Maybe I really should think about throwing a party. This place is so dead. So boring. So `what the heck am I doing here?' Thinking. That's it. I'm thinking.
Speaking to Willow on the phone this morning... all it made me do is realise how much I miss home. I miss Sunnydale. Crazy. But I do. Every minute I'm not thinking about her... I'm thinking about home. I miss my friends. I never had a lot of friends... now I do and I miss them. I miss everything.
Most of all I miss her. Buffy. It's so stupid. I thought I would tell her I loved her, and then it would be easy. I didn't realise it would all still be so hard. So messed up.
I wanted the fairytale ending. I don't believe in fairytale endings... but I wanted one. I figured we deserve one.
But no. I'm here, she's there, and I don't even have the courage to speak to her. When Willow said she was right there, right next to the phone, I panicked. Of course I wanted to speak to her... to tell her myself how much I miss her, but I couldn't. I just couldn't. Her words are still fresh in my mind, I have them playing on a loop, and I don't want to believe that she meant them... but maybe she did. Maybe she really does think I came there just to fuck her, to get my rocks off and then blow out of town... that I don't love her. And that hurts. Because I do love her. Because I want to love her.
Took me a damn long time to figure it out, but I figured it... and now she doesn't believe me?
I don't know if running away was the best thing to do, I just knew I couldn't stay there for more of the same. Couldn't listen to her attacking me, without striking back... and I'm so sick of playing that game. Of hurting each other. Surely there's a limit somewhere on how much hurt you can inflict on one person? Surely we've passed that limit. No more hurting... please?
God, she must be pissed at me. I wonder if she even believes that I miss her... if she even wanted my message. Willow said that she is `good', maybe me not being there is making her `good', so maybe running away was the best thing to do. Maybe I haven't got a fucking clue.
I need her so much. I wasn't lying when I said that she makes things better, she makes everything better for me... even with the hurting, I still need her. That's why I can't speak to her yet... I guess I'm scared she doesn't need me too, that the way she spoke to me goes to show that she doesn't really love me. Not like I love her.
Why is everything such a mess?
This sitting around thinking is bullshit. I thought it would help... the distance, the time, the space to work out what I want. Well I know what I want. I want her. I want her with me. Together.
Now I just need the courage to say that... knowing that she might not say the same. I think she will, I hope she will... but who knows?
I'm gonna ring Kennedy, I'm kinda hoping that, that will lift my spirits. Hopefully Buffy won't be standing right there, and she can give me the low down on what's going on... whether she really is `good'... maybe if she looks like she misses me too.
I swear if Buffy answers the phone I'm hanging up though. Or maybe I won't. Maybe she'll bitch at me some more, and get it out of her system. Maybe I can finally tell her that I was never coming to LA in the first place... that I never wanted to leave her. Ever.
Angel knows I'm not staying. He wants me to, and I get that... he wants to watch over me, make sure I'm doing ok. But I'm not ok... not without her... so I can't stay, can I? And it's not like Sunnydale is miles away... he can still keep an eye on me, if that's what he needs to do.
The phones ringing that end.
I want her to answer. But I don't.
*Hello*
Not her.
"Hi... it's Faith. Is Kennedy about?"
*Oh hi Faith... how's LA?*
"Not bad Dawn, not great, totally boring... but I'm coping. How's things your end?"
I wanna ask `how's Buffy'?
*Crazy as always. I want to know when the slayers are all leaving home... you'd think, apocalypse over... time to leave the Dale, but no, everyone seems to love the idea of sleeping ten to a room. Why do ya think that is?*
"Not a clue. Giles has got them all busy though, right? Training and everything?"
*Yeah, but it's not enough. Too much energy... too much `wanna slay' vibes, it gets kinda head achey.*
"Take an aspirin."
*Thanks Faith. Great help.*
Well what can I say? I know what it's like when ya need to slay, when your bodies itching for a fight. It's tough. It's hardly the girls fault if they're all pumped up with no place to go.
"I try. Is Kennedy about?"
*Probably fighting with the others over who's turn it is choose the T.V. channel, I keep mentioning that it's my T.V., but do ya think they listen?*
"No?"
*Right. Are you coming home soon? You can keep them occupied.*
"I dunno. Maybe. I hope so."
*You should do, we all miss you.*
"Me too. Is Ken there, Dawn?"
It's not that I don't want to speak to her, I do... but man, she goes on.
*Right, yeah, I'll just get her.*
I move my ear away from the phone quick, just in time to hear Dawn screaming for Kennedy.
*She's just coming. See ya soon, Faith.*
"See ya, Dawn."
I'm not committing to a `soon'. I don't want to lie, and I just don't know.
*Hello?*
"Kennedy... how are ya?"
*Wow, you remembered me. I'm fine thanks. Yes, I managed to bust out of hospital on my own... I waited for ya, got sick of waiting.*
Oooops.
"Yeah, about that. Sorry. I did mean to come back, but things... well, ya know, stuff happens."
*Buff happens.*
"That was so bad, Ken."
*I can hear ya laughing.*
I may have chuckled.
"Whatever. So how are you... or ya just wanna bitch cos I'm not there?"
*I'm over that. I have Rona... she cares.*
"Hey, I care."
*God, I'm teasing. You slayers are so dense.*
You slayers?
"Which slayers? There's lots of us now... which ones are the dense ones?"
*Not important.*
Was that the brush off?
*What is important is that I'm fine. Fully healed... gotta love this slayer healing, too cool.*
"Definitely a perk."
*Definitely. Along with the increased strength, speed and agility... am I missing anything?*
"Stamina... don't ever forget stamina, that's important."
I'm betting she already knows that. Her and Rona... both slayers... that's a whole lot of stamina.
