The Incredibly (un)True Adventures of Two Slayers in Love:

Moving On Up

by Oralfxatn

Rating: NC-17
Feedback: Hit me (Love tap!)
Summary: Part 4 of series. Faith and Buffy move in together...and then Faith does something that makes Buffy leave.

Listen to the Music

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FAITH'S POV:

"That's it, baby. We're done," I say to Buffy, slinging my duffle bag over my shoulder. I take one last look around the room.

Yep, that's it.

As far as seedy motels go, I've seen worse. Don't get me wrong, this place really was a slice of hell, but I'd found some moments in heaven here too. It helped soften my perspective on it.

"Baby? What's up? We gotta motor. I told Red we'd meet her back at the Condo."

I got me a Condo.

Can you believe it?

I still get no response, so I walk over to the bathroom to see what the hold up was.

Hmm. No Buffy. That's weird.

"B??" I yell, and I see a figure jump behind the shower curtain.

I pull back the curtain to see a fully clothed Buffy sittin' in the tub. She's holding a withered old loofa sponge in her hands. She looks up at me teary eyed.

"What are we going to do without our tub, Faith? What's 'Bathtub' going to do without us?"

Her bottom lip is threatening to quiver.

She's severely sentimental...or just severely mental.

Buffy has the tendency to give certain inanimate objects emotional attributes.

Ceramic dwarves. A rain gutter. A sprinkler head.

That was during her gardening phase.

I even overheard her speak soothingly to a paint-chipped chair at a garage sale once.

"Don't you worry about that sign. I'm sure you're worth much more than a dollar. In fact, just think. I'm sure there have been many a successful persons that have sat on your seat. Maybe some little kids that have grown up to become lawyers or doctors or astronauts. Oh! I bet Donald Trump even sat on you back when he was still counting his pennies. See? You're really worth lots!" she said, stroking its back comfortingly.

Eventually she caught me looking at her, and she said:

"What, Faith? A dollar? After letting countless fannies sit on its backside, it gets dragged into a garage to be sold for a dollar? It's just not right," she said upset.

"Ssshh, B. Not so loud, it might hear you," I said, lookin' at the chair.

She made a face at me, then took a marker out of her purse and added a couple of zeros to the price. She looked at me with her eyebrows raised as if challenging me to say something.

I just shrugged, and said:

"Heck B, add another one."

She smirked at me like it was the silliest thing she's heard.

"A thousand, Faith? No one would believe that." And she walked away, trailing her fingers over old toasters and a dusty table of knick-knacks.

I looked at the old veteran chair and smiled. Metal, paint chipped, and a dent in three legs.

Sure, a hundred's believable.

"Let's go, B."

I dragged her away from an old rusty clock.

"Your face is still handsome. It has character," she said to it over her shoulder, as I pulled on her arm.

We got to mine and she sighed at me, exhausted. She flopped down on the bed, flat on her back.

"I'm emotionally drained," she said, propping herself up on her elbows.

"I'm not takin' you to any more of these, B. No pawnshops, no swap meets, and no junkyards. You need to stop talkin' to inanimate objects."

She pouted, "You talk to inanimate objects."

"No, B, I don't."

"Do too. You talk to my breast all the time."

"That's different, B. It's not inanimate. Plus it talks back to me."

She watched me as I approached the bed. She already knew what I was gonna do, but she let me anyway.

I slid between her legs and pulled myself up on her, stopping at her chest. I looked up and she was smilin' down at me. I moved my head to look directly at her left breast. I brought myself closer so my lips were a whisper away from her nipple.

I said:

"Hey, Mary-Kate. How ya doin', girl? And how's your sister, Ashley?"

And sure enough, Mary-Kate started talkin' to me, and a few seconds later her sister jumped in too.

She laughed and pushed my head away.

"That's not 'talking', Faith. But I will admit, they do respond to you."

"That's all I'm sayin', B. That's all I'm sayin'."

So now she's in the shower displayin' psychotic separation anxiety over a rust stained bathtub.

"Baby," I say, as I kneel down to her. I wipe my thumb across a tear, "Baby, it's just time, that's all. Think if the people that stayed here before us had never left. 'Bathtub' would never have gotten to know us, right, baby? And we never would have gotten to know 'Bathtub'."

Then I lower my voice so it doesn't hear me.

