FPOV

So, let me give you a little recap of what's been going on in the world of Faith. Last night I got into a huge fight with B, said something completely retarded, got kicked out, did a little bit of slaying, and then got completely wasted. I remember there being some demon and then something about some kittens, which I stole from him. Then I wandered around the town, bought some JD, came back here, got even more wasted, and then had a little heart to heart with a teenager, and then passed out. But all of that you already know. Let's go over what happened this morning, shall we?

I woke up layin on top of Lily. I don't know how the hell we got in that position, but it wasn't comfortable. I had the biggest hangover in the history of all hangovers. There was a kitten sleepin on top of my ass, he looked pretty comfortable too. I booked it to the bathroom and puked my fucking guts out and then laid down on the floor for a little while. And then Giles comes in, huffin and puffin for givin the kid some booze. All I did was offer, she didn't have to drink it. Apparently that wasn't a good enough answer because now I'm sittin in his office starin at the wooden name tag that's on his desk. The letters are gold and really shiny. R. Giles - Headmaster. That's what it says. And there are so many jokes I'd be makin if it weren't for this hangover.

Sitting about four feet away from me is Lily. She hasn't said a word since we were brought in here. All she's doin in slouchin in her chair and pettin the little gray kitten that's sleepin in her lap. Giles tried to take it from her this morning but she wouldn't let him within three feet of her. I told him just to forget it, that we should just get this done and over with. So we were escorted to his office and waitin for that fucking staff meeting to get over with. I shouldn't have to sit here like I'm a student. That's what I feel like though. This is a total flash back from before I dropped outta high school and was always gettin called to the principal's office. At least when I bothered to show up. I can't believe I let the kid drink a whole bottle of JD. Who does that? Even if I was drunk I should've known better. I'm supposed to be a fuckin adult, I really need to act like it.

I still can't fuckin believe how B was actin last night. She probably had a really bad day but did she have to take it out on me? No fuckin way! Sure I may not be the easiest person to live with, but I don't deserve to be treated like that. I've been with her for almost nine years, I've supported her through some tough shit, I gave her two beautiful little babies, and I help keep her from going insane, you'd think she'd at least be a little grateful or something. I mean, you'd think she wouldn't bring up the past like that. Ok, so I was the one who brought up Spike, which lead to a whole bunch of the shit, but I was just tellin the truth. I've never been a whore. A little slutty maybe, but never a whore. Ok, so I needed the rent money, and so ONE time I stole some out of a guy's wallet. But that was only once! And it was only like ten bucks. Enough talking about this, it's gettin irritating.

I've been sittin in this damn office for two hours now. I swear if Giles doesn't come back soon I'm just gonna leave. Go home, get a shower, take some aspirin, and go to bed. Sounds like a fuckin plan to me. If B wants to talk then she'll have to wait `cause my head hurts too fuckin bad to listen to anything she'd have to say. That's just the way it is. And if she doesn't like it then she can fuckin leave `cause I'm tired of being the one thrown out on my ass. But she'll probably keep bothering me, keep pushing until I finally snap back and we'll start fighting again. So, I think maybe I'll just stay here. Sitting in this fuckin office sounds much better then fighting with Buffy. But I've been in here long enough. Are they talkin about how they're gonna kill me or somethin? Nah, Giles wouldn't do that. Would he? Finally the door is opening! I was about to get the hell outta here. He sits down at his desk and gives me a look that could kill a cat.

“Lily, will you please step outside for a few minutes? I'll call you in when I'm ready for you. Thank you.” His eyes never left mine. She gets up and leaves without a word. When the door closes I hear three or four girls squeal and start talkin baby talk to the kitten. I roll my eyes. Girls are strange. “She's going to have to give up that cat, you know. We don't allow pets here. This is a school, not a zoo.” I try as hard as I can not to roll my eyes. I sit up straight in my chair, which is not only strange for me to do but also really fuckin hard since all my head wants to do is be lyin on somethin.

“You're not takin that cat from her. She's keepin it.” He gives me this questioning look, like I'm insane for dare defying him. But whatever. After last night's little girl talk session I now know some important things about Lily and I know that she really needs somethin to love. That cat is probably the best thing for her right now. “I know you have the no pet policy or whatever, but last night she told me some stuff, about her past. Now I can't tell you what she said `cause I'm pretty sure she doesn't want that shit spread around, but she needs that cat. And you can try to take it from her, but I really wouldn't recommend it.” He gets this look on his face, a mix of annoyance, anger, and surprise.

“Are you threatening me?” I pretend to think about it. I probably shouldn't be such a smart ass to him right now considering he could have my ass thrown in jail but whatever. I'm in a bad mood, hung-over, and I really don't feel like putting up with this shit. I'm surprised I'm still sittin here instead of finding some place to sleep. Maybe Holly will let me crash on her couch for a while. I mean, she seemed pretty cool when I met her, kept lookin at me like she knows somethin I don't, but still cool.

“Yeah, I guess I am.” He nods his head slowly and then presses the little button on the phone and asks his secretary to bring him some tea. “So are you gonna have me arrested or not, `cause I really wanna get the hell outta here if you're not.” He's quiet as he watches me. Well, this is uncomfortable. His assistant brings in the cup of tea and hands it to him. She gives me this look like `what the hell is wrong with you?' Gotta say I'm not surprised to see it. He takes a sip and then stirs it with the spoon a little before setting it down on his desk.

“No. Since Lily was a run-away when we found her I had Willow switch her guardianship to me, and since this is the first and only time this will happen I'll not be pressing charges. But let me assure you that if anything like this ever happens again I will have you arrested. This is a school full of minors. If word gets out about this we could lose our credibility and be shut down. The parents could pull their children out and how are they going to learn to be slayers then? We don't have enough members to be sending out watchers to train them. That's the reason we built this facility in the first place. I will not tolerate this type of behavior again.

“I understand that you needed to...unwind after that fight with Buffy, but you do it somewhere else. There are plenty of hotels in this city that you could have gone to intoxicated and they would have rented you a room. You could have called me and I would have let you say in one of the apartments here. But to break into the rec room and then give an entire bottle of alcohol to a student....” He takes another sip of his tea and stares into the cup for a few minutes. Then he sets it down and looks into my eyes. He isn't as mad as before, just concerned. Well that's a first. “This is probably not my place in asking, but what were you two arguing about?” I sigh and close my eyes. I really don't want to talk about it anymore.

