Chapter Twenty Five
When I open my eyes I have no idea where I am. This isn't my room and this is not my bed. I know because my bed never has someone else lying in it when I wake up. As soon as I see Faith sleeping next to me, her hair wild and sticking out all over the place, and scratch marks running down her back, the night before floods through my mind. I feel like I haven't slept in days, my body is stiff and sore and there's a light throbbing between my legs. All of that is from Faith and the incredible, mind blowing, life changing love we made last night.
I never knew it could be like that. I've only been with one other person and now that I've shared that experience with Faith, I really don't think I was ready with Angel. It's nothing against him, I just don't think my intentions were right. I slept with him because everything around me was going to hell. I was having horrible nightmares of Drusilla killing him, and it freaked me out. Then she put the Judge back together again and that time I really did feel like we were going to lose. I thought if I slept with Angel, if I let him be in control of me completely then for a while I could just forget about my problems and breathe and afterwards everything wouldn't be as scary.
Yeah, that ended horribly and I could not have been more wrong. But last night with Faith…it was different. She wasn't a distraction or a way to make me feel better. It was all about showing her how much I love her for those fleeting couple of hours because today we have to go back to pretending we're just friends. I don't know how that's going to work out. I love her, we spent most of the night showing each other just how much we mean to one another. I don't think I can be around her and not be at least a little clingy. I know that's not very attractive but it's the truth.
Looking at her right now lying on her stomach with that adorable look on her face, like she's up to no good even in her dreams, makes me want to take her in my arms and never let her go. I know that's insane and unrealistic because eventually we'd have to get up for food and water and to use the bathroom and shower. As much as I want to stay right here and just watch her sleep, I can't. I have to get up soon to get ready for school and if my mom catches us like this horrible God awful things will happen.
But I can't just sneak out of here like some hussy. I don't want Faith to think that I'm ashamed of what we did or that I regret it. The first time we…well, made love isn't the right term because that was all repressed sexual tension and rampaging hormones. So I'll call it getting buck wild. Buck wild? I think Faith is starting to rub off on me and not in just a sexy way. So anyway, the first time we got buck wild I was regret-o girl right after. I started crying and called myself a whore but I'm so far from feeling like that right now those feelings don't even exist.
I need to wake her up and tell her that I'm leaving. It's the right thing to do. It's the only thing that makes sense, really. What kind of almost-girlfriend would I be if I just snuck out and let her believe I think what we did was dirty and wrong? Not a very good one, that's for sure. Just because we can't be together yet because of these stupid circumstances that we can't change doesn't mean I can't show her how good she's going to have it once we're together. Wow, that sounded really dirty even in my head. Ok, shut up and wake her up now. You're wasting time.
"Faith," I whisper and softly move the stray hair out of her face. Last night I had a chance to be on top and her hair got pretty matted from the pillow. I don't even want to imagine what mine must look like. Maybe I should just go. I don't want her to wake up and attack me because she thinks some freaky looking demon is in her bed. No, dammit, stop being a self-conscious freak and wake her up. "Faith, wake up. I need to talk to you." I gently rub her bare back and some of her muscles are starting to twitch.
"Faith, sweetheart, please wake up," I say and cringe on the inside. I didn't mean to say sweetheart. I hope she didn't hear that because I don't know if she'll freak out or not. But she did tell me that she loves me and cute pet names comes with the whole love territory. I keep rubbing her back and then I feel as well as see her whole body stretch. I hear the bones and joints pop and for some reason it makes me smile. She yawns really wide and stretches her arms above her head. She's adorable when she wakes up. I'm so glad I decided to do this.
"Is Sammy awake?" she asks and her voice sounds so deep and raw, not only from sleep but from all of the noise she made last night. I'll never forget the sound of her moaning my name all husky and breathy right against my ear. I don't think that's something anyone would be able to forget. She hasn't opened her eyes yet and I'm a little disappointed about it. I love looking into her eyes, it's always so intense and I get chills all over.
"No, she's still sleeping," I say and right when the words come out of my mouth her whole body tenses up and her eyes fly open. She looks surprised and it wouldn't take a genius to figure out why. She thought I was Tanner. I'm not upset or confused as to why. She's been waking up next to him for years, so it's not her fault she thought he was the one being so sweet to her, even though he's the devil incarnate.
"B," she says and she sounds as surprised as she looks. Her voice sends little chills down my spine and a tiny part of me hates that she has that kind of power over me. The shock wears off in a couple of seconds. Her face goes back to looking sleepy and adorable and she has the sexiest little smirk I've ever seen plastered on her face. If she knew what kind of power and control she had over me with just that one look I'd be screwed. Well, more than I already was last night.
