Chapter Four

Here I am standing in front of Faith’s motel room again. After I left I did a quick sweep of one of the nearby cemeteries. I needed to distract myself from everything I learned tonight. It didn’t really work though. I took more hits then I normally do. I just couldn’t stop thinking about the look in that little girl’s eyes.

She looked so scared. Like she thought I was going to try to hurt her or something. Maybe Faith told her not to talk to strangers especially at night because they could be monsters. Or maybe Faith doesn’t let her around a lot of people. They live in a motel, a crappy motel at that, and the other people who check in here aren’t the most trust worthy. Then again she could’ve been scared because her mother was so angry. Whenever my mom would get pissed off I’d get scared.

I sigh and look down at my watch. It’s nine-fifteen. She told me to be here a little after nine, but what qualifies as ‘a little after’? Hopefully I’m not too early. I knock very softly and wait. I can hear people on the other side of the door. I recognize Faith’s voice but the guy doesn’t sound familiar. The door opens but Faith’s body is blocking my view of the room. I fight the urge to look over her shoulder.

“Hey,” she says and she sounds a little nervous. “Let’s motor.” I take it I won’t be meeting her boyfriend. I was hoping I would. I guess I’m jealous of him. Ok, so there’s no guessing about it. I’m jealous of him. Anyway, we walk away from the motel in silence and things are very awkward. In fact I think very is an understatement. Is there anything stronger then very? “So where do you wanna go?” Leave it up to me why don’t you?

“How about the park?” Yeah Faith, let’s take a romantic stroll in the park. We can hold hands and carve our initials inside of a heart with an arrow going through it on a tree. Yeah right, like that’ll ever happen. She has a family. Why would she leave that for me? She’s obviously straight, and I don’t have any idea how to take care of a kid.

“Ok,” she says and she sounds kinda weird. No, not weird, just…different. I don’t really know how to describe it. We start heading in the direction of the park and we’re both dead quiet. I hate that things are so tense and uncomfortable. Patrolling with Faith has always been fun, and that’s probably gone now. Things are always going to be weird between us now. They certainly can’t be the same as they were before I walked into her motel room. I wish they could, but they can’t.

“Ok,” she says in a ‘let’s get this over with’ kind of tone. We’re at the park now, and we’re walking down one of the paths. Hopefully we’ll find a bench soon because I really need to sit down. One vamp got a very lucky shot earlier and my back is killing me. “I might not answer all your questions. There’s just some things about me you don’t need to know, but I’ll be as honest as I can.” That’s all I can as for at this point.

“What’s your daughter’s name?” Daughter, that word sounds so weird right now. I guess it’s because I’m using it with other words like ‘your’ and I’m directing them towards Faith. Yeah, I think that’s why it sounds so weird.

“Samantha. I had her when I was fifteen.” Her voice is different then it was earlier. She sounds like she’s smiling, but I’m too afraid to look at her right now. Don’t ask me why, I just am. I go to ask something else but she keeps talking. “I had her a year before I was called. I kinda freaked at first. As if I didn’t have enough to worry about now I gotta keep her safe from vampires and demons? But at least now I stand a chance.” No wonder she tries to slay as many vampires as she can. Before I thought she just really loved her calling.

“Does your boyfriend know about slayers, and vampires, and the whole package?” I’m trying to keep my questions as simple as possible. I have about ten that might offend her, and another thirty I don’t think she’ll answer. So I’ll keep them light for now. I don’t know how long I can go without asking the tougher ones.

“Yeah. He didn’t believe me when I told him. He thought I was on drugs or something. I took him to a cemetery and showed him just how serious I was. He flipped, thought he’d gone insane or that I slipped him whatever I took. When he calmed down a little he panicked again. Wanted to get outta Boston and take Sam with him. I told him no matter where he went there’d always be vamps and having a slayer for a girlfriend is safer then not. Besides there’s no way in hell anyone’s takin my kid from me.” Her tone gets very…dark on that last part.

“Where does he work?” It can’t be more then a minimum wage job since faith’s room and board is paid for by the Council and they’re still living at that motel. I really don’t see them staying there by choice. Well, ok, sort of by choice. She turned down the guest room at Giles’ place, but that’s because she doesn’t want the Council finding out about her daughter.

“At the grocery store. He’s a stock boy. Doesn’t pay much but we get by. Council’s paying for my room and giving me some money for food and stuff, so we use Tanner’s check on groceries and stuff for Sam. It’s like every month or so she’s out grown all her clothes. And she eats like a frickin horse. But she gets that from her mom.” She definitely has a smile on her face now.

“What did your parents say when you told them you were pregnant?” I ask that in a very cautious tone. She’s probably not going to answer it, but it can’t hurt to try. I don’t’ know why I want to know that so badly, but it’s one of the questions I’ve been dying to ask.

