Four - Not-So Secret Thoughts
So here's that fast forward I was promising. I'm a girl of my word.
Anyhow, things had been kinda quiet for a while. We were researching everyday, tryin' to come up with as much as we could find on the Mayor and his planned Ascension. Actually, I take that back.
The Scoobs were doin' most of the research. Me and B were pretty busy trainin'. G-man figured that it would be better it we trained instead of researched cos he wanted us in top notch shape for the big battle. And it definitely looked like the battle was gonna be a big one. Xan-man was the one who made the big discovery. He found a sketch of what kinda demon the Mayor was gonna turn into after all the mojo was said and done, and let me tell ya . . . big and ugly doesn't even begin to describe it. So like always, B and I were left to pretty much come and go as we pleased. While the Scoobs researched in the library, we'd be in the back stacks sparring or doin' other routine exercises. Sometimes we'd get a little too much into it and the gang would kick us out. I always made sure to grunt a little too loud or egg B on a little too much, cos I knew that gettin' kicked out earned me and B some alone time. And I can't be certain, but I think that B was doin' the same thing. She'd wink at me right before she'd really rip into a routine, silently encouragin' me to do the same. So after we'd get kicked out, we'd either go to eat or go for a walk. Sometimes, we'd find other places to train, and on the very rare occasion, we'd do somethin' fun like to go the movies or to an arcade. I felt so fuckin happy whenever we had days like that. It kinda brought us closer and closer, and I don't just mean emotionally. I mean physically, too. She was always holdin' my hand, even when the Scoobs were lookin'! They just kinda brushed it off, probably thinkin' that it was just a 'friend' or a 'slayer' thing. Maybe that's what it looked like to them. Maybe that's what it was to B.
But for me, it was so much more. I never let anyone get close enough to me before to get to the whole handholding phase. But B was different. Besides hand-holding, there was some other stuff too. A few times when we'd be out for a walk, she'd hop up on my back and I'd give her a piggy-back ride. Slayer style. I'd whip around turns, duck under low trees, jump over ditches, and spin like mad all at top speed. All it made her do was hold on tighter, her chin restin' on my shoulder as she'd giggle in my ear. Between the feel of her warm breath on the side of my face and the spinnin', I'd almost always topple over onto the ground, leavin' us both layin' there a laughing mess. Then the best part would happen. As we'd be layin' there on the grass in the middle of the park or wherever, she'd scoot up my body and nestle into my side, wrappin' an arm across my stomach kinda possessively. "I'm so glad you're here, Faith." She'd say with her eyes closed, a content smile playin' on her perfectly pouty little lips. "Yeah, I'm glad I'm here too, B." I'd answer back before we'd doze off for a little afternoon nap right where we lay. And I really meant it. I was completely and totally happy to be there with her. Moreso, I was happy to be anywhere with her. For once in my life, I felt like I finally found my 'home'.
Sorry, lost my thought train there for a while. Just the thought of B does that to me every time. Back on track then. The Scoobs would research and B and me would train or hang out. So this one night, me and B were out patrollin' when these two demons attack us. I had no idea what the fuck they were, but they were ugly and mean. Just as I was about to kill mine, I heard Buffy shriek behind me. I kicked the demon I was fightin' outta the way and the punk bitch actually ran away when it recovered.
By the time I got to B, she had already killed the demon that she was fightin', but she was covered in its blood. She was fine but decided that she wanted to go home to shower to get the goop off of her.
I didn't argue with her.
But I did walk her home, like always. When we got to her door she went to hug me, once again like always, but I kindly held up my hands to stop her. I was guessin' that sticky white blood wouldn't wash outta my leather jacket too easily, and B completely understood.
Anyhow, I didn't get to see her 'til the next evening. Apparently, she started freakin' out at school or somethin'. I got a pretty frantic call from G-man, and he told me that B had been infected by the demon and that she was telepathic or some shit like that. She was havin' fun listening to peoples' thoughts at first, but by the time the evening came, the voices were startin' to hurt her.
He thought that, seein' as though B and I had 'gotten so close', she might appreciate my company. What he didn't tell me is that she couldn't bare to be around anyone else and that he already had Angel workin' on the cure.
But seein' as that I was already completely and totally whipped, I ran over to B's house like the good little lap dog that I was.
Joyce let me in and told me to go up to B's room. Said that I should try to clear my head from any unnecessary thoughts.
Yeah, that helped. It's like sayin', 'hey, don't think about giant turkeys'. Next thing you know, BLAM!: You got a head full of giant turkeys.
Hmm. I'm kinda hungry now.
Oops. Thought train. Right.
So, I slowly made my way up to B's room. If there's one thing that I remember from my first Watcher, it was how to hide my thoughts. She taught me all sorts of techniques and stuff, so I figured that there was no time like then to try 'em out.
Before I even got to B's door, I began singing in my head. 'Old MacDonald had a farm, e-i-e-i-o'. Childish, I know. But it got the job done.
When I opened the door, B was layin' on her bed lookin' completely pale and fragile, twitchin' a little as she pushed her head further into her pillow. She musta heard my song cos she suddenly relaxed a little and opened her eyes to look at me, the tiniest of smiles playing at her lips.
"Hey." 'And on that farm he had a duck . . .'
"Hey." She answered quietly.
"How are you?" 'e-i-e-i-o'
"I'd be much better if I didn't feel like there was a disco in my head." She answered with a smile, but it quickly faded into a pain-filled frown. "Hold me?"
And just like that, I was in her bed with her, holdin' her against me as I kept singing in my head. I had to keep singing. I knew that if I even stopped for a second, my brain would kick into 'do you realize the situation you're in?' mode and betray all of my secrets.
"Faith . . . could you stop singing?" She asked.
I really didn't want to. I was scared. But I did anyway. For her. Cos I rather have to live with her knowin' I love her rather than have her spend an unnecessary 5 minutes in pain.
Screwed up how love works, ain't it?
So I focused on another technique. Instead of singing, I pictured the ocean. I heard the waves rollin' onto the beach. I felt the wind hittin' my face. I could feel the cool water on my feet. And it was workin'. I didn't think about B at all.
Well, maybe I did. For just a split second I saw B runnin' in the water in a tiny little bikini, but that thought quickly ended when I felt her slap my arm lightly and jokingly chastise me.
Luckily, I flirt with her just enough on an everyday basis so that she thought the 'bikini Buffy' image was just another means of my flirting with her.
We just sat there for a while and it didn't even seem like anything was wrong with her. Then all of the sudden, she started freakin' out again. I had no idea what to do. I couldn't just standby and watch her suffer; it scared me to death to think that somethin' even worse could happen to her.