"Besides, baby," I whisper, "New 'Bathtub' is waiting for us. You don't want to hurt its feelings, do you?"

She sniffles a little and shakes her head. I drop my duffle and squeeze in on the opposite end. I hold my arms out to her and she crawls up on my lap.

"Thank you, Mr. Showerhead and Mr. & Mrs. Hot and Cold water," I say.

"And thank you, Mr. Drain Chain," she adds.

"And goodbye, Miss Loofa," I say, takin' it from her hands.

"No, she's coming with us," she says, holding tight.

I think of the weeks of dead skin that has accumulated on the thing, and I shudder. It's not touching my body again...or hers.

"No, baby," I say, gently takin' it from her death grip, "It's symbolic. We're shedding old skin and we're startin' fresh. It stays here, okay?"

She relents and I stick it back on the ledge.

I really scored with all that symbolic stuff. I didn't know she'd take to it like a duck's ass to water.

Buffy becomes so sentimental about leavin' this motel, that it almost starts doin' a number on me. I follow her eyes as she takes in the room. Defective mini-fridge. Cracked mirror and broken dresser. Skanky carpeting and a piss-stained mattress.

The place really was a dump.

Without the few things I owned and my killer bed linens to cover the mattress, it really was just a shit-hole.

Buffy snaps out of it.

"Yeah, it's time." She lifts her arms towards me and wiggles her fingers.

Oh. Right.

I sling my duffle bag further behind my back, and lift her into my arms. I walk us over to the open door and look at her.

She gives me a kiss.

And as we crossed the threshold, we both knew we were doin' it in more ways than one.

"You're all hooked up. Welcome to the wonderful World Wide Web," Red announces.

"Thanks, Red," I say, "Hey Xander, go long."

I watch him zigzag across my living room and then cut to the left.

"Hit me," he says, thumping his chest.

I raise my eyebrows.

Oookaaay.

THUMP!!...THUMP.

"Faith!" Buffy scolds.

I give an innocent look.

The first thump was the football hittin' Xander's chest...

...the second was his ass hittin' the floor.

Xander grins, lookin' up at me and rubbing his chest.

"Damn, if I knew you'd take it literally, I'd have said 'do me.' "

"Xaaaander," Buffy warns, drawing out his name.

I walk over to help him up, ruffling his hair.

"Nah, Xan. I'd just give you a Toni home permanent."

"Greg Brady was pretty cute," Willow says.

"Nope, Red. It's 'Marcia, Marcia, Marcia' all the way."

"But she didn't have a perm," Red tells me.

"I didn't say she did," I walk up to Red who is sittin' at the new computer Buffy made me buy. I pull up a chair.

"So it's as easy as Chinese math, is it?" I ask skeptically.

"Oh, totally," she grins, "I already downloaded your software and added some programs. You can ask Buffy if you get confused."

"You get into that stock market thing I told you about?"

"Oh, yes. It's right here, see? I put it in your 'favorites'," She clicks with the mouse.

"Fuji-Jitsu Technologies," she reads, "You're doing really well too, Faith. I guess he was telling you the truth."

I had met Ronald Fuji and Chuckie Jitsu at the poker game in Vegas.

Two young Japanese American entrepreneurs who were shakin' up the technologies field with their innovative and ground-breaking discoveries.

It really wasn't anything new, the discoveries, I mean, but the way they applied it was new and fresh. They combined eastern old world mysticism with western new age technology. I think others have tried it before but it never took.

It might have helped that Ronald and Chuckie's ancestors were shogun warriors sworn to honor and protect the assets of the emperor of Japan.

Before and after death, apparently.

Both Ronald and Chuckie find themselves possessed from time to time with these warrior's spirits.

Being the twenty first century kind of guys that they were, they didn't think gettin' all Samurai Seven would be of any service to their cause.

Instead, they look out for their ancestral country by investing and developing in occult based technologies.

That's where I step in.

It was wicked creepy watchin' their bodies and faces morph in and out with these shogun dudes. It was kind of like a semi-transparent image superimposed itself on top of their real bodies.

You know. Like at the end of Disneyland's Haunted Mansion when one of the three hitchhikers sits on your lap.

They were pretty surprised about it. They said it never happened in public before; only in the privacy of their own homes, or when in the presence of some great mystical force.

See? That would be me.

I guess the old shoguns dudes got all excited by bein' in the company of yours truly.

