Losing It

by Kye

Rating: NC17
Dedicated: To all the girls who know what it’s like…
Notes: I plan to have a sequel to this one, but when, I’m not sure yet.
Summary: This story is an AU where Faith is the only Slayer, and some of the original characters are MIA. It’s still Sunndaydale, and still on the Hellmouth. Faith and Buffy are together, but the blonde isn’t quite ready to “lose it”…yet.

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Buffy’s POV

Once it’s gone, that’s it. It ain’t coming back.

That’s what she doesn’t understand. I try to tell her that it’s not her; that it’s not that I don’t want to. God knows I do. It’s just…it’s not something I just want to…lose.

I think you know what I’m talking about by now.

Yep. The big one.

My virginity.

You see, Faith knows that it’s something that I have held onto because it means so much to me. She knows that I love her, more than anything. It’s just…it’s the last part of me that still makes me innocent.

I don’t think that “killing demons” makes me any less innocent. Yeah, I didn’t believe it at first either.

It all started about three years ago. I noticed that Faith started to…change. She was still the girl that I loved on the inside, but her body started to change. I mean, she was always hot…mmm…but she got hotter. If you can believe it. Her arms started to get more toned, her abs…drool…started to get rock hard and her hands? God, those hands. The strongest, yet smoothest hands I have ever felt. I love her hands.

But, I digress.

She started to get these weird…abilities. It was like she became this…super girl. Ha. That even sounded corny to me. But it all got clear when this lady came around. Evie Hartman. Faith’s “Watcher.” She told her she is the new “Chosen One” that will protect mankind from the evils of the Hellmouth. The Slayer. In every generation, blah, blah, blah. Whatever that means. Hey, I’m not the jealous kind, I just know when someone is checking out what’s MINE. I know I don’t “own” Faith or whatever, just her heart. And she owns mine, completely.

We grew up together here in Sunnydale. Well, that’s not entirely accurate. Faith’s from Boston. She came to Sunnydale with her Dad when she was five. Her mom died from an overdose and they just couldn’t stay there. I don’t blame ‘em. Anyway, Faith came into my kindergarten class half way through the year. I remember it so well.

I was playing with Willow Rosenberg at the kitchen corner when Faith walked in with her jeans that had the holes in the knees and her favorite black shirt that said “Daddy’s Girl” across the front. She still has that shirt.

She came in with her dark, wavy hair and her deep, soulful eyes and I knew that I was hooked. At five years old, I met the person I would spend the rest of my life with. Imagine that. She looked like a lost puppy. She just stared down at her Keds and breathed evenly. She didn’t cry when her dad left, but she wouldn’t move either. Ms. Johnson tried to get her to play with us, but she just stood there. That’s when I walked over and reached for her hand. She slowly looked up and met my eyes. She smiled, I smiled, and the rest is history.

I think I loved her more every year. We were inseparable for the rest of our school years. Except when she got detention. Which was a lot. I couldn’t get detention. I couldn’t stand to see the disappointment in my mother’s eyes. I am Buffy Anne Summers after all. Not Faith Lee Spencer. God! She’d totally kill me if she knew I said that. She hates her name. I think it’s the most beautiful name known to man.

We fell in love our freshman year in high school. We didn’t give a damn who knew either. We were happy and that’s all that mattered. We were kinda scared to tell our parents though. It’s not that they’re “homophobic” or whatever…we just didn’t want it to blow up and have to run away and join the circus. I hate clowns. They’re evil.

I went with her when she went to tell her dad. He took it better than we hoped. He said he was glad his little firefly had found love. I think that’s so cute. My dad never cared enough to give me a nickname. To hell with him. Faith was ecstatic that Mr. Spencer (Brent) took it so well. She kissed me right in front of him and my cheeks turned red. Faith just flashed me her shit-eating grin and her dad chuckled and slapped her on the back with a “that’s my girl” sigh.

Faith was with me when I told mom. I couldn’t have done it without her. She held my hand the whole time and stroked it soothingly as I poured my heart out. I loved her more for that. Mom took it well. She said she was happy I found someone to love that loved me. Secretly, she was relieved it wasn’t a guy. She didn’t want me making any “rash decisions” that I would regret later.

Which brings us back to the original problem.

I know Faith isn’t a virgin. She apologizes to me every time I bring it up. I swear I don’t do it to make her feel bad. I’m just trying to make my point.