I called out for Joyce but when the door flew open, it was Angel that came walkin' in, Joyce and Giles in tow.
That's probably why B started freakin' . . . all of the thoughts were rushin' towards her at once.
I hopped off the bed when Angel approached and went and stood next to Joyce, placing a comforting hand on her shoulder and she watched on and cried.
Then it hit me . . . all of the emotion and thoughts that I had been tryin' to block out since I had got there. I still kept thinkin' of the ocean, but as Angel forced the neon-blue antidote down her throat, I couldn't stop the silent prayer in my head.
'God . . . I know I don't talk to ya much, and I probably owe ya a shitload, but B's gotta get through this. You gotta help her. I don't wanna live without her. I . . . I love her. I love her so much.'
As I realized that I had been thinkin' of things besides the ocean, I stared intently at B to see if she picked up on what I said. I thought I was in the clear cos she had been thrashin' around and I figured she probably wasn't listening.
But as the antidote took effect and her tremors stopped, she immediately shot up and sought my eyes out. Her eyes were wide and her mouth hung open a little. It almost looked like she was still tryin' to read my thoughts as she processed what she had heard from me just moments before.
But I didn't give her the chance.
Before I realized what I was doin', my feet led me down the stairs and outta her house as fast as they could take me.
My secret was out. B knew that I loved her.
And I couldn't stick around to take the rejection that I was sure was about to follow.
I did what I always do best. I ran. And I hid. Days went by and I holed myself up in my motel room, not wantin' to go back to the fucked up reality that I created.
B came by the motel every day, knockin' on the door and tellin' me that we needed to talk.
But I didn't wanna talk about it. I didn't wanna face the truth. 'Talking bad, drinking better'. So I drank mass amounts of alcohol and I slept.
After almost a week had passed, I couldn't wallow in my self pity any longer. It was a Friday night.
I knew that B would be goin' with Angel, and it made me bitter. But I still had to see her. Not up close and personal cos I wasn't ready to deal with her yet, but I wanted to see her from afar. Wanted to see her giddy and happy with her friends and with her boyfriend. Wanted to see what I could never give her.
I stood across from the school in my black leather and black jacket, perfectly blendin' into the background.
Or so I thought. I forgot about the damn Slayer connection and that B would feel me as soon as she got near.
When I saw her get outta the limo with the Scoobs, I was completely and utterly blown away by her beauty. And I knew I shouldn't have been happy about it . . . but Angel wasn't with them in the limo, and it put a little smile on my face.
Just as she was about to enter the school with the Scoobs, she stopped her movement and turned in my direction. 'Shit.' I thought. She mumbled something to the Scoobs and as they walked into the school, B walked right up to wear I was standin'.
Seein' as that there was no use in hidin' anymore, I stepped out from the shadows and glanced at her with a smirk on my face.
"I always knew you'd look like a Princess at your prom, B." I started, my hesitation apparent in my shaky voice.
"Where've you been?" She asked seriously as she walked up even closer, now standin' only about 3 feet away from me.
"Around. Had some shit I had to deal with." I answered, movin' my eyes away from hers.
"Faith . . . if it's about what I heard, I . . ." she began, but I quickly cut her off. I didn't wanna hear what she had to say.
"It's not always about you, twinkie." I interrupted, my walls instantly comin' back up.
She looked at me with a hurt expression on her face, but I wouldn't cave.
"Oh. I just figured . . ."
"You figured wrong." I answered back all too quickly.
But I couldn't fool her. After the time we spent together, she knew me better than I knew myself.
She hesitantly took another step towards me and looked up into my eyes.
"Patrol with me tonight, after the dance? Midnight-ish?"
I just looked at her, tryin' to find any hidden malice or threat in her demeanor. But there was nothin'. She continued.
"Meet me here? Please?"
I exhaled the breath that I had been holdin' onto. "Yeah, sure."
And that was that. She didn't say another word. She just gave me a quick smile before turnin' around and headin' back for the school.
My mind was tellin' me that I should walk to the nearest bar and get shit-faced, but my feet wouldn't listen to it. They were too busy listenin' to my heart.
So, let's talk about bein' whipped.
I sat there on the friggin schoolyard bench for 4 fuckin hours, just waitin' on B. I knew that I coulda left and come back, but . . . what if she came out lookin' for me?
At about 5 minutes after midnight, B came walkin' outta the school. I smiled when I saw her, but my smile faded when I noticed that she looked really sad.
"Tell me all about the dance, B. Didja have fun?" I asked, tryin to bring her out of her silent state.
She didn't look into my eyes as she approached. Instead she kept lookin' down, tryin' to hide the tears that were in her eyes.
"Can we just . . . do I still have a change of clothes at your place?" She asked quietly.
"Yeah." I answered.
I did. B got all gross one night after patrollin' and had to borrow some of my clothes when we went to hang at my motel room afterwards. The next day, she stashed a small duffel bag filled with clothes and products in my closet.
"Can we just go back to yours so I can get changed?" She asked, her eyes still averted.
I just watched her for a second before I answered.
"Yeah, sure. Come on, B." I linked my arm through hers and started walking towards my motel.
All of my nervous thoughts about her knowing my secret disappeared when I saw her like that. I knew that something musta happened to make her sad or mad, and I really wanted to know what it was.
Cos I wanted to fix it.
After a short walk, we awkwardly walked into my motel room. I told her that she could change in the bathroom, and she didn't say a word as she went in and closed the door behind her.
About ten minutes passed and B still hadn't come out. Now, I know that B's a girl and that girls take time to get ready . . . but she wasn't dressin' up. She was gettin' undressed. Even if she wanted to wash off her makeup and stuff, five minutes shoulda been more than enough time.
Hesitantly, I walked up to the bathroom door and gently knocked.
"Buffy? Are you okay?"
I wasn't gonna play her games. So I turned the doorknob and walked into the bathroom to find Buffy huddled in the corner and cryin'. I rushed to her side and tried to get her to look at me, but her face was buried in her hands.
"B? Come on, tell me what's wrong." A minute passed and still, no reply. "B, you're kinda scaring me here."
Finally she lifted up her head and looked at me, her face red and her eyes spilling tears onto her cheeks.
"I can't take it anymore, Faith. I can't." She replied softly, then broke into sobs.
Like I said before, I'm not 'word girl'. I couldn't comfort her with words, so I scooped her up in my arms and carried her to the bed, gently layin' her down on her side. Once I had her down, I crawled into bed next to her and spooned her from behind, hoping that our Slayer bond would calm her down a little.
She sobbed for a few more minutes before finally calming down. That's when I finally asked her again to tell me what was wrong.