Me being a great warrior, and all.

Ronald and Chuckie took me aside and told me all about their company's goals and the one thing they desperately needed, but could not get a handle on.

A direct connection to the supernatural...the evil supernatural.

They had heard of the Hellmouth and knew of the potential evil gold mine to be harvested there, but had no means of harnessing it. Evil is as Evil does...

...and Evil does some nasty stuff. They want to transmute it.

Anyway, long story short, I ran it by Giles, who ran it by the Council, and they had the cousins checked out. They seemed impressed and said for me to "proceed with caution."

We still don't know what they want me to do. I don't think they do yet either.

But a Slayer in waiting is better than no Slayer in waiting.

So I was on call, so to speak. They put me on retainer and gave me some stock tips.

But what really sealed the deal was personal.

Ronald is a Friend of Dorothy's, and was ecstatic to do business with "family."

"What am I? Chopped liver?" his cousin asked, as he flipped through a newspaper.

"No honey, you're tube steak, but you're my first cousin so I can't even go there," Ronald drawled.

"You better not go there," Chuckie said off handedly, like he's said it a hundred times before.

I looked at Ronald, eyebrow raised.

"Oh, we're just kidding. We've had this same conversation since we were kids. He's totally cool with it. He understands that love is love. See, we eat at the same restaurant, but he orders the fish and I order the meat."

He looked at his older cousin adoringly.

"Isn't that right, Chuckie?" he asked.

"You better not go there," Chuckie mumbled again, not paying attention to us.

So you see, I'm kinda loaded.

I invested five thousand of my Vegas winnings in Fuji-Jitsu, and then another five thousand a few weeks later.

It's already tripled.

The gang didn't want to invest, not trusting the unpredictability of the market. But not me. What's the worst that could happen? I started with nothing, and I would end with nothing.

But what a ride in between.

The retainer the boys gave me was more than generous...

...four hundred grand.

It's good to be an Honorable Slayer Warrior.

Buffy and I immediately began scouring the good neighborhoods and the local newspapers for some new digs.

We found a super sweet deal from a gang of former Dot Com'ers who had lost their shirts when the Internet craze leveled off.

The condo they had was actually two condos they had joined together.

They had knocked down some walls and then added extensions to make it all one. It was pretty fucking massive.

One part was for their business; the other was for their residence.

Their business side had some desks, a large conference room, and a satellite TV screen the size of a third world country.

Yeah, they were livin' large...until they weren't anymore.

I got it dirt-cheap.

The residence end had two very large bedrooms with master baths attached. One was an upstairs loft with vaulted ceilings and a balcony that ran along side of the residence. The other was downstairs with an outdoor patio. Both were very cool. We had a nice sized kitchen with adjoining dining room, and then a guest bathroom next to it. The living room wall had been knocked out, and an extension put in to connect the two structures.

It was pretty big.

We were slowly furnishing it week by week. We were almost done.

The business side we used for training. We also kept most of our weapons there. The coolest thing about this room was the gigantic TV screen I mentioned. It took up most of one wall. The Dot Com'ers had four mini cameras put up in the ceiling corners that turned on with motion, following each movement. They used to have video conferencing calls, and the cameras were set to follow the motion and movements of whoever was speaking.

It was wicked rad.

When we train, you can see us super-sized on the screen. It also video records everything, so we can watch our moves later to learn from them.

But I have better plans for those cameras.

You know what I mean.

"Thanks Red, that's great. Now we just need to get me a set of wheels, and I'll really be able to motor."

"Oh, that's in your 'favorites' too. Buffy bookmarked it for you."

I peer over her shoulder as she clicks the address.

"Well, that narrows it down for me. What's she got on here? A hundred sites or something?"

"It's just one site, Faith. But it does have multiple links to other sites, which in turn links up to more sites."

"Like I said, she's got me hooked to a hundred sites."

She blinks at me.

"Um...yeah. I guess you're right."

Buffy walks up and puts her arm around my shoulder. She looks at the screen.

"What's she complaining about now, Will?"

"I guess clicking the mouse with her finger is too taxing for her," Willow teases.

"No, I've got better use for my finger," I say.

Xander chortles from the living room, "Yeah!" he exclaims.

Buffy pinches my ear lobe.

"That's enough, mouth."

"I've got better use for my mouth, too," I turn pullin' her into me.

