The air is a bitter cold that I have never felt before.
The snow flakes fall quietly with an almost deadly silence filling the air.
Shoving my hands deeper into my coat pockets I trudge on. The snow has caused
the night to be eerily light. That doesn't change the feeling of emptiness
though. Cars sit silently buried under the drifting white flakes. I look
over at Faith and wonder why I follow so blindly. She's looking ahead, her
breath freezing in a cloud with each exhale. It's hard for me to read her
face; I can't tell what she's felling beneath the mask she wears. I wonder
what she's thinking.
'So what are you saying?' Faith stands there with her arms crossed on her chest, looking like she's waiting for me to answer. And I don't wanna. Not to mention I'm cold now without her body heat so I pull the blanket tighter around me.
'Ummmmm...I'm cold.' I mumble, I know she's not going to let it drop. The goose bumps are standing out on her skin so I know she must be getting cold.
'Buffy, don't fucking play games with me.' She's standing right against the bed hovering over me. Well, I could close my eyes real tight and confess or I could run outside into the snow. Since I don't really have any clothes on I might as well confess.
'I may have...feelings, too.' I say quietly. My fingers are clutching at the blanket.
'What do you mean?' She says, a little less anger in her voice. I sigh and prepare myself.
'I mean that...you know I kind of feel the same. We've gotten really close and we got over that whole let's kill each other thing. And it's getting cold will you please get back under here?' She doesn't say anything for a minute then she pulls the blanket off of me and slides back under the covers. I move myself back to cuddle with her and she wraps her arms around me. 'See much better.' I smile a little. 'You are all goose bumpily and cold.'
'Nothing I can't handle, B.'
'Of course not, tough girl Faith can handle anything.' My eyes start to fall closed again and I hear her sigh.
'So what does this mean?' I don't know of course, I don't have an answer to everything.
'What do you want it to mean?' Ha, I turned it around on her. I wish things like this could be easy, much simpler. But they never are, at least the ones that count.
'I...I want you.' Her words are whispered in to the silent cold room. It's like the cold froze them in the air because I hear that echoed over and over in my head. Again she shift's uncomfortably underneath me so I wrap my arms tighter around her. 'I want all of you.' For some reason I feel the need to cry. I can't believe she is saying these words to me. Maybe it's because I just realized something. I've been waiting for her to speak them and I didn't even know it. How do I say everything that I'm feeling? I can't say anything. 'So can I have you or what?' Faith says and I start laughing.
'You really know how to treat a girl right, Faith, you know that.' I sit up and face her, but of course I pull the blanket around me which pulls it off of her.
'What do you think you're doin B, it's wicked cold in here.'
'Exactly. And I thought you said you could handle it?' I grin at her and hold on to the blanket as she tries to tug it away from me.
'Do you want me to kick your ass, cus I will?' She does a good impression of being mad but I don't buy it.
'Like you can kick my ass.' Faith reaches up grabbing my arm and pulling me down on top of her. I wasn't expecting this tactic and let go of the blanket. With one hand on my arm the other grabs the blanket and she pulls it over us.
'Much better, don't you think, B?' An evil grin appears and I can tell she's enjoying this, not that I'm not. My body is fully on top of hers, my eyes looking directly into Faith's.
'You still can't kick my ass, no ass kicking for me.' I shake my head and she grins even more.
'Sure, B, but we both know the truth.'
'Ha, I'd like to see you try.' I give her my best determined face.
'How 'bout now?'
'How 'bout no, cus I like the bed better than a cold floor.' My hands are planted on either side of her arms and are holding me up above her. My hair is falling down into her face and we're looking directly into each others eyes. Her hand starts to slowly slide up my arm and the goose bumps race across my skin again.
'You still cold?' She asks quietly, her grin transforming into a smile, it's still evil looking though. Very sexy evil looking.
'A little.' Her breath is hitting my face and my eyes are drawn to her lips. Her tongue licks slowly across her bottom one. She knows I'm looking at her mouth and is trying to use it to her advantage.
'How 'bout I warm you up a little?' I think I'm already starting to heat up. But I don't know if I can do this, I haven't thought it all through yet. I need a battle plan, a plan of attack and...oh God, I've become Giles.
