Faith walked along one of the graveyards. It was still pretty bright out. She had been walking around for a while now. She knew she should be careful of the police but she didn't care. Spike told her that he would be in his crypt if she ever wanted to pop in and visit.
For now, he was the only one she wanted to hang with. She didn't know what it was that told her he was ok but she felt it. He was like her in some ways. Faith couldn't believe how hateful Buffy had been. She just didn't understand her. Faith tried so hard…and it was all for Buffy.
Faith never trusted people. She only got hurt in the end. Now the only person she had ever felt any emotion towards...hated her. Faith cared for Buffy so much. That is why it hurt her to come back to Sunnydale. She had done such awful things to the girl.
Faith shook her head and kept walking. None of it made sense. Faith didn't want to like Buffy that way. Faith had herself and that was enough. She didn't need anyone. Buffy affected her in ways she didn't understand…and it scared her. The only thing Faith ever liked about herself was her strength.
Without that she was nothing. She had to hold onto that. But Buffy never really cared to do much with Faith…the brunette barely ever felt any emotions.
Faith slammed the crypt door shut as she walked in. Then she lost it. She started to cry continuously. Sobs wrecked through her body. She just didn't understand.
Why did she love Buffy? Why? She felt all this pain and it just wouldn't go away. Faith pounded her fists into her own face.
"I HATE YOU! I HATE YOU HATE YOU HATE YOU!" she screamed over and over. She hated who she was and who she had become. No one ever loved her and no one ever would.
All Faith did was screw up. She knew her strength was almost gone…then she would be nothing. She would have nothing. She wasn't who she used to be. Faith was so hurt by the way she had been treated all her life. She was always putting on a mask and putting on a show.
Faith thought her and Buffy were going somewhere with their friendship. But it was a lie. So many secrets and lies. They held meetings behind her back and never told her about things. They left her to rot in that crappy motel. Faith freaked out and lost it when she accidentally killed Allen. Faith was hurt, scared, lonely, afraid, and angry…and she lost it.
At first, Faith was going to see just what the mayor was up to. But he was so kind to her…like a real father. Faith never had a gentle real father before. He gave her so much and she actually felt like something. So she sided with him.
Faith now was smashing her head against the wall and hitting everything in sight. How could she be so stupid? Faith didn't even know who she was anymore. Hell, she didn't even know why she did half the things she has done. And to have every one hate her like that hurt her. Faith absolutely hated herself.
Spike heard all the commotion from the top of his crypt. It woke him up actually. So he went up to take a peek. What he saw shocked the hell out of him. There sat Faith, in the middle of the floor, blood every where, crying. Automatically, he knew what she had done…for he had done the very same thing.
He walked over to her and she curled up in a ball in the corner.
"Don't look at me!" she yelled. "I'm ugly! I'm nothing!" Faith cried over and over again sobbing. Spike gently scooped her up in his arms.
"Shhhhhhhh. It's ok. It's ok. No one is going to see you. It's just me. Calm down. Shhhhhhhh." He said as he tried to calm her.
It has been quite a few hours since Faith had left and Kennedy and Willow were getting worried. Willow was glad that someone else in the house was concerned for Faith. Since the car ride, Willow was determined to help the young slayer.
Willow was lucky to witness Faith in the state she was in. It was true that Willow absolutely hated Faith at one time. Normally she would be right along side everyone and give her a hard time…but Willow understood Faith a little. She knew that Faith was indeed really sorry for all she had done. Not only that but Willow could also feel it. The emotion of pain was so great coming off of Faith that it reached Willow.
No one deserves that kind of pain. When Faith talked to Willow in the car, things made better sense. Willow knew Faith needed help. But she had no idea how to approach it. Kennedy sat by the couch looking through the window outside. She kept twirling her hair between her fingers out of nervousness.
"Worried?" Willow asked startling the young potential.
"I didn't know you were standing there. You scared me." Kennedy replied.
"Well, you've got to expect the unexpected if you're going to be a slayer," Willow said as she sat down next to her. Kennedy mumbled a "yeah" and looked back out the window.
Willow smiled. "Looks like somebody has a crush," she said. Kennedy snapped her head towards Willow and her eyes got a little big.
"I..I don't know what you are talking about." Kennedy huffed. Willow laughed.
"Hey hey, it's ok…" Willow was saying as Kennedy gave her a stern look, "Ok, wither you like her or not…she needs all the support she can get." Willow sighed.
