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Getting There

by Liz M


PG to NC17
Summary: Faith's out of prison and starting new.

Wow, I'm out, finally free, older, wiser, I hope. Burnt all my bridges, well, burned some places, patched over the holes, kind of. Didn't think I'd ever get out. Well I got out many times to 'help'.....went back, it wasn't like I'd escaped or anything, but damn, you'd of thought I had dug a tunnel or something. I got a little extra time added on my sentence for each time I left and returned. Finally made it to a halfway house, the woman running it was ok, she kinda knew about slayers, that helped heaps. I did my requirements and here I am........looking around, blinking, not knowing which way to go....or what to do.

Well, I knew I was going to the cemetery, was gonna visit wes, gunn, anyone else I needed to. I'd heard that Spike and Angel were gone, wasn't really sure.....just knew that I couldn't reach angel, not like I was gonna try to reach spike or anything. I was focusing on the positive, I mean, not like I had any proof or anything, so the big guy, he's ok. Anyway, I've got a backpack, a change of clothes and twenty five in cash from the state. Oh yeah, I was going places. Sighing, I just started walking.

A car pulled up beside me, another of many, slowed down and matched my stride. I'd got so tired of them that I'd quit acknowledging them, didn't even glance their way. "No thanks!" That's usually enough but this asshole just continues to 'walk' his car next to me. I'm a little frustrated now, "I'm not interested, OK, so piss off!" I look into the car with hell in my eyes.

"Are you sure you're not interested?" Ok, I was wrong. I'm interested, very interested.

"Where you going?" She asks.

"Cemetery." I state flatly.

"OH." She nods.

I nod my head.

"I mean, where are you staying?" She tries again.

I don't really have an answer so I shrug.

"I'm living here now, well, we all are. After well, you know, we didn't really have anywhere to go so Angel got us set up. We have a place in the country, well kind of like country, big enough for us. We share, take care of each other, help out, we're like the golden girls, with a xander." She smiles at me, waiting for some response.

"Oh, that's good." I say.

"Yeah, it really is!" She nods.

"You want to come, have dinner with us?"

"Sure." I say, climbing in and leaning back for the ride.

She stops me by the cemetery. I find, Wes, Gunn, even Cor, state my sorry's, my goodbye's and thank you's. Climb back in the car and relax myself into all the babble about what's going on, what's happened, who's seeing who, how this is, how that is, who, what, where, when, why, how and sometimes maybe. Man, some things never change, Red can still rattle on and on and on.

"You still with Ken?" I ask.


Good, I like ken, kind of like me in a way, not in a poor way but in a I got my way or waah way. But even with the waah's, I could still really get along with her.

She continues. "Dawn just went to England, she's helping Giles, she's actually a W.I.T."


"Watcher in training."



She smiles. "Buffy, she's a counselor at a nearby school. Takes a few classes here and there." She senses my thoughts. "Yeah, she lives with us, it's a big house. Xander lives in the basement, again. Me and Ken have the main floor, there's a room for Giles when he's here. Buffy's upstairs, Dawn too and we have a guestroom. There's an attic, small and I keep stuff there."


"You know, books, boxes, eye of something, body parts...."

She starts laughing. Yeah, ok, she had me. I shook my head and smiled, laughing slightly.

"You're gonna stay with us, right?"

"Uhh......." I know my eyes just popped outta my head.

"Just wait and see, decide later."

We turn. I can see the roofline in the distance. Fear starts to creep up on me. It's 'her' I fear. Red can sense my apprehension.

"It'll be ok." She says, trying to ease my growing tension.

I just nod my head.

The car comes to a halt, she gets out leaving me. "Come on!" After a few deep breaths I manage to step out of my safety. She's going ahead, calling back to me, waving for me to come on.

"I'll be there in a minute, I'm gonna smoke." She sighs, gives me a look and goes inside.

I fire one up, breathe it in, hoping my nervousness will fade eventually. I kind of laugh, my hand is shaking. I take another pull, blow it out slowly. Nothing and everything floating through my head. I'm so lost, clueless, unknowing.

"What you doing?" It's 'her'. She takes the cigarette from my hand, puts it to her lips, inhales, frowns, throws my cig on the ground and stomps it. She just stares at me, trying to read me, waiting for me to speak.

My attempt at speaking fails.

She decides I'm not going to speak anytime soon and gives me an easy out. "Bad habit anyway." She says motioning to the ruined cigarette. She grabs my hand, pulling me. "You can't stay out here all day." She drags me into the house and shuts the door.

Here they are, staring at me and I'm staring back. Kennedy finally steps in. Yay, Ken!

"Come on, let me show you the house." She takes me into a back room, she pulls out a couple of cold ones, turns on some music, we sit, she fires up. "Here you go." I gratefully accept.

"You ok?" She smirks, knowing how the scoobs can overpower you.

"I am now, thanks."

"They mean well, they just overwhelm, sometimes, well all the time." I nod.

"I'm glad you're here." She eyes me for some kind of response.
"You are?" I say, putting on my best poker face.

"Yeah, I need someone on my level. I really don't have a good friend. Everyone is Willow's friend, ya know? Sometimes you need to talk, it's hard when you have to watch what you say all the time." I nod. " I mean, it's all good, we have 'our time', but when she needs 'friend' time, I'm kind of left out of the loop. Now, if they have the friend time, well I'll have you, it works for me."

"What do you do?"

"Me? Not much. I tend bar, we need a bouncer, someone who can keep the peace, maybe sometimes tend bar, you interested?"

I nod.

"What kind of bar?" I ask.

"Uhm...bikers, rednecks, beer, Jim and JD, old school r and r." She's got my attention, now.

"Let's go!" I say smiling fully for the first time.

"Now?" She frowns.

"Well I'm kind of wigged out, I'd kind of like a change of scenery." I raise my brows, hoping she'll take the hint.

"Fuck No! Later, maybe. If we bailed now, I'd never live to hear the end of it."

"Whipped, huh?" I ask mockingly.

"Hell no!" She raises her voice to get her point across.

"Well, I do need the job, before someone else gets it." I shake my head yes, giving her a nudge.

"Uh.... Ok, but lets make it quick." She relents.

"Yeah, yeah, sure." I smile.

We get there, no problem. I get the job, well after I prove I can throw a couple of guys out the door. Ken gives me the tour, not much, beer, whiskey, sitting area, band stand. Alice Cooper's song poison is blaring through the speakers. Ok, I can do this place and I think I'm gonna like it. What else am I gonna do?

We kick back, celibrate my new career. We have a few beers, a few shots. Did I forget the tequila? Well, we got tequila here also. How many shots did we do? Well by the time we started to count, I'd say about a fifth of shots. Man, Ken was plastered. She was up shit creek, hell, I don't even live there and I'm already in the doghouse. I look at my watch. SHIT! It's two a.m. We're fucked! What could be worse, driving back drunk or calling them to come and get us?

"We could walk." I look at Ken, "nah", I shake her idea off but it's a thought. I call.

"HELLO." The voice answers.

"UH......" I try to talk but Ken's just too damned close. " Who answered?" She half yells as I slap her away from the phone.

She grabs at it again. "Stop!" I say, giving her a mean glare.

"FAITH?" She questions.

"UH... Nope!" I hung up.

Ken starts laughing, hell, I do too. She snorts and I double over.

"You're in so much trouble." She sings.

"So are you." I sing back.

"Yeah." We finally realize, not finding it so funny anymore.



"Lock the car, WAIT, get a weapon." She gets a stake and a bag of chips and I get half a pool cue and some pliers.

As we start walking, I see her looking at my pliers, raising her eyebrows, questioning.

"I don't know." I answer

I look at her weapon of choice, the chips, "garlic breath?" I ask.

We laugh loudly, falling against each other.

"Damn, this is a long walk, let's cut through the graveyard."

"Ok." We head off. First thing I do is fall over something. I'm graceful, what can I say?

"Damn, Ken, help me up...... Ken?"

"RAAHHHH!!" She screams, jumping out from behind a headstone.

I wave my hand in front of my face, frowning. "God, the chips were a good choice, lethal." She slaps my arm.

She falls down. "Damn, Ken, are you that drunk?" I feel a sharp pain in my nose and mouth. I'm down too. VAMP, great, big fuckin vamp. We just sit there waiting to see if he's gonna give us a hand up. Well, he helped me up, grabbed me right up off the ground, bit me, son bitch bit me, but only for a second before I pushed him off.

"You wanna play?" I ask, not really expecting an answer, more like I'm talking to myself. "Lets play!"

I returned the nose and mouth pain. He fell. I stuck my half a cue into his upper arm, through it and down into the ground. Ken followed, putting her stake through the opposite arm and pinning him to the ground.

"What you wanna do now?" She asks, out of breath and slightly leaning to the right.

"What we got?" I ask, leaning into her, trying to focus a little bit better.

"I got chips." She laughs.

"I got...... pliers." We smile at each other.

We turn to the pinned vamp and say in unison, "welcome to undead dentistry. The doctors are in." I click the pliers.

We descend, holding the vamp in place, hitting and pulling those sharp little I teeth out, you know the fangs...and the ones on either side... got to make sure we do a good job, we do want a good reputation. It's a good plan, kind of like an HMO or a PPO, only this was an SDP (slayer dental plan) and it's free.

While we were busy laughing. He got one in,a hit that is, kicked me hard, knocking me off balance, broke his bonds, and ran like hell. Run straight into and under a car coming our way.

"Wait, don't you want your tooth for the fairy?" I yelled, tooth still held firm in the pliers.

UH OH! In the car. It's B and W. We both duck down behind the large tombstone, of course we're peeking at them. They look at the vampire, see his dental work, hear him bitchin and moaning, cast a glance at each other. B stakes him and he's no more, gone, poof, dust.

"Somebody stake me now." I mutter. Ken just looks at me. "You think they saw us?"

"You two can come out now." She yells into the darkness.

I look at Ken, "yeah, just a bit."

We slink out from behind our rock. Chips and pliers hid behind our backs, just looking, dreading.

"Well, Ken, Faith, what do you have to say for yourselves?" They ask.

Not much, I don't have much of an offering. I hold out my pliers, "tooth?" Ken follows, with her offering, "chips?"

I hit her arm, she hits mine.

We climb in the car silently, missing the smiles B and W are giving each other.

It was the longest damn ten minute ride of my life. I did notice the cute welcome home we got. As we were approaching the front steps I could see the doghouse to my right. Buster's name was stricken through and 'Kennedy and Faith" were written in.

"Cute." I say, shrugging to the , well,.... my room.

"Fuck it, ok." I say and start toward my cool new dwellings.

"Oh no you don't, you're not getting off that easy." She says, grabbing me and leading me into the house.

