The two girls made their way to the training mats, limbering up as they went along, stretching their muscles out. Preparing to do battle.
Faith had been completely surprised by Buffy's offer to spar. In the three weeks she had been here, not once had she asked her to train... or slay... or talk... or anything really. She didn't know why now was the time, and quite frankly she couldn't care a less. She had been waiting for this on so many levels, for such a long time.
No one could push Faith like Buffy could... in all the world there was no one as equal to her as the other slayer... and she loved it. She loved the bond... the uniqueness... that no one could share what they could. Buffy reminding her of the Olympic slaying... that had made her decision to spar for her... also the whole `letting go' aspect... but just the memory of what the girls shared. It was powerful.
They circled each other for a while... watching, waiting, feeling... at last able to truly size each other up with out the hiding. Neither of them were disappointed in what they saw.
"Gotta say it B... for a chick that died... you are looking pretty darn good."
"And you certainly don't look to have lost any of your appeal behind bars F."
"You find me appealing...?"
"Mostly appalling... but hey... some things never change..."
"Oh you hurt me B..."
"Not yet... but give me a minute."
They continued circling for a minute more, both looking for the opening... a way to strike the first blow.
"So you gonna try and hit me or ya wanna make sweet talk all night?"
"No need to try Faith..."
And with that the fighting began in earnest. To have been a spectator at this `fight' would have been an honour. The opponents were evenly matched... not only in physical strength... but verbally as well. Each blow struck was followed by a comment... a statement... a quip... in Faith's case, sometimes a curse.
The energy in the room was amazing. The heat. The pressure. The power. It was intoxicating, and each girl was starting to feel the buzz... the forgotten but soon remembered sense of belonging. That `this' was theirs. Only theirs.
Buffy was drowning in the feeling. Nothing had felt this good since... well since ever. She could remember the training sessions of years ago, but she couldn't remember this same intense and crazy feeling. It was like she could feel all her power, everything that made her the slayer, reflected straight back at her in Faith. And god it was wonderful. She didn't pull any of her punches... she didn't need to. Not only could Faith handle the pace... but also not too many punches were landing. Years ago Buffy would have bet on herself in this fight... now Faith was different... and now she wouldn't bet. It seemed that Faith had harnessed her power.
As for the Dark Slayer... she was feeling ecstatic. She hadn't let rip like this since... well since Buffy kicked her ass probably. She was almost amazed at how she was fighting... what she was feeling... it was different... something had changed but she didn't know quite what. She felt in control... she could feel her power... her strength... and she could feel Buffy. The reflection of everything that was her. She opened herself up totally and gave everything she had... she wasn't afraid of getting hurt, or of hurting the other girl... they were each others equal.
They fought for hours... it felt like minutes. Neither of them looked for a clock... the passing of time had no consequence on what was occurring here. It seemed like the universe itself should stand still to observe this duel... to bear witness to what was passing. Two warriors... one light, one dark... these two girls who had fought together, and against each other... who had seen the best and the worst of the other and yet still returned for more... who had retained their connection through coma's, through death... at this time... in this room... they found the peace together that they had never known. It was a revelation.
When it became apparent to both girls that neither of them would gain an upper hand, they ceased to trade blows. Instead they fell to the floor... past exhaustion... and allowed their hearts to find some semblance of a normal beat.
"I'm telling ya B... wow!... that was wicked fun... damn tiring... but oooh yeah... wicked fun."
"Uh huh."
"No... it was like... completely intense... I could feel it... being the slayer... it's ours B... I could really feel it... yours and mine."
"Mmm hmm."
Faith rolled onto her side to face the older slayer.
"You ok B? Am I talking shit here?... cos I gotta tell ya... if you weren't feeling anything there... whoa you missed out."
Buffy turned her head to face Faith's, she didn't have the energy to turn her body yet. She was beat... exhausted.
"No Faith... I get it. The power... yep... but to quote you... `damn tiring.' Understand?"
Laughter erupted from deep inside the younger girl,
"Oh I get it alright B... I tired you out... and I always hoped your stamina was as good as mine... expected it really... cant say I'm not slightly disappointed."
"Oh my stamina's fine... you wanna go for some more...?" She found the energy reserves to roll onto her side now... she was but inches from touching her sister slayer... to making contact... to fulfilling desire. The desire to touch.
"Whoa back up there girl!... don't wanna cause a coronary in your good self... ya need to take it easy... deep breaths..." she leant in closer so her body was just a hairs breadth away from it's wanted destination, her lips so close to the lips of the other,
"...in and out B... in and out." Every part of her was screaming to close the gap... take the leap... kiss the girl. But this wasn't about just kissing the girl... this was about so much more. More then she wanted. So she pulled back, she resisted all her instincts and retreated. Widened the gap. Closed her eyes and shook her gaze from all that was Buffy.
"You want water B?"
"Water...? Uh... yeah sure. Water. Water is good... good for cooling down... not that you're hot... wait... you are hot, I mean... water?... yes."
"Very suave B. Impressive." she lifted herself off of the floor and went to get the water from the fridge, she snagged a couple of chocolate bars too... she had to fix one of her cravings.
"You want chocolate?... I'll share."
"That would be sublime." Buffy decided it would be best to ease at least one hunger.
They sat and talked as the sun came up. They hadn't even realised it had gotten light. They talked about what the other had missed... the differences in prison life and the afterlife. Talk of loss and pain and struggle. Talk of temptation. They became close then. Not close in the way of lovers... it went deeper then that. They had found the friendship that had always seemed to just allude them. They could see comfort in the other... acceptance... hope... all the things they had been silently needing... the most important thing that they had found though was understanding... an understanding that went deeper then anything... that was shared.
