by Liz M
"Oh come on B, don't do me like this." I half begged, half whimpered as she smiled at me, playing innocent.
"What exactly am I doing.....to you?" She asked, slightly turning away, casually glancing back.
I smiled slightly, moving closer, inches away from her, whispering, "you're driving me crazy."
"What? Me?" She joked. "I think you're reading way too much into nothing at all." She moved away from me, coldness filling the space between us.
I sighed. "Yeah, I guess you're right. It's just you're leaving for England tomorrow and well, I guess I just thought we had, I don't know, some kind of pull, chemistry, something left open, unfulfilled. We might never see each other again and I know you'd probably like nothing better than to forget me, get me out of your life. It's just...."
"Faith, I'm not sleeping with you." She stated matter of factly.
"What?" I looked at her, shock adament, anger rising to the surface. "This is not about sleeping with you but yeah, I'd like nothing better than to try you on for size. You happy now? I want you, I always have but I get that you don't want me and I can live with that. This is about me and I can't live with knowing that I'll never see you again, that I never told you how you make me feel and that I never tried to let you know. I don't wanna live my whole life to find out at the end that I had regrets and you, Buffy Summers, are my one regret."
She eyed me over, silently, fear and anger fighting for dominance, staring, disbelieving, walls falling firmly into place.
I sighed heavily, hurt clearly etched upon my face, eyes filled with unshed tears, desire, need. "It's more than physical Buffy, it's more than anything I've ever known. I don't know how to explain it, so just bare with me." I started pacing, thinking, throwing looks at her, hoping for just a small shred of understanding.
"For me, at least, there's this pull, this chemistry, electrical force, I don't know. It's like a hum deep inside my body. When we're close, proximity wise, the vibrations are strong, I can feel you under my skin, in my veins. When you're not close, I can still feel you, a little pang of something, small, subtle but you're still there, inside of me, humming. It doesn't stop, it doesn't go away. When you died that hum screamed, pierced through me, shrieked, it split me into pieces and then I still felt you, barely there, faint, shaky but it was you and I knew that one day when my time came, somehow, someway, I'd find you again."
I stopped, turned, facing her. "Do you get it?" I struck my fist against my palm repeatedly. "This is you inside of me, pounding, pushing, pulsing, humming deep inside, it's raw, forced and it's hungry. It doesn't stop, it doesn't fail, it doesn't skip a beat."
"Now you're leaving, one of us is always leaving. You keep having one sorry assed relationship after the other, always deprived, always lacking, you never give yourself over, why? Do you know? And me... I take sex as it comes, when it comes, just to feel and you know what, they were nothing more than a poor substitute what I couldn't have, would never have."
"Yeah I act like an ass, try to be all cool and callous but you know what, I'm not any of those things. I'm weak, scared, alone, needy and wanting and the only thing I need and want is you."
"It's just a slayer thing, Faith, that's all, you're just confusing it." She said lowly.
I wiped a stray tear, stepping closer toward her. " A slayer thing? Well, I don't know about you but I don't feel this with any of the other slayers. Don't get me wrong, I can sense them, I know that they're more than human but I don't 'feel' them. I 'feel' you, you alone, always just you, so don't play it off and don't make me out to be stupid. I know what I feel, I live with it, it's inside of me and everyday, in some way, it grows stronger, deeper and the desire to be near you magnifies."
I stepped closer to her, inches apart, energy coursing through the air. "All I'm asking is, do you feel it too, do you feel this?" I point back n forth between us. "Do you feel me the way that I feel you?"
"Well do you?"
"Do you?" I asked, fearful of the answer but still needing to know.
She shook her head, unable to speak. I nodded my understanding, turned and made my way to the door. I opened it, looking back, "at least now, I won't have any regrets. I hope you can say the same." I closed the door behind me, tears finally falling freely and made my way to the nearest bar.
Several hours and several drinks later, I poured myself into my room, poured another drink and climbed my sorry ass into the shower. Once I got the stink of the bar and booze off of me, I clammered out, threw on something comfy and sprawled across the bed. God, I felt like a big fool. I mean, you pour your damned heart out and what do you get, nothing, nothing but track marks where your feelings were trampled. "Damn." I sighed in frustration.
The phone ringing woke me from my musings. I gave it a nice glare, on about the sixth ring I picked it up. "Hello?"
"Faith." She said lowly.
"Buffy! What's wrong? Are you ok?" Concern lacing every word.
"You were right, what you said, all of it." She whispered.
"What?" I said up, completely sober, knocked for a loop.
"I don't have long before my plane takes off. I just wanted to talk to you. I need to tell you something." She admitted.
"Why don't I just come over?" I asked.
She signed. "I'm too scared to tell you in person, ok?"
"Ok, B." I breathed out my reply, scared, nervous. I shook my head, this can't be good.
"Buffy?" I asked, breaking the silence.
"I'm here." Her voice low, shallow breaths drifting over the line. "You were right, everything you said."