"Angel." She replied. My blood began to boil. If he hurt her in any way, I . . . "He's leaving. Just like that. He comes back into my life and then he just leaves. He didn't even ask me what I want."
"Well . . . what do you want?" I asked. Honestly, I had no idea. She's a confusing girl.
"I don't know." She said as she exhaled. "Nothing. Everything. I want a normal life."
That made me chuckle.
"We'll never be normal, B. That's one thing ya can never ask for. But, it's not so bad. Cos, even though ya may never get to have the normal life and live like your friends do . . . you'll always have me to be there with ya."
I meant it, too.
The room was silent for a few minutes. Then, I felt B movin' slightly. I picked my arm up from her, thinkin' that maybe I was makin' her uncomfortable. However, she kinda shocked me when, instead of gettin' up off the bed, she turned so that she was facin' me, our faces only inches apart.
She wasn't cryin' anymore, but her eyes were still wet with tears.
"Really?" She asked quietly, gazing into my eyes.
At that point, I got totally lost in her eyes. I know it's gonna sound mean, but . . . she's really beautiful when she cries. I couldn't find words to speak, so I simply nodded my head in response to her question.
"Faith," she began but paused for a moment before continuing hesitantly, "when I was sick, and I . . ." she watched as I shifted uncomfortably, ". . . did you mean it?"
I remember thinkin', 'oh fuck oh fuck oh fuck oh fuck'. She was asking me if I really meant it when she heard me think that I loved her.
There was no sense in lyin'. It was time for me to go balls to the wall and just let the secrets fly.
"Yeah, I did." I said, not recognizing the trembling voice that escaped my throat.
A small smile graced her lips as she brought both of her hands up to cup my face. She ran her thumb over my lips and the tears started to fall down her face again. And then . . .
. . . and then . . .
. . . and then she kissed me.
Soft and gentle, lips to lips, movin' them slowly against mine as if she was tryin' to learn and memorize their feel.
I'd never been kissed like that before. It wasn't about passion or lust or anything else like that. It was about an understanding. A silent acceptance.
See, she knew then for sure that I loved her, and the kiss was her way of tellin' me that it was okay; that I didn't have to run from it.
She didn't say the words back to me. I wasn't sure if she was feelin' them or not then.
But the way that the chaste kiss lingered for minutes? It got me thinkin' that maybe she did have some kinda feelings for me too. She didn't have to say the words. I felt it in her kiss; in her heart, which was pressed right up against mine.
We stopped kissin' after a few minutes, but we stayed in that position for hours. She moved only to call her Ma and say she was stayin' at mine cos I got hurt on patrol, but she was back in my arms as soon as she hung up.
Maybe I shoulda let the fact that she lied to her Ma about why she was really stayin' bother me, but I ignored it.
I was just happy to have her with me.
Happy to have her in my arms.
We didn't kiss or talk anymore. She simply curled up in my arms and we slept.
Sure, I was thinkin' of all the dirty and nasty things I wanted to do to her. My body was tryin' to react to her presence in a sexual way, but my mind was keepin' my body in check.
When she got up in the mornin' and had to go, I didn't wanna let go of her. I woulda been happy stayin' in my room with her for the rest of my life. But I knew that I couldn't keep her there forever.
And the worst part? I knew that I wouldn't be able to spend time again with her like I had the prior night unless it was on her terms. I wouldn't be able to walk up behind her and wrap my arms around her in front of her friends, and that kinda hurt me a little.
But beggars can't be choosy, and I was willin' to take whatever B would offer, whenever she offered it.
After another chaste kiss, B squeezed my hands and gave me another hug before she walked outta my room.
As soon as she was out the door, I plopped back on my bed and grinned as I stared at the ceiling, reliving every moment of the night before as I lay surrounded by the blankets that held her scent.
I had to wonder where things were gonna go from there. With Angel outta the picture, that tentatively left a spot open for me. I was hopin' that she was gonna let me fill the vacancy.
I didn't think about it for very long as I slowly began to fall off into a peaceful slumber. I know that I was wearin' a huge smile on my face as I drifted off, and the goofiness of the situation didn't even bother me.
Cos I was in love . . . and I think that B mighta been too.
Chapter Five - Ascending
The days were countin' down till graduation and the Mayor's Ascension. The Scoobs found out that he had done some kinda ritual to make himself immortal, so that limited our action to when he transformed.
The plans were set . . . we'd unleash hell on the Mayor and his allies with the rest of the Senior Class . . . and me and B had the job of takin' out the beast.
The only thing we had left to do was wait.
We were spendin' most of our free time in the library. The Scoobs researching, me and B developing strategy, Giles analyzing it all.
Though me and B really never brought up the night of the prom, I know it was on both of our minds. Maybe under different circumstances, we woulda talked it out.
Or fucked it out.
Yeah, that woulda been MY chosen path.
But in all truth, we were kinda too busy to focus on anything but graduation and the Ascension.
Still, there were little changes that I was noticin'. She was always holdin' onto my hand or found some way to keep constant physical contact. It's not like she was really tryin' to hide it from the Scoobs. They'd see her holdin' onto my hand or playin' with my hair, but I didn't think that it really phased them.
Interesting side note? They really DID notice it, and they were all forming their own opinions on what was happenin' between us. But I'll get more to that later.
Another thing that changed was that B would let me give her a kiss every night after patrol. On the lips. Hell yeah. It was simple and innocent enough. Just a peck, really.
But the fact that she was lettin' me take that from her, especially with her 'boyfriend' still in the picture? Well, it kinda floored me. Cos if she was lettin' me take that much from her when he was around, I kept imagining what she might possibly give AFTER he was outta the picture.
And THAT'S what got me through the cold lonely nights at my motel.
Well . . . that, and porn.
But that's a different story altogether.
So about two days before the big showdown, me and B were patrollin' like always. I could tell that somethin' was up with her cos she was grippin' onto my hand so hard that it kinda hurt.
I finally stopped us and made her face me, tilting up her chin so that she was lookin' me in the eyes.
"What's wrong this time?" I asked her. I wasn't tryin' to be rude, but I kinda hate when she gets all quiet and kitteny. I rather have her ramble on about her schoolwork or somethin' equally boring.
"It's . . . I was just wondering . . ." She said before pausing.
"Spit it out, B. I'm aging here, and not so gracefully either."
Did I mention that I'm a little impatient? Heh.
". . . I was thinking that maybe instead of walking me home tonight . . . you could just drop me off at Angel's instead."
Not exactly what I was expecting. So, what then? She wanna get in a few last minute screws before he leaves? I couldn't hide my confused and slightly hurt look, and she picked up on it right away.