Some people would have said that it was love that they had found. It wasn't though... not yet. You have to be ready to accept love... otherwise it is a wasted gift. Neither of these girls was ready to accept that gift though... Buffy was decidedly closest... she could see in the other slayer everything she could want or need... and for that to turn into love would not take much. Faith was different though... yes she could see everything good in Buffy... she could even imagine that to love her would be so easy... but she wouldn't allow it. She wouldn't accept the gift because she didn't want it. She didn't `do' love... she didn't really believe in it. She believed in fuzzy feelings... she wasn't stupid... but real love? True love?... no such illness.
They had been in silence for a few minutes... mentally whupped from all the introspection, when Buffy took their memories back to their furthest point yet.
"You know what you said Faith... on the roof... at Angel's... do you remember...?"
"I would never forget B... I asked how to make it better... why?... You ready to tell me?"
"That's just it Faith... it is better. I stopped caring about any of it so long ago, it seemed so... wrong to want to hate you... to hurt you... I just missed you... and now... all I care about now is that you're here. And with me. And that we have a chance. All I ever wanted was the chance to do it right... the way it should have been..." Faith was gazing at her with the most serene of smiles playing at the corner of her lips... just a glimpse of her dimples beginning to show...
"You being here... this is better. You made it better."
"You've always made me better B..." she noticed the sceptical looks being tossed her way...
"ok. Granted it wasn't always apparent that you made me better... but even at my worst B... coming here... doing this... making it better... that's what kept me going ya know?... and I'm not saying I wouldn't have made it otherwise... I'm a strong girl... a survivor and all... but just so ya know B..." she looked into the other girls eyes, she had to show her she meant it...
"all of it... everything... life the universe... you make all of that better for me. You always have."
She felt that she should be embarrassed, but she wasn't. Yeah she felt naked and vulnerable... open to attack... but she knew that attack wasn't coming, she felt mostly safe. She liked it.
"So this is us all cared and shared huh?... hugged and cried..."
Buffy finished her sentence for her...
"grown and learnt. Yep, I'd say so... not so much with the crying and hugging, but maybe the growing?"
"You're still short B."
"Fuck you Faith."
"That might achieve a lot of things... never heard it's helped in height problems though. I knew I had talent... you heard the tales?"
"I've heard the moans... it's enough, believe me."
"Nah... you should hear the tales... I might have a video somewhere... makes good bedtime viewing... I look good on camera... pretty hot ya know?"
"God do you ever change?"
"Nope. You want me to?"
"Nope."
"Good."
"Good"
"You hungry?"
"Starved."
They helped each other up off of the floor and headed up to the kitchen and the thought of breakfast.
Willow was waiting for the kettle to boil to make the morning tea... she was awake early again... always the first to rise. She was wondering to herself where Faith was. No one was about downstairs... and she wouldn't believe it if she had stayed in Kennedy's room... also she had not heard a Faith fest the night before so she didn't think she had even been in the room with the potential. Buffy had patrol last night... so she didn't think she had to worry that way... no foul play involved. That really only left Faith sleeping elsewhere... again she would be surprised. Faith never stayed out the night... she still had her `get some, get gone' thing working for her and why would she break that? She would make tea and wake Buffy... she wouldn't appreciate the morning wake up call... but hey, if Faith was in danger she would want to know.
Her thoughts were interrupted by the arrival of the two slayers from the basement.
"Wow girls... you're up early... dedication to training huh?"
Buffy looked guiltily at Willow,
"We havent quite made it to bed yet Wills... we were sparring and then..."
"...And then B got lost in the hotness that is me, and kept me up all night satisfying her wicked desires... I'll tell ya Red... this girl... she knows kinky." She shot Buffy her shit eating grin, and awaited the spluttering to begin... she wasn't disappointed.
"Uh... that's a joke right?... cos if it's not... that's ok... and hey if it is... erm... shall I uh... fix some breakfast... cos I'm thinking... slayer energy... you're gonna be pretty hungry right now..."
"That would be great Red... see this B?... this girl knows how to treat her woman!"
"Will, calm down... Faith's being juvenile... we talked all night, we dealt."
Willow beamed at them both...
"you dealt? You mean it's all fixed?... oh god that's even better then the other thing Faith said... I'm so pleased... and do you still want breakfast... cos talking, whoa there's an energy burning sport..."
"Breakfast would be great Will... thank you."
They shared a smile that encompassed the three of them... as everyone else rose it grew to include Tara... Dawn even caught the meaning... and shared the smile too. That evening, Xander came for dinner... Giles aswell... and they shared a dinner that they had until recently believed might not be possible. The original gang. Plus Tara. Plus Faith. Dawn wasn't sure where she plussed, really she would be last... but in their heads she was always there... crazy. Together though they all felt they belonged. Like family.
The potentials arrived back from the movies around ten... the movies had been a treat, so as the scoobs could convene in peace. A welcome break for everyone.
Kennedy hadn't wanted to go. She hadn't really spoken to faith since the night before when she was dismissed in favour of 'sparring', and she wanted to know the lay of the land. She wasn't ready to give up on her Faith fixes just yet... and she'd be damned if Buffy Summers was gonna take that from her. As she looked in around the table she could sense the closeness between everyone there... two stood out though... even more then the lovesick Wicca's... it was The Slayers... the shift in them was palpable... they looked in perfect sync... and the glances... not so furtive anymore. Kennedy found it worthy of vomiting. She wouldn't join in on the love fest... no way. Bed was calling... if Faith was too stupid to join her, well so be it. Something was telling her though... that yeah, Faith and Buffy looked 'closer'... but Faith was still gonna have to get her needs met somewhere... cos there's a great big difference between gazing and fucking... and Faith likes her fucking.
Buffy watched Kennedy leave the room and head for the stairs... she really, really didn't like that girl... and the thought of her and Faith together... well that had just got a hundred times worse.
Before last night it tugged at her heart. Now it ripped at her very soul.