"I'm sorry for waking you up so early. I just didn't want to leave without saying anything. That didn't feel right and I didn't want you to think I was being avoid-o girl or something," I tell her and she stretches again. I'm still gently rubbing her back and I love the feel of her muscles tensing and relaxing. It reminds me of the way they felt last night when she was completely taking me over. Her smirk turns into a smile and she reaches out and wraps her arm around me.
"It's ok, B. I like waking up to the sight of you," she says and lays her head on my shoulder. I never thought Faith would be the cuddling type but what I've learned the most about her is that everything I thought I knew about her is completely wrong. "That's some pretty wicked bed head you got goin. Didn't think anyone would be able to rock that but you pull it off." I can feel my neck and face heat up in a deep blush. Why did she have to bring that up? The morning was going so perfect until just now.
"Aw, B, I'm just joking around. I think it looks wicked cute." That makes my lip stick out in a huge pout. "I've always wanted to do this." Before I can react and ask what she's talking about, she leans up and takes my bottom, pouting lip between her teeth and sucks on it nice and slow. My whole body is heating up even though her morning breath is strong enough to light a fire. She lets go of my lip and I instantly kiss her. This is so addicting. I might have to start going to a methadone clinic or something.
I feel her hand start to move. It's softly caressing my stomach and I have to fight not to giggle because I don't want to look stupid. My muscles are jumping and twitching under her fingers and she must know what's going on because she's smiling against my lips. My heartbeat speeds up and the tingling in my body intensifies when her hand starts to travel down. I wrap my arms around her back and kiss her like it's the last time I'm ever going to get to. I spread my legs a little wider for her and as soon as I do her middle and ring fingers slip into my folds. I pull back from the kiss and wince loudly at the feeling.
"You have to be gentle, ok?" I tell her and she rests her forehead against mine. My heart starts pounding harder and my blood rushes downwards as her fingers softly explore everything they claimed for themselves last night. I wouldn't be surprised if there was some blood on the sheets. Things got a little out of control at one point. "Everything is really sore." Even though she's being gentle and tender and everything I need, it still hurts.
"Don't worry, B," she says and leaves a little kiss on the tip of my nose. It's kind of amazing how sweet she can be. "I'll kiss it all better." My eyes open wide and she's looking at me with this intense gaze and she has a little smirk on her face. That's the one thing I wouldn't let her do to me because no one has ever done that to me before and I was too nervous and self-conscious to let her go there. Well, that and I didn't want to lose the feel of her body pressed to mine.
"Don't be scared, B," she says and the smirk disappears. She's nothing but serious and loving now and I'm glad because if she tried to make a joke out of this or something I'd be so pissed off at her. "Just let me take care of you, ok?" I gently run my fingertips along the scratch marks that are slowly starting to fade and she's looking so deeply into my eyes that it feels like she just touched my soul. I know that sounds incredibly corny but it's the truth.
"Ok," I tell her and nod my head a little. It's kind of hard to do with her forehead still pressed against mine. She kisses me on the mouth and this time it feels so intense and deep I can't fight the moan that vibrates at the back of my throat. She pulls back and looks into my eyes. She looks even more intense than she did before she kissed me. This must mean a lot to her. I don't know why. I'll have to talk to her later and find out. If doing this is something special to her than maybe I won't be so weird about it.
She pulls the covers off me so that I'm completely exposed to her. The sun has just started to come up so there isn't a whole lot of light but slayers have really good night vision so she doesn't need a lot of light to see me. Her fingers are still softly rubbing over my clit and lips but I kind of wish she would stop doing that because they're so sore. Everything in that general area is pretty sore. If I didn't love her I would be irritated with her because there's no way I'm going to be able to walk normal today. Willow's face is probably going to turn as red as her hair when she sees me hobbling.
Ok, I think I need to have my head checked. Faith, beautiful, hot, sexy, amazing, gorgeous, Faith who you're in love with is kissing her way very quickly down your completely naked body and you're thinking about Willow? I better be careful where my thoughts wander off to because if I accidentally say Willow's name I might die of embarrassment before Faith has a chance to get mad at me.
I feel her spread my legs wider and I glance down at her. She's looking at my…at me, so intensely that just the feel of her eyes sends shivers up my spine. I feel her spread my lips wider apart and I shiver from the cool morning air touching my…sensitive parts. Either she knows I'm getting cold or she just wants to see me squirm because I feel a hot stream of air blow over me and it makes me hiss in a deep breath and my legs spread a little wider.
"If it get too much for you, B, just say the word and I stop, ok?" she asks and I look down at her and nod my head. I don't think I could talk right now even if I tried. I watch as she lowers her face to my…to me and I feel her tongue give a small, almost timid, lick and my eyes instantly slam shut and my hips try to grind against her face. What she did was almost nothing but it sent a shock wave through my whole body.
