The back of my jeans are held on to so tightly that I am surprised they haven't ripped off.
"Let go!" I struggle as I am pulled back against Faith.
"No way B. I know you are pissed, right on that page with ya honestly but it shouldn't go down like this" She wraps her arms around me, effectively trapping my arms.
"Why not?" I am glaring at Angel and Will still has him in her little magic locky thing.
"I really don't know why not, don't have an answer for ya but not like this.It don't feel right".
"It would be a real shame to have to head butt you in the face just minutes after declaring my love for you to the entire room but if you don't let me go the back of my head is fitting the front of yours".
If Faith has one weakness that isn't between the sheets it is her face and the injuring of it in any way.
"My face is prepared to take that if it stops you from doing this".
I struggle in her arms "Why are you stopping me, he messed with you!He signed you over so you body could be used as a vessel for god knows what".
"I know" I feel her relax and rest her head against the back of mine "I know but he also saved me from myself B.I wanna hear what he has to say before we do anything".
"What could he possibly have to say that is worth listening to? I know you don't remember the last 4 months but I do.I saw the ease in which he lied, I saw the man that fought to save you just give your life away like it meant nothing and for what? Despite what some people say I am not the be all and end all of this universe, there was no way he did this over jealousy and the fact he and I cant be together".
"You are right I don't see him doing that which is why I wanna give him a chance to explain".
I know I brought up me not being worth the betrayal but OUCH!
"Come on Angel, now is your chance…why'd ya do it?"
He chuckled and my blood went cold, I knew that chuckle and it didn't belong to Angel.
"Angelus" Faith whispers.
Do you ever get so tired of the bullshit that you just act on your first reaction, consequences of that be damned?
If you answered yes to that question then I envy you.Until recently that is.
Something inside me snapped.I was tired of being the good little slayer.I always waited for Giles before going ahead on any mission, always waited for all the Scooby's to have their say.Ever since we closed the Hellmouth in Sunnydale, Buffy Summers was the definition of team player.
So many times I wanted to sleep in but I have early combat class with the 15-17 year old slayers, I always wished that I could blow of patrol to catch an early film with Dawn and Willow but what kind of example would that set for the younger girls?
Even when Faith and I were sneaking around with each other at the beginning I was still the girl that always did the 'right thing'.
I have always wondered what it would be like if I said what I was thinking rather than give the expected response.How different would my life be right now if I adopted Faith's theory of 'Want, Take, Have' all those years ago?
I was tired, I was mad, I was sick of being in check of my emotions at all times, I was pissed off beyond all comprehension and I wanted someone to fucking pay for making my life a game they could play with.
So maybe it wasn't all about me but at that moment when Faith realized that we were dealing with Angelus her grip on me loosened enough that I was able to end that bastard once and for all.
I didn't want to chain him up and restore his soul.I didn't want to know why or how he was back.I was sick of the revolving door of demons, vampires, warlocks, evil corporations and plain old human beings screwing with my life!
I felt something and I did it and it felt amazing.Shoving that stake in his chest felt like something I should have done years ago.My life from the very first moment I had to the chance to dust him back in that cinema in Sunnydale flashed before my eyes but in a very different way.It was a life sans Angel/Angelus.
Acathla was summoned by Spike and I sent him to hell, Drusilla went so crazy she staked herself.I never ran away to LA but I did end up telling Mom about being a slayer with the same disastrous results.Faith rocked up as planned and we welcomed her with open arms.Alan was never killed and became our secret mole.Faith and I fell for each other in college – yes she went to school and she loved it!Willow and Tara happened as we all remember beginning to end sadly.Faith and I became unbeatable.When we fought Glory I never died but Faith was the one that killed Ben and she couldn't deal with it despite the fact he was half evil god trying to kill Dawn so she went awol for a little while but nobody was mad at her, not even Mom…yeah she was still alive at that point.The lesion on her brain and aneurism still got her but it was almost a year later than when it really happened and while I will always wish that it never happened in that reality I had Faith there for me.It was still hard to accept and deal with but she was there and that was all that mattered.Just like when the First showed up, she was there and she was amazing and we kicked ass.
So for a flash it seems pretty long I know but the theme wasn't lost on me.Angel was what stopped what was supposed to happen.There were times when he helped Faith for sure but seeing what I saw I knew that ofit weren't for him and the turmoil he brought to my life then Faith wouldn't have needed saving.
I know I have to take responsibility for the part I played, I did make him the leading man for so long.I hid behind him and my feelings for him and I used those feelings so many times as an excuse for what I did, to justify what I did and to who I did it too.
I always thought that the moment in which Angel died the world would come crashing down around us especially considering his death came at my hand but didn't.I waited for the fall out from certain people around me but it never came.
After my little 'flash' I swear I heard a collective sigh of relief.Within seconds Faith was beside me pulling me in to her arms telling me everything was going to be okay I looked at her and told her I knew that it was because I had her.
I knew from that moment on Buffy Summers was going to be a very different slayer, heck a very different person.I may not adopt 'Want, Take, Have' fully but I am sure as hell gonna try.
For the first time I see just what a gift I have been given and I don't just mean with my powers or the achingly hot brunette who is snoring lightly beside me (She is a gift from the Gods though believe me!).I have a power much greater than that.
I think I finally know Who I Am…and that my friends is a power we all deserve.