Chapter
12
Warren paced relentlessly back and forth in front of the
trembling Demon, he was waiting to hear what had been wished for, if it
was the thing that he had wanted, the thing that would make all of his
plans sail along a lot more smoothly, make everything easier.
“Well..? Tell me! What did she wish for?”
“I told you already, a girls wishes are a secret.” Halfrek stood before him wondering what the hell was going on in the world that she was stood before this mere human boy even considering answering his questions. The natural order of things had been corrupted… something was coming, of that she was sure. But what it was? How powerful it was? She was only just realising. “I did your bidding, that was the deal…”
“No! You do not tell me what the deal is…” He stood before her, perfectly still, let the power resonate through him, all over him, in the stand of his feet, the set of his shoulders, the evil of his eyes. “…you do as I say!”
The demon fought to keep her own shoulders straight, to keep her own eyes level. Yes she knew what this was… the place the power was coming from. It was all around him, the taste of pure undiluted evil, and it scared her. Made her remember just how fragile immortality could actually be. “You don’t know what you’re messing with… the power…” Her voice dropped low, her head shaking. “…stupid boy.”
“You had better not forget what ‘you’re’ messing with!” He was sick of her non compliance, her lack of respect. He walked into her space, brought the back of his hand crashing against the side of her face. “Now tell me what she wished for!”
Halfrek’s words were not spoken loud enough to be heard, the shock of being struck by this mortal keeping her voice from working. Warren stalked up to her again. Drew his hand back again.
“Okay… she wished that people would stop leaving her.”
“What?”
“That they would stop leaving…”
“Andrew!”
The blonde boy skulked slowly out of the shadows, this wasn’t so enjoyable anymore. What had started out as a fun times quest to rule the world had actually turned into a really REALLY evil plan to destroy the world. He wasn’t so keen on the new idea. Preferred the old one. The one where everything usually went wrong so they sat around playing D&D instead. The new one meant people would die. Lots and lots of people.
“Yes Warren?”
“Seems we have a problem… a little bit of misinformation…”
“Uh… what’s the problem?” He could feel himself starting to shake, he hated it. Used to be he’d shake with anticipation when Warren fixed him with his gaze, now it just made him want to run. Hide. Possibly cry.
“What did you say Dawn would wish for?”
“I said…” He tried to remember. But that was ages ago, over a week ago… it wasn’t like Warren normally listened to him. “…I’m not sure. What did I say?”
“You said she wished her sister had stayed dead.”
“Oh…” He kinda remembered that, it was a throwaway comment though, not one that ever meant anything. Dawn didn’t confide in him, he had to say something. It seemed like something she might have maybe wished for. “…didn’t she wish for that?”
“No you imbecile!” Warren turned from them and paced the room… he was so sick of the constraints on him. He could feel his master ready to burst forth, ready to reclaim a place so long ago lost. Could feel the power slipping around him, guiding him… it had been what had led him to the vengeance gig in the first place… a chance to spread some wishes. But still he had to wait, was virtually powerless against those that would seek to stop him.
He wanted Willow. To get Willow he wanted Tara. And to get Tara he wanted at least one of the slayers dead. Possibly everyone. Tonight was supposed to have been the start of that. The start of his plan.
He turned back to Halfrek, regarded her with cold eyes. “What’s the upshot of the wish? What’s going to happen?”
“Not very much. No one can leave the house. Ever.”
“No one? Ever?”
“No.”
He started to pace again, let the feelings flow through him, the possibilities laying themselves before his mind as he wandered back and forth. “What about in..? Can we get something in?”
“That’s not a problem… but nothing goes out again unless the wish is broken.”
He called Johnathan to him, ordered that he get his charms and candles ready. There was a spell that he wanted performed, a beast he wanted conjured… something he could see through, that he could control from here. He would still have his chance to kill the slayer, maybe to get his hands upon the lesser of the witches as well.
He waited impatiently as Johnathan bumbled around setting up the things. Soon he wouldn’t need anyone else, until then he had to bite his tongue, had to stop his foot from crashing down upon the annoying bug of a boy before him. “Are we ready yet?”
“Nearly uh Wa… uh… master?”
“Master? I like that, good one Johnathan!” His attention once again went to Halfrek. Sneering at the defiance that still dared to sit upon her face. “Thank you for your services demon… perhaps when the time comes I might let you live.”
“I’m going to just love wreaking vengeance on you…” But her words were halted by the face of malevolence she was being shown. Warren bearing down on her, his eyes pouring with the blackness that only the truest evil can produce. Yes it terrified her. Made her try and sink back into the shadows. Her posture finding the form of subservience, her voice dying in her throat.
If this happened, if this boy succeeded in all that he wished for..? There would be no hope. No hope for anyone.
POV Tara
What a mess. Really. I’d secretly hoped that tonight would go well, that Buffy’s birthday wouldn’t live up to the billing and we would just have a regular little get together of friends, a fun time. An easy time.
It started so well, on the surface everybody laughing and smiling, even Buffy herself managing to join in with everyone. But then it changed. Just after the gifts. We all got up to dance, to loosen tired limbs to the rhythm of music, all of us except Buffy. I watched her watching us, held my breath as I silently prayed that she would raise and join us… followed her with my eyes as she climbed the stairs to her room. I wondered at going after her, at trying again to reach her with words of comfort, offers of everything being okay. But I didn’t… instead I watched Faith as she also realised that Buffy was missing, saw her search the rooms, saw her stand at the bottom of the stairs as if she barely dared to climb them. In my mind I urged her on, I still believe that she has the ability to reach her… to make her want to feel something more then the hurt. More then the pain.
My hope raised with each tread on the stairs, every minute she was up there, every second that she didn’t come back down. I told myself she had reached her… was up there now holding her close as she finally let those walls of despair come tumbling down. But I was wrong.
I knew that as soon as Faith came back. Her face a picture of anger, her eyes shining confusion. I wanted to ask… to know what had happened, but I didn’t get to ask. I stood back as she took hold of Cordy, bade farewell. Approached the door. Tried to leave. And that’s when it all went crazy. Sunnydale style crazy.
I mean really..? Trapped in a house with no apparent way out? It’s not normal… I’m pretty sure it’s a long way from normal.
On top of that, Faith is now hiding in the closet.
And I don’t think that’s very normal either.