Faith's Pov
I can not believe how happy I am at being back in Sunnyhell. Last time I
left... well let's just say that I didn't think I would be coming back.
I'm more then glad that I did. I have everything I want, right here, right
now. I have the super cool friends, the roof over my head, the hot little
potential, the nightly slaying, and B. Mostly I'm glad about B.
Since we cleared the air the other night, things have been great. We've
been hanging lots... just kicking back and talking... there is so much stuff
I never knew about her... it feels like we're becoming really close friends.
The great thing is that I think she feels it too. She lights up when I come
into the room... and she's always suggesting stuff for us to do together...
later we're slaying together... first time since I got back... she wants
to see `how in tune our slaying is' ... from the way we sparred the other
day I gotta guess we're gonna be making lots of sweet music.
I've never had a really close friend before. It was always about what was
on offer. Sex usually. Sometimes a roof over my head... mostly the sex though.
Didn't bother me any... can't miss what ya never had right? I'd miss it
now though. I cant imagine not having Buffy's friendship. It's funny how
important it's become in such a short time... could be a slayer thing...
we definitely have a connection.
It's hard sometimes not to think about sex with B, she's still the same
little hotty she always was... more so even... to not think about touching
her... holding her... god... tasting her. Well I have to not think about
it. `Cos that stuff... that don't sound like `fucking' to me, and I am not
about to mess this friendship up with unwanted emotions. That way lies pain.
I remember.
I have Kennedy to scratch that itch anyway. That helps keep my head clear
of foolish notions... now if I was celibate... maybe then I'd have to think
about the things I wanna do to B. Not likely though... me and celibate...
never a chance! I wonder if I'm using Ken. She knows the sitch, so I don't
think I am. Either way... I never said that I was an Angel. Sometimes I
take care of the itch with others... Ken knows that too, I think she probably
does the same... although I'm sure it's tough trying to find someone that
can do the things I do. I'm a talented girl after all.
Pov None.
The slaying was going great guns. All the silly little moves they had made
up as teenagers came back to them straight away. The competition to slay
the most vamps. The competition to slay the fastest. Highest kick... fanciest
move... it was all there. Everything that puts the fun into slaying. The
euphoria dancing through their veins was incredible... it was stupid to
say that they shouldn't exist together... surely this feeling showed otherwise?
They made short work of any vamps crazy enough to stick around for a fight...
both trying to impress the other... and also keen to spend time just chilling
together.
"So B...ya wanna go Bronzing... bust some moves on the dance floor...
shake your slayer `booty'?"
"Not tonight... I told Dawn I'd be home... she has school stuff...
god knows why she wants my input... Wills would be a much better choice
I'm thinking."
"I'm betting the squirt just wants `hang time' with big sis... you
are kinda thinly spread just now... probably misses ya." Faith could
imagine just how easy it would be to miss Buffy's company.
"No worries anyhow... I'll find some other booty to bust my moves with."
"What about Kennedy?" She mentally slapped herself as soon as
she said that. She `really' didn't wanna talk about `Faith and Kennedy'...
she wished that there was no `Faith and Kennedy'.
"What about her?..." She made a show of checking her body parts,
"Nope... not seeing any marks of ownership here... must be I'm still
fancy free."
"So what... it's just `sex'... no feelings?... just like that?"
"Just like what B?... sure I have feelings... she's a great kid, good
fun... but past that, you know me... sex is just that... sex."
Buffy shook her head, not understanding.
"But how can you do that... I mean, sex without emotion... I've been
there... and really... not good for the soul..." she thought back to
her times with Spike and visibly shuddered... what had she been thinking?
"...why do you limit yourself to empty sex? wouldn't it be nice to
have someone special... something more?"
"Why mess up a good thing... I mean really B, who says that way is
the right way?... to me sex isn't meant to be about anything deeper then
the depth of a hole."
The older slayer screwed her nose up at the meaning of the comment.
"Beautiful imagery Faith... you're words paint a picture."
"Ya know I'm right B... people may get off on dressing it up as something
romantic... but it's not... it's just human nature. If I'm hungry... I eat...
if I'm thirsty... I drink... tired... I sleep... and well... if I'm horny...
then I fuck. Nothing more... nothing less."
"So you don't believe in love?" It seemed very important for Buffy
to know this, she didn't know quite why she wanted to know how capable of
love the younger girl was, but she did.
"Not a question of not believing... more about not wanting. And we
weren't talking about love... we were talking about sex... there you go
mixing them up again."
"So you do believe in love?"
Faith looked at her quizzically,
"What is your deal with love tonight... I would've thought you would've
sworn off it too after Soulboy and the soldier... I'm telling ya B... much
less complicated."
"But how can ya say that if you've never been in love?" She should
drop it she knew... but some part of her kept pushing.
"Stop assuming about me B. I didn't say I had never been in love...
I said I don't want it now. Don't ever assume I don't know love B..."
Faith was getting worked up, she wanted the subject closed... it felt like
Buffy was pushing for something and she couldn't work out what... it was
pissing her off.
"...I've been consumed by love... felt it take over me... pull me apart...
been on top of the world... and then seen that world end... almost literally
by the way..." she hoped she hadn't said too much.
"...and I've decided it's not for me." She mentally pulled herself
back together, even just the subject of love had been enough to freak her
out.
"Maybe I am missing out on some big heart soaring goodness... but I'm
telling ya... missing the highs... I'll take that any day over living the
lows... been there B... not pretty."
Buffy was stunned... she knew Faith was all about getting some and getting
gone... she didn't realise that the girl was totally shut off from the idea
of love though. Sure she herself had experienced a rocky ride on the old
love train... but to never love again... that thought was scary. She hadn't
missed the reference to the `end of the world' either... she pretty much
knew that Faith had been in love with her before... she hadn't realised
how deep it ran though. She was shocked really. And she still couldn't let
it go...