"It's not like that, Faith. Him and I just have some . . . unresolved issues. He's leaving soon, and I'd rather him and I clear things up first." She explained, tryin' to look as calm and comforting as possible.
I shook my head as if to clear my thoughts.
"Whatever, B." With that said, I let go of her hand and started walking quickly in the direction of Angel's mansion. I heard her steps next to me, trying to keep up.
We walked in silence; I think she was smart enough to realize that I wasn't feeling particularly fuckin talkative. I wasn't sure exactly what to feel. I mean, yeah, I was kinda pissed. But what business was it of mine? He was her 'boyfriend' or whatever. I was just a bit of cold comfort.
When we finally got to the mansion, I had no intentions of hangin' around to see the lovey-dovey festivities. Before B could even fully face me, I tried to make my escape.
"Alright, you're here safe and sound. Catch ya later."
I began to walk away but stopped when I felt her hand on my shoulder.
"You're leaving? Just like that?" She asked. What the fuck did she want from me? I just nodded. She looked down before she said, "Aren't you forgetting something?"
I furrowed my eyebrows as I thought about it. What could I be forgetting? Dignity and pride? I checked those at B's door. Heartache? I had that. Confusion? I definitely wasn't forgetting that one.
After a second, I shrugged my shoulders and gave her a blank look before shaking my head, 'no'.
As she closed the distance between us and stood up on her toes to brush her lips softy against mine, I realized what I had forgotten: her goodnight kiss. Guess it had kinda become an unspoken tradition.
When she backed away from the soft kiss, I shook my head at her.
"I wasn't forgettin' that, B. I just figured that you'd be savin' your vicarious smoochies for your boy-toy in there. Besides, now he's gonna smell me on your lips. That can't be healthy for your 'relationship'." I couldn't help the bitter tone in my words.
She sighed. "Faith, I already told you. Angel and I aren't . . ." she began but her words were cut off as we heard her name being called from inside the mansion.
I was ready to make my exit once again, but I suddenly found myself being dragged into the mansion by a fairly frantic Buffy. She practically ran us through the house and to Angel's bedroom where we found him slumped up against the wall, as arrow stickin' out of his back.
Heh. 'Angel the Undead Pincushion'. Comes complete with fake blood and girly whining.
When B saw him, she ran over and dropped to her knees in front of him, cryin' at the very sight. It was pretty fucked up; he was shiverin' like mad, but he was covered in sweat. His face and torso were beat red, a truly odd color to see on the usually pale vamp.
I stood there debatin' what I should do. B obviously wasn't gonna be any help cos she was too busy blubbering. Rollin' my eyes and sighing, I walked over to the vamp and began to check him over.
Without givin' it too much thought, I grabbed the arrow and yanked it outta his back, causing him to yell out in pain. B looked at me like I was an alien or somethin'.
What? He was technically already dead. It's not like tearin' the thing out was gonna kill him even more.
I inspected the arrow closely, sniffing the tip for traces of toxins under the coating of blood. That's when I smelled it. The very distinctive scent of a poison that was particularly lethal to vamps and other undead creatures.
It kinda scared me. I mean, I wanted Soul-boy outta the picture, but I didn't want him dead or whatever.
B looked at me and raised her eyebrows, waiting for me to explain my 'unhappy' face.
"It's Absalom, B. Poison. Deadly to vamps."
"Is there a cure?" She asked, lookin' up at me desperately.
I snickered. "I'm the muscle, not the brains. I'll call G-man."
I placed a call to Giles and found out that there was in fact a cure. But it wasn't gonna happen. See, it seems that the poison can be reversed only by the blood of a Slayer. A whole Slayer. I wasn't about to put my own life on the line for that fuck tart, and I wasn't about to let B do it either.
I re-entered the bedroom with a grim look on my face. Right away, B was up in my face, askin' what the cure was and how to make it better.
"There's only one cure, B, and it ain't gonna happen. He needs to drain a Slayer."
I could see her rollin' the words around in her head before her eyes grew suddenly large.
"I have an idea." She said, and right away I felt like boltin' outta there. "He needs to drain a Slayer. How about instead of draining a Slayer fully, he drains two partly?"
Remember before when I said I was wearing an 'unhappy' face. Well, it came back right then. Times ten.
I was about to yell 'fuck no' and run outta there, but she was givin' me this pleading look, and she had tears in here eyes, and she was holdin' my hands so gently that it almost made me wanna cry.
After about a minute of silence, I finally growled out loud.
"Fuck, B. I can't believe you're fuckin askin' me to do this." I said, turning my head to the side and shaking it with disbelief. Maybe a little bit of disgust thrown in there too.
"I know." She replied quietly. "But we don't have any other choice. If he dies, we lose a champion. We lose a fighter on the side of good.
Yeah, and she'd lose her boy-toy.
I wouldn't look at her as I walked over to the bed Angel lay in and kneeled before him, brushin' my hair away from my neck as I leaned over him.
"Don't get too suck-happy, fang. I'm still a fuckin Slayer and I will kill you if I have to." I said quietly just before he sunk his teeth into my neck. "Motherfucker." I grunted as a tear slipped from my eye at the feel of the pain.
No need to go into details here. He sucked my blood. He sucked B's blood. It was a big Suck Fest. End of story.
As soon as I saw B was okay, I got up and I walked out.
Okay, so I kinda stumbled out. Blood loss will do that to ya.
Never thought I'd have to learn from experience.
I stayed away from her and the Scoobs and the library until the big day came.
B didn't bother to come to my room during those few days . . . I guess she figured I was still kinda steamin' over the whole thing. Kinda funny how we were even more alike after the whole incident.
How? Matching bite marks.
So, the big day came and we were all meetin' up at the library before the graduation ceremony started. The plan was to get there at about 6:00 so that we'd have an hour or so to finalize our plans. But I didn't need a refresher. I knew exactly what my role was: Get in, get medieval, get out, and go home alone.
Yeah, that's me soundin' bitter.
I showed up fashionably late at about 6:45. I didn't have a chance to talk to Giles or the Scoobs cos as soon as I walked in, B was draggin' me away to the back stacks. When we were finally outta sight, she turned so that she faced me.
"Faith! You were supposed to meet us here at 6:00. Where were you?" She whispered.
"Sorry, B. I know the plan forwards and backwards. Get in, get out, go home. Didn't wanna get in the way here." I said. I didn't let my bitterness come through, but I did sound mildly annoyed.
She sighed and dropped her shoulders, losing her original offensive position.
