Chapter Seventeen - It Doesn't Suck
Faith's not gonna be fucking Trish for awhile.
That was so fucked up. She gets that yeah, maybe she had it coming to her. But what she did to her was months ago. Then again, they always say revenge is best served cold. Still, Willow or Xander… she could have dealt with that. Willow might have been a bit traumatized but she'd get over it and Xander would probably just cream his pants and have a new fantasy to fill up his long and lonely nights. But Buffy?
What made it fuckin' worse was that Buffy was the reason she was wet in the first place. So everything Trish said was true, and Buffy heard every single fucking word.
Faith wants nothing more than to beat the bitch's head in.
But she likes it here. This is her club. Trish is her bartender that serves her even though she's five years underage. Well, she thinks she's only two or three years underage and Faith's never really bothered to correct her. The woman's like twenty five and she'd probably freak a bit after she realizes she's been fucking a sixteen year old. Is that even legal in California? Whatever.
She's still pissed though so when Trish leaves her alone in the stall she starts punching the wall, just trying to get some aggression out. "Fucking bitch," she mutters. She growls and punches the wall, one more time and very fucking hard. "Aw fuck!" she swears, hissing in pain and holding her bruised knuckles with her other hand. Shit. That was stupid.
Faith swears again as she opens the stall door, going to the sink and turning it on to run her knuckles under the cold water to dull the pain. The bathroom door opens and Faith looks up in the mirror to see Buffy coming in looking really awkward. Faith drops her gaze and focuses on her hands underneath the water.
"Hey," Buffy says softly, coming over to lean on the sink next to her.
Faith doesn't look at her and mumbles, "Hey."
"I, um… I'm sorry… about… well, I didn't know you were—" Buffy stutters, her face flushing with embarrassment.
"S'Fine," Faith tells her, still not looking at her as she turns off the water and moves away from her to get a paper towel. "Ya told me anything that happens tonight doesn't really happen. So just forget about it."
Buffy nods, folding her arms into herself. "I need to… talk to you."
"So talk," Faith says flatly as she dries her hands off. She can see Buffy's reflection in the metal of the paper towel dispenser.
"There's um… there's something going on that I think you should probably know about. Well, everyone, actually. But I think I want to talk to you… first," Buffy gets out rather awkwardly. Faith turns to her, crumpling up the paper towel in her hand and throwing it in the trash.
"What, about your little boy toy?"
"What?" Buffy asks, looking at her surprised and a little confused.
"Your big hunk of meat ya got out there, Twinkie. I saw him," Faith tells her, crossing her arms over her chest and leaning against the wall. Nothing about her facial expression reads 'happy.'
"No… well I mean yeah, but no, it's not what you're thinking," Buffy tells her, shaking her head.
Faith raises an eyebrow, "And how do ya know what I'm thinking?"
"I… I don't. I was just saying he isn't… I mean we're not…" Buffy stutters, trying to find the words but apparently getting a little intimidated around Faith after everything that went on.
"Fuck who ya want, B. Watch me give a shit," Faith tells her flatly. She clearly gives a shit though; her voice gives it away. She doesn't know why she gives a shit though. Maybe cause the guys a fucking stalker and that's just… that's fucked up.
Yeah, her logic and train of thought is just great today. She's too damn drunk and angry at this point, just about everything. She's so ready to go home.
"What? No, Faith. I'm not having sex with him," Buffy tells her, looking at her strangely.
"Yeah, not yet," Faith scoffs.
"What are you doing? Why are you turning this around? This has nothing to do with that. That has nothing to do with anything," Buffy tells her.
"Look, you do what you do and I'll do the same. Square?" Faith asks her, glaring a bit as she gets off the wall and starts off towards the door. Buffy stops her.
"No, Faith. I'm not—what are you doing? That's not even what I came in here to talk to you about. Why are you getting all pissy at me?"
"I dunno, Princess," Faith mocks, turning around to face her and getting up in her space. "Maybe cause you're crushing on the psycho stalker. Really smart, B; seriously, ten fucking Brownie points for you."
"What? I'm not—!" Buffy starts, but quickly gets really angry at Faith's attitude. "You know what? Who cares even if I do have a crush on him? I can like whoever I want, Faith!"
"I ain't stoppin' you," Faith tells her dismissively, holding her hands up. "Have fun with it, B. I'll be sure to look real hard for your body when you go missing."
"Why are you being like this?!" Buffy screeches, furious now.
"I ain't being like anything. I told you; go do what you want."
"I'm not having sex with him, Faith! I'm not having sex with anybody! I don't want to have sex with anyone besides—!" she cuts herself off quickly, not finishing her sentence.
"Besides who? Angel?" Faith mocks. Buffy just stares at her like she has no idea what's going on and hell, Faith doesn't either. "Yeah, whatever. This closet case act of yours is getting real old, B. You're a fucking lesbian. Just own up to it and stop trying to 'fix' yourself by throwing yourself at the nearest psychopath!"
"Are you on drugs?" she yells. "You don't listen to a single thing that comes out my mouth, do you? Your head is too far up your own ass to hear anything besides the sound of your own droning voice!"
"No, fuck you!" Buffy screams. "I don't even know why I like you!"
"S'cause of my nice rack," Faith says flatly, then smirks. It infuriates Buffy more.
Yeah, this is mature.
"Uh, hello? Pot; kettle," Buffy snaps, pointing at her. "What right to have to go around calling anyone a dyke?!"
"Just tryin' to help ya out, Princess, since you don't seem to wanna own up," Faith snaps back, her eyes flashing. Yeah, this has gone way past immature and way past pointless. Faith doesn't even know what they're arguing about anymore or why it started; she's just pissed.
"You don't have to justify wanting to sleep with me by calling me a lesbian!" Buffy screams. Faith stops, here eyebrows rising. Uh, excuse the fuck outta her?
"Way to swell your ego, B. Last time I checked I wasn't the one begging to be taken. Oh, kiss me Faith," she mocks. "You make me feel things!" Buffy's eyes flash and her fist connects with Faith's face before she even realizes she's moved, sending her sprawling to the ground.
Fuck, getting hit by a Slayer sucks on so many levels. Her head is spinning and she's pretty sure she's gonna vomit. She coughs, spitting blood.
"Go to hell!" Buffy screams before she stomps past her and out the bathroom door, leaving her there on the floor.
Faith brings her hand up to her mouth, then takes it away and looks at it. Fuck, she's bleeding like hell; she's pretty sure her tooth cut her tongue open. Stupid bitch.
Whatever was going on between them before? Yeah, it's definitely fuckin' over. She pretty damn sure she hates that bitch like no one she's ever hated in her entire life.
"Buffy… are you sure?" Giles asks, worry coloring his voice as he looks at his Slayer.
"That's what he said," Buffy tells him softly.
"I take it this is bad?" Xander asks, looking at Giles.
Giles is notably pale and Faith says, "I don't think bad even begins to cover it, Xand."
"The Master has risen," Giles says, like he can't believe the words coming out of his mouth. He sits down slowly, staring at the far wall. "Dear lord…"
Faith looks at him and then to Buffy, who won't meet her gaze. They haven't spoken one word to each other since she punched her out in The Bronze last night. Willow found her spitting blood in the sink and asked what happened, but Faith just started screaming about how Buffy's a stupid cunt and stormed out, leaving the club and walking all the way home in her half drunken, angry stupor. She's surprised she didn't get eaten along the way.
"How do we even know stalker boy's tellin' the truth?" Faith asks, just to put that question out there since, yeah, not really the best thing to do taking the word of a stalker.
