Buffy is on the bed, lying on her stomach, watchin' TV.
She's got her elbows propped up and she's eatin' grapes, naked. I am too. Naked, that is, but I'm straddling her ass and givin' her a massage.
"Uh, baby...lower...yeah, ouch," she winces.
"Sorry, B," I knead her tender spot gently.
"Mmm, that's okay. You've got great hands, Faith."
I lean down and whisper in her ear:
"Yeah, but you knew that already."
She reaches behind and smacks my ass.
"Hey!" I laugh.
"Um...Faith?" she says, after a while.
"Yeah, baby?" I say, digging my fingers into her lumbar.
"Ugh...deeper," she instructs, "What's that tape sticking out of your VCR?"
I glance up at it, and see the title. I smile.
"Oh, that? It's nuthin'."
"Well it must be something, because it's the only tape I think you own and it's always in there."
"It's not the only tape I own, B," Rubbing her tailbone, "It's just a little girl-on-girl action," I add smiling.
She stiffens.
"Porn?" her voice goes up, "You have porn?"
Uh-oh.
"Um, yeah, B."
"You have porn..." she flips over and gives me a look. "...and you didn't tell me?"
Ohhhhh.
"You're not mad at me?" I ask.
"No, why would I be?"
Hmmm.
"You wanna watch?"
"Okay," she says excitedly.
"You surprise me, B. I thought you'd be against it."
She frowns.
"Why does everyone think I have a giant stick up my ass? I had that removed a long time ago."
I smile, rubbing her breasts.
"No, B." I correct, "Not that long ago. You ever watch one before?"
"Um, no. I mean, I could have, Xander has enough of them. He's offered to loan me some if I wanted, but the idea of watching it with Willow was kinda oogie. Not that she'd actually be doing much of the watching, hiding behind her hands and peeking through her fingers and all."
I laugh. I could just picture it.
"Yeah," I say, "You'd think she was watching a slasher flick instead of a porno."
"Totally," B says.
"So, you wanna watch it?" I ask again.
"Sure. What's it called?"
"HIDDEN OBSESSIONS," I say with drama.
"Oooo, nice title," B says, "You sure it's a porno?"
I smile.
"Yeah, B. I'm sure."
"It's just that all the titles I've seen at Xander's were lame. Mainstream titles with a twist. Like 'Good Will Cunting', and you just know I wasn't gonna watch that one with Wills."
I laugh, "Good call, B. What else did he have?"
"Let's see," She thinks a second, " 'On Golden Blond' and 'E3-The Extra Testicle'."
I laugh, holdin' my sides, "Shut up, B."
"I'm serious, Faith."
"No, I know you are," I wipe tears from my eyes, "I'm just laughin' at Xander. Can't you picture him? A bottle of Asti Spumante, a bottle of lube, and a copy of 'Muffy, the Vampire Layer'?"
She starts laughin' with me.
Xander. He's such a dork.
"Well, you're in luck, B. I just got a new copy, so you won't miss a thing."
"What do you mean, 'new copy'? I've seen this same video in your machine since the first day I came here."
"Actually, it's my third," I clarify, "I only watch the same scene over and over, so it messes up the tracking. But I think the old manager of this dump stole my last one. Serves him right. What you'll be lookin' at is a brand new tape. Barely been watched at all."
"How many?" she deadpans.
"Oh, I dunno. Fifty times, maybe?" I see the look on her face. "Over a matter of weeks, Buffy. I'm not a freak."
"Weeks? Well, that's much better then. Thanks for clearing that up," she says sarcastically.
I laugh.
Cus I'm really not kidding.
What can I say? It's hot.
"Ready?" I say, as I turn to lie on my side.
"Ready," she says, and crawls underneath me. I've got the left half of my body thrown over her, my left knee wedged between her ass and thighs, my arm slung across her shoulders.
Our favorite lying-on-our-stomachs-while-watching-TV position.
I hit play on the remote.
The familiar strain of music comes through the speakers, and I watch B get sucked in immediately. I can see some of the images reflect off her face. I'm not worried about missin' anything, because:
A.) Seen it a thousand times before, B.) She's gonna wanna watch it again, and C.) She's gonna wanna watch it again.
Yeah, I'm that sure about that scene.
I watch her face as it registers what she's lookin' at. She looks like a kid on Christmas, lookin' at all the presents under the tree, and seeing that the biggest and best wrapped package of the entire bunch has her name on it.
Yep. I know the feeling.
Why else do you think I watch it so much?
I glance at the TV to see what part is on.
Uh-huh. That explains why her eyes got all wide.
I grin and rub her back.
I lay my head down on the bed and look up at her.
I know the scene will be over soon, I can tell by the music and the sexy breathing and moaning the two girls do towards the end. The images continue to bounce light off her face, and I stare intently at her features. Deep green eyes framed by thick lashes…perfect pink lips that are now slightly parted…and a nose so cute, I always want to kiss it.
My girl. She's perfect.
And she lets me watch porn, too!
The music changes, signaling that the scene is over and has now moved on to the next one. I hit stop. She's still got her eyes on the screen.
"Buffy?" I say.
"Huh?" she says absent-mindedly.
"Buffy, it's over," I say.
She looks down at me, "Huh?" she says again.