"So if one day you felt all `lovey dovey' towards someone... you would
just dismiss it... just like that... regardless of anything?"
"For fucks sake B... can you not drop it?... I'm bored with this ok...
just leave it!"
"Cranky much?... I was only asking."
"Well stop."
"Ok then."
That sat in silence... Faith smoking... Buffy thinking.
"I'm gonna head home then..."
"Uh-huh."
"You Bronzing?"
"Yep."
The blonde slayer got up to head home, turning before she walked away.
"Are you pissed at me... cos I was only asking... and if..."
"B. Shut up." She looked up at the departing girl and heaved a
sigh.
"B... wait."
"What?"
A thousand different words ran through her head... all trying to make their
way from her brain to her mouth. She censored most of them... after her
outburst on love... well words like... beautiful and special and touch and
kiss... they didn't seem like words she should be saying... they were there
though, regardless of whether she chose to ignore them or not.
"I'm not pissed... ok?"
"Ok."
"So... are you pissed now?"
Buffy smiled down at her,
"maybe..." she saw the briefest look of upset cross the younger
girls face
"... but not! We are both officially not pissed!"
Faith laughed, rose and headed in the opposite direction of Buffy to get
to the Bronze. She didn't know why she stopped to engage the other girl
one last time... she didn't think to do it... it just happened.
"Hey B?..."
"Now what?"
"... Grrrrr..."
"Kidding... ha ha?"
"What you said..." Buffy looked at her confused, afterall Faith
had said a lot of things.
"Would I just dismiss love... regardless of anything? If I felt...
`lovey dovey'?..." she tried to think about what it was she wanted
to say...
"if I felt `something' would I act on it?... No. I can't do that...
I don't `want' to do that... but would I still feel it?... always... with
everything i am."
"Me too."
They smiled softly at each other and went their separate ways. Neither girl
really knew what had prompted their brief, yet intense, debate on love.
As they walked to their separate destinations though, they were both still
lost in all that was said... both starting to wonder what it was they felt
towards the other girl.
One intensely hopeful... the other intensely scared.
Pov None.
The two girls were reclining on the bed, propped up on their elbows, facing each other... engrossed like only best friends could be in conversations about everything and nothing... touching base... reaffirming closeness. It had been too long since Willow and Buffy had found the time to just chill and catch up. Willow had been worried about Buffy lately aswell. It seemed as though her new found lease of life and matching smile had become less apparent over the last few days and she was determined... as was her duty as best friend... to find out what had dampened the blonde girls enthusiasm. Herself and Tara had noticed how Buffy's smile had grown the more and more time she spent with Faith, so it seemed only natural now to assume that the lack of smiling also had to do with the dark slayer.
"... So tell me Buff... we're playing `anywhere but here', where ya going? What ya doing?" Willow hoped that by initiating the game she could find the cause of the other girls melancholy, she could of course ask outright, but being best friends and all... she was well aware that directness often brought out Buffy's defensiveness. If she asked her what was wrong, Buffy would only clam up and insist that all was well in the slayers universe.
"Anywhere but here... that says it all Will. No elaboration necessary."
"Whoa no fair Buffy! I want details... now me, I'm gonna go beach. Yep definitely beachy goodness here... and Tara goodness of course... sun, sea and sexy Tara... whaddya think to Hawaii?"
"Mass of land surrounded by sea?"
"Ok... now it sounds less romantic... I was thinking moonlit strolls, flower garlands, beautiful sunsets... me and Tara all snuggly under the stars." she caught the brief but wistful look as it passed through Buffy's eyes.
"So come on, really... anywhere but here?"
"You're so lucky Will."
"What?"
"Lucky. You have Tara, Tara has you. A whole big heap of luckyness."
"Don't I know it... she is so... well she is everything." she smiled softly to herself at the thought of just how lucky she was... and then she remembered her quest to de-angst her friend.
"So you wanna get lucky with someone?"
Buffy's eyes spread wide, was her best friend asking what it sounded like she was asking?
"Lucky with someone Will?..."
Willow's eyes also spread wide as she realised how it sounded... she had meant to ask if Buffy was looking for love... not looking to get laid.
"OH... uh... not `lucky', lucky... not like score lucky..." she flustered as she thought how to un put her foot in it.
"Calm Will... I get what ya meant... maybe for a second I thought you were suggesting... well ya know... `lucky', lucky... but no, I get ya."
"You get me... and?..."
"And I don't think luck is heading my way." The small slayer visibly sagged as she said this, wasted desires causing the slump in her shoulders and the weight in her heart.
"Hey Buffy..." Willow reached out to her friend, she could see pain etched on her features and wanted it to stop
"...what is it huh? Why so sad?"
"Not sad Will... just... I don't know... it's just..." she trawled through her thoughts of the last few days, she wanted to tell her friend, to seek solace... but she didn't know if she was ready to put her thoughts into words... it was hard enough dealing with unspoken wants... but to vocalise them...to admit it.
She looked at her friend, and the need to unburden herself became too great a weight to carry anymore.
It was in whispered tones that she finally spoke the cause of her torment.
"... it's Faith, Will... it's just... Faith." If it was possible, she seemed to sag even more as she whispered the words... it was as if she wanted to shrink away from them as they dared to leave her mouth.
Willow wasn't stunned or shocked, after all she had known, or guessed she had known the cause of Buffy`s hurt. In fact right at that moment there was a small part of Willow doing a little happy dance in her head at her super sonic perception skills... `Yay... go me!' She put the happy dance to bed though and drew her mind back to the problem at hand... `so Buffy likes Faith... and I `know' Faith likes Buffy... so the problem is...'
"So you're wiggin cos of the girl thing huh?... cos I know that... I remember with Tara... and my head was like... Whoa... and then my body was like... Woo hoo... and I wanted to... but with the wiggin... and the Whoa... and..."