"He's not lying, Faith," Buffy snaps at her, the first thing she's said to her all day.
"No one asked you to stick up for your boyfriend, B," Faith retorts. "This conversation is reserved for people who haven't been infected by stupid."
"Oh go fuck yourself, Faith. You're the one—!" Buffy starts, but Giles slams his hand down on the table, making the sound echo through the library and both girls fall silent.
"I'm going to say this once, and only once," Giles says, dangerously calm. "Now, especially now, is not the time for you two to fight with each other. I don't know what happened and I don't care, but I do know that it's not as important as this, so will you both please shut up?"
Buffy and Faith look guilty and don't say another word. Giles has never talked to them like that before. Giles clears his throat and situates his glasses on his nose. "Alright," he takes a breath. "What else did Angel say?"
"Something about a harvest or something, but I really don't think this guy is the apple pickin' kind of vampire," Buffy tells him. Giles eyes almost pop out of his skull.
"The Harvest?!" he practically screeches. Faith's eyes go wide. Wow, she's never heard Giles make that sound before. She's starting to freak out; she's never seen Giles this shaken up before. "When? Did he say when? Buffy, think!"
"No!" Buffy cries, getting freaked out by the way Giles is acting too. "He just said soon!"
"Oh good lord," Giles breathes. "I need to sit down."
"Y-You are sitting down," Willow tells him.
"…So I am," he says, realizing that he's planted firmly in his chair.
"G… ya gonna explain who this Master is?" Faith asks.
"Right. Yes, of course. I'm sorry, I'm just a little…" he fiddles with his glasses and clears his throat. "The Master is one of the oldest living vampires; head of a clan called the Order of Aurelius. According to the Council's records, he came to Sunnydale decades ago in hopes of opening the Hellmouth. But he had some trouble opening the dimensional portal and he ended up triggering an earthquake that swallowed half the town… including him; his failure ended up sealing him in a force field. He has been trapped ever since…" he sighs, "up until now."
"Sounds… shitty," Faith says, trying to keep the pounding in her chest to a minimum. This dude being back didn't sound like a walk in the park.
Giles takes a breath. "Unfortunately, it gets worse." He stands, walking over to a pile of books before leafing through them. "There is a prophecy that foretold the Master rising again."
"I'm starting to hate prophecies," Buffy says.
Faith's inclined to agree.
"Here," Giles says, looking at one of his books before he starts reading, "And there will be a time of crisis, of worlds hanging in the balance. And in this time shall come the Anointed, the Master's great warrior... The Five will die, and from their ashes the Anointed shall rise. The Brethren of Aurelius shall meet him and usher him to his immortal destiny. ...the Slayer will not know him, will not stop him, and he will lead her into hell."
Everyone looks at Buffy, whose eyes have gone wide for a second.
"This doesn't give me the warm fuzzies," she says. There's silence as everyone watches her react, and then Faith get's amazed as she sees the Slayer come out in her; clear as day. She looks determined. "Well, that little book can say whatever it wants; I'll stop him. And I'm so not planning to go to hell anytime soon so they can just forget about that plan." She stands up, pacing a little. "Alright, so what's this Anointed person have to do with the Master, exactly?"
"It is stated that he will help the Master escape his confinements," Giles tells her. "For now, the Master is weak. He'll be underground. The Harvest, as legend tells it, is a ritual in which the Master will appoint a 'vessel'. The vessel will then feed; giving its strength to him so he can walk among us again."
"Alright so; easy plan then: kill the vessel," Buffy says confidently.
"Easy on paper," Faith says. "I mean, ya don't even know when this shit's happening, who this dude is, and where he's gonna be at."
"Way to stop the fun train, Faith."
"Look, I'm just being realistic here," Faith says, holding up her hands in defense. "But I'm with you; let's go in and tear this town apart lookin' for the bastard."
"We aren't doing anything," Buffy tells her. "I will be doing something, everything, all of it; me, on my own, without you."
"Like I'm gonna let you have all the fun, Blondie; whatever," Faith scoffs.
"Faith, Buffy's right. You are not a Slayer and therefore are ill equipped to fight in this battle," Giles tells her. Faith goes to retort but he holds up his hand, silencing her. "I understand your dedication and I appreciate your vigilance but this is one fight I will not allow you to participate in."
"So what, you're just gonna let B run into the bad guy's lair without backup? What the fuck is that?"
"I'm the Slayer, Faith," Buffy tells her. "It's what I do, and it's what I do alone."
"This is some fucked up shit," Faith says, pushing some of the books on the table away from her. Several fell to the floor with a thud and she glares. This is fucking ridiculous. She's not gonna just let B walk into some vamp's lair and get herself fucking killed.
Then again, her going in there might get her killed, but that still ain't a reason for her to pussy out. Everyone's gotta die sometime.
"Well, now that that's settled and my books have been abused," Giles says, reaching down to pick up the books that fell. Willow helps him. "Buffy, I think you should talk to Angel again; see if he knows more about a timeline for all of this, especially when the Harvest will commence."
Buffy nods. "I'll go by his place after dark."
"You know where his place is?" Faith asks with raised eyebrows and so not a jealous tone in her voice. Bitchy, yes. Jealous, no.
"Yeah, I do. Do you have a problem with that?" Buffy challenges her.
"Told ya you can bounce on whatever dude's dick you feel like," Faith says cooly.
"What, like how you let random whores fuck you in bathroom stalls? No thanks," Buffy shoots back at her.
"Uh, guys?" Xander asks, confused. "Am I sensing a jealousy vibe in the room?"
"NO!" both girls yell at him. He holds up his hands in defense and slinks lower in his chair.
"This is completely off topic," Giles tells them, though seems a bit flustered at the interaction between his two charges. "And I'm sure the bell is about to ring any moment, so you should all be heading off to class."
"Fine by me," Faith snaps, shooting daggers at Buffy before she gets up quickly, the chair skidding across the floor from the force with which it's pushed back.
She storms out; not looking at a single one of them as she quickly leaves. Fuck this. Fuck her.
Later that night, Faith's lying on her stomach in her hotel room, munching on Twizzlers as she watches some old movie on TV. There's a knock at her door and she turns to look, confusion flashing over her face. She isn't expecting anyone. Swinging her legs over the side of the bed, she sits up before using her hands to push herself off the bed, and her comfortable position, to cross over to the door.
When she opens it, Buffy's standing in front of her, covered in something that doesn't look or smell very nice.
"What the fuck happened to you?"
"Some demon decided to explode when it died. I'm covered in…" she looks distressed and a little more than grossed out. "…nasty, icky, demon goo."
"Can see that," Faith asks, staring at her and trying not to smell her. "Why're ya here though? Didn't we get all pissy this morning and stop talkin'?"
"I know and I'm sorry about… everything. But I just… Faith, my mom doesn't know about Slayer stuff and I can't go home like this." The desperation is clear in her voice.
Faith raises an eyebrow at her. "You askin' for a favor?"
"Yes. Please. A big one," Buffy says, practically begging her now. "Please, please can I use your shower and borrow a clean pair of clothes? I swear I'll make it up to you somehow."
Faith looks at her, the urge to just close the door in the blonde's face rising up, but she suppresses it. She might be pissed at Buffy for, fuck, everything, but she can't just leave her like that. She sighs, stepping aside so she can come in. "Just don't drip that shit everywhere or you're cleanin' it up," she says flatly.
