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by Liz M


For Chantal, your kindness and encouragement are appreciated, but especially for KC....for pushing me to continue.
Summary: A couple of years after Change of Heart.

The rain fell gently against the roof, comforting and lulling me into sleep. I was lonely, needing and I was thinking back on my life, my loves and on all the things that could've been.

Kate was mad at me. B, well, she walked out of my life when I finally had to choose between her and Kate and well, I chose Kate. There was another woman, Lilah, I'd been intrigued with her since the first time I'd met her, why? I don't know.....I guess because she was a lot like me.

Let me make myself clear. B, didn't actually walk out of my life. Things just got really complicated. We couldn't even be around each other alone without the whole breathing heavy thing happening. B, decided that it was best if she backed off and only came around every now and then.

I'd been having dreams lately, sexual dreams about all of them. The funny thing was that when I woke up, I could actually feel them, like it actually happened. Sometimes, I even woke up with marks on my body from the love making in my dreams, like scratches, love bites. That's why Kate was mad at me, I woke up with a huge ass hickey on my neck, even had one on my upper thigh.

My thoughts were getting the best of me and I sighed real hard, glancing out the window. The sky was a deep gray and the rain was making it dreary. Strange as it was, it was almost erotic.

I closed my eyes.

I drifted and drifted, feeling the warmth of oblivion surround me. I fell deeper and darker until the world I knew ceased and another opened. I came to a door, opened it, went inside and found myself at the ocean.

I could see and hear the waves against the shore. I could sense something or some one. She touched my shoulder, pulling me into an embrace.

"I've been waiting for you." She said.

I smiled, pulling her closer into me saying, "why is that?"

She put her lips against my neck, breathing against my skin, dragging her lips up to mine. Moving close, pausing and then pulling back. "You know." She said.

I found myself naked, being laid down in the damp sand. I could feel the salt water splashing against my body, and her lips teasing every inch of my skin.

I was wrapped in sweet hot breath, tormented by touch, drowning in ecstasy. I couldn't control it. I was hers', hers alone for the taking and I was being took.

I felt her, delving deep, caressing my center with long kisses. My head was swarming in arousal. My breaths hitched and fell.

I was climbing to the peak, fast. I dug my hands deep into the sand as I pushed my body into hers, matching her rhythm.

I went higher and higher, burning hot until I burst into flames. Crashing down into the water, only to find myself alone and dressed. My breath was still shallow and coming in gasps.

I got up and looked around for my lover but I knew I wouldn't find her. I walked over to the pier and crossed under it. When I reached the other side, I found myself in a cemetery. I could make out faint music and I saw flickering lights in one of the crypts. I made my way toward it.

Once inside, I saw hundreds of lit candles and a thick pallet on the floor. Perfume drifted through the air, I knew it. I had smelled it many times before.

"Hey baby." She said.

I turned and I couldn't believe my eyes. "It's been awhile I said."

"Too long." She replied.

I looked at her. After all this time, I still loved her. I knew that I always would. She touched me and I started to fall. I reached out for her and she fell with me, against me, into the pallet waiting on the floor.

My body nestled into the pallet as she tore the clothes from my body. I could feel her nails grazing trails of fire over my skin.

Her hand found my breast and she squeezed it. I felt her hot mouth descend upon me, sucking so hard that it was painfully pleasant.

Her free hand found it's way between my legs and started a fevered frenzy of friction, rubbing and sliding against me, I shuddered from her contact.

She continued fast and hard, never letting up or slowing her pace. Finally, electricity started to build inside me. She flowed through me, kneading me, fingering me, pushing me closer and closer to the edge and eventually over. I yelled out in completion.

I closed my eyes to the brightness of the candles. My body ached from the roughness it was shown. I sighed heavily, still feeling the aftermath of such a forceful union.

I opened my eyes to pitch black. I couldn't see or hear anything. I felt myself sink into the softness of pillows. I felt her lying against me. Was it a dream? Am I back in the arms of my lover? I reached down and stroked her shoulder.

"Are you ok?" I asked.

She looked up at me. "Yes, I just want you."

I smiled back saying, "I'm yours."

