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Playing Faith

by Nemo


Rating: NC17
Not really, some vague allusions to Season 3
Oralfxatn's site, otherwise ask and ye shall receive.
Notes: English spelling. POV switches back and forth.
Lets have a shout out to Papa Doc, who does all the monkey butler-ing on the site, and apparently finds it 'a pleasure'. The freak. Lhove to G as always. Summary: Faith wants Buffy, but Buffy doesn't know what she wants..

Print Version: Adobe Reader PDF

Part one

My head is spinning. All the shit we've gone through, and now Faith just drops this, this... bombshell in my lap. The cause of my disquiet gazes at me calmly from across the table. We're sitting in a booth at the diner, drinking coffee. Or at least Faith is drinking coffee. My cup sits forgotten on the table, slowly cooling. The waitress, world-weariness pouring off her like cheap perfume, stops to take our food order.

"Err, B? Buffy?" I snap my jaw shut with an audible 'click' as Faith's voice interrupts my reverie. I blink; I must have been gaping like a fish. A fish that Faith has played expertly - she's set the hook, then reeled me in. "You wanna order some food, B? Burgers here are pretty good."

"Umm, not right now..." I look at the waitress for the first time. "Could you give us a few minutes please?"

The faded blonde shrugs. "Sure thing, honey. I'll come back in ten?" I nod, and look back at the dark haired girl sitting across from me, a slightly amused expression playing across her features. Easy to think of Faith as a girl - but the younger Slayer is far more worldly wise than me. She carries confidence like armour plating, ready to face anything and everything the world might throw at her. When I'm with her, I always feel like she's the elder.

"Say something B." She reaches across the table and gently cups my hand in both of hers. "Anything. Rant, scream. Tell me to fuck off."

"Okay, fuck off." For a split second her expression clouds, before being replaced with a big grin. You'd have to be quick to spot it, but that hurt her. She doesn't say anything, just beams that shit eating grin in my direction before taking a sip of coffee. I disengage my hand from hers, and she pouts. "What am I supposed to say, Faith? Did you think I was just going to take you in my arms and we'd live happily ever after? I mean Jesus, it wasn't that long ago we were trying to kill each other." She tries to say something but I run roughshod over her; I guess I've been wanting to get a few things off my chest for a while now, and I'm not going to waste an opportunity like this. "I know, you're sorry, you wish it had never happened. So do I, but it did, and you can't change it. You betrayed me, betrayed us, when we needed your help desperately." I can see the pain in her beautiful brown eyes, but I plough on and she doesn't try to interrupt. "I'm only just starting to trust you again; we've got a long way to go before we can be anything like we were before. And you want more? You can't just tell someone you love them out of the blue, and expect them to... to..." Oh my God, she looks like she's gonna cry. I didn't think she knew how.

"I don't expect anything B, I'm not asking for anything. I know how much I hurt you when I ... betrayed you ... I, well, I just wanted you to know. I've told you plenty of lies in the past; I had to be honest with you about this. And now you know." She sighs. "So I guess I should go, huh? That's another fine mess I've gotten me into." She looks at me intently as she gets up, maintaining eye contact even as she picks up her jacket and slides into it. The look in her eyes is so forlorn that for a fatal moment I feel something - pity maybe. I've not seen her looking so lost since she was comatose in a hospital bed.


"Yeah, B?"

"Maybe... If what happened hadn't happened, maybe we could have had something. I mean, we definitely had a connection, before everything." Now why in hellmouth did I say that?

She looks confused, but a little brighter. "Thanks B." She smiles, only a touch but it's genuine this time, and scrubs a hand through her hair. "Guess I'll see you around... slayin' or something..."

I smile back. I can't help it, her smile is infectious. "Yeah 'F'... slayin' or something..." She heads off, drawing admiring glances as she goes. I shake my head - as if a Slayer's life isn't complicated enough already. Trust Faith to make it more so. I briefly consider my coffee, but it's lukewarm and I don't really feel like food anymore, so I leave it and head home.

Part two

That night, I couldn't get Faith out of my head. The look in her eyes when I had ranted at her. The look in her eyes when she had told me she loved me. God, why me? Can't we just stick to our nice, comfortable 'I hate you, you hate me' relationship? Not that I ever did hate her. Not really. However when some girl breezes into your life, turns your world upside down and then turns psycho on you it's difficult not to get a bit peeved. Sometimes it's still hard to believe that we've managed to get back to something resembling level footing.

