Buffy's Pov

I remember times when waking up was a pleasure. Every day a new adventure... new things to discover, new experiences to be had. I remember when sunlight meant more to me then the absence of night. More then just a reminder that the world was still turning.

Lying here now, with the mornings first rays pulling me from slumber... now it's all I can do to not fall apart, longing for days lost, innocence past.

My dream freaked me. And that's putting it on a very mild scale. I don't know how I'm gonna explain it to Giles... I've spent each second since I awoke trying to forget it.

I saw what was coming. The full extent of what we were facing. And I'm terrified.

How can I ever even begin to hope that I can lead these girls against what I saw?

It's not bad enough that I have to live this life... I have to dream about it too.

I think it's fair to say... that my life...? My life officially sucks.

The only good point about having disturbing prophetic dreams about the evil army of The First, is that it keeps away evil disturbing thoughts about Faith.

I can still feel her lips against mine, and I want to hate her for it. That she would manipulate me... all for the sake of a stupid contest... it makes me sick.

The way she looked at me. The words she said to me. Her body against my body. Her lips against my lips.

I want to hate her for it.

But more then that...? More then that, I want it again. I want her pressed tight against me, I want her pressed tight inside of me. My body is aching for her... and it's all for nothing.

I should've kicked her ass for the way she kissed me. Taking what wasn't hers, stealing what was mine to give. But just for a moment, I thought she meant it.

But now I'm lost. How do I even look at her?

Because she knows... she knows how much I want her now. And I am humiliated.

When she went to Kennedy last night, I felt my heart breaking. When I heard the moans coming from the room... I didn't even feel my heart.

I want to be angry at her for being so callous, but then I remind myself... she isn't being anything... she's just being `Faith'.

So what do I do? What do I say? Where do I look?

Faith chooses to live without love... I can't believe I doubted her. Maybe she was the one that had it right all along.

Take pleasure wherever it is offered... and to hell with the feeling. It would be a step up from what I'm feeling now.

The big problem here though, is that I am not Faith. And I don't think I can be Faith.

I want love. Preferably I want it all wrapped up in a Faith sized bundle... but if that's not an option? So be it.

I still want love though.

Faith said that she would give up the highs, to escape the lows, but that's just not me. The lows are all about learning to appreciate the highs. I know that. Everything has to have balance. An opposite. An equalizer. Two halves of the same whole.

I had begun to think that Faith was my balance... that we would have a great fiery romance that would put even the greatest of lovers to shame. But how can you have romance with a girl that refuses to love?

So I will get over it.

I will listen to her fucking Kennedy at night and it won't matter. It wont tear at my soul and rip out my heart. I will watch her as she goes about her daily life, training, slaying, eating... I'll watch her and I won't want to touch her. I won't want to bring her lips down upon mine every time she slips a smile my way. I will feel her, the way I always have done... our connection as slayers keeping us bound together... and whilst I feel her, I won't think about the fact that this is the closest I'll ever come to having her inside of me... to being with her.

I am tempted to add that maybe pigs will fly... but I'm trying really hard to believe in this façade I've just created.

It's with a frustrated growl that I finally pull myself out of bed.

I want Faith. I need Faith... I love Faith.

I want to scream it, I want to scream it so loud and never stop.

But what would be the point in that?

It almost... and I emphasise the `almost'...it almost makes me wanna jump head first into that cavern of screaming `things' I saw in my dream.

Maybe it would hurt less?

I turn on the shower to wash away the unpleasantness of all the night has brought me. I let it wash away the self pity, and the hurt and the humiliation.

The mirror is steamed as I go to brush my teeth. I wipe it and I see myself. I see all that I am, all that I could be. And I make a vow then, a vow to myself.

That person looking back at me, that girl... she is strong. And she will not be beaten. Not by anything and anyone.

And I do start to feel strong again. For a moment I had lost touch, touch with who I am... floating through a sea of self imposed sadness.

But I remember now.

It's time the world got reacquainted with Buffy the Vampire Slayer.

Because I am back. And now I mean business.

Pov None.