She grabs onto my hips and practically holds me down and her tongue gets less tentative, and she's also using her lips to gently pull at mine and softly suck on my clitoris. I grab her pillow and hold it over my face because I can't control my vocal cords. Right now there's no music to cover up the sounds of what we're doing. I just had a perfect night and this morning is turning out to be perfect too, I don't want that to be ruined.
The things she's doing to me I didn't even know it was physically possible for a person to do that. There's no way she's just a person. She has to be part something else, some type of hybrid, because there's no way a normal person's tongue can feel so big and full inside me and then feel so tiny and delicate as it flutters against the tip of my clit. I'm clinging onto the pillow as tight as I can and my voice is completely out of my control and I'm moaning and whimpering and yelling out her name.
Her grip on my hips is tight. I think I'm going to get bruises, but if she wasn't holding on that tightly I'd probably break her neck. From the way she's going at it I really don't think she would mind dying right where she is, but if she dies while I'm this worked up I might explode and not in a good way at all. If she keeps doing what she's doing with her tongue then I'm definitely going to explode. If she stops what she's doing then I'm going to explode into a bunch of bloody Buffy pieces all over the wall and that would be bad.
"Oh Faith, oh fuck, I'm coming!" I scream into the pillow and I can feel my hips going berserk. I don't feel her anymore but my body doesn't care as it shudders and spasms and goes crazy. When it finally ends I'm lying on the bed in a liquefied puddle of Buffy, and I can't wipe the big dopey smile off my face. Everyone should start their day off like that. There'd be no more hate and no more wars in the world if everyone felt that in the morning.
"Are you back to the land of the living or is your head still in the clouds?" I hear Faith ask and her voice sounds muffled because the pillow is still over my face and head. I can't help the giggle that bubbles up out of my body and she quickly pull the sound-barrier away from me. Her mouth is surrounded by what looks like a red rash and it's completely giving a new meaning to the term 'carpet burn'. That thought makes me giggle again and she smiles a big happy smile. She's licking her lips and has a look on her face like it's the best taste ever.
"Isn't that icky?" I ask and make a face. I never tasted her last night. I was curious but I was afraid of what would happen if I didn't like it. She gives me a look like she thinks I'm going crazy and gathers some of the drying wetness on her face onto the tips of her fingers and quickly sucks it off. I guess that answers that question.
"No, B, it tastes amazing. I think I'm going to get an addiction to this stuff," she says and keeps cleaning off her face. I guess I'm not the only one who's going to need to go to the methadone clinic. We can't be together yet so there won't be any more relief for our current addictions. Maybe there's some type of support groups we can join. And this way we can carpool and save some money on gas. Anyway, getting back to what we're talking about.
"Really? Because I can't really imagine it tasting anything but weird," I tell her and she lays down next to me. She wraps an arm around my stomach and snuggles up really close. Today is going to be the worse day ever. Worse than when I found out Santa isn't real, worse than when I became a slayer, worse than when my mom and dad's marriage fell apart, and worse than when I rammed that sword through Angel's heart and sent him to hell. Being in her arms is all I'm going to be able to think about and I know I can't do it.
"It's not weird," she says and she's drawing little invisible patterns on my skin. I kind of hate that she's being so sweet to me. It's going to make being away from her that much harder. "It tastes kind of like hazelnut coffee creamer. Kinda creaming, kinda nutty, all kinds of awesome. You can't go wrong with that, B." If that's what I taste like, I wonder what she tastes like. Now that I can hear my mom's alarm going off, letting me know I have exactly four minutes to make it back to my room, or maybe the bathroom, before we're both skinned alive, I guess I'll never know.
"Buffy, honey, it's time to get ready for school," I hear my mom say and she knocks on my bedroom door. I don't know how I'm going to slip passed her in last night's clothes without her getting suspicious. Maybe I can put on some of Faith's pajamas and say I fell asleep in here because Faith needed some comfort. Yeah, she needed comfort alright and I gave it to her all night long. Ok, I need to get my mind right. I'm starting to sound like Xander.
"So, I guess this is it for a while, huh?" Faith says and she keeps drawing little patterns on my stomach. No, wait…they're not patterns. She's drawing little B's and then drawing a little heart around it. That is so adorable. God, why does she have to be so sweet to me? Doesn't she know that it's just making everything so much harder? I don't want to leave this room, or this bed, or her arms but I have to and I hate it.