She leaned in and kissed me, only stopping to say, " I love you."

I melted into her touch, becoming drunk, giving her full access to my mouth and my body. I floated in mindless wonder. Her kisses were slow, penetrating and sweet, the kind that made your head sway and you lose all sense of time.

Her hands warmed my body, comforting me, soothing me and I caressed her, touch for touch, we were enthralled, melting into one body, one mind and one soul.

She slowly removed our clothing. Her touch was so gentle, almost like a feather teasing my skin. She was dominating me and I was letting her. Her words, " I love you," echoed over and over inside my head. I tried to shake my helplessness but it was no use, I couldn't move. I was held in stasis, waiting for her touch.

I felt her hot lips as they pressed into mine. I felt them move and glide down my body, slowly, thoroughly, making their way south.

She reached her destination and as she made contact, a wave of heat ignited my whole body. We were as one in taste, touch, feel and sound. As she opened me up further, I could feel her body, feel it's heat and I sunk back against the pillow as her mouth and tongue glided against me, over and over. I felt her penetrate me, slowly, building up speed, again and again. I rose and fell against her rhythm, feeling the rush build higher.

I could hear her moaning as if my very nectar was her only nourishment. It was the sexiest sound I'd ever heard.

She sped up, longer, deeper, faster, until I could do nothing more but convulse into reality.

I half set up, looking down , shaking off the effects of deep sleep. She met my eyes, smiling. I reached out and touched her face. She kissed her way up to my lips; parting them gently and laid me back against the pillow.

"What's wrong?" She asked.

I wrapped my arms around her tight saying, "I thought I was dreaming and I woke up and I didn't know if you were real or not."

She looked at me deeply. "Are you having doubts about choosing to be with me?"

"No." I answered. "I never doubt you, I doubt myself and all these strange things happening to me. I'm scared of my life. We have two kids, I see things that haven't happened yet, I have this electrical thing and literally shock the hell out of everyone I touch and these dreams feel so real. I'm losing reality into fantasy and I'm scared of all that it could mean."

She looked at me hard. "What do you think it could mean?"

I laughed. "Hell, I don't know. I know that I want to be here with you, it's just that my dreams take me away and I can't control where I go or who I'm with. I feel like I'm cheating on you and I don't want to lose you because of it."

She sighed. "I know; it's hard for me to understand. You have these gifts that I can't even comprehend. But nevertheless it's there, you wake up and you have these tell tale signs of where you've been and what you've been doing. I wouldn't have believed it if I hadn't of seen it."

I looked at her. "You really love me, don't you?" I asked.

She nodded. " I really do."

We lay against each other, embracing. She finally broke the silence asking, "who do you dream of?"

I pulled her into me tighter. "I don't know exactly, I just have impressions of who I think they are."

"Who do you think they are?" She asked.

I sighed. There was no way of getting around this. "You, B and Lilah." I whispered.

"Oh." She replied.

I could feel the chill in her voice; feel the distance between us start to grow. I turned her over, putting myself on top of her, not letting her retreat. I held her firmly, looking into her eyes. "I love you." I reassured.

She turned her head to the side. I immediately turned her face back toward me, repeating, "I love you."

I smiled at her and kissed her. How a person could feel so much from just one kiss, I'll never know but one kiss from her and I felt intoxicated and I never was one to stop at one drink.

I lost myself in those sweet luscious lips, feeling the warmth and the silkiness of her mouth. Her body against mine sent shivers to my core and my hands sampled her forbidden fruits.

My hand found it's way between her thighs and moved up until I found that sweet spot that she had moistened just for me. I slipped in one finger and built up a pleasurable rhythm, a rhythm that, I might say, had my Kate grabbing the sheets. Suddenly, I felt the hairs on the back of my neck stand up.

We were being watched.

I jerked around, only to see, two sets of small eyes peering at us in the dark.

I removed myself from Kate quickly, covering us as I did so, saying, "what do you two want? Come here you little munchkins."

I grabbed up the two onlookers, tickling them, giving Kate time to put on some clothes. When she dressed, she returned the favor by occupying them.

