Five Days Later. BPOV
I’m sitting in the hotel room. It’s only three in the morning. It’s still pitch black outside. Everyone is still asleep, except for me obviously. I woke up a couple of hours ago and couldn’t get back to sleep. So I snuck out of bed without waking Faith up, and sat down in the chair by the window and I’ve been here ever since. I’ve been thinking about a lot of things, a little about Dawn and whether or not she’s going to move to Nevada to be closer to us. She still hasn’t made up her mind, and I told her I can stay as long as she needs me, but I don’t think I would be able to stay more then a month. I’d miss my family too much, ya know? And she understands, so she’s going to try and make up her mind soon. She wants to talk to Kyle before she makes any decisions. Seems kind of pointless if you ask me. He made it clear that he doesn’t want anything to do with them. But she loves him so she has to try.
I’ve been thinking a lot about Faith, or more specifically my relationship with Faith. It’s starting to crumble, we’ve all seen this. You’ve been witness to some of the fights that we’ve had. And I know better then anyone that relationships aren’t all good all the time, people do fight, but they make up afterwards. But we don’t make up afterwards. We fight, and we tolerate each other, and then we fight some more. But an apology is never said, an apologetic glance is never given. It’s like we both just want to forget the fight ever happened, but the tension is still there. It’s starting to get to me, as you could imagine.
It’s not just the fights. It’s also everything else. We don’t spend any time together anymore. Everything is done separately and we don’t even tell each other about our day. She comes home from school, and does her own thing for a while. I take care of the kids while she makes dinner, and afterwards we spend a little time together watching T.V. with the kids, but we don’t even cuddle during that time anymore. And when we’re in bed we don’t talk, we just say goodnight and go to sleep. It’s like we’re too completely different people now. What happened to the frisky-Faith that would always try to feel me up when she knew I was still awake? And what happened to passionate-Buffy who wanted to make love almost every night of the week? What happened to the Faith and the Buffy that liked spending time together and would go out of their ways to make sure that their partner is ok? What happened to my wife?
Even though I’m trying like hell to hold it back a little sob manages to escape my throat. I’ve been fighting back the tears for a while but they’re winning the war. I’m just trying to hold it all in because I know if I start crying now I might not be able to stop, and I don’t want anyone to see me like this. Yes I still have issues showing people what I’m really feeling on the inside. And it really is a slayer thing. It wasn’t just me being standoffish. It’s like a defense mechanism or something. I haven’t met a slayer yet who is comfortable with showing their true emotions when they’re upset. They try to hold it all in. There are some girls who have learned to overcome the urge to bottle it all in, but I’m not one of them.
“Baby?” I hear Faith ask from the bed. Her voice is really raspy from sleep and she still sounds a little out of it. I glance at her through the corner of my eye and watch as she rolls over in the bed and looks around until she spots me by the window. She looks over at the little nightstand by the bed and then yawns really wide. “Babe it’s only three-thirty come back to bed.” I don’t want to go back to bed yet. I want to tell her that I’m not tired, but if I try to talk I’ll start sobbing and I really don’t want to do that. “Buffy, what’s wrong?” She gets out of bed and slowly walks towards me. She shivers a little as the cool air from the room touches her warm skin. I know it’s warm because I was pressed up against her before I got out of bed a little while ago. Before I got lost in my depressive thinking.
She stands next to me and puts a hand on my shoulder. I don’t look up at her. Instead I gently rub my cheek against the back of her hand and then she feels the tears that have leaked out. She slowly pulls her hand away and kneels down in front of me. She’s worried, I can see it all over her face. But I can’t talk to her about all this. Not right now, it’s just not a good time. I’ll get too emotional and the kids will wake up. And I have to be at the hospital in a few hours to see Dawn, and if I start getting upset now I don’t know if I’ll be able to pull myself together to be what my little sister needs. I know I’m fighting the inevitable. I just hate losing and I don’t want to lose to this. I know I’m going to break down pretty soon. It’s just a matter of time. She asks me again what’s wrong and I know I have to answer her. She holds onto my hands and I look into her eyes. My vision is blurry because of the tears.
“I miss you.” There. Plain and simple. That’s what’s wrong with me. I miss my wife. She’s more then that though. She’s my best friend, my lover, my partner in slaying, the person who has my back in every situation. She’s my everything, and I miss her. She gives me a strange look, like I’m not making sense or something. She gets a little more comfortable on the floor and the grip on my hands becomes a little firmer. I gently pull one away though, so I can wipe the tears away from my eyes.
“Babe, I’m right here. You have me, I’m right here.” I sniffle really loudly and wipe my eyes again. I shake my head a little bit and she gets a confused look on her face. I really want to explain to her what I’m feeling. I want to open up to her and tell her everything that’s going through my mind, but at the same time I don’t want to open my mouth because I’m afraid that I’ll completely come apart. But I have to risk it because I want my everything back. I want us to go back to the way we used to be before the distance separated us. I take a couple of deep breaths to calm down a little and I don’t talk until I know for sure I’m not going to start sobbing as soon as I open my mouth.