"Yeah? I bet you do. Why don't you just kiss me with it for now."

And she leans her head down, and I do.

When we break, we notice a far away look on Willow's face.

"Um...that reminds me. Is it okay if I email Tara right now?"

"Go for it, Red. And tell T that her room is waitin' for her."

She smiles broadly, "Thanks, Faith. I will." And she starts typing away at the keyboard.

Tara is comin' out to stay with me for a couple of weeks.

After we finish furnishing the condo, we plan on throwin' a huge housewarming bash.

Buffy has agreed to move in with me, and we want to celebrate.

But back to Willow and T.

When we got back from Vegas --and Oz having returned with his band, A Dingo Ate My Baby-- Red had wanted to have a long talk with Oz.

She had waited a week to see if her feelings for the shy Tara would go away...but they hadn't. So she had decided to ask Oz his opinion about it.

It turned out to be short, and it went pretty badly.

She had explained her incredible connection and unexplainable attraction to her fellow Wicca, and she didn't know what to do about it.

Oz wasn't sure what that meant.

"Invite her over and do some spells together. That would be cool," he suggested.

Red blushed.

"I...um...well..." she stammered.

"Oh," he said, finally realizing, "Don't you love me anymore?" he asked, hurt.

"With all my heart," she said, tears in her eyes.

"Not all your heart," he said softly.

Willow had no answer for that. What could she say?

He was right.

There was a part of her heart that already belonged to Tara.

"But nothing happened..." she attempted to explain.

"...yet," Oz finished for her, "Let me get out of your way."

And he picked up his guitar and left.

Xander told us a few days ago that Oz had left town. He said that he needed some time to deal with this; that he needed to be alone. He told Xander that he'd contact him once he settled down somewhere.

He had left a note for Willow.

It said:

"A Wicca ate my baby."

I could have kicked his ass for that.

But B reminded me that Oz was a great guy, and that it was just his pain talkin'.

Red was a wreck.

She was filled with guilt and remorse.

Two things I know very well.

I had called up T immediately, and told her that Red needed her. She needed some of that major magick that they had shared in Vegas.

Tara called Willow, and we had all prayed that she'd be comin' out.

She's comin' tomorrow.

"Baby, do you think the new mattress will come by then?" Buffy asks.

She's referring to the fact that we'd be sleepin' on the floor upstairs if it didn't. We've been sleepin' in B's old bed that we took from her mom's house. We had put it in the room downstairs. The room Tara would have startin' tomorrow night.

Buffy wasn't sure if she should take her bed in the first place. She thought it might upset her mom, makin' her move seem more real.

"Oh goodness, yes," Joyce had said, "It takes up too much space. I was going to have Goodwill pick it up."

Buffy was floored.

"I barely tell her I'm moving out and she's got plans for my room already? And then she's just going to toss out my 'Bed'?"

Oh no.

I decided to step in before things got out of hand.

I walked up to the headboard of her bed and I whispered to it, but loud enough so Buffy could hear.

"Good Will is the name of a very nice man who is lookin' for a Good Bed. We told him, sorry, but no. You're comin', with us. We can't have a real home without you."

And I patted it on its head...um...board. Buffy smiled at me, pleased.

"That was nice, Faith."

"Thank you, baby."

And she began humming, packing up her toiletries.

Wheew. Another catastrophe diverted.

I am Faith. Supernatural Slayer Warrior and Diverter of Inanimate Catastrophes.

Ah, the crazy things we do for love.

"I don't know, B. Maybe we'll have to camp out on the floor. But I think we should let 'Bed' know how much we appreciate her tonight, don't 'cha think?"

"Oh, I think," she smiles and kisses me again.

Brrrrrrinnnng.

"Hey you guys, Cordelia just IM'd you," Red says.

"How she'd do that, Wills?" B asks.

"Oh...um...sorry. I kinda gave your address to a few people today," She looks apologetic.

"No, that's fine, Will. Cordy is okay."

I'm not sure what Buffy told Red about our 'ménage a' Three's Company' night with Cordy. She might not know anything.

"Uh...I think one of you better answer this," Willow says strangely, getting up to get a drink of water.

B and I look at the instant message and grin.

From Queen C:

Hello, my sexy Sapphic Slayers. Do u miss ur Queen?
I think u better get ur hot asses over here & worship my pussy.

Well, Red knows something now.

I message her back.