We had just had the biggest fight of our relationship. It was right before senior prom. Todd Jenkins asked me and I told him that I couldn’t go because I was with Faith. I mean, I thought the whole school knew it. You would think after four years, but I guess not. Anyway, I let him down easy with a light smile to show him there were no hard feelings. I guess he took it the wrong way. He just leaned down and grabbed my shoulders, planting this sloppy, disgusting kiss square on my lips. I thought I was gonna puke. Of course, Faith was just coming down the hall to walk me to lunch. She saw the whole thing, and of course, she took it the wrong way.

Faith came running down the hall and punched Todd square in the jaw. She had just gotten her Slayer powers and it put him in a coma for a week. She turned to me with the most heartbreaking look I’ve ever seen. She started to cry angry tears and she shouted at me right there in the middle of the hall. She kept saying, “I thought you loved me! How could you do this to me?! A guy?! What the fuck, B?!”

The whole school heard it. Hell, I think Nevada heard it. I tried to tell her it was a misunderstanding, but she wouldn’t listen. She just stormed off and I didn’t see her again until the day of the prom, two days later.

She showed up on my doorstep, soaking wet, shivering and crying. I started to cry too as I took her in my arms and led her up the stairs into my room. I held her on the bed while she sobbed into my neck. My girl was a mess. She cried for two hours straight. She kept telling me how sorry she was and that she didn’t deserve my love anymore.

Apparently, she had gone to Eric Freemont’s party the night that we had the fight. She got drunk and came onto the first thing she saw, which happened to be Eric. Eric being the low-down scuz ball that he is, led her upstairs and took a part of her that she could never get back, a part of her she told me she wanted me to have, forever.

I forgave her. I had too. I love her too much.

Eric liked to rub it in my face that he took Faith’s virginity. “The Dyke Deflowerer” That’s what he told all his friends. That he was so good, not even a lesbian could turn it down. He liked to taunt me until I cried like a baby. God, that hurt. It still does, but I’ll never tell her that.

It’s in the past, and the past doesn’t matter.

I love Faith with every ounce of my being and I couldn’t give that part of myself to anyone else. I’m just not ready to, yet.

I wish she could look into my heart and see that. I’m only eighteen. It’s a big decision and I don’t think I can make it right now.

I love her more than anything, and when it happens, I want it to be because we both want it to. I want it to be a night that we will remember forever, and I will.

When we both want it.

Faith’s POV

Man, I love this slaying shit! I swear it gets better every night. These have to be the dumbest fucking vamps I’ve ever fought. It’s like they just keep running into my stake.

Four down and the last one is looking piss-scared.

“Too late to be scared now, suck-boy. I’m gonna send your undead ass back to hell.”

I flip over the headstone with ease and bring the stake down hard into his chest.

Instant dust.

I brush my pants off with a sigh and stick the stake back into my jacket. I give the graveyard one last look over and smile in satisfaction.

Damn, I’m good.

I can’t wait to see my girl. She’s probably studying or something. Always the busy B. Mrs. Summers says I can come over after patrol, but I have to be out of the house before one. She has been real cool about this whole “Slayer” deal. My dad has too. He worries about me, but he understands. I think it’s cause he knows I can kick his ass now. Not that I ever would, I love the big guy. Never thought I’d ever put those words together in the same sentence.

I gotta pull my jacket around me. It’s getting piss cold out here. I hope Buffy is keeping warm in her sushi pajamas. I gotta smile every time I think about her. She just makes me so…hot.

Damn! Not this horny shit again!

It happens after every patrol. It’s the ONE and ONLY down side to slaying. Especially when my girl don’t wanna give it up. I can’t push her to though, and I won’t. I know I fucked up big time way back when. I couldn’t believe she forgave me so easily. I don’t wanna make her do something she doesn’t want to. I just want her so bad. She’s my Goddess. I want to worship her, over and over and over and over again.

I love her. I love her so much sometimes; I can’t breathe if she isn’t near me. I crave her like a dying man craves salvation. She’s my addiction, and if I’m lucky, I just might OD.

She’s watching TV when I climb up onto the tree beside her window. Mrs. Summers tells me to just use the front door, but this is way more romantic. I’m working on my girlfriend points.

I always bring her a red rose. Every night after patrol, I stop by Sunny Farms and pick a rose from the bush out front. I tuck it in my inside jacket pocket just so I can surprise her, even though she knows it’s coming.

I lean into the window and tap it lightly. B looks over and smiles when she meets my eyes. All these years and she still takes my breath away.