“But I don’t have you,” my voice cracks a little and it takes everything I’ve got to keep myself from openly sobbing. “We’ve been so distant lately, even when we’re in the same place we’re far apart from each other. We don’t talk, we don’t spend any time together, and I can’t even remember the last time we made love.” She looks away from me for a couple of seconds as my words sink in, but she looks right back at me with a very intense look in her dark brown eyes. It calms me down, and gives me a feeling like I finally know she’s paying attention now. That she knows about the problems we’ve been having and she’s willing to address them instead of just ignoring them. “I miss you, Faith. I just want you back.” She nods her head a little bit and gives the back of my hand a little kiss.
“Everything has been scattered, I’ve been busy with school and all that shit, but B I was always right here. All you needed to do was tell me there was a problem.” Is she honestly telling me she didn’t think there was a problem? There have been problems. We argue a lot, we haven’t been getting along, and we haven’t been intimate with each other. I bite back my anger and try to remain calm. This cannot turn into an argument. I won’t let it. We have to have a civil conversation about this otherwise nothing will be resolved.
“Faith all we’ve been doing for the last couple of weeks is argue. And we never try to make up, we just try to forget about the fights.” She’s getting a little irritated now so I should probably use a softer tone of voice. “I’m not trying to say that the fights are your fault. They’re nobody’s fault, they’ve just been happening. We’ve been too distant from each other. We stopped communicating and because of it we’re not getting along. Please don’t get mad. I just want us to be like we were before. We used to tell each other everything. What happened to that?” I start to get a little overwhelmed at just the thought about what I’m going to say next. My eyes water up really bad again and my voice cracks really bad because of the lump in my throat. I just hope I can get this out. “And I’m afraid that if we don’t fix this it’ll be too late. And I don’t want to lose you. I don’t want to end up divorced and lonely.”
She leans up and wraps her arms around me and holds me close to her. I can’t hold it in anymore and I start sobbing very loudly into her neck. This has been building up for a while now and I just need to get it all out. She lifts me up and manipulates our bodies so she’s sitting in the chair and I’m on her lap, with my face still buried in her neck. My sobbing is getting a little louder, but I don’t care. I know I should try to calm down but I can’t. I’ve been holding all of this in for so long. And Faith is doing what she can to comfort me. She’s rubbing my back, and stroking my hair, and whispering to me. I’m not really paying attention to what she’s saying, but the sound of her voice is comforting.
It takes a while but I’m finally able to calm down. I still haven’t loosened my death grip from Faith and I don’t want to. I want to stay in her arms because it’s where I feel safe. But I guess she has other plans since she’s whispering for me to get up. I’m reluctant because I finally got her back but if she doesn’t want me sitting on her there’s not much I can do about it. I stand up and she surprises me a little by picking me up and carries me over to the bed. She gently sets me down and covers me up and then gives me a little kiss on the tip of my very red nose. She goes into the bathroom and comes back out with some toilet paper. I use it to blow my nose and she even throws that away from me. When she’s all done pampering me so crawls under the covers and holds me very close to her.
“I’m not going anywhere,” she whispers and holds onto my hand. She toys with my wedding rings a little and then she looks into my eyes. “Our vows said until death do a us part, so the only way you’re getting rid of me any time soon is if you kill me. And hey, it didn’t work the last time you tried.” I try not to laugh because that’s a horrible thing to say but I can’t help it. The mischievous tone mixed with the playful look in her eyes is too much for me to keep a straight face. I think it says a lot about our relationship that we can look back at that awful time and laugh about it. Should we be laughing about it? Probably not. She tried to kill almost everyone I care about and I tried to kill her and feed her to my ex-boyfriend, but we’re laughing about it so oh well.
“We’re just in a little rut,” she says and the look in her eyes changes. I know that look all too well. “We’ll get over it.” She starts feeling me up, running her hand up and down my side while the other leaves my hand and moves to my all too eager breast. She starts kissing my neck and I take in a deep breath and hold it for a few seconds. I’m getting wet with the anticipation of what we’re going to do. I groan in frustration and a little anger when we hear knocking at the front door. “We just won’t get over it tonight.” What a smart ass. I give her a little glare, and then a soft kiss on the lips before I get up and leave to answer the door. It’s way too early for this to be personal, which means there’s trouble afoot. Sometimes being a slayer really, really sucks.
FPOV
So this morning when me and B were about to have sex and someone was knocking at the door, it wasn’t a personal issue like I thought it was gonna be. I thought Willow and Sky had gotten into a fight or something or realized they aren’t good together and Willow wanted to shack up with us until Giles got her another room. But that’s not what happened. It was Red at the door, but she was just informing us that there was something on the early morning news about some people being killed last night, only they weren’t just killed they were ripped apart. And Red did the mojo thing and even though she doesn’t know where it is, she knows that there’s a big evil lurkin somewhere here in Redding.
Tonight me and B are gonna patrol and kill this thing before it can hurt anyone else. Red said it isn’t a vampire, and besides there were no bite marks on the bodies. But I don’t gotta think about that stuff until tonight. Right now B’s at the hospital with Dawn and I’m at the airport waiting to pick up Xander. I guess he took a trip to New York with Katie, just a little vacation and Giles just got a hold of him last night. His flight should be here any minute. Only what really sucks about being here right now is that everyone is at the hospital visiting Dawn so no one could watch the kids, which means they’re right here with me. They’re getting bored, and when my kids get bored they get a little rowdy.