"You nut," I ruffle her hair, "Wanna watch it again?" I say.
"Uh, yes please," she finally responds.
I rewind the tape counter to 00000. I have it set starting at that scene.
I told you.
I'm serious about this movie.
"What's the rest of the movie like?" B asks.
"It's good, B. But I'm not into that stuff. I really only like to see Janine and Julia Ann together."
"Wait, you know their names?" she asks me surprised.
"Damn straight," I say.
And I tell her more about what I know of them.
"So Janine is the one in the blue dress, and Julia Ann is the one in the red?"
"Yep."
"And they were really girlfriends in real life?"
"Uh-huh."
"But not now," she says.
"Right."
"What else do you know about them?"
"Well, let's see. They both have tattoos. Lots of them. Janine likes car racing and paintball, and she loves to paint ceramics. She's got a beautiful little boy, and she's from Orange County."
"And Julia Ann?" she asks.
"Well, Julia Ann is from Silverlake, and she's a huge animal lover. She's always stoppin' for strays, and she has a few of her own. She owns a Friesian, a beautiful black horse like the one in 'Lady Hawke'?" I ask, not knowing if she knows the breed.
Buffy nods.
"Okay, and she loves to cook. In fact, she made Janine some French toast for breakfast in bed after their first night together…at Julia's Grandma's house." I throw in that last part.
"That's so cute," Buffy smiles, "So she likes to cook for people she cares about. Just like me," she says happily.
"Yeah, baby. Just like you," I smile, and give her a kiss.
"Okay. Again, please."
I lean in and kiss her again. She giggles.
"Thank you for that, but I meant the movie."
"Oh," I grumble, and give her a scowl.
"Oh, come on. I know you wanna watch it again. Besides, it's given me ideas. Got any ice dildos lying around?" she asks suggestively.
I smile and wiggle my eyebrows.
"Well, not ice dildos," I specify, "Besides, don't you think that would hurt you?"
"Oh, I dunno. Maybe. But they make it look so hot."
"You're hot," I tell her.
"No, you are," she says.
"No, you are," I smile.
"I know you are, but what am I?" she jokes.
"You're hot, B!" I yell.
We start giggling. God, she's so great.
She snuggles underneath me, and then reaches over to press play on the remote.
"You take too long," she scolds.
Thank you, Janine and Julia Ann!
After watchin' the girls do their thing for the sixth time, Buffy jumped my bones.
Well, we kinda jumped our own bones, but you know what I mean. We could have won our own best Girl/Girl sex scene award.
The category would be:
"Best Girl/Girl scene with Seriously Severe Limitations"
Or
"Mutual Masturbation with a Little Extra in the Mix"
Hey, I've seen some of those categories.
Mine aren't so far fetched.
Then Buffy tells me afterwards that we're not havin' sex again until Vegas.
"WHAT??" I shout. Shock. Denial. Confusion.
"You heard me."
"WHY??" Anger. Betrayal. Frustration.
"Faith, stop being such a baby. It'll be worth it."
"HOW??" Suspicion. Doubt. Delusion.
"Because if you play your cards right, I'm letting you slide into home."
Oh.
A more beautiful mixed metaphor has never been spoken.
Acceptance. Aspiration. Obsession.
"...okay, so if we take the I-5 and cut across-"
Xander interrupts.
"What's the deal, Faith? I thought half the fun of going to Vegas was the road trip. Now suddenly you're acting like it's a major inconvenience. If that's the way you feel about it, then why don't you just hop on a plane and fly out there?"
A plane...Oh my god, why didn't I think of that!
I excitedly turn to Buffy, opening my mouth to suggest we fly out there-
But then I close it again.
She's lookin' at me, shakin' her head.
Damn.
I silently plead with her, using my best puppy dog eyes.
She takes two fingers, goin' for my eyes, and acts like she's gonna poke me with 'em.
Double damn.
"So what's the deal, Faith? What's your hurry?" Xander asks again.
"Yeah, and what's with the Basset Hound eyes? I've never seen you do that before. It's kinda adorable, Faith," Willow smiles.
They all look at us, waitin' for an explanation.
Cordelia is lookin', too.
"Uh, nuthin'," I say.
"Actually, if you must know, I told Faith I'd fuck her brains out once we got there," Buffy says, matter of fact.
Xander looks at us surprised.
"Well, alrighty, then. I'm in for the 'Helping Faith Get Laid' foundation."
He reaches into his pocket and throws out some bills.
"Here's my donation toward two plane tickets. Anybody else? Willow? Oz?…Cordy?"
Dammit. I never told B not to throw it in Cordelia's face. In fact, I never told B anything.
She never asked.
I'm just waitin' for the other shoe to drop.
A size seven Jimmy Choo, with a three inch heel.
No one expects it when Cordy says:
"I've got some frequent flyer miles left over from Mexico. They're yours, if you want them."
"What?" Buffy says surprised.
"I said they're yours, if you want them."
"What's the hitch, Cordelia?"
"No hitch. Just think of me when you get there." But she addresses this last part to me.
Goddammit, she's good.
She's so devious.
Now when Buffy finally gives it up to me, she'll never be sure if I'm thinkin' of Cordelia or not. Ya put something in my head, and I can't stop playin' with it.