The phone rang, giving us a much needed retreat from the awkward situation that we got caught in. I answered it. It was B. Funny, it seems as if she dreamed of me last night. I don't need to tell you what about. I was well aware that all three women had visited me in dreamland. I played it cool, not giving her any confirmation that I had dreamed it also.

I hung up the phone and looked over at Kate, Rynn and Summer. Times passes by so quickly. The girls were growing like weeds and Kate, well, we'd been together nearly two and half years now.

Everyday, I was learning some new aspect of things I could do. I would've never known about the dream state if I hadn't read the diary that my daughter gave to me. Don't ask. I'm still having trouble with that.

Time flies. I always say that.

Here I am, weeks later, lying in bed and Kate is trying her best to blast me out of it. I'm just so sleepy and I haven't felt good the last several weeks.

Kate yells her, this is my last call, yell. So what the hell, I pull myself up out of the comfort and as soon as my feet hit the floor, my stomach churns and I literally run to the bathroom to throw up. Kate's right behind me with a cold rag to wipe my face with. How she knows when I'm gonna be sick, I've no clue, instinct I guess.

We finally, after a long bout of calling Ralph, make it to the kitchen. I can smell the food and I realize I'm starving.

"Slow down." She says.

I just look at her.

"You're putting on some weight." She adds. "And when did you have your last period?"

She had my attention. "What?"

She just looked at me and smiled.

"DAMN!" I yelled.

She laughed. " I already bought a test, go and take it and we'll see, ok?"

I didn't need a test to tell me what I already knew to be truth. Yeah, I was knocked up. What the real question was, was by who and how. Who else had been given the power to do this and who did it to me; I mean, who did this to me? I, do the banging, I don't get banged. The creature who did this was gonna pay and pay hard.

Fear hit me all at once. There was a bigger problem. Maybe this isn't the result of someone getting even with me. Maybe this was connected to my reality and my dream state. Truth is a real bitch and it just hit me between the eyes. I know who had the power and I know who did it. Now I just had to figure out if it happened in this world or in the dream one and if it happened in the dream world; who was the other parent. There were only three choices, Kate, B and Lilah.

Which one?

Part 2

( Nine months later...)

Let me tell you all a story bout a chick named Faith.


Her life was moving right along until her period was late.

"Mother fucker!"

She found herself knocked up but it wasn't by a man.


And she didn't even know by which woman.

"I hate you, I fuckin hate you!"

Three women, she fucked them all.


Nine months of peanut butter, reese cups and cake,

"God damned PTB!"

Never prepared her for life's wicked fate.


Just a small incision and you'll be pain free.

"What!!! You're gonna cut me where?"

Now give a big push and set the baby free.


"Again, push!"


I heard a smack and then a cry and couldn't believe my very eyes. My sight was blurry, I could hardly see but I felt them lay the baby on me. I heard Kate whisper, "she's all right," and I faded out dark as night.

The light penetrated my eyelids as I tried to flutter them open. I finally focused and saw Kate smiling down at me.

"Hey," she said as she smoothed my hair out of my face. She leaned down and kissed me on the cheek.

After a few minutes, I managed a smile and squeezed her hand. "Where is she?" I asked.

"She's under the warmer, they'll bring her in soon," she replied.

The big moment finally arrived. The baby was brought in to me. I eyed her over, counted fingers and toes and smiled at the greatest thing I'd ever accomplished. I mean; come on now, this was harder than slaying, any day of the week.

I asked Kate for a few minutes alone with the baby. She just looked at me all knowingly, smiled and left quietly. I hate it when she reads me like a book.

Finally, we were alone, just me and Angelanne. We looked at each other, her look was more of a, I don't give a damn look, while mine was a definite, which woman are you a part of look.

I slowly unwrapped the blanket and looked my girl over. Talk about a fast beating heart. I felt like I'd just threw back about twenty cups of coffee or had just came out of a fight. I had a huge adrenaline rush.

There she was in all her glory. I noticed that she had brown eyes, those were from me. She had a reddish color of hair, oh my god, I'm thinking that must be from......Lilah. I started to sweat. She was a tiny girl, good, now I'm thinking maybe B. Her facial features made me think of Kate and then I saw them and realization hit like a brick wall.