“She had a shitty day and took it out on me. I said something that was pretty fucked up and she threw me out. I've had a really shitty night, and today isn't lookin good either, so can I go now if you're done with the lecture?” He nods his head and then takes a sip of his tea. I remember that he's gonna talk to Lily right after I leave. So instead of walkin out right away I stand up and look into his eyes, which is pretty rare I guess. “Go easy on her alright? I think now that she talked to someone `bout what's happened to her she'll do a little better. And let her keep the cat, it'll be good for her. Like therapy or somethin.” He thinks about what I said and nods his head. As I'm walking towards the door he says...

“The code for my apartment is 6216 if you don't feel like going home just yet. You can sleep in my bed if you like. Or the couch, whichever you're more comfortable with.” I smile at him and I leave. I see her sitting in a chair that's across from the assistance's desk. The kitten is in her lap and it's playin with her fingers as she wiggles `em around. I smile and leave the room. As I'm walkin down the halls I notice that all the girls are staring at me as I pass, and they start to whisper. Great, not only did I have a huge fight with B, and have a wicked painful hangover, I got the entire school talkin about me. This is like a nightmare or somethin. I wish it were just a nightmare, `cause then I could wake up and get some sympathy sex from Buffy, her way of trying to `make it all better'. I sigh and head towards G-man's apartment. I think it's a little weird that the faculty apartments have codes and not keys. But I guess it's better this way. This way they won't lose the keys and have someone break in.

And the apartment looks a lot like is his old place in Sunnydale. There's no way this a coincidence, he set this up on purpose. I don't think any of the other rooms have fireplaces. This is just too weird, like deja vu or something. I thought that it looked kinda...boring before. It's not like I used to hang out at his place often, but I've been there a couple times. Before and after I stole B's body, maybe once or twice before the coma and the teaming up with the mayor thing. But now that I've changed it seems kinda...homey. Comfortable, and warm. I could see myself livin here with B and the kids. Curling up on the couch with some hot chocolate, and Buffy next to me with Mattie her lap, Addie in mine as we watch some cheesy Christmas flick on the T.V. That sounds pretty nice. I know it sounds....I don't know...a little housewife-ish, but it does sound really nice. Ok, sleep would be really nice since I think the ceiling is just moved. Yeah, sleep sounds perfect.

“Ah, I see you've taken the couch.” I hear Giles say as he opens the front door and walks into the living room. What the fuck? One minute I'm lyin on the couch, starin at the ceiling tryin not to think but it wasn't working so well. I would be starin up at the white paint, my mind completely blank and then I'd start thinkin about Buffy. What is she doing? Does she miss me? How are the kids? Has she talked to Mattie about the fight? Has anyone asked her about the fight? Has she knocked out any of the little slayers? And I'd catch myself a few minutes into the thoughts and make my mind go blank again. And now I'm on my stomach and there's drool all over the little throw pillow. Must've fallen asleep.

“What time is it?” I ask as I yawn and stretch out. I wanted to sleep but not for this long. I think it's dark outside, but I'm not sure. If I concentrate really hard I would be able to tell. Slayer instinct and all but I'm still too tired for that. I roll over onto my back and look at him. It's kinda hard `cause my vision is all blurry from sleep. And horrible sleep at that. My back feels like it's twisting in three directions and my ass is asleep. How is my ass asleep when I was lyin on my stomach? I guess it's one of those little mysteries of life that'll never be answered. Like how do they get the water and the oil to mix together when they make mayonnaise? These are just two things we will never know.

“It's half past seven. I assume you're hungry? I was going to make some dinner, if you want to join me. It'd be nice to have some company for a change.” Poor Giles. He seems so lonely, which is weird `cause this place has plenty of people. Normally I'd make a sarcastic remark right about now, `bout him askin me to dinner. Ya know, somethin like `why Giles, are you askin me on a date? I am engaged ya know'. But he didn't have me thrown in jail and he let me sleep at his place so I better show some gratitude, and by that I mean I'll keep all sarcasm to myself. At least for now.

“Sure, food sounds good. I'll help in a minute.” Before he can be all polite and say that I'm the guest so I don't have to cook, I'm in the bathroom and puking my fuckin guts out. Way too much Jack last night. Ok, so maybe it was the mix of Jack and beer. I usually don't drink two different things `cause you never know what ungodly shit is gonna come outta ya the next morning. But I thought I had puked it all up this morning, so this is a big surprise. I feel better now that I got all of that shit outta me. I wonder if it has to do more with the stress of everything or the alcohol. I mean, I threw up this morning, that shoulda taken care of the drinks.

But all this shit that's been goin on, the moving, taking care of a baby and a six-year-old, trying to adjust to this new place, tryin to help B with the slayers, tryin to deal with B...I think she was right, I think maybe things would be easier if I went back to California. What the fuck am I saying? God, I'm such an ass. Things would be worst in Cali. So fuckin worst. We'd be missin each other and all that, I'd probably still feel...abandoned. I know, it's girly and really dumb, but that's how I felt. She just left me with our kids, only callin once a day, sending e-mails every once in a while. And with all the hormones `cause of the birthing thing I felt left behind. We'll get over this fight and things will be better. She'll apologize, I'll apologize, we'll have some wicked great make up sex and this'll be another thing of the past. Ah, make up sex with B.....it's always a wonderful thing.

So I go into the kitchen and Giles already has everything all set up, it just needs to cook. He sends me out of the kitchen, sayin that he has everything under control, so I go sit on the couch. I feel like shit and if he insists on doin it himself I might as well let him. It's not like I didn't offer. At least I tried. I have no idea how long I should stay away. I know it's my house too so don't start in on me, but we both need some time to cool off, I guess. If to go back too soon we'll fight again and I might go back to California. She'll hate me for it because there's no way I'd leave without my kids. And she'd hate me for taking them, but I just don't think I can handle anymore fighting right now. And it's not just `cause of the hangover and I'd rather be curled up in a really dark place right now. I just don't think I could handle the stress. Listen to me, talking about running away again. I guess I haven't changed as much as I thought. Things get stressful and I wanna run away from the problem. Oh yeah, I've definitely rid myself of that old image I used to have. That was sarcastic.

I have no idea what I'm gonna do. If we can't get this thing worked out soon then I guess I'll stay in one of the faculty apartments. They have a couple of empty ones and I'm sure Giles won't mind if I snag one. I'd love to think that I'll go back there and everything will be fine. But the reality of the situation is that we need to apologize, and we're both stubborn. B's the most stubborn person I've ever met, and I'm not apologizing until she does. So where does that leave us? There's no way I'm swallowin my pride and sayin I'm sorry first. She started all this shit and sure I said some fucked up things, but so did she. At least mine were true. She was goin on and on about how I was a whore, never happened. Her fuckin Angel and hell followin shortly after, that happened. Her fuckin Spike to deal with her emotions, that happened. Me sayin I'm sorry before her, not gonna fuckin happen.