Why does everyone have to know how my mind works?
"Um, no, Cordy, that's okay," I say, haltingly.
"Whichever," she says, "You'll either be in my car, or flying with my miles. It's up to you. Just trying to help out, is all."
"What about us?" Xander asks.
"You'll take the Beemer," Cordy answers.
"Cool," Xander says, glad that was still a plan.
"Just let me know, and I'll have someone messenger it over. And Faith? Use your real I.D."
"We haven't said yes, yet." Buffy protests.
"Oh, but you will," Cordelia states confidently.
"What makes you so sure?" Buffy sounds pissed.
"Because if it were me, I'd have been on that plane yesterday. I take that back; if it were me, I'd have fucked her brains out a hundred times by now. But we're talking about you. Don't be a twit, and accept the tickets posthaste already."
And she walks out. Oh, the drama.
But she sure knows how to make a great exit.
"Well, I guess we all know why she really dumped me, huh?" Xander jokes.
"No, Xander, that's not why," Oz says quietly.
Willow looks ashamed, and grabs Oz's hand.
"Oh man, I'm sorry Oz. Of course that's not why. I just can't believe how bad she's got it for Faith."
Oh great.
"Uh, you're not really helpin' over here," I say.
Xander looks over at Buffy.
"Oh god. I'm sorry, Buffster. I'll shut up now."
"Good idea," she says softly.
"Come on, B. Let's go to mine. I wanna talk to you," I say, pulling her out the door.
"Oh, and let us know if you're flying out or not," Xander calls out to us.
"Shut up, Xander," Willow sing-songs warningly.
"Oh. Right."
Buffy and I are sitting in the tub.
We had stopped at the store, and picked up some fruit and beef jerky and a box of bubble bath.
"Calgon, take me away..."
I know that's one of B's favorite things to do, and I knew I'd be needin' all the help I could get. I got an extra bunch of grapes, too.
I rinsed the fruit and ran the bath. I lit candles.
I had put Buffy in front of the TV with Janine and Julia Ann.
I hear the music start again, as she had rewound the tape to the beginning. For the second time. Good. Keep her occupied, girls. I owe ya.
I set a fresh towel on the toilet seat and place the bowl of fruit there. Peaches, strawberries, and grapes. All of B's favorites. I turn off the bathroom light and the candles come to life. It's still light outside, but my motel room is so dark you can hardly tell.
I walk over to the bed and sit down next to her. I kiss her shoulder, and slide my arm around her waist. I pull her to me. She rests her head on my shoulder, but leaves her eyes on the screen.
We watch together.
"They're both so beautiful, Faith. Don't you think?"
"Hmm," I answer, and kiss her head.
"And they both look so hot in those outfits."
"Umm-hmm," I kiss her cheek.
"I like what they're wearing, Faith, don't you?"
"Mmm-hmm," I kiss her ear.
"Those strappy heels look great with their long legs."
"Hmm," I push her hair back and kiss her neck.
"Janine would look like Cordy if she had a brown wig."
What?
I pull back and look at her.
"What are you talkin' about? No, she wouldn't."
"Just look at her, Faith. Put her in a brown wig."
"No, Buffy, I won't."
"Look at the TV, Faith."
"No, B, I won't."
"How can you tell if you won't look?"
"Because I've seen this tape hundreds of times, and I just know."
Besides, I've seen Janine with brown hair and she looks nuthin' like her.
"Okay, well, her body then. Cordelia would look like that, in that dress and those shoes."
Well, she may be right, there. Cordy has that dress and those shoes...
Goddammit!
Why'd she do that? Now I'm gonna think of Cordy whenever I watch this tape or hear the music.
Fuck!
"No, Buffy, you're wrong," I say instead.
"No, Faith, I'm right. And I don't want to watch this anymore."
And she clicks off the VCR.
I stand up and look at her.
"Buffy, this is insane. You love this tape. You shouldn't ruin it because you're mad at Cordelia."
"I'm not mad at Cordelia, I'm mad at you."
And she is, too.
Wow. Look at that face.
I get on my knees in front of her.
"Baby, I'm sorry," I say.
And she slaps me across the face.
I blink a tear out of my eye and peer at her.
"B?" I say. And she slaps me again, on the other side.
Okay, Ow.
That hurts. She is a Slayer, after all.
She's so pissed off, that she hauls off and slaps me again.
This time I taste blood in my mouth. I cut my lip on a tooth.
I poke my tongue out and touch it. I wince.
Buffy's face changes to shock.
"Oh my god, I have to go." And she leaps for the door.
I jump up and grab her from behind.
"No, B. Stay." I slide my arms around her stomach, and pull her into me. I bury my face in her neck, and say:
"I'm sorry, baby. I really am." And I hold onto her, rockin' us back and forth.
After a moment, I break away, pullin' her to the bathroom.
She looks at the bubbles and the fruit and the candles…she looks at me, and raises her fingers to my face, tracing my cheekbone and my lip that's startin' to swell up.
She gives a little pout.
What? Oh my god.
She's not upset that she hit me, she's upset because my lower lip is fucked up!
She's unbelievable!
I smile and shake my head in disbelief.
"Don't worry, B. I can still kiss you with it. You could probably even suck on it still, if you don't pull too hard."
