| ACT ONE FADE IN INT. SUMMERS HOUSE - MORNING Buffy--fully-clothed--stands at the stove making pancakes. She holds a spatula in each hand. She takes a pancake with the right and flips it high in the air. She positions the left behind her back, intending to catch the pancake...but it hits her head instead. BUFFY Shoulda seen that one coming. Dawn staggers in. DAWN What smells? BUFFY Is that a negative question? DAWN If I say yes, do I get grounded? BUFFY (mumbling) You already are. DAWN What? BUFFY I said cooking is not a common occurrence here in the Summers household, so it may be wise to take it when it's available. DAWN Slayer mumbling--impressive. (beat) Thanks--for being all sisterly. Don't take this the wrong way, but I really prefer you in sister-mode rather than slayer-mode. BUFFY Me too. And I'm much more enthused about you in any state that doesn't involve whining. DAWN Me--and everyone else--too. (beat) Umm, what--exactly how--I don't think you voiced your opinion on my shattering confessions. BUFFY Can't help who you fall in love with. DAWN Love? Who said anything about love? BUFFY You did. DAWN I said love? I don't love her. BUFFY The idea seemed implied by how incredibly broken you were. Your relationship with her--even in its most innocent form--was tearing you up inside and that plays at a volume on the frequency of...LOVE. DAWN Maybe it's the fact that I'm 16 and meeting my inner lesbian. I can tell ya, she ain't as much fun as my inner child. Inner child reveres "The Wizard of Oz"...inner lesbian keeps looking for subtext and points out how the Tin Man's make-up and talking-style are totally queer. BUFFY First off: never tell Xander that Tin Man theory--since his inner child is pretty much dominant, that bombshell might kill him. Second: you have a point. DAWN Okay... BUFFY Discovering this side of yourself isn't easy and firmly grasping the reality is leaps and bounds tougher than accepting the idea of someone else you know being gay. DAWN God, could you be less understanding...what the hell has gotten into you? I'm your sister! How 'bout a freak-out? Buffy smiles and envelopes Dawn in a hug. DAWN What are you doing? BUFFY Hugging my sister who I love and will always back no matter what road her life travels. DAWN Is this pancake poisoning? Buffy CHUCKLES and hugs Dawn a lit bit tighter. Dawn relaxes into it...until GILES walks in and the sisters separate. GILES Hope I'm not interrupting. BUFFY Uh, did you hear anything? GILES Such as...? DAWN Nothing. GILES I just got here. Oh, and Buffy, I can't say this enough: it's WHOM, not WHO. Please open a grammar text. Buffy and Dawn stare at Giles who realizes what he said. GILES Yes...well, let me remark in my defense that eavesdropping is an historically FEMALE trait...and I am surrounded by females...so there you go. CUT TO: INT. XANDER'S APARTMENT - MORNING Anya enters, slamming the door and recklessly tossing her purse away. She sulks over to the answering machine and plays it. XANDER'S VOICE Hey An, just checking in--wondering if all's well and there's no "end's well" we should be worried about. (beat) L.A.'s fun so far...nice change of pace. I really want--and NEED--to talk to you soon. Call if you want--I guess it can wait. (beat) Bye. There's a BEEP. Anya EXHALES and ruefully shakes her head. She walks over and plops herself on the couch facing the television. ANYA Anya, you are a horrible excuse for a human being. Shame on me. I don't deserve happiness. Anya SIGHS. She takes the control and turns the television on. It's lesbian porn. Anya's mesmerized. CUT TO: INT. CHURCH - DAY ELLE sits in a pew with FATHER OLIVEIRA. ELLE It seems ridiculous to hate the sin but love the sinner. FATHER OLIVEIRA Look at it in context. We believe people are born with sin which is expelled through baptism. It's about humanity--about forgiveness and understanding. ELLE Many would argue with that...including me. FATHER OLIVEIRA The church is condemned for having rules, but those rules serve as a guide to living life in the spirit of the Lord. We condemn certain actions--lifestyles--because that's what we believe. But no matter what, we love and accept everyone and wish no ill will to anyone. ELLE Dawn is unique. She stirs up feelings and emotions in me I've never even seen on T.V. FATHER OLIVEIRA Your problem sounds less about religious implications and more about YOU. ELLE (sarcastically) That helps sooo much. FATHER OLIVEIRA Acknowledging your feelings is one part of the process. You have no idea where you want to go with those feelings--you may think you WANT to act on them, but another part of you says it's just an unwanted attraction that will go away. You might want to act, and CAN act, but don't--simply because she's your female best friend. ELLE Got a point there. FATHER OLIVEIRA This is not usually my territory. ELLE My brother's out of town...needed to get this off my chest immediately. A NUN comes up to the duo. NUN