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Chapter Fourteen - Each Side of the Spectrum

Fuck this. She needs to leave and she needs to leave now.

The walk back to her room was blinding, being only able to focus on the numbness inside of her and the overwhelming urge to run away from it all. For Faith it's always been like this pull; forcing her to move on and never giving her a chance to look back at the damage caused in her wake. It's kinda like being sucked into a black hole, if she had to compare it to anything. Everything around you blurs, the world around you fuckin' crumbles and you barely even notice cause all you can do is look ahead to where your next destination is and hope to fuck you actually get there before you start to come to grips with reality.

But reality hurt. The void she's in now just makes her feel numb, and she prefers that over feeling like she got stabbed in the gut; again.

Clothes are being shoved in her bag by hands she hardly recognizes as her own because she can barely feel them. It's all so automatic; the running. She does it so easily now it's like putting herself on autopilot. She packs clothes, shampoo, hairbrush, toothbrush, a few pictures; always a few pictures, to be able to remember once she can handle it. She barely looks at what she's doing, just throwing everything in there while her brain checks out for a few moments.

Packed full with as much as she can afford to carry, she slings her bag over her shoulder and turns, ready to make a full speed run halfway to nowhere; anywhere. But she stops, her autopilot gears grinding to a halt as Satsu stands in her doorway, watching her silently.

Her first instinct is to attack; to beat the shit out of her for getting Buffy before her, but it's squashed almost instantly by that nagging voice in the back of her head she figures is logic. She's always liked Satsu; always thought she was a cool fuckin' chick. Besides, Buffy broke her heart too. It isn't her fuckin' fault Buffy's a lying sack of worthless nothing.

"Move," is all Faith tells her, her voice coming out hollow and detached. She doesn't want to deal with this right now; she's got places to be.

"I came to tell you to take care of her," Satsu says, her voice shaking with emotion. But she's got this hard look on her face; determined. "But I see you don't plan to take care of her at all."

"My shit isn't with you, Yuri. So I suggest you move the fuck outta my way before I'm forced to do it myself," Faith tells her, slinging her bag off her shoulder. It falls to the ground with a heavy thud and she looks at her warningly, but Satsu doesn't back down; doesn't even look afraid. Her broken arm is healed, as are most of her wounds, but not all. Even up to full strength she couldn't take Faith, but here she is, not and yet still unmoving from her position.

"She loves you… and yet you're running," Satsu replies angrily. "Do you not understand what you have, Faith?"

"She fuckin' lied to me!" Faith exclaims, advancing on her. "She fuckin' lied to you. If you wanna be her goddamn lap dog go right the fuck ahead; but I ain't nobody's bitch. Fuckin' take her if ya want her cause I really don't give a shit anymore."

"It doesn't matter if I want her or not, Faith! Her heart will never belong to me; that's yours."

"Yeah well I just threw it back in her fuckin' face so pretty sure it's open for grabs again," Faith tells her flatly. Her patience is beginning to drop to dangerous levels as she cracks her knuckles with her fingers. "Serious Satsu, move the fuck outta my way before I drop you on your goddamn head."

"Fuzakennayo," Satsu replies in amused annoyance. Faith's eyebrows shoot up and she takes a step closer to her, getting into her face, but Satsu doesn't even flinch.

"Ya really think I'm full of shit, Yuri? Cause I wouldn't bet my left tit on it if I were you."

"You understand Japanese?" Satsu asks, mildly surprised through her irritation. How much Hentai does she watch?

"Some. Enough. Now ya gonna move or we gonna throw down? Cause ya got about thirty seconds before I lose my patience," Faith tells her in a low voice, the warning rumble through her chest and flash in her eyes.

"Anata wa hanare no yo ni jikko shite iru obi eta sukoshit ama!" Satsu exclaims loudly, as she points at her furiously. Okay, that's a bit too much Japanese for Faith to comprehend, though she did loud and clear get the word ‘bitch' thrown in there, as well as something about her running. She clenches her jaw and cracks her neck before looking at her.

"Fifteen seconds," she warns her. She really doesn't wanna fucking throw down with this kid. As fucked up as it is, she kinda feels for her since Buffy used her too. But she seriously just wants to get the hell out of there and if Satsu isn't planning on moving on her own accord then Faith has no issue doing it for her.

But Satsu is pissed and what comes out naturally isn't English, it's Japanese. "Kanojo wa kimi to koi ni desu! Anata was hi naide kadusai rikai shite? Dono yo ni hanarete irukara aruku koto ga dekiru?!"

"SATSU! Fuckin' speak English!" Faith exclaims loudly. All this getting screamed at in Japanese is giving her a freaking headache.

"SHE IS IN LOVE WITH YOU, YOU FUCKING MORON!" Satsu screams, which wasn't exactly what she said before but that was pretty much the point she was trying to make anyway. "How can you just walk out on that?!"

For Satsu, all this pain and all this heartbreak on every single end of the spectrum hardly seems worth it if no one gets any kind of happiness in the end. It becomes just another pointless, needless situation that ends up tearing them all to shreds. And maybe she wouldn't be one to get her happy ending now, but she's not foolish enough to believe Buffy was her one and only; she would have found her own happiness in the end. But them? The stupid fucking fools…

"Ya wanna know how I can just walk out? It's really fuckin' easy; like this," Faith answers furiously, and then moves to clock her once across the jaw, directly in that soft spot that is bound to make anyone lose consciousness. Satsu doesn't move fast enough to defend herself, maybe because of her previous injury or maybe just due to being blinded by her anger, so the hit connects hard and Satsu ends up slumping to the floor. Faith grabs her bag angrily, "By the way, time's up," she says before she walks straight out the door and hopefully out of Buffy's life forever.

Because that dream was right; Buffy will destroy her… and she's already feeling herself fall into the comfort of the darkness.


Buffy can barely breathe she's crying so hard.

Willow had finally come outside, worried, after hearing from the Slayer's that training had been cancelled. She found Buffy in a heap on the ground, shaking, crying, and barely able to speak a word. Willow helped her to her feet and brought her inside, but Buffy's been curled up on the couch, her head in the witch's lap for over an hour now, the crying finally starting to subside a little.

Willow didn't ask; she already had a pretty good feeling she knew what happened, or at least the gist of it. She overheard some of the Slayers whispering among themselves about how Buffy and Faith were fighting out in the yard and it didn't take a genius to figure out what it was about; especially with the strength of Buffy's reaction. The tears are still streaming down her face, her arms wrapped around herself as she stares at the floor, the tremors in her body subsiding slightly just as her tears start to slow. Willow strokes her hair softly, only a small comfort that has no hope of providing any real solace.

The longer Buffy lay there the more numb she started to feel. It's like everything that just happened was some kind of far away dream; one that lay in the back of her mind that she can just barely touch the surface of. There's screaming and there's heartache, there's name calling and there's lies, but it's all so bunched together; blurring around the edges that nothing seems to make sense anymore besides how every inch of her body is aware that she just lost half her soul.

It's like something's been ripped out of her; it's suffocating. She knows she shouldn't feel this way, not after such a short time. But that was it, wasn't it? It wasn't short at all. Seven years; she's been in love with Faith for seven whole years but was too scared to admit it. So she pushed her away, rejected her friendship, blamed her for everything that went wrong and pretty much drove the girl to insanity. Buffy's always been responsible for everything that Faith does, one way or another. She's responsible for her happiness and for her pain, her courage and her doubt. She never asked to have that kind of power; she never wanted it and she didn't realize she even had it until it was far too late to fix the damage that she already caused.

Ever since they met, Faith spent all her time and energy doing everything she does because of Buffy; love, hate, anger, pain, revenge, redemption, forgiveness. But Buffy did the opposite; she pushed anything and everything Faith out of her life, almost obsessively trying to get rid of her. And why, so they could both find ways to deal with being linked with another human being? It was the pull they felt, it had to be; it terrified them both.

It sounds stupid and maybe a little naive, but Buffy has this feeling inside of her that she was meant to be with Faith; that she was her other half that everyone always talks about searching for. But she didn't have to search, Faith came to her, though has always known how to run away just as fast.

Maybe it was the Slayer inside of them both; ripped apart and forced to be shared between them. Maybe it was that one soul two bodies thing. Whatever it was, all Buffy knew was that she just lost half of herself and it feels like it's killing her.

Being with Faith this past week was like she finally found what would make her whole… and now it's been ripped from her because of her own selfish actions.

Lies. Liar. Lies. LIAR.

The voice in her head taunts her as she holds onto herself tighter, trying to make the chanting stop. She already knows she's a liar; already know she lies. She doesn't need the constant reminder over and over like the beat of a steady drum in her ears.

You had her and you let her go. You let her walk out! You screwed it all up because you wanted more than you should have. No wonder she doesn't want to look at you, no wonder she laughed in your face when you told her you loved her! You're nothing but a liar and a coward and she will never, EVER love you.

A loud, strangled sob releases from Buffy's lips and she puts her hand over her mouth, burying her face in Willows lap. Her whole body shakes as she cries and Willow puts her arms around her, startled at first at the sudden change from getting better to suddenly becoming worse, but willing to help her work through it. "Shhh… I know it doesn't feel like it now, but it'll all be okay…" Willow hushes her, a distressed expression on her face as she watches her friend go through so much pain.

It takes a while to calm Buffy down again, but eventually the sobbing stops again and she just lays there, silent tears still falling as she stares blankly at the far wall, lost in her own thoughts. The silence is deafening but Willow doesn't break it out of fear of startling Buffy or launching her into another fit of tears.

Not everyone else got the ‘Do Not Disturb' memo though.

"Faith is gone."

Willow looks up and so does Buffy, both of them surprised by the voice they hear. Satsu stands in the threshold of the doorway, an angry bruise starting to form on her jaw from where Faith hit her. Buffy looks at Satsu like she doesn't know what to do or say to her; about Faith or anything else. They lock eyes for a moment and Satsu finishes, "I just thought you should know."