She smiles at me. She's shameless. That's my girl.
She's gettin' to be more like me by the minute.
We take each other's clothes off, givin' little kisses here and there.
A neck. A shoulder. A nipple or two.
I get into the tub first, leanin' back against the porcelain. Buffy gets in and I pull her back between my legs. She settles in, the water sloshing over the rim, and leans back into me.
She sighs.
I run my soapy hands over her thighs and stomach, and up towards her breasts. I play a bit. Buffy's spine is pressed against my pussy, and I move a little.
Oh. That feels nice.
"Oh my god, Faith. Please tell me you're not humping my vertebrae."
I stop.
Why she gotta go and put it like that?
I start crackin' up. I guess that was what I was doin'.
But it just sounds so gross.
Buffy leans forward to add more hot water. Her spine sticks out and pokes my clit.
Uh, hello!
She leans back into me and it retracts. Then she leans forward to adjust the tap and it pokes at me again.
Uh.
She leans back and it settles. She leans forward to let some of the water out of the drain, and the fuckin' thing is back pokin' at me. I lean my head back against the wall, put my arms up on the rim of the tub, and close my eyes.
I give up.
Buffy leans back against me. Now she's forward again, fidgeting with her toes. She had hooked her big toe into the chain on the stopper, and now it was stuck. She's moving back and forth, tryin' to get it off.
But she's getting me off, instead.
"Uh, look here, Buffy," I gasp out, "I think it's your vertebrae that's humping me."
She stops and looks back at me.
"Really, Faith, that's just sad." And she scoots away from me.
"Hey, where'd you go? Why'd you stop?" I complain.
"I said no sex until Vegas."
Why did I say anything?
"That's not sex, Buffy," I reason, hoping she'll buy it.
"No, you're right. Not for a normal person. You're not normal, Faith."
Yeah, well. When she's right, she's right.
Buffy finally wins the battle of Toe VS. Drain Chain and leans back into me.
"That's the right temperature, don't you think, baby? Not too hot, not too cold."
"Hmm. It's perfect, baby," I trail my fingers up her arm.
"Feed me grapes, Faith?" Buffy asks.
"Sure, B."
I flick off the suds from my hands, and reach over and wipe it on the fruit bowl towel. I pluck a grape and put it in B's mouth.
She moves against me, shifting a little so her head is facing mine. She sucks on the grape and then bites down into it with her front teeth, her lips opening as she does it. That middle thing in the grape comes flyin' out and lands on my chest.
"Eew, gross, B." I say.
She chews with her mouth open and smiles at me.
Man, she really is pickin' up some of my bad habits.
"Uh!" She grunts, mouth open, indicating she wants another one.
I put another in her mouth and watch a repeat performance. I look down, and now I have two grape...vertebrae on my chest.
Vertebrae is okay, right? I mean, it's like its spinal column. I don't want to say umbilical cord, cuz that's just too gross.
"Nifty little trick ya got there. You got skills. How'd ya learn that?" I ask her.
"Years of practice," she says, "Since I was a kid."
"Hmm. I see. And you can aim those little suckers anywhere?"
"Sorta. Sometimes I accidentally suck the stem out, so when I bite down nothing happens."
"Oh? Those things are called stems?"
Vertebrae. Duh. What was I thinkin'?
"Not a clue. But it's in the same place where the stem was attached, so that's what I call it."
Oh. Well, I say it's called vertebrae. Prove me wrong.
I feed her more grapes and she shoots out the vertebrae stems, actin' all happy and goofy. She's so cute. She puts a few in my mouth, and I try her trick, but I'm not very good at it.
I got one on my chest, next to Buffy's, but I wasn't aiming for it. It just kinda fell out. But we're both smilin', munchin' away. I lean over and kiss her, stealing a grape from her mouth.
I just sucked it right out.
"Heeey...thief," she accuses. She puts one in my mouth and sucks it out, but it plops into the water.
I grin.
"I guess I just suck more than you do." I frown, knowing that came out wrong.
She smiles, seeing my face.
"Yeah, you suck alright."
She puts another grape in my mouth and tries again. She gets it. She grins like an idiot.
We do this a few more times, but now we're just kissing. She's got her tongue in my mouth, runnin' it all over the place. She had moved onto my lap earlier, so she's a little above me. When we're kissin', I have my head back at an angle and she's comin' down at me. She's holdin' my chin with her hand and caressing my jaw with her fingers.
She's kissin' me very aggressively, and it's turnin' me on.
I feel like such a chick suddenly.
Wow.
That rarely happens. Not that I feel like a dude, but I rarely feel like this. Even when I bottom during sex, I'm really not. I still have a sense of control and my partner knows it. I may be receiving, but I'm still the aggressor.
This was different.
I was feeling dominated and I was so turned on. Fuck, this was hot. I let Buffy take control. Not just with her actions, cus she's done that before, but of the moment.
She has full control of this moment.
She must have felt it, cus she grips my chin tighter and pulls my head back as far as it'd go. She is tonguing me hard, runnin' it across my teeth, pushing against my tongue and suckin' on it.
She is filled with strength, and I was giving her mine.
It feels incredible. She starts sucking on my bottom lip and I feel pain...but it feels good. I push my mouth up against hers and her teeth bump hard against the cut on my lip...