She unwraps herself from the blankets and pads over to the window in sushi pajamas and bare feet. Damn, she is the sexiest woman alive.

Buffy lifts the window and leans out to give me one of her soft kisses. The ones that make my heart stop beating.

When she pulls away, her eyes fall to the front of my jacket, awaiting her surprise. I just smile and play it off as I push my way into the room.

“Looking for something?”

B shakes her head and smiles that beautiful smile. Her nose crinkles as she leans into me and wraps her arms around my waist.

“Just glad the woman I love is here with me. Where she belongs.”

There she goes again. She always says something that makes my heart melt and my knees go weak. Just when I think I couldn’t love her more, she goes and does it.

I smile down at her and slip my left hand into my jacket. She smiles. I smile and pull the rose out. She reaches up and takes it. She looks like she is gonna cry. I lift my hand and wipe my thumb across her cheek.

“Please don’t cry baby. I hate when you cry. I just wanted you to know I love you, that’s all.”

Buffy nods her head and leans in to kiss me just below my ear. Like she always does.

A kiss for a rose.

She pulls away from me and I instantly miss her warmth. She walks over and places the rose in the vase beside her bed. She takes the one out from last night and puts it in the top drawer with the other thousand. She slides the drawer shut with a jolt of her hip and she turns to face me with a smirk and those eyes.

She lifts her hand and points her finger at me before curling it into a “come here” motion. I smile and slowly creep up to her. She runs her hands up my arms and onto my shoulders. They slip beneath the material and my jacket hits the floor with a thud. She smiles and runs her hands back down my arms. I’m wearing the long sleeve, blue button- up silk shirt she gave me for my birthday. It was cold tonight and she wouldn’t let me go out with just my tank, so we compromised. I got to keep my leather pants and jacket, but I had to put on the shirt. So I did. She thinks I did it to keep an argument down, but I did it for her. I could never deny her anything.

Her pink tongue slips from her lips and runs over them in a slow stroke as she trails her hands down my arms, over my hands and rests them on my sides just above my hips.

This is the BEST part of slaying.

I get to make out with Buffy afterwards.

She gives my hips a light tug and I reposition myself so she can fall back on the bed and pull me down on top of her.

We fall onto her soft bed with a whoosh of air. She smiles up at me and I smile back. That’s how we communicate most of the time. It’s all we need.

Buffy eases her hands into my hair and pulls my lips down to meet hers. My world crumbles all over again. Every time I kiss her, it’s like that first time we kissed in my tree house when we had that party on the Fourth of July. I bet she doesn’t think I remember that, but how could I forget? It was the night my life changed forever.

I feel her tongue pressing into my lips softly and I open my mouth to bring her inside me. It’s the only way I can…for now. It’s the most intimate thing we share, and I love kissing her. She has the softest, most gentle tongue. Her mouth is always warm and inviting. She kisses me like she loves me.

I feel my thigh instinctively pressing hers apart. My whole body is humming and I can’t stop it. She makes me insane. She fuels my desire beyond reason. I didn’t know I could feel like this.

Buffy moans into my mouth and for a split second, I think that maybe this is it. I’m finally gonna get to show her how much I love her…

Second’s over.

“Faith. Faith, wait.”

Buffy’s hand is pushing against my stomach and all my hopes go right down the crapper. I break away from her and lift myself from her body slightly. She is looking up at me with those deep, green eyes. I can see the fear in them. She is afraid I’m gonna be pissed, and as much as I want her…I love her more. I would never make her do something she doesn’t want to. I could…would…never hurt her like that.

“I know baby. I’m sorry.”

Buffy shakes her head.

“No, baby. I’m sorry. I love you more than life, and I want to. I do. I just don’t want it to be because “you had a good slay and now you want a good lay.” I want it to mean something, to both of us.”

There she goes again. Making me love her even more, if that is humanly possible.

I nod my head and smile.

“I know B. I want that, too.”

Ain’t I a regular Shakespeare.

She says all that beautiful heart-felt stuff, and I give her this. Oh yeah, I’m a prince.

Buffy looks like she’s gonna cry again. I bury my face in her neck and take in the sweet smell of her hair. She strokes my back idly and we just lay there here in each other’s arms. Minutes go by before she speaks.

“Faith? I want you to know that I…”

I lift my head from her neck and silence her with a gentle finger. I nod my head and give her my softest smile.

“I know, Buffy. I want it to be special, too. I love you, baby.”