She turns and walks away, leaving Buffy to just stare at her retreating form as another silent tear slips down her cheek. Willow rubs her arm in a comforting gesture, but it makes what Satsu just said hit her at full force and Buffy sobs, "Oh god!" before she starts crying hysterically again. Willow wraps her arms around her in a hug and Buffy holds onto her tightly, every tear that she sheds hurting her heart more than the last.

"We'll find her," Willow promises softly. She strokes Buffy's hair and whispers softly, "I promise we'll find her, Buffy…"


The bottle of Jack tips to her lips and she swallows the liquid in one smooth motion; feeling the burn all the way down her esophagus. Faith isn't really sure where she is, but it doesn't matter. It's a hotel room, it has a bed, she has liquor and that's good enough.

It feels weird in here though; it's so bright and colorful, so nice. She's never checked out of her head and said fuck you to everything in an expensive hotel room before. She feels like she should be back in some seedy little joint, like her motel room back in Sunnydale. Places like that give her an odd sort of comfort, something she always thought money would provide her. But she doesn't need the money; she doesn't need all these nice little things when she's too busy trying to find her sanity at the bottom of a liquor bottle.

So she sits in the dark instead, the world around her beginning to spin slightly from the cloudy haze that's begun to settle in her mind after each gulp. She doesn't know where she's going to go or what she's going to do, but wherever it is it'll be far away from Buffy and anything that has to do with her. Right now though, in this moment, her only goal is to forget in any way that she can. Liquor helps with that a lot.

There's a soft knock on her hotel room door and she turns to look at it, a drunken smirk begins to creep across her features.

Women help with that lot too.

This isn't normally her style, but she has money now because of the Council's funds and the last fucking thing she's in the mood for is a party, or any kind of normal human social interaction. So she climbs off the bed in only an oversized t shirt and starts to make her way over to the door; hoping she isn't swaying as much as everything is actually moving around her. Her hand grasps the door handle and she pulls it open to be greeted on the other side by an attractive, slender brunette that gives her a small smile in greeting before walking into her hotel room wordlessly.

Brunette; nothing like Buffy. Big fuckin' tits; also not like Buffy… and that was the point.

"Faith?" she presumes as Faith shuts the door behind her. Faith nods in acknowledgement and she introduces herself, "I'm Candi." The girl isn't Scottish, Faith can tell that by her accent, but she's not exactly sure where she's from.

She's pretty sure she doesn't care either.

"Sure you are," Faith says disbelievingly and dismissively as she walks back over to the bed, sitting down on it as she puts the bottle of Jack back on the bedside table and grabs her pants off the floor, digging through her pockets for her wallet. She looks up at her as she finds it, getting to the point, "How much?"

"Three hundred and fifty pounds for the hour," the girl responds.

Faith starts pulling out her money, counting it haphazardly before handing her a stack of bills. Candi smiles at her in thanks, putting away her compensation. Faith sticks her wallet back into her pants pocket and throws them on the ground before leaning back on the bed on her elbow, expectantly.

Candi can tell that this isn't a client who's going to pay her for her conversation, so she shrugs off her coat before slowly starting to undress in front of her. Faith watches every move she makes; her eyes trailing over every inch of her body that slowly becomes exposed to her hungry eyes. An expert at seduction; Candi takes her time with every detail of undressing to make it an erotic experience. Faith's never usually this patient, but she's felt so numb and detached that she's not looking to be aggressive tonight; just merely looking for a second away from the madness in her own head.

When Candi is completely nude before her, she walks over to Faith like a huntress to its prey, the predatory look in her eye igniting fire to Faith's loins. She slowly strips off her own shirt, throwing it onto the floor and leaving herself nude as well, just as Candi starts to crawl across the bed to her like a panther.

When she's over her, looking down at Faith in her drunken, numb stupor, she leans down and whispers in her ear, "What would you like me to do?"

Faith's hands find her hips, trailing her fingertips slowly upwards over the curve of her waist to land on her ribcage. What would she like her to do? It's such a loaded question and filled with so many dirty, kinky possibilities that under any other circumstances Faith would have a lot of fun with. But not now, not today, and not with the way she feels.

"I don't fuckin' care," she tells her honestly, hoping the creamy complexion of her skin and its softness will provide her with a good enough distraction for the hour. "Just make me forget my goddamn name."


Buffy can hear Giles, Willow, and Xander arguing in the next room. She's still lying on the couch, arms wrapped around herself. She stopped crying about an hour ago but she's pretty sure it's because she's already used up all the available liquid in her body. Now she just feels exhausted; physically, emotionally, and mentally. She wishes they would just stop yelling for two minutes, but it seems too much to hope for.

"How could you just let her leave?!" Giles exclaims, furious. "Her mental state is highly dependent on her emotional stability which it seems has shattered completely! Why did no one think to inform me that Buffy and Faith were romantically involved? Both of you know their history and surely could assume that it'd prove to be a volatile combination!"

"Okay, first of all, we didn't let her do anything," Xander defends. "I didn't even know all of this happened until I came downstairs to a mad house. Second—"

"Second, I don't think it's any of yours or anyone else's business what Buffy and Faith decide to do with their romantic lives!" Willow interjects, furious. Xander points at her and looks at Giles like ‘Exactly.'

"While Buffy has made it quite clear that she does not need me anymore, Faith on the other hand is still my responsibly and—" Giles starts, but is interrupted.

"So that gives you the right to pass judgment her romantic interests?!" Willow exclaims.

"It gives me the right to protect her!" Giles fumes. "I love Buffy as if she were my own daughter, but surely all of you thought of the consequences of her and Faith getting involved like that; they are not good for one another! Faith's always set her life around and comparing herself to Buffy's standards ever since she met her, maybe even before! She has had an unhealthy infatuation with her since the beginning and part of the reason why I was so keen on her helping the rogues was not just for her redemption but to show her that she is useful and needed and that she can find a life of her own that doesn't revolve around Buffy!"

"She's in love with her, Giles!" Willow protests. "Of course her life is going to revolve around her!"

"Don't you even care about Buffy?" Xander asks furiously, pointing into the other room where the girl lay. "The woman you claim to love like your own daughter has been breaking completely in half in there and all you can talk about is Faith!"

"Of course I care!" Giles exclaims angrily. "It pains me to see her this way and it infuriates me that it got to this point in the first place. I don't care how and I don't care why it happened; all I know is that it did, just as I've feared it would if they ever took their relationship to the next level. I'm not as old and as blind as you all believe me to be; I have seen not only Faith's affections for her but Buffy's for Faith as well and that is why I tried to keep them relatively separated! The Slayer essence is strongest in both of them and it renders them unable to coexist peacefully!"

"You don't know that! And they're adults, Giles!" Willow screams. "Maybe being with each other is bad for them, maybe they can't coexist peacefully, or whatever you want to believe, but they have the right to learn that on their own either way!"

"Well they certainly have now, haven't they?" Giles says dryly.

"I don't believe it," Xander protests, folding his arms across his chest and narrowing his eyes at Giles. "I saw how happy being with Buffy made Faith, and vice versa. Buffy made a bad decision and Faith had a bad reaction, but I don't think it's unfixable and I really don't think that we should try to keep them apart just because of this."

"This isn't up for discussion," Giles says firmly. "When we locate Faith I will be leaving with her immediately."

"That's not your decision; it's Faith's!" Willow yells, even though she knows that if Faith already ran away, she more than likely would choose to run farther with Giles.

"Well then we shall see what Faith thinks of the idea," Giles says coldly before turning and walking out of the room. Willow seethes as she watches him leave, then looks over at Xander who looks a little helpless. Neither of them wants Faith to just leave; not only would it destroy Buffy but it would probably make things worse for Faith in the long run as well.

Willow sighs and leans back against the wall, her head pounding. "I need to find Kennedy; she can help us get Faith once we locate her," she tells Xander.

"I haven't seen Kennedy in hours," he tells her.

"She was outside when everything happened," comes Buffy's soft, fragile voice. Both Xander and Willow turn towards the doorway in surprise to see her up and standing; functioning. She's still holding herself, her eyes still red from crying but she tells them, "She ran after Faith once she went back inside."

"Crud," Willow says, letting out another sigh. She knows where she is; "She followed her, she must have."

"So now we have two Slayers to find?" Xander asks, the exhaustion from the day's events clear in his voice.

"Don't worry, it'll be easier for me to find Kennedy than to find Faith," Willow tells him, then looks at Buffy who's still standing there silently, seemingly lost in her own world. "If they're together then we'll find her," she tells Buffy, but she doesn't really seem to comprehend that.

"Why is it easier for you to find Kennedy?" Xander asks.

Willow smiles softly, "Because we're connected."



Chapter Fifteen - Opening Up, Breaking Down

Thirty four minutes; that's how long it takes before her escape from reality gets ripped out from underneath her.

"Fuck," Faith swears, slightly breathless as she hears the pounding on the door. Candi looks up between her thighs and Faith growls in annoyance before yelling to whoever the hell is screwing up her evening, "The ‘Do Not Disturb' sign ain't for show, jackass! Leave me the fuck alone!"

There's silence for a moment and Faith figures that whoever it was went away and was about to instruct Candi to continue, until there's a crash and the latch on the door busts completely. Well fuck, that ain't the bellboy. The handle with the broken lock turns and the door swings open, revealing Kennedy.

"Mother fucker," Faith groans, not bothering to even cover up herself. She just puts her arm over her eyes and counts backwards from ten to keep herself from ripping the girl's windpipe from her throat.

Kennedy's eyes flicker across the room to take in the scene with a look of mild irritation etched on her face. "Well, at least you aren't actively contemplating suicide," she notes dryly. She looks at the girl on the bed that's with Faith and gives her a sarcastic smile, "Hi," she greets her, then her face changes to one of warning and she tells her flatly, "Get out."

"Ken, I swear to fuck," Faith groans, sitting up to grab her oversized t-shirt from off the floor while Candi silently dresses, probably thinking Kennedy's her girlfriend and doesn't want to get involved in the drama. "You have the worst fuckin' timing."

"You know how long it took me to find you?" Kennedy snaps. She lost Faith two hours ago and has been searching hotels around the area since. "Which by the way; ‘Hope Lyonne'? Yeah, you're a master of deception; using an alias we all already know, to check in."

