Chapter 78: Consequences Of The Ass Biting Kind

Three Days Later. FPOV

Remember when I said that Lily and I could have a lot of fun together as in we’d go clubbin and how just bein around her gets me all hyper and I hadn’t felt like that since I was a teenager? Well, if we all remember our Faith history I used to get in a lot of trouble when I was a teenager. And I’m not talking about accidentally killing Finch and then workin for the Mayor of SunnyD. No, I mean I used to get into normal teenage trouble. Like partying when I wasn’t supposed to, and shoplifting and stuff like that. I remember my mom would get so pissed off, and she’d make this face like she was about to have a heart attack. It was damn funny. Anyway, I didn’t shoplift tonight and I don’t really plan to but I did go party.

I finished my patrol with the girls and when I got back Lily was all dressed up and ready to go out and see what kind of clubs Vegas has to offer. I told her about one that’s kind of hard to find unless you’ve been there before. So I gave her a ride. I was just gonna drop her off, but then she asked if I wanted to join, and I could hear the music from inside practically callin out my name. So I said ‘screw it’ and I parked the car and joined her at the front door. B and I have been to this place a lot since it’s one of the best clubs in Vegas. The bouncer knows us by name so Lily and I got in with no trouble. So long story short, I went partying with Lily, I didn’t call Buffy and tell her I was gonna be home late, and it’s now six in the morning.

I know Buffy is awake because it’s Tuesday and the kids have school. I know she’s gonna be really pissed off at me, there’s no fuckin doubt about that. I just can’t make up my mind about whether or not I should lie to her. If I tell her I got caught up with the patrol then she won’t be as mad. If I tell her the truth I might be sleepin on the couch for the next week or two. The problem with that is she could’ve stopped by the apartments to see if we were back yet, or she could’ve called or something. Then I’d be caught in a lie, and she’d be even more pissed off then if I just told the truth. Man, this is fuckin complicated. How come having a wife is kind of like having a mom? I thought when we grow up we don’t have to answer to anybody anymore. So much for that stupid theory.

I guess it’s time to go in the house and face this like a woman. I get out of my car and lock the doors. My God, my head hurts so fuckin bad I just wanna sleep for days. I had a little more to drink then I normally do, and the music last night was a lot louder then it normally is. I guess on Monday nights things are a little different. And you’re probably thinkin I’m weird goin out on a Monday night like that to a club. But it was pretty packed. This is Vegas baby, people party here everyday. Anyway, I unlock the front door and as soon as I open it my head is violated with all kinds of sounds. The loudest one is comin from the kitchen. Joey’s crying for whatever reason and that is so not goin to help with B’s mood. I can’t just sneak into my bedroom like I wanna ‘cause when she sees me all hell will break loose. So I might as well go in there and face the music, or whatever that expression is.

“Addison Kristine, if you don’t give him back his juice I’m going to spank your butt, do you understand me?” B would never spank the kids, but when she’s really frustrated she threatens it. I stand in the doorway and just watch. None of ‘em has spotted me yet, which is a good thing. I kinda want to make myself known on my own. I watch as Addy gets a really pissed off look on her face. Joey’s still crying really loud, and Mattie looks annoyed. Oh yeah, I have me one big happy family right here. Now why wouldn’t I want to come home to this at six in the morning when I’m hung over and tired as hell?

“Fine, I didn’t want the stupid juice anyway.” Yeah she did or she shouldn’t have taken it. Anyway, she slides the glass really hard across the table on purpose, and it flies off the side and hits the floor. It shatters, and orange liquid and little glass pieces going flyin everywhere. Ok, now that really pisses me off. This kid has a major fuckin attitude problem in the morning because she takes after Buffy. Neither one of them are morning people. But she doesn’t get to act like that just because she wants some juice and B is busy cookin breakfast. Before Buffy can say anything I walk into the room and they look over at me.

“You get your ass up to your room right now, and don’t come out until you wanna behave right. That’s no way to act at the breakfast table.” She just sits there starin at me. I know she’s challenging me ‘cause she does it all the time. “I mean, get your ass up and go to your room.” She gets up and runs upstairs. With a loud scream she slams her bedroom door. Oh yeah, I really can’t wait for those pubescent hormones to kick in. ‘Cause she isn’t bad enough already. I walk over to the stove and B won’t look at me. She’s fixin some bacon and it smells really fuckin good. Anyway, I grab a dishtowel and start cleanin up the mess. Once I get all the glass piled up on the towel I just drop the whole thing in the sink. I’ll clean it up later.

“And where were you all night?” B asks and she sounds pissed. Like really, really pissed. Like so pissed off I think her ears are gonna explode they’re so red right now. “I called your dad’s and you weren’t there. I stopped by the apartments, and the only person missing was Lily. I tried your cell phone about a thousand times. I know you weren’t out slaying because none of your clothes are ripped or dirty.” Ok, I guess lying is out of the option. “What did you decide to just go out and paint the town red with Lily?” We didn’t paint anything but we did go to town. I nod my head and she looks like she could kill me. “And you didn’t have the decency to call? I swear to God, I could divorce you right now I’m so pissed off.” I know she doesn’t mean it so I don’t take it personally. “One of these nights I should take off without telling you just to show you how I feel. Do you have any idea how worried I was?”