“Alright, here you are,” Giles says and hands me a plate jam packed with food and a fork. I give him a small smile and he sits in the chair closest to the couch. He takes a couple of bites off his plate. I take a bite and chew real slow as I think. I still can't believe everything that's happened. Not just this stupid fight, not just coming here, but everything. My life, before and after goin to Sunnydale. Before and after wakin up from that coma. Before and after goin to prison. Before and after breakin out to save Angel and then goin back to Sunnydale. Before and after the town I used to hate went boom. Before and after me and B got together. God those were some good times.

In the beginning when everything was new. You notice every little thing about the other person `cause you want to remember everything after you leave to go home by yourself. You try to memorize the sound of their voice so at night when before you go to sleep you can pretend that they're there with you telling you goodnight. And you wait for the right moment to say those three little words that they wanna hear so badly, but you're scared as hell to say `em. I remember it perfect. You might wanna run and get some popcorn `cause I'm going to a flashback. You ready?............Got everything you're gonna need?......Are you sure?.......Ok, I'll get to it then..................Are you sure you don't wanna run to the bathroom or somethin real quick? Alright! God, I'll just get on with it. No need to fuckin shout. Show some patience for fuck's sake.

(flashback to many years ago)

Me and B are goin on a picnic tonight. Ok, so she didn't call it a picnic `cause she knows I have issues with that word. It's cold out tonight so we gotta dress a little warmer then normal. I'm in jeans, a t-shirt with a black hooded sweatshirt that's one size too big. I like my sweatshirts baggy, I don't know why since I like everything else skin tight. I'm supposed to meet her up on the roof. We're still livin in this shitty apartment building. The super is never around or else I'd kick his ass until he fixes the heat. It's so fuckin cold here at night, especially when the sky is clear. It's like the clouds make a blanket and keep everything a little warmer. Fuckin clear nights, they piss me off. I do like somethin about it. When the sky is clear in this town, it's really crystal clear and you can see billions of stars. I've always kinda liked lookin up at `em. Ok, enough with the girly shit, I need to get outta here.

I grab the blanket, she's bringing the food. We're meetin on top of the roof. And trust me I can smell the irony. Last time me and B were on an apartment roof together I got myself stabbed and put in a coma. I wonder how tonight will turn out. Things have been goin pretty great between us if you ask me. We haven't tried to kill each other, which is surprising to everyone around us, and we've already made with the lovin a couple times. It's not like I was expecting her to turn into a nympho or somethin after bein with me, but more then once a week would be nice. But B doesn't want all of our time together to be us fuckin. She doesn't want this great thing we got goin to turn into somethin only sexual. And I get that but still, I got needs, ya know? And I'm tryin real hard to be loyal but when you're in a town full of hot babes just beggin for a good time it's really hard to say no. But I do even though I get plenty of offers every day. From both the boys and the girls.

“Jeez, Faith, what took you so long? I've been up here for almost ten minutes,” she says as I open the door that leads to the roof. I smile `cause I know she's teasin. She likes to give me a hard time about the fact that I'm ten minutes late everywhere I go no matter how hard I try to be on time. But whatever. “Oh good, you brought the bunny blanket. I was hoping you'd bring it.” The thing about this blanket, not only is it really warm and soft and good to use to fight off the harsh bite this town's air has to offer, but it's pink and covered in little white bunnies. I only like it `cause it keeps me warm, Buffy likes it `cause it's cute and girly.

“Yeah well, didn't want to disappoint.” I give her a little kiss and spread the blanket out on the concrete. She sets the basket down and then sits next to it. I lay down across from her, so I'm on my side, facin her so I can see everything. I don't wanna miss a second of this. I never wanna miss a second of anything that has to do with her. Everyone is waitin for the big fall out, for me to do somethin to screw all of this up, to hurt her so bad that she won't take me back, but I know none of that shit is going to happen. I look at her and I want to be so much better. I've changed so much over the years for the better because I knew that I just couldn't keep doin what I was doin. But now I want to be the best I can for her.

“So, B, what do you have packed for us tonight? Anything we can eat off each other?” She blushes and shakes her head no. God she looks so cute when she blushes. Fuck, she looks cute all the time. And dead sexy, and hot, and adorable and I think I just killed any and all `bad girl' reputation. But that's what this little blonde thing is doin to me, she's turnin me to mush and I love every second of it.

“No, at least I don't think so.” Then she pulls out some ziplock bags with sandwiches in `em, four cans of coke, a container of strawberries, a bag of potato chips and six McDonald's hamburgers. I smile wide as she starts to split up the food. She gives me this little bashful look. “I know this isn't the best, but moneys been kinda tight so I brought what I could.” I nod my head and then lean up and give her a little kiss on the lips. But one little kiss turned into another, and then another and before I really knew the fuck was goin on I have her on her back, moanin and grindin against me as I suck on the tip of her tongue. But then I pull back, my chest feels like it's gonna burst I need a breath so bad. I smile at her and tuck a stray piece of hair behind her ear.

“Everything's perfect, don't worry about it.” I give her another little kiss and then sit up and scoot back a little to give her some room. And just like that we go back to normal. It's like the making out didn't even happen. I start in on the burgers first, I haven't had dinner and I could eat a fuckin horse I'm so hungry. She starts going on and on about this movie that she saw that I `totally have to see because it'll make even you cry'. Apparently she's more of a drama, romantic comedy kinda girl when it comes to the flicks. I might go see some with her but just to make out in the back of the theater. When it comes to the movies I'm a horror fan. I'll go for the occasional action flick but I like monster movies, always have always will. The only way I'll watch a chick flick is if I get a little kissage out of it. We finish most of our food, we didn't really touch the chips. Then Buffy pulls out a couple of breath mints and gives one to me. I'm not offended `cause I'm sure with what we ate the combo would make our mouths taste nasty as hell.