It makes me wonder if Buffy told her… about Spike. If that’s what caused her face of thunder and quick retreat. Feeling how she feels about Buffy, and knowing about Spike..? That would surely be enough to send her a little bit crazy. Even I know that. And I don’t know her all that well.
I pondered it as I waited for Willow to come back down from Buffy’s room. Everybody sat in some kind of silent shell shock trying to figure out what the heck was happening and why.
I was thinking magic. A spell would definitely have the power to keep us all locked up here, to keep the slayers locked up. Maybe that’s what this is? Evil’s attempt to clear the path for badness. To keep us out of the way? Anya thinks so too. She knows the power of magic. Understands the things that can be done.
When Willow returned she brought a tired looking Buffy with her. Eyes obviously red from crying, shoulders obviously sagging with burden. I almost forget how she used to look, the sound of her happiness, the easiness of her smile.
I patted the seat next to mine, offered her a place to rest.
“More birthday fun and frolics then guys.” Her voice didn’t hold humour. “I’m thinking the whole resurrection thing is looking a worse deal by the minute… anybody else think they were better off before hand?”
The silence wasn’t affirming, it was just uncomfortable. It wasn’t better before, without her… it hasn’t been better since she went. I was going to break the discomfort, say something to distract everyone from where their thoughts were wandering… but I didn’t have to. Our newest guest was raising her hand and accepting Buffy’s comments.
“I think maybe you’re right Buffy, the stint in heaven hasn’t helped with the self pitying… perhaps everyone was better off?”
“Cordy…”
“No Xander…” She held up her hand to stop him. “…I was gonna try and be nice, all accepting of the same old crap… but really, where does that get me? I can’t believe you all still pander to her like this…”
“Hey! We don’t pander!”
Willow spoke up, but a little of me did agree. If we didn’t all keep bending over backwards to let her be so morose, maybe she would snap out of it? Nothing else was working. Anya was the next to offer opinion.
“You do so all pander, I agree with her.”
“An honey? We don’t pander… Buffy’s our friend, remember how we talked about friends? About helping them out?”
I just sat back and watched it unravel. Kept my eye on Dawn, on the closet.
“Don’t go sanctimonious on me Xander Harris! I know what friends are. I have friends… but this…” She vaguely waved her hand in Buffy’s direction. “…this is just ridiculous. If she were a dog we’d put her out of her misery!”
“Nice to know you care Anya, really. Are you this nice to all your friends?”
“I’m doing you a service! You want to be dead… I’m agreeing you should have the option… isn’t that democratic? The American way?”
Willow spoke up again, obvious what side she was on. “God, don’t you ever just shut up?” She turned to Xander. “Can’t you make her shut up?”
“Why should she? She makes sense.” Cordy was leaning forwards now, losing herself to the argument.
“Do you think we could stop discussing my life for a minute? Get back to the problem at hand?”
“Technically? We were discussing your death, seems to me that IS the problem at hand…”
“Cordy!”
“No Willow… I understand ok, yes it’s hard, boo hoo Buffy… but this isn’t just about Buffy, and maybe it’s time SHE got that.” She turned her eyes then and faced down the slayer, looked every bit as strong as her, every bit as willing to fight her corner. “I think this is all pathetic, this deep depression at being alive… this dragging down every other sucker that dares to want to help you!”
“You don’t know anything!”
“I know you’re not worth the effort, I know this self pitying crap that you churn out at every opportunity is so passed it’s sell by date I can’t believe you still do it…”
Buffy rose then, stalked straight up to Cordelia, fists clenching at her sides. It made the others raise, made Xander step to her side, Willow in front of her.
“Oh look, the whole gang…”
“Cordy stop.”
“No, I won’t. All of you know it’s true…”
It brought more of the silence. Buffy standing there fuming, her friends just standing there confused. It’s hard for them. So much they want to protect her, to make it better. But maybe shielding her all the time isn’t making her better, is making her worse.
This time I did break the awkwardness of silence. Tried to apply some soothing balm to the harsh words. “Why doesn’t everyone calm down… I’ll put the kettle on, we’ll have some tea and then we’ll get to researching the little prisoner problem…”
“What about Faith?”
“I can take her tea too…”
Cordy’s eyes were still working hard at boring into Buffy. “Why should you? Maybe if Buffy got off of her high horse and apologised for whatever she did to drive her in there in the first place, then she could take tea like the rest of us…”
“You expect ME to apologise to HER?” Yes. A great way to get Buffy’s attention. Maybe not the best choice of phrase from Cordy. “I have nothing to apologise for…”
“Just start with the fact that you’re a bitch, after that you can improvise…”
“Stop it! Both of you!” Dawn’s voice was louder then all of ours. “Why can’t it ever just be nice? Why do you always have to fight?” She cast her gaze over everyone. “Haven’t we had enough fighting… enough bad stuff? Can’t we just stop?”
Buffy’s shoulders lost the defiance of a second earlier and slumped back into position. She went to her sister, was the one to find her first with her arms. Her lips resting softly against her forehead. “I’m sorry Dawnie… I mean it. We’re just a little stressed. I’m sorry.”
“Uh… us too Dawn, we didn’t mean to get with the loud voices and hysterical screaming… it’s the house thing, we’re just stressing, ok?”
“And me, I shouldn’t have said anything… I’m only just here, what do I know?”
They all offered words of apology, Dawn just looked and nodded. Maybe a little happy to be the one to stop the madness. I did get up to make tea, trusted that a minute away from them would be okay, no more ructions would start.
When I returned it was sombrely silent. All the energy drained from the room. I placed down the tray, offered around refreshments. Shouted at the door of the closet, didn’t get an answer.
We all sat and talked, tried hard to work out what was happening, sporadically tried to prise open a door that none of us could get near. We couldn’t try magic of our own, no supplies for spell making… no magic elements left in the house to tempt Willow with. We were stuck. Totally. Utterly. Stuck.
The hours ticked by, sometimes fast, sometimes slow. Eyes starting to get heavy, limbs getting numb from the continual sitting. It was Buffy that eventually called time. Perhaps Dawn’s drooling on her shoulder letting her know it was past the hour for sleeping. Not all of us have that slayer stamina after all.
It was strange heading up the stairs with Willow again, heading to our bedroom again. Also strange that Xander and Anya were following us. It wasn’t a situation I’d ever dreamt about happening.