“Tanner’s mom and dad freaked but they weren’t too surprised. I was living with them for a while, and we’d been together for almost a year. They were supportive and helped me so much. I don’t think I could’ve done it without ‘em.” There’s something about her tone that’s telling me ‘drop that subject’ and I don’t want to make her mad so I will.

“I don’t want to offend you or anything but if you’re with Tanner, then why do you sometimes leave with other guys from the Bronze?” I keep my voice as neutral as possible. I don’t want to sound like I’m accusing her of anything, and I have to keep the jealousy out of my voice. Jealousy might be misinterpreted as snobbery, and that could definitely start a fight. And not just a verbal one. I really don’t what to bruise her knuckles with my face.

“That one’s really none of your business,” she says in a very defensive tone. She’s also a lot tenser then she was a couple seconds ago. All signs are pointing to ‘change the subject’. And like I said, I really don’t want to get punched in the face…again. “Look B, there’s a lot of stuff about me I don’t wanna talk about so I’ll just lay down some of the facts. I can’t tell anyone I gotta kid ‘cause the Council will take her away and do God knows what. I slay and look good doing it so hopefully the world will be a little safer for her, and if you tell anyone about this you’ll get the worst beat down of your life.” Ok, so those are the facts.

“Ok,” I sound a little…well scared would be pretty accurate. “I’m not going to tell anyone. I know you don’t know me very well but I do keep my promises.” We’re quiet for a few minutes, which is good because now I have a little time to digest all of this. So Faith has a boyfriend named Tanner, and he works as a stock boy at the grocery store. He moved with her all the way from Boston, but she sleeps with other guys. At least I think she does. Apparently that subject is now off limits. She never had any trouble talking about it before.

“I forgot to tell you. I talked to Giles after school, and he told me that a new watcher will be here in a couple of weeks. What are you going to do? I’m not trying to be hard on you or anything, but you can’t keep your daughter a secret forever. Especially from your watcher. He might show up early to train you or something.” Before I can take a breath and keep talking Faith interrupts. I hate it when she does that.

“We’re only staying in Sunnydale for three more weeks. As soon as Tanner gets his check we’re leaving.” So she’s just going to leave, just like that? She can’t just do that. She can’t just waltz into town, get me to fall for her, and then leave. I don’t care if I don’t have a chance in hell with her. It just isn’t right.

“Faith you don’t have to do that. If we tell the gang the Council won’t get anywhere near Sam or Tanner. And you’ve seen what my mom is like when she’s angry. Name on person who will go against her when she’s like that.”

“I can’t, Buffy. I’m not going to risk the Council finding out I gotta kid. The way my watcher talked it up slayers aren’t supposed to have families or friends. We do one thing, and that’s slay. So what do you think they’re gonna do to her if they take her away?” I don’t like what she’s implying here.

“But Faith we can help you. You can’t run forever, and living that kind of lifestyle isn’t fair for Sam. We should talk to Giles. He’ll help you. He offered you a place to stay before, and he’ll insist on it if we tell him you have a kid. And I know that if he doesn’t then my mom will.”

“No. I don’t need anybody. I know you’re just trying to help, but I can’t do that. It’s too dangerous. I need to stay below the radar and I can’t do that if I’m staying with you or Giles. Your mom will have a lot of rules for me to follow, and Giles will just be worst.” That’s her reason, she doesn’t want to follow any rules? What kind of bull is that? We’re talking about a better place for her kid, and she’s saying no because she doesn’t want to follow rules.

“Faith that’s crap. You need to be living in a real house. A motel is a communal place where any vampire can just walk in. I forgot all about it until just now, but Giles told me there’s this group of vampires that are building an army, and they’ve been turning little kids. We’re not sure why but they are. They’re in Sunnydale and they’re looking for some new recruits.” I look over at her and she looks really freaked out, and I don’t blame her.

“If we explain to my mom why you don’t want anyone finding out about Sam then she won’t say anything. She’ll probably even help protect her. She’ll babysit when we go on patrol and when we go to the Bronze. This way Tanner can go with you. If you guys want to go out on a date or something.” I have to look away from her so she won’t see how much I don’t like that idea. It’s not that I don’t want Faith to have fun. I just want her to have fun with me, not Tanner.

“I don’t know. I don’t want to mooch off of you guy. And I can’t go to Giles. He’s a watcher, he’ll tell the Council and that’s the last thing I want.” I see why she feels that way because she doesn’t really know Giles. He would never hand over a baby to the Council. Especially if they’re going to kill her.