"Only other fuckin' ID I had," Faith says, irritated as she slips her shirt over her head. She looks at Candi who's about to leave and calls out, "Hey!" Candi turns and she asks, "Since I only got half my time do I get half my cash back?"

Kennedy's eyebrows shoot up. "Oh for the love of—" she starts, exasperated. She turns to the escort and tells her, "Keep the money; just go."

The girl leaves in a hurry and Kennedy closes the door behind her, looking at Faith pick up the bottle of Jack and take a long swig. "A hooker, Faith? Really?"

"Fuck off. What'dya want?" She takes another swig of the alcohol and Kennedy makes a face.

"Jesus, how drunk are you right now?" she asks, watching as Faith looks a little unsteady even as she's sitting down.

"Fuckin' five by five," Faith answers, slurring a little bit; she really is too drunk to deal with this bullshit. She's definitely too drunk to deal with Kennedy properly; otherwise she would've put a Slayer shaped hole in the wall for interrupting her sex.

Faith takes one last swig, finishing the bottle before throwing it unceremoniously on the floor. Kennedy just stares at it for a second before her eyes land on Faith again, who lies back on the bed. "Alright, not that I don't get the whole depressed thing, cause I do; I was a wreck when Willow left me… but don't start this shit, Faith. You still have a life to get back to; still have responsibilities. Don't let Buffy ruin everything you've been doing for the past couple years."

Faith just snorts in amused annoyance before turning her head to the side to look at her. "Ya think B's ruinin' my life now?"

"You're trying to run away, aren't you?" Kennedy counters with a pointed look. Faith doesn't say anything and Kennedy crosses the room to sit next to her on the bed. She watches Faith look away from her, staring the ceiling as her whole body shows exactly how many bricks she's laying in the wall she's putting up around her.

"Faith…" she tries softly, trying to get through, but she interrupted.

"Look, Kennedy," Faith snaps, her eyes training on hers again. "I appreciate ya tellin' me about, B, alright? But don't fuckin' sit there and tell me what I can and can't do; this is my fuckin' life."

"Jesus, Faith!" Kennedy exclaims, exasperated. "You were dating her for what; a week? You seriously think that's worth throwing everything away for?!"

"You don't fuckin' get it!" Faith yells, sitting up quickly; getting in Kennedy's face. All the alcohol she consumed gives her a slight head rush, but she ignores it.

"Then explain it to me!"

"Fuck this; fuck you," Faith spits out, getting off the bed as she grows more agitated; needing to move. She starts pacing before she rounds on her and points in her face. "You can't just come in here and demand shit from me! Ya know what? You fuckin' came here and interrupted the only goddamn release I needed. Ya wanna make yourself useful, Ken? Get undressed and finished what the whore started."

"I'm not going to fuck you just to make you forget about Buffy," Kennedy tells her flatly.

Faith gets a feral look in her eye and she stalks towards her before swinging her legs on either side of Kennedy; straddling her. Kennedy doesn't move, but doesn't look amused either. Faith bites her lower lip and smirks, running her hands up her chest before pressing her lips close to the younger girl's ear. "Come on K… know you've always wanted to touch this…" she breathes.

"Faith; cut the crap. I'm not—" Kennedy tries, taking Faith's hands off of her, but she's interrupted by Faith's lips pressing against hers before she can finish her sentence.

Kennedy's eyes flutter closed automatically, her lips yielding to Faith's request without permission from her brain. Faith's tongue plunges in her mouth; kissing Kennedy with every ounce of lust, anger, passion, and sadness that she has in her. Her hands start wandering again, cupping Kennedy's breasts over her shirt roughly; making the woman beneath her emit a soft moan.

Hearing herself moan seems to snap Kennedy out of it though and she tears her lips away from Faith, gasping a little before her eyes narrow and she roughly shoves Faith off of her. Faith barely catches herself before she falls flat on the floor. "Do you have some kind of mental deficiency?!" Kennedy snaps.

Faith just smirks, amused. "Seems you're the one with the deficiency, Ken; you want it, I can feel it. So just stop being such a pussy and go with it." She starts to crawl back over to her but Kennedy pushes her away again.

"It doesn't matter if I do or not; fucking you doesn't solve anything. Not to mention it makes my life more complicated, or did you forget the reason I came back?"

Faith rolls her eyes, "Well you and Red ain't back together yet, are you?"

"No, but—"

"Then ya ain't cheatin'," Faith tells her. She licks her bottom lip slowly, trying not to smirk from the satisfaction of seeing Kennedy watch her tongue with more than just a passing interest.

"That's not the point," Kennedy tells her, allowing her eyes to look into Faith's instead of at her mouth since that's like playing with fire at this point. "Fucking me isn't gonna make you magically feel better and it ain't gonna make Buffy less of a liar or you less of a pathetic mess. Can't you act like an adult for once and deal with your problems like a normal person?"

"Fuck off."

"Mature," Kennedy says dryly before sighing. "Faith just… shit, will you just talk to me?"

"About what?!" Faith exclaims, drunk and frustrated in more ways than one. "About how I've only ever loved one goddamn person and like everything else in my fuckin' life; the shit gets taken from me before it's even really started? Is that what ya wanna talk about?! Cause I ain't fuckin' lookin' to get more depressed here! Just let it go!"

"Letting it go doesn't make it better!"

"WELL IT SURE AS FUCK DOESN'T MAKE IT WORSE!" Faith screams before standing up running her fingers through her hair and letting out an aggravated scream before she punches the wall. The plaster cracks around her hand and she just stares at the spider web pattern, breathing heavily.

Kennedy gets off the bed and walks over to her slowly. Faith doesn't turn, but she can feel her come up behind her. Faith stiffens at Kennedy's first touch; a hand place tentatively on her shoulder. When Faith doesn't pull away Kennedy wraps her arms around her from behind and puts her head on her shoulder; trying to calm her. "Okay, I'll drop it for a little while. Just relax, okay?" she whispers.

Faith starts breathing a little more regularly, but she's still shaking a little from her anger. She can feel the hot sting of tears in her eyes, but she doesn't allow them to fall. She sucks in a large breath of air and continues to stare at the wall while Kennedy's hand strokes her stomach lightly over her shirt. It surprises Faith how much that one simple gesture actually helps calm her down.

The problem is though; the position they're in is a little too intimate. Kennedy hasn't held someone like this in over a year and Faith… it's only been once for her and she didn't realize how much she actually missed intimacy until right then. She's always been the type to screw and leave; no cuddling, nothing that means anything to anyone.

Both women are silent, both becoming increasingly aware of their bodies pressed together. Faith moves first; her hand sliding up her stomach to rest on Kennedy's. It's a simple gesture, and maybe it was just to tell Kennedy that she appreciates that she's there for her; that she has the ability to calm her. Whatever it was, Kennedy lightly places her lips on the back of Faith's neck; kissing her once before she can get the control to stop herself. She meant it as an ‘I get it' gesture; something to tell her that she's there for her, but Faith doesn't exactly take it as that and it makes Kennedy question if she even meant it that way in the first place.

Faith's eyes close at the soft kiss and her grip on Kennedy's hand tighten just a little, trying to encourage her. Kennedy looks at her silently, every inch of her body screaming at her to just take what she wants while her brain is telling her that she's an idiot if she gives in. But she leans in again and kisses the side of Faith's neck, who rolls her neck to the side to give her some room, her breathing picking up a little as she starts to slowly slide Kennedy's hand up her body.

Kennedy starts sucking on the tender flesh softly as Faith guides her hand upwards, stopping beneath the swell of her breast, not going all the way because she's pretty sure it'll snap Kennedy out of it and she's kind of enjoying the attention. Kennedy places another light kiss on the back of her neck, then the side, down to her shoulder. Trying to let her brain have some say in this, and trying to let Faith know there's a line she whispers, "I'm just trying to make you feel better; I'm not going to have sex with you…"

"Whatever," Faith breathes, the alcohol clouding her mind and the intimate kisses sending her into a bit of a daze. At this point she doesn't really care; she just needs something to help her forget and even as minimal as this is, it's helping.

Kennedy laces their fingers together and softly pulls Faith around to face her. When Faith turns, Kennedy searches her eyes, seeing so much pain and sadness behind them that it breaks her heart. She gives her a soft smile before reaching up and touching her face; caressing it softly. Faith just stands there looking at her; unmoving. It's a kind of moment she's never had before and she doesn't really understand it; no one's ever tried to ease her pain this way before. It's always been drugs, booze, and sex.

Kennedy lets go of her hand to be able to wrap her arms around her, pulling her close to her. Faith hesitates for a moment before she tentatively wraps her own arms around Kennedy, a weird feeling coming to the surface. She buries her face in Kennedy's neck, trying to get a hold of her emotions. Usually when she starts to feel like this she channels all of her energy into being angry, but Kennedy has kind of squashed that and instead she has this new feeling that's terrifying her.

Kennedy tightens her hold on Faith and kisses her neck softly before telling her quietly, noticing her starting to tense, "You're okay, Faith. You're okay…"

"I'm fuckin' in love with her, Ken," Faith tells her suddenly, her voice breaking as the emotion behind that comes to light. She squeezes her eyes shut tight, not allowing any tears to flow as she hides her face in Kennedy's neck, trying to deal.

"I know," Kennedy tells her quietly, sympathetically. She lets her hands softly stroke Faith's back, but keeps a firm grip on her, not allowing her to step away now that she's actually making some progress in getting Faith to talk and show emotions like a normal human being. "I'm sorry you're hurting…"

"It feels like I'm fuckin' getting torn apart inside," Faith corrects roughly, her voice still cracking under the strain of trying not to cry. But it's started already; not just the one tear that falls from her eye, but the opening up. Faith will blame the liquor later, sure, but most of it has to do with Kennedy and her being the only other person in the world that Faith knows actually cares. "She doesn't fuckin' trust me…"

"How do you know?" Kennedy asks softly, trying to avoid affirming or denying anything because it can end up making Faith turn defensive again. She just continues to stroke her back softly but when Faith doesn't say anything she kisses her neck lightly again, under her ear and repeats quietly, "Faith… how do you know that?" Faith shakes her head, trying to pull away, but Kennedy tightens her grip and pulls her back. "Tell me, Faith."