Thank God the flight from New York just landed. We should be out of here soon. What the fuck am I thinking? We’re going to be here for another hour at least. They probably have so much luggage ‘cause both Xander and Katie pack way too much shit. They were only going to be gone for a week, that’s two bags tops. You don’t need much when you’re traveling, people have kind of lost that way of thinking. I guess it’s because I never had a lot growin up. When I finally took off from Boston to find my dad and ended up in Sunnydale lookin for B, I didn’t have much. A bag and some clothes and a knife, but that’s it.
I watch as all the people start to walk into the terminal from the plane. I just hope this doesn’t take a long time. I want to get back to the hotel and rest up for tonight. B hasn’t been slaying in a long fuckin time and I’m gonna have to keep an eye on her. I’m gonna have to pull more of my weight ‘cause she’ll probably be a little rusty and I don’t want her getting hurt. And there’s nothing anyone can say that’ll make her stay at the hotel. No, she’s going so I might as well try to enjoy it. I miss slaying with her. That’s one thing that we both love doing together. And we are pretty competitive people so sometimes we turn it into a competition. But mostly we just look for the vamps and talk and exchange playful banter. Most of the time we end up making out against a tree or something and then we go home and have some hot post-slaying sex. God I miss that so much.
“Mama, who’s that?” Mattie asks and it pulls me back to reality. I look down at him and he’s staring towards the wall. I follow his gaze and there are fifteen people sitting in the plastic chairs against the wall. I don’t recognize anyone so I’m clueless. I ask him who he’s talking about and he looks up at me and then back towards the wall. “The guy in the black hat. He keeps looking at us. Who is he?” I spot the guy in the black hat and he isn’t lookin at us, probably ‘cause we’re lookin at him. He does seem a little familiar, and for some reason I’m thinkin it’s a bad thing. I run my hand through is hair a little and look away from the guy.
“I don’t know who he is, just ignore him.” Probably just someone checkin me out or something. Mattie notices that a lot now when we go places, and I really wish he wouldn’t. But he isn’t dumb so he sees it, and it makes him a little mad. He’s so overprotective of us. I think it’s ‘cause he’s the only guy in the house. He’s been spending a lot of time with my dad ever since he moved to Nevada, and it’s a good thing ‘cause he’s teaching my boy all about being a boy. So Mattie is just being protective of his girls. I’m proud but worried at the same time ‘cause I know if someone steps to me and tries to talk Mattie won’t just stand there and keep his mouth shut. One day he might try to protect us against the wrong person and get hurt, and depending on what it is I might have to kill it. If it’s a vamp it’ll be dust faster then the blink of an eye, but if it’s a person who touches my boy in a bad way I’ll have to knock ‘em out.
But enough about all that shit. I don’t need to be thinkin about bad stuff like that. It’ll just put me in a bad mood. I look towards the gate and keep a look out for Xander but I still don’t see him. Maybe he got hung up in traffic or something. New York is a bitch when it comes to getting somewhere on time. I remember it would take forever to drive there from Boston. I get a ride with some of my friends and we’d all drive down there for a concert or a rockin party. Aw, good times, gooood times. The last time I was there though, it was for a mission, some demon needed to be killed, and it was a bitch trying to drive to the hotel. I almost just parked the car in the road and walked the rest of the way. So maybe Xander missed the flight and I’m standing here for no damn reason.
I take my cell phone outta my jacket pocket and try calling Giles. It automatically goes to his voice mail so he’s still at the hospital. I try calling Xander but it just rings and rings and rings until it goes to his voice mail. What the fuck is it with people and not answering their phones? What’s the point of getting one if you’re not going to answer? I’m just pissed because I’ve been waiting here for what feels like an eternity and I really wanna fuckin leave. I’m hungry as hell and I want to get somethin to eat. Since the kids are so bummed about not getting to see their new little cousins yet I’m gonna take ‘em out for Chinese since they love it so much. But no we have to wait here forever instead. I think all airports are in some strange dimension where time moves slower. ‘Cause it fuckin seems like it.
“When’s uncle Xander gonna get here? I’m bored,” Addy whines and shifts from foot to foot. I tell her I don’t know and she sighs and leans against me. She’s getting really bored and when she’s really bored she gets a little out of control. I glance over at that guy when I get the feeling someone’s watching me and sure enough he is. He’s trying to be a little discreet about it. He’s looking over the newspaper that’s in his hand, and the only reason I know he’s looking at me and not the paper is because we just locked eyes. Damn this motherfucker looks familiar. I just can’t place him. Where did I meet him? The thing that’s stickin out to me the most is the scar on his forehead.
I look away after a few seconds ‘cause I don’t wanna seem rude or anything, but mostly because I want to keep an eye out for Xander if he ever shows up. People are still un-boarding the plane so it’s possible that he’s still on there. And it’s only been a couple of minutes since the plane got here, it just seems a lot longer because of the whole evil dimension thing. I kinda feel like I’m the one who’s stuck in time and everyone around me is moving at the normal pace and I just can’t seem to get there. Is that strange? ‘Cause I’m thinking maybe. I look down when I hear Mattie yell. Addy’s bored so she’s taking it out on him. I am in no mood to put up with this shit. I reach down and pick her up and prop her on my hip. She protests a little bit but stops after a few seconds.
