The tears flowed freely from her eyes. She didn’t care to wipe them, didn’t care for much. Everything just hurt. The last few days had been hell for her… almost literally. All her emotions had been struggling for a stronghold. Her grief, her relief, her sadness, her joy. But as the days had passed, her reason for happiness had evaded her. Had left her confused. Bewildered as to what was happening, what the future held. And she was just too tired to do it anymore. Was ready to just stop caring.

Faith’s pain was obvious for everyone to see, had many shedding tears for her. She just looked so alone. So forlorn, standing on her own, gazing out to sea. Her words echoing back towards them. She appeared lost, a boat that’s missing it’s anchor. Free floating, not caring which way it went.

Faith didn’t know how much longer she could hold her breath. Didn’t know why she was holding it. When she had started. Her body was rigid with tension, ready to explode, to combust… it felt like the world was spinning, like she was spinning. She had been in control… was going to make it through… but then talking, saying the words… it was just too much. And now she was losing control, nothing to hang on to.

The touch startled her.

She hadn’t been expecting it. At first just a tug, warmth against her fingers. And then a hand slipping into hers, a hand she had missed so god damn fucking much the last few days, a hand that said it was going to be ok. Buffy’s hand. And then it was a squeeze, a squeeze that reassured, a squeeze that gave her strength. A new anchor.

She released her breath, released her tension, and found the power to continue with the last few words she needed to say.

“I’m so sorry, Angel. So fucking sorry…I just hope you forgive me, that you would’ve done the same… I didn’t…”

Her voice broke at the last, finally giving up. She had run out of words, had only tears.

Buffy knew that Faith had finished, couldn’t say more, could feel her silent sobs vibrating through her hand. Was so glad she had taken her hand. Watching her fall to pieces had been awful, seeing her crumble before them… it had pulled at everything she was. Every feeling she had. She had let go then, knew she had to go forwards, not only for herself, but for Faith.

She gathered herself to speak the expected words. Words that were supposed to touch, to remember. She wouldn’t have much to offer though, the pain of Angelus was still too fresh in her mind to give lamenting prose about Angel. She gripped a little tighter to the hand in hers, opened her mouth to say goodbye.

“I don’t have too many words to say…”

Her voice still bore the signs of her hours spent screaming, rasping in the back of her throat.

“…I’ve made my peace with Angel, and I’ve said goodbye to him. Wherever he is… I know he hears it…”

She looked down at the box still cradled in Faith’s other hand, and for a moment she fought back tears.

“…I love you, Angel.”

She bowed her head to show that she was finished.

Faith took her hand from the safety of Buffy’s, walked forwards and lifted the lid on the box she had been holding. As the wind picked up Angel’s ashes, it also picked up Faith’s whispers.

“I love you too, big guy… I’m sorry.”

Only Buffy heard the words, and she walked forwards to join Faith, to press a hand into the base of her back, a slight rub, a healing touch. It was over. He was gone.

As everyone stood and watched the breeze take Angel on his final journey, they all became lost in their memories. Some good, some bad. Some that would last forever.

The little house on the beach was emptying of people, all evening they had stayed, comforted each other, shared memories. Spoke of the future, plans that would have to be made. Faith was exhausted. Physically, mentally, emotionally. She felt like she was running on empty, couldn’t wait for everyone to just be gone so she could finally think about nothing. About everything. About Buffy.

After the service, after Angel had blown away on the wind, she had looked to her then. Looked for comfort, for sustenance, something to keep her going. But people had crowded her, pushed in on her… no-one seeming to understand that if they just left her alone with Buffy, just gave her five minutes… then she would be better. Then she could start to get better.

She’d kept her eye on her, at first anyway. Had allowed her gaze to rest by her side, even if she herself couldn’t, but there were just too many people. Too many seekers of attention.

When Wes had taken her away for a private talk, then Buffy had been with Dawn and Giles, she’d watched them talking, wishing she could hear the words… wondering if it was final plans for tomorrow they were talking about. She hated tomorrow.