She had one on her chest, just like Kate's: One on her ankle, just like B's: Another on her upper arm exactly like Lilah's and a strawberry patch on the back of her neck, just like mine.

That was that! Angelanne was a part of all of us. She occurred in the dream state. What I found so ironic was the fact that I'd pretty much knocked my own self up. I've known that I'd done it to myself for about nine months now, I just never told anyone because I felt like a fool. I mean, come on, getting women pregnant was like a gift from God or something, made me feel powerful, who'd of thought I'd fuck myself in the process. I never thought it would backfire but man, was I wrong but look what I'd got in the process, a family.

After I had time to process it, I found it to be completely hilarious. My laughter must have echoed out in the hallway because Kate heard me and came back into the room.

"And what are you two laughing at?" She asked.

I could only smile and turn red. She moved in closer and sat on the bed. I handed her Angelanne and she cradled the baby gently in her arms. No doubt about it, Angelanne may have came from a mix of genes but Kate was definitely her other mother.

She kissed the baby and handed her back to me smiling real big. She just sat there on the edge of the bed staring at me, smiling, giving me a huge complex.

"What?" I asked.

She laughed saying, "kind of like shooting yourself in the foot, huh?" And then she laughed harder.

I looked at Kate hard. I could feel the color red flowing onto my face, not really anger, more like total and complete humiliation.

"Oh come on!" She replied. "You didn't think I could figure it out for myself?

You conceived while we were making love, you thought about a baby and poof there was a baby."

I sighed heavily, I didn't really know how to tell her except to just say it.



"I think that Angelanne was conceived in my dreams."

She was definitely shocked, hurt, everything you can imagine.

"What makes you think that?" She asked.

I looked at her, almost pleading with my eyes, hoping she'd understand. " Her birthmarks." I answered. " She has four of them, one for each one of us."

"Four?" She asked and continued. "That would be a birthmark for me, you, Buffy and who? Don't you dare say Lilah. "

I sat there all quiet, not looking at anything in particular. My silence told the whole story.

"Damn!" Kate yelled. "It never ends with you, does it? It's always something!"

"Kate." I said trying to speak but she cut me off saying, "don't say anything, I need time away from you to think. I just need time away." She sighed and left me alone in the room with the baby.

I fought back the tears. I was just plain sick and tired of trying to defend myself over things that I couldn't control. Don't get me wrong, I love Kate but it's time I started loving myself too. Besides, I couldn't force Kate to accept my life. She had to decide all on her own. I knew she loved me but maybe love wasn't enough for her anymore.

Here I was again, lost, lonely, scared and I didn't know who to turn to. I couldn't call B, that would really piss Kate off and might be the last straw to end us for good and at least now there was still a small chance that she would forgive me or get over it or something. I didn't want to call Angel, sure he's got a soul now but what if he lost it and had access to the baby, had to plan ahead, you know? That only left Wesley or Cordelia. I hope it didn't come to asking one of them to put me up until I could get a place to live but just in case they were my only options.

Hours must have passed. I'm not sure how long I sat there talking to myself. I couldn't help but worry about what Kate would do, I guess I was gonna find out real soon because in she walked.

She just looked at me. "We need to talk."

I couldn't let her say anymore. I felt the chill and my defenses were on overdrive. "You don't have to say a thing, I get it, I understand."

"What do you get?" She asked.

"Everything!" I shot back. "How I keep hurting you and fucking you over, how I keep putting you through all my shit, how things just aren't good enough, how I'm not good enough. I never mean to hurt you, I don't plan it, I never plan it but it just keeps on coming again and again. I can't stop it, I can't start it, it just occurs."

"So, are you saying it's over?" Kate asked.

I looked at her. "No, I never want it to be over. I just want to be what you want, what you need and I don't want to make you sorry that you chose to be with me. You're the first person who gave me a purpose, a life, love, a family. I want to stop hurting you. I didn't mean it to happen but it did."


"Faith, I didn't come here to end things with you. I brought Buffy so we could all work things out."

"Oh," I replied, turning red.