"You're not in the way, Faith. You're as much a part of this as the rest of us. We need you here." Then she took a step closer to me. "I need you here."
She was lookin' up at me through her eyelashes, and she looked so cute and smelled so good. I was about to grab her and kiss her, but the reality of the situation came back to me and I shook my thoughts away.
"Where's your boy-toy?" I asked her.
She lowered her eyes from me and took a step back, lookin' kinda shy.
"He's rounding up the rest of the cavalry. Getting everyone ready." Then she looked up at me. "He's leaving tonight, you know. He said that he wants to talk to me before he leaves, but that he's not staying the night. I can't believe he's really leaving me. I don't know what I'm gonna do."
I had enough at that point. 'Angel this' and 'Angel that'. She knew that he was fuckin leavin' for a while by then. To think that she was still all mopey about it. I mean, it's not like she was bein' left alone. She had her family. She had her great friends. She had me.
That's more than I ever fuckin had, but still, it wasn't enough for her. As if on cue, I felt my walls go back up. I loved the girl. Next to slaying, she was my everything. But for some whacked out reason, she thought that she had nothing; that without Angel, she'd be lost.
A bitter chuckle escaped my lips. "Well, good luck with that, twinks. Make sure you send me a copy of the novel when it comes out."
I turned and started to walk away but she grabbed my shoulder and spun me around to face her. Her face was a combination of hurt, anger, and confusion.
"Faith, what is WRONG with you? Why are you acting like this?" She said through clenched teeth, tears in her eyes.
And then I let her have it.
"Like this? What . . . you mean bitter, scorned, a bitch? Because I am. You have the world, B. You have family and friends and a house and lots of pretty stuff. AND YOU'RE ACTING LIKE YOUR FUCKIN WORLD IS OVER BECAUSE YOUR BOYFRIEND IS LEAVING! I have nothing, Buffy. I live in a shitty motel, I have no friends or family, I have no possessions besides what I can carry in a back pack. But you know what? I have you. Or at least I did. Now you're too busy wallowing in your self-pity to think of anyone else besides yourself. Everything I've done, I've done it for you. I let Angel drink from me. I'm here fighting this battle when I could just walk away. I stay because of you. But it's not enough for you, Buffy! Nothing is ever enough. Just when I think I've made you happy, you find another reason to wallow. And I hate to fuckin say it, but I don't know how much longer I can stick around to watch!"
Then I turned around and walked outta the library, blinkin' back the angry tears that were threatening to fall.
I ignored the several pairs of eyes that watched me as I walked out. I wasn't exactly talkin' quiet, so there was no doubt that they heard everything I said. There was no way I wanted to deal with their thoughts on the matter. Of course they'd side with B.
Even though I was pissed, I wasn't about to let them down by runnin' off and poutin' somewhere. Instead, I made my way to the ceremony area and nestled myself in a dark corner.
I hadn't been standin' there for ten minutes when I felt a tingle. It wasn't B; it was a vamp. Just when I was 'bout to whip my stake out, Angel popped up outta nowhere and scared the shit outta me. I took a step back and crossed my arms over my chest, waiting for him to speak.
"How come you're not in the library with the others?" He asked as he stepped closer to me.
"I don't play well with others." I answered with a bittersweet smile.
"Listen, Faith. About the other day . . ."
"Stop right there, soul-boy." I interrupted. "Save your lack of breath. I didn't do it for you, I did it for B. I woulda walked away, but I couldn't do that to her."
He gazed at me intently. Suddenly, a look of realization came across his face.
"How long have you loved her?" He asked me softly.
The look on my face musta been priceless when he asked me that.
I mean, come on. Am I that fuckin transparent?
Either I had let down my walls in front of him, or he was really fuckin perceptive.
Instead of denying it and fighting with him over it, I decided to just give up and let the truth come out. I mean, I was already down. Gettin' kicked a few times while I was down there? Not that big a deal.
"My whole life, I think." I answered, then I snickered. "Does that make feel like more of a man? Knowing that I love her but that she'll always be yours? Maybe not in body, but in mind and soul? Does that make you happy?"
I took a step in his direction, tryin' to intimidate him. But he musta knew what I was doin' cos he stepped forward too, lookin' me right in the eyes.
"No, it doesn't make me feel happy. That's why I'm leaving."
What? That's why he's leaving?
Damn. I just though he was a big prick that liked to play heartbreaker.
"She's going through a lot of changes in her life right now. She graduating from high school, going to college; she's growing up. Being a Slayer is really hindering her from seeing what her life may look like 10 years down the line from now. She wants a normal life . . . and I can't give that to her." He paused, thinking over his next words. "If I stay, there will be no reason for her to try to find that normal life. It's gonna take her some time to realize that she's better off without me. She's probably going to be hurting a lot, and she's gonna need someone there to help her through it. Someone who has a similar life to her."
I scoffed. "I'm anything but similar to her. The only thing we have in common is that we're both Slayers. I don't have the friends or the family or the home. Slaying is what I have. I don't get all broody cos I want a normal life because I don't. I'm not normal. I accept that. Now, I've been here for B for almost the last year, and I've seen her through ups and downs. But I don't know how much more I can handle. I have nothing to offer her but me, and that's not enough. She's got the world, and it's still not enough."
As I looked up at Angel, I noticed that he was looking at me too. REALLY looking at me. Almost like he was looking into me. I suddenly felt really vulnerable.
I started to back up and I probably woulda ran the hell outta there, but his gentle voice brought me back down.
"She needs you more than you know. As much as you think you're so different from her, your destiny is intertwined with hers. You're the Chosen Two. As fate would have it, you're basically meant to be together. It's up to you to determine what 'together' means."
And with that said, he backed away and slowly disappeared into the background.
For a split second, I could see why B loved him.
He was the voice of reason, and believe it or not, he talked some sense into me that day.
So the big battle came and went. We lost some of the good guys, they lost most of the bad guys. I fought side by side with B and it felt completely natural. Our motions were perfectly coordinated and we moved as if we were one.
For a pretty monstrous demon, the Mayor was surprisingly easy to blow up. A little TNT, a little fire, and BLAM! Demon no more.
Oh yeah, and we got to blow up the school.
That was wicked cool.
As the battle ended and we began to collect ourselves, I looked across the rubble to survey the damage we did. That's when I spotted B and Angel talking between a couple of ambulances.
I wasn't pissed at her anymore. After my talk with Angel, I realized that she really would need someone to be there for her, and I realized that someone was me.
Not wantin' to disturb their moment, I left the battle scene and headed back to my motel room.