'I think I'm doing pretty good.' I can barely get the words out as I keep staring at those soft lips of hers. No, I must stop. I roll myself off of her and on to my back. 'And sleep would be even better, can't have a tired Slayer cus that would...be...not...good.' My sentence trails off as I watch in slow motion as her hand moves under the blanket. Her cold fingertips make contact with my skin as she starts making lazy circles across my stomach. I can't stop the shivers.
'Are you sure about that?' I finally tear my eyes away from the blanket and see her intent gaze. At this point I'm completely frozen and I can't move. Faith leans forward, her lips barely touch my ear and I can feel her hot wet breath as she whispers. 'Can I have you?' All of a sudden I can't breath and all I'm thinking is 'oh my god' over and over again.
'Ummm, Faith...ummm...ummm.' The words just wont come out and I want to scream yes and no. Her fingers keep moving slowly across my skin. The arousal is building up in me but I'm not sure this should be happening. I can't just jump into something I'm not even sure about.
'I want you so bad, Buffy.' Her words are whispered huskily into my ear. I squeeze my eyes shut and swallow a few times. She can't be saying this to me; this is all a dream, a very good dream but a dream.
'Why?' I manage to gasp out. Faith moves her head and looks at me intently.
'Because you're everything that I'm missing.' By the way she says it and the look in her eyes I know she's telling the truth. The air between us feels like it's growing heavier with each passing second. I'm taken aback and for a moment I want to blurt out everything I'm thinking, but I can't. As if in slow motion her lips begin to move closer and closer till they brush against mine. Her soft lips press against mine, I begin to react on instinct. My lips part a little, her tongue traces across my bottom lip before she slides it into my mouth. I can't believe that I'm kissing her, one thing that was never really on my to-do list.
Faith's hand flattens on my stomach; I reach up with my left and place it behind her neck. I can't think about anything but the way her kiss tastes. It's a mixture of things, but it's her. We finally pull away, Faith resting her forehead against mine. Our breathing is just a little heavier. Her eyes close and she whispers again as if someone else would hear her.
'Can I have you?' She would be the only person to ask something like that.
'Only if I can have you.' I pull her lips to mine again, craving their contact. Faith moves without breaking the kiss. Her body is half on top of me, one leg placed between mine. The blanket falls off her shoulders and the cold air rushes at us. We break away, her face hovering above mine. Reaching up, I push a lock of hair behind her head and place my palm against her cheek.
'Faith.' I whisper her name, smiling up at her. 'I don't know if we should be doing this.' She leans into my hand, kissing my palm softly.
'Just tell me when it's too much.' Her hand moves from my stomach to my collar bone. Softly her fingers trace across it before she leans down and places kisses on my skin. 'Tell me when to stop.' She mumbles against my skin causing me to shiver again. The scary thing is, I don't know if I can tell her stop.
In the quiet hush of the night she whispers my name. Her lips touch softly on my skin, which even in this coldness is beginning to burn. I feel her hands move slowly across the expanse of my body. Like she's trying to feel every part of me and every movement she makes is excruciatingly slow.
The sheets and blanket have fallen halfway down her back. All I can do is watch her almost in awe at the passion she is exuding. My heart beats faster and faster in my chest and my lungs struggle for air. She hasn't done anything, yet she's done so much. We're both still in our bras and panties; Faith is just moving around mine.
Her lips touch my skin softly, first at my own parched lips, then down my body. I gasp out her name as I feel them touch my neck. It's so very light and soft and barley wet. Those little kisses make me shiver and I begin to hunger for more. Faith's dark hair falls across my chest tickling me as she makes her way down to my stomach. Light kisses are placed around my navel, then my panty line. She continues to move down my body, kissing each of my thighs in turn. I feel like she's worshipping me.
She kisses the inside of my knee and moves down to my feet, kissing my arches and massaging her fingers deep into my muscles there. Tingling sensations race up my legs and I arch my back slightly. The blanket has been pushed back behind where she kneels at my feet. The cold air is rushing against my burning skin giving me a mixture of feelings to contend with.
I look down at Faith; her eyes are glowing back at me. She begins to slowly crawl back up my body, never once taking her eyes off me.
'Faith.' I breathe out her name.