*Oh I'm loving the stamina, don't ya worry about that.*
"Not worried."
I'm gonna ask. If she's not around, I'm gonna ask.
"So Ken, uh... is Buffy about, there... lurking in the background?"
She laughs a little. I didn't mean to be funny.
*No, definitely not. No where in the vicinity.*
"Good. How is she?"
*Same as always. Head so far up her own ass...*
"I didn't mean that. I meant... is she good?"
*Good? I don't know how to tell, she always looks pissed when I'm in the room.*
Me too.
"Well, does she look like she's... I don't know, does she look like she misses me?"
This is so dumb. Really fucking dumb.
*Ya know I wanna play with ya now... and I could, but I won't. Because I like you.*
What?
"Uh...okay... I like you too, now what are ya talking about?"
*Buffy. She gave me a message to give to you.*
She did? That should be interesting. I hope it's not more cursing.
"Ok... and the message would be?"
*She said to say... you ready for this?*
"Kennedy."
*You lose your sense of humour in LA? I'm getting to it alright, I was just checking you were ready... had a pen and paper on stand by.*
"Ha ha."
*Oh look, there's the sense of humour.*
"The message?"
*She said to tell you that `she misses you too'*
"She did, no shit?"
That's good. That's not cursing.
*No shit. And there's more.*
Ah, maybe this is the cursing.
"Ok."
*She said to tell you that `she needs you'. Kinda sweet don't ya think?*
"She needs me?"
*That's what I said. So you gonna come home now, or you want me to pass a message back... cos Buffy's messenger, I always hoped that that's what I would be in life.*
She needs me. I need her.
"And she didn't curse? Not once... no `tell Faith to fuck off', or `tell Faith to keep the fuck away from me'?"
That's what I was expecting
*Definitely not. I think she regrets the cursing.*
"You do?"
*Uh-huh. I mean I'm not sure, she hasn't said much, but it looked like she was regretful, ya know?*
No. Not really. She sure as hell didn't look regretful last time I saw her.
"Maybe."
I want to speak to her. I want to hear her say she needs me. That she misses me.
"Ken, is she about... can ya get her for me?"
*You want to speak to her?*
"Looks that way, don't it."
If I keep not speaking, maybe I'll forget how, and then I'll never hear her tell me. I'll never get to tell her.
*She's not here.*
"Well go and get her."
She's laughing again.
*No, she's `really' not here.*
"Well where is she, patrolling?"
Is it time for patrolling?
*Something like that... she's just out at the moment.*
"Well, can ya give her a message?"
*I was joking when I said I wanted to be her messenger... I really don't want to.*
"Do it for me?"
*As you put it like that, I'm sure I can manage... what's the message?*
"Tell her..."
What do I want to tell her?
"...tell her I said hi, and I said sorry I missed her, oh, and sorry I didn't speak to her earlier... I'm a jerk... and that I need her too, and I'm gonna call her. Tonight. Yeah... tell her I'll call her tonight... or she can call me, when she gets in. If she wants to."
*That everything?*
"Think so... you think that's ok? Did I miss anything?"
*It's your message.*
"Right. No. That's everything. You won't forget to tell her, right?"
*I swear... as soon as she walks through the door, I'll tell her.*
Why the fuck does she keep laughing?
"Ken, am I missing something? Some joke you're yet to share with me?"
*No. No joke. Maybe I'm just laughing at the whole sorry messaging situation... it's kinda childish, don't ya think?*
Probably.
"Whatever. Just don't forget."
And more laughing.
*I won't.*
"Right. I'm gonna shoot now, ok. I need to go think about what I'm gonna say to B, what time you reckon she'll be back?"
*Don't think, Faith... remember what I said before? Just do what feels right, and you wont go wrong.*
"That didn't work last time."
*Course it did, Buffy's just an ass.*
Not gonna argue.
"So what time will she be in?"
*I dunno, couple of hours... maybe sooner. You'll be the first to know when she arrives, I promise, ok?*
"Just get her to call me."
*Yep.*
"Thank you."
*That's what I like... a girl who doesn't need prompting.*
"Huh?"
*Nothing. Not important. You have a nice evening, yeah?*
"Right... I'll have a nice evening."
Have a nice evening? What does she think I'm doing... having fun? No such luck.
*I'm sure you will. And you can thank me again, when you're home.*
I don't get this girl. I thought I got this girl... but I don't.
"Whatever you say, Ken... whatever you say."
Strange. Very strange.
"Say hi to everyone right, and I'll call again tomorrow."
*Sure ya will.*
"I will. Don't forget my message."
*I wouldn't dare.*
"Right. See ya then."
*Bye Faith... and have fun.*
"You're odd, but I'll try. Bye."
I'm glad to hang up.
Have fun? She needs to come spend some time sitting in her own in deserted hotel. Really not fun.
At least I'm gonna speak to Buffy. I like her message. It makes me smile. First real one in four days. I thought she would be pissed at me, ready to rip my head from my shoulders for daring to leave her, for `disobeying' her. Guess I was wrong.
Now I just have to think of a way to pass a couple of hours.
Working out seems a good option. Focus the mind.
Get a good sweat going... take a shower... talk to B.
It's a plan. Who ever said I wasn't a planner?
Pov None.
She had worked out for two hours straight. Punching, kicking, pounding... focused only on getting the most from her body, pushing it to it's extreme, and then pushing harder. She loved the feel, loved the release... loved the way all her muscles sang to her as she worked. Perfectly in tune, reacting with precision to every command her mind issued.
She had worked up a sweat. Her body was glistening with it, hair plastered to the back of her neck, her workout clothes stuck fast to her body, outlining her contours... the skin which was left exposed flushed from exertion.