Buffy couldn't help but smile, Willow was just too cute sometimes... completely wrong... but still cute.
"It's not the girl thing Will... I'm `definitely' fine with the girl thing." She thought back to her sexcapade of the last year...
"I mean come on Will...I screwed a bleach blonde vamp for the better part of the last year... a bit of `girl on girl'... so not wiggin."
"Hey!... I slept with a werewolf and I was still wiggin... you must be freaking out a little bit huh?"
"Two vampires and a secret government soldier boy... there is no freaking left in me."
"So you're not freaking about the girly goodness... so you're... uh... help me Buffy?"
"It's not the girly goodness... it's just the `girl' in question... I mean, how stupid?"
"You think Faith's stupid?" Willow was confused, sure Faith wasn't higher education girl... but she sure wasn't slow... she hid her intelligence well, what with the cursing and all... but it was still there to see... and since when had Buffy been concerned with intelligence as a benchmark for dating? Riley wasn't exactly an Einstein that was for sure.
"No Will... I do not think Faith is stupid. I think that me liking Faith is stupid."
"Oooh... that makes more sense, cos I was thinking `Faith... not stupid'... not that you liking Faith is stupid either... I didn't mean..."
Buffy had to wonder to herself how anyone `ever' managed to finish a conversation with Willow, it was like her brain wanted to travel in every direction at the same time... it had to get tiring in there.
"Breathe Will."
"... breathing."
"I don't think liking Faith is stupid... I know it is. The other night, when we slayed, it was great, better then great, everything was how it should be, we were like... like a force, this unstoppable force... just me and her... working together..."
Willow smiled as her mind was cast back to Chem class all those years ago, `Buffy's ode to Faith', it was almost like déjà vu.
"...and there was banter... and laughing, cos you know how funny Faith is..."
She wondered how long Buffy could go on for.
"... Oh and grunting... but you get used to the grunting... it's almost endearing after a while...stake the vamp and `uhn'..."
She had to stop her, she was calling grunting endearing!
"Buffy?... BUFFY!"
"What... huh?"
"I get that you like Faith ok?... but why the stupid?... I mean, well, Faith likes you too right?" She hoped she wasn't putting her foot in it... she was sure that Faith liked Buffy... it was `so' obvious... the wistful looks... silent gazes... how she hangs on every thing Buffy says.
"Well it doesn't matter does it Will... cos Faith, she's just `too cool' to fall in love right? Why bother with the messy stuff when she has no strings sex whenever she wants it? I mean... don't worry if my heart is aching... No... I asked her Will, the other night after the slaying... if love was staring her in the face... what would she do? And ya know what she said?..."
Willow didn't know if she was supposed to answer, she was just making a suitable sentence in her head when Buffy continued her rant.
"...nothing. Nothing?... what kinda fucked up logic is that?"
Willow shook her head,
"uh... not very logic, logic?"
"Exactly... it's fucked up logic. And she goes on about `I don't `want' to feel it'... well lucky for her... I don't `want' to feel it... but I'm not getting a choice... it sucks Will."
The red head was filled with compassion for her friend, she hated seeing her so worked up and upset, she was determined that she would help her end her distress.
"But when you asked her Buffy... did you tell her why you wanted to know... cos Faith... not all with the sharing... and if she thought you were just enquiring on a friendly basis... well she might have decided not to tell... but if you told her why... well maybe it would be different."
"Not gonna happen Will... believe me, it wouldn't matter... she was adamant... love is a no-no. Now if I wanted sex, well I don't think she would have a problem there... cos sex... yeah that's fine... nothing involved there... god forbid sex meant anything... and hey! She has Kennedy to give her all the no strings, pointless, fucking, fucking she needs!" Wow it felt good to get that out! She hated Faiths version of what sex is all about... and she hated that Kennedy was giving it to her as well.
"Tough one Buffy... but I still think you should give Faith the chance to decide for herself what she wants. She might be just waiting for you to offer a trip on the good ship `Buffylove'... maybe she's just scared of being hurt..." Willow knew that Faith wasn't someone you would put into the `most likely to settle down' category... but she also believed that there was `something' between the slayers... and that given a chance it could be more.
"...and hey... if ya don't want Kennedy all over your woman... maybe you should think about being all over her instead." she winked across at Buffy, aiming to lift the cloud of doom that was surrounding the girl.
"You don't think I don't want to Will?... I can barely think of anything else... but ya know... for me... and it's not wiggin... but I've never been with a girl... and I'm not `scared'... heck I couldn't be more excited, have you `seen' Faith... I mean WOW... but it's huge for me... and I don't want some cheap roll in the hay that doesn't mean anything the next day... I want it to be special... `I' want to be special... is that wrong?"
"Goddess no Buff... and you `are' special. I understand... you want faith to want you... not just to screw you."
"Exactly"
"Well give it time... I've never known anyone resist Buffy charm for too long..."
"Parker."
"...yeah but he was an idiot..."
"Riley left me."
"... also an idiot..."
"I remember Angel left me too."
"...Cursed..."
"What?... you think I'm cursed?"
"Huh?... no, no ,no, Angel left cos he was cursed... not you..."
"It's ok Will, I get the picture... I was trying for funny." Buffy smiled at her friend, she felt a little better now that she had shared her problems, and she wanted to lighten the tone, get a few giggles in before the world interrupted.
"Anyway will...?"
"Yeah?"
"So tell me what I have to look forward to... with the girl on girl... you've got experience... care to share some tips?" She laughed out loud at Willows face, it was past flustered.
"You want tips?... sex tips?"
"Calm down... I don't want details... `Yet', I might add... just tell me the difference, you were with Oz, and now you're with Tara... what's the difference?"
Where should she begin? She didn't know if she could explain this one without giving details... there was just so much difference... and not just because of anatomy... everything was different.
"Burgers and steak!"
"Burgers and steak...?"
