The First Rule
The darkness is oppressive; it surrounds me, binds me. I want out but I can't, I'm not allowed. `How could that Bitch have done this to me?' I scream in my head, my throat's too sore to make any more sounds. I want to rip this room, this cage-apart. I can't expel my anger, vent my rage, because; my arms are bound.
God, I hate this pitch black room, there is only me and my thoughts to be found `Why did she have to go and break that rule of all rules', here in the shadows that cover every available space in this room including my soul, now, there is no light, there is no hope, not any longer after this betrayal.
"Bitch" erupts from my mouth in a hoarse whisper as my throat tries to repair itself. If I cared any more I would let it rest, to heal. All I can do is hurl my despair in words that are charging through my head, at the universe for letting this happen. Then I come to the conclusion that it's Willow and Xander's and the rest of the scoobies fault, for letting her do this to me.
I know deep down that they would have prevented it if they could. It just felt good to blame someone else other than her, that way it didn't feel like she did it on purpose. Just to hurt me. To bring me to my knees like this. Why did there have to be so much pain, so much it makes my world spin?
`Not going to pass out again' I silently yell to myself, unable to force the words out as I'm weeping uncontrollably - when did that happen?
I gather myself in a corner of this prison, staring at the tiny sliver of light come under the door. I got put in solitary, well that's what they do when you go ballistic in a rec room, I'm just glad that there were no fatalities.
How could she have broken the first rule she ever taught me?
How can she not allow me her forgiveness?
How can she be gone?