“It's really nice out tonight, isn't it?” she asks and looks up at the sky. I smile as I watch her. The moon is shining down on her, makin her face and hair glow. Great, now I'm gettin all sentimental. You see what this chick's doin to me? I actually kinda like it though. I mean, I can still act all tough and badass `cause that's just the way I am, that's never gonna change, but I can show my softer side around B, nothin wrong with that. It's not like I'm gonna climb up the side of the apartment building and wake her up by tapping on her bedroom window and then recite Shakespeare or nothin. Nah, I can just appreciate the fact that she looks....angelic in the moonlight. That's not too sissy, and if you wanna disagree I'll be happy to beat your face in. “It's a little cold though,” she says and shivers a little. Well no wonder she's cold. She's wearing a little sweater that wouldn't be able to keep her warm in the middle of summer, some jeans but the fabric looks real thin, and her hair is back in a ponytail so her neck is all exposed and probably gettin really cold. But I know why she said it and it wasn't just to comment on the weather.

I scoot closer to her and place myself behind her. I pull her close to me and wrap my arms around her, and let my hands rest on her stomach. She's sittin in between my legs, her back pressed up against me and my chin is restin on her shoulder. She puts her hands over mine and she lets out this little sigh and I can't help but smile. I love it when I'm wrapped around her like this. I'm sure she likes it too otherwise she wouldn't have made the cold comment. But now we're sitting in silence, both lookin up at the sky. I can't help but feel like this isn't real. This is just a dream because nothin this good has ever happened to me. I just can't believe it but I think I'll just roll with it because I don't want to spoil it. I'll be with her until I wake up, and if I never wake up then I guess I'll be happy forever.

I smile again and give her a little kiss on the side of her neck and she lets out this little giggle. She's very ticklish in lots of very interesting places. It's kind of frustrating sometimes because I'll be doin my best to try and give her as much pleasure as possible and she'll start bustin up laughin `cause I hit a ticklish spot. She turns around a little bit so she can see my face. She just stares at me and it's not awkward like you'd think it'd be. If she wants to look at me, let her look `cause she's getting this very girly look in her eyes and I know exactly what she's gonna say soon. Maybe not tonight but soon. She hasn't said it to me since the bus ride to Angel's hotel. But I know she does and that's all that matters. I don't need to hear the words. She gives me a little kiss and then pulls back and looks into my eyes. Yep, she's gonna say it.

“I love you.” See, I told you. She loves me. Buffy Summers, the better then thou Buffy who gutted me, hated me, wanted to kill me and feed me to her boyfriend. The girl I hated with almost every fiber of my being loves me. And now that I'm thinking about it I never really hated her. I think I've always loved her even though I was too young to know what the feeling was. I hated Angel at the time because if he hadn't come back then we probably would have hooked up at some point. I thought I hated him just because he was one of the scoobies, but now that I know what love feels like I know that I was jealous. So fuckin jealous because he had the one thing I wanted. But now she's mine, and she says she loves me. And I know she means it. This is Buffy, she wouldn't say it if she didn't mean it. And now it's time to show her what a girly girl I can be.

“I'll always love you, `til the end of forever.” She gives me this `you're so cheesy' type of look and then pulls me into a kiss that leaves us both breathless. She turns around in my arms and slowly lays down on her back, pulling me with her and we don't break apart for a second. I try to take off her shirt but she doesn't let me. I know this needs to be as quick as possible because someone could come up here lookin for us. So we leave our clothes on even though I feel like I'm gonna burn to death if I don't get t his sweatshirt off. I trail my hand down her body as she wraps her legs around me. I unbutton and unzip her jeans and slide my hand inside. She moans as I slide two fingers deep inside her. I pull back from the kiss and look at her. I watch as her eyes go from hazel to a darker color, almost pure brown but with a little green thrown in.

It only takes me a few minutes to drive her over the edge. I could've dragged it out but we gotta be quick. You never know when there's gonna be a scooby emergency or when Dawn is gonna get bored and come lookin for Buffy so she can bug her. I almost wish I did drag it out `cause the look in her eyes is so fuckin sexy when I'm inside her. It's this deep, savage look, like if I don't give her what she wants she's gonna hurt me, but then I let her come and the look calms down and is replaced with somethin else. I'm not too sure what it is but it must be good because she always has this little smile tuggin at her lips whenever she gets it. Maybe one day I'll ask her what she feels when she comes, so far I haven't. She's tried tellin me what it's like, what she feels, what she sees stuff like that but I don't really pay attention. I'm too busy just looking at her to hear what she's sayin. But I know that I never want that look to go away. `Cause even though I don't understand it I know that sometime soon I will. I don't know how I know, I just do. Gotta gut feeling.

(End flashback)

Yep, that's what happened. About five minutes later Dawn came runnin up sayin that Willow was on the phone and they needed us for some big scooby meeting, but Buffy said she'd make it up to me because I was so worked up. But enough about that night. I know I can't leave her, I have to stay here, even if it is in a different room, or building or whatever. I can't just go back home with our kids. I don't think I'd be able to survive without her. I know I've gone pretty soft, but that's just the way it is. I can't really remember a time when I didn't need her. Even back in Boston I needed her, I just didn't know it was her I needed. That probably doesn't make sense to you, but it does to me and that's all that matters.

I finish eating and tell Giles that I need to get out of the house for a little while. I tell him I don't know if I'll be back or not but not to panic if he hears someone movin around in the middle of the night. I look in the mirror on the wall and gussy up a little bit before I leave. I still look like shit but it's nothin a good night's sleep won't take care of. Sleepin on top of a teenage girl and then on a really uncomfortable couch isn't so good for the dark circles under my eyes, and lets not forget the bruise on my eye and cheek thanks to Buffy. But I can't blame her. She was pissed and what I said stung deep. I woulda hit me too. I leave his place and wander around for a little bit. I keep gettin these weird looks from the students and a couple of the kids. I'm not used to people lookin at me like that. Usually they look at me like I'm a monster, the bad one. Now they're lookin at me like I'm a victim or somethin. It's not as good as you'd think. It's makin me feel weak. Fuck I need a cigarette. So I go into the little shed and there standing in the exact same spot the last time I came in here is Lily, a cigarette in one hand the little gray kitten in the other. I can't help but let a little smile tug at the corner of my lips.

“We meet again.” I walk in and close the door. I stand in the same spot like I did last time and she keeps looking in front of her. She's holding the little cat against her upper chest and it's sleepin. “Bum one?” She puts the cigarette between her lips and reaches into her pocket. She hands me the pack and the lighter and continues to just zone out. I pull one out and light it up and put the pack and the lighter in my pocket. She seems to be real far off, might as well let her be. I wonder what she's thinkin about. Oh well, I don't really care too much. I have my own shit to worry about. Like what I'm gonna say to B. I can't just walk in there and act like nothing happened. This needs to be dealt with and very carefully or else we could have another big blow up and I really don't want to start fighting with her again. I don't want to put everyone through that, especially Mattie. He doesn't needs those kind of scars.