“Giles would never do that. He’s a watcher, but he’s not like the others. Not anymore, anyway. He does things different now. He doesn’t think like them. You said it yourself, slayers aren’t supposed to have friends and family, but I do. And it’s because Giles doesn’t just see me as a slaying machine.” I stop walking and grab onto her arm. I pull her back so she’s facing me and I’m looking right into her eyes. They’re full of so much emotion right now. It’s almost too hard to look at.

“If you don’t want to tell Giles then fine. I promise I won’t tell him. But it’s too dangerous living at the motel right now.” My voice is a lot softer then it was before. I can get pretty mean when I’m defending Giles. “If you’re worried about mooching then you can talk to my mom about paying rent. The only rule she’ll have for you is to be quiet when you get home from patrol or the Bronze because she has to be up early to get ready for work.” She nods her head a little bit and I can tell she’s thinking about it. At least I’m getting through a little.

“I’ll have to think about it. I didn’t know vamps could just walk into a motel room.” Well, at least she knows now. She sighs and pops her neck. “I’ll have to talk to Tanner about it. I can’t just pack up and leave if he doesn’t want to. Sam’s his daughter too.” That’s true, but it’s not safe at the motel. Especially with those vampires in town.

“It’s getting late,” I say and look down at my watch. It’s almost eleven-thirty. “I told my mom I’d be home early. I need to go. So I’ll see you tomorrow after school. I think Giles is going to let us play with the weapons.” She gets a little smirk on her face, and I can’t help but smile back.

“Yeah, see ya tomorrow.” I let go of her arm and she looks into my eyes for a few seconds. She has a little smile on her face but before I can ask why she’s smiling she turns around and walks away. I watch her as she gets farther and farther from me. She has this swagger to her hips that is hypnotizing. I wonder how many other people have thought that? It doesn’t really matter. Faith might be moving in with me, and that’s all that matters at the moment.

Chapter Five

I’ve been waiting all fricking day for school to end. It seems like when you really want it to end the minutes drag on forever. It’s going to be over soon. Just one more class to go then I’m going straight to the library. Faith might be a little late but it won’t irritate me anymore. I don’t think I’m going to look at anything she does the same as I would’ve before last night.

Like before last night I thought her lateness was annoying. I thought the way she joked around with Xander like a little kid was immature but I get it now. She doesn’t get to be a kid anymore. She stopped being one when she had Sam. Her childhood, and days of being a careless teenager are long gone. So she goofs around when she can because she doesn’t get to do that a lot.

As soon as the bell rings I’m out of my seat and packing up my stuff. The teacher is telling us what we need to do for homework tonight but I’m not paying attention. It doesn’t matter. I can always call Amy tonight and ask her what we’re supposed to do. My last class was changed for whatever reason, so I don’t have it with Willow anymore.

I rush towards the library at a fast job and the people who don’t get out of my way fast enough get knocked the ground. It’s not my fault they’re slow and I’m stronger then them. I speed up a little bit when I see the door. Maybe Faith will already be there to make sure I didn’t say anything to Giles. I hate the thought of her not trusting me but I was pushing the issue pretty hard last night.

“Buffy, where’s the fire?” I hear Willow call out. I look over and see her, Xander, and Faith walking towards me. Why is Faith hanging out with them? I mean, I don’t care that she’s with them, but they came from class. Is Faith a student now or something? That would be a little…distracting. And not just for me.

“There’s no fire, Will. I just have some energy to burn and I really need to spar.” I look over at Faith and she has a very suggestive smile on her face. It’s almost like she’s saying ‘oh I know what you really need: you, me and a queen size bed’. I wonder if faith has some type of psychic powers or something. That would be creepy.

“Then I guess we better have at it,” Faith says with a smirk on her face and mischief in her voice. “Wouldn’t want you to spontaneously combust because you haven’t sparred in a while.” She put some extra emphasis on the word sparred, and I know she means ‘had sex’. Even Willow picked up on that and she looks very uncomfortable right now. Poor Xander has no idea what’s going on.

“What are you talking about? You guys sparred on Tuesday. I remember because when Faith ducked down to dodge a kick to the head her shorts rode up and she wasn’t wearing any underwear.” He has this far away look in his eyes, and a goofy, pervy smile on his face. Then he realizes what he said and who he said it to and now he looks a little panicked. “I’m going to stop talking.” I force back my smile and give him a pat on the shoulder.

“I think that would be for the best.” Although I have to admit seeing a lot of Faith’s ass that day was a definite perk. It was also a bad thing because I got really turned on and I couldn’t concentrate for the rest of the match. Faith won, but that’s ok. The last move before we decided to stop had her straddling me, and pinning my shoulders to the ground. I wouldn’t trade the sight of her on top of me for anything.