I almost wish this was some trick of hers, except I doubt she's that good an actor. Hell, I doubt Meryl Streep could pull off that level of intensity. Question is, what do I do about it? Preferably without involving fighting or comas. Smooth move Faith; guess everything was going a bit too well for once. Can't have that can we?

I pull on my pyjamas and climb into bed, trying to put one more problem behind me at least for a night. As I pull the covers up to my chin the image of Faith smiling sadly at me rises unbidden in my mind. Arghhhh! Go to sleep, idiot.

I'm back in school, sitting in a chemistry lesson. There's a knock on the window by my side - Faith is there, grinning madly. She breathes on the glass before drawing a heart, and my own heart skips a beat. I slide the window up and she leans over the sill.

"What up girlfriend? I was thinking of finding some action - you wanna come with?"

"I've got a chemistry test Faith," I say, "but I'll come with you afterwards".

Faith looks round the room. She looks amused. "Yeah B, I can see you're real busy. Still if you can't drag yourself away, I guess I'll just have to wing it." I teeter on the edge of blowin' off the test as she shrugs. "Killin' vamps just ain't as important as school. If I get nailed by some bloodthirsty demon, at least it'll be in a good cause." Ah hell, it's just a test. Screw it. I clamber through the window, Faith taking my hand to help me down. We smile at each other for an endless fraction of a second...

Then we're in the Bronze, dancing to the pounding music. Surrounded by an adoring crowd we only see each other, the Chosen Two, connected by more than just music. A current runs between us, raising goose bumps on my flesh and setting my nerves on fire. She dances closer and closer, until only air could hope to squeeze between us; we stare into each other's eyes, the music forgotten. My arm circles her neck and I drag her head down towards my own, her name a prayer upon my lips...

I drive the knife into her abdomen, ripping and tearing across her belly as I hold her body against mine. She doesn't scream or cry out, just looks at me with those incredible brown eyes and whispers my name before fading away to dust. The blood covers the blade and stains my hands; my dress is soaked where I held her against me. Hot, salty tears are streaming down my face as everything fades and I am left floating in the endless void.

I wake up sobbing, the tears running down my face and soaking my pillow. Gasping, I try to regain control of my riotous emotions, forcing them back down into the black pit inside of me. Idly I run my finger across my stomach, tracing the faint line of the scar that Buffy gave me; before long it will fade completely, leaving only the memories of those fateful days when the Slayers warred against each other rather than side by side. I would gladly keep the scar if it meant I could lose those keepsakes.

The dream worries me. It wasn't your everyday, common or garden variety nightmare. It's been a long time since Buffy and I shared a Slayer dream, and I'm not sure if this a good sign or bad. It certainly wasn't too enjoyable from my perspective. Maybe I made a mistake telling B about my feelings, so soon at least. Should have given her more time to get used to having me around again; get settled into a routine. I'm so tired of waiting for her to realise where she belongs, but it's better than losing her altogether. Already I'm dreading our next meeting. I sit up and reach for the bottle of Jack Daniels on my nightstand - oblivion beats dreams like that hands down. I raise the bottle with slightly shaky hands and silently toast my blonde counterpart. Then I get drinking.

Part three

I'm late for the scooby gang meeting at The Magic Shop the next day, but I still beat Faith by a good hour. After the freaky nightmare the previous night, my sleep had been unsettled to say the least. In my dreams I had alternated between fighting her and... well, doing other things to her. Begging her to... shit I'm blushing; don't think anyone has noticed though. I keep my eyes down, studying some faceless demon in one of Giles' books.

Faith looks terrible when she finally arrives - she barely seems able to lift her head. I try not to, but I can't help grinning at her as she comes in. It's comforting to know I'm not the only one who had a bad night. Giles doesn't look amused though - or maybe he's just better at hiding it.

"Finally decided to join us Faith, hmm?" She grunts something inaudible back at him and shuffles over to the coffee pot. Giles isn't ready to concede defeat yet, and has another go. "I'm sorry Faith, I didn't quite catch that. However I am sure it was a full and adequate explanation for your tardiness." He can be SO English sometimes.