Father, it's time for that meeting I informed you of. FATHER OLIVEIRA Can't it wait? The Nun shakes her head. FATHER OLIVEIRA (to Elle) Those doors are always open. ELLE In this town, that's dangerous. Father Oliveira LAUGHS as he gets up. He pats Elle on the shoulder and the Nun leads him toward the back of the church. As they walk, the Nun's face morphs into demon visage. CUT TO: EXT. LIBRARY - DAY Faith exits the building with a backpack. She slows down as a thrilled Giles shows up. GILES Faith, this is a marvelously welcome surprise. Expanding your horizons? FAITH Figured some studyin' could improve my...situation. GILES How so? FAITH You know, bullshit. GILES Right...well, I'm pleased to see you're taking this step and it can only make you a better slayer. FAITH Among other things. GILES Shall I see you tonight for patrol? FAITH Sorry G-Man--busy. I will make sure to get my fill of the demon crowd. CUT TO: EXT. PARK - EVENING Faith surveys the area and proceeds to the swings with caution. Faith opens the underground hatch and hops in. CUT TO: INT. CRYPT - NIGHT Buffy reads a magazine as Dawn roams around. DAWN It's stupid to think he'd show up. BUFFY Spike is stupid enough to surpass the stupidity of this stupid plan. DAWN But he knows how we think. BUFFY From back in the day--things have changed. DAWN Yeah...it's been all of TWO WEEKS since he turned Johnny Rotten. BUFFY Two weeks--a lifetime in Sunnydale. DAWN You hear from Xander and company? BUFFY Not for a couple of days. DAWN Think something's wrong? BUFFY They're fine. CUT TO: EXT. MULTIPLEX - NIGHT WILLOW, DINO, and FRED watch from across the street as MOVIEGOERS rush out into the street SCREAMING. DINO Not a healthy development. WILLOW By no means is that incorrect. FRED Should we go in? DINO From the looks of it... WILLOW ...They'll be coming out. XANDER, GUNN, and ANGEL all run fearfully as two MUTANT JACKALS chase them. CUT BACK TO: INT. CRYPT - NIGHT Buffy puts down her mag. BUFFY You talk to Elle today? DAWN Sure--we've had at least six thousand conversations in my head. BUFFY That's a start. DAWN Not like there's any hurry. She's not going anywhere. Faith on the other hand... BUFFY Don't tell me you're in love with Faith! DAWN Here come the visuals...there goes my appetite. I meant from the way she's been acting lately, she might not stick around much longer. BUFFY I think you're overstating the case. DAWN Or your underestimating it. What's up with you two? BUFFY Really nothing you should be concerned with. DAWN Something happened last night. BUFFY Leave it alone Dawn. DAWN So the opening-up policy applies only to me. BUFFY Faith and I are going through the motions. DAWN Slayer thing. BUFFY In a way. I'm worried about her. CUT TO: INT. UNDERGROUND - NIGHT LOUNGE A YELLOW DEMON desperately tries and fails to open the door. He's scared shitless of the only other figure in the room: Faith, standing stone-still and watching the wussy-display icily. FAITH Like I told ya an hour, half hour, 15, 10, and 5 minutes ago, it ain't gonna work! YELLOW DEMON I never screwed you over! But if I inadvertently did so, allow me to grovel at your feet and beg forgiveness. FAITH Go ahead. Yellow Demon's "eyebrows" shoot up. He slowly drops to his knees and crawls over to Faith. YELLOW DEMON (pleadingly) Please oh demented slayer-- FAITH --Mistress Slayer. YELLOW DEMON Please Mistress Slayer, please forgive me for my indiscretion that I swear I was unaware of and I will not do it again! I am at your mercy--willing to do your bidding. FAITH Bidding...I could get into the boss routine. YELLOW DEMON You make for an excellent executive. FAITH No shit. Let's start by you standin' up straight, chest puffed like a beefcake. Yellow Demon does it. FAITH Good. Yellow Demon smiles, but it fades when Faith whips out her knife and jams it in his chest, carving him up like a turkey. The Yellow Demon's dead body falls to the floor. Faith crouches down and chops off one of the Yellow Demon's toes. She pulls out a ziplock back and puts the toe in. LATER MID-LEVEL OFFICE A SUITER sits behind a desk as Faith enters. FAITH Thanks for the tip. SUITER For the slayer, my door's always open. FAITH In this town, that's dangerous. SUITER Depends on what side of the door you're on. (beat) Have I thanked you for knocking off upper management? FAITH Wrong slayer. SUITER In my experience, one slayer fits all. FAITH Are you the new top freak? SUITER Yep. FAITH I shoulda kept B from killin' the other guy. SUITER Only time will tell on the wisdom of that heat-of-the-moment decision. FAITH Whatever. Suiter blows Faith a kiss. Not amused, Faith coolly spits on the floor and stomps out. A side-door in the wall opens and Spike enters. SPIKE She got what she came for? SUITER Absolutely. Spike pulls out an envelope and tosses it on the desk. SPIKE Good. That bitch is finished. Suiter giggles delightedly. END ACT ONE |
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