As soon as I walked in the door, I peeled my battle-worn clothes from my body and tossed them into the duffle bag that was serving as my laundry bag. A gathered a few other dirty articles of clothing from around the room and tossed them in the bag, makin' a mental note to go to the Laundromat the next day.
With that said and done, I made my way into the bathroom and started the shower, steppin' in only when the water had heated up.
I let the hot water spray against my face as the dirt and blood washed away from my body. The heat slowly relaxed my tense muscles, and I suddenly felt as if I could sleep for days.
That's when I heard knocking at my door.
I ignored it for a minute or two, but whoever it was wasn't goin' away.
I cursed as I turned off the hot water and wrapped myself in a towel and made my way to the door. When I opened it, I saw B standin' there lookin' all sad and confused and shy.
"You okay?" I asked her quietly, suddenly feelin' kinda exposed as I tugged my towel higher.
But she didn't answer. She just walked right up to me and wrapped her arms around me as if I hadn't freaked out on her earlier. I felt her warm hands on the skin of my back and it made me shiver.
Seein' as that she was makin' no effort to move or say anything, I started backing us up into my room.
There was no way I was gonna let any of the dirtbag inhabitants of the motel walk by and catch me in a towel huggin' another girl. That's one fantasy I don't wanna be in.
When we were fully in the room and I was able to close the door, I felt her tense up against me. I glanced down and saw that she was staring at somethin'; the duffle bag full of laundry.
Yeah, I can see why that mighta freaked her out a little. From an outsider's point of view, it probably looked like I was packin' up to leave. Then it hit me: she probably thought I was leavin' her.
I took a step away from her and put my hands on her shoulders, tryin' to get her attention. When she wouldn't meet my gaze, I shook her a little to get her attention.
"It's not what ya think . . ." I started, but she interrupted me.
"You're leaving me too." She said with tears in her eyes, letting them spill down her cheeks as she turned to meet my gaze.
It broke my heart. The girl really had some abandonment issues. And to think that I was addin' to her pain yet again.
"I'm not leavin'. Not as long as you need me." I answered truthfully.
A sensitive side of me broke to the surface as I pulled her close to me and started to kiss away her tears. I could feel her breath hitch as my lips met her cheeks. She closed her eyes, probably to hide the emotion behind them.
I moved my lips from one cheek to the other slowly and deliberately kissin' away each and every tear. It was then that I noticed that a few tears had escaped my lips and had made it to her jaw.
Now, you have to remember. Not only was I fightin' the love that I was feelin' for her, but I was also dealin' with a mad case of the post-slayage hornies.
Tentatively, I moved my lips down to her jaw line, sneaking my tongue out to taste the salty tears that had pooled there. It was when I hear an audible moan escape her lips that I knew she was feeling the post-slayage hornies too.
I froze, not knowin' whether I should pull away or keep up my ministrations on her tears.
When I felt her turn her head a little and felt her lips brush against mine, I knew that she wanted me to continue as much as I wanted to.
Slowly but surely, our lips started movin' together. It was gentle and as sweet as the kiss that we had shared on the night of the prom. But I came to the realization that our intentions were different on that night as I felt her tongue sweep against my bottom lip. I didn't think twice about it as I parted my lips and let her tongue enter my mouth, lettin' it slide sensually against mine.
Now, I may be a bit na´ve, but I'm not an idiot. This was Buffy Summers, kissin' me of her own free will, makin' the next move.
I just about did a little happy dance. Actually I kinda did do a little excited movement.
And that's when I felt it: the towel I was wearin' slipped from me and pooled around my ankles, makin' a little thud noise as it hit the floor.
B pulled back to see what the noise was and her eyes grew wide as she gazed upon my naked body. I watched as she slowly raised her right hand and ran it across the skin of my stomach, smilin' lightly as my muscles jumped at her touch.
As her caresses became more intent, I couldn't help the words that escaped my mouth.
"God, I want you so much, B." I groaned as she ran her left hand down my side.
Note to self: Fire my internal censor. Hire a new one.
When I realized that I had said the words out loud, I clenched my eyes shut and froze, waitin' for her to run the hell outta my room. As a minute passed and I heard nor felt any type of reaction from her, I opened my eyes just a little to look down at her.
Her intense green eyes were staring up at me with somethin' in them that I had never seen before. I'd seen hurt, confusion, sadness, happiness, relief, etc. But this was different.
She was lookin' up at me with two things I never thought I'd get to see in her: lust and love.
Slowly, she closed the short distance between us, her clothed body pressed firmly against my naked form. As she wrapped her arms around me and caressed my back, she uttered two words that would change our relationship forever.
And you better believe that I was gonna.
Chapter Six - Point of No Return
Two words. B just went ahead right then and there and blew my fuckin mind with two little words.
I knew exactly what she was askin' me for. She wanted me to show her how much I wanted her. How much I needed her.
Let me tell ya: She didn't need to tell me twice.
Before I even realized that I was movin', my lips were on hers and my arms were wrapped tightly around her hot little body. Sexual instinct, if such a thing even exists, took me completely over. As I kissed her hungrily, I began to walk her backwards towards the bed.
I didn't stop my movement even when I felt the back of her knees hit the bed. I kept pushin' until her back was softly laid down on the mattress and my body was resting firmly atop of hers, her legs parted slightly to allow me close full-body contact.
Our bodies were melded intimately together as we kissed hungrily, craving as much contact as possible. Her lips were so soft against mine and her mouth was so warm and inviting that for a split second, I felt like I was in heaven.
I grabbed her hands from her sides and raised them above her head, holdin' them there as I began to rain kisses all over her face and neck.
Somethin' strange was comin' over me. I didn't wanna just fuck her. I didn't wanna just make love to her; I wanted to worship her. I wanted to kiss and lick every single part of her body and just lavish her with my attention. I wanted her to be perfectly clear that I wanted and needed her; that I completely and totally loved her.
I placed soft and tentative kisses along her lips and chin, movin' slowly along her jaw line to her ear. Her body was shakin' like a leaf and I realized how nervous and emotional she had to have been at that very moment. I brought my lips to her ear and whispered, "Shhh . . . it's okay, B. You don't have to do anything, baby. Just relax and let me show you how much I love you."
I was just about to start kissin' her again when I felt a hot drop of water hit my cheek. It wasn't from me; it was from B.
Slowly, I pulled my head back to glance at the completely tear-stained face of the small blonde beneath me. She wasn't shakin' cos she was nervous; she was shakin' cos she was cryin'.
I completely froze.
I mean, come on. I've never once made someone cry in bed. Cries of pleasure? Sure. I'm Faith. Pleasure is what I do. But tears like this? Tears of pain? It was somethin' I wasn't used to seein'.