Inside I hear them talking. I've got mine, you got her? Should we just put them together, let them sleep it off. Hello, Drunk! Not a good idea. No, plus it's 'them', not exactly responsible, plus drunk.

Well that's settled. She's got hers, guess I got mine and up I go. Pretty damned quick trip if you ask me. Off comes my jacket and I'm laid back against the bed. She pushes the hair out of my eyes, shakes her head smiling and turns to leave.

"B." I say softly.

She walks back over, leaning. "Yeah?"

I go blank, so I just hold up my pliers,....... " tooth?"

"You ass." She laughs and hits me playfully on the butt.

I turn over, laughing, fading into sleep.

(next morning)






"Damn it! I'm up, quit your yelling!"



"Go away!" I yell



"I'm up!"


I get up stomping around the room, throwing shit, hit a quick shower, try to peel my eyes open and pick my tongue up off the floor. Dressed, clean and feeling not quite as human as I should. I hear the bed calling, just a minute, yeah, only a minute.



I throw on some shades and stumble downstairs. I quickly notice a cup of coffee on the counter. "It's yours." MMMMM, I taste it, it's like nectar. Oh yeah, that's good. I get pulled from my slice of heaven.

"Lets go." She gives me a tug.

The sunlight knocks me backwards but she just pulls me. No use fighting it, the sooner we get done with,....whatever, the sooner I can crash. I clammer into the car. Flinch when the music rips my head apart. Mind cuss B for thinking it's funny.

"Where we going?" I ask.

"Grocery store."

"The grocery store? You made me get up for that?" Sarcasm dripping from my voice.

"Yeah, I wanted company." She says in a sugary sweet tone.

"Fuck me!" I state flatly.

"What?" She jerks her head around to glare at me.

"Nothing." I sink into the car.

What a wasted trip. We looked down every damned aisle and leave with only a case of yogurt and a case of tampons. I can only roll my eyes in defiance.

"Lunch?" Now I'm happy. "HELL YEAH!"

"What you want?" I'd been thinking about this for years. "Pizza, lasagna, t bone, fried wontons, oh ...oh.... General tsoh's chicken, fajitas, nachos, fried chicken, hash browns all the way....."

"Hold up, hold up, I can see you haven't been putting much thought into it." She laughs.

Ok, now I'm embarassed, so a few years of having three hots and a cot have made me appreciate certain types of things you couldn't get inside. Food just happened to be a high priority on my list. "Sorry." I glanced out the window. She smiled.

She pulled into Ryan's, an all you can eat buffet. I was in heaven. There wasn't one thing that I didn't try and when it came to dessert, well I just got a regular plate and sampled everything. Full as a tick and feeling sick. I was finally done.

"Time to roll out." I think she meant, time to roll me out. I had kinda made a pig out of myself.

I could tell she was thinking things over, her nose would scrunch up slightly. I sure as hell wasn't ready for the talk that was sure to come. It was obvious that she was trying to let me get settled in, giving me time before she pulled out the big gun.

"Can I drive?" I ask excitedly.

"Um.... I dunno." She gives me a puzzled look.

"Please?" I smile and bat my eyes for emphasis.

She relented, putting the keys in my hand. Did I have a big ass grin, well hell yeah I did.

I'm driving, the radio is on, at a low level. I'm just learning the town, seeing the sites.

'Punch'. She punches my arm. I just glare at her, with a what the fuck look. "yellow", she says. "What?" I ask. "It's yellow." She says. I look puzzled and like she's crazy. "The bug." Well that fuckin helps me. I shake my head in disgust, giving her a what the fuck look. "The bug. The VW car, it's a punch buggy. Get it? Can you dig it?" She gives me a duh look, as if her explaining is crystal clear.

"With both shovels." I say, silently seething. I refocus on driving.

'Punch', "yellow again." She smiles big, like she just won the lottery or something.

'Punch', "grey." She laughs.

This bitch is crazy.

"VW place, punch buggies, buggies." She motions to the car lot, smiling big, laughing. "I'm winning!" She says gleefully.

"Fuck." I'm getting mad. I'm trying to look around and spot one of those damned cars.

'Punch' , "blue convertible." She claps at her accomplishment.

I search the roads, the car lots, hunting for a bug.

'Punch', "behind us." She howls with laughter.

I run off the road a little, trying to spot a car.

I hear her laugh harder. My face is red, I just know it.

'Punch', "black one." Her laughter echos in my head.

"AGHHHHH" I scream out in frustration.

I'm practically jumping in my seat. The steering wheel's about to crack from the pressure of me squeezing it.

Ah, there's a cream colored one.

'Punch', "beat ya to it." She jumps in her seat excitedly.


There. Yeah. I see one, all right...I got one. Ha!!

'PUNCH', I swing out my arm, giving her a good punch. "Hell yeah! That's right, that's it, bout damned time, yeah!"

I look over and see her holding her bleeding nose. My face just goes blank and my mouth just kinda hangs there.

"Punch buggy?" I say low, shrugging, flinching a little from her eyes on me.

She just stares, pinching her nose. I can see the I'm gonna kick your ass look she's giving me.

I turn down the road to the house, speed up to get there faster. Pull up, throw the car in park, jump out and run like hell.

I run in through the basement, bolt up to my room and peek out the window.

I could see that Willow ran out to see what happened. I could even hear them, barely.

"Punch buggy?" Willow asked.

Buffy nodded.

"I told you, I didn't think she'd do to good at it." Will shrugs her shoulders for emphasis.

"Yeah, well now I know." She says flatly.

I turned around, let myself slide down the wall to a sitting position and laughed.

Part 2

What a night. Not bad mind you, just my first night that's all. I only had to throw out a few unruly guys. I learned some things too, like a drink is just a drink, unless you throw a 'screamin' in front of it, say like you order an orgasm, well it's just an orgasm, but if you order a screaming orgasm, well that just means you light a match to it. I've cleaned up, watched the clock, I have to face it. It's time to go home. I mean, come on, I've kind of made myself scarse, what with busting B's nose and all. Well, I really wasn't quite sure of things, Maybe I just need to face facts and find my own place.

I order a bottle of Jim to go, you know Jim Bean, ah Jim, I like him, and I head out. Quite a nice pleasant trip home. A few sips here, few sips there, changing the songs on the tape deck.. Once there I just sit outside, drinking, smoking and thinking. I can't help it as all the bottled up emotions hit my face, tears just slowly fall. I'm a tough girl, tough girls don't cry. But here I am, tears falling, walls crumbling, and all you got left is me, the me without the smart ass'd mouth, the real me. Hell even my hands are shaking.

I know she's here, watching, listening, I can feel her... energy. She moves over behind me, not saying anything, just giving me her presence.

"You wanna finally know?"

"You want some Faith 101?"

She's still, quiet, she knows one wrong word or move and I'll run, just like always. She's trained well. Just sitting, quietly, listening.

I exhale.

" I didn't really grow up all that bad. Compared to some, I had it good. I wasn't at all like the Faith you were introduced to, not that 'that' one didn't exist, she existed, I just changed, I still change, I'm not finished yet. Anyway, I was just your average low to mid class kid. Didn't know shit, or rather didn't have a clue. Then I got called. Chosen, taken, whatever. People showed up, wasn't really a problem of going, I didn't have a choice. I was having hellish nightmares, didn't understand about slayers, dreams or undead things, so I was kind of out of it anyway."

I take a draw on my cigarette, letting the smoke encase me. She's still silent. I take another swig of Jim, blow out a harsh breath.

"It's like this you see, you had it sweet. The rest, well when we're in wait, well if they find or locate us and we're in wait, we get moved, isolated. We don't have ties, all we have is them. They research and we kill. Anyway, I was stubborn, fought them all the way but in the end....... Well. I was almost 18. Yeah, I know you thought I was younger than you, well by several years, I just age better than you that's all. Anyway, we'd, that's me and a few others that were there, well we'd have no family ties, it just kind of happened, they made it happen. Well I had something they called a rite of passage, some kind of test, something about my age. Well I guess I lost the catch up memo on slaying, I mean, called, test.... Called, test, come on, something was lacking somewhere. Ok, here I am, newly called, still having those dreams, and they put me in a steel room, chained me up, bring in my family, all of them, chained them up, sent in a freak, well that's what I thought at the time. I caught on quick, the dreams and all, was like a rush of reality. He fed. Right there in front of me, he drained them dry. It was like hitting me in the head with a brick. Instincts, dreams, darkness, reality, what I had to do, it was just too much. He turned all of them. I was freaking out, didn't realize what was gonna happen later. I was way into the here, now thing. Those bastards came back, let the vamp out, unchained my dead family, my mom and sister, and just left me there chained up. I counted at least a day, maybe a day and a half. They didn't bother to feed me or give me any water. I was spent, weak, and scared shitless. Finally, I hear the door open, they unchain me and leave me fallen on the floor, before they leave, they toss in a stake and they shut and lock the door again."

I suppress my sobs, down a good swallow of liquor and pull the last bit of my cigarette, getting the courage to continue.

I gasp, shudder and compose myself.

"Survival of the fittest, ya know, and I survived. Kind of go blank after that. I can't remember. Well I just see images, flashes of things that I did. Nothing that I want to really try and recall. Emma showed up, gave them hell, took me away, brought me back to health. She was my watcher, my friend and became my family. She became everything to me. I loved her. Time went on and we ended up in swamp country. I made a new enemy there."

"Kakistos?" She asked softly.

I nod.

"To make it short, in the span of a week he had done things to me that I didn't even know could be done to a human. He wanted to break me, make me. I think it was the worst ass kicking I've ever had. I was about dead, weak, drained, cut in more places than I could count but it still wasn't enough, he wanted more. During that time, I learned that Emma had been in with Kakistos. They taunted me, laughed at me. But in the end he betrayed her. He grabbed her up. She looked so shocked. I can't even tell you what I watched him do. The end is what sticks out in my head. He ate her, fuckin ate her raw! Bit out chunks, chewed up her flesh and spit her out right on top of me . After his 'dinner', he came at me. I grabbed up a scraper, don't know where I found the strength, guess it was the anger, I slashed at him, cutting his eye. It gave me enough time to bail. I ran and ran, all the way to Sunny D. Even though she gave me to him, I still cared, I still loved her.... But I changed, got hard, got wild, thought I knew the score."

"I had heard rumors about you, so I ran for help but when I get here, you're not like us. You have friends, family, a home. I'm like what the fuck? I kind of just hung around, watching, telling tall tales, being untouchable, not knowing if I could trust you or not. Eventually I do, but I'm in denial and still scared, I want you to like me, I figure you wont if you knew what loser I was, what I had let happen, I mean you were the slayer, the shit, and I was just a fucked up piece of nothing. I got close to you, well I thought we had gotten kind of close and you up and bail. I couldn't even hardly see you. I follow you and see you fuckin around with a vampire, and I mean fuckin. I'm freaking out, I mean you're one of them, in with them. Post shows up, blows up, I'm still wild and freaking out, there was nobody to go to, nowhere to run. I didn't want you to be on to me, didn't want you knowing that I knew you were on the other team. I got wild, crazy and careless."