...it feels so good.
I can taste the pain and the blood and her power and I come.
My eyes are closed, but I can feel her lookin' at me in surprise. I let her hold me, and she continues to suck on my lip, makin' it bleed.
I come...and I come...and I come.
My body is jerkin' in the water, the water flowin' onto the floor. It doesn't stop. She doesn't stop. She keeps on sucking, and the pain is so exquisite that I think I'll pass out.
I lay limp in her arms and I revel in it.
I feel safe. I feel protected.
I feel loved.
When my body had finally stopped its motion, I was completely spent.
Every nerve, every fiber, was relaxed.
It was euphoric. I felt done.
Buffy pulls back to look at me, her hand caressing my cheek. Tears spill from my eyes as I open them to look at her. I hear her sharp intake of breath. She traces my tears with her thumb.
"Baby?" she whispers in wonder, "Baby, what was that?"
"It was you," I whisper back, closing my eyes.
We're still sittin' in the tub, but B's sittin' across from me now. Buffy had added hot water for the third time, and our skin was gettin' pruny. I gnarl my fingers and move my wrist back and forth, dancin' my hand towards her face.
"Grrr. Aaaargh. Invasion of the Pruny People."
"Dork," she says.
"You are," I say.
"No, you are."
"I know you are, but what am I?"
"You're a big fat dork, Faith!" she yells.
Yeah, we're losers. But we love it.
"Want some beef jerky?" I ask.
"I'll have some of yours," she says.
I hand it over.
She's always doin' that. She rarely wants her own anything.
It's always:
"I'll have a bite of yours" or "I'll take a sip of yours" or "just let me try some of yours" or "I'll take a drag off yours".
Like right now? Same thing.
If I get myself another piece of jerky, she'll be hurt.
I casually reach into the bag.
She's eating the jerky and watching me.
I look anywhere but her face, or I'll start laughin'.
I slowly pull out my hand with a piece of jerky between my fingers.
I pull it out all the way, and bring it slowly to my mouth.
Then I slowly open my mouth.
Every motion is like a slo-mo movie. I time my mouth to open completely at the exact same time my hand reaches there. The jerky barely touches my lips, when a huge splash of water hits my face and goes up my nose. I start sputtering.
"Serves you right," B says.
"Why, what I do?"
"Making fun of me. You already have a piece of jerky. Here, put that one back." And she hands it over.
She's nutty like that.
"Faith?" she says.
"Hmm, B?"
"Um...that thing that happened a while ago...?" she asks, tentatively.
"Yeah, B?"
"Um...that was kinda intense, no?"
"Big time," I agree.
"Um...well...has that happened to you before? I mean, I wasn't even touching you anywhere, really."
"But you were, B. You were everywhere."
"I was?" she whispers.
"Yeah, B. You were inside of me. Inside my entire body. I could feel you from my toenails to my scalp. I could feel you in my pores...I could feel you in my heart." She's lookin' at me with awe.
"I felt you give over to me," she whispers.
"How'd that make you feel, baby?" I ask.
"Oh my god, Faith. I can't describe it. It was like all this...this power was everywhere. But it came from me. And then I felt you let go and suddenly I had more. And it made me stronger." She pauses.
"You think it's like how a vampire feels when he drains someone?" she asks, scared.
"Maybe. Yeah, you could be right," I agree.
"Oh my god, Faith. I'm a vampire. I sucked you of your energy." She's upset now.
"No, baby. It was different. I gave my power to you. I gave it, and you absorbed it. Vamps take victims. Against their will. I allowed you to do it. I wanted you to do it. It was the most freeing moment I've ever experienced."
She thinks this over.
She traces a finger up my knee.
"Baby...?" she says.
"Hmm?"
"I think..." she pauses, "...and I don't want you to think I'm taking away from your experience...but...maybe in a similar way, that's how you make me feel all the time." She blushes.
I look at her in surprise.
"I do? Like that?"
"Um...I think so." She's embarrassed.
I keep quiet. She's tryin' to tell me something.
"You make me feel like I'm someone else. Like I'm something else. When we talk dirty or have sex, it's like I can not be me. Like I can let go of all the 'Buffy' limitations I've had all my life. Like I stepped out of the box or something. But then, after that, more than that, I feel so alive, just a force...no body to restrict me, no personality to inhibit me. Just some incredible force that's vibrating with life."
Wow.
"Do you think it's our Slayer Connection?" she asks.
"It must be. Cus that's exactly what I felt like. Exactly. Until I heard you say it that way, I still thought it was sex. Uber sex, maybe, but still sex."
"So even if you have sex with Cordelia, you'll never feel that way?"
My stomach lurches.
"Buffy, I don't want Cordelia."
"Yes, you do, Faith. I can feel the vibe between you. I'm sensitive to it."
Oh.
"It's just lust, B." I admit finally.
"But it's so strong, Faith. It creeps over the whole room. It frightens me."
"It doesn't scare me, B," I say, "It appears intense because she and I have no other focus. All the energy is channeled into one area."
She accepts this explanation, but she wants more.
"I know what if feels like to me, the vibe, I mean. But what's it feel like for you?"
I think it over.