Faith gives him the finger, and we all laugh. Giles redirects his disapproving stare in my direction. "You're in no position to laugh, Buffy. I seem to remember you being late as well. Really, you girls must try to remember that you have responsibilities. It is simply not good enough." I look back down at my book, and mumble an apology in his general direction. "Sorry? What was that Buffy?". For a moment I do nothing. It's not really my style, but under the circumstances it seems appropriate. Sort of a gesture of solidarity. So I flip him the bird too; even Giles laughs this time. "Right, well, if we've all got the swearing out of our systems, how about we do some work?"

"Hang on a minute, G-man."

"WHAT, Xander?"

"Umm... fuck. Yeah, I'm done. Thanks."

"Right! Any more?" We all look down, avoiding eye contact with Giles. I glance at Faith, but she sees me and looks away. Damn. Knew this was going to be awkward.

The rest of the morning seems interminable. The only free chair at the table is next to me, but Faith manages to sit there without once looking in my direction or acknowledging my existence. Hang on, why is she uncomfortable with me? I should be the one in the mood, not her. Two can play that game. So we spend the rest of the meeting ignoring each other - I feel like I'm nine years old again. Finally, Giles is satisfied and we can go. About time!

Willow comes bouncing over, Tara in tow. "Hey Buff, Faith, d'you wanna go to the park? We're gonna take a picnic, just mooch around and relax."

"Sorry Red," Faith's practically croaking - she must really be in bad shape - "I'm hanging. Gonna go back to bed, try and feel human again before patrol tonight. I'll see ya later." She ambles off, doing a fair impression of a zombie.

"Oh okay. How about you Buffy?" I'm still watching Faith as she leaves the shop and heads for her motel.

"Sorry Will. I got stuff to do." Like moping, and whinging. Whinging is good. "Give me a call later, okay?" Maybe I'll buy some ice cream. A nice big tub of Chocolate Chip Cookie Dough. Wallow in some good old fashioned self pity.

"Okay Buffy. I'll talk to you later."

"Yup. Have fun you two."

I go buy my ice cream and head home to try and get a few things straight in my head.

Patrol that night is a shambolic affair. Xander and the girls catch on pretty quick that all is not well in the Slayer camp, but wisely decide not to get caught in the crossfire. Luckily for us supernatural activity seems to be at an all time low - more like 'Yawnsville USA' than 'Hellmouth Central'. The week crawls by as we fall into a regular routine. We wander for a while and nothing happens. Then I send the gang home early and Faith and I patrol some more, talking in monosyllables where necessary, sharing an uneasy silence the rest of the time.

So here I am on a Thursday night, walking through a graveyard with Faith ignoring me for all she's worth. I finally understand what they mean by a 'deafening silence' - and it's tearing me up inside. I feel sick to the stomach every time I'm near her. We can't go on like this; it's stupid and it's dangerous. I turn towards Faith and take a deep breath, but she beats me to the punch.

Patrol's a washout again - what a surprise. I wouldn't mind if I was on my own, but I'm with B and every minute is agony. I don't know what to say, but I've got to say something. I have this feeling though; I know if I try I'll just end up apologizing. I really don't think Buffy wants to hear sorry again. She told me once that if I ever tried to say sorry she'd kill me; well I've already said it a thousand times and I've gotta be seriously overdue for a good kickin'.

She stops and turns towards me, taking a deep breath. Here it comes - deep and meaningful time. Although without ever actually saying anything about how she really feels. I look up to meet it head on, and that's when I see them.

"Whoop! Vamps, ten o'clock." There're four of 'em, chasing some poor bastard into the graveyard. I'm on 'em like a shot, working out all that pent up agression. I kill the first one quick; I hear Buffy enter the fight behind me, so I know I can go to town on the second vamp and she'll keep the rest off my back. I jump back as he takes a wild swing at me, and my left foot lands square in a rabbit hole or something. "Argh FUCK!" I go straight down, twisting my ankle and hitting my head for good measure. The vampire briefly considers taking me out while I'm down, but Buffy jumps over me and faces him, stake in hand. With his friends dust, he takes the sensible option and makes a run for it. I half expect to see Buffy take off after him; I know I would. Instead she crouches down next to me - I can't say I'm not pleased.