She felt great. Almost fantastic. Her breathing was ragged, her chest rising and falling erratically which each lungful of air she drew into her body. Her mind was clear, as she had wished it to be. No focus except that which she had wanted. Her workout.
She checked the clock and saw how much time had passed. Soon. Soon it would be time to call her, or for her to take a call. Which ever happened first. She didn't care, she cared only that the call was going to be made. That the first steps towards fixing what was broken, were going to be taken.
Stripping her clothes off as she went, she made her way to the shower. Turning the knobs to make the water as hot as she could stand it, eager to wash away all the sweat she had produced... to be clean again. To be refreshed. To be ready.
It humoured her that she wanted to be clean for a phone call. It wasn't as if Buffy would know she had made the effort, but she still wanted to make it. It was important to make it.
Stepping under the flow of water, she braced herself against the heat as it scorched her body... tipping her head back to let it flow through her hair, down her back. Massaging her muscles. She rotated her shoulders, her neck... inviting in the warmth... feeling herself relax, the strenuous workout becoming a distant memory.
She washed her hair first. No special fancy shampoo, just the basic stuff, to do a basic job... the same with her conditioner. She didn't need expensive things to make herself look good... as long as she was clean, she looked good... in truth she looked just as good dirty.
The soap was a bit more towards luxury. She liked the foamy stuff, the stuff which when you rubbed it against your body, you could feel each of the little bubbles caressing you, invigorating you, waking the skin as if it had been sleeping.
She could feel her skin waking now. The heat of the water combining with the foam to truly bring her to life. It was such a pleasurable experience, that she almost felt the urge to moan in satisfaction... she loved this. It was one of the things she had missed most in prison. The ability to truly enjoy a shower, to truly take the time to wash away all the grime.
Once she was soaped all over, each little nook and cranny paid attention to, she stepped back under the jets to rinse. They pounded down on her, taking away the dirt, leaving only the freshness... and the luxury of clean skin.
Now was her least favourite bit, but a bit she always did. She always turned the jets to freezing before she stepped out. Just that final wake up call before she left the comfort of the shower. The moan of satisfaction quickly turning to a shriek of displeasure. It was like she knew it was coming, had been the one to make it so, but the coldness still always shocked her.
She stepped quickly from the enclosed space, grabbing a towel as she did. Wrapping it tight around her, shaking her head at the same time, to work some of the water from her hair. She dried quickly and grabbed some fresh clothes.
Just an comfy pair of shorts and one of her favoured vest tops. A perfect combination.
Now she felt fucking great. Completely refreshed. Totally ready to talk to Buffy.
Faith's Pov
I don't know whether to call her... or to wait until she calls me. I know it doesn't matter, as long as the call is made... but maybe it does matter. Maybe if I call her, she'll think that everything's cool, that everything's `five by five' with me... and it isn't really. I mean, yeah... of course I wanna sort this, I need to sort this... but I don't wanna disregard how I feel to get that. And I'm still a little pissed. Still a little hurt.
But then I could wait for her to call... and I could end up waiting all night. I mean, what if Kennedy forgets to give her my message? Sure I can kick her ass if she does, but that's not gonna help now, is it? Arghhh. I can't believe I'm driving myself crazy over something so silly, so inconsequential.
Just a few minutes ago I was perfectly relaxed... and now I'm tensing again. Ridiculous. I keep walking into Angel's old office and out again. I look at the phone on the front desk, I look at the phone in the office... waiting for them to ring, waiting for me to use one.
It's so fucking stupid!
I'm in the office now. I even have the phone in my hand... but my fingers won't stop hovering... they want to dial, I know they do, but they won't. I think I have lost control of my senses.
My body wants me to call. I know it does. It's almost like I'm feeling a ghost warmth just thinking about her. Like I can feel her here... even though she's not.
It makes me smile cos it almost feels like a tickle. All the hairs rising as the electricity shoots through my veins. It's a lot crazy though. I've never felt like this except for when she is near. I guess I really `really' miss her. Like I didn't know that already.
Buffy's Pov
I'm right outside, sitting in the car, and it's like I'm scared to move. I know she's in there. I can feel her. It feels so good to have her close again, that I don't want to move. Once I go in... well then it could go wrong.
So just now... just for this minute... I'm gonna sit here and bask. Bask in the warmth that she gives me.
Faith's Pov
I've stopped being tense. Something weird is going on. I don't know quite what. But I can `feel' her. It's not ghost warmth... it's not wishful thinking... I can feel her. I don't know how, I don't care how... I'm just gonna soak it up.
I feel so full, so complete... it makes me realise just how empty the last few days have been.
I'm going home. Damn right, I'm going home. I've been depriving myself this feeling, and I don't want to no more. No fucking way. I'm gonna call her and I'm going to tell her that I'm coming home.
Then I may beg a lift, cos busses... don't like busses.
We can sort this shit when I get there, I just know that I have to get there... now would be preferable... but I guess tomorrow will do.
I almost wish that she would just appear, that Red knew some fancy spell to send her flying through the door and into my arms. Maybe she does? Maybe I'll ask in a moment... when I press the buttons on the phone.
Buffy's Pov
So I've left the car. I'm being brave. I'm crapping myself. I know that she said she misses me... but so what? Doesn't mean she wants to see me. What if Kennedy was wrong? What if I'm making the stupidest mistake yet?
So many what if's.
I can't do it anymore. Because I have to know.
I push on the doors and they're not locked. That's good. At least I don't have to worry about her not letting me in. Now I just have to worry that she'll throw me out instead.
The lobby is empty. The lights are all on... and I mean `all'. I hope she hasn't got guests.
