Chapter 7: The Guilty
Faith sighed, suddenly brought back to reality by the sound of Buffy's voice. Nothing they'd just talked about would be possible if she did what she'd been thinking. Reluctantly, she backed off to let Satsu inside.
"It's short-shit," She called.
"Damn it. Can't she just go away?" Buffy muttered as she started down the stairs.
Faith smirked, knowing that if she'd heard it then so had the younger Slayer. A glance to her right showed Satsu's upset expression as she closed the door behind her. Suddenly much happier, the ex rogue leaned back against the wall by the den door.
It wasn't until Buffy reached the bottom of the stairs that Faith realized just how bad this looked. Her standing there in her underwear, Buffy still wearing last night's wrinkled clothes. Her amusement faded, but she forced her expression to remain unchanged. She gave Buffy an apologetic shrug and glanced at Satsu, seeing that their appearance hadn't escaped her notice either.
The younger Slayer's face was flushed with anger and she was almost vibrating with tension. Her fingers were gripping the file she held tightly and her other hand was clenched into a fist at her side. Her eyes kept darting from one Slayer to the other, her breathing growing erratic.
Faith's attention returned to Buffy and she saw the moment it dawned on Buffy. She saw the mix of anger, pain, and guilty pleasure in the hazel eyes. Fuck, nothin' good ever comes of it when B gets emotional like this. She winced and darted her gaze to the den, wondering if she should leave them alone.
Part of her chafed at the idea, wanting to be there incase Satsu did something stupider. It was the same part that was itching to slam the smaller woman up against the wall and let loose some inner rage on her. She clamped a tighter hold down on her emotions and forced her attention to Buffy, waiting for her reaction. She wouldn't leave unless the blonde told her to.
Buffy didn't know how to react. There was a part of her that still ached to hold her partner, the part that wanted to just forget everything that had happened and go back to the way things were. Then there was the part that had been shattered by their breakup. That part was a contradiction of pain, wanting to just cry, and anger, that the younger Slayer even had the nerve to be pissed right now.
Guiltily, she admitted that there was something thrilling about having Satsu see them right now. It felt a little like vengeance. She bit her bottom lip and glanced at Faith warily, recognizing the tension coming off her easily—Faith's inner Slayer was itching for a fight. And Faith herself was probably just looking for an excuse to do it.
If she didn't do something now, the two younger Slayers would end up at each other's throats—again. She sighed as she returned her attention to Satsu, wavering between wanting it to happen and knowing it shouldn't. Damn it. Why do I have to be the responsible one all the time?
Keeping her eyes on Satsu, Buffy licked her lips nervously and asked softly, "Faith?"
The younger Slayer replied tensely, "Yeah?"
"Would you mind giving us some privacy?"
Hell yeah, I fuckin' mind, She grumbled inwardly, shooting the younger woman a sneer. Satsu returned the look with equal measure.
"Faith," The blonde warned.
Their eyes met again. Faith could read the plea in Buffy's and it helped to defuse a little of her anger. She forced a reassuring smile and stepped forward to gently clasp the blonde's shoulder. She winked and then turned away.
"Whatever," She answered glibly and entered the den, slamming the door behind her.
The tense silence that surrounded them quickly gave Buffy a headache. She sighed and turned to lead Satsu further into the living room. Then she leaned against the back of a recliner and watched Satsu stand near the couch and fidget with the file in her hand. They stood there, Satsu glaring, Buffy trying for impassive, for a long moment.
"So what brought you by here?" She asked softly, causing the other woman to jerk.
Satsu's eyes snapped to her face and flashed angrily. "Why? Did I interrupt you and your little slut?"
"Satsu," Buffy warned. "Don't go there."
She snorted. "You couldn't even wait until we were divorced to run to her, could you?"
Buffy shoved off from the chair and walked around it to close the distance between them. She stopped in front of her and crossed her arms over her chest.
"I've told you before that there is nothing going on between me and her," She hissed.
"I'm supposed to believe that?" Satsu laughed bitterly. "You show more passion when you two get into one of your little verbal sparring matches than you did in our entire relationship, Buffy."
Buffy lowered her eyes in shame, knowing it was true. That had always been the sticking point for them. She'd never felt the burning passion for her partner and their relationship that Satsu felt. But her relationship with Faith was nothing but passionate.
Passionate? She laughed internally as her mind supplied her with several images. Faith's face flushed with anger, brown eyes darkening with lust, lips curled into a sneer, her eyes glinting with amusement, head thrown back in laughter. 'Explosive' is more accurate.