"You alright?"

"Yeah, just twisted my ankle a bit. Why'd you let him get away?"

"Worried about you I guess." She shrugs. "Although I'm wondering if you're really worth the effort." The corners of her mouth twitch ever so slightly. I raise my eyebrow at her.

"I'm glad you find this amusing. Tell me if you get bored and I'll snap my leg." She doesn't reply, just shakes her head and gently pulls my foot out of the hole. "Shit B, take it easy will ya?" It doesn't hurt that much, but it can't do any harm to play for a bit of extra sympathy.

"Crybaby. Hold still while I get your boot off."

Shit! Okay, maybe it does hurt. She notices my sharp intake of breath as she eases my steel toe-cap 'shit kicker' off, and moves her hands more gently. She takes my sock off carefully and checks the ankle, gently movin my foot back and forth. "Any sharp stabbing pains?" I shake my head after a moment of hesitation, unsure which answer will keep her hand there the longest. "I don't think anything's broken. You probably just twisted it. We should get Giles to check it out just in case though."

"'K. Not tonight though. He can check it in the morning. Sleep first. You help me back to the motel?"

"Course." She sounds distracted. She's still looking at my foot, running her fingertips over my ankle.

"Er, B... Buffy!" She looks up with a guilty look on her face.


"I'm gonna need that back now." She's confused; it makes her look cute. Cuter, I should say. " My foot? I need it to walk on, and all sorts of other stuff."

"Oh, yeah... er, right." She jumps up as if scalded. "Oh, you want your sock and boot back on?"

I can't help but grin. She's funny as fuck. So not my type - ditzy blonde. Yet somehow, I've never met anyone quite so perfect as her. I try to clear my thoughts - this isn't the time or place to get carried away. "That might help, Buff."

In the end I have to settle for wearing just my sock - my ankle's swollen up, and we can't get the boot back on. I tie the laces in a loop and hang it from my belt. Buffy offers me her hands, braces herself and pulls me to my feet.

As soon as I put weight down on my injured ankle I lose my balance, falling back against a large crypt and pulling Buffy with me. She slams into me, crushing me against the wall of the crypt. Neither of us moves, frozen in time and space; slowly Buffy looks up at me and I gently brush strands of golden hair away from her beautiful hazel eyes. A definite 'moment' passes, and then another. This feels so comfortable; crushed as I am, I never want to move again. We stand like that for what seems an eternity, leaning against the wall of a crypt, her weight pressed against me. I'm terrified of moving or speaking, in case I break the spell. Eventually Buffy licks her lips and opens her mouth to speak: in desperation, trying to hold on to the moment, I tilt my head down and kiss her.

For a moment she's totally unresponsive, and I know I've blown it. Then her lips slowly part, and her tongue slips into my mouth. We kiss gently for a few seconds, and then suddenly she's all over me. Her hands are tangling in my hair, and she's trying to climb up me, sucking on my tongue. Our mouths break contact for a second as she gasps my name, and then she's kissing me hard, exploring my mouth with her tongue. Finally! After so fucking long, she's come home. I feel her body trembling against my own as I pull her tight against me then run my hands up her back under her sweater. I unclip her bra; Buffy's almost sobbing with desire.

"No!" Buffy pushes away from me, breaking free of my encircling arms. She really is sobbing, tears running down her face. I reach out to her, to hold her. I need to hold her, but she twists away, her hands up between us.

"What is it baby? What's wrong? I ..."

"I'm sorry Faith... sorry... I don't know what I want... It's not your fault..." Jesus, enough with the cliches, Buffy.

"It's okay, baby. Just take a deep breath. It's alright, it's alright..." Shit, I think I'm gonna start crying as well. I blink furiously, driving back the tears. We're so fucking close; so fucking far away. "Buffy. I love you Buffy, I need you..." As soon as the words leave my mouth I know I've made a mistake. I've made up her mind for her.

"NO. Don't... give me a minute. I can't breathe..." She looks pale, her breath coming in short gasps. I know I shouldn't, but I reach out for her again. She bats my hands away, staring at me from under those amazing eyelashes.