"Thank you," Buffy says, relief in her voice. "Seriously, I'll make it up to you somehow," she tells her before crossing the room and heading into Faith's bathroom.
"Yeah, whatever," Faith says dismissively, grabbing a clean towel out of the top of the closet and heading into the bathroom. "Here," she says, handing it to her. "Shampoo and shit's in the shower."
"Thank you," Buffy says, "I mean it, Faith."
"Don't make a thing outta it," Faith mumbles before leaving her alone, closing the door behind her. She hears Buffy turn on the water and she flops back down on her bed, trying to pay attention to the TV. It was hard though because for one, she missed part of the movie and is now confused about what's going on and two, Buffy is naked in her shower.
Mostly it's number two that's getting to her.
Naked. In her shower.
Faith's still pissed at her, she's gotta be. The bitch kicked her ass at The Bronze and called her a slut when she was the one fucking around with stalker boy in the first place. But it's really kinda fuckin' stupid in that make-no-sense kind of way that Buffy can just show up her door, give her puppy dog eyes and a half assed apology and Faith's all, "Yeah, sure, come on in, B!"
Buffy's in the shower for a good twenty minutes and Faith is painfully aware of every single one of them. Time seemed to slow to a crawl and Faith was trying with little to no success to not picture Buffy naked in there… water dripping down her breasts and her stomach, down to…
Yeah, okay. This isn't healthy or normal.
When the shower turns off, Faith realizes while she was lost in her daydream world of Buffy and said shower, she seemed to be touching her breast. She takes her hand away like she's been burned, chastises herself for being a horny idiot for a good thirty seconds, and then looks up when she hears the bathroom door open.
Buffy steps out in nothing but a towel and… fuck. Faith's horny problem just got a whole lot worse. Her blonde hair is hanging in wet strands down her face, a little crimped to let Faith know that Buffy does not, by any means, have naturally straight hair. Buffy gives her a small, shy smile.
"Thanks," she says softly. "That… helped a lot." She turns a bit pink and it makes Faith's eyebrow rise, but she doesn't comment on it. Instead she picks herself up off the bed, walking towards her closet.
"S'probably get ya dressed," Faith says, wincing at how strained her voice came out sounding. Great. She chooses not to look at Buffy, instead going through her clothes trying to find something sort of suitable for the older girl.
Buffy walks up next to her, looking into Faith's closet with her and Faith is hyperaware of how damn close she is and how good she smells. She shakes her head, trying to get herself out of her haze. It must be the steam from the bathroom. She pulls down a pair of jeans and a tank top before handing it to her.
"Thanks," Buffy says, taking the garments from her. She doesn't move though, and they stand there, just looking at each other, for what seems like an eternity. Finally she does move though, backing up slowly before turning and retreating back in the bathroom to put on the clothes. Faith lets out a breath she didn't know she had been holding.
She needs to get this shit under control. She's supposed to be mad at her, not hoping to rip off her fuckin' towel and do her on the floor. Or, well, maybe the bed, since it's there. Okay, fuck, now she's getting visuals. Buffy so needs to leave.
When Buffy exits the bathroom, fully clothed now, she says thank you again to Faith who mumbles something incoherent back. "I should get going…" Buffy trails off, offering her a soft smile. "But I won't forget that I owe you, okay?"
"S'cool," Faith mutters, really needing her to leave. She walks Buffy to her door and opens it, holding it out for the older girl. Buffy stops in the doorway though, facing her. She bites on her tongue softly; a slight pink hue to her cheeks as she leans in, touching Faith's arm gently, before kissing Faith softly on the cheek.
"Thank you," she whispers again. Her voice is sweet like honey and it flows through every inch of Faith's body. Buffy doesn't step back right away though; her cheek is pressed up against Faith's, feeling the warmth of the other girl against her. Faith's pretty sure she's not breathing correctly because she feels a bit lightheaded. What the hell is happening to her?
Buffy pulls back slowly, her cheek sliding against Faith's. She pauses though before they lose the connection and Faith closes her eyes as she feels all her willpower just slip away. Faith turns her head slowly, making her lips come into contact with Buffy's in the softest of kisses.
Shit. Yeah, she's doomed.
This kiss isn't like the last. Buffy gasps quietly against Faith's lips, but quickly opens her mouth up in invitation, the hand that was resting on Faith's arm sliding up to cup the back of her neck. Every inch of Faith's skin tingles with the feeling of Buffy being pressed up against her and the stupid butterflies in her stomach are making an appearance, making Faith very aware that she's never done this before.
She's never just… kissed someone like this before. It was sweet, it was slow, and it felt like… like it was supposed to mean something.
When Buffy's tongue cautiously slides into Faith's mouth, it makes the younger girl groan quietly at the feeling, snaking her arms around Buffy's waist and pulling her impossibly closer to her. She could feel… fuck, everything. It was almost surreal to her. God, what has she gotten herself into?
When they break, Buffy looks into her eyes; doubt, happiness, worry, and warmth all reflected in them. God, she looked happy but scared like hell. Faith gives her a small smile of comfort and leans down to give her a soft peck on the lips. "You should go… you're Mum's probably gonna worry," she says softly.
Buffy swallows, nervous, but nods. She doesn't step away from her though and Faith can feel her fingers on the back of her neck trace lazy circles. "What are we doing?" she asks her softly.
"Fuck if I know," Faith tells her honestly.
"Still not gay," Buffy reminds her, but her fingers that are slowly tracing Faith's jaw says otherwise. Faith rolls her eyes.
"Someone's gonna have to shove you outta that closet, huh?"
Buffy smirks, amused. She leans in and presses her lips lightly against Faith's before pulling back and whispering, "Maybe. But I think I know who I'd like it to be." She steps back from her, giving her a shy smile. "I'll see you at school."
"Okay," Faith says, feeling way too many weird things and not being able to describe a single one of them. Buffy turns to leave and Faith closes the door behind her softly, exhaling a long breath.
She's not really sure what this is, but whatever it is… it doesn't suck.
Chapter Eighteen - Bros Before Hos
She doesn't have a girlfriend. She doesn't have a girlfriend. She doesn't have a girlfriend.
Buffy was just a… friend who she just happened to have a, uh, tender moment with or something, whatever. It was because of… um. It wasn't cause she was horny, because then they would have gotten naked. It wasn't because Buffy was upset about demon goo and she needed to be comforted because, well, that didn't happen either. And it definitely wasn't because they had feelings for each other.
Okay, she needs to start thinking about the reason why it was, not the reasons why it wasn't.
SHE WAS HELPING BUFFY COME OUT OF THE CLOSET! Ha!
There we go. She was just being a friend and helping her come out because it's horrible to live your life in denial. And, okay, apparently she's been really quick to label Buffy as a "friend" recently and that's kinda weird too. But it's a whole lot better than thinking she could possibly be anything else.
But it's just messed up.
They fight all the freaking time. All the time! And then suddenly it can go from bad to good in a blink of an eye and back around again in all the same. Why is it that one look from Buffy with her big green eyes and Faith can just feel reality just slip away? Is this some kind of mental disorder? Because really, this can't be normal; maybe it's some kind of demonic thing. Maybe she's under a spell or it's all part of some grand plan to drive her out of her mind.
…Alright, she's not stupid. She knows what this is. She's just making a whole shit load of excuses.
She doesn't do attachments and the fact that she's forming one with Buffy, for some screwed up unknown reason because hi, the two of them are nothing alike, really freaks her out. She can't be tied down like that; it would suffocate her.