"Yeah, but we can still patrol together and we live together so it's not like we'll never be in the same room," I say and try to sound happy about it but on the inside I'm dying a little. Yeah, we'll be in the same room and we'll have to stay at least five feet away from each other or I won't be able to stop myself from kissing her. "And like you said, it's only for a while. When you and Sam adjust to things being different we'll be together. Plus us being together would be a distraction and we need to focus if we're going to find those vamps."
"Yeah, right," she says and she sounds distracted. Probably because her hand found my breast and she's lightly toying with my hard nipple. It's not just hard because the room is kind of chilly, it's because she makes my whole body feel like electricity is running through it and my nerve endings come alive. "Well, you better get goin before your mom comes looking for you. I'll see you at the library after school, ok?" I nod my head yes even though she can't see it. Why do I feel like if I leave this room the whole world is going to end?
Chapter Twenty Six
"Buffy, will you please pay attention? This is important," Wesley says and trust me, it's not. He's been going on and on for the last twenty minutes about fight strategy and all of this I've already learned from Giles. What I haven't learned from Giles I learned on my own when I was trying to, I don't know, not be killed by vampires or demons.
"Just give it up, Wes, we know this shit already," Faith says and leans back in her chair. Ok, so she's the real reason why I haven't been paying attention. She looks so beautiful today. She's kind of glowing, and I think she dressed up a little just for me. At least that's what I'm hoping. I can't keep my eyes off of her. And apparently neither can Xander because he's staring at her and pretending to read that book. Keep your eyes off my girl!
"Ow!" Xander yelps and I can't believe I just did that. What is wrong with me that I would kick Xander in the shin like a four-year-old? At least I didn't use slayer strength or his leg would have snapped like a twig. "Which one of you just kicked me?" He reaches down and rubs his shin and he looks like he's in a lot of pain. Ok, so maybe I did use a little slayer strength. It's not my fault he was eyeing my girl like a hobo staring into the window of a Red Lobster.
"Children," Giles says in that voice that sounds like he's being serious but he's really being sarcastic. "Need I remind you of the basic school house rules? No cursing and keep your body parts to yourself." I can't help but giggle a little bit and I smile when Faith looks over at me with that mischievous smirk. I can't believe that one little facial expression can turn me on to the point where I think I need to change my panties. Today is going to be very uncomfortable.
"Wesley, Faith is right. We already know this stuff, and gong over it again isn't going to give us an type of advantage," I say and my whole body tenses up when I feel something touch my leg. I glance down as subtly as possible. Faith is rubbing her foot against my ankle? Faith is playing footsie with me? I think I woke up in some alternate dimension where I'm the oversexed pervy one and Faith is the almost innocent sweet girl you just want to hold.
"Girls, going over battle strategies could be useful if you run into the vampire cult on your patrol," Giles says and I can't help but sigh. I'm not sighing because I'm irritated or anything. I'm sighing because of the feel of Faith's foot lightly rubbing against mine. I rub back and I can't help the little tingle that shot up my spine. There's just something about playing footsie with a bunch of people in the room that makes it so much better.
"Right. Thank you Mr. Giles for backing me up. Now, as I was saying," Wesley says and I tune him out. I'm focused completely on Faith and her foot lightly rubbing against mine and up and down my leg. I can't believe how turned on I'm getting. I don't think I'm going to be able to take much more of this. I might have to do something embarrassing and gross, like relieve some of this tension in a bathroom stall myself, if I'm going to get through the rest of this day with my sanity intact.
I can't help think about last night. They way she touched me, the way she took me over so completely and then gave up all of her control to me…it was amazing. She was amazing and I can't believe we really did all of those things. I've never felt more out of my element, more terrified or more intimidated, and I've also never felt more loved than any other time in my life.
"Buffy," I hear Willow practically yell and I pull my leg away from Faith's so quickly that when it slams against the leg of the table, the leg snaps and the table tilts and all of the books fall off. What is wrong with me today? I'm acting like such a spazz. Why can't I just be normal? Is that really too much to ask? "Are you ok?" I look up at Willow and ignore Giles and Wesley freaking out about how old and irreplaceable the demons books are.
"I'm fine, Will," I tell her but she doesn't believe me. I can tell just by the look on her face that she thinks I'm lying to her. "Really, I just have a lot of stuff on my mind." I glance over at Faith and then look back at Will. She gets that expression on her face like a light bulb just went off inside her mind. Now she's going to want to talk about it and I'm not sure that I can.
"Buffy are you sure you're alright? You've seemed a little unlike yourself all afternoon. If you're feeling under the weather maybe Faith should patrol alone tonight," Giles says as he picks up more books and takes them over to the counter. My eyes go wide and I glance over at Faith. I break one table and he wants to separate us? We're not little kids, he can't tell us not to patrol together. Who died and made him the boss of me? Oh right, the slayer before me.