She's so close. I would guess metres, but I can't see her, so I don't know. But she is close. Really, really close.
My feet are taking me to the front desk... maybe I should book a room for the night?
I'm gonna laugh at my own humour, but I don't have time... because at that minute the door to the office starts to open... and I know what's behind door number one. Who's behind door number one.
Faith's Pov
This is fucked up.
I can't make the phone call, because everything's fucked up.
I swear I can feel her... and I `know' she isn't here. She cant be here... so what's going on. I can't sit here wondering, so I'm gonna find out.
Even before I pull the door to the office open... I know what's on the other side. And I don't have the time to wonder at the how's and the why's and the what's, because she is there.
Buffy.
"Hello, Faith."
Wow.
She's looking like she wants an answer.
Holy fucking wow.
"Uh... Faith?"
She does want an answer. I knew it.
"How?"
Bet she wasn't expecting that.
Nope. She looks confused.
"How what?"
I don't know. How everything.
"You... what are you doing here?... when?... uh..."
I think I've lost the ability to speak. I'm too far past shocked and stunned to speak.
"Just now, for the when... and the what... I..."
And now she looks like she can't speak either.
At least she's smiling. I missed that smile.
"I can't believe this... I can't believe that you're here...you are really here, yeah? I'm not hallucinating from the complete boredom of being here?"
She smiles even more. This better not be a fucking hallucination. I will be pissed.
"I'm here. I'm definitely here... is it... do you... is it ok that I'm here?"
Damn right it is.
"It doesn't suck... confuses the pants off me, but it really doesn't suck."
"That's good... cos the drive, not fun... so didn't want to drive home again tonight."
"You thought I'd make you drive home again? Tonight?"
"Maybe... maybe I think that's what I deserve."
"I'm not gonna make you drive home again, ok?"
"Good."
"Good."
And welcome to the silence. It's not bad silence... not really. It's kinda quiet... but that's ok. Better peace then shouting, right?
I don't know what to say... what would be the right thing to say. The appropriate thing. Is there appropriate things?
She finds the appropriate thing before me.
"I missed you, Faith."
That'll work. That makes me smile.
"You did?"
"I did. So much so it hurt. It still hurts."
I think things are about to get heavy.
"You wanna go sit down, B?"
I am not having this conversation on opposite sides of the front desk.
"Uh-huh."
I lead the way over to the chairs, take my seat. She looks like she's waiting for permission to sit down, waiting for me to tell her where to sit. I want her next to me, I need her next to me... but I don't want to skip the talking.
I gesture to the chair opposite. Still close... but far enough away to keep my senses.
"I missed you too, ya know?"
She sits down and fixes her eyes on me. I like her eyes on me.
"I know... Willow told me, she said you missed me."
"Right."
"I... uh... god this is stupid, speak Buffy, speak..."
Or talk to yourself. I could just watch you.
"... I wanted to say... I need to say... sorry. I am `so' sorry. Everything, everything I said... I am just sorry, I didn't mean it, I'm an idiot, a total idiot... I know that, and not just because `everybody' told me... I knew anyway, you can tell me as well though... I'm just an idiot. And I'm sorry."
"You're sorry?"
She nods and drops her eyes. Don't do that... I liked your eyes on me.
"Hey... Buffy?"
There they are.
"It's ok, alright? I mean it's not `ok' ok, I'm still pretty pissed at ya, but it's ok. I wanna sort this... if you want to sort this, then that's cool, cos I want to."
"I want to. I really want to."
"And just so you know..."
"Yeah?"
"You're an idiot."
Whoever knew that calling her an idiot would make her smile again. I should remember that.
"I know it. Believe me, I know it."
"So why then? Why did ya go all psycho on me? Cos I didn't like it... I thought I was the psycho one... you're sposed to be all level headed, and clued up... what happened?"
"I freaked... I don't know why. Well I do, kind of. It was just everything... I mean, wow, crazy day... and then waiting for you... I sat there so long waiting for you, and then when you came, and you said what you said... it was just perfect, yeah?"
"It was pretty perfect, yeah."
I can smile at the memory. It's a pretty perfect memory.
"And then the bathroom..."
She laughs to herself. Blushes a little. Looks so good.
"... what can I say about that?"
"Uh... perfect?"
She laughs again. Man, this is nice.
"That would be one word... I can think of lots... but not to get side tracked... yeah, the bathroom... wow, and then some... and then before I even had the chance to... what? Recover?... then Dawn says you're leaving... and I freaked."
Now she's not smiling, but that's ok. These memories aren't so perfect.
"Ya certainly did, B. A whole lot of freaking."
"Uh-huh. I couldn't stop myself... I wanted to, really wanted to... but I couldn't... I just felt so... raw. That's it. I felt raw. Exposed, and I got scared... I thought you were leaving and I panicked... totally panicked."
"I wasn't leaving."
She has to know I wasn't leaving. Couldn't leave.
"I know. I know that now. But I didn't... at the time, I couldn't think... I just felt... and it hurt so much, even the idea that you would leave me, that you could leave me... and I know... I know that doesn't mean it's ok. That the things I said don't matter, because I was hurting... it does matter. I was wrong."
She's got tears in her eyes, and it hurts me to see them there. But this is important. This is what has to be said, if we're gonna move on.
"Why wouldn't you listen to me, B? I tried so hard to keep calm, to not lose it... but you just wouldn't god damn listen. Drove me crazy."
"I was crazy! I think I thought if I could stop you saying the words... if I could just stop you from saying you were leaving... then it wouldn't happen, couldn't happen... dumb, right?"
"Oh yeah."
"I can't believe I tried to tell you what you can and can't do... I was cringing as I said it, I knew I was pushing you away, but I just couldn't stop."