Kate walked to the door and opened it and B came in. I couldn't say anything I was shocked. It must've shown.

"We have an agreement." Kate said.

"An agreement?" I asked.

"Yeah." Kate answered. She walked over to me and placed a slow, wet kiss on my lips. "Don't worry, we just had to talk so I'd feel better, that's all."

B came over and sat down on the bed next to me. Kate on one side; B on the other. I felt trapped. B could see the apprehension on my face, she smiled saying, "yeah, we just needed to work things out." She leaned in and kissed me on the lips. I thought I was dead meat but Kate just smiled.

My mind started spinning. "What kind of agreement?" I asked.

They moved in closer, smiling. "You'll see." Kate replied.

"We'll show you as soon as you get back home and recuperate." B added. "Now let me hold the baby. By the way, what did you name her?"

I just stared at them as I handed B the baby. "Angelanne." I answered.

I couldn't stand it. "WHAT?" I asked loudly.

Kate and B started laughing.

What have I gotten myself into?

Part 3

(Four months later)

Oh my god. I can't believe this is happening. My mind floats back and forth between reality, the here and now and things to come. What did I get myself into? That question comes swimming back into my head, swirling around, bouncing in and out of my conscious mind.

I smile and soak in the attention, the affection. Her touch floods my mind, filling me with hope, desire and dreams. I can feel her inside me, pumping through my veins. I can taste her on my lips and I am reborn.

She hangs around me like a mist, covering my body with her caress, while she touches me with whispers, in words and I am completely hers.

I hear her in every thought, feel every breath touch my skin and I am lost in a world of wonder, want and need.

I can see her behind my eyes and I reach out with my hand and brush over her lips, lightly, feeling her touch in every movement. My breath catches at the thought of those caresses. She moves in from behind and I turn, reaching out, I touch her lips, she smiles and surrounds the tip of my finger with her hot mouth and I am drunk in the feel of that one action.

My breaths come long, hard and uneven. She arouses me. They arouse me. I can feel their breaths against my neck and I squirm at the contact. Fingers trail over my back and sends chills up me. Hair drapes over and against my body sending chills to every nerve ending. I am lost; not knowing where one ends and the other begins.

Every touch, every breath, takes me deeper into bliss. I sigh out their names and I hear soft, needing moans echo throughout the room, my head and my body. They have come to me, for me, penetrating my soul, taking me to happiness I've never known.

Hands guide me and lead me to pleasures and forbidden places. Lips cover my lips, devouring my body and I can taste the warmth, feel the silkiness of a tongue as it glides against mine. I can feel hot wetness sucking against my neck as hands touch my breasts and center.

I moan and its sound echoes off the walls. They soothe me, touch me and expose me to their desires. They take turns, removing piece by piece of clothing from me, slowly touching, slowly enticing and smiling at me all the while.

Every inch of me has been caressed, touched, loved and aroused. The cold air hits my unclothed body and makes my skin come alive. I am electrified and I ignite.

The heat pulsates off me in waves. My body burns and overflows with desire. I want and need and my desires are mirrored back to me. I reach out for them, only to be restrained, not allowed to give, only to take and receive. They are beside me, all knowing, teasing and dominating me. Glistening with arousal, all I can do it await the inevitable. I am shocked and try to pull them in closer to me.

My hands are pushed back and held. They shake their heads signifying no. "Yes." I plead. They are taken aback, giving me a single moment to lean in and touch one of them with hot breath. She shudders and the vibration sends chills up my spine. I arch into her body, pulling her closer, invading her space. I maneuver myself centimeters from her lips, lean in, graze her and back off. She sighs and I descend to her neck, placing soft nips along the contour, she responds and I begin a slow, thorough, passionate attack on her. I am free.

I can feel her move behind me, touching me, wanting. I turn around and face her, and I kiss her, slowly penetrating over and over. I unbutton her shirt and remove it. Her skin is flawless and I can't resist. I lean in and nip along her curves, only kissing when she arches against me. I run my hand up and cup her breast, squeezing. I feel the pangs of arousal between my legs and I remove her bra and move my hand back to her breasts, cupping, kneading, feeling the nipple form underneath my touch.

