FADE UP
EXT. CEMETERY - NIGHT
Buffy and Faith easily take on two vamps. Eventually, they
simultaneously punch their vamps in the face, kick them in
the midsections, kick them up high, pull out their stakes,
and use their left hands to grab and send their respective
vamps each other's way. At the same time, Buffy and Faith
spin and stake the vamps. After the explosion of dust settles:
BUFFY
(giddily)
That was fun!
FAITH
(flatly)
Oh yeah. Super duper fun.
BUFFY
Is it that we're fully clothed?
FAITH
Ya look so fuckin' hot in the buff!
And the stuff I'd do to you...
BUFFY
You tricked me into getting naked.
Consider yourself lucky--there are
worse punishments than slaying with
your girlfriend.
FAITH
Can't we--
BUFFY
--slay naked?
(beat)
Sure.
FAITH
Really?!
BUFFY
No. If I got your hopes up...good.
MAN'S VOICE
(screaming)
No. Please don't.
Buffy and Faith glance at each other and take off in the
direction of the voice. They reach the top of a slope and
see what's happening. Buffy and Faith sneer.
BUFFY/FAITH
Spike.
Spike beats up on some guy.
FAITH
THIS is gonna be better than
nakedness. Almost. Let's do it
Faith taps Buffy on the shoulder but Buffy doesn't move and
holds Faith back.
FAITH
What?
BUFFY
Wait...this isn't right.
Faith watches with Buffy as Spike fights that guy along with
two others. Spike has no trouble. He gets one into a
chokehold, grasping him against his body. Spike pulls out a
stake, says something into his ear, and dusts him. Spike
attacks the other two and dusts them leaving Buffy and Faith
confused. After Spike admires his work, he walks over to
behind a tree and comes back around with a woman. Now Buffy
and Faith are immensely confused.
BUFFY
Umm...
FAITH
She can't be human.
WOMAN
(profusely)
Oh thank you! Thank you so much!
SPIKE
It was my pleasure. You know, a
lovely lass like yourself shouldn't
be travailing around these parts.
Bad things that happen here are not
few and far between.
FAITH
(quietly)
No shit. She's as good as drained.
SPIKE
(rubbing the woman's shoulders)
You run along, have a safe trip
home. Heed my advice--carry a
cross and holy water with you
whenever you go out at night.
Trust me, it'll help.
Buffy and Faith look at each other in utter disbelief.
WOMAN
I will. Thank you.
The woman kisses Spike on the cheek and runs off. Spike
watches her go before flipping his stake and shouting:
SPIKE
All right--who wants some?
Spike disappears into the night, WHISTLING an upbeat tune.
Buffy and Faith are stupefied.
BUFFY
Umm...
FAITH
What the hell just happened?
BUFFY
Something...that we have to tell
Giles about.CUT TO:INT. SYLVIA'S HOTEL ROOM - NIGHT
Giles and Sylvia LAUGH it up as they finish off their wine.
SYLVIA
You know Rupert--may I call you Rupert?
GILES
Why would you? Oh, right, that is
my first name. It's so rarely used
these days by others, I forgot for
a moment.
Sylvia sadly looks at him before busting out into LAUGHTER.
Giles doesn't mind.
SYLVIA
Ahh, Rupert--for a watcher whose
spent seven years residing on the
mouth of hell, you seem
extraordinarily less hardened than
the rest.
GILES
The rest haven't spent seven years
with California teenagers.
SYLVIA
Do you ever feel that enough is enough?
GILES
Enough of the hellmouth...
(pause)
...or enough of my children?
There's a light RINGING. Giles peers down and pulls out a
cell phone. He looks at it. The screen says: BUFFY.
Sylvia takes a peek.
SYLVIA
Must be important.
Giles stares at the phone for a while. He turns it off and
stuffs it in his pocket.
GILES
It's nothing my charges can't
handle. So, what did you do before
joining the council? CUT TO:INT. DEAN HOUSE - NIGHT
Dino distractedly flips through the channels on the tv.
Elle comes downstairs and stops at the front door.
ELLE
I'm going out.
DINO
Where?
ELLE
Wherever.
A beat.
DINO
Dawn?
ELLE
I'll be back before then.