"She's not a bad person you know. She's quite gentle actually. I don't believe all that other bullshit about her. I just judge on my own accord, you know. She's pretty cool. But I hate the way Buffy treats her," Kennedy stated glaring up the stairs.
"Well…Buffy and Faith have been through a lot. I don't like the way Buffy treats her either but…Faith has done some really bad things to her…" Willow was saying. Kennedy interrupted her excited.
"Buffy thinks she's right all the time and that it's only what she thinks. It pisses me off. I mean I like that she's the slayer and all and leads but sometimes I want to take a bat to the girl…just what exactly has gone on between Buffy and Faith anyway?"
Upstairs at the summers house
Buffy had been sitting on her bed thinking for a while now. Everyone was downstairs eating and doing other various things. In front of the slayer was an old shoebox. Buffy sat there staring at it for a while till she decided to open it.
Inside, were various photos, objects, and such. Buffy looked through various pictures of Dawn and the gang and Giles and other people. She smiled and laughed at a few. One photo caught her eye.
She looked at it closer.
She remembered when it was taken. Faith and her were training when Willow and Xander came in. They were just putting everything away and Willow wanted to take a picture of the gang. Buffy remembered that Giles was the one who took it.
And in the corner of the picture…all by herself, and not included, was Faith. Now Buffy was realizing a little bit of what Faith was saying.
Faith stood off to the side as the picture was taken, knowing that they didn't want her in it. And the expression on Faith's face was hurt. She had never realized this before in the photo. Buffy guessed she never really cared to. And now, she felt bad.
Buffy went through all of the pictures she owned and there wasn't one, not one picture of Faith.
Buffy tossed the box off to the side and stared out the window. No wonder Faith went to the mayor…no one in the Scooby gang treated her as if she was even there.
The phone started to ring and Willow grabbed it.
"Got it!" she yelled out to the house. "Hello?"
"Willow?"
"Spike? Is that you?" The redhead asked.
"Yeah it's me…uh…how are you guys doing there?" Spike asked not wanting to get right into it.
"Fine. You could have stayed here you know." Willow replied.
"I know, but good thing I'm not, look…um…I have Faith here." Spike stated
"You do! God, we have been wondering where she was…well at lest Kennedy and I. Buffy has been in her room for a few hours." The witch said. Willow was relieved.
"Willow…what happened over there? Did something go wrong?" Spiked asked.
Kennedy finally figured that Spike had found the dark haired slayer and got up to stand next to Willow.
"Well, her and Buffy had a little fight…not physical but there was lots of shouting." Willow explained.
"Oh."
"Why? Is…Is there something wrong?" Willow asked. Spike was silent for a little while. Kennedy tensed up next to Willow.
"I think she should stay here tonight…I just wanted to tell you that I had her." Was Spikes reply.
"Spike? Something is wrong. Why won't…" Willow started.
"I'll bring her home tomorrow sometime Willow. Goodnight." Spike said hanging up.
"What did he say?" Kennedy asked. Willow sighed.
"Well, she's there with him and…" The redhead started to explain as she was cut off.
"Ok let's go get her," Kennedy interrupted grabbing her coat. Willow grabbed her am.
"Kennedy wait. You should hear the rest…something's wrong…”
At Spike's
Spike helped clean Faith up. She really did a number on herself. She had cuts and busies everywhere. A few of her knuckles were broken. Faith didn't speak the whole time. She was ashamed that she had acted the way she did in front of Spike.
"You feeling better?" Spike asked sitting next to her. Faith looked over at him.
"Yeah…sorry about that," she replied. Spike shook his head.
"There's no need for you to apologize. I did the very same thing you did. Even tried clawing my heart out," Spike explained. Faith looked up at him questionably. She knew he was trying to help. She also knew she could only talk to him about this.
"Spike?" Faith asked sounding a bit unsure.
"What?" Spike turned to her with interest.
"Can I ask you a question?" Faith asked hesitating.
"Yeah sure love," Spike replied.
"Were you…or are you in love…with Buffy?" Spike was really thrown off by that question. But he should have seen it coming. Spike could read people pretty well and with Faith…he kind of guessed why she asked.
"I was. She helped me out of my state actually," Spike answered while propping another pillow behind Faith.
"Really?" The brunette asked.
"Yeah," Spike answered and looked sideways at Faith, "You love her…I mean care about her a lot don't you?" Spike knew to be careful with his wording. Or else Faith may not open up at all. Faith hesitated and sighed.
"I never have talked to anyone about this…yeah…no…I…yea Spike…I…care about her," Faith answered carefully. Faith just couldn't say the big L word.