"Because of what she did," Faith tells her, horrified to hear a sob escape her lips. She starts to get defensive again and pushes away from Kennedy, trying to get away from her, but Kennedy still won't let her go and she's too drunk and upset to get much of an upper hand in the matter. "Fuckin' quit, Ken, I'm done, I'm fuckin' done," she tells her, her voice choked from the tears that won't stop falling as she tries to get away frantically.

"No," Kennedy tells her firmly, pulling her close to her once again. "No, Faith, you need to let this out. Come on, shhh, calm down…" Faith stills for a second before tearing herself from her grasp. She moves to hit her but Kennedy sees it coming and grabs her wrist. "Faith, come on, relax…"

"I can't fuckin' relax!" Faith cries, frustrated and upset as Kennedy finally holds her relatively still against her. She's about to try to scream, get away again, but then Kennedy's lips meet hers and Faith responds automatically. Kennedy kisses her until Faith has stopped trying to get away and when she pulls back she whispers across her lips:

"Tell me why you think she doesn't trust you, Faith." This is probably the most messed up way to get Faith to open up, but she has been having some progress at least.

Faith lets out an aggravated, distressed sigh and pushes away from her again, but not before her mouth tells Kennedy, without any kind of permission from her brain, "Because she didn't fuckin' tell me! She still thinks I'm the psycho bitch that's gonna react like a train wreck over something so fucking stupid!"

Kennedy bites her tongue before she tells Faith that she did act like a train wreck over it. She doesn't say anything, she just holds Faith, letting her calm down a little. Faith eventually stops struggling against her and lets out a sigh of defeat, feeling herself break in half. She tries to steady her breathing, hoping that will help with her crying problem she seems to have right now.

"You think her sleeping with Satsu is stupid?" Kennedy asks lightly, softly, continuing to stoke Faith's back softly, trying to keep her calm.

Faith laughs; this detached, sad sort of laugh. "Yeah… no, I don't fuckin' know. She coulda just told me… it woulda sucked but at least I woulda fuckin' knew that she wasn't scared that I'd go psychotic over it." She bites her lower lip, staring at the wall over Kennedy's shoulder as her arms tighten around her; maybe accepting her help finally.

"Faith…" Kennedy starts softly, realizing something. "Did you… act that way because that's the way Buffy expected you to act?"

"Don't fuckin' analyze me," Faith says flatly, but it's not defensive and she doesn't move away from Kennedy's arms.

"You gotta see what you're doing, Faith," Kennedy tells her firmly, but quietly. "You think Buffy doesn't trust you so you make sure she has a reason not to; you're destroying this yourself." Faith tenses at the brutal honesty in that and Kennedy adds quickly, "I'm not saying what Buffy did was right, because it's not. You have every right to be pissed off and hurt; I would be too. But don't self destruct over it. If you need space from Buffy that's fine, but if you really love her and you want to be with her, don't throw it away just because you're scared she'll never see past all your history together."

"It's not that fuckin' simple."

"Yeah," Kennedy tells her seriously. She pulls away from Faith a little to look her in the eye and she gives her a small smile before bringing her hand up to wipe away the last of the tears on Faith's cheeks. "It really is."

"You don't get how this feels," Faith exclaims angrily, pushing away from her again. It feels like she's suffocating. Kennedy lets her go and watches Faith sit down heavily on the bed, running a shaky hand through her tangled locks.

"No?" Kennedy replies, agitation clear in her voice. She walks over to her and sits down on the bed next to her and says, "Faith look at me." Faith shifts her eyes to look at her, but still looks defensive. Kennedy goes on, "You don't think that when Willow left me I wanted to curl up into a ball and just die? Huh?" Faith doesn't say anything and she tells her, "I know what it's like to feel like you can't breathe you hurt so much. I know what it's like to feel like all the happiness you both shared feels like it was all a lie, and I know how it feels when you believe you can't possibly be happy again."

"I'm not that fuckin' melodramatic," Faith says flatly, ignoring that every single thing that Kennedy says rings true to her ears.

Kennedy laughs, amused but at the same time completely not. "Faith, you ran away and locked yourself in a hotel room with a bottle of Jack and a hooker. You don't think that screams melodramatic?"

"Fuck off, seriously."

"Hey," Kennedy says seriously, looking at her. "Have a melodramatic moment or twelve; far be it from me to stop you. Just don't kill yourself in the process and don't forget that you actually had a life outside of Buffy before this. Remember what you were doing?"

Faith looks at her like she's stupid for even asking that question. Of course she remembers; she's not dense. But she just acted on autopilot; ran cause that's what she does best. Whether that meant she was planning to abandon what she was doing completely, she didn't know yet. She didn't have much time to think, what between the drinking and the whore.

"I just… don't think I can be around her right now," Faith tells her in an even tone, as much honesty as she's going to get right now; she's already shared more tonight than she has in her entire life. She's not gonna push it.

"Then don't. Go back to rounding up rogues with Giles," Kennedy tells her, making it sound so simple. Maybe it is that simple. Faith sighs and looks at her before shrugging.

"Ya really think G's gonna let me get away with runnin' without a word of goodbye?"

"I don't know, you'd have to ask him." Kennedy pauses for a second and then suggests, "Maybe you should call him in the morning?"

"Maybe," Faith says, not committing to it either way. She looks down at the bed and then back up at Kennedy. She's exhausted; emotionally and physically, and she really needs to pass out. "I think…" she sighs a little, "think I'm just gonna crash out; fuckin' tired."

Kennedy nods as she gets up, planning to leave. Not leave completely of course; part of her still doesn't trust Faith not to run again. This is a hotel after all though; she can just get another room. But it surprises her when Faith nods at her casually and says, "Hey, ya wanna… stay?"

Not that she needs her to or anything, but maybe being alone isn't all it's cracked up as she used to think it was.

Kennedy tries not to look at taken aback as she feels by that offer and responds lightly, "Sure, if you don't mind. I'm beat."

Faith nods and shifts on the bed, bringing the comforter up around her as she lies in bed. Kennedy undresses to her bra and panties and crawls in next to her wordlessly. She's almost as exhausted as Faith is emotionally; not realizing how much it'd take out of her to try to get Faith to open up. She finds it worth it though and hopes like hell that she at least helped Faith be able to look at the situation past all the pain and anger she felt. She cares about her a lot and she refuses to watch Faith tear her life into shreds just because she can't find a way to handle her own emotions in a healthy way.

Faith switches out the light and rolls over on her side to look at Kennedy in the darkness. Her friend looks back at her, giving her a soft smile. "Do you feel a little better?" she asks quietly.

"Yeah," Faith tells her, honestly. She's silent for a moment, just looking at her before she tells her, "Thanks… for ya know, whatever."

Kennedy chuckles softly, amused by Faith trying to show gratitude, "You're welcome." She gives her a bit of a lopsided grin and tells her, "You're my friend, Faith. Like it or not, I give a shit, you know?"

Faith doesn't say anything for a moment; she just looks at her. It's weird; this feeling inside her. She'd call it vulnerability if she wasn't scared of sounding like such a complete twat. She's never really had a friend before though, and maybe it's stupid, but even when she considered Kennedy a friend before this, she didn't really consider her a friend friend. She just kinda regarded her as someone that was cool to hang out with; not someone who gave a shit about her life.

She doesn't know exactly how to react to something like that, so she does the first thing she thinks of and leans over and kisses Kennedy softly on the lips. Kennedy's lips yield to hers for a moment, before she chuckles a little and pushes Faith off of her lightly. "Friend doesn't mean make out buddy," she reminds her with a smirk.

Faith just snorts a little, but she's not offended by that; she gets it. She just wasn't sure how to react to something like that since she's never really encountered it before.

She rolls over and lays on her back before she tells her with a smirk, "Whatever, you know if you weren't dead set on gettin' Red back that you'd let me fuck your brains out." Kennedy looks at her, amused by her bluntness, but tells her honestly:

"Yeah, I really would."


Chapter Sixteen - This Was Supposed to be Goodbye

"I don't think this is a good idea."

Willow stops just as Buffy's legs grind to a halt, nervously wringing her hands. She looks terrified. Willow lets out a patient sigh and puts a comforting hand on her friend's arm. "I thought you wanted to see her; make sure that she doesn't leave."

Buffy shakes her head. "She… she's not going to want to see me, Will. I mean, what if she completely freaks out? Faith isn't good with the whole… being backed into a corner thing. She might feel like we're attacking her, which we're not; totally not! I just… I don't want her to just… run."

"It's up to you, Buffy," Willow tells her softly, looking down the hallway of the hotel that holds Faith's room. She looks back at Buffy who looks like she might pass out from her nerves.

Willow knows one way or another they will have to see Faith and try to coerce her into coming back, mainly because Faith running in this sort of mind set isn't good for anyone involved. Faith might not be one of Willow best's friends, but she does care. Faith's taken a lot of steps forward in her life and something like this shouldn't be the cause of her throwing it all away. But she does want to give Buffy a chance to try to do this herself, mainly because she needs to. She needs to see Faith and be able to apologize, even if Faith won't listen. She needs to be able to see that if she wants to try to continue this thing with her then she's going to have a lot to make up for, and this is as good of a time as any to try and start.

Buffy's silent for a moment before she takes a breath and says, "Okay…" before starting to walk down the hall again. But then she stops, changing her mind quickly. "No! Not okay. What if this makes it worse? What if she hates me more because I didn't give her space when she needed it?"

"Buffy," Willow says patiently. "We all know how Faith can get, but do you really want to leave now and run the risk of never seeing her again?"

Soft spot; hit.

