PART 9
“Buffy? Where were you?”
“Err sorry, had trouble fixing my dress. Did Giles explain to you guys?”
“Yes he did. We're sorry that we didn’t try to help. The driver told us that you and Faith had chosen to finally walk to the dance, so we didn't worry.”
“Bastards.” Xander added. He looked rather preoccupied.
“It's fine Xander, we handled it.”
He frowned, “Huh? Oh no, not your chasers, them.” He pointed out the crowd.
Buffy raised her eyebrows, afraid to understand.
“I guess she didn't win, right?”
Willow nodded. “She was pretty pissed off.”
“I guess so.”
“And now she's gonna put it all on me.” Xander sighed in slight anger and then faked a relaxed smile, “Guess I should go now, she's done with Devon.”
“Devon? He only just gave the result, he didn't judge.”
“I know that Oz, but frankly, I prefer to let him tell her.”
He raised his eyebrows and headed towards his girlfriend.
Buffy slightly looked around, “Did anybody see Faith?”
“Err, I think she was talking with someone a minute ago.”
Buffy looked around but didn't see her.
“Looking for me. Changed your mind B?”
Buffy gave a jump as Faith arrived from behind and put her hand on the lower part of her back.
Willow frowned, “What about?”
“Err, Faith, err she wanted to, err patrol tonight.”
“But you're coming with us tonight Buffy, right? Besides, didn't you have your share of slaying for one night?”
Buffy and Faith exchanged a glance and Faith smiled victoriously.
“Sure we did.” Her gaze on Buffy said the opposite and mostly that she knew they both felt the same way towards this. Buffy slightly looked on the side then shook her head, “Yes, I'm done slaying. I want to have REAL fun now.” She said with emphasis.
“REAL fun B. And you think you're gonna get that with Queen C's bitchy mood? I can show you fun.”
Buffy saw her best friend slightly flinch with a worried look on her face that Buffy would leave with the brunette slayer.
“No thanks. I'd rather stay with my friends.”
They stared at each other.
“Ok. What about that thing you wanted to show me earlier?”
##Yeah, that thing. I'm sorry Faith.##
“Well, on that I did change my mind.”
“I see.” Faith walked away, shutting out any emotions she felt at that moment. Willow slightly smiled. Buffy lowered her head.
##I hate to do that. But I can’t... As long as she does stuff like that. I have to draw the line, don't I? Because we can't let the past become a reason for... everything. We have to let it slide. We're just friends and I can’t let her act like that. I really can't. I just can’t..... handle... Now I'm confused.
Anyway, I can't tell her about Angel. She's not ready for that. Her slayer, him vampire. Seems pretty clear to me. Plus, she still holds a grudge against me. She wouldn't act like that if she didn't. Safer to keep it to myself. I'd better go anyway.##
Buffy told her friends she was tired because of the slayer fest hunt. Willow slightly pouted, she seemed to want to tell her something but, despite a few occasions, she didn't talk. Buffy went to find Angel.
She sat on the mansion's couch.
“Rough night?”
“Kinda.”
He sat beside her, she felt her heart slightly rose in her chest and swallowed.
##Why do they still have that effect on me? Both of them. Maybe I'm just too sensitive. Yeah right... But maybe I am, and that's just... memories. Maybe I get like that cause of the memories more than the feelings; it's probably what it is for Faith because it's clear that I don't have any feelings for her anymore, right? Come certainty come, please, I need to hear you there?##
“Buffy?”
“Huh, what?”
“I asked you if you wanted to talk about it but you seemed... gone.”
“Oh, yes, sorry.”
“Is it... Scott?”
“No. Err, actually, we're not together anymore.”
“Oh, I'm sorry. I understand then.”
“Oh no, it's, honestly with him it was just... I just tried to... move on, you know.”
He looked upset, “I guess me coming back made it hard for you, didn't it?”
“Kinda yes.”
He sighed, feeling bad, “I'll leave as soon as I can.”
“Actually I, well, I like you here right now. I mean,”
“If you told me what's on your mind, maybe I could help you Buffy?”
“Too many things.”
She looked slightly distressed, “But I guess I'm just tired. This whole slayer fest thing.”