Dino shuts his eyes and dips his head, then shakes it.
DINO
Be careful...and have fun.
Elle flies out, SLAMMING the door closed. Dino sits,
defeated. He looks at his watch and gets thoughtful. He
jumps out of his seat, grabs his keys and hustles out the door. CUT TO:EXT. CEMETERY - NIGHT
Buffy and Faith chug some beer against headstones.
BUFFY
Okay, so Spike's killed ten vamps
tonight for seemingly positive reasons.
FAITH
Eleven--that tree branch didn't
break by accident.
BUFFY
It has to be a trick.
FAITH
Definitely.
BUFFY
Spike knew we were here somehow.
FAITH
Absolutely.
BUFFY
Part of his scheme to--to, uh...
FAITH
Scheme us?
BUFFY
Even though I don't think you can
scheme a person, yeah.
FAITH
He's playin' mind games.
BUFFY
YES! Great way to put it sweetness.
I wish stupid Giles would answer
his stupid phone.
FAITH
(looking behind her)
Oh, hey G-Man.
Buffy fearfully looks behind her. No one's there. Faith
CRACKS UP. Buffy glares at her.
BUFFY
You're sleeping on the couch.
FAITH
If we sleep at all. We should
follow the limey lemonhead back to
his lair.
BUFFY
Maybe that's what he wants us to do.
As part of his scheme.
FAITH
Maybe not followin' him 'cause we
think followin' him is part of his
scheme is what's really part of his
scheme.
Buffy and Faith stare at each other. After a while, they
take another swig of beer.
BUFFY
All right--let's take it from the top. CUT TO:INT. SUMMERS HOUSE, WILLOW'S ROOM - NIGHT
Dawn and Willow play the game. The shotglasses are filled.
Dawn jumps one of Willow's glasses with her own, then takes
Willow's drink and throws it down.
DAWN
Ugh! That is some sour apple juice.
Willow reaches for the container and looks at it.
WILLOW
It expired three weeks ago.
DAWN
Whiskey gets better with age.
Apple juice doesn't. Check.
There's a KNOCK. The door opens and Elle pokes in.
ELLE
Hi.
DAWN
Hey. How did you get in?
ELLE
Front door was unlocked. Back door
was unlocked. You people protect
this town?
WILLOW
We never claimed to be good at it.
ELLE
(to Dawn)
Can I talk to you?
Dawn glances at Willow before nodding at Elle and getting up.
The girls exit. Willow takes another shot. CUT TO:INT. UNDERGROUND - NIGHT
Close on Dino as he empties a glass of beer down his throat.
DINO
This isn't fair. I haven't gotten
ANY since I came here. But you--
you're just gettin' it from all
walks of life.
Pull back to reveal Anya resting her head on her arms on top
of the table.
ANYA
It's not my fault I'm irresistible.
DINO
You had sex with Faith. You've had
sex with Xander who's also had sex
with Faith. Xander's had lots of
sex with you; sex once with Faith;
lots of make-out sessions with
Cordelia; and at least several
make-out sessions with Willow.
That's more hot chicks than most
guys get in a lifetime. Why the
fuck is he complaining?!
ANYA
Exactly! He's so lucky. Us gals
are catches.
DINO
I haven't even groped anyone here.
ANYA
Would you like to grope me?
Dino thinks about it. REALLY thinks about it.
DINO
Nah. He loves you, I couldn't do
that to him. Besides, I just
remembered I grabbed Willow's ass a
few weeks ago.
ANYA
I bet it felt spectacular.
DINO
My hand concurs. Xander'll be okay.
He'll release a whole lotta anger
and shit and be back to normal soon.
Anya nods, not quite convinced. Silence.
DINO
You notice Elle and Dawn acting
funny around each other?
ANYA
They're weird teens.
DINO
Even so. I have a right to know if
they're--you know--doin' the girl-
girl thing...right?
ANYA
Honestly, I doubt THEY know whether
or not they're doing the girl-girl
thing. They're in high school...and
weird enough as it is. CUT TO:INT. SUMMERS HOUSE, DAWN'S ROOM - NIGHT
Dawn and Elle anxiously hang around.
ELLE
Are you drunk?
DAWN
Are you high?