What she hated the most was that she could understand it. Could see why Buffy would need to go home. To rest, to recuperate. To be with family. Didn’t mean that she wanted it though. She wanted Buffy here. With her. Forever.

When she finally got the chance to speak to her, she decided she would tell her. Every single word she had ever wanted to say. All of them. From her first thoughts.

‘Holy fuck! That girls hot… gonna borrow her stake, impress her with my moves…’

To her now thoughts.

‘I love you.’

She would tell her all of them. Not to force her to stay, not to make Buffy be there for her. No. So that she could be there for Buffy. Fuck it. She’d travel the world if she had to, England beware… if Buffy wanted it, she’d follow her to the ends of the Earth.

But she hadn’t gotten the chance to speak to her.

Wesley had so much to say. So many unknowns to divulge. So many opportunities to pass her way. All so overwhelming, all so more then she could think about. It had stolen her time, stolen her gaze from Buffy, and then she hadn’t been able to find her again.

Faith had looked for her, dodged people’s words to cross the beach, rattled the locked doors on an empty house. Had suffered a slump in hope as she searched in vain. Giles and Dawn had left by time she came back and she only guessed that Buffy had gone with them. Had parted for the final time without words, crossing an ocean without a goodbye. A small part of Faith didn’t let go of the idea that Buffy would come to her in the morning, that the hand in the hand meant all it had felt like. Meant something. But another part told her that this was it. That once again fate would fuck up her and Buffy, take the time and steal it away, ruin what could have been so right.

“Hey, Faith… we’re gonna go now.”

She looked up from her misery. It was Xander and Willow, the final stragglers, the last witnesses to her pain. She took Willow in her arms, was getting used to sharing this comfort with her, was glad that she at least wasn’t leaving tomorrow, was staying on in LA… close by.

“You ok, Faith?”

“Five by five, Red. Totally fucked, sinking fast… but still ‘five by five’, right..?”

“I’m here for you, you know that… anything you need…”

“I know. Thank you.”

They walked slowly towards the front door. Neither Willow or Xander really liked to leave her alone, but that was what she wanted. Searching out the solitude. They’d already said their farewells when a thought struck Xander. A person he hadn’t seen. Hadn’t bid farewells too.

“Faith, where’s the Buffster..? You got her hidden out back or something..? Been keeping her all to yourself?”

He smiled at his suggestion, didn’t notice a smile wasn’t being returned. Only realised by the tone of voice. The detachment.

“I don’t know where she is. I didn’t see her go… think she went with Giles.”

“Oh.”

The silence that covered them was awkward, Xander wishing he could recover his foot from his mouth. Willow just wishing for better times.

“It’ll be okay Faith. You just wait and see. Buffy just needs a little time maybe… it’s been hard on her, hell on her. Just give her the time… let her get better, then you’ll see. She loves you Faith. She’ll come back. I know she will.”

Faith wanted to believe Willow. So wanted to believe. But she was too tired right now. Would sleep on her dreams.

“Whatever, Red… I guess only time will tell.”

They bid their last goodbyes, made plans to see each other soon. And then Faith was alone. Finally able to rest. She knew she probably wouldn’t sleep, would spend the night tossing and turning… seeing Buffy in her head. Touching Buffy in her head. But at least she was alone.

She carried some of the empties from the front room to the kitchen, smiled down at Scoobs empty bowl. At least she wasn’t totally alone. In her head she rewound the time to when she had found him, had heard about the dog washed up down the coast, battered and torn, barely alive. The morning after they had saved Buffy.

At the time she had seen it as an omen, a sign from somewhere that things would be okay, that things would be better. Now she wasn’t so sure, but she thanked whoever anyway. Praised all the lords that someone had seen fit to get him to a vet, that they had found him worth saving. He was still in bad shape, still pretty sorry for himself, but he was home, and he was alive… and that gave her at least something to be happy about.