She is warm and I am on fire. Her breasts are silky and her moans are pushing me over the edge. She comes up behind us, grinding her body into mine. I reach around and cup her ass, pulling her harder into me. I smile at my half dressed lover and she understands, she moves behind her, stroking her. I turn and watch as she caresses her from behind, removing her shirt and all restrictions. I move closer, running one hand over her breasts and down her body, down to her center and I stroke her along the inseam of her jeans. She continues kissing down her back, tonguing her spine, feeling her exposed breasts. I can hear her breathing rise and fall and I need the contact. I unzip her jeans and I slide them down.

She steps out of her jeans and I pull on her shear panties, tearing them off of her body. The heat hits me hard, hers, mine, I couldn't tell. I pulled her out of the other woman's arms and placed her hands against the wall for support, her back facing me and I parted her legs. I kissed down her back, touching her breasts, making my way downward. Reaching that sweet oasis, I parted her with my fingers and ran them along the inside of her folds. I was greeted with her juices. I removed my fingers and brought them to my lips.

I inhaled her fragrance and ran my tongue over my fingers, tasting her flavor. It excites me and I become hungry for more. I look and see that one still has jeans on and I move toward her, smiling. She knows what I want, and she undresses for me. I reach her and kiss her deeply. My hands are more forceful now. I squeeze her breast hard and trail my other hand down between her legs, going right into her folds, finding the path along side her swollen nub and I began a rhythmic movement.



She pulls me from her, saying, "you've played all you're gonna get to. Now it's our turn."

She's strong. She throws me onto the bed, immediately pinning me. They smile at me, each one taking a place next to me, sandwiching me in between them.

"Be still."

"Do what you're told, for once."

I am completely stunned. They move in, leaning into my body, touching their lips to mine, each one tonguing, trying to gain access into my mouth. They take turns after I grant them access. One leaning in, penetrating me, gliding against my tongue while the other gently sucks against my neck and sighs into my ear. One after the other, over and over, letting their hands play over my body.

They each straddle one of my legs, holding me in place, letting their hot juices touch against my skin. They kiss and fondle me, working their lips down to my breasts.

They each take one into their mouths, licking and kneading. One gently biting and the other licking the sensitive part under one breast. Both teasing, waiting for me to beg them to touch my sensitive nipple. I give in and they smile and suckle me, giving me the needed contact.

I feel one of them slide their hand down between my legs, releasing my juices and trailing it up along my stomach. They descend, kissing, sucking, continuing rubbing against my breasts.

They spread my legs open wide, almost painfully, contemplating how they are going to do this. I feel their hands spread me open, holding me in place. I feel their hot breath blow against me and I close my eyes waiting for them.

They touch me with their free hands, running their fingers along my folds, slicking me up with my own juices.

I hear a moan and feel a tongue slide against my sensitive spot. It continues again and again. I feel another glide against my other side, dueling for the right to taste me. Tonguing together, sometimes one after the other, they lick and suck my center causing me to arch into them. I move my hands down to the back of their heads, running my hands through their hair, encouraging them with my moans. They continue, sighing into me, running their tongues against me, over and over, again and again. Building up the pressure inside of me.

I feel them move near my opening, fingering along the outer rim. They each insert a finger in unison and begin a slow rhythm, in and out, moving deeper, longer, each one thrusting themselves into my body.

They continue lapping against my nub, thrusting their fingers into me faster and deeper, bringing me closer and closer. I moan out loud and it only makes them speed up and add more pressure.

I arch into them, pulling them tighter into me. They continue at their pace, in and out, while thrusting their tongues at my sensitive nub.

"Oh my god." I'm reaching my peak, crying out, going higher, finding that point of no return.

I shudder underneath them, gripping my inner walls around their fingers, crying out in complete exhaustion, and collapsing back against the sheets.

They slow their thrusts inside me and give me a few last kisses against my wet center. Slowly removing their fingers from within my confines they kiss their way back up to my lips.

They each lie to one side of me, caressing me, soothing me.

"Is this gonna be ok?" She asks.

I look at them, saying breathlessly, "it works for me."

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