"No Giles, I'm fine," I tell him but I don't think he's really paying attention because he's picking up more books and grumbling about a broken spine. "Besides, with these vamps still on the loose it's not safe for any of us to be out alone. We should stick together just in case." I love patrolling with Faith because that's the only real chance we have to talk about whatever is on our minds and I'm not having that taken away.
"I don't know, Buffy, maybe you should take a night off and rest," Willow says and she sounds really concerned but her face is giving her away. She's passively aggressively teasing me because she knows something happened and it's going to be a while before she can ask me, and even longer before I'll be ready to open up. "I mean, you must have fought some really strong baddie last night. You've been limping all day." Oh, she is such a bitch. Well, not really because she's sweet, loveable Willow but right now she is such a bitch.
"You didn't mention any of this, Buffy," Wesley says and I know I'm going to get a lecture. I glare at Willow and she has the decency to look guilty but she also looks a little amused. Remind me to give her shit about this later. "As your watcher I'm to know the goings on of your patrols and that includes fighting any type of creature of the night, no matter how insignificant it may seem at the time." His face is getting red and flustered so this is probably going to go on for a while. "This vampire or demon you fought may very well be a link to this vampire cult we're trying to find."
"Hey Wes, back off," Faith says and she sounds really pissed. She stands up and crosses her arms over her chest and the look on her face is nothing but serious. "You're our watcher not our slave master and you don't get to talk to us like you are." There's a tense moment as she stares him down and he looks nervous. "You got a problem with that or do I need to show you what a slayer can really do?" Wow, my almost-girlfriend is really protective. Normally I don't like it when other people try to fight my battles for me but I think I'm going to let her handle Wesley from now on if his face turns that white every time.
"Perhaps my tone was a bit harsh, but this is important, Faith. These rules and procedures are set in place in order to keep people safe," he says and I can't help but roll my eyes. He can never just admit when he's wrong and apologize, he always has to justify it. If I didn't want to avoid a major lecture from Giles, I'd throw that little weasel across the room. I could do it too, I'm totally strong enough.
"We never followed all the rules before and we were just fine. Sure, a couple of people almost poked their eyes out running with scissors but they learned that not everything is all fun and games," Xander says and I send a little smile his way. I'm so lucky to have him and Willow as friends. Who knows what I would be like if I were really all alone. I'd probably be some butchy semi-rouge slayer with a bad attitude and split ends. Thank God for Willow and Xander because unless you're about to storm a beach there is no excuse for combat boots.
"Ah, yes Xander, you are correct," Wesley says and Xander gets that 'haha, I told you so' look on his face. But Wesley was being sarcastic and I can tell he's going to say something rude. He always gets that smug look on his face before he says something rude. "And last year the beast Angelus was allowed to be set free. Are you forgetting about all of the destruction he caused or are you simply shrugging it off as a minor indiscretion?" His words feel like a slap to the face and all of the air leaves my body. The room goes dead quiet and there's enough tension it could be cut with a broadsword.
"You need to leave this room," Giles says and takes a step towards Wesley. He isn't messing around and if Wesley isn't careful Giles is going to kick his ass and I think everyone in the room will help him. "Right now." They stare each other down for what feels like hours but Wesley finally turns around and walks out the library doors.
I can't move and I can't breathe which is a problem because everyone is staring at me with concerned looks on their faces and they're expecting me to say something. Well, everyone but Giles. He's cleaning his glasses and he looks like he's either trying not to lose his temper and punch a wall, or break down and cry. Probably both. I feel Faith put her hand on my shoulder and it feels like I've been burned. I jump up out of my chair and away from her. Willow knows there's something majorly wrong with that and jumps in.
"Buffy, don't listen to him," she says and she sounds just as concerned and upset as she looks. I hate this, I hate this so much. I wish I could just move on. I wish I could get the image of driving that sword through him and the betrayed look he got on his face before he was sucked into hell out of my mind but I can't. And I probably never will. "He doesn't know what he's talking about. He wasn't here. He doesn't know anything about what happened with Angel."
"Right," I say and my voice cracked. I hate it when that happens. "For not knowing what he's talking about, he sure got a lot of things right. If I hadn't been so stupid, if I hadn't given myself to the wrong person none of that would have happened." I glance over at Faith and she looks really shocked. Probably because I practically announced to everyone that I wish she had been my first. I can't take this, it's all too much.
"B, wait up," she says and I hear her follow after me as I storm off to Giles' office. I know I'm being immature and melodramatic but I don't care. I just had the loss of my virginity and the fact that it turned my boyfriend into a psycho-killer thrown back in my face by some uptight douche in a tweed suite. I think I've earned the right to be a little melodramatic.