'Shhhh.' She whispers against my lips then slips her tongue into my mouth. I surge into her, seeking out her warmth. With one hand she reaches down and pulls the blanket back up over us, our lips never parting. I wrap my arms around her, pulling her down to me. The feel of her skin touching mine is more than I can handle. My mind begins to drift away, my thoughts becoming hazy.
Faith's hips press down into me, sliding slightly across the fabric of my panties creating the tiniest bit of friction. Her tongue slides across my bottom lip, leaving a trail of saliva in its wake. I flick out my own tongue, tasting what she left behind. She begins kissing slowly down my jaw, making her way to my neck where she lingers on my pulse point. I'm finally able to react, trailing my fingers across the skin on her neck. My eyes follow the path my fingers take. Faith moans quietly into my neck, the vibrations causing me to shiver.
Our harsh breathing fills the heavy silence hanging in the room. The same silence that seemed so deafening outside. It's like we're locked away from everything, hidden away.
Faith lets me feel her and explore like she did. Just touching her hot skin is the most amazing thing ever. I never thought I could feel so much, to just touch her makes me feel like I'm witnessing something special. I don't understand where all of this has come from. Why do I feel like if I lose her one more time, I'll never be whole, and this thought scares me.
Wrapping my arms around her, I hug Faith against me. I'm afraid of the consequences of loving her. Squeezing my eyes closed I try not to cry. Faith rolls onto her back, pulling me with her and not letting go.
'It's ok.' She whispers in my ear.
'I'm afraid.' I whisper back.
'I'm afraid, too.' She begins to rub my back slowly. 'But I'm too afraid of not knowing. I need to find out. What do you need?' I honestly don't know what I need but I know what I want. It's the intense feelings I get just thinking about her, thinking everyday things.
'I don't' know Faith. I think I want too much.'
'What do you mean B?'
'It feels so intense.'
'I feel it too, fucking scares the shit outta me. I don't do this, I don't do the dating thing, but for some reason I want everything with you.' How can she be so sure that this is right? 'You don't have to decide anything right now. We should get some sleep.' She continues to rub my back slowly as my eyes drift close. I can't sleep, there's too much to think about. I try to picture our future, me and her together. All I can see is us being happy, but this is Faith, I'm afraid of what she can do to me, good or not.
I'm laying here and I'm beginning to wonder about some things. One thing I've been wondering about is why the hell we didn't put more clothes on. This whole thing, feeling her skin against mine, well it's beginning to bother me. Not in a bad way, well, that depends on how you look at it, really. I think it may be bad cus I'm really turned on right now. The fact that we have very little clothes on and that I'm practically on top of her, well...Well, what can I say. I'm only human. Damn hormones.
'Faith...you awake?' I whisper and silently hope she's sleeping. Of course then why do I bother saying anything?
'Ya, B?' She sighs. 'What's up?'
'Ummm, nothing.' Why do I feel like an idiot? Oh that's right, I am.
'B, just tell me.' Ok, now what was I gonna say?
'You know how you said I don't have to decide anything right now?'
'Yeah, I'm the one who said it.' There's still a little irritation in her voice. I refuse to look up at her, besides I like the view I have. Her perfectly round breasts just inches from me. I'm already beginning to imagine what I could do to them. Is this a bad thing? Damn hormones.
'Yeah, well, I was, you know, thinking. This could be good for me but it could also be bad.' I can't begin to tell her what I want to, how afraid I am of possibly loving her.
'B...' She says, her voice soft and quiet. 'B, I promise I'll try not to hurt you ever. I couldn't do that, I can't.' Her hand comes to my cheek and she shifts my face to look up at her. 'I'll do everything I can to make you happy.' There's such sincerity in her voice and eyes. And I don't think I can stop myself from getting lost; I don't think I want to.
Our eyes lock and I can't think straight anymore. I wonder what the gang would say about this. I think they'll get over it.
I can't stop a small shiver. I pull the blanket back up to my neck, pulling it close around me. My head falls back to her shoulder as she wraps her arms around me again.
'Still cold, B.' Faith says in her slightly gravely voice. I just nod mutely, I can't really form thoughts yet. Is it bad that she has this affect on me? I'm thinking it can't always be good.