"I'm sorry Faith," she sobs, "truly, I am sorry." With those final words she's gone, running off through the graveyard.

Part four

After Buffy abandons me in the graveyard, I actually get a bit of luck. The guy the vamps had been chasing, and that Buffy and I had forgotten all about, suddenly reappears right behind me. After I recover from my near heart attack, he helps me hobble back to my motel.

The phone is ringing when I get in. I limp over and pick it up, hoping that it's B.

"Hello?" There's no reply, but I can hear someone breathing on the other end. "Buffy, is that you?"

"I'm sorry I ran off... I shouldn't have left you like that. I was worried something might have happened..."

"No I'm fine B. Look, Buffy, I'm sorry about earlier. I didn't mean to pressure you. I thought you..."

"No, no, it was my fault" she interrupts. "I got carried away, I shouldn't have led you on... um, look, really it's not worth going on about. I'm glad you're alright; I'll see you tomorrow okay?"

"Buffy, wait..." She hangs up. "Goddamnit!" I crash the receiver back down. This whole situation just keeps getting messier and messier. I briefly consider ringing her back, but I figure that if she doesn't want to talk about it then that's that, for now at least. Buffy can be very stubborn when she puts her mind to it.

I limp around, slowly getting ready for bed. When I lie down though, thoughts of Buffy keep racing through my mind, dispelling any chance of getting to sleep. This so isn't like me, getting all mushy over a girl. It's not just any girl, mind. Then there was that kiss; I could have kissed her forever. It felt like forever at the time, but afterwards it seemed all too brief.

Lying there, thinking about Buffy, I begin to feel the familiar tingle deep down inside. I stretch out, curling my toes and clenching my muscles, then relax again. Reaching down, I gently brush my palm against my clit, cupping myself with my fingers. Moving slowly, I apply pressure with the heel of my hand and my fingers, almost squirming at the delicious sensations emanating from my pussy. Closing my eyes I imagine that it's Buffy making me feel so good, rubbing my clit and slipping her fingers inside of me. I'm so keyed up it doesn't take long before I feel the orgasm building up inside of me; biting my lip to keep from screaming and waking up the people in the adjacent rooms I pick up speed, pumping my fingers in and out of my slick tunnel. I gasp as I come, breathing heavily, picturing Buffy lying on top of me. I still have that image in my mind as I finally fall asleep.

Next morning I wake up bright and early, by my standards at least, and roll straight out of bed. Shit! I forgot about my ankle. I hop around the room on my good foot, cussing to high heaven. I'm sorely tempted to get back into bed, but we have a Scooby meeting this morning. Normally that wouldn't even be a consideration, but Buffy will be there. Despite the tension that I just know is gonna be between us, I have to see her. Christ, when did I become such a sap? Since the moment I laid eyes on that corn-fed little princess things have been going badly for me. Well except for that kiss last night, and look how that turned out. Still, there's hope. She definitely wants me; I just have to convince her of that fact. Unfortunately that's the hard part.

After I shower and get dressed I take a taxi into town. No way am I going to limp all the way to 'The Magic Box' wearing one shoe. When I walk in Tara, Willow, Anya and Giles are already there. Wow. I beat Xander and Buffy. They all gape at me, and as one turn to look at the clock.

"Faith, do you know it's only half nine?"

"Wow, really G? Guess that means I'm early. There really is a first time for everything, isn't there? Where are Xander and Buffy? Still lazin' about at home I suppose."

"Xander is at work, making lots of lovely money for me... I mean us." Anya, our very own material girl. "Buffy's ill. Well, that's what she told Giles anyway. Why are you only wearing one shoe?"

"Twisted my ankle on patrol last night." I shift my attention to Giles. "What's wrong with Buffy?"

"Oh, she rang up saying she wasn't feeling too good. Nausea, and ... uh..." he actually blushes "...cramps... you know..." Oh, I get it. Women's problems - that old chestnut. Trust a man to not even question that excuse. I'm sure it is an excuse as well; shoulda known B'd chicken out. She can't avoid me forever though.

"Yeah, I get it Giles. Maybe I'll drop in her later."

"Yes, well, first we had better have a look at that ankle of yours. We could really do with not having both our slayers out of action."

