto my face.
“Hello, welcome to Frederick’s of Hollywood. How are you ladies doin’ today?” she chirps in an unnaturally perky voice. Well, she is pretty hot though…
“Hi, we’re good, and you?” B replies, equally perky.
“I’m excellent, thanks for asking,” the girl smiles, “Don’t mind me, I’m just reorganizing this top rack. Although, feel free to ask if you have any questions or want to see something closer.” She directs the last part at me.
“And what a nice rack that is,” I smirk. Ow, I get a poke in the ribs for that comment, stupid B. The sales girl smiles at me and goes back to what she was doing. Go me. I casually stroll over to take a peek up that skirt, but my plans are foiled when B grabs me and yanks me toward the other side of the store. Dammit. Whatever, I give up. This is guilt shopping anyway, so flirting up the sales chick while B’s here is a no-no.
I obediently follow her around as she peruses through the racks and piles the ‘outfits’ on me. I hate this part. Ooo, that’s hot. I quickly toss a tight black leather corset into the pile when she’s not looking. When I can’t see over the mountain of lace and satin anymore she leads me over to the dressing rooms – wait, would it be undressing rooms in this case? – I set the load of the clothing down and B shoves me out. What the fuck? She didn’t have a problem with me being in the dressing room at the other fifty stores we went to.
“Wait over there, I’ll be out in a sec.” She points to a chair in the corner. Fuck. I’m gonna be out here forever. I poke my head out to see if the sales girl needs someone to hold that ladder for her, it looked awfully wobbly. Aw, nuts, she’s with another customer. I decide to sit down and try to wait B out.
Twenty minutes later though, my impatience gets the best of me.
“Hey B, ya almost done in there?” Leaning against the door I can hear her shuffling through the heaps of skankware.
“Jeez, Faith, impatient much?” Yes, actually.
“How long do you plan on being here? The store closes in like two hours, y’know.”
“Faith, that’s plenty of time.” Not for you, honey.
“Fine then, I’m just gonna head down the hall and get a dri—”
“Faith, if you leave me I will never, ever forgive you!” she practically screams through the door.
“Okay, okay, I’ll stay here, Jesus-fucking-Christ.” Relenting, I retake my seat in the corner. This is so not what I imagined. Stupid little tease.
I’m sooo bored. I start to doze off, but I’m roused by the whiny voice of a certain blonde…
“Uh, Faith… Faith… Faith!”
“Huh? What? You’re ready to go?”
“No… can you, um… come zip me up?” What? She doesn’t let me in the dressing room and now she wants me to do what?
“Puh-leeze,” the brat whines, she opens the door just a sliver and peeks out.
“Fine,” I get up and move towards her.
She slowly pulls open the door as I approach, stopping to leave just enough space for my arm to slip thru. As soon as I do get my hand thru the opening, she grabs me and yanks me inside, locking the door behind us.
Inside the cubicle, she roughly shoves me down onto the bench opposite the door and straddles me.
She’s wearing the little black leather corset… She looks fuckin’ hot too!
The little minx still has a hold of my hand and now has a vise grip on my other hand, she pins both wrists firmly against the wall just above my head. Damn, when did she get so fucking strong? Not that I’m really complaining…
CHAPTER 12 - Dangerous Liaisons
I lean down and capture her lips in an intense kiss, when I pull away we’re both panting. She stares up at me wide eyed and I move down to straddle her thigh. I start to rock back and forth, rubbing myself against her knee.
God, that feels good.
“B, I—” she starts, but I promptly quiet her lips with another kiss. Slowly, I release her hands from my grip and move my own behind her neck, pulling her further into me. Mmm… yummy Faith…
As soon as B lets my wrists go I move my right hand up to gently knead her left breast. Mmmm… Buffy booby… Oh… she smells so good too…
Stupid cell phone…
“Uh, Faith, you’re ringing…”
“I know, you wanna move so I can answer that?”
“Only if you put it on vibrate and tell whoever it is to keep calling back,” she purrs, then travels to my earlobe where she starts placing soft kisses down my neck. God, she can be such a little skank. I pull out my phone and check the screen.