Cordy was going to stay in with Dawn, and Buffy would stay in her room. Faith I guessed would be staying in the closet. I had attempted to draw her out again but she just wouldn’t answer and the door wouldn’t budge. Maybe she needed the space. Maybe Buffy really did tell her about the Spike thing.
I stayed awake until the others were sleeping, my mind tripping over everything that was happening, all the bad stuff, and all the good stuff. The fact that Willow was sleeping just centimetres away from me… her lips curling into a smile even while she was resting. I kissed her softly on those lips. I’ve missed being able to kiss her when even she doesn’t know I do it. The kisses that are just for me. Just because I need them.
I crept up softly from the bed, managed not to tread on Xander, slipped softly from the room. I peeped in on Dawn, saw her with Cordy’s arms protectively around her. Both of them sleeping. I peeped in on Buffy’s room… saw the emptiness. The lack of body in bed, of sheets being twisted. I guessed she couldn’t sleep either. Went to find her.
I should’ve known where she would be, what would be keeping her from taking any rest. She was just stood against the wall staring at the door to the closet. Not too close, not far away. Just there. And staring. “Buffy..?” I whispered my greeting, it felt right to whisper. “You okay?”
“Huh? What… oh yeah. I’m good…” She took her eyes away from the door and placed them on me. They didn’t look so red anymore, so puffed out with tears, but they did still look so tired. Worn out. “…I couldn’t sleep, been down here trying to figure a way out.”
Of the closet?
She walked her way to the kitchen, poured some water into a glass. “What do you think it is Tara? What’s come to piss on my parade this year?”
“I’m sure it’s not you… it’s probably a spell of some sort… something gone wrong. Maybe it’s the pranksters again?”
“Could be. Remind me when we get out… IF we get out, I need to find these guys with the pranks… it’s getting a bit much now. It was cute at first, now it’s just annoying.”
I nodded as she drained her glass. She had a valid point. Someone was going to get hurt if we didn’t get a hold on whatever was performing the pranks. It was obvious that they knew some basics of magic… but other then that we didn’t have much to go on. Not a clue.
“Do you think Faith will ever come out?” I had to ask. She kept throwing her gaze that way, it was obvious where her focus was.
“Come out?”
“Of the closet?”
She looked to be considering, her head leaning to the side. “You think that’s a good idea? Cos I’ve been thinking about it… and really, maybe we can keep her in there?”
“Buffy…”
“No Tara, think about it… if she stays there, no more arguing… no more fighting, no more screaming…”
“No more feeling?”
Her eyes flew to mine. Confusion. Maybe a slight flash of anger. “What? Feeling..? Has she said something to you… about me?”
As if she ever needed to. It’s there for everyone to see. Anyone who cared to look. “No Buffy, well… not really. It’s just… I see, with you two…”
“See what with us two? There isn’t an ‘us two’… there’s never been an ‘us two’…”
I tried to calm her, her voice was starting to raise a little, starting to make her point with some volume. “I know that, I meant… I meant the…” I tried to think of the right word. Charge didn’t cover it. Tension didn’t come close. It was just a thing. An indescribable thing. I knew that she knew what I meant. I had seen it. “…the connection! Between the two of you, it’s so strong, so intense… you can’t tell me you don’t feel it, even now, you have to feel it.” She looked up, met my eyes again. “Even ‘I’ feel it Buffy.”
She stifled a harsh laugh. “Everyone wants to know if I feel it right? Like that makes a difference..?”
“So you do feel it?”
She sighed and rolled her eyes. Threw her hands up in the air. “Ok, I feel it! Should I prepare myself for the kissing?”
Kissing? Why would I with the kissing?
I looked at her again, her eyes drawn back to the door to the closet. Thought back on the night, Faith upstairs. Faith storming down. Put the two and two together, guessed at making four.
“Did you kiss her?”
I waited for the shout of denial, for proof that my math was never that good. It didn’t come. All that came was a bigger sigh. A slump into a chair. Arms again finding a place to hide her head. “I might have kissed her a little.., really though?” Her eyes peeped out from her arms, and I swear I saw a grin. She may have been hiding it well… but there was something there that made her smile. “SHE kissed me… I just took a second to stop her.”
Yeah. Right. “How many seconds?”
“Wasn’t counting.”
I went and sat next to her at the table. Wondered at the right thing to say. Anyone else and I’d be congratulating them on scoring Faith, but Buffy? Nothing’s ever that easy. “So… uh… did you…enjoy it?”
“No comment.”
“I’ll take that as a yes.”
She laughed a little underneath those arms of hers. Slowly lifted her head. “Until the world came crashing back..? Up till then I enjoyed it…” She lost her smile again as if she was remembering. “…that’s the thing though isn’t it Tara? The world always comes crashing back.”
I couldn’t disagree. I knew how much life could get in the way. That had happened to me and Willow, the fact that our love was already established being the only thing that helped us through. If we didn’t already have the love… would we have made it?
“What happened? When it all came crashing back?”
“She shouted, I shouted, she left.”
Normal service resumed then. I sighed a little, I still didn’t know what to say. “Did you tell her?”
Her brows knitted in confusion, “Tell her?”
“About Spike..?”
“No!… God no.” I could see all the same disgust she was aiming back at herself, her head shaking as if she could deny to herself the truth of what had been going on. “I can’t… she wouldn’t…”
“You don’t know that Buffy, maybe she would…”
“No. I can’t tell her… she doesn’t need to know…”
It was my turn to shake my head now, that was wrong. “If you’re gonna be kissing her I think she needs to know… or you need to stop…”
“I’m not kissing her again… it was a moment… a mistake.”
“Are you sure about that Buffy, even with the feelings..?” I couldn’t believe that she meant it, that she couldn’t accept it.
“I’m not sure about anything, but I do know that this is still Faith…” She stifled another laugh lacking in gaiety. “…the only feelings we ever did well with were hate, a whole lot of anger… and a pretty firm overdose of pain. I can’t go there Tara, I just can’t.”
“And Spike?”
“I know… I can’t go there either.” She looked disgusted again and I believed that she wanted to stop. “I’m trying to stay away… it’s hard. I feel so sick being with him, letting him touch me… but it’s something. It isn’t nothing.”
“Feeling Faith isn’t nothing.”