Willow nodded excitedly, if she couldn't give details, she could give metaphors.
"Yup, Oz was burgers... and I like burgers, cos they're nice and filling... and hey... you can even put relish on them and spice them up... so yeah, burgers nice... but then Tara?... well Tara is steak... and not some cheap slab of meat either... prime cuts... juicy and moist... disintegrates in your mouth..."
"Whoa there Willow... I said no details yeah?"
"What?... OH... no I meant the steak, though `juicy and moist'... also Tara." she grinned at Buffy, oh yes, Tara was definitely steak.
The small slayer digested the information from Willow...
"so you're saying that sleeping with Faith would be like eating steak?"
"Uh... I gotta tell ya Buff... if you and Faith got together... well I think you'd be talking more... five course meal with extra dessert!... what with slayer stamina and all."
Buffy had to laugh at that, she could more then imagine how much slayer stamina could add to sex... and extra dessert... well...
"Gateaux... Faith would be gateaux."
"Ya think so?"
"Oh come on... I know so... all that texture and creaminess... and it's all dark and just looks so yummy... and then you taste it, and you can't begin to describe just how good it is... and more... you always want more..."
Faith's Pov
Just when things are going good, they have to go all stupid! The other night... slaying... so everything's good. A bit deep and meaningful... but no big. Or so I thought. And now it's like Buffy is avoiding me like the plague. Go figure?
I let her have her way, stay out of contact, hang with the potentials... but what's the point? I mean we haven't fallen out... no big fights... she just seems... distant? So now I'm looking for her, cos I sure as hell am not letting this carry on. And I miss her.
I've been thinking about what she said... the questions she asks... and it makes me wonder. It makes me wonder if maybe Buffy Summers isn't having romantic thoughts about me. And then I kick myself... cos really who am I kidding? But then, maybe she is... and what does that mean?... other then a whole lot of trouble. I don't want love. I want Buffy... I think. I mean... I do want Buffy... but do I `want' Buffy? Apparently, according to the girl herself, there is a difference. Can't just call it sex and get it done with... has to be all flowers and candy... and I don't do flowers and candy But maybe I should do flowers and candy?... but then flowers die, and too much candy gives ya belly ache... and oh the confusion!
So I'm gonna find her now and sought this out. Kennedy and the potentials are heading out tonight, getting their groove on... I figure I can tempt B to come with, and we can show the young ones how a slayer grooves. Loosen the tension and get back to basics... and well... if she wants to talk... I'll talk.
Pov None.
Faith climbed the last of the stairs in her quest to find Buffy. Willows door was slightly open and she could hear murmured voices.
As she got closer she could make out the words coming from within...
"You think so?"
"Oh come on... I know so... all that texture and creaminess... and it's all dark and just looks so yummy... and then you taste it, and you can't begin to describe just how good it is... and more... you always want more..."
... wow, that sure sounded like something tasty.
She pushed open the door to find the two girls with dreamy expressions on their faces.
"Hey girls... what ya talking about."
Buffy looked up first, and pure panic spread across her features.
"Huh?... erm... talking, just talking."
Willow was also panicked by Faiths sudden arrival, she just couldn't be sure how much had been heard.
"Gateaux... Buffy was talking about gateaux... creamy goodness ya know?"
Faith was perplexed... why did they look like they had been caught with their hands in the cookie jar?
"Gateaux huh?... sure sounded better then gateaux... hell it sounded good enough to be me."
Unfortunately for Buffy she let her shock at hearing Faiths words completely take control of her mind, and the words she spoke, were not the words she wanted to say.
"You?... Hah! Why would I be talking about you?... and like that? Na Huh, no way... not gonna happen... not a chance in hell..."
That hit faith like a ton of rocks, five seconds ago she was questioning to herself whether Buffy had `feelings' for her... she was even questioning whether she had feelings back... and now... now Buffy had just taken her tiny, growing, thoughts of `something' more... and well... pissed all over them really.
"Good job too B... although I gotta tell ya..." she motioned her hands down her body, sure to emphasise each curve and gentle angle,
"...ya see this?... this is much, 'much' better then any kind of gateaux... and you... well lets just say I'd never let you have so much as a taste... I guess that makes us even yeah?"
Buffy was gob smacked... she was still stuck on the words she had said to Faith... and then the words faith said back... and the hands down the body... and heck, the body... and tasting... and what?
"Even, Faith...?"
"Yeah sweet cheeks... you wouldn't want me... I wouldn't want you... even. Both sides equal."
Willow chose this moment to get involved. As an outsider she had seen what had happened... Buffy's shock at almost discovery... Faith's hurt at Buffy's words... and then Faiths need to strike back... it was all so simple looking on.
"Guys, guys, guys... a little calm please? Cos the tension in this room... head rushy ok?... and I wouldn't normally do this... the whole butting in and suggesting stuff... but you two... what can I say... `Get a room already!'... understand?"
Buffy looked from Willow to Faith... could it really be that simple... could that stop all this craziness from happening over and over... maybe if she had `just sex' with faith, then the tension would go... and the feelings that she didn't even think she wanted would go... and they could get back to friendship... and...
Faith looked over at Buffy... it wasn't that simple... sure the thought of fucking B... it was immense... and the getting a room... she'd love to... but for Buffy she knew it would have to mean more... and how could she think about more, when every time it looked like something might happen...everything just goes crazy again... it happened years ago... and she could see it now... the doubting herself... the impulsive feelings... things that clouded her judgement and left her open to failure. She didn't want that. How many times did she have to have that thought. I do NOT want love.
She went towards the door and threw a quick glance back to the witch and her sister slayer.
"Not gonna happen Red... not a chance in hell... that's right yeah B?"
And with that she left the room, headed down the stairs and straight out the door. She would slay, she would dance and she would fuck. She would not think about Buffy Summers... she would not think about being with Buffy Summers... and under no circumstances what so ever would she think about loving Buffy Summers.