From Chosen Two:

No. u COME 2 our party first.
We have a nice Sandwich waitin 4 u.

She responds.

From Queen C:

Mmm. Slayer Sandwich? I'll gladly b
the piece of meat for those buns.

I look at Buffy and wink.

I message.

From Chosen Two:

Hey, Cor. Wanna hook up w/o Faith?
I'm dying 2 eat you.

Buffy nudges me.

She replies.

From Queen C:

Oh god, Buffy. I thought u'd never ask.
Yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes WHEN????

WHAT??

I look at Buffy. She shrugs.

Brrrrrrrinnng.

From Queen C:

PSYCH. Nice try, Faith. TTY Later.

Buffy laughs, "That'll teach ya."

Willow comes back with a glass of water, Xander in tow.

"I'm picking up Tara from the airport tomorrow at nine. We'll probably stop for breakfast then come back here around eleven or so. Is that okay?" She avoids lookin' at the computer screen.

"Sure, Red. Or you could come straight here and have breakfast in bed 'til eleven or so. It's up to you."

She smiles, "Maybe," she says coyly.

"Ah-hem," Xander interrupts, "If you ladies are done scheduling your sexual agendas, ya think you can pencil me in for some Playstation time?"

"Sure Xan, how about tonight?" I say.

"Uh no, I don't think tonight is a good idea," B gives me a look.

Oh. Playstation Splaystation.

"Fine, I get it. I'll just go pull up my usual seat at the Lonely Hearts club." Poor Xander.

We really need to get him a girlfriend.

He's the only one of the Scoobs that doesn't have one yet.

"Come on, Poor-Is-Me. Tara doesn't come in until tomorrow, so I'm foot loose and fancy-free. How about you take me out for a movie and a mocha?" Willow says, takin' his arm.

"Sure, Will. I'll warm you up for her."

Willow socks him on the shoulder.

"Oow. I meant with the mocha...a nice, hot, steamy mocha."

"Sure you did," Willow says smiling, "Let's go, stud."

And they leave, pokin' at each other.

I'm in a dark, deep cave.

I can barely see in front of me, but I can sense I'm not alone.

I can hear breathing and...whispering. Every once in a while I feel a hand brush up against me...or something flutter across my face. It's distracting. I wind my way through the cave and I hear moaning and...crying. It's disturbing. I feel myself begin to panic, not knowing where this was leading me, and I grope my way along, scraping my hands against the walls. Something lands at my feet and I stumble across it, losing my footing. At the last second, I grab hold of a crevice in the wall and right myself.

I'm frightened.

I can't breathe. I run my fingers across my face to remove the hair from my eyes, and I see a light...

...at the end of the tunnel.

I go toward it, first out of compulsion and then as a conscious decision. It begins to grow brighter and I have a feeling of hope...I must get to that light. As I get nearer, I hear faint laughter and a trickling of water.

What is it?

I stumble closer and a hand reaches out and grabs my leg...I trudge forward, dragging whatever it is that's clinging to me.

What is that light? What is that laughter?

Sensing my determination, the hand lets go, freeing me to run full speed to the sound that beckons me.

I emerge from the cave, and I come to a clearing that has a large pool of water.

There is a girl on the other side of it, and she's laughing.

I can't make out her features, but her hair is blonde and glistening from the sunlight. She's beautiful. I realize I need to be with her, to touch her, to hold her, and I stumble into the water. My boots are heavy and my leathers are soaked, but I struggle across to get to her.

I'm almost to the middle, when I feel the water reach my neck and then begins to go over my head...

I look up at the last minute, and the girl is looking at me. She's smiling and...eating cotton candy. She licks the sticky stuff from her lips and then takes a finger and places it in her mouth.

She whispers

"It's so good. Do you want some?"

I wake up from the dream to feel a soft tongue against my pussy.

Buffy.

I've been waking up to her havin' sex with me on several occasions.

And I usually wake up from a similar dream.

The girl is always out of reach, and she's always eatin' something.

Usually cotton candy, but sometimes it's a peach.

I must have moved, because she suddenly knows that I'm awake.

"Ssshh. Go back to sleep, baby," she whispers.

I settle back and close my eyes.

I let her lick me.

The first time I woke up like this, she was disappointed.

She said she'd been doin' it for days, and that I had never woken up before. She was afraid she might have gotten too rough with me, and that's why I had woken up. She explained it was something she wanted to do.