Her eyes flicked back towards the closet again. Her expression hard to read. “It isn’t nothing, I get that Tara… but maybe it’s too much. Too much all at once…”
“Would it hurt to try? To consider it, give it a chance?”
“Maybe… I think it probably would…”
Her gaze went far away, possibly to memories, times I couldn’t share. I remembered back to the Bronze, about her worries of Faith hurting someone. It made more sense now. All along she had been worried that Faith would get too close to HER. I think it terrifies her. And perhaps she’s been worried even as long as Faith has been wanting. Since the beginning. It was herself that she thought Faith could hurt the most. No one else.
It makes me think of words like love. It can be a terrifying word.
It isn’t hate. That’s the most obvious thing about the whole situation. They may have buried the truth for years under the guise of hate… but you only have to see them together to know it’s not all. It’s not anything.
I didn’t think I could offer her anymore with words. All I wanted to say was dust Spike and love Faith. I wasn’t sure she was in the right place to hear those words though. I understood the tiredness in her eyes now, her head must be such a messed up place, a jumble of everything. No sense.
I brought my hand up to her head and tried to soothe some away. She laughed a little and raised her eyebrows. “How comes you’re always the one picking up my pieces lately?”
“Everyone needs someone there Buffy, maybe this time I’m just that someone?”
“Well thank you… I know I’m not doing a great job at the moment…” I smiled my sweetest. “…okay, I’m doing a really crappy job. But I’m getting there I think… maybe just a little, a really tiny little… and you’ve helped. A lot.”
I knew she didn’t show this side often. This soft side. No hard edges. Just Buffy. It was a shame… it was a pretty special side to her. “Don’t even mention it, it’s what friends are for.”
I thought about all the times she had saved me. Physically. If I could repay her in this way then it felt good. I tried to cover the little yawn that fought to escape my lips. It had her laughing again. “Why don’t you go get some sleep? I can hold the fort down here… there’s no point in all of us not sleeping.”
It was a tempting offer to go back to bed. Back to Willow. Back to those smiling lips. “Are you sure it’s ok? I don’t mind sitting with you, if you wanted to talk more?”
“Nope, all talked out. You get back to bed, I don’t want Wills beating on me for keeping her girl up all night.”
She wiggled those cute little eyebrows and I felt assured that she was okay to leave. It did feel like she was getting a bit better. A bit more positive, and if it was only a really tiny little bit? Well that was okay too. Small steps. Better then no steps.
I rose from the table and remembered the closet. “What about Faith? She’s gonna be pretty cranky if she sleeps in there all night… do you even know the stuff we store in there?”
“Skis, uh… old stuff. Couple of weapons..?”
“Why don’t you knock? Ask her to come out.”
“Why don’t you?”
I tried already. A few times. I can imagine it’s a closet full of confusion for her, kissing Buffy will have her all shell shocked, wondering what happens next…
“I tried already Buffy, and you know, maybe it is you that should be knocking… maybe you need to sort some things out with her?”
“Lots of reasons for not knocking!”
I didn’t laugh. I wasn’t joking. I remembered the harsh words exchanged earlier. Talk of pandering to Buffy. We had been a little and it was time it stopped. She was big enough to start taking more responsibility for her own actions. The problems that she had caused.
“Just think about it Buffy. You may not want to feel, but Faith can’t help but feel. Don’t leave her sitting in the closet all night… please?”
I watched as her head shot up suddenly, her eyes widened, senses alert. I heard the crash moments later, felt the glass as it flew from the windows striking my face. I think I screamed, I heard a scream. Whatever it was, it was huge. It’s skin the colour of molten lava, it’s mouth nothing but teeth, it eyes looking like the pits of hell. It bore straight down on us, crashing things out of the way to get to what it wanted.
Buffy stood firm in front of me, her own face scratched by the glass, but nothing enough to stop her from facing this beast. The threat. She ushered me behind her… grabbed a kitchen knife from the side.
“Hey! This is my party, and I don’t think you were invited.” Her smirk sat on her face and sounded in her words. This was her arena, her battle to win. “Now are you gonna leave quietly or do I have to slice and dice you?”
It didn’t even hesitate. It swatted her aside as if she was nothing. As if she wasn’t a slayer. She flew threw the air coming to rest in the hall, I noticed just before it got to me. Just before I felt it’s fist of concrete smashing into the side of my skull.
I remember the darkness coming. Could feel the fear.
The last thing I remember though, the thing before it all went away… that was Buffy. Knocking on the door to the closet. Calling out Faith.
It gave me hope.
Chapter 13
POV Faith
One minute I was contorted in the strangest position, finding sleep amongst the junk, the next it sounded like all hell had just broken loose. I thought I was dreaming… my dreams often come with the nasty stuff, this wouldn’t be any different. But then the banging on the door brought me round.
I was alert in seconds. I was a slayer.
I could hear B calling me, a call I would always answer. It pulled me from the closet, had me pulling myself to standing, looking to see what the excitement was. And I kinda wish I hadn’t bothered. It was a big fucker. All snarling and growling, flexing it’s arms out as if it had only just gotten them. It’s head twisting from side to side.
It had me feeling fear, not much could do that. Not often. I looked at Buffy, back at the closet. “B… you wanna go get snuggly? There’s room in the closet for two…”
Well there wasn’t really room for one, but damn, that thing was big. Hiding could work.
“Appealing Faith, but no…” I saw her raise her hand, point back across the room. Saw the body laying there. “…we’ve gotta get Tara.”
My stomach dropped. I felt sick. Not Tara. I showed the fucking beast thing a growl of my own, let my primal instincts come to the fore. This creature had dared to hurt my friend? It was gonna know pain.
I launched myself at it whilst it was still doing it’s messed up stretching, figured on catching it unawares, a surprise attack. My leg connected and it felt like it broke in a thousand fucking places. Pure pain was flying through me, I was rolling back across the floor. I could see B approaching it, more warily then me… sizing it up, trying to get a sight of an opening.
I pulled myself to my knees, tested my weight on my leg as I tried to stand. Felt it buckle, tried harder. It was like knives digging in all the way up, my knee screaming at me to sit back down. To stand aside. I breathed deep, clenched down my teeth and sought to bear it. To stand at Buffy’s side.