Back in Willow's room things were going differently.
Because all Buffy could think about was Faith... about being with Faith... and most of all about loving Faith.
Now all she had to figure out was how to get faith.
Buffy's Pov
Why am I such a dope?
That's what's running round and round my head just now. I cant believe that I said what I said to Faith. There's me telling her there's no hope in hell of me ever thinking about her `that' way... and yet all I can think about is her in exactly `that' way. Everything just seems to go all messy when it comes to me and Faith. But I'm sick of the mess.
Since our little `run in' the other day, as I like to call it, well things are just wrong. I walk into the same room as her, she leaves, I speak to her, she grunts and then leaves. There's far too much leaving going on, how am I ever meant to make things right if I can't pin her down for more then five seconds. Pinning her down... now that way has definite possibilities. Maybe not the best way to start a conversation... but as an ice breaker... well the possibility is there.
Now today we have this stupid tournament. Giles' idea... and I thought he was smart. It seems that to increase our level of training and to help the potentials along, we're gonna have a little rough and tumble in the garden. It's all very organised... Xander's been marking out the circular ring... Willow's doing the whole drawing names out of a hat thing... I think Dawn might be hanging streamers... a regular little festival of fun in the making.
Now I'm not worried about tangling with the potentials... I'd quite like to get my hands on Kennedy in a semi-violent kinda way... but well Giles in his infinite wisdom has decided that me and Faith must be seeded, and placed in opposite ends of the draw... that's fair you may think... but we all know what it means really don't we? It means that come final time I'm gonna be facing off against a very pissed at me slayer. Oh yes, festival of fun indeed. I suppose it could bring the pinning thing into play... but I'd rather clear the air first.
I have so much to say if only she would listen. I think it's time to explain to her just what she means to me. Now I'm not silly, I'm not gonna rush in with words like `love', I know she wouldn't appreciate the sentiments... but I have to let her know. At least if she knows how I feel, there won't be so much chance of confusion in the future. And I'm sick of the confusion.
It hurts to know that my feelings won't be returned though. It hurts a lot.
She doesn't stop outside my room anymore... and she never comes in to whisper goodnight. I guess what I said the other day must've really hurt her. Lots and lots of hurting. Welcome to the `Buffy and Faith school of love'... failure guaranteed.
Willow thinks I can `break down her defences and teach her to love'. I really had to laugh at that one... cos me and love... probably not best that I do any teaching. And to be honest, I don't think it's about breaking down defences. Faith's a big girl, and she knows what she wants... if she doesn't want love, who are we to tell her she's wrong? Who am I to tell her anything?
I was tempted to jump her and show her how I was feeling. I remembered just in time though that showing Faith I love her with hot, sweaty, horniness... I think she would misinterpret the signals... she'd probably just assume that I'd decided to live a little for a change. It's a shame though, cos that way... I'm thinking fun, fun, fun. So I need a strategy.
I need to make Faith realise I didn't mean what I said the other day. I need to make Faith realise just how much I lo... whoa... not love... how much I ... value her? Hmmm she might go for that... `hey Faith... I really value you... think you might value me too?'... could work. Right. And most of all I have to make her see how much I need her... regardless of how and why, and anything else... I just need her.
Without her... well without her feels like this. And this is shit.
So I'm gonna sit here, in my room and strategise. Giles would be proud... well if I was strategising over something more apocalyptic maybe he would be... but to me, well this seems bigger then apocalyptic. So yes strategies... I'm gonna stay here till the whole wrestle fest... and when it's time I'm gonna have a plan... a cunning plan... a plan to beat all other plans.
And I think I might be doomed.
"Buuufffffffffyyyyyyyyy!!!...."
And how am I sposed to plan anything with Dawn screaming like a banshee? Doesn't she remember slayer hearing? And I thought I was a dope!
Oh look... she also forgets how to knock on the door. Double dope.
"Come on Buffy... it's tournament time."
Does she have to sound so excited, I mean really... it's just training with streamers.
"Ok, ok... so has the draw been done yet... all the little pieces of paper been folded and swirled around, and placed in corresponding order on the colour coded championship chart?"
She's looking at me oddly.
"How did you know about the colour coded chart?... it was meant to be a surprise!"
"There's colour coding?"
Oh my God... my life... welcome to it.
"Well... you're in the red half of the draw and Faith's in the blue... and the potentials were ordered according to ability and Giles decided who went where and in which colour... and then in each match you have a colour too... but I don't remember who is what... or why is what... or something."
"Right... glad we got that cleared up." Could I be more confused?
"So who's in my side of the draw?"
"I don't remember... I know Kennedy is there... I think you meet her in the semi's... well if you both win your matches of course, which you will, being a slayer and all, and she might, cos she's pretty good."
Kennedy in the semi-final. Faith in the final.
Yay.
"So dawnie...?"
"Yeah?"
"You think I might take a beating what with Kennedy and then Faith?"
"No way... Kennedy may be good, but you're so gonna kick her ass."
"Thanks little sis... and Faith?"
She has her diplomatic face on now... surely she doesn't think Faith is gonna beat me?
"Uh... well... I want you to win Buff, and be champion of champions... but well Faith's good too... and I heard her telling the potentials she was gonna kick your ass."
She what? She's gonna kick my ass? Oh this is gonna be so good.
"Faith's gonna kick my ass huh? Well that's never happened before... so I'm thinking... nope! Not gonna happen now!"
I look at Dawn and give her what I hope is my `invincible big sister' face. This tournament thing... I thought it was stupid. Training with streamers. Colour coded charts. I thought it was really stupid.
So Faith's gonna kick my ass...
I can barely wait to begin!
Pov None.