So yeah, she'll help Buffy ease her way out of the closet. She can do that. She can help and be nice because… alright, that's not really who she is, but she can try. Besides, she'd be lying if she said she didn't wanna be the first girl to tap that shit. But she's keeping some distance too. There will be no hand holding, no romantic walks along the beach (if there even was a beach around here), no cute little pet names, no ties, no attachments, no commitments.
Faith takes another drag of her cigarette as she watches everyone making their way into school. She's sitting on the brick wall outside, just a little past school boundaries (mainly so Snyder won't scream about how juvenile delinquent behavior like smoking isn't allowed on school property and give her detention). She doesn't smoke all that often, but today definitely seemed like a cigarette day because her nerves were shot to fuck. She doesn't know how Buffy's going to react to what went on between them last night. She doesn't know if she's gonna be all 'freaked out denial girl' again or is gonna be 'clingy girl'. Neither scenario put Faith at ease.
Faith looks down at her cigarette, watching the paper burn agonizingly slow under her gaze. She watches the smoke rise and curl up around her hand and fuck, she's probably not gonna be the best smelling thing later but fuck it. She puts it to her lips again; taking another drag and feeling it go through her chest. She tries to concentrate on how it feels rather than trying to think. Thinking is just making her freak out more, no matter how calm and collected she (thinks) she looks on the outside.
"Ew, you smoke?"
Speak of the person who's making her need to do that…
Faith looks up and watches as Buffy walks over to her, waving her hand as she gets closer to Faith and her cloud of smoke. She turns up her nose in distaste. "Why are you doing that? That's really gross, Faith."
"Needed it," Faith mumbles before taking one last, long drag. She exhales and uses her thumb and forefinger to flick the rest of it out into the street. She watches it land on the pavement before looking back up at Buffy, needing to squint a little because the sun was directly behind her. "Sup?" she asks, trying to be casual.
"Just… wanted to see you. Say hi," Buffy says, tugging her book bag over her shoulder a little self-consciously. She looks down at her shoes for a second and there's a silence that passes between the two girls. "Um," Buffy starts, toeing the ground a bit. "Do you maybe want to… ditch first period with me?"
Faith cocks an eyebrow at her. "Thought you were all goody-goody."
"I am. I mean, well, not goody- goody, just… I don't know. I was thinking that maybe we could, um…" Buffy still won't look at her. "You know, maybe we could go out and have like… breakfast together or something, if you want, that is."
Is it just Faith, or did that sound an awful lot like Buffy just asked her out on a date?
"Already ate," Faith says automatically. She shrugs, trying to act casual even though she's freaking out that Buffy thinks that they… whatever. Something. Jesus. She can't form a thought. "'Sides, gotta test in Bio, been fuckin' up a bit in that class and I actually studied so I need to… take that test."
There is no test. She's actually got a B average in Biology. She's such a fuckin' liar.
"Oh," Buffy says, trying not to look dejected. She forces a smile and looks up at Faith. "Okay, well… I'll um, I'll see you at lunch when we meet with Giles. Angel gave me some information last night and I guess that calls for a meeting."
Angel. His name makes Faith's blood boil.
"Whatever," Faith says, noncommittally. She notices Buffy's face fall a little at her clear dismissal and she purses her lips together. Fuck, did Faith just upset her?
"I'll see you then, I guess," Buffy says softly, and before Faith can say another word she walks off towards the school. Faith sighs heavily. She got clingy Buffy. Or, at least she got Buffy who apparently thought the kiss was more than what it was.
(It was so much more than what it was)
Fuck. This is ridiculous. She should probably lay down some ground rules for Buffy. Be like "Yeah, I'll help you work through your lesbian tendencies, but…" y'know, no thinking that Faith is her girl. Maybe Buffy doesn't even think that and Faith's overanalyzing. Which, if that's the case, then it freaks her out that her head went to that place so quickly; either way, there needs to be boundaries set.
Problem is, she's kind of afraid to hurt Buffy's feelings. When did she grow soft? No, scratch that, when the hell did she start caring about bitches? They're supposed to just be there to get her off; that's it.
Wow. She's kind of a womanizer.
"What's with the deep thoughts?"
Faith looks up to see Xander standing over her. Damn, when the hell did he get there? She squints at the sunlight a little before getting up quickly and grabbing his hand. "Come on, we're ditching first period." She starts dragging him along whether he likes it or not.
"Uh, but I have—" Xander sputters.
"No ya don't. I need to chill with a guy right now before my brain explodes from all the estrogen in the air."
"Uh, Faith? You do realize you're a woman, right?"
"Might be a woman, but I ain't that fuckin' girly," Faith responds, still pulling him down the street. Xander follows like a puppet on strings for a couple blocks before he plants his feet firmly on the ground. Faith kind of springs back from the unexpected stop and turns to glare at him. She pulls. He doesn't budge. She sighs in annoyance. "What?"
"You're acting like a spaz. Are you going to tell me what's going on? Because if not I'm going back to school. Ditching just to ditch is only going to earn me the 'Willow Death Glare' and it's not worth it unless you spill about what's got you so screwed up in the head lately," Xander tells her.
"I'm not screwed up in the head!"
Xander looks at her skeptically and Faith grumbles and kicks a pebble across the street. She doesn't want to get into this, but maybe she should. She shoves her hands in her pockets and looks up at him, scowling a little. "Guess."
"You say you're not girly and yet you're making me play a guessing game?" Xander asks her, his eyebrow rising. "Sounds pretty girly to me."
"Fuck off, okay? I just don't wanna say it outloud."
"Girl," he teases her.
Xander smirks, but guesses anyway. Get's it in one, actually, and it makes Faith wonder if she's that fucking transparent. "Buffy."
Faith looks up at him and her shoulders sag a bit. "Okay, kinda fucked that you got that in one guess."
"Faith, I'm not blind. You two have been doing the flirting thing, then the jealous fight thing, and god knows what other things." Faith doesn't say anything so Xander goes on. "I guess she's out of the closet then?"
Faith scoffs, "Hardly."
"So you haven't been doing other things?" Xander pries.
"Not feedin' your masturbation fantasies, Xand," Faith says flatly. She knows she's just trying to avoid, and so does Xander.
"Hey, hey," he says, putting up his hands in defense. "That's not why I was asking. Not that I'm saying details wouldn't be great and all, I mean I'm sure it's…" he zones out for a second, then comes back, a little embarrassed by the annoyed look Faith is giving him. "Sorry. I'm just trying to be friend-guy here. Honest."
Faith rolls her eyes but sighs, flopping down on the stone wall that separates the sidewalk and someone's front yard. "We kissed," she says flatly. "…Twice."
"Okay, so what's the bad? That's she's all in the closet?"
"The bad? The bad?" Faith practically screeches. Oh god, she is turning into a girl. It's like a train wreck though; she can't stop it. "Xander, I ONLY KISSED HER!"
"So? You… oh," he says, finally getting it. His eyes go wide. "Oh. Oh my god."
"Yeah. Ya see why this is a huge fuckin' issue now?!"
"Okay, first; breathe. Second; don't hit me while I do my little 'Faith has a real crush on someone' dance," Xander says, then starts busting out in the middle of the sidewalk doing this ridiculous dance that was halfway between the Macarena and the Snoopy dance. Faith throws her backpack at him.
"Ya didn't say I couldn't throw shit at ya."
"Good point. But still. Ow," Xander says, but he's got this grin on his face that makes Faith embarrassed. So, of course, when she's embarrassed… she get's grumpy. She folds her arms over her chest and states:
"And I don't gotta crush on the bitch."