I think everything with B is gonna be ok now. I mean, she got all that shit off her chest and yeah we need to talk a little more. I need to make her understand that everything is going to be ok. I don’t think I do that enough. I really don’t think I tell her I love her as much as I should, and I think it gets to her every once in a while. She knows that I love her, and I know she loves me but it’s still nice to hear it every once in a while. I think I’m gonna really make this one up to her though. I have plenty of cash on me to get her something nice, so I think I will. It’s one thing to say I love you, it’s another thing to say I love you then give her diamond earrings. I think she’ll love the second one better. My cell phone starts ringing and I almost drop Addy trying to get it out of my pocket.
“Hello?” I ask with a little irritation in my voice. It’s Giles on the other line. “How’s Brat and her rugrats doin?” He says that the rugrats are doin fine, but Dawn seems a little out of it. And she’s gonna be a little out of it for a while. Having a baby for the first time tends to mess you up a little ‘cause it is a traumatic experience for your body and all that. Top that off with the fact that Kyle left her and she isn’t gonna be right for a long time. B told me about the proposition she made to Dawn about her moving in the house a little down the street from us, and I think it’s a great idea. She’s going to need all the help she can get. And that house is fuckin nice, way better then ours. Then Giles tells me some news that I don’t really want to hear. He tells me that Xander’s flight was changed at the last second because of bad weather and he’s in San Diego right now. So I say bye to Giles and hang up the phone.
“Faith?” I whip my head around at the sound of my name. The guy with the black hat isn’t sitting down anymore. No, he’s standing about three feet away from me, which is a little too since I have my kids with me. I put a hand on Mattie’s shoulder and he backs up a little bit. The guy smiles and shakes his head a little. “You don’t recognize me, do you?” I tell him no and he laughs a little bit and takes the hate off. He has a full head of sandy brown hair and this is getting even more confusing. I’m surprised the kids are being dead quiet. Normally they’d be asking a million questions by now. “It’s Little John, remember? Used to hang out with you guys ‘til I got locked up in juvie for pickin pockets.” And it all comes back to me. The memories of our whole group hanging out together in South Boston, and then makin our way to the richer side of the city and walkin the sidewalks and seein how many people we could rob without them knowing. Aw good times, gooood times.
“Little John?” I ask and he nods his head and smiles a little wider. I move Addy to my other hip so I can hold out my right hand and shake hands with Little John. There were about six of us in the group and he was one of the oldest but he was the smallest, even smaller then me and the other girl, Shannon. He got locked up for a month or two, he got out about three weeks before everyone sort of cut me off. I still don’t know what the fuck happened, but after I slept with Billy and he blew me off it’s like the whole group just decided not to hang out with me anymore. He looks both my kids up and down and gets another smile on his face.
“You had some kids after all, huh?” Then he looks at Mattie again. “Damn, how old were you when you got knocked up?” Ok, a little bit of confusion going on here. I never talked about having kids, ever. I never really wanted to have kids. Figured I screw ‘em up the way my mom screwed me up. “Little-man is about, what? Eleven, twelve?” Mattie’s still only nine, his birthday isn’t until next month, he just looks older. We think it’s a slayer thing, that he’s developing faster because of his powers, but I don’t want to get into any of that right now. I give John a questioning look and shift Addy around a little.
“Nah man, had my first when I was twenty-nine.” Technically I did have her when I was twenty-nine. I turned thirty about two months after so it doesn’t count. John gives me this look like I’m on crack or something. Thing with Little John is he always had a short temper. I hope he’s outgrown that ‘cause he used to get mad fuckin quick and I don’t want my kids seein one of his fits. Mostly ‘cause I’ll have to put him in his place for mouthin off to me. See in the group me and Billy were kind of the unofficial leaders. If you talked shit to us you got beat down, so Little John got beat up a lot.
“Bullshit, Faith. Unless this kid is your cousin or something. This guy looks just like your old man.” I’ve known John since I was five, and he lived down the street from me since I was six, so he knows what my dad looks like. And Mattie does look just like my dad. I just smile a little and shake my head. I put Addy down since I don’t wanna hold her anymore and she instantly holds onto Mattie’s hand. My kids are friendly but she’s a little more cautious then Mattie is. Especially around men she doesn’t know.
“Look, we were just leavin to go out for some lunch. If you’re not busy you can tag along and I’ll explain some things to you.” Like me being a slayer and all of my kids being created because of magic. He gives me a weird look but agrees. I hold onto Mattie’s hand and we walk out of the airport. He might not believe me at first but I’ll take him out to a cemetery if I have to. He was always kinda out there with is thinking, had a pretty weird imagination so he’ll probably believe me after a while. I just hope B doesn’t call while I’m havin lunch with him ‘cause she’s definitely the jealous type.
BPOV
I’ve been here at the hospital since nine this morning. Faith said she’d watch the kids since everyone else wanted to come too. She also said she’d pick Xander up from the airport but I guess that isn’t going to happen anymore since his flight got rerouted or whatever. Giles left a little while ago because he wanted to call in at the school and make sure that nobody died and everything else is going ok. Willow and Sky are still here though. I’m glad Willow’s here, Dawn is like family to her and Dawnie needs as much support as she can get right now. But the fact that Sky is here is kind of bugging me. This is a family issue and as far as I’m concerned Sky isn’t family. I’ve never even met her before. But I guess she and Willow are dating now, or might start dating, I’m still not sure, and I don’t want to be rude by asking her to leave. And Dawn doesn’t seem to mind, but she doesn’t really seem to care about anything.