"I killed Finch. It was an accident. I couldn't take anymore from any of you. Couldn't trust you, none of you were what I thought you were, I mean here you were, doing the undead thing and you were calling me names."

"Then they mayor came along.. I thought at least he's being honest. He told me right from the get go what he intended to do, gave me a false reality, I know that now, but then, it was something to cling on to. I was cold, hungry, alone, scared and he treated me like someone, not just a fucked up piece of trash, a murderer. In the end I betrayed him. I gave you his weakness so you could be on top again. Yeah, I know, I went through the ghost roads. Hell of a trip. We'll talk of that another time."

"He gave me a gift, said, I'd die. Damn, who'd of known that I'd end up inside of you. I sure as hell didn't. I mean, fuck me! I just thought I'd blow up. I didn't. Thought you'd kill me, you didn't. Thought Angel would, he didn't, instead he became my new family and helped me get back on track."

"Basically, I learned that I was blind. I let others do the research and I'd go in blindly for the kill, but when you do that, you don't really know who or what you're fighting for or against. If you want the fight to be for good, then you have to do the work yourself, make your own choice. It took me a long while to get that. Now I'm not so blind."

I snubbed out my cigarette and became quiet.

She reached over and touched my shoulder. I had something else, one last thing.

"I know you think that I didn't care about anything. I didn't show it or act like it but it ate me up inside. The more I hurt, the more I acted like I didn't. I cared about you and for you, I thought we were getting close. I had feelings and I felt betrayed when you ignored me and lied to me to protect Angel. I hurt and I wanted to make it go away, all of it. I'd listened to other people about Angel and ran in blind, you got in my way and we became enemies, it was the start of the fall."

"Even though I hated you at times, somewhere underneath it all, I still cared, always have, always will. You became my weakness."

"That's me, that's all, the end."

I got up, went inside and left her sitting alone.

Damn Jim, I blame him.

Part 3

Days turn into weeks and I already have a set pattern. So much for being the wild one, the one, the only, party girl. I don't do anything exciting, basically, I work, train, slay, sleep, eat and that's my sorry, boring life. I wasn't getting enough money at the bar so I took a second job, another bouncer job, well more like a guarding bodies kind of job. Hey, I needed more money. One paycheck for the household to help out, and one paycheck for me, for my pocket. I'm so frickin boring you can set the clock by me.

My off days consisted of cleaning, god forbid it's my turn to clean the bathroom. I just hate that but I think I hate cleaning the kitchen more than anything, well, that kinda depends upon who cooks. I swear to God... that Red, well I just know that some of that shit I washed out of those bowls, well I just know it wasn't for consumption, probably an eye of something or other, still makes me kinda wigged out thinking about it.

Let me see, where was I? Oh yeah, me, in a nutshell, it's work, slay, sleep, train, job, break, job. Well that's my on days... my off days are more like, clean, movie at home, popcorn, buffy banter and slayage. I'm like mary poppins in leather. I'd even went so far as to imagine our daughters of the future... Willow's goes, my mom is just like reba mcintyre, Kennedy's goes, well my mom's like zsa zsa gabor, humor me, it's my damn head, Ah, what the hell, It's because zsa zsa slapped the hell outta that cop and got away with it. Ken's just like that, just so ya know. B's kid goes, well my mom's like Mrs. Howell, God I slay myself... Mrs. Howell, lovey.. lovey...yes Thurston... Trust me... its' hilarious, if your drinking, I guess...Come on, the island, Gilligans Island, don't you have a clue? And then there's my kid...she's like... oh yeah... well my mom is like, leather tuscadero. Hey, leather was cool in her time! That is if you know who leather is, if not, check out some reruns of Happy Days.

Anyway, my life. On days, work, slay, sleep, train, job, break, job.
And my off days, clean, movies, popcorn, buffy, slay.

On and on and on and on, again and again and again.

THEN, out of nowhere, the blue, I get a bite. I wasn't even fishing and someone is nibbling on my line. I'm like, that's it, come on, pull my string, I'll do my thing, definitely the biggest fish of the day.

Am I excited? YEAH!
Am I rusty? Hope not! Don't get me wrong, I'm cool with my household, but a girl's got needs. Friends and family can only do so much. This girls needs more. The thing about this time is that I don't really feel the need to broadcast it, I guess I've grown up some. I mean it's young, fresh, fragile so I don't really want to mess it up. No sense in bragging over something that You really haven't got, yet. I guess now looking back on it, not telling wasn't such a good idea after all, got me in a little trouble.

I guess from the start I changed. Here I am sitting in front of the movie, eating popcorn. I'm antsy as hell, toe tapping, finger tapping, palms sweating, jumping with every car that might drive by and knocking everyone out of the way who even looked like they were attempting to get to the phone before I did. Guess I was a little on edge. I could feel them all looking at me.

The phone rang and I was off, charging, blocking, pushing and lunging for it. Finally, I sigh in relief, smiling like the cat that got the canary. I feel them staring at me and what do I do? I hide in the closet to talk to someone. Smoothe huh?

When I'm done, I slink out. I can see the glares from Willow, Ken and B, well B's not actually looking at me. The mood went from warm to ice in a second. This went on for a couple of weeks. I kept cancelling things, missed trainings, was even late for slaying. I made it worse by dodging questions.

"What are you up to?"

"Me? Nothing."

"Are you seeing someone?"

"Me? Not at the moment." Not really a lie, at this moment, right now, I'm not seeing anyone.

Another night. We settle in as usual, movie, popcorn, they even let me pick the movie and still.....I can't sit still. I got the toes tapping, fingers tapping, looking around like I'm crazy.

"Waiting on a call?"

I'm in another zone.


I'm cool, I'm here, I'm not square, tap, tap, tap, tap.

"Earth to Faith!"

"Yeah, Huh?" Oh yeah, I'm cool.

She just points at the movie and throws a piece of popcorn at me. I'm going nuts. I can't stand it. I get up, pace a bit. I can see them watching me, amused. That's it. I'm outta here. I'm upstairs, got to smoke or something. Ken is right behind me, almost on my heels.

"What's going on?"

"I'm just.... Stressed."


"I just have ..... to... much...energy."

"You've been acting strange lately, well not strange, but like you've got the hots. Your pants on fire, Faith?"

I throw a DUH look. She smiles, turning to leave.

"You'd better take care of that."

Don't I know it. I pace a bit, smoke, tap, scream silently. I notice that something is hitting the window. I open it and look out. Coins are all over the place. Matter of fact, one just smacks me in the head.

"What the....?"

Then I see her, smiling, up at me.

"What are you doing?" I ask, smiling back.

"Making a wish."

"Did it come true?"

"Come on down and I'll tell ya."

I'm out the window, walking across a tree limb and shimming down to her. She's got long legs, long brown hair, brown eyes, curves and cleavage, a smile to die for, a jeans and boots gal. I always kind of had a weakness for a cowgirl, well, I've just always had a weakness, what can I tell ya.

We just smile at each other. She takes my hand and takes off. We only run to her car, not really a long trip, but still I'm breathing heavily. She turns on the radio, sits on the hood of her car, curving her finger, motioning for me to 'come here'. Of course I do, quickly, go to her.
"What you want?" I ask lowly.

She takes her finger, brings it up to meet her lips and taps them slowly, twice. I swear my body screams. AHHHHHHHHHH!

I move closer than I already am, opening her legs and pushing myself up close against her, my hands snake around her thighs and run up around her hips, holding on. I moisten my lips. I'm about to burst, I tell ya. I lean in slowly, touch my lips softly against her cheek and lightly graze them over her skin, brushing her lips in the process. I pull back to give her a last look before I let my lips completely fall into hers. Warmth and sweetness invade my senses. I feel her tongue brush against mine, not harshly but gentle, almost like teasing. I can't help but moan. I move closer, tighter, leaving no room between our bodies, pulling her harshly against me. Her hands roam my body, searching for something, somewhere to rest, to feel, to touch. My hands are on automatic, slowly feeling her back moving to her sides, my thumb grazing the fullness of her breasts as I move my hands upward, coming around with one to caress her face, the other moving behind her head to pull her, guide her, bring her closer to me, making the kiss deeper. She sighs into me, soft lips, moving, caressing a delicate burn of heat and fire, her tongue giving a last touch as we break the kiss. My hands run down her arms, finding her hands, entwining with them. We smile.

"I'm on my way to work, I just wanted to see you. " I nod smiling.

She hops off of the car, opens the door, gives me a soft kiss and I watch as she drives off. I turn around, touching my lips and I see the curtains pulled back and suddenly closing. That's smoothe, I think. Well I can either climb back up the tree or go in through the door. I climb the tree, less questions that way, and probably another mistake.

Man, was I pent up! I was turned on as hell, frustrated to death, my body still tingling from that 'kiss'! I threw myself onto the bed in anguish, panting, needing. My hands slowly roamed my body. I sigh as I run my hands over my breasts, feeling them come to life, going lower to trace along my inseam.

There was a slight knock on the door.

"Yeah?" Another knock.

"Come in." The door opens at full force and Kennedy is poised, looking not so friendly.

"What are you doing?"


"Not now, a bit ago."

"Oh." "Oh?"

"What's going on? You tell me, what's going on?" She demands of me.

I just give her one of my eat shit looks, like I can't believe you are questioning me.

"What? I can't date? I can't get interested in someone? I'm not allowed?"

"You're dating?" She has a shocked look, you know, mouth kinda just hanging there.

"Don't act so shocked, you've got someone, I was just kinda lonely and it hit me out of the blue. I just want to have....someone.... who...wants me."

"What about you and Buff?"

"Huh?" Ok, now my mouth is the one hanging.

"I thought you and Buff... were... ya know?" She raises her eyebrows a couple of times for umph, ya know.

"Nah, she's straight, she's not into me, never was, never will be." I just shrug it off.

"Are you into her?" Now that's the million dollar question.

"Always was, always got in trouble for it to, but I got tired of waiting and wanting what I'd never have, I moved on and somebody found me." I smile.


"But what?"

"I thought you two were dating?" Again with the eyebrow thing. Jesus.

"When? All I ever do with her is maybe train, slay, oh and we all do that movie thing together as a group." I throw in a couple of eyebrows myself, can't be outdone.

"But still...." Now she's got her hands going with the eye thing, comical.

"But what? Come on Ken, what is it you're not telling me?" I move a little closer, questioning.

"Well I kinda got the idea that Buffy thought you two were kind of, like, seeing each other."