"You so have a crush."
"No, really don't."
"What? Just own up to it, Faith. You're growing up. It's kind of sweet," Xander says with a smirk. Oh, she is this close to killing him.
"This isn't sweet. This is a fuckin' nightmare."
"For not being girly, you're kind of dramatic."
"Dude, you are so close to getting your face rearranged."
Xander rolls his eyes. He knows she won't do it. But he gets over his teasing phase and sits down next to Faith on the stone wall. "Alright, so… what are you going to do?"
"But you like her."
"No, I don't. I'm just… I don't know. Helping her come out of the closet or somethin'," Faith tells him, watching the cars pass on the street.
"She asked me on a date. I think," Faith says suddenly. Xander looks surprised at her revelation.
"Wait. Really? When? I thought you said she's still closeted. Now I'm confused."
"Before you came, she asked me to ditch with her and go out to breakfast. Told her I had to go to Bio and take a test." She sighs, pushing some of her brunette hair off of her face, feeling stupid for even talking about something like this. "I dunno how to deal with that. I ain't ever dated."
"Couldn't hurt to try," Xander offers.
"Yeah, it could. It could hurt a lot, actually," Faith tells him. She looks over at him before saying, "I need you to do me a favor."
"What is it?"
"I need you to… let Buffy know that I'm not the dating type. That she shouldn't expect much. That I'm the chick that fucks and that's it, that I don't get attached and that I ain't lookin' to."
"I'm serious. Come on, please? Bros before hos," Faith reminds him, looking at him pointedly and holding out her fist. He sighs a little as he looks at her, but he eventually bumps it with his own.
"Bros before hos," he says, defeated. That was their code. "But that still doesn't mean I like it. I know you think you're happy being one big misogynistic asshole, but there're other options."
"Yeah, pussy-whipped options. It ain't me," Faith tells him.
"Don't knock it until you've tried it."
"Says the guy who's never had a girlfriend or been laid," Faith retorts, grumpy.
Faith looks guilty; she really needs to quit being such a bitch. "Sorry. I'm just… bein' a cunt I guess."
"You're not being a… okay, I'm not even going to say that word because that's messed up that you just called yourself that," Xander says. He really doesn't like that word. Hell, most people don't, and maybe that's why Faith uses it. Faith doesn't say anything and Xander checks his watch. "Come on, let's get back to school. Snyder starts wandering around the campus looking for people like us in like a half an hour."
Faith sighs, pushing herself off of the stone wall. She really didn't want to go back, kinda wanted to avoid everything actually, but she can't miss all her classes today. "Fine."
"Hey," Buffy says with a little smile as she enters the library, seeing Faith sitting on the counter (much to Giles' disapproval, but she keeps feigning deafness. She started making up ridiculous sign language to act like she couldn't hear him and after awhile he just gave up).
"Hey back," Faith says, feeling the discomfort in the situation all over again. She was the only one in the library so far (outside of Giles, who was actually in his office doing this that and another thing Faith wasn't listening to him babble on about for a good five minutes) and now she was extremely aware of the her and Buffy alone situation that she's been faced with. "Uh, what's up?"
She swears she used to have better conversational skills than this.
"Nothing. Just, you know, meeting and everything…" Buffy trails off, apparently also feeling a little uncomfortable. "So… how do you think you did on your test?"
Test? Oh right, the test. The made up test.
Faith shrugs. "Good enough, probably. I dunno." She slides off the counter, just to do something, to move, but then realizes that's a stupid idea a little too late when she ends up closer to Buffy than she wanted to be; much closer. Like, Buffy's body is only three inches away kind of closer. Damnit.
"Faith… are you… freaking out?" Buffy asks softly, not meeting her gaze until the last second.
"About what?" Faith avoids.
"Well, it's just that you can barely look at me after… last night. And I thought I was supposed to be the one who freaks out; you're the lesbian," Buffy says.
"Not freakin'. This is me," Faith tells her. "Ain't doin' nothin' different, Twinkie."
But Buffy chose right then to brush her hand softly over Faith's arm and the brunette jumped a freakin' mile. Shit. Buffy looks a little upset. "Yeah," she says sarcastically, but softly. "Nothing different."
"I just had too much coffee this morning; I'm jumpy."
But Buffy tries again and Faith jumps… again. Buffy sighs, obviously really upset now. "Nevermind," she says, moving to walk away. Why the hell did she look like she was going to cry? What the fuck is going on?
"What do ya want, B?" Faith asks, annoyed, but can't help but to reach out and grab Buffy before she walks away all sad, pulling her back towards her. Buffy collides softly against her and Faith stiffens just as Buffy noticeably relaxes into her. She lays her head on her shoulder.
"Nothing," Buffy says quietly.
"You're gettin' girly on me."
Buffy scoffs, offended now, and she pushes herself away from Faith. "Fine, sorry."
Shit, this whole don't-hurt-Buffy plan isn't going well.
"Fuck, c'mere," Faith says in defeat as she grabs the older girl and pulls her back to her, this time wrapping her arms around her. Damnit, what the hell is she doing? Buffy relaxes back into her, her face buried in the crook of Faith's neck as she lets the younger girl hold her.
"Why are you being an asshole today?" Buffy asks quietly.
"I'm always an asshole."
"No, you're not," Buffy tells her, then moves her head so she can look up at Faith. "Look, I'm wigged out too. I'm really wigged. If there was a picture of 'wigged' in the dictionary, it'd be my face, okay? But I just… I like being near you. Just try not to think about it if it's freaking you out too. That's how I'm managing."
Faith sighs, but doesn't say anything. She can't just try not to think about it! All she can think about right now is how nice Buffy fits in her arms and how all of this is going to go to shit at some point. But her arms tighten their hold on Buffy and the blonde nuzzles her face in her neck, closing her eyes a little. Faith looks at her and she looks so… content. It makes Faith smile for a second… until she gets control over herself.
She is not going to get attached.
Just then the library doors open and Willow and Xander enter… arguing. Buffy jumps away from Faith so fast she almost trips, but steadies herself at the last minute. See? And this is why this is stupid.
"I can't believe you ditched first period, Xander Harris!" Willow scolds him. Uh oh, she looks mad.
"It's not my fault! Faith made me—" but then he notices Buffy in the room with Faith and switches to, "—uh, lose my sanity! She made me insane and so I skipped class!"
Great. That was believable. Only not.
Now Willow's glaring at Faith. "Why did you skip first period? I-I thought you were trying to raise your grades!"
Now Buffy's glaring at her. "You lied to me?"
"I was there, I swear!" Faith lies quickly. No one believes her.
"If you didn't want to hang out with me you could have just said so," Buffy snaps, shoving her back against the counter hard before stomping across the room to the tables to sit down heavily in one of the chairs.
"That wasn't what I was—ugh!" It was so what she was trying to do. God damnit. Buffy looks upset again. Why can't she do anything right? This is too fuckin' complicated. "GILES!" she yells. Giles comes out of his office, taken aback by Faith's yelling and by the use of his full last name instead of just a letter.
"Faith, this is a library. I would appreciate if you kept your voice—"
"Let's just get this meeting over with," Faith snaps, interrupting him before she walks over to the tables and flops down heavily on a chair across from Buffy. Xander and Willow sit between them and Faith tries to ignore the blonde girl but she can feel her angry glare stab right through her.
Giles doesn't say anything about Faith's attitude, though he'll probably try to address it with her later. He takes a breath. "Okay… Buffy? Did you get any information from Angel?"