'How 'bout I warm you up.' She rolls us over so that I'm on my back, and, once again, she's over me. She pulls the blanket up some and then moves a strand of hair from my face. It's such a small gesture, so simple and sweet, and if I hadn't gotten to know her better, something I thought she wasn't capable of. And now I know why I followed her so blindly.
There's this small smile forming as she looks down at me, her hair falling around us. I'm not sure how we got back into this position. I know somewhere in there I had decided not to do this very thing. Her thumb rubs my cheek lightly, then she leans down and kisses my lips softly. As she begins to pull away I lean up and press my lips back to hers. I grab the back of her head and pull her into me. Her tongue slides between my lips and moves against my tongue slowly. Our kiss begins to grow more intense till we can't breathe anymore and I have to break away.
Faith rests her forehead against mine, her hot breath comes in gasps hitting my face. 'B,' She says, grinning at me. 'That was fucking hot.'
'Shut up, Faith.' I mumble as I pull her towards my lips again. I think I'm beginning to forget why I wasn't gonna do this. Her hand slides up my stomach and expertly unclips the front of my bra. I can tell she's done this before. Faith's tongue is battling with my own as she pushes my bra away with her hand, exposing my breasts. I feel her hand squeeze my breast and I break away from her gasping, arching my body more into hers. She looks down, her fingers rolling and pinching my nipple.
'God...perfect.' I hear Faith whisper in almost amazement. Then suddenly I feel her lips latch onto my nipple, her tongue rolling across it. I groan out, my hand grasping at her hair. This feels so good, so amazing, I've never felt anything like this. I almost don't feel her hand moving down, her fingers sliding under the material of my panties. They slide down through my curls and press against my clit. My hips jerk into her fingers and I can't stop the groan that escapes from deep within my throat.
Her fingers stoke back and forth over my clit and I can feel this like, electricity, racing through my body. My hips start moving naturally against her fingers. Faith's teeth pull on my nipple and I'm gasping again. Her hair is falling against my chest and both our bodies are starting to glisten with sweat. The air is becoming heated and thick with the smell of...us. That's all I can describe it as, us. I can't feel the cold anymore. And no matter how cold it is outside, I will always be a little warmer when I'm with Faith.
Her lips begin making their way up my breast to my collar bone. Her tongue traces across my skin there before she moves up to my neck. Her teeth scrapes across my skin as her fingers dip down into my wetness. My breathing is coming faster and faster and I can't control the speed of my heart's racing. The blood pumping through my veins is getting hotter and hotter, burning from the inside out, but I don't care. Faith's voice whispers huskily in my ear and I can barely hear her. It's like I'm standing far away.
My hips jerk up again and I almost scream when her fingers slide excruciatingly slow into me. Her breasts press against mine, her hard nipples rubbing against my skin. Every sensation feels like it's being magnified ten times. With every touch, little explosions set off in my body. Faith's thumb presses against my clit and her fingers push harder into me. I'm gasping out her name though it's getting harder and harder for me to form words.
She slides her fingers in and out of me slowly. Her body is beginning to build up a rhythm moving against my own. I can still hear her whispering in my ear, feeling her tongue trace along my lobe. My fingers are grasping at her back, digging into her skin and leaving marks. Her fingers are pushing deeper into me and then she curls them. I try moving my hips faster but she's controlling the pace.
The white sheet falls down her back as she props herself above me on one arm. She is looking down at me as she slowly thrusts, her breasts bobbing back and forth with the movement. It's almost too much to look in her eyes, they are so intense but I can't look away.
'You are so beautiful.' She is whispering. Her lips look like they are moving in slow motion. I squeeze my eyes shut for a moment as her fingers push hard into me and her thumb presses against my clit. Faith's tongue slides against my lips then slowly pushes into my mouth, caressing my own tongue. I moan into her mouth arching into her touch. I have to break away from her lips gasping. I feel her mouth latch onto my neck and she begins to suck. I'm groaning out louder. And suddenly I hear her groan into my ear.
'I need to taste you.' The warmth of her body leaves as she moves down my body and begins to remove my panties.