"You certainly kept pushing... pissed me off completely. Did you really think I would listen... that I would do what you told me to?"
"No. Not for a second."
That's good. She needs to know I'm not for pushing around. No fucking way.
"Good."
"As if, right?... I wasn't really thinking at that point though, ok?"
"I get that... I figured you had flipped."
I saw the corners of her mouth raise there. She may have tears, but I can make her smile too.
"Very flippy... the flippiest."
"The flippiest?"
"Yeah. It's a thing."
She can make me smile too.
"About the other things I said, Faith..."
Ouch.
"... I don't have the right to just expect you to forget them... I don't even know if I have the right to ask you to forgive them... but I am sorry. I `know' you didn't just come there to `fuck me'... I know who's hands were down who's pants first... I remember..."
So do I.
"...I `know' it wasn't just a `fuck'... although, hindsight... maybe I don't deserve much more...but I know. You said... you said that you loved me..."
Her voice cracks and I can't do this. Not like this.
"B... stop it ok? I don't want you to crucify yourself... this isn't me feeling better by you making yourself feel worse, alright? Yeah it hurts... the fact that I told you I loved you, and then you threw that back at me... I don't think anything's ever hurt more... but `this' is bullshit. I can't sit here and watch you do this to yourself, alright?"
"No Faith... it has to be said, you have to know I didn't mean it."
"I know, ok?"
She takes a deep breath and disregards what I say.
"You said you loved me, and I screwed that up... I know I really screwed up... but I'm sorry... everything, I'm sorry... I just want you to know... that next time... if there is a next time... that I won't ever do that again... I won't question how you feel, ok?"
"Ok. B."
Now it's my turn to take a deep breath. Because I am not blameless. I said some things as well, that I'm not so proud of.
"Buffy...?"
I get her eyes back `again'. Her beautiful blotchy, kinda red, teary pretty eyes.
"What I said... I was wrong too. Yeah you pushed me, but I was wrong..."
"No Faith, you..."
"B... shush yeah? Just for a minute, let me have my say."
"Sorry."
"We didn't `fuck' a couple of times, I have never just fucked you, I could never just fuck you... and to say that, it was wrong, it was pretty fucking stupid too, but mostly wrong... and I'm sorry. I was wrong to get in your face like that... I was wrong to kiss you like that... and again... I'm sorry. I snapped. I didn't mean to, but I did."
"It's ok, I pushed you."
"No B. It's not ok... I don't have the right to treat you like that, just as much as you don't... just because you pushed first... that doesn't make it alright for me to speak to you that way. It doesn't make it ok"
I never want to speak to her like that. I hated it.
"Well I've forgotten it. It doesn't matter to me."
She is infuriating.
"It matters to me B, it matters because I don't want it to happen again, yeah? It matters because if you say it's ok... what's to stop me `doing' it again... I hate that I spoke to you like that... just humour me and tell me you hated it too, please?"
"I hated it. I really hated it. Every word cut me, ok? Not just because of what you were saying, or the not so nice tone... but because I knew I had made you say it. So yeah, don't speak to me like that again... please?"
This is why I wanted to sit opposite. How am I not holding her now?
"I won't speak to you like that again... scouts honour."
And I do salute, and yes it's stupid, but I need to lift the atmosphere. It feels like someone died, and I don't like it.
"You were never a scout."
"It's the thought that counts, B."
I want her to smile again. A proper smile. Not a half smile.
"Faith... just so you know, when you kissed me... I didn't... it wasn't... I liked it. Sorry if that's wrong... but that kiss, it made me feel better... it felt like you loved me."
"It was meant to."
And I have to smile, because I got what I wanted. She's so pretty when she smiles.
"Can we stop this now, B? Can we stop hurting each other? Just for a while... just so I can feel the buzz of being with you for more then five minutes... please?"
"I would like that. I would like that a hell of a lot."
"Cool."
Man I feel exhausted. This caring sharing stuff is so god damned tiring.
"So what do ya wanna do now B?"
"Can I choose anything?"
Are we seeing the re-emergence of `miss eager pants'? I'll be shocked if we are, she looks more beat then I feel.
"Absolutely anything."
"What I'd like... more then anything... I'd like to tell you I love you Faith. I swore I'd say it every morning, and I screwed that up already... so right now, I just want to say `I love you'."
"You just said it, B."
At this moment... this precise moment, I am not touching her, I am not holding her... but I have never loved her more. I have also never had a more corny thought in my head. But so fuck. I love this girl. Corny can kiss my ass.
"I want to come over there and say it."
"You do?"
"Uh-huh."
And I shouldn't stop her, because I said `anything'.
"Ok."
The space she has to travel is so small, yet it takes an age for her to get here. She sits down, and I love the fact she looks shy, like this means so much to her. It means so much to me.
The minute her eyes reach mine, I'm hers. I was hers already, but now I'm more hers. All hers. Her words are so soft, yet they echo in my ears.
"I love you, Faith. I love you so much and I am so sorry... forgive me?"
I know I'm gonna start sobbing in a minute. Crazy.
"Not even a question."
I give her what I hope is my best smile.
"I love you too B, and I'm sorry too... lets just not do that again, ok?... I for one do not like this angsty thing we have going here. Can we just leave it at `I love you', yeah?"
"Deal. No more angst."
"Promise?"
"Scouts honour."
And now I'm laughing a little, which is good, cos sobbing... it's hell on the image.
"B... I know for damn sure that `you' were never a scout... probably a prissy little girl guide... but never a scout."
"Girl guides are not prissy... they're... uh, I don't know! But not prissy."
"Whatever, B."
And I feel good. I couldn't give a hoot what girl guides are. I am fucking happy.
And the best bit...? I haven't even kissed her yet.