"Yeah," Buffy says, then tears her eyes away from Faith to look at Giles. "He said the only word he's heard about the Harvest is that it's going to happen in about a week."
"About a week?" Giles says, sounding disappointed. "Well, that's terribly non specific. Does he have any ideas on who the vessel may be?"
"Nope, that's all he knows. He said he's going to keep looking though."
Giles sighs. That didn't give them much more information. "Well, keep your ears open during patrol. Maybe you can overhear something useful."
"Already been trying to pry information out of the vamps I dust, but so far no one knows anything," Buffy tells him, looking at him apologetic.
"We still have about a week. Something is bound to turn up between now and then," Giles says, but doesn't sound too hopeful. Great, way to bring moral down a peg or two.
There's silence for a little while, so Faith asks, "Is that it? Can I go grab lunch now before someone eats all the damn meatballs this time?"
Giles sighs. "Yes, you all might as well go feed yourselves. We'll meet after school to train some more."
Faith stands up quickly, about to make a run for it to the cafeteria, but then she stops and thinks about something. Wait a second… "Hold up, B."
Buffy stops (surprisingly) but turns around with a glare and her arms folded over her chest (not so surprisingly). Willow looks back to see what's going on but Xander steers her out of the library, which Faith is thankful for. She doesn't need an audience. "What? Going to give me a reason why you were avoiding me this morning?"
"No," Faith says, cause she's not. She's not even gonna try to. "I gotta question." Buffy rolls her eyes and turns to walk away but Faith asks, "When did ya see Angel?"
"Um, last night. Is your memory failing you already?" Buffy snaps.
"Before or after you saw me?"
Oh, fuckin' really? Well then.
Faith looks at her annoyed and says, "So you're gonna bitch at me about lying to ya, when you fed me a bullshit story about having to get home to your mum? When, oh no, wait a minute, you actually came over to use my fuckin' shower so you could smell nice for your boyfriend?"
"I wasn't lying! I did need to get home to my mother!"
"Yet you stopped at stalker boy's house first. Whatever," Faith says, pushing past her and out the library doors. Buffy follows.
"What is it with you and Angel? You don't even know him!"
"I know enough," Faith snaps, still walking down the hall with Buffy following her.
"Are you jealous or something?!"
Faith rounds on her, making Buffy stop short so she doesn't run into her. "Ha! You're fuckin' jokin' right? Why the hell would I be jealous?"
"Because we… we're…" Buffy starts, though can't seem to find the words. She keeps pointing between them erratically though.
"We're nothin' B," Faith tells her flatly. "Me and you? We just kissed. Hardly a big fuckin' deal, okay? So no, I ain't jealous of that idiot. Now if you don't mind, I need to go get something to eat."
And with that she turns and walks away, knowing she's leaving Buffy standing there, probably looking devastated. She noticed the hurt look on her face when she said that, but she needed to make it clear what was going on between them. It's nothing that Buffy needs to throw a parade over. It's just… nothing.
Maybe she's being a bitch… but it's easier than the alternative.
Chapter Nineteen - Coming Out
Training could have gone… better.
Before they even got into the library, Buffy apparently decided it would be fun to come out of freakin' nowhere, drag her into an empty classroom, kiss her so hard she had Faith's head spinning… and then slap her across the face right after. Faith asked what the hell that was for (she may or may not have tacked the word 'bitch' onto the end of that sentence by accident), but Buffy just told her that's what she fucking deserves and then proceeded to kick her ass all over the library twenty minutes later.
Yeah. Training could have gone better.
Note to self: pissing off Slayers is not a great idea.
What was worse, while the next day they didn't speak to each other or barely look at each other (though Faith did end up getting her ass kicked all over the library again after school), Willow ended up showing up at her door a couple hours later and pretty much tore her a new asshole. Well, in a Willow-like manner, anyway.
Willow didn't wait for Faith to answer the door after she knocked, which was fine by Faith as every inch of her body was hurting like hell and she wasn't looking to move anytime soon. She felt like a truck hit her, backed up, and then hit her again.
Faith looks up though as Willow closes the door behind her, not looking very happy. "What did you do to Buffy?" she asks her, sounding a little nervous about confronting Faith in this way but being strong enough to get through it. Faith winces as she shifts a little on her bed, trying to get more comfortable.
"Dunno what you're talkin' about, Red."
"Faith," Willow says, her face falling a little. "I-I'm your friend… why won't you just talk to me?" Faith doesn't say anything. She knows she hasn't been such a great friend to Willow lately, mainly because Willow has been getting along so well with Buffy; not that Faith doesn't want Buffy to have friends, but she didn't want to talk about shit and run the risk of Willow telling her.
Not that she really thinks Willow would do that but… still. It was just a thing. Willow went with Buffy and Xander stayed with her; separation, except not really because Xander and Willow still hung out all the time.
It made more sense in her head.
"Do you know that Buffy's been crying all day because of you?" Willow asks her, looking upset with her friend.
"Um, why?" Faith asks, looking confused. "It ain't like I broke her heart or nothin'. We didn't fuck; we haven't done shit."
"Y-You're stupid," Willow tells her, trying to be firm. Faith raises her eyebrows.
"I'm… what now?"
"Stupid!" Willow exclaims, then sighs. She crosses the room to sit on the edge of Faith's bed and looks down at the bruised girl. "Faith, you're my friend and I love you. And I know… w-what you do with a lot of women, so it's not like I'm really surprised. B-But Buffy is your friend and you're really messing with her."
"What the fuck? How? I mean, I told her what it was that we were doin' and she's the one that made a big fuckin' deal over it!"
God. She didn't even fuck her and already this is a headache.
"She's coming out of the closet, Faith. That's… that's really hard for her; really emotional. A-And you ended up being her first gay crush and instead of being gentle with her you… you… well you took her first lesbian experience and made it a bad thing. She feels used. She was used," Willow tells her. Faith blinks, not used to Willow telling her exactly what the fuck is up without holding back.
"I didn't use her. Pretty sure ya gotta fuck someone to use 'em."
"No, you don't and yes you did. You… use everyone."
Oh my god, is this what Willow really fuckin' thinks of her? Why the hell hasn't she said this shit sooner? This is so fucked up. She didn't do anything wrong, here.
"Fuck you, Red. I do not! I mean yeah, okay, lots of bitches sure, but I wasn't fuckin' doin' that with B!" Faith defends.
"Then what were you doing?" she asks, like she doesn't believe her. Faith probably wouldn't believe her either. But she wasn't using her, god damnit.
If she's used anyone it would be Trish.
And… that redhead, Faith forgets her name.
Probably that Asian chick too. Aiko? Akako? Aki? Something. Whatever.
But she didn't use Buffy! She's not a complete fuckin' asshole.
"I was just…" Faith tries, but she can't exactly figure out what she wants to say. "I dunno… I just wanted to kiss her and so I did." She sighs, knowing that maybe she is one great big asshole. She puts her hands over her head as she slumps further into her bed, groaning. "I didn't fuckin' think, okay?"
"No, you didn't," Willow tell her, but sounds a little less mad than before Faith admitting she was wrong.
Faith stares at the ceiling for a little bit, not understanding why she feels guilty. She's always done this to women, right? She's had more girls fall for her than she can even begin to count. She breaks hearts, it's what she does. She doesn't mean to but sometimes it just happens and she ain't gonna go around blaming herself for it.
And yet right now she is.