Oh, shit. It’s Cordy.
“Who is it?” B murmurs, blowing in my ear. I shudder. She’s makin’ me so fuckin’ hot right now.
“Um… it’s… no one…” I sputter, my left hand has somehow found its way to her ass. Hmm… wonder how that happened?
“Liar,” she suddenly pulls away and snatches my phone, flipping it open and answering it.
This. Can’t. Be. Good.
“Hello, Faith’s cell phone, may I ask whose calling?” I try to grab my phone back, but she bites at my hand. Oh, fuck that. She’s got sharp teeth and I like my fingers where they are. I’m quite attached to them.
//WHO THE FUCK IS THIS?!?!// I hear Cordy scream through the earpiece. Dammit, I’m really fucked now… or not going to be fucked… whatever it is, it’s not going to be good.
“This is Faith’s girlfriend, who the fuck is this?” B replies in an eerily tranquil voice. Whoa, wait, girlfriend? She’s not my… hell no… crazy little bitch… who does she think she is? Oh yeah, definitely not my girlfriend.
//WHAT!?! LET ME TALK TO FAITH! NOW! SHE’S MY FUCKIN’ GIRLFRIEND!!!// I reach for my phone again, but B leans down and gives me a hard bite on the collarbone. Ow. That really fuckin’ hurt. Wait… oh, no… Cordy… aw fuck… she’s sooo not my girlfriend! Just because we fucked a few times doesn’t mean she’s my— Oh, fuck me. This cannot end well.
“No,” is the little blonde brat’s cool reply. With that, she flips the phone shut.
“No,” I say calmly into her cell and hang up on Cordy. I glance back down at Faith whose now wearing an unreadable expression. “Now, where were we?” I give her a coy smile and lean in to suck on her lower lip. Mmmm… Faithy. Suddenly, she stands and I’m more than a little surprised to find myself sitting on the floor.
“What the fuck was that about?” she growls at me.
“Don’t you think I’m the one who should be asking that question?” I extend my hand for her to help me up, but she ignores me. Bitch. I get up slowly and rub my ass. That kinda hurt, in more ways than one.
“Y’know B, I think it’s about time you an’ me had a little chat.” Crap.
CHAPTER 13 - Turning the Tables
“Y’know B, I think it’s about time you an’ me had a little chat.” I’m fuckin’ pissed. How dare that little tramp go spoutin’ off like that to my girlf— I mean… aw fuck. What the fuck is wrong with me?
“Get changed B, we’re leaving. Now!” I say sternly as I leave the dressing room. She comes out a few minutes later. I grab her and escort her quickly back to my car, without saying a word. I’m way too livid right now and I really don’t want to cause a scene at the mall.
As soon as we’re back in the car, I turn to the little bitch and yell, “What the hell is your problem? You know you’re not—”
“How could you cheat on me with that tramp from the pool hall?” I what?!?
“What?!? Cheat on you? Are you—?”
“Hurt? Humiliated? Devastated? Yes, actually, all of the above.” Huh?!? How dare she have the audacity to… we’ve never even had a… Ugh! Dammit.
“You? You’re not even— I didn’t—”
“Don’t deny it Faith, I know you fucked her. Did it feel good? Did she make you—?”
“What the fuck is wrong with you? I—”
“Me? What’s wrong with me? What the fuck is wrong with you? Did you even consider my feelings? Even for a second? How could you do this to me?” She starts the water works, oh crap.
“I’m… I didn—”
“You don’t even…” she sniffles, “I thought you were different Faith, I thought you actually cared about me.”
“Don’t you B me, I know you don’t even give a shit about me. You’ve probably never cared about me.”
“I do B… I just… I’m sorry… I didn’t mean to… it’s just that…” Whoa! Hold on just a damn minute here. I’m supposed to be the one who’s angry here. She’s good. Oh, she’s good.
How did that happen?
She smiles at me as I pull into her driveway. Ooo, that little… she’s so… what a… damn she’s good!
I love winning.
I lean over to give Faith a brief kiss before jumping out of the car and running inside the house. She can’t be mad at me if she can’t catch me. Besides, I’m sure she’ll have her hands full with Cordelia.