“Babe, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to be there that long. I had a couple drinks and time just flew by. You know how I can get when I hit the hard stuff.” She does know how I get when I drink more then just beer. We used to party all the time together so she knows how it can be when you’re having fun and not really paying attention. Time just kinda gets away from ya. At least she’s not freaking out about the fact that I was out having fun and she was here worrying about me. “It’s not gonna happen again, I swear.” I try to hug her from behind but she shrugs me off. Ok, I guess touching isn’t a good idea right now. I hear her sigh, and she flips the bacon over. She looks over at me and she has fire in her eyes. But not the good kind of fire. This is the ‘be careful or I’ll stab you’ kind of fire.

“Don’t apologize right now, I’m still too mad. Do you want some breakfast or are you too hung over?” Thank God this isn’t gonna turn into an argument. I hate fighting with her more then anything. I tell her I want some food, and she nods her head a little. “Will you set the table for me?” Yes ma’am. I start setting the table and Joey starts whining for more juice. Poor little guy definitely isn’t having a good morning so far. So when I get done setting the table I pour him some orange juice and the whining instantly stops. “You shouldn’t give him stuff when he whines, you should make him ask the right way and then give it to him.” Ok, so she’s still bitchy. I think I’ll just let it go since I really don’t want to fight.

I put the juice back in the fridge and sit down at the table. I look over at B, and I smile a little bit. Her hair’s put back in a sloppy bun, and it’s all frizzy and shit. It looks hella cute. She’s wearing the white cotton pajama bottoms with little monkeys on them, and she’s wearing my Mudvayne t-shirt. I’ll never say this to her face ‘cause I know she’ll hit me, but she’s cute when she’s mad. She gets all huffy and puffy and it’s so damn adorable. I get up and stand behind her. I see the muscles in her neck tense up a little bit but I don’t care. I just wanna give her some love, even if it irritates her a little. I wrap my arms around her stomach and put my head on her shoulder. She tries to shrug me off but I don’t go anywhere.

“I love my sweet, caring, forgiving wife,” I say and nibble on her earlobe a little bit. She giggles and again tries to shrug me off but it doesn’t stop me. “Especially when she wears her hair up.” I start kissing the right side of her neck, and linger a little on the bite mark that Angel left when he bit her. It took me a long fuckin time but I finally got over the fact that she let him bite her. Let’s face it boys and girls, I did the same damn thing. He was soulless and out of control, and I took that drug and let him bite me so I could save him. Back in Sunnyhell he was dyin ‘cause I shot him with that arrow and B’s attempt to feed me to him failed so she had to do something. I’ve accepted it and gotten over it.

“You’re obviously still a little drunk,” she says and I let go of her so she can put the bacon on the table. Well, on a plate that’s on the table. The bacon was the last thing that needed to be cooked. She’s already made toast, and eggs, and English muffins, and hash brows. I call out Addy’s name and she comes runnin down the stairs. She’s in a little better mood then earlier, but she’s still a little pissy. We eat our breakfast and I just watch as the kids talk and laugh. Joey’s turning into a little jokester. He likes making people laugh. And the last week or so he’s been tryin to make Mattie laugh. I guess he wants to just joke around with the only guy in the house. Anyway, when we finish eating Addy runs off the brush her teeth, and I put my head down on the table.

“Hey baby,” B says and I’m not a hundred percent in love with her tone right now. I know what’s coming. I just don’t want to accept that it’s going to happen. But I’m powerless to stop it. If I try to talk my way out of it it’ll just start a fight. “Will you make sure the kids get ready for school? I need to take a shower.” And my punishment begins. “Oh, and there’s a list of stuff that needs to be done today. It’s on my nightstand. And make sure to get them all done, ok? I know it’s kind of a lot, but the sooner we get them out of the way the sooner we can just relax.” She says it like she’s going to help me. We all know that whenever a woman says ‘we’ she means ‘you’. “That would be a really big help, because I have to run to the store to pick up some stuff for dinner.” And she’s going to make dinner. I might as well just stay in bed all day and not do anything.

“Sure, I can do that,” I tell her and get up from my seat. I might as well go upstairs and take a look at this list. If she expects me to get it done in one day then it can’t be too bad. She’s pretty reasonable when it comes to the lists. So I climb up the stairs, and my legs feel like they have lead in ‘em. Man, I really need some fuckin sleep. It feels like it takes me hours to reach the top of the stairs. When I finally do I just stand here and close my eyes. No more white Russians followed by body shots for me. I really hope I don’t get sick ‘cause that would so suck. I hate puking more then I hate crying. And I just ate, and I didn’t think to chew my food up ‘til it’s almost liquid. Yeah, that would’ve been the smart thing to do.

When I feel like the room isn’t spinning anymore I walk down the hall and into my bedroom. Mmm, I love the smell of our bedroom. B has this really nice candles that smell like apples and cinnamon, and for some reason it always smells like M&Ms. I have no fuckin clue why, but I’m not complaining. Anyway, I go over to B’s side of the bed and on her nightstand is the list. Holy fuck. This thing is three pages long. How the fuck does she expect me to get all of this shit done? Oh she’s good. Ok, I’ll just lie down for a few minutes and then I’ll get started on her fuckin never ending list of shit to do. If I had known she was gonna pull this shit I would’ve just stayed home last night, no slaying, or training with the girls. Whatever happened to capital punishment? I think I’d like that better then this.