I know what it's like to go through that. To stay up at night listening to your parents fighting, all night long, sayin some horrible shit, shit that no kid should ever have to hear. I know we put him through that before, but he doesn't really remember any of it. He just remembers that we fought and I went away, he doesn't know the finer details. He doesn't remember me callin B a self-righteous bitch, or me tellin to her rot in hell. And I don't wanna think about the shit she said to me `cause that'll just get me pissed, but it was pretty bad. We said things just to piss each other off, just to cut a little deeper, to make it sting just a little bit more, and it worked, and I ended up livin at Xander's for a little over three months, gettin drunk every day of the week, and sobering up on Friday so I could have a good weekend with my kid. And Sunday night I'd get completely wasted to forget the look on his face and the sound of his voice when he'd ask when I was comin home. I'd drown out the sounds of him cryin as I put him in the car seat to send to him back to Buffy's. And all week I'd get drunk to forget about everything else.

I drop the cigarette butt in the metal drum, I've been in here way longer then I thought. I must've really zoned out there. Lily's still just standing there. Every few seconds she'll take a little drag of her cigarette but it's almost all gone. Seriously, what the fuck is she zonin out about? Should I say something to her? I'm not good at the comfort thing at all, at least not with anyone other then B. But even that took some time to get used to. But I don't say anything as I look at the expressionless face of the teenager standing in front of me. She's gone through a hell of a lot more then I thought. Growin up rough, maybe, but not what happened to her. Not getting enough love as a kid is tough, I know, but being loved and then havin your heart ripped out...I can't even imagine that. And then to lose a baby on top of all that...no, I have no clue what she's goin through. But maybe things will get better. Maybe now that she talked about it and has the cat to love, maybe she won't be so.....closed off.

Alright, enough of this standing around shit, I need to get my ass goin. I give her one last glance before I leave. She never said anything so I guess it's ok that I was silent. I mean, it's not like we're friends or nothin. We had one drunken night of confessions, that doesn't make us best friends. So I walk down the little trail and towards the house. I keep gettin slower and slower the closer I get until I finally come to a stop about forty feet from the house. I can see Buffy through the window. She's sitting at the kitchen table feeding Addy. Mattie is sitting in the chair next to her eatin his dinner, there's a plate full of food in front of B, I guess the baby started cryin before she could eat her dinner. I can hear Tucker barking in the backyard. He's been doin that a lot, I guess he can feel the hellmouth too. Well, I guess it's now or never. Ok, well it's now or later `cause I have to go back, there's no way around it. I walk up the two steps to the porch and try to open the door but it's locked. Fuck, I left my keys at Giles'. I bite my tongue and swallow my pride, and gently knock on the door four times.

I can hear a chair being scraped against the floor as someone backs up. It's B, `cause she just told Mattie to keep eating his dinner. I can hear her light footsteps walking across the linoleum and then the almost silence when she reaches the carpet. I can hear Addy snort and grunt, she doesn't like it when you walk around when you're feeding her. She likes to be in one place when the bottle is in her mouth. I smile a little but make it go away when I hear Buffy's voice. Why am I so damn nervous all of a sudden? It's not like she can keep me out forever, this is my house too, their my kids too. Yeah, things'll be fine. Maybe a little tense, but that's expected. Until we talk and clear the air and come to an understanding and have that hot make up sex I was talkin about earlier things are gonna be tense.

“Xander, I told you I'm fine.” She unlocks the door and starts to open it. “You don't have to....oh.” Oh? That's her big reaction to seeing me? I wasn't excepting that, that's for sure. Maybe an angry glare, possibly even some yelling, but not `oh'. “Um...I didn't think you'd be back so soon.” Yeah, that's obvious by the look on her face. “I, uh, made dinner.” I raise one eyebrow and give her a very suspicious look. “Ok, so I heated up some T.V. dinners and then put the food on some plates so it looks like I made dinner.” I smile, there's the Buffy I know and love. Can't cook worth shit but tries to make it sound like she can. But I know her too well. “I can heat you one up too, if you're hungry.” She looks as nervous as I feel right now.

“Nah, that's alright. I had dinner with Giles so I'm kinda full. Maybe he can teach you how to cook, B, he's pretty good at it.” I give her one of my disarming smiles and make sure to flash the dimples, she likes it when I do that. She gives a little smile and rolls her eyes. And why am I still standing out here on the porch? I sorta thought I'd be in the house by now. “Um...can I come in?” She gets this look on her face like `why didn't I think of that?' I try not to smile but it doesn't work too well. She steps aside and I walk into the house. I can feel the tension pile up and it's hard to breath for about a second but I get it under control. Mattie turns around in his seat and his face lights up.

“Mama!” he yells. He jumps off his seat and runs towards me. I brace myself, bend down a little and open up my arms as he slams into me. I wrap my arms around him and lift him up. I hug him tightly and if I weren't a slayer then he'd be chokin me right now. He's got a really good grip. He rests his head on my shoulder and I can feel his breathing against my neck. “You're not leaving again right? Mom said she made you leave, you didn't want to but she made you. And you're not leaving are you?” I can feel some tears sting at the corner of my eyes. If we can't get this worked out then I might leave this house, not this facility `cause I'm not leavin my kids but I know what he means. He wants me here with him and Buffy and Addy. And even though I feel real bad about it I have to lie, `cause that's what parents do, we lie to protect our kids from hurt.

“No, I'm not goin anywhere. You're not mad at your mom are you?” I hear him whisper `a little bit' and I can't help but sigh. I don't want him mad at Buffy, there are going to be plenty of times in the future when he'll be pissed at both of us, I don't want it to start now. We got the teen years for that. “Well don't alright? I know you missed me but it's not her fault.” He leans back in my arms and I give him a little kiss on the lips. He smiles wide and gives me a kiss on the cheek. He sure is an affectionate little guy. “Go finish your dinner, ok? I need to talk with your mom.” He nods his head yes and I put him down on the ground, but he doesn't move. He looks past me and I follow his gaze. Buffy's zonin out, starin straight in front of her, a distant look on her face as she thinks about....whatever it is she's thinkin about. I walk up to her and gently touch her arm. She jumps a little, I scared her, now that's pretty funny. I smile a little but make it go away. “Hey B, can we talk?” She nods her head and we make our way to the bedroom. I really, really hope I didn't just lie to my kid.