A tear slips from her eye and she smiles.

“God, Faith. I don’t know what I did to deserve you.”

My eyes widen. I lean my head back and smile in disbelief.

“What YOU did to deserve Me? Buffy, I’m the lucky one. Never in a million years did I think someone like you would love someone like me. Don’t you know you’re my Angel?”

Another tear slips from her eye…and then another. She gets choked up right before she lets out a little sob.

“Oh, Faith. I love you so much.”

She pulls me into a passionate kiss. I can taste her salty tears as they run down over our lips. Her tongue is massaging mine with abandon. Her hands are stroking my back through my shirt, and I love the soft feel of the silk against my skin.

We finally pull apart when oxygen becomes an issue. We just gaze into each other’s eyes, panting wildly. I have to swallow to catch my breath and Buffy exhales against the exposed skin of my chest.

It sets me ablaze.

I start to pull away from her, before I start something I won’t be able to stop.

“I gotta go, B.”

She starts to panic and reaches up to grab me by the hips.

“No, Faith. It’s not even midnight yet. Please, don’t leave me.”

Fuck.

She’s looking at me with them pleading eyes and that damn irresistible pout.

I sigh and lay back on top of her. I look down into her eyes and smile as I idly trace her jaw line with my right index finger.

“Okay, but we gotta stop this. I’m startin’ to get very…wet.”

I say that last word with a smirk and raise my eyebrow suggestively. I hear Buffy take a light intake of breath.

I guess I shocked her with that one.

Buffy looks back up into my eyes for a moment and then she bites her lip in thought.

“Faith?”

“Yeah, baby?”

Buffy shifts beneath me lightly and runs her hand down my arm to come to a rest on my right hand. I lean onto my left elbow so she can pull my hand to her. She places a soft kiss on each finger and then meets my eyes once again.

“Could you settle for a preview instead of the whole movie for now?”

I look back at her kinda puzzled. She gets this real…sneaky look on her face as she starts to pull my hand down. She brings it to rest on the top of her stomach where her pajama top meets the waistband of her pajama bottoms. She keeps her hand on top of mine as she waits for me to catch on.

Ahhh….Preview.

I start to get real nervous and suddenly my throat feels like the Sahara.

I swallow hard and look at her with uncertainty.

“Are you sure? I mean, do you really…want to?”

Buffy just nods as she starts to slide my hand under her pajama top.

Every nerve cell in my body springs to life and the blood rushes straight to my groin when I feel her silky soft skin beneath my hand. I let out a very audible moan. I close my eyes as I feel my hand nearing the perfect swell of flesh.

“Buffy…”

Buffy moans when my hand comes into contact with her breast. I manage to force my eyes open to look down and see that she now has hers tightly shut.

I have never felt anything more amazing than this. If I could freeze time, I would stay in this moment forever.

I feel Buffy’s hand start to massage mine and I catch on a lot quicker this time.

I may be stupid, but I ain’t fucking stupid.

I start to massage Buffy’s breast and her hand leaves mine and comes out of her shirt to rest above her head. She starts to moan with every squeeze.

It gets too much for me and I close my eyes and bury my face in her neck. Her hands come up to tightly entwine in my hair and I let out a groan.

I turn my head and lick the side of her throat in a long delicate motion.

Buffy gasps and starts to move her hips against mine.

My clit twitches. A lot.

I push myself on top of her and start to run my left hand down over her torso to the waistband of her pajamas. Before I can stop myself, my hand slips beneath it and my fingers come into contact with the soft cotton of her panties.

I moan again.

It’s like I’m running on auto as I start to rub her pussy over her panties. I can feel how hot she is, and how wet.

Buffy groans and her right hand slips from my hair and to the top button of my shirt. She starts to pull it free…

…when the door opens.

We both instantly turn our heads and meet the outline of Mrs. Summers standing in the light of the hallway.

I suddenly feel like the kid that got caught with one hand down his pants and the other down Buffy’s.

Which it was.

Mrs. Summers clears her throat and folds her arms across her chest.

“Girls? Is there something you want to tell me?”

I look down at Buffy. She has this horrified look on her face as she stares over at her mom.

Something tells me the shit just hit the fan.

Buffy’s POV

This is not good.

This is soooo not good.

Faith hasn’t taken her hand out of my pants yet. Not helping.

I try to regain my composure as best I can. I take a deep breath and turn my head to look up at Faith.

“Baby?”

Faith turns her head and looks down at me in an instant.