BPOV

I can’t believe Faith stayed out all night last night. I was so worried that something happened. I know she’s one of the best slayers in the history of the world, but that doesn’t mean she’s going to live forever. I thought maybe something happened to her, and I was really freaking out. When I went to the apartments Georgia was still awake, and she told me that Lily was talking about going out tonight to party, and then she saw Faith and Lily drive off. So I wasn’t that worried. At least not until I woke up and saw that Faith wasn’t in bed or downstairs, or anywhere in the house. Why is it that one person can make you so happy that you feel like you’re walking on air and make you feel like you’re going to have a heart attack? But I’m not going to think about it anymore.

What I need to be focusing on right now is the dinner I’m making because I don’t know if I’m going to be able to pull it off or not. I’m making lasagna, which is something that the whole family really likes but for whatever reason we don’t make it very often. So whenever we do make it the kids are always good at dinner because it’s like a treat. I even bought some really nice wine to go with it, and after dinner I’m going to have the kids clean up the kitchen so that Faith and I can have some quiet time in the living room together. And after the kids go to bed I’m going to do something a little different in the bedroom. But I’m seriously thinking that isn’t going to happen, and it’s no one’s fault by mine.

See, I sort of screwed up. I know I bought everything I needed at the store. But at the stores where they have you pack our own grocery bags I have a tendency to forget things. I get so caught up trying to get everything that one or two things get left behind. In this case it was the mozzarella cheese that I need for the lasagna. I have plenty of everything else, but I don’t have any mozzarella. I don’t think I have time to drive back into town to get anymore, and I definitely don’t have time to make anything else. The only other option would be to get take out. I was really looking forward to giving my family a home cooked meal that they actually like, and that I’m actually good at making, and it’s all because I forgot the mozzarella. I glace over at the nine cartons of ricotta just sitting on the counter, mocking me. Soft cheeses can be so smug. Just when I feel a panic attack coming on, the phone rings.

“Hello?” I ask as I start cutting up the French bread. I’m also going to make some sourdough because Faith likes that better. Sure she’s still in trouble but she’s trying really hard to finish everything I wrote done so I might as well let her off the hook. “Hey Dawn, I’m so glad you called. Do you have any mozzarella cheese? I’m making lasagna and I forgot the mozzarella at the store……You do? Oh thank God. I’m about five seconds away from freaking out……I know you’re upset sweetie, but I’m kind of in a rush here.” She’s upset because she had sex with that delivery guy after the first date. Apparently he told the guys at his work, and one of the guys mentioned it to someone at Dawn’s work while he was dropping off some supplies and now she’s been labeled the office slut.

“Tell you what, why don’t you come over, bring the cheese and we can talk about it while I make dinner. How does that sound?...Ok, I’ll see you in a few minutes. Bye.” I hang up after she says bye, and I go back to what I was doing. I know I seemed like a total bitch just now, but I did warn her that this might happen. And it’s her fucking clothing line, she owns the place, I don’t see why she just can’t fire those people for gossiping. It’s not like it hasn’t been done before. Anyway, I can stop panicking now because it’ll only take her a few minutes to get here. She lives just right down the street. You’d think we’d see each other more often because of that but we don’t. We’re making an effort to change that since we miss each other. She’s going to start coming over here more for dinner and to spend time, and on our days off we’re going to spend some quality sister shopping time.

She’s been a little freaked out lately because not next week but the week after she’s going to drive the four hour drive to LA so the boys can spend a week with their dad. A little while ago Dawn went to LA herself to check it out, and the boys stayed with Willow and Sky. I swear those two watch all of our kids so much it’s practically their second home. Which is kind of nice. I want my kids to feel like they have someplace else to go when they just need to get away, you know? Will and Sky don’t mind at all. They love spoiling them rotten. And I know when that little baby is born after a while they’re going to be calling up Aunt Buffy to ask if we’ll watch him or her for the night so they can go out and have some grown up time. Matthew was four months old when Faith and I called Will and Kennedy up to do the same thing.

I remember I was so freaked out about leaving him that I almost didn’t enjoy myself. Well, for most of the night I didn’t. He was just so small and helpless and Willow and Kenned had never watched him by themselves before. They would come over to keep an eye on him when I needed a break, and a well deserved nap, but we never left them completely alone with our little boy. Faith had to stop me about a hundred times from getting up and calling to check on him. I did do that once or twice. I just told her I had to use the bathroom, and I just called from my cell. On the third trip to the bathroom Faith knew I was up to something so she waited a minute or two and then followed me in there. After that she took my cell phone and told me to just relax, that everything would be fine. She kept me distracted for the rest of the dinner, and all through the movie. And when we got home we had the house to ourselves.

“Buffy I hope this is enough. You didn’t tell me how much you’re making,” I hear Dawn yell from the foyer. We don’t go over to each other’s houses very often but just enough so that we don’t have to knock, we just walk right in. We always call each other first to make sure we’re not going to walk in on anything we really don’t want to see. Just because we’re siblings and when we were little we used to bathe together it doesn’t mean we want to walk in on anything kinky. This isn’t Alabama you know. “Ok boys, go play upstairs. And no fighting over toys. I mean it.” I laugh a little bit and listen to the boys’ little footsteps as they run up the stairs. Since Emma doesn’t need to live with us anymore we converted the extra bedroom into a playroom for Joey, Addy, and any other little kid that happens to come over. I have a feeling our house is going to be ‘the house’ that all of the kids bring their friends to so they can hang out. In fact I think it already is.