Now I'm completely wigged out, shocked to say the very least. "Imfuckinpossible! She never said anything to me, never gave me a clue, nothing, nada."

"Ok, if you say so." She leaves me alone to my thoughts. I'm just blank, at a loss for words or thoughts. I cant help but wonder, what the hell is going on?

The next night, same thing, a rapping at my window. I'm already smiling, half way out the window and to the tree. As I'm half way across the limb, it snaps, that's it, down I go, hard! I'm on the second floor. So I hit a few things on my long ascent. I'm lying on the ground, ass bound, and I catch a quick glimpse of B in her window, laughing before she shuts her blinds.


But anyway, now I have a bigger problem. My wrist and ankle, well they're screaming at me. Jess, that's her name, saunters over to me, boots a clicking, eyes me up and down, eyes the branch, so do I, it's cut, I mean sawed, set up, trap. She eyes me with a, what have you done look. I shrug and give her a, I haven't a clue look. She relents, I mean come on... I'm hurting here, I can feel a warm stickiness easing over my eye. Damn, that means I'm cut a bit too.

She leans over me. "Hospital?" Oh, yeah, she's amused.

"Yeah." I sigh, something is not right at casa le golden girls.

I spend the rest of the night in the emergency room, they wont release me, due to a 'possible head injury'. The only thing wrong with my head is that I'm pissed off. I make it back home early in the morning to find everyone eating breakfast, laughing, making jokes about my fall, well B's cracking jokes, the others are just giving looks to each other. Ken finally asks. "Is she coming down to eat?" B smugly replies, "let her sleep, her ass is probably worn out from all that climbing."

After me hearing way too much, they finally notice me. Eyes buldge, mouths open, streaks of guilt hit a couple of them. I've got a cast on my left foot and wrist, some stitches over my left eye, a busted lip and I'm scratched up pretty badly. Granted most of it would be gone by tomorrow but that's not the point.

It's not even worth getting mad over. I'm tired, too old for this shit.

I turn from the people I thought were my friends and right into Jess. "Will you help me get some things together?" She nods a yes and starts to help me upstairs.

B Jumps up. "Faith, you can't be serious, you can't leave!"

I turn around, my voice flat and low. "You got something to tell me B, you tell me, you don't have to hurt me."

She immediately falls back into our old routine, you know the, she's better than me thing... yada.. yada ...yada. "Like you haven't ever tried to do that to me?

I'm mad now. I actually feel like I've finally grown a pair of balls. "That's another reason for me to leave right there. I'm here, now, in the present. I'm sick of trying to live and relive the past with you. You can have it! Make them miserable from now on, cause me, I'm gone!"

"But Faith.... I."

"You what?"

She just stands there, looking at me, a void.

"That's what I thought, nothing." I sigh in disgust. I've had enough of all these childish games.

Jess finally has had enough of drama too, she's actually pissed. She squares off at all of us, me included.

"Ok, I've had it with all of your shit and by that I mean 'all of you'." She glares at everyone then turns her attention back to me. " Faith, is there something going on with you and her?" She shrugs toward B.

I shake my head no because there's not. Right? Right! She turns to B. "Is there something going on between you and faith?"

B sighs. She looks everywhere but at me. Finally, she says. "There is always something going on between Faith and me. It doesn't matter who comes along, or who we get involved with, it always comes back to me and her. When she wanted me, I didn't want her and didn't even acknowledge it and when I want her, she won't even see it and it just goes on and on.... BUT....regardless of what we do to each other, there is and will always be a pull between us and it won't ever go away, you can fool yourself and get involved with her but eventually, when I need her and call, she'll be there for me and leave you alone. She won't mean to, it's just how it is. It's been that way for me. I'm sure it's that way for her."

Jess looks back at me, eyes questioning. I close my eyes. Breathing heavily. I look at B. "That was then and this is now".

I slowly edge toward Jess. I can see that she's not gonna let this go anytime soon.

"Faith, do you love her?"

I exhale sharply. " I use to. I don't know anymore."

"Well call me when you figure it out." She turns from me and leaves.

That's it. I've had it. Everything just piles up on top of me. I break. I sit right where I am and just cry. After a bit, I get up, slowly make my way upstairs and start packing my shit. As I'm throwing my stuff in a duffle, Kennedy comes in.

"You Ok?"

I just continue packing. She doesn't get any answers from me so she continues.

"Uh...Faith...I know I told you to scratch your itch and all... but... you did know that I meant to scratch it with buffy, right?"

I just blow out a harsh breath, completely annoyed, I turn with my bag and exit the room.

Ken calls out. "Faith, you do know that you're ruining any chance you might have had with Buffy, right?"

I look at her head on, saying flatly. "Right now, I'm ruining what I 'have' with Jess, I'm not really worried about what I 'might' tomorrow."

I make my way downstairs and pass right by Willow and Buffy. I almost stop but I go on to the doorway before I finally stop, just a pause, I close my eyes, letting everything play over in my head. I look at Willow and then to Buffy, looking deep into her eyes.

Softly and almost silently, I mouth. "Bye." Closing the door behind me.

Part 4


I barely heard her but still, it stopped me dead in my tracks. Everything about her, about us, cuts me to the quick. It's not enough, too much, everything, nothing at all. This, her, me, us, hurts me too much. I can't deal with it. I never could deal with it. There was a time when I thought I could handle anything....but look where that got me. Funny, all that time that I spent running away, only to end up right back where I started. I turn to look at her, shaking, breaths too afraid to break through to my surface, eyes filling up, threatening to burst into a steady flow. This is us, raw, open but closed off.

She stares into my eyes, pain written all over her features. "Don't go." She whispers.

This is harder than I ever imagined. How can I just walk away from everything I'd always wanted? Did I still want the same things? Where did she, we, us fit? What about Jess? How do I feel about her? She sees the emotions playing behind my eyes and steps closer, taking my hand. "Come back inside, we'll work things out, I promise...." I pull back just a little but she holds firm. "I didn't mean for you to actually get hurt. I just thought I'd put a... wrench in your plans, that's all. Childish I know, but underneath everything, I'm still just a girl." I nod.

I take a deep breath, releasing it slowly and look her in the eyes. "This." I point back n forth between the two of us. "Is too hard. It's not supposed to be this hard. It's just supposed to flow easily and.....I don't have a word to describe it.... It's just.....it's just not enough for me anymore. I don't want to fight, argue and I don't want to always be wrong. It's always what you think, what you say do, it just all seems to be about you and everyone else following." She pulls a face, hardening her eyes. I go on trying to reason with her, make her see my point. "I'm not saying that you don't make good decisions, I'm just saying that I'm tired of following. I'd like to be included at times, contribute... but I'll never be anything more than my past with all of you. I'll always be the worst part of me that you saw, at least in your eyes and I don't want that anymore. I just need to grow up, move on, endure and see what I've been missing."

The air was so thick you could have cut it with a knife. Quiet surrounded us making us it's prisoner. I sighed heavily as I watched her chew her bottom lip. I laughed inward, smiling to myself, made my way over to the steps and not too gracefully managed to set down. I was actually getting a little drowsy. I'd taken a few pills to numb the pain in my joints, legal pills of course, guess they were kicking in, guess maybe I might've over compensated for slayer metabolism. I was starting to feel... good....a little high. I leaned back listening as B rattled on and on and on.

I pulled out a cigarette, watched in awe as the lighter drew forth a flame, cool, I thought. I inhaled and watched the smoke encircle me, making wicked little patterns in front of my eyes, drifting slowly but surely, taking me and my mind with it. Peace at it's finest. A state of being nowhere but everywhere at the same time, contentment. I inhaled and blew out another distraction, watching the new patterns form in front of me. Cool.

She nudged me, knocking me out of my stupor. "You asleep?" She asked. "Nuh Uh." I mumbled incoherently back. She shook me a little bit. "How many pain pills did you take?" She stared. "Too many." I smiled at her, giving her my attention.

She continued. "As I was saying, I'm sorry. I didn't mean for you to get hurt. I was just trying to put a .... Crimp in your action. As a matter of fact, it was me who kind of ruined your other dates." She shrunk a little, looking up at me, cringing. I gave her a look, getting ready to speak, she raised her hand, motioning for me to let her finish what she started. She drew in a deep breath. I relaxed, waiting for her... confession? "Well... uhm...the few dates that you had....well...ok... you see, that biker that you went out with, well he kinda got the idea that you were into being greeted by having your.... Uh... nipples tweaked." Her face reddened. I sat upright, yeah, she had my attention now. "Jesus, B, I broke his damned fingers!" I stopped myself, settled back again and gave her a look, encouraging her to continue. " ... and that rocker guy, well I told him that you get really turned on by being called names... like... cunt." My eyes got a little bit bigger. "And?" I prompted. "well." She adjusted from the weight of my eyes on her. "well, then you just quit for a while and I was enjoying my time with you and then you just kind of disappeared, it was obvious that you were excited, that you had met someone and I was kind of.... Hurt."

She exhaled finally, that was a lot of words to just spill forth all at once. I looked at her, waiting, when nothing came, I asked, "because?"

"Because I didn't have anyone and I didn't want you to either."

I shook my head acknowledging that I got it. It was just a regular thing, no real emotion tied up in anything, just petty jealousies, no feelings what so ever, it boiled down to just some kind of sibling shit.

I smiled at her, leaned over and brushed my lips against her cheek. Made my way to a standing position, picking up my bag. I started on my way. "I'll see you around B."

"Where are you going?" She asked.

"To find love." I called back as I left.

Willow stepped out behind her. "Why didn't you tell her?" She asked. Nothing more was spoken, all she could do was hold the crying girl.

I made my way to Jess's, knocked on the door. She opened the door fully asking, "what do you want?" I stepped up, leaned against the door frame, brought my fingers slowly up to my lips and tapped them, softly twice, whispering, "you." I reached over, putting my fingers inside of her waistband, grabbing hold of her and tugged her to me, right into me. She gasped at the quickness and force of the situation. I smiled, leaned in and brushed my lips over her cheek, down to her neck and back up to her ear. I whispered again, "you.....just you.... only you." I continued to sigh into her ear, kissing and biting her lobe, moaning and rocking my body into hers as my lips slowly, gently and hotly tasted her skin. My hands roamed her back, made their way up and through her hair, making tingling paths that only brought me more sighs and moans. Face, neck, chest, hips, ass, nothing was off bounds, we melted into each other, bodies moving closer, hands claiming each other. My lips met hers, soft, wet flesh yielding and giving in return. Sweet, penetrating, shallow kisses, tongues meeting and gently withdrawing, making each kiss separate but continuous.