I smile nervously.

“Ah, I think you should take your hand out of my pants now.”

Faith’s eyes widen and she withdraws her hand instantly. She pulls her hand out of my shirt and lifts herself off of me. She stands beside the bed and stares down at her boots as I try to straighten my clothes. I take a deep breath and stand up next to her.

Mom clears her throat and I look over at her.

“Buffy. Kitchen. Now.”

Oh…crap.

Mom turns and walks away. Faith looks up at me with this terrified look on her face. It almost looks like she’s gonna cry.

Almost.

“God, Buffy! I am so, so sorry. I didn’t mean for you to get in trouble.”

She reaches out and takes my hand. I’m about to open my mouth to tell her it’s gonna be okay when something else dawns on her and her eyes widen again.

“Oh shit! Your mom is gonna tell my dad and he’s gonna rip me a new one. God! I’m in the deepest of shit.”

I grab her hand firmly and look directly into her eyes.

“Faith?”

She meets my eyes and calms a little.

“It’s gonna be okay. We’ll get through this together. Just like we always do. Besides, it’s not like we did anything wrong.”

“Buffy Anne Summers!”

I wince as mom’s voice echoes up the stairs. She never yells unless she’s really mad.

I take a deep breath and Faith mirrors my actions. I take her hand and squeeze it tightly as I start to lead her out of my room and down the stairs.

Out of the frying pan and into the fire.

Mom’s standing by the island we when walk into the kitchen. She gives me this death glare and I drop Faith’s hand like it scorched me. She looks over at me and rolls her eyes.

“Faith?”

My mom says her name with an icy chill. It almost looks like Faith shudders.

“Ye…yes Mrs. Summers?”

Mom turns her head to the side and locks eyes with her.

“I would like you to stay for this. I want you to hear what I have to say.”

Uh…oh.

Faith nods her head and swallows. She stands there with her hands against her sides, not daring to move.

“Buffy?”

I look at my mom and take in a breath.

“Yes, ma’am?”

She points to the stool in front of her.

“Sit.”

I drop down onto it in an instant.

Mom takes a deep breath and closes her eyes and opens them again.

“Are you having sex?”

My eyes widen a little and I have to blink back my surprise. I didn’t expect her to be so forward. I shake my head as best I can.

“No ma’am.”

Mom leans forward over the island. She looks me in the eyes and the anger I was saw there has turned into compassion.

“Please don’t lie to me Buffy. This is a big step in your life and even though it is not sex with a boy, there are still risks.”

Okay. Wow again.

I shake my head again and try to sound as honest as I can. It is the truth.

“Mom, I swear to you, Faith and I are not having sex. What you walked in on, well, I don’t really know what that was…but, it most definitely WAS NOT sex.”

I see mom smile, but just a little.

She lets out a deep breath.

“I believe you.”

I smile back. I love my mom. She’s so…my mom.

“Thank you mom. I can’t tell you how much that means to me.”

We both hear a cough. We turn to stare at Faith.

She gets this horrified look on her face, like she just broke the vase or something.

“I’m sorry. I had a ah…frog in my throat.”

Mom’s smile fades and she meets Faith’s eyes.

“Faith. I didn’t call your father. I wanted to hear you girls’ side of the story first, but I want you to know that what happened tonight…won’t happen again.”

Well, that didn’t sound too good.

Faith shakes her head.

“No, Mrs. Summers. It won’t.”

Mom smiles.

“Good. I’m glad we agree.”

She leans back against the sink and gives us each a look.

“Now, lets talk about sex.”

Faith’s POV

I gotta do a double take on that one.

I could swear I just heard Mrs. S say that she wants to talk to B and me about sex. I look over at Buffy and she looks back at me. I raise my eyebrow and she just shrugs a little.

Mrs. S clears her throat for like the 100th time tonight.

“Buffy? Faith?”

We turn our heads in sync to look at her.
“Please, take a seat on the couch in the living room. I’ll be there in a second.”

Oh…fuck me.

That can not be any kind of good.

Buffy nods in a trance and stands up. She walks the short distance to me and takes my hand. I follow her into the living room silently.

We sit down on the couch, leaving a little room between us.

We ain’t gonna risk it tonight.

Buffy drops my hand and places hers in her lap. I place mine on my thighs, and we wait.

A few seconds later, Mrs. S walks into the living room. She slowly walks over and pulls the coffee table up real close to the couch. She sits down, folds her hands and places them in her lap.