Buffy's Pov
I think I'm all talked out. If there's anything left that I'm supposed to
say... any words that I'm supposed to add, but haven't, then I'm sorry.
But I am all talked out.
My brain is fried. More fried. I'm so exhausted. I haven't been sleeping
well, not without Faith, not with everything that has been going on... and
now I'm whacked. She looks a little tired too. All this heartfelt chit chat,
it's murder on the energy reserves.
"Hey, Faith?"
I break the comfortable silence that we seem to have lapsed into.
"Yeah?"
"Any chance of getting a room for the night?"
Preferably the same one you have, and yes... I will be sharing the bed.
"A room...? There's lots to choose from... did ya have a particular
one in mind?"
"Well, I was thinking I could bunk in with you, no need to dirty extra
sheets and all... although if you don't want me to share..."
"I do. Want you to share."
Of course you do.
"You wanna take me there now... cos me? Tired. I don't wanna fall asleep
here, but it's gonna be a possibility if we don't move soon."
"Guess we better move then. I really don't want to have to carry ya...
I'm pretty beat myself."
I laugh a little at the thought of Faith carrying me up the stairs. It has
a romantic feel to it.
She gets up and leads the way, just her fingertips touching mine, guiding
me to her room. Guiding me to her bed.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't feeling just a little excited about being
here. A lot excited. My brain may have the need to disengage, but my libido?
That's screaming at me full volume... making me more then aware that I'm
about to get into a bed with Faith. I've never really gotten into a bed
with Faith.
There was the night we fell asleep kinda on my bed, and that was nice...
but there was lots of clothes... and impending doom. I don't think we have
impending doom here, and I'm really hoping that the clothes might not be
staying either. I haven't seen Faith without her clothes on yet.
She has the advantage over me there. She has seen me in all my naked glory...
I'm still waiting to sneak a peek at hers.
Hush libido! I think she's speaking.
"What?"
"I said... do you have a side of the bed you like to sleep on?"
I don't know. Wasn't thinking about sleeping just then.
"Err... whatever? Not fussed. Just erm... put me where you want me."
She's looking at me quizzically. Yes Faith, I meant that exactly how it
sounded.
"Put you where I want you?"
"Uh-huh."
She's walking over to me now. I feel like she's stalking me, I can feel
her eyes all over me, and it's so god darn exciting. Please touch me.
"If I'm gonna put you where I want you..."
She's fingering the base of my top, tugging it slightly upwards.
"... I'm gonna have to get rid of these. That gonna be a problem?"
"Uh... no problem."
Except that I can't breathe. She is so close to me, and all I want is her.
I reach my hand up to stroke the side of her face. She stops what she is
doing, and looks at me... maybe she thinks I changed my mind, maybe she
thinks I sleep with my clothes on.
I answer her look, by leaning in close, bringing her lips down to press
against mine. A slow kiss. A soft kiss.
Like eating a savoured treat. All mouths and tongues, dancing slowly. Passionately.
I almost don't want the tempo to increase, because this feels so good. It
feels like a kiss that could last forever. I want it to last forever.
But then there is air. Blasted air. Blasted nuisance.
"Wow, B... some kiss."
"Hmmm."
I don't want to speak. I'm all talked out.
She has on just a little vest, and a tiny pair of shorts. She looks so good,
but I need to see more. It feels like I've waited long enough to see her.
Too long.
She doesn't stop me as I lift her top, doesn't look to question me. She
raises her arms to help me... to make her almost naked.
I can't help but draw in a sharp breath once I have uncovered her. I've
never really looked at girls breasts before, never felt the urge to... but
these... I don't think I'm ever gonna draw my eyes away. I raise my hand
to trace lightly across her uncovered skin. Barely touching, just grazing
softly. She moans a little at my touch. Maybe she's been wanting this as
much as I have.
I don't really know what I'm doing. This is all foreign to me.
I know I want her to moan some more. I know I want to make her feel good.
My palms graze across her nipples, and now it's her taking in a sharp breath...
I do it again. A bit harder, a little bit more pressure. Invoking a sigh
from her, a ripple of pleasure coursing through my body. I cup my hands
underneath each breast, feeling the weight, my thumbs reaching up to run
in circles around and across her hard erect buds...
Pov None.
The blonde slayer stood lost in the moment. Her eyes fixed solely on the
workings of her hands. Her hands that were massaging Faiths breasts. The
thought was enough to spin her head, but the vision of it was something
even more. She could feel herself getting slowly wet, the tightness of her
jeans beginning to cause discomfort, her body protesting it's need to get
naked. To get free.
Faith was standing with her eyes closed, she too lost somewhere... a place
where her body was wracked with the most pleasurable of sensations. Not
yet demanding more, happy to take what was being given. To go slow. To go
soft.
"Faith...?"
The loss of contact grabbed her attention, quicker then the words from Buffy's
mouth. She pushed her chest out, almost as if she could gain back that what
had gone missing.
"Hmmm?"
"I need to take my clothes off."
Her eyes flew open as she understood the words being spoken. She needed
to take Buffy's clothes off... was sure that just a few minutes ago, she
had begun to take her clothes off. She had been distracted though. That
wouldn't happen this time.
"I can help with that, B."
"Good, cos my hands are kinda shaking."
Faith lifted the top from the blonde slayers body, uncovering a sweet little
bra, which stayed sweet only for the seconds it took her to remove that
too. Then it just became discarded, forgotten. Forgotten in favour of what
was underneath. She had been here before, had touched them before, had tasted
them before... but it didn't lessen her excitement, didn't dampen her want.
She wanted to stay a while, to lavish attention... but she wouldn't be distracted.
She needed to take Buffy's clothes off. All of them.