I’ve been here since nine, it’s now two in the afternoon and my sister hasn’t said a word to anyone. She acknowledged us when we walked in, waved and smiled a little but that’s it. I asked her how she’s doing and she shrugged, I asked her how the babies are doing and she hesitated for a few seconds before she shrugged. It’s like she doesn’t care. The babies have been in here for a while now and she hasn’t touched them, hasn’t talked to them or looked at them. She doesn’t even want to feed them. If you ask me she’s starting to resent her children. I think she’s blaming them for everything that happened with Kyle. If you want my honest opinion I don’t think it’s safe to leave her alone with Nick and Alex. I’m not saying that she’s going to do something to hurt them, but she might neglect them, and they could starve or something, especially if she has postpartum. You all remember how insane I got when I was postpartum, well add that with depression over your fiancé leaving you and that could be very dangerous for my little nephews.
I look over at Willow and she’s motioning me to follow her. I look over at Dawn and she’s starting to fall asleep. I give her a little kiss on her temple and carefully get out of the bed. I follow Willow and Sky out to the hall and they’re making me a little nervous. Well, mostly Sky since she’s acting a little nervous. And a nervous slayer is a dangerous slayer if you ask me. But I guess she’s nervous because she doesn’t like hospitals and I don’t blame her. Being here for this long is starting to get to me a little bit. I’ll be happy when Dawn and the twins are released and I can take them home with me and take care of all three of them. Ok, so I’m overprotective and mothering, so what?
“Buff, we’re going to head back to the hotel and do a couple of spells to try and find Kyle. I think maybe if I can get a hold of him and talk to him a little bit maybe he’ll come down here and see her. Maybe it’ll cheer her up a little bit.” But if he comes here to see her and doesn’t want to get back together it could do more damage then good. Willow is smart enough to know that, and she won’t bring him here unless she knows he won’t break Dawn’s heart even more. Or get his heart broken even more. He really did love Dawn, and for him to find out that his fiancé not only cheated on them, but that their children aren’t really his...it must’ve been brutal finding that out, and it’s probably still brutal trying to deal with it.
“Ok. I think Dawn should be left alone for a while. I appreciate you guys coming out here, but it might be a little too much,” I tell them and Willow gives me an understanding nod. I give my best friend a hug and she hugs me back. “I’m going to need some ‘Willow time’ when I get back to the hotel. Are you two going to be busy?” I ask and make sure that voice sound a little naughty so she knows exactly what I mean by ‘busy’. She pulls back from the hug and gives me an embarrassed smile and she blushes a little. Then she glances over at Sky with a devilish smile and gives my arm a little squeeze.
“Don’t worry about it. Tonight we can leave Sky with Faith and the kids, and you and me can have a slumber party in my room. We can watch some horrible B list movies, eat raw cookie dough and talk about girls.” I smile and roll my eyes a little bit. We exchange goodbyes and they leave. I watch them walk down the hall and sigh when they get on the elevator and out of sight. What am I supposed to say to Dawn? How am I supposed to make this easier for her? I mean, I can help her with the twins, that’s no problem. But how do I help her move on from Kyle? Sure I’ve screwed up some relationships and gotten my heart broken in some big ways, but never like this. And I know that if Faith and I ever split after being together for this long...my only purpose in life would be taking care of my kids. And I’m seriously thinking that she’s blaming the babies for what happened. So taking care of them isn’t going to help.
I go back into the room and she’s awake again. She’s been drifting off and on for a while now. It’s like she can’t get to sleep even though her body wants to. She’s lying on her side, facing away from Nick and Alex, staring straight ahead, and not moving a muscle, not making a sound. I wonder what she’s thinking. What is going through that head of hers? Is she really blaming her children for what happened or am I completely wrong about that? I mean, she held them and talked to them a little the first night I got here when Faith woke Alex up. But I guess she hasn’t held them since. Hasn’t wanted anything to do with them after that night. It might be too much for her right now. Maybe after a little while she’ll be able to deal with it a little more and get more involved and stop having the nurses do everything. I mean, she’s getting released in two days, and if she leaves in the state she’s in I really don’t think the boys should be left alone with her. I honestly don’t.
“Willow and Sky left?” Dawn asks and rolls over onto her back. She adjusts the bed so she’s sitting up a little bit. I tell her yeah and she looks a little relieved. I don’t really know why but she looks it and all I can do is keep my mouth shut because I don’t want to upset her. But eventually I’m going to start asking questions because I’m Buffy, I never just don’t ask questions. I sit down next to her and I’m not too sure what to do. This is the first time I’ve ever tired comforting my sister and I’ve had no idea what to do. And I think she’s picking up on that because she’s getting tense. She hasn’t been tense all day. She’s been...almost catatonic, but not tense. She starts to talk and she isn’t looking at me, she’s just staring at the ceiling and the sound of her voice...she sounds so lost.
“I know that everyone is just trying to help so I’m sorry for shutting you out,” I go to say something but she just keeps talking. “But there’s nothing you can do to help. Kyle left, and my babies were born so now I’m completely empty. I’m this empty shell of who I used to be, and I keep trying to figure out to go back to the way I was before, but I don’t know how to do that. And there’s all this pressure because everyone is just sitting around and waiting for me to say something, or move or cry some more, and I can’t make myself do anything. I can’t do anything but try and figure out the person I’ve become.” Then her voice gets really low, to a very soft whisper. “I don’t know who this person is.” I have tears in my eyes and I’m trying to force them back. But she keeps going and it becomes impossible. “Where’s Kyle? Why am I alone?” Her voice cracked on ‘alone’ and now I’m sobbing quietly as her eyes continue to look empty.