Sensing her distraction, Satsu continued, "How can you expect me to believe that you've never fucked her, Buffy? I mean, Jesus! Have you even seen how you look at her?"
Buffy swallowed hard and shook her head, scarcely recognizing the woman she'd loved. Tears burned her eyes and she took a shuddering breath, trying to calm down.
Shakily, she asked, "Why did you come here, Satsu?"
"Even now, when we're over, you can't tell me the truth," She snarled.
"There's nothing to tell," Buffy snapped, her voice rising. "Yes, Faith's an attractive woman, but I would've never done that to you. You know better!"
"I don't know shit," She returned, her volume matching the blonde's. "All I have to judge by is that I came here to talk to you and she answered the door half-naked, with you coming downstairs dressed in clothes that look like you were out partying all night and fell asleep in them."
Satsu paused and then added in disgust, "Or maybe even had them taken off and thrown on the floor while you were fucking."
Enraged, Buffy shouted without thinking, "I was out last night, just like I have been for the past six days. But it wasn't to have fun. I've been drinking myself stupid just so I don't keep hearing you tell me that you fucked someone else!"
Her partner blanched at her tone, but the blonde ignored it. She snarled, "And yes, I probably would've fucked Faith if she'd have let me last night. But I ended up puking my guts out and she had to take care of me instead."
The dark haired woman's expression darkened once again and she pointed at Buffy. "You just admitted that you wanted to fuck her! I goddamned knew it, Buffy!"
Buffy laughed hoarsely in disbelief, tears threatening to overflow her eyes. She choked out resentfully, "I never even thought about it before. I left the cheating to you."
"I've all ready told you it was a mistake," Satsu said, her voice trembling.
"And that's why you kept doing it, and waited three months to tell me, right?" She asked sardonically.
The other woman closed her eyes and pinched the bridge of her nose. Her shoulders slumped and she dropped her hand, reopening her eyes to look at Buffy. She swallowed hard and licked her lips.
"I didn't want to hurt you."
"And yet you still are," The blonde said flatly.
"I know," She choked out. "But I never meant to."
Buffy shook her head and took another shuddering breath. "Just tell me why you're here, Satsu."
She held out the manila folder in her hand, waiting for Buffy to take it. Then she stuffed both of her hands in her pockets.
"Those are the divorce papers."
Buffy opened the folder and looked down at the papers inside. She gave a tremulous, disbelieving smile, wondering how they'd gotten to this point. She hadn't realized there was even anything wrong with their relationship until Satsu had laid it all out. Weren't there supposed to be signs for that sort of thing?
Neither of them had been avoiding the other one. No one had worked any later than usual, no one had started sleeping somewhere other than their bed, no one had made excuses of having a headache to avoid making love. There hadn't been more fights than usual, no strange women, or men, calling at odd hours. No weird behavior at all.
She lifted her eyes from the papers, meeting Satsu's still angry gaze. Over six years and this is it? She clenched her teeth and then blew out a harsh breath.
"Give me a pen."
The younger Slayer pulled a pen from her pocket and handed it to her. Then she crossed her arms over her chest.
"Don't you want to read the terms first?"
Buffy leveled a look at her that could've killed a lesser being. "I don't want a fucking thing except my stuff. For all I care, you could take the house and turn it into a harem."
"I, uh," Satsu stammered. "I had the lawyer sign the house over to you. I don't want anything but my stuff either and I've all ready picked most of it up except for a few things we bought together."
Buffy nodded and signed the top paper, her hand shaking. She searched for any other lines that needed her signature on the other two pages and then did so before she closed the file. Feeling her tentative hold on her composure threatening to break, the blonde grimaced and slapped the file into the other Slayer's hands. Then she turned her back to her and wrapped her arms around her own waist.
"There, now get out," She choked out.
"Not even the tiniest bit of hesitation, huh?" Satsu asked bitterly over the sound of paper rustling. Then she heard her slap a sheet of paper on the coffee table as she added, "Well fuck you too then, Buffy. I hope you and the slut are happy together."
Buffy closed her eyes and clenched her fists, her body shaking violently as the other woman walked away. She tensed, and then the door slammed shut, causing her to jump though she'd expected it. Then she collapsed to her knees as a loud sob tore from her throat, the tightness in her chest becoming unbearable as her grief consumed her.