Allowing her hands to rub across her breasts, she travelled downwards to
the button on the blonde girls jeans, easily popping it, slowly pulling
down the zipper, freeing her ass from the restraint of tight denim.
Her pants were white and simple, nothing fancy, just a perfect contrast
against her skin.
The dark slayer ran her fingers over the front of them, feeling the wetness
within, smelling the scent which was calling to each of her senses, she
wanted to possess Buffy, but she wanted to do it slowly. They had a lifetime
for urgency... this time, their first real time together, she wanted it
to last, she wanted it to be special, to be everything.
They were evenly matched now. Both nearly naked, just the last barrier between
themselves and total freedom.
Time seemed frozen as they stood staring at each other... the only movement,
Faith's slow and gentle caress across the front of Buffy's pants. It was
almost like she didn't know she was doing it, her hands moving of their
own accord to possess what they wanted.
"Faith... I need you."
Buffy spoke the words, unsure of whether she meant the need to take, or
the need to be taken. The need was just there. In every part of her, urging
her to reach out, to touch.
She hooked her hands in the waistband of the other girls shorts, tugging
them slowly over her hips, then letting them go, so they fell to the floor.
Another thing discarded, another thing forgotten.
And there she was. Naked. In all her glory.
She wanted to take the time to run her eyes across every inch of uncovered
flesh, but she didn't have the time, because something was calling her.
Something basic and primal, and full of lust. Calling her forward, to take
the final step in possessing what she felt was hers. Faith.
The blonde slayers fingers found a path between tight, trimmed dark curls,
sliding between lips that were damp, betraying the wetness within. Sliding
back and forth against a hard nub, erect and waiting for the pleasure to
come. Her other hand reached up again to reclaim breasts. To roll nipples,
to pinch... anything to increase the moans which were becoming music to
her ears.
Each time she slid her fingers forwards she came closer and closer to Faith's
hole, to the entrance to her being... she didn't know if she was going too
fast, if she was being too `eager', she didn't care. She just had to be
inside of Faith again. She had to reclaim that feeling of holding her in
the palm of her hand, of knowing that she could make her feel so good, knowing
that she could make her cum so hard.
Faith was trying to keep some form of order to her thoughts. Yes this felt
great, it felt fucking fantastic, but she had wanted to take her time, had
wanted to make this last, and she knew that the second that Buffy was inside
of her, she would lose it. There wouldn't be restraint then, there would
be nothing but total unbridled fucking.
"B... hold up... ah god, hmmm."
"You want to stop, Faith?"
"No... not stop... slow down..."
"You don't want this, then?"
And with that the blonde girl thrust her fingers hard and fast straight
inside the entrance she had been so gently teasing, fingering Faith with
the urgency that she had been feeling.
"I... uh... fuck..."
Faith knew it was no good... she couldn't stop this now, Buffy was inside
her, fucking her, and all she could do was ride her hand. To try and take
more... demand more.
"Jesus B...that feels so good..."
"Tell me Faith... tell me what it feels like..."
"I... god...it feels like... uh... I can feel you inside me... touching
me... oh... god yeah... and I... I want more..."
"More?"
"Hmmm...ah... Harder B... I want you to fuck me harder..."
The words spurred on the smaller girl, she had not had the chance to truly
let loose on Faith before, had been encumbered by clothes and time... the
inventions of evil. She pushed the dark girl down on the bed, never removing
her fingers... pumping them harder... a speed which would have scared anyone
watching... in and out, harder and faster... a rhythm so sweet and so urgent...
determined to give a release... determined to produce a cry.
She had never heard Faith cum, had never heard her cry out to her orgasm
before... had only seen the determination with which she held it all inside,
as if keeping that last bit only for herself... not willing to give everything.
To truly let go.
Her fingers were so wet with the juice from Faith's pussy, they were sliding
so swiftly in and out of her, and she needed to give more. She needed to
have more of herself inside of Faith. She slowed the tempo long enough to
add a third finger, to stretch her further, wanting to fill her completely...
needing to fill her completely.
"Oh god... Buffy... that's... uh..."
Faith was loving it. The hardness with which Buffy was fucking her was amazing.
Every part of her body felt alive, was aware of what was happening, was
urging her on, preparing for release, wanting to let go.
"Is it good Faith...? Is it what you want?"
"Oh yeah... it's so fucking good... I can't uh... I want..."
Her breathing was so ragged. She wanted to push her words out, she wanted
to tell Buffy how good this was... how amazing it was... but she had no
chance. Every time she formed a thought, it was immediately ripped away
by another thrust, another push... another moan she had to let go of.
"I want to hear you, Faith... cos this feels so good... fucking you...
being inside you... you're so wet... and it's all for me... I need to hear
you..."
"Uh... all for you...I...oh fuck..."
The blonde girl pushed her thumb hard against the others clit, finding a
rhythm as frantic as her fingers, pushing hard, creating pressure so strong...
no pretty patterns to be traced... just the outpouring of lust.
"Come on Faith... let it out..."
She bucked underneath her, she couldn't think anymore, she could only writhe
and try to keep pace with the hand that was touching her. She could feel
Buffy's mouth near her ear, whispering... always whispering... asking for
something... her breath hot against her neck... the hand that wasn't fucking
her, travelling the length of her body... stopping to pinch a nipple...
to focus her mind...
"I want you Faith... I want you so much..."
Her eyes were shut so tightly that she was seeing colours behind her eyelids...
all her muscles were tensing... almost painful in their tightness... yet
still she rode... still she hung on to the sensations she was feeling...
in and out... harder and harder... she could feel her so deep... pushing
against her front wall... finding the sweet spot... rubbing, pushing...
always more...