Then somethin' hit me like a brick.
She wasn't doin' this because she wanted to. She was doin' this because she wanted to feel needed; cos she wanted to feel some kinda self-worth in dealin' with all of her loss and hurt.
As much as I wanted her, I wasn't gonna be temporary escape. I'm the QUEEN of the temporary escape, and if there's one thing I learned from it, I know that it always leaves ya feelin' emptier than before.
And I wasn't gonna be that for her. I just couldn't do it.
As quickly as I had us on the bed, I was off of her and standin' at the foot of the bed, starin' down at her trembling figure.
"Faith?" She asked quietly.
Put the dunce cap on me, folks.
I'm such an idiot. I can't believe I almost fell for that little 'death trap'. There was no way in hell I was gonna be the convenient way out or the easy way out. There was nothin' convenient OR easy about the whole situation.
"I'm sorry, B. I can't." I said shakily.
She looked up at me through her glistening eyelashes and gave me the most honest look that I've ever seen.
"I need you." She replied evenly.
Fuck. Maybe I was wrong about the situation.
Still, I couldn't just jump her again. Stupid decisions are made in times of emotional duress. I didn't wanna be the stupid mistake.
Shit, I had been the 'stupid mistake' my entire life. For once in my life, I wanted something different for myself.
I stilled myself and tried to regroup.
"No." I shook my head. "You don't need me. You need to feel. Something. Anything. And as much as you think this may be a good idea, you're gonna fuckin hate yourself in the mornin'. I can't be a part of that, B. I'm sorry, but I can't."
I stood in silence as we just stared at each other for a few minutes. I watched as her tears stopped and a look of realization came across her face. She raised up from her position and sat facing me, her legs on the bed still.
"No. Faith, I need you." She said, determination in her voice.
I shook my head again.
"I won't be your temporary escape. I'm sorry."
She raised herself up on her knees and made her way to the end of the bed, placing herself just a few feet away from me.
"I feel cold without you. I feel so empty when you're not at my side."
Color me confused. I thought it was the boy-toy's job to make her feel complete. Not me.
I was lost in her gaze for a brief moment, but I shook my head and steeled myself.
"No. Ya just feel lonely and abandoned right now. That's okay, I totally get it. But you're really reachin' here, B."
And, yunno what? Then she really was reachin'.
She extended her arms across the distance and pulled me closer, her hands graspin' onto the material of my shirt.
"I'm not 'reaching', Faith. I'm trying to tell you that I need you. That I want you. That I . . ." she paused, pullin' me even closer, ". . . that I love you. That I've wanted this for a long time and that at this moment, there is nothing more in the world that I want than to be in your arms, kissing you and feeling your warmth."
That . . . was . . . beautiful.
For the first time in my life, someone said 'I love you' to me and really meant it.
Yunno what? She really did mean it. I could see it in her eyes as I closed the distance between us. I could taste it in her kiss as I crushed my mouth to hers.
And I could feel it in her heart as I lay her down on the bed and pressed my chest up against hers.
"What does this mean for us?" I mumbled against her lips as we kissed and shimmied up the bed.
"I don't know." She mumbled back, putting her hands on my face and pushin' me back enough to look into my eyes. "I really don't know. Are you . . . okay with that?"
I blinked as I continued to breathe hard.
"What do you want, B?" I asked her, not really knowin' where she was goin' with this.
She chuckled. "I want something normal. But more importantly," she pulled my face down and gave me a soft and gentle kiss, "right now? There's nothing more in the world that I want than this."
Should I have taken that little revelation as a sign to stop? Probably. But she was lookin' at me with such emotion and such love . . . and I just couldn't hold back any more.
In a flash I was kissin' her again, tryin' to convey every emotion and feeling I was havin' into that very kiss. I needed her to know that I loved her, and words weren't enough at that point.
I needed to show her.
I ran my thumbs under the hem of her shirt as we kissed, tuggin' gently so that she knew I wanted it off her. She raised her back slightly off the bed, leaving me just enough room to slide the shirt up and over her head. It left her hair lookin' kinda messy and wild; it matched the untamed look that she was wearin' on her face.
Instead of layin' back down, she arched upwards even more so, pushing her stomach and chest against mine.
Before I could make a snarky comment about her eagerness, she was pullin' me down by my sides so that we were restin' against each other again.
"I need to feel you against me." She breathed out, her mouth instantly seekin' mine out again.
Now, remember a while back I told you about the Slayer connection and the warm tingles, and about how it was even more intense when we were touching?
Well, take that and triple it in our then situation. No, that's not even a good enough way to describe it. Try 'intense times ten'. My entire body was humming from the contact I was havin' with her.
Now, see, a feelin' like that can't be ignored or dismissed. It's almost as if fate was tryin to tell us that THIS was exactly how we were supposed to end up. Together. Lovin' each other and bein' as close as possible. It felt so right . . . how could I see or feel any wrong in what we were doin'?
I pulled my mouth away from hers so that I could kiss down her body. I needed more . . . I wanted to be touchin' her, tasting her skin, just breathin' her in.
I kissed down her neck, down her chest, stopping at the valley between her breasts. Receiving no stop signs, I unhooked the front clasp to her bra and pushed it away down her sides before leanin' in and circling one of her hard nipples with my tongue. I licked and nibbled it a little before opening my mouth and taking more of the flesh into my mouth, suckling gently as she writhed beneath me.
I repeated the same gesture on the other nipple before I started to slide further down her body, dippin' my tongue in her belly button before movin' my fingers to unbutton her jeans.
Before I had the chance to pull her pants from her body, I felt myself being pulled back up so that our faces were right in front of each other. She pulled my face to hers and started to suck on my bottom lip before thrusting her tongue into my mouth.
I couldn't get over how every part of her tasted like vanilla and honey. Her lips, her tongue, her skin. There was only one other part of her that I wanted to taste, and I was willin' to bet that it tasted just as sweet as the rest of her.
I stopped suckin' on her tongue long enough to groan out a few words.
"B . . . I wanna taste you."
I didn't even recognize my own voice. It was so deep and throaty, and just drippin' with sexual desire.
She pulled back and looked at me, my face in her hands. It looked like she was studyin' me or was searchin' for somethin' on my face. I gave her a small smile for reassurance. I wanted her to know that I was there with her and that I really did need this as much as she did.
A smile appeared on her face as she ran her thumbs over my dimples and then over my lips.
"I want you up here . . . with me. Can you do that . . . for me?" She asked almost shyly.
She really is fuckin adorable. She can go from vixen to shy-girl in the matter of seconds. Pretty fuckin hard for me to say no to a question like that, don't ya think?