"It's like what you said. It creeps out at me. It's subtle at first and then it grows. Remember how Oz described it? It's a lot like that. It's like a full moon pullin' at me, callin' me out to run wild in the night. It's primal."
That's exactly how it is. In a nutshell.
"I can sense that. You're right, that's what it's like. I can feel her pulling at you, and your desire to go."
God, she can sense that?
"How can that not frighten me, Faith?" she asks.
"Because I don't give in. It pulls at me, but I won't release my power. My will stops me. Oz has seen the destruction he can cause. It's damaging and it's deadly. The urge is powerful, irresistible, and on his own he can't stop it. But he built himself a cage to refuse his Animal whenever it takes over."
"Am I your cage, Faith?" she asks quietly.
"Yes, B," I admit, surprised, "You're what keeps me safe from destroying what I love."
"Why does she have that power over you?"
"She doesn't. You do. She has a pull, I can't deny that, but it's your power that stops me."
I pause.
"But I don't know what it is. I don't even want to think about why. It doesn't matter."
"She knows I'm your cage," she states.
"Yeah."
"And it makes her angry. If it weren't for me, she'd have you. You'd go to her."
"Probably."
"That's not really comforting me, Faith." she says.
"Buffy, it is what it is. I don't want to be with her. If I wanted to, I could. But I don't. I'm with you. I want to be with you."
I look at her.
"I'll tell you what she told me. She told me that it's just the way it is between us. So deal with it. She has to."
Buffy gives me a look.
"You had this conversation with her?"
"Yeah."
"When?"
"After your chick fight."
"So that's where you were." Realization dawns on her face.
"Yeah."
"What else did she say?"
"Not much. Just that she'd stop baiting you, if you'd stop throwin' it in her face."
"Oh. If I stop throwing my girlfriend in her face?" She's pissed.
"Yeah, B. Put yourself in her place for a minute."
"Why? So you can pretend I'm her when you're fucking me?"
"Buffy, stop."
"No, Faith, I won't."
"Stop twisting my words. Why do you have to make this so ugly?"
"Fuck you, Faith. You just got done telling me you're drawn to her like some irresistible force of nature, and I'm supposed to accept that? Then you expect me to put myself in her shoes? Well, okay. I have. And it looks pretty fucking promising. It's just a matter of time."
"It's not."
"It is."
"You're missin' the point here, Buffy. Stop focusing on her pull. Focus on your power. Have you been listening? You keep me here. She can't touch that. She's not angry, Buffy. She's hurt. She understands your power better than you do."
Silence.
"I love you, Buffy."
Silence.
"I want you, Buffy."
Silence.
"I love only you, Buffy."
Silence.
"I want only you." I lean forward until our foreheads touch.
I look into her eyes.
"I need you to feel that. I need you to trust that. I need you to know me," I whisper.
And I think she finally does.
BUFFY'S POV:
"Everything is in order. Your flight departs at five p.m. this very evening, and Xander and Willow will rendezvous with you on the morrow."
"God Giles, you're in America now, speak English already," Cordelia drolls.
We all laugh.
"Um. Right then...er...um...your ride...will boogie down...around five-ish, and the Xan-man and Red will...hook up...wit'chew...on the flip-side," he says awkwardly.
"Quick! Somebody kill it before it multiplies!" Xander shouts.
I look toward Cordelia who's smiling. It's a genuine smile. We haven't seen that in a while.
After Faith and I had gotten out of the bath, I thought long and hard about what she had said.
I didn't like it, but it made a lot sense. And she needed me to understand her. I needed to understand her. My insecurities were preventing me from fully knowing the most important person in my life.
I had to change that. I had to try.
I owed that much to the both of us. After I thought on that a while, I allowed myself to try on Cordelia's shoes.
It wasn't pleasant. And I don't mean because she can be bitchy or catty or sarcastic.
It wasn't pleasant because it hurt.
To feel so drawn to someone you couldn't have. And to have that someone be drawn to you, only to have nothing come of it because someone else stood in the way.
It wasn't so long ago that I really was in her shoes. And the same person stood in the way then too.
Me.
When I had finally gotten out of the way of myself, I had obtained what I desired. But I'll never get out of Cordelia's way, and she knows it. Faith's mine, and it hurts her.
I could almost cry for her.
I've made a conscientious decision to stop throwing that fact in her face. It's just cruel. She can't help her attraction for Faith any more than I can. Oh my god, when I think of the hell I went through...that she's still going through...I want to hang my head and weep.
I had also decided to accept her offer of the plane tickets. I know she had motives behind it, but I decided to ignore it.
I had to start somewhere.
I look at her smiling face and I soften. In a weird way, her feelings for Faith bonded us. Although it's not of the Slayer kind, it's still just as much of a connection.
As far as I know, no one else besides us feels this strongly for Faith. Not like this. Forget about the girls from the Espresso Pump and the Bronze.
Only Cordy and I felt love.
Oh my god. Yes, I do believe she does love Faith.
I look over at Faith, who has purposely placed herself far away from Cordelia. There's tension, and I'm the cause of it.
It's no wonder Cordelia calls to Faith. Faith feels the love, but is unable to recognize it for what it is.
Lust, she understands...desire, longing. But not love.
She had been denied love her entire life. The only reason she saw it from me, was because she was looking for it. Because she wanted me to love her. Because she needed me to love her.