"No…" Buffy admits quietly. She definitely doesn't want that, but she's afraid of Faith's reaction. Back at the castle was bad; but what if this ends up being worse? Buffy isn't sure her heart can take being stomped on any more. What Faith said to her was absolutely devastating, but after having a little time to cry, think, and calm down slightly; she knows Faith didn't mean every single horrible thing she said. Some, yes, and yeah; some were deserved. But she knows better than anyone how Faith gets and how she's afraid of having real emotions; real feelings. Everything is always sex or anger with her and though it hurt… God, it hurt so much she could barely breathe… she can't let Faith just run away from everything.

Because Faith walking out of her life forever would hurt worse than any verbal abuse she's going to give her.

Buffy slowly starts walking towards Faith's door, her heart beating heavily in her chest as Willow follows. She has to remember to breathe before she passes out; telling herself over and over that it'll be fine, that walking in on Faith heartbroken and angry is going to go over like peaches and rainbows.

God, she's so delusional; this is a bad idea.

But Buffy's eyes land at the broken lock on the door of the room Faith's supposed to be in and her eyes go wide; all other thoughts forgotten. She could have been attacked; she could have been hurt, or killed! She could be lying in a ditch right now and it would be all her fault! Buffy's heart thumps loudly in her chest as Willow says slowly, warningly, "Buffy…" as she sees the broken lock; thinking the same thing Buffy is.

Buffy doesn't think, she just opens the door quickly calling out frantically, "Faith?!" as her eyes search the dark room. She lets out a relieved breath of air as she sees two figures sit up in bed automatically; preparing themselves from an attack from the intruders.

Wait… two figures?

"Oh, go fuckin' figure," Faith mumbles, realizing who just came crashing into their room in the middle of the night. Her head is pounding already and she would have been grumpy and miserable already without the added bonus of Buffy refusing to give her space. "Fuck this," she says before laying back down; she's too tired and everyone needs to seriously fuck off right now.

"Kennedy!?" Willow exclaims, seeing her ex girlfriend practically naked in bed with Faith. She knew Kennedy would be where Faith was but this… this isn't what she expected. There's a couch for shit's sake; is it so hard to sleep there?! Willow's brain starts jumping to all sorts of conclusions as she feels her heart squeeze in her chest. She looks at her in anger and betrayal as Kennedy grabs her shirt off the floor, throwing it over her head so that she isn't in her underwear in front of the two women.

"Willow!" Kennedy exclaims, eyes wide and fear in her chest at what Willow might think. "This isn't what it looks like!" she defends quickly.

"Then what is it?" Willow asks, eyes flashing dangerously.

Buffy's eyes are on Faith though; her brain first jumping to the conclusion Willow went to; it would be just like Faith to deal with this or, well, any problem with sex. She felt the hurt and betrayal but she also couldn't help but feel mildly surprised too, at least by how well Faith was taking their intrusion. She looked annoyed as hell obviously, but she wasn't screaming and beating her to pulp; that's got to be improvement. But as Faith climbs out of bed she notices something and she's able to breathe a bit easier.

"Willow," Buffy says softly, obviously relieved, "They didn't have sex." Willow looks at her, confused on how she could possibly know that and Buffy nods her head to Faith in explanation, "She has a shirt on. Faith doesn't wear clothes to bed normally, and she… well, she definitely wouldn't if she'd just had sex." She flushes a little at admitting she knows that; it's one thing to have your friends know you had lesbian sex, another to confirm it with information like that.

"Point for Blondie," Faith says flatly, still aggravated at being woken up. She feels like complete ass; this is the hangover from hell. She grabs her head, rubbing her temples as a headache splits through it with no remorse. She groans a little and looks up at Buffy, "What'dya want, B?"

But Buffy's just staring at her, still wondering why she's taking this relatively well. She was prepared to find Faith and be screamed at and probably slapped around a few times. Faith raises her eyebrows expectantly and Buffy remembers that's her cue to talk, "I… I just wanted to… talk." She winces at how unsure and unsteady her voice comes out.

"Personal space really is a hard concept for you to grasp, huh?" Faith says, a little bit of snap in her voice as the bitterness comes to the surface. It makes Buffy more nervous and she wants to apologize but finds that her voice apparently doesn't want to work with her today.

Why did she think coming here would be a good idea again?

"N-No… I just…" she trails off as she sees the look of almost surprise on Faith's voice from her obvious nervousness. She just falls silent and they look at each other for a moment, Buffy wringing her hands and unable to stand still.

"Kennedy…" Willow tries softly, but now Kennedy is starting to get pretty pissed off. She grabs her jeans and pulls them on, eyes flashing at her.

"Glad to see you have so much faith in me, Willow," she tells her shortly before storming past her and out of the hotel room. Willow follows after her, calling to her all the way down the hall, leaving Buffy and Faith alone in the room to just… stare at each other, apparently.

All this silence is starting to get to Faith. "Tick tock, B; time's wastin'. So just do what ya came here to do and then I can start teachin' ya about personal space and how it works."

Buffy looks a little disgruntled at that. "I know how it works! But it's not like you told me you needed space, you just… you ran! You didn't say anything to anyone about where you were going or when you'd be back so excuse me for worrying about you!"

Faith rolls her eyes. "You weren't worried about me, B. You came here to ease your own guilt."

"I…" Buffy starts, but then falls silence as too much of that sentence rings true and makes her feel even guiltier. They look at each other for a moment before Buffy shakes her head and paces a little, "Maybe I did, okay? But that doesn't…" she stops, turning to look at her with an expression of love and sadness on her face, "that doesn't mean I wasn't worrying. I know how you can get, Faith. And… okay, well, color me surprised that you aren't drunk, high, having sex, or beating the crap out of me, but—"

"And that's all you think of me, isn't it?" Faith interrupts, eyes hard. That makes Buffy's train of thought grind to a halt.

"Of course not!" she defends automatically. "How can you think that?"

"Oh gee, I dunno, B, maybe cause ya just listed the shit out," Faith mocks. She rolls her eyes and shakes her head, getting up from the bed. "Just fuckin' forget it. Get out."

"No, Faith!" Buffy exclaims, reaching out for Faith's shoulder to have her turn around and face her, but Faith shrugs it away and steps back from her.

"Don't touch me," she warns.

Buffy's hand falls back down to her side but she presses on, "Do you really think if that's all I thought you were that I'd want to be with you? That's only a side of you, Faith."

"And it's the side you fuckin' expect!" Faith yells, turning around to face her. Damnit, she was doing so well at being calm; at dealing with this stupid situation like an adult. But now Buffy has to come crashing in here and basically fuck up everything Kennedy worked so hard to fix last night.

"What?" Buffy asks, her voice soft and confused.

"You, B. And me, and this," Faith tells her, pointing between them. "This is complete bullshit; what we're trying to do."

"What are you talking about?" Buffy asks, obviously not following Faith's train of thought. She looks at Faith as she runs her fingers though her hair in aggravation, and then she notices something. "Oh my god, is that a hickey?"

"What?" Faith asks, now being the one that's confused.

"On your neck, Faith! Is that a fucking hickey?!"

"What the fuck does it matter?"

"Because I wasn't the one who gave it to you!" Buffy screams. Her eyes are wide and she angrily grabs Faith's shirt, pulling it up to reveal that she's very much without panties. Faith shoves her hands away from her, but only before Buffy pushes her backwards hard. "You did fuck her, didn't you?!"

"I didn't fuck Ken, B. Jesus Christ," Faith snaps.

"Well you obviously did something with her!"

"Explain to me how that even matters!" Faith yells, getting more frustrated by the second. "In case you haven't noticed, we ain't together anymore!"

"How can you say that?!" Buffy screams, feeling herself getting choked up with tears again. "This is it then? I make one mistake and it's just over, just like that?! In case you haven't noticed, Faith, you've made a hell of a lot more mistakes when it comes to us then I have!"

"See! That's what I'm fuckin' talkin' about!" Faith exclaims, pointing at her. "You're keeping score!"

"I'm what?"

"You think you can get a free fuckin' pass to fuck up!"

"That's not what I'm saying! That's not what I meant!" Buffy exclaims. "Faith, I'm sorry! You don't even understand how sorry I am and how much it hurts me that I hurt you, don't you get that?!"

"Yeah, ya sound real sorry," Faith says dryly.

"Of course I am! I love you, Faith!"

Faith scoffs disbelievingly, "Whatever."

The slap comes out of nowhere and leaves Faith's cheek stinging. Her eyes flash dangerously at Buffy and it takes every ounce of strength inside of her not to just take out all her frustration on Buffy's face. But Buffy is crying now, tears streaming down her face as she looks at her, completely pissed off. "No! Don't you dare throw that back in my face like it's nothing!" she yells. "I took your shit back at the castle because I knew I deserved it, but I'm not going to let you spit on my feelings again like they're worth shit!"

"THEY ARE WORTH SHIT!" Faith yells, and Buffy looks like she's just been struck; the shock and horror evident on her face. "You can't love me, Buffy! And it sure as fuck is laughable that you said you have since you were seventeen!"

Faith expected the punch this time, but she did nothing to stop it. She stumbles back a little, her tongue touching the inside of her cheek and tasting blood from where her tooth cut it. Buffy's furious; if looks could kill, Faith would be dead and buried right now. But Faith just smirks at her, finding something about this entire fucked up situation a little funny. Buffy however, doesn't.

"You stupid fucking bitch," Buffy growls dangerously. "Don't you dare presume to know how I feel."

"I know exactly how you feel," Faith tells her, taking a couple steps towards her to be in her face. Buffy doesn't back down, but she clenches her jaw as Faith continues, "I know exactly what you need. Don't you get it, B? Everything I've fuckin' done the last seven years has been for you!"

That makes Buffy laugh, "Are you kidding me with this?" She shakes her head, still laughing scornfully as she wipes away her tears. "The Mayor? Trying to kill Angel? All that, because of me? You're fucking sick; don't make jokes out of that."

"It's not a fuckin' joke," Faith tells her, her voice dangerously calm. "You needed me to be the villain so you could feel important again."

