The Bitch is Back
by Liz M
"I heard you got out."
"I'm only gonna say this one time so you listen real good. If you fuck up I will cut you apart and bury the pieces, you understand?"
I laugh. "Yeah, I think I can grasp that."
She sees the velvet box beside me, picks it up, opens it and sees the infamous knife. "Where'd you get that?" I don't answer so she just throws it at me. I pick up my knife, get up and turn to leave.
She follows close behind, not letting me get away from her. "Why Faith? Why'd you turn? Answer me, damn it!"
I stopped, not turning to look at her. "I fell in love with you and you went to Angel and I just lost it."
She just couldn't help but laugh in my face. "You loved me? God, do you ever quit? It's just one thing after the other with you. Do you think I could ever have actually loved you?"
I looked her in the eyes. "At one time, I did think you could. Remember those special times and the things you said and did. I thought it."
She laughed right in my face. "How? Why? You were nothing to me. If I did anything to mislead you in any way or hurt your feelings, well, I'm sorry."
I started to tear a little and she taunted me a little bit more. "Oh come on now Faith, is a big bad, bust ass girl like you gonna cry?" She laughed a little more. "I'm sorry, ok, if I did anything to mislead you or hurt you, well I'm sorry. Damn, this is just so priceless."
I tried to leave again but she grabbed my shoulder, saying through her laughter, "really, I'm sorry."
After all this time, now you're sorry!
You're sorry if you misled me and hurt my feelings!
It's been months!
How could you have misled me? Was it when you said you cared for me? Was it when you told me you thought of me constantly? When you said you thought about what it would be like to look into my eyes, that you thought of kissing me and me kissing you. How could I misread that?
For months I put my thoughts into you. I tried to give you more than I'd given to anyone else and you took it.....you knew what it was and you still took it and now you're sorry if I'm hurt.
I'm way beyond hurt! I'm destroyed, bruised, beaten, alone and in tears. I ask myself over and over, was there anything at all? Ever?
I pushed you, made you make a decision and you decided that I wasn't good enough. I wasn't worth the effort, that you didn't want me.
You took my heart and wore it around your neck. How could I have not understood? You bought me a bear, even told me you were gonna get the one that said someone from some shitty town loves you on it and the only reason you didn't buy me that one was because you didn't live there. What the fuck was that?
No, I'm the one who's sorry! I let you in, I trusted you and I was honest. I told you how I felt and you liked it! You liked it!
Yeah, I got crazy. I got in too deep. I got involved. And I told you everything I felt and wanted and you still liked it. You said you cared. You said you had thoughts. You said too much.
You pulled me in and I let you inside my walls. I was scared but I still let you in, even after all the abuse and shit I've took from everybody my entire life.
Yeah, I pushed you for answers but why the hell wouldn't I? You say these things to me, make me want you and then you disappear. I'd be a fucking idiot if I didn't push to get something from you. You stopped everything, contact, sweetness, concern. So yeah, I pushed for answers, I deserved answers. I'm not perfect! I make mistakes. So what? Was it a mistake to care for you? You say you're sorry if you hurt my feelings, you're sorry if you misled me, well are you?
You let me think we were close for a long time. You let me think that there was a chance for us. You set me up for a fall and I fell. I fucking fell!
You wonder why I went crazy. You wonder why I went psycho. Don't wonder about it, it was you. It was your promise of a happy ending. It was your wanting to be close, pulling me in and throwing me away.
It's funny. You gave me my knife months ago....and now here you are, lying on the floor and I'm giving it back to you. Ain't love a bitch?
But what's so funny?
Maybe it's that I still love you or maybe I'm just a crazy bitch!