She groans again, grabbing the covers and pulling them up over her head. God, it hurt to move. "Faith?" Willow asks, watching her retreat into solitude under the comforter. She pokes the lump that is her friend.
"Ow! Fuck, Red. I'm sore as hell here!"
"Sorry. Why are you hiding under the blankets? You… you never do stuff like this." She sounds almost curious, maybe even fascinated. Once again, Faith reiterates that Willow better not be studying her for her Psych course.
"Ya just don't fuckin' get what's been goin' on," Faith mumbles from underneath them.
"Do you want to talk about it?"
"No. Just go ask Xander."
"So you told him and you won't tell me?" Willow asks, hurt in her voice. God damnit, Faith can never win with these women! Why does she suddenly not want anyone to be upset with her? When, in God's fuckin' name, did she become such a large pile of mush? "I-I thought we were friends…"
Oh. Ouch. Sucker punch to the gut.
Faith sighs, but still doesn't come out from underneath the covers. She felt better in the darkness. "We are… I'm just… fucked in the head about some shit lately and ya know I suck at the whole sharin' your feelings bullshit. Bad enough I did it once."
Willow is silent for a minute, then pokes her again. Faith grumbles. "You really want me to ask Xander instead of just telling me yourself?"
"Yes," Faith says flatly.
"Fine," Willow says and pokes her again.
"Ow! Jesus Red!" Faith exclaims as she pushes the covers off of herself to glare at Willow. Does she got a sign over her head that says 'step on up – poke the bruised bitch' now? God damn.
"You should apologize to Buffy," Willow suggests in that way that really isn't a suggestion.
"And say what exactly? 'Hey sorry B, really wanted to get down and dirty with ya for a bit but apparently ya can't handle the goods?'" That earns her another poke… only it was in the form of a slap on her bruised leg. "MOTHER FUCKER!" Oh, she is this close to hitting Willow back!
… Except she can't, because it's Willow.
"F-Faith, can you stop being a pig, please?"
"I ain't bein' a pig, I was just sayin'! If ya got something better I should say than by all means have at it. Damn." Faith rubs her sore leg in annoyance. God, she's getting abused now.
"Maybe you could… you know… explain to Buffy h-how you have never had a relationship and that you… well that you're not looking for one." A beat. "You're not, right?"
"Of course I ain't! Like I need a fuckin' ball and chain to drag me any further down to hell," Faith snaps. Willow looks at her like that was a bit dramatic, but it's really not. The only relationship Faith ever witnessed was the one between her mother and father and well, that didn't give her a very positive view on them.
"Well then you can tell her that you're sorry that you gave the wrong impression."
"I didn't give the wrong impression though!" Faith protests.
"Faith," Willow says flatly, looking at her with her 'I mean business' face. "D-Did you, or did you not, kiss Buffy in this very room like 'something out of The Princess Bride'?"
Faith blinks. "… She said that?"
Willow nods. "And, I-I might be wrong Faith, but don't you usually kiss women like… l-like…" she tries to think, then says, "Okay, like… like Jennifer Tilly and Gina Gershon in Bound." That makes Faith cock an eyebrow at her.
"You've seen Bound?"
Willow flushes. "I… i-it was for a character study a-and I just—"
Faith puts up her hand. "S'Cool. Was just surprised," another point in the 'Willow is a huge lesbo' column, "but I didn't kiss her like… I dunno. It wasn't romantic or nothin'."
Willow looks at her skeptically.
"I didn't! It was just a fuckin' kiss."
"One that apparently meant more than just… you," Willow blushes, "wanting to get her naked."
"Well I wasn't gonna scare the chick," Faith defends, crossing her arms over her chest. "I mean, she's my fr…" Faith trails off.
"Friend?" Willow finishes for her.
"Yeah, that." Even though that feels like a weird word to use when describing Buffy. She's not sure why.
Willow stares at her for a minute with that scrutinizing look that she sometimes uses that Faith hates because she feels like she's being put under a microscope. Then her eyes widen. "Aww Faith… do you… a-actually like Buffy?"
"What? No! What is it with you and Xand? For fuck's sake, Red. I don't get down like that with no bitch." Faith rolls her eyes in annoyance and rolls over to the phone on her bedside table. Might as well get this over with.
"What are you doing?"
"Callin' her, what does it look like I'm doin'?" Faith asks, picking up the phone. Then she pauses. "Uh, do you have her number?"
Willow sighs but comes over to the phone to dial it for her. "You should invite her over… don't apologize over the phone."
"Why not?" Faith asks as she cradles the phone to her ear while it rings.
"Just do it," Willow tells her.
Faith grumbles something, but then the phone is answered by what Faith can only assume is Buffy's mother. "Uh, hi. Is B… I mean, Buffy there?" Her mother asks who's calling and she responds, "Faith."
She looks over at Willow who's giving her the 'you better do what I say' look as Buffy's mother goes to get Buffy on the line. "She ain't gonna come over; she's pissed at me," Faith tells her, putting her hand over the receiver.
"Yes she will."
"Whatever, she—uh, Buffy?" Faith asks as Buffy's voice floods through the other line. Damnit, why is she nervous?
"What do you want, Faith?"
Buffy doesn't sound very happy to hear from her and Faith picks at the comforter on her bed self consciously. "I uh… need to talk to you."
"Well I don't want to talk to you."
"B, this is important. Seriously. Can ya come over? Like… after patrol or something?" There's silence for a little while on the end of the line and Faith wonders if Buffy hung up on her.
"Already told ya; I need to talk to ya. So… please?" Faith asks. There's no way Buffy's gonna come over here unless it's to kick her ass again.
"…Fine. I'll see you after midnight."
"Okay, I'll—" but the line goes dead as Buffy hangs up on her and Faith sighs heavily as she hangs up the phone. Well, at least she's coming over. Though it might just be to kick her ass and her body seriously can't handle anymore beat downs.
"Is she coming over?" Willow asks.
"Yeah. After patrol," Faith says, slumping further into her bed. She needs like fifteen painkillers and some vodka. Well okay maybe not together, since that could end up makin' her six feet under.
Willow smiles. "See? I told you." She gets up off the bed and gives Faith a reassuring look. "Y-You'll do fine. Just be honest with her."
"Yeah, yeah…" Faith mumbles. God, she's never had to do this crap before in her life. Women she hurts… it just fuckin' happens and she walks away. It's easy. But she can't walk away from Buffy, so hence the big – and apparently violent (if her body is to be a judge) – problem.
This isn't going to be fun. No, this is going to be… awkward.
A knock interrupts Faith from her thoughts and she looks over at the door. She's not getting out of bed; everything still hurts. "Come in!" she yells, hoping she doesn't sound as nervous as she feels. She's never apologized for this type of shit before.
Buffy opens the door slowly, looking at Faith who's lying on the bed. She looks halfway between nervous too… and angry. Yeah, this probably won't go well. "You can't even open the door for me now?" Buffy asks as she comes inside, closing it behind her.
"Can't really move all that much, B. Ya kinda kicked my ass," Faith says, moving to sit up so she can talk to her properly, but she winces. Buffy's anger falters as she watches her.
"I… sorry," she says softly.
"S'fine. Had worse." No she hasn't.
Buffy takes a breath, looking at Faith for a minute before she folds her arms into herself. "You wanted to talk to me?"
"Yeah… I, uh…" Faith starts, though realizes she really isn't sure what she's supposed to say. She decides on, "I'm… sorry."
"For?" Buffy asks, her voice sounding scorned.