"Excuse me?!" Buffy asks, her mouth open in shock. "What the hell are you—"

"You, Buffy!" Faith exclaims, pointing at her as she starts to rant. "You hated when I came to Sunnydale, and don't fuckin' pretend like ya didn't! You hated that your friends liked me, you hated the way I lived, who I am! You hated that I had something you didn't, that I had fuckin' freedom. You hated me the second you laid eyes on me and that's why you left me in that dirty motel room, that's why you fuckin' didn't ever bother to hang out with me, that's why you fuckin' made sure I had no friends! You wanted me out of your fuckin' life the minute I came into it!"

"That's not true!" Buffy screams. "I wanted us to be friends, but you were always so closed off! And I tried, you know; I invited you over for Christmas, didn't I?!"

"Joyce invited me, B! Not you!" Faith exclaims. It wasn't that hard to figure out at the time.

Buffy falls silent for a moment, knowing that part is true. But she tries to make excuses by stuttering, "W-Well… I was the one that came over to invite you!" Yeah, okay, that one wasn't winning any points in the long run. "Besides, that doesn't explain you going evil because you thought it was what I wanted! How do you think I could want something like that?!"

"Because when I came to town you realized you weren't the special one anymore!" Faith yells. "Two girls in all the world now, not just one; not just you!"

"Hey! Kendra came before you, you know!" Buffy defends.

"But she wasn't around as much as I was! You didn't have to see her every day, did you?!"

"No, but—"

"And you couldn't handle it. You hated that you had to share the spotlight! You hated that you hated me because of it and needed a real reason to hate me so yeah, I gave you one!" Faith screams, getting in her face.

Buffy pushes her back hard. "I didn't ask for any of that!" She was starting to feel sick, too much of that ringing true to her ears. It was so fucked up that it couldn't be true though, right?

"YOU DIDN'T HAVE TO!" Faith yells. "But I did it for you; I do everything for you, Buffy! I was bad because you needed me to be, I tried the whole redemption thing out for size because you were starting to feel too guilty, I went to fuckin' jail because you wanted me too, I came back to Sunnydale because you needed me too, and I fuckin' went ballistic over Satsu because you needed me to make you feel like shit over it! I know you better than you know yourself, B!"

"So you were horrible to me because you thought I needed it?! That's completely ridiculous! I'm not that much of a masochist!"

"You are that much of a masochist, Buffy! We're Slayers; we both are! We both need the pain that we give each other because that's what makes us feel like we're alive!"

"See!" Buffy exclaims, pointing at her dramatically. "And that right there is your problem! You think it's always about pain and hate and anger; but what about the good stuff, huh?! What about when we kiss, when we make love, when we just smile at each other? Or are you that fucked up that none of that makes you feel alive?!"

"Of course it does, but that's not the point!"

"Then what is?!" Buffy screams then adds sarcastically, "Since you're all knowing, why don't you enlighten me a little, Faith?!"

"We can't do this, B! That's the fuckin' point! We may love each other but it just ain't ever gonna fuckin' work because apparently we can't express love like normal fucking people!"

"HEY! I express mine fine!" Buffy defends, then pauses, eyes going wide. "Wait… what?" Didn't Faith tell her she didn't really love her yesterday?

"Oh right, sure B. You express yours fuckin' ace with deciding it's easier to hate me," Faith says flatly.

"No, shut up; hold on," Buffy says, waving her hands in front of her to stop Faith and to try to think. "Did you just tell me you love me, and then admit I love you? Weren't you just screaming at me that I didn't not ten minutes ago?"

"Does it really matter?"

"Yes! And you… ugghh damnit, Faith!" Buffy exclaims, pushing Faith back so hard she can't regain her balance and goes toppling down on the bed.

"What the fuck was that for?!"

"FOR SCREWING ME AROUND!" Buffy yells, coming over to her. "For telling me you loved me and then taking it back and for saying it again now! Make up your damn mind!" Faith tries to sit up but Buffy pushes her back down on the bed hard with one hand while she all but crawls on top of her, pinning her there.

"Obviously I fuckin' love you, Buffy! What, did you think I revolved my whole life around you cause I was bored?!" Faith exclaims angrily, trying to sit up but now Buffy has swung a leg over her hips and is using two hands to hold her down; she isn't going anywhere.

"Then stop being such a pig headed idiot and just go with what you feel, Faith!" Buffy exclaims. She lets out an exasperated sigh and asks, "Why do you have to always make everything complicated? Why can't you just love me and I just love you and everything can just work out?"

"Because life doesn't fuckin' work that way, Buffy."

"It doesn't because you won't let it!"

"You cheated on me!" Faith protests, not bothering at all trying to get up anymore because she knows she's pinned, but she does shove her a little bit.

"No, actually I didn't! I never slept with Satsu after you and I got together!" Buffy defends loudly.

"You still lied to me!"

"And I said I was sorry! I was an idiot, okay? I was an idiot and I was selfish not to tell you, but this isn't as big of a deal as you're making it out to be!" Faith opens her mouth to speak but is cut off by Buffy instantly, "And don't give me that crap about how you need to make it this way for me; maybe I did need you too at the castle but right now I'm so done with all this shit. You're not doing this for me; you're doing it because you're scared and want to run away!"

"I'm not fuckin' scared."

She's totally fucking scared.

"You're terrified that we might actually have something good besides all the pain!" Buffy exclaims. "You've grown used to me hurting you and you hurting me that you can't fathom the idea that there's something out there that's different; that's better!" She lets out a breath and looks down at Faith, sadness, longing, fear, and desperation in her eyes and she leans her forehead against hers, closing her eyes as she whispers, "Damnit, Faith. I need you… please don't run from me."

"You don't need me," Faith tells her softly, letting Buffy lay on top of her. Buffy's grip has slackened and Faith could have moved, but she found that she can't. She's starting to feel emotional again and she's afraid if she gets up she's gonna start crying and then break something, so she stays still.

"Fuck you, yes I do. Don't…" Buffy chokes up a little, lifting her head up a little to look down at the woman beneath her. A tear falls from her eye and lands on Faith's cheek and she wipes it off with her thumb, her voice hitching as she tells her, "Don't do this, please. I know we're both messed up, okay? But I… I do need you. It hurts every second that I'm away from you; it always has."

Faith sighs, starting to feel guilty and trapped so she pushes Buffy off of her and sits up, needing air to breathe. She rests her elbows on her knees and purses her lips together, shaking her head a little as she tells her quietly and without looking at her, "I just need space, B. Need to get out and clear my head a little."

"I can give you space; I can give you tons of space! I'll stay completely away from you, but I just… I need you to stay here; in Scotland. Please…" Buffy begs, reaching over and taking one of Faith's hands in hers. Faith looks over at her; Buffy's tear stained cheeks and desperate look and it breaks her heart because Buffy is too strong to resort to begging like this. It infuriates her because it makes her feel like she broke her in some way.

Faith takes her hand away from her and stands up, putting more distance between them. "I'm no good for you, B."

"It's not up to you to make that decision," Buffy tells her firmly, wiping away another tear that falls down her cheek. "It's up to me to decide if you're good for me, and you are."

"Look, I ain't sayin' that I'm gonna be gone forever," Faith tells her, leaning against the wall and folding her arms across her chest like she's trying to protect herself. "I'll come back."


"I don't know."

"And you want me to just what, wait around for you?" Buffy asks disbelievingly.

"Didn't say that."

"So you are breaking up with me then?" Buffy asks, voice catching in her throat at the emotion behind that.

"Didn't say that either," Faith replies.

"Damnit, Faith! Will you make sense for once?!" Buffy exclaims, frustrated beyond belief now. She gets up off the bed and in two strides she's over to her, pushing her a little in her desperation as she gets in her face. "I love you!"

"I love you too!" Faith exclaims, frustrated too. "But I don't know what I want right now!"

"I thought you wanted me!"

"I do!"

"Do you listen to yourself when you speak?!" Buffy asks, irritated and confused. "What is wrong with your train of thought?!"

"I don't know! I just know I need some space so can you please fuckin' give it to me?!"

Buffy steps away from her, looking at her like she doesn't understand what's going on. She shakes her hair, running her fingers through her hair as she paces. "This doesn't make any sense! I don't even know why you're leaving anymore! I thought it was because of what happened with Satsu but you… you've barely said anything about that! What the hell is going on?!"

"I don't know, okay?!" Faith yells. Her frustration and confusion is to a peak and she grabs Buffy's hand and pulls her towards her, suddenly crashing her lips against hers. Buffy kisses her back, but Faith ends it too quickly and whispers across her lips, "I'm fuckin' in love with you, Buffy, okay? So much. But I just… I gotta leave."

"Don't… please…" Buffy begs softly, more tears squeezing out of her eyes. She holds onto Faith, afraid to let her go. "I don't understand…"

"I love you," Faith repeats softly before kissing her once, lightly on the lips. It was so final that it breaks Buffy's heart in half. "You're everything to me… and that's the fuckin' problem." She tries to pull away from her but Buffy refuses to let her go.

"No! Faith, stop trying to destroy everything! Just fucking stop it!"

"B, let me go!"

"No!" Buffy cries, choking up as she sobs. "No! You're not just going to walk out on me like this! You can't say that loving me is the problem!"

"Don't make me hit you, Buffy! Just let me go!" Faith tells her, grabbing Buffy's wrists and using her thumbs to press down on a pressure point that makes Buffy gasp in pain and her fingers let go of her shirt. Faith backs away and grabs her jeans off the floor, trying to get dressed before she leaves. But Buffy's desperate and she's not going to let that happen.

The punch connects with Faith's face so hard she stumbles back, her lip bleeding as she lands on the bed. She looks up at Buffy; angry and surprised but Buffy just gets on top of her and kisses her hard, sucking the blood from her wound as she holds Faith's arms down with every bit of strength that she has in her. "I love you, you fucking moron," Buffy breathes against her lips, slipping her thigh between Faith's legs and pressing up hard against her so that she gasps in pleasure. She looks down at Faith, seeing the wave of emotions pass across her face; love, hate, lust, anger.

Buffy slides her hand up Faith's shirt, raking her nails up her torso as she watches Faith bite back a moan before rolling her hips harder against her thigh automatically. Buffy looks at her, every ounce of passion and seriousness in her voice as she whispers in her ear in the most claiming voice Faith has ever heard, "And I am not letting you go."