She grabbed some doggy treats from the cupboard under the sink, and decided to go see him. He was in her room, on her bed… making the most of his convalescence, revelling in being Faith’s bed buddy. She was happy to let him, happy to have someone to snuggle with. A little hairier then she would normally go for… but warm all the same. Comforting.

She opened the door to her room and let her eyes fall on the bed. And she froze. Felt like she was falling. Had never expected.

“Buffy..?”

She hadn’t left. Hadn’t fled without a word. Hadn’t abandoned her, hadn’t left her alone.

The smile Faith found took over her whole face, she’d never known that being wrong could feel so fucking good, so fucking perfect.

She approached the bed slowly, she wanted so much to get this moment right, this one thing in her life right. So much she wanted to beg Buffy to stay, to never leave her, but she knew she couldn’t, knew she had to let her go. And it hurt so badly. But at least she hadn’t gone now. At least she could say goodbye properly. Tell her the words.

“Buffy..? B..?”

She reached a hand out to her shoulder.

“Hey, sleepyhead?”

She shook her, so gently. Not willing to use force.

Buffy slowly started stirring, her eyes squinting before they opened, her eyebrows stretching. When they finally managed to open she smiled at what she saw, ran her hand self consciously through her bed hair, trying to look her best.

“Hey.”

The word was music to Faith’s ears.

“Hey yourself.”

“Sorry bout the sleeping… I just snuck in to visit the wounded.”

Faith’s tone took on mock hurt, a pretence at being left out.

“You mean ya didn’t stay to see me..?”

“Are YOU wounded..?”

Her eyes glowed with sleep and mischief.

“…you want me to snuggle with you?”

They both let their gaze fall to Scoobs, to Buffy’s arm wrapped across him, her body pressed close to him. Within seconds Faith was moving him, trying to ignore his indignant stares at being disturbed. She placed him gently in his basket and took in his drooping eyes and down turned mouth.

“Sorry little guy, but she wants snuggles.”

He turned his nose up, like he didn’t want to hear. Faith looked back at the bed, at Buffy sitting alone. Waiting for her.

“Sorry buddy, what can I do..?”

She patted his head for good measure, turned back to Buffy. She went slowly again, wanting every second to mean something, every detail kept in her memory. Buffy rose to greet her, didn’t want to wait, had waited forever. Felt all the unshed tears filling her eyes as she finally went to the arms she needed.

Faith wrapped her in her arms, tried to offer her everything with her embrace, didn’t know what Buffy needed… didn’t know what to expect. She pulled back as she felt her start to speak. To tell her. Locked eyes with hers. Spoke to her heart.

“I need you Faith.”

Buffy reached up her hand, ran her palm across her face. So gently. A loving touch. No pain, no force, just love and trust.

“I ‘need’ you.”

‘I need you’

The words echoed through Faith’s head, reverberated through her body. She believed them, because she needed Buffy too. Now. She could feel the desire, it felt like it was ripping through her veins, taunting her… to take, to possess. But she wouldn’t. She would be slow, she would gentle.

Buffy needed love, and she would love her. With everything she was. It would be the one last thing, the last thing she could do to say goodbye. A final thing before Buffy left. All night she would show her that she loved her, and then she would tell her.

Her voice came out husky but smooth, caressing Buffy’s ears with it’s honesty.

“I need you too Buffy, for so long…”

Any other words were lost as the blonde girl’s mouth claimed hers. Delicately at first, tiny teasing kisses, so soft they almost tickled her lips, made her smile. And then with more force, still soft, still restrained… but with underlying urgency fighting to be heard.

Their tongues wrapped around each others, stroking together, making tingles spread throughout their bodies and filling them with warmth, it felt so good, so right. And they both needed it so much.