“I don’t need a lot,” I tell her as she walks in the room. Ok, so maybe I do. I’m making three lasagnas (slayer family, remember?) so I need enough cheese for three. “Ok, so maybe I do.” She sets the bag down on the counter, and pulls out a lot of cheese. That’s way more then I’ll need. “You’re a life saver. Now that I know I can finish making this you guys are more then welcome to stay.” I want to start getting into the habit of having dinner together. I want it to become a regular thing. I miss having my sister around as crazy as that may seem. She leans against the counter and crosses her arms over her chest. That’s the classic defensive stance, so I know that I’m going to be getting an earful about this. We’ve already talked about it on the phone a lot, but I know it isn’t enough. It wouldn’t be if the same thing were happening to me.

“That’s ok. You’re going to have wine with dinner, and I know you only drink wine on special occasions. I don’t want to intrude or anything.” Meaning: I want to stay but I don’t want to seem rude so you’ll have to ask another couple of times before I agree. This is just typical Dawn stuff going on right now. I hate that she can be like this. It’s so obvious by the sound of her voice that she wants to stay. I know she’s been really lonely and I think it would do her some good to start spending more time over here. Faith agrees but I think she only agreed right away to get me to shut up. She hates it when I talk at night while she’s trying to go to sleep. Apparently I’m ‘such a girl’ when it comes to that.

“Dawn, unless you already have plans you’re staying for dinner. All Faith and I plan on doing tonight is relaxing. She’s pretty tired because she stayed out all night with Lily and I’ve been making her pay for it. She’s out back right now with Matthew fixing part of the fence.” She giggles a little bit and watches as I start to make up the first lasagna. It is all about the layers. It starts with noodles and mozzarella and then it ends with noodles and mozzarella on top. Faith likes hers with a little meat so I always make one special just for her. Lasagna is the one thing that I’ve always done right. It’s pretty much the only thing my mom ever really taught me how to cook. She was teaching me to make desserts and stuff, but I was always too busy with the slaying or being at college that I never really learned how. But let’s not think about that right now. It’s depressing. “So what exactly has been going on at the office?”

“A delivery guy that works with Eric told some of the people who take in the deliveries about Eric and me. Once they found out the gossip spread like wildfire. Everyone has been giving me these weird looks and talking about me behind my back. I know they have, but it doesn’t bother me too much. I mean, they work for me if I really wanted to I could fire them.” See, what did I say earlier? Exactly that, thank you very much. “The thing that really bugs me is the fact that someone else delivered the material. I know Eric’s schedule pretty well, and I know his days off, and that wasn’t one of them. So why didn’t he deliver the materials?” Hmm, that’s a really good question. Although I think she’s jumping to conclusions a little too fast.

“Sweetie, his schedule could’ve been changed, or maybe he took some vacation time? Just because he didn’t show up this one time it doesn’t mean he’s going out of his way to avoid you.” She looks a little relieved that someone said that out loud. See, I know my little sister very well. I can also tell she’s worried about something else altogether. “Dawn, I don’t mean to go all ‘Mom’ on you, but you did remember to use protection right?” Because her getting pregnant from a one night stand, again, would definitely not be good for her mental health. She just rolls her eyes, and sighs a big ‘oh my God’ type of sigh. I’ll take that as a yes. “And you’re doing ok? You know there haven’t been any…surprises? No bumps or redness or…itchiness?” She looks totally grossed out, and trust me I’m blushing. I had to ask though. She’s my little sister, there’s no way I could not have asked you know?

“Everything’s fine Buffy. I’m just worried about Michael.” Oh, ok. Why didn’t I think of that? “The boys are going to his place in two weeks for the first time ever, and I’m feeling very nervous about it. I’m taking that week off of work and I’m going to stay in LA just in case. I’ve been to the house, and he has a really nice set up there. The boys have to share a bedroom but they’ll be fine. They have their own beds, and plenty of things to do. I gave him a list of all the things they’re allergic to, and the number to their doctor just in case he forgets. But I’m still totally freaked out. What if they don’t want to come home? What if they like it there better with him?” Awww, my poor little sister. Sometimes she’s just too cute. I wipe my hands off on the dishrag and give her a big hug.

“Sweetheart, don’t worry about it. You’re their mom and they love you very much. Everything is going to be new and exciting so they might not want to leave but they’re just babies. They’re not trying to hurt your feelings if they say they want to stay.” We hug for a minute or two longer and then we let go. I get back to cooking, and she goes back to watching me. She could help out a little bit. I have some more bread that needs to be sliced. But whatever. I kind of want to make this all by myself for some reason. “Have you thought about what I said? You know, about getting a dog to keep you company while they’re gone?” She nods her head a little and runs her fingers through her hair. It’s getting really long again. I wonder if she’s going to get it cut soon. Dawn only grows it out like this so she can get a lot of stuff done to it.