She pulled me inside, closing the door, not breaking our contact or the fever we'd started, had been waiting for. She pulled back, looking deep into my eyes, taking my hand, leading me to her room, her bed, keeping her eyes glued to mine, letting me see just how much she wanted and needed me, letting me know that this was more than I'd ever had, this was about us, that we, were a 'we'.

I followed willingly, letting her lead and set the pace. I felt awkward, restrained by the casts', inhibiting my movement, frustration showed across my features. She leaned in and kissed them away. "No worries." She whispered. She turned from me, taking off her top. I moved closer, touching and feeling her skin with my one good hand. I grazed my lips over her shoulder, breathing over the nape of her neck, bringing her chills and making her breasts strain harder against her bra. I lowered a strap, dragging my lips and tongue behind it, hearing her sigh out in response. I kissed and tongued up and down her back slowly as she undid her pants and stepped out of them, my hand reached around her, feeling her stomach before pulling her back into me, bringing my hand upwards to feel her breast in the palm of my hand, squeezing, lightly feeling under the fabric, pulling it from her, exposing her to myself and the open air.

She turned to face me, unfastening the garment in question and let it fall to the floor. Her hands eased up under my top, raised it up over my head, disgarded it and brought her hands back to my aching flesh. She unfastened my bra, brushed it off of my body, trailed her fingers over my breasts and hardening nipples, moving downward toward my pants, releasing me from them, pulling them down and off, slowly but surely.

She led me over to the bed and sat me down. I pulled her into me, feeling her skin, pushing my face against her breasts, I shifted and run my tongue against the sensitive spot underneath her breast, dragging my nails down her back, slowly moving my hands downward to squeeze her ass before moving them up to her breasts, slowly kneading one as I pulled the other into my mouth, releasing it only long enough to blow my hot breath against it, making it strain even harder. I trailed my fingers down to her panties, twirling them gently over her wetness, causing both of us to moan out loud. I hooked my fingers around the slight fabric, pulling them, getting rid of that last barrier. I leaned over, kissing her stomach, feeling her flushed warm skin against my lips and tongue.

She gently places me in the middle of the bed, painfully, frustratingly, and slowly drags one finger up my leg to my thigh and higher, slowly parting me, lingering in my juices, withdrawing to climb up and over my body, straddeling me, placing her wetness over mine. She rotates her hips against me, shifting, searching for the feel she was looking for. She pushed my legs further apart, opening me up as she lowered herself flush against me, finding the right placement for friction. She rotates her hips again, pushing downward in sweet misery. I felt her, not enough but enough to know that her hot wet center was mixing with mine, waiting for the right moment to crash down against me. She started slowly, moving against me. I could feel the want and need coursing through me, more and more building up with each rotation of her hips rocking against me, slowly, teasingly, torturously. I was in lovely, agonizing pain. She moved rhythmically, I felt the pressure of her fleeting against me, a quick flush of heat and moisture, slowly tearing away from my body, leaving me screaming inside, waiting for the next moment, over and over, again and again. I felt her arrive like a godsend and leave me in complete destruction. Faster, harder, adjusting ourselves for more friction. She placed her hands on my legs, bracing herself as she rocked against me. My hands felt her body, trailing down between her legs, cupping her mound, I draped my thumb over her swollen nub, causing more friction as she thrust herself against me. She smiled at the new sensation and returned the favor. Slowly she trailed her hand around to my core, letting her thumb graze in between my folds, pushing around my wetness, brushing against the tight bundle of nerves in a steady rhythm. Our bodies natural rhyhm picked up, pushing against each other, harder, as our centers meshed. We continued moving our thumbs in a frantic, faster motion, pushing, pulling, over and over, rising, hotter, feverish. Our scent permeated the enclosed room, our moans echoed off the walls. Losing our restraint, lost in the feel, the touch, the movement, lost in the sounds of us. We crashed against each other, convulsing harshly, screaming out, fluids running and combining. Our bodies were shaking, riding out the high, slowing, moving against each other softly, falling fast from the peak of desire, sweaty, spent. Our breaths were shallow and faint, trying to find a natural pattern.

She fell against me, her hair draping over my face and neck, tired, we wrapped around each other, holding on. No words were needed. We smiled, kissed softly and lay against each other.

I'm here and I'm staying.

Part 5

Weeks had passed. Darkness drew near, covering the small town. I'd kept up my friendships, my jobs, my duties as a slayer and had done my part in a relationship. All in all, life was good. I'd made sure to tell Jess about the night crawlers and what exactly I was and what I had to do, what I was born for. She took it all in stride, even accepted that I fought alongside B, Ken, Willow and even Xander. Accepted it yes, liked it, no.

There had been a sudden rash of deaths, followed by several disappearances, so we were all on alert. I was just waiting for the call, taking my turn patrolling. I had taken Jess with me a few times, taught her some fighting moves but let me tell you.... you really didn't want to fight her, she even scared me. She'd just nut up and climb your ass like a fuckin tree, scratch, bite, kick, pull, scream, it didn't matter, she was like a rabid cat, all up in your personal space, hard to kick or hit something when it was plastered to you. She even showed me how to take the fight away from someone, like they'd throw a punch, well I'd step in, tying up their striking arm, getting up close and personal, using elbow and knee strikes, it was very effective. The girl has skills, in many different ways.

Ken was still my best bud, we'd even double dated a couple of times. Ken was accepting, happy for me even. Red was, well red was in her own world. The few times when all the gang had assembled it was kind of nice. B was quiet and her and Willow usually stuck close to each other. We had decided to start patrolling in pairs, lets face it, the monsters were getting wise, using old war strategies, like divide and conquer.

Vamps had been multiplying a lot lately, for every one we dusted, seemed like two more appeared. We discovered why, seems like a master had been buried, well at least parts of him, and on consecrated ground. Kind of made me wonder if it was B's old nemesis. Anyway, seemed like a raising was on the verge and that.....we just couldn't have.

We'd taken some pretty heavy hits lately. I was just coming off the injured list, not from vamps or anything but I finally got out of those casts that I had been in. I wasn't exactly one hundred percent yet... but I was working on it.

I was supposed to meet B to patrol but I was running late. I was just leaving the bar; I got to my car and found myself surrounded. I ducked the first punch, connected my fist to a face, felt my wrist scream, plunged forward with an elbow, grabbing hold of the head and twisting it sharply, hearing the neck crack. Can't say it wasn't a satisfying sound. Another attack came from my left. I pushed my car keys upward and out, lodging a key in an eye socket. I stepped forward, pushing the demon back and dislodging my key by pulling my arm backwards. I took a hard hit to the back of my head, falling to one knee. I pushed outward, giving me some room to move, another kick came. I fell and rolled to a kneeling position, getting up quickly. They moved fast, I thrust out my foot, connecting with a knee cap, feeling it give instantly. I took a hit to the face, stumbling backwards. I was caught and pulled tight, feeling teeth rip the soft flesh of my neck..

I kicked and pushed, my strenth draining fast. I brought my head forward, thrusting it back fast and hard, hitting him in the face, giving me room to turn and face him. I brought my knee up sharp, fast, hitting him in the family jewels, he growled loudly, let his grip go, I pushed away, falling, moving to ready myself in a fighting stance, my eyes darting around for something to use as a weapon.

Dust flew, covering me, one gone, another compacted, leaving behind ashen residue. The last demon looked at me uncertain, I smirked, what could I say, I shrugged saying, "I've got skills." He blew into the wind faster than the words could leave my mouth, my salvation stepping out of the shadows.

"You're getting soft." She stated flatly. I nodded. I hadn't been training or sparring hard lately.

She drove me home, quiet. The rain was just starting to fall, making the air colder than usual, making the silence so loud it hurt. We pulled up front of my small apartment. I just sat there frozen. The door was wide open, the light inside showing a smear of red splattered across it. My breaths started to come in pants, all I could hear was my heart beating. I got out of the car, walked toward the entry, peering inside. I looked around, checking the surroundings and stepped inside. A few things were in disarray, not a lot. I searched, fast, frantic for some kind of sign, anything.

I looked around the room again; smear on the door, not really a struggle scene, armor box open, door open, damn, no clue. I hit the replay button on the answering machine, "FUCK!" I grabbed a weapon and ran toward the cemetery. She'd been tricked into thinking I needed help. Fear pushed me harder and faster. I entered the graveyard without hesitation, looking, searching, calling out for her. The rain was freezing, hitting against the warm ground, forcing mist to rise just above the surface. I ran through the stones, over the markers, looking, searching, hunting, crying, afraid and angry at the same time.

There! Ahead! I instantly froze, trying to focus before slowly moving forward, trying to find reason. I edged closer, my view becoming clearer, focused. I shook my head. No. No. This isn't real, this isn't happening. "Jess!" I cried out, wanting her to answer, to move but I know that she won't, she can't.

I walked the rest of the way to her, fell to my knees beside her, wiped the hair out of her face, touching her, remembering her. Tears seeped from my eyes, sobs escaped my lips, my body quaked from grief, sorrow and loss.

I draped across her, screaming into the night, crying, hurting, feeling ripped open. Spasms racked my body as all my hurt and emotions poured out. I just lay there, until I couldn't make another sound. Rain mixing with my tears, washing me away, leaving me raw.

I laid there for hours it felt, listening to the sounds of the night, numb. It got quiet, silent. I closed my eyes, swallowing hard, new tears starting to run. I shuddered. I felt her hand trail over my back, heard the hiss of a sigh as it left her lips. Felt her nails dig into my skin, forcing me backwards into the mud. I lay there crying, watching her crawl toward me, over me, smiling, mad with hunger.

She morphed and descended, plunging her teeth into me, draining me. I pushed the stake I had slowly into her, watching her eyes widen as she turned to dust and rained down upon me. I rolled to my side, not moving, not getting up, just beaten, broken, lying in the rain, the mud, lost along with her, not caring that I was becoming surrounded. All my fight was gone, dead. I closed my eyes, waiting. Leaves crumpled around me, the air tingled with excitement. I could smell their bloodlust, closer and closer they edged.

I felt an immense heat against my skin, warming me. I heard faint screams. Backup had arrived and a fight was occuring without me. I descended deeper into the darkness, into peace, into blackness.

When I woke, I was in my old room, surrounded by all my things, with small rememberances of Jess around me. I moved slowly, taking in everything, touching it, feeling it. I made my way to the bathroom, turned on the hot water and immersed myself into it.

I thought I was cried out. I was wrong. I slid down the wall sitting underneath the water, sobbing, letting it all out again. I stayed frozen like that until someone turned the water off. "Come on baby." I felt a towel cover me, felt myself being lifted, arms surrounded me, cradled me, held me safely and rocked me back n forth, keeping me warm and safe, letting me know, it would be ok, that I wasn't alone. I would never be alone. I leaned into the comfort, shaking, memories replaying over and over behind my eyes, freezing me in time, holding me securely behind a wall, making me a prisoner in my own mind. Giving me something I hadn't felt in a long time.