BPOV

She came back. She actually came back. I wasn't expecting her to be back until tomorrow, the day after that tops, but I wasn't expecting this. And she doesn't seem mad. I thought she was gonna be mad. But she seems fine. She even tried to get Matthew to stop hating me. He hasn't talked to me much today. After we had our little talk at breakfast we went to one of the training room and he heard a lot of the girls talking and most of them were usin direct quotes of what I had said. He just looked up at me with this `oh my god is it true?' type look, but I never said anything, I barely even looked at him, I couldn't. I'd look into those hurt eyes and I'd see the look that Faith had in her eyes when she was sitting in the snow and trying to apologize. He never asked me if what those girls said was true or not but he's been mad. When Sissy joined us for lunch he talked to her more then me, he wouldn't even tell me what he wanted to eat, he had her get it for him.

She sits down on the bed and sighs. She puts her hands on her knees and leans forward a little bit. She's tired, I can tell. A little hung over too. She looks at Addison and smiles a little and she gets this look on her face, this look of longing, I guess you could call it. I smile a little bit and hand her the baby. She looks up at me and smiles this `thank you' smile and continues to feed our girl. But the bottle is almost empty and hopefully she won't start crying for more because once I start talking I really don't wanna stop. I sit down at the vanity mirror and turn around in the chair so I'm facing her. She looks like she's gonna speak, but I cut her off. She hates it when I do that, but I just realized that she already tried to apologize last night and I wouldn't let her, so she has nothing to be sorry for.

“Faith, don't say you're sorry. What you said hurt, it hurt real bad but you tried to say you were sorry last night and I threw you out anyway. You don't have anything to be sorry for. The fight was all my fault, I started it. You tried to avoid it, but I wouldn't stop. But you have to understand that I never meant for it to happen it just sort of did. I had the worst day ever, short of stabbing a demon and getting it's guts all over me, but it was bad.” I know she's going to question me, so I sigh and start with the explanation. “There's this intern, the one I told you about back home, when I went out with the girls.” She tenses up because she knows who I'm talking about. Well, not exactly who but she knows I'm talking about the one that tried to sleep with me. “She sort of came here to see how I was doing and she said some things about you. I made a comment to try and scare her off, that you get `super jealous' when you see me talking to other women, and she completely twisted it around. And I hit her and made her leave.” She gives me this surprised look because I actually hit someone who was talking shit and not just being the bigger person and walking away. “Oh, and Matthew made a snow angel, it's good, you should see it later.” I smile and she chuckles a little.

“So, are you gonna tell me this bitch's name so I can pay her a little visit?” The last thing we need is her doing something like that. Giles let her off the hook for giving Lily a bottle of Jack Daniels, but I doubt he'll look the other way if the charge is assault. I sigh and shake my head no. She doesn't say anything and there's more to tell, and Faith isn't going to be happy about it and I know she's going to want to kill Holly, even though she doesn't know it's Holly.

“And later on when Matthew and I were walking around the school.” She knows I'm going to say something she's going to hate because I'm drawing out my words a little bit, making them longer to hopefully avoid actually telling her. “She came up to me when Matthew was talking to one of the sophomore girls...well flirting would actually be the more appropriate term `cause he was doing that bashful smile thing, and he turned his head and looked at her through his eyelashes and blushed.” I'm babbling, completely going off topic. She knows I'm doing it on purpose and she's getting a little annoyed but she's staying calm.

“Anyway,” I look away from her and pick at my cuticles a little. “She came up to me and started talking to me. It was normal at first, she tried to apologize for saying that stuff about you but I told her to just forget it. And then she started telling me things....” I pause and she glares. I'm nervous as hell, and she knows she isn't going to like this at all. I really hope Faith doesn't hunt her down and kill her because that would be bad. Very, very bad. “Um, sexual things. I punched her so hard in the face that I think I broke her cheek bone and I told her to stay the hell away from me and if she ever comes up to me again I'd kick her ass, and that you're the only person I'd ever be with in that way.” She stands up and puts Addison in her basinet. She isn't sleeping, she's been staying up for longer periods of time, but Faith put her down so she could do her infamous pose. Legs shoulder distance apart, her arms folded across her chest, a look of determination and anger on her face.

“Buffy, who is this bitch?” She's really pissed off, not as bad as I thought she was going to be, but still pretty bad. Eventually I'll have to tell her who it is, there's no doubting that at this point, I owe her that much, but I can't tell her right now. Not when our emotions are running high. She might do something really stupid. She lets her hands fall to her sides and she starts to pace a little. “I can't believe you. Why are you protecting her?” Now I feel ever worse about it. I give her a pleading look and she stops with the pacing, which is good `cause I was getting a headache.

“Please Faith, can we talk about that later? I'm trying to apologize here.” I know she wants to say something sarcastic, that's just how well I know her, and I should have worded that way better, but I didn't so we'll just have to deal with it. I really need to start filtering the words that come out of my mouth a little more closely. “I'm sorry...for everything. I'm sorry for the fight, I never meant for any of that to happen. I'm sorry for all of the horrible things I said. I wouldn't blame you if you never forgave me. I had no right to say any of that stuff.” She gives me this `no shit' type of look. “I don't want to try and make excuses for the way I behaved. I treated you horribly. You don't deserve that, not after everything you've done for me.” She sits down on the bed again and runs her hands through her hair. She sighs but she doesn't say anything, this is starting to freak me out a little bit. There have been no sarcastic comments, no interjections, nothing. She's been totally silent, except for the sighing. I get up and kneel in front of her. I put my hands on her knees and I look up at her. She looks a little surprised, so am I a little. I've never done this before.

“Please, baby, forgive me. I'm so sorry. Can we just put all of this horrible stuff behind us?” She sighs again but doesn't say anything. I think she wants to say something. She has this look on her face like she's dying to tell me something, but she's afraid to for whatever reason. Or she just doesn't know how to put it into words. I know the feeling. “And with the wedding coming up pretty quick, it's going to be in May that's only four months away and we still have so much planning to do. But I'm going to take care of all that. Dawn already promised to help since she's the maid of honor and why are you looking at me like that?” She has this look on her face, this sad, almost shy look. Ok this is really starting to freak me out. She puts her hands over mine and looks into my eyes, and takes in a deep breath before she lets it out really slow.