“Dawnie, you’re not alone,” I whisper because if I talk any louder my voice will crack and I’ll start outwardly sobbing. I wrap my arms around her and she just sits there. It’s almost like she doesn’t know I’m here or something. But then she starts to respond. She leans against me, but not too much because she can’t really move all that well with me practically strangling her. She starts to cry. It’s very soft at first, just a few tears here and there, but it grows. It grows until she’s sobbing so hard it’s the only sound I can hear. I’m able to control myself and to make my crying stop because I need to be strong for her. She really needs me right now and she’s going to need me for a while. I’m going to do everything I can to help her but I don’t know if it’s going to be enough. I don’t know if there’s anything I can do to make this better, and that thought is really scaring me right now. But I have to ignore it. I have to push my insecurities aside, because right now my sister needs me.
I don’t know how much time has passed but Dawn cried herself to sleep…maybe an hour ago? And a nurse came and took the babies back to the nursery not long after that. Now I’m lying in this room, listening to all of the sounds outside of that door and holding my sister in my arms and trying to think of a way I can make this a little better. It’s pointless because I can’t. The only thing that’s going to make her feel better is time. Lots and lots of time. I hope that everything works out for the best. Hopefully Kyle will come back and they can work things out and they become a family like they were supposed to. But I really don’t think that’s going to happen. I mean, she cheated on him and lied about it. Not only that but she let him believe that the babies she was carrying were his. She let him think that he was going to be a father, and that’s beyond cruel. He waned to be a father more then anything and she took that away from him. I can’t even imagine what he’s going through right now.
I’m going to be here for Dawn, and I’m going to support her, but I can’t pretend that I’m not mad at her a little for what she did. Ok, so not just a little mad. I am upset with her, but I can’t let that show. And I’m not just mad at her, I’m mad at Michael too. They’re both to blame, her a little more then him because she could have said no, but she didn’t. I’m mad at Michael because Dawn told him that she is…I mean, was in a relationship and he still slept with her. Don’t get me wrong I think he does deserve to know that these babies are his. I think he deserves to be a part of their lives and help take care of them. I think he should have the chance to be a dad and not just a sperm donor. But ultimately it’s Dawn’s decision, and if she doesn’t want him in their lives then I can’t go against her and tell Michael about them.
All I can do is help her any way I can and hope for the best. But I really don’t think it’s going to be enough. I mean, she can move close to us and I can help her take care of the boys. If she’s too proud to ask Giles for money I can do that for her, if she needs some financial help. I can hold her when she cries, and be take care of the housework when things get overwhelming, but there’s only so much I can do. I can be there for her in many different ways but it’s just not the same as having your fiancé helping you. She loves Kyle with everything she is and now that’s gone. I don’t know if she’s going to be ok, and that scares me. I don’t know if she’s going to be able to move on if Kyle doesn’t want to reconcile. I just don’t know, and I hate not knowing, especially when it comes to my family.
FPOV
“So this old friend of yours comes back and you what, tell him every last detail about our lives?” B asks and looks around at our surroundings a little more. The sun went down about half an hour ago and now we’re patrolling. We still need to find that demon that’s been rippin people apart. I just got done tellin her about my talk with Little John and she’s not too happy about it, but you probably already guessed that. I didn’t tell him every last detail about our fuckin lives. I just told him about slayers and all that shit, and how all the kids were made by magic. I didn’t tell him about Mattie being an accident ‘cause my boy was right there and I don’t want him to know that. He was an accident but he was the best damn thing that’s ever happened to me, and I don’t regret anything about him. But still, if he finds out that we didn’t plan on having him and we freaked out when we found out B was pregnant that could fuck him up for life.
“I didn’t tell him every last detail of our lives, I just told him about us being slayers and how Willow summoned all the other slayers and the kids were made by magic and they’re slayers too. What’s the worst he can do, run to the cops and tell ‘em what I said? They’ll just think he’s fuckin crazy.” I have to try and keep my voice down because we are tracking a demon and we don’t want it to know that we’re out here. We might scare it off or something. That would fuckin suck ‘cause I haven’t had a good slay in a while and I get really worked up if I don’t get a good slay in every once in a while. And it’s not like B’s gonna put out with the kids in the next room and the door that joins our rooms is open.
“Or they could believe him and think that we’re crazy and take the kids away from us.” Wow, I never thought about that before. “I’ve dealt with social services before, Faith, they take that kind of stuff serious. If they think there’s something mentally wrong with us they’ll take them away.” She sounds really freaked out, but she needs to calm her ass down. All that shit isn’t gonna happen. Johnny boy has always been afraid of me, and now is no fuckin different, especially now that he knows what I am.
“B, they’re not going to do any of that shit. They’ll take one look at his record and think that he’s lying. He’s been in and out of rehab since he was seventeen, they’ll just think he was on drugs or something. No one is going to take them from us, you got that?” I stop walking and grab her by the arm and turn her so she’s facing me. I can tell she’s still freaking out and she doesn’t want to believe me. “Buffy, no one is going to take them from us, I won’t let them.” I look her dead in the eyes and she sees how serious I am. I can see some of the wheels in her mind slow down a little.