Chapter Seventeen - Why It Will Never Work

Well, this isn't exactly how Faith planned this moment to go.

"Buffy…" Faith tries, but it comes out more as a moan from the friction Buffy's thigh is having against her clit. Buffy's not holding her down forcefully anymore, but she couldn't move even if she tried. Her brain is screaming at her to not make this more complicated than it already is, but one touch from Buffy and her brain might as well be useless for all the good it's doing her right now.

Plus, the whole dominatrix Buffy thing is hotter than words can ever describe and Faith isn't one to kick a gift horse in the mouth, considering this is Buffy fantasy number twenty seven.

She's still pissed off and her need to run is fueling her adrenaline, but Buffy is sucking hard on her neck, right over the hickey that Kennedy left her. Buffy's need to reclaim her allows for a flood of desire to spill down her thighs as she grabs onto her back, arching her back as she gasps, fingernails digging in as Buffy bites her roughly. When she's done properly marking her, her lips press against Faith's ear and she whispers throatily, "You're mine, Faith."

Faith could have sworn that she had a proper response to that, however all that managed to come out of her mouth was something that she was horrified to realize resembled close to a whimper; and Faith doesn't whimper. She can feel Buffy smile against her neck at her little victory as her hand slides up Faith's torso slowly, dragging the shirt with her. With every little bit of skin that's exposed she'll shift her thigh, the slight friction against Faith's clit making her gasp softly. "Say it, Faith," Buffy coos softly in her ear, a slight taunt behind it because of her obvious power over her.

"You're getting cocky," Faith retorts with a smirk, finally finding her voice. As her hands descend Buffy's body of their own accord, she turns her head to get Buffy to look at her. Buffy's eyes flicker down to meet her own and she bites her lower lip softly as her hand stops shy of Faith's breast; resting on her ribcage. She looks a little more than cocky right now, and it should probably piss Faith off rather than turn her on.

Buffy leans down, but when Faith tries to kiss her she pulls away a little, just out of reach, and smirks. "You could have hit me back and ran by now," she explains in a whisper, ghosting her lips across Faith's. "I'm not holding you down anymore…" Her lips connect with Faith's for a moment and they kiss; lips, tongue, teeth, and bruising passion until Buffy pulls away and Faith groans from the lack of contact.

"You could have told me you didn't want me anymore; that you really are leaving," Buffy goes on in a soft voice, trailing her lips across Faith's jaw. "But all I see you doing is grinding your very wet pussy against my thigh," Buffy presses her thigh harder against Faith and her hips buck in response; confirming it. Buffy smirks as Faith's breathing starts to become a little shallow and her hands slide down to grab her ass.

There's just something about Buffy; Ms. Prim and Proper, using the word ‘pussy' that gets Faith going like nobody's business.

Buffy seems to know it too and her lips trail back down to her ear just as her hand finally ascends over her ribcage to land on her breast. As she rolls Faith's nipple between her fingers and watches her lover bite back a moan she chuckles a little and finishes, "So yeah, I think I have a reason to be cocky, Faith."

"Jesus, B; just fuck me," Faith breathes before she can stop herself. Shit, she's about to make things so much worse, isn't she? But she can't help herself and she damn sure can't stop herself either. She's also letting Buffy top the hell out of her, which is something she already knows she'll only ever do for her. It's a weird switch; being on the submissive end of things. It makes her feel vulnerable, but it also has some sort of sexy quality around it that completely overrides the fear she usually gets when she's unguarded. But then again, that may just be because of Buffy.

The rules always seem to change for her, don't they?

Fuck. She should leave before this gets any worse. She was supposed to be getting space, having time to think and this isn't helping. Yeah, leaving is a good plan. She can just push Buffy off of her and tell her that this isn't gonna just magically fix shit. She should leave right—

Her thoughts are interrupted by a moan as Buffy's thigh is replaced by her fingers slipping through her wet folds. That was it; Faith was done. Done with thinking, done with pretending she's actually gonna get herself out of this mess. Instincts kick in and her fingers gripping Buffy's shirt tears it from the force before her lips collide with hers. They're a mess of lips, tongues, and wandering hands as Faith wastes no time getting Buffy's clothes off of her.

Buffy begins to pant heavily into her mouth at the force of her passion as every stitch of her clothing is removed and she struggles to get Faith's shirt over her head. But when it's discarded to the ground Faith rolls them over, switching their positions so that she's on top before plunging two fingers deep inside of Buffy's heated core.

"Oh fuck, Faith!" Buffy cries, grasping at her back, nails digging in as she spreads her legs wider for her. Her eyes shut momentarily from the pleasure, but she forces herself to open them again and look up at the woman on top of her.

Faith's eyes are wild as she looks down at her, her long wavy hair tumbles down around her shoulders and frames her face as her lips are slightly parted; swollen from the bruising passion behind their kisses. Her eyes drink in every dip, every curve of Buffy's body as she pauses, leaving her fingers inside of her but not moving an inch. "You're fuckin' beautiful, B," Faith breathes; about the only thing that her mind can comprehend at the moment.

Buffy presses her lips together as she whimpers a little, rolling her hips into Faith's hand, trying to encourage movement that doesn't seem to be coming. "Please…" she begs softly. But Faith barely listens and instead takes her time kissing Buffy's neck, biting and sucking softly at the tender flesh. Buffy whimpers again and tries to fuck herself against Faith's hand, but the brunette uses her bodyweight to still her hips as she lays on top of her and Buffy groans in frustration.

"You think you own me?" Faith asks her in a throaty whisper that sends shivers down Buffy's spine. It's almost like a challenge.

"Yes," Buffy breathes. Faith lifts up her head and Buffy turns hers to look at her before she breathlessly continues, "But I think it's a fair trade considering you're going to own me forever…"

That seems to snap Faith out of it, at least a little. She can't do this to her; she needs to leave. She withdraws her fingers from her and starts regrettably, "Buffy…"

"No," Buffy says, her voice sounding strong if not for the little quake of uncertainty that taints it. She grabs both of Faith's hands, lacing their fingers together as she pulls her a little so that their bodies are flush together. "Please don't…"

Faith swears a little under her breath. "I have to—" but she can't get the rest of the sentence out because she's silenced by Buffy's lips on hers. They kiss for softly awhile, Faith not being able to find the strength to just get up and go; this is so much harder that she expected it to be. Buffy cups her cheek and kisses her deeper before starting to roll them back over so she can be on top. But Faith breaks the kiss, already knowing where that's gonna head if she lets it. "No, B, I—"

But once again she's silenced with lips on hers as Buffy does take full control, pinning Faith down beneath her. Her grip isn't hard, but it's still making her point. When they break she whispers against her lips, her voice choking up a little, "Please Faith… just make love to me. Decide after that, but just please…" she bites her trembling lower lip and rolls her hips into Faith, their clits bumping against each other, making both women moan.

Faith knows she shouldn't do this.


"If you're going to say goodbye then do it properly!" Buffy whispers harshly, her emotions getting the better of her. Faith swears as she sees one tear fall from Buffy's eye and wiggles her wrist out of Buffy's slackening grip to reach up to wipe it away with her thumb. "Fuck, Faith, just…" Buffy starts, then sighs as she struggles to talk without completely breaking down. "If you need space that's fine, I'll let you go, okay? I'll wait for you if that's what you want but just don't leave without…" she trails off and another tear falls and Faith does the first thing she can think of; she kisses away the tear before pressing her lips to hers, rolling her hips harder into Buffy and making her gasp quietly into her mouth.

She's probably gonna go to hell for this one.

But Faith continues to kiss her anyway, grinding her clit against Buffy's as they both moan. Buffy's hands slide over every inch of her body as if trying to memorize it. She's still softly crying and that breaks Faith's heart more than anything else and she tries to give her all she needs so she can at least be happy for a moment, no matter how brief. She grabs Buffy's hips and guides them softly, making sure the friction created between them is at its peak. Buffy's panting against her lips as she slides her hand over Faith's breast, rolling her nipple between her fingers and sending sparks shooting to her core.

"Fuck, Buffy…" Faith moans, her words a bit muffled from Buffy's lips on hers.

Buffy wishes she could fool herself into thinking that if she gives Faith an orgasm that it'll make her stay, but she knows she's not going to. She still doesn't know why and it's killing her. Making love to Faith right now might also be killing her but she can't just let her leave without knowing for sure that Faith really does love her.

Buffy can see it in her eyes though; when she looks down at Faith as they both grind against each other, panting and moaning at every feeling that flows through their bodies. She can see the love behind her eyes, but she can also see the fear… and the regret she knows she's going to have once this is all over. Maybe it's cruel, but Buffy doesn't plan to save her from that regret because she knows she's going to have some of her own.

"I love you," Buffy pants out as her body slides against Faith's, the pressure building as she approaches the orgasm that is coming far too quickly. "Faith, I love you so much…" she breathes, her voice cracking as she chokes back a sob.

"I love you too," Faith tells her breathlessly. As she sees another tear fall from Buffy's eye she reaches up and wipes it away, "Shit, B, don't cry… please." It's like a knife in the gut all over again to see Buffy in so much pain and to know she's the cause of it, but just like back then; she doesn't know what to do about it other than run. It's what she's good at, after all.

Maybe she hasn't grown up as much as she thinks she has.

"Don't leave," Buffy suddenly chokes out, all of her emotions finally getting the best of her as she breaks down and sobs as she collapses on top of her, burying her face in Faith's neck. Faith wraps her arms around her as she stills her hips. God, she knew this was a bad idea. Neither of them could handle this. "Please don't leave me, Faith…"

"Shhh, B… come on, don't cry…" Faith tries as she strokes her hair, but all it seems to do is make Buffy cry harder.

"You're such a fucking asshole, you know?!" Buffy cries, pushing herself away from Faith before hitting her chest with her fists… hard. Faith winces at the pain but Buffy doesn't give her a chance to say anything, "Why can't you just be happy? Why can't you just stop running from everything that makes you feel good?!"