"What Faith?" I ask as soon as we're alone in the office. Today started out so perfect, how did everything get so wrong? "What am I supposed to say? Everything that Wesley said is right. I didn't take dating a cursed vampire serious enough and people got hurt. People get hurt, Faith, all the time and I don't know how to stop it." She wraps her arms around me and I don't hesitate before I wrap mine around her and hide my face in her neck and breathe her in. I know it sounds stupid, but it's calming me down a little.
"Hey, shh," she says and gently rubs my back. I'm a little surprised she's being so sweet and not asking about that huge bomb I dropped in there. "Relax, B. Wesley isn't right. He's just being a dick because he's useless to us and he knows it. You can't let him get to you." I let out a little sob but it's not for the reasons she thinks. It's because we're breaking our own rules and I know someone is going to get hurt.
"Come on, B, don't cry, ok?" she says and leaves a very tender kiss on the side of my head. "Look, I can't imagine what that must've been like for you so I'm not gonna pretend to know. But I know what it's like to find out the guy you're in love with is a monster." I let out another sob and hot tears leak down my face. The last thing I wanted was for her to go through that again. I'm a horrible almost-girlfriend.
"It makes you feel like the whole time he was just pretending and he never loved you in the first place. It makes you feel stupid for believing his words and you think if you were stronger you could just walk away and go back to being you, you know?" She goes quiet but I can't say anything. I'm trying hard not to start bawling and I know if I try to speak I'll lose that battle. "Wesley's wrong, B. You didn't break any rules 'cause you loved Angel and love doesn't have any rules."
She gets it. She gets it more than anybody ever could. She knows me and understands me better than anyone in the past ever has, including Angel, and I loved him with all my heart and soul. I pull back from her neck and before she has a chance to say anything else, I kiss her. I kiss her softly, tenderly because this isn't about passion or wanting to show her how much I burn for her. This is a thank you for getting it, for understanding it, and for not making me feel guilty about it. Then I hear someone clear their throat and I almost panic.
"Giles wants to see you guys," Willow says and she has the deepest blush in the world on her face. I think this is some kind of record. "He said he wants to go over a battle plan for patrol tonight. He's still cranky about what Wesley said, so just humor him, ok?" She walks off without saying another word and you have no idea how glad I am that it wasn't Xander or Giles who walked in on us.
"That was close," she says and I can't help but chuckle. You have no idea how close we came to being found out and it would be horrible. The timing is all wrong and I don't want anyone else knowing until we're together for real. "We're gonna have to be careful. Wouldn't want to give G a heart attack." I chuckle again and she leaves one last kiss on my lips. "Let's get back out there. I think Red might have popped a vessel she was blushin so hard." When we walk out of Giles' office, for the first time since I've been called the weight of the world doesn't feel like it's completely on my shoulders.
Chapter Twenty Seven
It's been three days since that incident in the library. Things between Wesley and the rest of us are still really tense. He apologized and I accepted it. On the outside, anyways. I've been ignoring him as much as possible and spending as little time in the library as I can get away with. He just doesn't understand why what he said hurt so much and I'm not about to give him the details. No one needs to know the details and that's why I haven't told anyone, not even Willow, what happened between Angel and me that night.
But I need to stop thinking about that because I have a bigger problem to worry about. I fought two demons at the park tonight. Both big, scabby, disgusting and sans mouth. I killed the first one but the second managed to run off. The weird part is even though they don't have mouths they were still able to communicate somehow. Not only that, but my hand has been itching like crazy. There's already a red mark where I've been scratching it and I need to stop before it starts bleeding.
"You're home a little early, B," I hear Faith say from the living room. Ambush. Wesley isn't the only one I've been avoiding. I've been ducking Faith and Willow as much as possible too. I can't be around Faith without wanting to rip her clothes off and I'm not ready to have the best friend talk about how I feel about everything that's happened between me and Faith. I know Willow wants to be supportive and kept in the loop on my love life, but I'm just not ready to open up to her yet. "Were you the only thing that went bump in the night?" She can be so corny and it always makes me smile.
"No, tonight there was a little bit of action," I tell her as I walk into the living room. She's sitting on the couch cradling Samantha in her arms. Sam is asleep with her head resting on Fait's chest and Faith has the most serene look on her face. It's the first time I've seen her look relaxed and happy since the night Tanner lost control. And I'm not counting our night together or our morning after because I can't keep obsessing over that. "Two scabby looking things with no mouths. I slayed one but his friend got away."
"I'll make sure to take care of the other one tomorrow night then," she says and gives Sam a kiss on the top of her head. How pathetic would I be if I admitted that I'm jealous of Sam right now? Probably a lot. So I'll just keep that very sad and pathetic fact to myself. I start scratching my hand again and Faith gives me a weird look. I can't blame her. I'd probably be giving her the same look.