A taste for blood, pain and vengence.

Part 6

"I hear you."

"I know you hear me but are you listening?"

I glanced up at her, hearing the concern in her voice. " If you keep on like this, you're going to wake up dead one day." I looked up at her, arching my brow, smirking. "You know what I mean." She rolled her eyes. I hardened my eyes and lowered them, not wanting to look at her anymore. She kneeled down, placed my hands in hers, making me look her in the eyes. "Faith", only continuing when she had my attention. "You've been running day and night. Nothing is safe from you, even the good demons that 'survived' you.... well they've left. You can stop now. You're getting reckless. You're gonna get one of us hurt, killed or worse."

She backed away from me, giving me her back, thinking of what else to say. I watched as words seemed to float before her, watched as she chose. It wasn't fast enough for me though, so I chose for her and I'm getting the hell out of here, with that thought, I turned and disappeared into the night.

She turned getting ready to speak. "Faith?"


I heard her calling me but I didn't care. I had something to do. She was right. I couldn't put them at risk anymore but that's ok. I don't need anyone. I never did, never will, needing just gets you hurt.

I crouched down in my hiding place, along the rooflines of buildings, in the cover of dark, watching, waiting, needing something to show it's evil self.

Finally, something showed promise. I moved closer to my prey, keeping high and to the shadows, letting it stay just enough in front of me so that I could surprise it from behind. I removed my makeshift weapon, setting it up in my hands for use.

Closer and closer I crept, anger rising to the surface, adrenaline pulsing, making me shake with need; teeth bared, gritting against each other ready. My blood and heartbeat racing with excitement. That's it, stay put, I'm almost there.

Now! I jump out from my hiding spot, falling downward, swiftly, quickly, landing just behind the enemy. Draping my weapon, which consist of a thin wire secured between two sticks, around the beast, their neck to be more precise and pull back sharply.

It instantly feels the restriction and resents it. It's body convulses, moving, dodging, trying to release itself from my hold. Throwing me to the left, the right, becoming frantic. It forces itself back against a wall, knocking me with such force against the bricks, my head connects and splits in a small area. I can feel the slow, thick fluid flowing down my hair to my neck, soaking in my clothes. I jerk the wire tight, feeling it's skin rip, splattering my face with blood.

I pull harder, feeling the flesh give, warm blood spraying heavier, farther. The thing goes to it's knees. I pull again, harder, jerking, feeling the wire rip further into it's body. Again, Again, shaking, letting the hatred fill me, empower me, overflow me. Again, teeth gritted, jerking the wire together, pulling, heaving. Again, the monster falls to the ground and I put a knee in it's back and ready myself to finish it off. Again, I jerk the wood, pulling it farther, making the wire constrict. I feel the flesh rip, tear apart and sever it's head off completely.

I rise, standing, feeling my juices coursing through me, on overload, breaths starting to come in pants, hands starting to shake from the loss of adrenaline.

I unconsciously wrap the wire around the two pieces of wood and repocket my weapon. I loved the feel of it. No more knives, stakes or swords for me. I wanted to feel the power, the pleasure in my very hands, anything less was just sloppy seconds. I loved the feel of skin and bone tearing, the pull of their bodies as they fought to stay together. Anything less than intimate contact was unsatisfactory, unfulfilling and just plain too easy for them.

I walked home anxious, wanting and needing more.

The house was dark. I eased in through the door, needing to freshen up. I glanced around and started up the stairs.

"Got the bloodlust again, luv?"

I turned around, walked back down the stairs into the living room to where the voice came from, stopping just inside the doorway, eyeing him. "What?"

"You got a taste for the killing again?" He states more than asks, slowly moving closer.

"You got a deathwish again? Cause I could help you with that." He smiles and moves in even closer. I lower my head, feeling the rush, watching him through my lashes, waiting.

Closer, he moves. "You think by killing every demon, every vamp, every evil, you'll get the ones who killed your girl? What if you're killing the wrong ones? Hell, even I could have killed her, yeah, got your attention now, don't I?" He smiled. "I'd of played all coy, got her to run to me, scared her, ran my hands all over her, making her scream and get wet all at once. I'd of sunk my teeth into her flesh, breaking her, making her mine. See, you'll never get the ones, they're inside of you now. Killing them won't bring her back and won't help you get even." He inched right up in front of me, facing me. "You know I'm right...so what do you think of that, huh?"

Dust rose, scattered, drifted around the room.

"Not much!" I said flatly.

I walked over to the wall socket, removed the small vacuum from it's charger and attempted to remove the residue from the furniture and surroundings.

I heard Ken yell out but I continued cleaning. She came in the living room, stopped and just watched me. Concern playing over her face at my dishelved and injured appearance.

"You okay?" She asked, not attempting to come near me. I nod a yeah and turn the vacuum off.

"Where'd Spike go?" She asked, glancing around the room.

"Oh... He had to blow." I say low and casually, replacing the vacuum in it's charger. She watched me closely, eyeing the vacuum.

I brushed past her, again heading up the stairs.

"Faith?" she called out, stopping my ascent. I waited, not turning around. "Please, don't tell me Spike is in the dustbuster."

"Ok, I won't" My voice devoid of any emotion. I continued walking up the stairs.

Kennedy ran over to the vacuum, plucked it from it's resting place. She dumped it out, staring at it's contents.

"Oh God! Buffy's gonna kill her!"

Part 7

"Where's Faith?" The voice, low and even.

Silence ensues.

"Where's Faith!!"

"I'm right here." She turns to face me, glaring, yeah, I feel it coming again. Dejavue. I nod my head letting her know that I get it, feel what's coming, been there, done that, about died.

"Why?" She asks, firming her stance, staring through me. She notices a familiar object by my side. It's one of the two things, well maybe three that ever penetrated me, my knife, the one from the mayor. The one she, once upon a time, used on me.

I sat on the stairs, feeling the weight of the knife in my hands, thinking, remembering, on edge, ready to run, ready to cry, fear creeping up inside of me.

B steps forward and I see Ken pull her arm, bringing her back to her original position. I slowly trace the blade over my arm, grazing it over my wrist and hand. I see and feel them tense up.

I shake my head, disgusted, I guess once a nut, still a nut, hell. I'm not suicidal, homicidal maybe but suicidal, NO. Just nervous. Hell, they'd make anyone nervous looking at them like that.

"Did you kill Spike?" She asks curtly.

I sigh, looking downward. "Well, depends, can you really kill something that's technically already dead?" I take a glance up at their waiting faces.

I nod saying, "yeah."

Quiet builds in the room, tension spreads, reaching me, making me feel anxious, ready, I'm watching them, B, Will and K, wondering where it will come from, I know they're gonna move, attack, whatever, I can feel it coming. I wonder if it'll come from just one or all of them at once. My body tenses, starts to hum, adrenaline slowly building inside of me, pumping. They feel it too, I can tell by the way they spread out, strategically placing themselves around me, B in front, Will off to my right and Ken to my left.

A bead of sweat slowly runs down my forehead past my temple as we play a game of draw. Who's going to make the first move. I can hear the short bursts of breaths around the room. In slow, soft, out with a short force of momentum. In, out, making my heart race.

"I don't want to do this." I gasp out.

"Stand down then." She forces out.

"You stand down!" I say louder than I intended to, standing up.

I look to Ken, not believing she was standing against me. "I never did anything to you." I say looking in her eyes, shaking my head no.

"You're scaring me, Faith!" She says back.

"YOU'RE SCARING ME!" I throw back at her. "You're all scaring me!" I look at each one of them.

"You're the one with the knife!" One shouts.

"This!" I jerk it around in front of me. "I'm not threat....." I never got to finish my sentence. I got hit head on by something bright, hard, fast, knocking me backwards, causing the knife to fall and clammer down the stairs. I instantly brought my hands up to my face, shielding my eyes, trying to make them stop burning. I fell backwards, crawling, trying to retreat. I heard them coming fast. I felt my way around, eyes still burning, vision blurred beyond reason.

A hand grabbed me. I turned and swung blindly, following with a punch, shoving them back. I backtracked faster, knocking things over, losing where I was. Another hand, another. I started swinging wildly, hit and miss, over and over until I felt someone grab hold pushing me downwards, holding me firm, another grabbed hold, forcing me down. I started screaming, pulling, kicking, trying to free myself. I hit the floor hard, pushed into it, held firm in place, continuing to strain until my body was spent from trying.

"That's enough, get off of her." I felt the weight removed, pushed from me, letting me breathe easier. I tried to focus, get my bearings. I could faintly make out the stairs through the haze. Another weight was lifted. I hoisted myself up hard, moving fast for the stairs. "Get her!" I felt hands on my ankles, pulling, holding on. I fell, head long, down, hard, hitting my face against the stairs, horizontal, almost upside down, my foot still caught in someone's grasp. I kicked out with my free leg, finally connecting with someone. I pulled my foot free, getting up to run. My foot was caught again, tripping me up, making me fall the rest of the way down the stairs. I hit the floor with a thud, bouncing against the floor. I groaned and pushed myself up, dizzy, weak. I found a wall and braced myself, using it to hold me up, to keep me steady. "I wasn't threatening you." My voice raspy, low, barely audible. "Spike got what he asked for, you would've done the same." I could feel them moving closer. I pushed off from the wall, stumbling forward.

"Get it over with!" I screamed, before falling down to my knees, growing weaker and more dizzy with each second past. My body finally failed, blood flowed rapidly from the newly reopened wound on my head. I collapsed to the floor, my breaths coming in short gasps, tears trailing slowly over my cheeks. Bloodied, beaten, alone, all alone, again.

"Get the fuck away from her! What are you doing? Back off!" Ken steps in front of me, shielding me from anymore harm.

Willow and Buffy stop and stare, frozen in horror at the appearance in front of them.

"My God, what have we done?"

Part 8

tried to move but shifting only brought my body pain. I tried to open my eyes but try as I might, I couldn't get them to cooperate. The more aware I became the better, that much I knew. I realized something was over my face. I slowly raised my hand to feel. Bandages, that's a relief, for a minute I had a flash of being buried or something.

My head felt like I'd put it over an anvil and let an ironsmith hammer on it. The throbbing was taking it's toll on me. I was a little fuzzy on what was going on. I couldn't seem to sit up, so I relaxed back into the comfort, well, I relaxed, not much comfort. I faded into black.

Next time I came around, I heard voices arguing. I groaned and moved and it became silent.


I reached up and felt my face, absently pulling at the bandages, trying to get the restriction off of me. It was suffocating me. Hands instantly were trying to stop me but I slapped them away, yanking the bandages down.

Bright light shot directly into every nerve ending I had, making me wince, shield my eyes and groan.