"Your pussy feels so good, Faith... so wet... so tight... does it feel
good...tell me..."
"Good... so fucking good..."
And it did, and it was... and she knew she was losing it... knew she couldn't
hang on any longer... all her senses... all of them were concentrated between
her legs... on the feeling of Buffy inside her... and she just couldn't
hold off anymore...
"God... that's it B... I'm gonna... I ... oh fuck... yeah... god I'm
gonna cum..."
"Come on Faith... let it out..."
She needed to hear this, needed to hear Faith cum for her.
"... I... oh...uh... FUCK... B... AHHH...UH... YES... FUCK YEEESSSSSS!"
She could feel the muscles in her pussy tightening hard around Buffy's fingers,
could feel her walls pulsating... could feel the juice pouring out of her...
and she held it as long as she could. She concentrated everything on holding
it... staying in that one perfect place... this one perfect place... and
just at the point she was ready to relax, ready to come down, she could
feel fingers starting to pump again... taking up the same rhythm... the
hardness... the speed... and she didn't know... didn't know if she could
take more... if she could give more... but those fingers were sliding in
and out... deeper and deeper... such a frantic pace... so she stayed tight...
she stayed tense... barely even moving her hips... just taking the onslaught...
her clit screaming... to be left... to be touched...
"Oh god Buffy... I can't... I..."
"You can, Faith... for me... cum for me..."
She threw her head back, her body arching as her back left the bed... contorting
in one last position of bliss...
"B...OH... SHIT YES... YESSSS!"
"That's it Faith... ride it out... come on..."
"UH... OH...FUCK... ah... yes...uh..."
She collapsed back down on the bed, barely able to breathe... totally unable
to think.
Buffy was kissing her... her neck... her face... her lips... she was saying
something... and kissing...
"I love you Faith...god, I so fucking love you... that was amazing...
that was..."
"Hmmmm."
"Yes... that was Hmmmm."
If the blonde slayer had thought the first time with Faith... that rushed
time, that time with clothes... had been something special... this had just
blown her mind. She hadn't ever felt anything like it... nothing even close
to it. It was past amazing.
She slowly pulled her fingers out... inciting a moan as she did so.
She wanted to taste her. Truth be told she wanted to crawl down her body
now and thrust her tongue deep inside her... but she thought she had better
wait... she didn't want to... she wanted it all now... she just had no patience
where Faith was concerned... something inside her just couldn't control
itself around the dark slayer.
"Faith...?"
"Hmmmm?"
"I want to taste you."
"Hmmmm."
"Is that a yes, Hmmmm?"
"Hmmmm."
She didn't know. Couldn't be sure... she didn't know if Faith even knew
what she was talking about. She was yet to open her eyes.
Deciding that there was only one real way to be sure, she raised herself
up, and slid the length of Faith's body, stopping only when her face was
in line with her pussy. It was so wet. She could see the mess they had made...
could smell the mess they had made. It touched her somewhere deep inside,
the smell... it urged her to taste... to lick... to stick out her tongue,
and just run it lightly along the length of her lips... no pressure... just
a taste...
"Huh?"
Faith jumped with the shock. She hadn't a clue what Buffy had been doing,
she hadn't a clue who she was, where she was. She was Hmmmming. That was
all she knew. But now... wow, now there was a new sensation.
She could feel Buffy's tongue slowly tracing the lips of her pussy... and
that drove her wild. She had to open her eyes... she had to see...
Slowly she lifted herself onto shaky arms... her eyes hard to focus... until
they found what they had been seeking.
Buffy Summers going down on her. Fucking beautiful.
She didn't think she could cum again yet, that didn't bother her... it was
such a relaxed sensation... like she was licking her dry, rather then trying
to make her more wet. She was sucking her lips into her mouth, so softly...
pulling off each last bit of juice... lapping at her hole... finishing up
everything that was there. It felt so good. So right.
She finished by placing the softest of kisses against her clit... causing
one last shiver to ripple through her body. One last act before she was
totally spent.
The blonde girl retraced her path back up to Faith's eye level, pleased
to see that she was now back with the living... eyes open... almost focusing.
"Hey, you."
"Hmmmm."
"You've gotta say more then that, Faith... otherwise... gonna start
babbling, gonna have to have a whole long conversation with myself... and
I `really' don't want to..."
"Shush."
"Oh my god... you shushed me..."
"B... two minutes ok... you can't do that to a girl and then want to
chat... it's wrong... just two minutes..."
She couldn't imagine having to talk now. Her head was playing back everything
that had just happened, every touch... every caress. Her body was still
throbbing... her clit pulsing... her inner walls clenching and unclenching
in post orgasmic satisfaction. She had just had probably the best fuck of
her life. No way she wanted to chat right now.
"Can I kiss you?"
Faith collapsed back on the bed... so Buffy was energy enthused after sex,
she'd have to remember that... get some ear plugs.
"Buffy... why don't ya go get a drink... I'm thirsty as fuck here...
please?"
The blonde girl lent over and took her kiss... letting Faith taste herself
on her lips... just a quick kiss. Barely an invasion of tongues.
"Hmmmm."
"Is this your normal conversation post sex, Faith?"
She opened her eyes again.
"Drink?"
"My god... that's the last time, I ever..."
"Stop! Do not say that... I just need to clear my mind, B. That was
so frickin awesome, I just need to come down... then we can talk about whatever
you want, alright?"
"Okay. I'll be quiet."
She nestled herself against the dark slayers body, finding arms opening
to gather her in. She'd just let herself lay for a minute. Then she would
talk. Get a drink. Go to sleep.
Within minutes they were both sleeping. Both smiling. Both happy.At last
in the place, they were both meant to be.