He looks at my ankle for a while, and decides that he needs an experts opinion and takes me to the hospital. We wait for three hours despite the E.R. being almost empty, and then finally get seen. It turns out my ankle is broken; when we eventually get out of there I've got a fuckin' huge cast on and a pair of crutches. I don't see the need for a cast, what with Slayer healing 'n' all, but Giles thinks I'll need the support while my ankle 'knits back together'.

Giles tells me to go home and rest up; he and the gang are gonna cover patrol until either Buffy or I are back in action. I go back to my motel room, and phone Buffy. I let it ring for an age but there's no reply, which doesn't come as much of a surprise: I lie back on my bed, down some of the painkillers the hospital gave me with a couple of shots of JD, and before long I'm asleep.

It's pitch black when a pounding on my door wakes me. It takes me a moment to orientate myself in the dark; I'm feeling pretty woozy from the mixture of meds and JD and it takes a while to get the lamp on my bedside table switched on. The pounding continues unabated, and somebody starts shouting from another room.

"Yeah yeah, keep your hair on I'm coming." In the dim light provided by the lamp I can't see where I've put my crutches, but it's not far so I hop over to the door. When I open the door I get a pleasant surprise. I don't really know who I expected it to be, but Buffy was definitely low down on my list of suspects. "Er B... Buffy!"

"You've been saying that a lot recently Faithy. Maybe you should try changing the record." My eyebrows raise at the name. She doesn't seem herself - she's not awkward at all. Quite the opposite in fact. Unlike me.

"Wha... what d'you want B?" Damn that didn't come out right. "I mean, uh, come in."

"Thank you. Don't mind if I do. Oh I brought you a present." I shuffle aside and she comes in. I catch a whiff of her breath, and everything starts to make sense.

"Shit B, are you drunk?" She reeks of bourbon; wouldn't have thought she'd be into the old sour mash, but she does have a habit of surprising me.

"Noooo. No. A little tipsy maybe. Here you go." She hands me a half empty bottle of Jack. "That's your drink, isn't it?"

"Er, yeah. You drink this all by yourself? Didn't think booze was your thing."

"It isn't really, but I needed a little something, and... oh my God what happened to your leg?" We both look down at my cast. I shrug.

"Turns out it was broken after all. Just a hairline fracture, but I gotta wear this until it heals. Shouldn't take long though. Couple of days, be right as rain." Buffy looks really distraught at hearing this.

"Oh God Faith, I'm sorry. I should never have run off like that last night."

"Hey, forgeddaboudit." I try my best wise guy impression. I'm not gonna get into recriminations about last night; I'm not going to say anything that might upset her. She's here, so I reckon I'm ahead of the game. I'd like to keep it that way. "You mind if I sit down?"

I turn away before she answers and start limping towards the bed, so it's a shock when she picks me up and carries me the rest of the way. She throws herself onto the bed, still holding me in her arms. "Hmm, much better. Comfy." She squints at me slightly. "Pretty dark in here Faith."

"Ummm..." I'm in shock I guess. Shit, I never thought of getting her drunk. I'm sure she told me she was nasty when she was under the influence - or maybe that was just beer. So far, I'm liking it.

"Never mind. You know me; I got pretty good night vision. It's nice... intimate." She lets go of me: I start breathing again. I hadn't even realised I was holding my breath. "So, you got any glasses?"

My brain still hasn't caught up with the proceedings. I kinda grunt and wave in the general direction of the 'kitchenette'. That's what the land lord calls it anyway. I call it a stove behind a curtain. There is a cupboard and some shelves as well though, to be fair. Buffy gets up and bounces over to the cupboard, grabs a couple of glasses and bounces back. I'm vaguely disappointed when she sits cross-legged on the end of the bed facing me. My brain finally shifts into gear, and I pour us both a generous measure of 'Tennessee No. 7'.

"So B, to what do I owe the pleasure?" I sip at my drink, savouring the burn as it slides down my throat. "You wanna talk?" She smirks at me, and downs her JD in one long swallow. Somehow we seem to have swapped our accustomed roles; there's a gleam in Buffy's eyes that looks almost... predatory.

"Kinda. I'm not really interested in having a heart to heart, but there is something I gotta say." She moves closer; taking the drink from my hand she downs that too and puts the glass on my bedside table. I think I've stopped breathing again. Here it comes, yay or nay.