Anyway, we go into the library and see Giles sitting at the table, and some other guy is there. He’s in a tweet suit, has dorky glasses, and a British accent. His whole presence reeks ‘watcher’. I glance over at Faith and she catches my eyes before she rolls hers very dramatically. Like she’s saying ‘oh my fucking God! Could he be a bigger dork?’ And I have to say I do agree.

“Hey Giles,” I say and we start walking closer to him. He looks at me with this look on his face like ‘someone kill me’. The new guy looks at us with a dorky smile. That is until he sees Willow and Xander. Now he looks a little irritated. “New watcher?” Giles nods his head but doesn’t say anything.

“Wesley Wyndam-Pryce,” he says and holds out his hand for me to shake. I look him in the eye with a hard stare and don’t shake his hand. He pulls it back slowly and starts talking again. Maybe if I shook his hand he would’ve stayed quiet. “You must be Buffy Summers, and Faith Lehane.” Faith’s last name is Lehane? And here I thought she only had one name like Cher, or God.

“Yeah I am, and she is. That’s Willow and Xander. They help with the research,” I say in a no nonsense tone. The fact that they help is not up for debate, but I know he’s going fight me on it sooner or later. Let’s hope for later. “Have you found anything else out on those Nazi vamps?” That’s directed at Giles of course. Wesley doesn’t seem to understand that though.

“Nazi vamps?” He sounds so confused. I almost feel sorry for him. Almost being the key term. “Oh, you mean the vampires that are building an army?” I nod my head and lean against the table. The others sit down at different places around the room. Faith sits on the counter far way from us. I can’t just feel that she wants to run.

“No, we’ve no news on them except they are in Sunnydale. We’re sure of it. Did you two run into any vampires on your patrol last night?” He sounds so hopeful. Did the Council have to send us one that’s so young and enthused? Because this is going to get irritating very fast. Anyway, that is a hard question to answer. I have to lie, obviously. I can’t tell him what we really did.

“Yeah,” Faith says and hops down from the counter. “At Restfield we bumped into a newbie. Only took you, what, three hits before you staked him?” She stands next to me and is right in my personal space. I guess I’m going along with this lie then. It’s better then what I was going to say.

“It was a pretty slow night. I was kind of hoping to get in some extra training.” Giles gives me this look like I’ve grown a second head or something. “What? Those vampires already killed one slayer. We need to be on the top of our game.” Now he looks like he understands. Dorkus over there looks happy that I want to train, and Faith is giving me this little smirk.

“Ok,” the dork says and rubs his hands together. “Why don’t you and Faith go change and we’ll begin.” He gives both of us a big smile and then walks off. Faith nudges my shoulder and I look over at her. She has the same smirk on her face. I ignore her as we walk towards Giles’ office to change.

“‘Oh Wesley’,” Faith says low but in a higher pitched tone. “‘Please let me wear nothing but skimpy shorts, and a tight top and get all sweaty for you. Please oh please Wesley, take me now’.” She laughs at her own jokes and I have to bite back a smile. What can I say? She’s funny. Don’t tell her I said that. “Please tell me you’re not wet for that ass.” No, I’m wet for you.

“No, Faith, I don’t like Wesley. I already think he’s annoying.” She clothes the door and I walk over to the filing cabinet. The very bottom drawer has our workout clothes in it. I don’t want things to get weird between us but I need to ask this. My curiosity won’t leave me alone. “I’m not trying to pressure you or anything, but did you talk to your boyfriend about what you want to do?”

“Yeah,” she says and tenses up a little bit. I look over at her and she looks nervous. Oh God. They’re going to leave aren’t they? I don’t want her to go! “He wants to meet your mom. He doesn’t want to mooch off your mom. If we’re going to live with you guys we’re going to pay rent and help pay the bills and shit.” I smile a little bit. My body wants the smile to be bigger but I’m forcing it to stay small.

“Ok,” I tell her and I try to keep the happiness out of my voice. I don’t want to freak her out. “Why don’t you guys come over for dinner tonight? Mom’s making pot roast and we always have a lot left over. I didn’t say anything to her like I promised, so she might be a little shocked, but once we explain what’s going on I know she’ll let you stay.” I watch her as she thinks about it but she shakes her head no.

“Tanner doesn’t get off work until eight-forty-five tonight.” She gets this look in her eyes almost like she knows what she’s going to say is a bad idea. “But I guess I can bring Sam over. Tanner’s day off is Saturday so if you guys aren’t busy we can eat over then.” I almost squeal with joy but I don’t. She would definitely think I’m a freak if I did that.

“Well I was going to the Bronze with Willow and Xander, but I’ll just tell them my mom grounded me because of the whole ditching school thing.” She looks like she’s going to protest so I jump in before she can. “Faith, please don’t. You want to keep Sam and Tanner a secret, and I get it. If I have to tell a few fibs to my friends to keep it a secret then I will. Now let’s get ready before someone comes looking at us.”