"I don't think that's a good idea. I touched one of them and now my hand feels like it's has the chicken pox, but without the gross sores," I say and she glances down at it. She slowly reaches out and takes my hand so she can turn it and get a better look. This is the first time we've touched since three days ago in Giles' office. We haven't been patrolling together so the temptation to touch has decreased dramatically. "We should probably talk to Giles first before you go after it. He'll probably want to do some research."
I bite my bottom lip at the feel of her soft fingers on my skin. Patrolling solo was Faith's idea. She doesn't want Sam here with just my mom in case Tanner shows up. She trusts my mom not to let him in or take Sam but just in case he tries something Faith wants someone with slayer strength here and I completely agree. Plus patrolling alone has made avoiding her a lot easier.
"Hold her for a second, ok?" she asks and I nod. She carefully hands me her little girl so she doesn't wake her up and I have to admit that it's a little awkward. I'm never sure what I'm doing when I hold her, but I try as hard as I can to not make that obvious. Sam is a part of the almost-girlfriend package and if I'm going to date her mom than I need to learn to take care of the little one too.
Faith gets up and walks off towards the kitchen and I feel like I have the chance to really breathe for the first time today. I think it has something to do with the way Sam smells. Babies have a smell that calms people down. I have to admit that I've been bonding with her since Faith has been patrolling alone. I know that it's only been two nights since we alternate but the little rugrat grows on you really fast. I even let her in my room for the first time which she was very excited about. She's still not allowed to touch Mr. Gordo, though. I have to draw the line somewhere.
Looking at her now, sleeping in my arms, lightly sucking her thumb, and letting out a little sigh every once in a while, I think I could handle this. I'm not naïve. I understand the fact that being with Faith, I mean really being with her not just having sex with her, would practically make me Sam's step parent. I get that Faith would always have more of a say with the rules and decisions but if it came down to it I think I would step up and help raise her when we finally get to that point.
"Here, B," Faith says quietly when she walks back in the room. She sits down next to me and holds out the thing in her hand. "Maybe this will help with the itching." It's a Ziploc bag with ice inside. I can't help but smile as I take it from her and hold it to the back of my hand. "What are you smirking about?" She sits back against the couch and looks totally relaxed. I a little part of me hates her for that. I've been so uptight and tense the last couple of days that I'm getting a really bad backache. Yet she's looking like Joe Cool just sitting there resting comfortably.
"Nothing," I tell her and my smirk gets a little bigger. She raises that perfect eyebrows and a little part of me melts inside. I think that was literal because my panties are soaked and it's not from the slaying I did tonight. "It's just…you're such a mom sometimes." She chuckles a little but tries to stay quiet. If Sam wakes up now bad, cranky things will happen. "I get that you are a mom, I'm holding your kid right now. But right now I feel like you're going to offer to make me chicken and stars and tuck me into bed or something."
"Damn, B. I bring you one ice pack and now I'm June Cleaver, that's harsh," she says with a deep, throaty chuckle and I get goosebumps all over my body. This is why I've been avoiding her. One glance, one smirk, one laugh and I'm going out of my mind with lust. Right now it isn't so bad because I got in a good slay so my hormones aren't going as crazy, but I still want her. I don't just want her, I need her and now just in a sex way.
"I better get to bed," I say and put the ice pack down before I very carefully hand Faith back her daughter. Sam moves around a little, snuggles tighter against Faith and lets out a little sigh before she settles down and goes back to looking comfortable and adorable. Faith gets a look on her face that isn't hard to describe. She looks a little disappointed but she's trying to cover it up. I guess she wanted to hang out together but I just can't do that right now. Not when it feels like I might suffocate if I don't hold her close and breathe her in.
"Ok," she says and she can't cover up the disappointment in her voice. I feel horrible doing this to her, pushing her away after what we shared the other night. I have to, though, or else I'll go crazy being around her but not really being with her the way I want to. "See you in the morning." She has a small smile on her face but it's totally forced. I mumble out a goodnight and head upstairs feeling like an asshole.
I just wish she would be completely honest with me for once. She said she doesn't want to be with me yet because everything is still too fresh with Tanner, and she doesn't want to confuse Sam. I know that Faith still needs to get over him, I'm not stupid, but I can't help shake the feeling that there's something more to it that she's not telling me. I wish she could just let her guard down and let me see her for who she really is instead of hiding behind that emotional wall. I wish there was a way I could get inside her head to know what she really feels about me. Yeah right, fat chance of that ever happening.