“Yeah, I’ve thought about it. I’m going to wait though. I’m staying in LA the first week and then we’re coming home. We still haven’t decided if he’s going to pick them up or if I’m going to drop them off. I think I should drop them off and he should bring them back, but I don’t know exactly what he wants to do. We’ll talk about it while I’m there. But anyway, yes I’m going to adopt a puppy from the pound. I think it would be a nice surprise for the boys. They’re always asking for one, especially when they see the neighbors’ dog running around in the front yard.” I nod my head a little bit and now things are quiet. I glance over at Dawn and she looks a little better. I think now that she’s talked about it she’ll be fine. She was keeping all of that bottled in and that’s not good for anyone. I think maybe she just needs to start coming over here more, and she’ll be a little less lonely. Here’s hopin.

FPOV

I kinda forgot how…therapeutic this whole training other slayers can be. I had a bad day at work ‘cause Brittany came in and start making drama. I guess my dad’s been spending more time at the shop then he’s been letting on ‘cause she was really pissed. She was yellin at him about how Gracie is his daughter too and he needs to be at home more so he can help take care of her. My dad is kinda old school about that stuff though. You know, those guys that think the husband brings home the bacon and the wife takes care of the kids. Whenever I go over to his place I see him spending time with Gracie. He reads to her, and plays with her, and all the stuff he used to do with me. I hate to admit that I’m a little jealous, but I am.

Anyway, after work I got to deal with a shit load of traffic. I guess there was some accident where some dumbass served so he wouldn’t hit a squirrel so the whole road had to be shut down. It took me almost an hour to get to the apartments for training, and from the shop it’s normally a fifteen minute drive. But whatever. It isn’t just the thing at work that’s been buggin me. Ruby died last night. Yeah, I know, it’s really fuckin sad. None of us were expectin it, that’s for damn sure. I mean, if it had been Tucker none of us would’ve been surprised because he’s old. But Ruby? She’s still a baby compared to him. And she was Addy’s buddy. She slept in Addy’s room with her, and they played together all the time. Sure Addy goes to school so they never really bonded like Mattie and Tucker, but the first thing Addy does when she gets home is give her pal a hug.

I just keep goin over it and over it in my head. B made lasagna and she makes some fuckin good lasagna too. Dawn and her rugrats had dinner with us, and we had some really nice wine. Everyone was just so…happy and relaxed. The dogs go outside when we eat dinner ‘cause if we don’t put ‘em out they just sit at the kitchen doorway and whine for food. I saved two pieces of the special lasagna that B always makes me. It has a thick layer of beef ‘cause I like mine with a little meat to it. Anyway, I saved some pieces ‘cause I always save a piece each for the dogs whenever she makes it. I don’t give them leftovers very often ‘cause there usually isn’t any left to give him. Slayer family, remember? We eat whatever’s put in front of us.

Dawn was talkin to B about the guy I guess she’s dating now. B said something about the two of ‘em sleepin together but I don’t know they’re a couple or not. I’ve never heard of the guy before so I don’t know. The kids were busy talking to each other and just goofing around. We were finished eating, but even after we eat we still sit at the table and talk for a while, you know? So while they were doin that I got up and put the big pieces of lasagna in the food bowls. I went out onto the deck and I could hear everyone laughin even after I shut the back door. Everything looked normal enough. Tucker was lying on his dog bed thing that we have our there, and as soon as I opened the door he got up ‘cause he smelt the food. I didn’t see Ruby though, which was really weird.

I put the bowls down and called him over. He started eating his, and I called out for Ruby. She wasn’t anywhere on the deck. The deck is pretty fuckin big so she could’ve been somewhere else sleeping or whatever, but she wasn’t. I looked over towards the stairs that lead down to the yard and I stopped breathing. See, I built a gate on the deck so the dogs, and the kids can’t go out into the backyard unless me or B unlocks it. We always make sure to close it when we go in the house because of the wild animals that can get in the yard. But the gate was open, and Ruby was lying in the grass not moving. I walked out there to see what was wrong. I was talking to her like I normally do, but she didn’t move. I crouched down next to her, and nudged her shoulder but she still didn’t move. That’s when I noticed she wasn’t breathing. I reached down and touched her chest and I couldn’t feel a heartbeat.

I felt like my heart stopped for a few minutes. All I could do was just sit there and stare at her. It was just so fuckin weird. It didn’t make any fuckin sense. It still kind of doesn’t. I just can’t wrap my fuckin mind around it. I mean, this dog was just so full of life, you know? She was always ready for anything. If we were going out in the backyard to swim she was right there ready to jump in the water. In the morning when I get up a little early so I can go for a jog she’s already at the door waiting for me to hurry my ass up. And just a little while before this I was practically pushing her out the back door because she wanted to stay inside with her people, and then when I go back outside to give them a treat, she’s just fucking dead? I couldn’t believe it. I didn’t want to believe it. Mostly because it was my fault. As soon as I saw that the gate was open I knew I was the one who left it open.

One of the things B had me do to make up for staying out all night was fix part of the fence. We have a wooden fence all around the backyard but she wanted me to put up some chicken wire so that the wild animals can’t get through the fence. After I was done I remember having Mattie take the stuff back into the house and I just sat out for a while. I remember goin back into the house but I don’t remember closing the gate. Anyway, I started checking her over, trying to see if there were any wounds or anything. I couldn’t see any blood so I knew she didn’t get in a fight or anything with another dog or a coyote. But then I saw the two little puncture marks on her right leg. She got bit by a rattlesnake and it was all my fault. B’s been bitching at me for weeks to put up the chicken wire so snakes can’t get in but I dragged my ass ‘cause I put up that gate so the kids can’t get into the yard without us.