I, on the other hand, will have my hands full with organizing my spiffy new outfits. Yay!
Oh, before I forget, I run and grab my phone to make a quick call, I have friend who still owes me a favor.
I still can’t believe that just happened. I’m still sitting in her driveway replaying our conversation, trying to figure how she does that. She’s really good.
Oh, fuck, who the hell could that be now?
Great, it’s Cordy. I hit my head against the steering wheel a few times before I answer. I take a deep breath and open my phone.
“Hello, Cordy.” I immediately pull the phone away from my ear as she starts screeching and yelling obscenities at me. I can’t really understand much of what she’s saying because she’s talking – if you can call it that – too fast and also way too high pitched. I’m sure there’s a dog near her that’s in some serious pain. Poor doggy. Every once in awhile I can make out a few unpleasant phrases though.
//…who the fuck… slut… I swear I’m gonna… bitch… fucking liar…// I let her go on with her little tirade for awhile. When I can tell she’s finally stopped yelling I hold the phone back up to my ear.
//Yes// she huffs.
“Listen, I’m sorry I didn’t make it over to the pool hall today, okay?”
“Let me finish, then you can yell some more.”
“Fuck it, are you still there at the pool hall?”
“I’ll be over in a few minutes, so we can talk in person, ’kay?” She pauses, as if considering my offer.
On my way there, this Goddamn cop pulls me over to tell me that my plates expire at the end of the month. Like I don’t already fucking know that? Is that shit even allowed? I wasn’t even speeding. He takes forever to run my plates and license number, and then just lets me go. What bullshit. This night cannot get any worse.
When I arrive at the pool hall, she’s sitting outside waiting for me. She looks really pissed. Maybe this wasn’t such a good idea… now that I’m in hitting distance. She drops her cigarette and stomps it out, then storms over to me. Wow, she looks really hot when she’s angry… Okay, those thoughts are so not helping right now.
“I’m sorry it took me so long to get here, I got pulled over by a fuckin’ pig on my way here.” I put my hands up in surrender. “Baby, before you tear into me, hear me out.”
“This better be good,” she spits out coldly.
“B’s not my girlfriend, she stole my phone and she was just fucking with you,” I say calmly.
“How do I know that?” she asks suspiciously.
“She’s just not, I don’t have a girlfriend, alright?” She raises an eyebrow. Maybe that wasn’t such a good thing to say, but I’m not gonna sugarcoat this for her.
“What the fuck’s that supposed to mean? What about—”
“Look baby, just we ’cause fucked a few times don’t mean you’re my girl,” I interrupt quickly. “I like you, okay? The sex was great and you’re real nice, but I don’t do relationships. I’m sorry.” The anger in her eyes disappears as she looks away from me. I take a step towards her and gently hold her hand. She says nothing so I continue, “I’m really sorry if I hurt you, but it seemed like you understood at the time.”
She looks back up at me and her eyes are filled with unshed tears. Oh crap, I can’t stand it when chicks cry. Gimme crazy and psychotic any day, I’d rather deal with that than sobbing and hysterical.
Fuck, fuck, fuck.
“You don’t understand, Faith,” she cuts in sadly, “I love you.”
What?!? This night just got worse.
CHAPTER 14 – Silver Lining
“You don’t understand, Faith, I love you.”
OH MY GOD!
Omigod! Omigod! Omigod!
The expression on Faith’s face is just priceless! All the color vanished from her face the second those three words left Cordelia’s mouth. I zoom in to get a close up shot of her face, she looks so mortified. Her mouth is moving up and down, like she’s trying to say something, but no sound actually comes out. She kinda reminds me of a dying fish… uh-oh, Faith has turned weird shade of gray and seems to have begun hyperventilating, that can’t be good – funny, but not good.
Okay, I think it’s time to bring her down. I hand the camcorder over to Willow, who’s trying her hardest to stifle her laughter. I run over and jump into Faith’s arms, almost knocking her over in the process. I wrap my legs around her waist and my arms around her neck, giving her a big kiss on the lips.
“I love you too, Faithy,” I say in a sing-song voice, making her jaw drop.