Without direction we fell into step. Her to it’s right side, me edging towards it’s left. “Tell me something B?”
“Not a clue, just appeared… through the window.” We were circling it slowly, sick thing was the fucker looked like he was smiling. Some kind of skin, not really lips, curving upwards around all those teeth. “It went straight for Tara…”
I looked again at her laying there. Behind the beast. It felt like miles away. “You wanna distract it? I’ll get Tara?”
“How about you distract it?”
I guessed it wouldn’t make a difference. We were both in for some hurting. I spied the knife in B’s hand. It looked useful. “B? Toss me the knife?”
She armed me without thinking, the blade slicing through the air and coming to rest in my palm. I dropped down, cringed as my knee bent, tried to swing my leg around to drop the bad thing to the floor. Didn’t work.
It just kicked it’s own leg back, landed one right between my ribs, slap bang to the heart. I felt the air rush from my lungs, the tightness across my chest. I rolled onto my stomach, thought again about rising.
Buffy was trying to go round it. I knew I had to distract it some more. Buy her some time. “Hey you ugly fucker, that the best ya got?”
Don’t ya just know that it wasn’t.? It crashed towards me, it’s fist closing around my arm, dragging me up, making me scream. I felt the shoulder pop, let my weight go dead. Aimed my good leg straight at the demon’s crown jewels. It was instinct. It worked.
He dropped me down, howled some pain of his own. “Hey B… we got ourselves a boy beasty…soft in all the right places.” But she wasn’t smiling. She was sliding her arm under Tara’s head, trying to prise her up. Softly speaking words I couldn’t hear. She wasn’t looking for an attack, had lost herself in the moment. I saw it coming, saw as the thing turned from me towards them, straightened itself back out, howled something other then pain. I shouted her. A second too late.
It backhanded her across the face, sent her flying across the room.
It was just it and Tara now. It’s head to the side considering her. I wanted up again. Didn’t know if I could again. The commotion behind me stopped my thoughts, gave me new thoughts.
It was the gang… all of them. Armed and ready to go. Where they always were. I watched as they took in the scene, knew that they couldn’t be here. I couldn’t protect them.
Willow’s scream as she noticed Tara laying at the feet of the beast ripped right through me. It hurt so bad. So fucking raw. I saw her start to move. MADE myself get up.
“Back off Red, it’s too strong…”
“No!”
Her voice froze everything. The room chilling. It made me step back, made me let her pass. There was power there. I could taste it. I guess the beast could too cos it turned straight for her. Started making a real fucked up noise, like purring or something. It’s face twisting again into that grimacing smile.
I could see Willow’s eyes darkening, like a film of evil had slipped over them. “Get out! Now!”
I wanted out. I was fucking scared. Not ashamed to say it. I never would of guessed… not Red. She was raising her hand towards the demon, energy crackling at the ends of her fingers… but it wasn’t backing down. It looked as if it was savouring the moment. Soaking up whatever Willow was giving off. Feeding on it.
Dawn was behind me, knelt besides Buffy. I could hear her starting to sob, her words as they slipped past her lips. “No Willow… no…”
She was right. I had to do something. Anything. This was bad, I just knew it. In my head I was already saying sorry, apologising for the pain. It had to be done though. I hoped she’d understand.
I drew back my good arm, tightened the muscles, closed my fist. Silently prayed that she wouldn’t see it coming. I didn’t fancy my chances if she did. I connected hard. Knocked her out before she had a chance to gasp the surprise that sat on her face.
The beast’s smile had dropped. It was growling again, closing in on me. I felt someone at my side, knew without needing to look that Buffy had pulled herself back to her feet. “You ready for this B?”
“I want the closet.”
It made me laugh. Now she tells me! “I’ll make you a deal, we finish this fucker off and you can have all the closet space you want?”
“I finish this… ‘fucker’ off Faith and I want a whole lot more then closet space…”
I didn’t have time to think on it. To banter the possibilities with her. The thing was stomping still closer, both of us in it’s sights. “Your turn to distract it B… I’M gonna finish it off.”
Wishful thinking maybe, but I had to go with something. She shouted for attention, drew it’s eyes to her. Smashed her fist hard across it’s face, followed up fast with another. It had to hurt. Didn’t stop her. Again she hit it, cursing it all the time, bemoaning another birthday ruined. I took my chance. Slid in under it, took a split second to put every single ounce of power I’d ever owned into the force of my kick. Slammed my foot back into it’s groin, felt the squish, my knee buckling. I don’t know who screamed loudest. I KNOW I screamed the longest.
It fell to it’s knees, it’s clawed hands going to the area I’d so hopefully damaged. I even think the thing had tears in it’s glazed black eyes. Perfect.
I watched it gingerly get to it’s knees. Knew I wouldn’t be able to do the same. He slid his arms under Tara, lifted her up, across his shoulder. Buffy went for him. A last attempt. A pointless one. He swatted her back like a fly. Less then a fly. Turned to the door.
If it didn’t hurt so much I’d have laughed my fucking head off. The dumb fucker was trapped. Same as all of us.
Realization brought with it more howling, growling. Telegraphing more pain. It didn’t come for us though… it threw it’s head back. Let out a sound almost human. Summoning someone. Something.
And she appeared straight before us. Just like that. Kinda freaky. Her eyes fixed on the thing… awaiting direction. “Out!”
That definitely sounded human! It roared it, like it was ordering it. Made me figure that we knew the reason for being here. The chick. Maybe she was a witch. Maybe she could get us all out of here.
Whatever she was, she shrank back from the demon, her voice coming shaky. “I can’t let you take her…”
He screeched his disapproval. She shrank back further. I so wanted a piece of the action. The knife was sitting next to me on the floor. Where I dropped it before. I slid my fingers around it, prayed my aim was still good. I let the instinct flow through me, let my eyes lock on, my grasp release. It hit straight and true, score one for the slayer!
It pierced it’s chest, where I guessed a heart should be. I waited for it to fall. To die. Gasped my shock as it vanished before us. Made me wonder what it was with me and vanishing monsters? Maybe a new superpower. That would be cool.
Tara thumping to the floor wasn’t so cool.
The gang were there in seconds. Cordy tending to her, talking words to bring her round. Dawn had gone again to B. Xander and Anya fussing at Willow. It gave me a moment alone. A second to regroup. My eyes were resting on the woman. Hers on me.