"Lights, get the lights" I said, louder than my intent.

As the room darkened, the pain subsided, making it easier for me to stand trying to focus. I held my head gently, cradling it, shaking the cobwebs loose. I just sat there quietly, feeling the strange tingling in my eyes. It felt like tendrils of electricity coursing through them.

I lowered my hands and raised my head up, trying to focus, blurry bluish shapes emerged. I batted my eyelids, trying to see, trying to make my eyes do what my body was instructing. I looked harder, straining. Bluish forms, shadows, nothing relevant. I rubbed at my eyes, trying to clear them, sighing from the slight pain I received for my effort. Tear ducts ran automatically, hurting the fragile nerve endings. I tried to blink away the confusion, blink away the uneasiness.

"What did you do to me?" I yelled.

"Faith, I didn't mean....we didn't mean, it just got out of control...."

I cut them off. "You didn't mean..... Like hell you didn't mean... why are you here? What else do you want? Isn't this enough? Are you gonna finish it, are you gonna finish me.... Well, now's your chance. Do it! God damn it... DO IT!!"

No one moved.

"Get out! OUT, DID YOU HEAR ME? Get the fuck away from me. Stay away from me!"

Hospital security ran in. "You're okay. You're safe. It's going to be okay. You were mugged but you're going to be alright."

"Mugged?" I questioned. "That's fuckin convenient! Yeah, I was mugged all right. Bent over backwards, fucked from behind and not one of them mother fuckers bothered to kiss me first. I don't really mind the being fucked part but if you're gonna fuck me at least have the decency to kiss me first!"

"Calm down." The cop stated, clearly not knowing what to do.

Ken stepped up. "It's ok, we'll calm her down, we'll be quiet, promise."

He nodded and left, grateful for the intervention.

"Faith... I"

"Don't sweat it Ken, you did try a little to help me, not much but a little." My voice was even, flat. "I don't want you here.... Any of you. Just go."

B spoke. "Faith, you can't just choose us out of your life...."

I cut her off. "Isn't that what you did to me, you chose a demon over me, decided my fate, my outcome before you even knew what the score was."

"Faith, you killed Spike."

"Yeah I did and I'd do it again. He said the wrong things, pressed the wrong nerves, used the wrong girl to try and get to me. You don't mess with me like that... hell, you don't mess with anyone like that."

"What did he say?" Will asked.

I laughed. "Damn, you people are not going to leave me alone are you? It's always about you, what you want..... fuck everybody else. It's always about everyone else paying but not you.... the few... the proud... the chosen... the ones allowed to hurt and kill and get away with it."

Guilt covered them, bathed them in a harsh reality. "We just wanted to understand why you did it." B replied softly.

"Funny." I shot back, anger riddled in every word. "That's exactly what I want to know. Why you did this to me. As for Spike, he said something about how he'd of killed Jess, described it, visuals and all, smiling the whole time... didn't take much more than that. He was dust before he knew it, that's it, that's my reason. Now what's yours?"

"You'd lost control. You were killing on a steady basis, you changed." B added a little force behind her emotionally charged words.

I was shocked in amazement, silence almost. DAMN! Who the fuck was this person. In disgust I spoke. "I'm a slayer! I killed demons, B, demons! Yeah, I liked it. Yeah, I wanted it.... Hell I even enjoyed it. I wanted to rid the whole town of all of them so nobody else got the same treatment that Jess did and you know what? I'd do it again and again, without thought, without hesitation, without remorse." I shook my head, loathing them.

"But you're capable of murde....." She stopped short but I got where she was going with it.

"So are you." I said lowly. "The difference between us is that I paid for my crimes."

"You were evil, Faith." She stated loudly.

"Yeah, I was evil, WAS but I was still a human and no matter what I was, at least I wasn't a hypocrite, not then and not now. I think we're done with the caring and sharing and I'd like you to just get the hell away from me."

I heard them sigh, saw the shapes shift and move from the room.

"Ken?" Willow called from the doorway. "You coming?"

"Not this time." She replied. She settled in after their exchange.

"I don't want you here either, K."


"No buts. I'm not ready to deal with you" I turned my head away from her.

"But Faith...."

"No Ken, look at me, look at my eyes. Tell me, what do you see? Tell me!"

I felt her stare into me, heard the intake of breath.

Sometimes, silence is the loudest word.

Part 9

Ken waltzed into the darkened hospital room, it sounded as if she was shaking a bag in front of me.

"Ok, lets test your senses. Tell me... what's in the bag." Yep, she's shaking a bag.

I put my fingers to my head, mimicking a psychic. "Mmmm..... double bacon cheeseburger, fries, pecan pie and a chocolate milkshake." I smile.

"Oh, you are good and I also got you a pair of those wrap around shades with the super dark lens'." She handed them to me.

I put them on. "Are they stylish?" I asked.

"Well, they're oakleys, black powder coat finish, metal frames and cost me about 200.00... so yeah, they're stylish but more importantly, do they work?"

I smile. I mean, check her out, giving me the what for. "Draw the blinds and let's find out." I ready myself. I can see a change in the setting but it's not hurting me one little bit. I smile big. "Great, now let's eat!"

"So they work good, huh?" She asked.

"Yeah, even at the sides, let's face it, it was either this or you being my new seeing eye slayer." We laughed, eating our lunch.

"When are you getting out?" She asked between bites.

"Today." I stated softly, continuing to eat.

"What! You didn't say anything. Why didn't you tell me?" Anger rising in her voice.

I shrugged. " I didn't really think it mattered. I'll manage, it's what I do."

"Faith, you are coming home, aren't you?" She reached over and touched my arm, her voice full of concern.

I continued to eat, ignoring her question.


I sighed and put my hamburger down. " I don't want to go there but I know I'm kind of in a fix and I know I really don't have a choice......it's just..... I just don't belong there."

She squeezed my arm, trying to comfort me. "Well, I don't really know about the not belonging part, cause I think you do belong but I do know that you guys got some old unresolved issues that you've never dealt with and they burst through to the surface like a bat out of hell."

I pulled in a deep breath, frustration starting to show. "I can't change my past and everything always leads them back to it. What I was. What I was capable of. What I'm still capable of." I leaned back into the pillow, shaking my head in hopelessness.

"Well if you're coming home, you're gonna have to talk to them." She gave me a nudge.

I nod. "Have you told them anything about me?"

She shifts on the bed. "No, not really. I've told them about your health, nothing personal, that's between them and you and I'm not gonna be the go between or mediator."

"Do they want to talk?" I ask.

"Are you kidding? Yeah! They want to talk to you, see you. They're worried sick about you, not to mention their guilt is eating them up alive. B practically lives here."

"I thought I felt her closeby a few times." I sigh, giving in, relenting but feeling that old familiar paranoia and fear seeping up inside of me. "If they'll meet me somewhere, I guess we can all talk."

Her mood changed, lightend. "That's wonderful, after you get released, I'll drive us over and we can meet up with them, maybe...."

I stopped her short. " I think I'll just get a taxi or something, meet all of you at the..... park. I'm feeling a little kept here. I want to see if I can do some things on my own, you know?"

She sighs in disgust. "Uh... I don't like it or understand it ... but it's your call, so ok."

"Where is everybody?" The voice asked.

"They're at the park." I say casually.

"Did you get everything?" I ask.

"Yeah, you ready?" They wait for me to answer.

"Let's go." I say, following close behind, being led out of the house and into a waiting car.

"You sure you want to do this?" He asks.

"Wouldn't you?" I state matter of factly.

He laughs. "Welcome back to the council."

Kennedy swings the door open abruptly. "Faith! Faith! Are you here?" She runs upstairs, opens the bedroom door, revealing a ransacked, rumaged through room.

"God, Faith.... What have you done?"

Buffy pushes her way past Ken, desperation and hurt clearly on her face. "She can't be gone. Ken, tell me she's not gone. I need to tell her how I feel. I need to talk to her."

Kennedy handed over her cell phone. "She's #4 on speed dial."

B takes the phone and fearfully places the call.

"Hello?" I ask into the receiver after the fifth ring.

"Faith!" Her voice cracks.

"Buffy." I sigh.

"Faith, listen to me, ok, just listen. Please don't leave, not like this. I'm so sorry, we all are. You were right, we didn't understand. We just assumed you had turned again. I was scared, it went down wrong. It all happened before any of us could think. Please come back. I don't want to lose you. I need you here. I want you here. Faith... I..."

"You what, B?" I nervously wait for her to answer.

"I love you....I have for a long time now." Her voice raspy with need.

"Well prove it then." I whisper.

"How?" She asks half crying, half hoping.

"Wait." I sighed and closed the phone, ending the call.

Part 10

11 months later

"Look out, behind you!" She turned around using her sword to block the oncoming attack with. Kicking outward, thrusting her other arm up, pushing the stake through the flesh, straight to it's target. Instant impact, combustion.

"There! He's there!"

The small group slowly made their way forward, inching toward the male being held captive.

The smell of blood lingured in the air, the clashing of metal against metal rang out loud. Fire and heat warmed the night, illuminating it's surroundings, making pillars of smoke.

Evil closed it's ranks. The young one, dove to the ground, fell into a roll, came up and plunged her dagger into a beast. One down, more to go. As the small warrior rose, she was struck by a mace, falling fast, already unconscious.

"Dawn!" I heard the scream pierce the night. The witch stood over her casting an orb of protection around them, keeping the demons at bay but also keeping them from helping the others engaging in battle.

Two warriors were left.

A demon arose from the smoke, knocking the girl backwards. She hit a large stone marker, breaking it in half and fell to the ground.

"Ken." I mouth silently.

There's my opening. I jump out into the fray, my two short swords glistening against the moonlight, fast, swift, one fatal cut before moving on to the next.

The biggest mother fucker notices me, laughs and approaches. His skin is so thick that my swords are useless. He pushes a war hammer hard and fast at me. I tried to deject it with my swords, the force was too great. My weapons cracked from the stress, falling uselessly to the ground. He took another shot, pulling back, swinging with all his might. As the hammer neared, I slid down into the dirt, brought up a short knife that I kept hidden in my boot and pummeled it into his groin, twisting the blade. I pulled the knife out, rolled backwards until I was up on my knees, back to my feet and back in the fight.

I turned toward the kid and the witch, looked at the vamps, sized them up and moved in for the kill. I pulled the two sharpened escrima sticks from their sheath.

One charged, swinging wildly at me. I blocked with one stick, brought the other up to meet his heart. POOF! Another rounded me, circling. I felt the rush behind me. I pushed the weapon back, driving it in the chest, hard, pulling it free. I heard the damned thing fall, another gone. The one circling, rushes me, I sidestep, hook his arm, lean forward, bringing my leg up, fast, hard connecting my foot with his face, stunning him, giving me time to plunge the makeshift stake in.