"B, I don't wanna do this again with you…" Faith sighs softly, rubbing the area where Buffy hit her. She sits up and tries to grab her clothes, realizing that sex is definitely a bust, but Buffy grabs them out of her hands and throws them across the room.

"Well too bad!" Buffy screams, tears streaming down her cheeks. "I'm gonna continue screaming at you until you tell me why you want to leave!"

"I didn't say I want to leave!" Faith protests.

"Oh no, you just need to then, is that it?" Buffy mocks, scorned. "Bullshit. Tell me, Faith! Tell me why you want to leave so badly! What the hell has got you so scared that you need to run away from me like a pussy little bitch?!"

Whoa, what the fuck did she just call her?

"Fuck you, Buffy! You don't get it!" Faith yells. Not that she can really blame her, considering she has yet to explain it, but whatever. There's no fuckin' need to call her a pussy bitch. She's not running because she's scared!

"Then explain it to me!"

Faith shakes her head, "Just forget it, B. I gotta go." She gets off the bed and takes all of one step until Buffy grabs her arm and roughly pulls her back down before shoving her with all her strength. Faith falls back a little and looks at her, eyes flashing.

"I ain't afraid to hit you," she warns. This is getting ridiculous. Buffy can't force her to stay here!

"Then hit me," Buffy challenges, her voice dangerously calm. "Come on Faith, it's what you want, isn't it? Some big fight so you don't have to feel guilty about breaking my heart because you aren't woman enough to keep it in the first place!"

Yeah, she's purposely trying to piss Faith off now. It's working.

"I'm all the fuckin' woman you'll ever need!" Faith yells, offended by that. Not woman enough… what the fuck? "Hell, I'm all the fuckin' man you'll ever need too! Don't fuck around with me, B!"

"I'm not; I'm just waiting for you to stop being such a pansy bitch and prove it to me!"

"I'm not scared, so stop callin' me shit like that!" Faith yells. God, she's never been called a pussy or a pansy bitch ever in her whole life and now she gets called them both in a span of two minutes? What the fuck.

"Really? Because you look pretty terrified to me."

"Fuck you. Fuck this," Faith spits out, getting off the bed before beginning to grab her clothes off the floor. She sees Buffy move off the bed from the corner of her eye and as she turns to tell her to seriously back the hell off, she's greeted by a fist to the face and she falls to the ground, losing her footing from the unexpected blow.

She reacts instinctively; eyes wild as she feels threatened, springing to her feet, and launching herself at Buffy. She dodges the first punch but the second connects, and connects hard. The bruise is already starting to form on Buffy's jaw as they start to circle each other, eyes dangerous. "What the fuck is your problem, B?!" Faith screams.

"What the hell does it look like, F?" Buffy taunts, her eyes still glistening with angry tears. She's channeled her sadness into anger; something Faith has learned to do very well in the past and yet it still comes as a bag of bricks to the face when she sees it on someone else.

"Looks like your beggin' to get your ass kicked if ya ain't gonna let me walk out that door," Faith tells her.

"You'd hit the woman you claim to love?"

"You already have!"

"And you just did! So damnit, Faith, what the hell do we do now?! Is this all it's ever gonna be with us? We fight then we fuck and you tear my heart into a million pieces and then stomp on them like I'm worth shit to you?!" Buffy screams, stopping deliberately in front of the door so Faith can't leave.

"How can you still fuckin' say that you think your heart is worth shit to me?!" Faith screams. "Seriously Buffy, are you that fuckin' retarded?!"

How did they get here; naked and fighting with each other like this? This is why she needs to go; this right here. All this craziness, all this fuckin' insanity. Buffy's right; they fuck, they fight. They ain't ever gonna have anything normal and Buffy… she deserves better than that.

Faith's pretty sure she should deserve better that that too.

Buffy's eyes flash; the only warning Faith has before she lunges at her again. They're a mess of fists and fury as they trade blows; some connecting and others just barely being dodged. Faith's lip gets split open again and she growls, spinning around to have her elbow connect with Buffy's face. The blonde stumbles back but regains her footing almost immediately and ducks down to dodge another blow that's sent her way, sweeping her leg down and successfully tripping Faith so that she ends up falling hard to the ground.

They both wish that they were strong enough to stop this; to be able to get up and walk away and realize that fighting like this isn't gonna get them anywhere but more fucked up. But it's what they do best, the both of them; fight out their issues like they're still screwed up adolescents. With all the growing they've done as women over the last seven years, when it all comes down to it, it's worth shit when they're around each other. They still act like children and can't deal with their problems like normal people.

Maybe it's because they're Slayers; fighting is what they were built for, after all. But both of them know that's not it; that it has more to do with the way they are with each other more than anything else. They fell into a pattern long ago that neither of them can get out of.

Faith tries to get up once she hits the floor, but Buffy's on top of her, straddling her and using her thigh muscles to pin her down as she lands two blows to Faith's face. Her face is contorted in anger and sadness; tears still falling from her eyes as she chokes back a sob and furiously tries to hit her again, but Faith grabs her wrist before it connects. "Fuck you!" Buffy screams, distraught. "I wish I never fell in love with you! FUCK YOU! I knew you were going to hurt me!"

"Get the fuck off of me, you crazy bitch!" Faith yells, keeping a tight grip on Buffy's wrist before using her other hand to knock Buffy clean across the jaw. But Buffy looks like she barely even feels it as she grabs Faith's free hand and pins it above her head.

"I HATE YOU!" Buffy screams, looking down at her furiously. They're both at a stalemate; each of them knowing they'd have to let go of the other one to move themselves. So they stare at each other; breathing heavily in their fury, the silence becoming deafening after Buffy's heated words.

That moment seems to stretch on forever until suddenly it stops as they kiss each other passionately; angrily as they let go of each other's wrists and use their hands to touch every part of each other that they can reach. Neither of them really knew who moved first, maybe they did at the same time. But it didn't matter. This is proof though; good, solid proof of how screwed up they really are with each other, and how they won't ever be able to have a healthy relationship.

Buffy cries out as Faith's teeth sink into her neck, slamming her hand down against the carpet and grabbing onto it as she rolls her hips into Faith. Her lips are trailing across every bit of skin that she can reach; biting and sucking as she marks every inch of Buffy that she can. Buffy's gasping as she tangles her fingers in Faith's hair and grinds her clit against her thigh as she cries out, "Fuck, Faith, yes, oh god!"

Faith growls at the sound of Buffy's pleading tone and roughly flips them over, lips crashing against hers as her hand finds its way between her legs, slipping her fingers over the blonde's aching clit. Buffy moans hard in her mouth and grabs onto her back, spreading her legs wider as Faith bites down on Buffy's lower lip just as she slips her fingers inside of her.

"Oh fuck," Buffy gasps hard, bucking her hips to meet Faith's fingers. She clenches her muscles and pulls her deeper inside of her as she pants against her mouth, right before Faith starts to fuck her so hard she can barely remember her own name; let alone where she is, what she's actually doing, and how screwed up it was that they got here in the first place.

The way Faith pounds into her, looking down at her with such a look of unadulterated lust in her eyes, has Buffy practically screaming, begging, whimpering, and panting so hard that she can barely get time to take a breath before she's letting it out again with another cry of ecstasy. Buffy wraps her arms around Faith's neck and holds on, the only thing she can do as she screams Faith's name over and over, which seems to be the only thing that her mind can comprehend at the moment.

Her first orgasm comes quick and the second even faster than that. Buffy's pretty sure she's stopped breathing but Faith still continues to fuck her with abandon, never letting up for a second. Buffy's vaguely aware of her screaming, "Don't stop!" over and over before screaming again, a third orgasm ripping through her body like a violent tidal wave and ends up sending her to another dimension since the colors she's seeing and the feelings she's having can't possibly exist in this one.

Faith does give her time to rest after that one, but only just barely. She's kissing her again; hard and wild as Buffy pants breathlessly into her mouth, still holding onto her since she's pretty sure she can't move her arms, let alone any other part of her body. But then, somewhere in the distance, beyond the haze that is Buffy's mind, she hears Faith moaning and she realizes that she's started fucking herself on top of Buffy, too worked up to wait for her. Buffy finds some control and effort inside of her and manages to let go of her and roughly push Faith's hand away from her own pussy before slamming her fingers inside of her.

"Fuck, Buffy!" Faith cries, her hips bucking wildly against the blonde's hand. Buffy tries to keep up, but three orgasms hasn't done much for her coordination. She's mostly left with having to let Faith fuck herself against her fingers, which she surmises is acceptable since she still gets to be inside of her. She can feel Faith's walls pulsating around her fingers and she bites down on her neck in a way that's bordering more on painful than pleasurable, but Faith cries out like it's the best she's ever had, slamming her hand down hard against the carpet and swearing loudly.

"Come all over me, Faith!" Buffy demands, her voice hoarse from screaming. She curls her fingers to hit Faith's g spot and she feels the orgasm start to quickly course through every inch of Faith's body, making her muscles tremble and her eyes fly shut before she has the biggest orgasm Buffy thinks she's ever seen someone have in their entire life. It freaks Buffy out for a minute with the amount of wetness that pours from Faith's body before she realizes that she's actually squirting all over her. The warm liquid splashes on Buffy's hand and then down, all over the lower half of their bodies. Buffy moans hard, feeling it cover her pussy and she kisses Faith with reckless abandon as she palms her clit hard, making Faith climax for a second time just moments after.

They're both breathless as they collapse against each other, both of their heads spinning from the intensity of their lovemaking. They're both tired; worn out physically and emotionally exhausted as they lay there, struggling to stay in the waking world for just a moment longer. But sleep overtakes them both and they pass out; Faith on top of Buffy on the floor after the blonde has an idle thought about how they might be screwed up, but they're screwed up in their perfection.

Buffy knew it was coming, but when she awoke hours later she was still surprised and mildly horrified to find herself completely alone. She tried not to cry, but as she gathered her clothes off the floor she found the tears to be streaming down her cheeks as she prayed to whoever was listening that Faith would find her way back to her.





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