To make love to me, without my havin' to think about it.

She said I always thought about sex, thought too much about gettin' off, so that my body was used to coming quickly. She said when I'm sleepin' it takes longer, that my body responds differently in a relaxed state. She said it made her feel closer to me, in a way that my being awake didn't.

A quiet moment...like when you hum a lullaby to a baby that you know is already sleepin'.

That's what she said too.

She was humming a lullaby to me as I lie sleeping.

It freaked me out at first. I wasn't used to someone wanting to do something like that for me, and gettin' nuthin' in return.

It was obviously important to her, and I admit, it was not only sexy, but also satisfying.

For someone to love you enough to give you something you didn't know you even needed.

I know it now.

And she takes care of me.

As I drift off, I feel a sensation start in my groin; a warmth that spreads slowly from my center to my heart.

With a shudder, I sigh, and fall deeply back to sleep.

Willow and Tara had come into the condo while we were in the shower.

We can hear pans and utensils clink and clang in the kitchen. Fresh brewed coffee attacks our senses.

"I'm starved, B. You?" I ask as I slip on a tank top.

"Way," Buffy agrees, putting on one of my ripped up Rob Zombie T-shirts.

"You look wicked bad in that, B," I say admiringly.

"Hmm. As long as I don't smell wicked bad," she says as she lifts up the hem to sniff it.

"Is it dirty?" I ask unconcerned.

"Not sure. It smells like you, though."

"Well then, it is dirty," I grin.

"I like wearing you, dirty girl, but a T-shirt is another story."

I walk up and sniff the armpits.

"Gross, Faith."

"Nah. It's good for another two wearings," I figure.

"Never mind. That answered my question." She pulls it off, reaching for another shirt.

Rage Against The Machine.

"That one's clean, B. I remember, cuz some chick threw up on it, and I washed it."

She raises an eyebrow.

"She a friend of yours?"

"For a night or two," I shrug.

"Of course, what was I thinking?" she asks sarcastically. She puts that one away too, holdin' it away with her fingers distastefully.

"You look good like that, baby. Let's go eat."

She looks down at her sexy sports bra.

"You think it's okay?" she asks.

"Yeah, B. We're all girls here," I say.

"True," she says, opening the door.

I get behind her and grab her ass, pushing her out of the doorway.

"All lesbian girls," I grin into her ear.

She flips around to go back into the room, but I catch her in my arms and back her into the kitchen, grinning.

"Come on, B. You gotta show'em why it took me so long to get out of bed. Don't want them thinkin' I'm lazy or something."

She smiles at me, lettin' me back her into the kitchen. We continue a backwards crab walk until she backs into a low kitchen counter. It catches her below her hips and I bend her over backwards, burying my face between her breasts.

She's laughing, puttin' her fingers in my hair.

"You nut. Get off me!" she laughs.

I love her laugh.

My baby.

"Make me," I muffle into her chest, clutching tight.

"WHO WANTS EGGS?" Willow says loudly.

Eggs?

I straighten up quickly, leavin' B bent backwards on the counter.

I look over at Red, my eyebrows arched with expectancy.

"Good save, Will. If there's one thing that can take her mind off of sex, it's food."

"And if there's one thing that can take her mind off food, it's sex," Willow says, matter-of-factly.

"We got that part covered already. Now my baby needs food in the belly. Isn't that right, Faith?"

I nod, lookin' back and forth between the two of them. The coffee and the bacon smell so good, my mouth begins to water and my stomach rumbles.

I'm hungry.

"O-o-oh-oh," Tara stammers, "Better h-h-hurry before the tiger gets angry."

I look over and notice Tara for the first time. I walk over to give her a soft hug and a kiss on the cheek.

"Hey, baby. Welcome to our home. Welcome to California."

I lean in and whisper:

"Thanks for comin'. I see Red seems better already."

I pull back and she smiles, blushing.

I think it's because of my words, but it could be because of my actions.

I think she has a little crush on me.

"Yes, Tara. Welcome. Mi casa est su casa...no...um...our casa est su casa," Buffy pauses, "I'd like to say my French is better than my Spanish, but I'd just be lying."

"I dunno, baby. Your French is pretty good. Especially when we're 'lying'," I joke.

We all laugh.

"So how many eggs, Faith?" Red asks.

"How many you got?"