The ring was approximately ten metres in diameter. Nothing fancy, just a rope pegged out at the correct distances to form a near perfect circle. There was a table for refreshments, a couple of balloons and a whole heap of streamers. There was also a group of girls just itching to start the fighting, keen to test themselves against their `friends', but also keen to prove themselves to the watching slayers. The draw had been made and each girl knew who they would be fighting and when, it was up to them whether they chose to stay and watch, or go and spar, gaining some last minute practice. Most girls stayed to watch.
All they were waiting for now was Buffy and Dawn to arrive, and the formal stuff like rules and sportsmanship.
Faith surveyed the scene with amusement, it was almost fourth of July carnival atmosphere, not that she'd ever been to a fourth of July carnival... but she had a darn good imagination. The excited chatter of the potentials... Giles striding round like the lord mayor... Willow and Tara necking in the bushes... `Whoa... go Red'... yep, definitely carnival time.
She felt Buffy approaching before she saw her, as was the case with the two slayers, turning her head just as Dawn walked through the door. And then there she was. And then Faith realised she might be in trouble.
Buffy looked like a goddess... head held high and a proud set to her shoulders... and the challenge flashing in her eyes... it was unmistakable. She looked like a warrior going in to battle... a battle she intended to win.
Faith wasn't the only one to notice Buffy's appearance and a hush fell over the waiting girls. Her determination was plain for each of them to see, and it was more then one of them who silently checked the draw again to see if they would have to face her. Those who did, were not envied.
Giles took his place in the centre of the `ring' to state the rules, the gravity with which he read them lending a more officious air to the proceedings.
"Rule one: A winner will be declared after a contender is pinned for a mandatory three count, or if they are ejected from the ring. The whole body must leave the ring, in its entirety."
"So no dismembering and throwing body parts around, hey then G-man?"
"No, thank you Faith, now if you would please leave the juvenile commentary till after the rules... that would be much appreciated."
"Sure thing G... just wanted to clear some things up ya know... cut out the confusion."
"Well there will be plenty of time to ask questions at the end, now if I may continue?"
"Stage is yours."
A few of the potentials laughed along at Faith's display, she certainly had a fair bunch of followers when it came to the potentials... the fact that she spent most of her time hanging out with them and training with them had a lot to do with it... and also the fact that she treated them as friends... Buffy was all about the orders and the regimes... Faith saw them as the girls they were, and all of them appreciated it.
"Right then, rule number two: The idea of the contest is skill... it is not a question of beating each other up, so no deliberate attempts to cause undue harm, especially the slayers who will be expected to rein in their strength accordingly."
"Ya know I've gotta speak don't cha G?"
"At the end, Faith!" The authority with which he spoke caused even Faith to bite her tongue, not something that many people could do. Any people really.
He continued,
"Right then... that's the rules. Any questions?"
He turned and looked Faith with a glint in his eye, he may be getting on, but Rupert Giles could still play with the best of them. For her part the dark slayer just looked stunned, it wasn't everyday she was fooled by a tweedy British guy... she was deciding she might just have to re-evaluate her opinions of old Mr Giles.
Buffy was the first to speak,
"What about the final?"
Giles looked momentarily confused.
"The final?"
"The final... at the end... last two standing..."
"...fight to the death..."
"Yeah funny Faith... what's the rules in the final?"
"Should they be different then?"
"Well assuming it's me and Faith... well do we have to rein in our strength... cos I don't really wanna... and also the three count... lets make it five... ya know, make a real contest out of it."
"Faith do you have anything to add?"
"Nope... B wants me to pound on her... fine by me... and as for the count... five by five right?"
Giles looked at the faces all around him,
"Does anyone else have anything to add?"
"Yeah... I do." Kennedy stood up from her place on the ground and turned to face Buffy.
"Don't assume your gonna be in any finals... `B'... cos from where I'm standing you've gotta go through me."
Buffy would've found Kennedy's bravery heart warming... if she wasn't so busy laughing at her on the inside, also that and the fact she didn't like the girl... oh and she called her `B'...could she be asking any louder for a beating?
"Tell ya what `Ken'... how's about you roll over now and save me the trouble of putting you on your back later... although on your back is how you like to get with slayers huh?" She knew she shouldn't of... but really, Kennedy had been bugging her forever and she felt like a little verbal sparring could be just the tonic.
"Leave it B."
"Not asking for your opinion Faith."
"Wasn't offering it B, just telling like it is... leave it."
She really, really wanted to do this now, but she knew she shouldn't. Having made the decision to fix things with the dark slayer, it really would be best not to start a full blown battle with her now... besides that chance would come in the final.
"Ok. I'll leave it... for now... Be waiting for ya in the semi's Kennedy, look forward to catching up." She smiled a smile of over loaded sweetness and headed off to Willow and Tara... she knew the potentials weren't particularly fond of her anyway... now that would be worse and she could do without being surrounded by their masses.
As she turned away she couldn't help but overhear Kennedy's whispered `bitch', nor could she help but catch the look in Faith's eyes... a look of absolute determination and challenge. Deep within herself Buffy felt the beginnings of excitement. She loved a challenge.
For Faith everything was inconsequential except the final. The other girls may have been excited to be pitted against the dark slayer, but for her part she knew she would not remember the ones she would fight, there was only one fight going on in her head... the fight against Buffy. A fight she had been having for years. It seemed strange that this episode would be fought out under balloons and streamers, with Dawn's home made `Champion of champions' banner floating in the breeze. Very strange, but also inconsequential. In the very depth her being, Faith was feeling the unmistakable stirring of excitement... her and Buffy, down and dirty... just about the most exciting thing she could think of. She laughed to herself...almost the most exciting thing she could think of! She had to wonder if she finally had within her what it would take to beat the older girl... she wanted to win, for pride of course... but also it went deeper. Ask her what it was and she probably couldn't find the words... it was just the challenge that was `Buffy'.And Faith really loved a challenge.
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