I didn't answer her with words. Instead, I dipped my head down and caught her lips in the softest kiss that I could ever imagine. She kept her hands on my face, caressing my cheeks with her thumbs as she relaxed into the kiss.
Slowly, I ran my right hand down the side of her body, stopping to tickle and caress every inch along the way.
When I finally reached the already undone button of her jeans, I pulled back from the kiss so that I could look into her eyes. I don't think that I ever felt so much love in my life than I was feelin' for her right then and there.
As if she was readin' my mind, she raised her hips up just a fraction, a silent sign for my hand to continue its descent.
I couldn't help the groan that escaped me as I slid my hand into her damp panties and felt the warmth beneath them as I cupped my hand over her slick sex. Now, I'd been with a couple different girls before B came along, and I don't ever remember such heat comin' from them. Needless to say, it was wicked hot.
I made sure to keep my eyes on B's face as I wriggled my fingers around her wet folds, gettin' used to the fuckin fantastic feelin' of havin' her juices all over my fingers. Her breath hitched in her throat and she shuddered as I collected the moisture with my fingers and brought it up to her swollen clit, teasingly rubbin' it ever so gently.
After about a minute or so of soft-rubbin', she finally got frustrated enough to ask for more.
"Harder, Faith . . . please."
You better believe that I complied with her request. Not only did I increase the pressure on her clit, but I also sped up my movement on it. She was so fuckin wet, I could hear my fingers slidin' around, makin' all sorts of nasty little sounds.
It was so fuckin hot.
When I heard her breathing pick up, I knew that I had to slow down the momentum or she'd come too soon. I wanted it to last for her; I wanted it to be memorable as well as pleasurable.
Call me old-fashioned that way.
I removed my fingers from her clit and lowered them to her dripping channel, teasing over it with my juice-coated fingertips.
"Faith . . . please." She pleaded. I knew what she wanted; I just wanted to hear her say it.
I mean, come on. She's a fuckin big girl. If she knows what she wants, she should learn how to ask for it.
I continued the teasing motion with my fingers as I began to nibble and suck on her neck, her warm breath ticklin' the side and top of my face.
"Faith . . . please . . . inside." I lifted my head up and looked her in the eyes, givin' her one last chance to back out. Her eyes pleaded with me as she said, "I want . . . n-need you inside of me. Please, Faith . . . please make me come, baby."
Those seven words, 'Please Faith, please make me come, baby'; those had to be the sexiest words I ever heard come out of her mouth. The only thing that would got me hotter woulda been, 'put your mouth on my hot pussy', but I could only expect so much from her on our first time.
Yeah, I was already plannin' the next time . . . and the time after that . . . in fact, I think I've had us booked up for the next decade or so.
Besides . . . I had more plans for later than night. I was gonna taste Buffy no matter what. I was driven to do so. Anyhow, I put those thoughts to the back of my mind as I focused on the task hand.
I ran my fingers through her silky folds a few more times, makin sure that they were wet enough so I wouldn't hurt her. I knew that she had only ever had sex with Angel, and I didn't want this to be a painful experience for her.
Feeling ready, I lowered my lips to B's as I slowly entered her hot pussy with two fingers. She groaned into my mouth and I stilled my hand, lettin' her adjust to me bein' inside of her.
That still fuckin floors me when I think about it. There I was, dark Faith, a big nothing, with my fingers buried in the tight little pussy of Buffy-fuckin-Summers. I coulda died right then and there and have been happy, cos I woulda knew what heaven had felt like, even if it had only been for those few seconds.
When I felt her hips slowly start to rock against my hand, I knew that she was ready for me to continue. The movement of my hand was kinda restricted cos she still had her jeans on, but I guess that it just made the whole thing that much more intimate. My palm was pushed up pretty hard against her clit and I felt her inner muscles start to clench around my fingers almost as soon as I started to move them.
I picked up the pace and started to push into her more deeply, lovin' the way that she felt around my fingers. I was literally holdin' her in the palm of my hands, and she gave that to me willingly. It was kinda beautiful.
Her breathing became really rough as I thrust my fingers faster and faster into her. It became clear to me then that no matter what I tried to do to stop it or slow it down, she was on the brink of coming.
I gave her one last deep kiss before pullin' back just enough to watch her face. Her lips were parted and kinda swollen from me kissin her. Her eyes would be open for a second here and there, but she kept scrunchin' them shut every time that she'd let out a moan. Her walls start to clench even tighter around my fingers, and I knew that she was startin' to come.
"Buffy . . . open your eyes." I said, and she did.
Her big green eyes were staring up into mine and I could see so many emotions runnin' behind 'em. I knew that she could probably see the emotion in mine too, but I wanted to make sure that she was certain of it.
I placed my knee between her legs and pressed it into the back of my hand, makin' me drive my fingers that much deeper into her.
"I love you, B." I whispered as I gazed into her eyes, curling my fingers so that I hit her g-spot.
Her body arched up into mine as she came, callin' out my name over and over as small jolts ran outta her body and into mine. Her juices came pourin' outta her and covered my hand, but I made no effort to move it. Instead, I kept it buried deep inside of her, movin' it really gently so that she could ride out her orgasm for as long as possible.
She kept her eyes focused on mine the whole time. I could see her tryin' as hard as she could to keep them from slammin' shut as each wave of pleasure rolled over her.
The corners of my mouth cracked up into the tiniest of smiles as I leaned in and kissed her gently, lettin' my tongue softly caress hers as she wound her hands in my hair.
I started movin' my hand just a little bit more, tryin to tease her a little bit. I never thought that she'd come again so soon, but two minutes later, her walls were clenchin' around me and she was gasping into my mouth.
It was the single most sexy moment of my entire fuckin life: me kissin her softly as I slowly fucked her again, her gasping into my mouth as she writhed beneath me.
Yeah. Like I said. Pretty fuckin sexy.
After she came for the second time, I finally pulled my hand out of her panties. I was so fuckin tempted to completely lick my fingers clean . . . but I wanted my first time tastin' her to be right from the source. I couldn't wait to get her thighs wrapped around my head as I fucked her with my tongue . . .
. . . but all of that had to wait cos at that moment, B was closin' her eyes to get some rest, holdin me tight against her the whole time.
And yunno what?
I didn't even care that I wasn't gettin' any in return. Fucked up, right? I don't know exactly what it was, but I was completely happy just havin' her let me get close like that. Close enough to 'make love' to her, and close enough to hold her 'til she fell asleep afterwards.
That night, I went to sleep with Buffy on my mind, in my heart . . . and on my fingers.
Sometimes, bein' me wasn't so bad after all.