“Wha…? You…? I…? How…?”
“Wha…? You…? I…? How…?” I look over her shoulder to see Cordy with the biggest shit-eating grin I’ve ever seen. H-o-l-y shit! I can’t believe they got me.
“Payback’s a bitch ain’t it Faithy?”
“Why you little—”
“It took me awhile to figure out how I was gonna get you back,” B smirks, tightening her legs around my waist. “I was talking to Cordelia, after that little prank you and Xander decided to pull on me, and when I mentioned you, she was more than happy to help me.”
I look over at Cordy, “So you… you were in on this the whole time?”
She just continues to grin. Bitch.
“So the pool hall…? the Bronze…? the mall? That was all planned?”
“Why’d you think Buffy wanted you to take her to the pool hall, Fai?” Cordy smirks. Why that little…
“Yup,” B smiles and tilts her head towards Red, where I see her holding a camera. Fuck.
Wait, how’d she get here before me?
“How the hell did you get before I did?”
“Well, ever since I caught Deputy Finn in a very compromising position with another deputy… he’s owed me a favor,” she says indifferently, lightly hopping down off me, “all I had to do was make phone call.” Deputy Finn? Wait…
“That douche-bag who pulled over on the way here?” B just nods, smiling. “Wait a minute and what about the sex?” I look over at Cordy.
“Well, that was just for fun,” Cordy interjects. Well, that was fun, but I’m still fuckin’ pissed.
“Just couldn’t keep it in your pants, could ya Fai?” B sneers.
“Shut up, B.”
I thought I was pissed earlier, but this is way beyond pissed. I’m gonna kill her… I reach for the little blonde’s neck, but she sees my intent and quickly backs away.
“Give me one good reason why I shouldn’t bitch slap you back to last Tuesday,” I hiss.
“You so deserved it, what you did to me was just as bad.” Dammit, that is a good reason.
“Ugh! Fuck this.” I get back in my car and peel out, smoking the tires so much that I leave them all coughing. Little bitches. I can’t fucking believe that little slut-bomb got me.
“We got her sooo good! That was such a great performance, Cordy. I don’t know why you didn’t stay in drama. That was, like, totally Oscar-worthy!”
“I know, but I just couldn’t stand the drama freaks.”
“Ooo, you have to come and check out all the new outfits I got out of this.”
I drive around for little bit. I don’t have any particular destination in mind, but I needed to get away from those scheming bitches. I’m soooo fucking mad, I cannot believe she did that shit to me, that is so fucked up. Okay, okay, what I did to her was pretty bad, but still…
After driving around for awhile, I find myself at the Bronze. I walk in and take a seat at the bar, it’s pretty dead in here tonight, but Tess is working so that’s okay.
“Hey Faith,” she greets me happily.
“Hey Tess,” wow, she looks good. She’s wearin’ this red halter that generously shows off her back and black leather pants that look like they’re painted on. God, she’s so smokin’ hot!
“You look like you’ve had a rough night,” she says, setting a drink down in front of me.
“Like you wouldn’t believe,” I down half the drink in one gulp.
“Whoa, there, we wouldn’t want you pass out before you tell me about it, would we?” she chides jokingly, but pours me another Jack and Coke.
“So it all started when…”
Half an hour and five drinks later...
“Wow, I can’t believe she did that to you. That’s like, almost as bad as telling someone you’re pregnant just to fuck with them.”
“I’m sure if that was physically possible, they’d have done that,” I slur. Hmm… maybe just one more drink and I’ll go home. She smiles at me and tenderly takes my hand.
“Y’know Faith, I’m quitting here.”
“Yeah, I put in my two weeks notice this morning. And there’s this place across town, City Limits, they pay, like, way better. So…” She says, drawing little circles on the back of my hand with her thumb.
“Wait,” my brain just processed what she’s saying and doing, “does that mean Bronze policy goes flying out the window?”
“Yup.” Maybe tonight won’t be that bad after all.
(What? Ya’ll didn’t think I put Tess in there for nothing did you? I mean, c’mon, Ashley Scott is fuckin’ hot, I rented Walking Tall just to see her 30 second striptease – and it was totally worth it.)