"For… bein' an asshole," Faith says. Yeah, that sounded about right. Faith runs her fingers through her hair before finishing, "I shouldn't have… ya know… led ya on, or whatever."
Buffy doesn't say anything for a moment, but looks really dejected now. She comes over and sits next to Faith on the bed heavily, looking at her hands. "So you… don't really like me?" she asks quietly.
"Nah, I mean, I do B, really. You're a cool chick and whatever but I just… I don't date. That's not my thing. I fuck then I leave, or I kick the bitch out," Faith tries to explain.
Buffy makes a face at that. "You… seriously do that to people?"
Faith shrugs. "Yeah."
Buffy's looking at her like she's a horrible person, making Faith look away from her because she really doesn't like how that makes her feel. "So you just… hurt people all the time?"
"No!" Faith exclaims, turning to look back at her. Why does everyone think she's some sort of huge bitch because of the way she has sex? "Look, I tell people up front the deal with me. I thought… I dunno, I guess I thought you already knew."
"Well I didn't."
"You do now then."
"Yeah… I guess I do," Buffy says quietly. She plays with her fingers a little bit as silence washes over the room again, making Faith feel more and more uncomfortable with each passing second. "Look, Faith... I…" Buffy starts, not making eye contact with her. "I wasn't trying to… be your girlfriend or anything. I mean, I'm completely not gay, you know? So that would be… really gay. Or something."
Faith rolls her eyes, sighing heavily. "B… you're gay."
She doesn't accuse her, doesn't taunt her. She just says it as it is, because she is gay and she needs to figure that shit out cause it's sort of ridiculous that she keeps denying it.
"No, I'm not," Buffy says, looking over at her quickly. "I'm really, really not! I mean I just… you know, kissed you because maybe I'm confused, or, I don't know, maybe it was just some kind of kiss fluke or something. I could be dehydrated, people always say that makes you do weird things and I just—"
Buffy's ramble is cut off sort but Faith's lips pressing against hers. Maybe it was to prove a point, or maybe it was to just shut her up, she didn't really know. Maybe it was just because Buffy looked so hot when she's freaking out. But whatever the reason is, Buffy responded to it immediately.
It was soft at first, but once Buffy's eyes fluttered closed at the feeling she kissed Faith more insistently, parting her lips to allow Faith's tongue to sneak past and explore the depths of her mouth. Buffy's need to get closer to the younger girl showed as she shifted a bit to kneel up on the leg she was sitting on previously, cupping Faith's neck as she kissed her deeper; more passionately, as she hovered over her.
Faith wasn't really expecting that, but she liked it all the same.
Faith runs her fingers through Buffy's hair and nips at her bottom lip, eliciting a small whimper from Buffy before she started attacking the brunette's mouth; the heat escalating between the two girls. Faith was panting softly against her lips after only a few moments and her mind was nowhere near PG anymore. But Buffy pulls back suddenly, looking her in the eyes as the two of them struggled to get their breathing under control.
Then Buffy's face changes.
It masks in distress and horror, her eyes going wide as she starts to break. "Oh god…" she whispers, sitting back down on the bed slowly. "Oh my god…"
"Buffy?" Faith asks cautiously.
"Oh my god… I'm…" she's struggling to say it, and her voice is shaking. "I'm gay!" Buffy cries, finally realizing it. "I'm… I'm…" her voice is shaking along with her hands and she's staring at Faith in wide eyed horror.
…And then she starts crying.
Faith's eyes go wide, shocked by the sudden flow of tears. "B? Hey, hey, come on… don't cry…" Faith says, wrapping her arms around the blonde instinctively as she pulls her closer to her. Buffy buries her head in Faith's neck and sobs uncontrollably, holding onto her shirt like she's afraid to let go.
Damn, Willow wasn't kidding when she said this was emotional for her.
"Shh… B… come on, Buffy, it ain't the end of the world…" Faith tries to comfort her.
"It is!" Buffy cries, her voice slightly muffled by being in Faith's shirt. "I was… I was supposed to grow up, get married, h-have two kids with the… the white picket fence and the whole… everything and now I… now I…" she starts crying harder.
"Just cause you're gay… it don't mean you can't have those things," Faith tells her softly, stroking Buffy's hair to calm her down. Man, she didn't think she'd ever have to deal with something like this. She's so not the best person to deal with this sort of thing.
"You need a penis to reproduce, Faith!" Buffy practically screams through her sobs. Faith winces because she's so close to her ear.
"But they got like… sperm donors and shit, right? Or ya can adopt," Faith tries to reason.
"And what about my wedding?" Buffy sobs, sinking lower against Faith as she holds onto her. She's practically buried in her cleavage now, which under any other circumstances would be a great thing but right now it's not really in the 'sexy' category seeing as Buffy's drowning her in tears. "I can't get married now!"
"Some states allow it, I think," Faith tells her, but Buffy doesn't want to listen to reason; she's upset.
"My perfect life is just… it's over."
Faith's not sure how perfect she was expecting her life to be seeing as she's a Slayer now and has the life expectancy of… well, of not very long. But Faith isn't going to say that out loud.
Buffy cries for a good twenty minutes, sinking lower and lower against Faith until she's curled in a ball in her bed, her head in the brunette's lap. After awhile her sobs turned into subtle sniffs every couple of seconds as she calms down; Faith just let's her lay there, stroking her hair, with a little frown on her face.
She hates seeing Buffy cry. It hurts things inside of her.
"You okay?" Faith asks quietly after it seemed like the worst was over. She tucks a piece of blonde hair behind Buffy's ear before stroking her cheek.
"I don't know," Buffy whispers, her voice sounding hoarse from all the crying she did. She's just staring at the wall as silent tears fall down her cheeks. Faith wipes one away, but as she goes to put her hand back down Buffy grabs it, lacing their fingers together and bringing it closer to her. Faith lets her because she doesn't know what else to do. She doesn't know how she's supposed to act in a situation like this.
There's silence for a little while; the only thing being heard in the room is the pathetic sniffles that Buffy emits every once in awhile. Finally she takes a shaky breath and looks up at Faith. "Can I… stay here tonight?" Faith doesn't say anything for a moment so Buffy tells her, "I just… I don't want to be alone right now…"
"Yeah," Faith says, not being able to find it in herself to tell a crying Buffy no. "Yeah… s'cool…"
Buffy nods a little before slowly picking herself up. She moves to the head of the bed, next to Faith, before sliding under the covers. It's late and they have school in the morning so Faith reaches over and turns off the light before settling into bed. God, this was going to be awkward.
She's never slept with a single person in her life. Ever.
But Buffy's really upset and she isn't gonna just kick her out when she's like that so she lays her head on her pillow as Buffy cuddles up next to her, lying her head on Faith's chest. She wraps an arm around her torso and Faith freezes for a second, not really sure she's down with all the touchy feeliness that's going on right now. But she can hear Buffy softly start to cry again so Faith lets it go, running her hand down Buffy's back.
"Just go to sleep, B," she whispers.
Buffy nods, snuggling into Faith more before she closes her eyes. It's weird for Faith; having someone pressed up against her while she's trying to sleep… but it wasn't horrible, though maybe because Buffy wasn't overly smothering her by laying half on top of her or anything. Faith really isn't sure, but it doesn't matter anymore anyway. She's letting her stay and so she's not gonna be a huge bitch by pushing her away when she's really upset.
Faith closes her eyes, finding that she kinda enjoys the feeling of the girl next to her, and even though she never thought she'd be able to go to bed like this, somehow she found herself drifting off to sleep quickly.