"Faith, I'm sorry, I don't love you..." Fuck. Double fuck. I hang my head; I just don't know what to say. She's wrong. I know she is. I can just feel it; who else can there possibly be for us except each other? "... I can't just fall in love at the drop of a hat. But..." There's a but? She takes a deep breath, steeling herself. "I really don't know how to say this. Umm." I look back up, into her hazel eyes, desperately trying to read something in their depths. She reaches out and traces the line of my jaw with her fingertips. "Look, if we do anything we do it on my terms, okay? I know it's not what you want, but it's that or nothing. Understand?"

"Y... yes, Buffy." Oh my God I'm shaking. She's mine. I'll do anything she asks of me if it gives me a chance. Just a chance, and I know I can claim her soul the way she's claimed mine.

"Then show me." Her hand is on the back of my head; she leans towards me and we kiss. Our tongues touch, sending electric shocks clear through my body. She sits on my lap, her legs on either side, our lips crushed together. She tastes of whisky and passion, urgency and fear, all mixed into one heady brew. Buffy. Jesus if you knew how long I've waited for this. Not like last night, a solitary moment stolen from your confusion, but to have you give yourself to me. To have you want me, need me, as much as I need you.

Buffy starts tearing off my clothes, my T-shirt disintegrating in moments. I break off our kiss as I slide my hands under her top, asking for permission with my eyes. She lifts her arms above her head and I slide the top off. Shit she's not wearing a bra. My breath catches in my throat; she's everything I imagined and more. Her breasts are small but perfect, nipples already hardening in her excitement. We kiss again as I cup her, teasing her nipple under my thumb. She moans into my mouth and digs her teeth into my lip, ripping my bra to shreds as she does so.

When she releases my lip the salty taste of blood mingles with the stronger flavour of whiskey in my mouth. Both her hands entwine in my hair as I start to kiss along her jaw, working my way to her neck. Her pulse throbs under my lips, and I nip her, drawing a little blood. She arches against me as I pinch her nipple, gasping my name. I wince as she jerks and her chin clashes with the top of my head, but she just laughs breathlessly and wraps her legs round my waist. I'm almost dazed for a second, but I won't let anything stand in my way. I'm going to fuck her so good she won't know what hit her; she'll never want to leave me. Never breaking contact with her velvet skin I wind my way slowly down her neck, pausing at her collarbone for a while before continuing on my path downwards, gradually bending her over backwards.

"Faith!" She gasps, struggling for self control, "Say my name Faith. I want to hear you say my name." I grin and plant a kiss on the inner slope of her breast.

"Buffy..." I murmur against her skin, licking towards her nipple. She wrenches my head back, so that I'm staring her in the face.

"Say it again. Louder. Show me that you love me. Prove it." Okayyy. She's getting just the teensiest bit freaky now. I love it. I try and put all the emotion, everything I feel for her, into her name.

"Buffy," my voice actually cracks slightly, "I love you Buffy, I want you I need you." I wanna possess you, get under your skin, climb inside you. She drags my head back down to her breasts. I suck on her nipples, switching from one to the other and back again, rolling my tongue against them. I push her down, flat on her back, and start to unbutton her pants. She grabs my hands, trying to pull them away but this time I resist. With a word she could stop me, but she relents and I slide her pants down her hips to reveal white cotton panties. I tug her pants off completely and slide my hands up her legs, marvelling at the touch of her skin. I hook my fingers over the waste band of her panties and start to pull them down, oh so slowly.

"WAIT!" Oh Jesus no, Buffy, not now. "I wanna see you naked. Ditch the clothes." My heart starts beating again. She's in a real commanding mood tonight - I make a mental note to make sure I always have plenty Jack Daniels, I like the effect it has on her - and leap to obey. I'm already half naked, my top and bra in tattered pieces on the floor. Standing up on the bed, I undo my jeans and slide them down my legs, pushing my panties down with them. Once again I've forgotten about my cast - the leg of my jeans has a big cut up the side from when they put it on, but I still need Buffy's help to pull them over the mass of plaster. I have to sit down again to pull the other leg off, spoiling the effect I was hoping for, but Buffy doesn't seem to mind. She props herself up on her elbows, drinking in the sight of me, before beckoning me towards her.