I went to speak. To ask a question. Anya beat me to it. “Hallie? Is that you? What the..?”
“Anyanka? Great to see you!”
The cheerfulness was all wrong. It didn’t belong here. I heard Dawn speaking up, bemusement obvious in her voice. “My counsellor? Counsellors are evil now..? I guessed teachers but…”
“Everyone‘s evil dear, that‘s the beauty of humanity.” She smiled a little as she spoke. “And I’m not really a counsellor.”
Well that was the obvious. I finally found my voice. It sounded rough. Croaky. “What are you? Who are you?”
Anya answered for her. “An old friend of mine… from the demon days.” She cast a wary gaze at her. “But I don’t know why she’s here.” She spread her arms out in question. “Hallie? What’s going on… where’s D’hoffryn?”
“Gone Anyanka… everything’s changing. Something is coming.”
“What something?” That was Buffy. Her voice firm. Commanding.
“I can’t say…”
“Hal?” I watched the demon’s eyes go back to Anya, her head shaking.
“You know I can’t… demon code of honour…”
“Oh screw that! Demons have no honour… we both know that!”
The force of her words pushed the Hal thing back, made the truth shine in her eyes. Made Anya soften her tone. “You’re scared… aren’t you? Whatever it is… you’re scared?”
“And so should you be.”
The weight of them words sounded so heavy. Silence following them. I could feel it in the room. All around me again. The darkness. The evil.
“Not just evil.”
Huh? The demon thing had turned and was talking straight at me. Like she could read my thoughts. Feel my thoughts. She walked towards me, eyes set on me. “There’s not just evil, there’s pain. So much pain… all of you.”
She sounded almost sympathetic, but her face was smiling. It was odd. Weird.
I turned my head to Buffy. I don’t know what for, what I expected from her, I was just drawn there. Maybe it was the thought of so much pain.
The demons touch shocked me back. Lifting my head. My position on the floor meaning I had to strain my neck to meet her eyes. She started speaking again. Words at me again. “I feel ‘your’ pain… I hear your silent wishes…”
Silent wishes? She had me stumped. I wished for lots of things. Don’t think I ever got any. She carried on speaking. Voice sure and steady. “…you won’t need me to grant your wish, you will know… soon enough. You’ll know all of them.”
All of what? I turned my head from her, broke her gaze. It was freaking me out. Like I could feel her crawling around inside of me. Scratching at my secrets. All of them.
And then I remembered. My almost wish. My silent wish.
‘I just wish that I knew her secrets… all of them.’
I remembered the way that it felt like something in the room had been calling at me to speak. To put voice to it. At least now I knew what. Who. Not so sure on the why. Not so sure that the twisted smile that’s resting on her lips bodes well for the secrets that it seems I’m gonna end up knowing.
She stepped back from me. Turned to Anya. “I have to go… troubles brewing. But it has been good to see you Anyanka. Vengeance isn’t the same without you…”
She looked straight at Dawn. Uttered some words about undoing wishes. Clicked her fingers, struck a pose, and vanished. Gone the same way she came.
No one spoke for a minute. Shock I guess. I looked around, took in everyone’s appearance. “One hell of a party, huh B?”
“Best ever.”
I tried to get up. My good arm pushing against the floor, my good leg trying to hop. Didn’t work so well. I had to wait for Dawn to come help me. Lift me up a little.
They put the witches on the couches. Willow coming round first, blood flowing from her nose as soon as she sat up. Tara was slower, but then I know the force that she got hit with. It hurts. At least everyone was ok. For that moment it was all that mattered.
I found a space to let myself rest, sinking back into the sofa as if the softness could ease some of the pain. It couldn’t. Parts of my body felt like they were on fire, not the nice kind of fire. I let Cordy come fuss on me, let her hands work their magic on my cuts, the witches soothing balm helping as soon as she rubbed it to my skin. When we lifted my pant leg to get a look at my knee I wanted to cry. At least the pain made sense. It was twice the size, purple and nasty, definitely gonna be sore for a couple of days.
She finished me up and I let her move on. Tending Willow. The blackness gone from her eyes now, but resting instead on her cheek. I’d caught her good. Bruised her up. I let my voice work, offered an apology. “Red, I’m sorry bout the punch…”
Her eyes stopped me. She looked ashamed, hurt, a whole lot of things I couldn’t put my finger on. “It’s ok Faith, I…” Her gaze flicked from me across to Tara. “…I needed it.”
I saw the look that they shared. Willow’s begging to apologise herself, Tara’s just begging to understand. I understood. That thing was after Tara… whatever it was it had come for her. Wanted her. Red saw that too, understood that. Instinct took over, she was just doing what she could. And yeah I get that. I’d do the same.
I took my look from them and offered them some privacy. Searched out the others instead. Xander was already clearing up debris, salvaging the fixable, like he’s been here a thousand times already. Probably has. Dawn’s doing her best to clean up the cuts on Buffy’s face, making a hash of it. She looks shaken up, scared. I wonder what she fears the most. The beast, or the look we saw in Willow’s eyes. It’s a close call.
I gingerly pulled myself up, went to shuffle across the room to the sisters. Holding my face tense to hide the soreness I was feeling. I didn’t think I’d ever be doing another Buffy birthday bash, it was all too fucked up. All sorts of painful.
I slid down next to them, stilled Dawn’s shaking hands with my own and took the cloth from her. “Hey kiddo, you sit this one out, I’ll patch up B ok?”
“I can do it, I’ve done it before.” Said so simply. As if the most normal thing in the world is patching up your battered sister. For her I guess it is.
“I know you can do it, I’m just telling you I’ll do it this time. Now scoot.” She picked herself up and made way for me. I turned my eyes to B, smiled a little. I wanted to drag her into the closet. To crush my lips to hers with the passion I’d held back earlier, let the lust which swirled through my body, swirl over hers. I didn’t though. I dipped the fingers on the arm which wasn’t busted into the balm of the witches. Brought them softly up to her face. “This might hurt a little B.”
Her eyes locked into mine. Looked into me. “I know. It’s ok.”
I touched her gently, not wanting to hurt her more then I had to. Sliding the tips of my fingers against all of her grazes. Up to her forehead. Down to her chin. I could see where her top was ripped at the shoulder, motioned at her to move it. Show me the damage.