After I saw the marks I got up and turned around. I was breathin again but it was slow, and really deep. I was tryin so fuckin hard not to throw up. It’s one thing having a dog die of old age ‘cause it’s just what happens. But when a dog dies and it’s your fault? That’s totally fucked up. I walked back up to the deck and Tucker eaten everything out of both bowls. He wanted me to pet him, but I pushed him out of the way and walked back into the house. I didn’t say a fuckin word to anyone. I just went out to the garage and pulled out the pack of cigarettes I have out there. I went back outside and lit one up. I closed my eyes as I felt the familiar and calming feeling of the nicotine wash over me. I heard the door open but I didn’t flinch. B hates it when I smoke and she’s always on my ass to quit, that’s why I hide the pack, but tonight I didn’t give a fuck.

But she wasn’t the one who came outside. It was Addy. She asked me what was wrong, but I didn’t say anything. I just told her to go back in the house. She didn’t listen though, ‘cause she’s a little shit like that. Then she saw her dog lyin there not moving and she ran out into the yard. I didn’t want her to find out until I was calm. I have no idea what the fuck I was gonna say, but I would’ve come up with somethin. But it was too late. I tossed my cigarette onto the deck and stomped it out and I took off after her. I didn’t want her seeing that shit. But she’s gotten really fast, and she was at Ruby’s side telling her to get up before I was even on the grass. It was the saddest fuckin thing I’ve ever seen. Addy was crouched over, pullin on Ruby’s fur, telling her over and over to get up, but she wasn’t moving.

Then she saw the bite marks on her dog’s leg and she just fuckin lost it. She started screaming, and crying, and kicking the ground. I reached down and picked her up. She was still kicking and she tried to hit me, but I didn’t put her down. I just pulled her to me, and wrapped her up in a huge hug. All she could say was ‘Mama no’, and she said it over and over and over and over until they didn’t even sound like words anymore. I start crying too ‘cause of how much pain she was in. My baby girl was hurting bad and it was my fuckin fault. I could blame the snake for it, but that would be retarded. I’m the one who didn’t snake proof the back fence and one got in. Rattlesnakes only bite when they feel threatened so Ruby was probably fuckin with it and dogs don’t know any better.

I walked back onto the deck, and sat down on one of the chairs. I adjusted Addy so she was curled up in my lap, and her face was buried in my neck. I lit up another cigarette, and tried as best I could to keep the smoke away from her, but I’m sure she inhaled a little. I don’t smoke around my kids but I really fuckin needed on right then. I just couldn’t get any of it to sink in. Ruby was dead, I was on the one who found the body, but it didn’t feel real to me. It felt like someone was playin a sick joke. Or like when someone delivers bad news at first you don’t want to believe it, you go through denial or whatever, but then you finally do. Well, I still couldn’t believe it. I was stuck in that denial even though I wanted out. Anyway, Addy finally calmed down after a while, and I just sat there holding her. I was on my third cigarette but I was nowhere near feeling better.

I don’t know how long we were like that but B came out wonderin what was going on. She figured it out pretty quick and she left us alone. She didn’t even say anything about the fact that I was smoking. I have to give her some props ‘cause I could tell she wanted to say something, but she didn’t. After I finished that third cigarette I finally felt calm, we went into the house and I had her wash her face off with a washrag and some cold water. After she did that I sent her to bed. Told her she could stay home the next day ‘cause who wants to go to school the day after their dog dies? B heard me say that to her, but she kept her mouth shut until the bedroom door was closed. She told me she can’t miss any school, but I told her to just drop it. I was being mean, I’ll admit that, but I didn’t care. I had some other shit on my mind, you know?

Then I went downstairs and into the garage and got a shovel. I went into the backyard, over to the big shade tree and dug a hole. It was pretty deep, about four and a half feet. I wanted it nice and deep ‘cause if coyotes get into the yard they’ll dig up the body, and that’s just fucked up. I was on auto polite by the time I finished digging. It was really dark, and the only light I had was from the porch light, and the glow comin from the kitchen. When I walk over to the body I saw Tucker laying by Ruby, and he was whining. It’s this little high pitched whine that he only does when we leave the house. I guess he knew what was going on and was sad too. Then again animals are good at pickin up people’s feelings so maybe he was just doing that. I don’t know.

After I buried her I went back into the house, and got a shower. The kids were already in bed and judging by the sobs coming from Mattie’s room I guess Buffy told them what happened. He’s old enough now to understand what death is, and he knows exactly what a rattlesnake bite can do. Anyway, after my shower I went into my room and put on a night shirt. It’s just a really baggy t-shirt that I’ve had for years. I didn’t even bother drying my hair off. I just got in bed and shut out my light. After a couple minutes Buffy came in and didn’t say anything. She just changed into her pajamas and got in bed. She tried talking to me, tried to get me to open up and show how bad I was hurting, but I wouldn’t. I just said: ‘that’s what happens when you live in a desert. No big deal.’ I felt like an asshole even as I said it.