Fuck.

My heart is nearly beatin’ outta my chest. My Slayer hearing picks up the sound of Buffy’s too.

Even our hearts beat in the same rhythm.

I smile.

I really love my baby.

“I know that you are a mature young woman now.”

Buffy’s mom turns her head and looks at me.

“Both of you.”

I swallow hard and nod.

I’m piss scared.

She turns her head and locks her eyes with Buffy again.

“I know that with womanhood comes…needs.”

Ah, fuck. It’s one of those talks.

I try not to groan in frustration.

I’m already knee deep in shit. I ain’t gonna make it worse.

Buffy opens her mouth to speak, but is stopped when her mom raises her hand.

“Just let me finish.”

B kinda sinks back a little.

“Buffy, I know that you are in love with Faith. I think that is wonderful, but…sex…sex is not something you just…jump into. There are consequences to all our actions and like I said before, I know that Faith is not a boy, and I know there is no risk of unwanted pregnancies, or “unsafe” sex…to an extent.”

Oh. My. God.

I musta got some vamp dust in my ears.

There ain’t no way these words are coming out of Joyce Summers’ mouth.

“Buffy, lesbian sex has it’s risks also.”

I start to cough uncontrollably. I think my heart just jumped into my throat.

I can’t fucking believe she just said that.

Buffy looks over at me and places a gentle hand on my back.

“Faith? You okay baby? Need some water?”

I shake my head and wave my hand at her.

“N…no. I’m…I’m good. I think I just sucked in too much air.”

Buffy studies me for a few more seconds before turning back to her mom.

“Mom, believe me when I say that I am not having sex of any kind. I am well aware of the risks of…lesbian sex. I’ve been reading up on it on the internet.”

Oh, God B. Why’d ya haf to go and say that?

Mrs. Summers’ eyes get real big and she sits back a little. She folds her arms across her chest.

“Really?”

Buffy suddenly catches her mistake and her eyes get as wide as saucers.

“Ah…no…I mean…yes. I mean…it’s not what…you think. I was talking to Willow about it the other day and she was telling me what her and Kennedy have been…”

She catches herself suddenly.

I just close my eyes and hang my hand.

This night couldn’t get any worse.

Yeah. Right.

Mrs. Summers stands up and looks down at Buffy.

“Buffy, I think you should say goodnight to Faith. I’ll be waiting for you in your room.”

Then she turns to me.

“I am going upstairs to call your father. I think he has a right to know about tonight and hopefully he will talk to you as well. Goodnight.”

Then she turns and vanishes up the stairs.

Fuck. Fuck. Fuck.

I knew my over active groin was gonna get me in trouble one of these days. Atleast I ain’t gotta face Joyce.

Buffy stands up and pulls me up with her. She looks me in the eyes and tries to force a smile. I nod at her and release a deep breath.

“I know B. Just remember…”

I reach down and take her hands in mine.

“We’re in this together.”

The smile forces its way onto her face.

“Thanks Faith. I really needed to hear that. I love you.”

I return the smile and lift my hand to brush a stray strand of gold from her eye.

“I love you too.”

We lean into each other and share a chaste kiss.

I pull away and take a deep breath.

“Call me when it’s over okay?”

She nods.

“If we’re still breathing, I’ll come by tomorrow and we can spend the day together. Would you like that?”

She smiles and nods again. I lean forward and kiss her forehead.

“I’ll see you tomorrow baby. Love you.”

She pulls me into a hug before walking me to the door. We share one last good-bye kiss and she gently closes the door. I’m suddenly aware that my jacket is still on Buffy’s bedroom floor, but I ain’t about to go get it.

I kinda like breathing.

I just wrap my arms around myself and head home.

Buffy’s POV

I walk into my room just in time to see my mom hanging up the phone. I guess she really did call Mr. Spencer. I hope he’s not too hard on Faith. We didn’t do anything.

So why do I feel like I just got caught with my hand in the cookie jar?

Mom looks over at me and pats the bed beside her.

“Come and sit Buffy.”

I walk over hesitantly and sit next to her. I place my hands nervously on the bed beside me and I fix my eyes onto the floor.

I hear mom let out a deep breath.

“When you told me that you were in love with Faith, I admit that I was a little shocked and I may have been less than…supportive, but I want you to know that it didn’t change the fact that I love you.”

I look up to see that mom is staring straight ahead of her.

“I was a little worried about what the other kids might say or do to you that may hurt you very deeply and I think that is why I was a little less than approving…at first.”