“B...about the wedding....” Oh my God. She doesn't want to get married anymore? She's really willing to let one fight get in the way of us getting married? Ok, Buffy, don't jump to conclusions, I'm sure it's a completely different reason. Or maybe she still wants to get married. Maybe she's decided that she wants to wear a dress after all. That would be neat. “I still want to so please don't be thinkin that I'm cancelin this `cause I'm not. But....” Ok this whole `pausing for long periods of time in the beginning of the sentence' thing is really starting to bug me. “I wanna wait.” What? You want to what? “When I asked you to marry me I thought that we'd wait a while, maybe a year or two. With us trying to get pregnant I figured we'd be pretty busy, especially with a little baby on our hands.” She glances over at the basinet and then looks down at our hands, at our rings. “I don't wanna rush this, I wanna wait. I don't wanna hurt your feelings, that's why I didn't say anything before, but that's what I want.” God I feel like such an ass. All this time I was going on and on about this perfect wedding and how I just couldn't wait, I never even stopped to think that maybe Faith would have a problem with it.

“How long have you felt like this?” I have to ask, there's no way I cannot ask. She looks a little uncomfortable now. Oh God, how long has she been feeling like that? I really, really hope that this is a recent development and she hasn't been feeling…forced into this for too long. I get up off the floor and sit down on the bed next to her and take her hands into mine. The physical contact is more because of my neediness right now then for hers. I know that sounds selfish, but I really need to know that she's here with me right now.

“Since you told me you wanted to move it.” God that was a long time ago. And so not the answer I was hoping for. When did I ask to move it? I have no idea. And how is it too soon? We've been engaged for a little over a year. She asked me to marry her on the Christmas before we had Addison. And we just celebrated another Christmas a little less then a month ago. So me moving the date shouldn't be too big of a deal. But she's feeling pressured and I don't want her to. “I know that this is supposed to be your special day, but I just don't think it'd be right to have it so soon. I want to be able to enjoy our engagement. I got pregnant so soon after I asked you, and then with everything else that happened….let's just wait a couple years ok?” A couple years, how much longer does she want to put this off? Ok, I shouldn't be getting mad right now, but…I'm afraid if we wait too long then it won't happen at all.

“How much longer do you want to wait?” She doesn't answer me. She just sits there thinking about it. “I know that things have been really crazy and we've both been unhappy for a little while, but a couple of years? That just seems so far away. I mean, what if we keep putting it off and then it never happens?” She gets a little panicked but she's trying to fight it. She doesn't really give off any physical indication that she's freaking out but it's all in her eyes. She turns so she's completely facing me. She squeezes my hands a little and takes in a deep breath as she tries to calm down.

“We will, I swear we will. I didn't give you this ring.” She rubs the diamond on my ring with her thumb. “So we could just wait around forever. I want to marry you, more then anything, but I want to wait.” She's getting frustrated, that much is obvious. She knows what she wants to say, she just doesn't know how to word it. Don't you hate it when that happens? I really, really hate it when that happens. Makes me feel like a natural blonde. “Can we just go back to the original plan? Keep it simple? Let's wait until Addy's two, ok? Wait until everything is calm again. There's somethin I need ta tell you, it's not bad so don't jump to anything ok?” I nod my head but I still have a million little voices in my mind whispering to me things she could have done. Did she sleep with someone when she was drunk before she came back to the school? “I talked to Giles about findin us a new place, somewhere with a little more…action.” What? What is she talking about? “Come on, B, you can't honestly say that you're happy livin in Shasta Lake. Sure we got ties there, it was our first real home, but the slayers in us are beggin for a good slay and we aren't getting that there.” She does have a point. She starts to caress the back of my hand with the tips of her fingers. She looks down at my ring and then back into my eyes.

“Let's wait until we build some new roots. Until we're all nice and moved into a more action packed city, and when we're all settled, then we can start makin plans ok? I just, I wanna wait a while. I want to enjoy being engaged before we get hitched. I'm sorry if you had your heart set out on this spring, but I think we should wait. We've both been stressed, and restless `cause of the lack of slaying over the past few years. We're not gonna wait around forever, you will have your dream wedding, I promise, it'll just take some time to happen, alright?” There's somethin that's buggin me about what she said. I don't know why it is, it just is. I mean she never said anything to me about it, we've never even discussed it at home.

“You asked Giles to find a new house for us? How come you didn't tell me about it?” And now she's back to looking panicked. I really hope I didn't just start something. I don't want to fight again, I really, really don't. So I'll just stay calm, I'll listen to what she has to say and I won't yell, and if it starts to turn into a screaming match then I'll leave the room and go to a training room or something and beat the crap out of a punching bag for a few hours or something.

“I just didn't want to get your hopes up or whatever. He's lookin for places that have a lot of demonic activity but isn't a hellmouth. This place is drivin me a little crazy. If he finds anything I was gonna bring it up, but I didn't want to start dreamin of a new place and have him tell us it isn't gonna happen.” That does make sense. No use in getting my hopes up just to be shot down. The lack of good slayage is becoming a problem, I'll admit that. Just being here is starting to make me a little stir crazy. I have to go slaying tonight for the sake of my sanity. I smile at her a little and she smiles back, I can tell she's relieved that I'm not mad for her holding out on me. I'm a little...annoyed because she kept a secret, but I'm not mad. She had my best interests in mind, that's what counts.

“A new town sounds good. We can finally get our acts together.” She looks a little confused and I cut her off before she can get a word out. She hates it when I do that but I want to explain right away before she takes it the wrong way. “I mean, I know raising a kid is a full time job, but it's like we've been slacking off for the last ten or so years. We're the only one out of the scoobies who don't have jobs. Maybe moving will give us a better opportunity ya know? I could go back to college and get a degree, and you can get your GED, and then go to college or whatever. That way we won't have to depend on Giles for everything. His money isn't going to last forever and it would be nice to be financially independent.” She gives me this little mischievous smile and I know she's going to pick on me about something.

“Ya know, B, if we're financially independent that means we'll have to make a budget, and that means no more shopping sprees, no more hundred-fifty dollar shoes, no more jewelry that costs as much as a small house, no more eating out at four star restaurants-”

“No more leather pants, no more leather boots, you'll have to wash your car like a normal person and without that special stuff that dries itself, no more leather cleaning products, no more spontaneous movie dates.” Ha! By the look on her face I know I've beat her at her own game. The movie dates, you're probably wondering about those right? Well, it hasn't happened in a while because of all the stress but sometimes Faith will take me out to a movie, no warning or anything. She just grabs her keys, tells me to get my purse, we drop Matthew off at Dawn or Willow's house and we go to the movies and make out in the back row.