Buffy was the one who pulled back from the kiss, wanted to run her eyes over Faith, wanted to confirm again that this was the Faith from her dreams, that this WAS her dream. And everything she saw reassured her. She stepped back to give herself room to touch, to devour with her hands what she had already devoured with her eyes.

Faith stayed perfectly still, not daring to move or to break the spell. Buffy was studying her so intently, with such need in her eyes. Bringing her hand up to her face to run fingertips down her cheeks. Across the collar of her shirt to the buttons which kept it closed, slowly teasing them open, one by one… and then a caress across her stomach. Her breath catching in her throat at the contact with Buffy’s hand. The muscles tensing unwittingly, straining to make each touch last longer. Feeling Buffy’s lips as they traced their way down her body, such small fleeting kisses, the warmth of her mouth quickly replaced by the cold of the air. As Buffy’s fingers reached behind her, found a clasp to her bra and deftly unclipped it… the little giggle she heard escape from her lips. And then those fingers were playing with her nipples, a graze across and then something firmer, pinching them between her fingers, rolling them. Making Faith pant from the hotness. She could feel her clit coming to life, feel her pussy start to ache as it longed for a touch, for pressure, for Buffy.

Buffy could feel Faith tensing, could guess why. It was killing her going so slow, taking her time to make it real. But she had to. She needed this to heal herself, to banish anything that remained from the last few days, any last hurt that she hadn’t let go of, she wanted to lose it in touching Faith. Wanted to lose herself in Faith.

It was working.

Slowly her nerves, her pain, her sadness… it was all being replaced by desire. By passion. By lust. Her kisses travelled up from Faith’s stomach to the breasts she had been massaging with her hands. She allowed her mouth to close over one nipple, to feel the skin as it touched her tongue for the first time, the way it puckered, seemed to swell for her, to be begged to be sucked, to be licked, to be consumed. Her hands lost their need to lazily discover, they wanted to possess, they wanted to know. What it felt like, what Faith felt like.

She managed to negotiate her down onto the bed, to land above her, her lips still seeking to torment breasts, whilst her hands looked to release the buttons on her pants, to let the skin free.

Faith bucked at the first touch inside of her leathers. As Buffy’s hands sought space within the confines, running her fingers across her panties. She struggled to keep her breath steady, to not let go too quick… keeping control.

“Faith… I need you to help me…”

“Wha..?”

The half word was exhaled, she couldn’t have spoken it.

“I wanna take your pants off.”

She nearly fucking lost it then. Nearly burst out in crazy laughter. It was so surreal. So absolutely perfect, but still surreal. That Buffy had her on her bed, asking for help to take her pants off..? She felt like crying. Tears of joy.

She didn’t lose it though. She smiled her smile, and lifted her ass, wiggled her hips to ease the journey of her pants. Anything for Buffy. And then she lay back and let herself be studied.

Buffy’s eyes were having picnic, Faith was lying on the bed in just the tiniest little black panties, so simple, just covering that last piece of her, a piece that Buffy needed. Now.

It was burning through her, felt like her blood was boiling. Never had an urge to fuck been so clear in her mind. She could feel Faith tensing again, reached out her hand to rub gently across the front of her panties, raised her eyebrows at the wetness she felt there, felt her own pussy throb in response.

“Do you want me?”

She had to hear it, had lived to hear it.

“Oh god… my whole life, I never wanted anything this much…”

She pushed the material to the side, not taking the time to remove it, didn’t have the time. It was now.

Faith gasped at the first touch, moaned low at the second. Buffy’s hands were finally on her, her fingers stroking her clit, sliding up and down, trying to find a rhythm amongst the slickness, and it all felt so damn good. She was arching her back, trying to get Buffy to travel her hands down, to take her… she felt like she would explode if she didn’t have her inside of her, if she didn’t fuck her soon… she found the air to speak… to whisper…

“Fuck me, Buffy… please..?”

It was the last she would speak for a while.