ELLE
Why do you ask that?
DAWN
Why did you ask if I was drunk?
ELLE
I'm not THAT socially inept. I
know what shotglasses are for.
DAWN
Apple juice.
ELLE
They're not for apple juice.
DAWN
No duh. But there really was juice
in there. Willow would never let
me drink.
ELLE
Did you see her last night? It was
like she was being fed alcohol
through an iv.
DAWN
So you came here to make sure I was
sober?
ELLE
No. Well, I had to make sure after
seeing the game.
(beat)
We have to stay friends.
Dawn's face clouds over.
DAWN
Why would we stop?
ELLE
We wouldn't. It's just, you know
how things can get between friends.
DAWN
Not really. Explain it to me.
ELLE
(stuttering)
They get these feelings that mean
you wanna be--more than friends
which complicates the whole situation.
DAWN
You can say it. We're alone. The
complication is I'm a girl and so
are you.
ELLE
It's a pretty major complication.
DAWN
For a lot of people. Doesn't stop
them from going through with it.
ELLE
Teenagers kill themselves over this.
DAWN
We're not them! You and me...
(pause)
I look at you and all I see is
someone I want to hold and kiss
because I love her.
(pause)
I love you.
Elle's stunned. Dawn appears relieved.
ELLE
No you don't. You're confused and
misguided--inexperience telling you
lies about how you feel.
DAWN
Like you?
Elle stays silent.
DAWN
You're afraid. You are scared of
the truth because of some whacked-
out notion that your life can't get
any more fucked up.
ELLE
Oh please! I'M scared? You do
realize this is the first time
we've even talked about this!
DAWN
Who's fault is that?
ELLE
If you're saying it's mine--FUCK YOU.
DAWN
I wasn't. Yeah, I was scared too,
but I'm saying it out loud now.
We're talking now. That counts for
something.
ELLE
Sure it does. NOW we know what to
avoid.
DAWN
Why are you doing this?
ELLE
Life is hard enough as it is
without a sexual identity crisis.
DAWN
There'd be no crisis if you would
just kiss me. Everything would be
okay then.
ELLE
What demented reality are you
living in? People don't kiss and
have their problems magically
disappear.
DAWN
My feelings for you aren't a
problem to me. How can they be
when whenever I'm with you life--
life feels beautiful. That's what
you do to me. Avoiding that would
be the most painful problem ever.
ELLE
I'm glad it's easy for you. I
don't want you to hurt. But it's a
teeny bit harder for me. I've
always been grateful for the life
my brother gave me, but I thought
maybe I could enjoy a more normal
existence here.
DAWN
Normal. What is that?
ELLE
It's not kissing a girl 'cause I
love her the way Rocky loves Adrian.
DAWN
Is that your idea, or your brother's?
Dawn cuts Elle off.
DAWN
What? You thought nobody noticed
him manhandling you out of the
house? The way he looked at us?
US. Not you, then me. US, together.
ELLE
Chris doesn't control my life.
DAWN
But he is a part of it. So what he
thinks matters.
ELLE
He's more. Unbelievably more. You
bet your ass what he thinks matters,
but it doesn't dictate my thoughts
or feelings. I can't be what you
want. I'm sorry.
DAWN
What WE want.
Elle is unnerved. Dawn begins to tremble. Dawn turns
around and steps to the window. Elle can only look at
Dawn's back. She wants to say something. Instead, she
wipes at her sensitive eyes and walks out. Dawn sits on the
edge of the bed, back still turned to the doorway where
Willow appears. Willow sadly looks at Dawn's stone-still form. CUT TO:EXT. STREET/WATERFRONT HOTEL - DAWN
Buffy and Faith walk.
BUFFY
Very productive.
FAITH
Thinkin' things through is so
overrated.
BUFFY
Don't get carried away. Thinking
is good when it doesn't cause us to
lose track of Spike.
FAITH
I'm beat. Let's go home, get into
bed, and finger each other 'til we
fall asleep.
BUFFY
I don't know...that's not much a
punishment. But--
Buffy stops when she notices the hotel nearby. Faith looks
at her imploringly.
FAITH
But? Don't leave me high and wet.
BUFFY
Waterfront. Maybe we should tell
Sylvia what happened?