He reached out for her face and caressed her cheek. She closed her eyes. She remembered the brunette's kiss on her neck earlier and shivered, she pulled away, “No, I-”
“I'm sorry, I shouldn't have, I just wanted to comfort you.”
“I-I I know, but I, I should go now.”
He nodded.
“I'll see you soon.” And she left the Mansion.
~
The next day. They met at the library to try and find out what their next move should be with Trick. Faith wasn't there.
“How are you feeling, Buffy? I know you felt a little tired yesterday.”
“Oh, err I'm better, thanks Giles.”
Buffy sat beside her friends.
“So, how was your night? How's Cordelia?”
“Still mourning.” Xander replied with a smirk, “It's too bad you didn't come with us Buffy, quitter.”
She smiled, “Sorry but, I wasn't in the mood for Cordy's state of mind.”
“Gotcha.” The young man said.
Willow looked uncomfortable.
“You're ok, Will? Come on I'm sure it wasn't such a bad night. You had your two boys with you.”
“What?!” Willow slightly exclaimed, Xander gave a jump too.
“Oz and Xander; boyfriend and best friend?”
“Oh, yes, it was ok. Well, would've been better if you'd come.”
“Next time Will. I was really beat yesterday.”
“I know, I understand.”
“Weird but Faith didn't seem weary at all. She seemed rather peppy.”
“Faith?! I mean, she was there, at the bronze?”
Xander nodded.
“She seemed to have quite a good time if I recall.” Oz lightly said before putting his arm around his girlfriend's shoulders.
##Ok, what does that mean? I don't wanna look curious but, Hell who am I fooling?! ##
“What do you mean? Did she tell you anything?”
“Spoke to us? She didn't even look at us. She barely acknowledges us when you're not there, Buffy.”
Buffy could hear bitterness and somewhat jealousy in the redhead's voice.
“I'm sure she was busy with... What was she doing exactly?”
“Pretty busy she was,” Xander said with an explicit frown, “She even left with, was it two or three boys?” Xander looked at Oz for the response.
“I believe it was two.”
Buffy lowered her head. Willow grimaced in a 'prude-disgusted like' face.
##Two. It didn't take her long to itch her scratch. No I'm not jealous. Honestly I'm really not because I feel just too sick about it. I wonder if I'll ever get over this. This is just something I can't understand. After knowing her so... caring, so frail somehow, and so... wholehearted. With me she was... She was until I drove her away. Maybe she can't forgive me the way I acted in fact cause I'm not sure I really can put the way she acted behind us either. Mostly not when she puts that in my face like she did yesterday. I wonder why we can't bring it back to simple, basic friendship. I'd like to have that but... maybe we've grown apart too much for that. I wonder what it is that's blocking us from being this...##
Faith didn't show up at all that day.
School week started the next day.
Buffy was wandering in the corridor.
“Hey Buffy.” Willow joined her.
“Hey.”
“What's wrong?”
“What do you mean?”
“I don't know but you kinda look like your cat just died, you know.”
“I don't have a cat, Will.”
“You know what I mean; I noticed that yesterday already, you look sad.”
“I do? Err I mean, I'm just a little daydreaming, but I'm not sad.”
##God yes I am. I didn't even notice, I mean.... I can't help thinking about Faith. I mean not Faith-Faith because I don't think of her now. I mean, damn why is it always so confusing when it's about her? What I meant is; I'm sad because I was about to tell her and I wanted to share this... Most of all I wanted to let New York behind us and I realized I still can't. But I should be able to because it doesn't matter now. I don't have these feelings for her anymore. I don't. So I should be able to get over this. I shouldn't take it so hard that she still, that she acts like that.... I don't know. Maybe I reacted that way because she tried this with me and I thought.... I was more than this for her. I mean.... I don't know anymore. I should be happy in fact because that means she doesn't have any feelings anymore if she wants that with me like she does it with anybody but I just.... That's not the Faith I lo... knew and I don't know how to react with her. I feel like she's far from me when she acts like this. But I can’t help feeling this isn’t her now. I mean I can't help thinking that I've known the true Faith, deep down, the true, wholehearted Faith and I can't help... missing her.##
“Buffy?!”