“I know you won’t. I’m just worried. Lets keep looking for this demon. I want to run by Dawn’s and get everything set up. She gets to go home tomorrow.” Yeah I heard about that. We’re all pretty worried about it ‘cause Dawn hasn’t shown much interest in her kids. No one thinks she should be left alone with them. She’s grieving and her hormones are all fucked up from giving birth, so she might hurt them and no even realize it. But what is really freaking B out is that Dawn might just ignore them, let them cry and cry they’ll probably starve to death. So we’re all going to be pitching in, two at a time. B and Red are taking the first shift, then Xander and Giles, then me and Sky. Oh the joy.
It’s not that I don’t like Sky, I just don’t know her. And I don’t want to have to make nice with her just because she’s fucking Red. Ok, so there might be more going on, I’ve seen the looks that they give each other. But I don’t want to have to be nice to her just because she’s with Willow. But oh well. She’s willing to help take care of the twins and she doesn’t even know us so that gives her some brownie points, and Red does seem happier now that they’ve gotten together, so that’s a couple more points. So that gives her what, seven? Two for each kid and then three for making Red happy. Lets just hope she doesn’t lose any when we babysit together. Wait...what the fuck am I talking about? I really need a vacation away from family life. Talking about brownie points and all that shit. I never used to do that before.
God, is she still bitching at me? I haven’t been paying any attention to her since we started walking again. I guess she got over the sorry bit ‘cause she sounds pissed again. Wait...she isn’t bitching about me talkin to John, she’s bitching about the whole Dawn-Kyle-Michael situation. She’s been very supportive of Dawn, and she’s going to be for the rest of her life, but she’s pissed that Dawn cheated on Kyle. Kyle was one of the best things to ever happen to Dawn, he loved her with everything he had, and she fucked it up by sleeping with the guy she dated in high school. But this whole situation is like a double edge sword, on the one side we’re pissed because she cheated, and on the other side we’re a little glad because if she didn’t cheat then she wouldn’t have had those adorable little babies, and we feel guilty that we’re happy about it. See, double edge, both sides hurt.
“Shh, did you hear that?” I ask and Buffy instantly shuts up. We both freeze in place, and my ears are straining to hear more of the sound. Then I hear it, it sounds like bones breaking, or something. We slowly ease forward. I don’t have to look at her to know exactly where she is thanks to our slayer connection. When we turn the corner we see it. A big, gray demon that’s about six feet tall, and he’s eating some guy on a park bench. I can hear the bones being crunched and munched from the chewing of that huge, strong lookin jaw. This is going to be so much fun, and no I’m not being sarcastic. “Think we can take it B?” My adrenaline is already starting to pump and I’m starting to get tunnel vision. This is what it’s like when I slay, I see the demon and nothing else but the demon, and everything else just fades away. I’ve gotten a lot better over the years with the training with Giles and Buffy and all that, but still the want to just let my surroundings fade away is sometimes overwhelming.
“Yeah,” she says but she’s not really paying attention. She’s going into ‘predator mode’, so talking to her is gonna be like talking to a wall. Well, I guess that’s normal. We keep stalking this thing and it keeps eating that person. I can’t even tell if it was a man or a woman. Guess it doesn’t matter now. We try to go undetected but it doesn’t really work out. As soon as we get within twenty feet of the thing it turns around and I almost scream that’s how fuckin scary this thing is. And this is me we’re talking about. I’ve seen plenty of scary shit in my life, but this motherfucker is fuckin scary. Its teeth aren’t very big, but it’s jaw looks so powerful that I don’t want to go near it. But at the same time I want to fuckin rip that jaw off and mount it on the living room wall. He locks eyes with me, his are green and glowing bright and it’s fuckin creepy.
I twirl my sword around, ‘cause come on that looks totally badass. But all it does is piss this demon thing off. He takes a couple of steps towards us and Buffy tenses up a little. She isn’t scared or anything, she’s just trying to prepare herself for the fight. We’ve been slaying together for so long and we’re so in tune that I know what she’s going to do before she does it, and vise versa. It used to be a little weird but it’s all good now ‘cause I don’t have to worry about her as much ‘cause I know what she’s going to do. If I know she’s going to do something that’s a little too risky I’ll make sure to do something that’ll fuck up the whole plan ‘cause I don’t want her getting hurt. I don’t know why she can’t feel me when I’m about to do something like that. I guess I subconsciously block her out so she can’t feel our connection.
The demon still has its eyes on me, and it charges. All rational though leaves me all at once. All I can think about is killing it before it kills me. I don’t know how yet, but decapitation usually works with amazing results.
The demon starts running at me so I charge at him. No way in hell I’m about to back down. I lift my sword off to the side so I can try to slice his ribs ‘cause there’s no way this thing is going down in just one hit. We’ll have to injury him pretty bad before we take him down, that’s how it usually works with big boys like these. When we get closer I realize a couple of things. One that this guy is way taller then six feet. He looked only about six feet from pretty far back, change six to about ten and that’s how tall this guy is. Another thing that I saw on my run up to him is that yes this is a very big boy. What? I’m naturally curious I can’t help but look. His skin looks a lot thicker then I thought it was going to be.