The blonde haired slayer bounded down the stairs and headed for the kitchen, her new lease of life was adding a bounce to her step, and she was feeling fresh, rejuvenated and needing of food. As seemed to be the way of the world, Willow was already in the kitchen, fixing breakfast and coffee for all whom would want it.

"Morning Wills, got any pancakes on the go? My tummy is feeling decidedly hungry!"

The red head smiled at her friend, she was guessing that things had finally been sorted between the two slayers last night, hence Buffy's early morning smiley fest.

"Well someone's certainly perky today... any chance that some late night smooching occurred between my two favourite slayers?"

"Don't wanna go there Will."

"Oh come on Buff... share, that's what friends are for ya know." She was determined to get details, and to make Buffy squirm, too often it was her on the end of any squirming, and she felt it was time for change.

"Nothing to share."

"Nothing?"

"Well unless you count a whole lot of `not talking' and just a smidgen of `oh I'm gonna go sleep in Kennedy's room', then no."

The red head did not know what to say. She was certain that the slayers were gonna get it together... but with all the angst and lack of communication, it just seemed that maybe it wasn't meant to be.

"I'm sorry Buffy."

"Don't be Wills, I'm all grown up, I can handle it. And hey... I'm thinking, end of the world stuff, much more important right now."

"You sure you're ok? Cos if you're not, and you want to talk... well I'm here for ya, always ready to do the talking."

"It's okay. I'm fine. Beyond fine, the finest of the fine. Any finer and I'd be heading for the top of the world."

And the truth was, she did feel fine. Sure she was a little sore in the heart area, but she could handle that. Had she not handled it many times before?

And ok, maybe this time was just a little rawer, after all, to her mind Faith was `meant' to be with her, she felt it. But she was not gonna let that get her down anymore.

Faith didn't want her, maybe she wanted to get horizontal with her, but the way she saw it, Faith pretty much wanted to get in that position with most people. So no. She wouldn't cling to a dream that wasn't gonna come true. She was a slayer... and at the moment, she was sure that the world was gonna be needing a slayer.

Giles and Xander arrived just after eight, bringing with them the potentials that had been residing at Buffy's house, and some heavy duty power tools to patch up all the broken bits. Coffee was drunk, and the Scooby meeting was called to order.

"Uh Buffy... would it not be prudent to wait for Faith?"

"Why? She knows what time the meeting is set for, if she can't drag herself away from Kennedy, I don't see how it's any business of ours."

A look was passed between the scoobs and Giles, sure Willow knew what was going on, but the others were just a little bit out of the loop, and mightily confused at what seemed to be hostility towards the dark slayer.

"Ok, so I'm thinking, maybe Faith is in the bad books this morning... but Buff, don't we need her here?"

"I don't `need' her anywhere, if you're so keen, I suggest you call her Xander."

He looked at the others for some kind of sign as to what he should do, but luckily for him, he was saved by Faith choosing that moment to descend the stairs.

"Ah Faith... just the girl we were talking about, uh... you sleep well?"

"Fine thanks Xan." She looked at him slightly confused.

"Is there any reason you're asking after my sleeping habits... cos I can keep a sleep journal if you're interested?"

"I don't think that will be necessary Faith, maybe if you just try to keep an alarm clock handy for now, all will be well."

"Sorry G... ya know how it is, group pow-wows... normally I'd be the first one here..."

"Yes very well, you're here now, so shall we begin?"

Buffy took that as her cue to commence.

She filled in the group on her dreams of the night before. She explained the nature of the beasts that she saw, also the sheer number of them. She explained the cavern that they were in, and the feeling that it was close to the hell mouth. She explained how they all turned as one to look at her. She explained how she thought that `this' was a big one. Another end of the world, demons spewing forth, apocalypse.

She didn't explain to any of them the pure terror that had filled her senses in the dream. The overwhelming feeling of doom.

Nope, she kept her happy thoughts all to herself. She was the slayer, and those happy thoughts were just for her.

"Ok Buff... now when you say `thousands', do you mean that in the literal sense, or are ya just trying to get extra `freaky dream' points?"