She didn't hear the sound of the den door opening or of the soft steps of bare feet over the plush carpet. The tingling going up her spine increased just before she was pulled into familiar arms. She turned immediately, wrapping her arms around Faith's shoulders and curling up in her lap as she buried her face in her neck. The hands gently rubbing her back and the soft, nonsensical words being murmured into her ear only caused her to cry harder.
Chapter 8: Resolutions and Solutions
Faith hadn't been sure what to do at first. It had taken everything in her not to charge into the living room when their voices rose. She could hear everything clearly from the den, including the pain in Buffy's tone. She'd wanted nothing more than to shut Satsu's venomous accusations up.
She hadn't even been able to find satisfaction or amusement in the blonde's revelation about her attraction. Then a few minutes later, the door had slammed shut, making the picture frames on the wall rattle and it had grown silent. She didn't even made a conscious decision to do anything before her body was set into action.
The sound of Buffy's heart-wrenching sobs had been like a vise-grip on her heart as she stepped into the living room. She'd reacted without thought once again, by sitting down behind her and pulling her into her arms. The closest she'd ever really been to this type of situation was when she broke down with Angel, so she'd only had instinct to go on. She'd been relieved to find that it seemed to work.
Now they'd been there for half an hour and her foot had fallen asleep where it rested under her right thigh. Buffy's sobs had tapered off, only a small one occasionally making her shoulders shake. The tears soaking into her shirt and drenching her neck had finally slowed as well. Faith sighed and gently ran her hand over the back of Buffy's head, guiltily enjoying the feel of the soft blonde hair.
With a shuddering breath, the blonde slowly pulled back. She kept her eyes down as she wiped at the tears on her cheeks, refusing to meet Faith's gaze. A hand gently grabbed one of her wrists and she jerked, finally forcing herself to look up. Her heart clenched at the sympathy looking back at her from the dark brown eyes.
Absently placing one hand on Faith's shoulder, Buffy swallowed hard and muttered hoarsely, "Sorry about this."
Faith's arm squeezed her around the waist. "It ain't your fault."
She paused, trying to slip her foot out from under her. Wincing at the tingling that immediately shot through it, she bit her bottom lip. Shit.
The older Slayer glanced down at the movement and then smiled sheepishly, scrambling to slip off the brunette's lap. She stood and held a hand down to Faith.
"Come on, let's get on the couch."
Faith grabbed her hand, allowing herself to be hauled up. She limped to the couch and dropped down onto one end. She bent her left leg at the knee on the couch while she kept her other foot flat on the floor. Settling back against the couch arm, she watched Buffy look at the couch in consideration for a moment. Then she was taken by surprise when the blonde chose instead to take a seat between her open thighs.
She could only stare, open mouthed, as Buffy lay back against her chest and settled on her side. Then she snapped her mouth shut and cleared her throat, an incredulous smile forming. The blonde tilted her head back and looked up at her, questioningly.
"Comfy there, B?" She asked.
Buffy's eyebrows furrowed and she stammered, "Uh, t—this is okay isn't it? I can move if you aren't comfortable with—"
"It's aight, B," The brunette interrupted. "I'm here for ya, and if ya need me to hold ya or somethin', then whatever."
"Thank you," She whispered.
Faith wrapped her right arm around the blonde's waist and let the other one rest on her leg, her hand dangling over her knee. She smirked.
"Just don't fuckin' tell anybody. Can't have 'em thinkin' I've gone soft."
Buffy smiled shakily and shook her head. "No, we can't have that."
Faith rolled her eyes. "Besides, can't ya just hear the shit they'd be sayin' if they found out we were actually gettin' along?"
The blonde's smile faded and her gaze dropped to the floor. She closed her eyes briefly and took a shuddering breath. Tears filled her eyes again and she scrubbed her face in irritation with her left hand. Then she dropped her hand and let it rest on Faith's stomach.
"I guess you probably heard everything we said, huh?" She asked quietly.
"Yeah," Faith answered just as quietly.
"I—I'm sorry," Buffy stammered, nervously twisting the gold wedding and engagement rings on her left ring finger.
The brunette gently clasped her hand, rubbing her thumb over the large diamond on the engagement ring. She ran her tongue over her teeth, and then she shook her head.
"Like I said before, ain't any of it your fault. She's been sayin' that kind of shit for years, B. It's part of why I ain't ever gotten along with her," She said and then added, "That, and the attitude she gives me really just fuckin' pisses me off."
"But still—"
"What exactly are ya tryin' to apologize for?" Faith interrupted again. "That I had to hear it? I don't really give a shit about that part."