We’re quiet while we change. We have our backs turned but trust me the temptation to turn around and look is very high. What is it about Faith that is driving me so wild? I think it’s the way she treats me. Willow and Xander will give me their undivided attention if I ask for it, but Faith is different. So do I want her because I can’t have her? No I don’t think that’s it either.

I feel like she’s the only person in the world who will ever be able to fully understand me. The slayer part of me isn’t a job, and I can’t just stop being a slayer because I’m at home. And I can’t be nothing but the slayer. She’s the only person who gets that. I mean really gets it. She won’t just say that she gets it so I’ll stop complaining. She’ll actually understand what I mean.

“Ready to get this party started?” she asks in a very enthusiastic voice when we finish changing. My only answer is a little nod and playful smile. Hell yes I’m ready. I want to tell her that but I’m afraid if I open my mouth I’ll say something embarrassing like ‘take me now’. As much as I want Faith I really don’t think I’m ready to have her. It’s just too soon.

We walk out to the library and the tables have been pushed back so Faith and I have more room to spar. I’ve been waiting all to do this. Sparring with her is like…like foreplay. Of course I always have to finish up at home by myself, which sucks. But at least I have this. Hearing the little news she makes as we fight, and feeling her body against mine always gets me really hot. What I feel when I spar with Faith is twice what I ever felt with Angel.

I know that sounds really insensitive because of everything I went through with Angel, but not as much as I let myself believe. It was a forbidden love. A vampire and a vampire slayer definitely has forbidden written all over it. I have very mixed feelings regarding what we did. I regret it because afterwards he lost his soul and people I care about got hurt, and one was killed. But at the same time I don’t regret it because I loved him, and it was special.

“Ok Twinkie, let’s see what you got,” Faith says in the challenging voice as we step into the space were we’re going to spar. She has this fire in her eyes that I want so badly to touch. I want her to warp me up in that gaze and consume me. I don’t want Faith because it’s forbidden. I don’t want her because I can’t have her. I want Faith because all she has to do is look at me and I feel more alive then I have since I was called.

Chapter Six

I can’t sit still at all, and it’s starting to annoy my mom. When she got home from work she was very suspicious because I already had all of my homework done, and the reading that I’ll need for tomorrow. Then I asked her if Faith could eat over, and she said yes with a very big smile. Then I told her that Faith is bringing a guest but I didn’t tell her who. I don’t know if it being a surprise is a good idea or not.

I don’t really know how my mom feels about teenage mothers. There are a total of three in Sunnydale. That I know of at least. There are a lot more in LA, and whenever we’d see them at the mall she’d smile at the cute babies, but she never said anything. What if she doesn’t want me around Faith because she had Sam so young? No, that’s stupid. The only way my mom would get pissed off about teenage pregnancy is if I got pregnant young.

The doorbell rings and I jump. It’s a little insane that I’m so nervous. I just really want this to go well because if it does then Faith might actually want to move in, instead of just moving in because of the vampires. If it doesn’t go well and my mom freaks out I have no idea what I’m going to do. Probably sit in my room and cry. Yeah that sounds about right.

“I’ll get it,” I say in a rush so I don’t think my mom really understood me. I jump up and force myself to walk towards the door. I really don’t want my mom thinking I’m a total freak, and I know she’s going to be asking me what’s wrong when Faith leaves. Hopefully I’ll be able to come up with a good lie. I open the door and see Faith looking extremely nervous. I look down and see Sam sucking on her thumb and she looks a little scared.

“I don’t think this is a good idea,” Faith says, and she sounds really freaked out. “Your mom is cool and all, but are you sure she’s this cool? Seems like everywhere I go in this town people are damning me to hell ‘cause I got a three-year-old.” I try not to smile at her nervousness. Seeing her so freaked out is actually making this a little easier. For me at least.

“Faith everything is going to be fine. My mom really likes you, and that’s not going to stop when she finds out about Sam. She’ll probably like you more because you’ll have stuff in common.” She gives me a skeptical look and I slowly take her free hand. “And besides we’re not from Sunnydale. We moved here from LA, and my mom runs an art gallery. Her mind isn’t exactly narrow.” She looks a little calmer now and I give her hand a gentle squeeze.

“Buffy, what’s taking you so long?” I hear my mom ask. She’s walking towards us. Crap. I kinda wanted to have some control over the introduction. But now I don’t. Ok, just stay calm. “Faith, you’re a little early. Don’t worry, it’s a nice surprise.” Faith looks like she’s going to run. Hopefully she won’t because if she freaks and bolts now she might leave Sunnydale and I’d never see her again.