I look down my body and watch as Faith trails her tongue across my skin. My hands grasp at the bed sheets, curling up into fists. The muscles in my body coil in anticipation as her tongue swirls around my navel. My breath hitches in my throat as her hot lips move across my curls and her head stops between my legs. Her hands push my legs further apart, and she breathes hotly on my exposed clit. The image of Faith between my legs, licking her lips slowly and looking at me with a heated gaze sends a wave of pleasure through me.
My body arches when she moves in, her tongue flicks across my clit tentatively. Faith's eyes search for my reaction but I can't keep them open. I squeeze them shut as my body arches again and this time one of my hands reaches out searching for her head. I grasp at her hair pulling her towards me, giving her the permission she is looking for. She flattens her tongue and begins making long strokes up and down. I can't control my body as my hips jerk against her face. God, just the feeling of her tongue lapping and licking at me has me growling and groaning her name out loud.
Faith's hands grab my hips and she holds me against her tongue. She flicks her tongue across my clit quickly, I can feel my juices flowing more for her. My body moves of its own accord. I barely even realize my other free hand moving up squeezing my breast and pulling at my nipple. She begins sucking on my clit and my hips jerk harder against her face. I could never even begin to describe what it feels like as she slips two fingers inside of me. Faith mumbles something against me and the vibrations against my clit send me into a fit and I come screaming her name. But she doesn't stop.
I almost forget where we are as my vision returns and I'm brought back to reality. The air has turned hot, our words no longer freezing in the empty space. The heat is filling us up and thawing us out. Faith groans out my name, her curled fingers moving slowly in and out of me, drawing low moans from deep within my own throat. I feel her start to move up my body again. Her lips moving to mine as her sweaty body slides against me. She thrusts her tongue into my mouth making me groan again. It slides along the roof of my mouth then against my own tongue. My fingers dig into her scalp as I hold her against me, our bodies moving against each others with her thrusts.
Her teeth pull at my bottom lip, and she's left me gasping for air. 'Shit B...you're so hot.' She groans, thrusting her fingers in me a little harder and faster. My body arches and I throw my head back exposing my neck to her hot lips. I feel her grunting against my neck as her body moves, her nipples rubbing against mine. The electricity runs straight down, building up again as her thumb hits against my clit. I'm clutching to her with all I got, unable to stop the cries that leave my lips. I can't even think. The only thing that is registering in my brain is the feel of her body, the softness of her lips and the way her fingers are moving in and out of me.
Her teeth graze across my skin. My heart beats loudly in my ears so I barely hear Faith when she whispers. Her hot breath hits my skin and I hear 'Let it go baby.' Those words send me into a spiral and stars explode before my eyes. My body rocks with the orgasm, jerking into her before I collapse against the bed.
I must have passed out but I don't know, I can't even remember where I am or what day it is. But my eyes open to the feeling of Faith's hands moving slowly across my skin, her mouth sucking on my neck. I can't speak or even breathe right now, I'm struggling to focus. I have never felt anything so intense or raw before in my life. There are so many emotions filling me up right now, I can't begin to sort them out. This was never just about sex. Now I'm beginning to understand so much.
Faith slides her hand up my neck to my cheek pushing my face towards hers. She grins at me. 'You ok there, B?' My eyes move back and forth across her face, drinking in every emotion she's letting show. Actually letting me see what she's really feeling. For once I'm seeing the real Faith, and I think I'm falling in love with her.
If there was anything in my life that's confused me more, it would have to be this, me and Faith. It's like I'm so sure of this and so scared and so many things that I don't know what to do. For a moment I'm almost frozen again but she kisses my lips so softly. I'm instantly melting again. Can it be so easy that one moment will cause an instant realization of something you just never noticed before? But when she touches me like this or even looks at me, it feels like I'm floating outside my body.
I look at her, that's all I can do right now. I can't even speak because words seem so wrong right now. My body tingles as her thumb traces across my cheek, and a tear manages to fall from my eye as I squeeze it shut. Faith pulls me to her like she's done so many times now. I press my body as close to hers as possible. Somehow I feel a little safer, comforted maybe. Something I've been looking for everywhere but here. My eyes close and the only thoughts I'm left with are of Faith.
I wake up to the sun shinning brightly through the window. My legs are tangled with Faith's; our arms are wrapped around each other, almost like we're both afraid of the other leaving.