She turns to look at me and I can see the tears starting to form behind her eyes.

“But once I saw how much you love Faith and how much she loves you, I knew that it wouldn’t matter what everyone else said or did. Because it didn’t matter to you. I respect you more than you know for being strong enough to fight for what and who you love.”

I think I’m gonna cry now.

Mom reaches over and takes my hand and brings it into her lap. She lightly runs her thumb over the back of it as she looks me in the eyes.

“Buffy, I am so proud of you for not being afraid to be who you are. That is what every parent wants for their child, to be loved and to be happy. I can see that Faith does that for you. I just want you to know that even though you may think you’re ready…sex is a big step and it changes everything.”

I choke back the sob in my throat and place my other hand over hers. I smile through my tears.

“I know mom. That’s why I’ve been doing some research on it and that’s why I asked Willow what exactly it’s about. I know how major it is and so does Faith. Mom, she has been so respectful and so understanding…and she hasn’t pressured me at all. But, I think that I may be ready sooner than I thought.”

Mom returns my smile and lets out a breath.

“I know it’s scary. I remember the first time I…”

I turn my head away and raise my hand.

“Mom, if you finish that sentence, you won’t have to worry about me having sex…ever.”

Mom just laughs and shakes her head. I turn my head and smile at her.

“No, Buffy. This isn’t a “sex” story. I was just going to tell you about the first time I got…those feelings.”

My smile widens.

“Joyce Elisabeth Summers.”

She shakes her head.

“I was young once too.”

She looks off into the distance as if remembering.

“Young and very horny.”

That was wrong on so many levels.

I let out a groan and fall back onto the bed, pulling Mr. Gordo over my face.

Mom laughs and slaps me on the knee.

“Just kidding dear. I think I’ll save that one for Dawn.”

Good. The little snail trout is long over due.

I hear footsteps as mom walks to the door.

“Buffy?”

I pull Mr. Gordo off my face and turn my head to look at her.

“Whenever you feel that you are 100% ready, I would appreciate you coming to me so we can discuss it before you decide. Okay?”

I smile and nod.

“Okay mom.”

She puts her finger on her nose and smiles.

“Love you Buffy Bear.”

I put my finger on my nose and smile.

“Love you too Mom. Goodnight.”

“Goodnight.”

Mom leaves closing the door gently behind her.

I sigh out and put Mr. Gordo on my chest. I look up at him and start to play with his ears as my mind wonders to earlier tonight and Faith’s hand on my breast. That felt really good.

But not as good as her hand on my pussy.

I feel it ache a little at the memory, but I would never, you know…touch down there. I never have. I want Faith to be to the first.

Sappy? Stupid?

Maybe.

I guess that’s what love does to you.

I suddenly wonder how Faith is doing and what her dad is saying to her. I wonder if I should call her or if I should wait?

I turn my head and stare at the phone.

I feel my eyelids start to get heavy and before I know it, I’m fast asleep.

Faith’s POV

My Dad is sittin at the kitchen table when I walk through the door.

I lock eyes with him for a second and I see that he ain’t too happy.

I let out a deep sigh and place my key on the hook by the door. I walk into the kitchen which is directly across from the front door and I pull out the chair across from where he is sitting.

I sit down real slow like and fold my hands. I lean over the table a little and place my feet on the bottom bars of the chair.

I might as well be relaxed. I’m guessin I’m gonna be here a while.

I look up and let out a breath. I’m about to open my mouth to speak when my father’s dark brown eyes lock onto mine and suddenly, I’m speechless.

He takes a deep breath and folds his hands on the table, mirroring mine. He clears his throat and readjusts in his chair.

“I received an interesting phone call. It was Mrs. Summers and do you know what she had to tell me?”

I start to answer, but he cuts me off again.

“She told me that she walked in on my daughter…”

He looks up at me with this cold stare that chills me to the fuckin bone.

“That would be you.”

He averts his eyes back to the table.

“…and her daughter…that would be Buffy…commencing in…”

He looks up at the ceiling like he’s thinkin’.

“What did she call it? Oh, yes.”

He looks into my eyes. I almost hear him growl.

“Sexual contact. You wanna explain that one?”

Damn. Shit. Fuck.

And all those words.

He knows I’m nervous because I start to itch my right bicep. Which just happens to be where I got my tattoo last year. That was the only other time he had a talk with me like this. Just for the record, that one ended with me not being able to see Buffy for 2 weeks. There really wasn’t anything else I couldn’t live without. It nearly killed me.