I run my tongue up the inside of her thigh and she hooks her leg over my shoulder. "Faith," Buffy purrs, "you are one sexy babe." I nearly laugh out loud. I'm so glad she noticed. I lick her through her panties; I know I should take my time and go slow, work up to it nice and easy, but I really don't know how much longer I can hold back. Fuck it, she's an understanding girl. I don't want us to have to move again, so I just hook my hands in her knickers and rip them apart, making her gasp. Hey, I don't wanna be the only one shopping for replacement clothes.

I stare at her glistening folds, transfixed by the sight, but she grabs the back of my head with both hands and I take the hint, diving in. I bury my tongue inside her, working her clit with my hand; she writhes against me and wraps both her legs over my shoulders. God she tastes so sweet, like nectar. I lap at her pussy, trying to drink her all up; she's already getting close to climax, starting to twitch around my busy tongue. We're rolling around so much that somehow I end up on my back with Buffy lying on my face, her legs pinned under me. She starts riding my mouth, driving her hips down onto me. I slide my hands up her body, clutching at her breasts, noticing at the same time that she seems to be mumbling to herself, whispering obscenities and nonsense words. Arching against me as she starts to come, she presses harder against my mouth, screaming now, but no discernible words. She rides me through her orgasm, gushing over my face, until finally slumping back down against the mattress. I wrap my arms around her waist; holding her twitching body against me I savour the taste of her sweet juices on my lips. Someone is banging on the wall next door, but I could give a shit.

After an eternity of just lying there on top of me, Buffy finally regains the power of speech. "Oh. My. God." I roll her over, and clamber up her sweaty body. I look down at her, her face flushed from exertion and arousal.

"You okay baby?" She nods, seemingly all talked out again. I lean down to kiss her, but she hurriedly pushes me away.

"Ugh, no, you're covered in... me..." I grin at her; she's so beautiful.

"Yeah I know. Great isn't it?" She doesn't look amused. "You serious?" I ask, amazed that she can be bothered by something so insignificant when we just had something so important. She nods, still looking serious.

"Fuck's sake!" I mutter, half under my breath. "Back in a mo." I get up and go into the bathroom. I wash my face and stare at myself in the mirror, looking seriously mussed. I get the impression this hasn't worked out quite as well as I had intended.

When I come back out, Buffy holds her arms out to me and I lay down beside her, wrapped in her embrace. I try to speak but she shushes me. She seems very quiet and serious, so I just let her hold me. Finally she moves, taking my face in her hands and placing tiny kisses on my nose, my cheeks, my eyelids. She kisses the corners of my mouth, before gently placing her lips directly against mine and slipping her tongue inside. As our kiss becomes more passionate, any anger I might have felt just evaporates. I have my little blonde slayer in my arms: If everything isn't exactly the way I imagined it, well that's just life.

I don't know how long we lie there, just kissing, but eventually Buffy pushes me back. I pout and reach for her, but she's not having any of it. "I've got to go, Faith. Best if I'm back home in the morning, Giles'll probably ring me, see if I'm feeling better." She tucks a stray strand of hair behind my ear. "This is just between you and me, okay? I'm not ready to go public." She looks at me with a worried expression. I nod: she can keep it a secret or put a notice in the 'LA Post' for all I care.

"Buffy... please stay. Just for a while. I love you B." Fuck, I sound so pathetic. Worst thing is, I don't really care. She smiles, just a touch, and kisses me gently on the forehead.

"I know. I'll see you tomorrow, I've got to get some sleep, be there if Giles calls."

"I could go back with you, we could lie in, have breakfast together." Any self respect I had left goes flying out the window. She looks down at my cast, currently the only thing either of us are wearing.

"No Faith. You stay here and get some rest, and I'll ring you later." She gets up, and I stare at her as she pulls on her pants and hunts around for her top. It seems like I've been here before, only normally it's me making the excuses to leave. Fully dressed again, she bends down and gives me a peck on the cheek.
"I'll see you later babe, okay?" I just nod; I can't trust myself to speak right now.Once she's gone I climb under the covers, switch out the light, and try not to think about her as I stare into the darkness.

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