“Oh,” my mom says and she sounds very surprised. I take a couple of steps back and look over at her. Surprise is all over her face, but I don’t see any anger or anything. I glace at Faith and I can tell that if my mom doesn’t say something soon she’s going to have a nervous breakdown or something. “Who’s this?” My mom has a big smile on her face now, and Faith doesn’t look as freaked.

“This is my daughter, Sam,” Faith says and looks down at the little brunette. I look down at her too, and she looks scared. She looks at me, then my mom, and then she starts crying. Are we really that scary? Faith picks her up and Sam instantly wraps her little arms around Faith’s neck and hides her face in the crook. I must be insane because I’m actually jealous that she gets to do that and I don’t. “She’s really, really shy. Gets it from her dad.”

“That’s ok, dear. I’m sure I’d be uncomfortable too if the spot light was on me. Come on inside.” We move back and Faith grabs the bag that’s by her feet and walks inside. Sam isn’t crying as hard as she was before so hopefully she’ll calm down soon. Faith didn’t tell me that she’s really shy. Then again Faith didn’t tell me that much about her. In face, when she ‘laid down the facts’ she just repeated what she told me before. But I’m not going to get mad at her. That would be stupid.

“Why don’t you girls sit in the living room while I finish making dinner?” It’s said as a question but I know it isn’t up for debate. So we go into the living room and sit down on the couch. Sam isn’t crying anymore but she hasn’t emerged from her hiding spot. Faith and I are both quiet and things are starting to get a little uncomfortable. Ok Buffy, think of something to say.

“Did you walk over here?” I ask and I sound a little more upset then I wanted to. I know that Faith doesn’t have a care. She told me she likes walking because it helps calm her down or whatever. But did she really walk all the way over here with Sam when there’s a cult of vampires in Sunnydale that’s turning little girls? I don’t care if she’s a slayer, that’s just stupid.

“No. Tanner had his break so he picked me up at the room, and dropped me off a couple houses down. I told him about Saturday and he thinks it’s a good idea.” Saturday? What’s happening on Saturday? Oh! Right, I said they should have dinner over here. I’m sure Mom will love it. I’m not being sarcastic either. My mom has a soft spot for Faith, and now that she knows Faith has a baby she’ll want her to come over a lot more often. I don’t know what she’ll think of the boyfriend. I haven’t met him yet so I have no idea what to expect.

“I haven’t asked my mom about it yet. But I’m sure it’ll be fine. She likes having you over.” I smile at her and she looks a little embarrassed. “I mean it. She loves you. I think having you around more often would definitely be of the good. Because when my mom’s in a good mood the world is a better place. And it gets a little lonely with it being just the two of us.” I get a sad smile on my face and look down at my lap.

“What happened to your dad?” she asks in a very soft tone. I look over at her and she has this look of concern on her face, and I’ve never seen anything like it. The temptation to lean over and kiss her is almost too much. I ignore it though and focus on the subject at hand. My dad. If I’m anyone of the teenage stereotypes it’s definitely the ‘I act out because daddy doesn’t love me’.

“He lives in LA still. My mom kicked him out after she found out he was cheating on her with his secretary. They were separated for about a year before they got divorced.” I stop talking, and Faith says something but I’m not paying attention. It’s probably something like ‘I’m sorry to hear that’ or one of the many other clichés people say when I tell them. “The worst part is I think being called is what made it so easy for him to leave. He didn’t fight for me at all.”

“Don’t think stuff like that,” she says and her very serious tone makes me look up into her eyes. “If he spent ten minutes in a room with you he’d love you. Other stuff just gets in the way.” Ok so is she saying this just to comfort me, or does she really mean it? She looks so sincere that I want to believe her, but if my dad really loves me then why doesn’t he call, or visit?

“Girls dinner is ready.” I look over and see my mom standing in the doorway. Oh God. How much of that did she hear? I don’t want my mom to feel guilty for moving out of LA. If she wants to talk to me about it I’m sure she’ll bring it up later. Anyway, we got into the dining room and take our places at the table. Faith puts Sam down in the chair next to hers. There’s already a plate and stuff because I told my mom Faith was bringing a guest.

“Dinner looks great Joyce,” Faith says and I smile a little bit. I watch Faith without it being too obvious as she makes up a plate for Sam. She gives her two slices of pot roast and they’re not small slices either. She cuts them up into small pieces and there’s a pretty good sized pile on her plate. Then she gives Sam some carrots but no broccoli. Hmm, for some reason I think I should remember that.