She snorted. "Or are ya tryin' to apologize for thinkin' I'm sexy?" She paused and then shrugged as she continued, "That ain't your fault either 'cause it's just a fact of nature. Like hot sex on a Friday night and Saturday morning cartoons the next day."
Buffy giggled softly, making Faith snicker. Then she sighed and added softly, "Don't try to take the blame, 'cause she's a jealous bitch, aight? It's all on her, B. She's the fuckin' freak who's been seein' shit that ain't there."
"I can't figure out why else she'd act like this, Faith," Buffy choked out. "I had to have done something to make her think it. She wouldn't be so bent out of shape if I hadn't."
She released the blonde's hand and cupped her chin, forcing her to look up at her again. She searched her gaze for a moment and then she shook her head.
"B, tryin' to figure out what her damage is won't help ya any."
I hate to admit it, but she's right. Knowing why won't make it hurt any less. She gave a reluctant nod and sighed tremulously, "And the way she was acting? Jesus! We've argued before, but never that viciously. I didn't even think she could be like that."
"Jealousy does weird shit to people's heads, B," The brunette replied, wincing a little in memory.
"Yeah, I guess it does," She muttered, sharing a knowing look with her.
"Besides, I think right now she's tryin' to find a way to take the blame off her shoulders, y'know," The younger woman said, an apologetic look on her face. "Like maybe if she can convince herself that you're with me, then it wasn't her that fucked things up."
"God, it hurts so much that she could even think I'd do that to her," Buffy muttered, another tear squeezing from her eye.
She tightened her hold on the blonde and sighed. "B, there's always been somethin' between us, and it ain't just our connection. God knows what the fuck it is, but when other people see it they don't know what to make of it. The only thing they can come up with is that we're fuckin' or that we wanna."
Buffy took a deep breath and smiled wryly. It's the thing that makes us get along really well, or hate each other intensely. Then she sighed, her smile fading.
"It's so intense and when it comes out, it's either sexual or violent," Faith continued with her explanation. "People get confused by that, B. But that don't excuse the way she's treatin' ya."
No, it doesn't. Her jaw clenched. She should've trusted me enough to know I wouldn't do that to her.
Faith saw the glint of anger in Buffy's eyes and smiled slightly. She was on the right track. Getting her to really believe that she wasn't the one in the wrong here would go a long way to helping her move on. And she knew personally, that her former enemy hated taking the blame for someone else's issues.
Now here's to me hopin' I don't get my ass kicked for this next one, She smirked inwardly. She took Buffy's hand in hers and held it firmly, catching Buffy's eyes intently. Her free hand came up to gently grasp the rings on her finger, slowly sliding them off.
"And these right here? Ya don't need 'em," Faith rasped, determination hardening her tone. "What ya need is to move past her and find yourself again, B."
She slipped the rings off and held them in the palm of her open hand, the diamond sparkling in the sunlight streaming in from the wide window across the room. "'Cause the woman that's been hangin' around the past week? That ain't you."
Buffy pulled her hand from Faith's, flexing it against the odd feeling of bareness and then sighed. She lifted her gaze from the rings to Faith's, easily reading the challenge there. The dark haired Slayer was daring her to move on. She felt her inner Slayer stirring in response.
Still, she was too curious not to ask, "Oh yeah?"
"Oh yeah," Faith nodded with a wide, dimpled smile. "'Cause the bitch that kicked my ass all over the 'Dale wouldn't be takin' the blame for some fuckin' junior's issues."
The blonde couldn't help but smile slightly and she lifted an eyebrow. "Would I have a sidekick for this adventure?" Her expression darkened. "'Cause I don't think it's going to be that easy. There are going to be moments when the pain's too much."
"'Course it ain't gonna be easy," She answered with a soft smile which quickly turned into a smirk. "But yeah, B. I'll be here to kick your ass when ya need it."
"Gee, thanks," She drawled.
The brunette sighed, trying to appear annoyed. "Aight, I'll even hug ya if I gotta."
"You make it sound like it's such a hardship," Buffy said dryly.
"Yeah, well, can't let ya think that I like ya too much," She answered flippantly.
"Uh-huh."
Their eyes locked and half-smiles creased both their faces. Buffy sighed and lifted her hand, placing it on Faith's and closing her fingers over the rings. She nodded decisively.
"Okay."
Faith returned the nod and then smacked Buffy on the ass, making her squeal. She snickered.
"Good. Now shake that ass on up off of me so I can get a shower and fix us some grub."