I don’t think I can live through it again, so I better choose my words wisely.

“Well, we weren’t doing anything sexual really.”

He tilts his head down a little and closes his eyes.

“Faith, please don’t lie to me.”

I stop scratching my arm and let out a breath.

“I’m not Dad, honest. Me and Buffy weren’t like…fucking or anything…”

His head suddenly jerks up.

Oops. Guess I picked the wrong word.

His nostrils start to flair and his right eye starts to twitch.

“What…did…you…just…say?”
Oh fuck. Oh double fuck.

I’m scratching my arm so hard, I think it’s starting to bleed.

“That’s not what I meant to say. We weren’t doing anything sexual or even remotely sexual. I had just got back from patrol and I was feeling good. I guess Buffy was too and we just…got carried away.”

The anger is gone from his face now. I think he looks kinda…scared?

He takes another deep breath and runs his hand down his face.

“Faith, I wouldn’t call having your hand down Buffy’s pants…getting carried away.”

My eyes widen.

I can’t believe Mrs. S said that.

He drops his hands on the table and leans all the way back in his chair. He looks so tired these days. He works way too hard.

“Dad? I’m sorry okay? I didn’t mean to upset you. I just…love her.”

I see something flash across his face for an instant. A memory maybe? And he smiles faintly.

“I know you do Faith. That’s why this is so important. Joyce agrees with me that this is something you girls should really think about before you decide to express that love physically. There are risks here Faith. You realize that right?”

Oh God.

Round two.

I sigh and slump back in my chair. I place my head on the back and stare up at the ceiling.

“Yeah, Dad. I know.”

He clears his throat again and starts to stand up.

“Well, good. But I still have something I would like you to have.”

I take my head off the back and sit up. I watch as he walks over to his jacket hanging on the rack and pulls a package from the pocket.

He carries it back into the kitchen and places it in front of me.

I can’t help but smile.

I pick the package up in my hand and turn it over before I look up at him.

“Condoms?”

He just nods.

“Ah, Dad? You know I don’t have a…”

He puts his hand up to silence me.

“I know you don’t Faith. But I do know of the certain item that you keep in the bottom drawer of your dresser.”

My eyes really widen now.

“You…you went through my sh…stuff?”

He shakes his head and folds his arms over his chest.

“Of course not. I went in there this morning after you left for class. You left the light on in your bathroom and I went to shut it off. The drawer was ajar and I went to close it when I saw the leather strap sticking out of the top. I know I shouldn’t have, but I was intrigued so I opened it wider and that’s when I saw it.”

Great. Just fuckin’ dandy.

My Dad knows I keep a strap-on dick in my bottom drawer for when Buffy is ready to give it up to me.

And the award for the shittest luck goes to….yep, ME.

I sigh and put my hands over my face.

How the hell am I gonna explain this one?

“Dad, I…”

I suddenly stop when I feel his hand on my shoulder. I take my hands off my face and look up to meet his gentle smile. He nods.

“I know Faith. I was young once too, and in love. Buffy’s a real lucky girl.”

I smile back and shake my head.

“No way. I’m the lucky one. I just want her to know that it means something to me to, ya know?”

Dad just nods and smiles. He leans down and places a kiss on the top of my head.

“Yep, I know. Night, firefly.”

“Night Dad.”

He starts to turn and head up the stairs, when I hear his footsteps suddenly stop. I turn my head around to look at him.

“Faith? Promise me you’ll come to me before you make any decisions okay?”

I nod.

“You got it.”

We share one last smile and I hear him continue up the stairs and then his bedroom door shuts.

I let out a deep breath. I close my eyes and lay my head down on the table. My nose comes into direct contact with my left hand and suddenly my senses are overwhelmed with the sweet smell of Buffy’s pussy.

I put my fingers to my nose and inhale really deep.

Fuck.

She smells good enough to eat.

I groan at my own thought.

She makes me want her so bad, but she won’t…

…have physical sex with me.

A thought suddenly occurs to me.

She said she wasn’t ready to have sex with me…she never said she wouldn’t have phone sex with me.

Oh…the fuckin possibilities.

Damn. I’m on a roll tonight.

I snatch the condoms from the table and smile to myself.

I leap out of my chair and I make a B-line for my room…and my phone.

I’m gonna give B a taste of what she’s missin’. Then maybe she’ll give me a taste of what I’m missin’.