"B...I." I whispered.
She cut me off saying, "no wait, let me finish. I do feel you, I've always felt you. You literally just scare the shit out of me though. I mean, you're loud, brass, overtly sexual and you're not afraid to just say what you want or at least I thought that was how you were and tonight I find out that you're deeper than I ever imagined." She sighed.
She continued. "We have so much between us, it won't go away, not to mention the girl thing but more than that, we hurt each other beyond forgiveness and I really don't want to repeat any of that any time soon or ever, for that matter."
"I do feel you, inside me, throbbing, pulsing, everywhere, making my system seem on overload. I just hid it, pushed you away because I didn't want you or anyone to know how you affected me."
"How do I affect you B?" I asked lowly, my body beginning a feral hum.
She half laughed. "Are you kidding? You make everything I know confused, my mind, body, emotions, everything. I try not to even look or talk to you because if I do, I can't think rationally, you make my entire body blush, my mind shuts down and all that's left is these animal impulses, want, take, have. You make me warm, fevered, hungry. You make me sweat and it scares me. I want you but I'm scared of you. It was easier to ignore you and push you away than to be near you but I did and still do want to be near you."
Her voice dropped low. " I want everything, life, love, family, home, happiness. I want forever after. I wanted more than I thought you would give." She half gasped, half cried.
"Buffy.... Why do you think I was the get some get gone girl? Hmmm? None of those people were you, that's why. They were a sorry replacement for what I really wanted and needed." I confessed.
"Faith, I'm sorry. I wasted our time, time we could have had and now it's too late. They're coming for me, I have to go. I'll call you from England and Faith, just so you know, I do love you. I've always loved you." She sighed, crying, gently hanging up the phone.
"Buffy! Buffy!" Shit, oh shit, God, what do I do..... what do I do? I gotta stop her. I threw on some shoes and ran out the door. Damn, I forgot the keys. Fuck! The door's locked; I put my weight on it a couple of times. Time, time, hurry, don't have much time, Ah fuck this! I take off to the the hotel on foot, at full speed.
My body's pushing, my legs burning as I run through the streets, through traffic, weaving through cars, people, knocking over the few unfortunate enough to get too close to me. On I pushed, faster, harder, nonstop, deep hidden desires flowing to my surface, aiding me, giving me the energy to keep going.
There, up ahead. I saw the hotel. I pushed faster, running for all I was worth. I barrelled in through the doors, running toward the elevator. Oh God. Hurry, hurry. Damn it! Where's the fucking elevator? I spot the exit door and burst through it,heaving myself up step after step. I almost fell through the doorway of my destination, still running, breaths coming fast and hard, all the way to her room.
"Buffy!" I yelled, pounding on the door. "Buffy!" Maybe she can't hear me, maybe she's on the phone. Fuck! I stepped back and crashed against the door, opening it from pure force alone. I ran in, looking around. No, please no. I'm too late. Tears overran my eyes, my body convulsed with sobs. "NO!" I screamed.
I heard people from the hallway, each peering in, curious as to what was going on.
"What? What do you want? Get away from here, Go on, get away from me. There's nothing to see." I cried harder.
"Are you ok?"
"Do I look ok?" I screamed, ready to pummel something. I turned my eyes to the poor s.o.b. trying to comfort me. I blinked back a few tears, stunned.
"Buffy?" I questioned. She nodded, smiling.
I ran toward her, wrapped my arms around her, swinging her in a circle, staring deep into her eyes. "I thought you were gone." I whispered.
She touched my face. "I was, I was on my way. I prayed for a sign and then I saw you, running, you ran right past my car and I knew I had to stay."
"Yeah?" I asked. "Yeah." She answered.
Our eyes locked in a visual embrace, the world fell away, a hush came over us. I gazed into the very depth of her soul and was content, pulled, drawn to her, to her lips.
We leaned in, our lips merging, moaning with each gentle caress. Hands roamed, grasping, feeling, igniting the sparks around us. Our bodies merged, rubbing, making heat, friction, fueling the fire. Whispered declarations of love flowed throughout the room. Her hands ripped open my shirt and we were lost in a web of desire and heat.
I broke the kiss, trailing my lips down to her neck as my hands ran up and down her body. My fingers found the flimsy spaghetti straps of her shirt and pulled them past her shoulders, exposing her. I moaned, trailing my lips down to her hardened buds, moaning loudly at the contact, gently pulling her into my mouth as my hand massaged her other breast.
"Faith, stop for a minute, we have an audience."
"Huh?" I pulled my lips away from her breast, trying to shield her from the onlookers.
"Sorry." I whispered to her. She smiled, motioning to the people in the hall.
I blew out a breath, pulled my shirt together and walked toward the doorway.
I smiled, swaggered a bit, well what can I say, I know we're hot.
"So you want to watch, huh?" I licked my lips, smiling, giving a nod and wink.
"Yeah, that's what I thought." I said as I slammed the door shut.