When I wake up the next morning I can already tell something is off. Samantha is in my room and she's singing a song. Who the hell let Sam in my room? She knows she's not allowed in here unless I tell her it's ok, and with me just waking up I doubt that conversation took place. I sit up quickly, maybe if I can scare her a little she won't sneak in here anymore, but I don't see her.
"Sam?" I ask to an obviously empty room. She can't be in the closet because there isn't enough room and she can't fit under the bed because it's overstuffed with shoe boxes and weapons. I follow the sound of her voice and I end up standing in the bathroom doorway. She's in the bathtub and Faith is washing her hair. Ok, what the hell is going on? I can hear her singing but she isn't saying a word. She's just sitting there quietly while Faith rinses the shampoo out of her hair.
We're tiny, we're toony, we're all a little loony, and in this cartoony we're invading your TV! Ok, how can I hear her when she isn't saying anything? This is weird. It's weird and strange and hearing a little girl singing is unsettling. I feel like at any moment Freddy Kruger is going to jump out at me. I guess Faith can feel me staring at them like a freak because she turns around with a slightly confused look on her face.
"Morning, B," she says and there's a small smile tugging at the corners of her mouth. God, Faith is so beautiful in the morning. She doesn't have her face caked with makeup and her hair is kind of wild looking, and she's less guarded than she is later on in the day so you can see all of her emotions playing out across her eyes. It's amazing to see. She's happy to see me right now, that much is obvious, but there's also something else that I can't quite place.
"Good morning," I tell her and she's giving me that look like she's waiting for me to say something. Probably because only a freak would just stand here for no reason. "You mind if I brush my teeth? I need to get ready for school." That sounds pretty believable. I mean, this is the only bathroom in the house and I do need to get ready for school. She would have to be a total bitch to say no. She tries to act like this cynical hardass but I know her better than that.
"Go ahead. Wouldn't want anyone to drop dead from your dragon morning breath," she says with a chuckle and Sam starts laughing. That little traitor. I thought we were bonding. I let her in my room and let her try on my "party shoes", and I let her play with my old toys, except Mr. Gordo, and now she's laughing at me? Traitor. Damn, B's pout is so fuckin sexy. I wanna nibble on that lip 'til it's nice and swollen. Ok, why the hell can I hear Faith if she's not talking? And more importantly: she thinks my pout is sexy?
I try to act normal as I start brushing my teeth because I don't want to freak either of them out. It's not like I can just ask if Faith is hearing voices too because then she would think that I'm crazy and crazy people probably are not allowed to be left alone with small children and it's my night to babysit. They're funny, they're funny, they're Babs and Buster bunny. Why am I still hearing that? I want a bunny but mommy says no. Daddy always say yes when I want something but Daddy's been gone forever.
"Mommy, when's Daddy coming back?" Sam asks and she sounds so sad. She asked me that the other night when I was watching her and let her try on my heels just for fun. She calls them my "party shoes" because she thinks they look fancy. I'd love to hear her say that in front of Cordelia. Cordelia said they look like they were made out of skinned chicken feet. Why am I thinking about this? It's so not what I should be focusing on.
"Sam, Daddy's not coming back," Faith says and she sounds so uncomfortable. It's the exact same tone my mom had when she told me my dad was moving out of the house in L.A. The way Faith sounds right now, I just want to take her in my arms and hold her. I hate that she has to go through this but it's for the best. Tanner is an abuser, he doesn't deserve to be around Faith or Sam. I wish she was older, this would be so much easier to explain.
"Why Mommy? Why he go away?" she asks and she sounds like she's about to cry. I can hear the little tremble in her voice and it's making my heart hurt. I can't even imagine what Faith must be feeling. That fucking bastard. Even when he's not here he's not around he's making my baby cry. Ok, or maybe I can imagine it. It's obvious I'm hearing their thoughts but why? People don't just wake up telepathic. Maybe I shouldn't be this surprised. This is Sunnydale, after all. Where else would I wake up and suddenly be able to read minds?
"Because, Sammy, Daddy's sick." Yeah, he's really sick if he thinks it's ok to beat his girlfriend and daughter. "And he can't be around us anymore." God, Faith sounds so freaking sad. I wish there was something I could do to make everything better. She's been through so much and she deserves some happiness for once. He needs medicine then he could get better. I hear Sam's little voice float through my mind and I almost start crying at how innocent she really is.
"You could give him medicine, Mommy. You gaved me medicine when I was sick," she says and I glance over at them. Faith is gently rubbing the conditioner through Sam's hair and to anyone else she looks calm but I can see how tight her muscles are and how tense her shoulders are getting. I finish brushing my teeth as quickly as possible and leave the room. I don't want Faith to feel crowded with me standing right there listening in on her conversation.