I hissed for her when she moved it aside, the material no longer hiding the gash which sliced across her skin. I wiped the rest of the balm on my pants, picked up the cloth instead. So slowly I dabbed at her, wiping away blood, following the line of the cut across the arch of her shoulder. I worked in silence. Not focusing on feelings. Just the practical. The bits I could deal with.
I collected more of the cream onto my hand, brought it up to her shoulder, froze as I heard her intake of breath, before I touched her, in anticipation of my touching her. Her gaze grabbed mine again, a contradiction to all of her words. It looked like she wanted me in, like she could do this.
If my other arm hadn’t sat frozen at my side, awaiting attention, then I would’ve slid it behind her head, brought her face back to mine. Pressed my biggest wish to her lips in the shape of a kiss. But it was frozen. And my other hand was covered in balm. So I didn’t offer her wishes, I carried on with my touch. Fingers fizzing as they traced this new piece of skin. Slow gentle circles. The base of her neck.
I let them rest there a minute. Job done but just a second for me. A second’s extra touch. I heard her exhale as I finally moved and it sounded like a sigh.
“All done B. Good as new.” I lightened my tone, smiled something other then want. Watched her smile back. Listened to her voice.
“What about you? Are you ok?”
Not really. A long way off. “Not bad, shoulders aching like a bitch… I need to pop it back…”
“You want me to help?” Of course I did. I couldn’t take it though. Couldn’t keep touching her right now.
“It’s ok, I got it… Cordy’s the expert these days.”
I looked across at her, still busy with the witches. Hushed voice talking to Tara, working slowly at the cuts across her face. I could wait. It was cool.
“Let me do it Faith, let me help you?” Oh that was a classic. The girl who refused my help on a near daily basis? I pushed myself up from the sofa, as quick as my knee would allow, rushed from the tone of her voice which would only make me marshmallow soft again.
“I said it’s ok. I got it.” Yeah. She wasn’t the only one who had walls.
I stumbled and tripped my way to the kitchen. Turned on the tap and blessed my skin with cool water. I ran my good arm through my hair. Wondered if it was ok to be the first one to leave. Technically I’d been the first one to want to leave earlier… it seemed right I’d be there again. Running away. On a busted knee.
I laughed a little out loud. Sounding sorry for myself.
“You ok?”
I turned to Xander. Saw his eyes taking in my busted form. “A little shitty, hurt in all the wrong places.”
“You did good… with Willow, and the thing… you did really good.”
I don’t know what it was. It was everything. But I could feel the tears wanting to come. My eyes as they starting blinking fast to hold it all back. My throat constricting, tasting the pain. “Thanks Xander, that means a lot.”
And they did come. Just little ones. Quiet ones. Again it was the good arm’s job to take care of me. Wiping at the things I didn’t want him to see.
He didn’t look uncomfortable. He looked comforting. He stepped towards me, pointed out my bad arm. “Your shoulder gone?”
“Don’t ya know it.”
He stepped closer still, lifted my arm and let me use him as a brace. Held me steady as I sought to collapse from the hurting, as I popped back into place. I grunted my displeasure, said fuck a couple of times. Flicked my eyes to him in a minute of déjà vu.
A cheap and dirty motel room. A cheap and dirty whore. I felt it again. Watched me use him again. The fun I’d gotten from popping his cork. I saw him remember too. His face colouring a little, scared like he wanted to run. I wanted to run too. Away from the truth of all the bad shit I’d done.
Instead I tried harder. Spoke louder. “I’m sorry… you do know that yeah? I’m so sorry.”
He put those big man sized arms around me in a hug. Made me flinch a little in the sore shoulder. “It’s ok Faith, it’s past.”
I rested there for just a second. Eased myself back. Used both hands to hide the evidence of the leaky eyes. I saw him smile at me. The same boyish smile. “Just say you got dust in your eyes… it’s what I do.”
It made me laugh. I could imagine that happening. “Thanks man. I owe you one.”
“No worries… can’t have the gang knowing you’re not just a bad ass can we?”
I watched him go to the fridge and snag a couple of soda’s. Caught the one he tossed to me. “Come on, we’re gonna sit and cram… Buffy mentioned the word research, I know you don’t wanna miss the fun…”
Me at a Scooby meet? That’s something I didn’t figure on happening again. “Right, uh… count me in?”
“We already did.”
I followed him back. Wiggled my eyebrows at Anya’s inquisitive gaze. I bet she was fucking scary as a wreaker of vengeance. Looking for scorn in all the wrong places. I slid back down on the sofa, awaited direction.
Everyone had theories, no one had an answer. Not a clue.
Dawn was recriminated for making wishes to strangers. I wanted to comfort her, tell her it was ok. I nearly made a wish too. I knew how easy it was to want something that bad. Her words of explanation made it easier. She didn’t want people to keep leaving her. No one could scold her for something so innocent.
I’d watched Buffy take her in arms filled with love. Letting it show. “I won’t leave you again Dawn, I promise.” Saw the kid smile at the words, a real smile. Found one of my own. It was a moment she had been waiting on. We’d all been waiting on.
It softened a little of the fear in the room. Perhaps gave us all a little hope.
Anya spoke about the demon Halfrek. Spoke her confusion at knowing D’hoffryn wasn’t the big man on campus no more. Wish demons had always answered to him. She had never heard of different.
She offered to ask around. Speak to any friends she had managed to salvage from the olden glory days. Someone had to know what we were dealing with. What was coming.
Willow didn’t say much of anything. I kept a little eye on her. Worried about her. She kept dabbing the tissue up to her nose, nothing seeming to stem the small but steady trickle of blood that still crept from there. I wondered at how much the magic took out of her. At the badness of the stuff inside of her.
We were still discussing, talking nonsense when Tara eventually stood. “Guys I’m beat. If it’s okay I’m gonna stay here again tonight?”
“Of course it’s ok, I wouldn’t have it any other way.” Buffy’s voice was protective, she was worried like me. Understood also that whatever had come had come for Tara.
The witch put her hand down to Red. I think everyone held their breath, waiting to see what would happen. If she would punish her for falling back to magic. “Willow? Are you coming?”
Her eyes teared immediately, her voice quiet and unsure. “Are you sure baby?” And it sounded like a plea.
“Of course I’m sure. You need someone to watch over you… to make sure you’re ok.”