“Huh, what?”
“Where were you? I kept talking to you?”
“Err, sorry Will, I was...”
“Somewhere else, I noticed.”
“I’m really sorry Will.”
“You know you can talk to me, right?”
“Yes, Will.”
“I know you still miss Angel and it's fine to talk about him if you want to.”
##Angel. How can she make me forget even him, even for just an instant.##
“I know what it is Buffy. I know how it can be sometimes.... past loves. Sometimes you can't help but... relapsing and- and... Well, past love, you know.”
“Tell me about it, I mean,” ## Why is she babbling like that?##
“Do you want to tell me something Will?”
“Well, err, about past loves, you know... err.”
“Hey you.” Oz walked by and gave his girlfriend a soft kiss on the lips. Buffy was waiting expectantly.
“Yes Will, past loves?”
“Err, err,”
Both Oz and Buffy looked expectant now.
“Err, no just, well, yes Angel, you can talk to me, if you feel bad.”
Buffy gave her a sceptic frown, sure she'd missed something there, but nodded all the same.
“Thanks Will. I know I can, but I'm alright really.”
“That’s great then. Everything's fine.” Willow cheerfully said.
##She's definitely hiding something. I don't even know what's going on with her life. I mean, I didn't notice anything special. I'm such a bad friend. I should focus on Will more than Faith. Really. Why can't I? Will's my best friend, this I know. I really don't see Faith as a friend, like that I mean; she's a friend but not a best friend though she's closer than a casual friend? Does that make any sense? I'm screwed; I so don't know where she fits. I want to be friends but I... It's not as easy as I wished it was.##
“We should probably go to class now. The bell kinda rang a while ago.”
“Oh, err you're right Oz. Let's go.”
A couple more days went by. Faith still didn't show up.
~
“You should probably go home now Buffy, your mother might worry.”
“I told her I was training with Giles.”
“And I bet you told Giles you were with your mother, didn't you? Just like yesterday and the days before.”
Buffy slightly looked aside.
“It's a dangerous game you're playing at, Buffy.”
“They're always on my back. But, do I get the impression that you do not want me here, Angel?”
“You know I do. Unfortunately I do. I just don't want you to get in trouble Buffy, that's all.”
“I'll be alright.”
“And I wonder as well. At first you came here sparingly, never staying long and these days... you came every day after school and you stayed late.”
“If that bothers you I can-”
“No don't.” He held her arm as she meant to leave the couch, they stared at each other. He slightly caressed her face and she swallowed.
##It can't happen. I just want... I just want to feel... I just wanted to be quiet, a haven but I... I don't think it can't be that either here.##
He let go of her arm before the urge to kiss her become too much for the both of them.
“I should probably go.”
He lowered his head then looked up at her again.
“Are you patrolling with Faith tonight?”
Buffy stood still for a short instant, avoiding looking at him.
“I don't think so.”
“Why?” He asked, with a real interest.
“Err, I haven't seen her in a while. She has her own life you know.”
“Haven't seen her in a while? Since, say, you started coming here every evening?”
“What do you mean?”
“Nothing. I don't mean anything, Buffy.”
“Alright I'll see you in one month then; maybe you'll like it better that way.”
“Buffy no,” He got up and reached for her, “You know that there's nothing I like more than having you here. I just... I don't think this is right for you. And I know this is hard, I don't like to see this sad look on your face. And you look very worried and sad these days, that's all. I care too much about you not to wonder.”
“I know. I'll see you soon.”
She turned around and left.
##I don't know what's really wrong? I'm not with him; I'm sad. I'm with him I'm sad too. I think it's the situation, so then I want to tell her, and I can't because... she's not here. She probably doesn't even care anyway. I have no one. I don't even know what she's doing and I hate that it... yes it hurts that I don't. I don't understand why... I mean, I wish we were friends. I wish things were simpler and damn! Why am I still wondering about Faith when Angel and I almost kissed? We went so close to making that mistake. I should be horrified by myself, worried about it and no, I'm still wondering about Faith. That's no good. No good at all.##