I try to stab him in the stomach and the tip of my sword breaks off. Fuck! I really liked this sword. It was one of my favorites. Ok, Faith, you have bigger things to worry about then your sword, the one that Buffy got you for Christmas a couple of years ago. Before I have time to react this thing grabs me by the neck and squeezes. Alright, breathing is becoming a huge problem. I feel my feet being lifted off the ground and I stay limp. The demon brings me closer to his face and the only thing I can think about right now is how much this is going to hurt. Ok, so I don’t really know that this is going to hurt, I’ve never had my head bitten off before, so there might not be any pain. Wait…why is he sniffing me?
I kick him in the stomach and fuck! That hurt. I think I just broke my foot. I try to cry out in pain but I can’t because my throat is currently being turned to mush. The demon sniffs my hair a little and gets a weird expression on his face. Well fuck you, buddy. My adrenaline is pumping, and I’m being choked to death, sorry if I’m sweating a little bit. I feel myself being pulled forward and I know just what he’s going to do. You know I never really knew what it was like to be a baseball until just now. I scream as I watch the demon get smaller, and smaller as I get farther away. Then all the wind is knocked outta me as I hit what feels like a tree. Could be a tree, could be the side of a building, I’m not really sure at this point.
I fall to the ground and land with a loud thud. I feel blood on the back of my head and my vision is blurry for a few seconds. I close my eyes until the nauseous feeling goes away. I hear a scream and my eyes shoot open. The thing has a hold of Buffy. I jump to my feet and everything gets blurry again. Fuck, stood up too fast. I take a step forward and stumble a little. Damn, I guess I hurt my foot a lot worst then I thought. I see the demon sniffing her just like it did to me. Damn, he’s going to throw her. I should’ve brought Sky with me dammit. I knew B wasn’t ready for this. She hasn’t been slaying since she had Joey, she should’ve gone through some training before trying to take on a demon like this.
Wait…he isn’t throwing her like he did to me. He’s carrying her away. Fuck! Even more adrenaline is pumped through my veins and I just start running. I can’t feel any pain, I can’t think of anything else but getting her out of the arms of that demon. I can tell that she’s trying her best to get away. She isn’t holding her weapon so that probably broke just like my sword. She’s kicking and punching and trying to get out of his arms but he’s just too strong. I grab onto his arm and he shakes me off like I’m nothing. I jump onto his back and wrap my arms around his thick neck. I put one hand on the side of his head and try to twist it so it’ll snap, but he reaches back with one hand and grabs me by my back. He doesn’t pay any attention to where he’s looking when he throws me.
I scream as I fly through the air and I land on the ground. I slide a little ways and I feel the dirt being forced back with me. I take in a deep breath and jump up again. I start running towards the demon again and damn that fucker can throw ‘cause I’m going to have to do some serious cardio if I’m going to catch up. It takes me a while but I do catch up. Buffy is still screaming but I don’t think he’s hurting her. He’s holding her over his shoulder now, and his arm is wrapped around her waist. He might be hurting her but I really don’t think he is. I grab onto her hand and pull as hard as I can. She doesn’t budge but I’m not letting go. I’ll let this fucker drag me to wherever he’s taking her but I’m not going to leave her with him.
He stops too quick for me to react and I walk right into him. I take a step back without letting go of B’s hand. No way in hell I’m letting go of her right now. Guess it really isn’t up to me though, ‘cause when this thing turns around the speed and force of it makes me let go. He glares at me and the vibe I’m getting off of him is like he’s pissed at me for threatening his territory or something. Ok, what the fuck? He grabs onto my shoulder and his claws go into my shoulder blade, and I feel them slice through the bone like butter. I scream out in pain but my cry is ignored. He lifts me off the ground and I try not to scream again, but it’s fuckin hard. He slams me up against the nearest tree but the only part that gets the full blow of the force is my left leg, and it snaps like a twig.
I hear Buffy scream and I can hear her trying to get away. Her fists and feet are pounding on the iron like skin of the demon, but it’s no use. She won’t stop fighting, because it’s not in Buffy to just give up like that. The demon picks me up again and slams me back against the tree only he turns his arm so my stomach gets the full blow. All the wind is knocked out of me and I feel some blood in the back of my throat. Then he lets go and I fall to the ground. I try to get up but I can’t. I try to make my legs work but they won’t. All I can do is lie here and listen as that thing carries my wife away. She’s still screaming, and kicking and hitting, I can’t hear the last two but I know she is. She won’t give up until he lets her go or kills her.
‘Please, please just stop fighting.’ Maybe if she stops fighting he won’t kill her right away and she’ll get a chance to run away. Just please lay low for a little while. My praying is hopeless even if she can hear me, and I know she can. If we concentrate hard enough we can communicate telepathically. I can’t hear anything from her because she isn’t trying. She’s just focusing on getting away. ‘Please, please stop. Please just lay low. Go along with it until you have the chance to get away. I won’t be able to live if you don’t. Please, please just stop for a while.’ She’s too far away now so I can’t feel her through our slayer connection. I don’t know if she can hear me or not and right now I don’t have enough energy to keep it up. So I do the only thing I can do. I close my eyes and wait for my slayer healing to fix me up enough to get up the energy to send out another telepathic message. And hopefully it won’t take a long time.