"Hey, B.' Faith's scratchy voice brings me out of my sleepy haze. I turn my head slightly up and she's grinning.
'Hey.' I smile back at her. Her eyes glow with a carefree happiness that's so rare to see in her. It makes her look so beautiful and young. Pushing myself up I straddle her body, my eyes locked with hers. 'Tell me something.'
'Sure.' Faith says as she reaches up pushing my hair behind my ear, her palm lingering on my cheek.
'How does something like this happen?' I see the confusion in her eyes. 'Can something this good just happen?' She smiles and it slowly widens to a grin.
'Doesn't really matter how it happened, cus I don't give a shit how or why. It's happened B, that's all I care about.' Faith pulls my face down and our lips meet softly at first. It begins to grow into a deep kiss, our tongues sliding across each others. When we finally break, we're both left gasping. She looks up at me smiling softly. 'I'll go get us some food cus I'm starving here, B.' I grin back at her.
'Always hungry and horny, huh?'
'You know me, B.' She grins back at me. I think I'm only beginning to know. She rolls us over; kissing me gently again then pulls away. I keep my eyes closed and try to imagine her lips are still on mine. I feel the coldness returning to my body. The unzipping of a bag grabs my attention and my eyes open again. My gaze lingers on the curve of Faith's bare body as she bends over pulling clothes out of our bags. The light shows off the muscles that ripple under her skin as she moves. I can't help but gulp and hold back the urge to run over to her. Faith turns around and throws some clothes at me.
'Wouldn't want you getting cold.' She grins and starts pulling on her own clothes. I hesitate, pulling the sheets up to my chest. I'm almost embarrassed to change in front of her. I've suddenly become self conscious and even with what happened last night I can't help it. Faith looks at me a moment then laughs a little to herself, turning her back to me. I slowly stand up, letting the sheet fall and the sun warm my skin. The room isn't as cold as it was last night, but it's still a little chilly making me shiver. I pull on my panties and my jeans first. Before I even have a chance to zip them I feel Faith wrap her arms around me from behind.
I lean back into her embrace as she bends her head and kisses my neck. One of her hands slides down my jeans, her fingers resting just under the hem of my panties. She squeezes one of my breasts with her other hand, her fingers are warm as she begins pulling at my nipple. I groan deep in my throat and push back against her more. I feel her wet lips on my ear as she whispers.
'You call the scoobs and get us some bus tickets. I'll be back with some food and we'll finish this.' Her tongue flicks across my ear and her fingers roll my nipple between them. 'You do want to finish this?' I can only groan in response. 'Good.' Her body leaves me again, my skin burns where her hands were. The door opens and closes behind me. I fall back against the bed groaning in frustration and staring up at the ceiling. She needs to finish this now. The door opens again and slams shut. I roll over and look up at Faith standing there. 'Food can wait a little bit longer, it's not like I'm starving.' I don't know why she's even talking. Rising up to my knees I smile as Faith starts stripping her clothes off walking towards me.
'I don't need food.' I play along with her as she comes and wraps her arms around me.
'I don't know how I even made it out the door.' She says as we fall back against the bed.
'You took way too long.' I grin. I start to pepper her face with kisses as I laugh. This feels too real to be a dream. Once again we melt into each other, and I get lost in her.
The bus bumps along the dark road, I sigh adjusting myself trying to get comfortable. I look over at Faith, with her headphones on and head against the headrest, her mouth slightly open as she sleeps. Smiling I lean my head against her shoulder. Resting my hand on top of hers interlocking our fingers I squeeze her hand and she squeezes back.
I wonder what everyone will say. They'll probably be more than a little shocked. I don't think they'll care too much, though. Can I say I love her? No, not yet at least. This is only the beginning of a lot of things. I'm not sure if I love her yet, but I know what I feel is more than I have ever felt for someone before. I almost felt like this with Angel, but already this is much stronger. All these years have we just been wasting time? This is the right time, the years we've put behind us have made both of us stronger and wiser. Look at me all grown up and wise now. I wonder if my mom would be proud of everything I've done.
I look down at our hands and smile. I can't wait to spend everyday with Faith, the real Faith, my Faith.