Because she loved me.
I look at both of them and a feeling of such tenderness overcomes me. Tears spring to my eyes.
I can't take it.
I walk over to Cordelia who is laughing with Xander. Haven't seen that in a while either. Xander's laughing face slowly changes expression as I approach them. His eyes follow me as I get closer. Cordy sees his face change and she stops laughing to see what he's looking at.
Her whole body stiffens as I sit down next to her.
I feel the entire room looking at me. It's gone completely silent.
I put my arm around her shoulders, and I lean over to whisper in her ear.
"I understand it now, Cordelia. I understand everything. And I'm okay with it. You love her, and I love you for it."
And I kiss her cheek.
Cordelia remains stiff. I keep my face close to her cheek and slowly she relaxes. She turns her head slightly to look at me. I see her long lashes framing her soft hazel-brown eyes.
Oh.
My God.
She's not even trying and I feel it. Her pull spills over me and I feel a tug. I know it's not intentional, she doesn't seem to be aware it's happening. How did Faith resist this? And this was unintentional. What she threw out at Faith was a hundred times more powerful.
Her eyes glint.
Okay, so maybe she does know what she's doing.
But I don't think it started that way. But she knows that I know.
She gives a slow smile, and mouths the words "thank you" to me.
I smile back.
The room is deathly quiet. Everyone is holding their breaths.
Cordelia and I share this moment, and I feel it draw us closer.
It's amazing.
Xander finally breaks the mood and says:
"I'm paraphrasing here, but to quote Cordelia's infamous words, 'Oh my god, ladies, get a room'!"
Cordelia and I both smile, and then we look over at Faith.
Poor thing.
She's just standing there, frozen. The shock and fear on her face is suddenly hysterically funny to me.
And to Cordelia too, because she says:
"Relax, Faith. I'm not going to bite her…unless she wants me to, that is."
I rib her with my elbow.
Faith looks confused. Then her expression changes as she finally gets that Cordelia is kidding, and that we're only teasing her. She grins, looking relieved. Very relieved.
I give Cordelia a gentle shove on the shoulders as I get up and to go Faith.
"Everything okay, B?" she whispers, putting her arms around my waist.
"Perfect," I say as I kiss her.
Xander interrupts again, clearing his throat.
"Ah-hem! Okay, this stuff stops now before I have to get myself a room!"
"Dork," Cordelia smiles.
"Yeah, I know you are, but what am I?" he says suavely.
Cordelia just rolls her eyes.
I guess not everyone plays the game like Faith and I do.
I'm standing by the window, looking out into the courtyard, when I feel it.
I turn slowly to face where it's coming from.
Cordelia.
Cordelia is still sitting at the table but she's looking across the room at Faith, who is going over some maps with Xander for his precious road trip. She is casually looking over at them, but I can sense an intensity in her gaze that's directed only towards Faith.
I feel her pull creep across the room to Faith, whom I can tell feels it too. When it finally reaches her, I can see her body twitch, but she continues talking to Xander running her finger over a map. She's ignoring it, but she's very aware of it, and Cordelia is very aware that she's aware of it. I can feel it grow in intensity, almost like a humming without the sound.
It's unbelievable. It's completely compelling.
I see Faith shift herself, moving her body at various intervals, as if she's trying to avoid it or shake it off. She continues what she's doing, trying her best to act oblivious to what's being done to her. She's so strong. She's determined not to give in. I see what she means now. She's in complete control, even though the pull is getting stronger, pushing itself up against her, making her shake. She steadies her tremors and keeps talking to Xander.
She's so poised. She's beautiful.
She's made me her keeper, and her belief and trust in that is what keeps her safe. She needs me.
She needs to know that I believe in her.
I step forward slightly and direct myself towards her. I let all the power she told me I had --that she said Cordelia knew I had-- flow out towards her.
It was indescribable.
Just like our intense moment in the bath when she released herself to me and I absorbed it, adding to the power that was already spilling out of me. I focus my power toward the pull I felt was shrouding her, and I feel it give. I continue, pouring all of my love for her into it. It isn't meant to reject Cordelia, only to save Faith from her struggle with it. She's been struggling with this for so long and she never told me...
A sudden burst of love flows out from me, and Faith stumbles, catching herself before falling backward.
She looks up in surprise, her eyes immediately connecting with mine. She's stunned. I hear two gasps.
I look over at Cordelia, whose mouth is slightly open. Her pull is completely gone. She looks at me with an eyebrow raised and then her lips curl into a slow smile. It's genuine. She moves her head down slightly, giving a nod of acknowledgement, as if to say:
"Well done, Buffy. You finally found it."
Xander says to Faith:
"Hey, Grace. Stand, much?"
Cordelia's vibe has changed. It's no longer overwhelming and ensnaring. It's soft and embracing.
She smiles warmly at me.
But...
I heard two gasps.
I glance around the room to see Willow in a chair with a book near her feet; its pages creased and facing downward. Her mouth is open and her eyes are wide. She's gasping.
She's looking at me in amazement.
"What? What'd I miss?" Xander exclaims, taking in the room.
I walk over to Faith and put my arm around her waist.
