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R--for language, nudity, and lesbos being lesbos

Buffy / Faith

The only characters I own are the ones I created and you know which ones those are.

I will be a saaaaad sad man if you don't give me some. Just ask Oral--I keep tellin' her I'll be happy if she gives
me "some", but...

Gina, 'cause I know she wants to give me naked pictures of herself. Oh, and because she's all a wonderful friend and stuff. Whatever. And in honor of the late President Ronald Reagan--I loved the guy for everything he did and stood for; there isn't enough room to go into detail, but even though I was too young at the time to even know he was President, I know my history and I'm grateful he led this country for 8 years. Whether or not you think the country is, I believe the country is and I know my family & I are better off for having him.

Notes: So I've returned. This is episode 8 in my series. If you've forgotten or are just tuning in, I'm a screenwriter so these are "fics" but in screenplay form. They're my own tv episodes. If you haven't already, or need a refresher since it's been 6 months, then please read the first 7 episodes which can be easily found archived at Oralfxatn the website. Excuse the crappiness of the title--I suck at titles. Anybody else here a Mets fan? If you are, I'd really appreciate it if you can email me and share in my pain and suffering. PLEASE? ENJOY!

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Fog rolls in.  A teen couple stroll through.

                         TEEN GIRL
            Are you sure this is smart?

                         TEEN GUY
            It's just a walk...

                         TEEN GIRL
            ...that's not in the park.

                         TEEN GUY
            The park is dangerous.

                         TEEN GIRL
            While this place is so comforting.

The teen guy holds up the teen girl and takes her hands in
his own.

                         TEEN GUY
            I just want to be alone with you
            without interruption.  My world
            doesn't revolve around you--you are
            my world.

                         TEEN GIRL
            Aww Steve.  I love you so much.

                         TEEN GUY
            I love you too.

The teen guy and teen girl hug and prepare to kiss, but:

                         CREEPY VOICE
            What a beautiful sight.

The teens jump out of their skin.  They turn and discover
the voice belongs to a creepy dude.

                         CREEPY DUDE
            Didn't mean to scare you.  Just
            making an observation.

                         TEEN GUY
            Uh, well, thanks.
                   (to teen girl)
            We should be going--got that exam

The girl nods rapidly.

                         CREEPY DUDE
            Oh don't do that.  Wouldn't want to
            monopolize your time...would we?

                         GRUFF VOICE

                         DEEP VOICE
            Absolutely never.

The couple are startled to find a gruff dude and a big dude
approaching.  The couple is scared shitless.

                         TEEN GUY
            Please--we'll give you anything you
            want.  Just don't hurt us.

                         CREEPY DUDE
            That's what they all say.
            Unfortunately for you, what we want
            involves hurting you.

The couple makes a run for it, but the creepy dude cuts them
off.  He morphs into gameface triggering a SCREAM from the
couple.  Close on the creepy dude grabbing the couple.

                         CREEPY DUDE
            Dudes, let's eat.

There's a SWOOSH, several GRUNTS, and loud POOFS off-screen.
Creepy dude turns to look at the others but they've
disappeared.  Now HE's scared.  Close on creepy dude.  A
THROAT CLEARS behind him.  When he spins, a boot nails him
square in the face, followed by successive punches and kicks
from head-to-kneecaps with ungodly speed and force.  The
creepy dude can't defend himself.  A stake pierces him in
the chest, turning him to dust.  Pull back--the couple is
shell-shocked.  Nonchalantly standing in front of them
surrounded by an air of superiority is a casually-dressed,
sleek, sly, gorgeous young FEMALE twirling a stake.

            A little advice: dating in a
            graveyard is stupid and stupid
            people shouldn't be in love.  Wisen
            up--then go for it.  You'll live
            longer that way.  It really was a
            beautiful moment between you two
            though.  Good luck.

The Female walks off WHISTLING.


Sunshine from outside and in.  The sun provides the light
from outside.  The glowing, sunny-dispositioned slayers
provide the light from inside.  FAITH contentedly lies in
BUFFY's arms, head resting on Buffy's bare chest.  Buffy
gazes adoringly at the raven-haired beauty.

            Stop lookin' at me like that.

            How am I looking at you?

            In a way that makes me nervous.

            Don't worry--you'll get used to it.
            This will be one of my standard
            Faith-gazes...along with humor,
            understanding, and irritation at
            your latest sex joke involving me
            and/or us.

            Put way too much thought into this.

            It's you.  I like thinking about you.

            Then I guess it's okay.

Faith snuggles deeper into Buffy.


SPIKE sits on a leather couch watching tv.

                         DRUSILLA (OS)
            Spike, my toe hurts.

            Which one?

                         DRUSILLA (OS)
            The middle one on my right foot.

            Maybe it's stuffed with all that
            roast beef it ate.


                         DRUSILLA (OS)
            Spike...what does that mean?

A frustrated Spike turns the tv off and heads into another
room where Drusilla nurses her toe on a bed.

            It means I'm trying to watch the
            telly--a task made impossible by
            your blasted complaining.

            But I ache without end.

            And ANNOY without end.

            Don't you love me anymore?

            You're lucky I saved you from the
            white hats.  Dumping me for the
            witch!  I should drain you drop by

            I was going to share her with you.
            She would make for a delectable sex

            Even if I believed you--which I
            don't...well, the part about her
            being choice submissive meat I can
            agree with, but trust you in any
            substantive manner?  NO BLOODY WAY!

            What can I do for my love that
            would prove my undying devotion to you?

Spike's piercing gaze holds on Drusilla as he goes into
serious thinking mode.

Spike's eyes circle downward, then back up to Drusilla.
He's got something.

            All right.  You really care?
            Help me sire Buffy the Vampire Slayer.

                                            END TEASE

Act One

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