She helped her up gently. The walking wounded. I caught her look as she went to leave, offered her a smile. She offered me more. “Thank you Faith, for saving her.”
Crazy right? There was me thinking it was Tara I had saved with my fancy knife throwing… and all anyone was doing was thanking me for punching out Red. I wanted to laugh at that. It wasn’t the time. I wasn’t so used to getting this gratitude. The sentiments. I mumbled out something accepting, put the dam back in place to stop myself becoming the wuss of the century.
They were all looking at me. Centre of attention. And I could feel the cracks. Eyes stinging again. I looked to Xander, caught his smile, his little nod. “Fuck me, it’s dusty as shit in here.” I wiped at my eyes, drew in a deep breath.
“Certainly is slay girl.” He wanted to laugh. Little shit.
I watched him and Anya collecting up their things, setting off for home. To fulfil her part of the research. I hoped they could find something. I was getting a real nasty feeling about all of this. Something in my gut. A churning. An early warning system.
It left just the four of us. Not really sure where to rest our eyes. What to say.
“Buffy?” Cordy’s voice echoed in the silence. Made us all look up. “About earlier… it was harsh, take no notice of me.”
“You mean that? I can ignore you?”
“Call it a birthday present.” It was as close as they were getting to close. That was cool. I couldn’t imagine those two ever feeling the need to braid each others hair. A bit of me couldn’t wait to find out what had been said. I’d caught raised voices from the closet, not words though. Not meaning. If it had come from Cordy it was probably cutting. The girl has a blade for a tongue.
Beautiful eyes though. She rested them on me. “I’m gonna take Dawn up to bed. Give me twenty and we’ll make a move yeah?”
“Cool. Take ya time.”
I bade Dawn farewell. Assured her that yes, I’d be back soon. Watched them go up the stairs. It left just the two of us. And you know that I didn’t have the words.
She has beautiful eyes too, and she also sought to rest them on me. “So how does it feel Faith?”
Was that a loaded question or what? I showed her confused. “How does what feel?”
“Being the hero, saving the day.”
Oh. That. “Not so heroic, I clocked Red…”
“You saved her. We all know it.” She shook her head sadly, offered me some background. “It’s why she had to stop, she got a taste for the bad stuff… let it take over…”
“I know how that one goes.” I remembered it real well. She just nodded, accepted the truth.
“If she starts again… if she lets the darkness back in? I don’t know if we’ll be able to save her, to pull her back. It’s scary.”
I didn’t know what to say. If it would be okay. “What about Giles? Shouldn’t he be here?” I had thought he would be by now. Had expected him to rush back at the first sign of trouble. At least when Dawn had done what she had.
“You’d think so right? But no… apparently not.” She slumped her shoulders, winced. Lifted her hand up to the damaged one. “I’ll call him tomorrow. It’s gotta be worth a shot. We don’t have much else to go with.”
We both let the silence come back again. I knew where my thoughts were, I guessed hers were at the same. “Look B? Buffy..?” She looked. “About last night..?”
Her eyes went all panicky. I hated that I scared her. She started to babble, words tripping to fall from her mouth. “Last night? Right… it’s ok, it’s… cool? I’ve forgotten it already… it was a moment, a…”
“A mistake?” I took the words from her mouth. I wanted to be the one to say it. It was MY mistake. I shouldn’t have kissed her.
“Right. It was nothing, it didn’t mean anything.” Her words had lost their speed, their animation. So had I.
I couldn’t lose myself to this feeling right now. I would wait till I had privacy to lose myself. I forced jovial into my tone. “I guess you wanna take a rain check on the closet then huh?” I wiggled my brows at her, made her blush.
“A rain check. Right.”
I raised myself up, looked to get my knee moving a bit. It was sore as hell. I needed a drink. I watched as she got herself up too. Both of us now standing like idiots, nowhere to go. Nothing to say. I prayed for Cordy to hurry, to save me from the awkwardness of this moment. “You think she’s okay up there?” It was something to say.
“I’m sure they’re fine.”
Didn’t kick start conversation. “So… when ya working again?” From bad to worse?
“Huh? Tomorrow. Double shift. I can take the patrol if you want, on the way home? Give you time to rest up the leg?”
“What about the shoulder?”
“Nothing more then a graze, you should know that.” It was a lot more then a graze, but I knew what she meant. We didn’t get the opportunity to hurt. To get better. There was always something else to do. To worry about.
“How about I patrol with you? That way I can use my arms, you can use your legs… we’ll be an almost working model.”
It was nice to catch her smile. Her humour. “Patrolling together? Me and you?”
A wacky plan I know. “Why not B? It’s been a while.”
She looked at me strangely, giving me not a clue as to what she was thinking. “I finish at 11, if you’re there we’ll patrol together.”
I knew I would be there.
My attention was stolen by the sound of Cordy coming down the stairs. Finally. “Dawn’s pretty beat, pretty freaked too… you might wanna look in on her. I think she’d like it.”
Buffy nodded. Accepted advice. “No problem. Thanks Cordy.”
“I’ll be out in the car Faith, make it quick.”
Make what quick? She said her goodbye and left, pulled the door shut behind her. “Right, so tomorrow then. Patrol?”
“It’s a date.” My eyebrows shot up. Hers did too. I guess she spoke before thinking. She flushed a pretty colour, cheeks flaming red.
“Cool it B, I won’t be bringing flowers, don’t worry.” I offered a little wink. Released the tension. I opened the door up again. A little of me wanting to stand there and do it a few times over. I Never knew that opening doors could hold such fascination as it did right then.
“I’ll see you tomorrow then. Thanks for coming.”
“It was a blast… thanks for the invite.”
I didn’t add the ‘please don’t EVER invite me to one of your damned cursed birthdays EVER again’. I didn’t think it would sound too grateful.
I dragged my aching carcass off of the porch and made my way to the car. Slipped in besides Cordy, implored her to take me home. I didn’t look back as we were leaving, I didn’t wanna see if she was watching me go. Both answers would confuse me. The yes or the no.
I snoozed off in the car, got shook awake. Made my way into the apartment and crashed out again. I was fucking exhausted. Physically, mentally. Emotionally. Exhausted.
There was so much to feel, to dissect. To break down and consider. But not yet. Not now. Now was just for sleeping.
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