Buffy looks at Willow, shakin' her head and smiling.

"Two dozen," she answers.

"That sounds cool. What are you guys havin'?" I ask happily.

Red looks blankly at me.

What?

"Yes, Will. She's normally an eating machine, but today she's extra piggish."

"Wanna tell'em why, B?"

I think of the four sexual encounters we had.

One after Red and Xander left last evening. Another when I woke up in the middle of the night, and then twice this morning.

Fuck, no wonder I'm starvin'.

"That's okay, Buffy," Red says quickly, "I think we can figure it out."

She turns and starts cracking eggs into a bowl.

I look over at Buffy and mouth the words "Four," and wiggle my eyebrows.

Tara says:

"I think she only wants four, Willow."

I whirl around to tell Willow that no, I want twenty-four, but then I hear Tara giggle.

Both she and Red are smilin'.

Ha. Funny.

"Don't tease the tiger, girls," Buffy smiles, "You don't want her to get cranky."

"But you got that part covered already," Tara and Willow say at the same time.

I laugh and point at B.

"In your face, B," I smirk.

"Maybe, but I think it's when it's in your face that matters," Willow says smartly.

Tara is laughin' so hard that she's hiccupping.

Damn, they are both on a roll this morning.

I try to turn it around.

"I thought you two would be havin' breakfast in bed...or is this your second breakfast?" I smile, smug like.

"Um, no. It's our first. Seeing as the bed was occupied this morning."

Oh. That's right.

Duh.

I throw up my hands, "Okay, I give up, you win. Spoils to the victor."

"No, that's okay," Red says, "Just say, 'Willow is King'..."

So I say, "Willow is King..."

"...and 'Cordelia is Queen'," she continues, with both eyebrows wiggling.

I look over at Buffy, shocked. She looks surprised too, but just shakes her head and laughs.

"HA! In BOTH your faces!" Willow shouts, gleefully.

And then she says:

"Ya mess with the Wicca and you're gonna get the horns."

We had moved Tara's suitcases from the hallway to the bedroom.

"Did...did you get your mattress yet?" T asks.

"Not yet, T. But don't worry about it. We can always sack out on the floor."

"We can make a tent...or a fort," Buffy offers.

"Yeah, B. Let's go camping," And I start to prance around the room.

"Cute, Faith. I don't think Ronald would appreciate you mimicking an effeminate stereo-type."

"Oh, he wouldn't care, B. He's butch and all that, but he's got a sense of humor. He can appreciate a little vamp action."

I think about it.

"Well, not vamp, vamp."

"Has he told you yet what Fuji-Jitsu wants you to do?" Red asks.

"Nope, not yet. We can ask him when he comes up for the party."

"Oh, he's still coming? That's great, I'd love to meet him," Willow smiles.

"He sure is. He's gonna spend some time with Giles, you know, get a feel for the Hellmouth, and then come party with us. He asked if we knew any cute guys, and I told him Xander was available."

Buffy smacks me upside the head, "No, you didn't."

I just smile and shrug.

Oh, yes I did.

I'm not sayin' Xander would go for it. He's as straight as they come.

But I thought it might be fun to watch.

"Speaking of which, baby, I need you to go over some of our party preparations today. We've only got two days left to nail it down."

"I'm all yours, B."

"And don't you forget it," she smiles.

Tara and Willow seem a little restless, and inch their way toward the bedroom.

"Hey, we'll be in and out of here all day. We'll try to stay out of your way. Help yourself to anything you want, and we'll see you guys a little later, okay?" I offer.

They smile gratefully at us.

"Sounds great, Faith. See you guys in a bit."

They enter the bedroom and go to shut the door softly. Their actions are subtle, so as not to draw any attention.

"YOU MIGHT WANNA CHANGE THE SHEETS FIRST," I yell loudly, not three feet from the door.

The door closes with a distinct click, and I hear giggling as a body leans hard against it.

" 'Ya mess with the Wicca and you're gonna get the horns,' " I grumble to the door, "You mean, TWO HORNY WICCAS THAT'S GONNA MESS AROUND," I yell louder.

More giggling from behind the door, then two other distinct sounds of bodies falling on a mattress, and then a creak from the bedsprings.

B looks at me.

"You're bad, Faith."

"I know, baby."

"Let's go check on the furniture." And she drags me off to verify our delivery time on the computer.

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