I noticed the demon I fought earlier. He was lying on the ground, writhing. I walked over, plunged my weapon in, this time hitting the right spot, silently berating myself for missing the mark.

I looked over at Willow, saw the look of shock in her eyes and felt what she saw coming up behind me. "Burn them!" I yelled.

She radiated the night, flashes of light appeared from out of nothing, picking and choosing who would die and who would live. Can't say I wasn't a little worried about that.

I cast my gaze around the ruins, finally seeing 'her'. She's releasing the prisoner, lifting him, helping him to safety. I smile.

I knelt beside Dawn, lifted her gently and retreated back to the others where I handed her over to Xander's care.

I headed straight for her and the weakened male. I moved fast and swiftly, my smile growing bigger and bigger with each forward bound.

His eyes caught mine.

"Angel!" I smiled, gave him a kiss and a hug. "I knew you were alive, sort of, " I smiled at my pun.

He touched my face lightly, smiling. "I knew you'd come." He said weakly.


I turned around , saw a blur coming at me, knocking me backwards, into the dirt, being hugged. I wrapped my arms around my old friend. "It's good to see you too, K."

"You can see?" She asked excitedly.

"Well, I could feel my way around you, let you decide for yourself." I teased.

"Promises, promises." She replied, removing herself from me and helping me to my feet.

I laughed. It was quiet ride back to base. Once there, the wounded were tended to and the atmosphere became relaxed.

I sat across from Willow and Kennedy, making the expected small talk. I broke the tension by smiling.

"Where have you been?" Ken asked.

I flexed my muscles, relaxing them. " I spend some time in Okinawa and then ended up in New Orleans. They had a few problems, so I was sent in."

"Sent?" B asked from the doorway.

I turned to face her. She made her way over to us, closing in and sat beside me.

I nodded to her earlier question, answering, "council." She nodded back in response. We sat there staring at each other until I felt her hand slowly touching my face, her fingers teasing the area around my eyes.

"Can I look?" She asked, breaking the silence.

I could only face her, not able to speak, my breaths already starting to delve deeper. She moved her other hand up to my face, lightly touching, placing her fingers on the darkened glasses and slowly removed them from my face.

She ran her fingertips lightly around my eyes and cupped her hands against my cheeks gently.

"You can see?" She asks softly.

I nod. "Not like I used to. I'm extremely light sensitive...I see shades of blue, grey and black, body heat, things like that. I just see differently now."

"Are you Okay?" She whispers.

"Depends, if you did or didn't." I reply.

"Did or didn't what?" She asks confused.

"Wait?" Our eyes lock. She remembers, that I can see.

Part 11

Ken and Willow took that opportunity to act. They got up kind of quick and quietly disappeared. Can't really say that that's a good sign.

I turned my attention back to B.

"B?" I questioned.

I felt her uneasiness. I took my glasses from her hands and put them back over my eyes.

I nodded, sighed and patted her leg a couple of times.


"Don't." I interrupted. "I'm tired. I'm just gonna go and get some sleep."

I got up and made my retreat, with her right on my heels. I'm tired of this, I'm stopping this now, yeah, my mind is made up. Once and for all.

"Faith." She grabbed my arm, stopping me and turning me around.

I looked at her, waiting, sizing her up.

"I...." She couldn't do it. My turn.

I pulled her to me, her lips inches apart from mine, letting the electricity build, stopping all words from forming and being let out. Who needs words anyway.

I closed the distance. My lips linguring just over hers, barely grazing against them. A fleeting pass. Breathing heavily, I fell into her lips, brushing against them, feeling the softness, the warmth, being stripped of all coherant thoughts.

I pulled back from the enticing wetness. "What?" I asked softly.


I quickly leaned in, pressing against her, my lips making a path from her lips down to her neck and back up to her ear.

My hand ran over her hip, around to her ass, cupping her and pulling her flush against me.

"It's time to stop playing games." I softly breathed into her ear before making my way back to her lips.

She pulled back saying, "I've been seeing someone."

"Not anymore." I whispered back, grazing my tongue lightly over her lower lip before kissing her deeper.

I ran my hand up underneath her shirt, straight for her breasts. I touched, felt, squeezed, feeling her harden underneath my touch.


I continued touching her breasts, kissing her.


I pulled away from her lips, my hands still holding her close to my body.

"B, I've been wanting to tell you this for years.......you talk too damn much. Be quiet."

"What?" She gasped, annoyed.

"Shut up." I said pushing my lips back into hers. I pulled her body hard against me, running my hands everywhere, all at once.

I pulled away barely, grabbed the hem of her shirt, pulling it up, over her head and off, throwing it. My lips descended just above her bra, kissing the exposed flesh. My fingers entwined around the flimsy straps, pulled them past her shoulders and down. I trailed my mouth downward, across her skin, searching, finding my mark and latching on lustifully. Moaning deep from my throat, I reached around, feeling for the clasp, unfastened it and threw the bra off to the side.

I removed my top and bra quicky, throwing them out of the way. Taking her hands in mine, I placed them over my breasts, closing my eyes at the contact. She leaned into me, kneading and rubbing her face against my exposed skin, kissing, touching, quickly moving her hands down to my pants, unfastening them, pushing everything over my hips and down. Our eyes locked as I stepped out of my clothing. I licked my lips, threw my glasses to the side and reached over and unbuttoned her jeans. Leaning in, I kissed her softly, slowly and pushed her jeans and panties downward, pulling them from her body.

We stared at each other, bodies breathing heavily, lips swollen, features flushed. This was it, there were no barriers left between us. We waited, each letting the other have a moment to process what was happening between us.

"Who's are you?" I whispered.

She looked up at me, into my eyes, breathing heavily. "Yours." She replied softly.

"And don't you forget it." I said as I licked my lips in anticipation. That was all the signal she needed.

Her body pushed against me, fast, hard, hungrily. Her hands, claimed me, learning every curve. She kissed me hard, wet, feverishly, her tongue brushing against mine endlessly.

She slowly moved us back, towards the sofa, pushing me backwards when we got there, making me sit back into the cushions. She smiled, opened my legs and leaned in against me, brushing her lips over mine, slowing our kisses, calming us. Her hands roamed my body, before moving to touch my face. She tenderly touched my cheeks, tickling her fingertips over my skin as she slowly pulled my lips to hers, softly sucking, pulling, nibbling. Her fingers moved along my shoulders, feeling, fleeting down to my breasts, where she cupped them, feeling the hardening tips before slowly moving lower, down to my mound, where she skillfully felt between my folds, touching and burning me all at once. Her lips followed her path downward, only stopping to linger long enough to sample my nipples. She pulled one into her mouth, keeping her eyes locked with mine, sucking, licking around the stiff nub and blowing her breath against it. She moved to the other, giving it the same treatment, smiling at my response. She kissed and nipped lower, making me squirm. Finally settling into a kneeling position between my legs, opening them up. Slowly, she traced her fingertips up my thighs to my center, pushing my legs further, exposing me more and descended.

Her tongue, ran softly along my inner folds, finding it's pathway. She stayed in the crevice between the nerve endings, softly moving against them over and over. My hands automatically trailed to her hair, entwining, adding more needed contact, my body now in rhythm with her ministrations, making my insides turn to mush, making me tremble. Sighs escaped my lips, as she got bolder, harder, speeding up, pushing my body to it's limit. She inserted a finger slowly, adding more friction, elicting more moans from me. Deeper and faster she pushed into me, moving her head to accentuate the feeling. Nerve endings ignited, causing my body to shake, shiver, cry out in it's impending release. I convulsed, losing my rhythm, jerking, fluids releasing. I fell backwards, back to earth, shaking, panting, immersed in the feeling, drained from my body's release of energy.

She withdrew, moved to wrap her arms around me and laid her head against my stomach. I caressed her hair, waiting for my body to replenish itself.

I caressed her cheek, running my fingers down to her chin, raising her up to look at me. My hands cupped her face, lifting her, bringing her slowly up to my lips. I kissed her softly, tentatively, slowly pulling her body against mine. I leaned back against the cushions, my hands slowly, feeling their way downwards, finding the spot just above her knees, pulling her onto my lap, making her straddle me, intimately.

My hands lightly moved up her legs, adjusting us, feeling her warm body. I trailed them around to her back and held her securely. Leaning up, I captured her lips with mine, slowly grazing my tongue over her lower lip before softly dipping inside her mouth, feeling her tongue slide against mine.. My lips, trailed to her neck, slightly marking her before making their way to her earlobe. I bit gently and moaned, breathing shaky breaths into her, causing her body to quiver and gyrate against me.

I lifted her body upwards, raising her slightly, just enough for my lips to make contact with her breasts. I brushed my face, against them, feeling the way her nipples drug over my features. I snaked a hand around her back, holding her securely against me, as I gently sucked on the hardened nubs. My other hand moved to the neglected breast, teasing, caressing. I sighed in need, anticipation. I rained kisses over her, wetly sampling her flesh. I moaned as our eyes made contact, waiting, for that look, that one look, there. I dove back in, latching onto the straining protrusion, dragging my tongue over it, feeling it swell in my mouth, becoming harder. I took turns lavishing each breast, one after the other, with lips, tongue, hands and fingers. Her pelvis started moving against me, begging me to touch her.

My hand dropped downward, between her legs, cupping her mound, my fingers feeling their way around her wetness, feeling her body softly press against me, needing that bit of extra pressure. I brought my lips up to meet hers as she settled down against my hand, gently rocking against it. I slowly entered her as she slid against me, pushing my hand against the rhythm she'd set. With my free hand I pulled her forehead to rest against mine, keeping her close to me, allowing me to watch her face, to feel and hear her breaths part from her lips.

I curled my finger slightly, reaching that sweet spot, moving my hand, harder, faster. She responded by rotating against me, slowly thrusting, picking up speed, accelerating her movements.

I watched as her eyes closed, heard raspy moans escape her lips, watched as she lost herself in me, for me. She forced her center harshly onto my hand, feeling the need for more friction. I added more pressure with my finger and hand, picking up force and momentum.

She threw her head back, closing her eyes, breaths coming short and hard, moving her body faster, arching, giving quick short movements. Sighs, echoed through the room, as she convulsed against me. Her head fell forward as her breaths hitched and held. My hand took over the pace as her body lost it's rhythm, over and over, pushing. She cried out, shuddered, contracted, her skin glistened with sweat, making her skin stick to mine. I slowed my ministrations, feeling her pulsing around my finger, revelling in the feeling of her. Her head fell against my shoulder, her breath blowing hot against my neck. I withdrew my hand, held her, lightly tracing my fingers over her back, soothing her. "I want to taste you." I half moaned, half whispered in her ear.

I felt her smile against my neck. "You will."
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