Buffy tore off her panties and then her fingers were inside of her, hadn’t needed further prompting. She’d entered her so fast it had taken her breath, so deep… she could feel her moving in and out, feel her fingers moving inside her, as if Buffy was looking to touch every part of her, to possess every part of her. She loved it. Pushed into it. Fucked Buffy’s hand liked she’d never fucked no other. Went as far as she could and pleaded for more, she wanted everything gone, nothing to exist except what she was feeling now.

Buffy’s mouth was on hers, drawing out kisses, sucking at her tongue, biting at her lips, down to her neck, marking out the place where her pulse beat so fast. Her hand was still going, fingers buried inside, twisting up, stroking her sweet spot… her thumb rubbing insistently against her clit, turning her whole body into sensation, pushing away reality.

It’d never been this good, she’d never lost herself like this, just let it all go. It was building in her, her cunt starting to tighten as her muscles tensed before release. She clung on so tight, held Buffy to her, stopping her from fucking her, just keeping her there as she rode it out, pressed so tight into her, Buffy’s tongue taking over her mouth, no need for air anymore, just this.

Buffy was lost in the kiss, her fingers were inside Faith, she could feel Faith coming, feel it touch something within her, the need to give more, could feel Faith’s juices as they coated her hand, her whole body seeming to freeze, to hold her in place… so she gave more. Fought back against Faith’s death grip to fuck her harder. Tore away from the kiss to move down her body, held her legs in place as she buried her fingers repeatedly in her, in and out… so fast and furious, claiming her.

And she was screaming, and it sounded so good. Buffy had never heard a sound like it. Faith coming for her, because of her. She watched as her own hand stopped moving, felt Faith’s muscles stop contracting… wanted to kiss her. Wanted to taste her.

And she tasted so great. Not like anything before. Yet kind of familiar. It infused her senses, led her on when she might have looked for direction. She traced Faith’s clit, so gently, just the tip of her tongue… it was making her shiver, making goosebumps raise on her skin. She could see them. See the lazy smile that was spreading over Faith’s lips… the obvious approval. She ran her tongue down to her hole, her slit, tasted everything she had made, licked it up, lapped it up, feasted upon it.

Faith was in a daze. Floating somewhere. She could feel Buffy’s mouth on her, so good, it felt like heaven. But she wanted to see, wanted to watch as the girl’s tongue disappeared into her pussy, needed to know how pretty it looked, how perfect it looked.

She raised herself up and wasn’t disappointed, it was beautiful. And she so had to touch her, wanted to taste herself on Buffy. To seal it with a kiss.

She ignored Buffy’s moan of complaint to move herself, to reverse a position so she had the girl underneath her, still clothed, but at least she had her. She brought her mouth to claim her lips, to taste the taste. Her tongue massaging Buffy’s, stoking desire again. She pulled away to look into eyes, to check… to see that it was ok. That she could touch her, wouldn’t hurt her.

She whispered the question into Buffy’s ear, asked if she wanted her, did she need her..?

And then she was fucking her. Her clothes lost so quick, lost to desperation and urgency. She was pushing her fingers inside of Buffy, just one at first, not wanting to do wrong, not wanting to cause pain. But Buffy hadn’t wanted that, hadn’t wanted half of Faith, had wanted all of Faith. Had wanted to banish the last of everything in her.

When she came it wasn’t crazy, wasn’t screaming and mad, it was almost silence. Faith had stroked it out of her so expertly, touched her in all the right places, soft and gentle then hard and fast. She’d let go, given over to it, and then she had come. And now she was glowing. On the bed, Faith half across her, eyes fighting sleep.

In the seclusion of the last days she had worried about this, worried that she would see Angelus when she was in her bed. With Faith. But he wasn’t there. Hadn’t even touched the edges of her conscious. He may have used her, and hurt her, but he had never touched that place that belonged to Faith, had never touched her heart.

‘I’ll save you B.’

It had been those words that had kept her going, kept her heart beating when she sought to give up. Beating for Faith.

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