“Ok, well maybe we can set some money aside in a savings account for special occasions.” She gets this little smile on her face but then it goes away. She's thinking now, about something serious. Her eyebrows are wrinkled just a little bit, and she's not smiling anymore and she's looking down towards my side but her eyes are out of focus. Then all of a sudden she flings herself backwards and stares up at the ceiling. “Being a grown up sucks. Budgeting, staying home changing diapers instead of goin out to a club, being puked on when they're sick, getting up at three in the morning when they're hungry.” She keeps talking but I stop paying attention. I lay down next to her and rest my head on her shoulder. I put one leg over her thighs and hold on to one of her hands.

“Seeing the look on their face when they wake up from a nap.” She stops talking and gives me a little kiss on the forehead. “How they smile when you make a funny face. The feeling when you rock them to sleep and they're in your arms looking like they don't want to be anywhere else. They way they cry for you when they're scared or hurt. The way their face lights up when you show them something new that they think is interesting. You're saying you'd rather be out spending money and dancing with a bunch of horny boys then being home to enjoy all of that?” She's quiet for a few seconds before she sighs.

“Well, when you put it that way....nah, I'd rather be here. I don't mean to ruin this good moment we got goin, but the fight, officially over?” I prop myself up on my elbow and look into her eyes for a few seconds. I lean in and kiss her. Our tongues instantly meet and start to battle with each other and I'm winning. Once I do that little swirly thing that she loves it's all over, she might as well be melted butter. She moans and her legs spread open a little. I put my thigh in between her legs and she gently lifts her hips up and rubs on me a little. I pull back and we're both panting, me more then her. She gets this little sarcastic smile on her face. “Ok, so is the fight over `cause I don't know how comfortable I am with the thought of you using sex to try and distract me from getting this fight over with.” I roll my eyes and kiss her again and after a few seconds she pulls away. She looks into my eyes and lightly caresses my cheek. “I love you.” My heart just stopped beating. Don't believe me? Well believe it. It's not beating anymore. It's very rare for Faith to just come out and say that. Sometimes she'll say it back to me when I say it to her, other times she'll just kiss me really deep because she doesn't like throwing that word around. There's only been a couple times when she's said it first.

“I love you too. I missed you so much. I had a really hard time sleeping without you here holding me. Let's not fight ever again, ok?” She nods her head yes and I kiss her again. It's growing in passion and everything is just slipping away. It's only us here, no one else exists right now. All that I can feel is her skin against mine, her warmth against me, her legs wrapping around mine and her center lightly grinding against me. I pull back for a couple seconds to catch my breath. I don't even open my eyes before diving back in. I love make up sex with Faith. It's one of my favorite things in the entire world. I don't know what it is about make up sex that is so great. Maybe all of that anger that you let build up gets put to better use? I don't know, but it's yummy and she's yummy and if I don't taste her soon I might just die.

“Mama, I don't feel good.” I pull back and look towards the door. Matthew is standing there, staring at us. He doesn't look so good at all. His face is a little pale, he looks like he's sweating, and his eyes are red. He played out in the snow again today, I guess we stayed out for longer then we should have. It's probably just a cold, possibly the flu. I don't know. He was fine all day until about an hour before dinner he started complaining about his stomach hurting. I roll off of Faith and we sit up on the bed. She reaches out her arms towards him and he walks up to the foot of the bed. She reaches down and lifts him up by his armpits and he sits on her lap, his head is resting against her shoulder and she's stroking his hair. I reach over and feel his forehead. He has a little bit of a fever, nothing hospital worthy.

“Poor boy doesn't feel good. You wanna sleep in here tonight?” I ask and he nods his head yes. I give him a kiss on the back of the head and give Faith a `we'll try again later' type of look and she rolls her eyes. I know she's a little frustrated because she likes make up sex as much as I do, but I know she'd rather be comforting him since he's not feeling well. I leave the room and clean up a little in the kitchen. I give Tucker the left over food and he scarfs it down. If he isn't careful he's going to make himself sick. Gross. Oh well, it's Faith's dog, I'll just have her clean it up if he does throw up. After I put the dishes away and turn out most of the lights and I go into Matthew's room and get a pair of his pajamas. I walk down the hall but stop when I get to my bedroom doorway. I see that Matthew has not only been changed into a pair of pajamas, the fire truck ones, but he's sitting in Faith's lap and she's reading to him out of his favorite book.

“`The Piglet lived in a very grand house in the middle of a beech-tree, and the beech-tree was in the middle of the forest, and the Piglet lived in the middle of the house.'” That's not his favorite chapter out of that book but whatever. He's leaning up against her and looking at the pages of the book as if he's reading along with her. His reading has improved a lot, he can read some but it's taking time. These types of things take time, but he's getting better. Hopefully he'll like his new school and things will get ever better. He starts on Monday and I really hope he's accepted. Kids this age can be very mean and he isn't shy about joining a group, and he'll try to get along with the others. At least in theory. He's never switched schools before so I don't know how he's going to react to it.

“`So they went on, feeling just a little anxious now, in case the three animals in front of them were of Hostile Intent. And Piglet wished very much that his Grandfather T. W. Were there, instead of elsewhere, and Pooh thought how it would be if they met Christopher Robin suddenly but quite accidentally, and only because he liked Christopher Robin so much.' Feel better baby.” She stops even though the chapter isn't finished. I've memorized this book too ya know. He's already asleep. Well that was fast. She gives him a little kiss on the side of the head, puts the book down on the nightstand and lays him down on the bed. I set the pajamas down on the dresser and sit at the foot of the bed. She looks at me with this look like `I could sleep for a week'. I know the feeling

“Ok, so for the record: I'm sorry for all the shit that happened, the fight is officially over, we'll put the wedding off for a couple of years and if Giles finds a place that is full of demonic activity but is also a nice town for kids then we'll talk about it. I'm tired, are you tired?” I ask and yawn widely as I stretch my arms above my head. She yawns and nods her head. We change for bed, I don't know when Addison passed out but she's snoring now. We shut off the bedroom lights and crawl under the covers. We lay on either side of Matthew and he's squished in between us. He's lying on his side facing Faith and his head is buried in her chest. Is it wrong to be jealous of a six-year-old? `Cause I think it is. I look into her eyes and she stares right back. “I love you.” She smiles and holds onto my hand and brings it up to her mouth and kisses the knuckles. She can't always say it but I know she feels it. And that's the important thing, isn't it?

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