It’s not like I’ve ever buried a dog before, and I’m not dealin with it well. At least B doesn’t think so. The thing that’s killin me though is the fact that next week I have an appointment with the vet to have Tucker put down. He’s so old and arthritic that his quality of life is almost zero, and it isn’t fair. I don’t know if I should put it off or not though. It doesn’t seem fair that he should suffer because we’re hurting. Ruby dying fucking sucks, and yeah it hurts really bad, but it’s different. We’ve had Tucker for eleven years. Eleven fucking years. He’s my first dog, all of the kids’ first dog, and putting him down is going to be like watching a family member die. I don’t know what to do, and it’s killin me trying to make a decision. I don’t wanna think about this anymore.

So like I was saying before I went all flashback on your ass, training the girls is proving to be very therapeutic. I’ve been holding back a little bit since they don’t have the experience that I do, but just sparring with ‘em like this is making me feel a little better. I thought I was gonna have some problems with Carmen not only ‘cause of that ‘don’t fuck with me’ vibe she’s had goin on since I met her, but because of her file. Apparently she doesn’t get along with any of her teachers, and she doesn’t play by the rules. I also thought that maybe I’d get some lip from Michaela, or Joy ‘cause they don’t take shit from anyone. Michaela and Carmen fight all the fuckin time and it’s getting on my nerves. Joy will jump in if she’s around, but the fights don’t last long and they never turn physical. Those three have been fine as far as I’m concerned.

Nope, it’s Shea that’s been a bitch about everything. She doesn’t want to do her school work, she doesn’t want to spar, and getting to her patrol is like pulling teeth. All she wants to fuckin do is sit up in her room and listen to music. Now I’ve met a lot of headstrong slayers in my time, and not all of ‘em wanted to spar, and do their work or whatever, but I’ve never met a slayer that doesn’t like patrolling. I even offered a private lesson. I said I’d take her out, just the two of us, and I would hang back and let her handle things by herself unless she needed the help, but she turned it down. She’s cocky too, and that’s a real problem for me. There’s just something about a cocky, arrogant, I-think-I’m-better-then-you slayer that I hate so much. Probably ‘cause that’s how I used to be and I know how wrong they are.

So it makes me feel really fuckin good every time I pin this little brat to the floor. We’ve been sparring for about an hour now, and I’ve pinned her four times. She just keeps getting more and more pissed off, but she’s not using it to her advantage. She keeps going in blind instead of using the rage as fuel. And the more pissed off she gets the more energy I have, and the better it feels when I beat her. To me the sparring isn’t just about winning or losing. I do want the girls to learn something because it could help them on patrol, but with her it’s about the winning, and wiping that smug look off her face. I get into a fighting stance and we start circling each other. We were talking before but after I pinned her for the fourth time we’ve been quiet. She wants to take me down, but it’s not gonna happen.

She lunges forward with a punch, kick combo that’s pretty fuckin hard to block but I block it. I grab her by the arm and twist. She follows with the rest of her body to avoid a dislocated shoulder and I punch her right above her kidney. She winces in pain and I let go. She stumbles forward and turns around. She looks pissed off and hurt, and it’s making me smile a little bit. We start circling again, and again I just wait. She’s pretty impatient so it won’t take her long to attack again. She comes flying at me again, only this time she lands a punch. I thought she was gonna go with a left, but she fuckin uppercut me with a right. I stumble, and can’t regain my balance fast enough and she takes advantage. She starts punching and kicking with a fury I’ve never seen before. She’s landing all sorts of blows and I can’t block most of them.

I’m on the mat, and she’s standing next to me. Whenever one person goes down you’re supposed to back off so they can get up, but now she made a big mistake. I’m not playin by the rules and she still hasn’t caught on. Before she has time to react I kick my foot out and knock her onto her ass. I roll and land on top of her. I start hitting her, and I’m screamin my fuckin head off. What the fuck is wrong with me?! Why didn’t I just close that fucking gate?! Am I so fucking lazy that I can’t just pull a gate closed and lock it?! That could’ve been one of my kids! Joey couldn’t wandered off ‘cause he likes sneaking out of the house when no one’s lookin. He could’ve gone down there and gotten bit! He could be fuckin dead right now and it’s all my fault!

“Faith!” I hear Lily scream, but I don’t look back. All I can see is Ruby’s dead body just lying there in the grass, those two little bite marks on her leg with some blood dripping down. She must’ve been in so much pain. Rattlesnake bites fuckin hurt, and there’s no way she had a peaceful death. That’s no fucking right! That’s no how it’s supposed to happen! I feel someone grab me, more then someone, I feel two sets of hands on me, and they’re dragging my ass off of Shea. I don’t fight them because what they’re doin snaps me back to reality. I look over at the girl on the mat and she’s bleeding but she’ll be fine. “Come on. Something’s bothering you and you’re not gonna spar anymore.” What gives her the right to fuckin boss me around? “You guys take Shea to the bathroom and help her get washed up. Then go to your rooms and do your homework. If you finished it already just watch TV or something.”