“Thank you Faith.” We’re quiet as we fix our plates. Things are a little awkward but I’m sure once the conversation gets going that’ll go away. “So are you and her father together or…” She just lets the sentence hang there, and I was wrong. Things are definitely more awkward now then they were before. At least for me they are. My mom and Faith are fine. I just really don’t want to hear about this.

“Yeah. We’ve been dating for about four years now.” Wow, that’s a really long time. That’s almost too much to comprehend. I guess I never really thought about their ages until just now. Faith said they were together for almost a year before Faith got pregnant, and she had Sam when she was fifteen. That would be like me still being with the guy I dated in my freshmen year of high school. That would suck. “It hasn’t always been easy, but he’s a good dad.”

“I can’t even imagine how hard it must be. I was in my early twenties when I had Buffy, and I felt completely clueless.” I really hope this doesn’t turn into a conversation about embarrassing moments from my childhood because it has the potential.

“It feels that way most of the time. I’m just lucky I had Tanner’s parents helping me. I have no idea what I would’ve done without them.” But why did she need them? She still hasn’t told me anything about her mom and dad and I’m trying not to feel hurt but it’s hard. I’ve opened up and she hasn’t. I think it’s her turn to share if you ask me. “The hardest thing so far has been potty training.” Oh fuck.

“Buffy was a dream when it came to potty training.” Why doesn’t Giles ever call with a big demon emergency when something like this is happening? How fucked is that? “I could never get her take a nap though. Even when she was a baby she would scream her head off before she’d finally just pass out. By the time she was three I had completely give up.” That wasn’t as embarrassing as I thought it was going to be. I hope it stays that way.

“What was it like living in Boston? Have you ever been to New York? I’ve always wanted to go there.” I haven’t, but a change of subject would be really good at this point. I don’t want my mom to remember something really embarrassing. I may not have a shot with Faith but I still have a little bit of hope.

“It was alright. It gets really cold in the winter and sometimes we’d be snowed in for a day or two. Our furnace sucked so we had to find other ways to keep warm.” She looks at me and winks. Oh my God. Did she really just make that kind of innuendo in front of my mom? This is like totally beyond screwed up.

“I’ve been to Boston a couple times on business. I didn’t get to see much of the city but what I saw I loved. I wanted to move there for a while but when you have a five-year-old who just started kindergarten your priorities change.” I stop cutting my slice of roast and give my mom a ‘what the hell?’ kind of look.

“Sorry to disappoint you,” I say and she looks at me with this regretful expression. I think she just realized exactly what she said and how I’m taking it. Good because that did sting a little. I feel unwanted enough as it is without her saying something like that.

“Honey, I didn’t mean it like that. Moving to Boston would have been way too expensive and when you have a child to think about you can’t just change your life on a whim.” Oh God, please tell me she didn’t say that. I look over at Faith and she’s trying as hard as he can to hide the hurt my mom’s words caused, but I can see it. “At the time your father didn’t have a job, and there were no positions available for me at any of the galleries. Now if I had someone sending me a check every month to pay for rent and groceries every month like you and Faith have then things would’ve been different.” Hold the phone.

“What do you mean by ‘like you and Faith’? The Council is sending me money? Why did I not know about this?” I don’t sound mad just really, really confused. This whole time I could’ve been going on monthly shopping sprees but that hasn’t happened. So what is going on? I watch my mom carefully as she takes a drink of her water. She’s stalling.

“The Council sends me a monthly check that helps me pay for the groceries. At first they were written out from the state and I thought it was coming from a program for single mothers, but I guess they know you told me about the slaying because they’ve dropped the façade.” Oh. Well if she’s using it to buy groceries then that’s ok. I won’t admit this to anyone but I do eat a lot because I’m a slayer.

“Mommy.” I hear a very tiny whisper and if I didn’t have slayer hearing I know I wouldn’t have heard that. I look at Sam and her little hand is on Faith’s arm and she’s squeezing it a little. I think she’s trying to silently get Faith’s attention. Jeez this kid really is shy. “Mommy, can I have juice?” I smile a little bit but I’m trying not to look at Sam. I’m afraid she’s going to start crying again. Her voice was louder that time, and even my mom heard her.

“I have some apple juice in the fridge if she can drink that,” she says to Faith. Woe, hold up. We have apple juice and I didn’t know about it? Anyway, Faith nods her head and my mom looks at Sam. She doesn’t look as nervous as she did before, so I guess she’s getting used to us. “Sam, would you like some apple juice?” I hold my breath in anticipation of what Sam is going to do. Earlier she cried because we were looking at her, and now my mom is talking to her. This might not end well.

“Yeah, please.” Or she could be the most well mannered kid I’ve ever seen. My mom gets up and goes into the kitchen. Sam starts eating her food again like nothing happened. She’s almost done with the roast, but she hasn’t touched her carrots. I wonder if Fait is going to let it slide. My mom always made me eat the vegetables when I was little. It sucked.