FAITH
Yeah, that'll boost G's ego, givin'
important info to someone we don't
trust before goin' to our surrogate
father.
BUFFY
He might appreciate the effort.
Although we have no idea how much
HE trusts her.
FAITH
(looking past Buffy)
We do now.
Faith points behind Buffy at the hotel. Buffy turns and
sees Giles exit the hotel and walk off in the opposite
direction of where they are.
FAITH
That didn't take long. CUT TO:INT. DEAN HOUSE - MORNING
Elle sleeps on the couch. The front door opens. Dino, in a
ragged haze, enters and closes the door waking Elle. Elle's
head pops up startling Dino.
ELLE
It's past dawn. Would it be
nonsensical for a girl to ground
her own mother?
Dino's steely glare matches Elle's scornful stare. Without
a word, Dino trudges up the stairs. Elle buries her
softening face in the cushion. CUT TO:INT. SUMMERS HOUSE - MORNING
Faith and Buffy playfully enter the kitchen where Willow
sits at the counter reading a magazine.
FAITH
Mornin' Red.
WILLOW
Good morning.
Buffy narrows her eyes. She gets right in Willow's face and
examines her eyes.
WILLOW
I'm not drunk.
BUFFY
Any particular reason why?
FAITH
Did you get laid in your room?
Buffy is horrified. Faith winks.
WILLOW
No, I didn't. Can I borrow Faith
for five minutes?
FAITH
Thought you'd never ask.
Faith and Willow sway over to each other and pretend to kiss.
Buffy glares and crosses her arms.
FAITH
(to Willow; pointing
at Buffy)
Ain't she the adorablest?
WILLOW
Adorablest with a bullet.
(to Buffy)
By the way, we're out of coffee.
BUFFY
Wonderful. Last night was a
disappointment.
FAITH
Gigantic disappointment. Where's
Sunrise?
Willow tries to remain cool.
WILLOW
Still sleeping.
BUFFY
I guess you really drank her under
the checkerboard.
WILLOW
Mm hmm.
Giles enters to Buffy and Faith's discomfort.
GILES
Good morning ladies.
WILLOW
Hey Giles. You have any coffee?
Buffy forgot to buy coffee.
BUFFY
I was slaying with Faith, protecting
the human population thank you very
much.
FAITH
You're welcome.
GILES
Any suspicious occurrences to
report? I'm sorry I wasn't able to
receive your phone call last night.
A beat. Buffy opens her mouth, but:
FAITH
Killed some run-of-the-mill baddies.
Blah blah stake, blah blah
beheading, blah blah blah patrol-cakes.
Buffy gives Faith a concerned sideways glance.
GILES
Very good. I for one could use a
hot cup of decaf.
Everyone looks at Buffy. Buffy rolls her head.
BUFFY
You'll all rot in caffeinated and
decaffeinated hell. CUT TO:INT. ESPRESSO PUMP - MORNING
Buffy enters and goes to the counter. A waitress shows up.
BUFFY
Can I get three coffees, one decaf,
and a mocha.
The waitress nods and goes off. Buffy looks to her left out
the window.
XANDER (OS)
Top o' the morning to ya.
Buffy snaps her head to the right where Xander stands.
BUFFY
Hi.
XANDER
Long time no see. You've really
changed.
BUFFY
You haven't. That's a good thing.
(beat)
Look, about yesterday...
XANDER
Yesterday was yesterday. Today is
today. Tomorrow is Sunday.
BUFFY
Today is Sunday.
XANDER
I'm the last to know that too,
aren't I?
Buffy LAUGHS. Xander remains fairly serious. The waitress
brings Xander a large cup.
XANDER
(to waitress)
Thanks.
(to Buffy)
Have a good one.
Xander gets a few steps away before stopping when:
BUFFY
Xander--you're not irrelevant. I
hoped that for as long as we knew
each other, that fact could remain
unsaid.
XANDER
Actually, I'm starting to reconsider
it myself.
A beat.
BUFFY
What does that mean?
XANDER
Coffee's ready.
Buffy turns around where the waitress has her order. Buffy
quickly turns back to Xander, but he's walking away from her.
As Xander walks out the door to Buffy's disappointment:
FADE OUT
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