"Let's go to yours, baby. We need to pack." As we walk by Cordelia, I run my hand across hers as it lies resting on the table. She entwines with my fingers for a second, and then lets go.
We leave Willow gasping in the corner.
"There must be some sort of mistake," I exclaim at the check-in clerk at Caesar's Palace.
"No, Madam," he says with a stiff English accent, "I received the call myself. You have indeed been upgraded to a penthouse suite. All accommodations have been provided for yourself and your companion, as well as..." He looks at the computer screen "...a Miss Willow Rosenberg and a Mr. Alexander Harris. They will occupy the suite adjoining your own. In addition, the management would like to express its sincere pleasure at your decision to stay at Caesar's Palace. Anything and everything the hotel can provide for you will, of course, be complimentary. We hope your stay at our establishment will be most enjoyable."
"What?" I say stunned.
"They're comp'ing us, B. It's on the house," Faith says excitedly.
"Precisely," he concurs. He slides a rack of casino chips across the counter towards us.
"Something to get you started with," he explains.
"But-" I say, before Faith interrupts me.
"Hey, what name do you have me registered under?"
He punches in some keys on the computer.
"I believe you are a 'Miss Faith Knight'."
"Damn straight," she grins.
Un-believable.
"...and of course, a spectacular view of the Strip," the bellman says. He pushes a button that electronically opens some curtains that cover the entire wall of the room.
Oops. I mean penthouse.
It was spectacular. It was mid-evening, and all the lights on the Strip were at full blaze.
He lets himself out with a slight bow, and Faith slips him a hundred dollar chip.
We look at each other in amazement.
"This is fucking rad, B! Wicked cool!"
We gaze around the room and see opulence everywhere. Marble floors, tabletops, and bureaus. Expensive wood furniture with velvet upholstery. A fully stocked bar with ice maker, and a table large enough to seat eight for entertaining...candles and crystal abound.
"Hey, B...look at this," and she gestures towards a small room.
Which turns out to be a large bathroom.
"Fuck, B." Faith exclaims, "This bathroom is as big as my entire motel room."
"Bigger," I say.
Again, marble everywhere. Gold plated fixtures on all the amenities.
"I bet that bath tub is makin' you wet," she jokes.
Can I tell you?
The marble tub was bigger than Faith's whole bathroom.
"Hey, B. Look what they gave us."
I turn to look at Faith as she's turning on the bidet. Both jets start shooting out water.
"Water toys," she grins.
And the shower? Well, it could fit six people... lying down.
Faith runs the two faucets full blast on the tub. "Wanna?" she says, running her hand under the water.
"Oh yeah," I smile.
Faith has already got one boot off. Soon the next one comes off with a thud, and within ten seconds, she's naked.
Besides the black socks with a hole in the right toe.
She's grinning at me like a chimpanzee.
"Vegas, B. Remember?"
"Oh god, baby. Can I tell you how hot you make me?" I say with a straight face.
She grins wider, pleased with herself.
She starts wiggling her eyebrows at me, and I swear, I don't know how, but the hole in her sock appears to get bigger.
Maybe it was the lighting or something. But suddenly, before my very eyes, the material of her sock just seems to shrink away until her entire big toe is sticking out.
I tried to recall where we were.
What with her chimpanzee grin, her wiggling eyebrows, a big toe sticking out of a black sock...and all of this is naked, mind you...
We weren't at Caesar's Palace...we were at Circus Circus.
And now it was walking towards me!
I can't take it anymore, and I burst out laughing. Oh my god. It's a sideshow freak.
A sideshow freak with a killer body, maybe, but still a sideshow freak.
She stops and looks at me kind of confused.
And then she gets a look at herself in the mirror. All of the mirrors. The entire room has mirrors, wall-to-wall and ceiling. She gets a good look from all angles.
And then she's grinning at me again.
She begins to walk towards me again; but now she's got a swing in her hips, and every three steps she stops to place her right foot in front, big toe out, and leisurely trails the toe back and forth across the floor.
"You want this?" she says, all sexy.
"Baby! The Big-Toe Seduction? Take me now!" I exclaim.
And she grabs me in her arms and carries me back to the tub, laughing.
"Faith, don't!" I say.
Too late.
We're in the tub. My clothes, her socks.
I look at her.
"B, it's customary to remove ones clothing before entering the bath. Here, let me help you with that."
And she starts taking off my wet clothes.
The buttons aren't coming undone fast enough for her. They're wet, so she can't get a good grip on them.
She grabs the top part of my blouse instead, and pulls with both hands.
Buttons fly everywhere.
"What?" she says, "I'll buy you a new one." And she starts tugging at my bra.
"Faith, you can't just go ripping off my clothes. Are you gonna act like this all weekend?"
"Not if we stay naked, I won't."
"Faith," I say, pushing her hands away.
"Naked," she says, putting her hands on the straps.
"Come on, stop." I push her hands away, and the straps snap off in her fingers.
My eyes go wide.
"Faith!" I scold.
"Naked," she says, and undoes the clasp.
She buries her face in my breasts and starts tugging at my pants.
"Naked," she mumbles into my chest. I give in.
I like these pants.
"Better?" I say, after everything's off.
"Better!" she smiles.
God, she went from chimpanzee to Tarzan.
At least she's moving up the evolutionary ladder.
But just barely.