“Your mom is so cool,” Faith says and she has this very relieved smile on her face. I can’t help but smile too. “Sam, is Mrs. Summers cool?” The little brunette nods her head yes kind of like one of those bobble head things, and keeps eating her dinner. “I thought your mom was cool before but I really didn’t think she was going to like me after I told her about Sam. None of the parents back in Boston wanted me hangin out with their daughters. I guess they thought I was going to corrupt them or something.” I want her to corrupt me. Wow, I really didn’t mean to think that.

“That sucks. My mom isn’t like that at all. Before she found out about the slaying she might’ve been a little cautious but that’s when she still thought I fell in with the wrong crowd and burned down the school gym because I thought it would impress my friends or something.” Faith nods her head and pops another carrot in her mouth. She really loves her veggies. If Faith were my little sister I’m sure my mom would be grateful for that.

“Here you go, Sam,” my mom says when she walks into the room. “Sorry it took me so long but I wanted to find this.” She puts the cup down in front of Sam’s plate and I can’t help but glare. What does my mom think she’s doing? That’s my Miss Piggy cup. Now is she going to find my Kermit the Frog plate, and Fozzie spoon? This is bull. Faith’s kid is cute and all but those are my memories. “Buffy’s always had an obsession with the Muppets. I have the entire collection somewhere in the basement. But that was in one of the cupboards.”

“I loved the Muppets when I was a kid.” I don’t think I’ve ever heard Faith sound so excited. It’s really cute. “I had a bunch of the stuffed animals, and I would pretend they were real and do scenes from the show.” She looks a little embarrassed but I think that’s really cute, and there’s no way I’m going to tease her about that. Besides if I do my mom will tell some embarrassing story just to get back at me. Or worst, she’ll pull the photo album.

“And don’t you just hate Fraggle Rock? Those creepy things gave me nightmares. They were like Muppets on crack or something. Just because the Muppets were the coolest thing ever it doesn’t mean every Muppet like thing is going to be a success.”

“I know. That’s just like those stupid Snorks or Snerks, or whatever they were called, trying to copy the Smurfs. They were like ‘ooo we’re so cool. We live under water and have tubes growin out of our heads’. Those little freaks should’ve been shark bait.”

“Totally. And how cute were the Paw Paws? I don’t care if they were stereotypes, they were so cute. And how awesome was the totem pole?” Faith leans a little closer towards me, and she’s resting her wait on her elbows. Now that I’m thinking about it I’m doing the same thing. Our food is probably cold now but who cares?

“They were cool.” Notice how she said cool and not cute? I don’t think Faith uses words like cute. So I guess she’s using cool as a substitute. So cool means cute and cool in Faith speak? That’s good to know. “But I like the Pound Puppies better. I would watch that show and think ‘man I want a dog like Cooler’. But my mom never let me get one.” Aww, that’s so sad. And come to think of it my mom did the same thing.

“I begged my mom for a dog until I was twelve. I guess I realized if I didn’t get one by then I wasn’t ever going to get one. I wanted one that looked like Peg from Lady and the Tramp. Now she was cool. I would rewind the tape and watch the dog pound part over and over. Poor little Nutsy. Why did he have to be put down?”

“I always used to get all teared up at that part, but you’re right Peg is cool. Peggy Lee has a wicked voice. I have one of her albums if you wanna borrow it.” Oh my God. We like the same cartoons, and we hate the same cartoons. We both tear up when Nutsy gets put to sleep, and we’re both fan of Peggy Lee. It’s official, Faith and I are soul mates.

“Yeah, that would be great.” I look over at my mom and she’s trying really hard not to smile. I guess Faith and I went to our own world just now. That’s perfectly ok with me. “Mom, do you think it would be ok if Faith comes over for dinner on Saturday? You’re not busy, are you?” If she finds out I already asked Faith over she might get mad. She’s weird like that.

“I’m not doing anything this weekend expect sleeping in. Faith, you’re more then welcome to come over any time you want. If you’re boyfriend isn’t busy maybe he can join us. It would be nice to have more then just us girls.” Is my mom saying what I think she’s saying? Because if so: eww.

“He has Saturday off and I’m sure I can convince him to come with me. And trust me on this one Joyce, he’s a bowl full of eye candy.” Holy fucking shit did she just say that to my mom?! I look over at my mother and she just has this little smile on her face. She isn’t scolding Faith or anything. So she was saying what I thought she was saying. Ewww. I really hope Saturday isn’t this awkward or I might die. And I really, really hope Tanner isn’t a bowl full of eye candy or I might not be able to hide my jealousy. I guess I’ll just have to wait and see.

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