"Believe me Xander... when I said `thousands' I was being conservative."

"Well how many was there then Buffy? Cos ya know... it's important to be aware of what we're gonna be facing... and thousands... well that sounded scary... but if there's more, well I think you should tell us how many."

"I think I'm just gonna go with `lots', that ok Will?."

The red head just looked at her and gulped, she didn't want to have to think of a cavern full of scary monsters, it was bad enough when they had to deal with the odd one or two, but a cavern full... that was just not nice.

"Hey chill Red... anything that's coming, well ya know me and B can more then cope... ain't that right B?"

Faith was unaware of any hostility in the room. She just put the tension down to impending doom. She didn't know that Buffy had heard what she thought was moany groany dirtyness last night, and she certainly didn't know that Buffy had adopted a `I don't need faith' attitude to deal with it.

"It's ok Willow. `I' can certainly `cope' with anything that's coming. Have I ever let ya down before?"

"Nope. Never... so maybe we can just forget the apocalypse thing now right? Seeing as we always beat them anyway."

"Unfortunately Willow, it's not that easy... I would suggest that for now..."

And Giles went on to delegate jobs to each of the scoobies.

Xander was to fix up the damages from last night. The two witches were to finish up the protection spells for the house. And the slayers. They were to carry on with the training of the potentials.

Amongst all of that, there was also research.

They disbanded from their places around the kitchen, and went to pursue the tasks which they had been set.

"So B... you wanna tell me what that was about?"

"What?"

"The little `I' can save the world all on my own attitude you got going for ya..."

"Well I'm used to saving the world on my own Faith... it's what I do."

"And I thought that was the point in me being here... to help you?"

The blonde slayer looked at her counterpart and she could see everything that she wanted, but was not gonna have.

Yes it did hurt a little.

But that was not important. What was important was getting themselves ready for that which was coming.

"You are here to help Faith. That's exactly why you're here. To help with the apocalypse."

"Am I sensing some kind of coldness in the room B?"

"No idea what you're talking about Faith."

Faith was perplexed. She couldn't understand what had happened. She knew she still had to talk to Buffy about yesterday and `the kiss'.

But why was Buffy being so distant? What could have changed so much from last night?

She was sure that their parting words had been Buffy telling her she had been worried about her... so what had happened to change that?

"Look, I'm totally lost here B, ok?"

"Just leave it Faith. We have stuff to do, and I suggest we get to it."

"Just like that?"

"There's no `just like' anything. Apocalypse coming... things to do. Hi ho, hi ho... same old, same old."

"So we're not gonna talk about `this'?"

"I didn't think you did talking Faith." She looked at the dark slayer, and she knew she had to keep her distance. If this new resolve she had found, the one which said she could deal with her broken heart, was gonna hold up, then she had to stay strong. And listening to Faith talk about anything was weakening her, especially listening to Faith talk about `them'.

There was no `them'. She knew that now.

"For fucks sake B... is that what this is... my not wanting to talk last night?"

"I said leave it Faith."

"No! I'm not gonna `leave it`. All the time, we keep having this same shit, and I for one am sick of it... so we're sorting it...Now!"

Buffy just stared at the younger girl, there was so many words unsaid, but she was no longer in the place for talking.

"Well come on then... you wanted to talk, so talk!" Faith was getting pissed, this was beyond ridiculous... some times she just did not understand the older girl at all.

Still there was silence.

"B...?"

Buffy turned to leave the room, she had so much to do to get ready for what was coming.

"Buffy!... this is ridiculous... talk to me god damn it!"

She turned to look at the dark haired girl...

"That's just it Faith... I don't have anything to say."

"Huh?"

"There's nothing left to talk about."

And with that she did leave the room.

Buffy changed into her training clothes and went to round up the potentials. The ones that hadn't been hurt yesterday were going to be put through their paces by the blonde slayer.

There was an apocalypse coming, and these girls, it was their job to help save the world.

Faith didn't know what to do.

She didn't know what to think.`Nothing left to talk about'... now what the fuck did that mean?

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