"So talk to me about it then. I'm not going anywhere," Spike said leaning back.
Summers house-downstairs.
"That's it?" Kennedy asked crossing her arms over her chest.
"Yes, and I know what you're thinking. But we can't just march on over there," explained Willow.
"Sure we can," Kennedy answered heading for the door. Willow moved fast and stood between Kennedy and the door.
"What about Buffy?" the redhead asked..
"Screw Buffy. To be honest, I don't think she gives a crap about Faith. I do. And frankly, I don't think I would want her out looking for her. And just what is she doing up stairs anyway…" Kennedy ranted.
"Thinking," answered Buffy coming down the stairs.
Spike's crypt…
Faith shook her head. Spike patted her shoulder.
"Hey, it's ok love. I know a bit of what you are feeling. You are strong both mentally and physically. I know it's hell of a hard time to realize it but you do need other people. They help form who you are. But Faith? You have to learn to love yourself first before you can truly love someone else. That's another reason why it is so hard for you. It is awful that you have gone through most of what you've had to go through but it has made you strong in so many ways. Buffy is another slayer, just like you. She can understand you in ways that nobody not even I could. It's ok that you care for her as much as you do. It's not abnormal or wrong. You don't have to understand everything in your life. And don't beat yourself up about things you can't change. People do care about you." Spike said looking at her.
Faith gave Spike a look. "No really. For one, I'm your pal, and then there is Willow and Kennedy. I think that little bit has taken a liking to you, you know. But anyway, those are people that care. You can make things right. Buffy needs to see that. It's not your fault if she can't. You've got to look for the good things. You are so used to everything going wrong and messing up that that's all you know. Try to reverse it." Spike said, trying as best as he could to get through to Faith.
"Easier said then done huh?" Faith asked shrugging then wincing at the pain.
"You got that right love," Spike replied. Faith sat in thought for a while.
"Spike? Who am I?" She asked. Spike smiled at her.
"You're whoever you want to be. You make your own path now. You write your own book. Strings are not pulling you. And you have a clear soul now. You can start over. I know it hurts but you can work on it." Spike said. Faith considered this.
"So the pain will stop if I…I can change…I think I get what you're saying," Faith said thinking. Spike smiled. He hoped what he said would help.
"You should talk with her, you know. I mean no screaming or anything. Just a conversation." Spike suggested. Faith nodded thinking about it.
"Faith!" someone yelled. Faith jerked her head up. It sounded like Kennedy. Faith quickly glanced at Spike.
"Hey, I didn't invite them." He said.
"I don't want her seeing me like this," Faith said covering her face really quick.
"Willow I bet is with her. You should go with them Faith…they wouldn’t have came if they didn’t care," Spike said looking at Faith. The brunette was a bit worried but nodded. She did want to see how Kennedy was doing.
"Kennedy! In here!" Faith yelled.
Out side Spike's crypt
"Willow! She's here! She sounds ok! Let's go." Kennedy said excited. Willow just smiled at the girl. It was kind of cute how fond Kennedy was of Faith. Faith needed that kind of caring.
Willow and Kennedy finally made it into Spike's crypt and got below it. Kennedy took one look at Faith and about cried. Kennedy ran up to Faith and wrapped her arms around her burying her face in Faith's neck. Faith was startled at first then uncomfortable for she never received affection like that before.
Faith's confused uncomfortable look immediately changed into a smile and she wrapped her arms around Kennedy.
"Hey watch it there killer, you don't want to break me." Faith cracked as Kennedy pulled back some.
"God, what happened to you?" Kennedy asked, running her fingertips down Faith's cheek. Faith liked the touch but pulled away and stood up. Willow just stood back observing the whole thing concerned.
Kennedy looked over at Spike.
"Did you do this?" she asked angrily.
Spike raised his eyebrows in surprise.
"I bloody well did not!" Spike stated in defense. Kennedy's anger cooled down as she realized that Spike wouldn't do something like this.
"Come on Faith, let's get you back. You had me worried," Kennedy said helping Faith out.
"Oh I did, did I?" Faith asked wiggling her eyebrows and chuckling, ignoring the pain she felt.
"Oh stop it." Kennedy giggled. Willow stayed behind.
"Thanks for caring for her," the redhead thanked.
"No problem. Look out for her Willow. She's got a good heart, she just needs to be lead in the right direction with the right people," Spike explained. Willow nodded.
"Thanks again," she said as she made her way out.