I feel her tug on my arm a little bit, and I follow her. I’m not gonna fight her on this ‘cause what’s the point? She’s right, I am fucked up right now and I shouldn’t be sparring with some fuckin high schoolers who were sent here because they’re having a hard time with the training. What the fuck is the matter with me? I follow Lily over to the elevator and we get in. She pushes the number five button and we’re quiet the whole ride up. I’m still kinda zoning out and it’s hard to pay attention to anything. Every time I blink I see my dog lying there in the grass not moving and this guilt hurts so fucking bad. She died slow and she was in pain, I would have to be psychotic not to feel guilty about that. And we were all inside when it was happening. All we had to do was look out the fucking window and we would’ve seen that the gate was open. I was the one who put the dogs out back in the first place. I should’ve checked to see if the gate was closed or not.

“You wanna tell me what’s wrong?” she says when we walk into her room. I try to walk over to the couch but Jasper, the stupid cat, keeps rubbing on my legs. I hate it when cats do that. I fight the urge to kick him and manage to get over to the recliner. I sit down and he jumps up in my lap. He starts purring and rubbing against my arms. Fucking bastard. Just go away! I don’t push him off of me though. I start petting him, and he calms down a little. He isn’t rubbing against me anymore. He just lies down and purrs like he’s the happiest cat in the world. He isn’t so bad. He was starting to become friends with Ruby. I usually just walked here from my house, and I’d bring her with me. It’s a kind of long ways to walk and this way I wouldn’t have to walk her when I got home. Guess I don’t have to worry about that anymore.

“My dog died last night,” I tell her and she tenses up. She hands me a beer and I take a long swig. “I put up a gate on our deck so the dogs couldn’t go out into the yard ‘cause this is the desert and you gotta watch out for snakes.” I look up at her and she nods her head a little bit. I guess she didn’t know that. I keep petting the cat and I’m starting to calm down a tiny bit. “I don’t know what the fuck is wrong with me. It’s just so stupid. I didn’t close the gate. I don’t even remember not doing it, you know? I did it whenever I walked back onto the deck so I don’t know why I forgot. But I did. And last night I put the dogs outside and she ran out into the yard. Probably just to go run around, or whatever. But when I went out there she was dead. Rattlesnake bit her on the leg.” I chug the beer until it’s gone, and I set the can down on the coffee table.

“I’m sorry, man. That really sucks,” she says and I just nod my head. We sit here and don’t say anything. Now that I told someone I feel a little better. I keep petting the cat, running my fingers through his long fur, and he just keeps purring. The sound is kind of soothing and now I get the appeal of having a cat. I’ve heard before that owning one can actually lower your blood pressure and all of that shit because just petting them and hearing the purr is a calming thing, but I never thought it actually worked. I watch as she gets up and walks towards the kitchen. Jasper jumps off my lap and starts rubbing against her legs just like he was doing to me. I ask her why he does that, and she sighs a little bit. “I don’t know. I think it does it to tell you he likes you, but who knows?” Hmm, that’s a weird way to tell someone you like them. But whatever. I’m not a cat so I guess it doesn’t matter.

JPOV

Day 2559 of my captivity:

My captor continues to taunt me with bizarre little dangling objects. She waves them in front of my face, and when I try to grab them from her she pulls them away, and smiles. It is frustrating to no end. Yesterday I managed to take one from her hand, and she laughed at me in a patronizing way. Being in this place with her is almost as bad as the last place. This one is a little larger with more places to hide and that makes coping easier. I’ve tried communicating with the cats on the outside but the windows are too thick, and we’re up too high off the ground for them to hear me. Tomorrow I’ll try sending out a message and I hope it makes it. I don’t know how much longer I can last.

She dines lavishly on fresh meat, while I am fed hash or some sort of dry nuggets. Although I make my contempt for the rations perfectly clear, I nevertheless must eat something in order to keep up my strength. The only thing that keeps me going is my dream of escape. In an attempt to disgust them, I once again vomit on the floor. This does nothing however, and I feel like my efforts are becoming futile. Suicide is a likely option. I’ve already attempted it once when I was younger by chewing on an electrical cord. My captor punished me by placing me in a small cage whenever she left. Being in that little box all day was far worst then my original sentence, and in an effort to avoid it I’ve stopped the suicide attempts.

Today I decapitated a mouse and dropped its headless body at her feet. I had hoped this would strike fear into her heart, since it clearly demonstrates what I am capable of. However, she merely made condescending comments about what a "good little hunter" I am. The audacity! I am starting to believe she is mentally retarded. There’s no other explanation for it. Does she not realize I could do the same to her at any given moment? Maybe hunting down a larger prey will show her the truth.

There was some sort of assembly of her accomplices tonight. I was placed in solitary confinement for the duration of the event. However, I could hear the noises and smell the food. I overheard that my confinement was due to the power of "allergies." I must learn what this means, and how to use it to my advantage. Today I was almost successful in an attempt to assassinate one of my tormentor’s accomplices today by weaving around her feet as she was walking. I must try this again tomorrow -- but at the top of the stairs.

I am convinced that the other prisoner is a flunky. The dog of the accomplice receives special privileges. She is regularly released - and seems to be more than willing to return. She is obviously retarded! I’ve tried befriending her in an attempt to gain her trust. My plan is to have her distract the captor and anyone else who happens to be around while I make my escape. They’ve obviously caught on to my plan for the accomplice left her behind. As long as I remain unable to open the door myself I must let my captor live. She will remain safe……..for now.

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